Reacting To My Trans Coming Out Video
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- Опубліковано 24 тра 2022
- I came out as a trans guy on UA-cam in 2015 and haven't rewatched that video in a long time. It's been seven years so I thought I'd rewatch the original coming out video in all of its cringe-filled and occasionally poignant glory. I was honestly surprised how much I forgot about what it was like to exist in that period of my life. This video was a good reminder for me of how much you can forget about what it feels like to be early in transition once you've settled into life several years on.
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More videos I think you'll like:
→ 5 Years Later | FTM Transition Video Timeline
• FTM Home Video Timelin...
→ Do I Regret Sharing Pre-Transition Photos?
• Do I Regret Sharing Pr...
→ Trans Dudes From History, Vol. 1
• Trans Dudes From Histo...
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V I N T A G E M A I L 📬
Jackson Bird
PO Box 3003
Astoria, NY 11103
A B O U T M E
👋 I'm Jackson Bird and I make (hopefully) funny, (sometimes) educational videos for LGBTQ+ nerds like me - and the people in our lives that want to understand us better.
Here on JACKISNOTABIRD, you can find new videos (roughly) once a month sharing my experiences as a bisexual trans guy, answering questions about LGBTQ+ issues, exploring trans history, and sometimes showing what happens when you put weird stuff on a waffle iron.
Beyond this channel, I'm a writer, podcaster, performer, public speaker, and pub quiz host. You can learn more about my work at jacksonbird.cool
If you want to hire me to speak at your school, event, or business, you can email my speaking bureau at laura@freshspeakers.com
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P L A Y L I S T S
→ Transitioning 101 / FTM
• Transitioning 101 / FTM
→ Booktube
• Booktubing
→ My Transition
• Transition Videos
→ Will It Waffle?
• Will It Waffle?
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Jackson, thank you for being my representation. You're bravery is the reason I am living my authentic truth. I came out to my family with your book. You didn't have to step in the limelight, but you did. Thank you!
@sawyercormstv1972 I jumped over your channel. How old were you when you let people in?
This is so interesting to watch as a trans man who came out the same year as you (didn’t know that before watching), it feels like a lot of people don’t understand exactly how far we’ve come in just 7 years
I want to mention that, for the record, when I was 15 and only two years out, knowing about your existence helped me feel less alone as a trans person. Thanks for that
Hearing your experience of not being 100% stereotypically masculine and covering up some masculine parts of you is a very important thing to hear. I went through the same thing. I didn’t know I was a boy at age 5, I knew just before I turned 15. And that’s okay. I painted my nails and played with girls toys and boys toys and tried to hide by being hyper feminine. Hearing something else like that has meant so much to me. I read “Sorted” during a period of my life where I was experiencing tons of transphobia and it was very helpful. Thank you. 🏳️⚧️
I was a subscriber for your waffle-related content back in 2015 and at the time knew barely anything about trans issues and people, so your video was the first time i felt like i knew someone who was trans (even though obviously i know watching someone on youtube isnt the same as knowing you). and it really did educate me a lot and made me more interested in learning more about trans issues and the lgbt community. and following you all these years has been such a joy. despite all the cringe you feel now, this video was really excellent and I know it impacted many people.
I had a similar experience. I was in middle school at the time, and Jackson's coming out video was the first time I ever heard a trans person talking about what being trans was like for them. That really was the start of my education and allyship. (Edit: I was in high school at the time. I don't know where I got middle school from. Time is weird.)
I literally never comment on UA-cam videos but I’ve always wanted to eventually comment on one of your videos and thank you and this is the perfect opportunity. I wanted to say that 7 years ago your coming out video made me realize I was a trans man. I was 13 and I’d heard of trans people before in passing but this was the first time I’d ever heard someone actually Describe the feelings and like. Everything just clicked into place. I had been so confused about myself for so long and couldn’t figure out what was going on but then I stumbled across your video and I identified so much with what you were saying and it was a scary feeling but also extremely comforting to know that what I was feeling wasn’t just me and I wasn’t alone. So thank you for putting your story out there, it definitely made a difference for me
As a 31 year old baby trans, I can confirm that I write on my body in an attempt to "take it back" 🙂
My favourite is putting 'Radical Self Acceptance' in big letters above my knee, facing me.
It's difficult out here. A lot of opinions about what my body is or isn't, even from within myself. It feels nice to materialize that, in the end, my body is mine. I am not defined by my body, and I can change it if I want. I am allowed to experiment and play around and do exactly what I want with it. Sometimes it can feel like a prison, so it's a nice reminder
You and Ash Hardell were such a huge part of my figuring out my gender identity and coming out.
I found out we grew up basically in the same area around the same time and our stories were so similar that your story just clicked for me. In some ways I’m so sad that we never bumped into each other, because I might have figured things out so much sooner.
I know it can be hard being open with your story but thank you so much for being the community icon you have been.
You are less awkward than you think, and I admire how well spoken and charmingly vulnerable you have been.
I regularly loan out your book to my friends and family.
So much the same as all of this aside from the similar areas growin up bit... Ash and Jackson were two of the guides on this path who probs helped me the most to figure out my identity truly.
And i cannot begin to thank folks like these nearly enuf. My life is so vastly better now, almost four yrs since comin out, and im livin so many dreams i nvr imagined i cud exp. Im livin with an awesome person i love and even engaged to them; and he spoils me endlessly and indulges my every Little interest and even let me not be the breadwinner just cuz of what junk ive got downstairs. Im instd allowed to just be his feral housewife (def not a domestic housewife) and not obligated to do anythin other than exist as i want to exist.
Id nvr have gottem here without creators like Jackson and Ash; and there is no amount of thanks i can give that will ever match the awesomeness theyve done for me and so many more ppl.
I’m cishet but watching Ash and Jackson since 2018 and reading their books helped me realise I’m also gender non-conforming and demisexual.
It pains me to see how much young you is struggling here. Maybe seeing how happy you are now brings this into sharper contrast. But, all I can see is a terrified kid hoping he won't get hurt for letting all this out. So many kids are in that place now. Thank you for showing them it won't feel that way forever.
I remember watching your coming-out video when I was fourteen, I didn't realize time flew so fast... It feels amazing to see how you've grown and became more confident and comfortable with yourself. Watching this video gave me a sense of comfort and I fell like, no matter what hardships I'm facing, one day it'll all be so much easier to deal with.
I am in the beginnings of this coming out period of my life right now. The name you see on my profile is not the one I prefer. But I am starting to come out as trans to people in my life that I am close to and it has genuinely made me feel happier. I felt lonely for much of my life. I didn’t know I was missing a part of myself and actually could not comprehend myself as anything other than a girl. But through your story, Jackson, and many others I feel more brave in sharing my voice and myself with the world. So thank you everyone for the support, it means so much more than I can ever say. It has been difficult to even write this comment but thank you so much for sticking until the end💛
So many comments I want to say!!
First as a trans man myself yes, I am so much more comfortable looking at childhood pictures or teen years than like *right* before coming out and *right* after. I don't know why but that is totally true.
Second. Thank you so much for this video. It helped me so much when you first posted it. I'm about 8 years younger than you and came out when I was 25 too and you absolutely helped me in that so thank you. Your story mirrored mine and it was a narrative I hadn't heard much (with the times presenting more feminine and the fear of people not believing you).
I can’t imagine how hard it’s for transgender people. You all are so brave. I’m happy you have found your true self. I wish you all the best!
As a fellow 30-something who also grew up in North Tejas in the ‘90s and ‘00s with ZERO gender diversity/representation in educational materials, your channel and your story has helped me and taught me so much over the years. I’m proud to be an ally, and I feel like I can source a lot of my own understanding of LGBTQ+ topics and perspectives to vlog channels like yours.
Thank you. I don’t mean to center my cis-het-ally story here, but I did want to acknowledge the way your bravery has impacted so many lives, including mine.
I came across this video when I was a teenager and I can say that the way you highlighted your “back and forth” experiences really made a difference to me. I knew something was going on with me but I didn’t know that sort of narrative was possible for a trans man to have and so I had felt embarrassed. I had that same cycle of shame going on where I would periodically drastically change my appearance in some overly feminine way just to try and make it fit. It honestly broke my heart figuring that out. I also went on to struggle a lot coming out to my parents because they pointed to all these moments as evidence that I was mistaken about who I am. That went on for years, through almost the entirety of college until I finally got the courage to start T in secret. Flash forward over a year later, I’m 23, and though I lost my dad to covid, my mom finally supports me. It certainly has been a wild ride. I hope that knowing you’ve helped some people makes the embarrassment feel worth it in some way. Thank you.
Also that song Tennessee. Yeah. Made me cry and it’s forever burned into my memory. But in a good way.
I remember watching your original video back when it came out and feeling very inspired by it, especially when you said something like you kept trying to force those feelings away, but that they never go away. That resonated a ton with me because I was dealing with much of the same feelings at the time, and it kinda felt like a relief that I wasn't alone in feeling like this. It took until a friend of mine came out as trans a year later to convince me that I had to come out as well, but your videos were definitely among my inspirations at the time. Back then I loved your videos for your perspective of someone newly transitioning since that's what I was aiming for, and now I love your videos for your perspective of someone who has been traveling this road for a while, since I've came out over 5 years ago at this point. So thank you Jackson for making these videos, because they've had a strong impact on my life.
I'm a cis middle aged woman who didn't really understand transgender issues. I heard about you on a podcast about the JK Rowling shenanigans (I don't remember which one) and watched your coming out video several years ago and read your book. I didn't really understand what transgender was until I found your channel/book, but now I get it. It makes sense to me now. You're an amazing young man and I'm glad you wrote a book about your journey. You helped explain transgender issues to lots of people like like me who didn't get it but are now your allies.
Thank you for all your stories and experiences. It means so much to have you personally put yourself out there and humanize what being trans is like. So so many of us share what you feel and for those who don't yet know, you simultaneously enlighten and inspire the hope that they could change. Thank you again.
It's always astounding to see how much someone changes over the years (trans or otherwise). It's so cool to see how much you've blossomed into the confident, knowledgeable, distinguished gentleman you were always meant to be. I'm a relative newcomer to the channel, but I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story and provide some insight on how things are different 7 years into transition. It's amazing stuff. Keep being awesome, dude!
man i remember following you and watching this video when it came out as a teen. it was very emotionally reassuring to me, even back then when i knew i wasn’t a woman but didn’t know what i was, and thought i wouldn’t tell anyone ever. having just come out to my parents as transmasc in february this year, it’s incredibly reassuring to look back at this video with you now that past-you is where i’m at now. the coming out anxiety is REAL
I like this video a lot. It was really interesting to hear your thoughts and the behind the scenes stuff. What you said about looking back and cringing being an indicator that you’ve grown really resonated with me - I’m definitely critical of my past self (and my present self, tbh) and that’s a good thing to remember.
Also I love the intro/endscreen graphics and your eyes look amazing with that blue shirt. MISS YOU okay bye.
I also really don’t like revisiting the part of my life when I had to come out. It was very calculated and agonizingly slow, I planned it all out in a similar way to what you described. I had constant anxiety and panic attacks and desperately wished I could hit fast forward. But I was also filled with so much euphoria with each step I took in transitioning, it was intensely bitter sweet. The best year of my life and worst year of my life. I’m so glad we’ve made it through that phase and can live our happy adult lives. And my heart goes out to anyone who is in the middle of it right now 💙
Aw it's a little sad seeing the harry potter stuff in the background, that was before we knew the author was transphobic lol, also it's interesting seeing how much you've changed Jackson, you seem happier now
I felt sad seeing that too it's a reminder of just how many people she let down with her ignorance and hatred
While I haven’t been watching your videos since quite that long ago, I have been watching them for maybe five years, which was around the time I first started figuring out I was trans. I distinctly remember thirteen or fourteen year old me crumpling in my room in tears, filled with rage at the world, dysphoric about my entire existence, and just struggling with so much. I remember pulling open youtube in incognito mode and watching your videos, the only representation I had at the time. I came out about a year ago, and like you said, while it was euphoric in the moment, it’s not a time that I think of as particularly easy anymore. But what I have now is a community full of awareness and support, something I did not know could exist in my life when I started watching your videos. So thank you so much. Thank you for showing me a future when I couldn’t see one. Thank you for being one accepting adult in a chaotic and confusing world. Just a few days ago I finally stopped using incognito to watch your videos and subscribed to your channel and I’m so happy I can now!
I had a similar trans timeline to you, and I remember when your coming out video was first released. It’s so cool to reflect on! Thank you for being you and creating life changing content like this!
Thanks for sharing! I started transitioning 3 years ago and your videos have always been by far my favourite - something about the attitude that you have towards life and your transness really resonates with me and has been really helpful to me throughout the years. I definitely feel similarly about my 3-years-ago self, grateful that they went through what they did to get me here but also so grateful that I'm now on the other side of it and get to just live my life as myself without gender being at the forefront of my mind all the time.
This is cool to see! Your coming out video was the first video of yours that I ever saw when Hank Green shared it on Tumblr. I don't know why I remember this , but I remember his post about the video read "I'm really proud of my friend Jack." I guess I just thought it was cool you had the support of friends. I then discovered your other videos after and enjoyed them (including Will It Waffle?).
you were the first trans person i ever came across online about 5 years ago i think? your coming out video must’ve been the first video about being trans i ever watched, and it didn’t immediately click, but there was that sense of recognition that i felt, and it led to me to so many more discovery. so thank you, for being visible.
I wanted to add another "your video was so important to me thank you for making it!" I'm 2 years your junior age and transition-wise, and I remember this video helping me understand my gender (I was also had some very femme periods in my youth that I unfortunately did have to explain to people). It was also immensely helpful with my coming out as it was often a video I would send to people as an educational resource as part of or after coming out to them.
I love how compassionate you were with your younger self, I wanted to give both of you hugs! This video was fun, interesting, but also really hard to watch. Like you said at the end, it was also putting my back and remembering that time and the time just before it when I was very seriously trying to decide if I should ever come out. That was a hard few years for trans reasons, other life reasons, and because your 20s are just hard time.
So thank you for making all the videos you've made of the years about LGBTQ issues (and waffles), they've really helped so many people (probably also the waffle ones too.
PS if it makes you feel any better, I was laughing along with you about the fake tattoos because I remembered 2015 me thinking they were very cool.
as someone who is in those early stages of transition, it makes me so hopeful to see you reacting to it so many years later!!!
You channel is one of the ones that helped me with my journey 🌻
The part where you talk about your previous experience with gender and saying you felt you had to explain it because it wasn't the "classic" experience really threw me honestly, I remember when you first published this video and I've read your book and I always thought of your story was a very classic trans experience because with my experience I just never thought about my gender until I was like 23 and /I/ felt like I couldn't actually be trans because my favourite colour is still pink and I very happily played with my little ponys as a child. You'd think that as a trans person in the year of our lord 2022 I'd have learnt to stop comparing experiences but that really blew my mind and made me realize I do still do that.
I subscribed to you a little before you uploaded your coming out video. It's been so amazing to watch you grow and transition. Glad I was here for the ride!
I remember stumbling on your coming out video around the time I was figuring myself out. I was 24. I’ll be 31 in a month and I started gel testosterone five days ago. I’ve had a lot of setbacks and detours that I had to take to get to a place where I’m finally able to freely own myself as a trans masculine person. I didn’t have that seven years ago, but I knew I would one day. So thank you for being there. 💜😅
I cannot believe it’s been 7 years! I have been following you since the Will it Waffle days and I remember being so happy that you were being true to yourself when this video came out. Meeting you at GeekyCon Orlando 2016 wis one of my favorite memories. I’m so glad that things are going well and I hope things keep moving on up!
Thank you so much, Jackson. I’ve read your book twice this year. Having a guy like you to look up to means the world to me. Watching you say in the coming out video “if I’ve helped just one person” I cried so much, because I know how much you’ve helped me and I know I’m not the only one. I’m taking my second shot of T tonight :) *clinking my t vial against yours virtually*
-Ernest
Your story has helped me so much over the years ❤ you’re so well spoken (and well written in the case of your book) and i have found so much comfort in relating to your experiences and seeing the wonderful things you accomplish and having hope that i can accomplish big things too
In the south, it's still a big deal -- educating others about what trans is (and, in my case, nonbinary.) I greatly appreciate your videos. You've helped me figure out stuff about myself. Thanks for what you do.
Happy Birthday, Jackson!! 🥳🎂🎈🎉🎁
6:18 Bad at expressing yourself? I wish I had the eloquence and screen presence you’ve always had!! 👌
same here
I had an even less linear experience still trying to figure out where I am on the spectrum. Right now I identify as an enby transguy but I dunno. Having more nonlinear stories is STILL super important because even now I feel like an alien in the community for how confused I am.
In regards to the whole thing about the meme you talk about around the 19 minute mark, I’m a gay guy, and once, while playing an old straight man for some role-playing game or another, I actively had the character slow down when saying the acronym “LGBTQ+”, as if having to think about what letter came next im between each one, because that’s what happened pretty much any time any straight person in my life tried to say the acronym, and all my gay friends and I laughed about it for a good ten minutes afterwards.
I understand the sentiment you share at the end very well. Coming out as trans was such an emotionally vulnerable and intense time, that it makes me anxious, when I'm reliving that time.
Your whole experience in society changes and you have to learn how to deal with that without proper guidance (for me, at least).
It's a lot.
All of your videos describing your experiences are one of the reasons I allowed myself to accept that I was trans 2 years ago, now im over a year on T and have top surgery and I have never been happier, I finally enjoy life! I also had an atypical experience and only realised in my 20s that I was trans so it was so affirming to see someone else with a similar experience!
I've shown this video to a few people over the years. People who weren't being hateful but were stuck at the "but I don't get it stage" and they came away with understanding.
It helped me broaden my perspective so much that when my daughter came out a few years later, it was an easy change to accept. She was still herself, only more so!
Thank you for sharing this video with us! I have been watching your content now since about 2015 with all the waffles, I too am a fan of waffles! I remember while watching your coming out video and being able to think about my own gender and how I relate to it. I was watching a lot of transgender youtube at this time (and still do), and finally feeling comfortable when who I am, and exploring. It was maybe a year or two after you posted this, that I figured I may not be cis, but also I don't consider myself trans. I relate to more on the agender side of things. I am really happy to see videos like this, because it helps me relate to others and their experience yes, but also for myself and my own learning about me and how I feel about myself, and to really think about my relationship with my gender and my sexuality.
So I know you may get this a lot, but thank you, it was never your job or duty to do educational content or anything really, but you still did and it has been so special and so amazing to watch you grow. I have noticed sense your coming out video how much more relaxed and happier you have been. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
of course now we have to answer another important question: do you think frozen waffles will waffle???? (only kidding)
Also if it means anything to you Jack the fact you chose NOT to be private helped me at every turn. You sharing how you felt and dealt with everything did make me feel less alone. Because it is exactly how I was feeling and what I needed to know and hear and I think someone being willing to talk as honestly as like you and Jamie probably saved my life. Cause if I kept up where I was I think my self deatructive nature would have consumed me in the lack of hope I can spiral into
i’d love to see a mini-doc of maybe just some clips from the documentary!!
O hey, 'Ive been watching your content for 7 years!
It's funny, I clicked a link (I think Hank Green tweeted it?) without context. So my first thought was "oo! hot chick!" and then the video said "NOPE. WRONG." And then in the Q&A video after someone put the same sentiment and confusion in a question. You responded very gracefully to that, which made me feel comfortable staying subscribed.
It's been great learning about you, and through you about the (a?) trans experience. Thank you for sharing all of this. I learned a lot.
P.S.: Your beard looks great bro!
i remember when i first watched this video! i hadn't come out as anything to anyone irl yet and i felt this secondhand thrill at the coming-out (and a bit of "i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me" bc i'd been having confusing gendery thoughts for a while). it was so powerful to see someone like me at the time, especially someone from a fandom space i'd been in before i even knew i was lgbt+. i'm so glad this channel has done well since!
I distinctly remember watching your coming out video 7 years ago! I was 16 back then and discovered your waffle content first, but at the same time I was trying to figure myself out and struggled with "defining" my sexuality and identity. Came for the waffles - stayed for the educational videos on LGBTQIA+ topics!! Yours was actually one of the first videos I watched that started my whole journey. Your content truly helped! And I am so happy for you and all of the progress you've made! Pansexual Pride hugs from Germany xo
The long hair looks great. Also we've absolutely come a long way. in 2015 even while I was in very queer focused environments most people I knew barely even knew trans men existed
Hi from Spain! Oof, that was a bit emotional. I don't really remember when I found your coming out video, but yeah it resonated a lot with my own experience and I felt validated and not entirely alone. I'm 21 now and I came out only four-five years ago. It is so true what you said about representation in the '10s. I was only a teene weene teen (somewhat disconnected from the internet) that felt "something was very wrong" and didn't even know trans people existed... I'm grateful that more trans people are coming out or realising it younger and are finding supportive communities. Even if bigots are also more aware of us.
Warm hugs!
Even as a trans guy myself it's so jarring seeing someone pre-t and thinking they're like a teen and then hearing that they're 20 something especially since I came out when I was 15. I'm 20, only 6 months on T now, and still look like I'm 13 or 14 atm so I'm currently in that looks way younger than I am phase in my transition. You look good af for 32, and even though I watched some of your other videos from years ago I still didn't piece together that you would be 32 now.
I actually found your channel because you came out. I was 14, and it was just a year before I came out. You were one of the first youtubers I watched transition in real time. I hate that I’m almost 21 now 😭
I've always really admired your choice to keep your personal life relatively private. You get messages across and make meaningful content without sharing personal details. It's really great because I think a lot of trans people feel an obligation to open up everything to the world.
And I have the same feelings about revisiting that time in my life!
Hmmmm.... thank you! Happy birthday!
I resonate with what you're sharing.. very helpful with understanding what my kiddo went thru and continues to with his transformation....I appreciate you!
Jackson I am actually in shock, I knew that I was aware of your content from somewhere but have never been able to place it. I was obsessed with the will it waffle series and thought the WORLD of you back then, and now I'm also out as a trans man :) So cool to realize in this moment that I did know you back then!
You were the first person I learned about what being trans means when I watched this video when it first came out. That you were so real and open about yourself helped me as I came to grips with understanding the whole LGBT thing as being about people and not just social issues. You helped me learn to see beyond such labels and see that people are people regardless of the labels society puts on everyone.
I just want to say thank you so much for your coming out video. Years ago it was part of my growth as a person and it was where I definitely started questioning my gender and who I was. I'm non-binary and you definitely had a part in helping me figure that out. I remember I had saved your old black and white headshot from when you had first cut your hair as inspiration because I wanted to cut my hair like that and I wanted that euphoric look you had on your face. It definitely helped me get the courage to cut my hair and that was just kind of the start of it. I definitely keep my hair shorter now and I have grown so much over the years but your video kick started a lot of discovery for me. I just want to say thank you so much for that. Thank you for sharing yourself and for giving me a lot of knowledge and starting points in life.
I looooooove your take on 35:40 about our past selves and how it's not just art or just a video.
I do artwork, and when I was going through a severe mental health break, I was painting for the first time(my usual medium is pencil), and those paintings, I can't really look at anymore, but I still appreciate them in what they provided for me.
Also, I wish we could be friends. You are an incredible mind :)
Happy birthday and happy anniversary!
Jackson, just really have to thank you for creating that video it really became the catalyst for me becoming brave enough to allow myself to question my gender, and even though it took about three years after for me to fully accept and come out to myself it probably would’ve taken longer without it, so thanks 💜
I agree that sharing that back and forth is important, because reading about that in your book is what finally settled my doubts ❤️ right around page 100 I had to stop, lay the book down, and let it all settle in. Then I shed a happy tear and picked the book back up. So yes, it has been really important to me at the least, and I thank you for being real; you helped set me free in the process.
It's trippy watching you revisit your old coming-out/trans-related content. In the early phases of figuring myself out, I binged a lot of transition-timeline & coming-out material (videos/stories/books...), including your videos & book - supposedly as a "cis" gay "guy" trying to understand it all, but really because I wanted to transition & needed to see concrete examples of real people doing it. Apologies if this comes across as creepy or over-personal or incoherent, but a side-effect of all that is that your content (along with stuff from Natalie Wynn, Ash Hardell, Riley Dennis, Ryan Cassata, Chandler Wilson & a bunch of others) was vividly lasered into my permanent memory as part of my internal coming-out history.
Anyways, thanks for putting that out into the world - you never had an obligation to disclose any part of your trans journey, but I'm glad you chose to.
Also, the E-induced migraines? (28:40) Yeah, that's definitely a thing (worth it, for those of us transing the other way, but still not much fun.)
That coming out video was the first video of yours I saw because Hank Green tweeted it. So I only ever knew you as Jackson. It is so crazy seeing this now and how high your voice was back then!
Looking at the thumbnail of your Transitioning as an Adult video suggested under this video and wow your beard has filled in a lot in just a year
Happy Birthday then! And I am actually in a similar situation to where you were back then 25 trying to figure out how to come out to loved ones who just don't get it especially since I'm transmasc but non binary cause I was somewhat feminine but also not seeing you react to and talk about how you were feeling back then it's EXACTLY what I've struggled with and why I have been barring myself out of my career and out of potential relationships etc.
Excuse my ignorance but can I ask what is transmasc pls
@@swampophelia2098 just trans masculine I think after a long time struggling I lean more masculine but I'm not a totally binary trans guy either
@@boocrimson7720 aah I get you,thanks for replying it’s much appreciated
Your coming out video and hearing about the back and forth moments helped *me* to come out, helped to validate my experience. Thank you.
This is really inspiring! 👏👏 I can’t wait to get on T!
Thank you for being honest. This is the second one of your videos I have ever watched. I listened to your story and I have to say it was genuine. I truly appreciate that, being open and honest. I know that this is going to be very long hard to read, but I pray that you do. As I carefully listened to your words of the heart, this is what I heard: As a little kid you had a strong fantasy of being a boy. You played in fantasy more often and went than healthy. You even took a successful break for several back and came somewhat back to reality, but fantasy was so much more exciting and entertaining. You allowed yourself to intentionally go deeper and deeper into your childhood fantasy and you lost your footing on reality. You invited your fantasy to take over reality because it was an exhilarating rush of power. The only way to experience true fantasy fulfillment is for the rest of the world to comply or ruins everything. Jack up this fantasy on steroid hormones and the mind dives deeper into the fantasy, and when the physical changes begin it's sweeter than honey. Plus you have twice the strength and energy as you did before, you feel like superman compared to real life. Nothing satisfies like seeing your physical appearance morph like your fantasy. But this it's not real life, you would look totally different if you were born as a man. Your skeleton would be completely different. The fantasy feeds off hormones like a heroin addict. For you, stepping an even an inch back to reality becomes excruciatingly painful because it shatters the fantasy. You depend on the rest of the world to play along with your fantasy or it becomes crushing. That even explaining your choice to live a fantasy is exhausting, so you avoid this drain and blame others for not understanding your fantasy world. Reality is so painfully difficult you expected to be coddled by everyone else, and have no concern of the gigantic drain you put on others. You think that everyone should understand how difficult your fantasy is to pull off and that they should play into your fantasy by ignoring reality to stay in a relationship with you. Explaining to others that you live in a childhood fantasy is incredibly embarrassing to you. All statements of reality that challenge your fantasy threaten your safety and caused you great harm. Your biggest fear is that reality can strike like a venomous snake out of nowhere, like taking a dagger to the very heart of your fantasy. This fantasy is more fragile than glass, and it can be brought straight down when someone accidently slip up and say a factual word based on the real world reality. you need others to play their proper role in your fantasy to keep it going or it comes crashing down. So you must protect your fantasy life with everything you got, after all you have suffered incessantly for 25 years in silence as you descended from reality to fantasy. Others should understand that reality is a deadly poison to you, and never speak of it in your presence. It's all about others making great sacrifices so that you can live in your fantasy and ignore reality. There is a diagnosis in the DSM for this, it's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder you need to study it's diagnostic criteria and examine yourself with a very fine tooth comb because you check every single box. here. Every hour of every day you're fighting to stay in your delusion, but it is utterly impossible. When you do accept a tiny bit of reality bites viciously. When others don't play along and points out reality they hate you. It's time to throw out that little boy fantasy. You're totally are missing out on life Jackson, real life is 1,000 more fulfilling. Real life is where you find your real self not in some shallow fantasy land that you have to fight to keep going. I'm sure that you're going to delete this, and possibly block me, and that's okay. I just wanted for you to read this and now you have. It's time that you grow up and live in reality!
I hadn't actually seen your coming out vid before listening to this, but you've been in my head for a long time as like... maybe the first trans man I knew by name. And you only came out in *2015??* Fuck, man. It's easy to forget it hasn't been that long since trans people were sensational talkshow fodder and a weird footnote in textbooks at best. So, yeah. Thanks for letting us in, and thanks for this retrospective. Emotional and important to hear, right now.
Also, I like to believe Elliot would think it was funny he ended up in your coming out vid like that. I know I would. We always seem to find each other.
I'm glad that you decided to be public about coming out. I remember watching your video multiple times and expressed what I felt about gender with the authenticity I needed. And the right amount of awkward (though I thought it made you Super Cool (TM))!
As an older gay man from a very red state I watch your content and other trans content in order to be more understanding. I have so much respect for you and your journey. I do believe you're helping to save lives and help people be more comfortable with themselves. Thank you.
Maybe the general understanding of trans issues and experiences didn't change much between 2015 and now, but for me (as a cis-het woman in the midwest), my understanding has improved so much. Reading your book and watching your videos has helped me learn what it's like to grow up trans and how I can be a better advocate for trans individuals. Thanks for the work you're putting out there.
Famous or not, since I know you, you've been a referent and a great inspiration to me, and I thank you for having decided not to go private with all this.
❤ "It's letting you in" - Thanks for sharing this, esp. in the light of modern political and GC mess out there now.
I remember this video really helped me figure me, I was also an adult and all the people I had seen on UA-cam were teens, and there was a sense of "oh if I hadn't figured it out by then... then I must be faking" also yeah, most trans men I'd known of were way more masculine their whole lives than I had been, and that caused some Idk... worry. anyway Cheers on growth!
I stumbled upon your coming out video at a time when I knew nothing about trans issues. It was the spark for me learning about trans issues and moving towards advocacy in my daily life. Obviously you can't know how your life would have been if you had transitioned privately, but for my part, I'm grateful you chose to tell the internet your story. I am a better person because of it.
You are great. I have been a fan for a number of years and listen to the podcast you are hosting. I am a cis female who at 62 has come out as an asexual and atheist. I am glad that there has been some progress but so much more needs to progress.
Timing wise, this is very interesting to me personally because 2015 was the year that I graduated from high school and started college. Like you said, at the time not a lot of people were very educated on trans issues. In my spring semester of my freshman year of college, I had an extremely transphobic professor who refused to use my correct name and pronouns, and who was a large part of dropping out of school.
Then years later I went back to school, and graduated this year. I had such a drastically different experience the second time around, and it felt like just about everyone knew what being trans meant and how to use pronouns- people often chose not to use people's correct pronouns, but they knew what it meant. It's just so interesting that in such a relatively short time of only 7 years that our culture changed so much
I can relate to drawing on myself, definitely trying to express some body stuff related to dysphoria in my case.
11:19 You are abslutely right. Watching your video and other like yours helped me realise I am valid too, because the dominant narrative was far away from my own. I didn't "know from a young age".
I can't believe it's been 7 years since will it waffle!!!! It's amazing to see your journey! 🏳️⚧️💕🏳️⚧️
As a gay Muslim man I've ben trying to reflect as this is somethin I've buried down my whole life
OMG this reminded me that I found that song at the end from that video. I still have the pirated from youtube version of that song in my collection of mp3 files whoops.
dangit jackson, now I've got the will it waffle song stuck in my head 😅
*willitwafflewillitwaffle will-it waff-le willitwafflewillitwaffle WILLitwaff-lllle*
I also came out in 2015. I sent an email to my folks, telling them to skype me afterwards. I absolutely refuse to read it, I don't think I could handle the cringe.
Happy birthday Jackson
I remember the video, I was 20 at the time, at the time I thought it was pretty neat, I think it was the first time someone I followed online mentioned the subject.
Wow. Your hair looks great!
I think I had it way worse as a child and going through puberty, but I didn't end up being trans--and not only have I loved myself for who I am, but I'm happy my parents didn't push the trans narrative on me. It sounds like what you're explaining is that you felt you were uncomfortable being a woman because of the sexist world we live in, so I understand why you did what you did.
Your was super affirming to me when I first was discovering my gender and stuff back in 2018.
Such a wholesome bean.
You look great now your beard is awesome and how are you holding on to your fantastic hairline after all these years plus your hair looks good grown out overall so,so handsome
Watching this, I wish there was a time machine so you could go back and hug yourself! This was such a great video. I am glad you also talked about all the transphobic new laws. I hope this is like one last pushback of conservatives. And those drawn-on tattoos, don't feel bad, I did that with my best friend, too. We were soooooo cool. ;)
this video sure do be bringing up a lot of Feelings i dont want to think about
“7 years ago” okay
“2015” what the fuck
Ive been out for almost four yrs now and i remember watchin this video, alongside many more (also alongside tons of will it waffle, but thats unrelated to my gender stuff :P), while i was figurin out my identity and how i wanted to come out and so much more in that yr of me finally crackin my egg cuz of the most important thing for a not yet aware trans person... Visibility. I met a couple of nonbinary folks at a LARP (live action roleplay, Amtgard spec) campout who i heard talk about their exps and feels and so much more. I had nvr before met a nonbinary person (that was openly such to me) before that and its like seein these two ppl pulled the wool out from over my eyes so i cud finally see a path where id been just stumbling blindfolded thru a forest before that.
Yet still then, i cudnt see much more than a few ft along the path, but i at least knew there was a path. And i knew, that like all things where i had no knowledge of somethin, that i cud turn to youtube and find a treasure trove of folks talkin about this and helpin me to understand myself better. And those ppl were my guides on the path, and all the nonbinary positive songs i found were like lights along the path that made it so much easier to follow the path.
I still cudnt envision a future where i was out and accepted, but i started to believe that i cud one day envision such a future. I feel like i still speedran my comin out tho cuz i went from that exp seein others who are like me... to me comin out via a facebook post and pronoun pins less than a yr later (Jan to Oct, 2018).
All of this grt education and information and just exposition about what it is like and how you feel and what drives you to transition. All of that made it so that at least my enby arse nvr felt alone in my journey once id started to crack and on top of that, i had so much positivity and visibility to inspire me and make it so i cud speedrun my comin out. I truly feel without all the visibility of trans folks on youtube, and elsewhere honestly, id have taken yrs and yrs to come out and wudve done it slowly and to individuals.
I legit only came out to two ppl IRL in a sorta one on one situation (was one on two actually); the person i now consider my chosen dad and one of them nonbinary ppl who helped me figure out my identity. They had been talkin to each other about the whole gender stuff and i was with them and when things had mostly wrapped up and i got past the anxiety a bit... I just blurted out "I think im nonbinary also actually..." and no doubt i looked up to my dad with that look of concern that im about to exp rejection (despite literally knowin he wud nvr and us havin just been talkin gender shit together 9,9 Fuck anxiety brain worms so much)... He didnt miss a beat tho and said somethin rather dadly that had the energy of like "Oh, thats all right then; cool" but in like three words.
Still took me a couple more months to come out after that, but when i did i just posted it to facebook, bowt some new clothes, and started wearin a they/them pronoun pin. Came out like that at work but ofc that got ignored until i went and got personnel involved bcuz somehow my immediate coworkers (unlike most my coworkers at that place who got the memo instantly and showed me acceptance) didnt figure it out and even tho id told some of them they still said when personnel browt it up that they had no idea.
Notably, my transition was a kinda weird one; cuz i didnt change my name. I mean, i did, but i changed it to the nickname which id been usin for over a decade by then and that everyone alrdy knew me by; Rusty (Later added Sylvia to my name and use both now, but that wasnt for another yr or two). So all i was askin was for them to stop usin he and start usin they, or she even as i said at work when it got browt up (turns out i am she/they and that helped me figure that out, tho i also use fae/faer pronouns now too; which are used just like she/her but fa not sh/h).
I wud nvr have been able to do that without all the visibility from incredible creators like yourself who were willin to do the job of educatin the masses and teaching and just existin openly and proudly in a public space. Yall gave me the strength i needed to turn a many yrs long struggle of figurin this shit out into less than a yr. Yall were always there to show me the path and to show me what the end of this part of the path can look like. And on top of that, most of yall are just hilarious and just highly enjoyable to watch. You have helped crack more eggs than you will ever know the half of.
Thank you so much for havin done this and for lightin the path for all of us comin after you.
I mean... if you wanna do will it waffle again i am here for it... lowkey hum the intro to myself a lot of the time XD
I like having you and your video in my youtube-life.