Apathetic Coping & Stoicism: Losing Lust and Love for Life
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Detaching feels safe, but it numbs us to both pain and possibility. Clients stagnate in therapy, joy fades, isolation reigns. But there's hope! All emotions, even the "bad" ones, are valuable messages. Let's manage them, not muzzle them. Challenge your triggers and emotional buttons, rate your feelings, and embrace the full human spectrum. It's the key to connection and well-being.
Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
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Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
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00:00 Introduction
01:11 Consequence of apathy
01:42 Emotional detachment
02:40 Motivation and apathy in therapy
03:05 Avoidance of emotional pain
06:23 Manage your emotions
06:58 Rating your emotional response
07:35 Apathy as a coping strategy
08:25 Your emotional options
08:52 Emotions are not positive or negative
This is me. I've turned off my feelings for just about everything, except for stuff that makes me angry. I can't seem to make that stop.
Same here lol, anger seems to be the only thing I feel most of the time. Going to try taking supplemental lithium orotate and see if it helps with mood regulation any, then maybe l tyrosine if that doesn't help. Already tried maca root and that doesn't nothing but make your labito extremely high
@@DownHillgamer I've never heard of lithium orotate before. I did a little reading on it and it seems interesting. I came across a product on Amazon with rave reviews. I might give it a shot. I didn't know they sold lithium otc.
For me, I can still feel mostly everything, but I don't have the ability to express consistently it because emotions are scary and I rarely feel intensely
I feel fear, depression, anger, no positive feelings. No love, can't feel music, joy is a distant memory. Hope you'll be ok guys ❤
I wish we guys had a group to discuss about that and support each other.
I’ve been seeing so much new influencer content about the value of becoming apathetic and disengaging so I’m glad this is out there to balance it!
I really appreciate your comment! It's great to know that my content is resonating with viewers like you. We always strive to provide a fresh perspective and keep the conversation going. Thank you for your support!
So much of the hard work I'm doing in therapy is learning how to voluntarily sit with my difficult emotions without reacting
That's such an important step in personal growth, keep up the good work!
I am battling this. Educating myself more about BPD symptoms has me unmotivated to become overly attached to people, places, and things because I have an awareness of how difficult it Is for me to self-regulate. I have lost interest in dating and certain friendships due to understanding that most people don't care how their behavior affects me and sometimes get off on seeing me dysregulated. I hope I'm not bottling up emotions; I simply no longer want to spend so much time trying to disconnect from people. With BPD, I don't like to be in love because it's overwhelming, and I understand how people don't care about hurting their significant others. I don't know what caring for someone outside of general concern looks like because I prefer being numb. I don't want Cupid shooting anything my way ❤😂 it's too much.
Perfect timing, Dr. Fox 😂
I feel as though there's so much background pressure I could never hope to release it on my own without disastrous consequences, yet year after year I fail to get myself a therapist..
This describes how I have coped with dysfunctional and toxic workplaces for years. I feel it is necessary to get through situations where you can't really change the circumstances and it allows you to put your actual energy into something else. I don't have bpd though lol.
All of those unprocessed emotions stay put until you deal with them, and cast long shadows until you put in the work. I used to deal with emotional trauma by dissociating and chose to work on that symptom. Now I'm coping with the passing of the caregiver who caused the abandonment trauma, and now that I have a better tolerance for distress, and a better understanding of what I need to do with them, that made it possible for all the core trauma to surface and be redirected into the understanding that the decisions my caregivers made led to all the self-lloathing and despair that came up at this loss. I had just gotten out of a really severe trauma cycle when I got the news; I suspect they could have been in the throes of a similar trauma cycle themselves.
Your description of the cork in the bottle was spot on! I never realized how much apathy hinders my progress and allowing myself to feel whatever emotions I'm feeling (without labeling them as good or bad) is the better way
This explains a lot for me. Thank you, Doc Fox.
On the subject of being too silly, could you make a video about using humor as a coping mechanism? I love your videos!
Oh shiet, that's me! How do I turn it back on??
The body protects itself, so does the mind. I am in sensory overload 24/7. I have to not care.
So if I'm in a situation that's causing me intense emotional pain, and I don't feel even slightly apathetic about it, the rumination can be intense. Often I distance myself and try to force apathy to stop the rumination. How do I prevent ruminating thoughts without being emotionally avoidant?
Good question. Like he said if the emotional level which leads to rumination is too high remove yourself-briefly-reset and try try again. Just my immediate two cents. 🤷🏻
@@jld4870I withdrawn into my room, either self sabotage (scratch & pick my skin), take valium or turn off the lights, get into bed & breathe deeply to lower my emotional response, try to sleep. When I leave my room the visual reminders are right there in my face to agitate me again. I distract myself with repetitive stimming activities to block it out, until the rumination is impossible to fight. The emotional instability comes back with a vengeance that I try to squash down but spills & leads to a desperate rant to my mum for a bit of reassurance. When she can’t understand why something could cause me such distress I remove myself so as to avoid lashing out/saying something I’d regret out of hurt. And the whole process cycles again the next day🙁🫤😔
Not giving a F is the best things that's happened for me! lol
Apathy is different.. it's like.. watching your stove start on fire and going to lay down while it burns.
I like my apathy, I feel as cold as ice, but it is comforting; I just do not like feeling empty, a feeling a painful hollowness.
I can understand how apathy can provide a sense of comfort, but it's important to remember that feeling empty can also be a signal that something needs to change in our lives. Take some time to explore what might be causing that hollowness and see if there are any steps you can take towards a more fulfilling life.
What i learned from this coping mechanism is that it doesn't erase consequences. It messed you up in the long run.
Yes. You are so right. I say F them often.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
"As an adolescent, 'I don't care' was actually a cry for help out of my limited awareness about what was happening to me. Now, with Dr. Fox's help and other resources over the years, I see that much of my pain was self-inflicted. 'I feel overwhelmed' or 'I feel powerless' are better verbalizations for continuing recovery from Borderline Personality." - me
HappyBirthdayCalvin ~
I went over to your website and found the emotions excersize. (I always spell that word wrong, I'm sure there's a reason), and I saw the answers before I did it so I inadvertently cheated, but I still tried to clear my mind and answer honestly. There are a few that were tricky. The lost face looks lonely to me, The worried face looks perplexed, the hungry guy I put appetized, he looks like he's seen a nice food and is salivating, because when I'm hungry I generally feel weak and deprived. The proud guy I put content. He looks content with life. The sad guy looks worried and anxious to me.
Thank you for taking the time to do the emotions exercise on my website! It's great that you tried to answer honestly, even if you accidentally saw the answers beforehand. Keep practicing and you'll get even better at recognizing different emotions!
This topic makes so much sense. I started this when I was about 11 and I spent the next decade a near total zombie. The following decades were spent getting pelted with racquetballs. 😢
The timing! Thank you :)
I've been using the wheel of feels app to help understand and process my emotions, and sometimes I'm surprised by what my feelings actually are, what category they fall under. Sometimes I don't really know what I'm feeling and turning the wheel to pin point it seems to help. Thank you for this video.
Thank you
You're welcome
When this happens I accept what is occurring. I try not to resist and eventually I come back to feeling more emotions. It takes a lot of work to not let this consume you for a long period of time, but learning the patterns of these episodes help in coping with future instances of this type of void and apathy.
It's great to hear that you have found a way to cope with these episodes and come back to feeling more emotions. It's definitely a process, but learning the patterns and accepting what is happening is a big step towards healing.
2:00 so true.
Few things I disagree with you on but this is one of them. Sometimes it's literally the only way to continue to move forward- albeit at a crawling pace. For some people dampening those feelings and indeed becoming numb to circumstances and indifferent to outcomes is the ONLY way to move forward. Because anything else will bring on emotions that are simply too intense to manage and function with. The hopelessness. The feeling as though you are lying to yourself. The incessant thoughts that everything you do is indeed an exercise in futility. Numbing ourselves to what may happen is sometimes the only way to keep going. It's not something people should seek to do long-term but it can be life saving at times.
for me its like idk how to not be apathetic, my whole family has been this way for years and its a problem and yet no luck there. and for it feels like the feelings spread subconsciously. like hard to care when no one around u does. its like why have motivation if even when u do try nothing changes. so why bother spending that emotion when its a void. for me i hear u on the bottle idea and idk how to give a fuck when no one around me does. idk how to be motivated if ppl around me actively pull me down. i asked my dad today if he could not sigh at every single thing he is unable to do that. idk seems for me like no win even if u do care they will say arnt u a try hard. devalue. even if i do use that energy its not enough for me to think i cannot win. i cannot get my needs met i cannot win i cannot, get out i cannot, kill my self. i am unable to look for a job either. i cant get my needs met and i cant do it my self so why not become apathetic.
my whole life is a problem at no point has not it not been gl with your needs cus dont look to us cus we dont do our own lols. it doenst get better if anything its gets worse. id like someone to talk about suicide. not on the well its malidaptive tho honest conversations about wanting to die for years and frustrated with ppl including your self that say well u can do it. id like to die. can someone talk about it. i just saw the rope i planned to kill my self with recently. i am kinda sad and disapointed i havent died yet. i tried earlyer last year cus it doenst get better it gets worse. and i am tired of ppl preventing me from doing it like in canada its hard to buy a gun. like 90 % of deaths by gun u die. i get and hear ppl say well i had the internal voice of i want to live after jumping off a bridge and i dont want to continue i want my suicide to be final no coming back no continuing.
Interesting I need to try
Please do!
Being too sure inds me when my friend and I would be laughing sooo much we would get the tee-hee s. Our laughs would change to that. I miss those days.
how can there even be such a thing as an inappropriate emotion? emotions are inherently irrational
I disengage feelings when I'm on sensory overload a lot.
A very general question: does not pharmaceutical numb the brain which is another way of creating emotional apathy? Not only pharmaceuticals but weed?
Thank you Dr. Fox
Dr Fox, what is the difference between apathy and detachment?
Dear All, I need some help. I have been diagnosed with BPD 4 months ago and started on therapy. I live in the UK but my partner needs help. I was wondering if there was a support group for partners of those with BPD. She needs someone she can talk to, who can understand and help explain or make sense of our situation. Does anyone know of anybody who offers this service?
Dr Fox, will you do 1-1 consultations again?
I do consultations, see info on my website. www.drdfox.com Thanks
Hi. Do you know how apathetic coping could differ from stoïcism? Thank you!
Apathetic coping and stoicism are both ways of dealing with difficult emotions, but they have some key differences. Apathetic coping involves disconnecting from your emotions and not caring about the outcome, while stoicism encourages acknowledging your emotions but choosing not to let them control your actions. Hope that helps!
My parnter says the same thing when i showed and talked to him about this video spot on @DrDanielFox
@@DrDanielFox Yes thank you!
What if my heart just goes out? It happens to me every now and then, I can't feel anything other than frustration or tiredness; I become emotionally unavailable. It's not like I'm in control of it though, it just happens and my human relationships end in the bin
I completely understand how frustrating and exhausting it can be when you feel emotionally unavailable. It's important to remember that you're not alone and there are ways to work through it. Have you considered talking to a therapist or counselor about your experiences?
Something that has helped me is communicate to people in my life how I’m feeling or going through. Let them know you need time and will be back…. Communication with self and others is important, good luck
Sounds like a vicious cycle in a emotional loop. Figure 8.
If I don’t care I just don’t care
*Beep ❣️
i have not watched a video of you in quite some time. but that title? thats too mee to not watch it