Dumper Timeline - If Dumpee Does Everything Right - Get Your Ex Back (Podcast 376)
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2025
- I explain the likely timeline of feelings that a dumper will experience after a breakup (if the dumpee behaves in the correct way). This podcast will be helpful for people who want to get their ex back.
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First off: Vincent, your content and the time and work you put in these kind of videos and podcast is exceptional. You’re doing a great job !
I’ve started listening to your podcasts back in June 2020 when my gf of 4 years broke up with me. I used your videos and Tipps to stay motivated etc. but I’ve heard that she had multiple dudes and probably doing all kinds of “nasty” stuff while I was heartbroken hoping that she will come back.
Let me tell you from my own experience: Work on your self ! I’ve dropped 15 kilos, got ripped and worked so hard on my self. Reflected on the past relationship and I’ve started to notice that I don’t want her back at all. They don’t care how you’re doing or what you’re going thru. It took a long time to stand here and write these lines.
She wrote me a few weeks ago how I was doing. And it’s only because she saw me with another girl. I was smiling and overall just happy ! It’s her loss, and she’s in her place now. :)
Everyone who is struggling with a breakup right now... It will get better with time ! You can do this and you don’t her or him !
That’s the spirit. I know that she will be very pissed when she will see me some day with a new girlfriend. We deserve beter and we will find someone better, if they left they did not deserved us. Indeed they do not give a damn to break our heart so why should we think about them? They do not want us so why should we want them? Focus on people that want you ;)
Hi Spectre, thank you very much for your kind words, I really appreciate them.
You are inspirational for everyone going through the struggle, and you are in the position to have a fantastic 2021. Keep going and well done!
Hi Josselin, you are doing so well in getting through your difficult times. Keep moving forward into the light.
Never go back. Dumpee / Dumper doesn't matter. Put that garbage behind you and move on.
Hi Vincent another good podcast as always really making my weeks better than they have been Jason keep it up cheers
Thank you vert much Jason, I really appreciate your kind words. Stay positive and keep moving forward.
For those looking for positive hope, read this! Back in November 2020 my ex acted quiet and shut down for a few days. We had recently gotten engaged a few months prior. I finally asked her what was wrong and she broke down with everything. She had felt hurt and had "checked out" because we had been fighting a lot the last year, we were together for 2.5 years total at that point, she also was hurt by things I said at times. She was abused physically and emotionally by her parents as a kid so it affects her harshly to be abused emotionally. And there were an occasional argument where I'd say hurtful things, I'd ask her why she was bein such a bitch or asked her why she's even with me if she's always bickering about what I do, cuz from my view it seemed like she was always complaining but I finally saw it from her view that she just wanted me to be better and was trying to help me, especially since my words and our fights were hurting her. I was too prideful to think I was doin anything wrong, so I took it personally and it felt she was always bitchin at me for little shit but I should have payed more attention to what she was saying. She even warned my dumbass over the last year on a few occasions, that she was hurt and she wouldn't stay with me if I kept saying hurtful things. When we got engaged things were a tad bit better but I think it contributed to her "trapped" feeling, cuz I really hadn't fixed the core issues I had and she felt I wasn't gonna change, so she prob felt I was gonna marry her and end up getting worse and then she'd be trapped. So she ended up asking for a "break" but she mentioned she clearly loved me but couldn't do it. She said "if u were anyone else I'd not even consider it. We didn't have much space livin together so later in November she moved down the street into a trailer for a short 6mo lease so we could be apart. The problem was that she kept hitting me up to see her. We saw each other every few days. I was too available and we were both still emotional for months. I changed my attitude during that time and worked on myself, but our problem was that we kept seeing each other during a "break" and at times I was distraught and she would see that something was bothering me, then she'd make me talk about it and it was always about wanting to actually start making progress on workin on things or bein upset cuz it had been a few months and she still didn't trust me in that sense. I didn't want to talk about it but she could read my demeanor and see it bothered me and made me talk. Doin that during a time where we were both still emotionally sensitive was not goin well cuz it didn't allow her feeling of bein trapped to go away, it just made her feel more pressured. She also couldn't trust my changes so it was just a mess. At end of January I had 1 last talk with her and left her house, I intended to go into no contact cuz I told her if we were not gonna make progress then I needed to back away. She hmu a few times over the next week but I was short on response. Doin that made her overthink about things for a week or two, and at the beginning of February she called me to tell me that she doesn't think regaining trust in me was possible and that we should prob have space apart, actual space, and also end the "break" cuz we could never get back together anyways if we never really ended the relationship and continued to see each other during a "break" and actually had a while apart. She said "I don't want to dangle a carrot in front of ur face and get ur hopes up, and I'm tryin to be over it" and that really hurt but I agreed without bein a lil bitch and we started having space, aka no contact. She really didn't believe I could stay away lol That started Feb 4th. On the 9th she called me twice back to back cuz I didn't answer the first call, she told me my family hit her up as well as my baby momma. I thought it was weird for her to urgently call me to tell me that, and I guess my baby momma didn't know what was going on with my ex fiance so she had her number and called about something unrelated. The very next day, the 10th of Feb after only 6 days of no contact I got a heart dropping text, it was the first time it felt like I was never gonna have another shot. My bitter baby momma jumped into my business and had sent her screen shots of several year old messages of me supposedly cussin at my baby momma from back when I was with her, and my ex fiance saw it as emotional abuse. The problem was that I had told my ex fiance that before her I had never emotionally abused anyone before, to be fair I never realized what I had done was emotional abuse until my ex fiance told me when this all started months ago. So I hadn't intentionally lied to her about not bein emotionally abusive before, but she already didn't trust me and so this made her feel I lied intentionally. It was a mess, she said "I found out u lied to me again and I'm done. I can't believe anything about you. You need to just move on and find someone else, I wish you the best but I'm definitely not it" and I talked to her that day to try to explain that I didn't intentionally lie to her and that if I cussed at my baby momma years ago it was not only forgotten but until recently I didn't even know that was emotionally abuse. After that I hadn't heard from her for weeks. She texted last week Monday, March 8th, after 32 days of no contact she asked if I recieved a package of hers that she accidently sent to my address instead of her new house. I didn't answer quick enough and 5 min later she called to ask. Idk if she sent it here on purpose, but I told her she could come check cuz I wasn't home. At this point it had been 3 or 4 weeks since that incident and now she was totally bein nice, patient and almost sounded sad. She was prob surprised that I didn't bring anything up on the phone. I was polite and then got off the phone. Fast forward to last night, 1 week later. I decided it had been 40 days of no contact and I was at a place where I've accepted things with her but still missed her. I decided to reach out cuz I had a strong feeling she still missed me and had feelings for me but was forcing herself to stay silent, her pride grew a lot since the breakup. I also was accepting of whatever response I might recieve. I texted her, "Hey, hope all is well with u and the kids. I'm doin just dandy like a dandelion. Hit me back sometime if u want." I kept it short and didn't ask any questions, I gave her the option to reach out to me. I also didn't text her any bullshit "memory reminder" text message lol And 45 min later my phone rang and it was her! I picked up and she was like, "your not supposed to do this" and she said it in a not serious flirty way. At first I didn't hear her and said, "what was that", she quickly said, "nothing!" with a flirty chuckle. Then she said it again where I could hear. We talked for 45 min before she asked if I wanted to come over. I sounded hesitant but was like, "ok I'll come by for few". We hung out and talked, watched videos with her on her phone, had fun and laughed. Layed on her bed beside her just chillin until 1130pm. I decided to head out after 2 hours and as she was about to lock the door behind me she pinched my nipple and ran away like a lil kid lol I gave her a lil titty poke back, said goodbye then left. We had fun. So basically I had a strong feeling that it would work out to break no contact, esp since she had called the week prior and her attitude and demeanor was much better, and it worked but I wouldn't recommend it, but I just had a very strong feeling based on the phone call a week prior and just had that vibe that I needed to reach out after a week or so. She may have contacted me later at some point, but idk if she would have had the balls to ask me to hangout or actually act like that so I had to give her a light push. I'm sure I just re-planted a seed and now I need to water it slowly over time. Wish me luck! And keep ur head up yall! Sometimes it's ok to break no contact after so long, esp if you're much more emotionally stable and if you've already been contacted and were able to get a vibe for how your ex might be feeling. It's not over yet, but I know what to do and I'm in a much more stable mind to do it without big mistakes.
As always, your videos are always timely based on my current situation ❤️
I'm so glad!
Thank you Jann for being first again :)
I hope this podcast helps you.
Jann... I hope you understand UK time zones and my inability to post first when behind a desk 😤😉
@@xMikeyHardyx you are very fast as well Anthony :)
@@xMikeyHardyx lol I agree.. Vincent's posts are always in sync with my rest time 🤣
I experimented with uploading an hour later yesterday, so I wasn't sure if you would still be first - but you was!
She ended it an I pretty much went straight into no contact.. she messaged our group chat, I never replied to any of it.. now 2 months later and now she’s unfollowed me on social media and I’m missing her more than anything 😔😓
I'm sorry to hear of your struggle Bruce. Here is a link to a video that I think could help you - ua-cam.com/video/N9F7xgchME4/v-deo.html
Hello Vincent! That's a very interesting take on the situation. I recall that whenever I was the dumper, I didn't have any fuel. I was having so much fun that I didn't ever think about my ex, and I was banging everything that moved and never gave her a thought. It didn't matter if the dumpee contacted me all the time, or occasionally or never. Less was best. No contact was heaven. I observe that what your advice rests on, in plain terms, is a loser dumper. A girl who jumps into a relationship with someone new and it doesn't work out and she has no more prospects. Let that sink in for a moment. Her new relationship didn't work out and she has no more prospects.
Who wants a girl like that? I sure didn't! I would want a woman who is in demand, a girl that breaks hearts, not because she's hot, but because she's hot AND she' the complete package. Start thinking that way, and pretty soon what you'll realize is that you want to get good at breaking the hearts of girls like that. There really aren't that many of them, so you have to be very careful.
I don't know if I did it right or wrong, but the girls that dumped me never got a second chance, no matter how I felt about it. The worse I felt, the more new girls I would go through to get over it. That doesn't work to change your emotional state, of course, but there are far worse ways to spend your time. Crying into the mirror at home springs to mind. Tears take time, and you should take time for your tears. You have to feel all the bad feelings before they go away. The faster, the better.
My point is this: a dumpee should accept that it simply didn't work out. Don't waste your time trying to get your ex back. There is no such thing as THE ONE. What really exists is THE FEW. There aren't many who will be perfect for you for that critical period when you're trying to figure out who you want to spend your life with, but there are more than just one, no matter who you are. And if you waste your time trying to reignite a failed relationship, you just might miss her.
That's my advice, Vincent. Thanks for the video!
Another Great podcast again Vincent.
Thank you very much Neil. How are you today?
@@vincentbos I'm ok Vincent thanks, well am I haha.
8 months on, 4 times I've been in NC and 4 times she's made me break NC. I do your version of NC, so I do respond. She's in a rebound, well I think it's that. As she started dating him Only 4 weeks after we split up. I'm trying to move on even dating again. But she's still there. Only today I noticed a new picture she put up on a messaging app. She Only looked bloody amazing. Even though she's in a relationship , every 6 to 7 weeks there's a bread crumb to me.
Why Vincent, what's your thoughts on this. Any advice appreciated.
Hi Neil, I'm very sorry to hear of the daily struggle you experience. My first suggestion would be to see if there is a way to stop bumping into he pictures etc. Is there a way of not seeing these images (but not blocking her)? That would stop some of the torment you experience. She is currently unavailable in a new relationship and hence it's crucial to try and not get caught on 'the line' with her fishing for you every so often, preventing you moving forward with your life. If your mental health is suffering, then you might want to consider blocking her, but only as a last resort. Alternatively, you could wait for her next contact and suggest in a polite way that she only contacts you if she is single because you don't think it's fair on anyone involved.
@@vincentbos Thank you so much for your reply Vincent.
I was on a messaging site we all use.Not sure I can mention it. W. A it is, I accidently pleased on the contract list , When replying to a friend, hence how I saw the profile picture had changed. I Never reach out to her. Even when she posts on FB to Which we are still friends. I try not checking on her. But we are all Human and sometimes , but not often I do. I have thought about bloking her. But I've been blocked myself and at my age in Life, I don't think it's the gentleman's way.
I'll Keep moving forward, I'm not sure I'll reply again to Bread Crumb's, there has to be some substance from her messages.
I actively take part in your live podcasts. You yourself are a true Gentleman, helping all of us in a difficult situation.
Final note, to all your followers, it's not just the Young, middle age People that Go through relationship heartack. It effects People like me in there late 50s and older.
Keep up this Brilliant work Vincent, you are an Angel on our shoulders. Bless You.
Thank you Neil. You are a kind and respectful gentleman.
You deserve to find happiness and I believe that 2021 can be the best year of your life. Everyday is an opportunity to 'start again' and today is the first day of the rest of your life. Stay positive :)
Is 3 months considered early in this timeline? A lot of coaches say after 90 days you have way less of a chance. We had a good 2.5 year relationship
I am gonna watch the answer to this comment since I have the same timeline and length of relationship. Gf left me last December, I did one grand gesture (9 days after the breakup) then got closure after that and then no contact ever since but she did not block me on any social media. It's been hard to see her post stuff and selfies, I know I shouldnt look but I dont have the strength yet to not look.
Hi TheOne, thank you very much for your comment. I disagree with other coaches if they are suggesting that 90 days is some type of 'end point'. In fact, in my opinion, 90 days isn't even the average amount of time! I have known dumpers get in contact after days, weeks, months, years and even decades! I would never suggest 'waiting' because nothing can be guaranteed, but 3 months is still early days. You could easily hear from your ex between 6 months - 1 year. I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from your ex after a year!
Hi Chunky, how are you feeling today? Try not to feel anxious. You have plenty of time to hear from your ex in the future, but I hope you can also concentrate on moving forward with your life as well.
@@vincentbos thank you so much
I think I made all the mistakes so I doubt she’s coming back and that’s okay but I am going to use this information for the future if I am ever in a situation like this again.
You have a wonderful future ahead of you Norris. Keep moving forward.
@@vincentbos thank you🙏🙏
Hopefully this link here could help you - ua-cam.com/video/N9F7xgchME4/v-deo.html
Hello Vincent, it’s been 10 months since the break up and I feel like I’m completely over my ex. I’ve even started talking to somebody new! I still kinda want to ask her how she is doing and not because I want to get back with her but because she was a good friend of mine and I still care about her. We haven’t talked since July 30th and I just feel like it’s something I should do. What do you think?
Hi Elliot, thank you for your question. I'm really happy to hear you are feeling positive and moving forward with your life. I don't think you should ever contact your ex again, unless she contacts you first. Anyone new you are talking to will not appreciate it, and I believe it will slow your progress. No, don't contact her.
It's ten months since my ex broke it off and I'm feeling like I'm over it now.
@@ConfidencePT yeah it’s now been like almost 2 years since I wrote that post and I don’t even think of her anymore at all. Still wish her the best though :)
Hi Vincent I need your help so my ex dumped me and went with my friend behind my back basically a rebound relationship so I begged and pleaded at first he was angry said I had no chance no more then after a few weeks passed I still texted him he said idk if I will come back maybe in the future life and time will decide so I texted him today I talked with him he said he still loves me and cares for me a lot he said I will always be important to him. He said im still a princess I said but I’m not yours anymore he said who knows maybe in the future you will be. I said I was gonna disappear for some he said I will lose him forever if I do that I guess he will get upset if I leave what do I do? And he doesn’t text me first he spends time with her so how can I get him back? Help me please
My suggestion is to click on my 'No Contact Rule' Playlist. Then listen through all the videos. This will explain all my thoughts on this subject.
I feel bad but my ex moved to my state ended things to start her own business.. the business is failing... =/ As bad as it sounds maybe that is the fuel? we will see
Try to stay as positive as you can, whilst continuing on your own journey.
So I almost regret doing this, I know I shouldn’t. But I looked at her Spotify and I took a look at her recent playlists. A lot of songs that I know would remind her of me bc we would always listen together. Also stuff like “oh I miss this guy I wish I hadn’t left him but I did so it’s too late” lyrics. Thoughts? Been about 6-7 months since breakup we’ve run into each other twice and she texted me some emotional apology about 2 months ago.
Hi John, thank you for your question.
What happened when she text you the apology? What was your response? Is she currently single?
@@vincentbos no idea about if she’s single, when she left she said she met someone new.. 6 months ago. She sent this long message “I want to go into new year with no hate in my heart for you” “you were my first real love and I truly did love you, a part of me probably always will”. “I don’t hate you, I don’t love you I don’t feel anything towards you” “I’m sorry for how I treated you this past year it wasn’t fair” “I truly wish the best for you, I hope life treats you with nothing but happiness (then typed out my first and middle name which is something I only let certain ppl call me). Things ended really badly. She scummed me. For a year she would end things, then beg me for another chance. Would cry and say why don’t you fight for me, why am I always the one that has to call you? I never budged an inch on NC. My response to her text was short and dismissive “it’s all good wish you well too”. I think she expected more of a response and might have subliminally hoped it would spark some dialogue.. as it has in the past she sent me a text like that before, I called her, and by the end of the call we were back together.
I would have sent more, but she explicitly said like I don’t love you. So I think it was just a breadcrumb to see if I would chase her. Ik she wants my attention and validation. But she wants to string me along and keep me as an option in case she can’t find someone better. I knew this for a while and let her do it. Not anymore.
@@districtagenda5695 you got it right. These people are toxic, move on and find a good person that will treat way as you deserve, her loss.
@@josselin3393 ya for sure, if she ever does come around again I’ll be toxic and shit to her for a month or so then ghost. We’ll see if she does tho idk.