The cultural appropriation one: She may not be genetically Japanese, but I would argue that she is culturally Japanese. Born in Japan, raised in Japan, schooled in Japan, and lived a culturally Japanese life: Japanese. Full stop. Definitely NTA. I mean, let's turn it around. If my family, for example, was from Japan but I was born and raised in America...that would make me both culturally American and Japanese. The same as the roommate who had an issue with OP. The double standard here is mind-boggling. The fact that the roommate's qualifier for her to be Japanese was that she must be able to speak the language, was also racist af.
Beside that, she laterally has Asian heritage. Just proofing that the assumption of the "friend" regarding her heritage is just racist as hell. If someone needs to make an apology, it would definitly be the racist.
There's also a bit of a layer of anti-Koreanness here, I think, which is especially important to be aware of in the historical context. Korea and other countries have suffered some of the most terrible atrocities of human history at the hands of Japan. Yet a Japanese-American feels qualified to gatekeep a half-Korean person who grew up in Japan from Japanese culture?
Also, it’s not like she named herself a Japanese name. Even if it was appropriation (it’s not) it would be her parents who were guilty and not OP herself. Also it’s kind of gross that the “friend” made the accusation of cultural appropriation based on incorrect assumptions about OP’s ethnicity.
I thought the part where the room-mates friend had a go at OP over their name (something that most people don't choose!) was a HUGE red flag. I'd be thinking "wtf? You're annoyed with me over something I didn't choose?" That's unhinged behaviour, quite similar to people being awful to you over other things in your life that you don't choose ie. your eye colour, your date of birth or... your sexuality.
@@symbungee I get making a knee-jerk assumption that they must've adopted the name for themselves. Let's be honest, there _are_ non-Japanese people so obsessed with what they perceive as Japanese culture that they would do such a thing. But to immediately give voice to that assumption, and then double down and call them a liar when the person gives you information to the contrary, is pretty insane. Certainly by the time OP started speaking to her in perfect Japanese she should have said to herself, "Okay, it's time for me to shut up and learn something."
So for the story about the Half Korean and half British OP "pretending" to be Japanese: There's a lot of political tension between Japan and Korea. In particular, Japan had at one point colonized Korea and there is still quite a bit anti-Korean rhetoric still floating in Japan. A lot of people who are children or grandchildren of Korean immigrants in Japan, who were born and raised there and have Japanese citizenship, are still considered "not Japanese enough". In the context of all that this story leaves a particularly bad taste in my mouth, and obviously OP is NTA.
Absolutely, although I don't think the Japanese-American friend knew OP was Korean at the time. Personally I think they were projecting onto OP their own insecurities and identity crises as the child/grandchild of immigrants. Even without that historical and political context, both Japan and South Korea are places where ancestry is generally considered more important than where you grew up. So I can appreciate than a Japanese-American person who doesn't speak their heritage language very fluently might be defensive seeing someone white-passing or of mixed heritage with a more Japanese name than they probably have, speaking Japanese more fluently than they do. Or it's not that deep and they were just embarrassed that their asinine comment met with such a face-losing response.
I was wondering about that! It does sound like the roommate's friend didn't know about OP's background initially, but if they doubled down after that bit of information was revealed, they probably should think a bit more deeply, and take historical context into account. In any case, I agree that OP is NTA.
Yes! I had some classmates who were Korean when I was studying abroad in Japan. They got egged and we had people protesting outside our school. It was pretty scary just being next to them and not even being the target. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be them at that time. Btw, this was only 10 years ago, so it isn’t an old time thing.
@@16poetisa Yeah I do think it's very possible that this person was just projecting their own trauma. I commented because I think it gives the context of how OP probably grew up as a genetically Korean-British child in Japan, and why this type of AH behavior may have felt even worse for them.
For sure. If I were a Korean mom looking at raising a child in Japan, I'd probably try to choose a name that would help them fit in. Not knowing what OP's name is, it might even be one of the fair few that are actually found in both languages.
If the kid is old enough to have pocket money and spend it like that, he's old enough to choose whether or not he wants to be vegan. Like, having your child choose something healthier than McDonald's and chocolate is another argument entirely, but I think he should now have the choice
Yep. This. And it became clear why the son didn't feel safe talking to his mum about not wanting to be vegan when she flipped out. Dad should have taken the heat for it but earlier, and without the son having to experience that blow-up.
I was sitting and thinking.. As far i i heard, the son didn't decide himself to be vegan right? Like the mom wanted them all to be vegan and the dad agreed after a dietician visit? No child should be forced to eat any particular way, and honestly the household should be able to make food that accommodates everyone, its not that hard to make vegan dishes and sprinkle some other stuff in it if the rest of the family or visitors want some meat.. I don't like that she is basically forcing her son to eat vegan and if he is SO afraid of his moms anger that he would throw his dad under the bus... Then maybe there's a reason he didn't speak up in the first place..
@@GwenxI see what you mean, but if you argue like that, every parent is 'forcing' a (young) child to have a certain diet. Not offering a certain food to a, let's say, toddler because the parents don't eat it, is a very normal thing. I also think it's very fair to not want to buy a certain food, especially when it's about morals, and buying would be supporting a thing you don't want to support. We are always trying to direct our children to certain morals we'd like them to uphold, and enforcing those morals in your own home, is fair. Now, if the child had expressed wishes to eat meat, after understanding the whole background, I see where your argument comes in. I think a good solution, if the child gets his own money, would be to let the child buy and cook meat for themself (assuming they are old enough to do so). Just like parents who wouldn't want to buy sweets for their child, because they don't need it, and simply wanted it for the taste/enjoyment. It's not bad to enable that, to buy it for the child yourself, but I also think it's fair to refuse using your own money for something that goes against your morals.
@@Gwenx You cant seriously expect a vegan household to go out of their way to buy and cook meat for visitors. That completely goes against the whole point of being vegan.
@@Gwenxi wouldn’t expect any vegan person to make meat based foods - but i do think choosing your kid’s diet is limited to what you make. You’re a vegan household, so your kid eats vegan at home? That’s perfectly fine. But you don’t get to force him to eat vegan when he’s out with friends. You choose your kid’s diet in terms of what *you* provide them, not in terms of any food they eat (unless medical dietary restrictions apply obviously)
Born in Japan story: I would also like to add that at no point did OP claim to be “more Japanese” or even Japanese at all. All she did was say her name and explain her personal background. ETA: Frankly, the other girl SHOULD be embarrassed. She behaved extremely rudely to someone who she just met, then was caught by her own test of not being able to speak the language. That is embarrassing behavior.
Strict parents create sneaky kids and clearly that was what was happening with the son and the Vegan mum. She had become so strict about veganism that the son didn't even feel comfortable having a conversation with her about it and instead took to sneaking around behind her back. I get the dad doing what he did because he maybe wants his son to know that at least one parent is willing to hear him out and be on his side. It can be a battle living with one strict parent and one non strict parent. It was maybe not the best thing for the dad to do but I can understand the logic behind it
@@jedimoon22yeah it said in the thing that the kid is 12. He is of an age where he can make those kinds of decisions in life. He is at that age where he is forming his own personality and identity. His likes and dislikes and hobbies and interests and the like. He has independent thought and the ability for form his own opinions on things. The mother is gonna find that when her son becomes an adult their relationship will become very strained and he may even go no contact with her.
@@SlothDaanwhich only made it worse when she found out. If you're raising a child with someone you need to be able to communicate with them. The dad was in full agreement with having their child be vegan, then did this behind his wife's back; they both suck, just in different ways.
The third story, the Japanese American person was being racist honestly, like OP is half KOREAN. Not white, but white passing. Its pretty racist to assume someone's ethnicity based on their looks. And just because someone is not ethnically from a country that does not mean that their nationality and culture can't be from that country (eg. someone could have a nationality and culture, language etc of Japanese, but not be ethnically Japanese such as in the story). Claiming otherwise is incredibly racist. Would that person tell a black British person that they are not British just because they are not ethnically British?
Honestly considering she was born/raised in Japan it would be odd if she didn't have a Japanese name And I bet money the ethnically Japanese girl has a "white" name Lots of immigrant parents use English names to assimilate their children in the US why is it wrong that the OP's parents did the same thing in Japan? Also who's to say op isn't ethnically Japanese she's Korean and Japan did some not so nice things to women during WW2 (**cough** comfort women **cough**)
This comment and the other ones here are 100% facts. You'd think someone with mixed heritage living in the US of all places would know better. The entitlement, I swear.
Last Story, I agree with your verdict but I want to add something for OP and all the young dater's out there. "You do NOT need a reason to reject a date or relationship. Just like how you can exclude anyone from your private events without needing a reason, Your life is yours and you are not obligated to share it with anyone. No is a complete sentence."
As much as I appreciate you trying to be respectful of people’s beliefs I think it’s not a good thing to humor absurdity of genuinely harmful ones. If people don’t believe in climate change that affects everyone else in society so it’s something that they should be corrected on and challenged for. Same as demon possession. It’s extremely harmful belief to anyone who might have a mental illness and be subjected to exorcisms for example. It is not so easy to just say we should respect people’s beliefs. We should respect people but their absurd beliefs? no I don’t think we as a society should indulge them.
This so much. I want to treat people with compassion, and sometimes compassion means understanding someone has accepted a harmful belief. If I am in a close relationship with someone I may attempt to discuss their belief, investigate with them, but in OPs case all you can do is protect yourself.
I think there is a spectrum of crazy beliefs, which range from innocuous to dangerous. You can disagree with people on topics and there is nuance and room for interpretation in some things. But selling your soul to the devil? Pizza-gate? Climate change? Flat Earth? Sometimes people's opinions are just crazy and there is no room for debate.
This 100%%% I was getting a little triggered by shabba saying this as those kinds of beliefs of possession and/or demonic influence is so often used to justify violence and even fuel it. What if someone thought doja cat was the reincarnation of the devil and decided to assassinate her? That is an extreme example but there is no possible positive outcome that comes out of believing someone is in cahoots with the devil. How do you think the witch trials began? I do not respect those particular kinds of beliefs.
I agree with this. When it comes to absurd beliefs, they should be respectfully challenged. The example given of climate change isn't a belief system. A person's belief in it or not in it doesn't change that it is happening. However, not taking action due to inaccurate and unchallenged ideas has led, and continues to lead, to significant harms.
I agree, there's certainly a point where engaging with or enabling someone's delusions is a problem. At the same time though we do have to be careful to not label something harmful when we don't know much about it. For example people who support conversion therapy for trans ppl think they are helping with harmful delusions. It's probably best to ere on the side of caution when calling someone out? Maybe I'm wrong. I appreciate at least how shaaba can say that she doesn't know enough to have an opinion on a topic. I want to do that more
I feel the need to weigh in on the Japanese one. Firstly, if OP is part Korean, they’re *not white.* Being mixed is a complex can of worms that I’ve had many conversations with because being transracially adopted has a similar effect on your childhood. That “friend” had no right to call them white. And personally, I don’t consider it appropriation if that’s where someone grew up. It’s also important to take into account the appropriation vs appreciation conversation where even if a culture isn’t ethnically yours, you can take part in it without insulting it.
One of my high school classmates was deeply insulted when I took Mandarin classes. According to her, it was inappropriate for anyone who wasn't Chinese to learn Chinese languages. Never mind her family was from Canton (southern China,) but she thought nothing of learning a language associated with Beijing. For that matter, she also took Spanish.
@@saraquillnever mind the fact that mandarin could be a very useful language to know for business / work, or that leaning someone’s language also gives you a better understanding of the place and its culture. And also just communicating with other humans, which is a great way to not be prejudiced and also make others feel welcome and included.
@@s.a.4358it is a bit strange, how does she think we are supposed to communicate? Does that simply place the burden on Chinese people to learn English? Or are they also not allowed?
THANK YOU! White and white-passing are not the same thing, and denying the validity of the Asian half of their heritage just because it wasn't obviously visible is hateful and invalidating behavior.
And as for the "Japanese" person... Japanese isn't only an ethnicity, it's also a nationality. If you are born in a country and/or have lived there for a long time, why would you not be able to identify as such?
Just to add sime more info about Koreans in Japan. It's the biggest group of immigrants and some have been there ever since the Japanese occupation of Korea (4th or 5th generation), despite that they are not allowed citizenship. There are also a lot of discrimination and the Japanese government has over the decades tried to get rid of the Koreans several times.
I feel like there was a whole Disney movie about that when I was a kid… the color of friendship or something? Where a black African American girl goes to South Africa to spend time as an exchange student and the family she expects to stay with is black (because Africa) and then the family she goes to is white and they’re expecting a white transfer student (because America). I’m sure there was more to the story but that’s what I remember from 20 years ago
For the last one, i think it would be less about him having that opinion and more about how he reacted. He treated he like an idiot for not believing him ("well im disappointed"). It wasn't an "agree to disagree " situation, he took out his feelings on her. Then, when she ended the date he had the audacity to suggest she should have given him more of a chance. As in to suggest, she doesn't have the ability to know her own mind and make her own decisions.
@@SlothDaanshe laughed in his face bc it's ridiculous and misogynistic to think that just bc a woman expresses her appearance in a certain way (shaved hair and eyebrows), that she is a devil worshipper. she expresses her appearance in a non conventional way and ppl get all mean abt it saying that shes mentally ill, ugly, sold her soul etc. she said she only wanted it bc shes big on makeup and fitness and its an inconvenience to have that hair. she's just playing into it now as a reaction to all of this hatred. just bc she is not conforming to beaity standards, doesnt mean she worships satan!!!! it is harmful to accuse her of this stuff bc its literally just outright mean
I think the issue here is that Doja cat is one of the OP's favourite artists, and the guy immediately goes to insult her on the first date. That's a bit aggressive and you should not be surprised by a strong pushback. I have and I will defend my favourite artists, for liking which I have been bullied even by my music teacher. I can't be together with a person who doesn't respect my tastes.
The problem with people who have conspiracy theories is that a lot of the time you cannot really try change their mind about it. I was hanging out with someone recently who believed that aliens came to Earth during the ancient period, as she didn't believe that items could survive thousands of years. Having studied history I was trying to explain to her how we still have items from that long back, but she only wanted to hear things that supported her theory. It is incredibly frustrating trying to talk to some people who believe in conspiracy theories so I completely understand why the woman left the date.
Typically the strong belief in these things are symptoms of other issues. Some can be resolved others are not as much. Like many wind getting into it and staying there due to the sense of community and belonging that theybget (which also increases their self worth.) So for those they really like to dig deep because losing those beliefs means losing so much more. In these, and similar cases, losing these beliefs require a lot of the same deconstruction therapy that those leaving super conservative and toxic relgious families/communities. It often takes years of LOTS of, usually professional, help and effort on the individual's side. This is something I know is going to need to be much more common as more amd more adults are indoctrinating and brainwashing their children. Amd sometimes it has to do with mental health issues. (Not saying all do and I am NOT trying to attack those that do. They can't help how their brain works. But this often plays a large part in it for many.) Even for those that just don't like to be wrong, there are almost always something more to it that causes them to cling to it. In order to get rid of a lot of these, you'd have to tackle to the root cause. The conspiracies are often just a symptom.
I think people often get stuck on debating the beliefs rather than talking about the feelings and convictions behind it. If someone thinks we’re ruled by reptilian overlords, it’s gonna be hard to have an open minded conversation about that. But when you ask about the feelings behind it, you might find out that it’s because they feel like they have no control over their life, they don’t understand the impact of large commercial companies (like Nestle) on global politics, etc. You probably still won’t convince them that reptilians aren’t the ones running things, but you may have planted a small seed of context that allows them to look past their initial beliefs at some point down the line.
As someone who is Ashkenazi Jewish (living in the US), I look very White, but I do not identify as White because I feel like I'm not "White enough" due to the growing level of antisemitism among white people. I'm not saying it's the same as what the OP in the story was saying about growing up in Japan, but it's still an interesting paradox of passing as another race/ethnicity
That's fair. Plus your history hasn't exactly included a stable position in the concept of whiteness. It's kind of the reverse situation you look outwardly like you ought to belong, but don't feel it for very good reasons, while OP doesn't look the part despite having every right to the identity, short of the legal, which frankly is bs anyway no matter what government tries and pulls it.
As another Ashkenazi Jew who is very pale-skinned, I respectfully disagree with you saying you're not white. It's like the example Shaaba gave of her culturally Indian friend with very pale skin. Sure, they're definitely Indian, but at the same time, they're not a person of color. Likewise, while you or I may not be WASPs, I think we would still classify as "white".
@@dasha_ucko you're welcome to identify as you wish. I choose not to identify as White. I will say I'm white-passing, though, and I benefit from White privilege as a result
@@SuperJust4girls not at all. I said that I pass as White but I don't identify that way. I never claimed to be or to look like another race. I pass because I look white, but I've always felt that people perceiving me as White was conditional on them not knowing I'm Jewish. Therefore I don't identify as such.
I agree strongly with the first commenter that the second one should be NTA. If anything, he should have gone a step further and protected his son in saying that his son should be able to choose whether to be vegan or not. I agree he shouldn't have hid it, but in calling eating animals "animal abuse" and saying he is "corrupting him" it sounds as though the mom is not tolerant and is putting her beliefs onto her child. Her child can choose to be non-vegan.
While the best option in a healthy relationship would have been for dad to talk to mum as soon as he found out the kid was buying his own non vegan food and sorted it out then. It does seem like maybe the mum may have still reacted badly and possibly punished the son in some way, whether directly or emotionally. And that could have felt to the son like being snitched on by his dad that could have broken trust with dad. While keeping secrets is never good in the long term I can see how it might have been the best case in terms of taking consequences onto the dad and away from the kid. But either way that would have to be a very unhealthy family
While the son may have bought McD's, the dad was just buying him candy and the like, so, probably mostly chocolate with milk, or maybe something with egg in it, so the dad was sticking to the agreement to be vegetarian, I think. If there is a candy or sweet that doesn't count as vegetarian (other than jello), I can't imagine what it is.
@@cathleenc6943So there's a subtle difference between vegetarian and vegan. Vegetarian is just no meat. Vegan is no animal products at all. So milk chocolate is vegetarian, but not vegan.
Honestly, as a vegan, I don't necessarily disagree with the mom on the whole "enabling animal abuse" part, but there are all kinds of choices we make all the time that enable or support many injustices - it's just easier to know if there's an animal-based ingredient in your food than it is to know if, for example, it was made with slave labor. As for "corruption"... most of the world is not vegan, and as a vegan that's something you just have to come to terms with. Dad was just trying to protect the kid from mom, and her reaction makes it clear why he made that choice.
@@lued123 right. I think that's what I was referring to. In the video it said that when the mom decided to be vegan, tje dad agreed to be vegetarian, and in the house or around her, eat vegan. It seems to me that he kept that promise when buying the son candy that was non-vegan. I am not vegetarian or vegan, but I am very lactose intolerant, so when I am buying processed foods, I often look for products labeled vegan so that I don't have to squint so hard to make sure there are no milk products in it.
I do think you can judge people for their opinion up to a certain extent. In the case of conspiracy theories, they often happen to be rooted in discriminatory notions. Like the alien building the pyramids being based on the racist notion that black people couldn't have figured it out themselves. In the case of dojacat, I wouldn't be surprised to learn this "selling her soul" thing is rooted in the mysogynistic notion that a woman like her could not be that successful through honest mean. In which case, the guy believing that kind of things reflect poorly on his character and warrants being cautious of spending time with him as a woman
I think it's more likely based in general misogyny than disbelief at her success tbh. It's well established that many sects of American Christianity feel women who are open in their sexuality, their desires, their independence or their non-family priorities are very literally agents of satan working to corrupt America's youth on some understood shared agenda
also her leaning into the satanic themes happened as a reaction to people being mean about her appearance after she shaved her head and eyebrows (for convenience/fitness and makeup reasons, she said). people were calling her mentally ill, comparing her to britney spears, ugly, devil worshipper just bc she wasn't conventionally attractive to them anymore. thats misogynistic!! it is mean to flood a persons comments, calling them a devil worshipper with no evidence ogher than "uh woman no long hair anymore". her trolling is honestly just making a fool out of these mean people. it makes me think of lil nas x and his music video as a response to being told to go to hell for being gay. it happens with so many successful women too, like beyonce, rihanna, lady gaga. i think his conspiracy beliefs are unkind and rooted in misogyny/discrimination, and are therefore a red flag and open to criticim. also the whole conspiracy of "the elite" illuminati/lizard ppl (which doja has been accused of being in) is harmful as its origin is antisemitic. idek how bc its so absurd to believe, but its an actual belief that some people have, and this dude definitely leans into this idea of doja cat being an evil devil worshipping elite .
i think shanspeares video essay on doja cat and satanic panic covers what im trying to say quite nicely. i also think that madison something or other touches on it in a video of hers (let me find it a sec)
madisyn brown in her video abt doja cats intentional decline and her other one about the "uglification" of the modern woman reflects on the reaction doja got from expressing herself in her appearance
sorry for the spam but i do just want to make where im getting a lot of my info from clear bc these people have worded it better than me and go in-depth abt it. ryan beard in their demi lovato gaia conspiracy theory video touches on the conspiracy theory i spoke about being linked to antisemitism.
having a first name that doesn't match your cultural identity is VERY common in the US. for instance, my son's is half American (English, German, French, Irish, Native American)/ 1/2 Bengali, but his name Jewish/ Biblical. my friends named their baby Suki, a Japanese name, & nobody thought it was strange.
Agree! I have some friends from Singapore, and their children are named Hebrew, Greek and Irish names respectively, although they also have Chinese names
My parents, as Germans, purposefully gave my brother a name that has significance in Judaism, as their way to remember those who were murdered. My mother was learning Greek while pregnant with me, so my name comes from Greek mythology because my parents really liked the meaning. Turn out it is also a name used in Turkey and other Muslim countries, because it referred to something in the Koran. Few people would assume I am Turkish, because I am super light skinned with blond hair, but sometimes I get asked about it. I think it’s pretty cool my name means sometimes nice in another culture.
@@essiggurke7276 that’s pretty funny and also kind of cute. I have only had one negative reaction to my name in the cultural context, which was my partner’s neighbour telling him I must be lying about who I am and that I am Turkish and ashamed of it, because of my name. But to be fair the lady was very strange and unhinged in other ways too. If I did have Turkish heritage I would certainly not be ashamed of it, but I’m just a boring white Germanic person with no known mixes 😉
As a half Japanese, half french, i do agree that the OP is NTA. However, I do want to try to understand the reaction of the half Japanese in the story.... it still is not okay to react that way but I think it could be more a reflection of their fear of not being Japanese enough.... when I was younger, I felt ashame that I didn't know more about Japan. When asked about anything related to Japan, it felt like an attack and I would become angry, mostly against myself.... It doesn't excuse it, but it could explain some part😅
That was my immediate thought even as a white person. The bit about her responding to the OPs fluent Japanese and being stumbling and awkward? Ouch! It's still not OP's problem, as OP wasn't the one trying to invalidate someone's cultural identity or heritage, but I can see why growing up in a white-majority culture and feeling separated from your heritage, and then coming across a seemingly white American person with a name from your cultural heritage and who talks about your cultural heritage as if they have more connection to it than you (talking feelings not facts here) and then when you challenge them on it turns out to speak the language better than you, making YOU look like the fraud (again, feelings not facts)... well, I can see why that might be a challenging experience in all the worst ways
25:49 Sorry if I‘m being rude, but I personally feel like that is something you could call someone an A-hole or at least an idiot for. Human made climate change is a fact, not an opinion.
Yes, I agree. There's a big difference between believing in climate change vs being a full blown conspiracy theorist. One big one being why they hold these views. For example, if you think that female musicians are allied with Satan cuz "how else would they be popular?" You likely have some underlining problematic world views.
It really depends on what you want the outcome to be. They might be an asshole, but calling them that won't get them to change their behavior or make better choices. For most people, that's fine, we weren't trying to change them anyway. But for people close to you who you love and care for... 🤷♀
There are those that would argue that, hence Shaaba's point. People believe Jesus is a fact, not an opinion. A lot more people would argue with that. Be careful about being so convinced of your conclusions that you lower another human being's value.
@@jnewcomb except there are decades of generally-accepted peer-reviewed science that essentially proves climate change and that's not the case with Jesus's miracles etc. They're not equivalent at all. That's like saying some people believe gravity isn't real because it's just a theory (which people actually think). By comparing a scientific paradigm to a personal belief in order to make the former seem absurd is EXACTLY what's harmful about conspiracy theories.
One of the kids in my son's class at school is called Tadashi. I assumed he was going to be Japanese, but met him, his siblings, and his Mum and the whole family are (super-chavy and) very British. I think its fine to use whatever name you want for your kids, but it is a bit weird to use a strongly cultural name from a culture that you have no connection with. OP was born in Japan, though. Totally different.
I found a really interesting UA-camr who interviews people with mixed heritage who grew up in Japan. Some were half Japanese, others with western parents who grew up in Japan. It was really interesting and eye opening to hear about the experience of growing up in a culture that wasn’t the same as their ethnicity and struggling to articulate their identity/culture/ethnicity etc. Families and people’s upbringings are so varied and hard to define that we shouldn’t be making assumptions based on someone’s name, skin colour, parents’ ethnicities or anything. Plus, judging someone on where their name comes from is really stupid - they didn’t choose it. Their parents could’ve had all manner of reasons why they chose that name. I am English but have studied Spanish and lived there. I would love to give my child a Spanish name and raise them to learn the language. Is that appropriate? I hope so
I mean a spanish name is likely either latin or greek and those have spread to every corner of the continent and beyond, save for the regional variation of the name I suppose. Like my first name is the german version of a greek name, while my middle was technically given to me as a Swedish name, despite also existing in germany. However I have very little tie to a german identity, since the part of my childhood i spent there I felt actively excluded by my german peers, as my father wasn't german and my appearance was non traditional. Then I grew up in a south american country where my appearance meant i stood out a lot, so I never adopted that identity either. So now I feel vaguely european, vaguely US and some latin american background mixed into it. It tends to be hard to describe to people who grew up in one country with parents from that country, and in turn it's kind of hard for me to wrap my head around that experience at times.
I can think of at least one Japanese name of the top of my head that's also a Korean name, Hana. There are English names that easily pass for Japanese, like Karen or Emma. To turn accuse someone of being a cultural theif, refuse to hear them out, and cry victim in this instance is pretty poisonous.
In the minor defense of the friend, there ARE people who go by a Japanese nickname because of being huge anime/manga fans, while being disrespectful about actual Japanese people (often in the form of fetishizing Japanese/Asian women.) If the friend had trouble with, say, an anime club or an ex who had treated her badly, I could easily understand the initial knee-jerk reaction to "Oh no, not another weeb." She's still in the wrong for not backing down after OP proved she wasn't like that, especially for demanding an apology. In your example, if you raised your kid to be respectful to Spanish people, it wouldn't be a problem.
@@kristinw2600so, in my experience living in Japan, the people who give themselves Japanese nicknames (mostly online) tend to be women and afab. The Japan fetishists and "waifu" hunters are all, without exception, dudes. I'm not saying taking a Japanese nickname is right, but I rarely find that the nickname and the fetishisation go hand in hand. Additionally, Japanese-Americans in particular are quick to jump down the throats of people who speak Japanese or are familiar with their culture (I live, work, and train in Japan - get yelled at by Japanese-Americans in the West *a lot*). And the way Japanese people in Japan view things is usually a 180° from how Japanese-Americans see things. The friend of the roommate embarrassed *herself.* That's on her. Even if she ran afoul an evil anime club or something. There are ways of dealing with situations and that was not one of them.
For the very last one, not only is OP NTA, but I’m also proud of her for not continuing the date when the guy started to shove his conspiracy theory down her throat. As a person who recently got out of multiple Christian cult environments, the people spreading such conspiracy theories may be funny and ridiculous, at first, but they can eventually become harmful, even deadly when they’re allowed to continue. For years, I was listening and following a Christian friend who claimed to hear messages from god himself, and a lot of them were abusive. It started with removing stuff like the dreamcatcher my grandma gave me because of demons being able to do their work, even when trapped; to not getting the COVID vaccine because of its linkage to the “Mark of the Beast.” It took A LOT for me to get out of such a belief, but it was all worth it. Don’t leave people or groups that spread conspiracy theories unchecked. It’s really scary what they’re capable of doing.
With the Japanese one, op didnt pretend anything. They didnt say they were Japanese. They didnt pretend to know more. They said their name, and spoke in the language they grew up with when they were questioned. They didnt pretend anything. The only person trying to put someone in the box is a friend.
For story 2: I heard another person talking about this post and apparently OP gave more info (I think in the comments?). Apparently their wife went Vegan after seeing a pretty difficult documentary (I can’t remember the name) and she MADE THE KID WATCH IT AT 6 YEARS OLD. She apparently is also very difficult about a lot of other things - so definitely NTA. Story 4: The things is with absurd beliefs is that they usually have some kind of bigotry buried inside them. That’s why they’re bought into - it allows people to make sense of things counter to what we actually know. Example: Aliens building the pyramids. Absurd? Yeah. So why do people believe it? Because they literally don’t think that ancient non-white peoples would be capable of such a feat. If you hear a weird belief, I encourage people always to really dig down into it because more often than not it’s got its origins or basis in bigotry. And that DOES make people assholes potentially - especially if they aren’t newly into conspiracy theories. Going onto any conspiracy sites shows the kinds of views people typically share when they subscribe to multiple theories.
Why is it not ok for a child to view the horrific things that the animal agriculture industry does to animals but it is ok for him to contribute to those horrible things?
@@e.l98 Because how you explain and show a topic to a child still needs to be age appropriate??? A 6 year old likely can’t emotionally handle seeing all the gory details.
@@timburtonluver28 I agree with you, I think both are wrong. I just think it’s hypocritical to think it’s messed up for a child to view these things but that’s it’s totally fine for them to contribute to these horrible things being done
@@e.l98 I appreciate that. The point of issue in my comment wasn’t the video. It was the age of the child. You can have a candid convo with a 6 year old about why you’re vegan and tell them that the way animals are treated for consumption is horrible. That’s fine. You can also probably let a 12-13 year old watch documentaries about the subject for more info if you think they can handle it. I am not against telling a kid about veganism and the meat industry, I am against showing children age inappropriate content - and the info OP provided outside of the 6 year old being made to watch the video also suggested the mom was doing some things that were emotionally not great to make other people do things she wanted - consequences be damned. I can’t remember the exact details but eventually the OP mentioned needing to take further action. Basically: I have no issue with bringing up hard topics with kids and informing them - I DO have issues with that mom and what she did/has been doing that was undeniably inappropriate. Looking at OP’s updates or comment replies paint a really extreme picture of what she’s been doing in their relationship.
@@timburtonluver28 I think any normal person / child would have an emotional reaction to finding out how animals are treated in the animal agriculture industry and they absolutely need to learn about that, that’s how we get more people to understand that veganism is the way forward, through education. We can’t shield them from learning about bad things in the world and again, it’s important for children to learn about what is wrong and what is right in the world. For example, we should be teaching kids about things like homophobia or sexism and how that’s wrong, and imo, also about how animals are treated in the animal agriculture industry (as well as the harm it does to the environment) and how that’s wrong and shouldn’t be something people contribute to.
My sibling and spouse are vegetarian. They have been since they were teenagers. They specifically did not raise their kids vegetarian so they could each make that choice for themselves. As each kid reached about 13-15 they made the choice to also be vegetarian, and the eldest decided at about 18 to go vegan (we are all US based and we had a completely vegan Thanksgiving last year and it was so delicious! I hope they decide they want to host again this year). All their kids were sporty - so being vegetarian or vegan does not negate being able to play sports - you just have to be careful with your protein sources and getting enough of all the stuff you need nutritionally. But the kid at 12 is old enough to start to make those food choices for himself, and unless there is some food allergy (like allergic to red meat which is a thing) he should be able to explore eating what he wants (just he should be careful, because it may be harder for his body to digest non-vegan items since it has been years since he had anything non-vegan and he may be in some gastric distress while his body acclimatizes).
The thing about making a choice, is everyone eats vegetables, there's no downside to a vegan diet, atleast nowadays. As a kid, there was only chicken nuggets and hot dogs, burgers vegan, but only those 3 things. But now, there's even vegan ice cream and cookies in stores, there's no downside, but if feeding them meat, the animals don't get a choice, if you magically talked to an animal, then you'd be great but it's wild because, everyone eats vegetables lol
I'm mixed. Grandma is Japanese & Mum is Japnese-Dutch. My Mum was a single Mum & my Grandma did all the babysitting/helped raise us in our younger years. I am white passing unless you try to match my foundation colour & realize there's strong undertones there. I grew up with Japanese food, Japanese fairytales, traditions etc. I end up looking white so I feel out of place in Asian places even though those are my experiences. At the same time I don’t fit in with the cultures/childhoods of the white people I know. Just feel like an odd little anomoly. 😅 If I didnt have a sibling in the same situation, I'd feel completely isolated. ❤
About the vegan child, it was NEVER his choice. He's older now, and old enough to decide whether he wants to remain vegan. If it's forbidden, he's just going to sneak and do it anyway. And the social isolation as a vegan is real. Kids spend a lot of time going to fast food places together or getting pizza at an overnight. It's the first of probably many times that kid is going to assert himself as his own person.
I do wonder if that varies based on country though. Like here in the UK you can easily get a vegan burger at McDonald's, vegan pizza at Domino's etc. You would be getting slightly different food than others but you could still join them.
He is also 12 years old, which is a very normal age to start discovering who you are away from your parents and family, to be more curious about what peers do, to start rebelling about “rules” as a part of developing yourself, etc. I think the father should not have hidden it from the mother, but at the same time I also think he is a good father for not only allowing his son to try new things but also to say he will pay for them rather than having the son use his allowance. He is showing the son that he is allowed to be curious about new things and that his father is a safe space to do so. It’s a different context but my parents allows us to try alcohol in their presence and also told me that they prefer I bring a boy home rather than do stuff in a park / dark alley, which not only provided a safe context in case something went wrong, but I also never went crazy with alcohol because there was no mystery or forbidden part. It may be strange to compare non-vegan food to alcohol or sex, but I do think that it is by being open to small things that parents can make sure their children also feel respected and understood in the potentially more high stake situations.
@@Sophie_Cleverly Here in the US that isn't the case at all. You can get a meal of fries at McDs as a vegan. Or a garden salad, I guess (though in a group of teen boys going out after a game that would get remarked on, and maybe not so kindly). And the go-to for every kids event is pizza. They always have cheese pizza, which is fine for vegetarians, but if you don't eat cheese it would be a big problem. The one young vegan I've known here spent a lot of time eating really unhealthy foods because that was all that was quickly available.
I feel like the parent hasn't actually been communicating with the kid, and the kid probably even felt bad, I was vegetarian and there was never vegetarian marshmallows as a kid, and sometimes I'd eat a whole bag then throw up out of pure guilt :/ it's fked up, but now there's more options, I can just eat a few marshmallows and be good, vegan ones anyways, but yea, it sounds like the parent just had no idea what was going on🤷🏽♀️
I'm vegetarian myself, & I made that decision when I turned 18 after life on a croft with my folks for two years. Would I cook meat for a child??? Most likely not. Would I buy meat from an eatery for a child who says they want to try that option??? Probably. Would I tell a child where meat comes from??? Absolutely when they're old enough to understand what death means. Would I police everything a child spends their own money on??? Absolutely not. Autonomy people!!! Give them the facts, then let them make their own choices.
I mean the third OP’s nationality is literally Japanese. She was born in Japan and grew up there for 14 years. I have a friend who’s black and British. Would he not be considered British because he’s ethnically Ghanaian?
It really irks me the mom is forcing the kid to be vegan. Let him decide what he wants to eat, it’s not likes doing drugs or out partying 🙄 it’s sad he feels he can’t bring it up to her and her putting her feelings aside to let him experience what the food world has to offer beyond what he can get from fast food
You're right, it's not at all like drugs or partying. Those can be neutral, or only harmful to yourself. Eating animal products hurts the animals they come from, and doesn't hurt you. There's a thousand types of vegan sweets available, vegan fast food, everything you can think of nowadays. I do agree that the Mum and Dad handled the situation badly, in different ways, and he should be able to buy non-vegan food if he really badly wants to eat food made from animal products, instead of just getting food that doesn't harm animals, if he really wants to, but it's not a neutral choice.
@@Robb3636 this is what I feel's been missing from shaaba's critique but also the comment section as a whole. This whole 'everybody has a right to make their own decisions' but when your decisions cause harm the line should be drawn for the sake of consistency.
As a Vegetarian who is vegetarian for ethical reasons while most of the rest of my family are not, in my opinion the Mum is the AH in the second story. It's one thing to have a set of ethics for yourself and something completely different to try and impose those ethics on the people around you! Live and let live people!
I think its different when it's your child. Your job as a parent is to raise your child to be the best human they can be, imo that would be, being a vegan. Its harmful to the animals in the agriculture industry as well as to the environment to consume animal products. If he truly no longer wants to be vegan, then fine, of course you can't force him, but I understand her initial frustration and disappointment as her son is now deciding to contribute to the unethical practice of eating animal products.
To an ethical vegan "Live and let live" is the standard that they would love their loved ones to follow. Including letting the animals live (whenever possible and practicable as by the definition of veganism).
@@e.l98Hey there, just wanted to talk about this subject, some of what I'm saying wont necessarily apply to this comment I just wanted to address it. I totally respect your opinion but honestly I do disagree and I think this is the exact mindset that the mum had, which is exactly what made her son feel as though he couldnt talk to her about it. Choosing to consume animal products (while you may not consider it ethical) is his and only his business. While I understand where she is coming from in that she'd had this hidden from her, I do think her reaction showed exactly why her son felt so unsafe. You are allowed to feel as though eating meat is unethical, but you also have to respect that not everyone agrees, some people don't consider it unethical because that's how theyve grown up or how theyve seen the world work. As a vegetarian myself, I totally understand that you want to see the world move away from eating meat but you also have to do it in a way that's inviting. Also on the flip side, would it be ok for a parent who is a meat eater to force their child to eat meat when they wanted to be vegan? Of course not. So even though you may not agree you have to allow your child to find their own way. Hes only 12 anyway so its possible he may change his mind later on but it needs to be of his own accord.
@@e.l98 Please take a moment and place this type of mindset upon other similar situations, and you’ll find that it’s a slippery slope towards ostracizing one’s child. Is it ok when Christian parents want their kids who are queer to be cishet, or for a parent to dictate their child’s hobbies? 12 is a time when children are starting to experience their own individuality, and parents have to be ready to allow them to do so. A discussion with him about the ethics of veganism would be acceptable, as well as setting up rules at home (i.e. all meals in the house must be vegan, but spending his own money on snacks or eating meals at friends houses does not have to be vegan). But he has to be allowed to make a decision for himself, and that’s ok. He might find after a while that he has explored and found that he does identify with his mom’s beliefs, or he might find that he wants to practice good ethics in ways that resonate more with him, but that for his own reasons, veganism is not his thing. Additionally, there are some very questionable aspects in the ethics of veganism, so I would like to gently encourage you to consider that other people who aren’t vegan may be trying to make their own choices about what aligns with their personal morals.
@@whatismylife8100 I generally agree with a lot of what you said, but I want to point out that it's categorically different to refrain from eating a certain food due to your beliefs and having others do the same in your home, versus forcing someone else to actively eat a food when they believe it's wrong (or really to force anyone to eat anything, for that matter, but that's a different conversation).
I'll never be sad for longer AITA videos! I just hope that you stick to whatever length of video is feasible for you to produce, especially for a series. All the best to you!
The stereotype for us oldies (and older) is that men would spend time on the toilet reading the newspaper. There used to be magazine racks, as well, made for the bathroom... though, that was often shown as being for baths, because, as you know, women didn't poop in the old days. 😀
Number one needs the caveat that she should make sure her husband isn't hiding a medical issue from her. He could have inflammatory bowel disease or something and not be going to the doctor or keeping it from his wife for some reason. As someone who has had health related bathroom needs at times in life, I would say that she will be the asshole if this were to be the case and she came down on him with a bunch of people on the internet who are also not fully aware of what is actually going on. This is just a caveat, if he's just pooping like most people, yes, he's the AH.
I’m not sure. He’s a grown man, so I don’t think it should be on her to monitor his bowel health in case he’s hiding something. I do agree it would be different if he had a medical condition, but she would have to have prior knowledge of it. It’s up to him to communicate needs like that to her, especially since she’s clearly articulated hers already.
My husband and I watched this together over dinner (a vegan one, lol) and we really paid attention to that bonus aita situation. The reason we disagree with your take somewhat is because if you hold a view for which there is zero actual proof and that view is (subjectively) bananas AND that view can get someone hurt possibly, then it is judegement-worthy. Keep making these, I love your content!
For the last one, the thing about conspiracy theories is many of them have anti-Semitic roots and/or lead to antisemitism later down the pipeline. And those accused of 'selling their souls' are often marginalised and/or the person claiming they've sold their soul is wanting to ostracise them. Generally, those who are accused of selling their souls make "unchristian" music, whether that be because it's explicit, the "wrong type" of Christian, or part of worship of a different religion. Conspiracy theories often are inherently discriminatory and dangerous, particularly because they usually fly under the radar. The reason it's important to note that if a person believes one conspiracy theory, they often believe several, and this is a red flag is because things like denial of certain disasters and tragic events (I don't know if UA-cam will flag the comment for me naming them like it would a video) are *also* considered conspiracy theories, and when asked things like "who are the Illuminati/the secret society controlling everything" a lot of them will answer that "they" are Jewish people. This is particularly prevalent in strict Christian communities (not all of them, but a lot of them). Someone believing conspiracies is a red flag because it's usually not harmless stuff, even if it looks like it, even a lot of flat earth groups have been linked to anti-Semitism in the fact that the mysterious "they" the groups claim are hiding the truth are Jewish people.
i think in the last one i agree with you. You can leave a first date for any reason. it doesn't need to be a good reason. if you aren't feeling it you aren't obligated to stay if you leave in a non-asshole way. No need to ridicule his beliefs, but if you don't jive you don't jive. He is an asshole for insisting she should keep being on a date when she'd seen enough.
The cultural appropriation story: My grandfather's experience in Vietnam during the war was interesting. He was reluctant to fight, deeply interested in Vietnamese culture when he was there, became fluent in the language, made friends there, and spoke out against American treatment of the Vietnamese population when he returned home. He's remained socially active and up to date on issues in that area throughout his life. He is the whitest dude ever. He's a 91 year old white dude with a heavy Bostonian accent. It's always a thrill to go out to eat pho with him because he consistently startles any Vietnamese-speaking waitstaff when he orders or asks for anything just by existing as his cool, multi-cultural self. I think he's a great example of genuine, unadulterated cultural appreciation. Name choosing observation: Some names from a culture grow enough in popularity that they become part of multiple cultures. My sister's name is Linda, which is a very common name for white women, but clearly originated from Latin culture. I wonder if the first white girl named Linda got beef for it.
The Japanese one really got me thinking. I'm as white as everyone with middle European heritage. Yet, the moment I came in conscious contact with Japanese culture I felt like this is my spiritual home. I love every aspect of Japan: history, language, culture, you name it. I'm also trans. So, when it came to giving myself a new name, I tried on a couple of different ideas, but what stuck with me and felt right to the core was giving myself a Japanese name. AITA? On another note, I love the longer video. So, if it's not exhausting for you, Shaaba, I'd like to see those more often. Love and peace 💖
I think the danger is the sheer amount of people who fetishize and/or exoticize Japan, it's people and it's culture. Be prepared for a lot of people to assume you named yourself after an anime character and connect to Japanese culture through a very exploitative western lense. Does that mean you can't choose a Japanese name? Of course not. It's your name and you chose what you felt most comfortable calling yourself. But I do think that if you're going to keep going down the route of integrating more Japanese culture into your personal identity, it's important to continually examine your feelings of spiritual kinship with Japan - without judgment or self-deprecation but with full awareness of the way Japanese culture has been "sold" to westerners, especially us white westerners.
If you don't have any Japanese heritage, I would recommend choosing a name that can be transliterated into Japanese. Hugo for example, or Ray, Jo, Anna, etc.
@@katharineeavan9705 Thank you for your kind words. It eases my mind. I also think I keep a healthy relationship with my love for Japan. It's part of me, but doesn't define me. Also, to give you more context: I'm 45yo, I consciously fell in love with Japan ~20 years ago (I say consciously, bc subconsciously it goes back to my early childhood, I just couldn't put a name to it), I chose my name ~10 years ago and it's official since last year. I don't think I idolize or fetishize. The culture just resonated with me, and I love the country with all its strengths and weaknesses.
For the second one, it’s the purchasing by the hubby behind the back that’s problematic, the conversation between the three of them should’ve been out in the open. The son is old enough to decide what he wants to eat and forcing his mother’s principals on him is just going to make him rebellious and resentful. My parents observed multiple periods of lent where they had a very restricted diet much of the year. They made all their children, even in elementary school, observe this practice as well. I didn’t understand/experience the spiritual benefits of the practice. It was very difficult to be at school and not allowed to have all the treats my other classmates have. As soon as I was old enough, I “broke lent” all the time. Forcing children to follow their parents’ principles in this way when they’re not ready to do so nearly always backfires. I say this as a vegetarian (which of course, makes me contemptible to *some* vegans). For the 3rd one, NTA. The term cultural appropriation is often misused these days.
About the Japanese Appropriation Story: I know that all around the world ethnicity and cultural identity gets defined differently such as how in many predominantly homogenous societies noone with a different skin color gets fully accepted as one of them, even if they lived there all their life, and as how in the U.S. heritage seems to be very important for a lot of people (seeing how many people identify with their irish/German/italian... etc. ancestry even if they might not know a word in that language, have little connection to that particular country's culture anymore, and it might have been an ancestor many generations ago). And I remember how I've once participated in a long thread about how we define cultural identity in Europe. I can mostly speak for myself and to a degree Germany, but I think many European countries think similarly. I think for a lot of us, long ago heritage may be an interesting feature but not a cultural identity marker, unless the culture is still an active part of a person. It might be part due to how common it is in Europe to hav migration history far back in the family tree. My ancestors may have come from Scandinavia but I don't have an ounce of Scandinavian culture or language in me, therefore I am not. And obviously, especially with the very racially charged history, skin color has no say about national identity (I mean if we went the same way as many East Asians saying only those who look like "us" are ethnically German we'd be right back with the Nazi "Arier" bs). For some the passport is the deciding factor, for others, including me, it's the amount of and time of exposure and integration to our culture and language. My best friend was born in Japan, from Japanese parents, raised there until she was 7, but then moved to Germany. Her partly Japanese identity is quite obvious and she still has a Japanese passport, but I'd be lying to myself if said I didn't also see her as German. Because she is. Her mannerisms, her personality, her values, so many things that I think developed from German influence. And how her personality partly changes depending on whether she's around a German crowd speaking German or a Japanese crowd speaking Japanese in my opinion is proof as well. So while there is nothing wrong embracing one's ancestry and thus cultural heritage, from my German values I think they are actually less valuable in terms of cultural identity than immediate exposure. Because while some people may really be passing on the inherited culture from generation to generation, keeping up the language, some of the values, the food etc. there are enough people who don't and thus become more and more disconnected from the culture in each generation, yet claim stronger affiliation than people who have actively lived in the culture in question (which is a little bit the vibe I'm getting from the accuser in this story). And of course there is a lot in between, like entire new subcultures developing from the mixed heritage, which is awesome too.
For the last one it's completely ok to just leave that date, he clearly has different views, and he was being judgemental about it I wouldn't have given him another chance either
The third story made me thinkkkkk. I am half Japanese and grew up mostly in Japan. I don’t take after my Japanese side very much, but I speak the language fluently and I know my culture. My whole name is in kanji lol. That being said, it’s normal for people to be treat me as I’m not Japanese enough. It’s so frustrating. So many people are surprised when I have absolutely no issues with Japanese and starting talking about the culture. Still, I’m not Japanese enough because I indulge in American culture at home. I can never be Japanese enough to some and that really frustrating. I think a lot of traditionally/historically monoethnic countries have a hard time recognizing mixed people, or “foreign people” who lived there their whole lives as part of their country. It’s a problem, that is difficult to be recognized for so many reasons.
My English friend moved to Japan (he's lovely) and married a Japanese woman (she's lovely too), and I often think how clever they were with their children's names. Their daughter girl is Hana or Hannah and their son is Yoshi or Joshua.
I used to keep a little bouncy seat near the bathroom. Whichever of us needed to use the bathroom when alone, or when the other was busy, would put it within reach of a leg and grab some kind of bath toy, bouncing with a foot when needed. You do what you have to. Neither of us would have stuck the other with cooking and eating with the baby, then also attempted solo toilet time.
Have always felt the AITA videos should/could be a little longer - so much to think about and learn from! Thanks for giving this (slightly) new format a try, Shaaba. :)
As to the fourth one, I really don't think it needs all that much analysis. When OP said she didn't believe Doja Cat had sold her soul, her date said he was disappointed and/or she was being fooled. So perhaps she wasn't respectful of his beliefs (in my opinion that was well-founded) but he wasn't respectful of hers either, and that "disappointed" choice of words struck me as odd, like he expected her to fall in with his belief in demonic possession. I feel like he's looking for a nice Christian girl who will follow his lead. Of course I'm assuming a lot from a short story, but if I was the one sent on this date I'd want it to end quickly and there wouldn't be a next one.
I have a chosen name that's Japanese. I didn't choose it because its Japanese but because it's a childhood nickname. I think people shove free to choose for their kids or themselves the name they want, a name is not cultural appropriation
I honestly don't blame the dad for hiding the fact their son isnt vegan from his wife, because holy shit that was an extremely abusive reaction and no wonder why the son was scared to tell his parents
I’m absolutely going NTA on the second one. As a kid, i was allergic to eggs, and that often made me feel excluded. Being in a situation where your dietary restriction isn’t something medical, but a choice made for you *by someone else* is bound to make the kid break that rule. I’m perfectly fine with people raising their little kids vegan and stuff. But the moment your kid is old enough to feel excluded because of their diet, they’re old enough to choose not to have that diet.
But his reasoning for not wanting to be vegan is due to peer pressure like Shaaba said. Therefore as a parent, she should be reminding him of the damages that consuming animal products causes to the innocent animals as well as to the environment, I'm sure then he will be reminded of why they are vegan
@@e.l98 It's not clear whether it really was peer pressure. The other kids might have been very respectful about it but OP's kid still felt left out, or they might have offered to share their candy and OP's kid decided that they liked the non-vegan candy much better than the vegan candy. We don't have enough context to know why the kid decided to eat non-vegan food, I felt like Shaaba jumped to conclusions a bit quick there with the peer pressure (of course it very well could have been peer pressure as well). In any case they indeed just need to have a conversation with the kid, explain their own reasoning for being vegan/vegetarian, and respect the kid's choice to either follow that or not (or to follow it only partly).
@@e.l98 even if it was 100% peer pressure - which we can’t be sure of - imo, nobody of that age should be forced into a diet they don’t want, especially since, at least now, to be healthy on a vegan diet people often need supplements
@@kooskoos1234 Nobody should be forced into anything no, but also as parents, it’s important to continue to guide your child through the right path, in my opinion, and for many others, being vegan is what is morally right, eating animals is wrong, and that is what I will be teaching my child. I will take having to take supplements over the unnecessary murder of animals any day, why wouldn’t you?
I eat sushi with appropriated chopsticks, but that story was wild. that's what racism is, expecting a specific phenotype to act and talk in a specific way, usually pre-determined by culture or sub-culture, and to claim it's "unnatural" for them to act differently.
I love longer aita videos. As a college student who can sink my head in the sand for long periods of time to do school work, these videos are a very welcome way to keep track of time (and the beginning of a new week). I always wish they are longer than they often end up being, as I love how you discuss your verdict on the post AND sample a few other verdicts from commenters, which I feel gives the video a richer content and gives us (the viewer) more time to really engage with the conversation.
#3 You are technically Japanese if you where BORN and RAISED there... Even if its only for 14 years. In Denmark we have MANY people who has been BORN and RASIED here but have parents from the Middle East or Asia and i ALWAYS tell them that they are Danish no matter where their parents are from, because they have been raised in the Danish culture, language and country - If they are not Danish, then i am a 2nd generation immigrant too as my mom is not Danish by birth, as she moved here from Norway when she was 18, and stayed here the rest of her life.. She even says she doesn't feel at home in Norway at all, but loves to visit.. Am i appropriating Norway's culture if i want to learn how to speak their language, go on hikes in their mountains, and want to learn how to ski so i can have fun with my family there? Also I'm sorry this might be an unpopular opinion but names do not belong to a culture - a lot of cultures have taken many names from each other so i don't see how her having a traditional Japanese name is wrong in any way or even how it has to be JUSTIFIED that her parents called her that even though they weren't original Japanese people? Its outrageous honestly..
Honestly the only time I can think of a name being cultural appropriation would be a celebrity having a stage name from another culture and using that to gain followers by connecting to that culture on a very shallow level (in a, i have this name so you can relate to me), and pretending to be from a culture that they do not take the time to immerse themselves in/don't respect.
It's more complicated than that because of how homogeneous Japan is and the fact that they don't have birthright citizenship. Although they're certainly getting more and more foreigners immigrating there, many Japanese people would not consider those born to foreign parents in Japan Japanese. But in this case that's completely irrelevant since the girl who was mad at OP is American and having to complain to Japanese fluent OP in American English about how OP isn't Japanese enough. Her hang ups have little to do with how a native Japanese person would feel or react. My understanding is that most Japanese people don't worry about cultural appropriation much as long as you aren't causing trouble or being disrespectful. Which makes sense because they have less reason to be insecure than that girl.
@@kerfluffle3781 Sure that makes sense, i guess i just can't understand the citizenship at birth as we don't have that either here in Denmark, you have to have at least one parent with Danish citizenship and be born here in Denmark and have some paperwork done to become a citizen if both of your parents are immigrants. If one is not you get it automatically if i remember correct. In Japan it is only a fathers original citizenship that can be passed on to the child, the mothers cannot, which is ... stupid but they are changing slowly! So yea what you say make perfectly sense, i just, don't buy when people are like "you don't have original roots" or whatever but the person have been born an raised in that particular society, i think it is sad that we gate keep, and unfortunately we do it a lot here in Denmark :/
I'm a mom of two young kids and always have company in the bathroom when we're home. Yes sometimes I have to hold a crying toddler as I go. It's just how it is
On the "Pretending to be Japanese" Story. Totally not the same but I've felt a microcosm of this. I'm South African but lived in England for most of my school years. I've often felt like I'm not british enough to be british but not South African enough to be South African. I have dual citizenship. I'm white, half English and half Afrikaans heratage. But I don't speak Afrikaans. Now I live in a very Afrikaans town. And yeah, I feel very much like I don't really fit anywhere. Having the whole POC thing on top sounds very complicated.
The talk you’re having about the woman who grew up in Japan, reminds me of the experiences of immigrant friends of mine in Norway. There are a lot of people who claim that they are not Norwegian enough because of their skin colour and/or proximity to their family/parents home country and culture. There was a controversy once when some black Norwegian actors were cast as a “nisse” in a Christmas show. The nisse is a traditional cultural sort of Christmas elf here, and are typically depicted as white as well as having light hair and blue eyes in Norwegian mythology.
A lot of names that end in ‘ko’ are probably recognisable as Japanese. Like Hanako, Kikuko, Mitsuko, Hoshiko, etc. I spend a lot of time researching names, there are a lot of Japanese names that just sound Japanese (because they are, but like they’re recognisable as that, and different from other cultures’ names). Like you can hear some names and think ‘oh that sounds like a German name’.
1) NTA, Dad needs more parenting time. Start letting him know from "6-7 (or whenever), the baby's yours. I'm going to go take a bath." And then ignore all cries for help from 6-7. Papa's gotta learn and there's no better way than doing.
Daaaamn I should expand my culture too... I always thought that Mauritius, being a part of Africa, had a culture close to nearby islands like Madagascar or the Réunion... I didn't know it was culturally considered as South Asian 😮
I have a hunch that In the last one "Christian" is the key word. In some religious communities in the US, like LDS or radical evangelics, there is a presurre to marry young and someone with the same religious believes. Hence blind dates at 19. If OP is from a more leanient branch, her date saying he believes In "soul selling" was a clear sign he's more radical. And that could mean dividing wverything In the world into "godly" an "ungodly", homeschooling their multiple kids and teaching them from the Bible only and other amusing stuff. She excused herself after seing the signs, and I can't blame her.
#4 I am a bit sad you didn't take a stand against conspiracy theories, Shaaba. They are usually rooted in antisemitism and are to be called out the same way you would call out transphobia or fatphobia.
thank you, my thoughts exactly. these conspiracies are indicative of other beliefs, and there's nothing wrong with making judgments and protecting yourself with that in mind. if someone believes in baby blood and lizard people theories and doesn't believe in climate change, those are red flags and indicative of their character.
And all these people in the comments saying, "It's not harmful..it's not harmful." It is! They are saying a woman no longer has her soul. Saying that she literally sold it. We are not talking figuratively. This can allow even more crazy people to go and harm that person for some dumb stupid conspiracy. Don't tell me it can't happen. Saying someone's soul was taken is rude and harmful to that person. I honestly clicked away from the video after that horrible take. Sorry...we need to stand firm against such baseless and horrid statements.
@@StudlyFudd13 💯sometimes i feel like the toxic positivity overwhelms these videos. We don't have to respect views that are harmful or patently absurd because a lot of the time they're based in oppressive views or help to spread them. Like the Doja Cat one: not only is it harmful and weird, they're absolutely shaming her appearance and others like him have been attacking Doja for being a satanist for a while now. It's wild.
With the last one, I think conspiracy theories can absolutely make someone an asshole?? Some beliefs don't deserve respect. Believing a celebrity sold their soul to the devil is reallllllll close to the antisemitic blood libel conspiracies, that kind of conspiratorial thinking can be very dangerous.
On the first one, I think the poster had a point, but perhaps her partner may need support in learning how to be a parent. It’s not necessarily a skill that comes naturally. This would best be a discussion of what he thinks might help. There are probably even classes or videos on how to care for infants. In the end, it would be great for mom to get away and for dad to have alone time with the baby.
Idk there's also a lot of historical bad blood between Korea and Japan that makes it even more uncomfortable that the Japanese friend was dismissive of OP in that story. Perhaps they should apologize for 1. Assuming OP was a white appropriater and 2. For assuming OP was lying about where they grew up. I get that it can be uncomfortable to be embarrassed over getting something wrong but... idk I'm a white person who's trying to learn and be better all the time and that feeling of embarrassment is normal. The discomfort is normal. It is not a personal attack on you. You mess up, it feels uncomfortable- that does not mean you are owed something from the person you messed up towards. It seems like the friend was misdirecting frustration that they might normally feel at white society as a whole towards you, and instead of apologizing and realizing you were 1. Not fully white and 2. Actually had real connections to the culture at hand they have simply doubled down and made you an enemy bc they aren't ready to see the discomfort is not always justification.
Hi Shaaba, thanks for the vid, love that it is longer. Just wanted to leave one thought here. For the last story, I think saying that some beliefs are silly or stupid or unfounded is not unfair. I think we are falling into this "fairness bias" where we are compelled to be hyper polite and allow for any idiocity to be fair. Some beliefs just defy logic and are stupid, and calling them out as such is fair game. Flat Earth would be a great example, or not believing in climate change, not everything is a matter of belief, not believing in climate change shows ignorance and willful blindness to facts, this is science, not a matter of belief, it's like saying I don't believe that Australia has winter when we have summer in US... it's not a matter of belief, just fact. If such things aren't called out and we keep saying "well that's just what they believe in, you can't judge them for that" we end up in a world that has no reality checks and people believe that vaccines put a 5G tracking chap into you that causes autism. There is a differences between respecting beliefs and enabling ignorance and calling it out. Sorry if this is a bit ranty, I just grew up with a lot of people like that around me and was ostracized for actually relying on science. Truth is, there aren't two sides to everything, sometimes there are 10 sides and sometimes there is just 1 and we need call a bad thing bad and a silly thing silly.
Same - especially as that was one of the ways I could escape from my step family for at least a little while. I even remember taking books like the dictionary or a volume of the encyclopedia in there with me!
At 12, the child is able to make that choice for themselves. My sister and her family are vegan and she sat the kids down to explain why they are vegan. The rule is “if you feel like you’re going to be left out, you can eat whatever” (i.e. birthday cake at a friend’s party). Most of the time, the kids ask if it’s vegan then choose an alternative (when they’re with us who make sure there is an equivalent vegan option or it’s food everyone can eat). The younger niece is definitely eating corn dogs at school though lol.
Corn dogs are your niece’s nemesis 😂 I think explaining why things are done are certain way is great, because it’s about the value rather than the thing itself + it sounds like the emphasis is put on making good choices most of the time, but also understanding that circumstances can be different and nobody is bad or has failed for an unusual behaviour or having a moment of weakens in the face of corn dogs. What we do consistently matters more than what we do once in a while.
If you were born in Japan, regardless of what you look like, and spent 14 years there ( that's a significant immersion into culture and schooling, and language - even if you go to an English school, you are still steeped in Japanese culture), then you are Japanese, imo. I knew a completely white woman who spent almost all of her life (from birth) in Japan. I wondered why why she had an accent I couldn't place. It was a Japanese accent. English was her second language. My mom said "because she's Japanese." My dad was born in Ireland. He was Irish. I was born in Canada; I am Canadian. If I were born in Japan, wouldn't I be Japanese?? (edit: ok so I looked up Japanese nationality laws and I still don't think OP was the AH because was born there, knew Japanese and the friend was being a jerk first, and obviously trying to shame or gatekeep).
With regards to the second one... I (45X) am vegan. My kiddo (18X) is not. I will not buy my kiddo any non-vegan food... But I would not stop them from buying something non-vegan themself. So in the presented case... The dad isn't vegan, and the mom knows it. I'd say the mom is being a bit of an asshole. I understand where she's coming from (like I said, I'm vegan myself), but you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar (and yes, honey isn't vegan, and that's intentional lol).
I get what you're saying but a parent could argue it's their personal choice what food they give to their 12 year old kids, considering they're the ones raising them and paying for their food. If the child is old enough to earn their own money they can buy the groceries they want. I'm not vegan and I wouldn't raise my child vegan but that would be my choice as a parent. So vegan parents have the same right.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517this comments irrelevant since the kid did use his own money and his parent (the dad) chose to use their own money to buy him non-vegan food
The difference between a university and a college in the U.S. is that universities offer post-grad i.e. not just the first 4 years of high education. People tend to use them interchangably.
Not entirely - The final year of American high school and the first year of American college are roughly equivalent to our Further Education (UK college, sixth form etc). For an American to gain entry to the first year of a standard UK undergrad they will usually need 2-3 AP subjects in high school or a few course credits from college. That being said, many UK universities do offer programmes with access or foundation years (not to be confused with a foundation _degree_) that would be more or less equivalent to the first year of an American college undergrad course. They aren't direct equivalencies, but it's roughly as follows: High school diploma = level 2 qualifications (GCSEs) AP classes and/or first year of college = level 3 qualifications (A levels, BTECs etc) 2nd year college/associate degree = level 4 qualifications/first year of standard UK undergraduate (certificate of higher education/higher national certificate) From there on out the qualifications get to be more straight forward equivalents - A bachelor's is a bachelors, a master's is a master's. - someone who has spent FAR too much time at work going down hyperfocus rabbitholes with the excuse of answering applicant and graduate queries
I agree with respecting people's beliefs, but that doesn't mean we can't think certain beliefs are silly. Plus, it's not just that he believes doja cat sold her soul. There's lots of overlap between people who believe in things like selling your soul with people who have hateful and bigoted beliefs.
On the mixed race story, I'm Dutch-Brazilian, very pale, naturally blonde, and now a redhead. Whenever I say I'm from Brazil, people don't believe me and I have noticed that my immediate reaction is to always say that I'm half Dutch. Usually, this happens with white people or Latinx people of colour. I have even been accused of appropriation of indigenous or other Brazilian culture since I have some indigenous jewellery (context, I lived with a tribe for half a year as my mother was adopted into the tribe as an adult as she was conducting an anthropological study + my great grandmother was also indigenous) and practice some Brazilian customs. This has also gotten worse since moving to Europe and hardly speaking Portuguese, causing my accent to be a tad bit odd
As a white Brazilian with the same color as Morticia Addams, I know very well what it's like "You're not Brazilian or Latina because you're white, you're lying" It's funny and at the same time worrying.
@@itsamandy yeah like, pale latinx people exist, they’re quite common because ✨colanisation✨. And even if they weren’t, phenotype ≠ ethnicity. i have a friend, you’d swear she had some polonysian or south asian heritage and she is 100% european with a ginger sister and white parents.
I guess to give some potential context to topic number 4 and the blind dating (as a Christian, who is also ace), there is often very much a sub culture around "courting" and getting married/having children fairly early in your life. As a teenager literally any time I had a friend who was male it was assumed I started dating them or was considering dating them, and it was always pushed to pursue other men who "have strong Christian values" and ensure I was a pure, darling dove that was always presentable as such for those Christian men. This was also pushed when I was in college and in a Bible study group, albeit not to the same extreme. The expectation is for you to get married in your early 20s ideally, so there are often young adult social groups, "blind dating" and other situations created to help facilitate that. Needless to say, I was very much an outlier for not meeting that expectation, and still am. This sort of thing will definitely vary depending on denomination and strictness, so I could definitely be off the mark here, but the way it's casually brought up definitely feels along those vibes (and mind you, if that's what she's happy and comfortable with, more power to her! But hopefully she's going on blind dates because she wants to and not because she feels obligated). I will absolutely say, at the very least, that someone insisting that their views are right, and insisting that you must blindly agree with those views or you are being led astray/manipulated, is definitely indicative of manipulative behavior on the date's part, and I would absolutely not want to stick around long enough to find out to what extent they use that in a long term relationship, romantic or platonic.
Even as an atheist, I would have made sure to check what KIND of Christian are they before setting up my friend who is also Christian. There is a HUGE difference between say, Lutherans & Southern Baptist. There is even big differences within denominations, like progressive Mormon (especially since they may be transferring out) & conservative Mormon.
obviously there are exceptions to this (especially if you’re being rude/mean to the other person when they aren’t) but i don’t think that a person needs to justify not wanting to date somebody or stay on a date when they feel uncomfortable or weird with the other person
For Doja Cat guy, I one hundred percent agree with Shaaba, but I also want to add that his reaction to OP's opinion was really weird. He literally said he was disappointed in her, but then complained when she left. It kinda felt like he was ok with shaming her opinion but not ok with her disagreeing with him.
Just wanted to say that the story with the child would be completely different (particularly on part of the redditors) if the child chose to be vegan. Btw the actual American society of dieticians says it is entirely possible to be healthy and vegan at all ages and life stages.
Came to say this, they’ve already found a vegan diet to be healthy at all stages in life. The mom is totally an AH here but the commenters spreading lies is asinine. People are just foaming at the mouth to shit on vegans 🙄🙄🙄
Yes thank you. It’s not even a debate it’s been proven over and over but people don’t want to believe it because it makes them feel guilty. Any negative comment about vegans or vegan diets will be eaten up (excuse the pun) by non-vegans and will be believed without a second thought.
"Ah, but [category already addressed] can't be healthy on a vegan diet" is just so depressingly popular. I'm not vegan, though my diet most weeks is completely vegetarian and most days vegan, but I can understand why some vegans would have zero effs left to give in the face of popular anti-vegan misinfo.
I am half-Japanese and living in Japan, and if you were born here and grew up here, I would absolutely fully accept you as Japanese regardless of your blood. I am thinking the Japanese-American girl maybe got on the wave of how cool and great and magical and unique and cultured Japanese people are seen as by some white people, and somehow managed to make a habit of bragging about it to get people to think she's also cool and great. (Pretty poor substitute for a personality, if you ask me.) This might also explain why she thought it makes sense to point out what the person is named even though it's something their parents decide and not themselves: she would have been using something from her parents--her nationality--and not her own accomplishments to get popular all her life as well. But I can't really say for sure from the little information we have, since OP only just met the girl, so.
No Shaaba, there are definitely believes that are not *okay* to have. It wouldn't be okay to "believe" that the Holocaust didn't happen and conspiracy theories are always a slippery slope
I was today years old when I learned that being born in a country (any country) didn't automatically make you a citizen of that country. I thought that was how it worked everywhere, not just in the U.S. So, I learned something new! Cultural identity things are a tricky subject. I feel like you can be (taking the story of cultural appropriation from the video) Japanese without actually being a Japanese citizen or having a Japanese parent if you were born, raised, and schooled for such a long period of time in Japan. Just like I know you can literally have a parent from a country but look like you absolutely do not belong to that group. I am half-Chinese. My mom was Chinese, and my dad is white. I do not look Chinese even a tiny bit. I look stereotypically white. And yet I _am_ half-Chinese. But does that mean I can claim Chinese culture as mine? My mom died when I was seven. I lived in the U.S. my whole life. I don't speak Chinese or even know much of anything about the culture. So... I'm not sure if I could or should claim the culture as my own. I'd feel awkward about it, so I don't wear Chinese clothes or celebrate Chinese holidays. But I do watch Chinese movies as a way to connect to my mom and her side of my heritage, and I feel like I would take it badly if someone tried to gatekeep Chinese culture against me, even though I don't typically try to claim it as part of my identity. I guess what I'm getting at, is that I think where and how you were raised has more to do with your cultural identity than who your parents were or your official nationality. The OP in that story is, to me, very clearly Japanese. OP was raised as a part of that culture for a long time. How could it not become part of their identity? Me, on the other hand, even though I am half-Chinese by blood, I don't have any personal connection or experience with the culture. As much as I would love to learn more and experience some of the culture, it's not a part of my identity even if it's in my blood.
With the Japanese one, the first name that popped into my head was Sakura. Due to Naruto, its very commonly known in the area I grew up in and would look very "Japanese". Just to put an example of Americans seeing/hearing a very commonly associated Japanese name.
Loved the length, loved the content! One of my fav aita videos i have seen of yours, heck of anyones. This might sound like hyperbole but i really appreciated the care and explinations for what turned out to be a bunch of really complicated thorny problems. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite AITA reviewers, your empathy and the fact that you try to consider *everyone's* viewpoint in the story put you head and shoulders above the rest. I'm glad that your husbands channel has led me to these weekly gems.
In my experience, Japanese-Americans (specifically) play the cultural appropriation card a lot. I can't say why that is. For example: I train in kitsuke (kimono-dressing) here in Japan. I've been doing it for 3 years now. I know how to dress in kimono, the manners around them, the formalities, etc. I also own several second-hand kimono. My Japanese colleagues are very impressed with me because most of *them* don't know how to wear kimono, and kitsuke is a dying art. My Japanese colleagues are so happy that I'm learning how to do it. I went to Canada when COVID was finally over enough for me to visit. I showed my kimono pictures to my friends. A Japanese-American friend of a friend who was present started yelling up a storm at me for appropriating her culture and disrespecting Japan. I tried to explain to her that I live in Japan, but she wouldn't hear it. On a separate occasion, was part of a kimono dressing pannel and fashion show at a convention and got a similar reaction from another Japanese-American. No amount of explaining that I'm learning this art at an accredited school in Japan (and that I *live* in Japan) was good enough. I ended up losing my cool and asking them what they want from me in Japanese. They had no idea what I said. I'm from two separate cultures myself. I am also torn between being not enough of either to really 'count' as part of the group. But I would *never* flip out like that at someone. Edit: for clarity (bad sentences)
For the third one, the parents chose well to give "Sakura" a Japanese name. They may have intended to continue living in Japan forever when OP was born, and having a Japanese sounding name can help a lot. She would have to use a different way to spell it which would give away she's "foreign", but people wouldn't catch that she's Korean. Korea and Japan have a lot of tension from WWII and it is still a problem politically. I don't know if the roommates friend caught that or assumed it's an otaku that uses a Japanese name for fun since OP sounds white passing. Maybe roommate's friend chose to punch down, then realized she's "less Japanese" than OP. When Japanese people grow up overseas they are looked at differently. Even people who live and work overseas for a year are looked at differently. It's a complicated societal view. 😅
The cultural appropriation one: She may not be genetically Japanese, but I would argue that she is culturally Japanese. Born in Japan, raised in Japan, schooled in Japan, and lived a culturally Japanese life: Japanese. Full stop. Definitely NTA. I mean, let's turn it around. If my family, for example, was from Japan but I was born and raised in America...that would make me both culturally American and Japanese. The same as the roommate who had an issue with OP. The double standard here is mind-boggling. The fact that the roommate's qualifier for her to be Japanese was that she must be able to speak the language, was also racist af.
Beside that, she laterally has Asian heritage. Just proofing that the assumption of the "friend" regarding her heritage is just racist as hell. If someone needs to make an apology, it would definitly be the racist.
There's also a bit of a layer of anti-Koreanness here, I think, which is especially important to be aware of in the historical context. Korea and other countries have suffered some of the most terrible atrocities of human history at the hands of Japan. Yet a Japanese-American feels qualified to gatekeep a half-Korean person who grew up in Japan from Japanese culture?
Also, it’s not like she named herself a Japanese name. Even if it was appropriation (it’s not) it would be her parents who were guilty and not OP herself.
Also it’s kind of gross that the “friend” made the accusation of cultural appropriation based on incorrect assumptions about OP’s ethnicity.
I thought the part where the room-mates friend had a go at OP over their name (something that most people don't choose!) was a HUGE red flag.
I'd be thinking "wtf? You're annoyed with me over something I didn't choose?"
That's unhinged behaviour, quite similar to people being awful to you over other things in your life that you don't choose ie. your eye colour, your date of birth or... your sexuality.
@@symbungee I get making a knee-jerk assumption that they must've adopted the name for themselves. Let's be honest, there _are_ non-Japanese people so obsessed with what they perceive as Japanese culture that they would do such a thing. But to immediately give voice to that assumption, and then double down and call them a liar when the person gives you information to the contrary, is pretty insane. Certainly by the time OP started speaking to her in perfect Japanese she should have said to herself, "Okay, it's time for me to shut up and learn something."
So for the story about the Half Korean and half British OP "pretending" to be Japanese: There's a lot of political tension between Japan and Korea. In particular, Japan had at one point colonized Korea and there is still quite a bit anti-Korean rhetoric still floating in Japan. A lot of people who are children or grandchildren of Korean immigrants in Japan, who were born and raised there and have Japanese citizenship, are still considered "not Japanese enough". In the context of all that this story leaves a particularly bad taste in my mouth, and obviously OP is NTA.
Absolutely, although I don't think the Japanese-American friend knew OP was Korean at the time. Personally I think they were projecting onto OP their own insecurities and identity crises as the child/grandchild of immigrants. Even without that historical and political context, both Japan and South Korea are places where ancestry is generally considered more important than where you grew up. So I can appreciate than a Japanese-American person who doesn't speak their heritage language very fluently might be defensive seeing someone white-passing or of mixed heritage with a more Japanese name than they probably have, speaking Japanese more fluently than they do. Or it's not that deep and they were just embarrassed that their asinine comment met with such a face-losing response.
I was wondering about that! It does sound like the roommate's friend didn't know about OP's background initially, but if they doubled down after that bit of information was revealed, they probably should think a bit more deeply, and take historical context into account. In any case, I agree that OP is NTA.
Yes! I had some classmates who were Korean when I was studying abroad in Japan. They got egged and we had people protesting outside our school. It was pretty scary just being next to them and not even being the target. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be them at that time. Btw, this was only 10 years ago, so it isn’t an old time thing.
@@16poetisa Yeah I do think it's very possible that this person was just projecting their own trauma. I commented because I think it gives the context of how OP probably grew up as a genetically Korean-British child in Japan, and why this type of AH behavior may have felt even worse for them.
For sure. If I were a Korean mom looking at raising a child in Japan, I'd probably try to choose a name that would help them fit in. Not knowing what OP's name is, it might even be one of the fair few that are actually found in both languages.
If the kid is old enough to have pocket money and spend it like that, he's old enough to choose whether or not he wants to be vegan. Like, having your child choose something healthier than McDonald's and chocolate is another argument entirely, but I think he should now have the choice
Yep. This. And it became clear why the son didn't feel safe talking to his mum about not wanting to be vegan when she flipped out. Dad should have taken the heat for it but earlier, and without the son having to experience that blow-up.
I was sitting and thinking.. As far i i heard, the son didn't decide himself to be vegan right? Like the mom wanted them all to be vegan and the dad agreed after a dietician visit?
No child should be forced to eat any particular way, and honestly the household should be able to make food that accommodates everyone, its not that hard to make vegan dishes and sprinkle some other stuff in it if the rest of the family or visitors want some meat..
I don't like that she is basically forcing her son to eat vegan and if he is SO afraid of his moms anger that he would throw his dad under the bus... Then maybe there's a reason he didn't speak up in the first place..
@@GwenxI see what you mean, but if you argue like that, every parent is 'forcing' a (young) child to have a certain diet. Not offering a certain food to a, let's say, toddler because the parents don't eat it, is a very normal thing.
I also think it's very fair to not want to buy a certain food, especially when it's about morals, and buying would be supporting a thing you don't want to support. We are always trying to direct our children to certain morals we'd like them to uphold, and enforcing those morals in your own home, is fair.
Now, if the child had expressed wishes to eat meat, after understanding the whole background, I see where your argument comes in. I think a good solution, if the child gets his own money, would be to let the child buy and cook meat for themself (assuming they are old enough to do so). Just like parents who wouldn't want to buy sweets for their child, because they don't need it, and simply wanted it for the taste/enjoyment. It's not bad to enable that, to buy it for the child yourself, but I also think it's fair to refuse using your own money for something that goes against your morals.
@@Gwenx You cant seriously expect a vegan household to go out of their way to buy and cook meat for visitors. That completely goes against the whole point of being vegan.
@@Gwenxi wouldn’t expect any vegan person to make meat based foods - but i do think choosing your kid’s diet is limited to what you make. You’re a vegan household, so your kid eats vegan at home? That’s perfectly fine. But you don’t get to force him to eat vegan when he’s out with friends. You choose your kid’s diet in terms of what *you* provide them, not in terms of any food they eat (unless medical dietary restrictions apply obviously)
Born in Japan story: I would also like to add that at no point did OP claim to be “more Japanese” or even Japanese at all. All she did was say her name and explain her personal background.
ETA: Frankly, the other girl SHOULD be embarrassed. She behaved extremely rudely to someone who she just met, then was caught by her own test of not being able to speak the language. That is embarrassing behavior.
And she was japanese, she was born there
Strict parents create sneaky kids and clearly that was what was happening with the son and the Vegan mum. She had become so strict about veganism that the son didn't even feel comfortable having a conversation with her about it and instead took to sneaking around behind her back. I get the dad doing what he did because he maybe wants his son to know that at least one parent is willing to hear him out and be on his side. It can be a battle living with one strict parent and one non strict parent. It was maybe not the best thing for the dad to do but I can understand the logic behind it
As a child of strict parents, yeah 100% This kid is 12, right? They should be allowed to decide if they want to be fully vegan or not for themself
@@jedimoon22yeah it said in the thing that the kid is 12. He is of an age where he can make those kinds of decisions in life. He is at that age where he is forming his own personality and identity. His likes and dislikes and hobbies and interests and the like. He has independent thought and the ability for form his own opinions on things. The mother is gonna find that when her son becomes an adult their relationship will become very strained and he may even go no contact with her.
I was thinking maybe the dad was afraid of how the mom would react also, and therefor didn't tell
@@SlothDaanwhich only made it worse when she found out. If you're raising a child with someone you need to be able to communicate with them. The dad was in full agreement with having their child be vegan, then did this behind his wife's back; they both suck, just in different ways.
The third story, the Japanese American person was being racist honestly, like OP is half KOREAN. Not white, but white passing. Its pretty racist to assume someone's ethnicity based on their looks. And just because someone is not ethnically from a country that does not mean that their nationality and culture can't be from that country (eg. someone could have a nationality and culture, language etc of Japanese, but not be ethnically Japanese such as in the story). Claiming otherwise is incredibly racist. Would that person tell a black British person that they are not British just because they are not ethnically British?
Yeah, sometimes people confuse ethnicity with nationality.
That’s the exact thing I thought!! I have a friend who’s ethnically Ghanaian but he’s British.
Honestly considering she was born/raised in Japan it would be odd if she didn't have a Japanese name
And I bet money the ethnically Japanese girl has a "white" name
Lots of immigrant parents use English names to assimilate their children in the US why is it wrong that the OP's parents did the same thing in Japan?
Also who's to say op isn't ethnically Japanese she's Korean and Japan did some not so nice things to women during WW2 (**cough** comfort women **cough**)
This comment and the other ones here are 100% facts. You'd think someone with mixed heritage living in the US of all places would know better. The entitlement, I swear.
This is exactly what I was thinking, but I couldn't put words to it. Totally agree
Last Story, I agree with your verdict but I want to add something for OP and all the young dater's out there. "You do NOT need a reason to reject a date or relationship. Just like how you can exclude anyone from your private events without needing a reason, Your life is yours and you are not obligated to share it with anyone. No is a complete sentence."
As much as I appreciate you trying to be respectful of people’s beliefs I think it’s not a good thing to humor absurdity of genuinely harmful ones. If people don’t believe in climate change that affects everyone else in society so it’s something that they should be corrected on and challenged for. Same as demon possession. It’s extremely harmful belief to anyone who might have a mental illness and be subjected to exorcisms for example.
It is not so easy to just say we should respect people’s beliefs. We should respect people but their absurd beliefs? no I don’t think we as a society should indulge them.
This so much. I want to treat people with compassion, and sometimes compassion means understanding someone has accepted a harmful belief. If I am in a close relationship with someone I may attempt to discuss their belief, investigate with them, but in OPs case all you can do is protect yourself.
I think there is a spectrum of crazy beliefs, which range from innocuous to dangerous. You can disagree with people on topics and there is nuance and room for interpretation in some things. But selling your soul to the devil? Pizza-gate? Climate change? Flat Earth? Sometimes people's opinions are just crazy and there is no room for debate.
This 100%%% I was getting a little triggered by shabba saying this as those kinds of beliefs of possession and/or demonic influence is so often used to justify violence and even fuel it. What if someone thought doja cat was the reincarnation of the devil and decided to assassinate her? That is an extreme example but there is no possible positive outcome that comes out of believing someone is in cahoots with the devil. How do you think the witch trials began? I do not respect those particular kinds of beliefs.
I agree with this. When it comes to absurd beliefs, they should be respectfully challenged. The example given of climate change isn't a belief system. A person's belief in it or not in it doesn't change that it is happening. However, not taking action due to inaccurate and unchallenged ideas has led, and continues to lead, to significant harms.
I agree, there's certainly a point where engaging with or enabling someone's delusions is a problem. At the same time though we do have to be careful to not label something harmful when we don't know much about it. For example people who support conversion therapy for trans ppl think they are helping with harmful delusions. It's probably best to ere on the side of caution when calling someone out? Maybe I'm wrong.
I appreciate at least how shaaba can say that she doesn't know enough to have an opinion on a topic. I want to do that more
I feel the need to weigh in on the Japanese one. Firstly, if OP is part Korean, they’re *not white.* Being mixed is a complex can of worms that I’ve had many conversations with because being transracially adopted has a similar effect on your childhood. That “friend” had no right to call them white. And personally, I don’t consider it appropriation if that’s where someone grew up. It’s also important to take into account the appropriation vs appreciation conversation where even if a culture isn’t ethnically yours, you can take part in it without insulting it.
I was looking for this comment, thank you!
One of my high school classmates was deeply insulted when I took Mandarin classes. According to her, it was inappropriate for anyone who wasn't Chinese to learn Chinese languages. Never mind her family was from Canton (southern China,) but she thought nothing of learning a language associated with Beijing. For that matter, she also took Spanish.
@@saraquillnever mind the fact that mandarin could be a very useful language to know for business / work, or that leaning someone’s language also gives you a better understanding of the place and its culture. And also just communicating with other humans, which is a great way to not be prejudiced and also make others feel welcome and included.
@@s.a.4358it is a bit strange, how does she think we are supposed to communicate? Does that simply place the burden on Chinese people to learn English? Or are they also not allowed?
THANK YOU! White and white-passing are not the same thing, and denying the validity of the Asian half of their heritage just because it wasn't obviously visible is hateful and invalidating behavior.
And as for the "Japanese" person... Japanese isn't only an ethnicity, it's also a nationality. If you are born in a country and/or have lived there for a long time, why would you not be able to identify as such?
OP has spent the majority of their life in Japan, of course they are Japanese!
Just to add sime more info about Koreans in Japan. It's the biggest group of immigrants and some have been there ever since the Japanese occupation of Korea (4th or 5th generation), despite that they are not allowed citizenship. There are also a lot of discrimination and the Japanese government has over the decades tried to get rid of the Koreans several times.
I feel like there was a whole Disney movie about that when I was a kid… the color of friendship or something? Where a black African American girl goes to South Africa to spend time as an exchange student and the family she expects to stay with is black (because Africa) and then the family she goes to is white and they’re expecting a white transfer student (because America). I’m sure there was more to the story but that’s what I remember from 20 years ago
NTA - no one "deserves" a date with someone. If she saw a red flag to her kudos for not wasting his or her time further.
For the last one, i think it would be less about him having that opinion and more about how he reacted. He treated he like an idiot for not believing him ("well im disappointed"). It wasn't an "agree to disagree " situation, he took out his feelings on her. Then, when she ended the date he had the audacity to suggest she should have given him more of a chance. As in to suggest, she doesn't have the ability to know her own mind and make her own decisions.
Also “I’m disappointed” sounds condescending in the context of two adults on a first date.
She flatout laughed at him in his face, of course he is going to have feelings about that.
@@SlothDaanshe laughed in his face bc it's ridiculous and misogynistic to think that just bc a woman expresses her appearance in a certain way (shaved hair and eyebrows), that she is a devil worshipper. she expresses her appearance in a non conventional way and ppl get all mean abt it saying that shes mentally ill, ugly, sold her soul etc. she said she only wanted it bc shes big on makeup and fitness and its an inconvenience to have that hair. she's just playing into it now as a reaction to all of this hatred. just bc she is not conforming to beaity standards, doesnt mean she worships satan!!!! it is harmful to accuse her of this stuff bc its literally just outright mean
I think the issue here is that Doja cat is one of the OP's favourite artists, and the guy immediately goes to insult her on the first date. That's a bit aggressive and you should not be surprised by a strong pushback. I have and I will defend my favourite artists, for liking which I have been bullied even by my music teacher. I can't be together with a person who doesn't respect my tastes.
The problem with people who have conspiracy theories is that a lot of the time you cannot really try change their mind about it. I was hanging out with someone recently who believed that aliens came to Earth during the ancient period, as she didn't believe that items could survive thousands of years. Having studied history I was trying to explain to her how we still have items from that long back, but she only wanted to hear things that supported her theory. It is incredibly frustrating trying to talk to some people who believe in conspiracy theories so I completely understand why the woman left the date.
I'm confused. If items cannot survive thousand of years, why would alien items survive that long?
@@cydjames654alien technology, duh /s
Typically the strong belief in these things are symptoms of other issues. Some can be resolved others are not as much. Like many wind getting into it and staying there due to the sense of community and belonging that theybget (which also increases their self worth.) So for those they really like to dig deep because losing those beliefs means losing so much more. In these, and similar cases, losing these beliefs require a lot of the same deconstruction therapy that those leaving super conservative and toxic relgious families/communities. It often takes years of LOTS of, usually professional, help and effort on the individual's side. This is something I know is going to need to be much more common as more amd more adults are indoctrinating and brainwashing their children.
Amd sometimes it has to do with mental health issues. (Not saying all do and I am NOT trying to attack those that do. They can't help how their brain works. But this often plays a large part in it for many.)
Even for those that just don't like to be wrong, there are almost always something more to it that causes them to cling to it. In order to get rid of a lot of these, you'd have to tackle to the root cause. The conspiracies are often just a symptom.
I think people often get stuck on debating the beliefs rather than talking about the feelings and convictions behind it. If someone thinks we’re ruled by reptilian overlords, it’s gonna be hard to have an open minded conversation about that. But when you ask about the feelings behind it, you might find out that it’s because they feel like they have no control over their life, they don’t understand the impact of large commercial companies (like Nestle) on global politics, etc.
You probably still won’t convince them that reptilians aren’t the ones running things, but you may have planted a small seed of context that allows them to look past their initial beliefs at some point down the line.
As someone who is Ashkenazi Jewish (living in the US), I look very White, but I do not identify as White because I feel like I'm not "White enough" due to the growing level of antisemitism among white people. I'm not saying it's the same as what the OP in the story was saying about growing up in Japan, but it's still an interesting paradox of passing as another race/ethnicity
That's fair. Plus your history hasn't exactly included a stable position in the concept of whiteness. It's kind of the reverse situation you look outwardly like you ought to belong, but don't feel it for very good reasons, while OP doesn't look the part despite having every right to the identity, short of the legal, which frankly is bs anyway no matter what government tries and pulls it.
As another Ashkenazi Jew who is very pale-skinned, I respectfully disagree with you saying you're not white. It's like the example Shaaba gave of her culturally Indian friend with very pale skin. Sure, they're definitely Indian, but at the same time, they're not a person of color. Likewise, while you or I may not be WASPs, I think we would still classify as "white".
@@dasha_ucko you're welcome to identify as you wish. I choose not to identify as White. I will say I'm white-passing, though, and I benefit from White privilege as a result
@@Awakening_Sunshinerespectfully, but your points are a direct oxymoron of your original argument
@@SuperJust4girls not at all. I said that I pass as White but I don't identify that way. I never claimed to be or to look like another race. I pass because I look white, but I've always felt that people perceiving me as White was conditional on them not knowing I'm Jewish. Therefore I don't identify as such.
I agree strongly with the first commenter that the second one should be NTA. If anything, he should have gone a step further and protected his son in saying that his son should be able to choose whether to be vegan or not. I agree he shouldn't have hid it, but in calling eating animals "animal abuse" and saying he is "corrupting him" it sounds as though the mom is not tolerant and is putting her beliefs onto her child. Her child can choose to be non-vegan.
While the best option in a healthy relationship would have been for dad to talk to mum as soon as he found out the kid was buying his own non vegan food and sorted it out then. It does seem like maybe the mum may have still reacted badly and possibly punished the son in some way, whether directly or emotionally. And that could have felt to the son like being snitched on by his dad that could have broken trust with dad. While keeping secrets is never good in the long term I can see how it might have been the best case in terms of taking consequences onto the dad and away from the kid. But either way that would have to be a very unhealthy family
While the son may have bought McD's, the dad was just buying him candy and the like, so, probably mostly chocolate with milk, or maybe something with egg in it, so the dad was sticking to the agreement to be vegetarian, I think. If there is a candy or sweet that doesn't count as vegetarian (other than jello), I can't imagine what it is.
@@cathleenc6943So there's a subtle difference between vegetarian and vegan. Vegetarian is just no meat. Vegan is no animal products at all. So milk chocolate is vegetarian, but not vegan.
Honestly, as a vegan, I don't necessarily disagree with the mom on the whole "enabling animal abuse" part, but there are all kinds of choices we make all the time that enable or support many injustices - it's just easier to know if there's an animal-based ingredient in your food than it is to know if, for example, it was made with slave labor. As for "corruption"... most of the world is not vegan, and as a vegan that's something you just have to come to terms with. Dad was just trying to protect the kid from mom, and her reaction makes it clear why he made that choice.
@@lued123 right. I think that's what I was referring to. In the video it said that when the mom decided to be vegan, tje dad agreed to be vegetarian, and in the house or around her, eat vegan. It seems to me that he kept that promise when buying the son candy that was non-vegan.
I am not vegetarian or vegan, but I am very lactose intolerant, so when I am buying processed foods, I often look for products labeled vegan so that I don't have to squint so hard to make sure there are no milk products in it.
I do think you can judge people for their opinion up to a certain extent. In the case of conspiracy theories, they often happen to be rooted in discriminatory notions. Like the alien building the pyramids being based on the racist notion that black people couldn't have figured it out themselves. In the case of dojacat, I wouldn't be surprised to learn this "selling her soul" thing is rooted in the mysogynistic notion that a woman like her could not be that successful through honest mean. In which case, the guy believing that kind of things reflect poorly on his character and warrants being cautious of spending time with him as a woman
I think it's more likely based in general misogyny than disbelief at her success tbh. It's well established that many sects of American Christianity feel women who are open in their sexuality, their desires, their independence or their non-family priorities are very literally agents of satan working to corrupt America's youth on some understood shared agenda
also her leaning into the satanic themes happened as a reaction to people being mean about her appearance after she shaved her head and eyebrows (for convenience/fitness and makeup reasons, she said). people were calling her mentally ill, comparing her to britney spears, ugly, devil worshipper just bc she wasn't conventionally attractive to them anymore. thats misogynistic!! it is mean to flood a persons comments, calling them a devil worshipper with no evidence ogher than "uh woman no long hair anymore". her trolling is honestly just making a fool out of these mean people. it makes me think of lil nas x and his music video as a response to being told to go to hell for being gay. it happens with so many successful women too, like beyonce, rihanna, lady gaga. i think his conspiracy beliefs are unkind and rooted in misogyny/discrimination, and are therefore a red flag and open to criticim. also the whole conspiracy of "the elite" illuminati/lizard ppl (which doja has been accused of being in) is harmful as its origin is antisemitic. idek how bc its so absurd to believe, but its an actual belief that some people have, and this dude definitely leans into this idea of doja cat being an evil devil worshipping elite .
i think shanspeares video essay on doja cat and satanic panic covers what im trying to say quite nicely. i also think that madison something or other touches on it in a video of hers (let me find it a sec)
madisyn brown in her video abt doja cats intentional decline and her other one about the "uglification" of the modern woman reflects on the reaction doja got from expressing herself in her appearance
sorry for the spam but i do just want to make where im getting a lot of my info from clear bc these people have worded it better than me and go in-depth abt it. ryan beard in their demi lovato gaia conspiracy theory video touches on the conspiracy theory i spoke about being linked to antisemitism.
having a first name that doesn't match your cultural identity is VERY common in the US. for instance, my son's is half American (English, German, French, Irish, Native American)/ 1/2 Bengali, but his name Jewish/ Biblical. my friends named their baby Suki, a Japanese name, & nobody thought it was strange.
Agree! I have some friends from Singapore, and their children are named Hebrew, Greek and Irish names respectively, although they also have Chinese names
I can think of two Chinese Kevins off the top of my head.
My parents, as Germans, purposefully gave my brother a name that has significance in Judaism, as their way to remember those who were murdered.
My mother was learning Greek while pregnant with me, so my name comes from Greek mythology because my parents really liked the meaning. Turn out it is also a name used in Turkey and other Muslim countries, because it referred to something in the Koran. Few people would assume I am Turkish, because I am super light skinned with blond hair, but sometimes I get asked about it. I think it’s pretty cool my name means sometimes nice in another culture.
@@essiggurke7276 that’s pretty funny and also kind of cute.
I have only had one negative reaction to my name in the cultural context, which was my partner’s neighbour telling him I must be lying about who I am and that I am Turkish and ashamed of it, because of my name. But to be fair the lady was very strange and unhinged in other ways too. If I did have Turkish heritage I would certainly not be ashamed of it, but I’m just a boring white Germanic person with no known mixes 😉
As a half Japanese, half french, i do agree that the OP is NTA. However, I do want to try to understand the reaction of the half Japanese in the story.... it still is not okay to react that way but I think it could be more a reflection of their fear of not being Japanese enough.... when I was younger, I felt ashame that I didn't know more about Japan. When asked about anything related to Japan, it felt like an attack and I would become angry, mostly against myself.... It doesn't excuse it, but it could explain some part😅
That was my immediate thought even as a white person. The bit about her responding to the OPs fluent Japanese and being stumbling and awkward? Ouch!
It's still not OP's problem, as OP wasn't the one trying to invalidate someone's cultural identity or heritage, but I can see why growing up in a white-majority culture and feeling separated from your heritage, and then coming across a seemingly white American person with a name from your cultural heritage and who talks about your cultural heritage as if they have more connection to it than you (talking feelings not facts here) and then when you challenge them on it turns out to speak the language better than you, making YOU look like the fraud (again, feelings not facts)... well, I can see why that might be a challenging experience in all the worst ways
25:49 Sorry if I‘m being rude, but I personally feel like that is something you could call someone an A-hole or at least an idiot for. Human made climate change is a fact, not an opinion.
YES! And denying it is dangerous for all
Yes, I agree. There's a big difference between believing in climate change vs being a full blown conspiracy theorist. One big one being why they hold these views. For example, if you think that female musicians are allied with Satan cuz "how else would they be popular?" You likely have some underlining problematic world views.
It really depends on what you want the outcome to be. They might be an asshole, but calling them that won't get them to change their behavior or make better choices. For most people, that's fine, we weren't trying to change them anyway. But for people close to you who you love and care for... 🤷♀
There are those that would argue that, hence Shaaba's point. People believe Jesus is a fact, not an opinion. A lot more people would argue with that. Be careful about being so convinced of your conclusions that you lower another human being's value.
@@jnewcomb except there are decades of generally-accepted peer-reviewed science that essentially proves climate change and that's not the case with Jesus's miracles etc. They're not equivalent at all. That's like saying some people believe gravity isn't real because it's just a theory (which people actually think). By comparing a scientific paradigm to a personal belief in order to make the former seem absurd is EXACTLY what's harmful about conspiracy theories.
One of the kids in my son's class at school is called Tadashi. I assumed he was going to be Japanese, but met him, his siblings, and his Mum and the whole family are (super-chavy and) very British. I think its fine to use whatever name you want for your kids, but it is a bit weird to use a strongly cultural name from a culture that you have no connection with. OP was born in Japan, though. Totally different.
I found a really interesting UA-camr who interviews people with mixed heritage who grew up in Japan. Some were half Japanese, others with western parents who grew up in Japan. It was really interesting and eye opening to hear about the experience of growing up in a culture that wasn’t the same as their ethnicity and struggling to articulate their identity/culture/ethnicity etc. Families and people’s upbringings are so varied and hard to define that we shouldn’t be making assumptions based on someone’s name, skin colour, parents’ ethnicities or anything. Plus, judging someone on where their name comes from is really stupid - they didn’t choose it. Their parents could’ve had all manner of reasons why they chose that name. I am English but have studied Spanish and lived there. I would love to give my child a Spanish name and raise them to learn the language. Is that appropriate? I hope so
I mean a spanish name is likely either latin or greek and those have spread to every corner of the continent and beyond, save for the regional variation of the name I suppose.
Like my first name is the german version of a greek name, while my middle was technically given to me as a Swedish name, despite also existing in germany.
However I have very little tie to a german identity, since the part of my childhood i spent there I felt actively excluded by my german peers, as my father wasn't german and my appearance was non traditional. Then I grew up in a south american country where my appearance meant i stood out a lot, so I never adopted that identity either. So now I feel vaguely european, vaguely US and some latin american background mixed into it. It tends to be hard to describe to people who grew up in one country with parents from that country, and in turn it's kind of hard for me to wrap my head around that experience at times.
I can think of at least one Japanese name of the top of my head that's also a Korean name, Hana. There are English names that easily pass for Japanese, like Karen or Emma. To turn accuse someone of being a cultural theif, refuse to hear them out, and cry victim in this instance is pretty poisonous.
@@saraquillI figured it was something like Sakura, that is probably also used alot in anime. Where it's indistinctly japanese.
In the minor defense of the friend, there ARE people who go by a Japanese nickname because of being huge anime/manga fans, while being disrespectful about actual Japanese people (often in the form of fetishizing Japanese/Asian women.) If the friend had trouble with, say, an anime club or an ex who had treated her badly, I could easily understand the initial knee-jerk reaction to "Oh no, not another weeb." She's still in the wrong for not backing down after OP proved she wasn't like that, especially for demanding an apology. In your example, if you raised your kid to be respectful to Spanish people, it wouldn't be a problem.
@@kristinw2600so, in my experience living in Japan, the people who give themselves Japanese nicknames (mostly online) tend to be women and afab. The Japan fetishists and "waifu" hunters are all, without exception, dudes. I'm not saying taking a Japanese nickname is right, but I rarely find that the nickname and the fetishisation go hand in hand. Additionally, Japanese-Americans in particular are quick to jump down the throats of people who speak Japanese or are familiar with their culture (I live, work, and train in Japan - get yelled at by Japanese-Americans in the West *a lot*). And the way Japanese people in Japan view things is usually a 180° from how Japanese-Americans see things. The friend of the roommate embarrassed *herself.* That's on her. Even if she ran afoul an evil anime club or something. There are ways of dealing with situations and that was not one of them.
For the very last one, not only is OP NTA, but I’m also proud of her for not continuing the date when the guy started to shove his conspiracy theory down her throat.
As a person who recently got out of multiple Christian cult environments, the people spreading such conspiracy theories may be funny and ridiculous, at first, but they can eventually become harmful, even deadly when they’re allowed to continue. For years, I was listening and following a Christian friend who claimed to hear messages from god himself, and a lot of them were abusive. It started with removing stuff like the dreamcatcher my grandma gave me because of demons being able to do their work, even when trapped; to not getting the COVID vaccine because of its linkage to the “Mark of the Beast.” It took A LOT for me to get out of such a belief, but it was all worth it.
Don’t leave people or groups that spread conspiracy theories unchecked. It’s really scary what they’re capable of doing.
With the Japanese one, op didnt pretend anything. They didnt say they were Japanese. They didnt pretend to know more. They said their name, and spoke in the language they grew up with when they were questioned. They didnt pretend anything. The only person trying to put someone in the box is a friend.
For story 2: I heard another person talking about this post and apparently OP gave more info (I think in the comments?). Apparently their wife went Vegan after seeing a pretty difficult documentary (I can’t remember the name) and she MADE THE KID WATCH IT AT 6 YEARS OLD. She apparently is also very difficult about a lot of other things - so definitely NTA.
Story 4: The things is with absurd beliefs is that they usually have some kind of bigotry buried inside them. That’s why they’re bought into - it allows people to make sense of things counter to what we actually know. Example: Aliens building the pyramids. Absurd? Yeah. So why do people believe it? Because they literally don’t think that ancient non-white peoples would be capable of such a feat. If you hear a weird belief, I encourage people always to really dig down into it because more often than not it’s got its origins or basis in bigotry. And that DOES make people assholes potentially - especially if they aren’t newly into conspiracy theories. Going onto any conspiracy sites shows the kinds of views people typically share when they subscribe to multiple theories.
Why is it not ok for a child to view the horrific things that the animal agriculture industry does to animals but it is ok for him to contribute to those horrible things?
@@e.l98 Because how you explain and show a topic to a child still needs to be age appropriate??? A 6 year old likely can’t emotionally handle seeing all the gory details.
@@timburtonluver28 I agree with you, I think both are wrong. I just think it’s hypocritical to think it’s messed up for a child to view these things but that’s it’s totally fine for them to contribute to these horrible things being done
@@e.l98 I appreciate that. The point of issue in my comment wasn’t the video. It was the age of the child. You can have a candid convo with a 6 year old about why you’re vegan and tell them that the way animals are treated for consumption is horrible. That’s fine. You can also probably let a 12-13 year old watch documentaries about the subject for more info if you think they can handle it. I am not against telling a kid about veganism and the meat industry, I am against showing children age inappropriate content - and the info OP provided outside of the 6 year old being made to watch the video also suggested the mom was doing some things that were emotionally not great to make other people do things she wanted - consequences be damned. I can’t remember the exact details but eventually the OP mentioned needing to take further action.
Basically: I have no issue with bringing up hard topics with kids and informing them - I DO have issues with that mom and what she did/has been doing that was undeniably inappropriate. Looking at OP’s updates or comment replies paint a really extreme picture of what she’s been doing in their relationship.
@@timburtonluver28 I think any normal person / child would have an emotional reaction to finding out how animals are treated in the animal agriculture industry and they absolutely need to learn about that, that’s how we get more people to understand that veganism is the way forward, through education.
We can’t shield them from learning about bad things in the world and again, it’s important for children to learn about what is wrong and what is right in the world. For example, we should be teaching kids about things like homophobia or sexism and how that’s wrong, and imo, also about how animals are treated in the animal agriculture industry (as well as the harm it does to the environment) and how that’s wrong and shouldn’t be something people contribute to.
My sibling and spouse are vegetarian. They have been since they were teenagers. They specifically did not raise their kids vegetarian so they could each make that choice for themselves.
As each kid reached about 13-15 they made the choice to also be vegetarian, and the eldest decided at about 18 to go vegan (we are all US based and we had a completely vegan Thanksgiving last year and it was so delicious! I hope they decide they want to host again this year). All their kids were sporty - so being vegetarian or vegan does not negate being able to play sports - you just have to be careful with your protein sources and getting enough of all the stuff you need nutritionally.
But the kid at 12 is old enough to start to make those food choices for himself, and unless there is some food allergy (like allergic to red meat which is a thing) he should be able to explore eating what he wants (just he should be careful, because it may be harder for his body to digest non-vegan items since it has been years since he had anything non-vegan and he may be in some gastric distress while his body acclimatizes).
The thing about making a choice, is everyone eats vegetables, there's no downside to a vegan diet, atleast nowadays. As a kid, there was only chicken nuggets and hot dogs, burgers vegan, but only those 3 things. But now, there's even vegan ice cream and cookies in stores, there's no downside, but if feeding them meat, the animals don't get a choice, if you magically talked to an animal, then you'd be great but it's wild because, everyone eats vegetables lol
I'm mixed. Grandma is Japanese & Mum is Japnese-Dutch. My Mum was a single Mum & my Grandma did all the babysitting/helped raise us in our younger years.
I am white passing unless you try to match my foundation colour & realize there's strong undertones there. I grew up with Japanese food, Japanese fairytales, traditions etc.
I end up looking white so I feel out of place in Asian places even though those are my experiences. At the same time I don’t fit in with the cultures/childhoods of the white people I know.
Just feel like an odd little anomoly. 😅 If I didnt have a sibling in the same situation, I'd feel completely isolated. ❤
I loved having a 4th story! Very satisfying, less a feeling of "What?? Done so soon??"
About the vegan child, it was NEVER his choice. He's older now, and old enough to decide whether he wants to remain vegan. If it's forbidden, he's just going to sneak and do it anyway. And the social isolation as a vegan is real. Kids spend a lot of time going to fast food places together or getting pizza at an overnight. It's the first of probably many times that kid is going to assert himself as his own person.
I do wonder if that varies based on country though. Like here in the UK you can easily get a vegan burger at McDonald's, vegan pizza at Domino's etc. You would be getting slightly different food than others but you could still join them.
He is also 12 years old, which is a very normal age to start discovering who you are away from your parents and family, to be more curious about what peers do, to start rebelling about “rules” as a part of developing yourself, etc.
I think the father should not have hidden it from the mother, but at the same time I also think he is a good father for not only allowing his son to try new things but also to say he will pay for them rather than having the son use his allowance. He is showing the son that he is allowed to be curious about new things and that his father is a safe space to do so. It’s a different context but my parents allows us to try alcohol in their presence and also told me that they prefer I bring a boy home rather than do stuff in a park / dark alley, which not only provided a safe context in case something went wrong, but I also never went crazy with alcohol because there was no mystery or forbidden part. It may be strange to compare non-vegan food to alcohol or sex, but I do think that it is by being open to small things that parents can make sure their children also feel respected and understood in the potentially more high stake situations.
@@Sophie_Cleverly Here in the US that isn't the case at all. You can get a meal of fries at McDs as a vegan. Or a garden salad, I guess (though in a group of teen boys going out after a game that would get remarked on, and maybe not so kindly). And the go-to for every kids event is pizza. They always have cheese pizza, which is fine for vegetarians, but if you don't eat cheese it would be a big problem. The one young vegan I've known here spent a lot of time eating really unhealthy foods because that was all that was quickly available.
I feel like the parent hasn't actually been communicating with the kid, and the kid probably even felt bad, I was vegetarian and there was never vegetarian marshmallows as a kid, and sometimes I'd eat a whole bag then throw up out of pure guilt :/ it's fked up, but now there's more options, I can just eat a few marshmallows and be good, vegan ones anyways, but yea, it sounds like the parent just had no idea what was going on🤷🏽♀️
I'm vegetarian myself, & I made that decision when I turned 18 after life on a croft with my folks for two years. Would I cook meat for a child??? Most likely not. Would I buy meat from an eatery for a child who says they want to try that option??? Probably. Would I tell a child where meat comes from??? Absolutely when they're old enough to understand what death means. Would I police everything a child spends their own money on??? Absolutely not. Autonomy people!!! Give them the facts, then let them make their own choices.
I took my kid with me to the washroom all the time. Didn't have much help either. Wishing that mom the best
I mean the third OP’s nationality is literally Japanese. She was born in Japan and grew up there for 14 years.
I have a friend who’s black and British. Would he not be considered British because he’s ethnically Ghanaian?
Yes exactly
It really irks me the mom is forcing the kid to be vegan. Let him decide what he wants to eat, it’s not likes doing drugs or out partying 🙄 it’s sad he feels he can’t bring it up to her and her putting her feelings aside to let him experience what the food world has to offer beyond what he can get from fast food
You're right, it's not at all like drugs or partying. Those can be neutral, or only harmful to yourself. Eating animal products hurts the animals they come from, and doesn't hurt you. There's a thousand types of vegan sweets available, vegan fast food, everything you can think of nowadays. I do agree that the Mum and Dad handled the situation badly, in different ways, and he should be able to buy non-vegan food if he really badly wants to eat food made from animal products, instead of just getting food that doesn't harm animals, if he really wants to, but it's not a neutral choice.
@@Robb3636 this is what I feel's been missing from shaaba's critique but also the comment section as a whole. This whole 'everybody has a right to make their own decisions' but when your decisions cause harm the line should be drawn for the sake of consistency.
As a Vegetarian who is vegetarian for ethical reasons while most of the rest of my family are not, in my opinion the Mum is the AH in the second story. It's one thing to have a set of ethics for yourself and something completely different to try and impose those ethics on the people around you! Live and let live people!
I think its different when it's your child. Your job as a parent is to raise your child to be the best human they can be, imo that would be, being a vegan. Its harmful to the animals in the agriculture industry as well as to the environment to consume animal products. If he truly no longer wants to be vegan, then fine, of course you can't force him, but I understand her initial frustration and disappointment as her son is now deciding to contribute to the unethical practice of eating animal products.
To an ethical vegan "Live and let live" is the standard that they would love their loved ones to follow. Including letting the animals live (whenever possible and practicable as by the definition of veganism).
@@e.l98Hey there, just wanted to talk about this subject, some of what I'm saying wont necessarily apply to this comment I just wanted to address it.
I totally respect your opinion but honestly I do disagree and I think this is the exact mindset that the mum had, which is exactly what made her son feel as though he couldnt talk to her about it.
Choosing to consume animal products (while you may not consider it ethical) is his and only his business. While I understand where she is coming from in that she'd had this hidden from her, I do think her reaction showed exactly why her son felt so unsafe. You are allowed to feel as though eating meat is unethical, but you also have to respect that not everyone agrees, some people don't consider it unethical because that's how theyve grown up or how theyve seen the world work.
As a vegetarian myself, I totally understand that you want to see the world move away from eating meat but you also have to do it in a way that's inviting.
Also on the flip side, would it be ok for a parent who is a meat eater to force their child to eat meat when they wanted to be vegan? Of course not. So even though you may not agree you have to allow your child to find their own way. Hes only 12 anyway so its possible he may change his mind later on but it needs to be of his own accord.
@@e.l98 Please take a moment and place this type of mindset upon other similar situations, and you’ll find that it’s a slippery slope towards ostracizing one’s child. Is it ok when Christian parents want their kids who are queer to be cishet, or for a parent to dictate their child’s hobbies? 12 is a time when children are starting to experience their own individuality, and parents have to be ready to allow them to do so. A discussion with him about the ethics of veganism would be acceptable, as well as setting up rules at home (i.e. all meals in the house must be vegan, but spending his own money on snacks or eating meals at friends houses does not have to be vegan). But he has to be allowed to make a decision for himself, and that’s ok. He might find after a while that he has explored and found that he does identify with his mom’s beliefs, or he might find that he wants to practice good ethics in ways that resonate more with him, but that for his own reasons, veganism is not his thing. Additionally, there are some very questionable aspects in the ethics of veganism, so I would like to gently encourage you to consider that other people who aren’t vegan may be trying to make their own choices about what aligns with their personal morals.
@@whatismylife8100 I generally agree with a lot of what you said, but I want to point out that it's categorically different to refrain from eating a certain food due to your beliefs and having others do the same in your home, versus forcing someone else to actively eat a food when they believe it's wrong (or really to force anyone to eat anything, for that matter, but that's a different conversation).
I'll never be sad for longer AITA videos! I just hope that you stick to whatever length of video is feasible for you to produce, especially for a series. All the best to you!
I could easily handle two hours. 🙂
The stereotype for us oldies (and older) is that men would spend time on the toilet reading the newspaper. There used to be magazine racks, as well, made for the bathroom... though, that was often shown as being for baths, because, as you know, women didn't poop in the old days. 😀
But also just bringing a book in a bathroom was something that me and my friends would do while growing up prephones.
Number one needs the caveat that she should make sure her husband isn't hiding a medical issue from her. He could have inflammatory bowel disease or something and not be going to the doctor or keeping it from his wife for some reason. As someone who has had health related bathroom needs at times in life, I would say that she will be the asshole if this were to be the case and she came down on him with a bunch of people on the internet who are also not fully aware of what is actually going on. This is just a caveat, if he's just pooping like most people, yes, he's the AH.
I’m not sure. He’s a grown man, so I don’t think it should be on her to monitor his bowel health in case he’s hiding something. I do agree it would be different if he had a medical condition, but she would have to have prior knowledge of it. It’s up to him to communicate needs like that to her, especially since she’s clearly articulated hers already.
My husband and I watched this together over dinner (a vegan one, lol) and we really paid attention to that bonus aita situation. The reason we disagree with your take somewhat is because if you hold a view for which there is zero actual proof and that view is (subjectively) bananas AND that view can get someone hurt possibly, then it is judegement-worthy. Keep making these, I love your content!
For the last one, the thing about conspiracy theories is many of them have anti-Semitic roots and/or lead to antisemitism later down the pipeline. And those accused of 'selling their souls' are often marginalised and/or the person claiming they've sold their soul is wanting to ostracise them. Generally, those who are accused of selling their souls make "unchristian" music, whether that be because it's explicit, the "wrong type" of Christian, or part of worship of a different religion. Conspiracy theories often are inherently discriminatory and dangerous, particularly because they usually fly under the radar. The reason it's important to note that if a person believes one conspiracy theory, they often believe several, and this is a red flag is because things like denial of certain disasters and tragic events (I don't know if UA-cam will flag the comment for me naming them like it would a video) are *also* considered conspiracy theories, and when asked things like "who are the Illuminati/the secret society controlling everything" a lot of them will answer that "they" are Jewish people. This is particularly prevalent in strict Christian communities (not all of them, but a lot of them). Someone believing conspiracies is a red flag because it's usually not harmless stuff, even if it looks like it, even a lot of flat earth groups have been linked to anti-Semitism in the fact that the mysterious "they" the groups claim are hiding the truth are Jewish people.
i think in the last one i agree with you. You can leave a first date for any reason. it doesn't need to be a good reason. if you aren't feeling it you aren't obligated to stay if you leave in a non-asshole way. No need to ridicule his beliefs, but if you don't jive you don't jive. He is an asshole for insisting she should keep being on a date when she'd seen enough.
The cultural appropriation story: My grandfather's experience in Vietnam during the war was interesting. He was reluctant to fight, deeply interested in Vietnamese culture when he was there, became fluent in the language, made friends there, and spoke out against American treatment of the Vietnamese population when he returned home. He's remained socially active and up to date on issues in that area throughout his life. He is the whitest dude ever. He's a 91 year old white dude with a heavy Bostonian accent. It's always a thrill to go out to eat pho with him because he consistently startles any Vietnamese-speaking waitstaff when he orders or asks for anything just by existing as his cool, multi-cultural self. I think he's a great example of genuine, unadulterated cultural appreciation.
Name choosing observation: Some names from a culture grow enough in popularity that they become part of multiple cultures. My sister's name is Linda, which is a very common name for white women, but clearly originated from Latin culture. I wonder if the first white girl named Linda got beef for it.
The Japanese one really got me thinking.
I'm as white as everyone with middle European heritage. Yet, the moment I came in conscious contact with Japanese culture I felt like this is my spiritual home. I love every aspect of Japan: history, language, culture, you name it.
I'm also trans. So, when it came to giving myself a new name, I tried on a couple of different ideas, but what stuck with me and felt right to the core was giving myself a Japanese name. AITA?
On another note, I love the longer video. So, if it's not exhausting for you, Shaaba, I'd like to see those more often.
Love and peace 💖
I think that as long as you're respectful and take the time and effort to learn the culture and such that you're NTA.
I think the danger is the sheer amount of people who fetishize and/or exoticize Japan, it's people and it's culture. Be prepared for a lot of people to assume you named yourself after an anime character and connect to Japanese culture through a very exploitative western lense.
Does that mean you can't choose a Japanese name? Of course not. It's your name and you chose what you felt most comfortable calling yourself. But I do think that if you're going to keep going down the route of integrating more Japanese culture into your personal identity, it's important to continually examine your feelings of spiritual kinship with Japan - without judgment or self-deprecation but with full awareness of the way Japanese culture has been "sold" to westerners, especially us white westerners.
If you don't have any Japanese heritage, I would recommend choosing a name that can be transliterated into Japanese. Hugo for example, or Ray, Jo, Anna, etc.
@@katharineeavan9705 Thank you for your kind words. It eases my mind.
I also think I keep a healthy relationship with my love for Japan. It's part of me, but doesn't define me.
Also, to give you more context: I'm 45yo, I consciously fell in love with Japan ~20 years ago (I say consciously, bc subconsciously it goes back to my early childhood, I just couldn't put a name to it), I chose my name ~10 years ago and it's official since last year.
I don't think I idolize or fetishize. The culture just resonated with me, and I love the country with all its strengths and weaknesses.
For the second one, it’s the purchasing by the hubby behind the back that’s problematic, the conversation between the three of them should’ve been out in the open. The son is old enough to decide what he wants to eat and forcing his mother’s principals on him is just going to make him rebellious and resentful. My parents observed multiple periods of lent where they had a very restricted diet much of the year. They made all their children, even in elementary school, observe this practice as well. I didn’t understand/experience the spiritual benefits of the practice. It was very difficult to be at school and not allowed to have all the treats my other classmates have. As soon as I was old enough, I “broke lent” all the time. Forcing children to follow their parents’ principles in this way when they’re not ready to do so nearly always backfires. I say this as a vegetarian (which of course, makes me contemptible to *some* vegans). For the 3rd one, NTA. The term cultural appropriation is often misused these days.
About the Japanese Appropriation Story:
I know that all around the world ethnicity and cultural identity gets defined differently such as how in many predominantly homogenous societies noone with a different skin color gets fully accepted as one of them, even if they lived there all their life, and as how in the U.S. heritage seems to be very important for a lot of people (seeing how many people identify with their irish/German/italian... etc. ancestry even if they might not know a word in that language, have little connection to that particular country's culture anymore, and it might have been an ancestor many generations ago). And I remember how I've once participated in a long thread about how we define cultural identity in Europe. I can mostly speak for myself and to a degree Germany, but I think many European countries think similarly. I think for a lot of us, long ago heritage may be an interesting feature but not a cultural identity marker, unless the culture is still an active part of a person. It might be part due to how common it is in Europe to hav migration history far back in the family tree. My ancestors may have come from Scandinavia but I don't have an ounce of Scandinavian culture or language in me, therefore I am not. And obviously, especially with the very racially charged history, skin color has no say about national identity (I mean if we went the same way as many East Asians saying only those who look like "us" are ethnically German we'd be right back with the Nazi "Arier" bs). For some the passport is the deciding factor, for others, including me, it's the amount of and time of exposure and integration to our culture and language. My best friend was born in Japan, from Japanese parents, raised there until she was 7, but then moved to Germany. Her partly Japanese identity is quite obvious and she still has a Japanese passport, but I'd be lying to myself if said I didn't also see her as German. Because she is. Her mannerisms, her personality, her values, so many things that I think developed from German influence. And how her personality partly changes depending on whether she's around a German crowd speaking German or a Japanese crowd speaking Japanese in my opinion is proof as well.
So while there is nothing wrong embracing one's ancestry and thus cultural heritage, from my German values I think they are actually less valuable in terms of cultural identity than immediate exposure. Because while some people may really be passing on the inherited culture from generation to generation, keeping up the language, some of the values, the food etc. there are enough people who don't and thus become more and more disconnected from the culture in each generation, yet claim stronger affiliation than people who have actively lived in the culture in question (which is a little bit the vibe I'm getting from the accuser in this story). And of course there is a lot in between, like entire new subcultures developing from the mixed heritage, which is awesome too.
For the last one it's completely ok to just leave that date, he clearly has different views, and he was being judgemental about it
I wouldn't have given him another chance either
The third story made me thinkkkkk. I am half Japanese and grew up mostly in Japan. I don’t take after my Japanese side very much, but I speak the language fluently and I know my culture. My whole name is in kanji lol. That being said, it’s normal for people to be treat me as I’m not Japanese enough. It’s so frustrating. So many people are surprised when I have absolutely no issues with Japanese and starting talking about the culture. Still, I’m not Japanese enough because I indulge in American culture at home. I can never be Japanese enough to some and that really frustrating. I think a lot of traditionally/historically monoethnic countries have a hard time recognizing mixed people, or “foreign people” who lived there their whole lives as part of their country. It’s a problem, that is difficult to be recognized for so many reasons.
My English friend moved to Japan (he's lovely) and married a Japanese woman (she's lovely too), and I often think how clever they were with their children's names. Their daughter girl is Hana or Hannah and their son is Yoshi or Joshua.
This grown-out pink hair look is to die for 😍
I used to keep a little bouncy seat near the bathroom. Whichever of us needed to use the bathroom when alone, or when the other was busy, would put it within reach of a leg and grab some kind of bath toy, bouncing with a foot when needed. You do what you have to. Neither of us would have stuck the other with cooking and eating with the baby, then also attempted solo toilet time.
Have always felt the AITA videos should/could be a little longer - so much to think about and learn from! Thanks for giving this (slightly) new format a try, Shaaba. :)
As to the fourth one, I really don't think it needs all that much analysis. When OP said she didn't believe Doja Cat had sold her soul, her date said he was disappointed and/or she was being fooled. So perhaps she wasn't respectful of his beliefs (in my opinion that was well-founded) but he wasn't respectful of hers either, and that "disappointed" choice of words struck me as odd, like he expected her to fall in with his belief in demonic possession. I feel like he's looking for a nice Christian girl who will follow his lead. Of course I'm assuming a lot from a short story, but if I was the one sent on this date I'd want it to end quickly and there wouldn't be a next one.
I have a chosen name that's Japanese. I didn't choose it because its Japanese but because it's a childhood nickname. I think people shove free to choose for their kids or themselves the name they want, a name is not cultural appropriation
I honestly don't blame the dad for hiding the fact their son isnt vegan from his wife, because holy shit that was an extremely abusive reaction and no wonder why the son was scared to tell his parents
I’m absolutely going NTA on the second one. As a kid, i was allergic to eggs, and that often made me feel excluded. Being in a situation where your dietary restriction isn’t something medical, but a choice made for you *by someone else* is bound to make the kid break that rule. I’m perfectly fine with people raising their little kids vegan and stuff. But the moment your kid is old enough to feel excluded because of their diet, they’re old enough to choose not to have that diet.
But his reasoning for not wanting to be vegan is due to peer pressure like Shaaba said. Therefore as a parent, she should be reminding him of the damages that consuming animal products causes to the innocent animals as well as to the environment, I'm sure then he will be reminded of why they are vegan
@@e.l98 It's not clear whether it really was peer pressure. The other kids might have been very respectful about it but OP's kid still felt left out, or they might have offered to share their candy and OP's kid decided that they liked the non-vegan candy much better than the vegan candy. We don't have enough context to know why the kid decided to eat non-vegan food, I felt like Shaaba jumped to conclusions a bit quick there with the peer pressure (of course it very well could have been peer pressure as well). In any case they indeed just need to have a conversation with the kid, explain their own reasoning for being vegan/vegetarian, and respect the kid's choice to either follow that or not (or to follow it only partly).
@@perozu3289 So we allow our children to do harmful things if they choose to?
@@e.l98 even if it was 100% peer pressure - which we can’t be sure of - imo, nobody of that age should be forced into a diet they don’t want, especially since, at least now, to be healthy on a vegan diet people often need supplements
@@kooskoos1234 Nobody should be forced into anything no, but also as parents, it’s important to continue to guide your child through the right path, in my opinion, and for many others, being vegan is what is morally right, eating animals is wrong, and that is what I will be teaching my child.
I will take having to take supplements over the unnecessary murder of animals any day, why wouldn’t you?
I eat sushi with appropriated chopsticks, but that story was wild. that's what racism is, expecting a specific phenotype to act and talk in a specific way, usually pre-determined by culture or sub-culture, and to claim it's "unnatural" for them to act differently.
I love longer aita videos. As a college student who can sink my head in the sand for long periods of time to do school work, these videos are a very welcome way to keep track of time (and the beginning of a new week). I always wish they are longer than they often end up being, as I love how you discuss your verdict on the post AND sample a few other verdicts from commenters, which I feel gives the video a richer content and gives us (the viewer) more time to really engage with the conversation.
#3 You are technically Japanese if you where BORN and RAISED there... Even if its only for 14 years.
In Denmark we have MANY people who has been BORN and RASIED here but have parents from the Middle East or Asia and i ALWAYS tell them that they are Danish no matter where their parents are from, because they have been raised in the Danish culture, language and country - If they are not Danish, then i am a 2nd generation immigrant too as my mom is not Danish by birth, as she moved here from Norway when she was 18, and stayed here the rest of her life.. She even says she doesn't feel at home in Norway at all, but loves to visit..
Am i appropriating Norway's culture if i want to learn how to speak their language, go on hikes in their mountains, and want to learn how to ski so i can have fun with my family there?
Also I'm sorry this might be an unpopular opinion but names do not belong to a culture - a lot of cultures have taken many names from each other so i don't see how her having a traditional Japanese name is wrong in any way or even how it has to be JUSTIFIED that her parents called her that even though they weren't original Japanese people? Its outrageous honestly..
Honestly the only time I can think of a name being cultural appropriation would be a celebrity having a stage name from another culture and using that to gain followers by connecting to that culture on a very shallow level (in a, i have this name so you can relate to me), and pretending to be from a culture that they do not take the time to immerse themselves in/don't respect.
It's more complicated than that because of how homogeneous Japan is and the fact that they don't have birthright citizenship. Although they're certainly getting more and more foreigners immigrating there, many Japanese people would not consider those born to foreign parents in Japan Japanese. But in this case that's completely irrelevant since the girl who was mad at OP is American and having to complain to Japanese fluent OP in American English about how OP isn't Japanese enough. Her hang ups have little to do with how a native Japanese person would feel or react. My understanding is that most Japanese people don't worry about cultural appropriation much as long as you aren't causing trouble or being disrespectful. Which makes sense because they have less reason to be insecure than that girl.
@@kerfluffle3781 Sure that makes sense, i guess i just can't understand the citizenship at birth as we don't have that either here in Denmark, you have to have at least one parent with Danish citizenship and be born here in Denmark and have some paperwork done to become a citizen if both of your parents are immigrants. If one is not you get it automatically if i remember correct. In Japan it is only a fathers original citizenship that can be passed on to the child, the mothers cannot, which is ... stupid but they are changing slowly!
So yea what you say make perfectly sense, i just, don't buy when people are like "you don't have original roots" or whatever but the person have been born an raised in that particular society, i think it is sad that we gate keep, and unfortunately we do it a lot here in Denmark :/
I'm a mom of two young kids and always have company in the bathroom when we're home. Yes sometimes I have to hold a crying toddler as I go. It's just how it is
On the "Pretending to be Japanese" Story.
Totally not the same but I've felt a microcosm of this. I'm South African but lived in England for most of my school years. I've often felt like I'm not british enough to be british but not South African enough to be South African. I have dual citizenship. I'm white, half English and half Afrikaans heratage. But I don't speak Afrikaans. Now I live in a very Afrikaans town.
And yeah, I feel very much like I don't really fit anywhere. Having the whole POC thing on top sounds very complicated.
The talk you’re having about the woman who grew up in Japan, reminds me of the experiences of immigrant friends of mine in Norway. There are a lot of people who claim that they are not Norwegian enough because of their skin colour and/or proximity to their family/parents home country and culture. There was a controversy once when some black Norwegian actors were cast as a “nisse” in a Christmas show. The nisse is a traditional cultural sort of Christmas elf here, and are typically depicted as white as well as having light hair and blue eyes in Norwegian mythology.
Was the OP named "Sakura" perhaps? It's the only Japanese-specific female name I know.
A lot of names that end in ‘ko’ are probably recognisable as Japanese. Like Hanako, Kikuko, Mitsuko, Hoshiko, etc.
I spend a lot of time researching names, there are a lot of Japanese names that just sound Japanese (because they are, but like they’re recognisable as that, and different from other cultures’ names).
Like you can hear some names and think ‘oh that sounds like a German name’.
20:26 I know for a fact that that's a thing in Canada as well, I used to have a friend who had Canadian citizenship due to being born there
Also for number 2 if the mom reacted like that clearly everyone is scared of her. Do you think talking to her "rationally" would have gone well?
I'm here for the longer versions of these AITA videos.
1) NTA, Dad needs more parenting time. Start letting him know from "6-7 (or whenever), the baby's yours. I'm going to go take a bath." And then ignore all cries for help from 6-7. Papa's gotta learn and there's no better way than doing.
Daaaamn I should expand my culture too... I always thought that Mauritius, being a part of Africa, had a culture close to nearby islands like Madagascar or the Réunion... I didn't know it was culturally considered as South Asian 😮
I have a hunch that In the last one "Christian" is the key word. In some religious communities in the US, like LDS or radical evangelics, there is a presurre to marry young and someone with the same religious believes. Hence blind dates at 19. If OP is from a more leanient branch, her date saying he believes In "soul selling" was a clear sign he's more radical. And that could mean dividing wverything In the world into "godly" an "ungodly", homeschooling their multiple kids and teaching them from the Bible only and other amusing stuff. She excused herself after seing the signs, and I can't blame her.
7:57 As a dietitian, I agree with your verdict. You explained well what's reasonable and not reasonable for parents to expect of kids around food.
#4 I am a bit sad you didn't take a stand against conspiracy theories, Shaaba. They are usually rooted in antisemitism and are to be called out the same way you would call out transphobia or fatphobia.
thank you, my thoughts exactly. these conspiracies are indicative of other beliefs, and there's nothing wrong with making judgments and protecting yourself with that in mind. if someone believes in baby blood and lizard people theories and doesn't believe in climate change, those are red flags and indicative of their character.
And all these people in the comments saying, "It's not harmful..it's not harmful." It is! They are saying a woman no longer has her soul. Saying that she literally sold it. We are not talking figuratively. This can allow even more crazy people to go and harm that person for some dumb stupid conspiracy. Don't tell me it can't happen. Saying someone's soul was taken is rude and harmful to that person. I honestly clicked away from the video after that horrible take. Sorry...we need to stand firm against such baseless and horrid statements.
@@StudlyFudd13 💯sometimes i feel like the toxic positivity overwhelms these videos. We don't have to respect views that are harmful or patently absurd because a lot of the time they're based in oppressive views or help to spread them. Like the Doja Cat one: not only is it harmful and weird, they're absolutely shaming her appearance and others like him have been attacking Doja for being a satanist for a while now. It's wild.
With the last one, I think conspiracy theories can absolutely make someone an asshole?? Some beliefs don't deserve respect. Believing a celebrity sold their soul to the devil is reallllllll close to the antisemitic blood libel conspiracies, that kind of conspiratorial thinking can be very dangerous.
On the first one, I think the poster had a point, but perhaps her partner may need support in learning how to be a parent. It’s not necessarily a skill that comes naturally.
This would best be a discussion of what he thinks might help. There are probably even classes or videos on how to care for infants. In the end, it would be great for mom to get away and for dad to have alone time with the baby.
Idk there's also a lot of historical bad blood between Korea and Japan that makes it even more uncomfortable that the Japanese friend was dismissive of OP in that story. Perhaps they should apologize for 1. Assuming OP was a white appropriater and 2. For assuming OP was lying about where they grew up. I get that it can be uncomfortable to be embarrassed over getting something wrong but... idk I'm a white person who's trying to learn and be better all the time and that feeling of embarrassment is normal. The discomfort is normal. It is not a personal attack on you.
You mess up, it feels uncomfortable- that does not mean you are owed something from the person you messed up towards. It seems like the friend was misdirecting frustration that they might normally feel at white society as a whole towards you, and instead of apologizing and realizing you were 1. Not fully white and 2. Actually had real connections to the culture at hand they have simply doubled down and made you an enemy bc they aren't ready to see the discomfort is not always justification.
Hi Shaaba, thanks for the vid, love that it is longer. Just wanted to leave one thought here. For the last story, I think saying that some beliefs are silly or stupid or unfounded is not unfair. I think we are falling into this "fairness bias" where we are compelled to be hyper polite and allow for any idiocity to be fair. Some beliefs just defy logic and are stupid, and calling them out as such is fair game. Flat Earth would be a great example, or not believing in climate change, not everything is a matter of belief, not believing in climate change shows ignorance and willful blindness to facts, this is science, not a matter of belief, it's like saying I don't believe that Australia has winter when we have summer in US... it's not a matter of belief, just fact. If such things aren't called out and we keep saying "well that's just what they believe in, you can't judge them for that" we end up in a world that has no reality checks and people believe that vaccines put a 5G tracking chap into you that causes autism. There is a differences between respecting beliefs and enabling ignorance and calling it out.
Sorry if this is a bit ranty, I just grew up with a lot of people like that around me and was ostracized for actually relying on science. Truth is, there aren't two sides to everything, sometimes there are 10 sides and sometimes there is just 1 and we need call a bad thing bad and a silly thing silly.
I did a little happy dance when she said we get an extra story today 😊
Gen X here - it was books and magazines that kept me in the loo for longer than needed
Same - especially as that was one of the ways I could escape from my step family for at least a little while.
I even remember taking books like the dictionary or a volume of the encyclopedia in there with me!
At 12, the child is able to make that choice for themselves. My sister and her family are vegan and she sat the kids down to explain why they are vegan. The rule is “if you feel like you’re going to be left out, you can eat whatever” (i.e. birthday cake at a friend’s party). Most of the time, the kids ask if it’s vegan then choose an alternative (when they’re with us who make sure there is an equivalent vegan option or it’s food everyone can eat). The younger niece is definitely eating corn dogs at school though lol.
Corn dogs are your niece’s nemesis 😂
I think explaining why things are done are certain way is great, because it’s about the value rather than the thing itself + it sounds like the emphasis is put on making good choices most of the time, but also understanding that circumstances can be different and nobody is bad or has failed for an unusual behaviour or having a moment of weakens in the face of corn dogs. What we do consistently matters more than what we do once in a while.
If you were born in Japan, regardless of what you look like, and spent 14 years there ( that's a significant immersion into culture and schooling, and language - even if you go to an English school, you are still steeped in Japanese culture), then you are Japanese, imo. I knew a completely white woman who spent almost all of her life (from birth) in Japan. I wondered why why she had an accent I couldn't place. It was a Japanese accent. English was her second language. My mom said "because she's Japanese."
My dad was born in Ireland. He was Irish. I was born in Canada; I am Canadian. If I were born in Japan, wouldn't I be Japanese?? (edit: ok so I looked up Japanese nationality laws and I still don't think OP was the AH because was born there, knew Japanese and the friend was being a jerk first, and obviously trying to shame or gatekeep).
Loving how this episode of AITA is longer
With regards to the second one... I (45X) am vegan. My kiddo (18X) is not. I will not buy my kiddo any non-vegan food... But I would not stop them from buying something non-vegan themself. So in the presented case... The dad isn't vegan, and the mom knows it. I'd say the mom is being a bit of an asshole. I understand where she's coming from (like I said, I'm vegan myself), but you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar (and yes, honey isn't vegan, and that's intentional lol).
A 12 year old is old enough to choose for himself whether he eats non vegan food. Mother should not visit that on her son. It's a personal choice!
Run away from the psycho vegan. Have a steak! Eat some chicken!
I get what you're saying but a parent could argue it's their personal choice what food they give to their 12 year old kids, considering they're the ones raising them and paying for their food. If the child is old enough to earn their own money they can buy the groceries they want. I'm not vegan and I wouldn't raise my child vegan but that would be my choice as a parent. So vegan parents have the same right.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517this comments irrelevant since the kid did use his own money and his parent (the dad) chose to use their own money to buy him non-vegan food
YES for the longer AITA videos. This is what brights up my Mondays, so thank you very much.
The difference between a university and a college in the U.S. is that universities offer post-grad i.e. not just the first 4 years of high education. People tend to use them interchangably.
Not entirely - The final year of American high school and the first year of American college are roughly equivalent to our Further Education (UK college, sixth form etc). For an American to gain entry to the first year of a standard UK undergrad they will usually need 2-3 AP subjects in high school or a few course credits from college.
That being said, many UK universities do offer programmes with access or foundation years (not to be confused with a foundation _degree_) that would be more or less equivalent to the first year of an American college undergrad course.
They aren't direct equivalencies, but it's roughly as follows:
High school diploma = level 2 qualifications (GCSEs)
AP classes and/or first year of college = level 3 qualifications (A levels, BTECs etc)
2nd year college/associate degree = level 4 qualifications/first year of standard UK undergraduate (certificate of higher education/higher national certificate)
From there on out the qualifications get to be more straight forward equivalents - A bachelor's is a bachelors, a master's is a master's.
- someone who has spent FAR too much time at work going down hyperfocus rabbitholes with the excuse of answering applicant and graduate queries
Howcome the dad is allowed to be only vegetarian outside the house but the son isn't
I agree with respecting people's beliefs, but that doesn't mean we can't think certain beliefs are silly. Plus, it's not just that he believes doja cat sold her soul. There's lots of overlap between people who believe in things like selling your soul with people who have hateful and bigoted beliefs.
On the mixed race story, I'm Dutch-Brazilian, very pale, naturally blonde, and now a redhead. Whenever I say I'm from Brazil, people don't believe me and I have noticed that my immediate reaction is to always say that I'm half Dutch. Usually, this happens with white people or Latinx people of colour. I have even been accused of appropriation of indigenous or other Brazilian culture since I have some indigenous jewellery (context, I lived with a tribe for half a year as my mother was adopted into the tribe as an adult as she was conducting an anthropological study + my great grandmother was also indigenous) and practice some Brazilian customs. This has also gotten worse since moving to Europe and hardly speaking Portuguese, causing my accent to be a tad bit odd
As a white Brazilian with the same color as Morticia Addams, I know very well what it's like "You're not Brazilian or Latina because you're white, you're lying" It's funny and at the same time worrying.
@@itsamandy yeah like, pale latinx people exist, they’re quite common because ✨colanisation✨. And even if they weren’t, phenotype ≠ ethnicity. i have a friend, you’d swear she had some polonysian or south asian heritage and she is 100% european with a ginger sister and white parents.
I guess to give some potential context to topic number 4 and the blind dating (as a Christian, who is also ace), there is often very much a sub culture around "courting" and getting married/having children fairly early in your life. As a teenager literally any time I had a friend who was male it was assumed I started dating them or was considering dating them, and it was always pushed to pursue other men who "have strong Christian values" and ensure I was a pure, darling dove that was always presentable as such for those Christian men. This was also pushed when I was in college and in a Bible study group, albeit not to the same extreme. The expectation is for you to get married in your early 20s ideally, so there are often young adult social groups, "blind dating" and other situations created to help facilitate that. Needless to say, I was very much an outlier for not meeting that expectation, and still am.
This sort of thing will definitely vary depending on denomination and strictness, so I could definitely be off the mark here, but the way it's casually brought up definitely feels along those vibes (and mind you, if that's what she's happy and comfortable with, more power to her! But hopefully she's going on blind dates because she wants to and not because she feels obligated).
I will absolutely say, at the very least, that someone insisting that their views are right, and insisting that you must blindly agree with those views or you are being led astray/manipulated, is definitely indicative of manipulative behavior on the date's part, and I would absolutely not want to stick around long enough to find out to what extent they use that in a long term relationship, romantic or platonic.
Even as an atheist, I would have made sure to check what KIND of Christian are they before setting up my friend who is also Christian. There is a HUGE difference between say, Lutherans & Southern Baptist. There is even big differences within denominations, like progressive Mormon (especially since they may be transferring out) & conservative Mormon.
obviously there are exceptions to this (especially if you’re being rude/mean to the other person when they aren’t) but i don’t think that a person needs to justify not wanting to date somebody or stay on a date when they feel uncomfortable or weird with the other person
I think people on the last one are just weary of how online conspiracy people behave so I get that reaction. Also yes to longer vids
For Doja Cat guy, I one hundred percent agree with Shaaba, but I also want to add that his reaction to OP's opinion was really weird. He literally said he was disappointed in her, but then complained when she left. It kinda felt like he was ok with shaming her opinion but not ok with her disagreeing with him.
Just wanted to say that the story with the child would be completely different (particularly on part of the redditors) if the child chose to be vegan.
Btw the actual American society of dieticians says it is entirely possible to be healthy and vegan at all ages and life stages.
Came to say this, they’ve already found a vegan diet to be healthy at all stages in life. The mom is totally an AH here but the commenters spreading lies is asinine. People are just foaming at the mouth to shit on vegans 🙄🙄🙄
THIS THIS THIS
Yes thank you. It’s not even a debate it’s been proven over and over but people don’t want to believe it because it makes them feel guilty. Any negative comment about vegans or vegan diets will be eaten up (excuse the pun) by non-vegans and will be believed without a second thought.
"Ah, but [category already addressed] can't be healthy on a vegan diet" is just so depressingly popular. I'm not vegan, though my diet most weeks is completely vegetarian and most days vegan, but I can understand why some vegans would have zero effs left to give in the face of popular anti-vegan misinfo.
A vegan diet CAN provide adequate nutrients, but should be carefully planned for kids.
Please keep these videos longer!!! Love the longer format
I am half-Japanese and living in Japan,
and if you were born here and grew up here, I would absolutely fully accept you as Japanese regardless of your blood.
I am thinking the Japanese-American girl maybe got on the wave of how cool and great and magical and unique and cultured Japanese people are seen as by some white people, and somehow managed to make a habit of bragging about it to get people to think she's also cool and great. (Pretty poor substitute for a personality, if you ask me.) This might also explain why she thought it makes sense to point out what the person is named even though it's something their parents decide and not themselves: she would have been using something from her parents--her nationality--and not her own accomplishments to get popular all her life as well.
But I can't really say for sure from the little information we have, since OP only just met the girl, so.
No Shaaba, there are definitely believes that are not *okay* to have. It wouldn't be okay to "believe" that the Holocaust didn't happen and conspiracy theories are always a slippery slope
I was today years old when I learned that being born in a country (any country) didn't automatically make you a citizen of that country. I thought that was how it worked everywhere, not just in the U.S. So, I learned something new!
Cultural identity things are a tricky subject. I feel like you can be (taking the story of cultural appropriation from the video) Japanese without actually being a Japanese citizen or having a Japanese parent if you were born, raised, and schooled for such a long period of time in Japan. Just like I know you can literally have a parent from a country but look like you absolutely do not belong to that group. I am half-Chinese. My mom was Chinese, and my dad is white. I do not look Chinese even a tiny bit. I look stereotypically white. And yet I _am_ half-Chinese. But does that mean I can claim Chinese culture as mine? My mom died when I was seven. I lived in the U.S. my whole life. I don't speak Chinese or even know much of anything about the culture. So... I'm not sure if I could or should claim the culture as my own. I'd feel awkward about it, so I don't wear Chinese clothes or celebrate Chinese holidays. But I do watch Chinese movies as a way to connect to my mom and her side of my heritage, and I feel like I would take it badly if someone tried to gatekeep Chinese culture against me, even though I don't typically try to claim it as part of my identity.
I guess what I'm getting at, is that I think where and how you were raised has more to do with your cultural identity than who your parents were or your official nationality. The OP in that story is, to me, very clearly Japanese. OP was raised as a part of that culture for a long time. How could it not become part of their identity? Me, on the other hand, even though I am half-Chinese by blood, I don't have any personal connection or experience with the culture. As much as I would love to learn more and experience some of the culture, it's not a part of my identity even if it's in my blood.
With the Japanese one, the first name that popped into my head was Sakura. Due to Naruto, its very commonly known in the area I grew up in and would look very "Japanese". Just to put an example of Americans seeing/hearing a very commonly associated Japanese name.
I was thinking Yuki or Haru, also Hana but I think that it also a popular name in Korea too
Loved the length, loved the content! One of my fav aita videos i have seen of yours, heck of anyones. This might sound like hyperbole but i really appreciated the care and explinations for what turned out to be a bunch of really complicated thorny problems. You are quickly becoming one of my favorite AITA reviewers, your empathy and the fact that you try to consider *everyone's* viewpoint in the story put you head and shoulders above the rest. I'm glad that your husbands channel has led me to these weekly gems.
In my experience, Japanese-Americans (specifically) play the cultural appropriation card a lot. I can't say why that is.
For example:
I train in kitsuke (kimono-dressing) here in Japan. I've been doing it for 3 years now. I know how to dress in kimono, the manners around them, the formalities, etc. I also own several second-hand kimono. My Japanese colleagues are very impressed with me because most of *them* don't know how to wear kimono, and kitsuke is a dying art. My Japanese colleagues are so happy that I'm learning how to do it.
I went to Canada when COVID was finally over enough for me to visit. I showed my kimono pictures to my friends. A Japanese-American friend of a friend who was present started yelling up a storm at me for appropriating her culture and disrespecting Japan. I tried to explain to her that I live in Japan, but she wouldn't hear it.
On a separate occasion, was part of a kimono dressing pannel and fashion show at a convention and got a similar reaction from another Japanese-American. No amount of explaining that I'm learning this art at an accredited school in Japan (and that I *live* in Japan) was good enough. I ended up losing my cool and asking them what they want from me in Japanese. They had no idea what I said.
I'm from two separate cultures myself. I am also torn between being not enough of either to really 'count' as part of the group. But I would *never* flip out like that at someone.
Edit: for clarity (bad sentences)
For the third one, the parents chose well to give "Sakura" a Japanese name. They may have intended to continue living in Japan forever when OP was born, and having a Japanese sounding name can help a lot. She would have to use a different way to spell it which would give away she's "foreign", but people wouldn't catch that she's Korean. Korea and Japan have a lot of tension from WWII and it is still a problem politically.
I don't know if the roommates friend caught that or assumed it's an otaku that uses a Japanese name for fun since OP sounds white passing. Maybe roommate's friend chose to punch down, then realized she's "less Japanese" than OP. When Japanese people grow up overseas they are looked at differently. Even people who live and work overseas for a year are looked at differently. It's a complicated societal view. 😅
I’m loving the longer AITA video!
I could happily listen/watch you read and review aitahs all day every day so definitely a fan of getting longer ones!
I enjoyed the length of this video! I always wanted longer ones for these videos