To answer Simon's question even though I don't think he reads the comments: I originally was studying Music Engineering, which was actually an engineering degree despite being in the school of music (had to audition and everything). I then switched to IT which was in the school of engineering but not an engineering degree. When I left Miami and went to Lowell, my major was Management of Information Systems, which was a business degree basically focused on bossing IT people around.
@ThatWriterKevin So, you're a failed artist, couldn't cut engineering, so you went in to IT management! And now you're chained in The Basement writing for Fact Boi. 😁 Full disclosure: I lived in FL from '77 to '87 (includes high school and college), but I'm a 🤓 boring engineer so no Florida Man misadventures for me.
Recently I exclaimed, "fuck you" out loud in response to something I was reading, and next thing I hear is Google assist reply, "please don't speak to me like that"...I hadn't even summoned Google!😅
I honestly can’t believe you’ve kept this series going on for so long, Simon Looking forward to “Tax Fraud Tuesday” “Maniac Monday” “We Ran Out Of Ideas Wednesday” etc
I think what you mean is, you can’t believe Florida has kept their State and antics up for this long. And to that I say! As an American, I unfortunately can.
@ I don’t think they’ll ever run out of content, I meant that as in… how could I put this lightly? Simon has a knack for trying out many great ideas, but usually for a short time… unless they become popular, in which case it becomes his entire online presence.
There's an endless stream of bizarre and fucked up shit coming out of Florida and it has been like that for decades upon decades. For a half hour a week segment, you'll never run out of content.
Google tells me that the cop should actually say "Právě jsem pozastavil vaše video, abych vás přetáhl". edit: seriously, idk how to pronounce half of that.
@@ThatWriterKevin As someonewho just turned 56 twelve days ago, I didn't feel personally attacked...but it was a very close thing. Only because I remember (vaguely) being 19 and in comparison I sometimes feel geriatric.
@@ThatWriterKevinI remember thinking 40 was geriatric when I was in my early 20's. Now that I'm 50 and dating a 55 y/o I have a much different view on what counts as geriatric. 😂
Simon casually paying off his entire student loan debt in one go has got to be one of the most baller stories I have ever heard. It gave me 2nd hand happiness.
18:30 We had an incident of someone driving an atv in a reckless manner through town. The city police tried chasing him, and they ended up driving in circles along the same stretch of neighborhood. Someone recorded it and put it on Facebook to the theme song from Dukes of Hazard, but I think, personally, it'd been funnier sped up and with Benny Hill's wacky sax..... 😂
College student tip - volunteer at Goodwill. The workers give you huge discounts on furniture. 2 hours of your time, and you walk out with a couch for $10. 🎉
It is literally in the constitution (via the 7 amendment) that we have a right to a jury trial. Though in many places people can opt out of that and accept a summary judgement from a judge.
You should definitely take your chances that 1 out of 12 will have reasonable doubt and not hope 1 judge thinks you're innocent even if you are innocent the odds are against you.
12:28 I was once threatened by a roommate cause I ate a piece of chicken from the freezer mistaking it for mine since it was the exact same package. I immediately apologized and offered to replace it with my unopened one that was exactly the same. He demanded $20 or he was gonna “beat my ass and take it anyways”. Told him to go ahead and throw the first punch so I could call the cops on him. Suffice to say I left that house as quickly as I could.
@@leosmith848 Agree on it being situational. I-95 in southern Florida is like 7 lanes wide. I was driving home to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale at like 2 am and didn't even realize I was going 120.
As others have noted 116 mph isn't dangerous by itself. I had a family emergency in 2013 while in DC and made it to Crozet, VA (135 miles) in an hour and a half, hitting 125 mph for miles at a time on I-95 and I-81. Just a few months ago I made a trip to an animal hospital that normally takes 27 minutes in 12 with an injured dog, going triple digits at every point possible
@@Noah_E to be fair according to both civil engineering all studies and Nascar... Yes by itself is very dangerous. But I get that men need to brag... Studies say volumes about that as well...
@@Benson_aka_devils_advocate_88 No, Americans also used to have Thanksgiving in October as well. It was moved to November for capitalist purposes. Long story, quick google. 🤓
@empressoftheknownuniverse Lincoln moved it to November during the civil war with the hope it would be something for the people to come together over. But, yes, later it was moved from the last Thursday of Nov to the second last Thursday to lengthen the holiday season. The country was in a recession, 1939-1940, and it was an attempt to increase spending. Which in theory helps the economy, but not always in practice. Yes, read all of Google. It helps give context to the situation. Thanksgiving is an arbitrary day to begin with. Built around a stylized, romanticized idea of Pilgrim and Indian feasting in harmony. When in reality that was anything but farther than the truth.
Okay, Top Gear Top Tip for Simon: don't try to get out of a speeding ticket in Czech Republic by pretending to work for the post office, you will only get a harsher punishment :D :D
In Ontario, Canada our student loans are excluded from bankruptcy. You must also make payment arrangements or apply for interest relief within six months of leaving your post-secondary level education. Have fun kids!
When I was at uni, one of my flatmates kept using all my kitchenware and not washing it. I stuck a post it note on the inside of the kitchen cupboard that belonged to me saying "touch my stuff and die" I got called into the RA office for making death threats 😅
I had a similar situation; the roommate even hid some of my silverwear in his room so I wouldn't know he was using it. I finally fucking lost it on him and berated him, getting increasing angry he refused to answer for himself. It took like 10 minutes of yelling to get a verbal apology out of him. I found out the next day from one of my gay friends that he wasn't answering because it was the GLSEN Day of Silence, which I had never heard of.
15 minutes in, and all I can say is #1) Totally normal Florida behavior, and #2) I am SO glad there was no social media (or Internet) when I went to college.
I had an apartment during college and no money. So I found a charity shop couch and got them to deliver it to my second floor apartment. Still not sure how I arranged that but it’s one of the few pieces of crappy furniture I did not help drag up those stairs. There was a small problem. It had no real internal support under half of it. We wanted to be able to seat ourselves on all sections in comfort. The solution? I bought a piece of board to cover most (not all) of the support area under the cushions. I then put the cushions back and it survived not only this apartment but the two after. I did not bring it to my marriage home. LOL!!! It was never soft but for $10.00 delivered it did the trick.
This reminds me of a story from the LA Times: Some even odder offenses were committed by an intruder in USC’s Doheny Library in 1980 and 1981. He would surreptitiously paint the exposed toenails of females while they were studying. Campus police called the perpetrator -- a non-student -- “Leonardo da Toenail.” His M.O. was to sit at a table across from a lone female, drop something to the floor and, while picking it up, quickly daub her toes. After a witness alerted security about one incident, the victim was asked at the scene if her toes had been painted. She said she thought it was a crazy question and answered no,” a spokesman for the city attorney’s office said. “But outside in the sunlight she saw that her big toes had been painted apricot. She hadn’t felt anything.” The intruder was finally apprehended on campus while carrying 15 bottles of nail polish. He was cited for a misdemeanor act of battery but never appeared for his hearing. As far as anyone knows, that was the last time he played footsie on campus.
2:20 - Mid roll ads 3:50 - Back to the video 6:00 - Chapter 1 - Florida man threatens to kill professor for scheduling 7AM exam 10:50 - Chapter 2 - Florida man stabs roomate over toaster strudel 15:10 - Chapter 3 - Florida man hides under campus library tables to sniff feet 19:00 - Chapter 4 - Florida man pulled over for driving to class at 116 mph 24:10 - Chapter 5 - Florida man vandalizes basketball player's car 27:15 - Chapter 6 - Florida woman struck by lightning
Note, the couch at the beginning, he did NOT steal it, he Strategically Transported Equipment to an Alternate Location. (if you know, you know, Quack bang, out)
I went to uni in NZ and never had to reschedule an exam or take one outside of regular hours either. Looking back, I don't know if I was just incredibly lucky or if the schedulers at the university were actual wizards!
One year on Halloween it was raining so hard there were almost no children out trick or treating, and I was at a friend's house for weekly games night. Around 11 p.m. whooping and hollering and intermittent smashing sounds were heard, evidently by bored teenagers who were driving down the street smashing driver's side mirrors on all the vehicles they could get close enough to. This was in the 80's so security cameras were few ad far between. My mirror was one of the destroyed ones, and cost was $495.00, which my insurance cut me a check minus the $200.00 deductible. Yep those little side mirrors are inordinately expensive.
24:01 In cases like this the jury sits for a whole bunch of trials. They basically sit for 8 hours and see between 8 an 30 cases depending on how complex they are. The only time a jury is selected fro a single case is if the case is expected to last more than a day.
About the compas stabbing pastime in school, we did this too and one of my classmates got hit in an artery. He didn't notice until when at the end of class he stood up and his whole pant leg were drenched in blood.
So, within the first two minutes of the video one can ascertain that Simon has just started dressing himself today and he didn’t pay his student loans until he was rich enough to just cover them in one payment. Charming. Still love you mate I’m just poking fun
Idea: Let's have Minnesota Man Mondays, Tennessee Troublemaker Tuesdays, West Virginia Wankers Wednesdays, I can't think of one for Thursdays, all this to augment Florida Man Fridays. If you feel frisky South Carolina Man Saturdays would be great too. 😉
In Texas misdemeanors that go to jury trial have six person juries. I was on a six person jury for two misdemeanors on a trial of a low level local celeb. We weren't sequestered, but we had two bailiffs march us to our free lunch.
The fastest I've been pulled over for was 152 mph at around 3:30 in the morning without traffic. I worked graveyard shift, on the way home I fell asleep while driving. When I woke up, my car was heading towards a barrier. I down shifted, move over, and put my foot on the floor. I came to a STOP sign, then stopped. Before I started driving, I saw lights flashing. The blue shirt walked up and asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I said no, my speedometer only goes to 130mph. He asked me why I was driving so fast, so I told him my story. He asked me where I worked, I told him and he let me go with a warning.
I missed the final exam for a CoBOL class in the early 90's. I was mostly stoned at that time but I was top of the class. I talked to the professor about the situation and he was a nit dumfounded about me skipping the final, but allowed me to take it with just him. I had to drive him to the university (NMU) and I almost ran a stop sign. Like full screech to the stop sign.
That is a weird way to handle finals. I can say that not all places do that. While ours were not scheduled during normal class time they were based on when you had the class. Our finals were always on a Thursday - Tuesday schedule if I recall correctly as you had the Wednesday before they started off to study. They were 2 hour long blocks of time vs the normal 1 - 1.5 hour of a normal class which is part of the reason they were not during normal class time. Based on if your first session of the week was on a Monday or a Tuesday and then the time of day determined the time slot your schedule was going to be scheduled for. There were some exceptions to that based on if a professor knew that the test was scheduled for Monday or Tuesday and nobody had anything scheduled for that later half of the period they might try to find a time slot to do it earlier or if everyone thought they could get it done during the normal time slot would just do the test on the last scheduled day of class to not keep people around for the extra few days. But never did people just pick random times for when they were doing the final exam.
American colleges are weird and exams vary by state, university, and even professor. One of the benefits of being a special education student was that I got extended time. Sure, I had to go to the resource center... but I could schedule my exams whenever I wanted within a certain timeframe. The resource building didn’t even open until 8:30 AM. In those days I was an early riser, but not THAT early. I remember one semester I had five classes and only two final exams but only had to take ONE of them. History of Film 2 had a HUGE 20 page final paper instead of an exam. Media Production had a crazy professor who gave us insane tests EVERY week, but the midterms and finals were weird. If you took the midterm or final, you got what you got. If you DIDN'T take them, you got the average of your last six tests. My professor told me NOT to take the final because my last six test grades were a 98, 96, 98, 105, 103, and 102. (Meaning automatic 100%). This meant a final grade in the class of 97%. My acting class had a portion of a scene to do… which I had fun with even though I didn’t have many lines. (Making the hard of hearing guy do a Harpo Marx kind of character. Yeah… not problematic at all.) There was no final for the creative writing class either. So that left only a Biology Class exam. Which was awful…. But I passed.
I managed to schedule most of my college semesters to where I only had classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I went to Georgia State University in Atlanta, but lived in a town about 45 miles away. Also, I've never heard of finals not being during the regular class time. That's weird.
TGIFMF! Maybe an episode on the other large lizards that make Florida home. While Florida Man's weapon of choice might be a gator or croc, how many entertaining stories are there with other members of the reptile group. Komodo Dragons, Pythons, Constrictors, or Mark Zuckerberg!
In a sane country I would agree with you Simon, but consider the quality of Judges in the United States. For that matter, consider the quality of the police and the Qualified Immunity they have.... Within such a system, we need more then just a single Civilian Buffer.
17:00 heyo first responder dispatcher here, there are levels to offenders! it can range from how much distance you have to stay away from an age group/place/item/ or weather or not your are allowed to have phones/computers/all forms of internet or if all your devices including anyone's device you may use at any time to access the internet will require a bug/chip they steams every singly thing your device does to your assigned parole officer. Our parole officer is amazing but she's also 4ft 7in and there is no better joy of seeing a 6ft or taller buff man/woman being talked down too like he/she a child then watching them leave the building looking like a sad kid. The hardest part is entering everything and double reading the judges paperwork making sure they don't have conflicting orders for example. "No internet may be used for the entirety of *name's* parole period then once done they will be allowed to use the internet but only on bugged devices" and another part saying " *name* may be allowed to have their cell phone to schedule appointments to see *name's* children." the reason why I would have to flag that is the first park nulls the second and I cannot enter anything that may confuse or allow for a miss trial in the future. sorry for the long text block much love to anyone who was interested
In the US, they garnish your wages if you dont repay student loans. I was making 12 /hr when they came for mine, with a min oayment of 250 / month. I had about 35k in loans, and they have pulled that money from 2012 until Covid started. Yet I still owe 28k. Graduating kids... if you dont get a full ride, consider workong before higher learning.
I’ve been in college a while and I have no trouble imagining a student threatening a professor for an 8 am class, even with that wording. Some students are crazy and data structures pushed more than a few over the edge
I have gone 130 mph a few times, long ago. It's seriously thrilling [I did not feel any fear until we slowed down to turn around and go back along the road we had been speeding on] but I do not recommend it out in the world, go make a rental and an IMSA track or something instead.
Shows what you know. This happens all over the place. You just don't know about it, except in Florida because Florida laws allow this information to be disclosed.
Go to sheathunderwear.com and use the code “BLAZE” to get 20% off your order! Thank you Sheath for the sponsorship!
am I the only one who's curious to see how Sheath is going to apply this concept to women's underwear 🤔
To answer Simon's question even though I don't think he reads the comments:
I originally was studying Music Engineering, which was actually an engineering degree despite being in the school of music (had to audition and everything). I then switched to IT which was in the school of engineering but not an engineering degree. When I left Miami and went to Lowell, my major was Management of Information Systems, which was a business degree basically focused on bossing IT people around.
@ThatWriterKevin So, you're a failed artist, couldn't cut engineering, so you went in to IT management! And now you're chained in The Basement writing for Fact Boi. 😁
Full disclosure: I lived in FL from '77 to '87 (includes high school and college), but I'm a
🤓 boring engineer so no Florida Man misadventures for me.
There's a degree for telling people to tell other people to turn it off and on again?
@@pmgn8444 Not remotely accurate
The writers sometimes read the comments.
Thank you so much for answering 🙏😊
Simon "fuck me!!"
Siri "i won't respond to that."
😂😂😂😂😂
_Kinky._
Recently I exclaimed, "fuck you" out loud in response to something I was reading, and next thing I hear is Google assist reply, "please don't speak to me like that"...I hadn't even summoned Google!😅
@@JadeTemple-et7uwthey are always listening - Google Apple Amazon
I honestly can’t believe you’ve kept this series going on for so long, Simon
Looking forward to “Tax Fraud Tuesday” “Maniac Monday” “We Ran Out Of Ideas Wednesday” etc
I think what you mean is, you can’t believe Florida has kept their State and antics up for this long. And to that I say! As an American, I unfortunately can.
@ I don’t think they’ll ever run out of content, I meant that as in… how could I put this lightly?
Simon has a knack for trying out many great ideas, but usually for a short time… unless they become popular, in which case it becomes his entire online presence.
I'm looking forward to a December/January edition of "This year's Darwin awards."
There's an endless stream of bizarre and fucked up shit coming out of Florida and it has been like that for decades upon decades.
For a half hour a week segment, you'll never run out of content.
Thank fuck it Thursday, fuck you Friday, shit it Saturday, sunny sunny Sunday, weekly wank off live
Simon: "I'm late for work at the post office"...Officer: "I just paused your video to pull you over"
Google tells me that the cop should actually say "Právě jsem pozastavil vaše video, abych vás přetáhl".
edit: seriously, idk how to pronounce half of that.
" No, I meant I was a hair trigger off going postal "
Simon's response to the school credit company was f****** glorious.Simon's gangster af
Simon casually showing off his wealth by dropping the fact he can pay off a 20k bill in one go 😂
And the debt collector still trying to bleed him for more money by having him pay it down with interest :D
56 is not geriatric! Damn, Kevin! 😂
I'm about to be 42, so no I don't think 56 is geriatric at all. Relative to like a 19 or 20 year old though?
@@ThatWriterKevin As someonewho just turned 56 twelve days ago, I didn't feel personally attacked...but it was a very close thing. Only because I remember (vaguely) being 19 and in comparison I sometimes feel geriatric.
@@ThatWriterKevinI remember thinking 40 was geriatric when I was in my early 20's. Now that I'm 50 and dating a 55 y/o I have a much different view on what counts as geriatric. 😂
Simon casually paying off his entire student loan debt in one go has got to be one of the most baller stories I have ever heard. It gave me 2nd hand happiness.
Simon's laughter whilst reminiscing about casual school stabbings with a compass is the most British thing I heard today.
Just in time for my lunch break. Bless you, Whistle-Boy.
Haha same here !
Simon is definitely the first target when the robot uprising comes.
Yeah, Florida Man Friday,.
Just as Friday itself should be called 😂
18:30 We had an incident of someone driving an atv in a reckless manner through town. The city police tried chasing him, and they ended up driving in circles along the same stretch of neighborhood. Someone recorded it and put it on Facebook to the theme song from Dukes of Hazard, but I think, personally, it'd been funnier sped up and with Benny Hill's wacky sax..... 😂
I also have the Blue DOT Tattoo from pen stabs hahaha
think there was a subreddit dedicated to people showing their pencil/pen stab tattoos at some point, it was really popular haha
College student tip - volunteer at Goodwill. The workers give you huge discounts on furniture. 2 hours of your time, and you walk out with a couch for $10. 🎉
Another good place to get furniture is Re-Store a chain of stores operated by regional Habitat for Humanity chapters.
Many Goodwill locations don't even accept or sell furniture anymore.
Florida Man Friday brought to you by the legend, allegedly, Kevmeister.
It is literally in the constitution (via the 7 amendment) that we have a right to a jury trial. Though in many places people can opt out of that and accept a summary judgement from a judge.
You should definitely take your chances that 1 out of 12 will have reasonable doubt and not hope 1 judge thinks you're innocent even if you are innocent the odds are against you.
12:28 I was once threatened by a roommate cause I ate a piece of chicken from the freezer mistaking it for mine since it was the exact same package. I immediately apologized and offered to replace it with my unopened one that was exactly the same. He demanded $20 or he was gonna “beat my ass and take it anyways”. Told him to go ahead and throw the first punch so I could call the cops on him. Suffice to say I left that house as quickly as I could.
I would argue that speeding at 116mph IS a life or death situation.
Depends on the car and the road.
I maintained that speed for 3 hours on empty German autobahns...
@@leosmith848 Agree on it being situational. I-95 in southern Florida is like 7 lanes wide. I was driving home to Miami from Ft. Lauderdale at like 2 am and didn't even realize I was going 120.
As others have noted 116 mph isn't dangerous by itself. I had a family emergency in 2013 while in DC and made it to Crozet, VA (135 miles) in an hour and a half, hitting 125 mph for miles at a time on I-95 and I-81. Just a few months ago I made a trip to an animal hospital that normally takes 27 minutes in 12 with an injured dog, going triple digits at every point possible
@@Noah_E to be fair according to both civil engineering all studies and Nascar... Yes by itself is very dangerous. But I get that men need to brag... Studies say volumes about that as well...
Says the person who doesn't drive
Florida man Friday!! Let’s goooo! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
Thanksgiving was in October 😂 🇨🇦💪
🤔🧐 @@TheCanagoose happy belated Thanksgiving?? Or is it that you celebrate the wrong day??
@@Benson_aka_devils_advocate_88 No, Americans also used to have Thanksgiving in October as well. It was moved to November for capitalist purposes. Long story, quick google. 🤓
@empressoftheknownuniverse Lincoln moved it to November during the civil war with the hope it would be something for the people to come together over. But, yes, later it was moved from the last Thursday of Nov to the second last Thursday to lengthen the holiday season. The country was in a recession, 1939-1940, and it was an attempt to increase spending. Which in theory helps the economy, but not always in practice.
Yes, read all of Google. It helps give context to the situation. Thanksgiving is an arbitrary day to begin with. Built around a stylized, romanticized idea of Pilgrim and Indian feasting in harmony. When in reality that was anything but farther than the truth.
@@Benson_aka_devils_advocate_88 🎵The More You Know🎵
Happy belated Thanksgiving to all!
🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦
25:34: Not this guy. 🤣🤣 Over my head, below my knees, nvr in-between.🤣🤣
While the other kids at uni were experimenting with drugs, Simon was feeding local dogs chocolate
Wat a mad lad lol
oof...
And grapes.
Seems accurate
Wait, that's not okay folks
Okay, Top Gear Top Tip for Simon: don't try to get out of a speeding ticket in Czech Republic by pretending to work for the post office, you will only get a harsher punishment :D :D
In Ontario, Canada our student loans are excluded from bankruptcy. You must also make payment arrangements or apply for interest relief within six months of leaving your post-secondary level education. Have fun kids!
Love me some Florida Man Friday!
All right now Kevin, what was your Major in College/University!?
Kevster? Where are you? You deserve high five and maybe a hug as well!
Right here!
@@ThatWriterKevin so what's the answer???
@@statikskynl to what?
@ThatWriterKevin what did you study in college?
@@ThatWriterKevin we are dying to know!!!!
We used to use dividers, a pen, and a rubber band to make a small crossbow like device.
We had compasses when we were kids. We didn't stab each other with them because we weren't psychopaths.
Depends where you you went too school.
Brits have a penchant for stabbing.
When I was at uni, one of my flatmates kept using all my kitchenware and not washing it. I stuck a post it note on the inside of the kitchen cupboard that belonged to me saying "touch my stuff and die" I got called into the RA office for making death threats 😅
I had a similar situation; the roommate even hid some of my silverwear in his room so I wouldn't know he was using it. I finally fucking lost it on him and berated him, getting increasing angry he refused to answer for himself. It took like 10 minutes of yelling to get a verbal apology out of him. I found out the next day from one of my gay friends that he wasn't answering because it was the GLSEN Day of Silence, which I had never heard of.
*KEVIN!*
Sup?
@ThatWriterKevin *Hi!* _I knew I'd find you here._ Really I just think it's fun that you interact in the comments. 💚
Simon, where have you been for the weekly live brain blaze ? I neeeed it ! 😂
15 minutes in, and all I can say is #1) Totally normal Florida behavior, and #2) I am SO glad there was no social media (or Internet) when I went to college.
I had an apartment during college and no money. So I found a charity shop couch and got them to deliver it to my second floor apartment. Still not sure how I arranged that but it’s one of the few pieces of crappy furniture I did not help drag up those stairs. There was a small problem. It had no real internal support under half of it. We wanted to be able to seat ourselves on all sections in comfort. The solution? I bought a piece of board to cover most (not all) of the support area under the cushions. I then put the cushions back and it survived not only this apartment but the two after. I did not bring it to my marriage home. LOL!!! It was never soft but for $10.00 delivered it did the trick.
10:32
I like to imagine Skeletor is saying "What?!" because he doesn't have a face that can be easily cut off.
This reminds me of a story from the LA Times:
Some even odder offenses were committed by an intruder in USC’s Doheny Library in 1980 and 1981. He would surreptitiously paint the exposed toenails of females while they were studying.
Campus police called the perpetrator -- a non-student -- “Leonardo da Toenail.” His M.O. was to sit at a table across from a lone female, drop something to the floor and, while picking it up, quickly daub her toes.
After a witness alerted security about one incident, the victim was asked at the scene if her toes had been painted.
She said she thought it was a crazy question and answered no,” a spokesman for the city attorney’s office said. “But outside in the sunlight she saw that her big toes had been painted apricot. She hadn’t felt anything.”
The intruder was finally apprehended on campus while carrying 15 bottles of nail polish.
He was cited for a misdemeanor act of battery but never appeared for his hearing. As far as anyone knows, that was the last time he played footsie on campus.
Wat da _hail_ you say? 😶
I'm pretty sure the speeding case involved a jury because the excessive speed made it a felony charge. I could be wrong, tho.
2:20 - Mid roll ads
3:50 - Back to the video
6:00 - Chapter 1 - Florida man threatens to kill professor for scheduling 7AM exam
10:50 - Chapter 2 - Florida man stabs roomate over toaster strudel
15:10 - Chapter 3 - Florida man hides under campus library tables to sniff feet
19:00 - Chapter 4 - Florida man pulled over for driving to class at 116 mph
24:10 - Chapter 5 - Florida man vandalizes basketball player's car
27:15 - Chapter 6 - Florida woman struck by lightning
Love your commentary fact boi!
Thank you writers and editors for your hard work!
You're welcome!
Note, the couch at the beginning, he did NOT steal it, he Strategically Transported Equipment to an Alternate Location. (if you know, you know, Quack bang, out)
None of my classes did exams outside of normal class time. It was just the final class session. And yes, a school in the US.
I went to uni in NZ and never had to reschedule an exam or take one outside of regular hours either. Looking back, I don't know if I was just incredibly lucky or if the schedulers at the university were actual wizards!
18:27 in miami there are not many back alleys almost everything is a highway or a big ass road
One year on Halloween it was raining so hard there were almost no children out trick or treating, and I was at a friend's house for weekly games night.
Around 11 p.m. whooping and hollering and intermittent smashing sounds were heard, evidently by bored teenagers who were driving down the street smashing driver's side mirrors on all the vehicles they could get close enough to. This was in the 80's so security cameras were few ad far between. My mirror was one of the destroyed ones, and cost was $495.00, which my insurance cut me a check minus the $200.00 deductible.
Yep those little side mirrors are inordinately expensive.
24:01 In cases like this the jury sits for a whole bunch of trials. They basically sit for 8 hours and see between 8 an 30 cases depending on how complex they are. The only time a jury is selected fro a single case is if the case is expected to last more than a day.
My first college was in Southern Florida. I went to Florida to party, because the first two years are general classes.
About the compas stabbing pastime in school, we did this too and one of my classmates got hit in an artery.
He didn't notice until when at the end of class he stood up and his whole pant leg were drenched in blood.
Thanks humor is always welcome these days.
So, within the first two minutes of the video one can ascertain that Simon has just started dressing himself today and he didn’t pay his student loans until he was rich enough to just cover them in one payment. Charming. Still love you mate I’m just poking fun
Poor Siri thinking she's being sexually harassed😅😂
I love Florida man Friday
Idea: Let's have Minnesota Man Mondays, Tennessee Troublemaker Tuesdays, West Virginia Wankers Wednesdays, I can't think of one for Thursdays, all this to augment Florida Man Fridays. If you feel frisky South Carolina Man Saturdays would be great too. 😉
I just imagine some campus official showing up all pissed off like
"HOW THE HELL DO YOU LOSE A COUCH!?!?!?!?"
3 hour calculus lectures at 8 am in Winter made it hard for me.
My favorite show!
In Texas misdemeanors that go to jury trial have six person juries. I was on a six person jury for two misdemeanors on a trial of a low level local celeb. We weren't sequestered, but we had two bailiffs march us to our free lunch.
5:42 I'm glad that jokes universal
Simon the thing with the compasses made me laugh because my friends and I used to do that as well, and yeah those f****** things hurt
Oh wow, that first story happened literally in the same class I was in. Small world
That's amazing! It would be such a nothing story if he didn't literally write "this is a confession to premeditated murder". who does that!??
@ThatWriterKevin It's a very Caribbean way to vent, like verbal peacocking
The fastest I've been pulled over for was 152 mph at around 3:30 in the morning without traffic.
I worked graveyard shift, on the way home I fell asleep while driving. When I woke up, my car was heading towards a barrier. I down shifted, move over, and put my foot on the floor.
I came to a STOP sign, then stopped. Before I started driving, I saw lights flashing. The blue shirt walked up and asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I said no, my speedometer only goes to 130mph.
He asked me why I was driving so fast, so I told him my story.
He asked me where I worked, I told him and he let me go with a warning.
Fuk I went for a pee and he's still just talking before the actual Florida man bahaha love it ❤❤❤
In Florida the Friday after Thanksgiving is called the “Long Dark Sunset”. It would be the LDS wouldn’t it?
I had classes all day Tuesday and Thursday, Monday and Friday off, and ONE class on Wednesday, a two hour class starting 7am...
Agro Simon is such a mood.
We need an EPIC Florida Man Friday!
I missed the final exam for a CoBOL class in the early 90's. I was mostly stoned at that time but I was top of the class. I talked to the professor about the situation and he was a nit dumfounded about me skipping the final, but allowed me to take it with just him. I had to drive him to the university (NMU) and I almost ran a stop sign. Like full screech to the stop sign.
That is a weird way to handle finals. I can say that not all places do that. While ours were not scheduled during normal class time they were based on when you had the class. Our finals were always on a Thursday - Tuesday schedule if I recall correctly as you had the Wednesday before they started off to study. They were 2 hour long blocks of time vs the normal 1 - 1.5 hour of a normal class which is part of the reason they were not during normal class time. Based on if your first session of the week was on a Monday or a Tuesday and then the time of day determined the time slot your schedule was going to be scheduled for. There were some exceptions to that based on if a professor knew that the test was scheduled for Monday or Tuesday and nobody had anything scheduled for that later half of the period they might try to find a time slot to do it earlier or if everyone thought they could get it done during the normal time slot would just do the test on the last scheduled day of class to not keep people around for the extra few days. But never did people just pick random times for when they were doing the final exam.
American colleges are weird and exams vary by state, university, and even professor. One of the benefits of being a special education student was that I got extended time. Sure, I had to go to the resource center... but I could schedule my exams whenever I wanted within a certain timeframe. The resource building didn’t even open until 8:30 AM. In those days I was an early riser, but not THAT early. I remember one semester I had five classes and only two final exams but only had to take ONE of them. History of Film 2 had a HUGE 20 page final paper instead of an exam. Media Production had a crazy professor who gave us insane tests EVERY week, but the midterms and finals were weird. If you took the midterm or final, you got what you got. If you DIDN'T take them, you got the average of your last six tests. My professor told me NOT to take the final because my last six test grades were a 98, 96, 98, 105, 103, and 102. (Meaning automatic 100%). This meant a final grade in the class of 97%. My acting class had a portion of a scene to do… which I had fun with even though I didn’t have many lines. (Making the hard of hearing guy do a Harpo Marx kind of character. Yeah… not problematic at all.) There was no final for the creative writing class either. So that left only a Biology Class exam. Which was awful…. But I passed.
I managed to schedule most of my college semesters to where I only had classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I went to Georgia State University in Atlanta, but lived in a town about 45 miles away.
Also, I've never heard of finals not being during the regular class time. That's weird.
TGIFMF!
Maybe an episode on the other large lizards that make Florida home. While Florida Man's weapon of choice might be a gator or croc, how many entertaining stories are there with other members of the reptile group. Komodo Dragons, Pythons, Constrictors, or Mark Zuckerberg!
In a sane country I would agree with you Simon, but consider the quality of Judges in the United States.
For that matter, consider the quality of the police and the Qualified Immunity they have....
Within such a system, we need more then just a single Civilian Buffer.
Florida man Friday. Paying Simon’s debt one week at a time
17:00 heyo first responder dispatcher here, there are levels to offenders! it can range from how much distance you have to stay away from an age group/place/item/ or weather or not your are allowed to have phones/computers/all forms of internet or if all your devices including anyone's device you may use at any time to access the internet will require a bug/chip they steams every singly thing your device does to your assigned parole officer. Our parole officer is amazing but she's also 4ft 7in and there is no better joy of seeing a 6ft or taller buff man/woman being talked down too like he/she a child then watching them leave the building looking like a sad kid. The hardest part is entering everything and double reading the judges paperwork making sure they don't have conflicting orders for example. "No internet may be used for the entirety of *name's* parole period then once done they will be allowed to use the internet but only on bugged devices" and another part saying " *name* may be allowed to have their cell phone to schedule appointments to see *name's* children." the reason why I would have to flag that is the first park nulls the second and I cannot enter anything that may confuse or allow for a miss trial in the future.
sorry for the long text block much love to anyone who was interested
lol, I'm not sure which is more messed up, that Simon and his friends used to stab each other with compasses or that he still finds it so funny.
Being out in a thunderstorm is to play Russia Roulette. You need to be in a Faraday Cage like a car or a building.
In the US, they garnish your wages if you dont repay student loans. I was making 12 /hr when they came for mine, with a min oayment of 250 / month. I had about 35k in loans, and they have pulled that money from 2012 until Covid started. Yet I still owe 28k.
Graduating kids... if you dont get a full ride, consider workong before higher learning.
It’s not stealing, it’s tactical acquirement
Good script, as always Kevo
LSU's French department scheduled their finals on Monday at 7:00am or 7:30a, of Finals Week...
I’ve been in college a while and I have no trouble imagining a student threatening a professor for an 8 am class, even with that wording. Some students are crazy and data structures pushed more than a few over the edge
I did not guess professor, I instantly went for sugardaddy
I still have a little blue dot from a lead pencil stabbing me on accident. We had to use mesh or see through backpacks.
It's Friday Friday!
*Insert Nicolas Cage con air scene*
I like how many floridamen show up in the comments trying to say its not bad behaviour... Classic blaze...
I live for the tangent memes.
Yeah, they DON'T WANT people to pay off those loans; they want as much interest as possible.
‘My job is sorta about learning things’
Next episode ‘Did I talk about this before? I don’t remember, lets move on!’
Lol I was waiting for my school FSU to be on the list but instead the school in my hometown was there UWF ( which stand for u will fail)😊 Ah Florida ❤
23:53 To be fair this was a misdemeanor, not merely a traffic infraction.
I have gone 130 mph a few times, long ago. It's seriously thrilling [I did not feel any fear until we slowed down to turn around and go back along the road we had been speeding on] but I do not recommend it out in the world, go make a rental and an IMSA track or something instead.
Ive driven at 130, been driven at 145. Its surprisingly boring until you come up to traffic
I keep my toaster strudels under lock and key along side my copy if Johnathan livingston seagull.
6:59 taking finals while drunk or high are fucking wild.
yeah you can transfer in UK Unis. You take your year end credits and do an interview with the new head of year and BOOOOM 3 more years WOOOP WOOP!
these tangent edits are getting longer than the tangents themselves
@22:10 I'm glad I'm not the only one that yells at my AI assistant for being mentally regarded. Also good to know Siri is as dumb as Google's.
No no no we lol start you on a plan.
Simon: do you know who I am? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?! IM THE BLAZE BOI!!
bold of you to assume we don't have pedestrians on our highways too
Will not write that on twitter, but instead you said it on UA-cam!
I remember when ChatGPT was Simon's best friend but now when they talk I hear the Terminator theme song...
Okay, yeah, college is wild. Weirdest story I had was helping a guy get a horse in an elevator...
Yep.
Shows what you know. This happens all over the place. You just don't know about it, except in Florida because Florida laws allow this information to be disclosed.