This sounds like when I have a desire to write A letter to someone I admire. It's not crazy, celebrity-stalking, worship -- but it could be for someone who's off-balance. Thank you, Wences. I knew there was something "different" about wanting to reach out to strangers. I'm glad that it didn't act on it.🙄
I once got burn out from limerence, I shut down completely for two weeks and a couple of months went by before I got myself back to as normal as I could be.
From time to time I’ll have limerence with strangers. Not that they’ll fulfill any relationship aspects but that there will be an attraction from them, to me. Just that. I feel this way when I gain a little bit of confidence back- new hair, workouts going well, a bit of weight loss, ect. This may mean I need to internalize that self-confidence into self-love and care, versus looking for external validation. This will funnel into more successes and good internal feedback, instead of living in my head and not truly getting any feedback.
Ah, this topic 😂. I hate drowning in limerence and no longer want to experience that anymore. I want something real, something tangible, even though it’s not perfect.
After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer needed . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.
How long where you together with your twin? Im on the same journey and im going crazy. This journey is so hard. I know my twin since 7 years. We where in separstion for 4 years and this yesr in april, we saw each other again and i finally found out about this twin flame journey and that she in fact is my twin flame. Since april, for 6 months i was chasing her energetically aswell as in the 3d, with no hope. Few weeks ago i stopped chasing her, since she told me that she is struggling badly with drug addiction. I accepted it and stopped chasing, knowing it wouldnt make sense. Im so sad and lost right now. Lost in my life, sad for my love. Im scared that we never gonna make it to union and im never gonna find any one to love, because im just some highly sensitive empath infj guy who is overwhelmed with life, depressed and doesnt take any steps in the real world, always just being in his head. Im 22 and never had a relationship before. Never had any real connection. Same goes for friends, i lost all of them. Also im scared that if we make it into union and then some day something is going to happen, which separates us again for idk how long, then what? Im scared of the thought of being 35 and loosing my twin flame again after several years of union, cause what would i do then? Look for another partner who i know i wont truly love unconditionally as i would love my twin? Or wait for my twin for the rest of my life, always having the thought of "maybe we wont ever make it into union again and im wasting so many other potentially beautiful relationships because of a delusional wish to be together with my twin? Idk im scared and overwhelmed with the future and this thing called life. Also being a man infj with cancer sun, scorpio moon placements is so hard in this world. Aswell as being an empath is. I can feel everyones emotions so deeply and it affects me really much. Im also so overwhelmed of 9to5 jobs. They make me depressed. I come home and have no energy, every day is the same. I hate my job aswell, never found an interesting job. Neither do i have hobbies i like. Aswell as i dont have any friends. I have no one and nothing in my life and im scared. Id be rather dead than living this life, every day is a fight, nothing makes me truly happy and never did. Idk, why am i even on this planet :(
@@tobiasstockner8885 Hey it's okay we all have our struggles in this life. If it makes you feel any better, I've lost my mind several times and was in and out of mental institutions for the past 2 years. As someone who hit rock bottom, I can tell you that even though right now is bleak, it will get better. If I didn't have my faith in Christ, honestly? I don't know where'd I be. All I know is that eventhough I've made a train wreck of my life, God still wants to use me for his purposes. You are not here by accident. You have a gift to give to this world and those around you. Know that you are valued, loved and cherished. As an INFJ, I know that you can get yourself out of your situation. If I could do it, so can you!
How is it you seem to know so much of what's going on inside my mind and world! I'm never disappointed watching your videos. You are a truly amazing resource. Thank you for what you do.
Limerence, ugh. Also, for me, due to childhood stuff, and I’m super prone to it. A huge part of strengthening my anti-limerence muscle was simply learning about the concept of limerence and what makes me prone to it. Now, when I catch myself falling into it, I say out loud, “No Limerence Penelope, no limerence!!!!” Haha, and then I laugh at myself and give me a pat on the back! Oh, shat, “we’re all about the long game.” omg, I say that often.😁
I've been obsessed with someone new every 4-5 years since middle school. Whenever I get anxious I distract myself from realty by thinking about that special person. I'm 24 years old and now I know that this is not a healthy mind set at all. In the end it's never gonna work out. Trying to not do that anymore... SO HAPPY to see that there is a video about this topic!
41 years old, and every 4-5 years almost like clockwork, but usually only lasting 1 year- 18 moths, it's not constants state, usually after a year and 1/2, it just fades one day, once we've done everything there is to do in my imaginary world. Then it fades suddenly and rapidly, leaving me feeling silly, but also kind of shaken that i could have been so influenced by something so non-existent. In the past, before i learned to keep it to myself, I would join in the talk about girlfriends and wives, and I'd see how confused, and frankly, concerned about me people i was close to me become. They're like "wow, you're usually really good about having a grasp of how other people are feeling and what their motivations are. Which makes it even more concerning that you seem to think you got some sort of future with this woman. Man, just promise me you're not gonna show up at her house with flowers," and we'll laugh. But then they'll add "I'm serious, man; juries are NOT kind to creepy stalker dudes."
This is something that has happened for as long as I can recall... And I used to think it was just me, can't believe there are people who do the same. It always feels like I'm enjoying and suffering at the same time, I'm tired, I want something real! The current person I'm obsessed with, I get more and more entangled from the stories I created than what has happened in real life! It's true,always people who have something I lack.
I met this man online 20 years ago. We have been friends since then. At the beginning it was romantic, but evolved into a strong friendship. He is still the same sweet, and empathetic guy from those back years.
I see someone once a week in a group setting and have had indepth conversations as well. It's been going on for about 8 months and find something new about them each meeting that just keeps me on the hook. My mind then spends the next week detailing my "story"...
So glad you’re talking about this! I waited 7 years to be with my twin flame, who brought me to my knees in only four months. True to form, we both were intense catalysts for each other. His ultimate gifts to me were the recognition that both my parents had colluded in seriously abusing me, and also that I never have to have an intimate romantic relationship again- my energy is now all gloriously mine!
I explained Limerence to my therapist. It's how I burn through my feelings about someone. By the time I'm done... when the person walks away... I no longer have any energy to be upset. Here is funny for you... I have 1.1 million followers on Instagram... being my usual INFJ self... talking about trying to date as a gay man in his 50s in modern America.
We rehearse stuff in our mind like a stage play. We are able to imagine our ideas in play and we are good at playing out the scenes in our mind. When we come to acting it out in real time, there is a power you feel but it always humbles you.
Possibility vs Probability I found myself drowning with delight into the possibilities but when you think of the “ Probability “ your expectations gets lower, and you are now closer in operating through your Se Overall the positive side despite the heartbreaks, its an opportunity to integrate your personality as whatever fantasies or “ unrealistic image “ we project onto our crushes they represent the unprocessed psychological contents And we can’t actually reach them by our own unless they are projected
I went through that so much as a teenager. As an adult I’ve learned the value of extroverted sensing and have better developed it. Balance is the key to healing and improving. Seeing the vision should be the motivator to making it reality not the joy in itself. I don’t want just dreams and shadows. I want those things to be reality.
The subject of limerence wasn't mentioned a whole lot when I was a child, teenager, and young adult. (I'm a genuine Baby Boomer) I knew that a lot of people (including me) struggled with it, but it just wasn't talked about much. It was frustrating, because limerence can be emotionally confusing and/or painful. And there was very little help available on the subject; in fact, I'd never heard the word "limerence" until finding it on the internet many years later. As the Internet was developed further, I was able to get some decent articles about it, but it still was not the most heavily discussed item. It is talked about more now than back then, but it still isn't common to hear much about it. I had to come to grips with it - and I did (some days were better than others). So it was good to listen to this video, Wenzes, and find out that a lot of what I did to cope with it are things that you mentioned here. In retrospect, I am amazed at how much I put my Fe and Se into play at a time before before hearing of the Myers-Briggs test. But I learned even back then that I needed to work with this is a way of life. In order to keep from falling back into the habit of limerence, it was necessary to keep a deliberately chosen life of outward focus (Fe and Se). I think I'll always have to choose this focus every day. But I know that it will help to set priorities straight and keep relationships better.
G’morning Wenzes; thank you, as always, for your every effort❣️ I gain so much value from your gracious INFJ wisdom. I thought last night, “Ya know, I’m really living my epic INFJ life today; good for me! And it’s Wenzes who helped me to get to this point, again.” And, that’s authentic praise, ty❣️
wow, this. didnt know there was a name for it. i have this BIG time. and when the object of my "limerence" attempts to get close i will distance myself in some way... be it emotional, psychological... etc. i dont like this limerence thing. its dysfunction as far as i can see. its madness !! and ultimately, lonely. i used to call it unrequited love, but, is it really unrequited if i just dont let them in ??? yea, im totally in my head with this kind of thing. its depressing.
I have a theory that us infjs are very detached from our own story. And se relates to reality through having a story and individuality. Which we always want to give up. So the only way is being involved and creating your own story rooted in reality.
Wow, I felt so called out! This video described me perfectly and what I do and how I think...arhhhh, especially the grieving part of being disappointed in the real world hahaha
If my inner world is complete by My INFJ standard, why would I need to exhaust myself to have someone in the ‘real’ world who can only suck the life out of me. No , thank you. I’m good in here where I no longer have limerence and no need for another person. I’ve taken risks too many times, the only times I’ve been at Peace is since I’m complete alone. Very few people you can trust these days. You won’t even know until many many years down the line how they betrayed you. It’s sickening, it’s painful and you’ve lost your years. Being an INFJ is a blessing we are fiercely independent and that’s a blessing.
I struggle with this all the time. Even since grade school, I would crush, obsessed, somewhat stalk every guy I liked. Even to this day I am in limerence right now with a co worker who is way out of my lead.
Although I don’t wholly support all of the red pill philosophy, the concept of frame helped me better understand this Limerance phenomenon within myself.
15:45 Yes. I have a friendship with 3 Johnny Depps and 2 Keanus. Also, Paul McCartney and their are others. I think I'm amusing myself until they ask for an Apple Gift Card. I am grounded, but this is also a delightful distraction. I think that"s how I got involved with a narcissist that needed health advice. I've since left his toxic energy and feeling fine. So I'm going to expand my life experience to allow more positive energy in my life. I never heard of limerance but that explains a lot.
Truth! I have spent so much time planning that sometimes, personally, when I get to act on my planned event, I am just planning something else already. Because I feel I have trained myself to just plan plan plan Maybe I can make a plan to stop planning. No. Wait...
Great video topic. I would love to hear what it (actions, feelings, thoughts) can look like when you are entering into a secure, non-limerence experience with a potential match.
I think I did that. Although it always was a friendship in my cases. - But, now I know I am just not capable for a relationship. I just don’t believe in a genuine relationship anymore. I don’t like being told what to do or how to do it. And, I also don’t like being judged of things I didn’t do. I believed in relationships where both genuinely work on it and become a team. That doesn’t exist for most people. I also don’t meet enough interesting people anymore. There used to be times when one met really interesting people. One could discuss multiple topics with. Who had multiple interests. And a big interest of how the world functions. Now it’s all about ordinary shallow topics. The job, the family and that one hobby which is lived like a religion. And that’s it. And this very same story’s repeats itself in a constant loop. Reality is just boring and somehow exhausting.
Instead of changing myself to fit my environment, I've started changing my environment to fit what I want. Right now, I'm working on ways to improve the company where I work. I'm doing this by doing what I enjoy: Using my intuition to look to the future and develop ideas. For example, I'm trying to develop company culture, to make this a great place to work (it already is, but it needs a richer culture). I know my limits--I'm an ideas person, not an implementer, and especially not of social activites!. Thus, I am taking the role of advisor (imagine that) and promoting my ideas--which of course is another thing I enjoy! Basically, I'm making a role for myself that I enjoy, that is valuable to my company. This is in addition to my actual job, which is a software developer. So far, this has been met with great reception. Just two years ago, this would never have been possible for me to do!
@Wenzes Thankyou so much for this. It did clear out some doubts I had but even made me laugh a bit that I do behave the ways you mentioned. This is helpful and will help me stop this limerence thing.
What about the opposite of Limerence of when I feel an insane amount of hatred towards someone? Is it also in our imaginations. Usually it tends to be coworkers who provoke me and get on my nerves. Or can we not blame ourselves for feeling like we hate a bully 🙃
15;17 thats tragic irony, if i'm not the mythical superhero I think this person should have in me because of some high minded ideal of love, ... it makes sense in my head.
oh boy,the limerence I developed for INTJ i've met on online game,he really interested me with his mind and good heart. But I was too intense and messed it up. Just created this fantasy in my head and thought about future a lot haha. Oh well,silly me.
I'm not sure if this will go in line with what you're saying but I'm a writer! I have been a confirmed bachelor for over 29 years. I write stories about all genres but I see myself in these stories. I become apart of it for the life I don't have, having a relationship in my current Empath/INFJ story. I take action in a way that I can't do in my real life. I'm 58 years old writing my ideal relationship which I know I can't do now. Who would want that from me at this point iny life. I prefer my own life as a bachelor. I'm not interested in being a boyfriend for a female. I prefer my life by myself. I love to write and such a story in which I write, I control the outcome if one is going to be single, be friends or in a relationship. My writers mind gets a charge to help my characters to develop. What do you think? I have a life outside my home. I help my family and the small group of friends but have a relatively small group who I do talk to. I'm not looking or interested in relationship's any more. I have evolved from being relationship material. What I do and have is not done selfishly.
Also a driving force to change and do better to reach a height that has not been reached…. even though we know that it’s not likely to happen at all having just a percent chance of a probability is enough if you put your mind to it to hold on and grasp to use that as a force, while still knowing that it’s something that’s not going to happen still being in touch with reality, but choosing to act as though it is a possibility a translated into reality, but no, it’s not gonna happen I mean that’s the best way I can put it into words as an INFJ-T
Um... 👀 ... who ARE you and how did you get into my head?! The timing of this video yesterday was crazy 😂 There is someone I keep thinking about. On the outside, I'm playing it down and only texting around once a week but I'm thinking about them practically every hour. We are friends but the dynamic is weird because we work together and the person is (newly) married and I also work with the other spouse! We have briefly acknowledged feeling like we have a weird telepathic connection - we each feel like the other reminds the other of themselves. We have known each other for a few years now and, in my mind, our connection is growing deeper and yet we WFH and have never met face-to-face.... I often wonder whether I love them more than a friend and that adds a whole other layer of complexity as I don't I identify as bisexual. I am so rarely physically attracted to ANYONE so it has surprised me that I feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically attracted to this friend-colleague. Thank you. It has felt good to get this off my chest. I can't tell my closest friends as they'd think I was crazy! 😅
She's said she's not attracted to me but is comfortable around me . Ive told her we're friends but I think like I love her. I don't know what to do about it
@Mcky-lw1zb I told her I liked her more than friends and ruined an 18 month friendship . Although she told she didn't want a boyfriend, she did say things that sounded like she liked me . I was very confused and now I feel like an idiot. There's a lot of people out there with not great opinions of me now .
If someone is suffering from limerence he definitely not an infj! Infjs don't have unjustified thoughts stack up in their minds to clout their own progressive mindset! I don't know if I'm an infj, those who studies traits of different people they know it well and I'm not concerned if someone tells me infj and most others don't! Seeing myself from inside I definitely know what my default mindset would react to certain actions! It's not unreasonable to get to the intrinsic incapacity of someone's progress in a direction that helps to get a meaningful outcome of the real world situation happening somewhere else far away! It should be a panic attack on viewing a superficial thing not going according to our state of thinking about the actuality and urgency of a progressive outcome! When in light bantering moments someone is giving you important information and the results are always drawing a blank slate so to say! Suddenly limerence is on everyone's mouth! I personally avoided talking a notice in that dumb unrealistic thoughts but it'll be thumped on me when I deliberately avoid something unimportant and petty to me given my experiences and lots of feedbacks thereon! If still people are struggle to what she is striving at, it's unfortunate that the points aren't nailed where it should have been! I'm really really surprised for being unable to understand what the heck of it or failed to make it understand what the heck! Only God knows what if these goes on and on without compiling the much needed action in the present resources from all sides! If something is impossible nobody can make it and on the other hand if anything is a possibility you can always try your brain out to make a meaningful progress! Accolades are happiest when they come after a recognition and not before that, I believe so! Nobody hinders the other to make a progress and earn accolades especially after achieving them and seeing the success in the their very face! If we have to go great lengths which we are capable of we have to trade that path, no wonder! It's far better to die fighting from the fore than sitting on the fence and marking time which is very short in everyone's life! Sporadic attempts of floating up all on a sudden and deep dive into almost tranquility is not going to give the necessary drive for a fruitful future and it depends so heavily on each one of us! 😮😮
So true! In my head I have a whole made-up world in which I have a family with a fictional character. But also in the real world I am so stubborn about doing and wanting specific things, despite everyone's disapproval. But yeah..., I am not ready yet to 'take action in the real world'..., so my mind is my sanctuary. 🤍
Long distance relationships are the perfect opportunity to project onto that person what we want them to be: J.R.R.Tolkien......... but not my girl!.... XD
After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for over 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer a mystery but a tool . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.
What is your experience with limerence as an INFJ?
This sounds like when I have a desire to write A letter to someone I admire. It's not crazy, celebrity-stalking, worship -- but it could be for someone who's off-balance. Thank you, Wences. I knew there was something "different" about wanting to reach out to strangers. I'm glad that it didn't act on it.🙄
I once got burn out from limerence, I shut down completely for two weeks and a couple of months went by before I got myself back to as normal as I could be.
From time to time I’ll have limerence with strangers. Not that they’ll fulfill any relationship aspects but that there will be an attraction from them, to me. Just that. I feel this way when I gain a little bit of confidence back- new hair, workouts going well, a bit of weight loss, ect. This may mean I need to internalize that self-confidence into self-love and care, versus looking for external validation. This will funnel into more successes and good internal feedback, instead of living in my head and not truly getting any feedback.
I really like feeling free I also know who I am as a chosen One
Well...shamefully if I really lile a girl, woman, I will hardly ever speak to them. lol Sort of self defeating.
Ah, this topic 😂. I hate drowning in limerence and no longer want to experience that anymore. I want something real, something tangible, even though it’s not perfect.
You just know you could be perfect but that's not all life revolves around
Yep it only take once for us to learn that limerence won't work but hey it's because of that we are going all in on us ✨
After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer needed . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.
How long where you together with your twin? Im on the same journey and im going crazy. This journey is so hard. I know my twin since 7 years. We where in separstion for 4 years and this yesr in april, we saw each other again and i finally found out about this twin flame journey and that she in fact is my twin flame. Since april, for 6 months i was chasing her energetically aswell as in the 3d, with no hope. Few weeks ago i stopped chasing her, since she told me that she is struggling badly with drug addiction. I accepted it and stopped chasing, knowing it wouldnt make sense. Im so sad and lost right now. Lost in my life, sad for my love. Im scared that we never gonna make it to union and im never gonna find any one to love, because im just some highly sensitive empath infj guy who is overwhelmed with life, depressed and doesnt take any steps in the real world, always just being in his head. Im 22 and never had a relationship before. Never had any real connection. Same goes for friends, i lost all of them. Also im scared that if we make it into union and then some day something is going to happen, which separates us again for idk how long, then what? Im scared of the thought of being 35 and loosing my twin flame again after several years of union, cause what would i do then? Look for another partner who i know i wont truly love unconditionally as i would love my twin? Or wait for my twin for the rest of my life, always having the thought of "maybe we wont ever make it into union again and im wasting so many other potentially beautiful relationships because of a delusional wish to be together with my twin? Idk im scared and overwhelmed with the future and this thing called life.
Also being a man infj with cancer sun, scorpio moon placements is so hard in this world. Aswell as being an empath is. I can feel everyones emotions so deeply and it affects me really much. Im also so overwhelmed of 9to5 jobs. They make me depressed. I come home and have no energy, every day is the same. I hate my job aswell, never found an interesting job. Neither do i have hobbies i like. Aswell as i dont have any friends. I have no one and nothing in my life and im scared. Id be rather dead than living this life, every day is a fight, nothing makes me truly happy and never did. Idk, why am i even on this planet :(
@@tobiasstockner8885 Hey it's okay we all have our struggles in this life. If it makes you feel any better, I've lost my mind several times and was in and out of mental institutions for the past 2 years. As someone who hit rock bottom, I can tell you that even though right now is bleak, it will get better. If I didn't have my faith in Christ, honestly? I don't know where'd I be. All I know is that eventhough I've made a train wreck of my life, God still wants to use me for his purposes. You are not here by accident. You have a gift to give to this world and those around you. Know that you are valued, loved and cherished. As an INFJ, I know that you can get yourself out of your situation. If I could do it, so can you!
How is it you seem to know so much of what's going on inside my mind and world! I'm never disappointed watching your videos. You are a truly amazing resource. Thank you for what you do.
Cause Wenzes is an INFJ savant, lol
Limerence, ugh. Also, for me, due to childhood stuff, and I’m super prone to it.
A huge part of strengthening my anti-limerence muscle was simply learning about the concept of limerence and what makes me prone to it. Now, when I catch myself falling into it, I say out loud, “No Limerence Penelope, no limerence!!!!” Haha, and then I laugh at myself and give me a pat on the back! Oh, shat, “we’re all about the long game.” omg, I say that often.😁
I've been obsessed with someone new every 4-5 years since middle school. Whenever I get anxious I distract myself from realty by thinking about that special person. I'm 24 years old and now I know that this is not a healthy mind set at all. In the end it's never gonna work out. Trying to not do that anymore... SO HAPPY to see that there is a video about this topic!
41 years old, and every 4-5 years almost like clockwork, but usually only lasting 1 year- 18 moths, it's not constants state, usually after a year and 1/2, it just fades one day, once we've done everything there is to do in my imaginary world. Then it fades suddenly and rapidly, leaving me feeling silly, but also kind of shaken that i could have been so influenced by something so non-existent. In the past, before i learned to keep it to myself, I would join in the talk about girlfriends and wives, and I'd see how confused, and frankly, concerned about me people i was close to me become. They're like "wow, you're usually really good about having a grasp of how other people are feeling and what their motivations are. Which makes it even more concerning that you seem to think you got some sort of future with this woman. Man, just promise me you're not gonna show up at her house with flowers," and we'll laugh. But then they'll add "I'm serious, man; juries are NOT kind to creepy stalker dudes."
Are you sure you are an INFJ.
This is something that has happened for as long as I can recall... And I used to think it was just me, can't believe there are people who do the same. It always feels like I'm enjoying and suffering at the same time, I'm tired, I want something real! The current person I'm obsessed with, I get more and more entangled from the stories I created than what has happened in real life! It's true,always people who have something I lack.
I almost didn't watch this video because I KNEW she was going to call me out lol.
Thank you SO MUCH Wenzes!!!
I met this man online 20 years ago. We have been friends since then. At the beginning it was romantic, but evolved into a strong friendship. He is still the same sweet, and empathetic guy from those back years.
I see someone once a week in a group setting and have had indepth conversations as well. It's been going on for about 8 months and find something new about them each meeting that just keeps me on the hook. My mind then spends the next week detailing my "story"...
So glad you’re talking about this! I waited 7 years to be with my twin flame, who brought me to my knees in only four months. True to form, we both were intense catalysts for each other. His ultimate gifts to me were the recognition that both my parents had colluded in seriously abusing me, and also that I never have to have an intimate romantic relationship again- my energy is now all gloriously mine!
I explained Limerence to my therapist. It's how I burn through my feelings about someone. By the time I'm done... when the person walks away... I no longer have any energy to be upset. Here is funny for you... I have 1.1 million followers on Instagram... being my usual INFJ self... talking about trying to date as a gay man in his 50s in modern America.
I have a gay male friend in his 50s. How can he find your page?
This is amazing advice. Limerance is a call to action to achieve those missing parts in the 3d… wow. ❤
8:13 gotta take a deep breath and check your own feelings and place of empathy
When we like someone alot it boosts dopamine and also creates enhanced productivity and action.
Limerance is totally on my playlist. It helped to name it so I didn’t drive my life into a wall.
We rehearse stuff in our mind like a stage play. We are able to imagine our ideas in play and we are good at playing out the scenes in our mind. When we come to acting it out in real time, there is a power you feel but it always humbles you.
Possibility vs Probability
I found myself drowning with delight into the possibilities but when you think of the “ Probability “ your expectations gets lower, and you are now closer in operating through your Se
Overall the positive side despite the heartbreaks, its an opportunity to integrate your personality as whatever fantasies or “ unrealistic image “ we project onto our crushes they represent the unprocessed psychological contents
And we can’t actually reach them by our own unless they are projected
That was amazingly put. Thank you.
Limerence will be the death of me
I went through that so much as a teenager. As an adult I’ve learned the value of extroverted sensing and have better developed it. Balance is the key to healing and improving. Seeing the vision should be the motivator to making it reality not the joy in itself. I don’t want just dreams and shadows. I want those things to be reality.
The subject of limerence wasn't mentioned a whole lot when I was a child, teenager, and young adult. (I'm a genuine Baby Boomer) I knew that a lot of people (including me) struggled with it, but it just wasn't talked about much. It was frustrating, because limerence can be emotionally confusing and/or painful. And there was very little help available on the subject; in fact, I'd never heard the word "limerence" until finding it on the internet many years later. As the Internet was developed further, I was able to get some decent articles about it, but it still was not the most heavily discussed item. It is talked about more now than back then, but it still isn't common to hear much about it. I had to come to grips with it - and I did (some days were better than others).
So it was good to listen to this video, Wenzes, and find out that a lot of what I did to cope with it are things that you mentioned here. In retrospect, I am amazed at how much I put my Fe and Se into play at a time before before hearing of the Myers-Briggs test.
But I learned even back then that I needed to work with this is a way of life. In order to keep from falling back into the habit of limerence, it was necessary to keep a deliberately chosen life of outward focus (Fe and Se). I think I'll always have to choose this focus every day. But I know that it will help to set priorities straight and keep relationships better.
Thanks!
G’morning Wenzes; thank you, as always, for your every effort❣️ I gain so much value from your gracious INFJ wisdom. I thought last night, “Ya know, I’m really living my epic INFJ life today; good for me! And it’s Wenzes who helped me to get to this point, again.” And, that’s authentic praise, ty❣️
wow, this. didnt know there was a name for it. i have this BIG time. and when the object of my "limerence" attempts to get close i will distance myself in some way... be it emotional, psychological... etc.
i dont like this limerence thing. its dysfunction as far as i can see. its madness !! and ultimately, lonely. i used to call it unrequited love, but, is it really unrequited if i just dont let them in ??? yea, im totally in my head with this kind of thing. its depressing.
I'm going through this currently 😢 ....
I have a theory that us infjs are very detached from our own story. And se relates to reality through having a story and individuality. Which we always want to give up. So the only way is being involved and creating your own story rooted in reality.
I turned it into a career 😂 romance writer
MERCI
Wow, I felt so called out! This video described me perfectly and what I do and how I think...arhhhh, especially the grieving part of being disappointed in the real world hahaha
I feel seen but not judged.
You're so compassionate 😭 As soon as I graduate and have some savings, I'm going to do coaching with you!
If my inner world is complete by
My INFJ standard, why would I need to exhaust myself to have someone in the ‘real’ world who can only suck the life out of me. No , thank you. I’m good in here where I no longer have limerence and no need for another person. I’ve taken risks too many times, the only times I’ve been at Peace is since I’m complete alone. Very few people you can trust these days. You won’t even know until many many years down the line how they betrayed you. It’s sickening, it’s painful and you’ve lost your years. Being an INFJ is a blessing we are fiercely independent and that’s a blessing.
What matters is that I have it in control!😆😆😆
I struggle with this all the time. Even since grade school, I would crush, obsessed, somewhat stalk every guy I liked. Even to this day I am in limerence right now with a co worker who is way out of my lead.
Although I don’t wholly support all of the red pill philosophy, the concept of frame helped me better understand this Limerance phenomenon within myself.
I discovered your channel and the fact that I am an INFJ a short time ago!! I love the information!!
Whoa, How True!
and again. Wenzes calls me out and saves me.:)❤ Wenzes, you have had such a profound impact on my life. Thank you for existing🥺❤
I have faced this. Still trying to understand the reason. Ty for this perspective
15:45 Yes. I have a friendship with 3 Johnny Depps and 2 Keanus. Also, Paul McCartney and their are others. I think I'm amusing myself until they ask for an Apple Gift Card. I am grounded, but this is also a delightful distraction. I think that"s how I got involved with a narcissist that needed health advice. I've since left his toxic energy and feeling fine. So I'm going to expand my life experience to allow more positive energy in my life. I never heard of limerance but that explains a lot.
Doesn't being a long term planner all the time, keep us from the reality of being in the moment? Perhaps being in the moment is what we need?
Truth! I have spent so much time planning that sometimes, personally, when I get to act on my planned event, I am just planning something else already. Because I feel I have trained myself to just plan plan plan
Maybe I can make a plan to stop planning. No. Wait...
@@lanacaine3455 I plan on staying in the moment. lol
Great video topic. I would love to hear what it (actions, feelings, thoughts) can look like when you are entering into a secure, non-limerence experience with a potential match.
I think I did that. Although it always was a friendship in my cases. - But, now I know I am just not capable for a relationship. I just don’t believe in a genuine relationship anymore. I don’t like being told what to do or how to do it. And, I also don’t like being judged of things I didn’t do. I believed in relationships where both genuinely work on it and become a team. That doesn’t exist for most people. I also don’t meet enough interesting people anymore. There used to be times when one met really interesting people. One could discuss multiple topics with. Who had multiple interests. And a big interest of how the world functions. Now it’s all about ordinary shallow topics. The job, the family and that one hobby which is lived like a religion. And that’s it. And this very same story’s repeats itself in a constant loop. Reality is just boring and somehow exhausting.
Instead of changing myself to fit my environment, I've started changing my environment to fit what I want. Right now, I'm working on ways to improve the company where I work. I'm doing this by doing what I enjoy: Using my intuition to look to the future and develop ideas. For example, I'm trying to develop company culture, to make this a great place to work (it already is, but it needs a richer culture). I know my limits--I'm an ideas person, not an implementer, and especially not of social activites!. Thus, I am taking the role of advisor (imagine that) and promoting my ideas--which of course is another thing I enjoy! Basically, I'm making a role for myself that I enjoy, that is valuable to my company. This is in addition to my actual job, which is a software developer. So far, this has been met with great reception. Just two years ago, this would never have been possible for me to do!
This just makes so much sense now.
Thank goodness I was blessed to have found a filipina wife and I have learned that the best wife for a infj is a filipina ❤😊
I'm happy for you :):):):):):):):):)
TY Wenzes ~ this one, too, is one I prescribe 4 myself frequently.💗
I have limerance for Marshall Mathers. 🤣
Exactly! Some people fixate on INFJs for so long. Let us go! lmao! We also need peace in our lives.
Thank you for everything Wenzes✨️🥰
Thank you so much ❤
@Wenzes
Thankyou so much for this. It did clear out some doubts I had but even made me laugh a bit that I do behave the ways you mentioned. This is helpful and will help me stop this limerence thing.
🔥🔥🔥
What about the opposite of Limerence of when I feel an insane amount of hatred towards someone? Is it also in our imaginations. Usually it tends to be coworkers who provoke me and get on my nerves. Or can we not blame ourselves for feeling like we hate a bully 🙃
Se inf + Te blind combo is really keeping us down lol
💙💙💙💙
I have fantasies running around in my head almost non-stop. They will never be. How can I stop them?
15;17 thats tragic irony, if i'm not the mythical superhero I think this person should have in me because of some high minded ideal of love, ... it makes sense in my head.
oh boy,the limerence I developed for INTJ i've met on online game,he really interested me with his mind and good heart. But I was too intense and messed it up. Just created this fantasy in my head and thought about future a lot haha. Oh well,silly me.
I'm not sure if this will go in line with what you're saying but I'm a writer! I have been a confirmed bachelor for over 29 years. I write stories about all genres but I see myself in these stories. I become apart of it for the life I don't have, having a relationship in my current Empath/INFJ story. I take action in a way that I can't do in my real life. I'm 58 years old writing my ideal relationship which I know I can't do now. Who would want that from me at this point iny life. I prefer my own life as a bachelor. I'm not interested in being a boyfriend for a female. I prefer my life by myself. I love to write and such a story in which I write, I control the outcome if one is going to be single, be friends or in a relationship. My writers mind gets a charge to help my characters to develop.
What do you think? I have a life outside my home. I help my family and the small group of friends but have a relatively small group who I do talk to. I'm not looking or interested in relationship's any more. I have evolved from being relationship material. What I do and have is not done selfishly.
Also a driving force to change and do better to reach a height that has not been reached…. even though we know that it’s not likely to happen at all having just a percent chance of a probability is enough if you put your mind to it to hold on and grasp to use that as a force, while still knowing that it’s something that’s not going to happen still being in touch with reality, but choosing to act as though it is a possibility a translated into reality, but no, it’s not gonna happen I mean that’s the best way I can put it into words as an INFJ-T
Thank you.
From,
An INFJ-A
♥
Love watching you 🙏 ♡
Thank you!
Um... 👀 ... who ARE you and how did you get into my head?! The timing of this video yesterday was crazy 😂 There is someone I keep thinking about. On the outside, I'm playing it down and only texting around once a week but I'm thinking about them practically every hour. We are friends but the dynamic is weird because we work together and the person is (newly) married and I also work with the other spouse! We have briefly acknowledged feeling like we have a weird telepathic connection - we each feel like the other reminds the other of themselves. We have known each other for a few years now and, in my mind, our connection is growing deeper and yet we WFH and have never met face-to-face.... I often wonder whether I love them more than a friend and that adds a whole other layer of complexity as I don't I identify as bisexual. I am so rarely physically attracted to ANYONE so it has surprised me that I feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically attracted to this friend-colleague.
Thank you. It has felt good to get this off my chest. I can't tell my closest friends as they'd think I was crazy! 😅
I’m married to Legolas… we just had triplets😂😂😂😂
Good
💯 💜
Is it because I'm an INFJ or because of a lifetime of narcissistic abuse?
She's said she's not attracted to me but is comfortable around me . Ive told her we're friends but I think like I love her.
I don't know what to do about it
Did you tell her you love her? You at least tell her that so she knows, and you know you have tried your best.
@Mcky-lw1zb I told her I liked her more than friends and ruined an 18 month friendship . Although she told she didn't want a boyfriend, she did say things that sounded like she liked me . I was very confused and now I feel like an idiot.
There's a lot of people out there with not great opinions of me now .
@@jpo3801 I advise you to give her a bit of time, and just be there for her. However, don't let yourself be exploited.
@@jpo3801same shit happened to me 😂
big pass on romatic crap. that stuff has done nothing but hurt me
Queen of Gaslighting and projection 😅
If someone is suffering from limerence he definitely not an infj! Infjs don't have unjustified thoughts stack up in their minds to clout their own progressive mindset! I don't know if I'm an infj, those who studies traits of different people they know it well and I'm not concerned if someone tells me infj and most others don't! Seeing myself from inside I definitely know what my default mindset would react to certain actions! It's not unreasonable to get to the intrinsic incapacity of someone's progress in a direction that helps to get a meaningful outcome of the real world situation happening somewhere else far away! It should be a panic attack on viewing a superficial thing not going according to our state of thinking about the actuality and urgency of a progressive outcome! When in light bantering moments someone is giving you important information and the results are always drawing a blank slate so to say! Suddenly limerence is on everyone's mouth! I personally avoided talking a notice in that dumb unrealistic thoughts but it'll be thumped on me when I deliberately avoid something unimportant and petty to me given my experiences and lots of feedbacks thereon! If still people are struggle to what she is striving at, it's unfortunate that the points aren't nailed where it should have been! I'm really really surprised for being unable to understand what the heck of it or failed to make it understand what the heck! Only God knows what if these goes on and on without compiling the much needed action in the present resources from all sides! If something is impossible nobody can make it and on the other hand if anything is a possibility you can always try your brain out to make a meaningful progress! Accolades are happiest when they come after a recognition and not before that, I believe so! Nobody hinders the other to make a progress and earn accolades especially after achieving them and seeing the success in the their very face! If we have to go great lengths which we are capable of we have to trade that path, no wonder! It's far better to die fighting from the fore than sitting on the fence and marking time which is very short in everyone's life! Sporadic attempts of floating up all on a sudden and deep dive into almost tranquility is not going to give the necessary drive for a fruitful future and it depends so heavily on each one of us! 😮😮
oof
You’re hard to tend to.
So true!
In my head I have a whole made-up world in which I have a family with a fictional character.
But also in the real world I am so stubborn about doing and wanting specific things, despite everyone's disapproval.
But yeah..., I am not ready yet to 'take action in the real world'..., so my mind is my sanctuary. 🤍
Just in time!!! 🩷
Long distance relationships are the perfect opportunity to project onto that person what we want them to be: J.R.R.Tolkien......... but not my girl!.... XD
After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for over 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer a mystery but a tool . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.