My One Issue With Masks
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- Опубліковано 2 чер 2024
- Venting about a major frustration of mine with mask-wearing and also offering some advice to others facing this problem, or how to respond if it happens to someone you're with.
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0:00 - Intro & venting
6:22 - Advice for when you get misgendered as a trans guy or trans masculine person
9:02 - How to be an ally if someone gets misgendered when you're with them
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I'm a scrawny little cis guy who has been growing his hair out for the first time ever during quarantine. Got misgendered three consecutive times at stores.
I was misgendered on occasion when my hair was longer, also cis male.
I'm sure it cuts deeper for trans people, but the fact is, there will always be unobservant people out there who are going to misgender others.
Honestly this is v comforting to hear
I’m also cis male but have never had a particularly deep voice. On phones and drive thru’s I’m constantly Ma’am’d. Not the same of course but I can commiserate. Years ago at my old job I had a customer who was a woman who had the opposite issue, a deep voice. It was nice in a weird way because we both had the same experience and spoke about it nearly every time we talked on the phone . I wish people wouldn’t guess at other people’s gender.
@@herrickinman9303 You poor thing.
You aren't even literate enough to understand the comment you responded to :(
@@MrGreensweightHist Oh, I understand. You're saying that you're puny little beardless guy with a high voice who's sometimes mistaken for a girl, especially when you let your hair grow long. Did the store clerk address you as "ma'am" or "miss"?
What you're too dumb or too uneducated to understand is that there's no such thing as a "cis male." "Cis male" is not a synonym for "cisman" or "cisboy." Similarly, there's no such thing as a "trans male." "Trans male" is not a synonym for "transman" or "transboy."
It's such a shame, because for many trans women masks have been a lifesaver in more ways than one. Thank you for sharing what it has meant to you.
@@psywrenergy I’m assuming you’ve already tried it, but just curious - color correcting makeup doesn’t work for that? Or the hair get out by the end of the day anyway
@@psywrenergy
You could look in to electrolysis hair removal, just an idea.
Interesting it goes both ways. I feel way more secure as people can’t see my baby face pre T.
Same here I purposely have one what covers my entire jaw
same!
In the pre-COVID era I was once out with a trans woman friend at a restaurant. She presents quite feminine (long hair, makeup, a dress) but her voice is still very deep. The waiter called her "ma'am" at first, but after hearing her voice when she ordered, he apologized profusely for doing so. I wanted to speak up and say "No, you got it right the first time, she's a ma'am not a sir", but I wasn't sure she wanted me to be so confrontational about it, so I didn't say anything. And she didn't correct him either, she just sort of accepted his apology, which probably just reinforced his assumption that she was a man who for some reason was wearing a wig, makeup and a dress when going out to a restaurant..
If it happens again then insert "She just has a dark voice." or something like that before the other person has time to think. Premptively cutting that train of thought of before it leads to a "sir". Maybe add in some white lie about some testosterone increasing female disorder like PCOS or something in a passing commentary.
she most likely felt awful from that experience. poor her. I can tell how awful these situations are.
And he was correct in his assumption.
As a transfeminine person who's early in transition, I definitely understand how masks can draw away from your facial hair. I can't afford hair removal treatment, but I also struggle with the motivation to trim or shave my facial hair a lot of the time. I still get misgendered in public and always will be because I'm non-binary, but people not being able to see my beard or stubble definitely helps some of my anxiety.
Hey! I'm also trans fem and yeah laser is expensive, but I have been able to afford it thanks to being able to get a coupon, and I would highly recommend it to anyone considering laser. Ive seen like 8 sessions for $150 which is a huuuuuuge discount. I hope this can help you make laser an option because personally I have found it very rewarding. The only things of caution I want to bring up is that it hurts a lot in more sensitive areas, which for me is my neck and under the chin, and also laser might not be a great option if your goal isn't to have no more hair in the desired area because while doing laser your hair in that area gets very noticeably patchy
I wish society would accept that feminine people can have facial hair 😔
I'm pre-T and I get gendered correctly like 99% of the time when I'm wearing my mask
Well clearly you're a wizard.
Me too, the mask has been great for getting correctly gendered :)
I've had a few littler kids at work ask if I was a girl or a boy till I spoke. It's the best I've gotten so far but it made me smile
Yeah :^ somehow I feel like I pass more but I can see how it might be the other way
Good for you, man👍💪
I'm cishet lady and I get misgendered all the time cuz I don't wear makeup.... and it sucks for me too, can't even imagine if I'm trying to get over lifelong feeling in the wrong body. Love and appreciate all you folks going through puberty part 2 (whether hormones are involved or not)
Hello. How does misgendering make you feel? Let me explain why I ask this: I want to figure out if I'm trans or not. I was assigned female at birth but I get very happy when people call me sir and use he/him. It seems like it does not make you happy when people do that. Maybe I am trans.
@@acc45460 If you find yourself thinking a lot about being another gender than the one you were born, it's normally a sign. Try acting on it a little. If certain clothes or activities make you feel good, try them, and see if it leads you towards a more masculine path.
No one can tell you whether you're trans or not except you, I'm afraid. It's a personal journey that different people go down in different ways, and it's just a case of working out what you want in life, and whether that's possible as the gender you were AAB, or another.
@@acc45460 in a cis female and i think I'm cis, but i get mistaken often as a man but i don't get offended.
I used to feel bad more in the past because of all the people around me would get upset, and mad, and shocked. But after years of looking inside me and my head i realize that i don't mind either pronouns. I need to add that i am gender not conforming, i don't wear dresses, or skirt, or make up and all of those things that are typically considered by most to be feminine.
Ftm videos though were important for me to understand though because I would find similar things and also things that do not.
The only things I can suggest is to hear more stories, trying to understand more your feelings regardless how other people feel (it sometimes can take a while like me) and sometimes it could require some more informed help but at the end you need to do what is best for you.
Hope the best 🧡
What's a cishet, is it pronounced Spanish ci-Shet, because that's what it sounded like in my head
@@acc45460 i am questioning my gender and i think i might be nonbinary, and i feel meh about both male and female pronouns. I would prefer ppl use they/them pronouns but I’m not out of the closet yet. One of the things that clued me in was when a little girl called me a boy and I actually felt totally ok with that.
I’m not trans, but I wanted to share something from my childhood. My mother had the hairdresser chop all my hair off when I was 9. She dressed my younger brother and myself in matching concert tees and identical StrideRite shoes. My brother was in jean shorts while I was in a jean skirt. Every time we were in public, in an era before we ever thought about masks, I mean this was about the same time seatbelt wearing became law mind you, decades ago, we would run into an old coworker of my mother’s. “It’s so great to see you! You have twin boys! How wonderful!”
Number 1. I’m 3.5 years older than him. Number 2. I’m a girl. Wearing a jean skirt. And pink laces in my shoes. Are these women blind?!?!
It’s not fun to be misgendered. Ever. The experience is all in how we handle ourselves and hope to hell it doesn’t trigger us. I was a very angry 9-14 year old because of it.
My mom said the same thing happened to her when she had short hair as a kid. Her dad’s friend referred to her as his son. Seems like if you’re not sure, maybe don’t use gendered language...
Lol for me I’m totally ok with being misgendered bc i might be nonbinary. One of the things that actually clued me in was when a mom asked if her little girl would like to come to where “that girl”, meaning me, was sitting and the girl corrected me with “no thats a boy.”
Agreed. My mother chopped my beautiful long hair off at 5 years old and for the next 7 years I was called "Sonny". 😅
As a cis dude who has a similar build and also, I guess, a similar beard style as you (weird, I know), I have gotten misgendered A LOT in the last year. And it is a bit disconcerting when it happens the fifth time in a day, and also I feel super privileged that I am only misgendered when I wear a mask and can only imagine getting misgendered on a daily basis all day every day. Gender in and of itself and also that gender is something we read onto other people is just weird!!
Thank you for reminding us that this happens to cis people too. It made me feel better.
Please I would love to hear more
Oh gosh learning that it happens to cis dudes makes me feel so much better you have no idea
as a person also about to turn 30 in lockdown, THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT. I feel like i aged 5 years in the last one.
:)
truly, even my cis boyfriend gets called a woman sometimes with the mask
I'm transmasc nonbinary (they/them), and masks seem to have had the opposite effect for me. I've been getting more "sir"s than "ma'am"s (not ideal, but better). For me I think it's because I have relatively full lips, so hiding my mouth is helpful
Same, I have full lips and a round baby face (thanks to my dad’s genetics, ironically) that I think makes me look more fem, so the mask helps me look more neutral.
But I’ve also had a lot of muscle development and voice drop over the past year, so that’s definitely helped me get read as male more often too!
yeah same! i have full lips and a really round face so wearing a mask (and sometimes styling my eyebrows to be as dark/full as possible) really helps actually!
Pulling out that pizza John mask was iconic.
it was lol-
he said a mask with a mustache, and then suddenly there's pizza john
I'm a cis lesbian and I've had a mix of people thinking I'm a man with my short hair and other people thinking I'm a trans man that doesn't pass and following me around through the store.
as a cashier and transmasculine person myself that still has long hair and gets "ma'am"ed and referred to as she all the time- I feel this
considering that my most masculine features are my jawline and my nose, wearing a mask is basically a recipe to always getting misgendered at work
I’m trans masculine & non-binary and masks have sometimes helped as I look even more androgynous which is fun for confusing cis people, but it doesn’t always work, the one thing about masks and being customizable with have various designs is that I use a pronouns mask that says “he/they” on it which can usually help if people read it
I was misgendered for the first time in YEARS in march because I was wearing a mask and a hat covering my hair and I just acted very confused and surprised because I was, but honestly it made me feel insecure for days and I am litterally never going to that place again. I am lucky it has not happened more, but it's also because almost everything is closed so I don't see anyone who could misgender me really. If I had been earlier in my transition and people had started misgendering me again I think I would have just stopped going out completely or fell into a very dark place.
I'm lucky enough to have a short hair+sports bra+mask combo that helps me get gendered correctly as a pre-T masc
Soon as people see my full face or hear my voice there's a chance they'd misgender me asdfghjkl
Same for me 😂 except I wear a binder and still get misgendered as SOON as I speak 😪 and even sometimes before I speak cuz I have purple hair and apparently that’s seen as pretty feminine somehow. I’m also 11 months on t and still have a pre t voice lmao so it’s not fun
@@beesquestionmark no offense but yall act like you don't know basic stuff. 99.9% of guys dont wear purple hair. It's clearly a female thing. So don't act so shocked when you're out with purple hair and people think you're a girl especially with a feminine voice
@@doubleboy2388 hair dye isn't gendered bro. pretty cringe of you to suggest so. neither are high voices. you sound like a tool
When I was college age, I got misgendered once: I was way overdue for a haircut and my hair is wavy, I was wearing a tone-on-tone dress shirt (regular cloth + satin pinstripes) which had been a gift from my mom or grandmother, black jeans, and I was very skinny, still not too filled out, and pale. A woman saw me from behind, then saw me from the front, and as she and her friend were walking away, I heard, "I that that was a woman!" Gee, great, didn't make me feel too great, since I was still not out (gay) at the time. Yup, I'm a guy. My voice is higher than usual too. -- Also, my beard didn't fully finish growing in until in my early to mid-20's, all except the part to either side of the lips / jowls. I started wearing a mustache in college because I was typically perceived as much younger, and would still get called "honey" by cafeteria ladies. The mustache helped a little for perception of, "this is a young adult male."
Wearing a mask has actually helped me pass more 🤷♂️🤷♂️. I have not started T or anything yet
my sideburns still show when I wear surgical masks (my preferred style) and my voice is deep enough now that I'm on t that I don't really get misgendered.
I get really self conscious about my jawline playing into part of why I don't pass cause I'm pre Testosterone so they actually make me feel a lot better cause they hide so much of my face... plus like I already have acne even as an adult so helps with that too
With the mask you look a lot like one of my cisgender exes, so it feels odd that they misgender you. I'm going to have to ask him if he gets misgendered too. Personally I've been amping up on the feminizing eye and brow makeup to eliminate or at least reduce the risk of getting misgendered. Growing up as a clueless tomboy I kept getting misgendered until the end of my teens and I really didn't like it.
The comment about even cis men getting this reminded me of the summer I worked a job where I (cis woman) was frequently misgendered, so I want to reassure trans women that if you get misgendered at work in a service environment with non-gendered (i.e. designed mostly for men) uniforms, it's not just you. I'm kind of tall and have short hair and a small chest, and in the standard polo and slacks, nobody really looked that closely at me and very often they defaulted to male. It even happened when I was wearing light makeup. I was a valet doing a lot of literal running around and also didn't care if people got it right since the interaction was so short, so I didn't try to mitigate it
No but my mask makes me get gendered correctly
I got referred to as “a young man” in public for the first time ever so yeah, masks are def helping me lol
That's so cool. Now I'm wishing I was in a situation that required masks. Without the Covi risk ofc
The “casually mentioning the right pronouns in passing” sounds like a great method, but I wonder what could help in languages that don’t have gendered pronouns? You may get called a miss or lady as part of a greeting and if its in a situation you’re going to be stuck in for a while it’s really awkward to get ready for when the encounter ends with “ladies have a nice day” etc. maybe a smaller problem as you don’t hear yourself being referred to as much as you would with pronouns but it’s an awful feeling nonetheless.
Oh wow, great point! Anyone reading have any suggestions?
If you have an established preference, just a quick immediate “it’s sir” or “we’re not all ladies, try folks next time thanks.” I don’t want to be called sir either so idk what to say for myself... “No honorifics please.”?
If the name of the person is very masculine or feminine and not gender neutral, then using their name could work. If not, then I don't know what to do.
@@mickb.8925 that is true!
If you are on your own, I would do as Jackson recommend, and act confused or like it is funny: "Whut? ..Oh, you mean me? I am a dude, lol".
Act like if you got mistanken for a foreign tourist in your home town. I would react something like the above, but with nationality of course.
If you are with your partner, have a deal with them to say something like:
"My boyfriend suggested this restaurant" :smiling lovingly at you and hold your hand: so there is no doubt you are that boyfriend.
I’m pre-t and trans masc, mask wearing has been going pretty great for me. Like, I feel like the most “feminine” parts of my face are my cheek bones and lips, which are both covered by a mask. Typically people assume I’m a dude, but then sometimes they change their mind about this when I speak, hence why I typically communicate in nods whenever possible.
I'm an afab enby and recently I've been getting misgendered the other way, so people will call me sir until I speak and then they ma'am which cracks me up because I'm neither and confusing people about my gender causes such gender euphoria
I've missed your face dude! I kinda thought you up and died lowkey with it being a panoramic and all. Glad to see you are still kickin. Thanks for all the tips and sharing your experience. It's been Infinitely helpful
I really like your videos ! It's really informative and put in such a respectfull way ! Thanks
IM INTERSEX AND I LOOK LIKE "HALF-WAY-TRANS" ON ANY WAY SO I GET MISGENDERED ALOT
(WITH MASC CLOTHES THEY CALL ME WITH FEM PRONOUMS, WITH FEM CLOTHES THEY CALL ME WITH MASC PRONOUNS)
THATS KINDA FUNNY AND DISFORIC... BUT I THINK I HAVE BOTH TRANSPASSINGS UwU
BUT NOW WITH THE MASK I GET FEM PRONOUMS WITH FEM CLOTHES UwU
*FINNALY I CAN CISPASS :3*
It's been the other way around for me (transmasc nonbinary, about 2.5 years on T) - I don't generally let my facial hair grow out (it's too patchy to look good even if I wanted facial hair) and this past year I've been read as male WAY more than before, so I assume the bottom part of my face is just, for whatever reason, part of what gets me read as female by strangers. It'll be interesting to see if that's true once masks stop being such a constant thing.
On reacting to being misgendered, it's trickier as a nonbinary person because I can't just correct someone like "It's sir, actually" or whatever. There's no gender-neutral equivalent yet. And if I'm called "she" and correct someone with "they" (which I almost never do) it would certainly out me as trans (if they even understood). I'm mostly okay with that, but it's just annoying that it has to be A Thing any time it comes up (which is why I usually don't say anything, because it's exhausting).
I'm a cis girl. One crazy hot summer in high school I decided to cut my hair a liiiiiittle bit longer than yours. I worked as a cashier in a supermarket and not only I got misgendered a couple of times (Even if you could clearly see my prominent chest through the working vest) but a rude man mocked me in front of anyone saying 'are you a boy or a girl, does anyone know what he is?' dudeeeee It hurt me a lot. I come from a past where, as a kid, I was super into sport and diving, so I had short hair, always wore tracksuits, team t-shirts, sneakers and the time I got gendered right were so little I wanted to die! Now I'm 21, I dress quite feminine, have long hair and wear makeup but anytime someone calls me lady I feel sooooo over the Moon, as I'm not used to It yet
The entire time you've been a girl or woman, regardless of how other people perceive you. Other people's perceptions don't define who we are. We are what we are, whether we like it or not. Relying on others to 'validate' us is a recipe for unhappiness and insecurity. Which is one reason why genderism is such a destructive ideology.
I'm a trans woman and I can safely say that I have not been misgendered once while wearing a mask. And I work in a grocery store so I have had hundreds of interactions with strangers in the last year.
I've been in a really deep depression for weeks now and "mask for mask" made me belly laugh so thank you for that!
Also I hadn't considered this issue so thank you for educating me so I can have more compassion for my trans friends and trans people in general.
I'm pre-T and wear exclusively pastels perhaps this is me not being on T speaking but I think even if I had a full bushy beard and no mask on I would still get misgendered 😅 people refuse to believe I'm not a girl just because I wear pink and candy coloured stuff
First gotta say I love the Pizza John mask at the end!!
I haven't been misgendered while in a mask at all luckily although I'm far enough into my transition and present in a very masculine way (ie short hair) but my issue with masks has been that the 'men's' masks are a bit big on my and I have been told multiple times by store clerks, others picking out masks in stores near me, and others who have the same mask as me in a public place that it's odd that I have a smaller face 🤦♂️
Your hair looks really good, Jackson. I have pretty much the same length hair right now, growing mine out for the first time in my life. It's a challenging length to do stuff with. I pretty much never use products other than shampoo and conditioner and every once in a while, detangler. I wonder if some lightweight pomade might help?
its quite interesting to hear your experience! as a trans girl for me it’s been indeed the complete opposite: i’ve gotten so used to getting 0 misgendering and no weird looks at all that i’ve grown to feel very comfortable and safe in masks... really hoping things don’t dramatically take a turn for the worst after the pandemic is over.. hahah. it’s also very nice to hear some tips for non intrusive signaling if a friend is being misgendered. we should have those conversations more often
Thank you for posting this! I couldn't have found a more relatable video.
Hi! I wear my hair similarly to yours only it's a little shorter on the side and back, and what I have found has been very helpful for me is to use something that is more medium or lightweight as far as styling paste or cream goes, and I prefer ones that are water based. I will often use the Tea Tree Shaping Cream by Paul Mitchell, because it's a medium-hold lightweight matte styling case that is water based and what I like to do is towel dry my hair pretty well after my shower and then take about a bigger tips amount of that and rub it on my fingers and then comb my fingers back through my hair. And then I will usually take a blow dryer and pull the top of my hair up and blow dry just at the roots, leaving the last couple inches a little bit damp as well as the sides and back. That helps get some volume on top without it looking super poofy up there, because the weight of the water on the ends will help it not poof up too much as it air dries. And leaving sides and back damp to air-dry will also help keep them from getting too poofy like they would if you were to hit them with a blow dryer. This just gets the whole thing a lot more uniform so that it doesn't make the top look like it's super flat while the sides and back flip out and get really crazy. That way it doesn't make your head look like it's wide or something.
Anyway! That's what I do! Good luck
I got a mask with a beard on it that matches the hair on my head, and people think it's my real face. It's the only way I can go out and get gendered correctly. On the other hand, I get approached constantly by random people asking where I got it, so if you're not feeling social it might not be the best solution.
I also get misgendered more often since the maskwearing began.. so annoying... i’ ve been on T for 2 years now and i’m also finally growing a lill beard. And i also try to show my sideburns before i interact with strangers lol hhahaa
I've used hair clay for hair that kind of length to style. I only had kaolin based hair clay but apparently bentonite based clay is better if you can find it.
My best product for my long hair (mid-back pony tail, so I've been through every length up to that) is... nothing. Tying it back when long enough worked but the awkward lengths before that were a little annoying sometimes. Many people liked the ultra short pony
I'm so sorry to hear your experience. Oddly, as a trans woman, wearing a mask has lead to a lot less misgendering. Best of luck in the future.
Also, just on the other side - the worker might be very embarrassed if you make a big deal of it. You can totally just correct them and move on. They deal with so many people, it's not weird to correct them and just act like it's not a big deal. That might make it easier on both of you.
I'm not sure what kind of hair you have, but for product I recommend styling mousse. Good for control, probably good for "body" (my hair resembles a topiary bush so I can't speak personally but I've been told).
I buy any product not being marketed with lots of flowers and crap on it
Hey thanks!
A smart move regardless of presentation. The ones marked with flowers are usually ridiculously heavy handed with scent. A friend of a friend kept triggering their allergies and couldn't understand it cause she doesn't wear perfume so thought it couldn't be her.
I'm wondering if you might want to get those masks with a translucent window (to show facial hair) that Deaf people have been using and advocating for using.
Also totally agree with you on correcting misgendering situations very much depending on context. But 'cause I use they pronouns, it's not as easy for others to correct as casually with cis people who may not have a clue about they pronouns to begin with. Same non-binary experience for me as usual. :P
As the cashier, I usually just drop it if someone misgenders me. Every now and then, I'll get bold, though. It's usually only if it happens more than once or if it seems like they're going to be in for a minute. In that situation, I usually say something along the lines of, "I'm actually a guy," which is a weird sentence to interject, but usually gets an apology. If they're particularly friendly, I'll crack a joke about my "baby face". Sometimes they'll go, "Sir, oh sorry, ma'am," and in those instances, I just tell them they were right the first time.
This is really interesting to hear, because I've had the exact opposite experience. I'm afab and I've been recently experimenting with my gender expression and trying to figure things out. Since I don't have a beard, wearing a mask is actually really helpfull for me when I try to pass as male, since it covers up the lower half of my face (which I can't really change) and forces people to look for other gender markers over which I have more control.
This video was really helpful. I'm pre-everything, and got called ladies/missy/ma'am/etc/whatnot/so on NINETEEN FORKING TIMES IN ONE DAY. I'm kind of ashamed to admit this, but I went home and cried for the rest of the day because my dysphoria was so bad from it.
For your hair, it depends on what look you’re going for. If you’re wanting your hair to keep a dry look while staying in place, you should use a pomade. If you want it to have a wet look and stay in place, you should use hair gel. That’s generally the two hair styling products I’ve ever used depending on my hair style....and that’s assuming I bother styling it all. In many cases if I am just out casually to do shopping and run errands I’ll put on a ball cap rather than fix my hair. If it’s winter and cold I’m definitely wearing a knit cap on my head and covering my ears.
I’m a cis-gender man and I have been misgendered even prior to the pandemic and wearing masks, though it certainly happened much more often starting last year so I can understand the love-hate relationship with masks. I certainly have had one even prior to the pandemic when I worked at a chemical plant and would have to wear one when mixing chemicals in an industrial mixer (depending on the exact chemicals it could be simple dust masks to more complex masks). I have liked wearing them during spring and fall and not having seasonal allergies act up whenever I’m outside. And I enjoyed not catching a cold during the winter. I’m fully vaccinated, but plan on continuing to wear masks for the time being.
Great video and excellent advice! The latter advice regarding having a friend work usage of a correct gender pronoun into the conversation is one that most of my trans friends (man or woman) have asked be done in similar prolonged interaction situations.
So glad to hear i'm not the only one!!
Me and my friends have discreet signs to show how we want the situation handled, idk if that'll work for everyone but it works for us
Dealing with my grandmother's not safety compliment crap the last couple days made this video such a relief with so much causal pro safety talk of yes masks will be around, masks are good, Ive gotten a vaccine, and so on. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Especially for putting out there and normalizing the idea that masks shouldn't completely disappear and instead stick around for public safety. I know so many people who are still working yet haven't caught a cold and the thing that changed is masks, more sanitizing, and hand washing ❤️
And to all the lovely people in the comments thanks to you as well.
If I were misgendered as female by a cashier, I would look behind me for the female mentioned, to check if I didn't accidentally step in front of a woman in line. If I didn't see a female who seemed sure she should be in front of me in line, then I'd just proceed as if I hadn't heard it. Maybe I'd say something about the opinion of "me and the other guys at work think ..." or something like that. But I agree, I'd try to let the clerk know I'm a guy without making a big deal of it. It's ideal to be with a friend who could turn to me and say "duuude" or something like that. (It's a word from long ago). Thanks.
Jackson: A hair tip from a (cis) gay guy. (YMMV) I have very wavy hair, so if I don't wet it or rinse it every morning, it looks like I slept in it or just never comb it. Or it looks very fem if it's longer, plus it irritates me if it's in my face or over my ears. Before the pandemic, I got an electric razor which fits In your palm, for shaving your head / scalp. You can adjust the length with clip-on attachments; I'm still getting used to that part to get it neat-looking. But in summer especially, this is an option. I was very surprised at how quick and easy it was, no muss, no fuss, and you plug It in to charge it. You can find this easily on Amazon. (Not a men's beard electric razor and not the usual barber clippers. Look for a scalp electric razor. It's sort of a semi-circle and fits in your palm. It'll go just as easily into a shaving kit as a hand razor for beard, etc., which you will still want. You can experiment with it and it's not expensive. -- LOL, yes, the first time I ever shaved my head I felt very weird and unsure, but it was a matter of budget and frustration with my hair getting too long so it bugged me. You can adjust the length so you don't look like a skinhead. Or you can try it bald, smooth chrome dome, or try a crewcut or other very old-school boys' / men's haircuts. (You're from Texas, I know for sure you've seen the usual looks guys can wear. LOL.) Good luck, in case. -- I'm not sure about hair gel for styling, as I've never used anything much. Maybe others will have good tips on cutting and styling.
I"m selectively mute and when I am able to talk, it's usually in situations where i can't laugh it off or whatever. Like Banks where my legal name is still used and it's really annoying.
I had completely stopped talking to anyone before starting T so it was a huge shock when at 3 months on T my voice had completely dropped without anyone knowing it. The now have text to speech to communicate.
Sorry to be ignorant but does selectively mute mean you choose it or is it a physicL thing?
My cis college boyfriend was accompanying me home from his dorm on metro, and he had longish hair but had full facial hair. A metro security guard across the track saw him from behind and said "Good evening ladies". Boyfriend took it in stride and said something like "fair enough" after the guard fumbled over his mistake.
I ended up shaving my head cuz even though my hairline has started receding I still got misgendered A LOT more with face masks 😞
I’m pre-T and the wearing a mask really helps me getting gendered correctly in stores etc. When we get out of this pandemic I don’t think I’ll stop wearing one haha
dude, the last year didn't age you. you just had a glow up
Do you feel like your appearance changing so much/beard growth over the past year has to do with stopping finasteride? I am currently taking finasteride for hair loss but am worried it will impede the effects of T/DHT.
I really like Jackson’s hair
Love this video!
You give me Micheal from VSauce of the transmasculine community vibes in this video ✨ I love it
Dude.
Dude. Same.
5'2, long hair, all the masc-ness is on the lower half of my face. And I work retail. Ma'am all day long, but usually only from the older crowd. And a lot of embarassed folks when I open my mouth and this baritone I fell into comes out.
Also, sea-salt spray is all you really need to give the hair a lil texture and tame fly-aways if your hair is as close to my texture as it looks.
I wonder if getting a "beard mask" and stuffing it like there's a bushy beard in there would work...
I am a cis woman, and the few times I've been out, it's been kinda good for my anxiety. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Forming cream works out great with longer hair. Also I sometimes get misgendered sometimes when I wear a mask and i just deepen my voice to make it apparent I am masculine
I've been growing my hair out since covid and I figure since I got it this far I as well grow it out to donate it. I have been misgendered 4-5 times but mostly form the back. My hair is down to my shoulders and I admit it looks pretty from the back, but as soon as I open my mouth and say something people usually apologize. It doesn't really bother me anymore since I've been on T over 12 years.
I am a CIS, gay, male....love your channel btw,...but I happen to use cotton/cloth masks (from office max) which are smaller than what you have, and therefore stretch/bind at the corners...showing off more of your face...and chin...:)
Those masks with clear sections around the mouth, intended (mostly?) to let people see your lips for lip-reading/help understanding, although they easily fog up, might be enough to help - may still be able to see beard or moustache through them enough when fogged, especially if your hair strongly contrasts colour with your skin or it's thicker (so texture visible/raises up the mask from your skin in that area which could be noticeable). Or lipstick applied could be more visible. Maybe we need masks with transparent-ish side panels?
Since I’m still pre-t,misgendering is still something I have to face, mask or not. But regarding the friends helping in these situations, I can tell a story-so, my two female friends and I were called in to help clean the kitchen of a place we were staying in, and of course we were all referred to as “ladies”.
So one of my friends turned to me and was like “you’re so lucky, since you’re not a lady you’re not gonna have to clean up!” and then left me standing there.
for the hair: use a sonnys original surf paste ! or a salt spray of some kind
argh! same here dude T_T i have a very nice mustache that didn't get to see the sunlight this year. i just sadly opted for dressing more straight which helped a tiny bit
Both me, (a transmasc enby who can’t really “pass” anyway but prefers masculine terms) and my cis brother with long quarantine hair have been misgendered a whole lot while wearing masks and maybe it’s kind of mean, but I do feel better about it being a shared experience
the cheers for the mustache!!!
Great content!
I feel this so hard haha it was especially bad in winter when I was wearing a big coat and a hat
OMG! So cool to hear your perspective! I'm MtF(MtNB) and have found masks make people (who address others by gender) address me correctly. It's a confidence boost when I'm feelin down. COVID has really shined a light on these facial cues below the eyes / above the chin for me...or all of us!
I'm transmasc enby and I've mostly had the opposite response, and get sir'd a lot more, but I am fairly tall which I think helps. Altho both my partner (whose also trans) and myself got completely misgendered at a store recently because of our voices and it was a super uncomfortable 30 minutes.
I definitely noticed this too, one time I was asking in a shop if I had left my card there and gave my license to prove it was me (which has my full chosen name on) and the worker said on the radio "is there a card for Miss..." I was too anxious to correct her and was alone but it was not pleasant at all. Also me and my friend (who is non binary) got shouted down yesterday as "ladies" by a guy we had spoken to earlier, it was worse because it took ages to realise he wanted us so he shouted it at least 3 times in a busy street.
As someone who has had to put most physical aspects of transition on hold for years at this point, I can honestly say that it has completely changed my attitude toward being misgendered. I have this weird situation at work where I'm not in the closet, but I also don't make a big deal out of pronouns of people misgendering me one way or the other. Most of my team knows I'm trans, but we just got 3 new ppl added in the past month and they don't know. And I don't care that they don't know. Similarly, a lot of ppl see me as a poster child of transness enough to ask me to be in the official ERG Pride video next month because I comment in our public LGBT related channels in our Slack, however at the same time I got added last month to yet another private "women" channel, for what has been the 4th time in 4 years. When people ask me about my gender lately, I've decided to adopt the approach of, "oh, you didn't know I was trans and these are my pronouns? OK, well now you know." Basically, I just throw it back on the other person and am like, sorry you assumed my gender and assumed I'm cis. Because ultimately, it's their problem. I share all of this because I used to get so majorly upset about being lumped in with "ladies" or someone saying she/her and nowadays when it happens I just kind of smile to myself in anticipation of the moment when THEY are the embarrassed one about having assumed that in the first place. And in public when it comes to strangers? I am no longer perturbed at all by however ppl decide they see me. That's a them thing, not a me thing. And I think it boils down to this - everyone I really want to see me as myself does. Including me, finally. This year with not getting a haircut and having to go back to a ponytail was rough at first, but then I just decided to see myself as a dude with a ponytail and that was the end of that. I am all for ppl stopping being asshats and assuming gender of others, and I think we are gonna get there eventually, but letting go of others issues about my gender has been so freeing for me. I just have so much fun with it now, and feel the queerest I've ever been.
You can buy clear masks that may help :) it also helps people who are deaf and rely on lipreading!
i am cis gendered and have gotten misgendered many times in my life, less as i am growing older but it happened just yesterday, i finally realized several years ago that it wasn't me to blame and i shouldn't be uncomfortable because i am not doing anything but being myself i any given situation, it is the person who is misgendering me and i am not blaming them either because we are have biases including myself
but i have to say i really like the way you mentioned in the video of a way to handle it by just stating nonchalantly that my personal pronouns are he/him, thank you
I realise that this video is a few months old now, but you mentioned that you were looking for hair products for your hair at that length. See if you can get hold of Gatsby Moving Rubber wherever you are. At your hair's length the grey one ought to be good for you I imagine.
As an AFAB non-binary person, I totally agree on this. I get misgendered when I have a mask on, no matter how androgynous or masculine i dress. But masks are the best to stay healthy and to keep warm during the bitter cold winter. I haven’t been sick since 2018!!
I'm sorry you've had to deal with this! As someone not on T, I get called a guy or sir more than I ever have before and love it. I think it because it hides my more "feminine" lower half of my face, so they just look at my haircut and chest and ~take a guess~ lol
lol, that mustache mask looks like a Rorschach test!
I have a realistic lipstick lips mask, and it looked great when I saw the package, but when I put it on, the lips are SOO cartoon huge, people break up laughing when they see me wearing it. Which I'm fine with, but sure wasn't my initial goal 🤣
I'm non-binary/trans-masc and would prefer to be gendered as male in public. I have been on T for a couple of years, and my beard will get pretty long. When it's long, it sticks out under my mask, and I am almost always gendered correctly. However, when my beard is trimmed and covered by my mask, I am sometimes misgendered as female. The method that has worked best for me when I get misgendered is for my partner to refer to me as they/them and for me to use a really deep voice.
Yeah, I was gonna say it’s also happening to some of my Cis dude friends.
I live in Mexico, and Spanish is a very gendered language, all the adjectives are gendered, so it makes it pretty easy to casually correct people when they happen to misgender (luckily I am tall, so it is not frequent at all) me just by taking about myself using a few gendered adjectives that can easily be included casually in the conversation.
i feel like this depends on how far you are into your transition, i'm 8 months on t and people are more likely to correctly gender me because it hides my feminine features. but my voice is deep enough that people assume i'm male..
Yeah I'm starting to get that sense based on comments! For folks who are just starting/interested in taking T, masks seems to be great and for those of us who haven't been misgendered in a while, it's like a shock to the system.
I have the same exact problem as a transmasc nonbinary person, which sucks because even being 8 years on T I would still get misgendered 25-50% of the time by strangers at work. One of the upsides of lockdown has been interacting with people less in general (especially strangers), so less number of times having to be misgendered. But it certainly doesn't help that the few interactions I do have result in a lot more "ma'am"s and "miss"es.
i'm 9 months on T and honestly it's great to hide my acne under the mask xD
but also it's weird because there are quite some people i literally haven't seen since i started T
Ooof I had an acne out break at the beginning of pandemic because 10 hours a day pressing the bacteria in my face and the hair getting caught in the fabric and moving the skin is not ideal I had to seriously start my Akne face washing regimen and anti-acne lotion again and not only my washing twice a day no special lotion
But at least the mask is hiding the Akne and the experimenting with growing facial hair :D
One mask option is the clear face masks... it protects you, while showing your facial hair or other defined features AND is helpful in the case you're interacting with deaf/HOH person ^-^
My bf is a slender cis male who's the same high as me (like 5'6) and has long hair. He also got Ma'amd several times with the mask.
So don't worry to much, people are confused as soon as you remove a part of the face and it questions how society classifies people based on appearance. Indeed slender guys with long hair and no beard often get read as girls at first glance. My pet peeve is society enforcing that long hair = girl/woman, it's HAIR and it looks good when it's long!!
Lockdown actually aged me too.literally got my gray on day 365 of quarantine EXACTLY. Also first fine lines and wrinkles around my lips around the same time. 😭
this was so well said