Similar thing happened to me when going to enquire about a tattoo. I asked if an artist would tattoo over self harm scars. The artist made me lift my sleeve and look at the scarring in the middle of the waiting area. Then he proceeded to say "you've made a right mess there, im not touching that!" Obviously never went back there and ultimately found a lovely lady to tattoo me at another studio. She also did a fantastic job at concealing my scars. So all turned out well
Shame on that awful person!! Berating you in public and saying such a disgusting thing to boot. So happy you found your artist who treated you with the care and respect you deserve.
If I were the tattoo client. I would have told him that "no. You're wasting my time because you're refusing to allow me privacy, and that if that wasn't possible, you should have let me know beforehand." But I'm also confrontational when I feel like I'm bring wronged. I don't think she was a coward by any means, and her boyfriend only made a bad situation worse for her.
Right?! The boyfriend is showing major red flags. I have received comments like that in the past: all from my abusive (ex) husband. He is not validating her safety concerns and that is very concerning.
@@tkrause1116 I was thinking it's possible the boyfriend's tone was super jokey, like, "haha, coward, not wanting your bits on show to the world", major sarcasm. She didn't specify tone (or I missed it) but even if my generous interpretation is right, what he said still didn't help any, so he was better off keeping it to himself entirely regardless 😅
It may be a bit confrontational but it is also the truth. OP’s time is just as valuable as the tattoo artist’s and her sense of discomfort at the situation is not unusual. The tattoo artist also knew what she was coming in for and the fact that part of her body would be exposed. He could have organised it so that she could get her tattoo at the back of the place, away from the window, and the station closer to the window could be for an appointment of someone getting maybe an arm or lower leg tattoo. If I can compare it, for example, to a Muslim woman who doesn’t want to take off her headscarf in public at the hairdresser - that is her right and she shouldn’t be made to feel bad for it, but the hair salon having a private area without windows is not something that can be assumed and I could understand a hairdresser being unable to accommodate it without prior notice. It’s maybe a strange comparison, but what I mean is that not only was the tattoo artist rude but he also sounds like he’s not very well prepared / didn’t put thought into the appointment.
Interesting tidbit, my cousin got married a few months back and they asked that EVERYONE wear solid black to the wedding. The wedding dress was the only white clothing, and with her nearly black hair she stood out so beautifully, and everyone collectively looked amazing in black. Gratefully, no one had any issues following the rules, and the pics of the wedding party as well as any of the guests were amazing.
28:52 every time I have ever experienced a body modification that required my shirt to come off, I have been given privacy. Once it was a room souly used for sensitive tattoos and piercings, the second time, they didn't have any rooms, so they used a room devider and completely enclosed me in privacy. I never once had to ask for privacy, it was simply just given to me.
I had a tattoo done on my upper thigh, and I had to drop my pants to get it done, in an open space tattoo shop that was full at the moment. Before I even said anything, my tattoo artist offered me a privacy screen, without me even considering it possible.
story 1: Mom may have the human right to have hurt feelings, but she in no way gets to blame that on OP when SHE caused the problems and did nothing to console her child when, as the adult caretaker, she had the responsibility to make sure OP felt loved. Now she wants to play the victim and OP does not owe her so much as a texted apology.
right?! I was so confused by Shaaba's reaction. I couldn't imagine a situation where OP was (or just felt that they were?) ignored & excluded by stepdad's extended family & late wife's extended family, and 1. the mum didn't notice & 2. OP never said anything during childhood or adolescence. there might have been hundreds of "here is a big shiny toy for my REAL grandchild, and a pair of socks for this other kid who lives with them"/"come on everyone! family photo! oh...OK. you can join us"/forgotten birthdays/showing up for their school plays & sports events but never OPs/... ...and I can't imagine a kid taking that with no obvious reaction. or a parent genuinely not noticing the kid's disappointment/pain/rage at yet another incident. but I *can* imagine a parent deciding their inlaws "aren't going to change anyway" and putting pressure on their kid to "keep the peace" instead of standing up for them (and then feeling that the problem is solved if the child gives up)
Right? So baffled. It feels like darvo. I can’t imagine that this is the first time this hurt has come up, and by the time you’re an adult, you get to hopefully be free to choose your own family, instead of dealing with people who don’t love you for you. And like, shitty family of origin dynamics aside, they’ve been together for 2 years and moved in together! At least in my area, it’s normal to spend Christmas together at that point.
For the first one, why is it all on the child to have the discussion with the mother of the blended family? Honestly IMO while everyone has feelings, this woman has been this kid's mom their whole life and was told there were problems growing up and ignored them. Mom is the drama. Neglect isn't okay.
I have not gotten to the comments yet, but I agree wholeheartedly. To me, it seems that the OP has finally found family that is trustworthy, loving and respectful enough to be considered family, something his bio mom has fallen short of entirely.
Sadly, just because people can procreate it doesn't automatically make them parents or parent material. There are many horrible people who have no business having children. You only have to watch the news to see this.
@punkyjewster2350 Shaaba's already grown so much so we can't expect or force change. She has said before she's been unlearning a bunch of stuff relating to elders and needing to respect them, it seems like this may be a smidgen of that left over. I'm sure she'll learn over time. When the kid becomes an adult they don't need to respect people who don't respect them. And when a child is growing up, blanket respect shouldn't be given when the people demanding it do not treat the child nicely in the first place. The reason why I feel I can speak at all is I have neglectful parents and I've tried speaking to them many, many times over the years and it did nothing. And in some ways made things worse. Someone saying "you should've talked to them before you did X" when they only heard part of the story hurts, because 9/10 times it was communicated in some way.
Completely agree! I have a similar relationship with one of my parents. In recent years I've been more open to spending time with them because they've become better at respecting my boundaries. But it sounds like OP's mom is not at the point of trying to improve the relationship. Parents CAN change, but it doesn't mean they will.
with the first story i do feel like Shaaba takes the mom's side too much? I don't like the idea of OP having to go to the mom before accepting the in-laws offer, even out of courtesy, and i think it's rooted in the "respect your elders, honor your parents" mentality that can be so toxic and that so many of us are still unlearning. I do agree that a conversation with the mom needs to happen, and this isn't a "never go back again, fuck them, move on" type of situation, but i fully see OP as NTA/ NTD here. It was fully their decision to make and i don't think it's right to expect them to consult with their family first, or to pretend to to spare their feelings. We don't need to bend over backwards for others -who didn't put us first- just because "ideal" family dinamics call for it
Agreed, the part about it being "disrespectful" definitely gave me "respect your elders/parents" vibe. Like, he was invited back in July, there was plenty of time between him saying yes and the day of the holiday to communicate his holiday plans, which he did. Disrespect would be accepting an invitation to dinner when you already know your mom is making food for you at home. OP's situation is a natural part of being an adult and making your own holiday plans and traditions outside of the family.
I have a tattoo on my breast. My artist gave me a sticker for my nipple and brought a screen to hide me from everyone else is in the studio. There was a bit of a gap between screens because they weren't quite big enough, but every effort was made to keep me private without even having to ask.
I had privacy screen for both my Tattoos. One is on my angle and the other on my hip. The hip I understand, the ankle I don't really know why. But my friend got her ribs/chest (under her breast) tattooed right after me, so maybe it was more for her?
@@SammyLammy1D Some people just want privacy for all tattoos. There are a myriad of reasons why someone might be uncomfortable getting a tattoo anywhere, or why they might be uncomfortable for strangers to be able to walk in and see them. Even if they're not half naked. I would assume the screen is there for those who want it, for those who don't care it's usually not an issue that there is a screen. 😊
For that first one, NTA. I might be projecting from my own family situation, but I'm inclined to think that Mum was just wanting to make it seem like her broken family was picture perfect. This is a two year relationship. Very normal to start going to Christmas and that kind of thing. Her child is an ADULT. Adults often do their own thing. That's part of moving out.
I’m that way too. Ever since my mom died I’ve realized that when I would spend time with my family, I was going to be with HER. Now that she’s gone, it’s strictly an obligation and not what I WANT. And even though it was always easy to divide time because my family is all about Christmas Eve so going to be with my husband’s family (who I’m much closer to) on Christmas Day was perfect… but this year my sister organized this big dinner on Xmas day where her son was going to cook etc, and my father was SO UPSET that we wouldn’t be “with the family” that day. DUDE I AM WITH MY FAMILY AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THAT.
Even more than that his mother failed him. She did not support him, protect him and make sure he was welcome in her blended family. She is now in denial and still more concerned about her feelings than his, it is not his job to make her feel better about failing him.
1st story: Op doesn’t need any other reason not to celebrate Christmas with her family other than the fact he doesn’t want too. Nevertheless his other reasons.
For the first one, I disagree that OP should need to talk to his mother before finalizing plans with his GF's family. He is at college, he is an adult, and while Mom can express her wish that he mught come home for the holidays, that is not an obligation, and if it's made one, then he'd be going home for the wrong reason. He's allowed to make his own plans, his own traditions, and be where he feels happiest during the holidays, without having to tell his mom first. Obviously, yes, communicate it once plans are made, which he did do, but I don't think he was being disrespectful to hold off on confirming until he spoke with mom. Especially as it sounds like she put pressure on him AFTER he told her had made his plans; imagine the pressure and guilt he might have received if he spoke with her before committing. Maybe he needed to say yes first as a way to protect himself from emotional manipulation, knowing he had already made up his mind and that the plans were in place.
If he's not asking permission from his mom I don't see why he needs to tell her before he gives an answer to his girlfriend's family. Obviously he needs to communicate with his mom about his plans, but I don't see why the order matters.
Yeah, black at a wedding is fine in America as well, especially if it's a cocktail dress. And, yeah, she could've worn a different colored shirt, but I wouldn't care with the black jacket. The bigger issue was her not trying anything on before the day of the wedding.
I'm in the UK like Shaaba and I have to say, this is the first time I've ever heard of not wearing black to a wedding! I certainly have, and have seen plenty of black dresses at weddings I've been at. So I was surprised to hear that
I think it depends on the specific area's culture. I grew up in the Midwest in a mid sized city, and have never heard of it being taboo before to wear black to a wedding. But I have friends from other places even in my own state who believe it's taboo, but they're all from small towns, where every single action is seen as having a message. I could also see that mindset being more common in the Sourhern US and in small towns. It really depends on if you believe it had a message behind it or not. Places/cultures that are all about decorum and customs and have double meanings in their words will also perceive clothing as having a specific message too. Based on my opinion and experiences
Shaaba i do really enjoy these videos! I just want to point out that you may be a little biased when it comes to stories of parental abuse/neglect due to your positive experiences of adult reconnection. You put a lot of responsibility on the adult victim to always be the one reaching out and making their fanily understand when ultimately, it is up to their parent to acknowledge the hurt they caused even if they thought it was what was best. I do agree in the first situation the mother is allowed to be upset, but that she was adequately warned and was intentionally ignoring her child in favour of what she wanted to happen. Anyway, I did enjoy the video! Have a nice day 😊
I have also been sensitive to Shaaba's comments on stories with these dynamics. It has been difficult for me to word why it's made me uncomfortable, so thank you for sharing. ❤
@dylnpickl846 definitely! While I do think she's coming from a well intentioned place, I know that a lot of similar scenarios don't turn out well, no matter how much the adult child tries to reconnect. I'm glad I could help put what you were feeling into words! And I hope that you have a lovely day 💜
As a therapist and a person who has experienced some difficult family dynamics (though never to the degree of being estranged), I agree. It seems like mum just wouldn't get it it however much it was explained and mum doesn't seem to have tried to integrate them into their own family. If mum said that she would really miss seeing them and wanted to arrange to spend some time together than that would be valid - but accusing them of just saying it to be mean etc. seems pretty toxic. I would also add though that it would most likely be best for OP if they can maintain relationships with their own family and not only focus on the new family, who they will lose in the event that they break up.
Yeah, especially in this case, where OP was only a toddler when the exclusion started, there is nothing you can reasonably expect a toddler to do, to blend a family and make the family dynamics work. But even if OP had been older, it is still not on the children to blend the family. The children are not the ones doing the blending, they are simply along for the ride. Their parents decide for them, and that means the (step)parents are the ones who need to make the effort instead. OP even brought it up and nothing changed, so I don't see the need for OP to start a conversation, let alone ask permission. (Even though Shaaba said he doesn't need to ask for permission, that conversation is really a way to ask for permission). OP informed his mother of his plans, that's all he needed to do.
1. NTD. OP's mom has had two decades to step up and tell her husband and in-laws, "My son is part of this family too, and you need to include him." He has tried telling her in the past how he felt, and she ignored him. Now he gets to move on, and she gets to feel the consequences of her own inaction. Also, something you have to accept as a parent is that once your kids are grown, they won't necessarily spend every holiday with you because they have their own lives now. 2. ESH, but OP is the worst. I was right there with Shaaba asking why OP didn't check her dress in advance. Then she would have had plenty of time to get it cleaned and repaired, or even buy something new. You can easily buy a wedding-worthy outfit for under $100, and way less if you can find something at a thrift store. One tiny mitigating point for OP is that the no white rule is about not looking like you're trying to upstage the bride, which she obviously wasn't in a pants outfit. But still, everyone knows, no white as a wedding guest. The MOH didn't need to call her out in such a rude way. She could have just raised an eyebrow and walked away. But OP at that point could have said, "I know, I'm sorry, I just didn't have anything else." Instead, she escalated it with a dig at what all the bridesmaids, collectively, had chosen. I suspect she was already feeling insecure about her own outfit, and responded by lashing out. It was extremely immature of her. I was going to give the bride a pass until the end. She didn't seem to be causing any drama for a while. But then she had to bring it up after the wedding. She could have chosen to either let it go or say, "I was a bit hurt that you wore white to my wedding. Can we talk about it?" Instead, she chose to bring up the fight, so a little bit of drama on her part there. But since OP didn't even say how she responded, I suspect her response was probably way worse. 3. NTD. The tattoo artist knew he was going to be tattooing a woman on an area of the body that is generally considered private. He should have made provisions in advance, such as arranging with the other artists that he would need to work in the back area, or having a screen. Failure to have that plan in place was already unprofessional, and raising his voice with a client who had a perfectly reasonable request was completely unacceptable. The BF also reacted badly. It is perfectly normal in our culture that women don't want to expose their breasts in public; just because they are men doesn't mean this should come as a surprise to them. Definitely leave the tattoo artist a bad review, and have a serious talk with the BF.
The $80 deposit is for saving the time for the client, which happens in a lot of similar job types. My sister is a massage therapist and they have a same day cancellation policy where you still pay half or full I can't remember the exact price bc the massage therapist may not get their time filled and they are hour by hour workers. Now the problem in this case is the comfortability of the client. If my sister literally pulled a table out of one of the rooms into the frickin lobby and told the client they'd have to pay if they canceled - she would get her a** chewed by her boss. And the client would 100000% have every reason to leave a shit review and take her to court. Again too much extra effort for an 80 dollar deposit, but good god that tattoo artist shouldn't even have a business. He was clearly overbooking clients and didn't actually give a hoot abt them either.
This is a great explanation andbI totally agree. It's absolutely reasonable for artists or other service workers who work one-on-one with clients to have a deposit policy. When someone no-shows, that entire appointment slot is wasted earning potential. However, the client is in the right to expect certain accommodations, especially when they are in a vulnerable position, such as exposing skin for a tattoo or a massage. If the worker is unable to provide for those reasonable accommodations through their own fault, then a refund should be given as an apology for wasting the client's time and being unable to provide the service.
The problem I have here is not knowing what the deposit policy says in writing or how the offer for another date was offered. While I fully agree the artist is shitty for the attitude and the refusal to accommodate a privacy request, if the offer to reschedule was legit, then rolling the deposit shouldn't have been a big deal. If she was planning on not returning, then it depends on what the language of the contract was. If it were me, I would preserve customer relationships with clear apologies and offer to roll over or forfeit half the deposit back, even if it was non-refundable. But if it was clearly stated as non-refundable, he's within his rights to keep it because she cancelled the appointment, even if her reasons for cancelling are reasons I personally find very legitimate. I think the artist is a jerk, but I understand how shit it is to lose planned income due to cancellation of a booking.
The deposits in general are good, yes, but sometimes businesses f up, and end up losing money. That's a risk you take with a business and not everything will bring you money
My thoughts exactly, a white dress is a definite no no but white trousers and top? Especially with a black jacket. It's not like you're trying to upstage the bride or anything. I don't see a problem with the outfit
SAME! Honestly it seems like they made drama about nothing... if she had gone in a white dress I would get it, but she was wearing pants and a black jacket, she OBVIOUSLY was not (dressed as) the bride, come on!
I feel like saying something about that is way less of a drama than immediately hitting back with insults of the bridesmaid dresses though. The first thing is annoying, the second was deliberately hurtful
Yeah, my issue was, instead of trying to diffuse the situation they immediately divulged into insults. I also feel like we have a bit of an unreliable narrator situation going on w/ story 2 as well, which further makes me feel like they r the issue for not taking any real accountability
story 3: Time to find a new artist and scream your experience to anyone who will listen to warn other potential customers, especially women. Even if this particular situation got worked out, I'd never trust that person again to not put something permanent on my skin that I didn't want. I don't think people realize enough just how much trust we put into body modification professionals. And that jerk is no professional and needs to go out of business. You know what people do when they have a sudden cancelation? They call other clients to offer them an earlier appt or take a walkin, they don't act like a complete ass because they presumably would like to keep their business open.
Absolutely! I want to believe a tattoo artist would remain professional and do the tattoo as they're meant to, but there are so many ways the art could turn out just a little bit worse if the artist wanted to be petty. If I were OP, I could never trust this person again, even if they came up and apologized profusely for the rude treatment at the studio. I really hope she found someone else to handle her personal request and that she told her boyfriend to sit on a cactus for his BS remark.
Honestly, this is why I would consider the small claim court idea, and possibly get some publicity. Idc if I lost money, at this point it's a human right movement and I'm ready to pay so the others won't suffer.
Last story, OP is so so much NTD. This could have all been avoided if the studio had a policy of *asking* clients whether they'd be comfortable getting their work done in a front chair or not, and booking/charging accordingly. It's something the staff should have checked when the appointment was made, NOT day-of when OP showed up. Everyone's body exposure comfort levels are different, and it baffles me that someone who pokes tiny needles into strangers' naughty places professionally hasn't yet realized this attitude will lose them customers.
The kid in story 1 has clearly been neglected his entire life. Mom should realize that loving your child is not the same as showing that love and caring for him. When the result is that he prefers to be somewhere where love to him *is* being expressed, she does not get to be hurt or annoyed. She made it like this. She should do some self-reflection on why her son made this decision, and start the conversation about this and apologize, instead of blaming him. It needs to come from her, not him. Believe me, he has tried to communicate about these things. But she is not receptive to it. Saying this as a child of neglect myself. Being neglected is difficult, because it does not mean there is no love between parents and children, but there is also not necessarily hate. But it still is a fucked up dynamic.
Eh, I'd say she's allowed to be hurt. The difference is that she needs to realize that she's the one who caused this situation. She needs to take that hurt and learn from it, not take it out on her kid for not wanting to be around a poor family dynamic.
I definitely felt neglected for a time as a child. I was depressed, didn't have many friends, and just found out I was autistic (which at the time was a devastating "oh god, am I *ever* gonna be able to make friends?") and my mom was constantly busy running my sister around for sports that I just felt so lonely. My dad was around but I never felt as connected to him. But as soon as that was known, my mom made efforts to make time for me again and it made me feel loved again. It doesn't take a lot to repair something like that but the mother was pretty clearly unwilling to listen or try to help
I've only heard that you shouldn't wear black to weddings from like older people, but also I'm friends and family friends with a lot of goths and witchy people so I wouldn't be surprised if one of them got married in a black dress
According to Irish tradition, it can curse your union. The best colors for a wedding are white, pearl, and blue. Green, yellow, red, and black all potentially bode ill for the marriage. I'm a pagan though, and my particular faction sees green, white, brown, blue, and black as good-fortune colors.
I'm always triggered by the "you're not even married" thing used as an argument for whatever (I also think it's a bit of an American thing, personally never heard something like that In Poland, maybe it's just my bubble, but honestly I don't think so...). For heaven's sake, a couple that lives together and whose relationship span is counted In years should be seen as an item, a team, of course they shoyld be invited places together, visit each others family and so on. You can get married In no time and for cheap, Just fill up the paperwork, book a date and pay the fee, easy-peasy done. Gives you the "stamp" of officiallity on your relationship, but doesn't make it REAL. And OP is not the AH.
The people who say "you're not even married" are the same ones who had drunk shotgun weddings in Vegas and got it annulled the following Monday. Americans have mastered the art of hypocrisy, and it's the only thing we're #1 at😂😂
@@HighAsHeckPriestess or got married at 18, are not exactly happy, but are so invested that they try to drag down anyone who lives differently. "My way is the best, so obviously it's the correct one, and I'm better than those who didn't do it".
As someone who had one of those "In no time and for cheap" weddings, I heavily agree! Our respective families and friends were always including both of us in invites for things. And hubby's family in particular went out of their way to make sure I had something to eat whenever we visited since I've gone meatless, even when we weren't married. Marriage is not the line that magically makes a relationship serious. It's waaaaay before that.
@@animeartist888 my parents got married like that, over 40 years ago. Signed papers, had a small celebration at home, married. Still together. They are friends with a couple who never did this - not married for also over 40 years. Others had huge weddings and divorced, or been together and broke up after decades. There's no rule, other than a couple who lives together for a long time should be seen as the same as married couple. Tricky when they live apart, but it's not something that applies In this case.
Yeah, a relationship is a relationship, a signature does not make it more or less valid. I am married, we dated and lived together for 6 years before we married. Remarks like that make it sound like the 6 years before the wedding didn't count. Like that wasn't a commitment or love.
I'm honestly pretty comfortable with having my t*ts out in group settings where it's reasonable, and I still think OP in the tattoo story deserved better treatment than she got. She expressed that she was uncomfortable, and the tattooist should have found some alternative to offer her. That's just basic customer service and being a decent person
I'm German. Keeping my tits hidden is a hard task (jk). In all seriousness, though, I don't mind being topless (especially if I get to keep my bra) in virtually any scenario. However, the way that artist treated OP and their concerns was absolutely unacceptable and out of line. Even I would have told the artist to shove it at this point if I had witnessed this interaction. A tattoo artist that gives so little concern about the comfort of their client is not a tattoo artist I want working on me.
I live in Canada and wearing black to a wedding is completely fine where I am, culturally. The only people I've ever heard have issues with that are some people who are elderly or extremely religious. Also, I have 30+ tattoos and in every studio I've been to they have had privacy screens and offered them to me - I've never really minded since the studios don't just have clear windows to the street, but I appreciate the offer.
Heck, I’m from Canada and have been specifically told to wear black to separate myself from the wedding party. And I never got asked not to at weddings where I wasn’t told to specifically to wear black
I'm so happy I heard that tattoo story. I feel so validated, except I did go through with getting the damn tattoo! To make a long story short, I sent in an image of a dragon that I'd held onto for over 10 years (couldn't meet with the artist before scheduling) and was very descriptive about what I liked about it (very sketchy, detailed, with a kind and ancient look to the dragon) and when I show up the guy had drawn this very stylized, cartoony, beefy, mean looking thing that was more fitting for a man in a biker gang than a young woman with flower tattoos who loves purple, pinks, and rainbows. He absolutely threw a fit when I said that's not what I wanted. Complained about how long it took him to draw it. And I caved. I asked him to tone down the muscles, take out the claws and fangs and have the dragon smile. It takes up my whole back. AND he never even finished it! I couldn't reschedule my last session, I called every day for 2 weeks leading up to it and kept being told he was gone and the couldn't take a message. He was gone in the day of, I was told. He wrote me down as a no call no show and the studio refused to give me back my $200 deposit! Now I'm too anxious to try and have the tattoo redone. I was an asshole to myself and I wish I'd had more spine.
when a parent says "you're saying these things to be hurtful" as a way to discredit what's being said it feels awful. No, I'm not saying it to be hurtful. I'm hurt, and I'm telling you how I feel. The problem is that mom feels guilty and hurt, and instead of taking those feelings and sitting with it so you both could have a conversation, she just dismissed your real concerns because they were uncomfortable. NTA op, but I do hope that one day you're able to have a real conversation with your family and things change. I'm not saying hold your breath, but we can always hope people will choose growth with you. edit: and the tattoo artist did not let her know prior to arriving to get the tattoo that this would be the case for how the tattoo would be done. He was ready for her to either like it or leave, but he had already decided to keep the $80 from the jump- that's why he just responded by getting louder.
Fun fact: The white wedding dress wasn't really much of a thing for Western Europe in the past (I think it grew in popularity when Queen Victoria wore one to her wedding.) I'm not from Britain, but my great grandmother actually wore black for her wedding and it was pretty common back then (for peope in her region anyways; she was catholic btw).
There's so many things that are seen as old traditions and often tought to be true everywhere, that actually are quite modern and local phenomena, and not necessarily based on any truth. Like the whole thing with the white wedding dress. "Every" bride wears white, at least in the current western movies and TV. Of course many do in real life too, in some countries more often than others, but it's certainly not as much of a rule as some would like us to believe. I've also heard that at some point in the past white wedding dresses were only allowed for virgins, which definitely isn't much of a thing these days outside of maybe some super religious circles.
@@durabelle True. I find it really fascinating discovering when "old traditions" were started and for what reason (if any). Seeing that a lot of them aren't quite that old or have changed considerably also gives perspective in terms of people claiming that something is good just because its tradition. Because in the end new traditions are made and buried every day, so best for them to be good ones independent of how long we've had them. :) The one with the white wedding dress is super interesting to me, because it makes a lot of sense especially for poor people to not have a white dress for the wedding because it gets dirty easily and you can't really wear it a second time unless you dye it which in the past was a lot more difficult I guess.
You are correct. It was popularized by Queen Victoria to wear white. Same with massive wedding cakes. It used to be that people just got married in their Sunday best... so frequently dark colours would be worn.
For the first story, I don't know why people never plan to have multiple holiday celebrations. Like why not spend Christmas eve with one group, Christmas day with another, and then the day after or the 27th with another group if there's a ton of people. Like my family isn't split but we've always had multiple day celebrations with different parts of the family.
Same here! My family isn't even big, but we had separate celebrations with my mom's and my dad's side of the family. It's really not that complicated if you make an effort
That's a heck of a lot of travel if the different people you want/have to spend time with don't live in the same area. Christmas isn't a big deal for me but I totally get how stressful it can be for other people who feel that pressure to see all the people for the holidays.
On my mum's side of the family we are so many now (countryside Italian family, my grandparents currently have 4 great grandchildren) that we organise rotations every year because 1) no one has a house big enough to host a meal for everyone 2) my grandparents are quite old and can't handle all my younger cousins at once 😂 We're pretty lucky because they all leave in the same area, it's just my family that has to drive there and it's not that far. Of course this only works because everyone is accommodating and we all get along, but if you can arrange that, it's a fantastic idea to have multiple celebrations ❤
Its because of the fact that OP doesn't want to be with the rest of their own family. And if their partner is understanding of that, why should they go to a house where they feel uncomfortable?
@@HighAsHeckPriestess I know that about this specific case. But I feel like I see so many stories like this where a person wants to spend holidays with multiple groups of people and are forced to pick and choose instead of people working out a compromise.
Re: that tattoo story - imagine that happening anywhere else. You go to the doctor for a mammogram and they say “times are tough, we had to hire on more doctors and can’t afford more space so we’re going to do your mammogram in the cafeteria” (and you still have to pay if you’re in America).
Story 1 is so sad to me. All kids should feel loved and that they belong. Hope OP and Ember stay happy together and take these bumps as learning opportunities.
I love that you changed it to 'drama'. In many of these scenarios, there are people who are unsure and hurt, and it seems like a respectful choice to not label them aholes.
The boyfriend in that last story was an unexpected asshole, wow! So mean to say something like that to a partner... Also, hope you had fun at Mean Girls!
12:51 Shaaba, why do you always make everybody as responsible as everyone else? OP1 was the child in this relationship? Why isn't mom completely responsible for ensuring that her child feels like part of the family? This is HER actual job as a mother!!! She obviously wasn't paying attention to her only child as this child grew up in this unblended family. Now it's the adult child's responsibility to point out that they've never been part of this family? Nope!!!
I agree; OP says that he was about 2-3 when the families were blended together, meaning that this family dynamic is the only one he's known his whole life. Like, sure, if it had happened when he was 15, he would have a bit of responsibility for his actions and responses, but at 3 years old? No, it was his mother's responsibility to ensure he felt loved and wanted, because by the time he was old enough to give voice to his feelings, the patterns of the family dynamic were already well-established.
I had a similar thought. Why should he have to go out of his way to "respect" his mother by asking her if he can go somewhere for Christmas he feels loved?? And instead of taking into consideration his valid concerns and offering up the chance to do smth with maybe just the more immediate family another day with less stress the mother is pushing him to go somewhere he has expressed multiple times he doesn't feel wanted??
Yeah, plus OP has explained that he did tell his mother about feeling ignored, and what happened to cause those feelings, and nothing changed, so I don't think another conversation needs happen about Christmas. I don't think the mother understands, or wants to understand, or maybe doesn't want to put in the effort. Whatever it is, this isn't a new situation, so I don't know why the mother acted all surprised. Can I understand she feels hurt? I guess. But it's not OP's responsibility to manage her feelings.
@@Persewna4 I mean, even at 15 I wouldn't place the responsibility of blending a family on the child. The parents are the ones doing the blending, the children are rarely, if ever, involved in that decision, they certainly are not the ones who have the final say in it, they just have to live with the choices their parent(s) make. Bad or good. So the onus is on the (step)parents to make the effort.
Story 1: kinda disagree about informing mum before saying yes. She sounds like the type of person to try to persuade you to say no and to take it as a personal insult when you still accept. “You knew how I felt and you still went”, stuff like that. OP is a grown up with a 2 year relationship and a place of their own, it’s wild that mum just assumed they’d be coming ‘home’ for Christmas without checking.
When my mom was married to my step-dad, his family never made an effort to get to know me or my sister. They just expected us to be there every holiday. They also never treated my mom like she was fully part of the family either; when step-dad's mom died, his sisters decided there would "be no input from spouses" on what to do with assests and inheritance, but that was really in practice just an excuse to exclude my mom from any decision making because all his sisters included their spouses (mom was married to him for 8 years at that point). When my mom divorced him after 13 years of marriage, his family immediately accused us (me, mom, sister) of not being friendly and never trying to get to know them. I really empathize with OP in the first story because I know how it feels to go to Christmas after Christmas and have it made pretty clear that you are not family and not wanted there. I was 12 and sister was 2 when mom married step-dad. None of his family have tried to contact at least my sister, who actually grew up knowing them, in the 4 years since the divorce. OP's mom is entitled to her feelings, but if OP has been part of the step-family since the age of 2 and still feels like an outsider? It's probably not OP's imagination. I love your videos, Shaaba, and I love how you try to think about all angles of the situation when giving an AITA verdict, even if I come to different conclusions than you.
I only give my relatives 4 hours during Christmas. And mental health is so good now. Last year, I left town and spent 4 days with a friend and my dogs.
As for the guy story about preferring Ember’s family, I totally get it. I come from a severely broken home and I have always felt more at home with my in laws than my own blood. But my parents are surprisingly aware of and it and never made me feel bad about it. I equate them to teenagers who knew the messed up and don’t want to bring attention to it.
For the second story, I would not try on dresses before a wedding (if I wasn't in the bridal party). In fact, I probably wouldn't even think about what I was planning to wear until the day of. And, I must confess, I have occasionally put dresses aside, thinking they were still clean, only to find out it was actually dirty. Everyone's different, and not everyone super cares that much about what they wear. I also have put on weight, and realised at the last minute before an event that I have fewer options than I thought I would. That being said, she probably could have worn another top. I don't think it's a big deal, though. I thought the white rule was more regarding wearing dresses so there's no confusion about who the bride is.
I agree with you with regards to the outfit. I also don't think too far ahead about clothing if I'm not in the wedding party/just a regular attendee because I often don't have money for new clothes (especially not fancy ones). I also rarely have the time to go clothes shopping (something I hate, anyways). I've also made the mistake of hanging something up thinking it was fine and then it wasn't. I (like many) have *A Chair* in my room that ends up covered in clothes most of the time. Usually, they're just clean clothes I didn't feel like folding that day... but sometimes, not so clean clothes end up in the pile and get put away with the fresh laundry. Happens rarely, but it happens. Behaviour-wise, however, OP is in the wrong. Not because of the outfit or the reasons for the outfit (I personally think white and cream look fantastic together and would never upstage a bride unless she's wearing a pant suit), but because of how she reacted to things. The whole drama with the maid of honour was so completely unnecessary...
If you are ever in Gothenburg, Sweden and want to get a lovely tattoo in a room that is completely hidden from the world (using window-plastic so you still get light) by people who are truly amazing (both of them are great, but Caja is the artist who has done all of my tattoos over the last 12 years), I cannot suggest Ed's Bodyart (Eds Kroppskonst) highly enough. Good people, resonable rates, low deposit, good work, and I always feel welcomed and well cared for. Also, both Caja and Eddy are completely fluent in English.
The last one with the tattoo really got me! I’m getting a tattoo next month and I’m travelling a couple of hours to the artist and I’ve been able to ask all kinds of questions such as what’s best for me to wear on the day and in the booking message it says absolutely no filming is allowed in the studio to respect the other clients. My tattoo is going to be on my ribs (more to the side going down towards my hips) I asked what would be best for me to wear as I understand some might go where my bra would be and they gave me all kinds of suggestions and assured me I’ll be made comfortable with my dignity/safety being the forefront of the experience. So I’ll be wearing a bikini top that’s got strings to tie that allow me to adjust when he works on those areas. This guy who was trying to tattoo in an open space where the PUBLIC could see is an absolute no no, they should have let the client reschedule to a time they were confirmed it would be in the back and kept the deposit with the booking. I’d never go back and leave a bad review as well as tell anyone I knew how bad of an experience I had. Also boyfriend is a turd for his comment it’s just uncalled for!
@@belenpazallo3946it’s not a pun, they’re just referring to how clever it is. they did an older theme and it’s named “1-800-DRAMA” like an old telephone, plus they put drama in the name because they’re doing “am i the drama” instead of am i the asshole.
One of my favorite things since coming out as Non-binary, it's happened 3 or 4 times now, is when someone says something about "men" and my automatic indignant response of "I'm not like that!" turns into, "Oh, yeah not a man. Woo!". Still a "not all men" response, but it's a dislike of generalizations more than anything now.
Whether you like it or not, some people have to depend on generalizations to avoid putting themselves in risky situations. What we would need to do is dismantle the patriarchy - an impossible task.
The tattoo one got me. Every tattoo parlor I've been to always had private rooms or partitions for people's privacy. Usually, at least here in the States, stations are assigned to different artists, but you can say, "Hey, I have a client coming in tomorrow [or whenever] that wants a tattoo on his penis. So, I'll need the private room." And it'll just depend on if it's available. And yes, Shaaba depending on your jurisdiction it is indecent exposure. So, in our jurisdiction if I came out of the shower [naked, obviously] if I didn't have my curtains drawn and someone on the street could see me...I could either get a citation or be arrested (arrest would usually happen if the individual that saw my "bits" was a minor).
Would love to have a special episode of the 1-800-drama podcast thats "1800 - drama" where you both react to vintage victorian era drama (like newspaper published insults and rebuttals, or the fossil wars that involved faking dino skeletons to one up each other etc). Love the drama podcast and also the monday videos! Thanks for considering my silly suggestion! Jaz (he/they).
13:50 I think another good option would be for OP to let their mom know they will be at their girlfriend's for Christmas when all the group celebrations are going on, then visit their mom on a quieter day without everyone else around.
I have my whole chest tattooed, and every single time, it's been in a private room. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in front of a bunch of random strangers AT ALL. I don't blame the OP at all.
about the first story, I (22 afab) got together with my gf (23 mtf) about two weeks before christmas and she invited me for christmas, I said yes because I wasn't planning to go to family for christmas either way (family is hella christian and it ruins christmas), which resulted in my first normal christmas! my family doesn't know still but to be fair I guess they didn't make it a huge deal *because* all they do with christmas is go to church a few more times
second comment: My tattoo artist was in an open studio and she put a screen up when i got my sternum tattoo, she also bought nipple covers for that situation and gave me those. she moved studios and my friend got a sternum tattoo from the same artist at an all women shop and they just had no one else tattooing that day so we had the shop to ourselves. I have no idea why the artist would do that, but my friend (the artist i’ve mentioned) has had multiple people come to her after male artists berated them or bullied them. its a huge thing in the industry she’s told me about, refusing to do tattoos on certain body sizes, saying mean things, mocking the tattoos, etc.
Where I live in the U.S., Small Claims Court isn't like a huge court case. You deposit a filing fee, you both submit your evidence, and then the person who is in the wrong ends up paying the fee. A couple years ago it was only like $39 to file. In the end, the tattoo guy would pay it out, and the client would get the fee back along with what she was owed. 😊
9:23 omg the family portrait thing! Being an awkward floater going between the two! I’ve never heard anyone else relate to this, took me and my counsellor so long to come to this conclusion about my setup and issues too! It’s so nice to not be alone here. I always talk about it in terms of units; the rest of my family have these solid permanent units where everyone would consider themselves part of this same setup (and take it for granted that everyone there tolerates each other enough to be in the same room 🙄) and it’s so automatic for them for Christmas, birthdays, graduations .. then there’s me lol. I feel extra understanding towards you and how precious your setup with Jamie and your cats must be; it’s taken me years to learn to stand up for me and *my* unit with my partner. I now realise why it’s so important how solid I feel with us and our pets, and have had real strain with one parent really not respecting that (funnily enough, especially now that my partner has come out as trans 🙃 snap! - which has in fact led to me and that parent going no-contact). It’s such a big deal and you can really not realise how much it affects you throughout childhood!
you're overthinking her last minute wedding outfit for the last minute wedding. its very obvious things just panned out to where she was in that situation and had to throw something together out of what she had, it happens to everyone. especially since she already seems stressed out on a day to day basis, its not unthinkable that she assumed she had something clean to wear when she didnt and then had to throw something together.
Same! The lady in the second was the drama because of the bathroom spat with the Maid of Honor, not because she had to last-minute an outfit. She probably hung up her dress late and tired after the last time, and with two small kids it's 100% reasonable that she forgot to check on her outfit. Life happens 🤷🏼♀️
yeah im not defending her being annoying at the wedding itself, that was uncalled for. but hyperanalyzing her outfit choice when that just happen to people felt like it was a bit much@@MorgenPeschke
For that last one I would’ve made a SCENE! I would’ve started getting just as loud as him if not louder. I would explain my situation very loudly so that everyone can see exactly what I’m mad about and I would’ve recorded the entire thing. This whole situation has made me LIVID! It would be one thing if he kept the deposit for OP’s next visit, but he used the excuse that op was WASTING his time when it was in no way op’s fault.
For christmas, we do our best to plan supper around when people can be here. Sometimes it's the 23rd, all the way to the 26th. The solution is to be flexible.
The woman with the black/white wedding clothes also has small children, so I think that warrants a little understanding regarding preparing wedding attire appropriately 😊
The first one was wild to me. I'm also from a blended family, and I never felt like I wasn't part of my stepdad's entire extended family. My mom and stepdad and step aunts, uncles, cousins, they always treated the family as a whole unit. It's not on OP to make things feel right. The parents have failed them. I think it's really evident with how the mom just isn't hearing their concerns. "You're just being hurtful." She's minimizing and has her ears closed. OP is not in the wrong for choosing their chosen family. I'm so glad they have somewhere they belong at last.
1) love the podcast, glad you're alternating so we get this time still 2) heard superglue and yay! 🎉 3) look after you. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. We love you ❤
The tattoo story really makes me grateful for the studio I’ve been getting mine at. It’s sectioned into multiple rooms, with only one or two artists in each (there is one artist in a sectioned-off space of the reception area, but even that has a wall blocking a passing view-you’d have to actively go across the room and look over the wall to see the client, and I’m sure they have privacy screens when needed)
All of these Christmas stories make me really appreciate the fact that all my relatives live in one general area and how we do Christmas spread out through a couple days
I was so happy when you said we the viewers could send you our own drama, and I immediately knew that I'm going to have to do that, but there's A LOT of it, you could get a year's worth of podcasts and/or UA-cam videos material just from my relationship with my father, let alone my entire family dynamic lol. And I mean, I haven't seen my therapist or psychiatrist in a long time, so I could use the opportunity to vent while getting honest opinions and advice on my situation. Plus I'm currently in a situation that's probably familiar to many people, severely abusive father, and a mother who's simultaneously the victim of his as well, but also the perpetrator, enabler, accomplice which I've only recently realised, and it deeply hurt me. Of course the mother is the one defending him, telling me to forgive and forget the abuse (that is still happening btw), telling me it didn't happen when I have proof, and gaslighting me, being manipulative, and outright cruel to me, especially since recently when I finally figured out that she played and plays a big part in the abuse I've experienced and am experiencing. Because of her manipulation and her gaslighting, I became doubtful of reality, and sometimes I really feel like I'm crazy and since they locked me inside and isolated me all these years and now, I don't have anyone to talk to anymore, so sharing those things with someone who could understand and empathize with me, and making others feel less alone or even just giving them a good story to listen to- would mean the world to me. I don't want to go into any more detail here, but I'm looking forward to sending you some AITD material! Btw I wanted to tell you that you're the only UA-camr I watch regularly, and the only UA-camr who's upload schedule I've ever remembered, and I watch a lot of UA-cam lol. Your videos became my ritual and I love your input and your way of thinking, your moral compass, empathy and understanding are the qualities that I strive for, and you always help me find or remember what I know and feel is right, and how humans should treat one another. So thank you for that! I'll try to leave comments on your videos more often, this is a great community to be apart of, and I know it helps you with engagement. I hope Jammie and you are having a great week! 💜
I got a tattoo for my 18th birthday. It was a small place so only 2 people were working and we had booked the 'day' (they worked from like 9 to 3 or smth but showed up a little late anyway) for one of them. It was chill as we all spoke (my brother was there as it was the place he was getting his sleeve done and my mum was getting one after me hence why we had the day) and the other artist waited for his client to arrive very visibly excited to tattoo someone (it was clearly a passion of his he had won awards and stuff). In passing we found out the client is from London and would be driving hours to see him. It becomes like 11 and no word from her so he tries to get in touch with her. As it turns out she had the wrong date written down and so had no idea it was today. It was so sad you could see his face drop. He ended up having to charge her again for the next time because she had taken that day away from someone else. Super sad but does make sense. Edit: I forgot to actually make my point. Anyway yeah this is a situation where clearly it was on her end (even if very unfortunate) so that's why she had to pay again. In the story it was THEIR issue they were too busy to provide their customers with the privacy they needed. They should've organized it better and foreseen this issue. Who would want strangers to see them half undressed??
Shaaba, you've put a lot of work into building blended families. I'm hoping one of the things 1-800-Drama will let you do is share some of that insight, like specific things we can do to welcome people, or resolve conflicts. Your commentary is both insightful and entertaining, and having concrete examples could help others reflect on their own lives and the people in them.
Many years back, I was invited to a friend's wedding. She knew that I didn't really have the money to go buy new clothes. It turned out that after going through everything in my wardrobe that fit at that time, the only thing I had that was remotely nice enough to wear to a wedding was a black skirt and off-white blouse. She was wearing an ivory/off-white suit-dress, & my blouse was a darker shade than her suit, but not by a great deal. I *still* explained the situation & got her approval for my outfit. Due to various circumstances I couldn't actually tell her until the day of, but I came prepared with a less nice top in a different colour just in case. I know some people get really antsy about any sort of black or white at a wedding (unless you're a member of the wedding party), but most of the folks that I know -- at least in my GenX age bracket & younger -- seem to be ok with black (especially black skirt/trousers) & any sort of not blindingly white (and definitely less "formal" than whatever the bride is wearing). I do agree that cream trousers & white blouse (even under a jacket) seems like it wouldn't work, & that she absolutely could/should have chosen another top, but just wanted to point out that black/white aren't completely verboten at western weddings, at least not in the last 20 years or so.
When I've been in tattoo studios that are open concept. There's always been atleast 1 room for private tattoos and they've had portable privacy screens they can put around individual stations. Not having a available private space for a client getting a tattoo in such an intimate place is unacceptable
A lot of my friends and family are goths or some kind of alternative so it's actually kind of surprising if people don't wear black to a wedding 😂 my bridesmaids all had black and red dresses. My mum and my nan and several other people actually wore white to my wedding and it didn't bother me at all because they weren't wearing wedding dresses and they were obviously not the bride lol
28:57 I’m a tattoo apprentice and one thing I’ve been taught (and thought was common sense) is to always always ALWAYS offer some kind of privacy for clients regardless of what the tattoo is and where. The fact that they said it’s whatever basically was SUPER unprofessional and they should have accommodated the client.
22:57 I don't think the cousin was drama because the bride didn't say anything till 3 days later because the MOH lied to her about what was said in the bathroom. The MOH made it a point to say the whole thing about the cousin not being a bridesmaid because it wasn't about her, but then the MOH said to the bride they said it was a fashion foux paux to wear white to a wedding when that wasn't what was said. In my opinion the MOH is the drama for lying to the bride.
Oh so i should chastise all the men wearing white shirts to weddings? Oh and their black suits, terribly inappropriate. So many wedding we better go tell off men for their clothing at .....
If the tattoo artist didn't inform his client beforehand that she would need to bare her girls for every single person who walked in, and maybe some people on the street too, then he has erred in his preparation. I feel like it would have been easy to prepare screens, or a swap with another artist that morning - especially since he knew the tattoo and placement in advance, whereas OP didn't know the store since they'd moved. The artist didn't make it a safe space, and made it worse by yelling. Fly OP, and don't go back. Also, I would think that wearing a white top at a wedding would be fine with a different coloured jacket over, but wearing light pants as well seems like asking for trouble. OP certainly avoiding responsibility for the black dress, but maybe times are tough and she's avoiding mentioning that too. Still, she brought the drama in the bathroom when she could have smoothed it over.
I know this is the usual Monday set up and all but i really wanted to say how much a appreciated it today. One of my cats has lung cancer and today was a particular difficult day, it's still not certain how much longer we'll have with her and i was really happy to have this little piece of scheduled diversion so thank you for that.
"If you're ... doing business and you're feeling any level of shame or intimidation from that business owner, that business owner is a shit person." So ... a normal businessperson. When a company's sole purpose is to make as much money as possible, catering to people's individual feelings no longer becomes a priority.
LOVED superglue Shaaba!!! You're such a talented squish!!! I love your voice. Black is also okay in Australia. And we dont wear white to weddings unless we are the bride.
So not technically like the tattoo one, but also with a similar vibe. I had to go into hospital to get some heart monitoring done. Took 5 minutes but I was lying down, completely topless with. Bunch of wires attached to me. This in general made me uncomfortable but I put up with it. But then the doctor gets up and leaves the room, to get something, and left the door open, so anyone walking past could just look in and see me lying there fully exposed. I was furious. But I was also at an age where I wasn't confronted with confrontation and didn't say anything about it. They have these wee screens round the doors in most rooms that they pull round so there's a double barrier, but she didn't even bother with that, just wide open door. I was mortified.
In Italy, black is usually a colour people don't pick because a wedding is a chance to wear something more unique, but it's not really a big deal, lots of people feel comfortable in black or already own one. Of course there are some old-fashioned rules like not wearing the same dress twice for weddings, and there might be rules about not wearing black because it's associated with funerals, but if you are attending a reasonable people's wedding you should be fine 😂
Similar thing happened to me when going to enquire about a tattoo. I asked if an artist would tattoo over self harm scars. The artist made me lift my sleeve and look at the scarring in the middle of the waiting area. Then he proceeded to say "you've made a right mess there, im not touching that!" Obviously never went back there and ultimately found a lovely lady to tattoo me at another studio. She also did a fantastic job at concealing my scars. So all turned out well
I'm so sorry he definitely should have been a lot more sensitive. But I'm glad you found a better tattoo artist you're happy with!
I'm so proud of you for reclaiming your body from the scars of your past. That's beautiful and you deserve to be uplifted for this
Shame on that awful person!! Berating you in public and saying such a disgusting thing to boot. So happy you found your artist who treated you with the care and respect you deserve.
wtf? what an immature, unempathetic asshole. i´m so sorry, they did that.
Thats awful I’m so sorry that happened, you’d think if they couldn’t tattoo over scarring like yours they could’ve been a lot more sensitive about 😓😓
If I were the tattoo client. I would have told him that "no. You're wasting my time because you're refusing to allow me privacy, and that if that wasn't possible, you should have let me know beforehand." But I'm also confrontational when I feel like I'm bring wronged. I don't think she was a coward by any means, and her boyfriend only made a bad situation worse for her.
Right?! The boyfriend is showing major red flags. I have received comments like that in the past: all from my abusive (ex) husband. He is not validating her safety concerns and that is very concerning.
@@tkrause1116 I was thinking it's possible the boyfriend's tone was super jokey, like, "haha, coward, not wanting your bits on show to the world", major sarcasm. She didn't specify tone (or I missed it) but even if my generous interpretation is right, what he said still didn't help any, so he was better off keeping it to himself entirely regardless 😅
It may be a bit confrontational but it is also the truth. OP’s time is just as valuable as the tattoo artist’s and her sense of discomfort at the situation is not unusual. The tattoo artist also knew what she was coming in for and the fact that part of her body would be exposed. He could have organised it so that she could get her tattoo at the back of the place, away from the window, and the station closer to the window could be for an appointment of someone getting maybe an arm or lower leg tattoo. If I can compare it, for example, to a Muslim woman who doesn’t want to take off her headscarf in public at the hairdresser - that is her right and she shouldn’t be made to feel bad for it, but the hair salon having a private area without windows is not something that can be assumed and I could understand a hairdresser being unable to accommodate it without prior notice. It’s maybe a strange comparison, but what I mean is that not only was the tattoo artist rude but he also sounds like he’s not very well prepared / didn’t put thought into the appointment.
Shaba can change the title if she wants, but that OP’s boyfriend is an asshole.
Interesting tidbit, my cousin got married a few months back and they asked that EVERYONE wear solid black to the wedding. The wedding dress was the only white clothing, and with her nearly black hair she stood out so beautifully, and everyone collectively looked amazing in black. Gratefully, no one had any issues following the rules, and the pics of the wedding party as well as any of the guests were amazing.
28:52 every time I have ever experienced a body modification that required my shirt to come off, I have been given privacy. Once it was a room souly used for sensitive tattoos and piercings, the second time, they didn't have any rooms, so they used a room devider and completely enclosed me in privacy. I never once had to ask for privacy, it was simply just given to me.
I had a tattoo done on my upper thigh, and I had to drop my pants to get it done, in an open space tattoo shop that was full at the moment. Before I even said anything, my tattoo artist offered me a privacy screen, without me even considering it possible.
Common tattoo artist W
story 1: Mom may have the human right to have hurt feelings, but she in no way gets to blame that on OP when SHE caused the problems and did nothing to console her child when, as the adult caretaker, she had the responsibility to make sure OP felt loved. Now she wants to play the victim and OP does not owe her so much as a texted apology.
Parents on power trips never feel obligated to apologize to children who they see as property.
right?!
I was so confused by Shaaba's reaction. I couldn't imagine a situation where OP was (or just felt that they were?) ignored & excluded by stepdad's extended family & late wife's extended family, and 1. the mum didn't notice & 2. OP never said anything during childhood or adolescence.
there might have been hundreds of "here is a big shiny toy for my REAL grandchild, and a pair of socks for this other kid who lives with them"/"come on everyone! family photo! oh...OK. you can join us"/forgotten birthdays/showing up for their school plays & sports events but never OPs/...
...and I can't imagine a kid taking that with no obvious reaction. or a parent genuinely not noticing the kid's disappointment/pain/rage at yet another incident. but I *can* imagine a parent deciding their inlaws "aren't going to change anyway" and putting pressure on their kid to "keep the peace" instead of standing up for them (and then feeling that the problem is solved if the child gives up)
Right? So baffled. It feels like darvo. I can’t imagine that this is the first time this hurt has come up, and by the time you’re an adult, you get to hopefully be free to choose your own family, instead of dealing with people who don’t love you for you.
And like, shitty family of origin dynamics aside, they’ve been together for 2 years and moved in together! At least in my area, it’s normal to spend Christmas together at that point.
For the first one, why is it all on the child to have the discussion with the mother of the blended family? Honestly IMO while everyone has feelings, this woman has been this kid's mom their whole life and was told there were problems growing up and ignored them. Mom is the drama. Neglect isn't okay.
I have not gotten to the comments yet, but I agree wholeheartedly. To me, it seems that the OP has finally found family that is trustworthy, loving and respectful enough to be considered family, something his bio mom has fallen short of entirely.
@TheMya1988 exactly and I'm happy for OP to have found that.
Sadly, just because people can procreate it doesn't automatically make them parents or parent material. There are many horrible people who have no business having children. You only have to watch the news to see this.
@punkyjewster2350 Shaaba's already grown so much so we can't expect or force change. She has said before she's been unlearning a bunch of stuff relating to elders and needing to respect them, it seems like this may be a smidgen of that left over. I'm sure she'll learn over time.
When the kid becomes an adult they don't need to respect people who don't respect them. And when a child is growing up, blanket respect shouldn't be given when the people demanding it do not treat the child nicely in the first place.
The reason why I feel I can speak at all is I have neglectful parents and I've tried speaking to them many, many times over the years and it did nothing. And in some ways made things worse. Someone saying "you should've talked to them before you did X" when they only heard part of the story hurts, because 9/10 times it was communicated in some way.
Completely agree! I have a similar relationship with one of my parents. In recent years I've been more open to spending time with them because they've become better at respecting my boundaries. But it sounds like OP's mom is not at the point of trying to improve the relationship. Parents CAN change, but it doesn't mean they will.
with the first story i do feel like Shaaba takes the mom's side too much? I don't like the idea of OP having to go to the mom before accepting the in-laws offer, even out of courtesy, and i think it's rooted in the "respect your elders, honor your parents" mentality that can be so toxic and that so many of us are still unlearning. I do agree that a conversation with the mom needs to happen, and this isn't a "never go back again, fuck them, move on" type of situation, but i fully see OP as NTA/ NTD here. It was fully their decision to make and i don't think it's right to expect them to consult with their family first, or to pretend to to spare their feelings. We don't need to bend over backwards for others -who didn't put us first- just because "ideal" family dinamics call for it
Agreed, the part about it being "disrespectful" definitely gave me "respect your elders/parents" vibe. Like, he was invited back in July, there was plenty of time between him saying yes and the day of the holiday to communicate his holiday plans, which he did. Disrespect would be accepting an invitation to dinner when you already know your mom is making food for you at home. OP's situation is a natural part of being an adult and making your own holiday plans and traditions outside of the family.
I have a tattoo on my breast. My artist gave me a sticker for my nipple and brought a screen to hide me from everyone else is in the studio. There was a bit of a gap between screens because they weren't quite big enough, but every effort was made to keep me private without even having to ask.
I had privacy screen for both my Tattoos. One is on my angle and the other on my hip.
The hip I understand, the ankle I don't really know why. But my friend got her ribs/chest (under her breast) tattooed right after me, so maybe it was more for her?
@@SammyLammy1D Some people just want privacy for all tattoos. There are a myriad of reasons why someone might be uncomfortable getting a tattoo anywhere, or why they might be uncomfortable for strangers to be able to walk in and see them. Even if they're not half naked. I would assume the screen is there for those who want it, for those who don't care it's usually not an issue that there is a screen. 😊
@@AnnekeOosterink true! I didn't think about that. 😊
For that first one, NTA. I might be projecting from my own family situation, but I'm inclined to think that Mum was just wanting to make it seem like her broken family was picture perfect. This is a two year relationship. Very normal to start going to Christmas and that kind of thing. Her child is an ADULT. Adults often do their own thing. That's part of moving out.
I’m that way too. Ever since my mom died I’ve realized that when I would spend time with my family, I was going to be with HER. Now that she’s gone, it’s strictly an obligation and not what I WANT.
And even though it was always easy to divide time because my family is all about Christmas Eve so going to be with my husband’s family (who I’m much closer to) on Christmas Day was perfect… but this year my sister organized this big dinner on Xmas day where her son was going to cook etc, and my father was SO UPSET that we wouldn’t be “with the family” that day. DUDE I AM WITH MY FAMILY AND YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THAT.
Even more than that his mother failed him. She did not support him, protect him and make sure he was welcome in her blended family. She is now in denial and still more concerned about her feelings than his, it is not his job to make her feel better about failing him.
1st story: Op doesn’t need any other reason not to celebrate Christmas with her family other than the fact he doesn’t want too. Nevertheless his other reasons.
@theashwoodfaerie oh alr! Ty for correcting me
You have the right to feel hurt by something, but feeling hurt doesn't mean you are right.
For the first one, I disagree that OP should need to talk to his mother before finalizing plans with his GF's family. He is at college, he is an adult, and while Mom can express her wish that he mught come home for the holidays, that is not an obligation, and if it's made one, then he'd be going home for the wrong reason. He's allowed to make his own plans, his own traditions, and be where he feels happiest during the holidays, without having to tell his mom first. Obviously, yes, communicate it once plans are made, which he did do, but I don't think he was being disrespectful to hold off on confirming until he spoke with mom. Especially as it sounds like she put pressure on him AFTER he told her had made his plans; imagine the pressure and guilt he might have received if he spoke with her before committing. Maybe he needed to say yes first as a way to protect himself from emotional manipulation, knowing he had already made up his mind and that the plans were in place.
If he's not asking permission from his mom I don't see why he needs to tell her before he gives an answer to his girlfriend's family. Obviously he needs to communicate with his mom about his plans, but I don't see why the order matters.
I live in Canada, and wearing black to a wedding is absolutely fine. Also, there is no rule that you have to wear black to a funeral.
Yeah, black at a wedding is fine in America as well, especially if it's a cocktail dress. And, yeah, she could've worn a different colored shirt, but I wouldn't care with the black jacket. The bigger issue was her not trying anything on before the day of the wedding.
I'm in the UK like Shaaba and I have to say, this is the first time I've ever heard of not wearing black to a wedding! I certainly have, and have seen plenty of black dresses at weddings I've been at. So I was surprised to hear that
I'm from the northeastern US, and grew up with black dresses being taboo for weddings. Really interesting to think about!
You must be very young! Black was never acceptable at weddings until relatively recently. It's the color of mourning in Western culture.
I think it depends on the specific area's culture. I grew up in the Midwest in a mid sized city, and have never heard of it being taboo before to wear black to a wedding. But I have friends from other places even in my own state who believe it's taboo, but they're all from small towns, where every single action is seen as having a message. I could also see that mindset being more common in the Sourhern US and in small towns. It really depends on if you believe it had a message behind it or not. Places/cultures that are all about decorum and customs and have double meanings in their words will also perceive clothing as having a specific message too. Based on my opinion and experiences
Shaaba i do really enjoy these videos! I just want to point out that you may be a little biased when it comes to stories of parental abuse/neglect due to your positive experiences of adult reconnection. You put a lot of responsibility on the adult victim to always be the one reaching out and making their fanily understand when ultimately, it is up to their parent to acknowledge the hurt they caused even if they thought it was what was best.
I do agree in the first situation the mother is allowed to be upset, but that she was adequately warned and was intentionally ignoring her child in favour of what she wanted to happen.
Anyway, I did enjoy the video! Have a nice day 😊
I definitely have noticed this too.
I have also been sensitive to Shaaba's comments on stories with these dynamics. It has been difficult for me to word why it's made me uncomfortable, so thank you for sharing. ❤
@dylnpickl846 definitely! While I do think she's coming from a well intentioned place, I know that a lot of similar scenarios don't turn out well, no matter how much the adult child tries to reconnect.
I'm glad I could help put what you were feeling into words! And I hope that you have a lovely day 💜
As a therapist and a person who has experienced some difficult family dynamics (though never to the degree of being estranged), I agree. It seems like mum just wouldn't get it it however much it was explained and mum doesn't seem to have tried to integrate them into their own family. If mum said that she would really miss seeing them and wanted to arrange to spend some time together than that would be valid - but accusing them of just saying it to be mean etc. seems pretty toxic. I would also add though that it would most likely be best for OP if they can maintain relationships with their own family and not only focus on the new family, who they will lose in the event that they break up.
Yeah, especially in this case, where OP was only a toddler when the exclusion started, there is nothing you can reasonably expect a toddler to do, to blend a family and make the family dynamics work. But even if OP had been older, it is still not on the children to blend the family. The children are not the ones doing the blending, they are simply along for the ride. Their parents decide for them, and that means the (step)parents are the ones who need to make the effort instead.
OP even brought it up and nothing changed, so I don't see the need for OP to start a conversation, let alone ask permission. (Even though Shaaba said he doesn't need to ask for permission, that conversation is really a way to ask for permission). OP informed his mother of his plans, that's all he needed to do.
1. NTD. OP's mom has had two decades to step up and tell her husband and in-laws, "My son is part of this family too, and you need to include him." He has tried telling her in the past how he felt, and she ignored him. Now he gets to move on, and she gets to feel the consequences of her own inaction. Also, something you have to accept as a parent is that once your kids are grown, they won't necessarily spend every holiday with you because they have their own lives now.
2. ESH, but OP is the worst. I was right there with Shaaba asking why OP didn't check her dress in advance. Then she would have had plenty of time to get it cleaned and repaired, or even buy something new. You can easily buy a wedding-worthy outfit for under $100, and way less if you can find something at a thrift store. One tiny mitigating point for OP is that the no white rule is about not looking like you're trying to upstage the bride, which she obviously wasn't in a pants outfit. But still, everyone knows, no white as a wedding guest.
The MOH didn't need to call her out in such a rude way. She could have just raised an eyebrow and walked away. But OP at that point could have said, "I know, I'm sorry, I just didn't have anything else." Instead, she escalated it with a dig at what all the bridesmaids, collectively, had chosen. I suspect she was already feeling insecure about her own outfit, and responded by lashing out. It was extremely immature of her.
I was going to give the bride a pass until the end. She didn't seem to be causing any drama for a while. But then she had to bring it up after the wedding. She could have chosen to either let it go or say, "I was a bit hurt that you wore white to my wedding. Can we talk about it?" Instead, she chose to bring up the fight, so a little bit of drama on her part there. But since OP didn't even say how she responded, I suspect her response was probably way worse.
3. NTD. The tattoo artist knew he was going to be tattooing a woman on an area of the body that is generally considered private. He should have made provisions in advance, such as arranging with the other artists that he would need to work in the back area, or having a screen. Failure to have that plan in place was already unprofessional, and raising his voice with a client who had a perfectly reasonable request was completely unacceptable. The BF also reacted badly. It is perfectly normal in our culture that women don't want to expose their breasts in public; just because they are men doesn't mean this should come as a surprise to them. Definitely leave the tattoo artist a bad review, and have a serious talk with the BF.
The $80 deposit is for saving the time for the client, which happens in a lot of similar job types. My sister is a massage therapist and they have a same day cancellation policy where you still pay half or full I can't remember the exact price bc the massage therapist may not get their time filled and they are hour by hour workers. Now the problem in this case is the comfortability of the client. If my sister literally pulled a table out of one of the rooms into the frickin lobby and told the client they'd have to pay if they canceled - she would get her a** chewed by her boss. And the client would 100000% have every reason to leave a shit review and take her to court. Again too much extra effort for an 80 dollar deposit, but good god that tattoo artist shouldn't even have a business. He was clearly overbooking clients and didn't actually give a hoot abt them either.
This is a great explanation andbI totally agree. It's absolutely reasonable for artists or other service workers who work one-on-one with clients to have a deposit policy. When someone no-shows, that entire appointment slot is wasted earning potential. However, the client is in the right to expect certain accommodations, especially when they are in a vulnerable position, such as exposing skin for a tattoo or a massage. If the worker is unable to provide for those reasonable accommodations through their own fault, then a refund should be given as an apology for wasting the client's time and being unable to provide the service.
The problem I have here is not knowing what the deposit policy says in writing or how the offer for another date was offered. While I fully agree the artist is shitty for the attitude and the refusal to accommodate a privacy request, if the offer to reschedule was legit, then rolling the deposit shouldn't have been a big deal. If she was planning on not returning, then it depends on what the language of the contract was. If it were me, I would preserve customer relationships with clear apologies and offer to roll over or forfeit half the deposit back, even if it was non-refundable. But if it was clearly stated as non-refundable, he's within his rights to keep it because she cancelled the appointment, even if her reasons for cancelling are reasons I personally find very legitimate. I think the artist is a jerk, but I understand how shit it is to lose planned income due to cancellation of a booking.
@@easjer I understood it as the deposit was forfeit and wouldn't count for the rearranged appointment
The deposits in general are good, yes, but sometimes businesses f up, and end up losing money. That's a risk you take with a business and not everything will bring you money
A white top to a wedding doesn't seem terrible. I would think a white dress is a bigger issue.
My thoughts exactly, a white dress is a definite no no but white trousers and top? Especially with a black jacket. It's not like you're trying to upstage the bride or anything. I don't see a problem with the outfit
Agreed.
SAME! Honestly it seems like they made drama about nothing... if she had gone in a white dress I would get it, but she was wearing pants and a black jacket, she OBVIOUSLY was not (dressed as) the bride, come on!
I feel like saying something about that is way less of a drama than immediately hitting back with insults of the bridesmaid dresses though. The first thing is annoying, the second was deliberately hurtful
Yeah, my issue was, instead of trying to diffuse the situation they immediately divulged into insults. I also feel like we have a bit of an unreliable narrator situation going on w/ story 2 as well, which further makes me feel like they r the issue for not taking any real accountability
story 3: Time to find a new artist and scream your experience to anyone who will listen to warn other potential customers, especially women. Even if this particular situation got worked out, I'd never trust that person again to not put something permanent on my skin that I didn't want. I don't think people realize enough just how much trust we put into body modification professionals. And that jerk is no professional and needs to go out of business. You know what people do when they have a sudden cancelation? They call other clients to offer them an earlier appt or take a walkin, they don't act like a complete ass because they presumably would like to keep their business open.
Absolutely! I want to believe a tattoo artist would remain professional and do the tattoo as they're meant to, but there are so many ways the art could turn out just a little bit worse if the artist wanted to be petty. If I were OP, I could never trust this person again, even if they came up and apologized profusely for the rude treatment at the studio. I really hope she found someone else to handle her personal request and that she told her boyfriend to sit on a cactus for his BS remark.
Honestly, this is why I would consider the small claim court idea, and possibly get some publicity. Idc if I lost money, at this point it's a human right movement and I'm ready to pay so the others won't suffer.
Last story, OP is so so much NTD. This could have all been avoided if the studio had a policy of *asking* clients whether they'd be comfortable getting their work done in a front chair or not, and booking/charging accordingly. It's something the staff should have checked when the appointment was made, NOT day-of when OP showed up. Everyone's body exposure comfort levels are different, and it baffles me that someone who pokes tiny needles into strangers' naughty places professionally hasn't yet realized this attitude will lose them customers.
The kid in story 1 has clearly been neglected his entire life. Mom should realize that loving your child is not the same as showing that love and caring for him. When the result is that he prefers to be somewhere where love to him *is* being expressed, she does not get to be hurt or annoyed. She made it like this. She should do some self-reflection on why her son made this decision, and start the conversation about this and apologize, instead of blaming him. It needs to come from her, not him. Believe me, he has tried to communicate about these things. But she is not receptive to it.
Saying this as a child of neglect myself. Being neglected is difficult, because it does not mean there is no love between parents and children, but there is also not necessarily hate. But it still is a fucked up dynamic.
Eh, I'd say she's allowed to be hurt. The difference is that she needs to realize that she's the one who caused this situation. She needs to take that hurt and learn from it, not take it out on her kid for not wanting to be around a poor family dynamic.
I definitely felt neglected for a time as a child. I was depressed, didn't have many friends, and just found out I was autistic (which at the time was a devastating "oh god, am I *ever* gonna be able to make friends?") and my mom was constantly busy running my sister around for sports that I just felt so lonely. My dad was around but I never felt as connected to him. But as soon as that was known, my mom made efforts to make time for me again and it made me feel loved again. It doesn't take a lot to repair something like that but the mother was pretty clearly unwilling to listen or try to help
I've only heard that you shouldn't wear black to weddings from like older people, but also I'm friends and family friends with a lot of goths and witchy people so I wouldn't be surprised if one of them got married in a black dress
I was married in a black and red dress with vegan leather boots. :)
According to Irish tradition, it can curse your union. The best colors for a wedding are white, pearl, and blue. Green, yellow, red, and black all potentially bode ill for the marriage.
I'm a pagan though, and my particular faction sees green, white, brown, blue, and black as good-fortune colors.
Yeah, I've worn black dresses to weddings before.
I'm always triggered by the "you're not even married" thing used as an argument for whatever (I also think it's a bit of an American thing, personally never heard something like that In Poland, maybe it's just my bubble, but honestly I don't think so...). For heaven's sake, a couple that lives together and whose relationship span is counted In years should be seen as an item, a team, of course they shoyld be invited places together, visit each others family and so on. You can get married In no time and for cheap, Just fill up the paperwork, book a date and pay the fee, easy-peasy done. Gives you the "stamp" of officiallity on your relationship, but doesn't make it REAL. And OP is not the AH.
The people who say "you're not even married" are the same ones who had drunk shotgun weddings in Vegas and got it annulled the following Monday. Americans have mastered the art of hypocrisy, and it's the only thing we're #1 at😂😂
@@HighAsHeckPriestess or got married at 18, are not exactly happy, but are so invested that they try to drag down anyone who lives differently. "My way is the best, so obviously it's the correct one, and I'm better than those who didn't do it".
As someone who had one of those "In no time and for cheap" weddings, I heavily agree! Our respective families and friends were always including both of us in invites for things. And hubby's family in particular went out of their way to make sure I had something to eat whenever we visited since I've gone meatless, even when we weren't married. Marriage is not the line that magically makes a relationship serious. It's waaaaay before that.
@@animeartist888 my parents got married like that, over 40 years ago. Signed papers, had a small celebration at home, married. Still together. They are friends with a couple who never did this - not married for also over 40 years. Others had huge weddings and divorced, or been together and broke up after decades. There's no rule, other than a couple who lives together for a long time should be seen as the same as married couple. Tricky when they live apart, but it's not something that applies In this case.
Yeah, a relationship is a relationship, a signature does not make it more or less valid.
I am married, we dated and lived together for 6 years before we married. Remarks like that make it sound like the 6 years before the wedding didn't count. Like that wasn't a commitment or love.
I'm honestly pretty comfortable with having my t*ts out in group settings where it's reasonable, and I still think OP in the tattoo story deserved better treatment than she got. She expressed that she was uncomfortable, and the tattooist should have found some alternative to offer her. That's just basic customer service and being a decent person
I'm German. Keeping my tits hidden is a hard task (jk). In all seriousness, though, I don't mind being topless (especially if I get to keep my bra) in virtually any scenario. However, the way that artist treated OP and their concerns was absolutely unacceptable and out of line. Even I would have told the artist to shove it at this point if I had witnessed this interaction. A tattoo artist that gives so little concern about the comfort of their client is not a tattoo artist I want working on me.
I live in Canada and wearing black to a wedding is completely fine where I am, culturally. The only people I've ever heard have issues with that are some people who are elderly or extremely religious.
Also, I have 30+ tattoos and in every studio I've been to they have had privacy screens and offered them to me - I've never really minded since the studios don't just have clear windows to the street, but I appreciate the offer.
Heck, I’m from Canada and have been specifically told to wear black to separate myself from the wedding party. And I never got asked not to at weddings where I wasn’t told to specifically to wear black
Shit parents have no right to claim time w kids
I'm so happy I heard that tattoo story. I feel so validated, except I did go through with getting the damn tattoo! To make a long story short, I sent in an image of a dragon that I'd held onto for over 10 years (couldn't meet with the artist before scheduling) and was very descriptive about what I liked about it (very sketchy, detailed, with a kind and ancient look to the dragon) and when I show up the guy had drawn this very stylized, cartoony, beefy, mean looking thing that was more fitting for a man in a biker gang than a young woman with flower tattoos who loves purple, pinks, and rainbows. He absolutely threw a fit when I said that's not what I wanted. Complained about how long it took him to draw it. And I caved. I asked him to tone down the muscles, take out the claws and fangs and have the dragon smile. It takes up my whole back. AND he never even finished it! I couldn't reschedule my last session, I called every day for 2 weeks leading up to it and kept being told he was gone and the couldn't take a message. He was gone in the day of, I was told. He wrote me down as a no call no show and the studio refused to give me back my $200 deposit! Now I'm too anxious to try and have the tattoo redone. I was an asshole to myself and I wish I'd had more spine.
when a parent says "you're saying these things to be hurtful" as a way to discredit what's being said it feels awful. No, I'm not saying it to be hurtful. I'm hurt, and I'm telling you how I feel. The problem is that mom feels guilty and hurt, and instead of taking those feelings and sitting with it so you both could have a conversation, she just dismissed your real concerns because they were uncomfortable. NTA op, but I do hope that one day you're able to have a real conversation with your family and things change. I'm not saying hold your breath, but we can always hope people will choose growth with you.
edit: and the tattoo artist did not let her know prior to arriving to get the tattoo that this would be the case for how the tattoo would be done. He was ready for her to either like it or leave, but he had already decided to keep the $80 from the jump- that's why he just responded by getting louder.
The tattoo one has my blood BOILING. I'm so hooked on this series! Thank you for making this content!
Fun fact: The white wedding dress wasn't really much of a thing for Western Europe in the past (I think it grew in popularity when Queen Victoria wore one to her wedding.) I'm not from Britain, but my great grandmother actually wore black for her wedding and it was pretty common back then (for peope in her region anyways; she was catholic btw).
There's so many things that are seen as old traditions and often tought to be true everywhere, that actually are quite modern and local phenomena, and not necessarily based on any truth.
Like the whole thing with the white wedding dress. "Every" bride wears white, at least in the current western movies and TV. Of course many do in real life too, in some countries more often than others, but it's certainly not as much of a rule as some would like us to believe. I've also heard that at some point in the past white wedding dresses were only allowed for virgins, which definitely isn't much of a thing these days outside of maybe some super religious circles.
@@durabelle True. I find it really fascinating discovering when "old traditions" were started and for what reason (if any). Seeing that a lot of them aren't quite that old or have changed considerably also gives perspective in terms of people claiming that something is good just because its tradition. Because in the end new traditions are made and buried every day, so best for them to be good ones independent of how long we've had them. :)
The one with the white wedding dress is super interesting to me, because it makes a lot of sense especially for poor people to not have a white dress for the wedding because it gets dirty easily and you can't really wear it a second time unless you dye it which in the past was a lot more difficult I guess.
You are correct. It was popularized by Queen Victoria to wear white. Same with massive wedding cakes. It used to be that people just got married in their Sunday best... so frequently dark colours would be worn.
@@Nariasan Uh, thanks for the input :)
For the first story, I don't know why people never plan to have multiple holiday celebrations. Like why not spend Christmas eve with one group, Christmas day with another, and then the day after or the 27th with another group if there's a ton of people. Like my family isn't split but we've always had multiple day celebrations with different parts of the family.
Same here! My family isn't even big, but we had separate celebrations with my mom's and my dad's side of the family. It's really not that complicated if you make an effort
That's a heck of a lot of travel if the different people you want/have to spend time with don't live in the same area. Christmas isn't a big deal for me but I totally get how stressful it can be for other people who feel that pressure to see all the people for the holidays.
On my mum's side of the family we are so many now (countryside Italian family, my grandparents currently have 4 great grandchildren) that we organise rotations every year because 1) no one has a house big enough to host a meal for everyone 2) my grandparents are quite old and can't handle all my younger cousins at once 😂 We're pretty lucky because they all leave in the same area, it's just my family that has to drive there and it's not that far. Of course this only works because everyone is accommodating and we all get along, but if you can arrange that, it's a fantastic idea to have multiple celebrations ❤
Its because of the fact that OP doesn't want to be with the rest of their own family. And if their partner is understanding of that, why should they go to a house where they feel uncomfortable?
@@HighAsHeckPriestess I know that about this specific case. But I feel like I see so many stories like this where a person wants to spend holidays with multiple groups of people and are forced to pick and choose instead of people working out a compromise.
Re: that tattoo story - imagine that happening anywhere else. You go to the doctor for a mammogram and they say “times are tough, we had to hire on more doctors and can’t afford more space so we’re going to do your mammogram in the cafeteria” (and you still have to pay if you’re in America).
Story 1 is so sad to me. All kids should feel loved and that they belong. Hope OP and Ember stay happy together and take these bumps as learning opportunities.
I love that you changed it to 'drama'. In many of these scenarios, there are people who are unsure and hurt, and it seems like a respectful choice to not label them aholes.
I find it weird that the mum is demanding they go home for Christmas. The person might want to have Christmas alone, it shouldn't matter.
You should call it "Am I the rotten Peach" to fit your channel theme
This!!
The boyfriend in that last story was an unexpected asshole, wow! So mean to say something like that to a partner... Also, hope you had fun at Mean Girls!
12:51 Shaaba, why do you always make everybody as responsible as everyone else? OP1 was the child in this relationship? Why isn't mom completely responsible for ensuring that her child feels like part of the family? This is HER actual job as a mother!!! She obviously wasn't paying attention to her only child as this child grew up in this unblended family. Now it's the adult child's responsibility to point out that they've never been part of this family? Nope!!!
I agree; OP says that he was about 2-3 when the families were blended together, meaning that this family dynamic is the only one he's known his whole life. Like, sure, if it had happened when he was 15, he would have a bit of responsibility for his actions and responses, but at 3 years old? No, it was his mother's responsibility to ensure he felt loved and wanted, because by the time he was old enough to give voice to his feelings, the patterns of the family dynamic were already well-established.
I had a similar thought. Why should he have to go out of his way to "respect" his mother by asking her if he can go somewhere for Christmas he feels loved?? And instead of taking into consideration his valid concerns and offering up the chance to do smth with maybe just the more immediate family another day with less stress the mother is pushing him to go somewhere he has expressed multiple times he doesn't feel wanted??
Sometimes, Shaaba botches the verdicts.
Yeah, plus OP has explained that he did tell his mother about feeling ignored, and what happened to cause those feelings, and nothing changed, so I don't think another conversation needs happen about Christmas. I don't think the mother understands, or wants to understand, or maybe doesn't want to put in the effort. Whatever it is, this isn't a new situation, so I don't know why the mother acted all surprised.
Can I understand she feels hurt? I guess. But it's not OP's responsibility to manage her feelings.
@@Persewna4 I mean, even at 15 I wouldn't place the responsibility of blending a family on the child. The parents are the ones doing the blending, the children are rarely, if ever, involved in that decision, they certainly are not the ones who have the final say in it, they just have to live with the choices their parent(s) make. Bad or good.
So the onus is on the (step)parents to make the effort.
No one is entitled to your body but yourself ❤
U.S. Republicans would beg to differ.
@@ShinyTillDawn Yeah stay the hell away from people you sound like a creep
@@ShinyTillDawn I’m sorry but you sound like a creep stay away from people
Story 1: kinda disagree about informing mum before saying yes. She sounds like the type of person to try to persuade you to say no and to take it as a personal insult when you still accept. “You knew how I felt and you still went”, stuff like that.
OP is a grown up with a 2 year relationship and a place of their own, it’s wild that mum just assumed they’d be coming ‘home’ for Christmas without checking.
When my mom was married to my step-dad, his family never made an effort to get to know me or my sister. They just expected us to be there every holiday. They also never treated my mom like she was fully part of the family either; when step-dad's mom died, his sisters decided there would "be no input from spouses" on what to do with assests and inheritance, but that was really in practice just an excuse to exclude my mom from any decision making because all his sisters included their spouses (mom was married to him for 8 years at that point). When my mom divorced him after 13 years of marriage, his family immediately accused us (me, mom, sister) of not being friendly and never trying to get to know them. I really empathize with OP in the first story because I know how it feels to go to Christmas after Christmas and have it made pretty clear that you are not family and not wanted there. I was 12 and sister was 2 when mom married step-dad. None of his family have tried to contact at least my sister, who actually grew up knowing them, in the 4 years since the divorce. OP's mom is entitled to her feelings, but if OP has been part of the step-family since the age of 2 and still feels like an outsider? It's probably not OP's imagination.
I love your videos, Shaaba, and I love how you try to think about all angles of the situation when giving an AITA verdict, even if I come to different conclusions than you.
I only give my relatives 4 hours during Christmas. And mental health is so good now. Last year, I left town and spent 4 days with a friend and my dogs.
As for the guy story about preferring Ember’s family, I totally get it. I come from a severely broken home and I have always felt more at home with my in laws than my own blood. But my parents are surprisingly aware of and it and never made me feel bad about it. I equate them to teenagers who knew the messed up and don’t want to bring attention to it.
I like AITAH better than "drama". Drama seems like a chronic personality flaw- while we are all a**holes from time to time. It seems more empathetic.
Its super cute that you call quotation marks "bunnies" 💖🐇🐾 I'm definitely going to try to call them bunnies around my niece & nephew!
For the second story, I would not try on dresses before a wedding (if I wasn't in the bridal party). In fact, I probably wouldn't even think about what I was planning to wear until the day of. And, I must confess, I have occasionally put dresses aside, thinking they were still clean, only to find out it was actually dirty. Everyone's different, and not everyone super cares that much about what they wear. I also have put on weight, and realised at the last minute before an event that I have fewer options than I thought I would.
That being said, she probably could have worn another top. I don't think it's a big deal, though. I thought the white rule was more regarding wearing dresses so there's no confusion about who the bride is.
I agree with you with regards to the outfit. I also don't think too far ahead about clothing if I'm not in the wedding party/just a regular attendee because I often don't have money for new clothes (especially not fancy ones). I also rarely have the time to go clothes shopping (something I hate, anyways).
I've also made the mistake of hanging something up thinking it was fine and then it wasn't. I (like many) have *A Chair* in my room that ends up covered in clothes most of the time. Usually, they're just clean clothes I didn't feel like folding that day... but sometimes, not so clean clothes end up in the pile and get put away with the fresh laundry. Happens rarely, but it happens.
Behaviour-wise, however, OP is in the wrong. Not because of the outfit or the reasons for the outfit (I personally think white and cream look fantastic together and would never upstage a bride unless she's wearing a pant suit), but because of how she reacted to things. The whole drama with the maid of honour was so completely unnecessary...
the tattoo story: there SHOULD be privacy screens if the clients want the privacy??? and you should definitely not be seen from OUTSIDE
If you are ever in Gothenburg, Sweden and want to get a lovely tattoo in a room that is completely hidden from the world (using window-plastic so you still get light) by people who are truly amazing (both of them are great, but Caja is the artist who has done all of my tattoos over the last 12 years), I cannot suggest Ed's Bodyart (Eds Kroppskonst) highly enough. Good people, resonable rates, low deposit, good work, and I always feel welcomed and well cared for. Also, both Caja and Eddy are completely fluent in English.
11:52 and I think OP said the mom never saw what OP was feeling.
The last one with the tattoo really got me! I’m getting a tattoo next month and I’m travelling a couple of hours to the artist and I’ve been able to ask all kinds of questions such as what’s best for me to wear on the day and in the booking message it says absolutely no filming is allowed in the studio to respect the other clients.
My tattoo is going to be on my ribs (more to the side going down towards my hips) I asked what would be best for me to wear as I understand some might go where my bra would be and they gave me all kinds of suggestions and assured me I’ll be made comfortable with my dignity/safety being the forefront of the experience. So I’ll be wearing a bikini top that’s got strings to tie that allow me to adjust when he works on those areas.
This guy who was trying to tattoo in an open space where the PUBLIC could see is an absolute no no, they should have let the client reschedule to a time they were confirmed it would be in the back and kept the deposit with the booking.
I’d never go back and leave a bad review as well as tell anyone I knew how bad of an experience I had. Also boyfriend is a turd for his comment it’s just uncalled for!
1-800-DRAMA was an absolute delight, but always excited to have Shaaba all to ourselves~
agreed 😁
I keep talking about how clever the title is and how wonderful their comments are.
@@cheriestl what's the pun in the title? Sorry, English is not my first language 😅
@@belenpazallo3946it’s not a pun, they’re just referring to how clever it is. they did an older theme and it’s named “1-800-DRAMA” like an old telephone, plus they put drama in the name because they’re doing “am i the drama” instead of am i the asshole.
@@belenpazallo3946its not really a clever name its just unique
Omg not Shaaba making sure the dominatrix clients feel represented!! XD I love you so much.
One of my favorite things since coming out as Non-binary, it's happened 3 or 4 times now, is when someone says something about "men" and my automatic indignant response of "I'm not like that!" turns into, "Oh, yeah not a man. Woo!".
Still a "not all men" response, but it's a dislike of generalizations more than anything now.
Firstly love the screen name! And secondly hey non binary sibling! I’m the same and like yup not all men and not me 😂
Whether you like it or not, some people have to depend on generalizations to avoid putting themselves in risky situations. What we would need to do is dismantle the patriarchy - an impossible task.
@@ShinyTillDawn Fair, but there's a difference between using them in a healthy manner and voicing them
It's so freeing to realize you are trans and you don't have to be forced into a category where you don't fit.
The tattoo one got me. Every tattoo parlor I've been to always had private rooms or partitions for people's privacy. Usually, at least here in the States, stations are assigned to different artists, but you can say, "Hey, I have a client coming in tomorrow [or whenever] that wants a tattoo on his penis. So, I'll need the private room." And it'll just depend on if it's available.
And yes, Shaaba depending on your jurisdiction it is indecent exposure. So, in our jurisdiction if I came out of the shower [naked, obviously] if I didn't have my curtains drawn and someone on the street could see me...I could either get a citation or be arrested (arrest would usually happen if the individual that saw my "bits" was a minor).
Would love to have a special episode of the 1-800-drama podcast thats "1800 - drama" where you both react to vintage victorian era drama (like newspaper published insults and rebuttals, or the fossil wars that involved faking dino skeletons to one up each other etc). Love the drama podcast and also the monday videos! Thanks for considering my silly suggestion! Jaz (he/they).
Happy to see the same sentiments from other people but I'm so excited that we get both! Love solo Shaaba and her with Jamie
the mother of onion is the single best thing I've heard this year so far
13:50 I think another good option would be for OP to let their mom know they will be at their girlfriend's for Christmas when all the group celebrations are going on, then visit their mom on a quieter day without everyone else around.
I have my whole chest tattooed, and every single time, it's been in a private room. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in front of a bunch of random strangers AT ALL. I don't blame the OP at all.
I love how I found you because of Jamie and now you are one of my favourite UA-camrs 🙏 I love when you post, always look forward to it!!
about the first story, I (22 afab) got together with my gf (23 mtf) about two weeks before christmas and she invited me for christmas, I said yes because I wasn't planning to go to family for christmas either way (family is hella christian and it ruins christmas), which resulted in my first normal christmas! my family doesn't know still but to be fair I guess they didn't make it a huge deal *because* all they do with christmas is go to church a few more times
second comment: My tattoo artist was in an open studio and she put a screen up when i got my sternum tattoo, she also bought nipple covers for that situation and gave me those. she moved studios and my friend got a sternum tattoo from the same artist at an all women shop and they just had no one else tattooing that day so we had the shop to ourselves. I have no idea why the artist would do that, but my friend (the artist i’ve mentioned) has had multiple people come to her after male artists berated them or bullied them. its a huge thing in the industry she’s told me about, refusing to do tattoos on certain body sizes, saying mean things, mocking the tattoos, etc.
Where I live in the U.S., Small Claims Court isn't like a huge court case. You deposit a filing fee, you both submit your evidence, and then the person who is in the wrong ends up paying the fee. A couple years ago it was only like $39 to file. In the end, the tattoo guy would pay it out, and the client would get the fee back along with what she was owed. 😊
9:23 omg the family portrait thing! Being an awkward floater going between the two! I’ve never heard anyone else relate to this, took me and my counsellor so long to come to this conclusion about my setup and issues too! It’s so nice to not be alone here.
I always talk about it in terms of units; the rest of my family have these solid permanent units where everyone would consider themselves part of this same setup (and take it for granted that everyone there tolerates each other enough to be in the same room 🙄) and it’s so automatic for them for Christmas, birthdays, graduations .. then there’s me lol. I feel extra understanding towards you and how precious your setup with Jamie and your cats must be; it’s taken me years to learn to stand up for me and *my* unit with my partner. I now realise why it’s so important how solid I feel with us and our pets, and have had real strain with one parent really not respecting that (funnily enough, especially now that my partner has come out as trans 🙃 snap! - which has in fact led to me and that parent going no-contact). It’s such a big deal and you can really not realise how much it affects you throughout childhood!
you're overthinking her last minute wedding outfit for the last minute wedding. its very obvious things just panned out to where she was in that situation and had to throw something together out of what she had, it happens to everyone. especially since she already seems stressed out on a day to day basis, its not unthinkable that she assumed she had something clean to wear when she didnt and then had to throw something together.
Same!
The lady in the second was the drama because of the bathroom spat with the Maid of Honor, not because she had to last-minute an outfit.
She probably hung up her dress late and tired after the last time, and with two small kids it's 100% reasonable that she forgot to check on her outfit.
Life happens 🤷🏼♀️
yeah im not defending her being annoying at the wedding itself, that was uncalled for. but hyperanalyzing her outfit choice when that just happen to people felt like it was a bit much@@MorgenPeschke
Excited for the podcast!
For that last one I would’ve made a SCENE! I would’ve started getting just as loud as him if not louder. I would explain my situation very loudly so that everyone can see exactly what I’m mad about and I would’ve recorded the entire thing. This whole situation has made me LIVID! It would be one thing if he kept the deposit for OP’s next visit, but he used the excuse that op was WASTING his time when it was in no way op’s fault.
For christmas, we do our best to plan supper around when people can be here. Sometimes it's the 23rd, all the way to the 26th. The solution is to be flexible.
OMG the wedding one. OP is wearing effing pants. PANTS. MOH wants to cause drama. OP's cousin had no never mind until MOH even brought it up.
The woman with the black/white wedding clothes also has small children, so I think that warrants a little understanding regarding preparing wedding attire appropriately 😊
“Thou shallst showesh thine torso or else!” - Leviticus 4:29
Drama trivialises sometimes serious topics. Don't vibe this change although open to other replacements.
Loved the podcast! 💙
The first one was wild to me. I'm also from a blended family, and I never felt like I wasn't part of my stepdad's entire extended family. My mom and stepdad and step aunts, uncles, cousins, they always treated the family as a whole unit. It's not on OP to make things feel right. The parents have failed them. I think it's really evident with how the mom just isn't hearing their concerns. "You're just being hurtful." She's minimizing and has her ears closed. OP is not in the wrong for choosing their chosen family. I'm so glad they have somewhere they belong at last.
I love both the podcast and the AITA episodes!!
1) love the podcast, glad you're alternating so we get this time still
2) heard superglue and yay! 🎉
3) look after you. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. We love you ❤
The tattoo story really makes me grateful for the studio I’ve been getting mine at. It’s sectioned into multiple rooms, with only one or two artists in each (there is one artist in a sectioned-off space of the reception area, but even that has a wall blocking a passing view-you’d have to actively go across the room and look over the wall to see the client, and I’m sure they have privacy screens when needed)
All of these Christmas stories make me really appreciate the fact that all my relatives live in one general area and how we do Christmas spread out through a couple days
I was so happy when you said we the viewers could send you our own drama, and I immediately knew that I'm going to have to do that, but there's A LOT of it, you could get a year's worth of podcasts and/or UA-cam videos material just from my relationship with my father, let alone my entire family dynamic lol. And I mean, I haven't seen my therapist or psychiatrist in a long time, so I could use the opportunity to vent while getting honest opinions and advice on my situation. Plus I'm currently in a situation that's probably familiar to many people, severely abusive father, and a mother who's simultaneously the victim of his as well, but also the perpetrator, enabler, accomplice which I've only recently realised, and it deeply hurt me. Of course the mother is the one defending him, telling me to forgive and forget the abuse (that is still happening btw), telling me it didn't happen when I have proof, and gaslighting me, being manipulative, and outright cruel to me, especially since recently when I finally figured out that she played and plays a big part in the abuse I've experienced and am experiencing. Because of her manipulation and her gaslighting, I became doubtful of reality, and sometimes I really feel like I'm crazy and since they locked me inside and isolated me all these years and now, I don't have anyone to talk to anymore, so sharing those things with someone who could understand and empathize with me, and making others feel less alone or even just giving them a good story to listen to- would mean the world to me. I don't want to go into any more detail here, but I'm looking forward to sending you some AITD material!
Btw I wanted to tell you that you're the only UA-camr I watch regularly, and the only UA-camr who's upload schedule I've ever remembered, and I watch a lot of UA-cam lol. Your videos became my ritual and I love your input and your way of thinking, your moral compass, empathy and understanding are the qualities that I strive for, and you always help me find or remember what I know and feel is right, and how humans should treat one another. So thank you for that!
I'll try to leave comments on your videos more often, this is a great community to be apart of, and I know it helps you with engagement.
I hope Jammie and you are having a great week! 💜
It's like KMK who calls it "Am I the Scallywag" - we like the wholesome terms as yes A - hole can be a bit much
Tbf tho at least scallywag makes sense, "the drama" doesn't really and tbh it's ok to disagree but I personally dont like it
I got a tattoo for my 18th birthday. It was a small place so only 2 people were working and we had booked the 'day' (they worked from like 9 to 3 or smth but showed up a little late anyway) for one of them. It was chill as we all spoke (my brother was there as it was the place he was getting his sleeve done and my mum was getting one after me hence why we had the day) and the other artist waited for his client to arrive very visibly excited to tattoo someone (it was clearly a passion of his he had won awards and stuff). In passing we found out the client is from London and would be driving hours to see him. It becomes like 11 and no word from her so he tries to get in touch with her. As it turns out she had the wrong date written down and so had no idea it was today. It was so sad you could see his face drop. He ended up having to charge her again for the next time because she had taken that day away from someone else. Super sad but does make sense.
Edit: I forgot to actually make my point. Anyway yeah this is a situation where clearly it was on her end (even if very unfortunate) so that's why she had to pay again. In the story it was THEIR issue they were too busy to provide their customers with the privacy they needed. They should've organized it better and foreseen this issue. Who would want strangers to see them half undressed??
Oh I love heartbreaker! I took my partner there for their first tattoo. The pepper kept trying to sit near me when I was trying to hold their hand 😂
I know you said we would have spicy shabaa but we had FIREBALL SHABAA
Shaaba, you've put a lot of work into building blended families. I'm hoping one of the things 1-800-Drama will let you do is share some of that insight, like specific things we can do to welcome people, or resolve conflicts. Your commentary is both insightful and entertaining, and having concrete examples could help others reflect on their own lives and the people in them.
I really enjoyed 1-800-Drama. I’m glad you are still doing this too.
Many years back, I was invited to a friend's wedding. She knew that I didn't really have the money to go buy new clothes. It turned out that after going through everything in my wardrobe that fit at that time, the only thing I had that was remotely nice enough to wear to a wedding was a black skirt and off-white blouse. She was wearing an ivory/off-white suit-dress, & my blouse was a darker shade than her suit, but not by a great deal. I *still* explained the situation & got her approval for my outfit. Due to various circumstances I couldn't actually tell her until the day of, but I came prepared with a less nice top in a different colour just in case.
I know some people get really antsy about any sort of black or white at a wedding (unless you're a member of the wedding party), but most of the folks that I know -- at least in my GenX age bracket & younger -- seem to be ok with black (especially black skirt/trousers) & any sort of not blindingly white (and definitely less "formal" than whatever the bride is wearing). I do agree that cream trousers & white blouse (even under a jacket) seems like it wouldn't work, & that she absolutely could/should have chosen another top, but just wanted to point out that black/white aren't completely verboten at western weddings, at least not in the last 20 years or so.
When I've been in tattoo studios that are open concept. There's always been atleast 1 room for private tattoos and they've had portable privacy screens they can put around individual stations. Not having a available private space for a client getting a tattoo in such an intimate place is unacceptable
A lot of my friends and family are goths or some kind of alternative so it's actually kind of surprising if people don't wear black to a wedding 😂 my bridesmaids all had black and red dresses. My mum and my nan and several other people actually wore white to my wedding and it didn't bother me at all because they weren't wearing wedding dresses and they were obviously not the bride lol
28:57 I’m a tattoo apprentice and one thing I’ve been taught (and thought was common sense) is to always always ALWAYS offer some kind of privacy for clients regardless of what the tattoo is and where. The fact that they said it’s whatever basically was SUPER unprofessional and they should have accommodated the client.
I absolutely loved the podcast, but I also love these solo aita videos that you make too.
22:57 I don't think the cousin was drama because the bride didn't say anything till 3 days later because the MOH lied to her about what was said in the bathroom. The MOH made it a point to say the whole thing about the cousin not being a bridesmaid because it wasn't about her, but then the MOH said to the bride they said it was a fashion foux paux to wear white to a wedding when that wasn't what was said. In my opinion the MOH is the drama for lying to the bride.
Oh so i should chastise all the men wearing white shirts to weddings? Oh and their black suits, terribly inappropriate. So many wedding we better go tell off men for their clothing at .....
If the tattoo artist didn't inform his client beforehand that she would need to bare her girls for every single person who walked in, and maybe some people on the street too, then he has erred in his preparation. I feel like it would have been easy to prepare screens, or a swap with another artist that morning - especially since he knew the tattoo and placement in advance, whereas OP didn't know the store since they'd moved. The artist didn't make it a safe space, and made it worse by yelling. Fly OP, and don't go back.
Also, I would think that wearing a white top at a wedding would be fine with a different coloured jacket over, but wearing light pants as well seems like asking for trouble. OP certainly avoiding responsibility for the black dress, but maybe times are tough and she's avoiding mentioning that too. Still, she brought the drama in the bathroom when she could have smoothed it over.
Lol, i gotta rewatch because your voice made me drift into a beautiful dream. Your voice is so nice
I know this is the usual Monday set up and all but i really wanted to say how much a appreciated it today. One of my cats has lung cancer and today was a particular difficult day, it's still not certain how much longer we'll have with her and i was really happy to have this little piece of scheduled diversion so thank you for that.
"If you're ... doing business and you're feeling any level of shame or intimidation from that business owner, that business owner is a shit person."
So ... a normal businessperson. When a company's sole purpose is to make as much money as possible, catering to people's individual feelings no longer becomes a priority.
LOVED superglue Shaaba!!! You're such a talented squish!!! I love your voice.
Black is also okay in Australia. And we dont wear white to weddings unless we are the bride.
yay! i loved 1-800-DRAMA last week but i also found myself missing the AITA videos with just you 🥺 best of both worlds!
So not technically like the tattoo one, but also with a similar vibe. I had to go into hospital to get some heart monitoring done. Took 5 minutes but I was lying down, completely topless with. Bunch of wires attached to me. This in general made me uncomfortable but I put up with it. But then the doctor gets up and leaves the room, to get something, and left the door open, so anyone walking past could just look in and see me lying there fully exposed. I was furious. But I was also at an age where I wasn't confronted with confrontation and didn't say anything about it.
They have these wee screens round the doors in most rooms that they pull round so there's a double barrier, but she didn't even bother with that, just wide open door. I was mortified.
In Italy, black is usually a colour people don't pick because a wedding is a chance to wear something more unique, but it's not really a big deal, lots of people feel comfortable in black or already own one. Of course there are some old-fashioned rules like not wearing the same dress twice for weddings, and there might be rules about not wearing black because it's associated with funerals, but if you are attending a reasonable people's wedding you should be fine 😂