I Wish Someone Told Me: The 10 Things All Caregivers and Aging Adults Should Know About Caregiving
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- I Wish Someone Told Me: The 10 Things All Caregivers and Aging Adults Should Know About Caregiving
In this video, caregiving expert Pamela D. Wilson combines 20+ years of professional and personal experience and humor to share common caregiving surprises. Ten topics about caregiving experiences are discussed that respond to statements by the caregiver of "I wish someone told me caregiving would be like this" and of the aging adult, "I wish someone told me aging would be like this."
Caregiving is rarely discussed as if caregiving is something we shouldn't talk about until the responsibility becomes a reality. Worry exists that if we talk about caregiving, loved ones may decline to help. The United States is a youth oriented society that postpones talking about aging, caregiving, power of attorney, and physial health declines until they occur.
New caregivers are shocked by being swept up into a whirlwind of activity after being catapulted into caregiving. The role of caregiver happens unexpectedly with a 3 a.m. emergency phone call.
Family members who have been caregiving for some time, experience emotional and physical decline as the responsibilities of caregiving increase. Aging adults feel guilty that they need care and have to rely on aging children and family for care.
Caregiving and power of attorney are family issues. Having caregiving conversations early and frequently help families create a caregiving plan and a back-up plan to avoid unexpected situations.
Pamela D. Wilson, the caregiving expert, helps caregivers and aging adults solve caregiving problems. Information about online caregiving support groups and courses is available on her website:
pameladwilson.com/caregiving-...
WOW... I wish that I had seen your video sooner. I took care of my mother for eight years. From the age of 27 to the age of 35. I never expected to take care of my mom. It was SO HARD to adapt myself to acting like the parent and that my mom became like the child. Thanks for your video. My mom died last August 2021. Now I'm learning how to continue living without my mom. :(
Aaron - I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Thank you for sharing your story. It can be difficult to go on after being so involved in caring for a parent, especially at such a young age.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Thank you. Yeah, taking care of my mom was a whirlwind of a lot of trial and error. At least I got to know her better and hug her almost every night. She deserved better, but at least she's not living with pain anymore. The worst thing was not finding a real resolution for her pain and she constantly looked for medical care. I wish that I had done things differently, but I'm learning to accept how things went.
@@Prodigious1One - We all learn from our caregiving experiences. Trying to manage pain can be extremely challenging and the healthcare system isn't always supportive. Use this experience to take care of yourself and become more knowledgeable about the challenges of aging.
@Madeline-1998 OK, I pray you comfort and a sense of direction in life.
The reversal of roles is really demoralizing and depressing. To see someone who was an inquisitive, smart, independent person revert to almost infantile patterns of behavior, not to mention lose all their interest in learning and keeping up with goings on in the worlds. Well, it’s just heartbreaking.
Thank you for this video. I have a manager / caregiver coming to my house today in fact to do a home assessment. The agency came highly recommended by a friend so, I feel good about that. I've spoken to the person arriving today and she seems wonderful but, I'm still nervous. I want so bad for my Mom to accept it, and I realize it may take time but, this could go either way. I've been my Mom's caregiver since my Father passed in 2018 and, this has been life changing. My time is not my own, everything is basically on hold in my life. I know I need help and I've put this off for too long due to fear of my Mom not accepting it. Recently though she's been making comments about how lonely and bored she is. I know with the right person she will truly benefit from this. I pray an angel arrives to help. God bless all of the caregivers out there.
Thank you for sharing. Sending positive thoughts that this caregiver works out for you and your mom. It is hard to put your life on hold in situations where parents need care and are unwilling to accept help outside of the family.
How many of us are brushing our cheeks while we watch this. Isn't she soothing?
in home hospice care for parent 99% your work. I kept my mom for 16 yrs. and she passed in my home peaceful with no pain. THANK GOD!
Caregiving is a lot of work for the caregiver. Your mom was lucky to have you.
I am all alone in the care of my mom. My RETIRED, well-off sister has cut us off and no one else in the family even checks to see how things are going. I unfortunately still have to work and have had to hire an aide. I lose time (and money) from work to take her to doctors or if the aide can’t make it due to transportation issues.
Thanks for sharing. So many caregivers are in a similar situation. I am working to advocate that companies and employers offer more support for individuals who work and care for elderly loved ones. Have you asked your HR department for caregiver support programs?
First of all, never use own money. Use parents money for parents stuff. The well off sister will want half when parent dies no matter what you do. So use parent money for parent utilities, rent, car visits, meds. Medicare will take it in the end anyway unless put it in a trust early on. But you will end up with no home, bad health, and penniless, and in debt. Siblings will put you out and sell the house or you will have to buy them out. IF not legally yours though parents keep telling you that it will be and you spend all your money taking care of them and they say will pay you back, do not count on it if they become senile. Be prepared if she died tomorrow what would you do?
Excellent word of wisdom @@jackfrosty4674
I have long term insurance that I have been paying on for 20 years. I don’t want to burden anyone meaning my daughter. I’m 74 and still work as a caregiver for a company. Love it
Having long term care insurance is a major benefit. So glad that you had the foresight to do this and that you are enjoying life.
Excellent 👏Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for watching.
Very helpful video, thank you!
My pleasure. Thanks for watching.
❤️ #BlessYou Pamela and all other #Caregivers ❤️
❤️💜 Thank you for posting this, it contains many good points and is very helpful... and Thank You for an informative channel! 💜❤️
Thank you for the positive feedback - so appreciated.
thank you for this!!! very informative
Amy - my pleasure, thanks for watching.
This video goes on my resource list of caregiver videos to share. Pamela, your vast experience shows and you have a wonderful way of helping. ~Rea
Thank you so much for the positive feedback and for sharing! So appreciated.
Excellent, thanks
Thank you for commenting!
Thanks for this video. 👍🏼
Noemi - It's my pleasure. Thanks for watching.
I loved your channel, so much to learn. I am thinking on becoming a caregiver and your video has been very helpful. Thank you
Eloisa - It's my pleasure. The world needs more caregivers! P
So helpful! Thank you Pamela for sharing your experience. I am currently in the trenches of caregiving and seeking to navigate its many challenges. Your videos are a Godsend. 🤗
Angele - Thank you. So appreciated.
Thank you for this🥰
My pleasure, thanks for the feedback.
Thank you Pamela❤❤😊
You are very welcome. Thanks for watching.
Thanks so much, this was great. It’s easy to see that you have experience as a caregiver. I’ve seen inexperienced people wrestle with patients physically and verbally trying to get them to do certain things and then an experienced person would come in and take over and the patient did everything with their mouth shut, lol. They just know when someone isn’t going to take any crap, I’m sure you’re one of those people. :-).
Mason - Thanks for the comment. Yes after 20+ years of doing this I have a few skills!❤❤
Thank you so much for this information. I'm a new caregiver for my mom and it's super not easy. She has dementia.
Yvonne - my pleasure. There's more helpful information in my podcasts also on this channel called how to talk to loved ones with dementia.
Praying for you n thinking of you. Post me back💖
Prayers for you and your mom. I to am a new caregiver for my mom with dementia today will be her first day home with me.
thank you pamela
Chloe - you are so welcome.
Thank you!
Craig - It's my plasure. Thanks for commenting and watching.
Really good information!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you❤️
It's my pleasure.
Good night thanks for the great work you are doing i
Karen - Thank you!
i'm a caregiver working on getting my cna, thank you for making this video!
off topic, your eyes are beautiful. they're truly unique!!
Congratulations on pursuing your CNA license. The world needs more people who care.
thanks so much
You are welcome
hey beautiful lady,thank you for sharing those info. i am learning to be a caregiver ☺ it is helping to watch your videos
Thank you for the positive comments and for watching my videos!
I appreciate what you are doing
Thank you!
Great! Thanks Pam!
Porsha - thanks for the feedback. It's my pleasure.
Hi Porsha, how's your day going with you?
Please don’t give up inspiring others! There are so few channels that address this huge part of life!
Thank you so much!
You're very helpful.
Thank you so much. There are many FREE caregiver resources on my website pameladwilson.com
Thank You, Pamela. I just became a caregiver for my wife a month and half ago. I'm researching caregiving. I never knew what it really was. I'm Subscribing and going to your website. THANK YOU. Your a breath of fresh air.
My pleasure. I did receive your other message and will reply there.
EXCELLENT VIDEO!~ !
Phyllis - Thank you!
I’m a new caregiver! I’m so scared to meet my client but so excited too
Kota - congrats on being a new caregiver. Compassion, empathy, and l patience go a long way - you will learn one day at a time.
Totally
True
Pam
❤
Thank you.
Your amazing ❤thank you ❤
You are so welcome
Great video
Thank you
Thank you
You are welcome
Thank you 🙏 God bless you always ♥️
Thank you!
thank you for this. very helpful. the healthcare system has disappointed me when it comes to the care of my mother. glad to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. we are all in the same boat unfortunately.
Zainab - Thank you for commenting. Working with the healthcare system is a huge frustration for caregivers and aging adults. Learning how to advocate is so important which is why I continually talk about this topic.
Best when family including grown children, grandchildren, aunt, uncles, good neighbors, fellow church members/trusted individuals/a one sentence notation by each caregiver assistant! 👍
Thank you thank you thank you
It's my pleasure. Thanks for watching and commenting.
If one family member is caregiver, talk with the rest! Do not assume that family will jump up to assist unless you negotiate that from the outset. If caregivers don’t talk, no one knows of any struggle. The telephone works both ways. Call. Ask for help. It generally becomes a 24 hour duty. That elderly person is their parent too
Thank you for restating the importance of asking for help.
THANK YOU SO MUCH
Carmen - It's my pleasure. Thanks for commenting.
Hi Carmen, how's your day going with you?
GOOD INFO
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you!! you are correct!
You are so welcome
Hi Denise, how's your day going with you?
Thank you for this I am new at this and I don’t know if I’m even doing well
Hi Betty - You are welcome. Visit my website there's a lot of other information there and hundreds of other videos here. Pamela
You are awesome, thank you!!! It can be a heart wrenching struggle, but I refuse to give up. If, well actually, when I am overwhelmed, I remind myself how much it of a struggle it was for her to work two jobs at times, go without eating just for us kids to be able to eat ( I didn’t realize that at the time), be extremely exhausted, and etc. while raising my siblings and myself.
So I thank you, so much! God bless you in every single way and may He bless everyone that you help along the way. In Jesus name, AMEN!!!!
Doug - thank you and bless you for being a caregiver!
What a wonderful son you are, Doug. I'm so glad you know Jesus. May he richly bless you.
Bless Your Beautiful Self. This lady knows more than most could even guess. I was the most disabled and had the least income and least possessions and God put my Mother and I together in very unique ways.
In brief I had to stay on her couch at a 13 story tower that were mostly senior citizens and mostly women.
The manager and assistant manager both amazing Ladies must have heard I was filling out applications for an apartment and Joan and Barbara caught me by myself and said why didn't you apply here?
I said and live where my Mother does?? They both looked into my eyes and said " She Needs You".
I filled out the application and knew there was a long waiting list and if I got and apartment it would be an efficiency 1st and I would be put on the list for a 1 bedroom like my Mother had. I was sitting on the end of a lounge type chair that was uncomfortable to me but my Mother loved it. I received 2 calls with one saying I have an apartment somewhere and the next call was Joan the Asst. Manager saying I have an Efficiency there. I got excited and broke my wire rim glasses. It was very difficult but I will never regret getting to know what I call " How My Mother Ticks ". My oldest sister said I have to put Mom in a nursing home when over night she lost the use of her legs and I will leave out what happened and didn't happen there. I was her Power of Attorney and much more. I was called by a Nurse at the Nursing Home and I could tell that she needed to tell me some things but couldn't and I said go ahead and send her to the emergency room. While my family was together talking I stayed to watch over my Mother and this was needed. They asked do you want a private or semi-private room? I said it doesn't matter and I hadn't thought about I had received no information from them.
I go to the hospital room and my oldest and younger sister were there.
A lady came in and said Hi I am a Nephrologist called in for an emergency and explained what she was there for. I said did the Nursing Home send her file? She said they didn't tell you anything in the E.R.?
I said no. I said thank you for coming and she said I don't need the paperwork just tell me what is best for your Mother. I said please let her go in peace 😢 she has been through enough and this Doctor did.
This lady doing this video will understand what family can be like after a death. Thank you for what you do🌹. I am now 7 years younger than my Mother was and she was 71 years old. I have no one and no laptop skills and limited cellphone skills. No one= many are living a nice life but I am the Blacksheep living in another State
Thanks to my oldest sister because I trusted her to be my Emergency Contact and she was married and abused my a Multi-Millionaire that assisted to destroy my life which led to me being crippled and health declining and an unwarranted hospital stay in an awful place and lose everything I owned twice and 3 homeless shelters and tossed out all my evidence for many legitimate lawsuits instead of professionally filing them and putting it in his climate controlled attic beside his office and library like he told me he would do and this includes my only proof of mt medical malpractice which tortures me every moment since 2015 unless I am sound asleep.
Joe - Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, I do understand very well what happens in families throughout care situations and after the death of parents. I"m sure your mother was thankful to have you watching over her. Life can be so challenging especially when children approach the age of their parents who died. I hope you find peace and a way to find the help and care that you need. God bless!
Thank you for this video! I’m 22 and am about to be my Nana’s caregiver and I’ve been really nervous about the whole situation but this video helped clear up some worries I had. I will definitely be watching more of your videos 😊
Hi- Thanks for commenting. Here is a link to my online program that can help you plan ahead and give you the confidence that you can help your nana. pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/
Please don't if you can possibly have an alternative. It's a life sentence
@@maralfniqle5092Thanks for the comment. Unfortunately, not everyone has an alternative. The effects of being a caregiver for a person with high needs can be detrimental to the caregiver's health, and sometimes it is better for the person who needs care to live in a care community. Every situation is vastly different.
Caring for my adult daughter. No caregiver, no job. I'm going to check you out.
Thank you.
This is a good talk here.
I've had to leave myself notes and reminders since I was 13. Because of a poor memory.
It takes me a lot of reading and study to memorize dates or such.
I never could remember all of the multiplication tables but I have a formula to get the solution. We are all different.
Tracie - Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you have "work-arounds" for tasks where you realize you need a little more help. I keep detailed lists for all the things I have to accomplish.
@Pamela D Wilson yes, I do that also and put dates on calendars. We have some ADD in my family or something
and we all do that.
Sometimes I have trouble remembering a
name or word, like an actor or something for the moment, but it normally returns or I look it up, so I think so far it's normal for me.
I have Charcot Marie Tooth1a, peripheral nerve disease.
Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis. I am walker/power chair dependent with chronic pain. I get up and work everyday around my house, I cook and clean, do laundry.
My housemate recently passed suddenly this summer and he always did the yardwork and vacuuming, so I have to get help with things now.
I always watch for signs my memory is not okay but my physical help is rapidly deteriorating. I've been trying to stay upright for a few years.
I'm hoping to find a new housemate.
@@traciebecker6669 - You are an example for others. I hope the perfect housemate comes along for you. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love your vid love your name❤
Thank you so much!
Yep. “Once a man, twice a child”. It’s an old saying for a reason ...
Yes we come into this world and may leave it in a similar condition relying on others for care. Thank you for sharing.
I have never heard this but your comment made me stop and think. I am currently studying to be a PCW in aged care and stumbled onto this video. People are asking me why I want to do this as a job, I always say the same thing "my mother taught me to use a spoon, she taught me to walk, if I can do the same for her when she needs me than I have paid half my debt to her."
But you're right, we need a lot of help when we grow up, and we need a lot of help when we grow old.
Just Lisa elder care is nothing like raising children - I think that is how so many get it it all wrong
This stuff is fascinating and disconcerting at the same time. I am retired and have to take care of my much younger disabled wife. I am looking into help for her. But if I get too old to care for her or for myself we may have issues. No kids and just one brother-in-law living far away. We have adequate money and I have nursing home insurance, but things could get interesting as we both get older.
It's good you are seeking more information. By doing this you can prepare for anything that happens in the future. Thank you for commenting.
Thank you Pamela for sharing all you information with us. I have been a caregiver to my husband for 12 years. He suffered 2 heart attacks at age 60 and was diagnosed with type2 bipolar disorder a year later. It has been a nightmare for me. I feel like my husband, as I knew him has died and I don't know this person.
Dolores - Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about the change in your husband's health issues and the effect on both you. There are many other videos here that you might find helpful in addition to articles and more on my website www.PamelaDWilson.com
Hi Dolores, how's your day going with you?
How are you doing now? :/
Sorry for your loss. Also, I've been a CNA/caregiver and I choose not to do it anymore. You're right about everything. The bad thing about working as a caregiver is if something happens to a client we are not paid which is very common. It takes the agency forever to find another client to match the hours from a previous client. I got out of it. Also, the client/family can complain and get us in trouble and they can cancel services all kinds of stuff. Chile!!!!
Prancer 1000 - Thank you. I understand where you are coming from as a CNA/caregiver. I'm a female business owner/entrepreneur. The first company I started was an in-home care agency and my duty was to my caregivers and my clients. Making sure that the caregivers had steady work and working with the clients to make sure any concerns were addressed before anything happens. Too many people get into this business for the wrong reasons and employees and clients suffer. COVID has made all of this such worse so I am also empathetic to the struggles that everyone is facing. I hope you find another career that you love!
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert
Thank you because when I was doing homecare I had on and off employment throughout my ten year duration in the field. I couldn't grow at all like that. I was doing self employment for a while and then that wasn't steady anymore which lead me back into homecare. Again. I am not in it again because the agency doesn't have anything for me. Now, I will be working for a medical transportation company with steady work and hours.
I've experienced the opposite regarding healthcare. As a young adult, doctors dismissed my fibromyalgia symptoms & kept trying to make me take anti-depressants. Most of their patients were elderly. I finally went to a Functional Medicine doctor & healed.
Kay - Anyone having a health condition that may be difficult to diagnose is wise to continue seeking the opinions of several physicians and specialists if there is no finite diagnosis until they find someone they believe can help them. I'm glad you found the right person to help you.
Hi Kristina, how's your day going with you?
11/30/2022
HI I'M FROM HOUSTON AND
I ALWAYS LOVED HELPING THE
ELDERLY WITH KINDNESS AND
PLENTY OF LOVE.
HELPING EACH OTHER WILL
HELP US REMAIN STRONGER,
I GUARANTEE THAT BECAUSE I
BELIEVE IN GOD'S GOOD DEEDS.
AMEN!!
🌬💖💖💖🕊
Hi Elizabeth - Good to hear from you and about your love for the elderly. God Bless!
Thank you for making this video. I come out of EMS and have my CNA. I recently removed my mother from A/L, because I felt she wasn't getting the care she deserved and that we were paying for. I knew I would be putting my life on hold while I do this. Your video showed me that I am on the right track. Thank you again.
It's my pleasure. Thank you for sharing your story.
Life isn't on hold, it's what life is about. Caring for others is what we are on this earth for.
Thank you. Very informative. How can we motivate the elder parent to get involved with their life when they only want to do certain things?
Hi Mary - Thanks for the question. Motivation is a process of education for both the caregiver and the aging adult about the benefit of doing something and the consequences of not doing the activity. The challenge is that many positive health benefits or changes from a new routine are not immediately seen but take time. If you think about exercise as one aspect of health most people don't exercise because it can take months to see any improvement. Because we are such an instant gratification society, it can be difficult to find motivation and then create long-term habits that support positive change in any aspect of life. For a person to change there has to be a significant "why".
I am a senior caregiver and would like advice on how to deal with senior people who have narcissistic traits. It’s a pattern I have seen since I began. I am student and I know I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life as it can be draining. I study psychology and noticed far too many seniors who can be narcissistic. I would appreciate your advice on that. Thank you
Thank you for your question. Narcissism is a very challenging behavior trait. If you are in a service role you I would recommend learning how to set boundaries in a positive manner to respond to the behaviors. You cannot change lifelong behavior patterns. So something like, "I'm not comfortable with that request, how you are speaking to me etc. I'm here to help and the best way I can do that is if we are kind and respectful to each other." Now if a person has dementia, none of this works. They can't process their actions or understand the impact on others. Separately if you were raised with narcissistic parents this type of behavior can be a lifelong trigger. Then I suggest counseling and not placing yourself in positions where you feel vulnerable to narcissism.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Thank you for reaching back. You advice is great, I appreciate it loads! I will indeed begin setting stronger boundaries with compassionate talk. Counselling would help me, thank you.
Omg yes I’m a caregiver and I love my job, but what I don’t like is the older people gets to get so angry and is draining
Thank you! Over a year living with my 91 year old mom. What can I say. I love my mom!
Brenda - It's my pleasure.
Hi Brenda, how's your day going with you?
Great video...do you have any similar videos detailing the dynamics of living with and/or caring for elderly in-laws?
Thanks for asking - I have an audio podcast for this, it is in the podcast channel here and there are many others about caring for parents, you can scroll through the playlist ua-cam.com/video/mIqH9eWffm0/v-deo.html
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert So grateful thank you.
Do not use own assets, use parents and keep receipts. Get a receipt book preprinted ones. Do not believe promises parents make, get it in writing with date and signature. They forget or do not do it.
good.
Thank you.
HI Pam; I had to fight a nursing home corporation in probate court for 2 months who illegally held my mother for the state health insurance. It was crazy, but I learned how many laws they broke afterward and I followed their rules only to find out they were making my life difficult so I would give up. I also had a POA for my mother, but in the long run, it doesn't save you any money because my sister still served me a summons questioning everything. It was a nightmare. I now feel like the POA and all the legal documents were a waste of money. If you have an unreasonable sibling, then just save your money for later, has been a lesson that I learned the hard way.
Do you know where the studies are on the efficacy of the 3-word recall test? There are 3 little articles I’ve found, but not any decent studies to justify giving that test to the elderly. I know it's a standard test and I’m betting someone came up with it decades ago, and it has just been passed on down without any clear research. I’m writing a graphic memoir of how I used my health and fitness knowledge to stop my mother with mild dementia from forgetting me, and it worked. She always knew me. I’ve been flummoxed by the lack of actual studies for the 3-word recall test and the cube drawing test. I want to put that in my book.
I had a lot of crazy things happen to me that was not my mother’s fault, but other people's incompetence and lack of training/caring. The police put her in handcuffs, an ER doc gave her an anti-psychotic because that is just what they do, and that caused more problems, and in the end hospice listed her death certificate wrong for a reason, I can only guess was for financial. The dept. of public health told me that nobody verifies and monitors death certificates either.
I realized when I read the Hero’s Journey by Chris Vogler, that I lived that journey taking care of my mother. Thanks for the video.
Hi Kaylene - Thanks for sharing your story but sad to hear it was so challenging. I can't comment on the 3-word recall test since it's nothing I would ever use or agree to use for memory testing. I do know from my personal experience of being a POA and guardian of the challenges of family relationships and navigating all of the healthcare providers. Sometimes it can feel like a battle.
Hi Kaylene, I read your story and feel like I can relate. I often joke that my POA stands for Powerless of Attorney. Nobody seems to respect POA here in Chicago at Mt. Sinai or other local hospitals for the poor/Medicaid patients.
I also had to go to court to bring my mom home. We're living together for the first time since I was 7 years old. She currently needs expert medical attention but I'm keeping her in my living room in God's hands because the accessible hospitals don't do anything except separate us and then try to convince me she will never heal and that I should put her in hospice (against her wishes on the POA papers).
@@AmeliaTeachesEnglish Did the nursing home you fought in court happen in Chicago? The one I fought was in MA and it was Bane Care corporation.
It's an absolute NIGHTMARE what these nursing homes are legally allowed to do in so many states.
@@Print229 I don't believe they are legally allowed to do what they are doing, but it costs money to find out they are acting outside of the law. There was an article I saw where nursing homes are charging family members for health care illegally, but the family didn't know that.
Thank you so much Pamela for the info, I'm going through a difficult time with my aging veteran mom. She won't have a part time caregiver in the house and I work full-time. I have been super depressed and have gained alot of weight and stress over the years my mom has moved in with me.
D - thanks for sharing. Check out my website PamelaDWilson.com and my podcast - the Caring Generation - there is a lot of helpful information there for caregivers and their aging parents.
Omg. Same here D. Star!!!!! I feel better knowing its not just me. It sucks all the same. I have NEVER been this heavy or depressed in my life!
@@shawnapsings - Thanks for sharing. No need to be depressed it's all a reality of life. Knowing what one might expect gives you the power to make adjustments and improve the situation.
@@shawnapsings Same!!! I’ve been taking care of my father since the beginning of last year. He lost both legs last year and has 2 kinds of cancer. I am his only family, a single mom and a full time nurse. I am going crazy lol.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert depression isn't a choice.
7:58 I have the opposite issue. My elderly mother with advanced dementia and DNR status is pressured to have all sorts of treatment and diagnostics that are distressing, painful and frightening in the extreme, when we "children" know we aren't going to pursue surgery or heroic measures. Sometimes advocating for proper care is tapping the brakes on Doctors' usual modus operandi. It's an uphill battle sometimes..
Thank you for sharing. I have been in similar situations with my clients over the years. Advocate, speak up, and say no to physicians and others who don't understand dementia and only want to recommend treatments that are profitable for health systems but not good for patients.
I do the same work in California - she is 100% correct. Should a caregiver live in California, they should check out one of the Caregiver Resource Centers (non-profit). There are 11 in CA & cover the entire state. Well wishes to all the caregivers out there - hard, hard (but fulfilling) . . .
Thanks for commenting and the mention. Each state has resource centers and area agencies on aging (AAA's) that can offer great support for caregivers and their loved ones when one makes the time to investigate.
Nice
Thanks
I am a caregiver for my husband. He had a severe stroke 5 years ago and I have been the sole caregiver. He was 64 so he is not at the end of his life. I feel that I have lost my life. Many caregivers are taking care of parents who do not live with them. How do I have a life of my own. Also since he was the main breadwinner, we have financial concerns.
Liz - thanks for sharing your story. Caregivers face so many challenging situations. There are suggestions for caregivers on this topic on many shows from my weekly podcasts if you go to the You Tube feed you can listen here ua-cam.com/play/PLNFP7jvD7V4w_IUykgIOtRdDmxk-VYlgX.html or you can go to my website and download the shows and read the show transcripts here pameladwilson.com/caregiver-radio-programs-the-caring-generation/
Hi Liz, how's your day going with you?
Great hair!!!
Thank you.
Thank you Pamela.Your confidence and compassion had tremendous impact on me.I am a caregiver and an aging mother at the same time.Unfortunately my oldest daughter who is my power of attorney on paper, refuse or not able to communicate to me.I need help.I dearly love all my children but I am the only one who actually has any experience and idea what caregiving requires.Honestly I am scared to be cared by any of my family members.What do I do?
Hi Vanda - If your oldest daughter who is your power of attorney is not communicating with you then you need to revoke that power of attorney and find someone else. There are professional care managers who can help with making a plan for yourself. Here's a link to an online program of mine. Not all of it may be relevant but it will offer tips on creating a care plan. pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/
Whenever I try to talk with my mom about power of attorney, medical directives or finances she just yells, screams and freaks out on me
Nothing gets accomplished.
No plan is ever made..
She won’t allow a plan
Nealie - I'm so sorry. You might empathize with her and say that you won't be able to help her unless she makes a plan. She may be really stressed out which is why she reacts so negatively. If in the end she won't do anything just make it clear that you may not be able to help her.
Thank you for replying.
I will definitely do that.
I undertook the care of my dad and he was walking after left vein surgery but decided that in his mind he could not and would not walk again despite therapy for one month that was offered to him but many times he refused to go to therapy. As soon as I brought him home after a month at the hospital and a month at rehab he verbally informed me that he would never leave his room. At that time he was still mobile with a walker. He is a man that has the way of thinking that women are there to serve him. He did the same with my mom. I refuse to cater to him because now he has disabled himself by refusing to do exercise even in bed and now his legs are atrophied. I am considering putting him in a facility because it has been almost 10 days and he refuses to take a shower because he tells me he cannot move and I cannot carry him of course because I'm 62 years old and a woman. I will take care of him but at the facility because this has become more than I can take. He doesn't like to follow instructions, he questions even caretakers that come to the home, but expects that he should be taken care of especially with his hygiene needs even if he doesn't move. And like many who are commentating here, I have no help whatsoever from my only sibling who is a doctor but is wheelchair bound. I am exhausted mentally, emotionally and of course physically. He has made the caregiving very difficult for me. I took care of my mom until I closed her eyes but it was not this difficult because she was very compliant, would follow the treatment as given and was walking until the very last day. There is the desire to take care of him but he is no longer making it easy now that he cannot completely move. He cannot even sit at the edge of the bed without having to pull him and straighten him out. It's just me to take care of him because I got divorced last month and he no longer lives here to help and I do not want to request his help.
Elsa - I am so sad to hear that your dad has shut down his ability to recover. Thank you for sharing your story and having the ability to set boundaries about what you can and cannot do as this can be challenging for many people. Sending you positive thoughts.
I became both my parents’ caregiver after my brother passed away suddenly and they both became very ill. My father tried to take care of my mom with me (she has an MND and became a paraplegic soon after my brother passed). My father was an amazing man. Compassionate and tough. But taking care of mom took a lot out of him. I tried to take itaway from him but he would cry. He said he needed to take care of mom. In sickness or in health… his dr told me if I stopped him from taking care of mom he would collapse. He was right. We lost dad in 2022 from heart failure and afib. He was 96. My mom is now in a nursing home. I live very near and see her every day unless I’m sick. She cannot walk and has difficulty talking. I understand her though, but the nursing home staff - god bless them - love her and do take good care of her. But I’m always there and have had to fight for it… caregiving my parents has been the best and worst experience of my life and I will never regret it even though I believe it made me become a diabetic with other health issues. The worst part though is that I have no one to take care of me if I get sick. I will have to plan something out if that happens. Thank you for this channel. Subscribed ❤
Thank you for sharing your story and for subscribing. It sounds like you have been through a lot and your father and mother are lucky to have have had you as their caregiver. I'm sorry to hear about your dad passing away and I"m glad the nursing home is doing a good job caring for your mom. Sending you both lots of positive thoughts.
My parents are in their early 90's. They had 5 kids. One has died, 2 have their own serious medical conditions. That leaves my sister & I. I live about 800 miles away, my sister lives 54 miles away. My sister helps, when she can, but she has obligations, also. Of course, I'm not much help being so far away. My mom refuses to let Home Health continue any help because, "I can do it myself" attitude, even though she can't. Luckily, the neighbors help some. We would put both parents in a Nursing Home, but they don't have the money for that, & make too much for Medicaid. It's a bad condition.
If they make too much to be on Medicaid then it seems like an option is to keep setting boundaries. One day something will happen and there will be no choice but to go into a care community if they won't accept paid help into the home. Separately they deserve the right to make their own decisions. And you have the right to say no to being their caregiver.
Oh my gosh Pamela I am so stressed and frustrated with my husband's grandmother 😭😭😭
Thanks for sharing - I understand. There is more helpful information on my website PamelaDWilson.com
Go away for a week for a reason. Then come back. See how much they missed you and realize how much you do for her.
I have no children and all this makes me so sad. :(
Make friends so that you have a network of people who might be able to help you when you are older.
You should be aware that it's not always the adult child who appears to be the most responsible who should be the POA caregiver. How does that person relate to other family members who would be "expected" to contribute? Every person's circumstances count! The caregiver should not expect another family member to agree to the caregivers schedule & life circumstances and not the other way around! The goal is to take care of parents in a way that everyone either remains healthy or can do better for their own health too. If everybody gets run down by the way the caregiver wants to do things, how would that help the parent? It won't. They will be at greater danger of the medical system taking over. You would be shocked. At a certain point no one will help, not attorneys or Doctors, and yes, they will cite a person's age to not try to reverse symptoms or maintain the elderly person's life any further. It's horrifying, bc the neurologists do not tell you what's going to occur & they do know. 😢
Thanks for sharing your story. Not much shocks me as I have worked in this industry for more than 20 years. Family members are not always the best caregivers nor should they always be appointed POA. It is up to the caregiver advocate to carry through with analysis and research to make the best decisions. Physicians rely on caregivers to ask questions and be thorough in making the best decisions.
Make sure check for UTI which can cause memory loss to psychosis.
Yes - urinary tract infections very commonly result in mental confusion and other physical issues.
Your first point makes me just wanna die. I love my mama so much. She is 82 and she worked so hard raising me spoiling me to death. I'm so fortunate to have had my mom and dad both my whole life and she is my best friend. We bake together and I get her medicine ready and take fmla to take her to the doctor. I moved her in to live with me after covid started to protect her and I work from home for an insurance company. We have longevity in our family.
When I was growing up still at home, she took care of her mom and my grandma lived with us until she died.
I just bawl every night cuz I cant lose her. I'm sorry...back to trying to watch
I made it 1 minute 12 seconds and started bawling. I'm sorry.
No need to apologize. You are so fortunate to have such a good family, count your blessings and cherish every moment.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert my mother and I both watched your video after she woke up today and it realy helped. I need to take charge, get power of attorney, and take control of her health care. The medical field is not our friend. We need to handle it instead of letting them decide everything. It really hit home and we appreciate your experience SO MUCH!!! Thank you
@@robotaholic - Thank you! I fully advocate for taking control of your health as the healthcare system is not always helpful. I have another podcast coming up on this topic on 8/11 to encourage everyone to learn and be proactive.
omg you’re an awesome person! I work from home for an insurance agency now and I am planning to become my grandmothers caregiver…. i’ve been so conflicted because i’ve heard how hard it is
Yes My Mom lived 18 months after her diagnosis. We spent lots of $$$$$ the hard way.
Needing care can be very expensive. I understand.
I asked for help, but they did they even reply to me, my mother does not want me to the care giver she only wants her sons and therefore its very difficult yet i still am the care giver to her.
If you can, have a family meeting and discuss this with your mother present even if you have to do this over a virtual zoom meeting. Lay the situation out on the table so that it is clear how her children can help or not help.
ALL COMMENTS/VIDEOS are regarding caring for ONE parent with dementia. I'm the ONLY CAREGIVER (& I AM 100% DISABLED!) who has cared for TWO PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS for 6+ YEARS! I have NO children, NO siblings, NOTHING, it has just been ME! My parents are in Stage 7 now, but have DIFFERENT symptoms, DIFFERENT health issues, DIFFERENT Sundowners probs, & on & on & on. The 1st 2-3 yrs (again me 100% disabled! And all they have had! Tho' there were others who did NOTHING!), I worked 90+ hours a wk, eating maybe 2 REAL meals/week, driving n2 my driveway & falling asleep immediately til my husband came out to get me, being so exhausted I'd fall asleep in the morning @ the drop of a pin, spilling my coffee all over my lap! There were nights I BARELY made it home-I was SO exhausted! AGAIN, I'M 100% DISABLED! There was a 6 month period I almost, or did, get n2 car wrecks from sheer exhaustion! No one in my husband's LARGE family undestood, nor TRIED to understand(!), nor helped in ANY way! Tho' I (we) have helped ALL of them in EVERY WAY, 10 adult grandkids, 3 50+ "adult children", & great-grandkids. Gave cars, pd 4 private schools, bought furniture for, sent $ to each month while they bought new cars & we (living without ANY, debt, driving used but nice cars pd w/cash, paying our mortgage off early, & ALWAYS, EVERY MONTH GIVING TO TRULY NEEDY PEOPLE!). We did without wants, buying ONLY needs, while all drove new, fanc.y cars, or had Nike shoe collections, yet they all had zero savings, til we finally woke up & said "NO MORE!"). But NO ONE EVER SPEAKS ABOUT A SOLE CHILD, USUALLY A DAUGHTER, CARING FOR TWO ELDERLY PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS! I've listened to & read all books, looked online, & found NOTHING! NO HELP FOR US CAREGIVERS OF 2!! I am in the last stage, Stage 7 w/my parents, BOTH parents-who both have VERY different problems, symptoms, issues, Sundowners, & on & on! I am 100% disabled & have lost ALL my health, joy, ability to do ANYTHING that brought me joy, since this hit me (like planting flowers, playing the piano, helping with our personal business, cleaning our home & we haven't had a vacation in 12 yrs - as b4 my parents we cared for another elderly family member who was a piece if cake & peacefully died @ home taking a nap, she had ALL her cognition til the end! But I have been utterly ALONE caring for my parents! Both w/different dementias! Today was HORRIFIC! But there is ZERO HELP FOR THOSE OF US DOING THIS! IT WAS 1 OF 10, NOW PROBABLY MORE! YET NO1 OFFERS HELP TO US?! I'm close to suicide as this is BEYOND the WORST of caring for just one! YET NO BOOKS, NO VIDEOS, NO HELP! Why! WHY!? I have chronic pain, Fybromyalgia, C-PTSD, Severe DEPRESSION, ADD, & MORE! Yet STILL, ALWAYS, ALONE, I've done EVERYTHING FOR MY PARENTS! And let my health go! I feel like I've been living in HELL for 6 years STRAIGHT & no one helps or cares! I know the stress causes my chance of dementia to go up (multiply THAT by 2!!), & I swear that I WILL NOT go down the road I've watched BOTH OF MY PARENTS go down!! Why, why, does no1 help those of use caring for 2 w/dementia? Do you not care, or see the DEVASTATION it does to ENTIRE FAMILIES, but ESP
NEEDED!🥺😥
K.R. Helping family members and caregiving is a topic that can benefit from more exposure. I'm glad you found me and that we spoke. There is an in-depth free online program on my website that takes individuals through caring for loved ones or themselves. There are also many articles and podcasts on my website that respond to many of the concerns you mention that are the result of my professional experience (20+ years) being personally and legally responsible for people in the situations you describe and working with their families. Hang in there, support is available when you find the right resources.
I am an aging adult, and my 2 sons seem unwilling to recognize my needs for assistance. Primarily, I want to set up their inheritance with their assistance, but they have both indicated that they are not interested in receiving anything from me. This is frustrating, and I don't feel competent to do this on my own. I've lived my life making bad decisions, and now that I finally have something I can leave them, they want me to go traveling and spend it all, enjoying the time I have left. The frustrating thing about that is that I'm going blind so I avoid driving, and I have no one to enjoy traveling with, so that wouldn't do me any good at this point. I'd rather leave it all to them, and then I can feel comfortable about leaving this world. But they aren't ready to accept that yet. In the meantime, it is a struggle to get through each day alone.
I understand your sons not wanting to talk about an inheritance which would result from your death which is an uncomfortable subject for children. I was not prepared for the conversation when my mother brought it up many years ago and I didn't want to talk about it then. It sounds like you have very good children you want the best for you. If you are going blind there are travel tour companies that specialize in persons with disabilities and people who are solo. I'm not sure where you live, but there are also local groups that socialize specific to persons with sight concerns. Why not be as proactive in living a full life while you can. Separately health is always the unknown. You may need the money to pay for your care if you become diagnosed with something unexpected. As far as estate planning, if you have not, contact an elder law, probate, or estate planning attorney. They can help you set up power of attorney, a living will and a will. You don't' need your sons to help you with this, just do it.
I've done caregiving (not licensed) for my family, my father after he suffered kidney failure (passed 7 years later). My great grandmother with dementia, boy it was "FUN" blind, completely deaf, and was dangerous (passed 2 years later).
Thank you for sharing your story. I have had deaf and blind clients thank heavens that you were there to care for your grandmother. Such a blessing for her and your family.
I am sole caregiving to an aged aunt. She has dimensia. I also am dealing with my own cancer. My sister, a nurse offers no help. She actually said: "When you die, leave all your money to me!"
Thanks for sharing and being a caregiver for your aunt and yourself. I suspect you will not follow your sister's recommendation!
It can sometimes be a problem to find affordable alert methods
One answer
Kinetic Doorbell
Push pad does not use electricity and can be attached almost anywhere,
It sends signal to plugged in receiver in location for others to hear
On nightstand
By toilet
In shower
Some pads are waterproof
Could possibly attach one to medallion necklace
It sounds like you are a great problem solver.
@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert hi Pam, actually I discovered the Kinetic Doorbells when searching for a Doorbell replacement a couple years ago but when my Dad started having mobility issues I recalled them
Pamela🌸 I am taking care of both of my parents, I said they are now “My Kids” I love them so much. Their health condition is not very good my Dad has congestive heart failure plus pulmonary disease, my Mom is fighting the cancer for 2 Nd time... I request a FMLA at work but it is expired, and I need the hours desperately but at the same time I have to take care of my parents, emergency room, hospitalized, treatment, physical therapy, medical appointments, I know that there is a program for a family caregiver and would be honor if you can helped me giving me some directions or ideas of how or where should I ask or if you have an office to contact you.
God bless you for your time and consideration!
Hi Christina - than you for sharing. Each county has an "office on aging" that is a great free resource for caregivers. Additionally, each county has a "social services department" this is where you can find out about the family caregiver program that I believe you are asking about. I would contact both and see how they can help you. While it sounds like you have used your FMLA I would talk to your supervisors about the situation so that they know this is a serious situation. I suspect or at least hope they would consider some flexibility in your work schedule rather than losing you entirely. Too many caregivers quit their jobs without having these discussions with their employers. Bless you for being a caregiver.
Bless you girl 🙏
Thank you so.much for sharing your knowledge.
You cannot do it all. That is the way to poor health and death of caregiver. Definitely need to place them in assisted living or get in house help.
Hi Pamela,I hope u had a pleasant Thanksgiving. My 91 yr old mom passed away Wednesday night so the holiday was v.bittersweet for my family this year. I wasn't her caregiver but I'm my dad's & I just need advice on how to look after his mental well-being since,while they hadn't lived together for several years ,they were married for 65 yrs. Any advice would be a great help to me.👍
Robyn - I'm s sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Here are a couple of links not necessarily about grieving but about dealing with change and adapting that may be helpful These are from my podcast where there are over 150 episodes. pameladwilson.com/when-elderly-give-up-on-life-tips-for-elderly-parents-and-caregivers-managing-change-video-the-caring-generation-podcasts-radio-program/
Here's another one pameladwilson.com/living-alone-growing-old-alone-challenges-the-caring-generation-radio-program/
One more pameladwilson.com/help-for-seniors-living-alone-elder-care-consultant-the-caring-generation-podcasts-radio-program/
Thank u Pamela. 👍
Hello Ms Wilson! I have told my brothers to no longer tell our mother our personal issues, medical issues, do not tell her long lengthy conversations because I don’t want her to worry and then her asking us repetitive questions when it’s really not necessary for her to know these things.
Just focus on her health & her life, let her share her life time memories. Let her talk about herself.
What do you think about this strategy? Thank you!
Adon - It's a great strategy and it is so good that you are learning all about how to respond to memory loss and care for your mom. This will be very helpful information for your brothers and your mother.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Thank you! Appreciate your response!
Finding myself no longer frustrated and annoyed now that I’ve listened to your videos!
💕😃💕
Looking after my 89 year old mom brother is power of attorney and is being horrible to me. Finding my anxiety is really effecting me. The senior homes are depressing. Feeling so confused. My family alwaya had narcissistic tendency. Tried counseling was not a good one.
A question, if your brother is the power of attorney why isn't he the "caregiver"? You can always choose to remove yourself from the role of caregiver.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert yes he is power of attorney and won't help in any of the care..the care homes are not great..but trying to find good one for the future.
Thank you Pamela, what happens when you are told your loved one cannot consent to a POA? Also can more than one person act as a POA?
If a loved one cannot consent to a POA due to cognitive issues then the next step is guardianship or conservatorship. Yes POA can be shared but it's important to make sure the 2 people are like-minded otherwise disagreements can be a major problem.
Hi Pamela, I have a dilemma. I'm trying to figure out when should we have a caregiver come into the home and help assist with taking care of my mother. My mom has intermediate to advanced dementia and mainly sleeps all day and half the night and when she's not sleeping, she usually give the family a hard time with disillusions and irritations. So to give the family a break, i believe a caregiver could very well do that for us. But now, we can t decide when and for how long we could use the caregiver and would it be appropriate when she mainly just sleeping and causing terror ?
Hi - thanks for asking the question. When is the most difficult time for the caregivers - day or night. I would look at having someone come at the time that a break would be most helpful for the caregiver. If she sleeps during the day maybe part of the caregiver's job could be keeping her awake so that she does sleep through the night. Have you seen a doctor to discuss the illusions and behavior? There are solutions that can also help with this to make the situation better for everyone.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Thanks Pamela for the response. Your answers are perfect and you make really great points. I did mention the illusions and mood swings and the Dr. recommended that she take this medication called Memantine (Namenda). So hopefully this situation improves along with my dad's bladder cancer. I did want to mention that your testimony was very heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you, however, you made it though which gives me hope in the end, and i thank you for that.
Noel.
I’m a caregiver and I prefer overnights with clients with dementia. I’ve dealt with it in my personal life, so I understand how hard it is trying to get sleep and worrying all night to care for your loved one. Even if you try to avoid the daytime naps, it’s their mind that is waking them up & sometimes they are seeing their dream . It’s best to find a caregiver that truly understands this, and the person must be trusted.
Wish someone could help me. I've been a full time caregiver to my disabled daughter the first 20 years of her life and now, still on call for the last 20 years. (She's 45 now) She had a life expectancy of only 16 years...and now I'm worn out and left with a sever anxiety disorder. Wish there was council for long term child care by parents and their severe side affects. Hard time coping.
Joshua - have you checked with Lutheran Famly Services in your local area? They provide support for families with disabled children. If they cannot help they may be able to connect you with someone who can.
Look into group homes for the mentally challenged and disabled. Sometimes that works out.
@@jackfrosty4674 Thanks Jack, for the response, but my daughter is only physically disabled with muscular dystrophy. She has an IQ of around130.
She went to college at 34 and graduated in the honor society. So long as her self determination prevails I will be there for her and both our sorrows. Nothing else worth living or dying for.
@@joshuabrown9609 This world is wonderful and awful at the same time. So beautiful to have a child, so sad for her to be sick. As normal good and bad in our days.
I truly believe this is just a journey and we are spiritual and will return to where we came from. Must be a learning trip. Seems we are always learning. My guess is you have learned empathy and patience over the years and more than all Love. Love given and received. God is gracious.
Please shed some light on Aging parents taking care of ailing children. I feel like I'm in a hopeless situation.
Thank you. My mom is losing her vision due to cataracts. She is refusing treatment. So.how do I handle this situation?
Hi Yvonne - this is a difficult one because your mom has a right to her choices. However, if you can explain the "consequences" of losing her vision what she won't be able to do, how she will need more help etc. this may be helpful. I'd also ask her if she is afraid of the surgery and what would make her more comfortable i.e. conversations with the doctor etc. . I've had many clients have cataract surgery and the results are amazing.
Tell her if get the surgery can see the tv and the cell phone. It will only get worse and she will be blind and will not be allowed to drive. That might work.
If client not opening door at the morning I can go to home? How long I need wait?
Sabi - I would do several things, knock on the door, call the house, and if you work for an agency call them. If you have a family member's information call the family member. The client may have fallen or be ill and really need you there. Only after you have exhausted all opportunities to contact the client would I leave. You are there because you are needed.
Need Cna . Where should I find a good one?
If you are on Medicaid contact your Medicaid case manager for a list of companies in the program who might have a CNA. Otherwise Google "home care agencies" and start calling and interviewing. It can take some time to find one that may be a good fit.
I am 82 1/2 and am resisting help that I don’t think I need. I need to know if I’m wrong * about this.???
If you are fully capable of caring for yourself and there are no "risks" or "potential consequences" from your refusals or if you are aware of the potential risks then it would seem you know what you can and can't do. On the other hand if anyone has expressed concerns or you have had injuries or have serious health issues, perhaps consider their perspective before you accept or refuse help. There's nothing wrong with remaining independent and doing for yourself what you can do.
I was the rube in my family who had to move back in to the home I grew up in. My beautiful Father died on the porch while I was asleep, in 2010. Nine horrible years later; my 71 year old mother passed on her birthday, my 92 year old grandma stubbornly died two days later. In both cases, I personally administered the final liquid Morphine doses myself. All the while, my entire family and friend support system did nothing? My successful (apparently) brother and his four children never lifted a finger, until it came time to “help me” sell the home that I built with my two hands and payed for? Now I’m out of money, homeless with a broken neck that needs a four level fusion, which would require six months of recovery at “home?” I am looking for anything to help me survive, please help? ☮️🌎🙏
TS if you are homeless (figuratively or factually) and out of money my first recommendation is to contact a homeless shelter. Many have on-site care managers who can connect you to Medicaid services. If a homeless shelter is not what you need or you're not comfortable contacting them then make an appointment with county social services to inquire about making a Medicaid application. Six months of recovery at home may not be possible if you have no home and no one to care for you. Your best option may be to receive care in a nursing home until you can fully recover and get back on your feet. If you are on Medicaid services there are occupational and rehabilitative care services available related to health and help with finding a job etc. I know this may feel overwhelming but begin investigating options as soon as possible so that you feel you have a little more control.