Why Do I Hate Being Alone? | Kati Morton
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2019
- The fear of being alone (otherwise known as monophobia). Monophobia, like all phobias, falls under Anxiety Disorders, which is really important to remember because even though the word “phobia” is defined as, “an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.” In many ways these fears lead to symptoms of anxiety. You can feel on edge, wired, or worrying about what is going to happen if you have to face that fear.
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Thank you so much for doing these videos. As someone that can't afford to see a therapist currently, I've benefited greatly from your explanations and suggestions.
Awe I am so glad I can be a helpful resource!!!! xoxo
@@Katimorton Katie can you do a video about recovering from fearful avoidant attachment?
I hate being with people...
I feel like I'm gonna get hurt and ghosts will take me
You probably dont care but does anyone know a method to get back into an instagram account..?
I somehow lost my account password. I would love any tricks you can give me.
I don’t mind being alone in public, but I can’t stand being alone at home. :(
Yeah that's what I meant
Erica Purr same ):
Same
same erica i have :(
So so true
This is what I dread most, I feel like I talk to a lot of people, but I almost always still feel lonely and like nobody genuinely wants my company
Admir Barucija same, oh my god
It was/is the same with me, and as it turned out it was due to me not really understanding myself, even though I was sure I did.
Once I started knowing who I am, my interactions with others started changing as well, and what I got from those interactions..
Don't know if this is helpful or even applicable, or how universal this experience is...
Butt Why?? That makes perfect sense, and it’s awesome that you managed to discover who you are gradually and better your life because of it! I’m still working on that, though I feel I’m not that far from where I’d like to be, but still finding genuine friends and relationships is extremely difficult.
@@admirbarucija2018 oh, it is still very much a process for me as well, sometimes I feel like I'm falling back where I began, sometimes everything gradually improves :) but at least I know the direction..
I wish you all the best on your journey :)
Butt Why?? life is a continuous process and the journey ebbs and flows, some days are better than others and overcoming the challenges will be difficult, but you can do it, I believe in you! :)
Thank you so much, good luck to you as well! :)
I’m chronically ill, so I spend the vast majority of my time alone. I’ve had many years of this, so I’ve had a lot of self reflection time. I know myself so much better than anyone else my age. I highly recommend doing it for your own self growth. Facing this fear and actually spending time alone reflecting is worth it.
I think you are right Alinta time on self understanding is very important. I have had cfs for 15 years and have recently thought about doing youtube videos about how to achieve the most with little ability, money or energy for people with serious health issues. I think that people with serious health issues have a need for this type of information as it is difficult enough without having to figure out how to live life effectively in such situations.
Alinta, me, too. Most of the time, I don't mind, but there are other times, I get really, really lonely and feel left out. I definitely know myself inside and out and backward and forward for sure.
Isolation is certainly a huge problem with chronic illness but I try to remember what it has also given me, and self knowledge is one of those things. It can be easy to get bogged down in all the negatives of illness, because there are so many, so I try hard to find the positives in it too :)
I'm chronically ill aswell and I can relate
@@superfluityme yes we do please do I'll watch them! Glad you wanna help people! Thank u
The living alone one I feel like I’m scared to live alone more so because I don’t feel I can keep myself safe, from myself. Not just other people.
I used to fear being alone but when I learned to love myself I realized that I actually enjoy my own company.
Yay!!! xoxo I love hearing that.
I can relate to this 🙌🏻🙌🏻
Kati Morton Your videos are so helpful. Thank you 💕
thats so dope
I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately so this video kinda hits home. I’m going to my first therapy session today and I feel like I have sooooo many things to unpack. I can already tell that this is gonna be a long journey but I’m glad I’m finally starting it.
I am so proud of you for starting therapy!!! Trust me, it's hard work, but totally worth it!!! xoxox
First we learn to appreciate our own company, then we would likely share our time, in a healthy way, with someone else.
I definitely used to dread being alone. Being alone meant I had to actually face my problems and face my own thoughts. I was emotionally self-abusive, telling myself horrible things and that I wasn’t worth much, that people didn’t really care about me, that I didn’t care about myself. I wanted to avoid that, so I became really codependent on my best friend, always wanting to hang out, texting her 24/7, etc. I also became a workaholic (and yes, that IS an addiction). I worked 80+ hours a week so that I didn’t have any time to be alone or face/work on my issues.
But that isn’t healthy. None of it is. And I hit my breaking point last summer. I was exhausted and emotional from so much work, I didn’t have time for anything (good OR bad), and my best friend was feeling used. Life was pretty bad. And that’s when I started going to therapy. I started working on myself. And it was life-changing.
I quit some of my jobs. I now only work enough to keep me satisfied and financially stable. I stopped being so dependent on my friend and started investing in a relationship with myself. I do stuff by myself all the time now and I love it! I go to the movies, I take myself to dinner, I go on road trips, I go to concerts, I hang out at the zoo, i have a quiet night in with dinner and a glass of wine....I try everything alone, and I have a lot of fun! It’s not that I don’t like doing things with people anymore, it’s still fun to have friends. But I found out that I’m not so bad to be around and that being alone is more than okay!
If you’re considering therapy, stop considering. Just go. Just try it. It can change your life. It sure changed mine.
Thanks for reading my story 😬 Happy Monday!
Kaitlin Fleet so glad ur in a better place now!
TK thanks! 🤗💜💜
I can’t stand being alone with myself and my thoughts so I busy myself and hangout with friends back to back so I’m by myself for the minimum of the day. If I am alone I have to be chatting with people 24/7 or entertain/ distract myself
Im very scared of being alone, but i feel its for different reasons. Im a very affectionate, very outgoing extrovert, but I've had alot of issues of "friends" ditching me. (By that i mean, i would have someone claim theyre my best friend, and unfortunately i became the "therapist friend", and the next day say how they dont need me anymore and would leave me after using me and cut me off entirely.)
That ignited a serious fear of being alone, and that eventually all my friends would leave me and i would have NO ONE, and would be alone forever. It's irrational, im aware, but anxiety is anxiety.
I get nervous constantly that when i meet new people they dont actually like me, and that im bothering them.
Sounds like you may have been dealing with people who are narcissistic.
@@burritomaker69 yea, im trying to stop surrounding myself with shitty people, but its hard to do
CaitKat maybe it’s time to cut theses toxic ppl out of ur life ua-cam.com/video/vAcWIRuoZRc/v-deo.html
I relate to it
How r u now?
Finding out who you are and also means coming to terms with our mistakes. For me are used to only want to be defined by my accomplishments, but whenever I was alone my anxiety brought up my mistakes. There is a friend of mine who asked “do you hate being alone because you hate who you’ll be with.” And that phrase has stuck with me for a long time.
I've been alone most of my life. I can't make others WANT to hang around me. I don't chase after people, but I do make an effort. 99% of the time, the world doesn't know or care I exist... unless they need something from me. So, I don't further those leeching relationships. I'd like friends or a date once in a blue moon... but I'm not going to change who I am (jump through hoops) just to be recognized. Someone that recognizes me for me and takes the time to get to know me, without an agenda, are the few relationships I work to improve.
I’ve learned the HARD way that it’s a TERRIBLE idea for me to live alone! Turns out EVERY night turns into my own personal “Netflix & Chill” night! (take that as u will 🤷♀️😹). Also, I have trouble doing things for myself, like cleaning, buying groceries, making food but I will totally do these things for someone else. Anyone else have this issue?
Yes, when i was living with my then boyfriend, i cooked and did all the chores. Now that im on my own, I struggle to keep up with it
I'm struggling with this right now, I've just come out of a relationship that lasted from ages 18-22, so my entire adult life so far. I have very few friends and really struggle to be close to people, and he actually told me when he broke up with me that he could no longer handle being the only person in my support system, which is completely fair. I've realized I just have no idea who I am as a person, why I am the way I am and how to manage it, or how to create meaningful connections (or any connections at all). I'm not close with my family at all and can't speak to them about anything. Becoming one of the lonely people (like the beatles song lmao) has always been my biggest fear and now that's exactly what's happening to me. I can't afford therapy as I'm a student and have no idea what to do. I find it hard to work through things because I have little to no memory of most of my childhood and I don't know why. basically i'm screwed lol
pheebs something similar just happened to me. Fortunately, most schools will actually provide free or reduced counseling. You’re going to need to build up ur support network and Kati has a great video on this! ua-cam.com/video/wWxqj2a0V6s/v-deo.html
I almost cry while reading your comments. Your situation is soooo similar time mine.
Damn girl this is me. How are you managing now?
I love being alone. I actually crave being alone. I get overstimulated around people.
SAAAME
Same here
Ah yes, the tell tale introvert
Same, people can be overwhelming
"Quiet" by Susan Cain, is the bible for introverts.
I'm alone a lot and have health issues. I don't think people with families know how lucky they are. Coming home to no one, nobody checking up on you, no one being worried for you. It's without a shadow of a doubt effective my health.
I never lived alone before I had a stroke. They always say, people are gonna move out of your life with a brain injury. But, now I live alone, enjoying life so much, spending every moment that I had available to making me feel great. With no regrets man.
cynsen so glad ur in a good place! ❤️
*_Happy Monday_* Everyone!
Going to college really helped me figure out what role I play in life. When I got to decide what I wanted to learn and what path I wanted to take helped so much. I just trusted my passions, what got me excited and interested, now I live in the college town of my choice and surround myself with people who love the same thing I do. It’s very very cool.
i hate being alone & i hate being around too many people. & i struggle with being single. i hate the loneliness.
Same
"Try something new.." Love that tip Kati! There is so much out there to learn and embrace, love the videos!
Awe I am so glad you loved that and enjoyed the video :) xoxo
You're such a beautiful person. I'm so glad I found you. One never has enough happy, healthy, proactive and genuinely caring people around them. My personal friends are a LOT like you and I've become such a better person thanks to them and their collective positive influence.
Thank you for all you do; it is much appreciated.
This was so wonderfully helpful. Thank you, Kati!
Thank you so much kati. It is good to know there is a community that goes through the same struggles I do, and helping me not to feel alone. You are a big help in my life
So interesting! Thank you for sharing.
I agree, platonic love is important too.
You are so fantastic, Kati. Thank you for this video.
Happy Monday Kati!!😀☀️
I seriously appreciate this video so much! I have had this issue for so long and I just didn't ever have a name for it I'm hoping therapy will help me work through this! Thank you for everything you do Kati!
Great share, gave me a whole new perspective on the subject, as I'm quite the opposite and need my time alone
This summer I went through a breakup from a three year relationship, and I was extremely codependent on it. I don't know where this has come from, I've never really had a manipulative or dependent parental or sibling relationships but I've always been distant from my family. I think we were babied, and I didn't really explore on my own. I definitely feel like I need a relationship to continue functioning, and I'm really strongly craving that deep human connection that you really only can get with a best friend. I need friends but it's hard bc I'm in a really unstable place. I just transferred to a new school, and I should be renting in a new city next year. I have trouble doing things on my own, like I won't go for a walk unless someone gives me a reason to.
Omg I’m so glad she’s made a video like this I’ve always had this question!
The best video ever Kati super relatable. Also the soundtrack at the end was good
This video comes just when I needed it. Thanks Kati
Thank you soooooo much you understand me finally someone that I can listen to :(
This video meant the world to me kati thank you so much I've seen most or all of your videos your patients are lucky to have you as their therapist and were lucky to have you on UA-cam i wish more people were as kind and insightful like you the world would be a far kinder place if there was more katis thank you again for the video !
Matt ditto!
Wow! How did you know this is exactly what I needed to hear right now? This is exactly what I’m going through right now. Thank you.
Thank you Kati for creating this wonderful video and giving me some tools to use. Please do more video on this topic
Very good video! This is one of those things that I think everyone would benefit from, whether or not a diagnosis is present! Thanks!
Perhaps the most important topic that gets almost no coverage. Thank you. And, as you note, there's so many causes, so it's likely fairly prevalent. Last, overcoming this takes a level of self-awareness, honesty (with self), facing our codependency, the causes of that codependency, and establishing new habits, which requires patience, etc. In other words, facing monophobia isn't easy and takes time.
Question:
How do you get over separation anxiety (I'm over 18, and every time I'm away from my mom, I have major panic attacks, and It's very embarrassing!)
That seems like an unhealthy attachment pattern. Look up attachment theory and you may resonate a lot with something called an anxious/preoccupied attachment. These patterns even continue in romantic relationships and in fact I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had this attachment pattern and much of it was the same. She would have panic attacks when away from me.
that is all normal and ok
LittleLulubee it’s not “normal” but it’s very common
There are many causes of anxiety. The first thing that helps when you don't know where it's coming from is to realise that your anxious reactions are not you. You have them but they are not because of who you are. It is best to see a therapist to find out the cause as once you know the cause you can work on it.
LittleLulubee it’s common to have anxiety, but ur correct that full on panic attacks is on the extreme side but it’s not unheard of. I’ve had several people say similar things in the comments
i hate being alone, but its hard to make friends in person when i struggle with agoraphobia/social anxiety.
I think I have 2 version of this. Living alone and also relationships. I stay in relationships that suck until I find someone better..that's pretty shitty. I'll never be happy probably 😔
PiggyAzalea don’t give up, with the right help it DOES GET BETTER! ❤️
This video is so far, my favourite. You really touched upon the things that i struggle with. I ended up preferring to be by myself (out of necessity ) and loved it until people started reacting badly to me being by myself. So i started seeing my 'me-time' as a burden. I'm now changing that.
Thank you for this video. I struggle a lot with doing things alone and just realised the pattern now that I’m almost 30 years old. I’ve been leaning on a friend since I was in elementary school, and another friend on different stage of my life, and whenever I have to do something “alone” I get unbearable anxiety even though I know that I can do it alone. It affected my actions and how I live life, and it’s happening again right now. It feels so hard and I can’t seem to handle it, I don’t know the cause of this phobia in me. I also get anxious whenever I have to meet new people, so it’s like I’m afraid of being alone, but also afraid of making new friends. I’ve recently met a therapist that will hopefully help, but I wouldn’t refuse more video about monophobia especially the non-romantic relationship ones...
Thank you for this video! I have a fear of being alone, specifically, living alone.
I feel like I'm ok if I'd have a roommate, but I don't think I'd be able to actually live on my own.
Alicia Anderson ditto!
This has been something that I’ve been struggling with on and off for a while. It comes in waves. I felt like this video popping up on my timeline was a sign for me. I learned a lot from this video in such a short amount of time. Thank you so much Kati, I really needed this.
burgundymorgan ❤️
I like being alone because I get really anxious being around people. but also struggle with having healthy boundaries and find myself looking to unhealthy things to make me feel wanted and loved.
Thank you sooo much Katie ☺
Thank you so much for this! ❤ this is the most encouraging video abt this topic I have ever seen.
I have mixed feelings about being alone. I often look forward to being alone. I have found out that I do need some kind of human interaction, though. One time this therapist told me that just having someone there can make a big difference in the emotional well being of a person who spends a lot of time alone. I'm diagnosed with a few personality disorders, and all of them are about how I relate to others.
Yep! That WAS insightful!
This was very helpful thank you Kati.
I love the way you say "welcome" :)
I am exactly the other way. Why do I not mind being alone? I like it better then with people. Makes me nervous and gives me a headache. I dont talk much. Rather stay in my room and escape into fantasy worlds.
Thanks a lot for this video. It really helped me
I appreciate the stepping back to one video a week. It's good for you to do that.
This really resonated with me. One of my biggest fear is without a doubt, ending up alone.. I have never been in a relationship, but I still can't imagine a life on my own.. I feel like if I dont find anyone to spend my life with, I might as well end my own.
im so sorry, how old are you?
@@sewlybutsurely haha, this was almost funny reading again now 😅 now I’m married and pregnant with our first child!
Don’t give up!! 🩷🩵
My problem is the opposite: I like being alone, and go out of my way to keep it like that, while I do like people I have a hard time seeking someone to be romantically involved with.
Loved the gentle music at the end
It's really exhausting having monophobia and being an introvert...
Omg relatable!
@@priceymashups7692 Thanks!
Thank you so much for your videos and your hard work.
I needed this
I find being around others teaches me more about myself. I also find being around others makes me more productive which, in turn, helps my mental health.
Natalie Edelstein so true!
this video helped me thank you
These are great thank you so much
Thank you so much for uploading this and talking about this topic! I am a new subscriber!
I am currently not seeing a therapist and you have been helping me! I have a love hate relationship with being alone. My parents ALWAYS have a HARD time getting me out of my room. I love being alone to think and relax after a long and sometimes stressful day. But then I HATE being alone and with my thoughts as well. That’s when I sometimes relapse in self harm.
My depression is bad again and having suicidal thoughts and thoughts on wanting to relapse in self harm as well. You make me feel less alone and don’t judge me on what I am going through. And I thank you SOO MUCH for😊. Have a wonderful week!
Emilee The Small Town Dreamless Indiana Girl Welcome to the Community! I’m so sorry ur going thru a rough time right now. I’ll link Kati’s playlist on depression below. Please reach out to a mental health professional because with the right help it DOES GET BETTER! ❤️ ua-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqzZv5mmk-Xw4IvoHRzc7ki4.html
Woow, you make great pints here. I can understand myself better now. Thankssss xx
The notification for this video just popped up on my screen and I honestly think that you've been reading my thoughts lately because this is currently my biggest struggle😂 I'm about to go into my next class but I'll definitely watch it afterwards haha
I hope it's helpful!! xoxo
I struggle with this. It helps to watch videos like this to learn about how to cope.
Can u do ones about pushing people away and not wanting to talk to get to know people of anxiety but mainly pushing people away
ally watson ck out Kati’s video on Avoidant Personality Disorder! ua-cam.com/video/HQY6HgES9m0/v-deo.html
Thank you for making these videos, i did have one question from Kati specifically, what if i am terrified of being alone anywhere but have told my friends but they don't understand? And what should i do about staying by myself? It's not a good thing being by myself so i have to be watching your videos so I'm not alone because you make me feel not alone. Thankyou so much keep up the great work!
Amen sista!! I love you!
Thank you so much! Monophobia has led me to developing gerascophobia because I fear that once I began to grow older people like my family and my friends will pass on first before me. It's really scary. This video helped a lot thank you!
I prefer being alone. Only going shopping one or two times a month and church on Sunday. I am happy at home in the country.
Awesome episode... I am the opposite but your videos are awesome wish I have more financial stability to be able to join your patrion but my mental health is restricting my life in many ways financial is just one... But your video is the bright ray of light in my day. Thank you kati
Great energy, Keep it up. You helped and made me laugh.
Thanks for making these videos Katy, I am currently trying to recover from an ED and reparenting myself as I try to leave an abusive home with emotionally neglecting parents. They are very helpful and I am getting better at things :)
Paola Zurita so glad ur doing better! ❤️
Oh my... fucking god... I knew there was a reason I had to finally crack down and watch your videos... I have no idea if you will see this Kati, but you seriously helped both me... and my doctors.
I have ALWAYS had a really bad fear of being alone. I never had friends growing up, and people who DID try to befriend me in high school ended up using me and abusing my kindness towards them. On top of that, my mother has ALWAYS been EXTREMELY involved with my life. I can't do anything without her questioning me, my work, or my lifestyle because she cant physically see me doing everything. She thinks im nothing but a lazy good for nothing slob who only cares about herself. Which isnt true at all, Im a very hard working freelance artist. I actually go as far as considering myself a workaholic because I can literally NEVER STOP working until I finally crash for 2 weeks out of pure exhaustion. I work anywhere between 10 to 15 hours a night drawing digital illustrations... every. single. night. with RARELY any breaks. And it really hurts when Im working so hard and my mother refuses to admit that im working at all. She thinks all I do is play video games with my friends every night. She is also very forceful about being controlling over my life. For the longest time I thought it was actually NORMAL that my mother was treating me, a 20 year old... like a literal toddler. She HAS to be in every doctors appointment and talk for me (I rarely ever get a say in things), she has to watch me 24/7 to make sure im not "doing anything im not supposed to", she has even tried MULTIPLE TIMES IN JUST THE PAST YEAR to hack into any of my social media accounts to see what im "actually" doing or if I was "cheating on my boyfriend" at the time, and she feels the need to CONSTANTLY remind me to do my chores around the house like I have the mental capacity of a fucking fly. It's an extremely stressful situation and life style, but I was never told that she was actually being a bad parent. I grew up with the mindset that... that was normal, and I just had to accept it.... (Also a good note to have is that she is a manic bi-polar with menopause to add right on top of it, though I feel like there is more going on because all this year she has been acting really delusional)
I also struggle with really bad anxiety when it comes to being left alone, a lot of times I am just more worried about being abandoned. I do have some close friends now that actually care about me and its a really nice and healthy environment for me. I have only JUST NOW (like past 2 or 3 months) found a state of happiness in my friends and we all have a really healthy relationship. But I still have this subconscious fear that maybe they think that I am annoying, are they only friends with me to make me feel happy, do they actually like me, does my crush really have feelings for me too or is he only saying that to make me feel better after the really mentally abusive relationship I got out of 4 months before? These are questions I am constantly asking myself, but I also know that none of it is true. I KNOW that all my friend genuinely love and care about me and I KNOW that my crush genuinely loves me and really wants to be in a relationship with me but he just wants some more time to recover from his bad relationship that he got out of a year prior. Its just this irrational fear that I cant even escape.
There is A LOT MORE to everything that I am saying, but the comment is already LONG ENOUGH lmao. But even though that I am dealing with a lot of this stuff, within the past 4 weeks-ish, maybe a few days less than that. I have actually been thinking about everything that is going on in my life, how im feeling, what im thinking, so on and so forth. As well as doing a lot of research into mental illnesses that I might POSSIBLY struggle with. But after a little while I've realized what was wrong and I have been self treating my illness and im actually doing a lot better.
and watching your video Kati REALLY hit home with me and now I know EXACTLY what to do, how im feeling and WHY im feeling that way. I go back to the doctors on the 14th (2 days from now) to turn in some anxiety screeners. Ill make sure to talk more about everything with my doctor and see where we can go from there!
Thank you for everything you do Kati, if it wasnt for Shane I wouldnt have found you and your content. I really shouldnt have held off on looking at your content for a whole year. Because I could have realized so much more a year ago. Keep doing what you do and helping people who really need it
SheyonniKat Welcome to the Community! so glad u made it here in the end! That sucks that you’re going through a rough time right now and ur mom seems like a nightmare. The best thing to do is work on setting boundaries with her. I’m going to link some videos below that u may find helpful!
ua-cam.com/video/HfU3vliw_08/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/A5fw-IT_phU/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/Ze6YB1gCDYQ/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/w0LeYk6539M/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/gBpDwbTsLlE/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/KhW4g9urdXQ/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/vAcWIRuoZRc/v-deo.html
I've been alone for the last couple years and felt like I wasn't lovable... But I focused so much on getting to know myself. I really needed this validation.
quasarkid you are worth of love ❤️
I hate being alone when it’s not my decision, if I want to spend lunch with someone but can’t find anyone available it really upsets me
Thanks for the amazing video, everyone have a great day
Madisyn Carter you too! 😺
I think your amazing your video s are so calming to me and I watch loads of your health videos your channel your a good therapist so much of what you say in your video s I can relate to I feel like most of what you talk about in your video s I myself feel alone even if I'm not alone my emotions are a mess I am not able to deal with my anxiety again you are helpful thank you
I struggle with this a lot, and I think it stems from growing up gay. I don't want to say this as if my parents weren't supportive, because they've been nothing but. However, that isolation and lack of a relatable mentor in terms of dealing with my sexuality, has certainly contributed. Sometimes I wonder if growing up in the closet, witnessing the bullying of others for being gay traumatized me. It definitely plays a role in my confidence in both finding a partner and being open. I still struggle with self confidence and worry what people around me are saying about me.
Chris Bane sometimes the biggest stigma and the worst bullying comes from ourselves
8:05 Omg... This made me realize that I did this with my best friends and didn't realize it... I didn't have any romantic feelings towards them but they were all I had at the time when I was single. I guess I started to get jealous for no real reason... Thank goodness I have a romantic relationship and I on longer attach myself to best friends because I feel alone!
I am greatly thankful for your videos.
Could please explain the consequences of trauma in one health.
How one's body reacts towards trauma and how to handle it effectively.
thank you.
I think it’s annoying when people say “how can I love someone else if I don’t love myself” and meanwhile you see people that hate themselves in a relationship it makes no sense 😹
I actually already knew where my triggers were with my problem of being alone.
Hearing about that in the video actually support my thoughts about it.
Right now I'll stay single for as long as it takes for me to feel good by myself and knowing what I need to do to stay happy.
Since I'm always giving my partner everything he needs (since I fear of them negelecting me because I can't give them what they want from me) it is the best choice or else I'll start to actually land in the difficult situation of forgetting about my own well-being again.
It's good that I was able to figure out where this comes from so it's only a matter of time until I can happily say what my needs are and set the boundaries I need (which I wasn't able to do by now).
It should be okay to leave someone behind who doesn't care about you without fearing the thought of being "alone". That's what I found out with the help of my therapist. We are our own best friends, right? So we should treat ourselves well and not depend on others like that.
Thank you for informing us about these topics.
I totally related to this. My loneliness is the third variation. Though I haven’t been in a romantic relationship in over two years, I try to force it on my friends. I want to talk to them and hang out all the time. I’ve always wondered why nobody reciprocated those feelings, but I learned that I need to let other people be and do my own thing. That’s probably where I need to schedule more “me” time
YAAAAY YOUR WELCOME IS BACK 😍😍😍😭
As always, thank you for your amazing video! I'd really benefit from a video on "getting to know yourself". I feel like I have no idea who I am as a person - what even do we mean when we refer to knowing who we are? I know I'm loyal and sensible, but that is about it. I don't have any hobbies as my spare time is used practically getting things done or resting so I can work (I have a chronic illness). I'd love to hear more ideas on how I can figure myself out. Xx
Jordan-Eva Tiley Kati answers a similar question in one of her FAQ videos! ua-cam.com/video/eu6EQIS8QMU/v-deo.html
I don't have a fear of being alone as I have been on my own, living alone for 20 years... but I do think I have a great deal of anxiety added into the PTSD because I'm alone (feeling like I am not connected and the fear of always being that way)
I like to be alone but the social worker and my therapist wants me to be more social. I love being with my dog and some of my friends. I was adopted so I had no attachment to my adopted mom.
Good stuff! Learning a lot from your videos!
Though I have experienced many of the causes that lead to Monophobia, I'm the opposite, I actually want to be alone so that my life doesn't have an negative impact on the life of others. But this leads to what I call moments of weakness where I want to have someone or pursue possible relationships. But I have to stop myself, cause I know it won't last that feeling. I'll quickly go back to pushing that person away and hurting them in the process :s
I aspire of being highly independent and enjoy the true nature of living alone. It gives me a peace of mind and the ability to be free without attachment.
Hey Kati! First of all, I love your videos - you're so amazing at explaining things and making people feel reassured!
Secondly, I'm actually studying towards my counselling degree and was wondering if you have done or would do a video(s) to give some tips for counsellors and listeners?
Once again, you videos are amazing 🧡
Aria The House she has a whole playlist on it! ua-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqyHKgaVlKKI6Rop25sNu12O.html
Thank you so much I never noticed!!
I'm an introvert so "me time" is something I look forward to and I enjoy it, sometimes. When I haven't left the house for days at a time because "people scare me" it makes me feel more alone and worthless. I sometimes enjoy going out by myself but that's only if I have my headphones in and I'm back home in 10 minutes. I want to hangout with my friend(s) but I don't want to be a burden by asking them every week. I guess it's an unrealistic expectation to want to go grocery shopping with a friend or walk around my neighborhood for the simple reason that "people scare me." I was in a routine where I was biking almost every morning by myself and I enjoyed it because it's healthy. However, the anxiety of people judging or following me never stopped. I realized it was an unrealistic expectation to ask a friend to come with me because it was in the morning. I didn't want to be a burden by "forcing" them to ride bikes with me. I think the fear of people judging me will never gone. I know the solution to this is to face the fear head on and "not care" what people think. But I'm afraid. I've been traumatized, have unavailable parents and didn't have proper attachment as a child. Thank you for giving me a word for the fear I always have. I'm still trying to figure out who I am and think I never will. I cope with being alone by staring at my phone or laptop for hours at a time because that's the only "connection" I can get at all. My goal is to not be afraid of people, I hope someday I can accomplish that.
You should podcast. You're amazing!
like what my therapist say: being alone is different from feeling lonely. being alone is a physical thing while loneliness implies that you dont even stand yourself. feeling lonely is not being ok with yourself.