Stuff like this is primarily why I subscribe to Josh.He's like the big brother that a lot of people never had coming in with those clutch life lessons.
Without being an incel or manosphere asshole about it. He’s just real with actual advice based on self reflection rather than hating women or foreigners
@@crowman2702Im getting flashbacks to being a child and my laptop being stolen for drug money, and getting my mum's help to track down the cex shop it was pawned to and getting it back. My older brother has been clean for years now, but I cant so much as think about him without that being the baseline of our relationship
Incredible advice. As someone with ADHD and always struggled with speaking, what helped me was just slowing down and realizing there is no rush at all. Now I yap for hours managing to articulate myself in a meaningful way
I do this now too. Grew up with ADHD and, even though I took meds, I realized I could just slow down my speech without there being anything wrong. It also allowed me to train my own word filters and take a step back from those impulses. Sometimes it's just a simple "wait, do I even need to bring this up?" question in my head while talking.
@@Ceece20 hmmm... I never went to any doctors or anything for stuff like that. I grew up extremely poor in newfoundland, and I've had cases of this all the time... Always thinking about "should I talk about this?" "Is this funny enough?" like... I always felt I have to entertain and say something when people are focused on me. Im 32. Kind of too late to being asking questions like this lol
I've always paused in the middle of speech, I used to call it a brain stutter. When I did my TV training course, we had communication training (which was more like group therapy honestly). During that, I spoke about my issues communicating verbally, that I sometimes pause in the middle of my speech. The trainer told me that I was wrong about what I thought of my communication. She said that me pausing isn't a negative, it's me processing the information and trying to think about what I'm saying before I say it. And then she said that she wishes more people would do that. Genuinely never felt such a positive affirmation for my communication before, especially for what I always thought was my biggest flaw regarding it. And it makes sense to me. I always knew I was trying to find the right words to articulate my ideas, but if you don't hear it from someone, you just think negatively of yourself. Took me 26 years to be told I can actually speak and it's been such a different world since then.
@@imacg5 I do get it, I said I'd never heard affirmation for it before and hearing it from someone else, especially someone professional in speech, helped fix my negative idea of myself. As for that second part, that doesn't really correlate with my issue. My intention was usually clear, but my main issue was holding back out of fear of the "stutter". Slightly different to the video I know, but I thought my experience in speech problems was related enough to share 😄
@@imacg5 I do get it, I mentioned that having that first time affirmation, especially from someone professional in speech, gave me the ability to not see myself in such a negative light in this aspect. What she specifically said directly led to the acceptance. As for the second part, my intention was never really hard to get when I would speak, but having the 'stutter' slow down expressing those ideas put the fear in me speaking up. I know it's slightly different to what was spoken about in the video, but I thought my experience was relatable enough to the subject to share 😄
The only problem I have with the "Stop using noises to fill silence" is people these days LOOOOOOVE to interrupt others, especially when you momentarily pause to think on something and/or plan your next few words. Folks these days can't help but try to cut you off to make you listen to them. Its extraordinarily annoying, and when coupled with someone being taught to shut up when others are speaking, like I was, it results in me getting halfway through a thought, and then someone cuts me off and I politely wait for them to finish, then try to continue where I left off, only to get cut off again.
Let them interrupt. If they're not paying enough attention to what you're saying to notice that the thought was left incomplete or that you're searching for the words to continue it, they probably weren't receiving the rest of your message well anyway. Let them save you some time and wasted breath.
Say that you aren't done speaking. Usually this comes from a lack of respect or just thought given to you, and a simple reminder tends to refocus people.
Thanks Josh, I recently owned the doctoral thesis defense because of this video :D :D. You can award yourself an achievement because you did more work on my thesis than my supervisor, which is kinda sad :D. But once more, thanks a lot Josh for keeping my sanity intact and valuable advice
5:30 What Josh hasn't told anyone that doesn't know, is that this way of speaking with "at the end of the day" and "like" and other fillers, is the entire vocabulary of northern irish farmer culture AKA "Culchies". They will have an entire conversation with eachother that is exclusively fillers and slogans, and will still somehow effectively communicate thoughts, feelings and ideas to eachother.
@@Robert_D_Mercer Its not offensive, they refer to themselves as culchies, and if you ask them "hey are you a culchie" they will proudly say yes if they are, because they dont want you thinking they are some city boy that doesnt do hard labour like they do
The notion of thinking speed is also why a lot of people prefer for example writing by hand when Journaling. The fact your hands move too slow to keep up with your thoughts gives you a break to consider how exactly you want to write or not write the next section. As you starts the sentence you are already going through multiple versions of that sentence in your head.
It's nice to see someone else, especially someone in a professional capacity who teaches public speaking and has a profession centred around people, talk about how if someone dislikes you they will weigh negatively against you even if the actions or ideas in question are ones they are neutrally or positively disposed towards because it's something I think everyone sees but at the same time everyone always seems to deny which has an effect I can only describe as unintentional gaslighting
In my speech class in college, we would lose points on our grade if we used "um" or "uh." Broke me of that habit really quick. I've noticed it's started creeping back in, but that's after decades. 😂
I remember a few times before in school, someone has been that guy that asked to see the example again and I was very grateful as I was too anxious to say it. It really was helpful.
In some cases, people mumble and speak with poor articulation because they are afraid of being seen and being heard. This is especially true if you were physically punished as a child for speaking. Vagueness becomes a survival strategy. It takes courage to stand up straight and speak up. When dealing with trauma, it takes heroism.
19:55 - Oh hey! C&C: Renegade! I was actually in the top 10 on the leader boards for that game for a minute as "acupofjoe" because I was a kid and I thought it would be funny if other people got the message that they were killed by coffee.
Good yarn. It recently got re-released on steam. I'd never seen it before but it still has an active online community. Such a curious game, of its time. I enjoyed playing it for the first time earlier this year.
Such amazing advice for going through life generally but honestly really good advice for people in customer facing jobs. One of the best compliments i got from a customer was them noticing that i try and speak with a bit of precision because i hate when people misinterpret my words and in the PC Repair business things can get lost in translation very easy. (Example: Memory =/= Storage) One skill i learned in theatre that has stuck with me forever is speaking from your diaphragm and not your throat/lower mouth. It helps immensely with mumbling your words, projects your voice so you are louder without having to strain your voice constantly (dont have to be yelling but it does help convey a bit of confidence), and "forces" people to pay a bit more attention when you are speaking. When trying to explain computer issues to end users that last bit helps alot.
I think he's referring to something more specific. I'll give an example. Someone you thought was your friend steals your wallet. They don't know that you know. so you approach the person and ask them if they stole your wallet. A good liar would act confused and have very little to say. A bad liar would have an excuse and try to paint a different narrative pointing the finger at someone else.
I swear you have done this lesson before on a previous stream. Either way, I am glad I came across this revision again. Also, I like to add on a good tip for tongue twisters that I have taught myself. Read the whole tongue twister first and treat it as a part of a book or a useful piece of information you have to give to someone or an audience. Re-read it over and over until the sentences make sense. Also add a sentence over it as if you're replying to someone. For example: "Hey, where's susie?" "I saw Susie sitting in a shoeshine shop." "Oh, why is she sitting in a shoeshine shop?" "Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines." I don't do this all the time, but if I'm struggling, I treat tongue twisters as if it's a conversation.
When it comes to public speaking I really love the lecture given by Patrick Wilson at MIT. It's called "How to Speak" and is available on UA-cam if anyone cares.
I really needed this. Not only do I mumble at times but also say things before thinking them through. Usually I immidiatly realize that it would have been better to just shut up or wait a bit, analize what other people said and then respond properly. Even if somehow the response would have been the same it would still have a different effect on the other person. When you take your time to respond, you show respect and that you actually listened to what the other person said.
'But but i have ADHD and i just can't contain myself and have to interrupt you in your speech!' No you don't you twat just usethis as an excuse because even with ADHD, you can just listen till the other person finishes and then answer properly (and as pointed out already, with respect). -Cause i can do it (with some severe ADHDness) and so can you, if you just want to
YEAH! I'm a bit slow when it comes to responding to people, I have to take a moment to thoroughly think of a proper response. But I grew up expected to be punctual when speaking with someone, so I got into a bad habit of delivering my responses without thinking 😭 Causes me to stutter and slip up a lot..
@@wigleymusic I got confused for a moment, but then remembered that British and American people obviously cannot have the same spelling of words 😄Personally I prefer British English, just because I learned it at school and they tend to have richer/funnier accents.
What about all the silent letters infesting this bloated corpse of a language? Back when I was learning how to verbally use this nonsense, I was always subjected to verbal abuse when my brain made the assumption that you're supposed to use the all letters of each word when pronouncing them
@@Lunaticranial The documentary they're talking about refers to fully pronouncing words clearly and not clipping/slurring them. No need to get off to your radical hatred of the English language in a public space, buddy
@@mememachine5417 I would call my feelings towards English "mild disgruntlement" rather than radical hatred. Sure, there are some annoying features it has, but nothing I can really pop a hate boner over these days
A bit ago I watched a clip about not saying um and uhh, since watching that clip I've eliminated saying those things. The higher ups in the office almost immediately started listening to what I had to say more. Two promotions and pay raises later I'm now moving toward financial stability in the position I wanted years ago. Josh gave me the best advice I've ever received and he did it for free.
Don't sleep on this video, I can confirm that all this advice is pure GOLD. I was part of the TED-Ed Students Talk program (in fact my presentation will be tomorrow :D) and I learned at least half of the tips presented in this video and the amount of improvements I had over the course of one year is AMAZING
This was incredibly helpful and highly informative. I especially appreciate the part about a group environment, where if the professor asks if we'd 'like to see it again', that we should say "yes", if not for us, then for all others in the class. To add to this -- even if it's not necessarily for you, reiterating the information can improve the chances of information solidifying in your head before moving forward. So it ultimately helps everyone (paying attention) regardless.
4:30 I just started youtube and editing my videos I realised I say um alot to fill space. It makes me appear 100x more stupid than I am. I felt so repulsed that I actively have been stopping myself from doing this for weeks in my everyday conversations.
Thank you for those pointers. As a going to be teacher I finally understand why so many of my colleagues irritate me in uni. Because a lot of them are younger and still haven't developed a refined way of speaking.
Good stuff especially the intro. And we know we can trust what he says bc he isnt trying to sell us a confidence class or something lol I have heard the "umm" thing a lot and I agree it is mildly annoying when the person umms too much but it usually has no effect on me at all, doesn't change how I view them, I know they are woking through their thoughts, so it is really strange to me how many ppl mention this. If the person umms once in a while I actually find it easier to engage and connect with them, they feel more human to me
It's thanks to Josh that I've learned not to use uh and umm when speaking. It's still difficult to not do it, but not adding those fillers did help with my confidence. Not to mention the audience does listen more intently when you fill the conversation with silence instead of fillers. Movies do this too, which I never realized until Josh mentioned this trick. Thanks a ton, mate!
I think one of the big things for me, especially as someone with adhd, is I slowed down my speaking. I take my time. I think of the words I want rather than just letting my mouth go at its full rate. It’s hard especially when over stimulated but it’s meant that often people have come away from interacting with me saying I feel I’ve learnt so much just talking to you
Funny thing is, I've been just doing a lot of what Josh has said in this video already without realizing it. I do remember learning about the umms and uhhs in high school though and mostly avoid doing that when trying to teach co-workers things. Hadn't been doing the tongue twisters but I kind of already knew about that too and will start doing that to help clear up my speeches now.
Writing down Notes in classes in Uni by hand is probably the reason why I passed, while others who did it with a laptop struggled. its tactile, its slow, you have limited room, you need to summarize, and forces you to pay attention to really understand. also much better for revision later on. same for speech or presentations. Slow down. slow way down. that automatically makes your speech less smushed. Silence is important. Also for conversations: when someone is speaking, listen first. don't start thinking about your answer before they've finished. that way you'll never be one of those annoyingly rude people who constantly interrupt.
Also, the guy who avoids asking for a repeat even though they'd need it is literally me 😅 The number of times I was set on asking a question only to give up asking it cause I wasn't fast enough after the teacher asked for questions and now the silence has been too long and every sound is so intense it makes my head implode at the thought of speaking up... I used to ask a lot of questions as a school kid. A lot of dumb ones to be sure, but well, I was encouraged to ask questions. After several situations where I was either lambasted by classmates for dragging it on or even by the teacher because it wasn't exactly on topic or whatever, I feel like I learned I need to ask a good question or be silent, which hasn't really been the best lesson for life.
A while ago I was looking up ways to help my autistic son with his speech impediment. Tongue twisters seemed to be highly rated by many professionals. Its fun for the kids to do it and helps them learn as they do it for the same reasons you say here. It's been a slow process but he's getting there.
Pro tip, people like talking about their own lives. If you ask someone something about themselves and actually listen, they will enjoy the conversation they had with you. Congratulations, you just made a friend.
The most important thing i learned when speaking was to slow down and use gaps to think instead of going "uhmmm". If the pause lasts too long, ill throw in a "sorry, I am collecting my thoughts" so its not as awkward. Also, you can make anything sound interesting. There is a ted talk about it. A presentation about nothing. If you can make nothing sound interesting, anything can be. Im always disappointed when i hear a PhD thesis and they are not exited... Brother, you worked on this for over four years, show some excitement!
My teachers pointed out every single "um" and other filler noises and would remove points up to 20 pts on a presentation. It could make you fail. You learned real fast that way.
@Lupercalum Misspoke 1 or 2 words with the speech but I think I made pretty good eye contact, not much bad body movement and had some good pauses. The interview I slipped up with garnered and gathered trying to say one and said it combined so I misspoke once, but I think I did really well since my fluency in English is much higher and making shit up for games (the field I chose) is definitely pretty easy to do a detailed description on.
I have learned early in life that my brain doesn't work the same way as most other people. I have a hard time forming emotional attachments with other people. Which is hard most of the time. But it has an undeniable upside. I can agree with people I don't like. I even sometimes agree with people I detest or hate. Because when it comes to analysing ideas I am basically incapable of including emotions in that process.
I'm a podcast editor and in my opinion one of the most important functions I have is removing these words from any given recording. Sometimes the filler words are so rampant that I take out 10 minutes out of 60, which is insane. You could argue I suppose that it's the hosts and guests who should be watching their words (and they should because the difference is night and day) but we don't have a personal relationship so I can't do much about it apart from removing the words.
The most powerful change in my speech I've made was replacing "y'know?" with "Does that make sense?" If "does that makes sense" doesn't fit where you want to say "y'know", then say neither. Just like that, you've both killed a bad habit and improved the quality of the discussion by affirming understanding. You've also opened the floor to someone asking you to repeat that. :)
I need to train this. As a professor sometimes I find myself speaking too quickly and not clearly enough. Also, I have to try and catch your streams live, they seem good fun.
so much great advice. And theres me: a person who just talking too much in general 😂 silence is important, but I just like to talk. and breaking that is so fcking difficult! I am trying for years now
In regard to uhms and ahs: People interrupt if you don't say anything, the uhm and ah can be used to show people you're going to continue your sentence and to not start talking when you're still mid-sentence and thinking about what next to say (A lot of people I know love to do this, so it helps to make sure they don't just start talking while I'm in the middle of talking myself.) Edit: Public speaking is different sure, but you don't take this stuff into a regular social setting. If you're treating your time out with friends the same as you would treat standing in front of an audience, you're gonna have a bad time.
a friend of mine would just stare directly at who he's talking to to avoid filler words in conversations, he says "it stunlocks them giving me enough time for my cooldowns"
thing is you can replace those ums and ahhs for words or sentences to communicate "hey don't interrupt me im thinking" eg talking about something, and saying "now what was that colour again, ah that was it" it serves the same purpose of the uhm, except instead of uhm your literally saying yiur thought process out loud
18:42 holy cow, deep memory unlocked. Playing it at a LAN center trying to figure out the lightning sniper to hit someone driving the doombuggy (Dune buggy)
one of the stoics once said, I don't remember all the books I've read anymore than what I had to eat last month, but they are what made me who I am today. paraphrased, as I can't remember all the quotes I've read but they are still a part of me.
Josh, it is truly a privilege to be tought by as fine a mind as yours. It certainly is a shame that I cannot attend a real life class where you profess
Back in University when I was doing my Communication degree we literally had a class where we had to get rid of hums and like, you know, etc. We would record ourselves and redo it time and time again. Great public speaking exercise. Never got rid of like 😅but the hums are gone lol 😂
The only time I say "uh" and "um" is when I'm struggling to think about a topic, like trying to recall a past event and having to dig into the archives of my brain and put together the string of information which takes many many seconds, and I don't want the person/people I'm talking to to think I've finalized what I'm saying. Other than that, if someone starts saying these things, all my brain does is focus on them, and I depending on the severity of it, I just cannot listen to it, as it becomes so irritating. If you watch livestreams and someone's doing it a lot, the chat starts to fill with "um" and "uh", mocking them. Failing to end a sentence properly, falling into that trap, is another issue. Anyway, this is all super good advice for people still in schooling systems or working with people on a daily basis. Won't help me too much in daily life, but when I do have to talk to people, and if I ever go back to group social environments, that opinion thing is really something to remember.. heck can probably improve my online talking, god knows I've struggled with that all my life as someone with Aspergers, which I'm sure people can even pick up with this comment.
I definitely find myself way more skeptical of anything a person I don't like has to say, but I cannot say I would disagree with a point that I would otherwise agree with just because of disliking the person. Maybe it's a memory bias or maybe my perception is skewed towards thinking I'm a "better person than that" even if I may not be, but I cannot remember an instance where I did that specifically. I remember times where I changed my opinion, or when I realized I was misunderstanding something or was being stupid or stubborn for sure, but not one where I would go against my own beliefs just to spite the other person. If I don't like someone, I tend to keep my engagement to a minimum, so maybe that has something to do with it. That said, I am totally guilty of the opposite - agreeing with something I actually don't agree with just to lay an issue to rest or appear more likeable to the other person, or for fear I am becoming unlikeable or that I am wrong and don't realize it. While it may not be confrontational like the inverse, it is, imho, just as damaging to constructive conversation. Though I guess for casual conversations it doesn't really matter.
It always boggles my mind when people apologise for being ESL, and then proceed to have a more nuanced, in depth and flawless conversation than I've had with native speakers, including myself. Like, bro, you um, speak better than, um like Jeff Goldblum.
I've often been told by people how they feel comfortable being in silence with me, that they always need someone to talk in the company of others but I'm the exception. I don't know what to make of that, and it makes me suddenly need to talk, because I didn't even realize it was quiet
It means that they feel reaaally comfortable around you to just, you know, be and exist and to not have to keep a conversation going for conversations sake. They feel and know that there is no pressure upon them to socialize heavily,or to adhere to other social 'norms'. Take this behaviour of your friends as compliments, cause that's what it ultimately is :)
I'm from a country where it's way more common to have "awkward silences" - it would just be "silence" in here since it usually isn't awkward, but when I met people from different countries and cultures, I realised that they were uncomfortable in the silence, and thus them being uncomfortable also made me uncomfortable. I guess my point is that the "awkward silence" is kind of a learned thing and now interacting with other people outside of my country I've "learned" to be more uncomfortable in silence. Not sure if this is a good thing nor am I sure how this is related to the video, just a random thought.
From a public speaking perspective I’m sure you’re right, but I like umm though. Umm is a thinking sound. If you ask me a question and I say “umm” it means “I have heard you, I’m thinking about your question, I would like to retain my turn to speak and pause this conversation while I think”. At least, that’s what it means when I use it
I've found that it helps, especially if you're speaking to someone who's not known for their patience and/or social graces, to say "Hmm" or "Let me think about that" instead. Like when I talked to builders in my old job, some of them will take any chance they have to cut you off, generally because they didn't like talking to engineers or thought they had everything figured out better than we did. And trust me, if you can deal with an impatient contractor you can deal with anyone lol.
@@JasonX909let me think about that is a powerful thing. It sets the pace and asks them to have the patience necessary for the conversation. In a more casual setting you might hear someone say hold up! I got something.
Josh, forgive me for this, but I get so much out of this 2nd channel over the main one. There are so many interesting lessons, reflections and discussions that I find invaluable.
I am one of those people that's ok with silence, and it's crazy how uncomfortable it makes people. I'm not against talking, i just dont initiate small talk.
I'm and introvert and I find if very interesting how people are AFRAID of silence... Irony part is that a lot of people told me I'm very good at presentations and public speaking. I hate talking.
Stuff like this is primarily why I subscribe to Josh.He's like the big brother that a lot of people never had coming in with those clutch life lessons.
Without being an incel or manosphere asshole about it. He’s just real with actual advice based on self reflection rather than hating women or foreigners
no siblings, no father pepehands
thanks Josh 🙏🏼
Oh that's why I was thinking about my terrible relationships with my brothers while watching this.
@@crowman2702Im getting flashbacks to being a child and my laptop being stolen for drug money, and getting my mum's help to track down the cex shop it was pawned to and getting it back.
My older brother has been clean for years now, but I cant so much as think about him without that being the baseline of our relationship
Something like that. He is like a great speaker. Especially... like, when he is like talking about likes or stuff like that.
Damn Josh Strife is the man who randomly drops knowledge bombs whilst also being unable to button up his shirt
No. Thats how men should wear these.
That's to put authoritarian pressure on the audience
each exposed chest hair adds to his power
@@MysteriousSignalso we are gooning to Josh now? 👀
Incredible advice. As someone with ADHD and always struggled with speaking, what helped me was just slowing down and realizing there is no rush at all. Now I yap for hours managing to articulate myself in a meaningful way
I do this now too. Grew up with ADHD and, even though I took meds, I realized I could just slow down my speech without there being anything wrong. It also allowed me to train my own word filters and take a step back from those impulses. Sometimes it's just a simple "wait, do I even need to bring this up?" question in my head while talking.
@@Ceece20 hmmm... I never went to any doctors or anything for stuff like that. I grew up extremely poor in newfoundland, and I've had cases of this all the time... Always thinking about "should I talk about this?" "Is this funny enough?" like... I always felt I have to entertain and say something when people are focused on me.
Im 32. Kind of too late to being asking questions like this lol
This is what promoted you from the forth monitor to the second my man. Keep it coming.
I've always paused in the middle of speech, I used to call it a brain stutter. When I did my TV training course, we had communication training (which was more like group therapy honestly). During that, I spoke about my issues communicating verbally, that I sometimes pause in the middle of my speech. The trainer told me that I was wrong about what I thought of my communication. She said that me pausing isn't a negative, it's me processing the information and trying to think about what I'm saying before I say it. And then she said that she wishes more people would do that. Genuinely never felt such a positive affirmation for my communication before, especially for what I always thought was my biggest flaw regarding it.
And it makes sense to me. I always knew I was trying to find the right words to articulate my ideas, but if you don't hear it from someone, you just think negatively of yourself. Took me 26 years to be told I can actually speak and it's been such a different world since then.
It would've been really funny if your comment suddenly ended in the mid-
Jk
@@seracris8357 Lol true tbh. Although it's less of a mid word thing and more trying to find the right word. Did it loads while writing out the thing 😂
I pause mid sentence trying to think of what word I'm trying to use... Then forget what i was talking about... 😂
@@imacg5 I do get it, I said I'd never heard affirmation for it before and hearing it from someone else, especially someone professional in speech, helped fix my negative idea of myself.
As for that second part, that doesn't really correlate with my issue. My intention was usually clear, but my main issue was holding back out of fear of the "stutter". Slightly different to the video I know, but I thought my experience in speech problems was related enough to share 😄
@@imacg5 I do get it, I mentioned that having that first time affirmation, especially from someone professional in speech, gave me the ability to not see myself in such a negative light in this aspect. What she specifically said directly led to the acceptance.
As for the second part, my intention was never really hard to get when I would speak, but having the 'stutter' slow down expressing those ideas put the fear in me speaking up. I know it's slightly different to what was spoken about in the video, but I thought my experience was relatable enough to the subject to share 😄
The only problem I have with the "Stop using noises to fill silence" is people these days LOOOOOOVE to interrupt others, especially when you momentarily pause to think on something and/or plan your next few words. Folks these days can't help but try to cut you off to make you listen to them. Its extraordinarily annoying, and when coupled with someone being taught to shut up when others are speaking, like I was, it results in me getting halfway through a thought, and then someone cuts me off and I politely wait for them to finish, then try to continue where I left off, only to get cut off again.
in addition, people dislike slow speakers. If I speak slowly, I piss people off and they tell me to speed up and stop wasting their time.
Let them interrupt. If they're not paying enough attention to what you're saying to notice that the thought was left incomplete or that you're searching for the words to continue it, they probably weren't receiving the rest of your message well anyway. Let them save you some time and wasted breath.
Say that you aren't done speaking. Usually this comes from a lack of respect or just thought given to you, and a simple reminder tends to refocus people.
@@eugenides04 Ah, so you're one of those rude people. I will actively NOT acknowledge your advice.
@@MrJinglejanglejinglethat's exactly what he meant. People like you aren't taking anyone's advice in the first place.
Thanks Josh, I recently owned the doctoral thesis defense because of this video :D :D. You can award yourself an achievement because you did more work on my thesis than my supervisor, which is kinda sad :D. But once more, thanks a lot Josh for keeping my sanity intact and valuable advice
5:30 What Josh hasn't told anyone that doesn't know, is that this way of speaking with "at the end of the day" and "like" and other fillers, is the entire vocabulary of northern irish farmer culture AKA "Culchies". They will have an entire conversation with eachother that is exclusively fillers and slogans, and will still somehow effectively communicate thoughts, feelings and ideas to eachother.
Different ways of living. Communicating. It just works.
uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... Why do I feel that's offensive? lmao
@@Robert_D_Mercer Its not offensive, they refer to themselves as culchies, and if you ask them "hey are you a culchie" they will proudly say yes if they are, because they dont want you thinking they are some city boy that doesnt do hard labour like they do
The notion of thinking speed is also why a lot of people prefer for example writing by hand when Journaling. The fact your hands move too slow to keep up with your thoughts gives you a break to consider how exactly you want to write or not write the next section. As you starts the sentence you are already going through multiple versions of that sentence in your head.
i think it was Neil Gaiman who said that he prefers to write by hand instead of writing on a computer, exactly for this.
It's nice to see someone else, especially someone in a professional capacity who teaches public speaking and has a profession centred around people, talk about how if someone dislikes you they will weigh negatively against you even if the actions or ideas in question are ones they are neutrally or positively disposed towards because it's something I think everyone sees but at the same time everyone always seems to deny which has an effect I can only describe as unintentional gaslighting
In my speech class in college, we would lose points on our grade if we used "um" or "uh." Broke me of that habit really quick. I've noticed it's started creeping back in, but that's after decades. 😂
I remember a few times before in school, someone has been that guy that asked to see the example again and I was very grateful as I was too anxious to say it. It really was helpful.
When a random UA-camr helps you, a 33 years old man, to control his stutter one has since childhood. Thank you!
In some cases, people mumble and speak with poor articulation because they are afraid of being seen and being heard. This is especially true if you were physically punished as a child for speaking. Vagueness becomes a survival strategy. It takes courage to stand up straight and speak up. When dealing with trauma, it takes heroism.
19:55 - Oh hey! C&C: Renegade! I was actually in the top 10 on the leader boards for that game for a minute as "acupofjoe" because I was a kid and I thought it would be funny if other people got the message that they were killed by coffee.
Good yarn. It recently got re-released on steam. I'd never seen it before but it still has an active online community. Such a curious game, of its time. I enjoyed playing it for the first time earlier this year.
Such amazing advice for going through life generally but honestly really good advice for people in customer facing jobs. One of the best compliments i got from a customer was them noticing that i try and speak with a bit of precision because i hate when people misinterpret my words and in the PC Repair business things can get lost in translation very easy. (Example: Memory =/= Storage)
One skill i learned in theatre that has stuck with me forever is speaking from your diaphragm and not your throat/lower mouth. It helps immensely with mumbling your words, projects your voice so you are louder without having to strain your voice constantly (dont have to be yelling but it does help convey a bit of confidence), and "forces" people to pay a bit more attention when you are speaking. When trying to explain computer issues to end users that last bit helps alot.
Me: *enthralled by JSH
JSH: "I've tricked you into learning."
Me: "....damn...he's right."
4:06 me being autistic: oh... is that why people often think I am lying when I am not? Hmmm... interesting
Yep, it’s a bitch ain’t it?
Lol I had the same "oh crap is that a thing? I always remember the stupidest specifi details," but thankfully it hasn't been an issue for me so far
Yet again the 'tism has played us for fools 🙃
Thats basically what I was about to write. I am definitely not going to try to be an outgoing person on anything anymore, internet included. lol
I think he's referring to something more specific. I'll give an example. Someone you thought was your friend steals your wallet. They don't know that you know. so you approach the person and ask them if they stole your wallet. A good liar would act confused and have very little to say. A bad liar would have an excuse and try to paint a different narrative pointing the finger at someone else.
I swear you have done this lesson before on a previous stream. Either way, I am glad I came across this revision again. Also, I like to add on a good tip for tongue twisters that I have taught myself. Read the whole tongue twister first and treat it as a part of a book or a useful piece of information you have to give to someone or an audience. Re-read it over and over until the sentences make sense. Also add a sentence over it as if you're replying to someone. For example:
"Hey, where's susie?"
"I saw Susie sitting in a shoeshine shop."
"Oh, why is she sitting in a shoeshine shop?"
"Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines."
I don't do this all the time, but if I'm struggling, I treat tongue twisters as if it's a conversation.
When it comes to public speaking I really love the lecture given by Patrick Wilson at MIT. It's called "How to Speak" and is available on UA-cam if anyone cares.
Thanks for the recommendation, I'll add it to my study playlist!
Josh builds a lot of respect with his life lessons, then loses it all playing in windowed mode.
😂😂😂😂 im dead
I really needed this. Not only do I mumble at times but also say things before thinking them through. Usually I immidiatly realize that it would have been better to just shut up or wait a bit, analize what other people said and then respond properly. Even if somehow the response would have been the same it would still have a different effect on the other person. When you take your time to respond, you show respect and that you actually listened to what the other person said.
'But but i have ADHD and i just can't contain myself and have to interrupt you in your speech!'
No you don't you twat just usethis as an excuse because even with ADHD, you can just listen till the other person finishes and then answer properly (and as pointed out already, with respect).
-Cause i can do it (with some severe ADHDness) and so can you, if you just want to
YEAH! I'm a bit slow when it comes to responding to people, I have to take a moment to thoroughly think of a proper response. But I grew up expected to be punctual when speaking with someone, so I got into a bad habit of delivering my responses without thinking 😭 Causes me to stutter and slip up a lot..
Never realized how different "analyze" is without the y.
@@wigleymusic I got confused for a moment, but then remembered that British and American people obviously cannot have the same spelling of words 😄Personally I prefer British English, just because I learned it at school and they tend to have richer/funnier accents.
I do phone support and I guarantee you that staying silent does not work on remote... They like hearing noises so they know your still there :P
one of those situations where having a lower quality mic that picks up your keyboard is better than having a good sounding voice.
Or a higher quality mic that can pickup the noises coming from your keyboard
Qa deduction for more than 10 seconds of silence. Me - ;-;
I do too, and I was thinking the same thing. I actually already fixed my ums and uhs, but working in customer service unfixed them.
This advice and one from voice actor in the valve documentary - speak every letter in the word - are my new homework
What about all the silent letters infesting this bloated corpse of a language? Back when I was learning how to verbally use this nonsense, I was always subjected to verbal abuse when my brain made the assumption that you're supposed to use the all letters of each word when pronouncing them
@@Lunaticranial The documentary they're talking about refers to fully pronouncing words clearly and not clipping/slurring them. No need to get off to your radical hatred of the English language in a public space, buddy
@@mememachine5417 I would call my feelings towards English "mild disgruntlement" rather than radical hatred. Sure, there are some annoying features it has, but nothing I can really pop a hate boner over these days
A bit ago I watched a clip about not saying um and uhh, since watching that clip I've eliminated saying those things.
The higher ups in the office almost immediately started listening to what I had to say more.
Two promotions and pay raises later I'm now moving toward financial stability in the position I wanted years ago.
Josh gave me the best advice I've ever received and he did it for free.
Don't sleep on this video, I can confirm that all this advice is pure GOLD. I was part of the TED-Ed Students Talk program (in fact my presentation will be tomorrow :D) and I learned at least half of the tips presented in this video and the amount of improvements I had over the course of one year is AMAZING
Big fan of you! You remind me so much of my cousin and I see him so rarely, you bring me a feeling of home. thank you.
This was incredibly helpful and highly informative. I especially appreciate the part about a group environment, where if the professor asks if we'd 'like to see it again', that we should say "yes", if not for us, then for all others in the class. To add to this -- even if it's not necessarily for you, reiterating the information can improve the chances of information solidifying in your head before moving forward. So it ultimately helps everyone (paying attention) regardless.
This one is going to my josh strife hayes top moments playlist
This was amazing, thank you for breaking it down! This will help me improve my presentations at work!
4:30 I just started youtube and editing my videos I realised I say um alot to fill space. It makes me appear 100x more stupid than I am. I felt so repulsed that I actively have been stopping myself from doing this for weeks in my everyday conversations.
Thank you for those pointers. As a going to be teacher I finally understand why so many of my colleagues irritate me in uni. Because a lot of them are younger and still haven't developed a refined way of speaking.
Good stuff especially the intro. And we know we can trust what he says bc he isnt trying to sell us a confidence class or something lol
I have heard the "umm" thing a lot and I agree it is mildly annoying when the person umms too much but it usually has no effect on me at all, doesn't change how I view them, I know they are woking through their thoughts, so it is really strange to me how many ppl mention this.
If the person umms once in a while I actually find it easier to engage and connect with them, they feel more human to me
Random watch of the day & what a treat it was. Thanks, Josh 😄
Excellent advice, ty ty.
It's thanks to Josh that I've learned not to use uh and umm when speaking. It's still difficult to not do it, but not adding those fillers did help with my confidence. Not to mention the audience does listen more intently when you fill the conversation with silence instead of fillers. Movies do this too, which I never realized until Josh mentioned this trick.
Thanks a ton, mate!
This works 100% my cats now listen to me.
I think one of the big things for me, especially as someone with adhd, is I slowed down my speaking. I take my time. I think of the words I want rather than just letting my mouth go at its full rate. It’s hard especially when over stimulated but it’s meant that often people have come away from interacting with me saying I feel I’ve learnt so much just talking to you
Word
Funny thing is, I've been just doing a lot of what Josh has said in this video already without realizing it. I do remember learning about the umms and uhhs in high school though and mostly avoid doing that when trying to teach co-workers things. Hadn't been doing the tongue twisters but I kind of already knew about that too and will start doing that to help clear up my speeches now.
Josh is very knowledgeable and I'm thankful that he's willing to share his knowledge with the rest of us.
Writing down Notes in classes in Uni by hand is probably the reason why I passed, while others who did it with a laptop struggled. its tactile, its slow, you have limited room, you need to summarize, and forces you to pay attention to really understand. also much better for revision later on.
same for speech or presentations. Slow down. slow way down. that automatically makes your speech less smushed. Silence is important.
Also for conversations: when someone is speaking, listen first. don't start thinking about your answer before they've finished. that way you'll never be one of those annoyingly rude people who constantly interrupt.
I appreciate this. As a 43 year old man, I needed to hear this more than anyone.
Love the advice and tongue twisters. Didn't know 2 of the ones you used, adding to my list 😊
Also, the guy who avoids asking for a repeat even though they'd need it is literally me 😅 The number of times I was set on asking a question only to give up asking it cause I wasn't fast enough after the teacher asked for questions and now the silence has been too long and every sound is so intense it makes my head implode at the thought of speaking up...
I used to ask a lot of questions as a school kid. A lot of dumb ones to be sure, but well, I was encouraged to ask questions. After several situations where I was either lambasted by classmates for dragging it on or even by the teacher because it wasn't exactly on topic or whatever, I feel like I learned I need to ask a good question or be silent, which hasn't really been the best lesson for life.
A while ago I was looking up ways to help my autistic son with his speech impediment. Tongue twisters seemed to be highly rated by many professionals. Its fun for the kids to do it and helps them learn as they do it for the same reasons you say here. It's been a slow process but he's getting there.
Silence is one of the best negotiating skills and all conversations are negotiations
Xqc needs this lesson so bad.
But he's french😢
Pro tip, people like talking about their own lives. If you ask someone something about themselves and actually listen, they will enjoy the conversation they had with you. Congratulations, you just made a friend.
The most important thing i learned when speaking was to slow down and use gaps to think instead of going "uhmmm". If the pause lasts too long, ill throw in a "sorry, I am collecting my thoughts" so its not as awkward.
Also, you can make anything sound interesting. There is a ted talk about it. A presentation about nothing. If you can make nothing sound interesting, anything can be. Im always disappointed when i hear a PhD thesis and they are not exited... Brother, you worked on this for over four years, show some excitement!
My teachers pointed out every single "um" and other filler noises and would remove points up to 20 pts on a presentation. It could make you fail. You learned real fast that way.
I'm not judging the windowed mode at all. I'm judging the desktop clutter.
i think he needs all that clutter to cover up the horrible background picture
Josh being the big brother/father-ish figure basically everyone is lacking these days.
You can feel he used to be a teacher, and a great one at that.
This video is so great that deserves to be watched on the first monitor.
What the hell this is uncanny how tomorrow I have to deliver an inaugural speech and do a pratice job interview tomorrow at school
Good luck with your speech and interview.
@NeuMaster9 Oh brother I will take it as far as I can while I'm dying of an allergy right now
@@mtfzulu-0571 How did it go?
@Lupercalum Misspoke 1 or 2 words with the speech but I think I made pretty good eye contact, not much bad body movement and had some good pauses. The interview I slipped up with garnered and gathered trying to say one and said it combined so I misspoke once, but I think I did really well since my fluency in English is much higher and making shit up for games (the field I chose) is definitely pretty easy to do a detailed description on.
So glad that youtube recommended me to Josh, one of the best thing to happen in 2024.
I have learned early in life that my brain doesn't work the same way as most other people. I have a hard time forming emotional attachments with other people. Which is hard most of the time. But it has an undeniable upside. I can agree with people I don't like. I even sometimes agree with people I detest or hate. Because when it comes to analysing ideas I am basically incapable of including emotions in that process.
I'm a podcast editor and in my opinion one of the most important functions I have is removing these words from any given recording. Sometimes the filler words are so rampant that I take out 10 minutes out of 60, which is insane. You could argue I suppose that it's the hosts and guests who should be watching their words (and they should because the difference is night and day) but we don't have a personal relationship so I can't do much about it apart from removing the words.
The most powerful change in my speech I've made was replacing "y'know?" with "Does that make sense?" If "does that makes sense" doesn't fit where you want to say "y'know", then say neither. Just like that, you've both killed a bad habit and improved the quality of the discussion by affirming understanding.
You've also opened the floor to someone asking you to repeat that. :)
That desktop is diabolical 😂 enjoyed the vid
0:50 Josh really out here explaining why the Democratic party lost the US election
Great video m8, very helpful
I did the ''speak up when nobody else would in class'' when I was in University. I can vouch that it does work.
I need to train this. As a professor sometimes I find myself speaking too quickly and not clearly enough. Also, I have to try and catch your streams live, they seem good fun.
Fairly well made video with great pointes.
so much great advice. And theres me: a person who just talking too much in general 😂 silence is important, but I just like to talk.
and breaking that is so fcking difficult! I am trying for years now
Very good explanation there. Wish i had teachers like you 👍
In regard to uhms and ahs:
People interrupt if you don't say anything, the uhm and ah can be used to show people you're going to continue your sentence and to not start talking when you're still mid-sentence and thinking about what next to say (A lot of people I know love to do this, so it helps to make sure they don't just start talking while I'm in the middle of talking myself.)
Edit: Public speaking is different sure, but you don't take this stuff into a regular social setting. If you're treating your time out with friends the same as you would treat standing in front of an audience, you're gonna have a bad time.
a friend of mine would just stare directly at who he's talking to to avoid filler words in conversations, he says "it stunlocks them giving me enough time for my cooldowns"
thing is you can replace those ums and ahhs for words or sentences to communicate "hey don't interrupt me im thinking"
eg talking about something, and saying "now what was that colour again, ah that was it"
it serves the same purpose of the uhm, except instead of uhm your literally saying yiur thought process out loud
18:42 holy cow, deep memory unlocked. Playing it at a LAN center trying to figure out the lightning sniper to hit someone driving the doombuggy (Dune buggy)
Assault mode in ut2004 was my happy place for a few years.
one of the stoics once said, I don't remember all the books I've read anymore than what I had to eat last month, but they are what made me who I am today. paraphrased, as I can't remember all the quotes I've read but they are still a part of me.
Josh, it is truly a privilege to be tought by as fine a mind as yours. It certainly is a shame that I cannot attend a real life class where you profess
Love watching your content. Keep being awesome
Back in University when I was doing my Communication degree we literally had a class where we had to get rid of hums and like, you know, etc. We would record ourselves and redo it time and time again. Great public speaking exercise. Never got rid of like 😅but the hums are gone lol 😂
"In the beginning were the Words, and the Words made the world. I am the Words. The Words are everything. Where the Words end the world ends."
I learn something new every day, and getting to learn that something new from Josh always makes it a good day.
Where the hell were you 20 years ago, this makes so much sense, how dare you
The only time I say "uh" and "um" is when I'm struggling to think about a topic, like trying to recall a past event and having to dig into the archives of my brain and put together the string of information which takes many many seconds, and I don't want the person/people I'm talking to to think I've finalized what I'm saying.
Other than that, if someone starts saying these things, all my brain does is focus on them, and I depending on the severity of it, I just cannot listen to it, as it becomes so irritating. If you watch livestreams and someone's doing it a lot, the chat starts to fill with "um" and "uh", mocking them.
Failing to end a sentence properly, falling into that trap, is another issue.
Anyway, this is all super good advice for people still in schooling systems or working with people on a daily basis. Won't help me too much in daily life, but when I do have to talk to people, and if I ever go back to group social environments, that opinion thing is really something to remember.. heck can probably improve my online talking, god knows I've struggled with that all my life as someone with Aspergers, which I'm sure people can even pick up with this comment.
love this channel
I definitely find myself way more skeptical of anything a person I don't like has to say, but I cannot say I would disagree with a point that I would otherwise agree with just because of disliking the person. Maybe it's a memory bias or maybe my perception is skewed towards thinking I'm a "better person than that" even if I may not be, but I cannot remember an instance where I did that specifically. I remember times where I changed my opinion, or when I realized I was misunderstanding something or was being stupid or stubborn for sure, but not one where I would go against my own beliefs just to spite the other person. If I don't like someone, I tend to keep my engagement to a minimum, so maybe that has something to do with it.
That said, I am totally guilty of the opposite - agreeing with something I actually don't agree with just to lay an issue to rest or appear more likeable to the other person, or for fear I am becoming unlikeable or that I am wrong and don't realize it. While it may not be confrontational like the inverse, it is, imho, just as damaging to constructive conversation. Though I guess for casual conversations it doesn't really matter.
It always boggles my mind when people apologise for being ESL, and then proceed to have a more nuanced, in depth and flawless conversation than I've had with native speakers, including myself.
Like, bro, you um, speak better than, um like Jeff Goldblum.
Josh sounding like a real politician talking at 5:30 one question about deep topics
I don't mumble my words but I do think faster than what I speak and that leads me to stutter
This perfectly explains why Walt refuses the money from Gretchen and Elliot in the very first episode
I'm in my 30s and I feel like I've been enlightened by a young whippersnapper. Thanks josh!
Command and Conquer Renengade was an amazing game. Thanks for letting me know I can still pick it up somewhere and play it.
I've often been told by people how they feel comfortable being in silence with me, that they always need someone to talk in the company of others but I'm the exception. I don't know what to make of that, and it makes me suddenly need to talk, because I didn't even realize it was quiet
It means that they feel reaaally comfortable around you to just, you know, be and exist and to not have to keep a conversation going for conversations sake. They feel and know that there is no pressure upon them to socialize heavily,or to adhere to other social 'norms'. Take this behaviour of your friends as compliments, cause that's what it ultimately is :)
How can a man so elegant, so wise and so handsome have such an atrocious and chaotic desktop, I am shocked.
I'm from a country where it's way more common to have "awkward silences" - it would just be "silence" in here since it usually isn't awkward, but when I met people from different countries and cultures, I realised that they were uncomfortable in the silence, and thus them being uncomfortable also made me uncomfortable. I guess my point is that the "awkward silence" is kind of a learned thing and now interacting with other people outside of my country I've "learned" to be more uncomfortable in silence. Not sure if this is a good thing nor am I sure how this is related to the video, just a random thought.
Despite all of the amazing advice, the best part of this video was seeing Josh's actual desktop.
From a public speaking perspective I’m sure you’re right, but I like umm though. Umm is a thinking sound.
If you ask me a question and I say “umm” it means “I have heard you, I’m thinking about your question, I would like to retain my turn to speak and pause this conversation while I think”. At least, that’s what it means when I use it
I've found that it helps, especially if you're speaking to someone who's not known for their patience and/or social graces, to say "Hmm" or "Let me think about that" instead. Like when I talked to builders in my old job, some of them will take any chance they have to cut you off, generally because they didn't like talking to engineers or thought they had everything figured out better than we did. And trust me, if you can deal with an impatient contractor you can deal with anyone lol.
@@JasonX909let me think about that is a powerful thing. It sets the pace and asks them to have the patience necessary for the conversation.
In a more casual setting you might hear someone say hold up! I got something.
Duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season. Rabbit season. Rabbit season. Duck season. Can't believe Looney Tunes was teaching me this lesson all along.
Being an "um"less person will elevate you so much on it's own - great video!
Josh, forgive me for this, but I get so much out of this 2nd channel over the main one. There are so many interesting lessons, reflections and discussions that I find invaluable.
Side note for me: I didn't know I spoke with confidence till someone pointed it out to me.
Thank you big brother
Factorio on the desktop. My man ^^
I am one of those people that's ok with silence, and it's crazy how uncomfortable it makes people. I'm not against talking, i just dont initiate small talk.
I'm and introvert and I find if very interesting how people are AFRAID of silence... Irony part is that a lot of people told me I'm very good at presentations and public speaking. I hate talking.
15:12 - No. They're not making a mistake, the pluckers are doing it deliberately.
The President of Nintendo once said... well I don't remember, but the point is I believed him!
18:08 flaws of our herroes