Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
The terrible twos. I don't need your help I can do it myself! But when I get really scared and need help there's no one there or when there is I still can't admit I need it. Then I hide from those fears forever.
I discovered i am autistic as an adult. I have a hard time identifying as an adult and i had it confirmed that i died at a yound age in several past lives. Im in my mid 30s but im a baby.
Alan..would it be possible to do a video which may give us some feedback regarding healthy developmental milestones and the approximate age spans where those would be predominant? If we have functioned within unhealthy or dysfunctional family systems growing up..we may have found ourselves forced to act or respond in concordance with an artificial timetable regarding what would have been appropriate vs.what we actually were taught our role and behaviors were supposed to be.. Does this make sense?
thank you so much for these videos! You are helping me to unlock and understand what's going on in my heart. it's almost as if you're speaking directly to me
I appreciate the feedback. Glad you can relate with this one. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You're welcome. Glad this video spoke to you. This also comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join in. www.alanrobarge.com/community
question. If we are the norm, then what are we gaging this on. I am 42 yrs old. I have had to be the adult since I was a child. lol If I get a chance to act like a 20 yr old again, I'm TAKING IT. When it comes to Empathy, I have always been above years in that. Also I have learned not to really care about opinions, because Imma do what I want, what feels right, and what the hell make ME happy for once. lol
Jumping into a relationship because you "Don't want to be alone" is immature. Being alone and being lonely are two different things, search within, be happy with yourself. No one will ever complete you but you.
I'm still looking for one of your videos that deal with someone who not learning anything and not being responsible I mean don't have any education nothing sticks
Hello. Thank you for valuing my videos. I’m glad this one resonates with you. The solution to healing attachment injuries is to do our healing work. There is not a simple, quick-fix answer. Emotional, Relational, Developmental Healing Work is dynamic and has many chapters depending on our individual needs. The areas of focus I suggest are exploring Attachment Trauma, Emotional Attunement, Family Patterns, Boundaries and Sense of Self, Shame and Self-Worth, Longing and Loneliness, Reality Distortion, Grieving and Grieving Skills. These are the areas that inform the design of the membership community I created, Improve Your Relationships. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. The kind of question you asked here about how to grow emotionally is the type of question we explore in the community. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Amparo, you might want to send that in as a question to be considered for a new video. I created a system of submitting questions as ideas that I might explore on future videos. If you would like your question to be considered, please submit it via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions
Hurt Soul Make a pact with yourself to protect you and see to your needs, in a kind and honest way. You need someone to do it, and that someone must be you! (I'm the best parent I ever had😉) Good luck! ✨🌷🌿 Edit: If you can- get therapy!! Maybe you can't afford it, but if possible do it! It's invaluable to have someone else On Your Side- maybe for the first time? It changed things for me.
Bethany, working with stucknessis something we explore in-depth in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. It is part of a larger process of healing from attachment trauma. How not to become cynical about grief, love, and relationships is a good goal to begin the journey. If a deeper conversation is something you are interested in exploring around this topic, you are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
The terrible twos. I don't need your help I can do it myself! But when I get really scared and need help there's no one there or when there is I still can't admit I need it. Then I hide from those fears forever.
My emotional age is about 3 years old when I'm feeling abandoned and 14 or 15 when I'm playing games
I discovered i am autistic as an adult. I have a hard time identifying as an adult and i had it confirmed that i died at a yound age in several past lives. Im in my mid 30s but im a baby.
I don't know but I'm growing up. Yes!
Alan..would it be possible to do a video which may give us some feedback regarding healthy developmental milestones and the approximate age spans where those would be predominant?
If we have functioned within unhealthy or dysfunctional family systems growing up..we may have found ourselves forced to act or respond in concordance with an artificial timetable regarding what would have been appropriate vs.what we actually were taught our role and behaviors were supposed to be..
Does this make sense?
Was this ever created?
thank you so much for these videos! You are helping me to unlock and understand what's going on in my heart. it's almost as if you're speaking directly to me
The Factualizer, oh that's good to know. I'm glad they resonate.
My emotional age is about 7 or 8 years
This is a brilliant topic. I can relate.
I appreciate the feedback. Glad you can relate with this one. I want to share you may also like to take the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Very young I have been told because of trauma in childhood .
Thank you 🙏 so much ❤. 💯 % NAILED!
You're welcome. Glad this video spoke to you.
This also comes up in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're welcome to join in. www.alanrobarge.com/community
question. If we are the norm, then what are we gaging this on. I am 42 yrs old. I have had to be the adult since I was a child. lol If I get a chance to act like a 20 yr old again, I'm TAKING IT. When it comes to Empathy, I have always been above years in that. Also I have learned not to really care about opinions, because Imma do what I want, what feels right, and what the hell make ME happy for once. lol
Jumping into a relationship because you "Don't want to be alone" is immature. Being alone and being lonely are two different things, search within, be happy with yourself. No one will ever complete you but you.
yes and no. Can't complete you, but sure can add joy and good if they are healthy themselves-adding in and not a constant draw.
I'm still looking for one of your videos that deal with someone who not learning anything and not being responsible I mean don't have any education nothing sticks
What is the solution Alan to grow emotionally? I love your videos but make it more solution based. Appreciate you so much!!
Hello. Thank you for valuing my videos. I’m glad this one resonates with you. The solution to healing attachment injuries is to do our healing work. There is not a simple, quick-fix answer. Emotional, Relational, Developmental Healing Work is dynamic and has many chapters depending on our individual needs.
The areas of focus I suggest are exploring Attachment Trauma, Emotional Attunement, Family Patterns, Boundaries and Sense of Self, Shame and Self-Worth, Longing and Loneliness, Reality Distortion, Grieving and Grieving Skills.
These are the areas that inform the design of the membership community I created, Improve Your Relationships.
You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating.
The kind of question you asked here about how to grow emotionally is the type of question we explore in the community.
Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I am physically 53 years old. Emotionally, I am 3 years old.
I hear you.
I would like to find a questionary about emotional intelligence please
Amparo, you might want to send that in as a question to be considered for a new video. I created a system of submitting questions as ideas that I might explore on future videos. If you would like your question to be considered, please submit it via my website by going to www.alanrobarge.com/questions
about a decade younger than my actual age
I’m going to go with 12 years old.
Thanks for reflecting.
I must be almost 6 🤣😂😂
Self sabotage why is so bad
Hurt Soul Make a pact with yourself to protect you and see to your needs, in a kind and honest way.
You need someone to do it, and that someone must be you!
(I'm the best parent I ever had😉)
Good luck! ✨🌷🌿
Edit: If you can- get therapy!! Maybe you can't afford it, but if possible do it!
It's invaluable to have someone else On Your Side- maybe for the first time?
It changed things for me.
Flugsven, I am glad that therapy really has helped you!
Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist Thank's! I can't efford any extra helpings though, so thank you very much for your videos! 🙏
Bethany, working with stucknessis something we explore in-depth in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. It is part of a larger process of healing from attachment trauma. How not to become cynical about grief, love, and relationships is a good goal to begin the journey. If a deeper conversation is something you are interested in exploring around this topic, you are invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community