6 Ideas for Working with Resistance
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- Опубліковано 27 сер 2024
- Resistance can be a very difficult issue in the therapeutic relationship. It can end therapy prematurely, and negatively affect the communication between you and your client.
So, how do we deal with this?
Well according to Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, and several other colleagues, this resistance serves a purpose - and might actually be a good thing.
These six ideas can give you new ways of looking at resistance, and new strategies for working through it. I hope you’ll find these insights useful.
One of the ways I work with resistance, or more specifically my counter transference to resistance, is to remind myself in my fear of abandonment or loss of belonging, that resistance usually contains the metacommunicative message, "you're authority is so strong that I have to resist you or I will be annihilated." If I can come to experience resistance as something confirming rather than disconfirming, I have a better chance of remaining with to other.
I felt that in my gut
this was a good analogy.
I resonate with this. Thanku
Thank you. The way I work with resistance is to affirm that change is hard work and they have already taken steps towards change,
Thank you, i like perspective that resistance shows that the client is coming out of a passive role.
When I face resistance, I start relaxing myself and the client also relaxes.
YES! When he mentioned breathing and once a client takes a deep breath they begin to feel something. That resonated with me on many levels.
Resistance can be an opportunity to engage and connect with my client, a bridge to understanding them better. It gives me a chance to underscore my belief in their own agency, and their right to maintain control over themselves and their own lives. That we can actually be on the same side. It requires more flexibility and a willingness to let go from me, but that's not a bad thing!
EMDR+IFS is magic for unconsciously/neurologically driven behaviors! Any resistance can be addressed with compassionate curiosity and hope for deep healing/unburdening/change, instead of with self-judgment. Warning: healing/unburdening/change brings grief along with it, so I add grief work to EMDR/IFS🦋
I like this approach of respecting a member's behavior is very important because it helps to explore the source of his or her hesitation or that resistance. thank you very much
One of my friends who works with the HIV / AIDS population had a training about working with resistant clients. And she said the main thing she got from the workshop is, "There is no such thing as resistant clients, only resistant clinicians." And I really liked that sentiment a lot.
This is brilliant and otherwise excellent. My current therapist alluded to this site a couple of years ago during one of our meetings, and I have "lurked" intermittently ever since. This makes so much sense, and I really appreciate the varied interpretations and potential "remedies." I have the great fortune of living in Hawaii. Mahalo and Aloha. : )
In those techniques like motivational interviewing I like the approach of viewing resistance as a counterpart in terms of ambivalence and part of identity. There is an equilibrium to be kept between the fluidity of change and a containing structure in therapy. I also like to experience therapy as a reflection of myself - dealing with uncertainty, insecurity, humility and trust in the process... thank you for your great compilations!
Resistance is part of humanity in me, it makes me blend with others and see more chances, it makes me work.. mainly it’s core is fear of abandonment (judgment) for my mistakes that is part of my human nature, it makes me patient and non-judgemental which represent my value, and use my mind-not my brine.
(You are normal, and enough, (you don’t have to do more) God already created you within this nature just like a tree does its work. "there is nothing wrong with you at all.” - Alan Watts
Love, love, love each and every perspective! Each of them make it easier to put resistance into context, understanding that it serves a purpose other than being difficult. It's easy to see how my approach as a therapist can make all the difference in the world. lastly, it helped me to understand that a client is resistant because they perceive a threat and it's my job as their therapist to help reduce that perceived threat by meeting them exactly where they are.
Your mistake is you say perceived threat. It is not always perceived . You still insist on your own mental model ..
IFS parts-in-conflict is a great way to understand resistance! It takes away the shame/guilt of client’s confusing behaviors (such as doing the exact thing they’ve decided never to do again): Eg: You are here because you want to feel/function differently, but maybe there’s a younger part who feels unsure of how your relationships will change if you feel/function differently, maybe there’s a part who just does not believe you CAN feel/function differently and maybe there’s a part who believes you don’t deserve to feel/function differently? Let’s get to know any parts who are trying so hard to keep you safe in your body, your relationships and/or your world, as, after we thank them profusely for doing their best for you, they may let your adult Self take on their jobs (burdens) from a more conscious, adult and intentional perspective🤗
Thank you. I’m in my 60 s and in therapy ( for 3rd yr ) have 40+ T’s . It has been so hard at times because I have DID etc.
therapist is very kind to me and tries to help me stay on track, but seems we are making slow headway. EMDR did not work so well.
EMDR with IFS is much more effective for complex trauma!
thanks your postings,very much helping to work and find a trust in a good therapist and NAT giving up !
This video is absolutely exceptional. Thank you so much to all of you.
Fantastic to listen to!! Thank you everyone!
Those angry therapists are in the wrong field. They need to go do their own work, they’re causing more harm by pretending they’re fit for serving others.
Back in the 80s, I attended a workshop on NLP were one of the presenters said that there is no such thing as resistance. There is only incompetent therapy. Pretty bold!
Wow. Considering Peter Levine holds great reverence for resistance, I'm going to say that NLP trainer was way off!
If you apply the Bader/Pearson developmental model for couples to the therapist-client relationship, resistance can be viewed as an attempt at individuation when the therapist may want more symbiotic dependence. The relationship can mature if both parties work at differentiation. Differentiation includes asking the other for what you want while giving them full permission to say no. Of course, individual problems like narcissism need to be challenged before any relationship can differentiate; I haven't gotten to how the developmental model deals with resistant narcissists yet.
Could working on the inner child making them feel safe, help them to love their inner child and help them to undetstand everything they are feeling is normal to what they have experienced.is part of subconscious programming for the mind body connection to protect themselves but they are safe now and can release the emotional pain without installing new emotional blockages?
Two questions I like to ask myself when a client seems resistant: 1, are we at cross purposes? 2, how am I doing at validating the client's feelings?
I think the first question is the most important!
Awesome!!!
I'm watching this to learn how to work with myself lol 😅😅
Thank you. Very helpful insight indeed.
I was seeing a counselor for a while and there was no specified treatment plan for me. To my disappointment the counselor I was seeing must have sensed my resistance and traumatized me so badly that I felt the front of my brain rip then my head felt heavy and my head fell forward with my chin hitting my chest. My life has not been the same sense that session. I have felt a lot of shame and anxiety after that session. I wish the person I was seeing told me about what we were going to do in that session before traumatizing me.
I do sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. I hear that you needed to be warned of what you would be doing in session. Instead you were unprepared and the experience wounded you.
There are compassionate and gentle counsellor out there who would be willing to support you where you are at, if you are willing to risk trying again. Blessings.
What about chronic resistance? Not to therapy..but to life. I would love some help with finding a therapy that would help with the feeling of constant threat..which I guess is what is creating the resistance. Thank you ❤
Hi Clauida, Thank you for taking the time to write us. Unfortunately, we do not offer referrals, nor do we release any information about the practitioners who’ve participated in any of our trainings.
I can, however, recommend that you check out this database through Psychology Today.
Through this site, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors - specialties, approaches, and methods.
Here is the link to Psychology Today: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blog posts and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for. Here is the link to our blog: www.nicabm.com/blog/
I hope this helps!
So valuable, thank you!
very interesting, ive been trying my best to get my daughter to try iemt or nlp. total wall, wont give anything a go. says its hopeless.
Great ideas!! Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you
Really helpful.
EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN=RESISTANCE 🤔🥺😳😳😳🤨🤷🏽♀️🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
3:40
4:42 adaptive helped us survive
I like to make everything small and doable steps
Just need help ! what to deal with distressing dreams ! Thanks
Excellent
What if the Resistance is so embedded that you can't even get the potential client to enter the counseling room..?
Go out to the forest or beach walking with them
They may also have traumas that involve being inside a building, house, hospital, office, etc.
For me, my therapy takes place in a designated room at my therapist’s house. This is a KEY part of my healing, because most of my traumas took place in a home setting (childhood and adulthood).
Initially, I wouldn’t even meet him in person. Only phone or video because I was so terrified of people. As I started realizing therapy was working, I started slowly meeting in person, and then exclusively in person unless illness or other things prevent in person.
Meet the “client” where they are. If they need to start with phone therapy, to adjust to your voice (because even someone’s tone could have sent me into a panic initially), and get a feel for you being a safe place for them.
It works, but you have to be consistent, even when your client may not be.
What do you when someone has no interest in wanting to be at counseling or has no interest in talking and sits and wastes 45 minutes of your time because I'm that type of person have was forced in counseling for personal reasons and simply doesn't want help and not willing to change
I ask them what they would like to do with the time we have together - something not even necessarily related to "counseling." Get out of the office, take a walk, play a game, have tea. Talk about dogs or needlepoint or their children. Build the therapeutic relationship so that they don't see you as a an enforcer of what they don't want. Everyone wants to be heard, deeply. Find a way to hear them without triggering their idea that it's "therapy."
Resistance also means many many many se$$ions.
Right? Right!
Resistance pays the bills!!
Vipermad exactly!
I'm glad people are realizing capitalism is a curse.
If you're a therapist, know that there are too many people needing mental health care, so if you feel you have to milk your patients, it's because you are not good at marketing yourself and you should get help with that since you can make money either way, except milking patients will make you feel bad about yourself because you will experience meaninglessness. Perhaps if you 're a therapist and you believe this, then you are only in it for the money, and dislike yourself as a result - which says you should be changing careers.
Then again, if you are a potential patient saying this because you think that therapists are only in it for the money, well then that is... resistance! What are you really resisting with the excuse that therapists don't care and only want money? As the various speakers in this video pointed out, resistance can look like anything, but in all cases it is like a big arrow pointing to the hard work you don't want to do. What is that?
Not always. One will withdraw and leave
Lost in translation lol
Resistance is futile