Therapist Reacts To... David Archuleta | Mended Light
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2021
- Therapist Reacts To... David Archuleta | Mended Light //
As David Archuleta comes out and asks for compassion, watch this video to see this therapists reaction to his sexuality and choices.
#TherapistReactsToDavidArchuleta
#TherapistReacts
#JonathanDecker
#Mended Light
• Therapist Reacts To......
As long as a person is happy and healthy, and they are hurting no one by doing it, I am fine with whatever they choose.
Amen. - Jonathan
he is not happy and healthy though.
If only people were just treated like people, regardless of differences. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My sister is gay, and decided to leave the church because she didn't feel welcome there. And while I'm sad that she left, I'm more upset at my fellow members for treating her like trash. (Of course not all of them are like that, but still enough of them were being cruel to her that she felt she had no solace in the church anymore.) I'm disgusted with every person who bullied her because of something outside her control. I'm angry that the environment for her became so inhospitable within the church that she had no choice but to leave for her mental health's sake. The day she told me she was leaving the church, she had confided in me that she had been debating on whether to kill herself while still in the church or to live outside of it. And I told her that even though I would be sad to see her leave the church, I'd be even sadder to see her leave this life. I said, "you do what you need to do to stay alive. If that means you have to leave the church for a while or even forever, then I'll support your decision. If you want to get married to another woman, I'll come to your wedding. You'll still be on the family photo wall. You'll still be welcome to family gatherings. You're still my sister, and I want you to be happy." And now things have calmed down some. My sister and I to this day have a great relationship with each other. She's still single, mainly because she suffers from issues of self-esteem, but the weight of trying to hide her sexuality from everyone is no longer on her shoulders. When she gets hate for being gay, I'm the first to defend her. My family has been helping her get into counseling, which has been very helpful for her. (I need counseling too but my mental health state isn't quite as fragile as hers, so I'm willing to suffer a little longer in order to keep her afloat, relying on my faith and my music to keep myself afloat.) Have I ever been ashamed to be related to a gay person? No. Have I been bullied because I still stand by her? Yes. But I've been bullied all my life for other reasons too. My autism, my religion, my mixed ancestry, my nerdiness, pretty much everything "weird" about me. I've had to learn martial arts to defend myself. I've had to let out my pent-up anger in my writing. I spent most of my childhood with no one but my family, my church leaders, and my school teachers to support me. The only peers I had that didn't hate me were the special needs kids. So yeah, I'm no stranger to being bullied. And I'd gladly go through more of it for the sake of protecting my sister. Is it healthy for me to do so much for her? Probably not. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about her needs more than my own. So until I'm confident that she's in a stable enough place that she's not going to hurt herself anymore, or until I get to a financial place where I can afford to pay for my own therapy, I can hold on. My mental health has gotten better in spite of putting her needs before my own, mainly since I still have a few mediums to let my feelings out. I have my writing, I have my music, I have my conversations with imaginary people, and I have God. And that's enough for now.
Jonathan here. I read every word. You're amazing and so is your sister. My love to you both.
@@MendedLight aww thanks!
Your love & compassion for your sister is truly Christ-like!!
now that is love right there. glad you are sticking by your sisters side. like your sister, i am also suffering from self esteem(and other things) issues due to almost decades of suppression influenced by what i was taught by my culture, family, & church (to hate/reject a very important part of who i am).
That’s incredibly touching. I think of my brother who left our church, and I hope that I always made sure he never felt less-than for leaving. He will always have a place in our family.
I agree it is his choice and that he is doing it publically is incredibly brave. I am an LGBTQ myself me and my partner are both women it would be terrifying to have hundreds if not thousands putting their two cents into everything we do so kudos to him whatever his choice is.
Honestly its nice to hear there are some in the mormon faith who have no issue with those that are openly LGBTQ. My partner was mormon but her entire church shut her out and ignored her because of her choice, she felt she had no choice but to leave and it hurt. She no longer goes to church of any kind but has an interest in a spiritual faith but again neither of us are devout followers but we are happy as we are.
We firmly believe in each individuals experience and path being one that you can only support anyone with. It is no more our place to intervene in someone else's choices than them in ours. A challenge we are facing now involves stepping back for our teenager to find her own way in life its a lot harder than stepping back n supporting friends and family when its your child but its even more important that we do.
I'm sorry to hear of your partners experience, it's a horrible thing to be cast aside by people who were once a trusted lifeline. It's good to hear that you've both found happiness in your life together. I like what you said about supporting people in their journey, while acknowledging that everyone has their own choices to make. It's particularly difficult when your child is the one in question, but as you said, it's your place to provide them with unconditional love, support, compassion, and offer advice when appropriate, and allow them to take their path as they wish to.
Thanks for sharing.
We all have weaknesses, but that doesn't mean it's okay to sin! We can't be cleptomaniacs or murderers and then justify giving in to these urges by saying we were born like this and are somehow brave for announcing it to the world! What has become of society? We are ripe for destruction and God will reach a point where he has had enough like he did with Sodom and Gomorrah and awful will be the state of those who give in to evil urges and try to justify unrighteous behavior. 😞
I'm so very sorry that your partner had to go through that alone. I'm deeply sorry. As followers and disciples of Jesus Christ we should be welcoming you to come and sit with us in church and in life if you want to, and not pushing her away. It is truly sad and a shame. Please known that to the great majority of saints, you two are loved, and always welcome.♥️
I am so sorry to hear of your experience, especially how your partner was treated and felt rejected. Years ago a group Mormons Building Bridges (Later changed to Saints) and the Church has made donations to lgbtq efforts, although they still don't condone/perform same sex marriage. There is still a lot of homophobia to address, but we are learning. There is also a group called Mama Dragons started by LDS mothers of LGBTQ children about 10 years ago and welcome lgbtq moms regardless of religious preference.
"both sides tend to value personal choice as long as people choose what they think is right." #truth
Exactly.
I disagree with that comment he said in the video. We all can still value someone's ability to choose and respect it, but that doesn't mean we have to agree with the choice or to not encourage others toward more healthy and healing choices. These concepts are not mutually exclusive. We can respect a choice and be respectful about it while still kindly sharing the values and truths that we hold dear that are different and ask for respect back.
It is ultimately their choice, but we also need to consider that our choices do affect more than just ourselves, whether influencing ourselves and others toward unhealthy or toward health, especially with anyone in a prominent spotlight in public with young people wanting to emulate them. It applies to all of us too with all we interact with. Our choices and how we live our lives absolutely influences a lot more people, as well as our own growth or harm. I think sometimes this is lost or not always considered when talking about freedom of choice. Choices comes with accountability and natural consequences and affects on others.
As an ex-mormon, I love how well you navigate these discussions around faith. Many try to keep from showing their faith bias and fail miserably, but you do so well to allow everyone to participate and somehow discuss these sensitive topics without alienating anyone. It's really quite impressive, I'm working hard to be able to do the same from the other side of the religious perspective.
I'm a single 45 year old openly gay man. I've been with several people's fair share of men. At 45 years old I honestly don't give a damn about sexual intercourse. Physical sexual intercourse is one tiny segment of a relationship. I'm completely not personally religious, but even I realize that you don't have to have sex to love someone and to want to build a life with them. Many times I've found that you can often be closer beyond physical intercourse.
Nice said it; I can notice the exact same thing from everyone around. It's a shame we live in a world where people do so many things just for own pleasure and satisfaction, including using others' body for that.
Im also a member and before I knew I was LGBTQ I always knew my parents (mainly my father) would try to "fix" me saying that its devils that possess or influence you. Or that its "my fault" meaning i did something to cause this "curse" upon me. I understand where my dad comes from but i know its not true. I still live at home and i cant really come out yet. Im afraid to. But honestly you dont owe anyone anything. As long as you know who you are that is all that truly matters.
You show great compassion in choosing to be understanding towards your Father, even though his views impact you greatly. What you said about knowing yourself and not owing anything to others is so powerful. I hope that one day you may feel comfortable to be open about who you are, and I hope you and your Father will be able to find peace and connection.
I'm sorry to hear you have to hide parts of yourself around your parents. I was Mormon my whole life until 2 years ago.
I hope someday you will be able to come out to him. and i hope that they are supportive of you. i am apart of the Lds church and i see you and i respect you❤️
I'm a former Mormon and I've been out for over a decade. Before I came out, my mom and I were having a discussion about same-sex marriage being legalized here in the States, and I asked her why she cared, and she very calmly said, "because I believe that if gay marriage was allowed, the second coming would happen because the world cannot get any worse."
It's been many years since that discussion (14, to be exact), and my mom is still very conservative and devout in her beliefs, but she loves and supports me. She has also responded on social media to people she knows who say, "what would YOU do if your child came out as gay," by saying "as the mother of a lesbian daughter, you love your kid."
Your father may never come around, but in time, he may. Either way, you have a community ready to love and support you. Please look up the Mama Dragons. They are active Mormon moms who support and protect LGBTQ+ kids. They are amazing. 😊
Most often religion is used as a weapon. My God is the only God. My religion is the only right religion. It's so refreshing to hear you Jonathan. If there was more acceptance the world would be a better place. Sexuality is not a choice. As David has shown you can't pray away the gay. You are who you are and God did make you that way. Great video
Thank you, and well said.
What’s your religion/belief in God?
The way God feels about these things is clearly lined out in his book
As an ex Mormon, I can say there are a lot of good people in church, as well as bad, like everywhere, I'm not gay or anything, I never felt trap in church or brainwashed, I love my wife and my daughter, I left church because I, for many years, felt the god figure they teach, is impossible to be true, if i had to label myself, I'd say I'm a atheist and a man of science, and as such, I can tell you, sexuality of sexual preferences are merely psychological, no one is born gay, your sexual preferences develop according to where you grew up, the experiences you had, and how you react to them, biologically speaking, homosexual beings are a natural selection downgrade, they cannot fulfil one of the prime conditions of every living creature, wich is to reproduce, it isn't natural, like down syndrome is an genetical anomaly, homesexuality is a psychological anomaly, this doesn't make me racist not homophobic, I don't mean down syndrome or gay people should be mistreated out anything like it, I just hope for a world when, one day, things are called my their true name, religion is the same as mythology, being gay is not natural, but no one should be mistreated for their sexual preferences, not should small children be taught that being gay is something natural, is just the truth
Religion is often used as a weapon, and it’s stupid. Maybe I believe different things about God, but God is God is God.
If I assume your mother is brunette and she’s actually blonde, does that mean that I believe in a different mother?
Religion shouldn’t be as polarizing as many religions claim, but I know many churches (like JW, for example) that seem to only survive because they convince practitioners that everyone else is wrong.
No one should have to hide. He has a talent and he should be accepted in all communities for his talent... I have seen a lot as a HS teacher and we work to have the education of someone flourish so that they can be a happy individual.
hi! i am also a member, a teenager, and a bisexual girl. it made me so happy to see this video. david archuleta is a huge inspiration to me because he is so devout in his faith, he makes beautiful music (he sang our youth theme song for 2020!), and he is gay. to see all the troubles he has gone through pains me. but it gives me hope that i’m not the only one who has felt the choice of suppressing my feelings or leaving my faith, because i want to do neither. he shows me that God will love you either way and that He has placed people here on this earth to help you. thank you to the creator for being so respectful and kind. this really brightens my day. :)
You're so welcome.
Thank you I am a gay man and was hurt by another gay man I dated who claims he is religious and that hurt has made me afraid of religious people because in my experience I was shown one person and then later shown a very different person. Seeing someone like you who I respect be so warm caring and accepting makes me feel like we can all get along even though I don't practice religion any more and a take a more spiritual path I can respect both views. Thank you.
Please know that you are loved. Your personal relationship with God is more important than any religion. We need more believers that we can all get along.
I totally agree with what you said. I personally view constitutional religion very skeptically. Just a few years ago I would view people who believe in any kind of religion as close minded or even stupid. I am now at a point where I can respect other people's religious beliefs. I will never believe in God, but I understand the relief, hope and community it brings people and I have seen how healing it can be for many ❤
It's great to see you opening up and understanding the motive for people to believe what they do, even if you disagree. I think that every human has the capacity for love, kindness, compassion and wisdom among many other positive traits; so even if our beliefs or styles of living differ, the core values of each one of us may essentially boil down to the same. We all deserve respect, and we are all valuable no matter how we choose to live.
I loved him on American Idol. He was such a sweetheart! I hope he is happy!
I enjoyed listening to this. Thank you for your kind view. We all need to respect the choices that others make even if we don't agree. I have been a big admirer of David for many years and appreciate his honesty and candor, and for speaking out when I'm sure it wasn't easy. Wishing him the very best
Well said!
Going to be honest, after watching your video, I have felt drawn to comment, but it's taken me all day to work up the courage to type anything in response. I am part of the same religion as you and David. Born and raised. Even though I was born and raised, I went through my own conversion process in college to figure out if I truly believe the doctrine or if I did because it is what my parents taught me. Like you, I've had a number of experiences that have led me to the path that I'm on and to remain in the religion I was born in. Also, like you, this is a subject I struggle in, but not for the same reasons as you. I wish I could share the full scope of my thoughts, but this is the internet and a public comment section so I'm going to have to keep it simple. I had a feeling for some time that he was struggling with those feelings, so when he came out, it just confirmed what I felt for a long time. I went to my first Time out for Women seminar where he performed and he is, by far, the most humble and spiritual guy. You could just feel it in the room. He is just full of, what we would call at church, the light of Christ. I have no doubt that he loves God and has better spiritual practices than me. He once said that he says a prayer before he writes and I don't do that before I write and make artwork. He is at a different spiritual level than me and I hope to be as humble and loving someday, but it is a process. Either way, his music has made a profound impact on my life and has even helped me get through the lockdown last year. I'm moved every time I listen to his song: My Little Prayer.
I am a believer in the doctrine. I am a firm believer that we all have our agency and that we all make our own choices. Ultimately, I am not the one who judges the hearts of others in the end. It's not my job to judge. As you know, we are commanded to be Christ-like to others. To me, that means that even if I don't agree with your choices, that does not mean I have to treat you differently because of them. We all make choices that cause pain to others more than we may know. We also make choices that bring joy more than we may know. Christ commanded us to love one another and treat others the way we would like to be treated. So, that is the direction I have chosen to take on this subject. I can love and respect you as a fellow child of Heavenly Parents regardless of the choices you make and I will. My fear for David is that he would be paraded as a token and that he will be known only for is his sexual identity and not for the things that he was known for before coming out. We are all more than our sexual identities. So much more. We are full of so many layers but we have focused so much on labeling ourselves and putting ourselves in tribes that we lose sight of everything else. I fear that happening to him. I also feel like something like that is such a private thing. I don't think he needed to put himself out there like that. It just opens up drama that he doesn't need and he has spoken of having anxiety that he's been suffering and working through for years that makes performing on stage and meeting people so hard for him. I hope he continues to move forward in the best way possible. The world will seem so much darker to so many people if the light of his faith gets snuffed out.
I'm sorry I meant to keep this short. I do have a lot more to say, but I'm just going to leave it here for now without getting too personal about my own life and experiences. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this video. It gave me much to think about.
It was beautiful to read a little bit of your story. David has gifted many people through his music and spirituality, and I'm sure he will continue to do so as it is so clearly a great passion of his. I liked what you said about Christ commanding us to love and respect one another, you are so right. Though someone may choose to walk a path we ourselves do not wish to walk, it does not mean that they are unworthy as people, or any less capable of love, grace, kindness or wisdom. I'm glad you enjoyed the video!
Wow. I think you shared your heart so well. I think doing your best to be loving and kind to everyone each day is the only thing we all really need to do. I agree that it would be terribly sad and wasteful if someone’s gifts were to be overshadowed by their choices in life. May you always be able to experience and share in David’s continued light and spirituality.💕🙏🏼
Beautifully said. I too am of the same faith and agree it is about LOVE. We are commanded to love one another-Not just those who share our faith but everyone we encounter in our lives. Each of us Gay, Straight, Religious or not have something beautiful to offer. If we all apply love and not hate and judgement.
I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I'm not a religious person myself, but in watching his videos and hearing him talk about his faith, I have also seen what you've described as "the light of Christ" in him. It shines so brightly. Thinking about it almost moves me to tears. You can see it in his eyes and his smile. It fills me with so much warmth and happiness.
I agree that in some ways it is easier for David to remain silent (publicly) about his personal LGBT acceptance journey. But pretending to be "normal" is its own kind of torture. If you listen to David's longer videos where he talks about this, it's clear that he could no longer continue living in silence. Your true friends shine brighter after sharing something like this, and the wolves in sheep's clothing reveal themselves to you.
His performance of Imagine stayed with me till this day! Such an inspiration.
I am apart of the LDS religion, and I love it. It also teaches us to love and accept others. We do not force you to change your sexuality, its the people not the church itself. And that is what a lot of people do not understand. It's the people who drive others away not the religion itself.
To be fair, some people don't like the doctrine, but that's true of any faith. But loving others is the best way to live any religion.
The doctrine is why I left, period.
I agree with u its not the church ,im in the same situation of david,the problem here is we have to choose gods desire or our own desire to disobey god, david knows the truth its either he serves god against the world to offer and in christianity you cant served two master,one foot is with god and the other is in the world.the church encourage us to pray without ceasing leave behind those addiction like masturbation pornography other form of sexual sin.the bible only talks about two gender a man and woman no such thing as bisexual gay.and its so depressing controlling your own happiness and its totally unfair for us.Im ashamed of myself why i was born this way and this one of the reason not to have a child if ever because being gay is cursed of sin that will pass through generation to generation and dont want my son will experience that struggles because even if your veryreligious that evil chain cannot be broken .
@@MendedLight or maybe you could just love people and leave the religious baggage at the gate. Anything religion teaches can be easily done without it.
Well, this is the exact moment I learned that David Archuleta came out as gay. (I'm guessing this is a recent announcement?) Right now, I'm guessing the people most disappointed are the girls and women who have massive crushes on him and hoped that someday, in their wildest dreams, they'd end up in a relationship with him. Heh heh.
But really, I have to admire the courage David's shown in doing this. He had to have known that by coming out, he would end up in exactly the situation you described, with people hoping he'll choose their side, and only supporting him as long as he supports their agenda. He's made himself a target for bullying from both sides of this issue. I can vaguely imagine how nerve-wracking it has to feel to be in his position.
It's unlikely I'll ever have a chance to talk to David Archuleta in my life, so I can't exactly express anything to him, but I hope he finds a way to be happy. And I hope his followers remember that if he makes one choice or another that they don't agree with, it's entirely ok to state, "I don't support this action, but I continue to support the man himself." Conflict might cause relationships to strain, or change, but conflict is no reason to cease compassion altogether.
(...Yeah. I don't know. I'm still coming down off a major illness, and my mind is wandering. I need an ibuprofen.)
The way I understand it, he came out as... Asexual? Like he doesn't have the same drive/urge/attraction that other people experience.
"Conflict is no reason to cease compassion altogether" - such wise words! I also hope that his fans continue to support him regardless of how he chooses to live his life. His religion and sexuality do not change who he is as a person or professional artist at all.
"I hope he finds a way to be happy" -> I am old enough to have learned that most of real happiness is making a deliberate choice to be happy (it does not look like happiness from the outside unless it also contains specific things that other people envy, but, having the things that we envy in another isn't what makes us happy ourselves.) He sounds like a person of strong character, and so I think he will not lose himself on the way to seeking happiness.
@@kelliehorn1082 yeah If I'm not mistaken he said he's bisexual with little to no sexual desires... so like...
Maybe biromantic asexual..?
he's "some type" of bisexual/asexual. Per his wording.
Hey Jonathan! This was a really interesting video. I agree with your main point here, in that it is absolutely the individual's choice of how they want to live their lives. I imagine contending with what the tenets of your religion dictates must be incredibly difficult when it goes against your own wants and needs that strongly... In my own full disclosure I am part of the LGBTQ community, and also religious- although not of a Christian faith, and thankfully not one that holds any issue with sexualities beyond the heterosexual, so it's far less of a worry for me. I'm glad to hear you've found a path to be accepting of others and open to differences as you state in the video, I found that very comforting, especially as a trauma survivor. It takes some pressure off, knowing people don't judge you for that difference.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the video. It's great that you are able to live true to yourself without feeling pressure from two opposing forces in your life. Like I mentioned in the video, there is beauty in people and in life regardless of whether they live according to your own ideals or life-path. We aren't here to pass judgement, we're here to extend love and compassion to our fellow human beings.
If you don’t mind me asking, what faith are you part of?
Love this so much. Thank you for sharing your perspective on this and helping to bridge the gap between two worlds. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and this is a topic that I have my beliefs on and my own questions. I definitely don't have the answers on this topic, however, I choose to approach it with love. I love that you pointed out that this needs to happen on all sides of the matter. One of my favorite quotes ever said was by President Monson, states: “Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved.” When I don't know what to think, say, or feel, I remember that God loves all his children and he knows what each one is struggling with in their lives. It is not my job to make it harder on anyone else, but to pray for and with them, to show love, and understanding. And when understanding can't be achieved, show tolerance and respect always. Just as I want others to provide that same grace towards me in my own beliefs and struggles. Thank you again for this!
God Made David. God is perfect. God does not make mistakes. You are exactly how God intended you to be.
Done.
Well said!
Thank you for this video, Jonathan! I have the highest respect for you and I appreciate you sharing your perspective. I think a lot of people need to hear this message.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency. Thanks for letting your light shine and igniting the light within others.
You just made my day. Thank you!
Thanks for the clear and just and balanced video. Compassionate without judgement, something all should strive for. David Archuleta is amazing.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the video!
I respectfully disagree with your comment about needing compassion without judgement. I think when most people say that word they are mostly saying we shouldn't condemn others or treat them with prejudice, which I completely agree with. But I believe compassion is needed WITH righteous and wise judgement for all of us. Jesus Christ commanded us to judge righteously and make wise decisions for ourselves and our families (both in the Bible and The Book of Mormon), being cautious that influences around us are leading us toward God instead of away from God and His truth. Christ showed us the way to judge righteously, and I'm so glad He did! It's helped me get safe distance from abusive or unhealthy situations and relationships for my mental health and growth. We can be kind and still need to safely love and encourage from a healthy distance. I'm so glad we can look to Jesus' merciful and just example to help guide our decisions. :)
I love how Johnathan made everyone accountable and that it's not religion or LGBTQ+ is people in general. When I served my mission in 2009 in California, it was during prop 8. I was struggling with my sexuality then too and the LGBT community made me feel worst about myself (not the church) and caused me to hid my feelings. I wanted to build a bridge between the two communities but the LGBT refused to listen to our side. Luckily I ran into a semi-active member who introduced me to his friends who were gay men. They we so sweet and kind and bought us flavored cupcakes. I said to one of them "You know we are Mormon right?" His reply was "Oh honey that doesn't matter, what matters is you are doing what you think is best and I am living the best I can be and we can still be friends." I smiled and shook his hand. This gay man was a very christ-like man who showed me not all the LGBT are anti-religion.
A few year later another former member of the church (who is a gay man) helped me make the choice between a gay lifestyle and the church. I chose the church which he supported and was kind. I have a gay manager who like the man in California say : "I can't stand when members of the LGBT fight against religion, it makes US seem intolerable and not understanding which is not what pride is." He is a great guy who works for Chic f La! He always ask me about the church and is extremally respectful about it, even if he doesn't agree with it. I also saw my other manager who brought his boyfriend and they make a cute couple. I was polite to both of them and was happy for my manager! We can be respectful and civil, and respect the paths for all while still holding on to the truths of God.
I also learned that God doesn't change His commandments to please men or women and He never will, but He does wants the very best for us, but He will never force us to follow Him and we have our choices and those choices will be given a certain reward in the next life. We all have the right to choose but we must never choose the rights becoming offended, close-minded, judgmental to anything that does not agree with us, we can uphold and sustain our similarities and understand and defend our differences.
Exceptionally well said. We make the choice for our own destiny and it’s our choice only. Love this. This is actually a very good message for everyone to hear as it pertains to every aspect of life. Thank you for this video.
You're very welcome!
A lot of us grew in religious villages and somehow knew later on who we are, and we cannot deny our childhood. David himself is healing for many.
Thanks so much for this vid. And thanks for the full transparency bit too!
I cannot imagine what David is feeling, and he didn’t have to go public with his sexual orientation and his faith, but he did. And I’m not saying that everyone who is LGBTQ and are Christian should, but for me, to be in the public eye like that, I can think that it took so much courage from him.
People attacking him from both sides should chill and respect his free will/agency. People should also stop treating him like a poster child. That objectifies him. He, like everyone else on the planet, is a very complex being. And as an adult, he will make his decisions, and may even change his mind from one decision to the next, as is his right to do so. And I love what you said about honouring his choice. True.
so lucky to have found your channel! every video is better than the other
Thank you, I'm glad you love our channel!
thank you! I am (or at least grew up) a christian as well, but I am struggling with my faith for a while now. One of the reasons are the different views on all the lgbtq+ topics. same as in this video, i feel like their love is beautiful and cant understand why a god of love might be against it and why some people of my own church are judging them :-( so it is great to hear those true words and that i am not alone with the struggle between supporting them and keeping my faith and the community of the churches.
i also like how you respond to so many of these comments. thank you for your commitment to share this light and try healing people (i am a social worker, so also the therapeutic insights are very interesting).
greetings from germany :-)
Really beautifully said. I hope more people can think like that.
Would love to hear how you navigate counseling people who are of different faith and hold different values. You said you are a part of the church. How do you navigate counseling LGBTQ couples and individuals (and just individuals who disagree with your beliefs - e.g. pro choice). Do they know that you are a part of a church? Thanks for your help. I came here from Cinema Therapy!
Dear Mr. Archuleta: Thank you for ministering through your grief - for the benefit of other people. I'm delighted that you, while still inner-conflicted, are employing your situation as a conduit toward self-discovery and the work your are compelled to put in reconciling your orientation with God and the Church. In this way your are a lifeline between yourself, God, the Church, and other children of God in the same or similar situation.
Thank you and Bless You!
Thank you for your thoughtful and well constructed reply!
This is a great video. I really appreciate your sincerity and authenticity. I agree with you wholeheartedly.
Thank you Corinne. I'm glad you enjoyed the video!
Everyone here keeps say “CHOSE” or “CHOICE?” Who has a choice? You are what you are, you come to that realization and you accept it.
Yes, that is true. Yet for David his faith and his sexuality are both part of his identity. He chooses how he navigates that.
Respectfully, you missed the point of the video, the choice here is about how he will deal with both his religious identity and sexual orientation in his life, at no point Jono said or implied that sexuality is a choice.
Very fair assessment! Thank you.
He’s a genuinely a good humble guy and I seen our church change and I no god will help him decide who he chooses to be with, agency is free, but faith is also free because he’s serving him.
Thank you for this.
I was so impressed by your comments that I subscribed...I am now a fan! It always boils down to personal choice and accountability. Thanks!
Yes brother. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you.
I love this. I have felt the same for so long. I have a nephew who is married to his partner and they are getting ready have to their first child through a surrogate and I am extremely happy for them. They are a solid couple who truly love each other. It’s beautiful to me. It’s not always about the sex anyway. My thought is get over it people if you don’t agree. It’s not your decision to make whether it’s wrong or right anyway. Let it be and let it go. Love your neighbor as you would yourself. It’s not your job to judge anyone. So let it be done, so let it be written. 😁
Jonathan, I love your movie stuff! Because of that I clicked on this, having seen David's video just a couple of weeks ago. I totally agree with everything you say on here! David is a great, lovely person and his decisions need to be honored. If people can't be loving and supportive they need to learn to keep their fingers still and their mouths shut.
I am proud of Archie no matter what.
I am happy with his choice being religious and being a part of the LGBTQIA+ Community.
I love him. 💙✨
I’m also in the LGBTQIA+ Community.
It's a difficult position to be in, and an admirable decision for him to come out and say "This is who I am, and I don't wish to change either part of me."
@@MendedLight It’s amazing how he was open about that. I love him for who he is.
I may be a guy, but I love him. 💙
I was just observing a social media discussion of people in the LGBTQ+ community and the presumption of promiscuity in the dating scene. People who want to wait for a few dates or until marriage (or who are on the ace side) were saying that they felt tension and exclusion.
As a recent survivor of the straight dating scene I can only imagine that it would be that much harder with a bit of an under text of needing to “prove” your sexuality. Especially if they have already experienced the loss of community or family because of their sexuality. I had to learn real quick to be explicit in my sexual boundaries cuz “taking it slow” was not clear enough.
Jonathan, I can understand where you are coming from. I somewhat agree. I do believe we can still kindly share the values and truths we hold dear, as well as understanding the natural consequences and affects our choices have on others too, while also still respecting others' ability to choose. Freedom of choice still requires accountability and natural consequences for all of us: both mercy and justice are needed, understanding and truth, empathy and loving warnings, encouragement and not supporting self-destruction. Respecting others doesn't mean we have to agree or that we shouldn't make wise decisions about being around others who's influence is unhealthy or not going where we want to go in life. It's okay to love from a distance.
Also, as someone who has been through trauma, though different than David's, I wish you would have encouraged him and any others who have been through sexual or other abuse or trauma to seek help from others and especially the Savior to heal those wounds. While it may not take away the attraction, as our brains can change due to trauma (which trauma has occured with many with same-sex attraction that I know), healing those wounds can still help emensely. Some may still have these feelings their entire lives, and some may occur without specific trauma, but they can still find purpose and meaning in the strengths God has given them to share. Sometimes the effects of trauma can influence them feeling worthless and not worth living, with or without different attractions. For a time, I was near there myself and have found great healing through my Savior and the love and correction of many around me. To anyone listening, you still belong. There is a place for you. You are still needed, and you are worth the effort to live, heal, grow, and reach your potential.
Beautifully said!
Jonathan, you are very kind. As a former deacon , I spoke with a few men who struggled with these same feeling. With out a doubt , it needs to be approached with compassion, love and without judgement. Most denominations are flat out against it. The Catholics teach that being gay is not sinful but acting out would be. However, but even in the Catholic Church their is disagreements on those teaching. I doubt the Mormons will ever condone it. Most Pastors stay away from preaching on it because it can split a church down the middle. I think it’s a individual decision that each person should make for themselves. I advised people to prayer about it then practice celibacy. However, like David, if that was not working, to accept who they were. I don’t believe in anti gay therapy sessions that some Churches pushed a few years back. I just feel it does more damage than good. I just feel, you are the way you are. Some people can remain celibate and be gay, others simple can’t. I for one will not judge others on this topic.
Can you send this video to every Republican in Congress and in the Senate? They need to hear this!!!!
Beautifully said.❤️
I didn't know you were Morman. Anyway great video. It was incredibly respectful take on the topic. You always know how to be informative, entertaining, and respectful. Keep up the great work.
Well said. LET'S "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" PEOPLE!!
Thank you for your objective view and speaking to the truth !
This is such an incredibly important issue. It is a journey for everyone. Up until recently most churches believed that being gay or bi was a choice. It is absolutely brilliant that most now believe that it is not a choice but people are born that way. These churches have already come a long way. I really appreciate that, but as a bi man myself, i hope that there will be a few more steps taken. That churches one day will accept gay marriage. I don't want lgbtqia folks psychologically scarred and made to feel less about themselves. There are many issues with the world today and we need everyone to be able to live their best lives and think out of the box with the most creative and brilliant ideas. I want the lgtbqia folks who are often very creative not to be held back but to contribute to the best of their ability. We need them. The world needs them, and LDS needs them.
Did you know that most lgtbqia have thought about committing suicide because they have been made to feel less about themselves, and attempted suicides are about 3 times the rate of their straight counterparts.
I had a friend at college, my best friend, and at the time we both belonged to the same church. Our church not only wasn't supportive of homosexuality but also preached that it was wrong sinful and evil. This friend of mine, a wonderful kindhearted guy, artistic, a great chef and full of love and giving and kindness was loved by everyone but also mocked and teased at times for his "softness". In his world he felt unworthy and unclean. He eventually couldn't take it anymore and ended his life. It's been more than 20 years now, and I've been living with guilt ever since, With the feeling that there was something I could've done, but didn't. That I didn't see it coming. That I didn't tell him it was OK. Sometimes letting people be is not the right thing. I was there for him, I defended him, I never mocked him, I left that evil church, but I never encountered him to do the same. I accepted his right to choose and it killed him.
Awesome video, thank you for sharing such an open minded view!
Glad you enjoyed it!
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-day Saints, it's really cool to see you're a member of the church too! I really find it refreshing to see your view point on this because I know a lot of people who judge the church on our imperfect people and not our doctrine. Because for anyone else reading this, please know, our core doctrine is love, to love EVERYONE no matter what they do or who they are. That is who we aspire to be, like christ, even if some of us lose sight of that.
I think that there is a lot of opportunity for both sides to learn and embrace a compassionate stance for each side. Here is a person whom has stayed true to his faith but is also lgbtq+ that has the bravery to stand up and show both sides of himself as he truly is. I think being able to have that bravery and willingness to do that is truly a magnificent thing. The one thing that I never quite agreed on with the religious environment it grew up around was that people where so eager to believe all it took was showing up to church and fitting into the mold. If there is a God then i would like to think he values who you are far more than what you are.
Well said.
Beautifully said. I too am of the same faith and agree it is about LOVE. We are commanded to love one another-Not just those who share our faith but everyone we encounter in our lives. Each of us Gay, Straight, Religious or not have something beautiful to offer. If we all apply love and not hate and judgement.
I think his struggle is taking its toll on him. If you have seen his latest vlog you can see the stress, hear it in his voice. ua-cam.com/video/EGD-wH5JK2c/v-deo.html
I saw his vlog before I came here. I agree.
Thank you so much for your comments. I agree whole-heartedly!
You are so welcome! It is our pleasure!
We all have the ability to make our own choices. No one should force their way onto our choice. I believe in a traditional relationship because of my faith. It's like if one likes football and one likes soccer. It's not right to force your like or ideal onto others. The fighting won't stop till we agree to disagree.
My dad's side of the family has been in the LDS church since 1850. My grandparents, then my dad, became inactive members. My mom is Catholic, and they never got married. But when my dad married my step mom, who was interested in the church, then became converted got us into attending church. I'm gay and baptized at 15 now 31, like i still have feelings about the church and yet i became inactive and have gone out with guys. I fully support David in his choices for his life. I used to get flak for being gay and being active in the church (wasn't out) by other gay men and being told I'm brain washed. When i came out to more friends and family outside of my parents and step mom. I had some of my friends that i went to church with be so supportive of me. We all have different experiences when we came out with friends and family
This is definitely one of the most interesting matters of the LGBTQ+ comunity. how to deal with God Faith and your sexual relatonships and the choice for celibacy. I can only thank David for showing us his braveness and compromised.
All we can do is support and love the individual in their free will.
As a former LdS Mormon gay man, I am happy to see that you are out in the world being a licenses therapist. In 1982, at BYU, I was very lucky and blessed to have had an older woman therapist/counselor at the BYU student health center who was decidedly beyond the times. She counseled me to keep my head down, my nose clean, study hard, and get the heck out of BYU as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, I was outed by another student to the Honor Code standards office, and was forced out of BYU during final exams week in December 1982. I still think back fondly on Dr Maxine and feel grateful she had my back during that awful time. I hope you you are that person for more current day LGBTQI folks in the Mormon community in today's world. I have been blessed to have a religious home for the last 32 years with LGBTQI accepting and affirming Community of Christ (formerly called RLDS).
I know you normally react to movies but there’s a webcomic called UnOrdinary that shows a lot about dealing with trauma, societal pressures, classism, and family trauma. I was wondering if you’d be willing to read it and then review the themes. Many of the fans debate wether the MC John has PTSD and I’d love to hear your opinions. :)
I struggle a lot with this. Not people being LGBTQ+, I could care less about someone's orientation, faith, skin colour, etc. What frustrates me to no end, are the people who demand respect for their beliefs while simultaneously not respecting beliefs they don't agree with. The ones who hear some out of context thing and have to trumpet it around, claiming it's facts, but never actually properly do any research. The ones who claim to be open minded but then denounce anything and everything that's done differently than how they handle life. That's also a part of live and let live, and somehow, I can never seem to not let it irk me. Doesn't not tolerating people's ignorance and stupidity make me just as short-sighted, in a way? It's a delicate balance sometimes ...
Jonathan here. I feel this to my core. It's a struggle, for sure. I don't think it's wrong to be annoyed or frustrated; the key is to shift your focus to things over which you have control instead of spinning your wheels trying to change people who refuse to change.
As someone who is LGBTQ+ and was raised in the Mormon church, I really appreciated this video. I’m not longer a part of the church, and I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve made a habit of assuming that if someone is a part of a certain religion, they’re automatically a bigot or they’re trapped and miserable. I’m trying to learn and do better, though. I try to keep in mind that everyone has different experiences; just because people belong to the same group doesn’t mean they think or feel or act the same. Everyone should be able to pursue what makes them happy and fulfilled, and if that’s religion and worship, that’s totally okay.
❤ I feel you on this
God be with you David.
Amen.
This is beautifully said.
Thank you!
Hi Jonathan, I love your sincerity and I hope you read this. As a trans person and a former member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have something important to share. You mentioned the concern people outside the church members that members are under mind control/in a cult. I highly recommend you (and everyone here) investigate the "B.I.T.E Model" and "Lifton's 8 Criteria for thought reform." Both of these models are the ones cult researchers use to identify cults/brainwashing in a very concrete, testable, scientific way. To the degree that these traits are present in a group, religious or otherwise, the agency/free will of the members has been commandeered, and they are in a situation where a sense of "knowing" the tenets of an organization is forced upon them (whether they are true or not). They are forced to make choices that are not really of their own volition, all the while feeling they are making their own decisions. Most cults emphasize the idea of freedom and cherish it, all the while depriving it from its members through these tactics of brainwashing. I'll let you decide for yourself whether these two models, which were developed to describe other cults, match up with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Links below.
The BITE Model:
freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/
Lifton's 8 Criteria:
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_Reform_and_the_Psychology_of_Totalism#Main_points
We luv ❤david
Thank you!!! 😎
Every human has a God-given sexuality. The conundrum of sorting out the good, bad, and the ugly is a long way from being solved. However, in David's case, he can/could continue his faith and be married in a more affirming venue. He has a God-given right to enjoy and honor his particular sexuality, and the Mormon church should not deny him that joy!
I really appreciate all of the thoughts in this video!!
I'm glad you do!
Being gay is not an "urge". Good for him and may he find love and happiness in his life. That is all one can wish for in this one life that you have on this earth. Be truth with yourself, your life will be all the better for it 💟🏳️🌈
It's so true. It's not an urge. It's a sexuality, with all that that entails, including how week seeks companionship and fulfillment. I wish David the very best.
I really really wish that people could just honor these choices. It would be amazing if everyone could just take a step back, breathe, and let people make their choice and be unbothered. So long as it's not hurting, like actually hurting anyone else then it shouldn't be a big deal. Unfortunately there are people who don't want to listen, they just want to control and it's a shame
As a bisexual Nondenominational Christian I find this extremely relatable and thank you for covering this topic.
Very nice reaction, Jonathan. My own is very similar.
I'm heterosexual and was raised Roman Catholic but I'm not very religious. The hatred and condemnation that many in the church throw at people is part of the reason I'm distanced from it.
To think of what David had to go through is heartbreaking and I'm sure he still is living with some conflict. He has said that at one point, he was thinking that it might be better if he was not here and we know what that means. That's scary and I hope he's gotten those kinds of thoughts completely out of his head and heart.
To reiterate, that's one of the reasons why I have my issues with religion. It's driven people to their deaths so I appreciate anyone who is very religious that accepts and loves anyone who is LGBTQ+.
David is a bright light in a dark world and I just want to see him live a happy life on his terms because it is exactly that... his life... and he's already spent too many years of it dealing with extreme internal conflict.
In the same vein, let's not make him a poster boy of sorts. He's a human being and not an oddity.
For anyone currently going through the same trials and tribulations that he did, please stay strong and know that people do love you and want you to be happy and thrive here with the rest of us. I certainly do.
I super understand you because I love the LGBTQ+ community and I feel so deeply connect with them and their struggles. God will guide us all along the way as far as we try to love one another
Amen to this! Finally the elephant(s) in the room brought to light!❤
Thanks for watching!
It is not "just do whatever you want", but rather we should honor God. God has set up a plum line or standards for us to honor. That said, we need to examine our view of the standards and how we see ourselves. For instance, we are relentlessly sinful, whether we believe it or not. Do many people not adjust the rules of sin so they can live comfortably and without guilt. We come to God with our best offerings and from that we find an abundance of mercy for our shortcomings. Read Romans 11, we are consigned to disobedience so that God may show us his mercy. Is that not the point. David is high profile and it would be easy to get a big head. His sexuality is a daily reminder of God's mercy for David's Soul... So I would not be throwing stones in a glasshouse. Never forget, at the foot of the cross the ground is level. It is God's mercy that gives us hope. I am not part of the Morman Church, I have been very touched by David's gifts and his bravery and also struggle with the same issues.
I love David and I hope he continues to look towards Heavenly Father’s way of Not just this Life but for Eternity….I believe those that choose not to connect with their spiritual roots are missing out on true joy, but that’s their choice to live however they want. David stay strong, stay the eternal course and yes I know it’s not an easy place to be, but it’s all worth it--The Blood of the Lamb made it so--continue to Honor him and not the people in the tower pointing, laughing and scoffing🥰.
YES!!! I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts!!!! I am also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ and sometimes people can't understand that I disagree but don't hate.
ABSOLUTELY 100% AGREE!
♥️♥️♥️
Okay so first I am going to give a little background so I can explain my feelings and thoughts:
I'm pagan, so obviously not of a Christian faith of any kind. I wasn't raised religious but we did go to church for a while because my mom wanted the community but I got kicked out of the teen Sunday school like class they had. It was a Southern Baptist Church, that's probably not important, I was kicked out because when I was asked what I would do if a teen came to me to tell me they were pregnant or gay I told them that I wouldn't turn them away. I made the case that a pregnant teen needs more community not less so that their child would be less likely to become a teen parent and I'm not straight, I am straight passing because I am cis female married to a cis man but I'm not and never have been straight, I'm pansexual and I have had feelings for and been with non male partners.
All that was to say I have had many, many bad experiences with Christianity but one of my best friend's is Christian and I have learned more from her than I have from anyone trying to convert me. It took one person willing to listen, actually listen and to explain and for us to agree to disagree on some things for me to be able to begin to heal from past hurts from certain communities. And to be able to see where she was coming from and what she was getting from her beliefs.
Honestly in the end we are the ones that have to live with our choices, they need to be ones we can be at peace with. While I look at that this from an entirely different view than maybe some others might, the choice is his and his alone (or his and his partner should he end up with one). To a lot of people I am making the worst choice of my life just for my spiritual beliefs and other beliefs. I would never want to push that onto someone else knowing what that feels like. And I wouldn't want to be in his shoes with so many eyes on me while just trying to live my life. All I can hope is that he is happy and lives a content life that is what he needs and wants.
Sorry for rambling it's been a long day.
I am part of the LGBTQ community and I am also an atheist, I totally respect and understand the fact that David still has a powerful connection with his belief in god and with his religious community; I would never judge him for that. I would also never think that the fact that he used to try to pray away his queernes was something "repugnant", if anything, I would say that's something really really sad and it makes me feel for him and his clearly difficult journey. I am really glad he's out now, It's so obvious how much more himself he is now, and I think he made the right decision in standing up against the leaders of the LDS church that kept telling him to just marry a girl and keep repressing his true feelings.
You're right in pointing out the fact that many queer people tend to be overly aggressive and asume the worst of all religious people, and it's also a fact that many religious people are great allies of the LGBTQ community. That said, It is still a fact that religious groups do have a history of pushing legislation that trample the basic rights and dignity of LGBTQ people, and are also largely responsible for the atrocity that is conversion therapy, specially for young LGBTQ people. Both sides need to work in building bridges, but religious communities have to own the fact that the pain they've historically inflicted on LGBTQ people is not even remotely comparable to what the LGBTQ community has ever done to religious people.
Although the Lord loves everyone unconditionally, he favors those who obey his commandments. (1 Nephi 17:35) Although we often don't have choices over the circumstances we are put in, we surely have the power to choose how we respond to it. The Savior said that if we want to be considered his disciple, we must "deny ourselves" and take up our "cross" daily, and follow him (Luke 9:23). We know that in God's great plan of salvation there is "opposition in all things." (2 Nephi 2:11) That opposition was designed to help us grow and become more like the Savior.
I hope that David can stay true to his covenants. My heart truly does go out to those who, because of their natural attraction, might have to live a celibate life (or a life with someone who they are not sexually attracted to). It has to be an unbelievably lonely and difficult path. Yet it's a path that has been designed specifically for them by our Creator.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Love him ❤
David? Yeah, he's fantastic! We listen to him at home all the time.
In today's society you can't win. You are danged if you do or danged if you don't. Why can't we just see people as people? Why do we have to hate? And yes, I do it too depending on the situation. I just wish that there was a way to see each other.
❤
Thank you!
The universe is bigger than Joseph Smith, the Pope, or Jimmy Swaggart... find your peace, your place, your power as a human on planet earth
Its true. Its a hard thing to accept christianity in any of its forms. When you know how much it hurt people in the past, how much bad it does in the present. Even if you know that there are many believers like you for example, who are tolerant, respectful, reasonable and intelligent, its still hard to not hate the religion in all its forms in day and age of science, when we already dont need religions to form a moral code. When it mostly serves as a crutch and a weapon already anyway. Whenever I meet a religious person, I have to ask myself: "Would they judge me for my life? If they knew who I was? How much they would pretend-pity me without being asked to? How much they would see me in their hell? Could I really start an honest friendship with someone, who thinks these things about me? How toxic that would be for me? Am I willing to give a chance to someone, who most probably stands against what I consider basic human rights?" Especially when you know a thing or two about Bible, its origin and so...and you know how much its not what they made it to be...Its hard to feel any better about Christianity in any of its forms that about Islam in any of its form. There are good muslim people, of course there are, but the religion is based on monstrosities that became an argument for a lot of evil. And if they are such a good people, how come they dont see that? How come they dont have an issue with that?
I have a live and let live attitude to everyone, if you do not harm me or my kin then i have no reason to be angry with you
David finally came out as LGBT+ just a few weeks ago in January of 2022.
I am LDS and not LGBT and I struggle with how huge of a cross that is for David to bare. He seems completely sincere. How does God give someone such a seemingly impossible cross? It doesn't seem fair.
I wish I lived in a world where I didn't have to be controversial just for existing.
As a Latter-day Saint musician, I love David. I know that although it's very hard, some people I love who are LGTBQ+ are either celibate or in a temple marriage. I admire them.
I am both spiritual and part of LGBTQ plus community. I'm Pansexual but I'm also very spiritual. So I kinda get what his situation is like.
There are honestly a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community who either follow a religion or want to be part of one. The problem most of us run into is that a lot of people make churches and religion a very toxic place for us.
I am a gay trans man. I was raised Catholic and was taught... A lot of negative things. I didn't come out as transgender until I was an adult because I knew there would be no support for me. I left the church that I had been raised in because the people were so cruel there. I tried other churches and came back just as empty handed. I have had stones thrown at me. I have been beaten, I have been abused, I have been told that it would be better if I was dead than to continue living as who I am. There have been times where I believed them.
I won't say if I believe in a god or not, but I will say that I know why so many of us don't respond well to religion and religious people. We are... very accustomed to people using faith as an excuse to treat us poorly and keep us from having basic human rights.
With all due respect, this seemed overly "both sides". Yes, if he chooses to say in the church and have the relationships of his choice, good for him. But "choosing" celebracy isn't really his choice because it would be dictated by other people. Unless you are aromatic, no one chooses to deny themselves healthy relationships.
Yes I understand where you're coming from. I hope that whatever he chooses to do, it is not a decision made under pressure from the two sides, but one that reflects how he feels most comfortable to live his life.
......many individuals choose to remain single, and not because they are aromatic. There are all sorts of reasons why. I am single, I experience SSA, but believe in a faith that does not acknowledge same sex marriage. My choice isn't dictated by other people, it's the choice that works for my values. Meanwhile, I have attended gay wedding, have many LGBTQ friends, and I respect their right to choose the life that makes me happy. I just don't know if being in a same sex relationship ould make me happy, and I am not attracted to men, so I decided to be single. I may change my mind one day, but I am chilling and focusing on a career I thoroughly enjoy, so no complaints here.