Using Radical Acceptance with Borderline Personality Disorder
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren't going the way you want them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering.
What are the main points of radical acceptance?
We should stop resisting and start considering every thought, feeling, and sensation with an open heart. This is radical acceptance. Even those unwelcome feelings that everyone has sometimes, such as disliking someone, we shouldn't give ourselves self-criticism, but rather accept them and move on.
4 ways to practice radical acceptance:
1. Slow down whenever you feel yourself start to self-judge.
2. Remember that every setback is a learning opportunity.
3. Avoid comparison.
4. Lean on the adaptive behaviors that remind you that thoughts are fleeting.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
00:47 DBT skill radical acceptance of BPD
01:35 Negative self-talk
03:33 BPD Successful Treatment
04:49 Positive and negative of radical acceptance
06:21 Practicing radical acceptance
07:22 Every setback is a learning opportunity
08:34 Avoid comparison
09:37 Using healthy behaviors
10:25 Radically accept success
why does it feel like you are the only person who genuinely wants to help us folks with BPD.. I have no access to therapy right now.. i m somehow managing to survive with the help of your videos and workbook.. Thank you Dr Fox
Same😊
Yes
Yes.🤍
YES! YES! GOD BLESSED YOU ALWAYS! 💋💞🌷💪🙏🥰
Same❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
As someone who's partner struggles immensely with BPD I can't fully express how much I appreciate your videos. The empathic way you approach the different topics is simply brilliant. It must be incredibly devastating after realizing that you have BPD and then afterwards trying to look it up. There are so much hateful "content" out there. So thank you for not only teaching us about what it all means, but also by doing it the way you do.
Please consider getting your partner Dr Fox DBT deck. I don't have his one, a different one but it helps so much.
Amen. Literally ALL the content about BPD I’ve found except Dr. Fox is Demonizing, shaming, and makes me feel like a freak and a monster.
That doesn’t describe me at all- the other content out there paints us as a horror story, and the videos are more or less an instructional manual of red flags someone may have BPD, and how to avoid and ditch them at all cost.
Dr. Fox’s videos do an excellent job of highlighting the symptoms and weaknesses of BPD, and how to manage them- while also praising the positive traits of many BPD people.
Countless contributions on the topic of BPD paint me into the corner of some malignant narcissist, or even some deviant manipulative psychopath.
I give, and give, and give until there’s nothing left for me- because I love helping people, and I love making their lives easier and more peaceful.
That’s not a one-way street, though- I get (most times) the gratitude and inclusion that comes along with being selfless toward others- at least I get that from “normal” people.
Of course, I’d never expect anything other than to be drained of that generosity and loving gestures from parasitic narcissists- but I’ve become very keen at spotting those people, and avoiding them.
I’m just trying to find the healthy middle ground of giving my best to others, and being loving and empathetic to those who deserve it- but doing so in a healthy way that doesn’t leave me drained, and with nothing left for myself, and nothing left to continue giving to others.
I completely accept and then reject the notion that this is the state of my mind. Over and over for years, i dont have a concrete stance on the diagnosis. Sometimes when struggling i tend to write it off and tell myself this is my punishment for straying from a the path that was intended for me. Punishment for dishonest and destructive behaviour.
That's sad 😢 how about forgiving and loving yourself? I hope you're doing alright now no matter what 🌷
Thank you for your work, Dr Fox. My life is going fantastic, but my body and brain not so much. BPD will latch onto any misfortune and tell you it's more diginfied to die than to Live Like This. I can't afford therapy, but open source material like your channel really supplement my medication to the point I can stave off any harmful BPD reactions like binge drinking. Like, I've been sober for almost half a year! It's a good reminder I need to keep my victories closer to my heart.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
I feel like I can radically accept myself, however I don't want to radically accept what society says about us. Then I am triggered because it is not true, I take it personal and want to teach people we can be normal and can have long, mostly healthy relationships 😅, without abusing people. I feel society is crazy and wrong in so many ways. Its like being trapped in a world I don't belong. I literally feel like I wear my nerve endings on the outside. It so hard not to cry or be sensitive, as I do have a soft heart. I think at this point I am supposed to remember emotions are fleeting, but it does feel like this most of the time. 👽 I will try to not compare myself. Maybe that's the answer 😅
I feel this. I was always taught growing up emotions of any kind on the surface were BAD. Strength is no feelings at all. Do your feeling in private, etc. Since I accepted I’m a HUMAN being who is allowed to feel and supposed to feel, I let my emotions come out. I’m super sensitive, especially when it comes to animals, and dammit, if something hurts me, I’m gonna cry! What exactly is wrong with having compassion for another living thing?
Absolutely nothing wrong with having emotions of any kind. Period. Only thing is, for us BPD folks, we need to realize who's worth our time and who's not. As far as I can understand from therapy so far, it's all about what anyone's willing to do to fulfill their needs 🤷♀️ and maintain a healthy supply of this fulfillment... Sounds a bit pragmatic, but I'm feeling it'll spare me, and others around me, a lot if heart ache!
I've always called it the Bully in My Head...
I've seen some discussion, that "borderline response disorder" is a more apt term than "borderline personality disorder". Personally, as a pwBPD, I like that better. In any case, specifically if there are any here who are newly diagnosed, Dr. Fox is a GREAT resource - the videos & the workbooks. Marsha Linhehan's workbook is also very useful. The UA-cam comments section for Dr. Fox's videos tends to be a welcoming, reasonable place for pwBPD; HOWEVER, please please please, stay away from the comments sections of BPD-related UA-cam videos as a general rule, cause there is a massive amount of bitterness, resentment, judgment, stigma, and hatred towards us. You don't need that. It won't help your healing. And, it is not your responsibility to change these people's minds. Your safety, healing, and sanity is priority. You can & should be able to share your story when you feel it is appropriate....just....try not to browse discussion threads. Anyways. Best!
Yes,I think you're right.I believe that I internalised all the things I read about bpd but for one period I just couldn't stop.I came to think it was the way of self harm cause it reinforces the idea that I am bad,unworthy.Still strugling to stop to read those stuff especialy about bpd woman being witches,hoes,lyars and all that stuff.Self doubt is huge thing for me.Wish you well.on your journey❤
Why do you care what they call it?? Not important acctually. These r just words to communicate if we keep changing words to communicate ideas the more unnecessarily complicated our world becomes!! Like I said just radically accept the fact that they just call it that cuz they're just words
Thing about it though you're just adding more complication to your issue by worrying about what it's called it has literally no relevance on anyting it's literally just words. Not even important at all in your life what they call it. The fact is it is what it is so go deal with what it is instead of worrying about what they're calling it
@@girlinamber1008 please read my comments I don't understand why would even matter what they call it these are just words to describe something so we can communicate with other human beings. I don't understand why you're being butthurt about terminology when you have an actual problem over there you need to worry about. Stop worrying about semantics
@@ramonaharter6407what we call it is incredibly important. Personally I prefer the new name, emotionally unstable personality disorder. Borderline is a non-descriptive name
Thank you so much, I didn't know I had BPD until I was rejected from a fragmented social situation with a neighbor that involved sexual activity. In my mind I believed the sexual acts crossed me over from being a stranger to being in HIS inner circle or someone that he cared about. The reality of that not being true made me desperate for his acceptance and my actions led him to block me and want nothing to do with me. I lost my sense of self to the point that ONLY his acceptance of me would restore it. The pain led to me drinking to ease it and I wanted to do impulsive things like walk in the middle of the street with no clothes on just to get the attention from others I wasnt getting from him. I would dissociate in a trance thinking about the situation not accepting how on earth i could be rejected and i would forget where i was or what i was doing. It was terrible! I just purchased your books and I believe following the instructions i will get over this and return to normal.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Extremely wonderful video, thank you for this. The extended time is also appreciated as we get to absorb the information and receive the answers. Again, you are a gift to all of us.
the under cutting part is really so true, thank you doctor fox for all that you do. For some of us, your videos are the only source of help that we can afford and am so grateful for all these videos. Never stop posting. Love you
Yep. Its so wonderful to come here and receive validation for what I have been doing!! Radical self love is POWER!
Dr Fox I cannot express how much I appreciate your work.
Esp because you are the most empathetic person I’ve come across. How you separate the BPD from a person by saying “cos that BPD wants you …”…. So it’s not me = BPD but it’s how my brain works and it needs retraining.
I’m struggling deep with shame and inner critic plus constant absolute constant comparing to others.
Having had an immense tragedy last year I finally had to go on the journey to get to know who I am and how is it that I caused so much harm without wanting it or realising that I am causing it.
Tbh it was a hit to rock bottom and and eye opening - it’s like someone tore away a mask I was hiding behind for decades.
I live in a part of the world where personality disorders aren’t really recognised and the therapists tbh aren’t really trained to help.
Utube and research on the net has been a help.
I think of myself as the quiet type of BPD that’s why my destructiveness is all done inside of me.
I will return - like you adviced - to this video whenever I feel like not wanting to exist.
I wish you and your loved ones all the best and much appreciation from me.
Ps - I’ve been following another psychologist on utube who deals mainly with childhood trauma. He’s got some good stuff but what really disturbs me is the fact that he is very judgemental about the “perpetrators “ of the trauma and therefore as well many times condemning. Rather than seeing that these very perpetrators were most likely victims themselves of generational passed down trauma…
I agree. I didn't find out about my mother's trauma ( she was my emotional perpetrator) until after she died. I still feel hate toward her but knowing what she went through did take the edge off. There are moments at least when I can forgive her in my mind.
@@jenmorricone4014 letting go of resentment is indeed difficult but also freeing.
I still have my mum but I know that if I was to talk to her about growing up she wouldn't understand me at all and maybe turn against me.
But learning more and more about how our childhood upbringings shape us in what we become has helped me to look at her from a different angle.
I'm on the journey of doing some inner child work/reparenting and trying to overcome esp that inner critic.
Wish u well 🌹
Right now, I "radically accept" that I need to stay in solitary confinement.
It’s a hard process. I wish you well.
Ditto. I miss Covid
I am in love with a pwBPD. I try all the time to show him unconditional love and radical acceptance but even then he still feels rejected and that I don't really love him. I keep doing it though, I don't want to ever give up on him as he means so much to me and has such a lovely personality. It isn't all BPD.
this video such a tremendous help. earlier today, i had the thought that i'm incapable of achieving my dreams. this makes me realize i felt beliefs from my core content. you genuinely help me see that i, too, can do what i set out to as long as i hold my willpower in my path to healing. thank you!
I’m so glad it’s helpful. Be well.
I got my diagnosis 2 years ago and i have felt like a monster because of the negative videos i've seen online. I have the quiet subtype. I have never been in a relationship and avoid them for fear that i will hurt someone. I have been using the BPD workbook to help to manage my symptoms. Radical acceptance is difficult for me but i have been working hard to love, fully accept and understand myself. Thank you for making these videos
It's great to hear that you are working on self-acceptance and managing your symptoms. Keep going, you're doing amazing!
When I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 back in 1992 it almost killed me! It took 2 years to come to terms with it and reconstruct my sense of self and my identity.
This year, some 31 years later my BPD diagnosis has come as a relief! I diagnosed myself first and was worried I wouldn't get a diagnosis, but my psychiatrist thought I'd already been given one!
Having a BPD diagnosis validates my struggles and issues and helps me and my partner understand why I am the way I am.
Genius! Unstable Identity has turned out to be my greatest asset. Acceptance! Good to see you and you look great. This channel is awesome, imo.
I say it again this is also great advise for everyone without BPD. I know many women in my job who overthink everything. Myself I am a small Buddhist and I like the way Dr. Fox explains many things which also take place in the teachings of Buddha…❤❤❤
I’m so glad it’s helpful. Be well.
@@DrDanielFox …btw there is another Buddhist wisdom, nothing is a forever. Even not BPD. I heard in one of your videos that newest science proofs 80% remission rate. That’s huge my dad was an MD and something over 60% was a great deal for a treatment back in the days.
Thanks man I really needed this, I've had a very optimistic year but so many triggers, boundary breakers, piss takers for friends and family I'm now convinced my personality is disordered and honest to a fault.
Honesty is never a fault 💯
This has got to be one of the very best videos you've ever made, Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for all that you do for us. ❤
You gave a title to how I feel about it now.😊 I realized myself that I needed to quit fighting what was going on so I could recognize what was happening and be able to control it so thank you for telling me that it actually has verbage😅 and again thank you for all the videos that you place on UA-cam for it because it helped me along the way to realize what it was and that I was suffering with it.
You are one the kindest yt people out there. 🙏🏽 thank you
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have therapy every week for the past 4 months after an estrangement with my adult daughter after my own negative verbal behavior. I thought losing her and my Grandaughter was going to kill me. Your videos encouraged me to get weekly therapy and I watch them several times a week. I have seen so much improvement in my life. Practicing these techniques have helped me reduce medication, make new friends, reconnect with my husband and start living a life I enjoy and am proud of. I cannot thank you enough. But thank you.
This made me ball my eyes out. I don't even know what made me cry especifically. I just feel validated and understood..
Great Channel. Please just don't go Todd Grande on us😂
😂
@@katrina3560 well really, his early videos were great, but now he just does tabloid trash. He really sold out in a shameful way
@@TJ-kk5zf absolutely agree! I was baffled when the transition seemed to be full on and not a one off or two. His whole presence just...seems off to me🤷♀️ I unsubscribed and select "not interested" if he pops back up in my suggested.
@@katrina3560 I know. He suddenly seemed narcissistically entranced ( remember, I'm not diagnosing, just speculating about a sell-out similar to this) by the little bit of Fame that he received and went nuts
I never liked him, Todd Grande. I always felt like something was off. I haven’t watched his channel in a while.
Hopeful, helpful, wonderful, Dr. Daniel Fox! Thank you so much!❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
Helps us to not live in denial, let go of trying to fit it-fit in with who?-learn how to be ok with who we are-no matter how trauma screwed us up.
Thank u Dr. Fox for the optimistic realistic perspective verses a doomsday perspective of no contact/isolation.
I went to see my Ex-Wife and thought it would be a good trip.....Well, it was a shit show ended up in Crisis...Her behavior triggered my BPD brain. We were trying to work out our past shit and my acceptance of my part of how it ended. THEN, she hid a romantic relationship with someone we both know. In fact, she fucking lied....Cheating was one of the issues we had during our marriage (BOTH OF US) I thought we were past hiding romantic entanglement. NOW, they are no longer together, but I still feel that she should have been honest when I confronted her. Of course, these led me to go back to the DETECTIVE mode....Rampaging through her things and of course, finding what I knew I would find.....Am I wrong? I apologized for the violation BUT it would not have happened if she didn't lie!!!!!
I have been deeply deeply wounded.
I’m sorry to hear that. I want to encourage you to explore those wounds to help them heal. Be well.
10:06 Thank you Dr. Fox. No one is trapped unless they are lead to believe so!
I was just talking about this today, with my therapist😊 important tool, thank you.
I earned an Undergraduate Psychology degree way back in 2000 and considered myself intelligent but after I was diagnosed with CPTSD AND BPD in 2013 after a death experience I couldn't really accept or UNDERSTAND my own diagnosis. Your channel has helped me understand myself and accept my behaviours. Thank you. ❤
We love you!
Thank you so much, this gives me hope!
So grateful for you 🙏🏼 I’ve recently been diagnosed with BPD after numerous sessions of EMDR and told I have C-PTSD.
Your videos have given me so much help and insight into the struggles I face but mainly the awareness behind them. I’m already feeling the positive impact this is having on me.
Also, now knowing what I have has been massively liberating, albeit very sad in the realisation of why. Thank you again, your work, time effort and dedication to this is truly amazing and so very much appreciated. ❤
Another informative video. Very well done and extremely helpful. Thank you for explaining radical acceptance.
I truly lucked out finding you VERY early after diagnosis. I'll tell ya -- I paused and zoomed in on your Degrees that were hanging behind your head. Then listened to more. Then had the therapist watch an episode WITH me, She loved it so much she bought your workbook and a couple of other things you have on Amazon. I looked CLOSELY before I could see continuing to follow. Well, here's the answer: I'm listening to this right now. THANK YOU! :D Your writings are useful as a reference tool. You're helpful in a lot of ways.
I always come back to your videos when I’m struggling they give me hope thank you @ Dr Daniel J Fox many thanks Laura 🇬🇧
So glad! I’m glad they’re helpful. Be well.
Thank you doctor
You’re very welcome
Thank you so much for these videos Dr. Fox. They are the most positively helpful advice and support. Every aspect of BPD is addressed in your videos, the exact thoughts and behaviours acknowledged, and constructive advice given. You turn this condition on it's head, from something that is so unpleasant and difficult to cope with, into something that can be understood, accepted, and worked with. I am deeply grateful.😊🙏
Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad that my videos have been helpful for you in understanding and coping with BPD. It's always my goal to provide support and constructive advice to my viewers. Keep watching and take care!
Thank you doctor your videos help
You are welcome
This video has helped understand what😮😢 a person in my fi
I think one way some might accept themselves is to build a wall around their fragile ego, which might work, but is a maladaptive choice. I have had to look at the positive things about myself and learn to be thankful for them, and remind myself that I am not going to be perfect in all things. I still have a lot to work on, in this area of self love. “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” (Pro 14.30, KJV)
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD numerous times but still can’t accept it. I am a very socially anxious, inhibited person, so nobody believes me. I constantly encounter people online talking about how insufferable people with BPD really are and how they’re tormenting everybody around them unable to emotionally inhibit themselves around others. I know a lot of it is stigma. Which sucks. Still, It makes me feel like there’s no way I could be suffering from it given the intensity of my social anxiety which is the most inhibiting thing ever. The only person I’m not socially anxious and (cringe) “well-behaved” around is my partner.
But with everybody else, I’m a complete mouse. Even when I do want to rage at them.
So yeah, I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s real or what I *do* have.
The term Borderline Personality Disorder should be done away with. That label ruins people's lives, and the idea that it is "okay" because it allows people in the mental health field to communicate with each other is just immoral. Isn't the first rule to "do no harm?" I despise every so-called "therapist" who puts out information that is negative on this subject or even uses the term.
Agree 100%
Hey Dr Fox. Thanks for this. Splitting - in terms of feeling like the world around me isn’t ‘real’ and a HUGE sense of nothing makes sense - is one of my most difficult symptoms I deal with. Even though I know what it is now… is accepting that part of stopping it happening? Or does that not work for splitting?
Is family in the head basically default mode network dysfunction?
Can you make a video about mothers with BPD? I've only heard negative stories like we're monsters that mess up our kids. I need some hope
Go back through past videos probably something there. If you're asking that you probably aren't. IMHO
Question: what is the defining difference between BPD and NPD? I need to know what my mother is. Seems NPD, but I don't know where it came from.
NPD has a total lack of empathy. BPD has much empathy.
@@alicepirola7077
Much?
@@thereisnosanctuary6184Maybe at the beginning but later when you suffer too much you're getting rid of it, you've got empathy but you're trying to fight it because you can't kill your soul every time you imagine how someone is suffering now there somewhere. If you're long enough in this crap you can't be as empathetic as before. You can say it will make you understand people better if you're focused on them, but you'll try to disconnect from pathological empathy. I wouldn't believe BPD person who says they are very sensitive about others and always highly empathetic, emotions are too strong, I can't express pain they give
@@karolinanie5946
Originally, I thought this was a little word salady, but I get the gist. I reject the notion BPDs are just innocent creatures full of love.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 No no, speaking as BPD myself, it's only my example but I think it works that way, we are not monsters and we don't want to hurt (usually, I hope so) but we are so full of bad feelings that we are hurting others, especially close ones. Mentally and emotionally I "disconnected" from them because pain was too much and now I don't hurt them anymore but I also don't know if I really love. We're messed up. I know I loved my dog, but she was not human being so it was easier. I know I am protective of family and friends and weaker and bullied and more and I fight for them, but I really don't know if it's empathy or something else. The roots are in empathy maybe because I used to train it a lot. But for sure we are not creatures full of love 😂 It's going strange ways, or monsters or this when in fact it's nothing like that. I wouldn't recommend relationship with someone like us, even if we are healing we will often attack person closest to us. I'm sorry, it sounds bad yet it's only my opinion.
but how do i know if my thoughts are true or not 🥺, i wish its that easy , our emotions are true and not all in our heads .
This goes to self understanding and self trust. BPD undoes this. Build your sense of self.
But I can't radically accept my maladaptions? :D
Calling that negative chatter “the family in the head” makes me sad to associate that negative chatter with the word family. They are more like “hijackers in the head”
Meet my family. Negative chatter outside your head.
Radical acceptance sounds like religious hyperbole.
Makes sense. But in this case it's self acceptance🩵 completely accepting every light and dark part of ourselves.