I am really grateful to you. A new journey just started for my wife and me today as we separated. A very hard thing for both of us and yes I feel abandoned. Heck, even the dog is gone. I have shared some of what I have seen in your videos with my therapist and am certainly going to be talking about this one because I have one scared child in me. The dialogue exercise will be interesting to try once I get a journal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)
I found this fascinating! When I look back at previous relationships and that need to connect quickly this describes me to a T. I got involved far too quickly and ignored the big red flags just to fill that void. Looking back at my family of origin my mother had been abandoned at the age of 7 and she hated being alone for as long as I can remember. Us kids, especially me as I was the oldest, were conditioned to put mum first and our needs were either non existent or put on the back burner. It's taken me a long time to change these patterns of being enmeshed with another and it's definitely a work in progress. Thanks Michelle.
My mom to this day gives me attention when I do something she likes and when I don't she gets upset and ignores me. Thus, I grew up putting her needs first as well. Out of everyone in my life, my relationship with her is the most important yet the most screwed up and I realize I'm the only person who can change because she's 81 and nothing's going to change there
@@tammyb8742 Hey Tammy, yeah putting her needs first is an important awareness. You might want to check out my videos on codependency to see if it fits. Here is one, What is Codependency in a Relationship? ua-cam.com/video/YalimMFo9d4/v-deo.html
I've had relationships when the guy would never show up or stand up. I refused to wait, I would just get in my car and take off. I felt so much better!
Hi, New subscriber here and I think your content is great. I've been binge watching your episodes. I'm 49 and found out in the last year I'm codependent lol (from a therapist client of mine) so I've been working on that for the past year. I should probably really do in-person therapy but haven't gotten there yet. Anyhoo, I definitely have severe abandonment, etc, issues (I had a traumatic childhood) but I don't do the clingy I do the exact opposite where I will just drop someone and not talk to them again. ever. And it's not like they're trying to contact me and I'm not available it's that I stop communicating with them and I never hear from them again and so I figure I must have been right which I don't know if that's true or not. Therefore I have a hard time with reciprocity in friendships because I have to weigh how much I'm giving and just recently I had a DOH 🤦 moment when I realized l was giving too much in a friendship and kinda of got lost in it and I had to pull back and again the person didn't reciprocate so it gave me that panicky feeling but instead of following up with them, I went radio silent. Oddly, me stating this is progress because I'm at least aware of it and how I reacted and I caught it quickly. (I also did reach out to my friend again but will detach a little.) This is a novel, thank you for letting me share.
Absolutely, thank you for sharing! Reciprocity and working through conflicts are big goals in codependency recovery. Assessing our relationships is key too because we tend to pick people that don't treat us well ( or we don't take care of ourselves and that needs addressing too ). Thanks again for watching Tammy!
Coming from parents of father being killed when I was a child and mother who died from alcoholism and anorexia as a young adult. I have not been in a relationship for decades for fear of failure. I am a recovered alcoholic but while in addiction, my children were taken away from me. I struggle with finances no matter how hard I work. Currently, I have developed health issues. I feel that my body is abandoning me. I have been in therapy for so many years but it hasn’t helped. They did medicate me but I felt it wasn’t helping. Felt more numb than I do without medication. I’m practicing meditation and yoga. I’m trying self help inner work. But I sense that I’m self sabotaging . Is there hope for me out there?
My heart goes out to you. Have you considered Al-Anon or ACA? Those 12 step programs are all about healing codependency and childhood wounds. The good can really deepen your existing recovery.
Hi Michelle what should I do can you please help me because my girlfriend has not texted me since last Wednesday and I feel like I did something wrong or I feel like my girlfriend is sick so should I keep texting my girlfriend or give my girlfriend space and let my girlfriend text me and if I do not text my girlfriend do you think my girlfriend will miss me please help thanks 🙏
Josh I’d recommend checking out Al-Anon - a free support group on Zoom ( and in person ) to help you look at your reactions. Having trouble letting go is totally understandable so why not get some targeted support? The meetings are focused on healing codependency and that might be something to check out.
@@MichelleFarrismft yech I could but I like having your advice and I just really do not want too lose my girlfriend because she has not been texting me since last Wednesday so are you saying I should keep my girlfriend space and just let my girlfriend text me first and will my girlfriend miss me if I am not texting her so what should I do
@@joshsaundh4851 I understand but I really can’t ethically give advice here. Have you considered getting some therapy? These are important issues that deserve more than a quick response.
@@MichelleFarrismft so are you saying I should go to her house and start begging her and I really do not what to do because her parents never text back so I do not know what that means oh maybe my girlfriend is just missing me so much do you think that is why my girlfriend is not texting me because she has not seen me in a long time and she misses me
@@joshsaundh4851 No, I'm not saying anything like that. Stay in your hula hoop Josh - meaning work on yourself and try to get get into her head and make assumptions. Do you own healing and THAT is where you will find relief. You sound young - if you are under 18 there is Al-Teen that you can check out too. It's specifically for teens.
it's not the fear of being alone (or left out) by family, it's due to society. I know I've got a pretty good anchor, but once I'm actually alone, meaning, not able to find a partner, to find a wife, or girlfriend. what then?
Creating a solid foundation is important. When you're emotionally healthy, you can enjoy life and trust that the right partner will come as you continue to do this work ( and of course, be willing to put yourself out there socially ).
I am really grateful to you. A new journey just started for my wife and me today as we separated. A very hard thing for both of us and yes I feel abandoned. Heck, even the dog is gone. I have shared some of what I have seen in your videos with my therapist and am certainly going to be talking about this one because I have one scared child in me. The dialogue exercise will be interesting to try once I get a journal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :)
Thank you Michael, that means a lot. You are in the deepest part of recovery - even though it is painful there are many accompanying gifts ahead!
I found this fascinating! When I look back at previous relationships and that need to connect quickly this describes me to a T. I got involved far too quickly and ignored the big red flags just to fill that void. Looking back at my family of origin my mother had been abandoned at the age of 7 and she hated being alone for as long as I can remember. Us kids, especially me as I was the oldest, were conditioned to put mum first and our needs were either non existent or put on the back burner. It's taken me a long time to change these patterns of being enmeshed with another and it's definitely a work in progress. Thanks Michelle.
Wow, Sue what a great awareness about your childhood and mum. You are doing such great work!!!
My mom to this day gives me attention when I do something she likes and when I don't she gets upset and ignores me. Thus, I grew up putting her needs first as well. Out of everyone in my life, my relationship with her is the most important yet the most screwed up and I realize I'm the only person who can change because she's 81 and nothing's going to change there
@@tammyb8742 Hey Tammy, yeah putting her needs first is an important awareness. You might want to check out my videos on codependency to see if it fits. Here is one, What is Codependency in a Relationship? ua-cam.com/video/YalimMFo9d4/v-deo.html
I've had relationships when the guy would never show up or stand up. I refused to wait, I would just get in my car and take off. I felt so much better!
Yeah sometimes leaving is the best boundary ever I agree!☝️
Hi, New subscriber here and I think your content is great. I've been binge watching your episodes.
I'm 49 and found out in the last year I'm codependent lol (from a therapist client of mine) so I've been working on that for the past year. I should probably really do in-person therapy but haven't gotten there yet. Anyhoo, I definitely have severe abandonment, etc, issues (I had a traumatic childhood) but I don't do the clingy I do the exact opposite where I will just drop someone and not talk to them again. ever. And it's not like they're trying to contact me and I'm not available it's that I stop communicating with them and I never hear from them again and so I figure I must have been right which I don't know if that's true or not. Therefore I have a hard time with reciprocity in friendships because I have to weigh how much I'm giving and just recently I had a DOH 🤦 moment when I realized l was giving too much in a friendship and kinda of got lost in it and I had to pull back and again the person didn't reciprocate so it gave me that panicky feeling but instead of following up with them, I went radio silent.
Oddly, me stating this is progress because I'm at least aware of it and how I reacted and I caught it quickly. (I also did reach out to my friend again but will detach a little.)
This is a novel, thank you for letting me share.
Absolutely, thank you for sharing! Reciprocity and working through conflicts are big goals in codependency recovery. Assessing our relationships is key too because we tend to pick people that don't treat us well ( or we don't take care of ourselves and that needs addressing too ). Thanks again for watching Tammy!
Thank you
@@SoulSeeker2025 thank YOU for watching!
Thank you for this video !
@@marcshaw6811 you’re very welcome!
Coming from parents of father being killed when I was a child and mother who died from alcoholism and anorexia as a young adult. I have not been in a relationship for decades for fear of failure. I am a recovered alcoholic but while in addiction, my children were taken away from me.
I struggle with finances no matter how hard I work. Currently, I have developed health issues. I feel that my body is abandoning me. I have been in therapy for so many years but it hasn’t helped. They did medicate me but I felt it wasn’t helping. Felt more numb than I do without medication.
I’m practicing meditation and yoga. I’m trying self help inner work. But I sense that I’m self sabotaging . Is there hope for me out there?
My heart goes out to you. Have you considered Al-Anon or ACA? Those 12 step programs are all about healing codependency and childhood wounds. The good can really deepen your existing recovery.
I have done the 12 step program through AA & NA. Where I live now there are no ACA or Al-Anon groups
@@cassivolkwyn9452 look for the Zoom meetings. There are lots!
@@MichelleFarrismft
Awesome, will do! Thank you for your time and help 🪷
@@cassivolkwyn9452 absolutely- you can search Alanon zoom or electronic meetings.
I have monophobia and agoraphobia with panic disorder. Is this due to abandonment?
Yes..
Me too
Thanks for watching!
Me too.
Thanks Maureen, you're not alone!
me too
Thanks for watching!!
Me too
Thanks Bobby, you’re not alone!
Hi Michelle what should I do can you please help me because my girlfriend has not texted me since last Wednesday and I feel like I did something wrong or I feel like my girlfriend is sick so should I keep texting my girlfriend or give my girlfriend space and let my girlfriend text me and if I do not text my girlfriend do you think my girlfriend will miss me please help thanks 🙏
Josh I’d recommend checking out Al-Anon - a free support group on Zoom ( and in person ) to help you look at your reactions. Having trouble letting go is totally understandable so why not get some targeted support? The meetings are focused on healing codependency and that might be something to check out.
@@MichelleFarrismft yech I could but I like having your advice and I just really do not want too lose my girlfriend because she has not been texting me since last Wednesday so are you saying I should keep my girlfriend space and just let my girlfriend text me first and will my girlfriend miss me if I am not texting her so what should I do
@@joshsaundh4851 I understand but I really can’t ethically give advice here. Have you considered getting some therapy? These are important issues that deserve more than a quick response.
@@MichelleFarrismft so are you saying I should go to her house and start begging her and I really do not what to do because her parents never text back so I do not know what that means oh maybe my girlfriend is just missing me so much do you think that is why my girlfriend is not texting me because she has not seen me in a long time and she misses me
@@joshsaundh4851 No, I'm not saying anything like that. Stay in your hula hoop Josh - meaning work on yourself and try to get get into her head and make assumptions. Do you own healing and THAT is where you will find relief. You sound young - if you are under 18 there is Al-Teen that you can check out too. It's specifically for teens.
it's not the fear of being alone (or left out) by family, it's due to society. I know I've got a pretty good anchor, but once I'm actually alone, meaning, not able to find a partner, to find a wife, or girlfriend. what then?
Creating a solid foundation is important. When you're emotionally healthy, you can enjoy life and trust that the right partner will come as you continue to do this work ( and of course, be willing to put yourself out there socially ).
My mother used to walk away when ahe didn't know what to say
Depending on how she did it - that can be a good option.
Me too
Thanks so much for watching! You’re not alone!
Me too
Thank you!!