“Indecisiveness is a very dangerous thing, indecisiveness causes us to look to others to give us advice, it causes us to not make decisions in life, indecisiveness keeps us paralyzed. Indecisiveness is bad for our self esteem and our confidence.” 💕
Totally. Every time I feel disrespected, my adrenaline surges and I ultimately regret how I handled the situation or how I carried myself. Whether it was being outwardly offended or being visibly nervous and shaken, I always wish I had had a calm and self-aware moment instead. This is a major key!
My favourite part is when she said if you’re nervous about a speech or public speaking, make this about them and not you, what they want to know, what is valuable for them that I can offer…that is such a change of perspective! Thanks for this video
I used to teach public speaking, and I always advised students to figure out what drives their listeners' engine. What's in it for them? From there, you can persuade them that what you say will be the "gas" for their engine. This not only results in greater success persuading others to listen and, sometimes, agree with you, but it puts your ego in the back seat. :)
i heard something once along the same lines; "if you're nervous, just imagine there is a single person in the audience who had a terrible day or week and who really needs this. speak to this person, and you'll be okay."
Well you should really make a speech with content that would be useful at least to others, you're not there to inflate your ego, I believe it's making your message come through and connection.
"Just because it's their emergency doesn't mean it's your emergency". That's a revelation for me. So true! You don't owe anyone a response. Adults won't die without an answer.
.Or know your strength and learn how to use it in your advantage. Not everyone can handle presure and doesn't matter how many people or what type of people you surround yourself, if it's not for you, is not.
I hope the men of Impact are watching this too. Controlling your emotions is an essential life skill. Unfortunately women are usually labeled as overly emotional by men. Men who forget that rage and anger are also emotions that need to be controlled.
@@lightbeareradonis I think they might be more predisposed to it because of that, but it's not an excuse. Women are more predisposed to anger when they're on their cycle, but that's not an excuse either.
yes, sometimes we need to "just walk away" when triggered instead of "fighting back" especially when dealing with covert narcissists in powerful positions who can really go after us relentlessly
"It's not my emergency" This is exactly what I have to tell myself in the ER when helping my patients. If I panic I can not help them. I have to stay calm and collected. Thank you for this little gem of a video!
Except for when they contradict themselves... Theres a part where they say whether you meant to or not you made the other person feel _____. Something to that effect. 🤔
Saying your not "responsible" for others emotions is ideotic... If you do something you know will cause a negative reaction, based on their emotions... Your responsibil...
Wdym? How? Our own brains deceive us in the name of self-preservation...how can you unconditionally trust another human being? Our survival and self-preservation is not an acquired habit - it is an embedded primal instinct which guarantees that we will put ourselves first - maybe not every time - maybe not often, but eventually we will, and that, makes your "unconditional trust" view, a self-destructive objective. Look at yourself - you've lied, cheated, stolen, betrayed (one or all of these...doesn't matter) at one point in your life. It might have been about something small and irrelevant, but that's according to your judgment and view, and the very fact that you have, proves that you yourself are not worthy of "unconditional trust". So, how then could you possibly assume someone else is?
Yeah I had to grow out of that mindset. I see the possibility of greatness in every one and sometimes that transfers to trusting people who can’t trust themselves.
Yeah but the real Art is too not close yourself. Trust is still good and still needed. But just be confident in yourself and don’t let things get to you. Trust yourself and be open to others that’s the best you can do.
@@edglebennett6312 YOU NOT ALONE THE OPERATIVE FOR ME LEARNING AND THE WORD OF GOD SAID BE SWIFT TO HEAR SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO WRATH JAMES 1:19 (KING JAMES VERSION)AND THE BIBLE SAYS A SOFT WORD TURN AWAY WRATH : but a grievous stir up anger.PROVERBS 15:1
This is very true. BUT, BIG BUT, if someone I love or am close to has an emergency. I AM THERE FOR THEM not oh let's put me first and let it go for a week wtf
@@adorapollard7308 You have to realize that becoming emotionally involved with the emergency, only makes you a part of the problem. In inhibits your flow. Just reframe it as a puzzle that requires your input in order to reach a solution, that your boss will be grateful for your help. Win/win
Exactly! I have gotten to the point where I trust everybody. Yes I trust everyone. I trust everyone to be who they really are. Not trusting people is to much work 😂
Apologizing is different than being accountable. She mentioned how important accountability is..to yourself, about yourself. Showing others that you can be accountable/self-aware is growth.
If you smash a plate, you can apologize to the plate, but it's still broken. Apologies are superficial. To really create any improvement one needs to get to the WHY, and share that.
Victimology is real. I always complained that all my friends took advantage of me, my partners took me for granted and never appreciated me and all those things were true and valid. The biggest breakthrough I got was when I acknowledged that I was the problem, I was the common denominator, I was doing something that allowed them to treat me that way. Once I accepted my fault because people treat you how you allow them, that was the biggest eye opener. Everything changed when I changed myself. You can't change people but you can change how you react to their actions or words. I changed me, and the people around me changed.
We find people who are similar. If we play games we will find players for that game. As we change, we stop playing some games. This is why things changed.
@@blackswan4486 Next time someone victim blames, victim needs to think "did I cause WWII?" and that would bring a smile. It works when someone has been victim blamed for a long time.
@@wordivore What you are responsible is for getting close to people who make you grow, and step away from people who are like an anchor that sinks you. Sometimes you even see people saying "help me" who drags you down and they do not get out. These people do not need real help, or they do not want it. They just want to play twisted mental games. When you get tired of playing mental games, you will discover how much time you have left for the best things in life. How about appreciating beauty? How about high culture? How about creating something for yourself not to show to the world? The world is happy and peaceful out there once you get out of twisted mental games.
Being calm infront of someone who is being emotional or confrontational, is often times the best weapon because your calm demeanor serves as a mirror and the other person becomes forced to confront their own reflection.
I think when you’re calm and show no emotion to someone who “is emotional” is pretty much saying that you have no empathy… I don’t think that’s a weapon 👀 On the other hand… that “emotional” person wouldn’t bother coming back to you again if you did that. Unless you’re a counselor or in psychology, that would be YOUR only reason why you SHOULD be “calm” because it’s your WORK. Thai woman WORKED to be undercover. So she HAD to be that way. Its not what a normal person should actually do on the day to day basis so It’s not a weapon. Calm down 🤚🏼 You don’t have to be a robot to help others. Sheesh. And no, if you’re calm in a stressful situation… you’re not someone else’s mirror lol 😂 It actually just calms them down because that’s the behavior you encourage. You honestly sound so heartless with your comment. Lol
The bottom line is that there's a time and a place for each and every response. It's a skill worth learning. Because our actions have a "ripple" effect. It does take training of sorts to learn how to respond to dramatic behaviours and to know how to detoxify from the unhealthy behaviours we're exposed to on a daily basis
@@habibtialexandrite9988 hmm you seem to be misinterpreting this. By "emotional", I'm referring to someone who is flying off the handle spewing vitriol at you or a person with a high conflict personality who is attempting to bully you so they display aggressive behaviors/ emotions in an attempt to intimidate you. Showing empathy is not realistic but showing reserve and not reciprocating their energy is informing them that they do not control you.
In high school I was easily triggered and now at 30 I walk away from arguments and I have developed thick skin. Words are just words! ..... proud of myself 😊
It's really, really important to keep in mind that it takes time to change habitual reactions. Forgive yourself and keep working on yourself. One day, you'll find your responses have changed.
Yes, I finally learned that. I needed to remind myself to be more mindful about how I interact with certain people and how I react in certain situations, because the way I dealt with some people or situations that triggered me always used to lead to an escalation and I end up emotionally, and physically drained as well as stressed. It was difficult at first, and there are times still (though rare) that I slip back to old habits, but learning why I used to react the way I did made me more self aware and I am able to chose to act or speak differently so I can change the outcome.
Best advice, bad people do not respect boundaries. They will use every trick to suck you into their awful auras, if they see or imagine a weakness. They will come on with an powerful attitude of entitlement: superiority, smugness, arrogance, false accusation and offense, so they feel entitled to control and harm you. They may spread nasty rumors and badmouth you. They attempt to get into your psychic field, to read your mind, and feel your emotions. They thrive on chaos, fright and pain. Defense: Put up a strong psychic wall against these evil types. Never apologize. Never show fear. Approach them wit a no-nonsense professional attitude. Don't get sucked in, unless you enjoy being a victim of codependency who is held in contempt. You can never appease these people. Don't ignore the fact that much of this is sexist and cultural, as many men are not ready for independent women of agency. They will try to humiliate and intimidate you into submission. You may have to play along. However, you have to maintain a no-nonsense attitude, and refuse to engage with them. If their harassment persists, you will have to lay down the law and contact HR, law enforcement, and file a discrimination lawsuit.
@@ganymeade5151 I could have never described it better ! you said it ALL ! this is exactly what they do...they use every trick and then they also observe you in order to read your mind and be happy if they have managed to annoy you ! and this is the MOST annoying feeling like i have 2 eyes above me looking if their trickes worked. My mane problem is with women who are envious of me ! Thanks so much for your advices! You are just amazing for helping people. Please how can i put this strong psychic wall? How can i practice and learn how to do that. I need help ! You are so special ! I also understand those things but i am not in a psychic level but its like life is forsing me to level up!
@@skasmow to put up a psychic wall is to not let their bad energy in, you can do this in multiple ways, like imagining a shield of light around you (aura size) from which their words slide off. You can shrug your shoulders in your mind. Laugh at them in your mind, or pity them (they must have some trouble, pain or darkness inside of them to project it onto you.. see them as an animal with a thorn in it’s paw, it will not be nice to anyone because it’s in pain. Also actions out of jealousy stem from pain deep down, or people may try to belittle you out of fear of others). If you just repeat the words in your mind that they can’t harm you, and A. don’t respond or B. respond in a nice “adult”way to deflect, it’s as if you’re reflecting their energy back to them. Enough of this and they will start to feel that it is useless to try to get to you, and either find another victim and ignore you or they will possibly start to respect you. I hope this helps because this is how I do it myself. But it’s a thing that needs practice. Mindset shift (to understand that peoples actions are NOT personal but a problem of their own, to “pity” them but in a neutral and not arrogant way) has been the biggest thing for me though.
@@ameliaheart5091 Thank you very much for your help! It is just SO hard to be in the same environment with them. It is like a demon is facing you! I know that the best thing i have to do is feel pity for them....you are so right. But at the same time you should also know how to respond to them....not just feel pitty and leave them annoy you! I will try to do my best ! Thanks so much again.
@@ganymeade5151 Sometimes the HR doesn't work. Your rights being violated in your home isn't fair game! Nobody care, so the resources for me was asking for supernatural justice! God is real and in my experience, he did his job!
So so good to take responsibility. I was in an abusive marriage for a decade and I continued to blame him day in and day out. I believed if he could change or if I could help him change everything would be better. When I started asking myself how I got into the marriage in the first place everything changed. Yes, he was abusive and that's on him, but he didn't force me to marry him. I gave all my power to a man who was ugly to me from the very moment I met him and I allowed him to treat me like that. I kept myself in that relationship believing I was an innocent victim. I was not. And when I finally owned that, my emotions changed and I took charge of my life. I still have a ton of work but I have made incredible progress in a short amount of time. I understand how hard it is to get out, but you absolutely can when you choose to own your life and your choices again.
Was it truly the moment you met him? Did he not act in such a way to fool you? Did he not gaslight you? I don't think you would have gone and married an abuser if you knew right off what he was about. Sometimes abuse takes time to come out of the shadows!
@@Mourning_Dove Yes, in fact he was terrible to me from the moment I met him. I walked away and told my friends that he was the rudest person I'd ever met. But we were in the same circle for 3 years and he always went out of his way to poke at me or make me the joke in the group. It slowly shifted to include some flirtation, though, and then family got involved. It's a long tangled story and I believed it would be a fairy tale like Beauty and the Beast. Instead, he was simply a beast. He really didn't try to hide his bad side from me and I think he just discovered that I would take the bad with the good. I was incredibly broken and desperate for love and attention because of my up bringing and so when he started to give me a little it felt like the world was changing. Yes, there was a lot of gaslighting and manipulation, but when I honestly look at my experience, not much was hidden from me. Most of that grew later in the relationship and in our marriage as I would try to grasp reality and call things as they were. All that is now glaringly obvious when compared to my current boyfriend who is incredibly kind, humble, gentle, intelligent, and madly in love with me. His words are quickly followed by actions and our future is not fake like with my ex.
1. Certain levels of stress are good. They teach you how to cope, they teach you how to problem solve, they teach you how to fail and then to do better the next time. 2. I am ___(put the labels you think puts you in a disadvantageous position). No one’s going to like me. If you put labels on yourself, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage. 3. You just perform. In areas, you are weak, perform. Earn your place. 4. If after you perform, people still have an issue with you, know that you are not the problem, they are. 5. Focus on putting one foot forward the other. Think about the next thing you are going to do. If I am not performing. And I’m there waiting for people to accept me, then now it’s me. 6. It’s 50% you and 50% the other person. 7. Respect is a gift. If someone wants to give it to you, they will, if they don't they don't. 8. Don't tell people you are the authority. Show them. Don't demand respect, command respect. Show you are the in charge by how do you walk into a room, how do you carry yourself, how do you speak, how do you project your voice. All those things exude power, and all those things command respect. 9. People make your impression in first five seconds. Think about what you are exuding, how you are dressed, think about the audience. You are going to wear one outfit for something and a different outfit for something else. 10. There are different versions of us. There is no just one you. What version of you are you bringing to the table? 11. Your goal shouldn’t be to make someone like or fear you. What is the end result you want? Likability is important. 12. Competent and warm not competent and cold. 13. No one is 100% bad. 14. Don't make it personal. Focus on the end result. 15. When things happen to you, rather than completely losing your mind, take a minute, don't respond, and don't do anything. Introduce a disrupter such as time or movement. 16. If you feel threatened in a situation, listen to your gut. Don't worry: about making the other person feel that you are rude. 17. Embrace and not avoid confrontation. Also, you should be able to confront people about things you don't feel right about in your life. Don't sit there and swallow it. 18. Mirror the other person’s language. If they say hi, say hi, if they say hello, say hello. Connect. But dint fake it. 19. Get in the right mindset and then decide how you want to speak to the other person. 20. 80% listen, 20% talk. 21. Talk to people not the way you want to be spoken to but the way they want to be spoken to. 22. You are not going to own my response to you. I am going to own it. 23. You have to create those barriers for yourself. You have to self-assess who you are going to let in your inner circle. Select the people in your inner circle. 24. People should audition to be in your inner circle. 25. Don't embarrass people but don't hesitate from confronting them. 26. There should be standards that you create for yourself. You get what you tolerate. 27. When you make a conscious decision to be done with someone, be done with them. 28. It should be about your mental conviction. Speak with confidence to make sure those who heard your message heard it clearly the first time. It should not be mistaken for weak or uncertain of your abilities. 29. Strengthen your voice and believe in what you are saying and why are you saying that. 30. The more adversity you deal with, the more resilient you become. 31. Repetition, repetition. Create habits that are healthy so when things happen, you default to those habits and pull out that version of you. 32. There are two types of people you should be careful of: people who are extremely self-righteous and people who use justification. 33. Look at people holistically who are they with everybody because that’s going to come back to you. 34. You feel dirty with someone be aware of them. 35. Don't get energy from the outside things such as your job, your family etc. Give your energy to those things but be mindful of how much of your energy you put out there into things. 36. Don't be surprised. Everybody at the end of the day is looking after their self-interests. 37. Don't be a victim. 38. Indecisiveness is a very dangerous thing. Indecisiveness causes us to look to others to give us the advice, it causes us to not make decisions in life, indecisiveness keeps us paralyzed, and indecisiveness is bad for our self-esteem and our confidence. I am going to do this right or wrong I am doing this. 39. You don't become this person overnight. It’s work. It’s a lot of work. 40. This person has an emergency. It’s their emergency. It’s not mine. 41. Choose to make it a lesson. 42. Remember you do not know everything. 43. “I messed up. So what? Everyone does.” 44. Have some humility. 45. Establish yourself as an authority from the moment “go”. 46. Think of your words as “money”. The more powerful and impactful the words, the more money you are putting down. My words matter and they have weight. They are going to impact the other person positively or negatively and their connection with me. 47. Don't stand behind the podium when you teach. 48. Be prepared, wear the right outfit, and do your hair and makeup in way that make you feel confident. 49. Own your shit. Be responsible for yourself even if the person sitting across you is authority. 50. If you are constantly being victimized by people, ask yourself: what am I doing to let people think they can do this to me. 51. Realize that you have choices. Fight back, speak back, or walk away. 52. Realize you have power. You can choose to not stay there in victim mentality. You can get back up. Watched all three of her videos and put it on all three. This is of so much value.
@@missjewells5063 Set your courser at the end of the text. Hold down the left mouse button and move the courser up to the top of the post. Release the left mouse button. The text should be highlighted. Make sure the courser is somewhere in the highlighted text, depress the right mouse button and select copy. Open a blank Word document. Depress the right mouse button and select paste. You'll have to do some formatting, but you won't have to re-type the entire post
Can we please have an interview with Evy every other week lol? She’s one of those ppl so rich in knowledge I could have dinner with her every week and never run out of things to ask and learn from her 💕
I was on an Evy BENDER too for a while there, can’t get enough of her, she’s absolutely fabulous, id even go as far as to say divine 👼 she’s a kindred spirit for me in that she’s a fighter, who’s mouth & temper has gotten her in trouble in the past 😂 but with a good heart... who will even use that fighting spirit on other people’s behalf, in a selfless way, willing to take on risks other people might not be willing/able to take. But unlike me, she’s been able to master herself, im sure she’s not perfect but, she’s dealt with WAY more pressure than most of us, regular civilians have, & just from being through difficulties in my life, extremely stressful, downright traumatic periods, i do know sometimes the silver lining is that it does sort of forge us in that fire, and we can sometimes discover we are much stronger than we previously believed. So I do really respect her experience & maturity, very much look up to & aspire to be more like her. Couldn’t put her book down either. She’s riveting, and really does have angel energy.
"If you're constantly being victimized by other people or falling into the same situation, what am I doing to make people think they can take advantage with me? And then being honest with that with yourself and change that." - Well said, this is really amazing and insightful!
Totally agree. Sadly I had an abusive childhood which fed into 2 seriously abusive relationships- luckily I managed to get myself to a state where I've now been in a wonderful relationship for 9 years with a lovely man and it took me a while but I got there in the end. We can change our lives 😊😊
pls though remember abusers do have preferred targets, but if they want to hurt you, they simply will. their preferred target is the most acceptable victim, one that people will say gave the abuser motive to do what they did, someone who "deserved it, asked for it, etc.". they'll play all sorts of mind games to convince you and others that their actions were justified. they'll go out of the way to actually create rethorics and made up rules to create an acceptable victim, they'll distort reality as much as possible. that's just a tactic though, it's not reality. you never game any reason to do it, it's them, they actively choose to hurt you every time. like i understand because i myself have to recognize why i gravitate towards predatory behavior, and what needs to change within myself (i need to be more authentic to myself, develop confidence, accept myself etc.), but ultimately it's not our fault. and its not to take away any agency from us or anything, but really i spent so much time trying to rationalize why abusers did what they did and what i could have done but i just had to stop, because people don't need reasons to be awful.
@@briciolaa I agree hun - I got there in the end - you can do it and it's so worth it! The man I am with is lovely and normal and I have stability and safety in my relationship which is fantastic - such a difference take care of yourself 😊
@@briciolaa They usually have a reason. As you said, if they don't have one they invent one. Perhaps they don't like your attitude, confidence, or personality. What is their motivation: target practice, domination, power, control, jealously, competitiveness, hatred, sexism, personality disorder like delusional, sadistic, narcissistic, they want you to fear them, insanity. These are sick and deranged people. There are a lot of great videos on how to deal with narcissists and other delusional, dangerous, and violent people who just want to take what you have and bring you down.
No reaction is the best approach. Keeps em guessing as they don't know what you are thinking and get a reaction in the opposite of what they intended/ expected. Gives you the upper hand every time. Silence is a levelr
This is very true. I show my reaction physically in my face (turn bright red when angry) but I don't say much which is the opposite of what antagonistic people want. It messes them up.
“Be the hero of your own life.” I work with women and children survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. This is exactly what I preach. How do we give power back to people? Shift the focus back to what they can do, control, what are their strengths? I love seeing women empowering one another and being empowered. Keep doing what you’re doing!
I spent 15 years in a psychologically abusive relationship, when I finally took ownership of the fact that I chose to stay in that relationship knowing that it was abusive, knowing that it was an unhealthy relationship, I finally started to heal. I started to heal, because that was when I reclaimed my autonomy, my power, and my responsibility for myself.
I am very pleased to read that you have learnt this and now made improvements to your life. It is so important to leave abusive relationships. I hope your future is full of happiness, joy and exciting success xoxo
@@TheKonga88 there is nothing funny about being in an abusive relationship. Why on earth are you sharing all these laughing emojis here? I bet if you were a victim of abuse you, even for a few weeks letalone 15 years would NOT be laughing. It is a nightmare and nothing to laugh about.
@@josepablolunasanchez1283 This is great advice, I was not aware of table top games like the ones you describe. I will look into those. I agree 100 per cent rules do put the mind into order. Placing yourself in a call center or school schedule will help order the mind. The key is not to overwhelm - and school can overwhelm. When I was leaving a bad situation but still working with my special needs son, I found completing a single Sudoku puzzle -- on paper with colored pens -- so very helpful after he went to bed. It was structured. It had to be completed in an orderly way, and it helped me feel like I had "completed" at least one thing by the end of the day. My good neighbor, God bless her, often dragged me out on daily or weekly walks around the neighborhood too. She knew the power of putting one foot in front of the other. :-) When leaving a traumatic family situation or partner or workplace, the mind can be scattered and react to stress (via PTSD) in an unusual way. It can be tough to experience. The key is to believe the brain can heal; and to slowly bring routine and structure ... into your life.
That is my rule also. Every time i reacted on anger or hurt and on impulse I was the loser. Now I wait until the anger subsides and I can think clearly. I never lose anymore
12:33 "I don't let other people pull that part out of me, I decide when it comes out" -Evy Wow that's the epitome of self control/discipline, mastering your reactions to your own emotions 👏🏾....so many gems in this episode, glad I tuned in.
Yes I was passive aggressive for many years, however I have learned to take up for myself and stop worrying about causing someone to not like me! I have learned how to slow down my thoughts and weigh my words and set healthy boundaries! I had tolet go of people pleasing because it usually leaves frustrated and unhappy!
She is talking about having a growth mindset. It is what successful people know how to do well. To see growth as the goal, and not perfection. That enables a person to keep resilience and to keep moving forward no matter what comes up.
Sitting here watching this after today deciding I don’t have to do this anymore with the father of my child after 5 years finally taking my joy and power back feeling truly empowered. I can choose not to continue to be a victim any longer. Great episode
It’s so amazing when it finally hits you that you are done. It’s like the first time you’ve felt powerful in such a long time. Be confident and trust yourself. Put yourself first. You got this girl!
But it does mean allowing your self enough introspection to acknowledged that you need to do better because you did drop the ball, if that is what happens. Accountability does mean that you *should* feel ashamed if you know you've done the wrong thing willingly, but not leave it at shame alone, grow and improve from it.
@@chibareeba They are usually groomed into thinking that starting from birth. The topic of clothing alone. But it's not only women, men have it, too. The male-dominated domestic violence epidemic is fuelled by hidden shame and feelings of inferiority of men.
@@rasdasa you don’t have a “different” definition of shame, your definition of it is SIMPLY wrong If you want to use the word “should” then you could say “should feel guilty” nor “ should feel ashamed” When you shame someone is toxic because shame paralyzes..but guilt, guilt gives the POWER to actually be accountable
May I interject that staying quiet when someone is escalating is different then just completely shutting down. When you’re quiet you’re thinking actively and reassuring yourself not to react.
@@churchofpos2279 yes. I wish more folks would learn this. It helps the situation, it doesn't antagonize the other person, and it doewnt extend escalation.
Well, it happened to me yesterday and I applied her techniques. I walked away and now, that person is even MORE mad but they have nothing on me and own none of my head space. Peace! Thank you!
Well done. It is far better to walk away rather than engage and be screaming at each other. You are not responsible for how they feel and how they react. They need to work through that and learn from it.
@@susandickerson8863 It's been almost a year since I wrote this and experienced all of this. This particular woman is still angry, spewing her wrath on everyone and I have, gratefully, leveled up. I live in a small town and watch her implode and feel like I am watching a 35 year old toddler.
@Heather M. Yes ma’am silence is golden. I stayed married 24 yrs letting him make me and my kids think everything was my fault. I thought that was what you were supposed to do. (For better or worse,...)I finally realized I didn’t have to do it when my kids told me he was the one out of control. Wow that was a great day. He didn’t see it coming till I told him to get out of my house and my life. That was 10 years ago and the best 10 yrs ever. I can smile and not feel bad for it now. ☮️
I really really need this, especially in customer service. People can be so nasty and disrespectful and I need to remain calm and cool and cordial. It’s hard sometimes cuz rudeness makes me so angry especially toward other people but I need to keep the upper hand and mitigate the energy back on the person as their own responsibility not mine
I just change my perspective and see them as uneducated and wasn`t raised right, feel pity for them but am glad I'm not them. But I find it entertaining because they're embarrassing themselves but also I'm paid on the clock and they're just occupying me from my duties. I just ask would you like to talk to my manager? If they assault then great, that charge will be on their record and banned from the store, maybe a fine and lose more money. Them being banned is so rewarding. They`re not getting shit and drive far to find the same merchandise in another town for their idiotcy. I would sometimes work there too so they can try me. I don't really get angry with customers, it's more with my shitty lazy coworkers having me clean up after their shit like a kid, just don't work if you`re not gonna work. It catches up so they get fired from the contract.
I had to leave the fast food industry because of this it made me so mean towards people to the point of I didn’t feel it was justified because after the shitty customer my attitude would be the same towards a normal talking customer and I was aware that they didn’t deserve it and they didn’t know what happened 10 minutes before and I might’ve ruined their day just as the person before them did to me
Customers can be really nasty. Damn. Especially when we were required to wear masks. That was really bad. I had to wear a mask the whole day and now I have to argue with you about it when you only need to wear it for 5-10 min? I don't own this store and I did not make the rules. Be considerate and not an asshole.
Sorry to tell you but you are wrong, sweetie. If you are employed in some jobs, it really does have to become YOUR emergency, much as it inconveniences you. That's what you're there for, honey. And, if you can't handle the stress of the job you're paid to do, then be woman enough and honest enough to simply admit you can't handle it, tender a polite resignation note, maybe apologise for your inability to continue and get out. Let someone who can handle it take your place. There are other jobs you could do to live. Maybe not as prestigious, glamourous, powerful, grossly over paid etc. But you'll survive because women are built to survive. But, if all else fails, you can remain alive on the Dole. A bit hard and uncomfortable, with other "sisters" looking down on you and treating you like shit when you know you are not. But, hey, who has to rush around getting ready for work, compete with other bitches in business, the work place, socially etc and spend a fortune on crap like designer clothes, expensive pointless salon treatments, hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake fake hair extensions, fake everything as this era's woman? Just to prove what exactly? That you have tits and a twot, which makes you female gender with desperate emotional bottomless pit of need. To prove she's worth anything at all? And guess who gets to sleep in everyorning, do as she wishes, have heaps of leisure time, no deadlines to meet, nobody to have to give a shit about what they think because they are all irrelevant, anyway? And make some true friends? You, now on the so called welfare trash heap. It completely readjusts your previously way off course female thinking that is driving so many very cashed up employed career women it business women etc out of their minds. Losing your high flyer career and income or profitable business as a woman and ending up forced to live on welfare can be the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally get to reclaim your life and in some cases, get a life for the first time ever eg if you came from some proper, rules bound respectable middle class type background eg private exclusive girls' school education, strictly ordered very proper respectable family life and all the rest of that restrictive scene.
I grew up in a very abusive family and it completely broke me down to where I lost any semblance of my natural confidence that I was born with. In my teens and early 20s, I remember seeing women who just exuded strength and confidence and I would look at them wanting so desperately to have that but I was never taught how. I remember when I was 20 years old I went to a job interview at a police station for a dispatcher position and in walked this late 20s woman who must have been in the military prior because she demanded respect just from her presence, you could tell she was a force to be reckoned with. I must have been looking at her in awe. I am now in my late 20s and it has taken me years to learn how to be more confident so I love when you have Evy on because it helps me see what true confidence and power looks like when I havent had similar role models in my life.
I can relate, my parents did everything they could to get rid of my self confidence just so that I would do anything they said without question. It has taken me years to heal/re-train myself to have confidence. I was lucky though, joined the army at 18 and found new parents, brothers and role models to teach me how to be strong in myself. Nice to hear you also learned the strength to pick yourself up, its not easy and not everyone is able to turn to healthy things to do that
Abusive families play games of blame and also "drama triangle games". The best strategy is not to play. Blame must be replaced by "I never lose, I either win or I learn". An error has a cause. Abusive families turn an error into blame, and sometimes it is THEIR error (not yours). When we address the cause of an error, we learn, so we need blame no more. Try playing Jenga, if the tower colapses, nothing happens, nothing was lost, there is no trophy and no punishment. You just rebuild the tower. Playing Jenga is a good way to practice learning instead of blame.
When she said " I PUT ME 1ST" I felt that ❗️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Always put yourself 1st in the midst of an attack. No matter who the attack is coming from. Put yourself and your peace 1st.... Such great advice❤️
My dear little Grannie had a phrase that I just love, "Well, excuse me for living." Remember that other people's disrespectful conduct shows their own bad character. How we conduct ourselves shows our own.
“Sometimes fight is not the right thing to do.” That quote right there hit deep. I’m a fighter and struggle to not fight. She’s so right about knowing yourself.
It took me too long, but I learned that sometimes it's better to just let go and give them the "win" then to fight. And I put quotation marks on the win because for me, I can concede the point or the "win" when I know that being right or winning isn't as important as de-escalating the situation or preserving the peace. At the end of the day, I know that I was right and I have nothing to prove to anyone else. Fighting, and wasting all that time and energy just isn't worth it sometimes.
You have to read the situation carefully to decide how to best respond and that is the tough part. You can get in trouble for fighting at work. You can also be seen as weak with no leadership skills for fleeing tough situations. Best is to remain calm, serious, professional. You also have to find out why. Could the harasser be a tool of management that needs to play with and control their employees? If you decide to effectively go on offense, you must know why you are being harassed. You need to contact you manager; give them the harasser's name. If your manager does nothing, that speaks volumes. You may need to contact HR. If they do nothing, you should consider leaving, because you are not the yes person they want.
Being a decisive person is important. Saying I'm going to do this. Right or wrong. I'm going to do this. And then you learn from it. And that really grounds you. Wow. That really helps. Thank you🙏💚✨
These are the role models that we need as women. Smart, intelligent, beautiful, and composed women that teach us how to accurately own our power. Thank you for having Evy on, she is amazing.
To be all that, and beautiful? That’s a lot of pressure. Would you say a man had to be handsome to be a good role model? I’m a woman, and I think strength of character, kindness, intelligence, and hard work are the requirements.
she is totally plastic and very detached there is something in her that I can't quite catch .... I don't identify but I am respectful. also, she insist on 9/11 very much, she was touched by the event but her role here is to play the one who can manage. she is the kind of people that a president requires the bond girl where she plays James Bond LOL
Are you kidding me? A woman's role model should be emotionally stable, honest, loving, caring and nurturing mother with a functioning empathy. Not a career woman.
My biggest takeaway from this is, “It’s not my emergency, it’s theirs.” Second is, “Do nothing.”I’m going to write these down, memorize them and carry them with me. Thank you! 😊❤️
She said fight, flight or freeze. Do nothing can be a flight or freeze reaction but it is crucial to assess when to do nothing. You can harm yourself and your relationships if you willy nilly pull out the same tactic each time without assessing the situation.
This should be taught in schools: how to keep your ego in check, strategies to regulate your own emotions, and the art of mastering yourself. These things would benefit society tremendously and better support everyone's mental health, especially our youth. But instead schools and academia are teaching young people to explore their "identities" (a.k.a. endless navel gazing) and to impose their self-perception on others, and then teaching them that they are victims if no one agrees with their self-delusions, and more importantly, how to weaponize their victim mentality.
My fav quote is "Im dumb as a brick on pavement".Being in that space is when im at my best,otherwise pride and ego kicks in.Then things may get sketch!
A black woman saying this bullshit. 🤦🏻♀️ Girl Christianity said slavery was ok. This religion only benefits white sis men. Open your fucking eyes! You’re brainwashed.
This literally saved my life i was going to do something ive been so depressed and fresh out of a really abusive relationship it was all getting to me with lockdown and everything but this just empowered me so much and gave me the strength to carry on and some good tools to deal with this shit
Aw sweetie- sorry to hear you are going through this at the moment but honestly hunni you've done the hardest part by leaving. Just focus on yourself and clap yourself on the back for having had the strength to put yourself first - take care it will get easier I promise 😊
When someone shows you who they are believe them. Leave them and stay away. Good people will not exploit your friendly, kind, and good nature. Men respect women who set boundaries and rules. Just be reasonable about it. Also see information on how to lose a man fast. Many men do not respect weak women. The sad truth is that bad men were raised by weak, sexist, bad moms who treated them like kings, so they could not control them. These bad, weak moms never taught their boys to respect women, that No means No; and how to deal with rejection; just walk and stay away. Perhaps, these men are just bad. Regardless, you need to enforce the law and set boundaries. Keep a journal of all the abusive incidents including mental cruelty. Contact law enforcement if the abuse becomes physical or there is stalking.
@@ganymeade5151 your message saved me. Genuinely this comment helped push me to leave my abusive ex. Currently leaving the house while he’s sleeping. (Anyone reading this. Its never to late. Never jeopardize your life over a relationship. You can have more then one relationship but not more then one life)
'I Bubble wrap myself to keep myself from others chaos and energy" YES THIS! I put on an invisible cloak every day.....Energy is REAL we must protect ours so we don't get pulled in...I love Evy, she's so BADASS
I like the image I was given… imagine yourself wrapped in a cloud of rose colored light through which only that which is beneficial can enter, and all else is returned with love for whatever is needed for the highest good.
"When I take accountability... I flow... When I dont, I hit walls..." EPIC! such a beautiful comment Lady. PREMIUM. We men need to be taught this more .
I’m sorry to hear that! My sister never came back from human trafficking.. I’m glad people like yourself are here to spread the word in how horrible human trafficking is. Best of luck 💞
Yep. I'm super easy going until a person has pushed me and pushed me. They call us passive aggressive but I call it polite until they push too far. Lol...Like a mother animal FINALLY snapping at their young that misbehaves. She will put up with a lot but there comes a line in the sand. I don't see this is necessarily a bad thing. Lol... When I blow up they KNOW I am serious and have had enough and they stop that behaviour!
@Red Hot Pepper Spray you do teach others how to treat you though. Abusive relationships don't start overnight. Abusers are charming and are cunning at being able to win you back. You eventually need to look at yourself and say "what am I doing here"? There is some payback you are getting from being there and there are things you put out to make yourself a victim . When you dig deep and see those things then you can leave, then you become stronger and are able to be on good relationships because you are attracting the right kind of people. Abusers see you and step back because they now see a woman who they can't control and manipulate and make feel bad. You can only change you and be in control of yourself.
"Your loved ones are not your dumping ground, that's how you lose ppl" So freakin insightful! And i relate with her when she said she removed herself & goes MIA when ppl escalate instead of fighting with them. That's EXACTLY what i do. I'll just remove myself completely! so i don't match their aggressive energy. That works for me cuz i don't like letting ppl get me out of my box.
johnnyexodices.wordpress.com/2020/11/24/we-are-now-entering-the-hell-and-hades-stages-of-purgatory-christ-jesus-returned/ WAR IS MURDER, and those whom support WAR IS MURDER by [owning] +=+ STOCKS in Corporations that spay Toxic Waste {Deadly Chemicals} /_\ into our Skies known as CON-trail aka Chem Trails are the real reason all people are dying and OUR children will be born sicker in each FUTURE BIRTH from all this TOXIC WASTE known in FREE MASON Code as (COVID19) #JINX [{**}] The Vaccine will only accelerate the Toxic Waste “ALREADY” in your Blood Streams... The Society of nonmason~ [///|||\\\] #LiquidDIRT
When I don't know what to do, I do nothing. I step back, pray and ask my Heavenly Father what I should do. I've taught my daughters to do the same thing. They tell me it works.
@@collectivecreators6312 matter over mind how you like the reflect so far the veil is gone atleast for me and I love it wouldn't want it any other way peace and love to me myself and I got this 💕
If anyone is struggling with this and wants to learn more I suggest looking up Human Design it’s basically what she is explaining in layman’s terms but it can show how you, as a individual, can implement these practices in everyday situations. I freaking love this video bc that gut feeling (the sacral) is a VERY REAL thing but not everyone has one! so it’s a great thing to read up on!! My new fav video tbh
Would love to see more of Evy on how to protect ourselves during first dates and abusive relationships, red flags etc. I was in an abusive relationship too and I know how hard it is to leave or to even acknowledge what’s happening
I would say, start making choices and asserting yourself in small things: what you wear, what you cook, what route you take. "No, I like this road. I like this sauce. We can do the one you like next time." You will slowly start believing in yourself, in your ability to make choices that are good for you. Then when necessary, you can make the choice to leave.
And remember ‘no is a full sentence’ to say to yourself. If you say no and they contest it, say no again :) nip that shit in the bud and if you’re lucky the tantrums will start early and you’ll be so bored of games you’ll leave.
“indecisiveness is bad for our self esteem and confidence. Being decisive is important. Right or wrong I’m doing this, And I’ll learn from there …” So powerful!
My doctors seemed very confident about themselves. Later the problem was solved by diet - on my own. They asked zero questions about diet which is often the root cause.
Doctors aren't trained in basic nutrition. They're trained to push drugs. My doctor wasn't happy when I told him I was making progress. Another autoimmune man looked like he wanted to mur der his doctor when I told him warm saltwater kills bacteria by dehydrating them without harming mucous membranes. He asked me, "why isn't my doctor telling me this?" And I answered, "because he's not getting paid to sell you salt and water."
@@publicserviceannouncement4777 Yes. Sadly indeed. I took 3 course of antibiotics for nothing. The problem was pH levels due to what I ate. Still battling the aftermath after 1 and a half years trying to fix what the drugs broke.
@@publicserviceannouncement4777 this idiotic mindset only works in America. Doctors here in the uk aren’t being paid to sell drugs to people, they’re being paid by the taxpayer to give people healthcare. Medication is bought in bulk by the NHS, most of the time generic rather than some branded American shit, and still, you don’t see them peddling saltwater for autoimmune diseases. It doesn’t even make sense, bacteria in your gut is not the issue, it is the BALANCE of different bacteria in your gut. So the saltwater has no idea which bacteria to dehydrate and which to leave alone, it doesn’t solve anything. Basic fucking logic. Also yes, doctors are trained in basic nutrition. It’s part of the curriculum required to gain a medicine degree.
I think I have learned more from this UA-cam video than all the self help books and therapy I have consumed in my entire life! I have always been shy and low self esteem, sometimes hot headed, and this video has been so nice to learn from. Thank you for the solid, practical advice!
I love that she honestly always answers that "it depends" on more, there's never a true umbrella answer for most questions and the world is complex! Trying to simplify it and not taking things step-by-step is a mistake. Having a rule-of-thumb can be nice too but it's necesary to really pay attention and take things with a grain of salt.
Exactly..not every advice given that has worked for a lot of people will work for you .There are a lot of factors to consider that is why wisdom/discernment/discretion is so important.
@@jeniferjohnson374 To take something with a "grain of salt" generally means to take it with some healthy skepticism or reservation since it might not always be the case or true.
I have confrontations several times a day at work. It’s part of my job. Leading with empathy, staying present in the moment by listening to understand not to respond and being able to do nothing when a reaction is expected. This allows you to ask open ended questions that allow you to anchor, become an ally and then become influential. Human psychology is fascinating to me. Love it. Love the challenge.
OH MY GOD!!! The Universe TOTALLY sent me this video to give me SEVERAL messages! 🙌🏽😎 Thank you SOOOOO much ladies! You've given me so much food for thought and today I have to step into my power and stand up to someone who I have been allowing to overstep my boundaries for so long and it's time to completely cut that person out and trust in what I feel is the right thing to do for me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 💜💜💜💜
It's called being the owner of your power and not letting anyone dictate. I love when she said the key word: ACCOUNTABILITY! Many lack this and blame everyone for their very adult life decisions 🙄
I have been a victimizing myself my whole life. I needed this. This is the first self improvement video I have watched after making an active decision to CHANGE MYSELF TO CHANGE MY LIFE. This was SO important for me to hear and I have taken so many good notes away from this.
I swear I needed this video right now because I almost lost it today on someone. The negative energy can truly take over if you are not careful. And their are some people that are just wrapped in chaos. But we cannot allow their chaos to become our chaos. Thank you for reminding me of self control.
Evy’s advice to OVER PREPARE has absolutely changed my work life. My work life has absolutely SHIFTED and I found my flow:) taking ownership of my actions and outcome. Very powerful.
What I call, "the rules of engagement", learned from a super, female friend. Might well have been Wonder Woman. 1) Think, don't react. 2) Don't be confrontational 3) Focus on a solution. If you can manage to keep those three things in mind, it tends to work like a charm. You see clearer, what the deal is, by not putting your feelings in it.
K but can we talk about how amazing this host is? It’s a superpower to interview this smoothly. Her questions were so intriguing and we got some amazing info bc of her questions.
“Indecisiveness is a very dangerous thing, indecisiveness causes us to look to others to give us advice, it causes us to not make decisions in life, indecisiveness keeps us paralyzed. Indecisiveness is bad for our self esteem and our confidence.” 💕
The truest thing ever written
Is the real killer
I'm feeling this...
RIP virgos and libras
That is the line that struck me most too. 8:40
Keeping calm when you’re being disrespected is a superpower.
💯💯💯
Totally. Every time I feel disrespected, my adrenaline surges and I ultimately regret how I handled the situation or how I carried myself. Whether it was being outwardly offended or being visibly nervous and shaken, I always wish I had had a calm and self-aware moment instead. This is a major key!
SAY IT AGAIN!!!
Wish I could do this!
Nurses learn it.
My favourite part is when she said if you’re nervous about a speech or public speaking, make this about them and not you, what they want to know, what is valuable for them that I can offer…that is such a change of perspective! Thanks for this video
I used to teach public speaking, and I always advised students to figure out what drives their listeners' engine. What's in it for them? From there, you can persuade them that what you say will be the "gas" for their engine. This not only results in greater success persuading others to listen and, sometimes, agree with you, but it puts your ego in the back seat. :)
Thats exactly What us stressful not boring them
so why would i offer anything to an idiot and it should be what he wants?!
i heard something once along the same lines; "if you're nervous, just imagine there is a single person in the audience who had a terrible day or week and who really needs this. speak to this person, and you'll be okay."
Well you should really make a speech with content that would be useful at least to others, you're not there to inflate your ego, I believe it's making your message come through and connection.
"Just because it's their emergency doesn't mean it's your emergency". That's a revelation for me. So true! You don't owe anyone a response. Adults won't die without an answer.
Also a manager once taught me is you don’t have to answer a question for someone if it can get you in trouble or it’s not your place
Response and respect is important especially when your job is to serve.. “..be part of solution..”
Yep. Learned that as an EMT
My boss has said numerous times “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” (not TO me, lol, but as advice) 💯
.
"I never lose. I either win or I learn."
I love it!
💯😘
Still learning;)
😃
No one is immune to losing all the time. Never is a strong word.
"Be around people who handle pressure well, so that you can learn from them." That sentence. It's the best advice on handling emotions.
Facts!
.Or know your strength and learn how to use it in your advantage. Not everyone can handle presure and doesn't matter how many people or what type of people you surround yourself, if it's not for you, is not.
Yes my husband has taught me a lot because he's so calm under pressure where I am very neurotic.
This is literally tell us to be friend with calm and kind person. Our circle can affect us as well.
@@piaaadah exactly the same here. I'd be a worse person if I hadn't learned from him over the years.
I hope the men of Impact are watching this too. Controlling your emotions is an essential life skill. Unfortunately women are usually labeled as overly emotional by men. Men who forget that rage and anger are also emotions that need to be controlled.
💯!
Exactly
The first thing I did was send this to bf
Are men's emotions of anger, jealousy, and dominance naturally caused by their testosterone?
@@lightbeareradonis I think they might be more predisposed to it because of that, but it's not an excuse. Women are more predisposed to anger when they're on their cycle, but that's not an excuse either.
yes, sometimes we need to "just walk away" when triggered instead of "fighting back" especially when dealing with covert narcissists in powerful positions who can really go after us relentlessly
This is ALWAYS the right answer when dealing with a narcissist! Choke off their supply, which is ANYTHING they get from you.... good OR bad.
1
Oh ffs all these victims of narcissists
Enablers
@@anumer897 you realise that you are probably one too?
TY
"It's not my emergency" This is exactly what I have to tell myself in the ER when helping my patients. If I panic I can not help them. I have to stay calm and collected. Thank you for this little gem of a video!
💛
@@truthjunkie63 the way
I never thought of it that way.🤔
Your comment Is so full of wisdom
Same! This is how I stay calm when I lead CPR, or take care of emergency condition.
When I realized I wasn't responsible for other people's emotions, this was a game changer to me.
And today, it has proven to be a game changer for me
Except for when they contradict themselves...
Theres a part where they say whether you meant to or not you made the other person feel _____. Something to that effect. 🤔
That's extremely relative.
Saying your not "responsible" for others emotions is ideotic... If you do something you know will cause a negative reaction, based on their emotions... Your responsibil...
@@RealSimsHouse Agreed. Seems like the type of reasoning that can easily be used as a copout for how you treat others.
"Don't trust unconditionally." Wow. So true. I've been naive in the past with my trust. This hit home.
Wdym? How? Our own brains deceive us in the name of self-preservation...how can you unconditionally trust another human being?
Our survival and self-preservation is not an acquired habit - it is an embedded primal instinct which guarantees that we will put ourselves first - maybe not every time - maybe not often, but eventually we will, and that, makes your "unconditional trust" view, a self-destructive objective.
Look at yourself - you've lied, cheated, stolen, betrayed (one or all of these...doesn't matter) at one point in your life. It might have been about something small and irrelevant, but that's according to your judgment and view, and the very fact that you have, proves that you yourself are not worthy of "unconditional trust". So, how then could you possibly assume someone else is?
I was younger and not prepared to be USED and abused..They REAP what they sowed.. they lost...ME
Yup same here
Yeah I had to grow out of that mindset. I see the possibility of greatness in every one and sometimes that transfers to trusting people who can’t trust themselves.
Yeah but the real Art is too not close yourself. Trust is still good and still needed. But just be confident in yourself and don’t let things get to you. Trust yourself and be open to others that’s the best you can do.
“What am I doing to let people think they can take advantage of me?” 🙏🏽
Now this is the question. 💫
Good question. I can so relate to this. Being nice has ruined my life.
Y r people pleaser bc of insecurities stemming from childhood. U always had to do sth good to gain parents love. U did not have unconditional love
“Not every idea that comes in to your mind you have to verbalized “
AMEN AMEN Amen I'm learning that late in life.
@@edglebennett6312 YOU NOT ALONE THE OPERATIVE FOR ME LEARNING AND THE WORD OF GOD SAID BE SWIFT TO HEAR SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO WRATH JAMES 1:19 (KING JAMES VERSION)AND THE BIBLE SAYS A SOFT WORD TURN AWAY WRATH : but a grievous stir up anger.PROVERBS 15:1
@@Blue77Blue Amen
This is really what retains to me by hearing it! yeah!
💯💯💯
“This person is having an emergency. It’s not MY emergency, it’s theirs”. Perfect example on how to keep calm in stressful situations 👏🏻
This is very true. BUT, BIG BUT, if someone I love or am close to has an emergency. I AM THERE FOR THEM not oh let's put me first and let it go for a week wtf
Also, if your boss has an emergency - it’s your emergency lol
@@adorapollard7308 You have to realize that becoming emotionally involved with the emergency, only makes you a part of the problem. In inhibits your flow. Just reframe it as a puzzle that requires your input in order to reach a solution, that your boss will be grateful for your help. Win/win
I was actually joking - which is why I put “lol” in my post.
True.
"Don't trust someone unconditionally, you don't know people" 🤯
BOOM!
Exactly! I have gotten to the point where I trust everybody. Yes I trust everyone. I trust everyone to be who they really are. Not trusting people is to much work 😂
So True. Just DMX said “Always trust everyone to be themselves. But, trust in the fact that you can see them well.” I love that quote.
@@VAPSPRESENTS yes!!
Profound!!!!!
Apologizing is different than being accountable. She mentioned how important accountability is..to yourself, about yourself. Showing others that you can be accountable/self-aware is growth.
and this is so very true! know-it-all types never learn and therefore don't grow - I've seen plenty of this
If you smash a plate, you can apologize to the plate, but it's still broken. Apologies are superficial. To really create any improvement one needs to get to the WHY, and share that.
Victimology is real. I always complained that all my friends took advantage of me, my partners took me for granted and never appreciated me and all those things were true and valid. The biggest breakthrough I got was when I acknowledged that I was the problem, I was the common denominator, I was doing something that allowed them to treat me that way. Once I accepted my fault because people treat you how you allow them, that was the biggest eye opener. Everything changed when I changed myself. You can't change people but you can change how you react to their actions or words. I changed me, and the people around me changed.
We find people who are similar. If we play games we will find players for that game. As we change, we stop playing some games. This is why things changed.
That’s victim blaming bullshit. They are responsible for choosing to take advantage of you.
@@blackswan4486 Next time someone victim blames, victim needs to think "did I cause WWII?" and that would bring a smile. It works when someone has been victim blamed for a long time.
@@blackswan4486 Sure they are. But if you stick around for it and continue to allow it to happen, then you are responsible for *that.*
@@wordivore What you are responsible is for getting close to people who make you grow, and step away from people who are like an anchor that sinks you. Sometimes you even see people saying "help me" who drags you down and they do not get out. These people do not need real help, or they do not want it. They just want to play twisted mental games. When you get tired of playing mental games, you will discover how much time you have left for the best things in life. How about appreciating beauty? How about high culture? How about creating something for yourself not to show to the world? The world is happy and peaceful out there once you get out of twisted mental games.
Being calm infront of someone who is being emotional or confrontational, is often times the best weapon because your calm demeanor serves as a mirror and the other person becomes forced to confront their own reflection.
Unless the person is valid in their emotions. Emotions are not ugly or wrong.
Why does it have to be a "weapon"? Why not just your way of responding?
I think when you’re calm and show no emotion to someone who “is emotional” is pretty much saying that you have no empathy… I don’t think that’s a weapon 👀 On the other hand… that “emotional” person wouldn’t bother coming back to you again if you did that. Unless you’re a counselor or in psychology, that would be YOUR only reason why you SHOULD be “calm” because it’s your WORK. Thai woman WORKED to be undercover. So she HAD to be that way. Its not what a normal person should actually do on the day to day basis so It’s not a weapon. Calm down 🤚🏼 You don’t have to be a robot to help others. Sheesh.
And no, if you’re calm in a stressful situation… you’re not someone else’s mirror lol 😂 It actually just calms them down because that’s the behavior you encourage. You honestly sound so heartless with your comment. Lol
The bottom line is that there's a time and a place for each and every response. It's a skill worth learning. Because our actions have a "ripple" effect. It does take training of sorts to learn how to respond to dramatic behaviours and to know how to detoxify from the unhealthy behaviours we're exposed to on a daily basis
@@habibtialexandrite9988 hmm you seem to be misinterpreting this. By "emotional", I'm referring to someone who is flying off the handle spewing vitriol at you or a person with a high conflict personality who is attempting to bully you so they display aggressive behaviors/ emotions in an attempt to intimidate you. Showing empathy is not realistic but showing reserve and not reciprocating their energy is informing them that they do not control you.
In high school I was easily triggered and now at 30 I walk away from arguments and I have developed thick skin. Words are just words! ..... proud of myself 😊
any advise how to be resilient as a teen. i get easily triggered and defensive...could use some help
@@whinnievz858 🔕Silence is your weapon and use that as ur powerful weapon
@@whinnievz858 don’t let words have power over you.
As for thick skin don’t care about what others think and do what you think or know is right
Good job.
Self accountability is validating your own emotions, so others don’t have to
Yes, it'd be a very bad and unstable thing to place one's own validation at the mercy of others!
❤
If you haven't read her book "Becomng Bulletproof," I recommend the Audible version, as she reads it, like getting an individual lecture from her.
Awesome. Had no idea. I'm getting it!
Same! I need that!
Just got it👍thank you🙏🏻
I’m literally buying this book this minute.
Thanks 😊
It's really, really important to keep in mind that it takes time to change habitual reactions. Forgive yourself and keep working on yourself. One day, you'll find your responses have changed.
Yes, I finally learned that. I needed to remind myself to be more mindful about how I interact with certain people and how I react in certain situations, because the way I dealt with some people or situations that triggered me always used to lead to an escalation and I end up emotionally, and physically drained as well as stressed. It was difficult at first, and there are times still (though rare) that I slip back to old habits, but learning why I used to react the way I did made me more self aware and I am able to chose to act or speak differently so I can change the outcome.
Thank you.
Amen
She’s so right about other peoples energy … stay out of other peoples chaotic auric fields.
Best advice, bad people do not respect boundaries. They will use every trick to suck you into their awful auras, if they see or imagine a weakness. They will come on with an powerful attitude of entitlement: superiority, smugness, arrogance, false accusation and offense, so they feel entitled to control and harm you. They may spread nasty rumors and badmouth you. They attempt to get into your psychic field, to read your mind, and feel your emotions. They thrive on chaos, fright and pain. Defense: Put up a strong psychic wall against these evil types. Never apologize. Never show fear. Approach them wit a no-nonsense professional attitude. Don't get sucked in, unless you enjoy being a victim of codependency who is held in contempt. You can never appease these people. Don't ignore the fact that much of this is sexist and cultural, as many men are not ready for independent women of agency. They will try to humiliate and intimidate you into submission. You may have to play along. However, you have to maintain a no-nonsense attitude, and refuse to engage with them. If their harassment persists, you will have to lay down the law and contact HR, law enforcement, and file a discrimination lawsuit.
@@ganymeade5151 I could have never described it better ! you said it ALL ! this is exactly what they do...they use every trick and then they also observe you in order to read your mind and be happy if they have managed to annoy you ! and this is the MOST annoying feeling like i have 2 eyes above me looking if their trickes worked. My mane problem is with women who are envious of me ! Thanks so much for your advices! You are just amazing for helping people. Please how can i put this strong psychic wall? How can i practice and learn how to do that. I need help !
You are so special ! I also understand those things but i am not in a psychic level but its like life is forsing me to level up!
@@skasmow to put up a psychic wall is to not let their bad energy in, you can do this in multiple ways, like imagining a shield of light around you (aura size) from which their words slide off. You can shrug your shoulders in your mind. Laugh at them in your mind, or pity them (they must have some trouble, pain or darkness inside of them to project it onto you.. see them as an animal with a thorn in it’s paw, it will not be nice to anyone because it’s in pain. Also actions out of jealousy stem from pain deep down, or people may try to belittle you out of fear of others). If you just repeat the words in your mind that they can’t harm you, and A. don’t respond or B. respond in a nice “adult”way to deflect, it’s as if you’re reflecting their energy back to them. Enough of this and they will start to feel that it is useless to try to get to you, and either find another victim and ignore you or they will possibly start to respect you. I hope this helps because this is how I do it myself. But it’s a thing that needs practice. Mindset shift (to understand that peoples actions are NOT personal but a problem of their own, to “pity” them but in a neutral and not arrogant way) has been the biggest thing for me though.
@@ameliaheart5091 Thank you very much for your help! It is just SO hard to be in the same environment with them. It is like a demon is facing you! I know that the best thing i have to do is feel pity for them....you are so right. But at the same time you should also know how to respond to them....not just feel pitty and leave them annoy you! I will try to do my best ! Thanks so much again.
@@ganymeade5151 Sometimes the HR doesn't work. Your rights being violated in your home isn't fair game! Nobody care, so the resources for me was asking for supernatural justice! God is real and in my experience, he did his job!
When she said “we are all brothers and sisters here on this earth” she’s a good person with a good heart ♥️
May God bless her tremendously ♥️
that's right
Amen! 🎉❤
Amen 🙏
So so good to take responsibility. I was in an abusive marriage for a decade and I continued to blame him day in and day out. I believed if he could change or if I could help him change everything would be better. When I started asking myself how I got into the marriage in the first place everything changed. Yes, he was abusive and that's on him, but he didn't force me to marry him. I gave all my power to a man who was ugly to me from the very moment I met him and I allowed him to treat me like that. I kept myself in that relationship believing I was an innocent victim. I was not. And when I finally owned that, my emotions changed and I took charge of my life. I still have a ton of work but I have made incredible progress in a short amount of time. I understand how hard it is to get out, but you absolutely can when you choose to own your life and your choices again.
Yesss!! So Empowering!!
Was it truly the moment you met him? Did he not act in such a way to fool you? Did he not gaslight you? I don't think you would have gone and married an abuser if you knew right off what he was about. Sometimes abuse takes time to come out of the shadows!
@@Mourning_Dove I’m assuming she’s referring to red flags that she didn’t notice or ignored. There’s always red flags, especially when in hindsight.
@@Mourning_Dove Yes, in fact he was terrible to me from the moment I met him. I walked away and told my friends that he was the rudest person I'd ever met. But we were in the same circle for 3 years and he always went out of his way to poke at me or make me the joke in the group. It slowly shifted to include some flirtation, though, and then family got involved. It's a long tangled story and I believed it would be a fairy tale like Beauty and the Beast. Instead, he was simply a beast. He really didn't try to hide his bad side from me and I think he just discovered that I would take the bad with the good. I was incredibly broken and desperate for love and attention because of my up bringing and so when he started to give me a little it felt like the world was changing. Yes, there was a lot of gaslighting and manipulation, but when I honestly look at my experience, not much was hidden from me. Most of that grew later in the relationship and in our marriage as I would try to grasp reality and call things as they were.
All that is now glaringly obvious when compared to my current boyfriend who is incredibly kind, humble, gentle, intelligent, and madly in love with me. His words are quickly followed by actions and our future is not fake like with my ex.
Jamie, May you have a peaceful and blessed future with your boyfriend. Thanks for answering!
She really, REALLY needs her own show or podcast. I’d listen to her every day!!!
I was just trying to search if she had a podcast or UA-cam channel. I really wish she would make one.
She’s great to listen to, and nice to look at lol
SAME
I completely agree!
Totally not.
1. Certain levels of stress are good. They teach you how to cope, they teach you how to problem solve, they teach you how to fail and then to do better the next time.
2. I am ___(put the labels you think puts you in a disadvantageous position). No one’s going to like me. If you put labels on yourself, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage.
3. You just perform. In areas, you are weak, perform. Earn your place.
4. If after you perform, people still have an issue with you, know that you are not the problem, they are.
5. Focus on putting one foot forward the other. Think about the next thing you are going to do. If I am not performing. And I’m there waiting for people to accept me, then now it’s me.
6. It’s 50% you and 50% the other person.
7. Respect is a gift. If someone wants to give it to you, they will, if they don't they don't.
8. Don't tell people you are the authority. Show them. Don't demand respect, command respect. Show you are the in charge by how do you walk into a room, how do you carry yourself, how do you speak, how do you project your voice. All those things exude power, and all those things command respect.
9. People make your impression in first five seconds. Think about what you are exuding, how you are dressed, think about the audience. You are going to wear one outfit for something and a different outfit for something else.
10. There are different versions of us. There is no just one you. What version of you are you bringing to the table?
11. Your goal shouldn’t be to make someone like or fear you. What is the end result you want? Likability is important.
12. Competent and warm not competent and cold.
13. No one is 100% bad.
14. Don't make it personal. Focus on the end result.
15. When things happen to you, rather than completely losing your mind, take a minute, don't respond, and don't do anything. Introduce a disrupter such as time or movement.
16. If you feel threatened in a situation, listen to your gut. Don't worry: about making the other person feel that you are rude.
17. Embrace and not avoid confrontation. Also, you should be able to confront people about things you don't feel right about in your life. Don't sit there and swallow it.
18. Mirror the other person’s language. If they say hi, say hi, if they say hello, say hello. Connect. But dint fake it.
19. Get in the right mindset and then decide how you want to speak to the other person.
20. 80% listen, 20% talk.
21. Talk to people not the way you want to be spoken to but the way they want to be spoken to.
22. You are not going to own my response to you. I am going to own it.
23. You have to create those barriers for yourself. You have to self-assess who you are going to let in your inner circle. Select the people in your inner circle.
24. People should audition to be in your inner circle.
25. Don't embarrass people but don't hesitate from confronting them.
26. There should be standards that you create for yourself. You get what you tolerate.
27. When you make a conscious decision to be done with someone, be done with them.
28. It should be about your mental conviction. Speak with confidence to make sure those who heard your message heard it clearly the first time. It should not be mistaken for weak or uncertain of your abilities.
29. Strengthen your voice and believe in what you are saying and why are you saying that.
30. The more adversity you deal with, the more resilient you become.
31. Repetition, repetition. Create habits that are healthy so when things happen, you default to those habits and pull out that version of you.
32. There are two types of people you should be careful of: people who are extremely self-righteous and people who use justification.
33. Look at people holistically who are they with everybody because that’s going to come back to you.
34. You feel dirty with someone be aware of them.
35. Don't get energy from the outside things such as your job, your family etc. Give your energy to those things but be mindful of how much of your energy you put out there into things.
36. Don't be surprised. Everybody at the end of the day is looking after their self-interests.
37. Don't be a victim.
38. Indecisiveness is a very dangerous thing. Indecisiveness causes us to look to others to give us the advice, it causes us to not make decisions in life, indecisiveness keeps us paralyzed, and indecisiveness is bad for our self-esteem and our confidence. I am going to do this right or wrong I am doing this.
39. You don't become this person overnight. It’s work. It’s a lot of work.
40. This person has an emergency. It’s their emergency. It’s not mine.
41. Choose to make it a lesson.
42. Remember you do not know everything.
43. “I messed up. So what? Everyone does.”
44. Have some humility.
45. Establish yourself as an authority from the moment “go”.
46. Think of your words as “money”. The more powerful and impactful the words, the more money you are putting down. My words matter and they have weight. They are going to impact the other person positively or negatively and their connection with me.
47. Don't stand behind the podium when you teach.
48. Be prepared, wear the right outfit, and do your hair and makeup in way that make you feel confident.
49. Own your shit. Be responsible for yourself even if the person sitting across you is authority.
50. If you are constantly being victimized by people, ask yourself: what am I doing to let people think they can do this to me.
51. Realize that you have choices. Fight back, speak back, or walk away.
52. Realize you have power. You can choose to not stay there in victim mentality. You can get back up.
Watched all three of her videos and put it on all three. This is of so much value.
I wish I could copy and paste this to a blank document!! Is this written anywhere?
@@missjewells5063 I had written it in MS Word to copy here but unfortunately I didn't save it. But you can type it or take a screenshot.
Your the real MVP for this
@@missjewells5063 Set your courser at the end of the text. Hold down the left mouse button and move the courser up to the top of the post. Release the left mouse button. The text should be highlighted. Make sure the courser is somewhere in the highlighted text, depress the right mouse button and select copy. Open a blank Word document. Depress the right mouse button and select paste. You'll have to do some formatting, but you won't have to re-type the entire post
Without context it looses power tbh. And power there is, but this doesn't convey it properly. But A for effort.
“It’s not my emergency, it’s theirs” wow. The power of staying calm. And the why to stay quiet is mind blowing
Can we please have an interview with Evy every other week lol? She’s one of those ppl so rich in knowledge I could have dinner with her every week and never run out of things to ask and learn from her 💕
Lol!!! So glad you enjoyed the episode!! ❤️👏
@@LisaBilyeu I always enjoyed every episode with Evy! She taught me so much about being this strong woman!
She’s such a powerful power house that so many women, & men to learn by, acceptance of responsibility.
Yes more Evy!
I was on an Evy BENDER too for a while there, can’t get enough of her, she’s absolutely fabulous, id even go as far as to say divine 👼 she’s a kindred spirit for me in that she’s a fighter, who’s mouth & temper has gotten her in trouble in the past 😂 but with a good heart... who will even use that fighting spirit on other people’s behalf, in a selfless way, willing to take on risks other people might not be willing/able to take. But unlike me, she’s been able to master herself, im sure she’s not perfect but, she’s dealt with WAY more pressure than most of us, regular civilians have, & just from being through difficulties in my life, extremely stressful, downright traumatic periods, i do know sometimes the silver lining is that it does sort of forge us in that fire, and we can sometimes discover we are much stronger than we previously believed. So I do really respect her experience & maturity, very much look up to & aspire to be more like her. Couldn’t put her book down either. She’s riveting, and really does have angel energy.
"If you're constantly being victimized by other people or falling into the same situation, what am I doing to make people think they can take advantage with me? And then being honest with that with yourself and change that." - Well said, this is really amazing and insightful!
Totally agree. Sadly I had an abusive childhood which fed into 2 seriously abusive relationships- luckily I managed to get myself to a state where I've now been in a wonderful relationship for 9 years with a lovely man and it took me a while but I got there in the end. We can change our lives 😊😊
This has been a question I'm finding answers to very slowly
pls though remember abusers do have preferred targets, but if they want to hurt you, they simply will. their preferred target is the most acceptable victim, one that people will say gave the abuser motive to do what they did, someone who "deserved it, asked for it, etc.". they'll play all sorts of mind games to convince you and others that their actions were justified. they'll go out of the way to actually create rethorics and made up rules to create an acceptable victim, they'll distort reality as much as possible. that's just a tactic though, it's not reality. you never game any reason to do it, it's them, they actively choose to hurt you every time.
like i understand because i myself have to recognize why i gravitate towards predatory behavior, and what needs to change within myself (i need to be more authentic to myself, develop confidence, accept myself etc.), but ultimately it's not our fault. and its not to take away any agency from us or anything, but really i spent so much time trying to rationalize why abusers did what they did and what i could have done but i just had to stop, because people don't need reasons to be awful.
@@briciolaa I agree hun - I got there in the end - you can do it and it's so worth it! The man I am with is lovely and normal and I have stability and safety in my relationship which is fantastic - such a difference take care of yourself 😊
@@briciolaa They usually have a reason. As you said, if they don't have one they invent one. Perhaps they don't like your attitude, confidence, or personality. What is their motivation: target practice, domination, power, control, jealously, competitiveness, hatred, sexism, personality disorder like delusional, sadistic, narcissistic, they want you to fear them, insanity. These are sick and deranged people. There are a lot of great videos on how to deal with narcissists and other delusional, dangerous, and violent people who just want to take what you have and bring you down.
No reaction is the best approach. Keeps em guessing as they don't know what you are thinking and get a reaction in the opposite of what they intended/ expected. Gives you the upper hand every time. Silence is a levelr
THIS!!!
This is very true. I show my reaction physically in my face (turn bright red when angry) but I don't say much which is the opposite of what antagonistic people want. It messes them up.
Yeah but not always, varies much from situation to situation...
@@marinakaranfiloska6268 facts!!
@@marinakaranfiloska6268 Indeed. Sometimes we need to say something, but always in a neutral mood. Responding and not reacting.
“Be the hero of your own life.”
I work with women and children survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. This is exactly what I preach. How do we give power back to people? Shift the focus back to what they can do, control, what are their strengths?
I love seeing women empowering one another and being empowered.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
I spent 15 years in a psychologically abusive relationship, when I finally took ownership of the fact that I chose to stay in that relationship knowing that it was abusive, knowing that it was an unhealthy relationship, I finally started to heal. I started to heal, because that was when I reclaimed my autonomy, my power, and my responsibility for myself.
I am very pleased to read that you have learnt this and now made improvements to your life. It is so important to leave abusive relationships. I hope your future is full of happiness, joy and exciting success xoxo
@@susanmcguire4664 But she didn't leave 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@TheKonga88 there is nothing funny about being in an abusive relationship. Why on earth are you sharing all these laughing emojis here?
I bet if you were a victim of abuse you, even for a few weeks letalone 15 years would NOT be laughing. It is a nightmare and nothing to laugh about.
Hello 👋 I hope you’re safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness love and prosperity all over the world
@@josepablolunasanchez1283 This is great advice, I was not aware of table top games like the ones you describe. I will look into those. I agree 100 per cent rules do put the mind into order. Placing yourself in a call center or school schedule will help order the mind. The key is not to overwhelm - and school can overwhelm.
When I was leaving a bad situation but still working with my special needs son, I found completing a single Sudoku puzzle -- on paper with colored pens -- so very helpful after he went to bed. It was structured. It had to be completed in an orderly way, and it helped me feel like I had "completed" at least one thing by the end of the day.
My good neighbor, God bless her, often dragged me out on daily or weekly walks around the neighborhood too. She knew the power of putting one foot in front of the other. :-)
When leaving a traumatic family situation or partner or workplace, the mind can be scattered and react to stress (via PTSD) in an unusual way. It can be tough to experience. The key is to believe the brain can heal; and to slowly bring routine and structure ... into your life.
That is my rule also. Every time i reacted on anger or hurt and on impulse I was the loser. Now I wait until the anger subsides and I can think clearly. I never lose anymore
Don’t loose. Just tight. 👍
You didn’t lose but you learned. ❤️ I’m healing that too.
I think you mean “loser”. 🙃
What I do is to procrastinate reactions for a moment when I am 100% happy. Normally procrastination is a bad thing, but in that situation it is good.
When you get mad u lose, don't get mad
12:33 "I don't let other people pull that part out of me, I decide when it comes out" -Evy
Wow that's the epitome of self control/discipline, mastering your reactions to your own emotions 👏🏾....so many gems in this episode, glad I tuned in.
Exactly!
Yes me too
Ditto. This was full of gems. Great episode.
Yes I was passive aggressive for many years, however I have learned to take up for myself and stop worrying about causing someone to not like me! I have learned how to slow down my thoughts and weigh my words and set healthy boundaries! I had tolet go of people pleasing because it usually leaves frustrated and unhappy!
That’s is amazing. So proud of you. We are not responsible for other people actions.
The part about people pleasing soooo true we expect ourselves from others and become frustrated and disappointed when it is not reciprocated
‘What am I doing to let people think they can do this to me?’ That’s so empowering!!!
“I messed up. So what” YEESSSS!! Who cares!! Learn the lesson and move forward a better, smarter and wiser you! 🙌🏽🙌🏽
Game changer
I believe it acknowledging the mistake is the most important part here. The self assessment the biggest take away.
She is talking about having a growth mindset. It is what successful people know how to do well. To see growth as the goal, and not perfection. That enables a person to keep resilience and to keep moving forward no matter what comes up.
💙🙏👍🏻☝🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Wise advice.
hmmm...
Sitting here watching this after today deciding I don’t have to do this anymore with the father of my child after 5 years finally taking my joy and power back feeling truly empowered.
I can choose not to continue to be a victim any longer. Great episode
So happy for you. Please be safe and build a good support system during this time.
It’s so amazing when it finally hits you that you are done. It’s like the first time you’ve felt powerful in such a long time. Be confident and trust yourself. Put yourself first. You got this girl!
You got this. Stay light on your toes.
You go girl
Thank you for your lovely supportive comments ❤️ it’s week two of being free and I’m still thriving!
I love this interview. Accountability doesn't mean shaming yourself.
But it does mean allowing your self enough introspection to acknowledged that you need to do better because you did drop the ball, if that is what happens. Accountability does mean that you *should* feel ashamed if you know you've done the wrong thing willingly, but not leave it at shame alone, grow and improve from it.
@Nurse A We have a different definition of shame then.
Wow so women have always associated accountability with shame, no wonder....
@@chibareeba They are usually groomed into thinking that starting from birth. The topic of clothing alone. But it's not only women, men have it, too. The male-dominated domestic violence epidemic is fuelled by hidden shame and feelings of inferiority of men.
@@rasdasa you don’t have a “different” definition of shame, your definition of it is SIMPLY wrong
If you want to use the word “should” then you could say “should feel guilty” nor “ should feel ashamed”
When you shame someone is toxic because shame paralyzes..but guilt, guilt gives the POWER to actually be accountable
May I interject that staying quiet when someone is escalating is different then just completely shutting down.
When you’re quiet you’re thinking actively and reassuring yourself not to react.
Yes. I find that if I don't say anything and let them vent. They run out of energy and eventually will calm themselves down.
True But this is not the right thing to do when there is a threat like in the case of abuse.
i believe i understand
Well said. Good point
@@churchofpos2279 yes. I wish more folks would learn this. It helps the situation, it doesn't antagonize the other person, and it doewnt extend escalation.
Well, it happened to me yesterday and I applied her techniques. I walked away and now, that person is even MORE mad but they have nothing on me and own none of my head space. Peace! Thank you!
Well done. It is far better to walk away rather than engage and be screaming at each other.
You are not responsible for how they feel and how they react. They need to work through that and learn from it.
If someone gets angry when you set a boundary or protect yourself, it's a sign the boundary was well needed.
You go girl! Isn’t that a good feeling to be able to breathe while they’re still in there mad zone alone.
@@susandickerson8863 It's been almost a year since I wrote this and experienced all of this. This particular woman is still angry, spewing her wrath on everyone and I have, gratefully, leveled up. I live in a small town and watch her implode and feel like I am watching a 35 year old toddler.
@Heather M. Yes ma’am silence is golden. I stayed married 24 yrs letting him make me and my kids think everything was my fault. I thought that was what you were supposed to do. (For better or worse,...)I finally realized I didn’t have to do it when my kids told me he was the one out of control. Wow that was a great day. He didn’t see it coming till I told him to get out of my house and my life. That was 10 years ago and the best 10 yrs ever. I can smile and not feel bad for it now. ☮️
I really really need this, especially in customer service. People can be so nasty and disrespectful and I need to remain calm and cool and cordial. It’s hard sometimes cuz rudeness makes me so angry especially toward other people but I need to keep the upper hand and mitigate the energy back on the person as their own responsibility not mine
That's exactly what led me here too lol. Can't deal with all these asshole customers 😅
Omg I deal with rude, entitled customers every day. This is so inspirational 👏
I just change my perspective and see them as uneducated and wasn`t raised right, feel pity for them but am glad I'm not them. But I find it entertaining because they're embarrassing themselves but also I'm paid on the clock and they're just occupying me from my duties. I just ask would you like to talk to my manager? If they assault then great, that charge will be on their record and banned from the store, maybe a fine and lose more money. Them being banned is so rewarding. They`re not getting shit and drive far to find the same merchandise in another town for their idiotcy. I would sometimes work there too so they can try me. I don't really get angry with customers, it's more with my shitty lazy coworkers having me clean up after their shit like a kid, just don't work if you`re not gonna work. It catches up so they get fired from the contract.
I had to leave the fast food industry because of this it made me so mean towards people to the point of I didn’t feel it was justified because after the shitty customer my attitude would be the same towards a normal talking customer and I was aware that they didn’t deserve it and they didn’t know what happened 10 minutes before and I might’ve ruined their day just as the person before them did to me
Customers can be really nasty. Damn. Especially when we were required to wear masks. That was really bad. I had to wear a mask the whole day and now I have to argue with you about it when you only need to wear it for 5-10 min? I don't own this store and I did not make the rules. Be considerate and not an asshole.
“Just because it’s your emergency doesn’t mean it’s mine”.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I
Like that
My philosophy at work..though bosses make it my problem. Then I make mistakes and I have voiced this...and it still continues.
Sorry to tell you but you are wrong, sweetie. If you are employed in some jobs, it really does have to become YOUR emergency, much as it inconveniences you. That's what you're there for, honey. And, if you can't handle the stress of the job you're paid to do, then be woman enough and honest enough to simply admit you can't handle it, tender a polite resignation note, maybe apologise for your inability to continue and get out. Let someone who can handle it take your place. There are other jobs you could do to live. Maybe not as prestigious, glamourous, powerful, grossly over paid etc. But you'll survive because women are built to survive. But, if all else fails, you can remain alive on the Dole. A bit hard and uncomfortable, with other "sisters" looking down on you and treating you like shit when you know you are not. But, hey, who has to rush around getting ready for work, compete with other bitches in business, the work place, socially etc and spend a fortune on crap like designer clothes, expensive pointless salon treatments, hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake fake hair extensions, fake everything as this era's woman? Just to prove what exactly? That you have tits and a twot, which makes you female gender with desperate emotional bottomless pit of need. To prove she's worth anything at all? And guess who gets to sleep in everyorning, do as she wishes, have heaps of leisure time, no deadlines to meet, nobody to have to give a shit about what they think because they are all irrelevant, anyway? And make some true friends? You, now on the so called welfare trash heap. It completely readjusts your previously way off course female thinking that is driving so many very cashed up employed career women it business women etc out of their minds. Losing your high flyer career and income or profitable business as a woman and ending up forced to live on welfare can be the best thing that ever happened to you. You finally get to reclaim your life and in some cases, get a life for the first time ever eg if you came from some proper, rules bound respectable middle class type background eg private exclusive girls' school education, strictly ordered very proper respectable family life and all the rest of that restrictive scene.
@@AussieChic968 you seem really angry, dont know if youre in the right place to give advice to people..
@@user-kd7ch1be6u I agree.
She is the goddess of Badassery. She is my absolute role model. Love the fact that we are getting one more video from her. YAYYY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
Me too!!! ❤️❤️
"Goddess of Badassery" could not be more accurate! 😃
Not really but she is very unique for the S.S. I am sure she rolled some eyes of the establishment.
@@HighSpeedNoDrag she is really in the CIA.
I grew up in a very abusive family and it completely broke me down to where I lost any semblance of my natural confidence that I was born with. In my teens and early 20s, I remember seeing women who just exuded strength and confidence and I would look at them wanting so desperately to have that but I was never taught how. I remember when I was 20 years old I went to a job interview at a police station for a dispatcher position and in walked this late 20s woman who must have been in the military prior because she demanded respect just from her presence, you could tell she was a force to be reckoned with. I must have been looking at her in awe. I am now in my late 20s and it has taken me years to learn how to be more confident so I love when you have Evy on because it helps me see what true confidence and power looks like when I havent had similar role models in my life.
What helped you?
Thanks for sharing this. I can relate to being in awe of powerful people and women.
I can relate, my parents did everything they could to get rid of my self confidence just so that I would do anything they said without question. It has taken me years to heal/re-train myself to have confidence. I was lucky though, joined the army at 18 and found new parents, brothers and role models to teach me how to be strong in myself. Nice to hear you also learned the strength to pick yourself up, its not easy and not everyone is able to turn to healthy things to do that
Abusive families play games of blame and also "drama triangle games". The best strategy is not to play. Blame must be replaced by "I never lose, I either win or I learn". An error has a cause. Abusive families turn an error into blame, and sometimes it is THEIR error (not yours). When we address the cause of an error, we learn, so we need blame no more. Try playing Jenga, if the tower colapses, nothing happens, nothing was lost, there is no trophy and no punishment. You just rebuild the tower. Playing Jenga is a good way to practice learning instead of blame.
When she said
" I PUT ME 1ST"
I felt that ❗️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Always put yourself 1st in the midst of an attack.
No matter who the attack is coming from.
Put yourself and your peace 1st....
Such great advice❤️
My dear little Grannie had a phrase that I just love, "Well, excuse me for living."
Remember that other people's disrespectful conduct shows their own bad character. How we conduct ourselves shows our own.
She is the definition of Wonder Woman! Respect
✊
And a Greek goddess.
Gal Gadot was former military. Evy had a job that also qualifies for Wonder Woman. I would love to see her in a future movie.
“Sometimes fight is not the right thing to do.” That quote right there hit deep. I’m a fighter and struggle to not fight. She’s so right about knowing yourself.
Harlenee Palencia I'm a fighter too so always get caught.
It took me too long, but I learned that sometimes it's better to just let go and give them the "win" then to fight. And I put quotation marks on the win because for me, I can concede the point or the "win" when I know that being right or winning isn't as important as de-escalating the situation or preserving the peace. At the end of the day, I know that I was right and I have nothing to prove to anyone else. Fighting, and wasting all that time and energy just isn't worth it sometimes.
@@dnahubs amen
You have to read the situation carefully to decide how to best respond and that is the tough part. You can get in trouble for fighting at work. You can also be seen as weak with no leadership skills for fleeing tough situations. Best is to remain calm, serious, professional. You also have to find out why. Could the harasser be a tool of management that needs to play with and control their employees? If you decide to effectively go on offense, you must know why you are being harassed. You need to contact you manager; give them the harasser's name. If your manager does nothing, that speaks volumes. You may need to contact HR. If they do nothing, you should consider leaving, because you are not the yes person they want.
Being a decisive person is important. Saying I'm going to do this. Right or wrong. I'm going to do this. And then you learn from it. And that really grounds you.
Wow. That really helps. Thank you🙏💚✨
These are the role models that we need as women. Smart, intelligent, beautiful, and composed women that teach us how to accurately own our power. Thank you for having Evy on, she is amazing.
To be all that, and beautiful? That’s a lot of pressure. Would you say a man had to be handsome to be a good role model? I’m a woman, and I think strength of character, kindness, intelligence, and hard work are the requirements.
she is totally plastic and very detached there is something in her that I can't quite catch .... I don't identify but I am respectful. also, she insist on 9/11 very much, she was touched by the event but her role here is to play the one who can manage. she is the kind of people that a president requires the bond girl where she plays James Bond LOL
Are you kidding me? A woman's role model should be emotionally stable, honest, loving, caring and nurturing mother with a functioning empathy. Not a career woman.
She's gorgeous 😍 she needs to be an actresses she's very beautiful
My biggest takeaway from this is, “It’s not my emergency, it’s theirs.” Second is, “Do nothing.”I’m going to write these down, memorize them and carry them with me. Thank you! 😊❤️
She said fight, flight or freeze. Do nothing can be a flight or freeze reaction but it is crucial to assess when to do nothing. You can harm yourself and your relationships if you willy nilly pull out the same tactic each time without assessing the situation.
its what a fool will take away, as expected and intended by the agent.
Her voice and style of speaking is so relaxing and yet so assertive and in control
This should be taught in schools: how to keep your ego in check, strategies to regulate your own emotions, and the art of mastering yourself. These things would benefit society tremendously and better support everyone's mental health, especially our youth. But instead schools and academia are teaching young people to explore their "identities" (a.k.a. endless navel gazing) and to impose their self-perception on others, and then teaching them that they are victims if no one agrees with their self-delusions, and more importantly, how to weaponize their victim mentality.
Just finished reading Evy`s book "Bulletproof". What a book and what a woman! Pure inspiration!
Nice ! What Did u Learn, Curious about the book
It was so good I want to listen again!
@@soraiasakkaidou1588 Hi Soraia! In short - I would say the most important thing Evy teaches in her book is how to stop living your life on autopilot.
I just got her book the other day, I'm flying through it, it's amazing!
It is SO GOOD. Im loving it right now ❤
"I know am smarter than you because l know l don't know everything" Wow!
It's not intelligence...it's wisdom!
It's Socrates , old wisdom. I feel so grateful that we learned this in philosophy in highschool.
My fav quote is "Im dumb as a brick on pavement".Being in that space is when im at my best,otherwise pride and ego kicks in.Then things may get sketch!
Called Humility.
“just because its your emergency, doesnt mean its mine” love that!
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength..even when I’m feeling afraid I always got comfort from this scripture ♥️
A black woman saying this bullshit. 🤦🏻♀️ Girl Christianity said slavery was ok. This religion only benefits white sis men. Open your fucking eyes! You’re brainwashed.
As Christ taught Slow to anger and slow to speech is so key.
@@akosua8779 indeed ❤️
Me too♥️
This literally saved my life i was going to do something ive been so depressed and fresh out of a really abusive relationship it was all getting to me with lockdown and everything but this just empowered me so much and gave me the strength to carry on and some good tools to deal with this shit
Aw sweetie- sorry to hear you are going through this at the moment but honestly hunni you've done the hardest part by leaving. Just focus on yourself and clap yourself on the back for having had the strength to put yourself first - take care it will get easier I promise 😊
When someone shows you who they are believe them. Leave them and stay away. Good people will not exploit your friendly, kind, and good nature. Men respect women who set boundaries and rules. Just be reasonable about it. Also see information on how to lose a man fast. Many men do not respect weak women. The sad truth is that bad men were raised by weak, sexist, bad moms who treated them like kings, so they could not control them. These bad, weak moms never taught their boys to respect women, that No means No; and how to deal with rejection; just walk and stay away. Perhaps, these men are just bad. Regardless, you need to enforce the law and set boundaries. Keep a journal of all the abusive incidents including mental cruelty. Contact law enforcement if the abuse becomes physical or there is stalking.
@@ganymeade5151 your message saved me. Genuinely this comment helped push me to leave my abusive ex. Currently leaving the house while he’s sleeping.
(Anyone reading this. Its never to late. Never jeopardize your life over a relationship. You can have more then one relationship but not more then one life)
I hope you are still doing well! Know theres someone out here in this world routing for you!!
Yass queen! Power through! 👸 you deserve to be happy. Find your worth, it’s always been there. You are worth it ❤️
'I Bubble wrap myself to keep myself from others chaos and energy" YES THIS! I put on an invisible cloak every day.....Energy is REAL we must protect ours so we don't get pulled in...I love Evy, she's so BADASS
I like the image I was given… imagine yourself wrapped in a cloud of rose colored light through which only that which is beneficial can enter, and all else is returned with love for whatever is needed for the highest good.
She is so powerful, her language, her confidence, her compassion and self love is inspiring- this girl has it dialed in- she is a true expert
She is petite. Like 4'11"
She's not being a real human
As a disabled person survivor of domestic violence this what I need to hear! It’s a long journey of recovery. Thank you ladies great show
May Lord Jesus Christ heal you and provide for all of your needs IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS CHRIST ❤ AMEN AND AMEN 🙏
"When I take accountability... I flow...
When I dont, I hit walls..."
EPIC! such a beautiful comment Lady. PREMIUM. We men need to be taught this more .
As a human trafficking survivor who has dealt with a lot of victimization, I found this to be really insightful and helpful.
I’m sorry to hear that! My sister never came back from human trafficking.. I’m glad people like yourself are here to spread the word in how horrible human trafficking is. Best of luck 💞
This is very helpful
Omg 😲
May your life be full of blessings 💚.
So sorry you had to experience that.
'we're all like family on this earth' is something I love. She is so compassionate and strong at the same time.
I am binge watching all the episodes with Eve Poumpouras! Thank you for inviting her :)
Yes being passive is what we consider being humble. Then in the end we blow up from built up anger and resentment.
This! We end up internalizing the stress. Especially women.
Sheila N I blew up and have a sun who won't talk to me.
Yep. I'm super easy going until a person has pushed me and pushed me. They call us passive aggressive but I call it polite until they push too far. Lol...Like a mother animal FINALLY snapping at their young that misbehaves. She will put up with a lot but there comes a line in the sand. I don't see this is necessarily a bad thing. Lol... When I blow up they KNOW I am serious and have had enough and they stop that behaviour!
That's not humility. Choosing your battles wisely is. Being meek does not equate to weak.
@@Orbt_ stress can kill you faster than active cancer.
40:30 reminds me of Maya Angelou “you teach people how to treat you”. 🙌🏽
@Red Hot Pepper Spray what you said doesn't even make sense lol
@Red Hot Pepper Spray you do teach others how to treat you though. Abusive relationships don't start overnight. Abusers are charming and are cunning at being able to win you back.
You eventually need to look at yourself and say "what am I doing here"? There is some payback you are getting from being there and there are things you put out to make yourself a victim .
When you dig deep and see those things then you can leave, then you become stronger and are able to be on good relationships because you are attracting the right kind of people.
Abusers see you and step back because they now see a woman who they can't control and manipulate and make feel bad.
You can only change you and be in control of yourself.
To people who are self-righteous, please have some humility.. everyone has their own struggle, you don’t know everything. Let’s be kind to one another
I don't think most self righteous people realize that's how they are.
This woman excudes this energy
"Your loved ones are not your dumping ground, that's how you lose ppl" So freakin insightful! And i relate with her when she said she removed herself & goes MIA when ppl escalate instead of fighting with them. That's EXACTLY what i do. I'll just remove myself completely! so i don't match their aggressive energy. That works for me cuz i don't like letting ppl get me out of my box.
"I am captain of my ship" Powerful line
johnnyexodices.wordpress.com/2020/11/24/we-are-now-entering-the-hell-and-hades-stages-of-purgatory-christ-jesus-returned/ WAR IS MURDER, and those whom support WAR IS MURDER by [owning] +=+ STOCKS in Corporations that spay Toxic Waste {Deadly Chemicals} /_\ into our Skies known as CON-trail aka Chem Trails are the real reason all people are dying and OUR children will be born sicker in each FUTURE BIRTH from all this TOXIC WASTE known in FREE MASON Code as (COVID19) #JINX [{**}] The Vaccine will only accelerate the Toxic Waste “ALREADY” in your Blood Streams... The Society of nonmason~ [///|||\\\] #LiquidDIRT
Have some humility you don’t know anything. None of us do.
I know I’m smarter than you because I know I don’t know everything.
Love these gems 💎
🔥🔥🔥
This is a GOOD ONE
When I don't know what to do, I do nothing. I step back, pray and ask my Heavenly Father what I should do. I've taught my daughters to do the same thing. They tell me it works.
It works
Mind over matter
@@collectivecreators6312 matter over mind how you like the reflect so far the veil is gone atleast for me and I love it wouldn't want it any other way peace and love to me myself and I got this 💕
Yes I do that as well, prayers do work.
Yes, prayers alway work.
If anyone is struggling with this and wants to learn more I suggest looking up Human Design it’s basically what she is explaining in layman’s terms but it can show how you, as a individual, can implement these practices in everyday situations. I freaking love this video bc that gut feeling (the sacral) is a VERY REAL thing but not everyone has one! so it’s a great thing to read up on!! My new fav video tbh
Thanks for the suggestion. I will check it out 🙂
Own your mistakes 100%. Remember to own your achievements as well. Thank you for this. This is EXCELLENT.
Would love to see more of Evy on how to protect ourselves during first dates and abusive relationships, red flags etc. I was in an abusive relationship too and I know how hard it is to leave or to even acknowledge what’s happening
Yes please and Thank You in advance.
Thanks so much for the suggestion!!
I would love a video about this topic too. Im sure she will have so much insight!
I would say, start making choices and asserting yourself in small things: what you wear, what you cook, what route you take. "No, I like this road. I like this sauce. We can do the one you like next time." You will slowly start believing in yourself, in your ability to make choices that are good for you. Then when necessary, you can make the choice to leave.
And remember ‘no is a full sentence’ to say to yourself. If you say no and they contest it, say no again :) nip that shit in the bud and if you’re lucky the tantrums will start early and you’ll be so bored of games you’ll leave.
“When I’m accountable i flow” love that
“indecisiveness is bad for our self esteem and confidence. Being decisive is important. Right or wrong I’m doing this, And I’ll learn from there …”
So powerful!
The Secret Service is EXTREMELY picky with hiring. Already on her first day of training she was a tough, smart, emotionally stable person.
She’s bad-ass. I would have loved to see her in action.
And we all can become like her as well.
U would have too be pretty bad ass too be secret service. Good advice
I feel so empowered right now. I stumbled upon this interview and it’s right on time. I really needed to hear this. Thank you, ladies.
Always is on time I felt the same , I’m little late
My doctors seemed very confident about themselves. Later the problem was solved by diet - on my own. They asked zero questions about diet which is often the root cause.
Doctors aren't trained in basic nutrition. They're trained to push drugs. My doctor wasn't happy when I told him I was making progress. Another autoimmune man looked like he wanted to mur der his doctor when I told him warm saltwater kills bacteria by dehydrating them without harming mucous membranes. He asked me, "why isn't my doctor telling me this?" And I answered, "because he's not getting paid to sell you salt and water."
@@publicserviceannouncement4777 Yes. Sadly indeed. I took 3 course of antibiotics for nothing. The problem was pH levels due to what I ate. Still battling the aftermath after 1 and a half years trying to fix what the drugs broke.
Alkaline diet - Dr. sebi --- he uses just that. The pH of the foods and herbs to heal the body
@@publicserviceannouncement4777 this idiotic mindset only works in America. Doctors here in the uk aren’t being paid to sell drugs to people, they’re being paid by the taxpayer to give people healthcare. Medication is bought in bulk by the NHS, most of the time generic rather than some branded American shit, and still, you don’t see them peddling saltwater for autoimmune diseases. It doesn’t even make sense, bacteria in your gut is not the issue, it is the BALANCE of different bacteria in your gut. So the saltwater has no idea which bacteria to dehydrate and which to leave alone, it doesn’t solve anything. Basic fucking logic. Also yes, doctors are trained in basic nutrition. It’s part of the curriculum required to gain a medicine degree.
Yes absolutely!
I think I have learned more from this UA-cam video than all the self help books and therapy I have consumed in my entire life! I have always been shy and low self esteem, sometimes hot headed, and this video has been so nice to learn from. Thank you for the solid, practical advice!
same
I love that she honestly always answers that "it depends" on more, there's never a true umbrella answer for most questions and the world is complex! Trying to simplify it and not taking things step-by-step is a mistake. Having a rule-of-thumb can be nice too but it's necesary to really pay attention and take things with a grain of salt.
Exactly..not every advice given that has worked for a lot of people will work for you .There are a lot of factors to consider that is why wisdom/discernment/discretion is so important.
What does with a grain of salt exactly mean here?
@@jeniferjohnson374 To take something with a "grain of salt" generally means to take it with some healthy skepticism or reservation since it might not always be the case or true.
@@Tulip3030 👍
One of my new affirmations, "I either win or I learn."
I have confrontations several times a day at work. It’s part of my job. Leading with empathy, staying present in the moment by listening to understand not to respond and being able to do nothing when a reaction is expected. This allows you to ask open ended questions that allow you to anchor, become an ally and then become influential. Human psychology is fascinating to me. Love it. Love the challenge.
May your inner calm remain always connected to Divine Love’s wisdom. Thank you for your joy and healing work.
Ugh she’s such a bad ass 😍🔥 love a woman that takes accountability and remains poise under pressure. Very inspirational
absolutely
OH MY GOD!!! The Universe TOTALLY sent me this video to give me SEVERAL messages! 🙌🏽😎 Thank you SOOOOO much ladies! You've given me so much food for thought and today I have to step into my power and stand up to someone who I have been allowing to overstep my boundaries for so long and it's time to completely cut that person out and trust in what I feel is the right thing to do for me. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 💜💜💜💜
Love this!!!! Making changes for you!! 👏🙌❤️
Me too! Ordered the book right away. I needed that so much. 💖
This was God. He makes the decisions, and He sends the solutions to your deepest prayers, through others. 😊
@@veggiesarefruits Amen 💜💜💜
@@hundekacke Hope it's serving you so much 🙌🏽
I love how she evaluates herself at the end of the day 💓
Right I'm going to need her to make a end of the day Self evaluation book 🤣🤣
It's called being the owner of your power and not letting anyone dictate. I love when she said the key word: ACCOUNTABILITY! Many lack this and blame everyone for their very adult life decisions 🙄
I have been a victimizing myself my whole life. I needed this. This is the first self improvement video I have watched after making an active decision to CHANGE MYSELF TO CHANGE MY LIFE. This was SO important for me to hear and I have taken so many good notes away from this.
This thought process literally SAVED my life. It changed the way I interact with people which has completely transformed everything around me.
She is amazing!!! Humble , intelligent, strong and beautiful
I swear I needed this video right now because I almost lost it today on someone. The negative energy can truly take over if you are not careful. And their are some people that are just wrapped in chaos. But we cannot allow their chaos to become our chaos. Thank you for reminding me of self control.
Evy’s advice to OVER PREPARE has absolutely changed my work life. My work life has absolutely SHIFTED and I found my flow:) taking ownership of my actions and outcome. Very powerful.
“Just because it’s your emergency, doesn’t mean it’s mine” 👏🏽 praise God say it again🙌🏽
What I call, "the rules of engagement", learned from a super, female friend. Might well have been Wonder Woman.
1) Think, don't react.
2) Don't be confrontational
3) Focus on a solution.
If you can manage to keep those three things in mind, it tends to work like a charm. You see clearer, what the deal is, by not putting your feelings in it.
Thanks 🕊️
" you make yourself more insecure when you say it's everybody else's fault because your saying you don't have control"
K but can we talk about how amazing this host is? It’s a superpower to interview this smoothly. Her questions were so intriguing and we got some amazing info bc of her questions.