How to Avoid Paying for an Elderly Parent's Nursing Home Bill
Вставка
- Опубліковано 22 лип 2024
- Adult children caregivers worry about paying for an elderly parent's nursing home bill. Learn how to be proactive if parents lack the money to pay for long-term care. Caregiving expert Pamela D Wilson shares tips for family caregivers.
Great confusion exists about how to pay for nursing home fees for parents, which can range up to $10,000 a month or more. Learn about how Medicare and Medicaid pay for care costs in nursing homes and the steps you can take to be proactive.
If you want to learn more about state programs and how to advocate, check out this video: • Will State Efforts to ...
For more caregiving, aging, and elder care tips, visit Pamela's website at www.PamelaDWilson.com
Schedule a 1:1 Consultation with Pamela pameladwilson.com/contact/
Request to Join Pamela's Online Caregiver Support Group on Facebook / thecaregivingtrap
Are you caring for aging parents or yourself? Learn the details of caring for loved ones in Pamela's Online Caregiver Support Program, "Support Caring for Aging Parents." pameladwilson.com/support-car...
Are you trying to figure out the responsibilities of being an agent under legal power of attorney? Do you realize it’s time to complete your documents and you are unsure who to appoint as a power of attorney agent?
Pamela's online caregiver webinar program, Power of Attorney, offers the details and information caregivers and those appointing an agent must know. pameladwilson.com/power-of-at...
Are you wondering if you should be a guardian for a loved one? Do you understand the legal responsibilities of being a guardian? Learn about the guardianship process in Pamela's online caregiver education program, How to Get Guardianship pameladwilson.com/how-to-get-...
Invite Pamela to speak to your company or group. Learn more and download a copy of her speaker's kit here: pameladwilson.com/caregiving-... - Наука та технологія
Elder care should be free, prison inmates should have to pay for their stay instead
They DO pay. In fact, most of them work. In fact, you've probably received a spam call to sell you something - and your caller was a prisoner.
You may not know this but individuals who end up in prison are often abused by their parents or family members or they live in situations where parents are not responsible and the children end up in foster homes and in the criminal justice system at an early age. It's easy to think that the prison population are bad people until you learn the background circumstances. The same goes for the homeless. Many of both of these populations experience mental illness and substance abuse issues.
Thank you for giving another perspective. As with my comment above many persons who become involved in the criminal justice system experience early life circumstances. And being released from prison is even more complicated. The suicide rates are very high for persons attempting to re-enter society. All of this is not spoken about and is rarely publicized making it very easy to judge.
Nope it ALL NEEDS to be covered …elderly need not worry about things anymore. Other countries are successfully doing it & it honors these people who did have to work as well…for years!
@@auntihoohaI certainly agree that elderly care should be free but we have too many innocent people in our prisons so I can’t stand with you there.
My dad always said “it never fails to amaze me that a parent can take care of 3(or more)kids but 3 (or more)kids can’t take care of one parent!”
Yes, it depends on the family.
Some parents are manipulative, controlling, abusive narcissists who make their children's lives miserable until the very end.
OK boomer
I take it the dad never had to deal with someone with severe dementia or who can't dress or go to the bathroom on their own. Kids are much smaller so they are easier to pickup and train. Kids with special needs usually have outside assistance to help, and in the worst cases, are moved to living facilities, (similar to a nursing home).
Like I always say, "You shouldn't have kids just so you can burden them to take care of you in your old age. You should have a retirement fund and plan so you can pay for your own life." SMH. Boomer mentality right there that the kids take on the responsibility to wipe your ass when you get old or pay for you to have someone wipe it.
My Mom has been in a nursing home for 3 years, the nursing home helped me file for Medicad immediately.
For the first time in my life I was thankful my family is poor.
so you are thankful that other people worked to pay for your mother's living expenses?
It's easy to be judgmental about people who access Medicaid until you or someone you know who need Medicaid. I'm glad that @maryannjesuino872 and her family received the help that they needed.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert not being judgemental but rather surprised at OP's wording that they are "thankful" that they are poor so others can pay rather than thankful that others are helping her get through this time.
@@emmib1388 I'm sure OP and Mom have paid their taxes through the years and are entitled to the help they need - how many people have their's and our's collectively paid taxes helped take care of. I'd rather live in the society that is compassionate and proud to take care of those in need.
@@trylliumt5441 the point is thankfulness - thankful that there are others who can help and not thankful that they are poor "I am poor so others can pay " or "I am thankful that there are others who can help me in my situation" two separate attitudes.. an attitude of thankfulness or entitlement.
This whole end of life care situation...is why I pray I go quickly! Good info shared though here...I have been through this with my Mom and my son.
I think many of us pray that we go quickly. Thanks for commenting.
Agree and I don’t want my children dealing with this mess. Lord take me home fast please!
Years ago there were no old age homes….there was a spare bedroom next to the kitchen and wood cook stove as well as a rocking chair next to the wood stove. Loved ones stayed in the home there children are now living in and care for.
Love and respect has gone out the window of modern living.
We need to get back to basics if we are to solve all our problems.
P s … you are a beautiful person.
Thank you for sharing. Getting back to the basics of a simpler life would be a blessing for many of us.
When you both have to work to afford a home and your parent needs 24 hour care it's not an option to put them in a room;. My mother has dementia. She wonders all hours of the night. We have her with us right at the moment because I lost my job. I can't get a job because I have to watch her. At some point I will lose my house because I need to be working. None of her sisters can help or want to help. SO we are stuck trying to gain access to her accounts with a PA so we can understand what she has in the way of money. It's just a big mess.
@@treau3131 I'm so sorry to hear about this. Make sure you investigate state Medicaid programs so that you can move her out of your home and get back to work.
Definitely! Absolutely make sure they sign all the documents even if it’s chicken scratch or just an X at the dotted line! Do not sign for them with your name! My mom was in a nursing home and we knew it would be long-term, they tried to throw her out at one point and had a conference with me saying I owe them $58,000!! I almost fell off my chair, I requested to see the original paperwork and here my mom had signed it all I couldn’t remember that day if I signed it or if she did turns out it was her scribble! That took the responsibility from me completely, although they’ll still try to threaten you and make life miserable for you you have absolutely no responsibility for that payment.
I agree, never sign for a parent if the parent is legally able to sign for themselves. Doing so can result in unintended consequences.
Just add that 58k to the national debt.
@@larry-kp9sp Yes, like the military does for new fighter jets and tanks.
@@TheCyberMantis yes. Exactly.
@@TheCyberMantisand ukraine
I pay almost $5000. A month for my mom in assisted living. There Always short handed.
They are not following Doctors orders when someone has a fall or covid. Recomend keeping them home as long as possible.
Care communities are not perfect and family members or an advocate must remain involved. While care communities offer assistance it's limited.
My sister had a autoimmune disease (Lupus) and suffered literally almost all her life. She never married but tried her best to prepare for when she could no longer take care of herself. The last 2 years of her life her health suddenly started declining fast. One moment living her life independently, her health crashed and she was admitted into the hospital where she flat lined. They were able to save her but that was her beginning of the end of her life. She was never able to go back to her apartment and painfully without telling her, we had to go through the process of packing her belongings and vacating that important part of her life. For those 2 years she was in and out of the hospital and several long term care hell holes. I ended up having to pay her monthly "rent" of $10,500.00 for a pathetic closet sized room she had to share with another patient! Horrible nurses, horrible drs. The medical establishment will drain you of every cent you have than try to toss you out when you can no longer pay. I swear they let her die and it was a long painful and agonizing death. Try your hardest to keep your loved ones out of those "facilities".
Alot cheaper to keep them home and hire private aides to help.
I recommend that, too, if possible. My own mother was always extremely abusive, however, so it would take caretakers with earplugs and combat gear to protect themselves while caring for her at home. So I had to place her in the best facility I could find since none of my 8 siblings wanted anything to do with her and though none of the facility staff wanted to go near her she managed to survive and torment people for another five years at over $100k per year. (And, no, meds did NOT help.) Fortunately, most parents needing such services are not like that. Would that there were better options for all of us. Good luck to you all!
@@debk6161 so sorry you had to go through that, ya my dad is very narcissistic and wasnt much of a dad growing up, too busy running around with multiple women and lying to all of them to be much of a parent after my mom divorced him. If and when he needs care he can be a ward of the state im not taking power of attorney or even medical proxy. My mother on the other hand will never see the inside of a nursing home, i would not be where i am today without her, she broke her back working 70 hours per week and had no life to make sure me and my brother got a good education and still did the hard stuff and made time for the important conversations. She will not want for anything when she is too old to care for herself. Me and my brother would both move her into either of our homes and care for her. I will hire aides while im at work if need be. Shes earned it.
Worst period of my life was the few years before my divorced parents died. Both had debilitating chronic medical problems. Still haunted by my stoic father crying in nursing home because he wanted to go home. But dementia & frailty had set in after open heart surgery & he lived in another state with no real help. My mother had metastatic cancer & started dialysis 6 months before she passed. My sisters & I truly lived thru a nightmare & I know both parents did not have a "died in peace" ending. Be warned....i hope it doesn't happen to you if you have living parents. Be prepared.
Thank you for sharing your story. Most people can't imagine and fortunately don't experience the extremes that you did in caring for two very sick parents. Bless you and your sister for your efforts and for reinforcing the importance of knowing what can happen.
Seasoned nurse here.. I now supervise in a nursing home. Go to specific seminars about aging, and long term care. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALL NECESSARY PAPERWORk. Living Will, DNR, ADVANCED DIRECTIVE. Get educated! Yes, it can and is expensive. Family members need to be involved with their loved ones. Make sure you have an End of Life plan. No one lives forever but individuals should not have to die miserably. Good luck
My almost 94 year old neighbor still lives alone in her home. She’s been in and out of rehab facilities a few times over the last several years. The last visit, her family was told because her house is in her name only, they would take her home should she have to return for long term care. This lady retired at 68. She doesn’t want to sign her home over to them, but she’s at the point now where she’s relying on family members (myself included) on a daily basis. Many days she sees no one but 3-4 people especially during the week…this being home health reps and meals on wheels delivery people. Thank you for this wonderful array of information.
Thanks for commenting and you are welcome. I would connect her with the local Medicaid office so that she truly understands her options. Signing over her home to her children can cause a lot of issues with Medicaid and she needs to know about this.
Contact an attorney on how to hide her assets.
@@janielittlehorse8477 How do you expect the staff at the nursing home to get paid if everybody hides their assets and don't pay? Shouldn't the people who are feeding, bathing, medicating, clothing, and helping your loved one get paid? Comments like yours just kill me.
@@lindat6688I’m pretty sure the companies who own these homes get paid by health insurance or Medicaid.
@@debbiemeyer7666 Not nearly enough. That's why so many of them go bankrupt and close. And before that happens, they hire the cheapest labor they can, trying to stay open. Is that who you want taking care of mom and dad? The homes need enough people paying their full bill to offset the people on Medicaid, which pays very little. And health insurance will find ways to not pay, or stop paying after you hit a maximum number of days. I know this is true - it happened to my mother in law.
This would have been so helpful 20 years ago when my mother was elderly, with a broken hip, in the hospital, about to go into a rehab hospital. Good job, keep up the good work.
Thank you. Hindsight can be a great teacher. Use this information for yourself and your family to plan ahead.
Thank you for there good advice!
You are an absolute wealth of information! So appreciate you sharing your knowledge with those of us who are just entering the arena.
Thank you for the positive feedback it is very much appreciated!
Thank you so much for the helpful information! I think it should be a requirement in schools on how to prepare for elderly parents. Nobody ever talks about this subject! It's like one day out of nowhere it hits and it's so overwhelming.
Jenn - It's my dream that schools would provide education about health care and care for elderly parents. Perhaps one day!
Why a requirement? Should it be a requirement to learn how to be a parent?
How about, 1)adults learn to prepare for their old age with savings for retirement. 2)Teach children about limitations so they hire a caregiver to provide the proper care.
It's like going to get a haircut with someone who cuts hair; not with a child or parents.
Yes, along with personal finance and investing for retirement.
I was just saying the same exact thing!
@@Dani-ef3cf Retirement funds mean nothing if they can be taken away to pay for a rest home.
Pamela, God bless you! This is such a valuable resource not only for those of us who have an elderly parent but for all of us. Knowledge is power and the lack of knowledge is very expensive and not only financially. I have bookmarked your website for future reference. Thank you!
Thank you for this comment. Knowledge is power and those in power (mainly the government and the healthcare lobby specific to nursing homes) have a lot of influence. When consumers realize this they can choose to become more active in making good choices rather than being "told" what is right and not realizing the unintended consequences.
After, my experience with L.E.C.O.M. nursing homes, I kept my aged father at home. He is 100 years old and much happier. After seeing what I went through w/ poor quality nursing home care w/ my mother , my father stays w/ ME at home. DAMN those awful nursing home facilities. DAMN them all.😠😡😠😵😵😱😱😱😱
I'm sorry you had such a poor experience. This does happen unfortunately. There are some good ones out there.
❤you are so good to care for your father❤
Yeah, lovely woman looking after your father at home.
Try doing it when your loved one doesn't know who you are, is doubly incontinent, tries to leave the house at 3.00am and becomes violent when stopped!
Care home........
Do the nursing homes take your home leaving your kids with nothing if you sign for Medicaid?
@kathymawer9295 I'm trying to find this out too. The rules seems to vary from state to state. If they come after the home, it's usually after the owner dies. Some states will try to get reimbursed for the money they gave. Some don't. Some only go after the home if it goes into probate. Need to check the Medicaid rules of the state your parent lives in. They vary so much because the states administer the program. No one set of rules.
Such good advice to be sure you know what you’re signing when a parent goes into a nursing home. I was stunned when I later read what I’d signed when my mom was admitted to a nursing home - a contract where I agreed to pay for her care. I was so stressed when she was taken there after her hospitalization I signed a pages long contract without reading it, something I ordinarily would never do. Luckily she was only in for six weeks and had funds to cover it. If she hadn’t though it would have had to pay for it. A number of years later my intellectually disabled brother was admitted. I wouldn’t sign as legally he’s an independent adult and responsible for his own expenses if for any reason Medicaid didn’t cover something. What surprised me was how hard the nursing home tried, more than once, to convince me to sign. He was there for six months and only had was the $1,600 in savings he was allowed to have by Medicaid. This time I knew better than to sign.
Thank you for sharing your story. Nursing homes and all care communities have lengthy contracts that most people don't take the time to read - this is so important.
I wish I came across this video sooner that when I did, and everything you have said is spot on. Great advise about the Signature part as well to avoid being liable for payments. Great video and I will gladly share.
Thank you for the comment and for sharing. There is so much to know that it's impossible to realize when one becomes a caregiver.
And if the resident signs and runs out of money then the throw them pit on the street, Literally!! That was happening in Florida a few years ago!!
You are an angel of mercy! Thank you for sharing your compassionate advice to the people who are suffering and struggling and most definitely vulnerable!
Thank you. Because I have a lot of experience in this area I feel it's my duty to be of service to educate and help others who are struggling. Health issues and navigating government programs are extremely complicated.
I was in long-term care billing for 22 years. I always told families that the Medicaid system is designed to use the assets and resources of the person getting the care, not their family member. It is daunting for most folks because it is so new and can be complex. Thank you for making understanding this process a little easier.
Thank you and thank you for your work in long term care. Medicaid and Medicare are extremely complex. Part of my work is to help everyone understand how these programs work and how to use them.
They should just ditch Medicaid except for the very poor or disabled. People need to be responsible for their own long term care if needed.
@@user-tb7rn1il3q , a quick (and very real) scenario: Resident A comes into a nursing home as private pay with 100K in the bank. At 7K a month, you can see that he/she will go through that 100K in a little over year. Then what? He/she is now "poor" and they pay what they can from their Social Security and the Medicaid program covers the rest, making he/she responsible for their long term care. Ta da!
@@user-tb7rn1il3q Thank you for sharing this perspective. At the present time, the government feels compelled to manage these programs. Consumers who want more control over their health and care when older have the opportunity to speak up during the public comment periods prior to legislation being passed if this opportunity is available in your state.
You should set up an irrevocable trust. There is normally a five year look back policy so ppl should do it in advance. That way you have removed your assets from collection. People should see an attorney and get this done. The cost is around $3,000. Well worth the money to protect your children's inheritance. Just remember when you do this it can't be changed hence irrevocable But you will protect the nursing home from draining your assets.
Hi Everyone - Thank you for all of your comments and the discussions here. I do my best to respond to all comments. If you are curious about states creating long-term care insurance programs and how to be "heard" about the need for lower costs options, here's another video on my channel that you may find valuable. ua-cam.com/video/eg2TuMSFT48/v-deo.html
Great information I'll share this video with anyone I know who needs this. I know a friend in California.
Thank you for sharing!
- Make sure THEY sign the paperwork.
- Fill a Medicaid application at the nursing home billing office. Have birth certificate ready.
Yes a parent should sign. And as you mention there is a lot of documentation required for the application, social security cards, birth certificates, sometimes marriage licenses, insurance cards and other documentation.
My friend is now in the same situation I was in 5 months ago. She is so lost, I gave her your Utube video information.
She was so thankful for all your help, just as I was.
Rebecca - thank you for sharing with your friend and for the positive feedback. So appreciated!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience. God bless you.
You are so welcome
Thank you! You are doing an amazing thing. 💜
Thank you so much!
Keep your parents living with you. They need a lot of love and protection, the same love and protection you needed when you were a child
I know many children who feel the same and others for whom this is not practical or possible. Your parents are fortunate that you will be their caregiver.
God bless you! I wouldn't have had it any other way! No matter the sacrifice, nothing else was acceptable.
My fraternal grandma was in a nursing home for 12 years. I was raised going to the nursing home to see her. She was paralyzed on her right side, bug shr taught me to crochet with her left hand, im right-handed. I was notorious for disappearing and they would find me in someone else's room, songing to them, or in the TV space.
I am absolutely positive that my primary talent of what i was born for was helping elderly people. Im in a quilting group and I help them to see which bills to pay, bas their insurance been billed, etc. Mosg elderly people will get a bill and sit down and pay it right then. My daddy did until i lived in the same area. We were military for 30 years.
When we returned to the area, my fraternal Aunt had a amputation at the thigh. We had been paying a lady to sit in the daytime. When we got to Pensacola, we looked for a house that was one floor, with an inlaw-suite where she could roll to the bathroom by herself. It was such a blessing! My kids had gone to Alabama every summer and they spent time with her, and my parents. She was an old-maid school teacher and dhe adored them. Once she was here, my kids who were over 18, at that time, would go in her room first to tell her about their day. I had her for 18 months. I moved my mom and dad over 5 years ago because my daddy needed more care than my mom (87) could do. We redecorated, put in floors compatible with wheelchairs, vinyl so it was so cleanable. My daddy fell two nights before he died, abd while I was waiting for paramedics, he and mom were able to get every nit of blood off the floor.
.I used to tell my mom, dad, and my aunt that I would never put them in a nursing home. My husband eorks out of town, so it's just me snd mom. We were literally planning to find a care facility for my dad, because he was 5'10" and I am 4'11" so I could not have caught him at all. Im.adopted, so I got no height!! During my timecwith my aunt I changed the promise to "I will never put you into a facility that I cannot drop in any time of the day or night." That way, they would have just a little extra care because they would never know if I was coming that day or that night.
My mom is 92, snd sharp as a tack. She and I have the best time together and I am blessed to get to spend time with her and care for her, especially since we were far apart fir so many years.
Thank you for this channel. My mom and dad did a living trust and the attorney told me to call them before I put them into a facility. I'm binge watching your channel.
Yes indeed. And since I got so little of that (there are laws now that would put them both in jail) my mother ended up in facilities. Luxury facilities because she had lots of $$, but never with me.
@Cathy-xi8cb I'm sorry you had such a bad childhood. You deserved better. God bless you. 🙌 God, forgive them for they knew not what they did. So sorry.🥺 Many blessings to you from this day forward.🌺
Pamela. I am impressed that you have taken the time to reply to so many comments.
Thank you for mentioning this. I see my mission as to help as many caregivers and people seeking information as possible because I am blessed to have the ability and experience to do so.
Thank you so much for all of this great information, I'm not tech savvy, I am so glad I found you and my gosh there's so much to learn. ! 😊
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching. You don't need to be tech savvy to watch videos or webinars. Here's a series on my website that you might find helpful. Just click on the links on the page and the webinars will play. pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/
Great video!
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for watching!
Excellent video and info. Mom had sudden onset vascular dementia and we didn’t expect her to live much longer. Our home would not work due to stairs and she needed more attention and socialization than we could provide so we moved her into self-pay assisted living 7 years ago. After breaking both hips she had to move into a non-profit skilled nursing facility at a self-pay cost of over $130,000/year. After her funds from the sale of her home and assets ran out, Medicaid began paying for her care. The care facilities offered no assistance in applying for Medicaid, which required a significant amount of time.
I highly recommend consulting an elder care attorney for guidance. There are some legal planning steps one can take to preserve some of the person’s assets, such as Medicaid qualified loans, prepaying funeral expenses, purchasing single premium life insurance up to $10,000, etc.
I agree that it is extremely important to plan ahead and realize the importance of doing this when we are young relative to health, well-being, saving for retirement and planning. We need more education on all of these topics.
adult children aren't required legally to do anything
@@michah321 Correct. Not unless they legally agree to be a power of attorney or sign documents that make them legally responsible.
My Mom was fortunate enough to be able to live at home. She had a home visiting nurse. A nice couple would come to her house once a week to clean. My older brother did grocery shopping for her. My younger sister helped to look after Mom. The three of them lived in a very nice house in Texas.
Sounds like a wonderful situation! Thanks for sharing.
What was your role?
@@ChilePlzreally?! You’re going to go there? You don’t know this person’s circumstances? Maybe she’s physically unable to if she lives far away or God forbid has her own physical disability.
Well my experience with getting someone on Medicaid to pay the nursing home bill is after the person passes away . The state you live in does what is call estate recovery for what ever Medicaid paid to the nursing home. So if there is any property in the person’s name that passed away. The state puts a lean on to get there money first . Just saying .
Similar-Just to note my bro any I are both retired and seniors ourselves. He lives 1 mile from mom and I live 2 hrs away. After checking out solutions we decided to leave her in her apt which is familiar to her.. She has a nurse once a week and help twice a week. Bro takes care of financial and groceries, Apts. We call, visit and bring whatever material things she wants or needs. It's working for us so far. But the stress of getting to this point was unbelievable. Roles may change as needed.
Bless you Dear Lady. Ax
Thank you!
Sadly, too late for me. Neither my husband, or I got even a penny of inheritance. His father had dementia, and was missing in action. A couple of times. My mom was in her late 90s and unable to walk and needed help 24 hours a day. Luckily there were very nice nursing homes a mile away from our house so we could go every day. Unfortunately, both nursing homes got the proceeds from their houses, all of their savings, etc.. Thankfully, , we had made our own way in the world, although modestly. No one should ever count on an inheritance.
Thank you for sharing. You are correct, counting on a inheritance is not a strategy for retirement because as you mentioned so many things can happen.
My Mother was in a nursing home for 5 years after we put her on Medicaid. Each state is different but here medicaid patients had to share a room which mom was ok with but we were not. Her roommate was a old kleptomaniac who took everything we would bring for my mom, both had dementia. Now my wife had a stoke so I've been 3/4 caregiver for 5 years. When it's your parent it's one thing, when it's your spouse there's always the lingering thought, is this all there is in this life? You fund a full retirement all working life, have the RV warmed up for those cross country trips, suddenly it's all out the window.
Moral of the story, even though you might stay healthy by exercising, right foods if your spouse goes down, so do you. Yes, later found she stopped taking her BP meds.
Thank you for sharing your experience. While we plan as well as we can for retirement, health can change overnight and all of that planning goes out the window. Even when we take care of our health, unexpected things can happen. It's important for spouses to be on the same page regarding health and being proactive, but this takes work. I don't know of many nursing homes where rooms on Medicaid are not shared and most of the people there have significant health issues. God bless you for being a caregiver I know it's not easy.
Thank you very much for such invaluable information.
Glad it was helpful!
Very informative. Thank you for sharing!
It's my pleasure. Thank you for watching.
Schools in America should prepare students for what to expect in the future. Life skills classes should include insurance, and care for parents or preparing to house parents in some location other than your own home. I care for mine but it’s not easy.
I agree with you. Schools should prepare students for the practicalities of life. Thanks for mentioning this.
Appreciate your video.
I was blessed that both my parents made taking care of their health a priority so that I avoided this nursing home nightmare.
Those of us who are getting up in the years must be pro-active on this and keeping ourselves as healthy as possible.
1 in 10 of us at 65 will have Alzheimer’s
At 85, that number jumps to
1 in 3 will have Alzheimers.
Have the difficult conversations now.
It will save a lot of grieve later.
I’m not burdening my adult children to take care of me while they are trying to raise my grandkids.
Yes exercise at first is hard, once you get over the first 12 weeks, then things shift to where not exercising becomes hard.
I’m 63 and a lot of people in my circles are falling apart health wise.
While nothing in life is guaranteed, by being pro active, you can shift odds in your favor.
I had let myself balloon to 272, now I’m at 194. At my fattest weight, I would have been a-lot if trouble to take care of.
If I had broken my hip or had some other injury at that weight, I could have easily ballooned up over 300 pounds.
Best way to deal with nursing homes is to never go into them in the first place.
Thank you for mentioning being pro active. This is so important!
My friends Mom, 87 and she's still driving on LA freeways. Her Mom stopped driving at 90. She was still sharp. Died from falling and breaking her hip. Greek diet!
@@soniasias6226
Sorry to hear about hip fracture, sadly that is too common.
While nothing is 100 percent, weight/resistance training can help maintain both muscle mass and bone density.
Add in cardio, balance and flexibility, with those combos, actual risks of falls are reduced and if you do fall, you have reduced risk of actually breaking things.
A high quality diet is key, the standard American diet that most are eating has significant nutritional deficiencies which long-term, negatively impact our health.
I’m in process of dialing in my own diet, need to make sure things mostly work for me first before I share.
@@soniasias6226 Hip fractures are definitely a cause of death in the elderly even though they can be prevented by exercise and physical therapy if one is aware of the options and wants to be proactive.
Taking care of your parents is what we have always done all over the world. Now in less than a hundred years we choose ourselves over our families. You are all so selfish.
So glad I found your channel. My mom is 87 , and lives alone doing great. My mother in law is a train wreck In every way, and in rehab now, but will be returning to her independent living apartment sometime, but only if they’ll take her back. No one wants her, and it’s her own fault.
Also glad you found me. Sorry to hear about your MIL. There's a free webinar program on my website that may be helpful. Here's the link: pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/
Thank you for the video.
Thanks for watching!
10k is now on the low end for a 2 person facility unfortunately. Very informative video.
Yes, and in some states even higher. $10-15K per month. If in home care with 24/7 care $25-$30K per month. Thanks for watching and commenting.
You are an exceptionally kind and radiant person. It is so good of you to share this guidance, so that adult children can avoid life-changing mistakes. Some of us don’t have the financial ability to take over these expense. My parents were career military, and responsible. My wife’s mother was never there for her, but expects us to care for her now. We need to help our kids, and her father who WAS there for her.
Thank you. There's so much to learn it's impossible to know everything. There's more help in my online program here: pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/
She's TOO nice.
I think she's a demon.
J.K. 😂
She's great. I know.👍
Your wife's mother, short of leaving your wife in a basket at the church doorway, was "there" for her. Children are divinely tasked with helping their parents to the best of their ability when they become unable to help themselves (even if they were not the best parents). At least, this is what my book says and i'm not Christian. You will want your record to speak in your favor.
Thank you so very much Pamela!
You are so welcome!
Thanks for the help.
You are very welcome.
We were caught in this trap when my husband’s last aunt passed away. When the privately run, nationally positioned Senior Care nursing facility came to us demanding we, as the estate administrators, pay off her two year lease to the tune of $28,000…we just told them “No. The person who signed this lease is dead, there is nothing that left that constitutes an “estate” and nothing in this lease states that, upon death, the estate of the deceased must buy out the lease.” Never heard from them again…I’m sure it was because they saw the loophole that the lease itself presented….plus they rented out Auntie’s 2 bedroom suite within 2 weeks after she died. These people are all vultures!!
So glad you told them no. Many privately paid communities do try to hold family members to agreements. It's important to know what is and is not required.
When you sign up for Medicaid, you have to sign all property and assets in the person's name over to the state upon their death. They want to go back 5 years to collect, so you can't sign it over to someone else in the 5 year period. Some say they're going 7 years back.
I'm dealing with this at the moment with my brother's estate.
The bill ends up being 2/3 of the property and asset appraisal value up to $500,000.00
It's best to get everything re -appraised to get the bill lowered.
It's pretty damn "dirty" if you ask me.
Every state is different and most have "estate recovery" programs to learn about.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert
I'm aware of Estate Recovery.
He died in June of 2020.
I'm the executor over his estate.
I'm in the final process of selling his/our family estate, plus the property I've been living on for the past 15 years making me homeless in the near future.
The system can kiss my ass, for what's been done to me and the rest of the families of the world.
It's a damn shame,
what the world's come to,
For people like me,
and people like you
Thanks for responding back.
its best to just take care of mom at home and hire someone to care for her
🎉you are going through a lot. It is hard work to deal with. My mom decided early on to get a hew home before the 5 yr look back. She put me on as a joint owner with right of survivorship. I am the owner now. In ny state children are not required to pay parents debts. In Pennsylvania they are. See my other comment.
I’m so thankful for supplemental insurance. My mother got 100 days in the rehab. Advantage insurance is very limited. Then she was transferred to a nursing home under Medicaid.
Supplemental insurance can be a blessing in many ways. It sounds like this situation worked out very well for you and your mother.
Thank you!
You're welcome. It's my pleasure.
Make copies of all applications!!!
Yes, plus the names of people you speak with, the dates of conversations, keep emails and a very good trail otherwise your application can sit on someone's desk or get lost and you will have to start all over again.
What a strange cycle to live all your life accumulating some level of wealth, only to have a massive corporate/government cabal prolong your eventual death, so that every last penny is syphoned off to this industrial complex. I've shepherded both parents through the nursing home gauntlet and now know this --- I will work to avoid this tragic fate at all costs.
No one has to agree to prolong their life. It's a personal choice and it's okay to say no to doctors who want to provide treatments etc. that don't offer quality of life.
Very informative thankyou so much
Glad it was helpful!
I just stopped by to say your thumbnail drew me in. What a beautiful lady. ☺️ Never know who needs to hear a kind word. Enjoy your day!
Thank you for being so kind today - very much appreciated!
My sister just declared Paw insolvent, turned over all his assets to the state, insurance, pension, property, Everything. The only reason I kept the Home was that Maw and Paw Quit Claimed (secretly) it to me 20 years prior to Maw dying, and Paw going bonkers.
I'm sorry to hear about your family situation but am glad that you have a place to live.
Never sign any documents. Have your parents sign everything.
Yes or if you are POA sign "with no personal liability" after your name.
Thank you very helpful
Glad it helped
I’ve been caring for my husband for the last 8 years since his stroke; lol, wish somebody was paying me thousands of dollars a month.
Yes I understand. Caregiving is undervalued!
Was your husband a veteran who served during a time of war? If so, you can get the government to pay you for taking care of him. It's called the Aide and Attendance program.
@@signet9542 - Thank you for mentioning this A & A is a great benefit for wartime veterans and their spouses.
medicaid can pay you for caring for a loved one at home
Same
I think you should have mentioned spend down, caregiver agreement, and community spouse. The Medicaid application shouldn’t even be filed without a caregiver agreement in place, otherwise the nursing home will drain all your assets except $2k, your house and one car in Florida. The caregiver agreement can prevent that. and you have to get an elder care or estate planning attorney to do it. The monthly social security check goes to the nursing home either way. If you don’t have power of attorney you can’t get it if the parent has dementia or is otherwise incompetent to give it. You have to get guardianship and that isn’t always guaranteed.
Hi- there are other videos here on this channel and on my website that go into more detail. Anyone who searches on my channel with over 800 videos for "medicaid" or goes to my website pameladwilson.com and does the same can find more information.
Very interesting.....Just found your website.....thanks
Thanks for watching! There is more helpful information on my website and on my podcast.
Excellent advice, thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
I noticed someone below mentioned you should have your parent live with you, but that is not always an option. I would love to have my mother living with us, but (1) We do not have enough bedrooms and (2) and more importantly, our house has too many stairs for her to be able to deal with. We have to go up stairs even to get into the house. Then, inside the house, we could just have her on the first floor, but there is not a full bathroom (and no bedrooms, so her privacy and ours's would be none existent). We did look at either adding on to the house or even building a new house, but the cost and time that would take just didn't work out. We were lucky to not have to put her intro a true nursing home, she is at a personal care home (assisted living). But it is all self pay. There is another assisted living complex close by that does accept Medicaid, but then she would have to share a room with someone. She is lucky enough to have enough in savings to cover a few years in the place and she decided she wanted to spend her money on the nicer facility. I am just worried what happens if she outlives her money? I known we will be forced to move her to another facility that does accept Medicaid, and I am worried how moving again will effect her? On top of all of this, I have a sibling that will have nothing to do with her any more because it is just too difficult to deal with. But I also know when something eventually does happen to Mom that my sibling will be mad at me for having spent the money on the personal care home, instead of putting her into a Medicaid facility. I want my Mom's last years to be comfortable and as happy as they can be. and I know the type of facility she is in will greatly effect that.
Mom gets to spend her money anyway she wants. Your sibling can spend theirs they way they want.
F--k the sibling who doesn't want to help. Stop being so insecure. When you're the one who is the primary caregiver, it's up. to you-to make sure that your mother receives the best care possible, and use her funds in her best interests. You should apply for guardianship, so that no one can question you. See a divorce and family relations attorney about it, it will be money well spent.
Thanks for sharing your story. I recommend investigating Medicaid communities if she is within 1-2 years of "running out of money". Many personal care homes accept "spend downs" and will keep individuals on Medicaid. Planning ahead gives you time to choose. If you wait until the last minute it can be much more difficult.
I’m wondering about the possibility of selling your house and moving to a suitable place, with room for your mother. At some point you and your wife will be unable to manage stairs, too. I knew a couple whose mother was unable to be at her own condo with a caregiver anymore. Her place was sold, and the they used the money to build a suite onto their home for her. It was a wonderful solution. She and her caregiver has their own space, and the kids could help and keep an eye on things.
Keep all financial documentation, and your brother can go jump in the lake. My aunt was the same. She resented that my grandma was spending her nest egg on caregivers. She just wanted her to hurry up and die so she could inherit her money. She would get my grandma upset, agitated, and fearful about the expenditure, but had no problem accepting large amounts of money from her, and for her grown sons as well, every month. If she was so concerned, the so-called allowances should have stopped. She was the one writing the checks, by the way. My grandma was not able.
@@anglophils645 Better to see a trust attorney or look online for a free form to fill out. You should also look at whether you should be a conservator.
People also need to be aware of (in the US) the issue of long-term care insurance, assisted living centers, home healths (with visiting nurses), and caregivers (LVNS, etc), and also what hospices can provide. My grandmother was able to live in a very decent assisted living center WITH a part-time caregiver for less than a nursing home because she didn't really require RN-level care, and my great-grandmother also had a caregiver that enabled her to live at home until her death at 94. I realize not everyone is that lucky. Sometimes a few families who could afford a little private-pay might even be able to get together and share the salary of a full-time LVN and maybe an aide for a few patients without critical needs, but who just need help bathing, cooking, etc.
I agree. The more educated health care consumers can be the better they are able to navigate all of these systems.
Thank you.
It's my pleasure.
Spot-on. Information!!
Glad you think so! thanks for watching.
People should realize that the minute they start this process from that point forward every asset that their parent has belongs to the government once they pass. This is not a free ride for them. If you think you are going to continue to inherit anything that they may have set aside for you in their Will it’s a moot point once Medicade steps in. They will Be reimbursed first, before any named person in the will receive what was left.
Just curious, why should Medicaid be a free-ride. If a person saved for retirement and has assets, in my opinion, they deserve to have their money spent on their care. Children should to become financially independent and not rely on their parents for money.
@@peaceofmyhearthomestead4611 This has nothing to do with wanting to take a farm. It's more about having resources that translate to money to pay for care. If your farm has been in the family for 150 years it can fall into the centennial farm program. I know this because my cousins in Iowa are in such a program. You may find another one of these groups that wants to purchase the farm if that is the issue.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Uh, there are MANY people who WANT their adult children to inherit money or property. I am appalled that you would make that statement. And in these times, there are far more people, for example middle-aged/senior widows, who are struggling financially and if their elderly parents have money set aside for them to inherit and can help them now, that is THEIR choice.
@@peaceofmyhearthomestead4611 It sounds like we've worked in the healthcare industry for a similar amount of time. I'm going on 24 years. I've also seen both sides. Sometimes families can do too much to their detriment. There are always two sides to every story.
@@qso3566 And to answer your question about a "spend down" you can research this topic. It's basically understanding the financial requirements of Medicaid so that families can plan as far in advance to understand the components and requirements of an application so that when parents need care an application can be submitted at the right time and under the right circumstances.
I plan on checking out before I become a burden.
Many people feel the same.
Same@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert
Thank you
Thank you for watching and commenting.
Most states also have Medicaid for longterm care at home, under a federal waiver. The rules differ from state to state and they also differ depending on the setting --community-based or in a nursing facility.
If the applicant is married, it is VERY IMPORTANT to apply early for a RESOURCES ASSESSMENT, at the local Medicaid office, BEFORE assets are expended. A Medicaid case manager can and should give you all the information you need. Elder law attorneys are seldom needed.
Keep in mind that fixed assets, such as a home, can be required to be disposed of. However, if a person is married, the home is exempt, and states apportion assets and sometimes income to the non-applicant spouse.
The key, as you stated, is to get in EARLY and get all the information upfront.
Hoe?
Thanks for the comments. Yes, planning ahead and learning about all of the details is everything when there are concerns about the ability to pay for care.
We live in a predatory country...
If this is what you believe what are you doing about it?
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert What do you suggest?
After doing our best to watch over our mother as a resident of a nursing home, ....she died from sepsis.
The nursing home staff did not investigate her pain complaints in a timely manner.
My mother also died of sepsis so I understand your frustration. When providers (like nursing home staff) fail to investigate complaints what is learned all to late is that it's really up to the family or the caregivers to push for care because not all provider staff are educated, and there may be reasons nursing homes don't want to send patients back to hospitals (Ref The Affordable Care Act Section 3025 "Rehospitalization"). There are many unintended consequences of government policies that affect consumers and patients when legislators pass bills.
The same with my Dad. Sepsis that was not paid attention to. I miss him so.
thank you
You're welcome thank you for watching.
excellent.
Thank you!
Hello and thanks for sharing great information. My mother Inlaw is living with us after being discharged from the hospital. We should have agreed to send her to rehab. Now she is very aggressive and screams and hollers all day. We believe she is having other medical issues such as a possible UTI. She refuses medical help at the ER. We have POA medical, what are our options?
Even though you have POA if she is capable of making her own decisions she gets to decide. However, if she is refusing medical help I would speak to her doctor to see if they can send someone to the home to examine her. If it gets really bad, put her in the car, take her to the ER and have them determine if she is making bad decisions such that she is incapable of doing the right thing. If that is the case then it's time for a serious discussion about moving her to a care community or a nursing home if she won't cooperate. If she is mentally incapacitated, that's another story. You'll find information about that here. pameladwilson.com/how-to-get-guardianship-of-a-parent-obtain-legal-guardianship-online-course-pamela-d-wilson/
Maybe a little coconut oil and cranberry pills or juice for the uti.
Some oregano oil softness really help with infections, you need to find out why she's so unhappy and stressed, you are entitled to have in home care, have her doctor request this for her..
When my mom had uti’s she acted aggressive and frankly crazy. An emergency room visit should help, it did my mom, they did need to restrain her.
@@seebertha Cranberry is a preventive measure, not a treatment.
My parents actually had a "Long Term Care" insurance policy that they had been paying into for many years, which was supposed to cover their stay in a nursing home until the end of their lives. As it turned out, both of them died before entering a nursing home. Perhaps Medicaid is a better option than "Long Term Care Insurance"; I don't know, but it is at least another option to consider.
Many people wait to put their long term care policies in force. My advice is to use them as soon as one qualifies. it's the idea of older people "not wanting" help. if you need help get it - especially if you have a long term care policy. Use it!
my parents paid into long-term care for yrs. when i tried to cash in for 1 ill parent of mine, i had to jump thru weeks if various hoops and then they only allowed for a small amt. of funds to be allocated for help. it was a waste.
Long term care policy is nothing but a rip off. There very expensive to maintain ( a fee) every year. When it comes time to use it they quit paying interest on it and you are limited on how much money you recieve monthly. Theres NO POLICY. ITS YOUR money being withdrawn every month. BETTER OFF putting it in a CD.
Thank you so much❣️ New subscriber.
Welcome, than you for subscribing!
My dad stayed with us in his last years and needed 24 hour coverage. My brother and sister would help out now and then to give us a few hours time off. We enjoyed having him.
Helping parents can be a blessing if one is able to provide care and there have been good relationships. I'm so glad you were able to care for your father until he passed. It sounds like you have a very good family.
Im currently planning on sending my mom to a nursing home in a couple of years but I rlly don’t know where to start and im scared I Might not have enough money to do so and she might not be qualified for it
Check with your county department of social services or long term care office (the terminology is different in every state) and learn as much as you can about Medicaid now so that you can be prepared. You can never start these type of investigations too early.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert OK thank you so much and what if my mom does not want to go to the nursing home what can I do? Should I get legal support or?
@@scarletsmith7162hi, if your mom gets very weak and is unable to care for herself(you can't be expected to lift someone)google(even better ask at your library) the number for your state's sr assistance group. Library's have all kinds of info. and will give you resources. Many counties have home nursing service. Tell them you would like a nurse to come to the home to evaluate her. Also look up caregiver groups online. A wealth of info, good luck😊
Why are nursing homes so expensive when our loved ones get beaten and neglected in those places?
You may not know this but the government and insurance companies fund payments to nursing homes. The healthcare lobby is very strong and has a lot of financial bargaining power. In my opinion, the federal healthcare budget has a lot of duplication and waste because the legislators have no concept of the unintended consequences of the bills that they pass. This is why healthcare is unaffordable because insurance companies look out for their goals and do not necessarily prioritize patient care. I know, a long answer to a very simple question. This is a very complicated topic. Nothing will change until consumers take action
Saying that loved ones get beaten and neglected in all nursing homes is like saying children get abused in all public schools. There are some GREAT nursing homes, like there are some GREAT public schools....and there are some awful ones. As for the cost; it's in part due to the way healthcare is managed in our society (although I'm not sure it would be much different anywhere else): RNs, LVNs, physical therapists, occupational therapists, aides, insurance, accountants, specialty equipment, specialty construction, laundry, food service, maintenance, yard service, cleaning staff, administration, activities director, etc. all have to be paid. Unfortunately, as rules and codes (such as Hipaa in US healthcare) increase, so does the red tape and the cost.
Because the poor CEO needs a 3rd vacation home.
EXCELLENT !!!! TY !
You're welcome!
Some assisted living places allow the residents to be on Section 8, because its like an apartment. They usually have to pay for someone to assist them. The residents are all in one building so it's easier for the CNA on duty. AARP is said to have insurance for all the elderly that needs it.
Section 8 is a very good program that sometimes has very long waiting lists. To your point, these residences do not offer any type of care. Care must be privately paid for and brought in or reimbursed through Medicaid. AARP is associated with United Healthcare. As with all insurance programs one must do their analysis to decide which program is best.
Best way is to keep them close like a mother-in-law's sweet in the basement or a tiny house. Don't trust nursing homes or assisted living centers.Not with my family members anyway..But we didn't send our kids to daycare either.
As a 66 year old long term care nurse that is awesome to take care of family members….. until you can’t, if a woman’s dad for example has a stroke and he weighs 240# and is 6’2 and his only daughter is 5’3 and weighs 130# and she’s a single woman with no siblings who’s mother has already passed away, how does she get him to the bathroom when he can’t walk? How does she care for him if his mind is affected and he doesn’t understand what she’s saying? These are real scenarios, hopefully these don’t happen to you, I work in a top notch facility and residents are happy living where I work, unfortunately people like you only hear about the bad places and assume they are all the same.
@edbollett9083 It is wrong of you to assume that every person can take an elderly loved one into their home. Many people do not have the space, they do not have the financial resources, they may live hundreds or thousands of miles away, they're probably not qualified to provide the needed care and can't afford to bring in a live-in nurse, they may not be physically able, a daughter could be very uncomfortable helping a father with the more personal aspects of care and vice-versa with a son helping a mother, and in the case of an elderly person with issues like dementia, it could be a dangerous situation for a family member trying to care for them. There are many possible scenarios and it really irks me when people tell others to just take the elderly family member into their home, or worse, when they judge and accuse them of not caring enough to keep them out of a nursing home. Unless a family has extreme wealth to pay for some 5-star nursing home/assisted living facility, it's just a horrible situation for anyone to have to deal with.
@@kathyharmon2093 Yes! Thank you. So many judge and accuse people of not caring for their parents if they don't take them into their home, but there are a multitude of reasons why it's not possible to do so.
Thank you for sharing a different perspective and understanding the complexities and challenges of not being able to care for someone who has high needs. Until most people have these experiences they have no way of understanding what family caregivers experience and it's so easy to judge.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Caregiving is a complex situation.
Can I resign, or be removed as POA for my mother in law? I have suffered TERRIBLY just for being kind and wanting to help but it has literally stolen my own well being and ability to thrive.
Yes you can always resign as POA. Write a letter of resignation, have it notarized and send the letter via certified mail so that you have a signature on record of receipt. Then send your resignation letter to everyone who has your POA on file to let them no you are no longer involved.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Oh THANK YOU! I wrote that letter in March and even had it notarized but that's where it stopped. Giving it to my husband went nowhere 😅 I'll be sending copies everywhere this week thanks to you!
WHO do I send it certified to? The attorney who set it up or my mother in law or whom?
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert WHO do I need to send the certified letters to in order to record it properly? Attorney, or AL or my mother in law? ... Should it also go to the county recorders office where the legal doc is recorded?
@@livebydesignlaurie - I would start by sending the certified letter of resignation to any attorneys involved, your mother-in-law, the county recorder's office where the legal document is recorded, and then anyone else who might have a copy of the document like the AL, doctor's offices, financial offices, etc.
A lot of medicaid long term care in a lot of states now take the estate after your loved one has passed. They take everything, including their house and everything inside and out.
Truth!!
Most states have Medicaid applicants sign an "estate recovery form." Everyone should have a good understanding of what this means in the state of the Medicaid applicant so that there are no surprises.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert they are tricky, also can't transfer or sell your house to say, your child, most likely it will be your only asset left other than a car or personal heirloom belongings like jewelry handed down. Medicaid goes back 5 years and even 10 years in some places and will take it from whomever you sold it to.
If the care your mother or loved one would get would be decent or quality, it might be worth it. A lot of times they DO NOT disclose this, they will try and get you to sign up so you can "live" and get access to the care you need. I have a friend who has witnessed so many vunerable very ill people pushed into signing everything over and they definitely don't know that is what they are doing. I couldn't believe some of the tragic circumstances in which this very thing happens. The families just want them to have a chance to stay alive and get the much needed care, usually the person was sick enough by this point they really couldn't comprehend what the contract which is lengthy and had legalese language even a well educated person would have a hard time understanding. So important to know, but most people have the mindset that medicare covers everything and copays and deductibles are affordable. They are not, if you have any kind of serious or multiple health issues that come with aging. Also, if you have medicare, you probably will not qualify for any kind of financial aid. Because you have any kind of insurance will disqualify you. Example: you have cancer, you need lifesaving chemo or immunotherapy straight medicare pays 80 percent, each treatment can run easily 15,000.00 to 20,000.00 per treatment. Don't have that 20 percent? These days financial aid might look like opening a line of credit for you, at regular revolving interest rate. Not at the medicare contracted rate either, which is much lower than the"charge".
I am new to this. Is it true that when an elderly person goes into long-term care, knowing that they will never come out, that all their assets must be sold to pay for the care, until that money runs out, and then Medicaid pays until death? What if the person is married? Does the spouse need to sell the home, essentially becoming homeless, as well as everything else, in order to pay the bills? When my MIL acquired dementia, a home was sold which proceeds paid for the care, until that money ran out. I need to think about my own parents, not doing so well, now. But they don't want to talk about these things. I would hate to see the healthier parent lose the house they've had for decades and become destitute, in order to pay for the other's care. Personally, I don't have the money to pay for anyone other than my own family. Thank God this woman has created this channel to help us!
Hi- Your question is a good one. Most states have a level of protection for the person called "the community spouse." This would be the healthier of the two spouses who does not need care. This person does not have to use all of their money or sell the home or become homeless. The healthy spouse can live in the home, have a certain amount of savings (determined by each state) and continue to receive enough income to pay the bills. This can happen while the "sick spouse" receives care under Medicaid either through HCBS (home and community based services - watch for a video coming soon on this topic) or long term care which is care in a nursing home or other community that accepts Medicaid. My recommendation is to begin looking into this for your parents knowing that they will eventually need to go on Medicaid so that you have a good understanding of how this works.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert I am grateful for your response, thank you so much! ♥
I am stressed to a breaking point taking care of my father. He has refused to do what is necessary to get better after a fall and has now deteriorated to the point of needing 24hr care and IV antibiotics.. is bedbound and incontinent. The example you gave of $6000 is exactly him. I have no idea how to help him get the care he needs. I am on social security and disabled myself. What/ where / how can I get help?
Contact his doctor's office and see if anyone there can direct you. If he has no money contact the county Medicaid office - they may also be called long term care. You can also contact your county office on aging. Someone at one of these offices should be able to give you some direction.
My older sister is in a similar situation. After her fall, nothing broken, she was unable to do anything at rehab. She was in a “substandard” care home (9 residents) for 4.5 months. Now, she is in a Nursing home that is wonderful. She’s self-pay, bedbound, and although I have hopes that she will be able to at least sit up in a wheelchair someday, she’s not able (or willing) to work towards that. I have a Hospice/Palliative Care team that comes in regularly to take care of needs that piggybacks off of what the NH does, covered entirely by Medicare. Your father doesn’t need to be at the end-of-life to receive Hospice care. I know this reply is late; I only saw it now. Wishing you and your father the best.
I am very upset to see, that this woman did not address, putting the elder parents home in some kind of trust. People do not realize that once the person has died, Medicaid can come and take anything of value to recoup the cost of the nursing home. So if there is a home that has been in the family for generations, and you wish to keep it or leave it to the caregiver. It will be gone. Measures need to be taken to prevent this from happening.
Thank you for your comment. You can be upset that I didn't address that topic that I am well aware of. There are feelings on both sides that families with financial resources should pay for their care because they can afford it rather than shifting the tax burden on people who choose to be responsible and not find a government loophole. While what you discuss is "legal" it's also a strategy mainly available to the wealthy who can afford attorneys and legal counsel. Why should people not use their own resources to pay for their care? Why should children not buy the family home if there is an interest and then use that money to pay for the care of a parent? Why do family members feel "entitled" to family assets they did not earn? There are many questions on both sides for consideration.
@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert,
What you are failing to address is the fact that many people of very modest means are experiencing the same problem. They are being expected to pay for something that they honestly cannot afford. It is bankrupting them, and also bankrupting their descendants. The fact is that it's not just the very wealthy who happened to own a little something. And once someone has exhausted themselves and their resources trying to take care of an elderly parent it is imperative that there is something for them to inherit so that they are not put in a worse place than the original patient was, and their children in an even worse place. And that is what is happening to many people. We pay into social security for all of our lives, and the government has very steadily bankrupted that system when it was guaranteed originally that it would not be touched for anything other than the people who paid into it. Also, there are many veterans who need help, and they get almost nothing from the military. You are not addressing this fairly or squarely, in my opinion. Yes, the very wealthy should pay for everything they get, but what about people who really are quite poor, yet have been very responsible and actually own a home or a small piece of property? Yet the government wants to take that, when in fact they should not be able to..
The reality is tsking care of parents is very expensive. I suggest to read everything and not sign anything. Be careful with nursing homes the care is horrible & yet the financial part is 12k monthly that pays for care. Medicaid takes note of all bills paid starting day #1. I agree with this video - LTH Insurance is a must..
My mom was in a rehab facility that was rated better than others in the area and she was constantly neglected. She was unable to often find her call bell, did not get prompt pain medication and I was usually unable to reach the nursing station. Mom begged me to take her home. It was a discharge on the part of the rehab department but she was ama with the medical because she couldn't tolerate any more pain from valid draws blood transfusions etc
Thank you for sharing your story. I have had many clients leave hospitals and nursing homes AMA (against medical advice). Poor care is one of the reasons to leave. I hope you filed a complaint with the state department of health and the company so that others do not have to go through similar experiences.
Great idea….
Thank you! 😊
NEVER GIVE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER TO ANYONE THAT HAD OR HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR PARENTS HEALTH CARE, YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY THE BILL
More than that don't sign for your parents on any documents unless you are a legal appointee.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert I had power of attorney for health care
@@user-rg9sg9og9d Then you sign as "power of attorney for X with no personal liability" to protect yourself.
I told my family I'd rather a bullet than a nursing home. I know, i worked in one.
I know a few people who feel the same.
Thanks for the information ! My dad is experiencing terminal illness(stage 4 cancer) I plan to register him to one of the assisted living . How's this situation be different from regular senior case ? Appreciate any advice
If he has stage 4 cancer you also might want to research hospice. Ask for a palliative care consultation from his physician so that you can make end of life plans. They may have some recommendation for a community.
Wow, just amazing. I'm the only child of a divorced mother who died young. I never thought there was an upside to that.
There are blessings to everything. It all depends on how one looks at the situation.
And indeed there is!
@@Cathy-xi8cb Aging teaches me something new every day!
Why avoid helping your parents and make the government pay? Just so you can have their house or inherit? The friend I have inherited a million dollar home after her parents passed at a nursing home, that home they worked for could have put them in a much better care facility. I felt so bad for her parents
I don’t think the Government will pay if the parents have assets. They have to spend what they have first.
Assets do have to be "spent down." However self-interested parents who have power of attorney or control over a parent's care can place them in substandard situations to save money for inheritances. There are also other legal loopholes that the very well-off can afford that most of society cannot.
The most important thing to do, when becoming primary caregiver for an adult family member, is to seek guardianship over that person. That way, doctors, hospitals, and nursing homes have to listen to you, regarding your loved one's care. Otherwise, they don't, and they won't, in most cases. Power of Attorney is not enough, you need full guardianship.
Guardianship can come with financial responsibility.make sure you have a good lawyer.
Guardianship is only possible if a person "grants" guardianship or if "legal incapacity" is confirmed. It's not a simple process because it gives individuals total control over another person's wellbeing. It applies in most cases to those caring for persons with dementia, Alzheimer's or brain injuries. I served as a professional guardian for 11 years. There are pros and cons.
Outstanding
Thank you!
I took care of that for my children, I scraped and bought long term care for both me and my wife payments for 4 years.
You will be so glad that you did this when the time comes!
Children don't have to pay any bills incurred by their parents. You pay down their assests and then apply for Medicaid/Medicare. If you are rich then you get great care if not you're out of luck.
Yes this is true. Most children don't think about spending down assets and then applying for Medicaid.
This women is trying to guilt grown children into paying for the nursing home corporate office she works for!!! Disgusting
Why would an honest person want to avoid paying a bill he owes?
@@joeharris3878 That's a great question. Thanks for asking!
@@joeharris3878Get out of here !
Just read the caption. Here's one for you...just care for them at your home. I did. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing my own mom in a nursing home. It wasn't easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Your parents and family are your responsibility. God bless you all.
Your parents are/were very lucky to have you.
@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert Thank you. We were blessed. It was difficult, and I was attacked by medical professionals but stood my ground. Ultimately, we lost my mom because her doctor wouldn't treat her for a uti that led to sepsis. We are all being killed by the lack of choices and the medical institution. The elderly or sick seem not to matter. Everyone should have a choice to care for their loved ones at home with the right medical team to aid, but that doesn't happen often. No one should have to make a choice, and nursing homes shouldn't be getting rich off the backs of the indigent, sick, disabled or dying. God bless everyone. I pray the need for the medical system goes away soon, and everyone gets a medbed! Our people have suffered as slaves long enough! No one chooses to put their loved ones in a nursing care facility. Families should get the money and aid they need to care for loved ones, not these institutions. Sorry about the rant. It's near to my heart, and this discussion causes much emotion. Be blessed.
You obvious have never dealt with an Alzheimer’s patient or one that had stroke and is immobile. There are situation that are not the best for the patient to be in a home without some who has training to handle situations that arise. Or what if your home is a one bedroom apartment in the city??? So, here’s one for you- not everyone has the same circumstance and lucky for you, you’re mother is able to live in your home.
@ldc5603 OH really?? Not so! You have no idea what I've dealt with. I've fought doctors, medical staff, family, the law, and every other force against me. Yes, my mother was incapacitated after a terrible accident, and they gave her 3 days to live. There are no comparisons between your situation or mine. Just remember, once upon a time, we all cared for our loved ones at home. No one said you must do what I did, but you must understand, I'm a mother, and I, myself,was disabled by a medical mistake that has mamed me for life and fought many to keep my mom with me. There are nursing staff and others that can come to your home to help, and you can be paid as a caretaker. None of that applied to me, but options exist. God bless you. I'm not your enemy.
@@cinemacritic2715 Everyone has their own experiences and opinions and is entitled to them. Making comparisons is irrelevant to the point that situations cannot be compared as you say. Especially when judging the written word or a single video on YT without taking the time to understand people and their backgrounds. Jumping to conclusions is often a result of a lack of information. Those who disagree the most or take extreme positions are often people who have been hurt or harmed by others and this is understandable. Because of my professional experience, I have worked with individuals who have many of the experiences that you describe. Some I've had myself. Anger can be a force for good instead of complaining and not doing anything. The government that funds the healthcare system and the healthcare system are very powerful. Many of the rules and the documentation are purposely misleading so that consumers cannot understand the information or even what they are voting for. Until people like you speak up to share their experiences nothing will change. Thank you for your post.
Thanks for this useful information, I would like to know , if a spouse signs herself \himsel when admitted to the nursery home the other spouse won't have to pay for all the remain expenses in case of he/she passed?
The answer to your question depends on the nursing home agreement and whether the agreement states the surviving spouse is responsible for payments. Every state has different laws. Everyone should read the agreements and ask questions before signing.
Thank you, you just literally saved me from BK!!!!!
You are welcome thanks for the comment.
These scenarios are why we need nationalized healthcare where we all pay in throughout our working lives and we all get to have our turns to share in the benefits.
Privatization of the nursing home care system invites greed and corruption which increases costs for everyone.
Don't kid yourself that you will not grow old one day. This will apply to everyone eventually.
This! This is exactly right and why it makes financial sense.
We are all going to grow old and die. I know shocking. No one wants to think about or plan for this. I'm not sure about nationalized healthcare. What I believe in is education so that people know their options to become self-sufficient rather than relying on government assistance.
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert I’m tired of compassion and government assistance for everyone except non-poor elders. Regular people who’ve worked and paid taxes all their lives to support everyone else need help and protection.
What happens when the parent makes too much to qualify for medicaid but not enough to pay for a nursing home and no savings? She needs 24 hour care that I can no longer provide.
This is a common situation that can be very challenging. First suggestion is to contact a Medicaid planning attorney to make sure your parent really doesn't qualify because there are ways to make this happen. If you don't want to do this then find a nursing home you would consider for your mom and go talk to the billing person and ask about Medicaid. Sometimes it takes a little investigation to find options that exist.
Her income will be disregarded for a Medicaid admission to a nursing home. It will be paid to the home and would be considered as medical expenses.
@@SandfordSmythe - Yes income is paid to a nursing home, but if a person makes $6,000 a month they won't qualify for Medicaid they would be required to pay privately. (I purposely used $6,000 a month as this is less than the rate for one month in a nursing home in most states but can be too much to qualify financially for Medicaid.)
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpertparent must give the kids the assets BEFORE applying.
@@docimma That can be dangerous if one doesn't know what they are doing. Giving away assets can penalize a parent whose application can be declined if the gifting is not done appropriately.