A couple of things to keep in mind; • Because these needs were never met, we don't understand what it feels like for them to be fulfilled. Imagine if all you ever ate was McDonald's or candy. If you've never had true nourishment, how would you even know the difference between what you're used to vs what you need? We're just looking to get the belly full. You don't recognize healthy from unhealthy. (This is why we ignore red flags and stay with people who mistreat us) • Trauma survivors lack emotional intelligence and maturity. (There's no shame in this, but until we recognize it, we act from our wounded places). • We interpret through the lenses of our previous trauma (for instance, we infer rejection or criticism, where none is present. In childhood, caregivers were unsafe. In adulthood, we project the unhealthy, unsafe caregiver's attitudes onto others). • We try to meet our needs in ways that "worked" for us or kept us safe, in childhood. Perfect examples of this are temper tantrums and meltdowns, avoidance, or shutting down. (None of these behaviors are emotionally mature. When the Inner Child is in the driver seat, we act in ways that are detrimental to healthy connection). This narrative on narcissism, that's taken over social media, can keep us in the drama triangle, as we focus our attention on the "bad" behavior of others (which is outside of our control) instead of healing, what's within us, that makes us vulnerable. Until we recognize the patterns and become aware of our unconscious beliefs, somatic memories, and conditioned response, the past repeats itself. It all starts with awareness and a willingness to be honest with ourselves. Be safe with yourself. Trauma symptoms are the normal and natural result of injury and unmet needs, NOT character flaws. There's no shame in being injured.
Thanks for the clarity cuz I keep watching videos or shorts like this left feeling hopeless especially coming out of an abusive toxic relationship of 5 years trying to stay away for good
@@ohyeah2951 we're not doomed to be forever alone. The relationships I have now are nothing like the relationships I grew up with, and knew for most of my adult life. I have genuine, safe, mutually respectful friendships with people I love dearly now, who I know are really here for me (not what I do for them). I did go through a period of isolation, learning, self-discovery, and grief though. My healing journey began 10 years ago, while I was in a place of crisis, after my life fell apart (rock bottom moment). Back then, I didn't even know I had been "traumatized" by my childhood. I had recognized I was the common denominator in all of my problems. Not long after that, I connected my people pleasing and inability to say no to the SA I had experienced in childhood. When I looked up symptoms, I found a list that essentially described my "personality". But I had already made the decision that I'd rather be alone than to continue to have toxic relationships. I also recognized that I was incapable of creating a healthy romantic relationship and decided that I needed to be single and work on my relationship with myself. But after I got through the initial shock of recognizing how thoroughly trauma had shaped "who" I was and commiting to personal integrity, I did start to reconnect with platonic friendships. If you're on Facebook, I write for a group called "Wholeness Remembered". There's a search feature, in the group, and you can look up "safe friendships". I've written about the differences in healthy relationships vs codependent. My experience was that as I began to heal, I also began to attract healthier people.
My ex wife utterly abandoned me regardless of my constant work for her. I did exactly what this video described and she just pushed me away even more. Never cared
Sometimes for whatever reason, people arent interested in helping themselves. It can be a very painful journey and not everyone is ready to go there. It can also be a very long journey to healing. Its possible she did care but couldnt express it. Its also possible she didnt feel worthy of all you did for her and couldnt accept it. Try to rest that you acted in line with your values and forgive and pray for her. 🙏
It's the brand new Time with Tim Fletcher Podcast! You can see published episodes here or listen on Spotify, Apple, and more: ua-cam.com/play/PLpvbEN3KkqoK7VdAY5HODiTfL8MYiqBuA.html.
God provides a spiritual solution through Christ impacting us holistically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally making us whole entirely. When you heal at the source, it affects every other area of your life. God knows how to save lives and transform identities. His psychology is light years beyond the world's psychology
@stephm5877 God's way is perfect. We're the ones that fail to live up to Christ's standard. Even Christ's disciples abandoned him after 3 years of hearing his teachings and seeing his miracles. But once Peter was restored to his true image, he wrote in his letter what he learned to encourage others so they wouldn't stumble. Essentially, for your knowledge of Christ to be fruitful, you have to cultivate certain virtues.
@@slimshany4602 Christ is God, who was planted like a seed, everything of which that has unfolded, the church and the ministries, Is God's solution for holistic healing and working out the divine life.
Can someone tell us what the 12 needs are? He's locking that info behind a subscription service or something. I don't need his lesson for free, I just want the basic info of what the 12 needs are so I can figure out what to do myself.
A couple of things to keep in mind;
• Because these needs were never met, we don't understand what it feels like for them to be fulfilled. Imagine if all you ever ate was McDonald's or candy. If you've never had true nourishment, how would you even know the difference between what you're used to vs what you need? We're just looking to get the belly full. You don't recognize healthy from unhealthy. (This is why we ignore red flags and stay with people who mistreat us)
• Trauma survivors lack emotional intelligence and maturity. (There's no shame in this, but until we recognize it, we act from our wounded places).
• We interpret through the lenses of our previous trauma (for instance, we infer rejection or criticism, where none is present. In childhood, caregivers were unsafe. In adulthood, we project the unhealthy, unsafe caregiver's attitudes onto others).
• We try to meet our needs in ways that "worked" for us or kept us safe, in childhood. Perfect examples of this are temper tantrums and meltdowns, avoidance, or shutting down. (None of these behaviors are emotionally mature. When the Inner Child is in the driver seat, we act in ways that are detrimental to healthy connection).
This narrative on narcissism, that's taken over social media, can keep us in the drama triangle, as we focus our attention on the "bad" behavior of others (which is outside of our control) instead of healing, what's within us, that makes us vulnerable. Until we recognize the patterns and become aware of our unconscious beliefs, somatic memories, and conditioned response, the past repeats itself.
It all starts with awareness and a willingness to be honest with ourselves.
Be safe with yourself. Trauma symptoms are the normal and natural result of injury and unmet needs, NOT character flaws. There's no shame in being injured.
@@rochellebroglen4155 how do you find friends? Surely we can’t be doomed to be alone forever, right?
This!!! 💯
Thanks for the clarity cuz I keep watching videos or shorts like this left feeling hopeless especially coming out of an abusive toxic relationship of 5 years trying to stay away for good
This was so well explained! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with others.
@@ohyeah2951 we're not doomed to be forever alone. The relationships I have now are nothing like the relationships I grew up with, and knew for most of my adult life. I have genuine, safe, mutually respectful friendships with people I love dearly now, who I know are really here for me (not what I do for them).
I did go through a period of isolation, learning, self-discovery, and grief though.
My healing journey began 10 years ago, while I was in a place of crisis, after my life fell apart (rock bottom moment). Back then, I didn't even know I had been "traumatized" by my childhood. I had recognized I was the common denominator in all of my problems. Not long after that, I connected my people pleasing and inability to say no to the SA I had experienced in childhood. When I looked up symptoms, I found a list that essentially described my "personality".
But I had already made the decision that I'd rather be alone than to continue to have toxic relationships. I also recognized that I was incapable of creating a healthy romantic relationship and decided that I needed to be single and work on my relationship with myself.
But after I got through the initial shock of recognizing how thoroughly trauma had shaped "who" I was and commiting to personal integrity, I did start to reconnect with platonic friendships.
If you're on Facebook, I write for a group called "Wholeness Remembered". There's a search feature, in the group, and you can look up "safe friendships". I've written about the differences in healthy relationships vs codependent.
My experience was that as I began to heal, I also began to attract healthier people.
Praise God for experiences of contentment. The work was hard, but the results are so good. I agree with this message ❤
i've learned so much from your work, Tim. it's truly illuminating and makes so much sense.
My ex wife utterly abandoned me regardless of my constant work for her. I did exactly what this video described and she just pushed me away even more. Never cared
Sometimes for whatever reason, people arent interested in helping themselves. It can be a very painful journey and not everyone is ready to go there. It can also be a very long journey to healing. Its possible she did care but couldnt express it. Its also possible she didnt feel worthy of all you did for her and couldnt accept it. Try to rest that you acted in line with your values and forgive and pray for her. 🙏
❤
What are the 12 needs? Interesting that there are 12.
You can learn about the 12 Needs in this video here: ua-cam.com/video/n4kOII2Wkj4/v-deo.html.
which podcast is this
Well, the logo in the upper left of the video says it's the "Time with Tim Podcast." But don't take my word for it, do your own research.
It's the brand new Time with Tim Fletcher Podcast! You can see published episodes here or listen on Spotify, Apple, and more: ua-cam.com/play/PLpvbEN3KkqoK7VdAY5HODiTfL8MYiqBuA.html.
12needs?
meet all 12. ?
What are the twelve needs?
God provides a spiritual solution through Christ impacting us holistically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally making us whole entirely. When you heal at the source, it affects every other area of your life. God knows how to save lives and transform identities. His psychology is light years beyond the world's psychology
Its a man?
Many people are saved and still not healed from childhood trauma. Open your ears.
@stephm5877 God's way is perfect. We're the ones that fail to live up to Christ's standard. Even Christ's disciples abandoned him after 3 years of hearing his teachings and seeing his miracles. But once Peter was restored to his true image, he wrote in his letter what he learned to encourage others so they wouldn't stumble. Essentially, for your knowledge of Christ to be fruitful, you have to cultivate certain virtues.
@@slimshany4602 Christ is God, who was planted like a seed, everything of which that has unfolded, the church and the ministries, Is God's solution for holistic healing and working out the divine life.
@dathannicholson7567 if one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
and do what.
Even birds do a better job of raising their offspring than narcissists because they actually care about their role in evolution
Do you know how many of bird's kids fall out of the nest or just end up dying?
Can someone tell us what the 12 needs are? He's locking that info behind a subscription service or something. I don't need his lesson for free, I just want the basic info of what the 12 needs are so I can figure out what to do myself.