3 Reasons NOT To Get Married (My Mom Is Going To Kill Me)
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- Опубліковано 4 лют 2025
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In this new video I talk about some of the reasons why marriage isn't for everyone. As time moves forward, some of the customs of the past, like marriage, are slowly losing relevance, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's expensive, the divorce rates are high, and overall the ideas of love & marriage themselves are continually evolving. I'm not here to talk anyone out of getting married, but for the group of people who were never excited about the idea to begin with, here are a few solid points to help you make up your mind. Now I'm going to get killed by my mom.
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My name is Kanwer Singh aka Humble The Poet, and my goal is to shake your ass, shake your heart, and shake your mind all at the same time.
I am a writer, musician, and creative who loves to bring ideas to life. I used to be an elementary school teacher, and I learned a lot about how to put things into words to help people feel better about life. Now I try my bests to do that and connect with people through my music, my book, and my other creative projects.
I also have a super kickass beard =D
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Thanks For watching, let me know your thoughts on marriage, I'll try to reply to as many comments as I can before my mom kills me
get my book #UnLearn at unlearn101.com =)
I know that marriage is so amazing and beautiful and I want that perfect wedding and that perfect love but I don't really know if that will happen. Help me! But I agree, some weddings are just overkill!
Now im poor hahaha im married with a punjabi boy in india and mexico that is my city i had 2 partys and 4 drees but i never believe that indian wedding r for many days i finish tired hahaha in america we just have ceremoni in the church in the morning party evning night and next day little party with close family but in india i was so sacred 5 days hahaha but i really liked :)
You're awesome humble
yo I fucks with ya my dude.. #squadgoals
+Liliana Rene hey girl, check my above response for a few helps in the right direction. or at least getting the thought juices flowing lol :)
Humble's voice is really calming.
You'd like my audio book then :)
+Humble The Poet what is the audio book!! shut up and take my money
I agree😊
OMG yes. And he's incredibly talented, that's a BIG plus.
I know right!
"Is it 'till death to us part or 'till debt to us part?" ~Humble The Poet-September 20th, 2015
57 here never been married and has a kid. Life is life. No rules but your own.
Eh, I got married at the lake. We hung out all day and exchanged vows at sunset. Not more than 200 bucks. Been married 8 years and going through the hardest part right now. Living with terminal cancer is hard on a marriage but he never leaves my side. To each his own. No skin off my back if nobody ever get married. I'm glad I found my hubby when I did. Too bad I might grow old with him.
Dear Humble, THANK YOU! My cousin and I just got off the phone discussing the institution of marriage, societal pressures in the US to live certain ways, and living life with the ultimate goal of seeking happiness. Your videos allow me to share some of my ideas, opinions, & beliefs with my very conservative family. It's difficult for us to communicate, but I hope some day we can accept each other. I appreciate your work. I can't wait to read your book!
Now when people ask me why I'm still single, i can use this excuse. Thanks Humble! ...i mean my friend can use this excuse...Erm
+Aima Rashad hahaha
I was distracted the entire video by Humbles beard!! It looks so soft and shiny!!! Lol... when I think about marriage all I remember are the bad examples that were shown to me my entire life! People cheating, abusive relationships, divorce, it honestly just breaks my heart and makes me never want to get married, I know signing a piece of paper doesn't guarantee we're good till death do us part but I still wanna be married because in my mind it is something sacred and special.
Your book is the most amazing thing I've ever read. It has literally changed myself from a depressed person to a happy rainbow. Thank you!!!
+Brenda Clark thanks for reading it.. second one coming out soon =)
Love the fact that you don't try to impose people to think the way you think and respect the ones that have a different opinion. The world needs more people like you! xx
P.s- still obsessed with your beard
+Teresa Santos the world wouldn't be a fun place if everyone thought the same..
I'm glad you appreciate that I'm Beardo-ful ;)
I won't say I completely agree with what you said, but I appreciate you making me see how the opposite view on marriage makes sense for those who believe in it, and their possible reasons for having that opinion. Thank you for broadening my perspective!:-)
I'm watching from Spain (I just subbed :)) I never wanted to get married but I never felt pressured to get married either, but now everyone around me is getting married and having kids and it's stressing me out!
I love how you always make my day better and make my smile shine brighter. I always take in what you say and think about it for a while, to help it sink in. I love how much I can relate to this video. I finally found someone that understands how I feel about relationships and marriage. Thank you, Humble! I love you (as someone I look up to, of course)!
Your videos are short yet so inspiring. Your an amazing person, keep up these videos they keep me and everyone else going when we aren't feeling our best!💕
Wow humble. I'm 36 never been married and I'm about to get married in the next 90 days because I got my marriage license yesterday. I've been with my man for 10 years and we're finally getting married
Well stated! I agree that there needs to be a balance. Personally, if I can tolerate someone and it's a practical match, I'm down. I don't see Marriage and Love as synonymous.
101 awesome book... You know a book is good when you high light all the pages.
Wealth Health and Love
Conventional marriage to me feels like a trap, a box, a transaction. There are too many beautiful things and souls to love to put it all in one box and there are so many different types of love and relationships. Although On the flip side, I see that for some situations it's a way of being secure, financially and emotionally.Thanks for the video!
I have to say I thought I would totally disagree with you when I first clicked, but you actually made sooo much damn sense!! Great vid
I will do my research on the history on marriage. I'm up in the clouds about getting married. Thanks for the video!!
I'm with you on the cost factor of a wedding vs a 10-year anniversary. My husband and I have been together 8 years, married for 6 and I'm still getting people saying "WOW, you're still married?" Yes, happily so. I think it just goes to show that the cost of a fancy wedding says nothing about how long you're going to stay together, you know?
This is so insightful! I love your content!!!
I am glad I got to see my mom's second marriage because it was a really good example of how to have a wedding with minimal expenses and make it really fun. The food was all potluck, almost everything they needed was sourced by friends and family or they did themselves, the ceremony was short and it was at a pavilion in a park and the reception was at their friend's bar. Even the cake was made by a friend of the family and the event was just one big party.
One of the best videos you have ever posted!
I think a lot of the problem is that people have unrealistically high romantic expectations of both relationships and marriages. You hear people going on and on about "that one special someone" who's "meant just for you". It's BS: if there's ONE special person for you in the world, then your chance of finding them is 1 in 7.3 BILLION. You could date one suitable person per day for 50 years and your chance of finding them would still be about 1 in 700,000.
So the truth is, most couples aren't "perfect" for each other: they're just an acceptable compromise that they can both live with. Sometimes they'll fight, and sometimes they'll piss each other off, but instead of seeing what they've got for what it is (i.e. still worth having) they get all disappointed that the romantic dream has evaporated and start looking for better again (with the same crappy odds).
Harold Weaver Smith salary
i'm gonna have to agree with you, Humble. i'm getting married in March, BUT my fiance and i have been together for 12 yrs---so we're pretty sure we've worked out all of the important kinks.
I'm from Luxemburg, and i love your way of thinking and your videos. You're such an great inspiration for me, and everything you ever said in any of your videos changed my view of live and of the world. I love you Humble! :) (sry for my english)
+Cristina Isabel =)
My boyfriend and I have been together three years. People ask us when we are getting married or having kids. I'm 19 and he's 22, we are to young in my opinion. People look at it like how long you've been together. I'm not interested in being married. I think that if you're in a passionate relationship and continue to love each other that's great! But getting married is just a ring, and it's just a piece of paper. It doesn't intensify your relationship it just means it's harder to leave each other if the love and passion runs out. I also believe that people should be able to have children without being married. They shouldn't get hate for it. Having a child isn't some term and conditions you have to agree on once your married and it doesn't mean it's off bounds of you're not married. Having a child is sentimental, you're creating a life with someone you love. I don't know, I just have a lot of opinions...
Good stuff Humble, appreciate the hard work, keep doing what you do Brother... I am definitely going to have to checkout the book.
Agreed! I've been in a relationship for almost 15 years without marriage. We are already committed to each other and we are not rushing to spend tons of money on something that will just put us in debt. SO ON POINT!
You really hit the nail on the head with this one. I would NEVER tell people that they shouldn't want to get married BUT I'm noticing that a lot of people get married simply because it's the socially acceptable thing to do (which is another reason I think divorce rates are so high). I'm a 25-year-old Black woman, single all 25 of those years, no kids. I have no intentions of getting married, it's just not for me. I love seeing people in happy, long term marriages and relationships, but a lot of societies make it seem like marriage is an non-negotiable obligation and not a lifestyle choice. Or imply that if you don't settle down and get married and have kids by a certain age (or at all) that your life is somehow empty and you will never truly be happy and your life will have no meaning. And you should see how offended people get when you're female and you say that you don't want to get married and/or have kids. ("What a waste of a perfectly good reproductive system! You're going against your very nature! What a freak!") I have nothing but respect for people who are happily married with kids, I just don't envy them.
Here in Mexico the idea of not getting married is frowned upon. It's kind of like a duty or a life objective for most. I think marriage is not for everyone and it doesn't make you a better or worse person.
+ Melany Mendoza Your Profile Pic is pretty
oic, didn't know that. Do you hope to get married or dont wanna?
Phil Singh Thanks :)
skyalicejessi I wouldn't mind never getting married. Also I don't plan on having kids.
+Melany Mendoza, Thanx 4yr reply, wot do yr family say about it? Mariage doesnt suit everyone. Its personal choice. Just like having kids isnt for everyone. Im not having any and been told Im selfish, I dont care if thats wot some people wanna call it, its not for me. U hav to just suit yourself not others. I'd rather do that than b a bad wife/mum.
Great video. I got married for less than $1000, skipped the honeymoon, and instead put the money toward our first house. No regrets. And I agree with 90% of what you said, but encourage those who are staying in long-term, single-dwelling relationships to, at a minimum, to check their state's laws and consider some kind of contract to help protect their assets. In many states, lack of a marriage certificate means *zero* protections under the law in the event that you split up. You're on your own. (Watch two episodes of Judge Judy and you'll see why these protections are a good thing.) So from a purely legal sense, marriage serves a positive purpose.
"If something is broken we replace it, whereas the previous generation try to repair it" this is so true! I never thought about it like that. Thanks Humble! :)
+Natasha =)
I agree with you humble. I don't believe in having a piece of paper to show that I love and want to be with someone when I can just simply love and be with them.
:)
I haven't ever really thought about why or why not to have a marriage so thank you
Wow ! Wish I had heard all this when I was in my early twenties. Wise and intelligent words
You make so many excellent points!
Thanks Humble for always putting things into a new perspective
My family does weddings on the cheap. I don't think any of them have cost more than $2,000. And the logic of not getting married because some people get divorced...that's like not getting a job because some people quit their jobs. A marriage is what you and your spouse make it.
this video is really wise. I personally do want to get married, more as a commitment to the other person for the rest of my life than for myself or society's sake. but I love the points you brought up here, and it really makes me think about the institution of marriage and how much people take it for granted.
Humble! awesome video! love it. I feel so many could benefit watching this before taking the plunge.
luckily, hubby and I just celebrated our 11 year anniversary! married 11 years!!!! anyways keep being awesome!
"Till death do us part or is it till debt do us part" ~Humble The Poet, 2015
I've been trying to get your book for soooo long but have unable to. Really hope I'll be able to read and become a BEARDO
Humble you are a genius ... a funny one at that :D this was a both funny and meaningful video! Thanks for it ^^ and also the part when you said:"Until debt do us apart." I like lost it completely ♡
I sent this to my boyfriend. He is interested in marriage, I’m not...for all the reasons you laid out. Thanks Humble❤️❤️
After watching this video i now understand why i'm single bcuz this make more sense than anything ever great job man keep it up much respect Trinidad
Humble, I love your vids. Yes sometimes I'll disagree with them but not everyone can have the same opinion. That's just human nature. I think you and Lilly are very inspirational people. Keep doing what you're doing, Humble. It'd mean a lot if you replied!!😊
Well this is why I'd rather elope. But my family wants a wedding to celebrate, and if thats the case I'm not paying for it. My family knows this, I don't mind if it's just our immediate families and have a wedding on the beach or something (I'm from Hawaii, it's a drive away) bring our own food and there yah go. Not really high maintenance. For us we wanna get married because we're a team, and it helps to have someone who has your back in all aspects of your life. But I understand, lots of my relatives have been together for years and raise families and still aren't married. Great vid Humble, it made me look at things in a different perspective.
My wedding was only $3,000 including my dress and his suit. Extremely small wedding. Was perfect. Less stress than I would imagine a larger one. We got married after knowing each other for six months. And we are still crazy about each other.
Totally agree with this! My brother and his wife got married when he entered the military so she would be able to move with him near the base he was stationed at. They had a simple wedding with just immediate family (30 people at most) and had potluck dinner afterwards. They promised everyone who missed it that they'd have a bigger wedding later. After putting away money for their wedding fund, they did so on their 5th anniversary. One of the best decisions they've ever made and I wish more people did the same.
It's funny how humble always looks at positive points even in negative things but in marriage he only looked at the negatives
My huge wedding got cancelled a day before the wedding itself. Money lost but never the love. There's is too much sadness in the world so I have always thought of wedding celebrations as a blessing. I would spend on such happy celebration a million times over. Same for a funeral. I like to preserve this part of my culture.
Amazing videos as always... keep it up Humble.. much love!
this video has definitely opened my eyes and you make such a good point
@ 5 minute preach that knowledge my brother I'm loving it.
nailed it humble lol playing this video next time i get the "your getting old you know...." and ole *time to find someone to get married look** from my parents
Then they'll hate me.. :p
Your points a awesomely legit. I love weddings but I don't understand the concept of paying a bomb bill for it.
and I like listening to you kbye :p
I kind of abhor the idea of Marriage, but that may be because 1) I've only been on this planet for 16 years or 2) i've never experienced true love. The idea that you can find one individual who you can exclusively be with for the rest of your existence is down right bizarre to me. In addition to that, I can barely keep close friendships alive and healthy cause I get annoyed being around the same person every day. If I get married, we're gonna have to live in separate houses and make living together a special occasion so I can actually miss them, and enjoy their presence.
living in a punjabi household my sis is constantly being told to get married cause she 25
this is sooo good.... totally subscribing. ...... love it!!!
I have south asian friends and they tell me they get married because of family pressure to get married... they go on serial dates (100s) and if they finally find a girl/boy they can stand for an hour or 2... they try to marry them.... because they don't want to disappoint their family and friends and uncles and all that.... I think its embarrassing to not be married in some cultures.... correct me if I am wrong y'all.
i need to show this to my mom...love u humble
This was very a very inspirational video Humble!! Now I think about it I want to get your book!
+Irum Ahmad If you get the book, I hope you enjoy it =)
Your mentality and spirit is beautiful. I really need to read your book. Big fan from Jamaica :)
Yay me too
+22rockdiva tell me what you think after you read it =)
I'm on the side of the people who are still together in the US (13 years). Probably because my wife and I eloped and only paid $75 total lol. Some people were upset it wasn't bigger, but they got over it. However I know every culture is different and some families can be very...persuasive.
Funny but soo true, humble can you do a video on prenuptial agreements 😁👍
My parents have been married for 14 years..... I also really want your book.
" You might be sitting on your phone " 😂😂😂
There's the courthouse. Just throw a party on Super bowl Sunday.food is already there
oh. my. god. Why am I considering that? 😂
I'm not super hooked on marriage as I live in a country pretty high in non believing people, but the thing that sucks is just, if one person dies and you didn't marry, no matter how long you've been together and even if u have 5kids, you don't get any money at all. And you never know what happens. So therefore, like if u have money and been together for ages, it's not a bad idea to sign that paper. Especially with kids....that's where i live at least.
So refreshing, thanks for sharing 👍
Wow many interesting points brought to the table. Thanks for sharing! I'm a female, so females probably have a different perspective usually, but I actually agree that marriage is not for everyone. My parents are an example who are scared to pull the plug and it is only causing pain and digging a deeper hole that they can't get out of from threats from each other, financial issues, stress etc. I think I'd live a happier life being financially independent and spending time and money on things I want to do. In my opinion, marriage is only important for giving children a safe and good upbringing but even that is not guaranteed as there are just too many complications nowadays. Therefore, I believe enjoying life alone is truly the best.
love how u keep it so real 👍👍👍👍
i plan to get married no rush and i loved this video lol very good points
Can u make a video about helping people who have a difficult time trying to talk to girls
Good job humble very nice thoughts
+Rachel Laughs thanks =)
I love you so much!! Your beard is awesome 😄😄☝🏻️❤️
You speak the truth humble. People spend way too much money on weddings. It's just one day of your life. You should be saving that money for the future because you never know what could happen.
+Fahira Salihbegovic truth
Tbh I didn't think I'd agree but I actually do for the most part. Most points don't apply to Islamic marriage because the whole system is different or at least should be.
I like that you covered that many get married to get out their family home that was my logic once upon a time but a lot has changed since then thank God 😊
:)
I'm with you on that. Weddings are optional in Islam they only sign a few papers and make a promise to god and their partner :)
+Nora Hassanen yup. Bare minimum and a full on commitment which in likes isn't made (Islamically) with anyone but your husband and him to her
+Humble The Poet :)
1:25 Dying, my new favorite quote xD
my husband and i got married in secret (we live in the uk), we spent less than 200 us dollars (including rings), and it was beautiful :D, although his mom wasn't the happiest when she found out. we already survived 2 years, i guess if we get to our 10th anniversary we should have a big party. i never wanted to get married before, but now i can't imagine just being in a relationship with him, but then, as we'd say in hungarian, there are as many customs as there are houses :P.
This makes a lot of sense to me
the other day I got into a heated debate with my priest who told me that marriage was not for love but for a family unit when you had kids...and I was like what if I don't want kids then he said don't get married... then he told me that it was wrong and a kid can't grow up with two dads or two mom's in a gay relationship I disagreed with all of this and came to the conclusion that I never want to get married in this faith because me being a woman means that according to the marriage of that religion I was just supposed to have kids....
I got married and I'm happy - just turning two years in October :P but I totally get what humble is saying here- people be getting married for all sorts of social, religious or infatuating and immigration ideas. I'm like Christian and I find it so annoying when young people just want to get married so they get into bed without 'sinning' . Or as humble said before, to get out of the house environment and pressures. the trouble is people are so scared of long term commitment. they are scared that something might be greener on the other side etc. and when the 'honeymoon' wedding years are over then bam reality hits and they suddenly feel trapped and un happy coz delusion suddenly left the building. Love is a choice- I could of married any number of guys that fit my life profile but I weighed and measured and took timely consideration into choosing to love my now husband and choosing to be a best friend for life companion long after. its a leap of faith but a calculated leap, its knowing that when you sit down on that chair its not going to move, its gonna stay there and support you. when you find someone like that then you don't have to feel scared to get into marriage but that's just me- obviously everyone is different etc but I love humble's points he raised: the spectacle and expense, the pressure, the silly idea that once you get married life aint just gonna click its fingers and hey presto its perfect lol, and the fact that you need to be confident in yourself, practical and timely before even considering a long term institution such as marriage. :)
I see your points, and I love how you said that your 10 year anniversary should be a bigger deal than your marriage, but I still believe in marriage . Why? Because i don't believe marriage is just getting the government involved in your relationship. I believe marriage is a commitment between you, the other person, and God. If I can find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, I WOULD tie the knot. So I can acknowledge my love for that person in front of my friends and family. So I can promise myself to that person forever.
this is so true i love your way of thinking ! keep on making these awesome videos (:
+MrLaunojee thanks =)
"The 4 laps" 😂😂😂. I went to my first Sikh wedding last week and that's why I knew what you meant by doin your 4 laps together. It's funny cause true...
We had 40 people at our wedding. The only thing that was important to us was pictures. I spent a total of 5500 on the wedding including the dress and a photographer. My mother gave us 8000 so we were able to go on a week long cruise with the leftovers. No one will remember the food or decor but you will always have those pictures. So while other people were going broke on their wedding, we were paying off debt and making that paper to start building our house. ✌🏻
I always love when people are marrying, because I know they are happy to do so, but for me marriage is also overrated. My boyfriend and I are together for 13 years now and everybody asks me when we get married. I'm so annoyed by that question, because we are married in our hearts (having the feeling that the other one is the person I want to get old with), we don't need a paper to prove our love. Also people often say "I hope he'll propose to you soon." Hellohooo, are we still in the middle ages? Do I have to sit and wait for his proposal? If I would want to marry, I would ask him by myself. Just accept that we don't want to do it.
This makes so much sense!!!
we do kind of throw a party for going to college and gift college essentials so the student won't have to buy stuff like towels n sheets and focus on buying expensive books for 16+ hours of class
I hope I can make my parents convince of it and marry by my own terms. Much love Humble =)
This is a great video.... You make excellent points on here. You are intelligent and have a great way with words. I've been saying some of these sane things for a while and my family doesn't agree. So I get it with your Mom who may kill you... Which won't happen, but I get it. The American Society for the longest time pushes people to get married. There's spoken and unspoken pressure which should never have been the case. If anything, singleness should be pushed, unless you just have to have children, in which case, that's another discussion.
Hilarious! Dead due us part or debit do us part. Your knowledge is commendable, and informative. I appreciate and looking too see more view.
Love your content, Humble!
I love you humble, you make me smile 💖
Well said, Humble!!
I've got a question....
What do you do if you want to move on from a friendship but the person wants to stay friends how do you end it without hurting there feelings. It would mean a lot to me if you replied to this comment.
his speaking the truth ..like it or not. it's the DAMN Truth folks