They Come & Go | The Tim Dillon Show
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- Опубліковано 19 тра 2023
- Tim wades into whether Meghan Markle cooked up a paparazzi chase, shares why dogs should be barred from restaurants and where Bud Light’s advertising may be heading.
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For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.
#TimGivesBack - Комедії
Another lecture at Tim Dillon University. This is type of college education we deserve.
TDU the only college where you get into a sub prime mortgage with wells Fargo, and student debt for a degree that makes fake business fun.
I just graduated with my Masters in Fake Business Adminstration today from TDU
It's what I assume people want when they screech that they deserve free education while foaming at the mouth
Yaas.
You should feel bad for saying "we deserve" in your comments.
Plastic Burger King cup filled with red wine, sitting in a plastic lawn chair, cigarette in one hand, phone in the other.
Ready for Tim Dillon.
Life in the big city.
this isnt' 2019 anymore...that is 4 years old....move on...
Ignore the last reply, you're peak Tim Dillon mode right now, enjoy
Our collective spirit animal manifested
Shit, I just made a huge pan of cookies. I'd trade you half of 'em for one ciggy. Haven't had one in years, but every once in a while I'll blast one.
I have Chianti, so I'll just get drunk and eat cookies.
Facts ignore the first comment u are speaking for all of our spirit animals.
Im going to quote Tim Dillon when im arrested for fraud.
It's all fake business
Just hire him as your African American trans lawyer
cops will say "who"????????????????????????
who? they will say...is he matt dilons brother? from something about mary...cops ARE OLD AND BUSY>>>THEY DONT WATCH youtube 24--7
"your honor, that's just life in the big city for ya"
Tim’s happy face while he’s watching the fight at Disney World is the cutest thing ever! “I like to hear the screams.” 🤣🤣🤣
Tim practices a level of self love & body positivity that Lizzo could only dream of possessing.
That means having a mature enough mental capacity she severely lacks
lizzo has her whistle.
@@indoorgangster The Obesity Oboe
@@jmua8450 😅omg. Ribs broken from laughter, that was so naughty!😆
when i was fat i was a hot fatty, when i was skinny i was a hot skinny, now im a hot dad bod, fuck'em
The bud light bit starts @ 1:02:21
You're welcome 🤣👍
An all-time great 6 minutes 😂.
@@lucacerasuolo6606 thanks 😊
I'm currently lmao
That Budlight bit is classic Tim brilliance! This whole episode was FIRE 🔥 😂
Story just broke that it was actually Megan and Harry chasing down a reporter in their car. We wish them well!
Too fked up to have any idea if this is a joke and its ripping me apart
👏🏼😂
Megan and Harry where conducting Fake journalism.
🏌️
I'll just assume that's not true but I have no confidence in either possibility.
"Some people think it was six million, but here at Bud Light we haven't seen the numbers. We're simply saying that history's never what any one person thinks." Laughed out loud so many times.
😂😂😂
An epic stream of consciousness ad, delivered in a creepily hushed southern accent. Love you, Tim 😂
that whole bit had me crying with laughter .. so great.
Epic
"600 or 6 million, it's still a tragedy" -Adam Eget
"bud light. find your own number" had me in tears
*“You better stay the fuck out of the Beverly Hills Hotel.”*
-Tim Dillon
"We've gotten to a point where even the dogs want to know what's going on with these freaks taking them everywhere. Even the dogs are like, why am I on a plane?"
"life in the big city"
-Dog probably
At budlight we believe in American traditional values like not taking your dogs in restaurants and leaving them outside to attack minorities entering the restaurants..... Bud light
“Bud Light…find your own number.”
I told my friends a few nights ago that people are replacing Personalities with Activism for identity. This was spot on, Tim.
I'm a Jew and almost spit the food out of my mouth while laughing when he made up the Bud Light commercial being skeptical of 6 million Jews dying: "Bud Light....make up your own number."
If someone somewhere doesn't make a series of bud light commercials from all these, then the internet is over.
he kept the best for last. savage.
😂 Agree…Tim was on fire this episode
@Wonkelton same
6mill seems kinda high when you do the math. 6 million through a few a wooden doors?
Dianas driver was 3 x over the legal limit. No one mentions this level of intoxication ever.
And she wasn't wearing a seat belt, same way Megan Smollet and crew weren't wearing seat belts.🙄
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone"
- Blaise Pascal, Pensées
"Sometimes you dont' think it be like it is but it do.
@@xbabu142x«You know what I'm saying?»
Tim Dillon is a national treasure
The last 6 minutes (the reimagined Bud Light ads) are phenomenal 😂.
national? global.
Writing from Bhutan - international
Watching from the 8 parallel universes down from y'all. This show is great, quick question why is yalls universe allowing
997787678866997799 to happen soon and where are the people going to go.
Yes Joe Rogan already said that think of an original compliment Tim would appreciate it!
“There’s a dignity in just not trying to force an animal to be your bf, or gf, or child” Tim Dillon
Tim Dillon is like that School Teacher we actually enjoyed listening to!
..ha i remember a guy like him, his only requirement was that we had to have a piece of paper and pencil on the desk incase the principal was coming down the hall and we had to 'pretend' like we were doing 'something'..
if he caught you smoking in the bathroom, he would bum a smoke and smoke with you.. i still remember he smoked camel wides
@@rogerwilco1777every school has at least one teacher the burnouts can have a free period w. i miss my french teacher bro was cool
I like to imagine Tim wears glasses like this to thanksgiving and just makes fun of his aunt
I am betting he intentionally gets her loaded so she will run her mouth so he can go off
kathleen
Lol.~;>
She deserves every bit of it. Honoring the grandpa.
Keep my name out your mouth
If you keep ‘em fat and unhealthy, you keep ‘em medicated. Fat phobia: brought to you by your friends at big pharma
There it is folks. Life in the big city.
“Bud Light…stick with your own.”
Just did my first catering job, everything went niiiiice. Got home after a few brews, smoked a nicely rolled joint, and saw Timmy D uploaded. I haven’t had an amazing day like this in a long long time.I appreciate you 🫡
Sounds good brotha 👍
Congrats on the job. Everyone deserves a joint after a long day of work.
What are you catering?
@@jonnygranville281 bologna and cheese
Life is good.~:>
I'm really fat and it's awful. Being "fat positive" or whatever is like being cancer positive
That's next
I love how Tim is a gentle and caring soul while simultaneously being a savage
Harry: "What do we do now, love?"
Megan: "I'm calling the Jesse Smolett hotline............."
I was not ready 😂 when he started talking about the cats 😂🐱
You think the cats were ready for what happened? Have some understanding and sympathy bud, how else am I going to get a nice well-made medium rare steak for a good price now that Horses is closed?!
@@xbabu142x try cat, might taste good
If Alex Jones was a gay hipster.
if?
as tim's only female asian fan, i appreciate every slop served ❤
Tim doesn't have any female asian fans. Fake business.
You’re worth 1000 of us
Tim should have a Judge Judy type tv show.
He does! What do you think you're watching? Too bad about the bailiff though.
Judge Mo Dollas
Tim has never had a better rant then his dog rant. 100000000000 agree.
This is some hot tea about the Markles. Keep it coming Tim!
I'm so glad he said something about people bringing dogs everywhere!
Me toooooooooooooooo
I am sick and tired of people expecting us to just be fine with their dogs
I don’t push my shit on you
Don’t do it
As soon as Markle came up I knew this was going to be a complete banger
Always so good to see this guy do his thing. I look forward to his podcast every week,
Yup. I’ve given up on life too.
@@ContentRemoved___I think the most sane have.
@@ContentRemoved___ A long long time ago my friend.
Same. I'm a listener
Life in the big city
“We wish them well” lol 😂
" Fatness" has never existed before 1968-1970. No one was fat before the 70's. Fatness and Beauty is technically NOT subjective. Measurements of your biological physique to adequate levels of weight is measured for "good health". People like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jollie as classic examples have facial symmetry measured to "Beauty" by their face and body dimensions and proportions which is biologically engrained for evolutionary fitness and reproduction. Conclusion: Fat people are fat people by choice and it is deadly to everybody so the shaming must happen. IQ points go down as Pounds go up.
So since Tim has gotten bigger lately, that means TO YOU NOT ME that he's gotten dumber? Something wrong with your theory.
👍👍
The bud light finale had me dying 🤣🤣
The reason I love this show is how Tim can transition from hilarious rants to describing incredibly detailed, painful thoughts and stories that show his realness and background. No matter how expensive his glasses are or the wealth he is around and experiences, Tim always reveals himself as a relatable, funny guy that many people would love to hangout with or consider a friend.
Hit the nail on the head regarding the service animal piece. Ppl out here just lying about their animals and have the audacity to complain when they get shutdown by the employees who ask for docs.
41:19 the kids are fighting the parents in the video too lmao.
So help me if that ginger shows up at the Beverly Hills Hotel while I’m having my soufflé…
1:02:22 I have never laughed harder in my entire life than the crazy bud light commercials that Tim was coming up with
One of the best black performance artists out there.
"But if you look at the shapes of peoples skulls.....they're different". ---------should have gotten a way bigger laugh from the producer... my god that was funny
Getting a service dog is as legit as getting a prescription for marijuana 😂
Or Oxy. Lmfao.
I have a service bunny lol
The dog bit was so fantastic. My workplace is "dog friendly" and the cowoeker who works in the same office as I do brings his dog every day. The dog doesn't bother me at all but we work in a cramped office and it just ends up smelling like dog every day. Another guy works general warehouse and it just seems like a liability for a dog to be around forklifts and heavy objects.
Having a dog in the office would be hell.
I'd sue for a hostile work environment and emotional distress.
You don't even have to complain or warn them. As you didn't feel your career would be safe to.
It doesn't matter if it's a Pug or a Chihuahua.... you can sue; because the rights of others don't supercede yours, as well.
Say you're terrified of dogs, and or that your Muslim.
@@Will_Smith_Slapping_Xi_Jinping Love that
The bud light segment had me howling 😂😂😂😂😂
We are doomed 😂
Bro I DIED at “it’s a tale as old as time” 😂😂😂
Tim Dillon making fun of all the Tim Diillons he sees at Disney World is the most Tim Dillon thing
The bud light bit at the end is one of the funniest bits I've ever heard. This episode is a 10/10
She brought the paps with her per Hertz CEO. Yep; you're right, I just heard you lol. GREAT SHOW! Thanks for speaking the truth. It's refreshing
Those bud light reads were gold 😂
Tim is right: Being alone is fucking awesome. Fewer people, fewer problems.
00:47 I rolled my head back and laughed toward the ceiling. Absolutely hilarious.
Loved the dog rant. Thanks Tim
My knife fight shirt I bought from Tim in November for 55 dollars ripped in half. It was worn twice and washed once. This man’s commitment to being a low-level huckster, even as he makes millions, is truly inspiring.
You trusted someone with a Long Island accent. Lesson learned
Life in the big city
It's probably Ben's fault.
@@FinnegansCake every day I wish he would come back just so Tim could fire him in a rage again
he’s right about people using dogs as surrogates for meaningful human relationships. it’s really sad and likely is a symptom of something truly vital being deeply damaged.
Excellent observation , the multi billion dollar pet industry is counting on that misdirected paternity
If people’s abilities to have meaningful relationships with other humans is damaged by humans, then having a dog as your best friend makes sense
@@cecilyerker its not bad to have a dog best friend. id consider myself in that category. but when people treat their animals like they are human children, or use them as an emotional crutch, then it starts getting into pathological territory. and you can see this everywhere. dogs are great. i love all animals in fact. but they are not human beings and they cant replace human relationships. they aren’t children. that’s demented.
@@areyoutheregoditsmedave but BennyBoi the cat is my baby
Tim you’re spot on with the dogs situation! I went to a mall and I thought I walked in a pet store dogs everywhere one was not even on a leash running around and harassing people it’s very annoying for other people to impose their pets on others, take them to a park or for a walk but c’mom supermarket, restaurant, mall, hotel, plane it’s getting out of control. I like to enjoy a meal outdoors without a dog barking and shedding hair next to me. Thank you
Dogs that don’t listen to commands or behave well should be left at home, but other than that this is America buddy, don’t like it leave.
@@DaWAFFLES1 don’t impose your pets on other people that’s all I’m saying
@@DaWAFFLES1 you sound like the type of person who spikes up the back of their hair and owns an airbnb property with oddly shaped chairs
That Bud Light skit at the end was a the cherry on top of this podcast.
“Bud Light, was the number really 6 million? Bud Light”
1:04:10 nothing brings me more joy than seeing Tim crack hard from his own joke😂😂😂😂😂😂💖
Those Bud Light commercials by Tim are killing me. He’s on a roll.
thank god for the 2008 s&l collapse for giving us the Tim Dillon Show
😂perfect!
The craziest part is Boebert is an example of a politician accurately representing their constituents lol
She lives 30 minutes from me in town called rifle. Your assessment is accurate.
Just like AOC does
The bud light bit broke me. Non stop laughter. God I love Tim Dillon.
Tim teaches a master class in sass every episode.
Find your own number..lol😂
The look of joy on Tim’s face when watching the Disney fight gives me more energy than coffee.
Yes stop trying to replace a kid with a dog also don't bring your kid to public places either😂
Thank you for this week’s Patreon episode Tim, one of my all time favorites
Damnn
@@inyourgranmaass3605go to kemono and steal it like the cool kids!
Just got home from a night of drinking and took my sleeping pills can’t wait to feel the sense of accomplishment when I make it to the end of this session.
Tim's evil laugh before his comments on the Disney story is golden
“Bud light, pick a number you’re comfortable with.” Ded
I would think that it would be physically impossible to be in a high speed chase in NYC during the day.
Unless on a movie set.
36:42 everybody uses it, my whole family uses it, we take it together at Christmas hahaha
Give me an hour of continuous Bud Light slogans
the thought of a vehicle even being able to get above 30 MPH in midtown is hilarious let alone a hours long chase xD
Our fearless leader is back
I haven't laughed this hard in years. That bud light bit killed me.
At "some people think it was 6 million" I nearly shat myself LOL
Greatest ending to a podcast of all time I’m in tears 😂😂😂
Exactly what I needed. Cynicism and incredulity. Some classic Timmy D. It does the spirit good.
The fact that man now thinks he can rewrite the inaccessible and subjective laws of the "biology of beauty" via made-up terms like "fatphobia" is such a huge regression in human logic I fear for the dismal future of thought
i cried for the last 25 min Tim Dillon you did it again.
Officer Barbrady has really good energy today.
I could listen to Tim all day every day!! Much Love!
Reminds me of my prom night. All my friends were out having fun, while I was at home choking the cat
Trash goes to Disney like upper middle class people save for a trip to Europe.
Just finished the whole episode. It was your best yet!!
lol
Watched it on that 32.5x speed huh? Did he mention Delia's Rolling stone article by chance? 😂
@@CoreyHart13 my favorite part was when the rolling stone article stole Tim’s glasses and they broke.
Nah his Gates of Hell episode is GOAT'd, nothing will ever come close
@@user-mq1up2fw4r you’re getting locked in a cage with brittney for this comment. Godspeed.
There's dignity in Tim ranting all alone, you rock man.
“Find the number you’re comfortable with” 🤣🤣
"Every commemorative can of Bud Light will feature the happy merchant meme" OMFG 🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Can’t wait for the 400th episode when Tim has Meghan Markle on as a guest
Budlight bit was hilarious 😂
When the dimwit duo Mags and Hags reach Tim Dillon's desk, you know they are finished. 😂😂
Great show as always but can't take my eyes of those glasses everytime light shines on them
Definitely beatin it to this later
It's not a cat. It's a pod.
If Tim was a super villain, his name would be Dr. Cynic. Man I’m glad I’m not him. Love him tho. He’s our modern day Jesus. As much as that sucks.
The noble words of Tim Dillon are so comforting to me I’m watching this while relaxing in bed w a dog I’m babysitting and leftovers heating up in the kitchen. Thank you for the life lessons you give that we all need to cherish and live by