I have never made an ultimatum that I wasn't ready to enforce. If he cannot respect my ultimatum, he can't respect me. Love shouldn't hurt. Disrespect needs to be checked in the swiftest-and most decisive way. No *noise*, no contact-and no 2nd chances. I had a situation like this recently. He didn't want me enough to change-or even apologize. I deserve better. So I had to resume minding my business. Better days are coming.
I just went through this with someone. They have to also accept responsibility. If they feel no need to make themselves better. I'm not waiting around.
@Coach GloriAnn Thank you. We have to really set standards & realize our self worth. It takes time but we all will get there if we're determined. Be blessed!
Yes, Better days. Everyone couldn't be so inconsiderate; disrespectful and/or a clown specializing in foolery!! Run, cutoff, be unavailable, even to pass the time😉. Standards, boundaries, to be upheld. This is life. Live your best life with the Lord as the wind beneath your wings!🦋🦅⚓😇
Are you a relationship therapist? Majority of them advise against it. An ultimatum can be pretty ridiculous. For example he might be going through a health problem and she’s asking him to move cross country by this date. Well his health won’t allow him to do that at that point. Then she ends the relationship, she’s actually the one who lost in the end if he was a good man. I’m not saying you shouldn’t voice your needs but if two people truly respect and love each other they will work things out. Any relationship that needs things to be forced has underlying issues that needs to be addressed. Couples therapy >>>> ultimatums
Absolutely right Tony because now I am living what you're saying by following through with my words now, and after 42 years I'm seeing the positive results. I will not deny it, I let a lot of things slide out of love and I paid the price but not anymore. There is no need to yell, have a tantrum or be violent to make your point clear as to what behavior you need changed from that man. Now after I have filed for divorce he wants to please me in everything, a little too late. Good advice.
@@coolestson7547 since I don't except so cold advice from those who have no respect for themselves, I will block you because I also think you're a bot. Cover yourself because that's the only reason men are approaching you. You are NOT marriage material for any man.
I'm going through this now. If you don't take my ultimatum then Bye, I don't need you. I'm not gon raise my voice, I'm going to move accordingly. You either gon get right or get Left. I'm not playing anymore. I've blocked him, not answered his calls. He thinks I'm going to give in to him, Not gon happen. No weakness. Talking bout he want a relationship, after he did his dirt. He think I'm a fool. Not afraid to Walk away. I love that Tony is talking about this
I didn’t do any screaming. I gave some simple statements related to desired behavior. He didn’t take it seriously. So, I gave him the boot. Now he’s calling everyday and trying to get in my good graces. I’ve been indifferent.
The last time I gave a man an ultimatum… I left and went to my mama house he came and got me immediately 😂😂 literally picked me up in front of my mama. Put me in the car and told me to stop playing with him and I’ve been here ever since.
I don't do ultimatums, because a good man is going to act right without you having to tell him...but as far as the falling asleep etc I'm understanding to this and I would not be upset....
They won’t do a damn thing. They can only do right if you check them and show them you’ll get rid of them in a heartbeat. In either leaving, blocking, going no contact. If you can’t do it they’ll steadily disrespect your boundaries.
Agree....So for me I never gave a specific ultimatum...I would say: " IF THAT HAPPENS AGAIN SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE".....I never say what I would do !
Good morning 🌞 Appreciative to you for sharing your transparent perspective on this. Most definitely have to be intentional and follow through. Some of them will literally say “You know you ain’t going no where”. But a real woman will show him that the joke is on him.
Yes! Your advice, guidance and counsel has transformed my life. Being clear, direct, calm and holding a man accountable plus, being willing to walk away is everything. Thanks so much. Blessings. ❤️❤️❤️ 🙏🏻
This was really good stuff. Not only does it make me see how I screwed up in the past but it makes me so much more aware and knowledgeable for my future dealings with men. What’s crazy is I’ve done the ultimatum thing and it worked like a charm. No yelling, very firm and direct and the results were good but I didn’t stick to my guns of leaving them alone after other things so just as you mentioned there were more tests that I wasn’t equipped to handle. I didn’t have the knowledge and wisdom I do now so now I know exactly where I messed up and where I need to improve because instead of leaving a situation for good I gave them chances they didn’t deserve. I’m also noticing this same thing in regards to parenting. I see this same exact dynamic with my Mother & brother and my sister and nephew. Thank you for breaking this down
This was actually incredibly helpful. Examples really make it clear. Thanks for this. I am just starting to realize I need to be more clear on what my boundaries actually are in a relationship before I can set them and then learn how to clearly communicate them in a way that is healthy and respectful to both of us......and be willing to walk away.
I gave him an ultimatum alright. I cut him off after 8 months. Had the nerve to text me after I texted him to take care, to continue searching for his wife and that he was blocked to which he had the nerve to text back “you weren’t loyal anyway-fine no need to block I won’t be bothering you take care”. Hours later he gonna say how much he’ll miss me and that he loved me like no other”. Week goes by he sends another message, from a different phone number talking about he loves and misses me and how could I do him that way. Man bye!
So many boys here do not understand a relationship. When is just a boyfriend/girlfriendd relationship it's different when you are married. In any relationship specially when you are married commitment and accountability, respect and trust is very important. This man who is talking I can tell you been into many relationship .I'd been married for 23 years. I'm not saying it's perfect but we do respect each other. The reason so many divorce cases in Western countries is that each party is very selfish I don't like men when they are jealous and controlling and a lot of men are like that I'm glad my husband is not like that.
I understand that sort of ultimatum. I am just not about giving ultimatum “be in a relationship w me or walk away”, because I was given an ultimatum like that once, and it felt wrong to me. It felt like I was being forced. That’s why I wouldn’t do that unto a guy. But since he’s unsure; and I’m seeing no progression in the relationship, I started to pull away. I thought it would be enough of a message, but no. He thought if he’d reach out to me more often then all it takes is a little begging lol. Like I actually have to walk away now because I feel cornered and I’m not understood. I feel he wasted my time. What would u advice to me?
7 year relationship is over, not only did she withhold love due to the resentment of me not moving to her city she used ultimatums. I love her and wanted her but that behavior pushed me away, I felt neglected and under appreciated. Within two years she visited me 0 times and I visited her multiple times.
Hey, Tony, I hope you talk to what's-her-name Kardashian. This is good advice. Maybe start a show with celebrity couples in some relationship trouble? Just saying; keep up the good work!😏
yeah so weird, because some men told me, a man who rejected me is afraid of me a bit lol but yeah he told he had so much respect for me in fact but then was never clear whether he liked me or not.
@Haddy Ry. I dont entertain him anymore, I used to ask, we eventually met once and that was years ago. He d go after other women but never me. It was a long time ago but I asked again 2 years ago and he was not clear. Im a foreigner and he knows im alone in this country and well im trying to move on but not many men and most are taken. I bumped into him on an empty street during this covid and looked at him, he was looking at me . Then second time , the look was strange and he was with a. woman each time. Next time I walked past him, I ignored him but I saw he turned sideways and look at me and a woman behind him looked too. Maybe the same. My last text was 2 years ago but yeah like you said in the end it is done on purpose. My legs and home are closed until marriage he didnt know it years ago but probably sensed it that I wouldnt be easy. I dont consider myself too good for him but he probably does and we had different upbringings I feel and he has no money. I dont mind and I said it.
@Haddy Ry. but yes when he said he respected me and that I was a great artist and we would meet. He d encourage it, and even said hello in my language and that he liked it when I message him. I thought he did like me and he d check my website , I noticed a pattern that made me realise it was him when I last contacted him 2 years ago and this is lasting up to even today. It is playing mind games indeed and like you said maybe we arent on the same level , I dont really know him. He may not be emotionally intelligent either but surely he could be straightforward .
when the legs are closed , you are left with the conversation which is good. I dont think he knows I could know it is him for sure, He could be hiding his IP address too. And the site is from a blog and I can't check the ip addresses , only the views. I noticed a pattern of views that let me know it was him. I dont get his point tbh. He d check almost daily and if I update it , he d reappear sometimes few hours after I update. Maybe he feels I update it for him as I d change the main photo of a page once or twice a week but if I dont for 1/2 weeks .He d reappear all of a sudden when I do it. If I dont , he d keep checking anyway almost daily. So weird. I wont reach out to him anyway . I actually did it in the past. He was never clear and never actually told me he d check my site but this was obvious when he said I was a great artist. He could only know if he checked my progress and new artworks.
His iffy ways and uncertainty is exactly what you don't need. If you weren't keeping those legs under lock and chain he would have been way more "into you" that is until he got what he wanted. I can spot them a mile away.
I listen to your videos The guy I am dating has tried me 3 or 4 times with him saying he will call. He gave those same excuses you just used as a scenario in this video. I checked him, but he is still not being a man of his word.During a discussion about him not calling he yelled at me and told me to shut the F up. I checked him by saying , “I haven’t cursed at you, and you will not curse at me. I will hang up this phone and you will never hear my voice again if you do that again.’He apologized, but then he said, “ You belong to me. You are going to be with me whether you want to or not. There is only one way out this relationship.” He has spent approximately 6, 000 dollars on me in two months. I feel this guy thinks he owns me and I am his property. I am going no contact today. I offered to give all his money back. He says he wants interest..
How bout that , I watched a boy in the sixth grade jump out of a swing way up high and break his arm just like Tony said !! A couple years ago a man I knew from my highschool years contacted me online and he asked to set up a time for us to communicate online. I agreed but on that day and time I waited for a half hour and he never showed up. Maybe a night or two later he messaged me to talk online again which I already saw that as a red 🚩 because a grown man should be asking to talk on the phone not online. We talked for about 5 minutes online messaging and I said to him, "So the other day I waited for you a half hour but you didn't show up and now you haven't even had one word to say about it as if it never happened." He'd asked me about us getting together and said he always liked me back in highschool and we are both single he thinks we should get to know each other. I said I'm gonna have to say no because in my experience what a woman excepts she'll get more of. After that he apologized for the wait with no show but it was too late . Wished him well and moved on .
. Keep ultimatums for your kids they don't work on grown men. Tell him what you think and feel, if he cares that should work. Otherwise you're trying to control him and he'll feel it, might get your butt dumped.
so you are talking about the spirit of judas kissing someone in the cheek hahahahah who does that.. deep rooted issues let go and let God so not worth it .. don't bark just take it with stride and don't lower your standards
Tony that's easy for you to say that "men don't fear any woman" because you're a jock, you're strong and masculine. But what about all those other males who do not have those characteristics? I feel sorry for them, but the fact is, some of them maybe husband material. They just need to grow a pair.
I have never made an ultimatum that I wasn't ready to enforce. If he cannot respect my ultimatum, he can't respect me.
Love shouldn't hurt. Disrespect needs to be checked in the swiftest-and most decisive way. No *noise*, no contact-and no 2nd chances.
I had a situation like this recently.
He didn't want me enough to change-or even apologize. I deserve better.
So I had to resume minding my business.
Better days are coming.
Exactly. 👏🏾
I just went through this with someone. They have to also accept responsibility. If they feel no need to make themselves better. I'm not waiting around.
@Coach GloriAnn Thank you. We have to really set standards & realize our self worth. It takes time but we all will get there if we're determined. Be blessed!
Yes, Better days. Everyone couldn't be so inconsiderate; disrespectful and/or a clown specializing in foolery!! Run, cutoff, be unavailable, even to pass the time😉. Standards, boundaries, to be upheld. This is life. Live your best life with the Lord as the wind beneath your wings!🦋🦅⚓😇
Are you a relationship therapist? Majority of them advise against it. An ultimatum can be pretty ridiculous. For example he might be going through a health problem and she’s asking him to move cross country by this date. Well his health won’t allow him to do that at that point. Then she ends the relationship, she’s actually the one who lost in the end if he was a good man. I’m not saying you shouldn’t voice your needs but if two people truly respect and love each other they will work things out. Any relationship that needs things to be forced has underlying issues that needs to be addressed. Couples therapy >>>> ultimatums
Absolutely right Tony because now I am living what you're saying by following through with my words now, and after 42 years I'm seeing the positive results. I will not deny it, I let a lot of things slide out of love and I paid the price but not anymore. There is no need to yell, have a tantrum or be violent to make your point clear as to what behavior you need changed from that man. Now after I have filed for divorce he wants to please me in everything, a little too late. Good advice.
Maybe the next one will be the perfect one you're all looking for. Good luck playing with your cats.
@@coolestson7547 since I don't except so cold advice from those who have no respect for themselves, I will block you because I also think you're a bot. Cover yourself because that's the only reason men are approaching you. You are NOT marriage material for any man.
You just taught me a new way to discipline my son. I yell at him but he still don’t be listening. I’m just going to be about action with him now
Yes, say what's what. Then they try to test and push. Be unreactive, and then they just do what you say after. Sons luuurrvvve they Mama.
Fact.
I’m glad I’m watching this because I was about to give in and text after a month of no communication, but let me keep this silence going.. 🎶 🎼 🎵.. 😂
Men respect action from my experience.
Agree....n they will try u
I'm going through this now. If you don't take my ultimatum then Bye, I don't need you. I'm not gon raise my voice, I'm going to move accordingly. You either gon get right or get Left. I'm not playing anymore. I've blocked him, not answered his calls. He thinks I'm going to give in to him, Not gon happen. No weakness. Talking bout he want a relationship, after he did his dirt. He think I'm a fool. Not afraid to Walk away. I love that Tony is talking about this
“Your ultimatum is only as good as your word is.” TG
My last grown boy taught me that.
I didn’t do any screaming. I gave some simple statements related to desired behavior. He didn’t take it seriously. So, I gave him the boot. Now he’s calling everyday and trying to get in my good graces. I’ve been indifferent.
ladies don't cast your pearls keep moving don't even give it any power let the grown boys stay on that level only kings recognize queens
You’re like the dad I’ve never had 😅💕
The last time I gave a man an ultimatum… I left and went to my mama house he came and got me immediately 😂😂 literally picked me up in front of my mama. Put me in the car and told me to stop playing with him and I’ve been here ever since.
Are you still there
@@adelante3938 I’ll never leave again😂
I don't do ultimatums, because a good man is going to act right without you having to tell him...but as far as the falling asleep etc I'm understanding to this and I would not be upset....
They won’t do a damn thing. They can only do right if you check them and show them you’ll get rid of them in a heartbeat. In either leaving, blocking, going no contact. If you can’t do it they’ll steadily disrespect your boundaries.
Absolutely correct! No form of disrespect should be allowed. Lets be intentional with our words and actions 🙏🏼❤️
Morning class in session 🙏🏾
Good morning 🌞
@@qscott888 Good morning Q!!!!
Agree....So for me I never gave a specific ultimatum...I would say: " IF THAT HAPPENS AGAIN SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE".....I never say what I would do !
What’s the ultimatum? That sounds like a warning.
No wonder men do not take me seriously because I'm not assertive
Right. It’s your behavior you can change not theirs.
Good morning 🌞 Appreciative to you for sharing your transparent perspective on this.
Most definitely have to be intentional and follow through. Some of them will literally say “You know you ain’t going no where”. But a real woman will show him that the joke is on him.
Facts! Thank you Tony G! 💖
As always, great message! 👍🏼 Life Coach Extraordinaire - Stay Blessed and Highly Favored! 🙏🏼
Mr, Gaskins! I learned so much from you! Forever grateful! Praise be to God! Be blessed!
Absolutely correct man of God!!
Absolute truth. Thank you.
Yes! Your advice, guidance and counsel has transformed my life. Being clear, direct, calm and holding a man accountable plus, being willing to walk away is everything. Thanks so much. Blessings. ❤️❤️❤️ 🙏🏻
I love the message! So powerful and true!
This was really good stuff. Not only does it make me see how I screwed up in the past but it makes me so much more aware and knowledgeable for my future dealings with men.
What’s crazy is I’ve done the ultimatum thing and it worked like a charm. No yelling, very firm and direct and the results were good but I didn’t stick to my guns of leaving them alone after other things so just as you mentioned there were more tests that I wasn’t equipped to handle. I didn’t have the knowledge and wisdom I do now so now I know exactly where I messed up and where I need to improve because instead of leaving a situation for good I gave them chances they didn’t deserve.
I’m also noticing this same thing in regards to parenting. I see this same exact dynamic with my Mother & brother and my sister and nephew.
Thank you for breaking this down
Great teaching as always @TonyGaskins. Sometimes it is best to keep walking and stop talking.
My necessary reminder 🙏🏽Thanks TG 💯
This was actually incredibly helpful. Examples really make it clear. Thanks for this. I am just starting to realize I need to be more clear on what my boundaries actually are in a relationship before I can set them and then learn how to clearly communicate them in a way that is healthy and respectful to both of us......and be willing to walk away.
I gave him an ultimatum alright. I cut him off after 8 months. Had the nerve to text me after I texted him to take care, to continue searching for his wife and that he was blocked to which he had the nerve to text back “you weren’t loyal anyway-fine no need to block I won’t be bothering you take care”. Hours later he gonna say how much he’ll miss me and that he loved me like no other”. Week goes by he sends another message, from a different phone number talking about he loves and misses me and how could I do him that way. Man bye!
Thank you Tony👌
I need to catch up on tons of videos.
Great video
No!! Thank you This WISDOM
Behavioral Science 🧫 🔬🧬🙌🏾🙌🏾
But men do fear losing women to other men... 😆
Not if he don't want her..
Some "don't want u but....dont want anyone else to have u either....smh
@@beefaye6861 so true. Just selfish and egotistical.
That’s having fear not fearing a woman.
So many boys here do not understand a relationship.
When is just a boyfriend/girlfriendd relationship it's different when you are married. In any relationship specially when you are married commitment and accountability, respect and trust is very important.
This man who is talking I can tell you been into many relationship .I'd been married for 23 years. I'm not saying it's perfect but we do respect each other.
The reason so many divorce cases in Western countries is that each party is very selfish
I don't like men when they are jealous and controlling and a lot of men are like that I'm glad my husband is not like that.
💯✅😚☺️ Yaaaza!
I understand that sort of ultimatum. I am just not about giving ultimatum “be in a relationship w me or walk away”, because I was given an ultimatum like that once, and it felt wrong to me. It felt like I was being forced. That’s why I wouldn’t do that unto a guy. But since he’s unsure; and I’m seeing no progression in the relationship, I started to pull away. I thought it would be enough of a message, but no. He thought if he’d reach out to me more often then all it takes is a little begging lol. Like I actually have to walk away now because I feel cornered and I’m not understood. I feel he wasted my time. What would u advice to me?
The fact men don't fear ultimatums is what leads some women to sleep with other men unfortunately 🤷🏾♀️
RIGHT ON 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
Nah we don't win by trying to compete with men..
@@ieshjust16 It’s not about competing. It’s about making a fucking point!
@@acd1168 we don't do that neither
💯💚💗
Da business 6:59 - 8:35
7 year relationship is over, not only did she withhold love due to the resentment of me not moving to her city she used ultimatums. I love her and wanted her but that behavior pushed me away, I felt neglected and under appreciated. Within two years she visited me 0 times and I visited her multiple times.
Hey, Tony, I hope you talk to what's-her-name Kardashian. This is good advice. Maybe start a show with celebrity couples in some relationship trouble? Just saying; keep up the good work!😏
yeah so weird, because some men told me, a man who rejected me is afraid of me a bit lol but yeah he told he had so much respect for me in fact but then was never clear whether he liked me or not.
@Haddy Ry. I dont entertain him anymore, I used to ask, we eventually met once and that was years ago. He d go after other women but never me. It was a long time ago but I asked again 2 years ago and he was not clear. Im a foreigner and he knows im alone in this country and well im trying to move on but not many men and most are taken. I bumped into him on an empty street during this covid and looked at him, he was looking at me . Then second time , the look was strange and he was with a. woman each time. Next time I walked past him, I ignored him but I saw he turned sideways and look at me and a woman behind him looked too. Maybe the same.
My last text was 2 years ago but yeah like you said in the end it is done on purpose.
My legs and home are closed until marriage he didnt know it years ago but probably sensed it that I wouldnt be easy. I dont consider myself too good for him but he probably does and we had different upbringings I feel and he has no money. I dont mind and I said it.
@Haddy Ry. but yes when he said he respected me and that I was a great artist and we would meet. He d encourage it, and even said hello in my language and that he liked it when I message him. I thought he did like me and he d check my website , I noticed a pattern that made me realise it was him when I last contacted him 2 years ago and this is lasting up to even today.
It is playing mind games indeed and like you said maybe we arent on the same level , I dont really know him. He may not be emotionally intelligent either but surely he could be straightforward .
@Haddy Ry. Oh yes , I havent and I won't because I know he won't be honest and like you said he probably just want to have fun.
when the legs are closed , you are left with the conversation which is good.
I dont think he knows I could know it is him for sure, He could be hiding his IP address too. And the site is from a blog and I can't check the ip addresses , only the views. I noticed a pattern of views that let me know it was him.
I dont get his point tbh. He d check almost daily and if I update it , he d reappear sometimes few hours after I update. Maybe he feels I update it for him as I d change the main photo of a page once or twice a week but if I dont for 1/2 weeks .He d reappear all of a sudden when I do it.
If I dont , he d keep checking anyway almost daily. So weird. I wont reach out to him anyway . I actually did it in the past. He was never clear and never actually told me he d check my site but this was obvious when he said I was a great artist. He could only know if he checked my progress and new artworks.
His iffy ways and uncertainty is exactly what you don't need. If you weren't keeping those legs under lock and chain he would have been way more "into you" that is until he got what he wanted. I can spot them a mile away.
I listen to your videos The guy I am dating has tried me 3 or 4 times with him saying he will call. He gave those same excuses you just used as a scenario in this video. I checked him, but he is still not being a man of his word.During a discussion about him not calling he yelled at me and told me to shut the F up. I checked him by saying , “I haven’t cursed at you, and you will not curse at me. I will hang up this phone and you will never hear my voice again if you do that again.’He apologized, but then he said, “ You belong to me. You are going to be with me whether you want to or not. There is only one way out this relationship.” He has spent approximately 6, 000 dollars on me in two months. I feel this guy thinks he owns me and I am his property. I am going no contact today. I offered to give all his money back. He says he wants interest..
Good. He sounds abusive and toxic
Girl keep that money and drop him. Don’t be stupid, why are you returning the money?
I need an update how he reacted because he sounds scary/toxic
@@THELIFEOFTYMEREYIA he flipped out. I had to call the police on him. I haven’t had any contact with him since 3/ 2022
So after giving an ultimatum to a man and going cold turkey, what is the best move? Or what should I expect from him to move forward?
@Haddy Ry. Makes sense
How bout that , I watched a boy in the sixth grade jump out of a swing way up high and break his arm just like Tony said !! A couple years ago a man I knew from my highschool years contacted me online and he asked to set up a time for us to communicate online. I agreed but on that day and time I waited for a half hour and he never showed up. Maybe a night or two later he messaged me to talk online again which I already saw that as a red 🚩 because a grown man should be asking to talk on the phone not online. We talked for about 5 minutes online messaging and I said to him, "So the other day I waited for you a half hour but you didn't show up and now you haven't even had one word to say about it as if it never happened." He'd asked me about us getting together and said he always liked me back in highschool and we are both single he thinks we should get to know each other. I said I'm gonna have to say no because in my experience what a woman excepts she'll get more of. After that he apologized for the wait with no show but it was too late . Wished him well and moved on .
. Keep ultimatums for your kids they don't work on grown men. Tell him what you think and feel, if he cares that should work. Otherwise you're trying to control him and he'll feel it, might get your butt dumped.
But that's just it. You guys want a feminine woman But, then you don't handle her with care.
so you are talking about the spirit of judas kissing someone in the cheek hahahahah who does that.. deep rooted issues let go and let God so not worth it .. don't bark just take it with stride and don't lower your standards
The answer is easy! Does ANYONE respect ultimatums???? 👀
Tony that's easy for you to say that "men don't fear any woman" because you're a jock, you're strong and masculine. But what about all those other males who do not have those characteristics? I feel sorry for them, but the fact is, some of them maybe husband material. They just need to grow a pair.
License psychologists say that giving your partner in a relationship ultimatums is a sign of manipulation!