Sam never disappoints. If this episode provided some value to you, please do me a favor by dropping a like and comment below on your biggest takeaway, an idea that resonates with you or even an idea you would like to challenge! I want to hear as many perspectives and points of view as possible ! and share with someone you feel could benefit from the idea's 😜😜😜
I'm married to a covert narcissus and I'm in the middle of a divorce at the moment.. thanks conor and Sam you have helped me so much with knowledge on how to deal with her
Dr Sam Vaknin reminds me physically of Anthony Bourdain (the chef) just throwing that out there. Earlier I commentated how enjoyable I found this frank analysis making it easier to understand to the lay person what part you play in an narcissists arena..
Thanks Marinson, share the episode with anyone you think could benefit from the information. A greater awareness could be good for all us .. and thanks for the support :)
The comparison to androids is very powerful - yes something doesn’t feel right but also fascinating how quickly it becomes the normal and is ignored and surpressed until the end when it is time to get out of the relationship and looking back it is so obvious….
Dr. Vaknin, Bravo! You have really personalized Narcisisim in this video. You have made it much more understandable, yet its sad to hear your words because in reality I am married to a robot. You are right, as she ages she has calmed down some what. Yet she is still an empty core that can't show any love toward me but still tries to control everything I do. When that doesn't work she still gets angry and she punishes me. So although we still live in the same house there's little communication. I still maintain there is a strong genetic corrolation to my wife's behaviour. Her son, which I was in is life, after birth, seems to have grown up similar yet he had me and his father to help bring him up but he displays many narcissistic behaviors. So In my experience it's not all bad parenting. My wife and I had 4 children together(now grown) and even tho they were affected by her, they also recognize her short commings and don't display any strong narcissistic behaviors. Thanks for this video.
Because you are there to provide some kind of balance, imo. My mother is a narcissist and my father had traits but he found refuge in his work. Also, due to his up bringing he was authoritarian, absent and an enabler. Although he showed some love, he didn't protect us from her and she hated him showing love to his children. I think you provided a different, more human perspective and that counts a lot. ❤
I also believe there is a strong genetic component in narcissism. I am married to covert narcissist ( a robot). We have two adult children: first born has very strong narcissistic traits, while her 3 years younger brother has none. Thank you for your post.
Sir, Narcissists are almost everywhere....next to impossible to totally go No Contact from everyone and 60% of the people are virtue signalling....only awareness from your videos can help... knowledge can be a "mask" for us
I’d rather be alone and happy than another narc - they are recklessly putting the main supplies life in jeopardy - not to mention both the narc and nasty 🤮 women are absolutely gross-I can’t even look at narc anymore - 2 sons dad but I get nauseous and annoyed by all the intentional violence
I agree. Especially with Victimhood so very proliferated. Lately, it occurs to me that this is actually the evolutionary humanity is going through. As Sam says, an insurgency. An extreme. A religion.
Malignant, psychopathic, sadistic narcissistic a-holes are the most evil and dangerous. No Contact for 2 yrs now, my life is peaceful again. Our society is rampant with them. Having boundaries is key with these kind of people.
You know I disagree with a few things but at the same time agree. I believe the narcissist can internalize a malignant good object. The type of narcissist who is so grandiose and was so pedestalized and so parentified in childhood that they developed a good object inside that feeds the confabulation with constant worship adoration and praise. I call it the Batman syndrome too. The malignant internalized introject can be a good object.
Okay if you're raw material is immutable it doesn't make it less predictable. If you're source material is inimitable there are still elements traits aspects behaviors that are predictable. Establishing commonalities among predictable objects can indeed be a science.
The morality - after being abused and drained it takes a lot not to want revenge on the abuser, remembering it is a child is hard when they are pretty much adults externally and grandiose and cruel
Sam, I listen to you even though l get triggered 😮. I appreciate the knowledge and history you share and of course your charming sense of humour. 😉 I agree the recent radicalism is insane. I am a feminist in the 1980 style. I Listen and learn and let my views be challenged. Thank You, for your content!
When the narcissist replaces it with fantasy, does he create a desire within himself? Is it because the narcissist does not accept the reality of changes and uncertainty?
There might be another approach about humanity that is universal. By reading philosophers, great thinkers such as Spinoza, Kant, Bergson, Hume, Sartre, Camus, Kirkegaard, Husserl . Kant is complicated, but we might have a different perception so do with Spinoza.
They use a different language a different approach about humanity. We need a different language. A different direction. One that always stays within the field of life.
How transactional can it get for those who marry a narcissist when the spouse of the N is the one who holds the primary source of money and resources in the relationship? Would the narcissist alter their objectification of that person in any way in order to not threaten their access to those monetary economics, or how would they frame that in terms of how they treat that person? Would they modify and minimize any profound toxicity toward that person or how would that present?
Dear DrSam would you say Megan Markle is a morally insane narcissist? Much love from England. You’re simple the one and only the best expert in the whole wide world on Narcissism! X
43.41 I want to rid myself of anything that resembles giving/pleasing. Can you please do a video on how to achieve this Sam? 1:15:35 I think also same for autism.
For me it works when I realize I'm doing it subconciously but the motive is to make myself feel safer. Some people say it's a manipulation but I think is a trauma response and it can't be manipulation when there's not a conscious plan like: "I'm going to be nice to this person so I can ask them for money" instead of: " I'm going to be nice to this person because I am afraid they will reject me or think I'm cold, etc) the second option is soothing yourself but you are not taking anything from that person or damaging in any way. There's no intention to damage or get advantage from someone. Otherwise, we all will be narcissists when we try to please our boss because we don't want to lose our job. Try to tell yourself you are safe and you don't need to be nice, just kind like we all want to be kind and not rude. Remind yourself we are not responsible of other's emotions unless we have provoked that emotions (that's something a narcissist will say "you make me mad" that's projection, they are mad and looking for a container to display their anger with. Also, be conscious of your inner critic, it's not your voice and you need to shut it up or you will be its slave. This is not easy to do and takes time but don't take other's responsabilities, emotional crosses for you to bear them. You are not doing a favor to them and less to you. We need to detach from other's business and take care of our own. So we need to be constantly asking ourselves questions like "why did I say yes when I wanted to say no".
It would be enough to keep validating the narcissists and keep the shared phantasy to avoid their anger but instead it always (?) leads to devaluation and disregard doesn’t matter what we do isn’t it? so it cannot be the full definition that it is defining themselves via other people’s eyes. Filling the hole stops working regardless how much we put into it as it is the black hole no limits - it is how I understand the NPD as disorder as otherwise there is nothing so bad with external validation to build own self-esteem?
I’m curious about the homeschool comment. Both jumped on that assumption without any proof. Then, they went on to discuss the education system of the United States - grandiose ideology. Seems contradictory. Most homeschool to keep their children grounded in reality. Schooling (being separated from the family dynamic, isolated with peers of the same age and struggles) is far from reality.
The homeschool comment is more of a question, a supposition and an idea to consider. Out of curiousity, why would people homeschool to keep their children grounded? what is happening in public schools that a parent would feel the need to keep their child away to keep them grounded? would be curious to hear your perspective here.. Thanks for watching Karibax, you've raised an interesting point there and one to definitely consider..
@@Conor-Ryan Since educating children away from family and their real community is a modern concept, I don’t think it’s too difficult to understand. Schooling 8-10 hours a day with peers of the same age in the same buildings with the same instructors for nearly 10 months of the year is a hindrance to development. Not only is it a breeding ground for undesirable behavior, it is also another example of narcissistic creation for lack of a better term. The whole system is set up to foster grandiosity in the mind of the child. False praise, grading on a curve, lack of consequences, etc. - it’s completely child-centric. Whereas its counterpart fosters a healthy view of themselves from the beginning. Chores, family/community dynamics, progressing individually and collectively, patience, helping others, flexibility, conflict resolution are some of the innumerable benefits to homeschooling. These are the bedrocks of healthy relationships and minds. When children are the center of the universe (which I believe is the false reality of public education), we can expect an emotionally and mentally challenged product. By the time a child successfully graduates after a home education, they are fully aware of the sacrifices made by the parent. Neglect is often the biggest contributor to mental instability. If home education is done correctly, emotionally stable adults are the end result.
@@Conor-RyanSince I’m in a position to hear and receive many points of view on this subject, it’s been a carefully considered position with the desired results after years of implementation. I understand that not everyone has the benefit of my position or ability to implement it.
We have what we call philosophers of life, may be we need psychologists of life and doctors of life., politicians of life and religious of life. Not technicians of defense and technicians of punishments and rewards.
I actually know someone who has written "atheist" in his FB page and just to fool his innocent victim is taking her to temples, is being very charitable....grandiose...really don't know what to say...
I was married. I look back and his FB SAID “I am blessed and that makes me a blessing” or sone circular shit, looking back ot scares the fuck out of me
Interested when Sam says “ they get in relationships to get something” Isn’t that kinda everyone? No one dates the ugly person because their kind. They want the attractive partner. They want the well to do partner. They want the partner who’s on the up and up…. Are we all narcissists then to not choose who’s emotionally best for us and rather selfish ego driven reason ( men would say I’m sleeping with this hot women. Women would say I’m sleeping with this well off guy who’s put together and look how tall and handsome he is.. ) ???
All the wealth of slavery was passed down and benefits people ALIVE TODAY, certain people, descendants of the victimizers. Excluding the victims. AND the mistreatment still continues today it’s not a thing of the past.
The voices in the head are what make the psycho and talk to self about negative and put thoughts in their mind other people are against them and encourage the compulsive lies and sadistic and distorsion (his mom lives with him - she’s psycho too - bc of abuse from father
Sam never disappoints.
If this episode provided some value to you, please do me a favor by dropping a like and comment below on your biggest takeaway, an idea that resonates with you or even an idea you would like to challenge!
I want to hear as many perspectives and points of view as possible ! and share with someone you feel could benefit from the idea's
😜😜😜
Exactly ❤
The “black hole” analogy is FANTASTIC!!!😂❤🎉😂
Thoroughly enjoyed this. I much prefer listening face to face with someone who understands this condition
Thanks for the support Gail. Don't forget to share the episode with someone you think could benefit from Sam's insights and Thanks for listening :)
I'm married to a covert narcissus and I'm in the middle of a divorce at the moment.. thanks conor and Sam you have helped me so much with knowledge on how to deal with her
Same here.
Ppl have been ignoring me and making me break , I can only sit back and learn from what I’m doing .
Dr Sam Vaknin reminds me physically of Anthony Bourdain (the chef) just throwing that out there. Earlier I commentated how enjoyable I found this frank analysis making it easier to understand to the lay person what part you play in an narcissists arena..
I like the black hole analogy.
“ An exhausted maintenance worker “ yes that’s how I felt …ugh..”they happened to be there”… 😂
This was another fabulous Video...thank you very much 👏👍
Thanks for the support Alex :) Share with anyone you think could benefit from the idea's and insights here
Thanks Again
C
Transactional Analysis. This is the mode that cuts straight through narcissism.
Always a relief to hear what Dr. Vaknin says, even when it’s difficult to hear. Thank you for telling the truth.
Thankyou dr Vacknin for VALIDEDED US
Excellent
Thanks Marinson, share the episode with anyone you think could benefit from the information. A greater awareness could be good for all us .. and thanks for the support :)
Excellent channel!
Thank you Ioanna
I agree 💯 %.
Oh boy, this is gonna be good! 👍
The comparison to androids is very powerful - yes something doesn’t feel right but also fascinating how quickly it becomes the normal and is ignored and surpressed until the end when it is time to get out of the relationship and looking back it is so obvious….
The social discussion at the end was extremely interesting. It was insightful. Thank you Sam.
How on earth with lack of empathy just using your frontal lobes you can be such good person, real (not fake) congs for you professor 🎉
Dr. Vaknin, Bravo! You have really personalized Narcisisim in this video. You have made it much more understandable, yet its sad to hear your words because in reality I am married to a robot. You are right, as she ages she has calmed down some what. Yet she is still an empty core that can't show any love toward me but still tries to control everything I do. When that doesn't work she still gets angry and she punishes me. So although we still live in the same house there's little communication. I still maintain there is a strong genetic corrolation to my wife's behaviour. Her son, which I was in is life, after birth, seems to have grown up similar yet he had me and his father to help bring him up but he displays many narcissistic behaviors. So In my experience it's not all bad parenting. My wife and I had 4 children together(now grown) and even tho they were affected by her, they also recognize her short commings and don't display any strong narcissistic behaviors.
Thanks for this video.
Because you are there to provide some kind of balance, imo. My mother is a narcissist and my father had traits but he found refuge in his work. Also, due to his up bringing he was authoritarian, absent and an enabler. Although he showed some love, he didn't protect us from her and she hated him showing love to his children.
I think you provided a different, more human perspective and that counts a lot. ❤
I also believe there is a strong genetic component in narcissism. I am married to covert narcissist ( a robot). We have two adult children: first born has very strong narcissistic traits, while her 3 years younger brother has none. Thank you for your post.
Sir, Narcissists are almost everywhere....next to impossible to totally go No Contact from everyone and 60% of the people are virtue signalling....only awareness from your videos can help... knowledge can be a "mask" for us
Exactly
I’d rather be alone and happy than another narc - they are recklessly putting the main supplies life in jeopardy - not to mention both the narc and nasty 🤮 women are absolutely gross-I can’t even look at narc anymore - 2 sons dad but I get nauseous and annoyed by all the intentional violence
Don't mix narcissistic style with npd. Second, abuse is abuse, no matter the label/diagnosis.
I agree. Especially with Victimhood so very proliferated. Lately, it occurs to me that this is actually the evolutionary humanity is going through. As Sam says, an insurgency. An extreme. A religion.
Malignant, psychopathic, sadistic narcissistic a-holes are the most evil and dangerous. No Contact for 2 yrs now, my life is peaceful again. Our society is rampant with them. Having boundaries is key with these kind of people.
The black hole analysis is SPOT ON!!
You know I disagree with a few things but at the same time agree. I believe the narcissist can internalize a malignant good object. The type of narcissist who is so grandiose and was so pedestalized and so parentified in childhood that they developed a good object inside that feeds the confabulation with constant worship adoration and praise. I call it the Batman syndrome too. The malignant internalized introject can be a good object.
Can we look at desire?
Does desire brings to deception? And also removes yourself from reality.
How do you know you feel love? Great question, it’s not the same for anyone
I listen to Black Hole Sun with completely different ears since the metaphor.😵
Okay if you're raw material is immutable it doesn't make it less predictable. If you're source material is inimitable there are still elements traits aspects behaviors that are predictable. Establishing commonalities among predictable objects can indeed be a science.
The morality - after being abused and drained it takes a lot not to want revenge on the abuser, remembering it is a child is hard when they are pretty much adults externally and grandiose and cruel
Part 2 is here 👋🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Outstanding interview and interviewing technique. Great job 👍
Much appreciated!
Sam, I listen to you even though l get triggered 😮. I appreciate the knowledge and history you share and of course your charming sense of humour. 😉 I agree the recent radicalism is insane. I am a feminist in the 1980 style. I Listen and learn and let my views be challenged. Thank You, for your content!
When the narcissist replaces it with fantasy, does he create a desire within himself? Is it because the narcissist does not accept the reality of changes and uncertainty?
There might be another approach about humanity that is universal. By reading philosophers, great thinkers such as Spinoza, Kant, Bergson, Hume, Sartre, Camus, Kirkegaard, Husserl .
Kant is complicated, but we might have a different perception so do with Spinoza.
They use a different language a different approach about humanity.
We need a different language. A different direction. One that always stays within the field of life.
How transactional can it get for those who marry a narcissist when the spouse of the N is the one who holds the primary source of money and resources in the relationship?
Would the narcissist alter their objectification of that person in any way in order to not threaten their access to those monetary economics, or how would they frame that in terms of how they treat that person?
Would they modify and minimize any profound toxicity toward that person or how would that present?
Dear DrSam would you say Megan Markle is a morally insane narcissist? Much love from England. You’re simple the one and only the best expert in the whole wide world on Narcissism! X
43.41 I want to rid myself of anything that resembles giving/pleasing. Can you please do a video on how to achieve this Sam?
1:15:35 I think also same for autism.
I don't know, maybe give and please yourself
For me it works when I realize I'm doing it subconciously but the motive is to make myself feel safer. Some people say it's a manipulation but I think is a trauma response and it can't be manipulation when there's not a conscious plan like: "I'm going to be nice to this person so I can ask them for money" instead of: " I'm going to be nice to this person because I am afraid they will reject me or think I'm cold, etc) the second option is soothing yourself but you are not taking anything from that person or damaging in any way. There's no intention to damage or get advantage from someone.
Otherwise, we all will be narcissists when we try to please our boss because we don't want to lose our job.
Try to tell yourself you are safe and you don't need to be nice, just kind like we all want to be kind and not rude. Remind yourself we are not responsible of other's emotions unless we have provoked that emotions (that's something a narcissist will say "you make me mad" that's projection, they are mad and looking for a container to display their anger with.
Also, be conscious of your inner critic, it's not your voice and you need to shut it up or you will be its slave. This is not easy to do and takes time but don't take other's responsabilities, emotional crosses for you to bear them. You are not doing a favor to them and less to you. We need to detach from other's business and take care of our own. So we need to be constantly asking ourselves questions like "why did I say yes when I wanted to say no".
It's people that are overly educated that will refuse to listen 🤷♀️
Can a malignant be formed from a neglectful narcissistic mother
Of course, that’s the majority
Yes.
Oh yeah! “ mommy issues “…
I have suffered since Childhood from my twin sister´s torment, even at an older age. HOW is this possible?
Are you saying Cold Therapy doesn't even work?
It would be enough to keep validating the narcissists and keep the shared phantasy to avoid their anger but instead it always (?) leads to devaluation and disregard doesn’t matter what we do isn’t it? so it cannot be the full definition that it is defining themselves via other people’s eyes. Filling the hole stops working regardless how much we put into it as it is the black hole no limits - it is how I understand the NPD as disorder as otherwise there is nothing so bad with external validation to build own self-esteem?
SAMM!! THE, NAME IS TURQUİA!!!! Do not dissapoint MINNIE!!
I’m curious about the homeschool comment. Both jumped on that assumption without any proof. Then, they went on to discuss the education system of the United States - grandiose ideology. Seems contradictory. Most homeschool to keep their children grounded in reality. Schooling (being separated from the family dynamic, isolated with peers of the same age and struggles) is far from reality.
The homeschool comment is more of a question, a supposition and an idea to consider.
Out of curiousity, why would people homeschool to keep their children grounded? what is happening in public schools that a parent would feel the need to keep their child away to keep them grounded? would be curious to hear your perspective here..
Thanks for watching Karibax, you've raised an interesting point there and one to definitely consider..
@@Conor-Ryan Since educating children away from family and their real community is a modern concept, I don’t think it’s too difficult to understand. Schooling 8-10 hours a day with peers of the same age in the same buildings with the same instructors for nearly 10 months of the year is a hindrance to development. Not only is it a breeding ground for undesirable behavior, it is also another example of narcissistic creation for lack of a better term. The whole system is set up to foster grandiosity in the mind of the child. False praise, grading on a curve, lack of consequences, etc. - it’s completely child-centric. Whereas its counterpart fosters a healthy view of themselves from the beginning. Chores, family/community dynamics, progressing individually and collectively, patience, helping others, flexibility, conflict resolution are some of the innumerable benefits to homeschooling. These are the bedrocks of healthy relationships and minds. When children are the center of the universe (which I believe is the false reality of public education), we can expect an emotionally and mentally challenged product. By the time a child successfully graduates after a home education, they are fully aware of the sacrifices made by the parent. Neglect is often the biggest contributor to mental instability. If home education is done correctly, emotionally stable adults are the end result.
Thanks Karibax, really interesting perspective's and points of view tabled there. I'd love to hear other perspectives also.
Great insights,
Many Tks
@@Conor-RyanSince I’m in a position to hear and receive many points of view on this subject, it’s been a carefully considered position with the desired results after years of implementation. I understand that not everyone has the benefit of my position or ability to implement it.
We have what we call philosophers of life, may be we need psychologists of life and doctors of life., politicians of life and religious of life. Not technicians of defense and technicians of punishments and rewards.
I actually know someone who has written "atheist" in his FB page and just to fool his innocent victim is taking her to temples, is being very charitable....grandiose...really don't know what to say...
I was married. I look back and his FB SAID “I am blessed and that makes me a blessing” or sone circular shit, looking back ot scares the fuck out of me
Um... I thought narcissists enjoy hurting you... so I'm dealing with a psychopath? 😮
Victimhood means some things you cant give to others, and tell them you are a vicim in the hope they dont hold it against you or take it personally.
Interested when Sam says “ they get in relationships to get something”
Isn’t that kinda everyone? No one dates the ugly person because their kind. They want the attractive partner. They want the well to do partner. They want the partner who’s on the up and up….
Are we all narcissists then to not choose who’s emotionally best for us and rather selfish ego driven reason ( men would say I’m sleeping with this hot women. Women would say I’m sleeping with this well off guy who’s put together and look how tall and handsome he is.. ) ???
The bad smell might just be the alcohol consumption. ??
Part 1??
Here's part 1 ua-cam.com/video/O0gNtdbShfA/v-deo.html
Episode 33
@@Conor-Ryan Thank you very much!
All the wealth of slavery was passed down and benefits people ALIVE TODAY, certain people, descendants of the victimizers. Excluding the victims. AND the mistreatment still continues today it’s not a thing of the past.
They’re half the USA 🇺🇸 where are smart doctors
The voices in the head are what make the psycho and talk to self about negative and put thoughts in their mind other people are against them and encourage the compulsive lies and sadistic and distorsion (his mom lives with him - she’s psycho too - bc of abuse from father
I think they have some kind of constant battle against psichosis due to their paranoia. That's another reason to be delusional.
I think narcissists smell bad, when they aren't wearing any perfume, that could be one way to detect..
i wish professor could visit and speak with real Palestinians. he would discover a different reality than what is told in Israel where he lived
Hi Isabelle, could you recommend someone I could reach out to for a Pealestinian perspective?
@@Conor-Ryan Max Blumenthal from The Grayzone
Gabor, Aaron and Daniel Mate
Mahmood_OD
@HadarCohen32
Haha the coaches… selfishness as a goal!
You know he's rich because he said the French revolution was a victim movement
No sympathy for starving French peasants. Stop complaining, peasants!