EXCEPT FOR MOLD! Please keep in mind that generally what Shaaba is saying is true but mold is different. Most items are an immediate discard. The two exceptions (according to the FDA) are HARD cheeses and FIRM vegetables (cabbage, carrots etc). If you choose to cut off the mold, the margins must be 1 inch around the mold. Meaning an inch deeper than where the visible mold stops and a 1 inch radius around it. Soft cheese, soft vegetables, sauces, cooked food, grains etc immediately toss. Stay safe y'all. Edit bc I forgot to mention that hard dry cured meats are fine too after a nice hard scrub.
yeah because big part of mold is the mycelium which you cannot see.... tho i once bite to pastry that had soft cheese filling and the mold was on the inside on the cheese and it was white mold.... I only realised it after I could taste weird taste.... I spat out as much as I could and throw it away.
@@Acinnn I think the best explanation I've seen compared it to a tree because you see the tree above ground, but you don't always necessarily see the roots underground or all of the small micro roots that the branch off in search of nutrition. Mold is the exact same way. Almost certain there's a rule I'm forgetting about the size of the patch of mold, but this is a general good rule of thumb.
Yes came here to say this!!! We grow mushrooms at home and let me tell you, spores and mycelium don't play around. Be extremely careful around mold, the strains that tend to grow on older food are very not good for humans.
Apparently, for bread, if any of it is moldy, you should toss the whole loaf. I grew up with parents who don't like to waste food, so I learned to just throw out/ cut out the bad parts. But that's usually a bad idea.
Oh wow, I am so furious with Bethany. She had her Sweet Sixteen moment, but Maria doesn't get her own moment?!? OP is 100% right- Bethany needs to get a job and work off her debt. That's exactly what my parents would have made me do if I had ever done anything like that. If OP doesn't go through with it, Bethany will end up like that one person we all know who never experienced consequences as a child and is now entitled and useless.
i mean she's literally 16; she is way too old to take out her anger this way, and certainly old enough to have to make up for that kind of damage. Honestly I can't imagine my 11 year old doing this, and if he did something like this at 16? Yes... he would be working that money off
And (I can only speak for if they live in the US) it should only take two months to work it off ($15 per hour, x 40, x8, which would actually be extra). She could do the job over the summer and not have to miss any school.
I was fuming when reading this and I do think she needs to pay it off, but this whole situation raises the question, is OP telling the whole story, if this is the only thing she has done like this what lead up to it? It definitely wasn’t a disagreement about the Tv or whatever it was. Im sure she felt like her sibling was getting more attention and more time used on her(15) moment than her(16) own. I don’t think any kid would do something like this if it was just over a simple disagreement… I think OP is lying…
On the last one: time for family counseling. Destroying some else’s property is never acceptable behavior. A 16-YO knows this and matters need to be resolved.
Yeah, I’m by no means any kind of professional on the matter, but Bethany definitely seems to be struggling with feelings of neglect, and that’s absolutely worth looking into. It’s easy to brush off destructive behavior as something a 16yo should know better about, and accept the consequences of. But behavior like that is usually a sign of deeper issues, this doesn’t sound like a well-adjusted teen, it sounds more like someone who isn’t being properly cared or provided for. I don’t think giving Bethany consequences is going to work out very well, and may even backfire into further destructive behavior, unless OP addresses what’s actually causing Bethany emotional distress.
@@UntitledWorkInProgressI don’t think the neglect is coming from OPs end. However we don’t know anything about the other parent or the sibling relationship. It possible that the 15 year old gets more gifts etc from the other side of the family?
@@madisongriffin3478 I agree, it’s definitely both parents responsibility to find out what’s bothering their kid and address it properly. However, OP’s focus on consequences rather than addressing Bethany’s turmoil, makes me feel like OP is just as much a part of the problem as the other parent.
I am missing so many informations. Is this a one time thing or were there arguments before when things got broken. What does3000 mean for this family. Was the daughter able to realise the amount of money and the personal value? I would surely consider some kind of counseling, or maybe there is already counseling and we don't know. Maybe I d still let her try to pay it back,but as Shaaba said depending on how much is possible. But more important for me would be to make sure, that she understand what was wrong and can control her actions in the future.
Bethany is 100% old enough that she should be able to manage her emotions and actions, and know that what she was doing was inappropriate. Having to pay back the cost of the dress she ruined seems perfectly reasonable to me. Yes it's harsh, but it sounds like she's in need of a wake up call about the consequences of her actions
As a Mexican my heart broke for Maria cause the quinciañera dress is something you choose like a year on advance. The dresses are expensive cause they're basically gowns with crystals and lace and expensive fabric. The budget for that kinda party could basically buy you a house (at least on Mexico). Bethany was definitely being the jerk in the situation. She most certainly needs to pay the dress back and also apologize to Maria.
Growing up in a town of many different latin american cultures I did not realize just how much planning and detail goes into a quincianera until I was invited to one for my best friends sister (mexican-american). Absolutely beautiful gown, stunning accesories and preperations started like 8 months before the party cost like 15k-18k for the whole thing i think they got the dress and stuff for like 3k or 4k roughly before alterations but cant remember if they had brought it over from Mexico or not. There was also my godfathers (puerto rican) daughter's quince which was held at a fancy venue and had expensive catering on top of the dress being like 6k so it really isn't so far off for 3k at least in my mind knowing that other people I grew up with had parents that still spent a comparable amount in Mexico.
@@Rhaeine yes, it's really a lot of years planning, my family started saving for mine when I was born (literally the same day) and the whole family was involved in the planing. From food to music to souvenirs to anything else, I didn't even want the party.
Grandpa from New Mexico here. You are right. It's breathtaking financially, and it's one of the highlights of many women's lives. The only party I've ever seen that was bigger and more elaborate than a quinceanera, the 8-year-old had beaten cancer. The dad reserved a city park and served hot dogs to anyone who came to the park (I still cry). We know what our daughters are worth. Bethany needs to pay for that and regain her family's trust or she will be an outsider all her life.
I know two people who have expiry date issues: one just keeps a lot on hand and always checks the expiry dates before actually using things, and the other likes to let their stepchildrens' favourite foods expire and then maliciously tries to feed the expired food to them. I've helped the first one clean out her fridges before and she was so chill about it that it was a fun day; I've also been involved in an involuntary intervention on the second one, and that person screamed in my face for throwing out sandwich spread that was TWELVE YEARS past its use-by date.
On the other side of this, I know someone who is really obsessive about throwing things out the very day they reach their expiration date, even stuff that you usually don't consider ever expiring like spices
With the first one, I'm personally of the opinion that every Tesla owner should be perpetually embarrassed about their car on principle, bc it means they're the type of person to fall for Elon Musk's BS and give him a bunch of money for a car that's definitely not value for the cost. I do think OP was a bit of an arse but I think the sister's BF should be humbled bc he's also an arse
On the last one, yes she needs to pay back the full amount. At 16 she is old enough to know better!! That was the reaction of a petulant 5 year old. How much the dress cost is irrelevant she shouldn't have ruined it being childish and petty.
Well the cost itself is important, but you also need to realize here that maybe Bethany doesn’t understand the importance of an event like that… it also depends on where someone lives whether or not she can work at her age. Does she have a disability? That could also make it harder for her to pay back what she damaged. Yes, she should face some punishment, but making a child work to pay off a dress they might not have intentionally ripped is strange to me… maybe setting up the event, some chores and some other stuff would be better. Idk this is coming from the standpoint of someone who’s messed up a lot, as I have a disability that makes things harder to understand and do, so obviously don’t take this negatively. ❤️
@@VeryUpsetSpaghettiOP put the relevant information. If the kid had a disability it would’ve been stated.The child in question can work in most US states. They’ve also lived with each other for about a decade. i’m sure she knows the significance of the celebration. i understand you have a disability, i do as well, but please don’t make excuses for someone who deliberately makes bad choices. she got permanent marker PLUS cutting it up with the scissors, that’s very intentional
@@VeryUpsetSpaghetti she wrote on it with a Sharpie and then tore the back. I'm also sure, if her daughter was special needs with mental issues, OP would have mentioned it. It sounds like a 16 year old, jealous of her 15 year old step-sister, getting more attention than she is. There's no excuse for such petty behavior.
As someone who does a lot of sewing and dressmaking as a hobby, the fourth story ripped the soul from my body 😱 definitely valid to make the daughter pay for it and understand the tangible value of what her actions are, since clearly she didn’t understand it from the perspective of how important it was from a cultural standpoint. As for $1500 for alterations, I think it all depends on the circumstance. Most alterations I’ve heard of for formal gowns would be upwards of $400 at the max, but it’s possible that it’s a higher end shop where the tailor earns a larger amount, or that it’s a custom dress for that cost, or that a lot more had to be done to alter it which would impact the pricing. Definitely steep though.
I’m getting married and intentionally chose a simpler dress after looking at the price of alterations. Beading and lace can get pricey because the details need to be removed before the seams/hem can be altered, then have to be hand sewn back on. $1500 is up there but not an insane price
Long ramble: The last story made me so pissed, I'm Mexican American, but due to my family non being very connected to our culture, so I didn't get a quinceanera but my cousin who's a similar age to me did + a sweet 16 (I got neither) and it did hurt a lot, but , if I decided to destroy her dress 2 weeks before her day (which is extremely fucked up) and my parents told me to get a job to pay back the dress price, that'd be completely fair!! Even if the dress was before alterations I assume it would be 150+ dollars, that's a lot of money, not just that but it also had a emotional attachment. I think the parent wasn't in the wrong for that as a punishment. Also it's not strict, it's life, if I went to a wedding dress shop and just decided to scribe over a dress, I'd be forced to pay for it.
Hey, love this perspective but you mention that it was probably $150 or more before alterations but in the video OP says it was $3000 total and before altercations it was $1500, which is a lot more than you mention and makes the destroying even more fucked up.
@@jessthecat9399 oh absolutely!! I wrote that before I got there, especially since that's around the range my cousin got her dress! But that because I come from a low income family, but yeah that makes it much Much worse, that about as much as my families rent! Still, the mom isn't in the wrong, it just makes the daughters actions worse.
yo, just wanna say that I'm sorry you didn't get a quinceañera or sweet 16 party. it must have been really hard to put on a smile and celebrate these events with your cousin while not having your own family do the same. idk you but as is the case for all people, I can confidently say that you are a special, wonderful person deserving of a party full of pomp, circumstance, and celebration. reaching those milestones in your life was an incredible feat that you should still be proud of, so don't feel as though you don't matter because you didn't have these parties - you absolutely do matter and I hope your loved ones communicated this to you in other ways and continue to do so. ps: I do not come from a culture that holds quinceañeras or that really does sweet 16s so I apologise profusely if this is insensitive or impractical but - if you still want to, perhaps you could hold a special party for yourself to celebrate your life and milestones? people often pin all their hopes on their weddings and other big events because it feels like the one day that you get to celebrate yourself or a particular part of your life, however, there are many, many times you can do this, such as milestone birthdays, graduations, making it through a tough patch in life, celebrating a milestone or achievement that you didn't commemorate at the time (for you, this could be turning 15 or 16 or more broadly becoming an adult?), getting a new or dream job, moving to a new area, moving away from an area where family and friends live. as an adult, you can always ask friends and family to plan it but a fun part is that, unlike when you're a kid, you can have more control over your event - make it as big or small as you want (it could be a big, fancy ballroom dance or a movie night and sleepover in your bedroom with your closest friends), invite whoever you like, devise your own theme and dress code and have fun picking the best food and desserts, make decorations, even sit down with an event planner or friends and family to brainstorm how you want the event to look. you are unique, there is no-one on this Earth like you. so many factors aligned perfectly to make you the person you are and to get you so far - that in itself is a major string of lucky events which have lead to such a wonderful outcome (you being you), as have all of your well thought out choices and hard work, and that is something worth celebrating!!!
I think an amount over $500 in the US would go to small claims court so even though Bethany is a minor, she needs to learn she can't get away with stuff like that in the real world.
I could not imagine being someone who got a sweet 16 first and foremost, but I could not *IMAGINE* being a teenager and destroying a 3000 dollar dress like a child out of jealousy and then pretending to be surprised when I'm told to pay for it
Thank you, thank you, **THANK YOU** for explaining how electrical cars are NOT the completely innocent, environment proof "car of the future"-thing the industry is selling them to be! I've been trying to spread awareness about this for YEARS now, but people just don't seem to get it. It is actually so much better to drive the living daylights out of your old gas car than to get a new shiny electrical one every 5 years!
Particularly not Teslas. They're poorly built and engineered. There are better manufacturers out there building better cars. Teslas just have a rep for being among the first in getting EVs on the market. Everyone knows that Musk is an awful person, and it kind of echoes down in his companies. The German factory has had pretty much *DAILY* injuries. German and Swedish unions are currently striking because of Tesla not upholding European worker standards, and here in Sweden that strike has spread to the point where dock workers are refusing to unload Tesla vehicles from cargo. That's just here in Europe too. The Tesla factories are well known for having issues with racism and misogyny. Really hostile work environments. With all that in mind, buying a Tesla, choosing to support such a company, is kind of gross, don't you think?
I live in Argentina, "the capital of lithium" and the place where the biggest mining spot is a lake, the only water sourse of that part of the country. It's also the region where native people live (people who, like native american people, has been victim of racism and genocide), so their lose their home. And because the country is in a constant economic crisis and we "have to pay" to the FMI they plan to explote it to he max
I mean, if you need to get a new car anyway you might as well get an electric car, but yeah, if your car still works, make it work until it dies. I know that's how it's worked for my family.
he caveat is the 5-year thing, If you use it more than that then it is in fact far more environmentally friendly, The only issue is that it's not an electrical train really, L cars. The companies selling gas cars also want to sell you a new one every year So they're no better based on that logic. Again L Cars. Also there's something to be said about the air and sound quality improvements. The fumes from cars get into your heart valves, lithium mining is not as bad as it's made out to be, If you don't know the common photo you see of a big pit in electric car memes is actually a copper mine. Their tires probably do more damage Basically All the issues with electric cars is them being cars Not them being electric But gas companies, the richest people in the world spend billions try to pass it off like there's some nuance, "It's different" That's all they can get.
For the one with Bethany I feel like her being told she needs to get a job to pay back the cost of the dress is a mild consequence for potentially causing a permanent rift with Maria.
(for the 3rd one) i hate when people get mad that you didn't read their hints. i have adhd and have trouble picking up on things like that. nobody's a mind reader, it's always the best to discuss things like that with your partner instead of getting angry over them not reading your mind, like what??
HUGE esh on the first one. Continuing to live with your parents isn't an inherently bad thing, I'm not ever planning on living away from my parents because of my disabilities making it nearly impossible for me to remember to take care of myself without other people in the house, so I see that as a very ablist and closed minded insult to throw. At the same time, it sounds like the guy did need to stfu about his tesla
ESH is definitely the right call because the boyfriend insulted OP’s stuff in addition to being insufferable, but OP brought money into it. He could’ve easily said “Teslas aren’t viable enough now, Elon Musk is an asshole, current infrastructure is not set up well enough to handle electric cars so my 2023 Honda Civic is a wonderful choice. You’re making something terrible your whole personality and putting me down for not following suit? No thank you, we shouldn’t trust your opinion because it’s biased.” And would’ve been fine, but like. Attacking where OP was financially Vs the boyfriend was not the way to handle it and made OP an asshole too.
I think OP is the AH because he is dressing the story to make himself look more sympathetic. Priming, if you will. If OP just said bf talked shit about the car he drove, but OP didnt get mad about the insult of his car, he got upset that someone he percieves as beneath him insulted him in an unimpressive way. He was insulted bc he thinks hes better than bf. If the tesla is the one thing bf is proud of, maybe its a special interest, who knows, but it doesnt really matter that the bf is obsessed with it. OP let ego win in that moment, he coulda exained it was a poor choice to his brother without making it a contest.
@@cexilady3333 Eh, I don’t necessarily think that’d be the best response either. The real issue is the bf bragging and putting OP down for not owning a Tesla, so it wouldn’t really make OP better to do the exact same to him (“You think Honda civics are trash? Well I think Teslas are trash!” isn’t really productive and would still be ESH in my eyes, even though it’s better than punching down about money.) If all OP said was “I like my car, and I’m sick of you insulting my lifestyle choices” or even “No one cares about your stupid Tesla!”, he’d be more justified in my eyes cause it feels less about insulting his lifestyle and more being upset about him shoving it in everyone else’s face and insulting other people’s lifestyle. I guess the second phrase would still kinda be rude, but it feels more justifiable to me I think because it reads more clearly to me as “Stop shoving your car in our face” as opposed to “Your car sucks and you’re dumb for liking or being proud of it”. I’m not super sure about it though tbf; it just feels better to me and that’s my best guess as to why ig 😅
@@justtired2050 I hear you, but the reason why I said what I said was bc the guy was offering car advice so my response was based off the fact that 1. The advice is biased bc Tesla fanboy and 2. He insulted OP. What I suggested was both putting the guy in his place for the insult and saying “don’t trust this guy’s opinion.” I respect what you said, I hope you can also see my POV!
for that last one about the dress, the OP is definitely not the as*hole and Bethany should have to get a job to pay back the $3000, that is a lot of money and can't just be done away with extra chores. keep the second dress away from bethany! Also I wouldn't allow Bethany at the party unless Maria of her own volition comes to parents and asks for her to be allowed to come
Shaba, don't eat any part of food that you can see mold on. The part of the mold that you can see may be the flowering body, and the mold may have invisible parts throughout the food that us too small for you to see yet. The "mold" in blue cheese is a mold that is safe for human consumption, most molds are not. They are completely different species and even genera of mold.
Yes this so much this!!! Mold is like mushrooms there’s so many different kinds and types and some are completely safe and good to eat and some are very toxic for humans. Be safe out there ppl ❤
@@glitterspray It really depends on the amount of visible mold. But generally, hard cheeses like Cheddar should be okay after cutting out all mold with 1 inch margins. Though most experts still recommend tossing it to be safe.
if we're talking a cream cheese or soft cheese or shredded or powdered then yes absolutely. however cheeses like cheddar are too dense for mold roots to grow inside
@@gingermaniac5484 Do you have any info from food scientists or some such research where I can read more about this with the hard cheeses? Also, I was including breads and other foods as well. I just don't think we as consumers can know for sure how much of a product needs to be cut off for it to be safe to eat.
With the mouldy food one, yes the MIL had a stroke, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have dementia. Strokes can be linked to Vascular dementia, so this could be a sign. If I was OP, I would look into it. Also, I would do what one of the commenters on the post said and clean the kitchen out when she's sleeping, then accept being the bad guy for a while.
Also, sometimes older people just lose their sense of smell even outside of brain injuries, and it probably gets worse with a stroke. I’d definitely be concerned that even if MIL has the mental wherewithal to decide if something is safe to eat, she doesn’t necessarily have the ability to detect if it isn’t. (My grandmother has no cognitive issues but is nearly 90 and had a fridge that was stinking up her entire apartment due to some several months expired beef stew, and she couldn’t tell.)
I wonder if the MIL would even notice if OP started cleaning the kitchen a little by little. Like throwing out one thing from the fridge and a couple of the worst items from the pantry at a time, while the MIL was sleeping or away. Reorganise things a little to not leave obvious gaps, maybe wipe some shelves etc. After all it should be expected that some things get used, and she already said that MIL is expecting her to use them too.
Both of your points are kind and thoughtful. I have done interventions for people living on the edge of civilization inside their own houses ( it was my nonprofit drive for a while). Do as much as they will let you - they know they are in danger. It's not a stupidity/ignorance thing. Nice, nice post.
Bethany definitely should pay back. She is not a child, she should act like adult. Bethany must know that actions have consequences. She can end up in a jail if she decides to ruin someone's property because she thinks her family can just pay instead of her.
I locked my husband out of my phone because I was in contact with domestic violence services. Of course I was accused of acting suspicious when he figured it out. For that reason I hate that everyone says it means a person is cheating.
Yep. I had to open a new bank account because my then-spouse was emptying the joint one my paychecks were going into. I kept my job and got the kids. Sometimes we do stuff we never learned from Walt Disney movies about love and marriage. Best wishes.
Feels like she's got trust issues. She's come up with a way to check his phone every other night. I think her mind instantly assumed he planned to do the same. I think that's why she said he had a lot of apologising to do. Best scenario is she had a controlling abusive unfaithful X. Worst would be she has a guilty conscience and is hiding stuff. Neither are great though.
@@brackalack1 I agree that it sounds like it in their case! I just don't like it as a blanket statement or as advice for anyone whose situation you don't know.
For the last one, I can’t help but wonder if by just making her earn back the money, it purposely avoids getting to the roots of the behavior. It doesn’t help her learn how to deal with the negative emotions that might influenced her. Knowing why she did it won’t excuse the action, but it would likely be a good starting point to make sure it doesn’t happen again. In turn it could also help build trust and communication in the relationship if they heard her out. I don’t know the context so I can’t say for certain, but there was a real lack of the teens perspective that made it feel off.
I thought about this too, but I kind of assumed that those things would also be addressed. In other words, there will be a parental talk, and a family talk, and a therapist for Bethany as well as family therapy... all of these things and more are probably planned. I think the AITA question was regarding whether, in addition to the appropriate parental interventions, would making her work to reimburse the dress be going too far?
Honestly I think "pay back the exact dollar amount" punishments may intially seem fair but don't address the root issue of why the property was damaged in the first place.
For the elderly parent who eats expired foods, I 100% believe it is more about losing independence than trying not to waste food. My grandad's house has become very messy and dirty and the food is all 5 years old, aka when my nana passed away. He is still quite functional, but is starting to go mentally and is trying his best to hide it. It's a pride thing that older people go through. They don't want to admit that they might need help :/
Ex juvenile probation officer here: At 16 she could have been charged and be on juvenile probation which would include restitution ie repayment of the damages. As a parent I would hold her 100% responsible for those damages at that age and given the malicious intent. I would probably require summer job repayments in addition to doing household things/chores to equal out to the amount she caused in damage. Woah, I hope so intensely that my kids don't act out in that way. I could never afford a dress anywhere near that much but if it was a car or something....whew. My mom brain and heart hurt on that last one in all kinds of ways!
I think only paying back 3000 for what was a very selfish and scary behaviour is far too lenient. What Bethany did is disgusting and for a 16 year old she should know better. I think at a minimum she should be made to pay it all back and also be made to go to some sort of long term therapy before this behaviour escalates. Also some sort of education of what is acceptable behaviour for someone her age and a human being.
Big agree on the point of therapy also being needed here. At 16 this sort of behavior should not be expected, it's beyond petty and childish to be that destructive over someone else getting some spotlight. I understand feeling ignored and being upset with that, I've been there, but she crossed a line that she should have the awareness to not cross, which makes me wonder if there's some underlying issue that should be talked about and handled. Though I'm not a professional and I can't exactly diagnose someone over the internet
To be fair, there could be grounds for wondering why she does not, in fact, seem to have learnt those things. I mean, there's always a lot of context that isn't given in these letters. Therapy seems strongly indicated, but perhaps not solely as punishment.
I'm not Hispanic, but to put it in a comparable context, that last one would be like a jealous sister destroying a bride-to-be's wedding sari. These dresses can be incredibly expensive.
3:28 I think op knows what reddit is like and he knows the comment section would be full of "YTA, you're just jealous he has a tesla and you don't". So he was just getting that out of the way. But yeah, he could be annoyed, the sister's bf was being rude and flashy, but he could deal with this much differently. On the last one, I think she does need to pay it back. It will take a few months, but it's completely doable. She has no expenses. But it's not even just the dress. Maria will never forget this even if she got a new dress after, her step sister stained all of the experience of buying her dress. The party starts much earlier than the night itself. Honestly this girl needs therapy.
For that last story, Bethany should be getting a job to pay back the dress replacement. But on top of that, there needs to be therapy for both Bethany and the family as a whole. That sort of behaviour is indicative that something much deeper is going on.
As a lawyer, currently a family violence prosecutor but previously a juvenile delinquency prosecutor - I have seen *too many* cases like Bethany's. Mom is absolutely starting off right with making her get a job and pay her back for the dress - and I would say the full $3000 would be appropriate. The reason I say that - getting a new dress 2 weeks out from the party? They're going to get charged for rush on the dress and any alterations, if they even have time to get one altered. It's going to take at least that 3k to replace that dress. I think mom, Bethany's other parent, stepdad and stepmom should maybe talk about family counseling. The girls at least are going to need some help rebuilding that relationship and Bethany clearly is having some kind of issues. Also - damage of property is never ok and she needs help before potentially other acts of family or domestic abuse occur. Also, frankly, if this was in the US, given the amount that dress cost? Destroying it might have been criminal mischief or other similar statute- and prossibky a felonious one given the amount the dress cost, depending on local law. Bethany's lucky her mom or Maria's dad didn't call the cops and get the juvenile justice system involved!
I stopped going to a family member's house because of how truly horrifying her kitchen (and whole apartment really) was. When a mouse jumped out of the sink when i tried to figure out what the fuck was going on, i gave up. The situation never improved, and has caused some major issues for the family
FYI on the food waste, yes there are things that you can cut mold off like hard cheese but just as a PSA, anything baked should not be consumed if you see ANY mold, because of the air in the product it can spread much easier without you knowing.
I think OP in the first story wasn't try to brag, but give context about his situation for the story. I think his point was "I have all these things, and I'm not an ass about it, but this dude won't shut up about his freaking tesla"
That's what I got from it. I noticed that (according to OP) it seemed to be annoying everyone else too. He did go a little far in his response calling the boyfriend out, but I can understand that.
I might have taken a slightly different tactic, based on objective questions: “At this point is there anyone in your circle who hasn’t been reminded of your Tesla multiple times? Does it automatically make them approve of you? How much is your mortgage/rent? It can have a real impact on people’s discretionary spending.” “Are people who buy cars they can afford somehow inferior?” “Do you base your friendships on how expensive someone’s car is?” Do you think I’m inferior because I’ve never been able to afford a new car?” I could go on and on; maybe while taking notes 😁
Hi! As always a great and entraining video! To the quinceañera: dresses are sooo expensive! There are a lot of stones, shinny pieces, hand embroidered, and so on… YI heard the story somewhere else and there there were comments that her sweet sixteen was about 10.000 $…
I don't like sharing my laptop/phone with people because I am unreasonably self-conscious about people judging my interests. My interests aren't even anything scandalous, they're like... fish tanks, crocheting, and makeup. I'm just worried that someone is going to see it and think it's stupid, so I would rather keep it to myself until I feel 'safe' sharing. I also just think other people's things that they have their faces and hands on all the time 'feel' dirty and don't want to swap/share them around. That's more beside the point, though, because that clearly wasn't the girlfriend's problem, if she's willing to use his phone in the first place.
As a Chef I recomment everyone to smell their food or be able to see that things are to far gone to be consumed safely (Exeptions are fresh egg products, Fish, Mined Meat and Chicken) but Mold builds a mycelium, a root like system that burrows deep into food and rots it without you seeing it (thats why, IF you cut off parts, cut a bit further than the spread appeared). In case of Bread, if it's moldy, chances are it's to far gone anyway
Maybe it's because I grew up poor in the states, but asking a 16 year old to get a old is in NO WAY unusual or harsh. And because of her her family is going to be paying to replace the dress. If the parents weren't forcing her to pay it back I would think they were terrible parents.
On the dress thing: Without actually making a judgement on whether that is the correct way to parent I would have gone about it another way. 1. I would have not made the daughter repay the amount the ruined dress cost but the amount the replacement dress will cost (including any alterations needed) I would have done it this way because I think this will teach the daugter who destroyed the dress more directly that had she not acted the way she has there would have been no need for another dress and thus no reason for her to pay (though I also understand the approach of replacing the actual damage. Sidenote: It does sound to me like the math is off there. If accessoires etc that weren't damaged are factored into the 3200 I don't think that's right. It should definitely at most be the damage caused) 2. I think there is an underlying thing going on there that needs adressing. I think it would be good to see some professional family counceling (sth done by an actual qualified therapist not some religious bullshit or whatever) 16 year olds don't tend to freak out like that and I don't think just making her repay the value of the dress will solve the issue. It might alleviate the financial consequences for you but it absolutely will not mend the sibling relationship, the family dinamics or adress any underlying issues. If their finances allowed it which it sounds like they probably did I think the daughter seeing a therapist/family councellor could be concidered "time served" if she cooperates (obviously this should not be advertised in advance since that would be coercive but like after everything in the family is settled I think it would make sense to cut the remaining amount to be paid back in half or sth along those lines to show appreciation for willingness to work on the actual problem)
I tend to agree, that this seems to be more than just jealousy over the dress, but rather the dress was the focus/object she could take it out on. OP mentioned that Bethany got her sweet 16, but does Bethany consider it equivalent? Does she think Maria will also get a Sweet 16 too and thinks that is unfair? Is it about more than the birthdays...like is her other parent not involved in her life and so she sees her step sister getting attention from both her parents and she didn't get that? Does she feel like step dad favours his bio daughter over her because he is being so involved with this? Idk, could be any number of things, I just feel like either Bethany is used to being spoiled (that isn't the vibe I get immediately though) or there is something much deeper behind the jealousy/anger. It's great OP spent more time with her to make her feel better, but perhaps it isn't OP's attention she is jealous over, and she feels left out by her step dad because they don't share this cultural connection? Or, she could even be neurodivergent in some way and not understand the complexities of cultural differences like that, especially if up until that point they have been raised the same; she may not have been able to express her feelings and this was how it bubbled out...not excusing it the behaviour, just I have a friend who's daughter gets this way when overwhelmed (though she is 10 not 16). Hell, it is even possible that Maria isn't so innocent and has been boasting/shoving it in her face when no one else is in earshot. 🤷 Either way, I would say that the punishment is valid, but y itself will just create more resentment. OP needs to get to the bottom of why it happened. So yeah, at the very least Bethany needs to speak to a therapist, because lashing out like that and destroying a sibling's dress isn't normal at that age.
I definitely agree, it seems to me that Bethany's action is about more than the dress or the event. If I were OP, I would reconsider that statement that B and Maria have had a good relationship up til now. It sounds like there has been more going on than Mom was aware of. None of this is to say that I think anything Bethany did was acceptable-- no way. Just that if the hope is to restore positive family relationships all around, then step 1 is asking what's really going on with those relationships.
i think it's pretty reasonable to make the daughter pay back the money for the dress. like... it's a lot for a 16 year old to do, but also.... if you're gonna ruin a $3000 dress then i think the most reasonable course of action is to then.... pay back the money for it---you'll really learn not to do anything like that again that way. definitely more than you'd learn if you were just grounded for a few months or something. it's a pretty valuable life lesson and it's not as though there's a time limit being imposed on her that she can't meet or like she's being charged interest. or as if she has to pay for anything else as well as pay back the money because she is sixteen and her parents are covering all other expenses. i feel like any other punishment wouldn't stick and would, in comparison to $3000, be insufficient. plus, this isn't really a punishment, per se.... it's just... what any reasonable person does when they ruin something of someone else's--pay them back. like logically it makes sense to me. i also feel like, depending on the financial situation the family is in--are they rich/poor etc--that's a lot of money for them to lose out on. they're now going to have to spend quite a lot (if not the same amount) on another dress. so they're just out $3000, in which case it's even more reasonable to make her get a job to get that money back.
In the US its not unusual to get a job at 16, and to pay back that amount, they would have to. It would take them months to do so, but I think its probably a symptom of a larger problem of not only respect but lack of understanding of WHAT $3000 means. They should pay it back 100%
So jealous 16-year-old ruins something worth 3000 Dollars in a spiteful, petty toddler-esque temper tantrum and is now pissed her mother says she has to pay for it. How does that make the mother even remotely TA? Bethany clearly needs a reality check. She is all things horrible, entitled, tocix AF, obviously there need to consequences or she will turn out even worse. Although this level of pettiness people should grow out of by the age of 6! You do not destroy someone else's property! Certainly not out of spite. That is something you learn way before 16, usually!
That last one is definitely NTA. She is 16 and old enough to get a job and pay it back. Mom fronted the money (which is the right thing to do) but Bethany needs work to understand the financial cost as well as the emotional one. Agree with other commenters that therapy is also needed. Impulse control ia still difficult at that age, but she is old enough to knoe that what she did is wrong, and that the dress was expensive. It sounds like she was looking for attention and got it...plus a lot less free time.
I feel the need to make it clear that $3,000 for a quinceniera dress including fitting sounds pretty standard from my experience. just to put in into perspective, my cousin spent her portion of what our family got in inheritance from our grandfather on her daughter's quince dress. all of it. these parties are planned for months and are incredibly meaningful to the family. not to mention Bethany had her own sweet sixteen which, while less culturally significant, is still a big expensive coming of age party. there shouldn't be jealousy there, Bethany would probably benefit from counseling because there could be some deeper issues there.
I really love the idea of a girl getting such a huge party that is just all for her, to celebrate that she is becoming a woman. Explicitly just her. That she is the actual star for one day. I know the concept has infinite potential for drama and disaster, but the idea is wonderful.
While the phone story seems obvious, I can't help but thinking there might be additional clues. Obviously within this context - sure, red flag. But considering they're waiting for a dinner and he needs to check the news so desperately he asks to use her phone, after already saying he stays on top of new info, my brain just went "maybe she just wants to eat one meal without the news" XD Maybe she was trying to change the subject for the last two hours XD Probably not and I hate her saying he has a lot of making up to do. That was the worst red flag in the whole story XD
At that moment they were waiting for a table - along with a bunch of other people. In that situation, you can't really carry on much a conversation. So checking the news and letting your partner know what is happening is one relatively safe way to pass the time. And, yes, the "lot of making up to do" sounds like a huge red flag.
03:30 - I get the feeling OP was making a specific point about having lots of money to head off any comments like 'oh you're just jealous he owns an expensive car' or things to that effect. I think OP is saying 'I am wealthier than him, this isn't a money thing, he just won't stop talking about his freaking car'. I didn't understand it as bragging, I understood it as scene-setting.
That's how I read it too, especially since "you're just jealous" would be such a classic Reddit response. He lost me a little at the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Teslas, but I agree about the initial statement.
No, that last one is a sixteen-year old. She should be old enough to know better. Her brain has a way to go before it’s fully formed, but she’ll be a legal adult in two years. She needs to understand her consequences have actions and how to manage her anger.
The fact it's a large amount of money is WHY she needs to pay it back. She destroyed a THREE THOUSAND DOLLAR dress. Making her repay it ALL shows the consequences of her actions.
Um, afaik in general when you see mold on food the thing you see is only the reproductive part of the mold which produces the spores. That means that already the entire piece of food can contain fungus that is just invisible since you only see the moldy part so cutting out moldy bits of food isn't safe
Instead of throwing everything out, I would replace things one or two at a time. Just be like, oh, we used the last of it if asked, if not, don't bring it up. Sometimes you need to choose your battles.
The last story was so sad, like that could really ruin the sisterhood. 15-16 yo are really emotional and your sister intentionally ruining your birthday dress hurts a thousand times more at that age. I would have had a lot of trouble forgiving my siblings, bc my quinceañera dress was like the most important part of my party...
Me and my partner are very open with our phones to each other the only time that we ever had an issue about saying no to going on each other phone was right before my partner proposed as he was messaging his friend about if when he was going to pop the question 🥰 sometimes it can be really beautiful special surprises that stop people from wanting to share their phone.
Phone thing: could be something like therapy or appointments for something medical she doesn't feel able to discuss after 3 months... I'd be suspicious too but that could be something she wouldn't want to talk about and wants to avoid being seen. Not sure how you'd explain that either since it IS something you're hiding. It could also be shopping for presents or something too, but the reaction seems wrong for that.
For the egg thing. You will smell when the egg is bad. A rotten egg is possibly one of the worst smells ever. So yeah, you can't really "accidentally" eat a bad egg. (I'm not saying that you are wrong about being careful about these kinda things, I just thought this might be a nice fact to share and maybe ease your mind when it comes to eggs :D)
Not all floating eggs are bad, some of them can just dry out enough to start floating. As a precaution I never boil old eggs, and I break them into a mug one at a time by our garden door. If it smells fine, it goes into the bowl, and if it's rotten, it's outside in seconds and not ruining the whole kitchen 😆 It's not common for eggs to go bad, I've seen maybe five rotten eggs in my 40 years, although often have eggs 1-3 months out of date. (This in Europe where eggs get to keep their natural protective layer and are stored on the counter by the way, might be a different situation in the USA where eggs are washed and stored in the fridge.)
How quickly the daughter can pay back the cost of the dress, at least here in the US (which seems to be the case), will depend heavily on where she lives, as different states and jurisdictions within states have wildly different minimum wage levels. For example, the minimum hourly wage where I live is about $15-16, while in other places it may only be the federally mandated wage, which is, unfortunately, $7.25/hour 😿
That's a good thing to be aware of and you are not wrong. As it applies to Bethany, my grandpa response is, "Tough". She needs to learn to take out her next nastiness on something less expensive.
Lithium mining isn't just terrible for the environment, the workers in lithium mines are all horribly overworked and mistreated. But on the other hand so are most of the workers who get other raw materials that make their way into all cars. Gas or electric ones. There's no truly ethical way to produce something as large and complex as a car affordably (in the current capitalist market), without tons of exploitation and human rights issues all along the way to keep costs down.
24:43 about the quinceañeras! here in brazil we have too, but we call just “festa de quinze” (party of fifteen, basically hahah, but it makes sense in portuguese) and yeah, this types of parties were about introducing the “debutante” (the girl who’s turning 15) to society (important men to marry, mostly) but now these parties are just to have fun and serve like an excuse for throwing a big party with a lot of guests, food, drinks, fancy gifts and dresses. they’re cool!
Regarding the last one- I went to four of my friend’s quinceañeras and the dresses are INCREDIBLE. They’re extremely detailed and elaborate and you can tell they’re expensive. Often times I’d be helping my friends navigate by holding up their dress, etc. It’s such an important event and even if somehow Bethany didn’t think she did much damage- there’s consequences for her behavior. You break it, you buy it and you don’t mess with other people’s things.
First aita was basically saying: I am not poor, it's not because I am jealous, I am well off myself, but I cannot stand someone being flashy about having money. That's why he was mentioning his money, cos it could be jealousy if he had a second-hand car and live paycheque to paycheque. At least I think that's why he was "flexing" his wealth.
I think for the last one having Bethany get an actual job to pay off the dress is better than her doing chores of some sort. If she has a job, she can see how much she gets each week for the work that she does, which will help her to understand how much $3000 actually is. That much money is just a number until you become more financially independent and understand what goes into getting it.
Um… yeah, that last story: OP was totally in the right. Daughter destroyed property; this is a big example of an important teaching moment. At 16 years old, she went and made a very childish, very hurtful, and VERY expensive mistake. She is 100 percent old enough to be made to understand the hard way that negative actions have negative consequences, that what she did was unacceptable, and that it was now her responsibility to repay the cost of what she destroyed. She wasn’t a toddler with Crayola markers, whose brain literally couldn’t grasp monetary or emotional value. She’s nearly legally an adult, and there’s plenty of high schoolers that get part time jobs to save up money they need for something. If that were my kid, I would ABSOLUTELY do the same. And if kid refused to do it, then financially-driven privileges, trips, and luxuries would be systematically docked until the equivalent amount of money had been reached. Like, if she had destroyed an equally valuable dress in a store, or that belonged to someone not related to her who felt obliged to go easier on her, she could’ve had the cops called on her and charges pressed. No brainer.
I don't think the first guy was bragging about the money when he said how much money he has. How I took it was that he was just explaining his financial status for reference. And it would appear he doesn't boast about it openly in social situations, because boyfriend was unaware of his financial state. So I don't like the assumption that he's a hypocrite just because he mentioned his financial status in the AITA question. We all have internalized classism, so I can see how a lot of people would probably read any mention of having a crap ton of money to mean someone was boasting about it. But in context and without actually knowing how he carries himself day to day, I don't think that's a fair assumption to jump too.
I generally agree regarding the context part - though he could have just said "over 6 figures" and still gotten enough of the point across. However, I'm iffy on the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Tesla's with cash. The main point should have that he could have bought a Tesla - with cash - but chose the Civic instead.
@@SharylLacroix I mean I don't think he should have blown up at the boyfriend the way he did and said such bad things about him. Like Shaaba said, two wrongs don't make a right. But my point is we can't call him a bragging, boasting, hypocrite, just from a mention of his wealth in a AITA question and one outburst at an annoying boyfriend. That's not logical or fair (imo). That's all I mean.
I agree. In my opinion, there is difference on telling something anonymously online and saying the same thing repeatedly to the people you know. Why does it even matter what people tell about themselves on the internet. I could say that I have a billion dollars and my own spaceship, but it wouldn't make any difference, since no-one knows who I am and I'm not spamming the whole comment section with it.
I don't agree with the "you can get over the dress itself" sentiment. Some people are less sentimental with objects, but something like that, especially at 15, you get REALLY attached to. The loss and disappointment would leave a big emotional mark for years!
SIXTEEN is way too old to get away with grabbing a sharpie and scribbling on clothes. This is a step beyond teenage impulsiveness - she is old enough to have known what she was doing. The time it took for her to go find that sharpie is enough time for her to have realized the impact of her actions. That being said, unless OP was leaving out some key details, this seems like a massive reaction from the 16 year old, and she could probably also benefit from some therapy. Something else is going on here!
19:20 "get my hints so i don't have to say NO"?????? sweetie, "No" is literally the word we use for that. "No" is hard to say buh it's important. You can't blame people for not reading implicit hints.
I agree! Although obviously not everyone is able to for various reasons and that's fine, but it would be perfect if cities were planned for cycling and public transport too, not just cars. It does a huge difference on how much people actually use the other means of transportation. I have a driver's licence but haven't driven a car for over four years, and my partner doesn't even have a licence. Our city (in the UK) could be much better (just look at the Netherlands!), but at least it's possible to manage without a car here.
I admit I'm quite confused about the moldy/expired food situation. I understand how some people tend to care less about epiration dates, etc. I totally understand forgetting about something and it gets mouldy. I totally even get trying to save things that seem to start going bad - especially if you have a tight financial situation or lived without much money long enough to make you feel guilty about tossing out things, even when they're not ok. That I get how can happen, but if MIL is using this food (as is implied considering she asks the OP to use it in cooking as well, etc.) how on earth she has food that expired years ago? (Ten year old cheese?!) I mean, at this point it's an issue of it just being there forever and never being used. (And sure, making the fridge/pantry less sanitary, etc.) But if she hadn't eaten it for 10 years, why would she insist on eating it now? I feel like it's more of a MIL feeling like she's losing control and trying to fight over it even in protecting the old forgotten food items thats been around so long she forgot about it... Or perhaps the OP is also exagerating the situation due to her own issues. (Ie. There was some mouldy cheese, because it laid forgotten in the back of the fridge but no one actually ate it?) Regardless, I think it requires a good talk with the husband or FIL if he is in the picture. And if MIL is not actually in danger nor putting anyone in danger (as many suggested due to her illness) perhaps it is not worth the battle if they won't live together permanently.
When helping my husband's grandma pack up her house in 2014, we found homemade canned food from the 70's in her pantry. She wasn't eating it, and didn't know it was way back there, but my goodness, it was older than me!
Moldy cheese that isn't meant to be moldy is not safe, even if you cut the mold off. This is for 2 reasons... 1, the mold is not the same kind of mold that is specifically cultivated to be eaten, it can possibly be a dangerous type of mold. 2, mold spores go deeper than you can visually see, meaning once you can actually see the mold forming, the whole block likely has mold spores deep within it, which again, could possibly be dangerous due to not being the edible kind.
Bethany is not a toddler, she's 16 - that's more than old enough to know you cannot just go and destroy someone's (very expensive!!) property at the flimsiest excuse because you're jealous. From what OP said, it seems like she doesn't even recognize her mistake and thinks this punishment is her parent "taking Maria's side". Bethany comes off very entitled and while I think the punishment is fitting to make her realize the value (in labor) of the money she _wasted_ out of petty jealousy, there are more underlying issues to be addressed there that I'm not sure this will help. I can understand her feeling neglected if her sweet sixteen wasn't on the same scale as Maria's quinceanera, but something _this_ extreme is alarming. It would be better if OP (or a therapist) could talk to her about it and get to the root of the problem.
When I heard what she did to the dress my mind immediately went to my little sister, when she found the dress she ended up wearing she cried when she saw herself with it on. I cannot imagine how crushed she would've been if someone ruined it on purpose and she'd have to find something else to wear and not being able to use the dress that she loved, Bethany paying for the material damage she caused is the least she can do to make up for the hurt that losing the dress most definitely caused
That first one just can't be real. It reads like rage bait to me. Just too many points in it guaranteed to bring in opinionated redditors and points that read as fake.
1st: LOVE that lipstick color on you. It is very bubbly and really compliments you! ❤ Second: here is a little ramble share 22:09 my spouse and I hide things from each other all the time because our shared love language is surprises. Some times our comfort levels with phone sharing changes because "oh I forgot to close out of this link that if you saw would totally ruin the surprise!" Let me tell you it really does ruin the surprise when he says no to me cause we both know what "no, you can't look at my phone right now" means. But in the summer away from bdays and holidays we don't care what the other uses our phones for. I forgot my point of this comment, so I guess here is a little boost and thank you for reading my little humble brag of my slice of happiness.
I survived a marriage where the surprises were always really bad news. 30 years later, therapy is helping. Your post made me happy; you're what I thought it could be. Thanks.
That phone thing was ridiculous. If I were OP, I would definitely express my confusion to my gf and also let her know that I will be refusing to let her use mine at all (unless it's an emergency) after this. Also, that dress thing is ridiculous. I would *also* probably make my child somehow repair or replace the dress, because she *does* need to experience the consequences of her actions.
In the dress story, I think that yes, OP daughter should work and pay back as much as possible. However, if the end goal is to have a happy extended family, that is not enough. I would consider talking to OP's ex to figure out what's happening between the step siblings. I'm worried that just making her daughter work won't fix future issues and may escalate.
As someone whose sibling had a habit of deliberately destroying my most beloved possessions (and never got punished for it)...I say Bethany should not just have to pay back the entire amount in time, but should also have to give up something _she_ loves and has wanted for a long time. She should have to pay the emotional penalty equal to the emotional damage she inflicted. She deliberately hurt her sister in the deepest way she could manage. That takes real malice and intention. Her sister will always have the memory of her quinciañera stained by this incident...something like that is a lasting pain. What Bethany did is almost unforgivable. The fact that she's complaining about the "unfairness" of having _only_ to pay back the money proves that she is unwilling to admit doing wrong, and is still only focused on herself. What a petty, vicious act of cruelty that was.
Congrats on the single!! I also agree with most things you said! I absolutely did not see the first guy bragging (maybe seeing the best in people here), I just thought they were setting the scene to explain what they said later? Felt like a neutral discription of circumstance to me! Also, the last one def. NTA. I feel like it might be too much to let her pay for the whole dress, but it could maybe be split up in having to pay some of it back and having to do some chores or whatever, bc 3000 dollars are a LOT. Especially for a 16-year-old.
My mom has Great Depression Era rules about "nonperishable" food and products... When I was helping her clean recently, I found a jar of Vicks vapor rub from the early 90s in the garage. She was furious when she found out that I threw it out. Even she keeps her fridge and pantry biohazard-free. Anything expired or moldy is instantly gone. People are super weird. I get it, but there are limits.
As for the last story, NTA and I think that bethany has something going on where she is upset that she isn't the center of attention and feels the need to lash out in a very dramatic way. I would also recommend to OP and Maria's dad that they keep an eye on Bethany up until the party because I have a feeling she might try to mess up the new dress or do something to sabotage the party or make a scene to take the spotlight off of Maria.
One thing that people seem to always forget when it comes to environmentally friendly/sustainable products, is it the most sustainable and environmentally friendly way to start is by using up and finishing your unsustainable products you've already purchased in the past
I keep hearing people say that milk is fine past the expiration date, but i almost invariably find my milk starts smelling off BEFORE the printed expiration date.
for the last one: I think it's fair to have Bethany pay back the $3000 for the dress, but you can be flexible in how she does. Maybe give her the option to a) work jobs around the house and define a fair wage for each task or time spent or b) let her get a job and garnish a % of her wage. Getting an outside job is a big deal, and I wouldn't want to take ALL of her money if she does this, especially since taxes already take a big cut. She should have the joy of having spending money or money to save if she puts in the work of an outside job, but taking a % cut to pay back the dress would be fair. For both of these, as long as she is making a good attempt to pay back the dress (and apologize of course too), it shouldn't matter how long she takes, bc $3000 is a lot for a teen. And potentially you could waive whatever she has left to pay a few months down the line if you think the consequences have sunken in for her. Also, consider putting the $3000 in savings for the daughters to share half of when they turn 18
Unless the family needs the money I don't know if it's really the right move to force a teenager to work a minimum wage job for what could potentially be years of her life. I understand that paying back the money she wasted instinctively feels fair, but there are a lot of problems that could crop up. What if she hasn't paid it by the time she gets into college? What if she can't even get into college because work interferes with her studies? What if she can't find a job or gets fired on purpose? I think OP should find another way to punish her.
As a person who has daughters that age their social life is absolutely something they would be sacrificing regardless of any thought to repayment because they would be so very grounded for a very long time and I'm not in any way a strict parent. It's not even about them earning the money, although that is unquestionably important, it's about them becoming an adult who is a decent human being. That girl is old enough to be trusted to drive a car already for fucks sake not a small child who can be reasonably expected to throw tantrums and the fact that it's a family member that is the victim shouldn't make it a lesser crime (where I live, if she was charged criminally for this, which she could be, the family relationship would be a penalty enhancer).
Ooooo that song actually sounds pretty darn good!!!! Yes... it would be terrifying. But good luck Shaaba!!! Hope it becomes all you dreamed it would be 💜💙💚💛🧡❤
you can presave my debut single 'i don't like me either' right here eeeeee! distrokid.com/hyperfollow/shaaba/i-dont-like-me-either x
Saved - I'm so excited to hear the whole thing!! Also, CONGRATULATIONS!! 🎉
Ahh I wish I had Spotify 😭
I’m very excited for this!!
Looking forward to listening!!
It was so cute how excited and shy she was when the song was playing!
OMG SHAABA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stunning!!!🤩🤩 Presaved and can't wait to hear the whole thing!
EXCEPT FOR MOLD! Please keep in mind that generally what Shaaba is saying is true but mold is different. Most items are an immediate discard. The two exceptions (according to the FDA) are HARD cheeses and FIRM vegetables (cabbage, carrots etc). If you choose to cut off the mold, the margins must be 1 inch around the mold. Meaning an inch deeper than where the visible mold stops and a 1 inch radius around it.
Soft cheese, soft vegetables, sauces, cooked food, grains etc immediately toss.
Stay safe y'all.
Edit bc I forgot to mention that hard dry cured meats are fine too after a nice hard scrub.
yeah because big part of mold is the mycelium which you cannot see.... tho i once bite to pastry that had soft cheese filling and the mold was on the inside on the cheese and it was white mold.... I only realised it after I could taste weird taste.... I spat out as much as I could and throw it away.
so glad someone mentioned this!😅
@@Acinnn I think the best explanation I've seen compared it to a tree because you see the tree above ground, but you don't always necessarily see the roots underground or all of the small micro roots that the branch off in search of nutrition. Mold is the exact same way. Almost certain there's a rule I'm forgetting about the size of the patch of mold, but this is a general good rule of thumb.
Yes came here to say this!!! We grow mushrooms at home and let me tell you, spores and mycelium don't play around.
Be extremely careful around mold, the strains that tend to grow on older food are very not good for humans.
Apparently, for bread, if any of it is moldy, you should toss the whole loaf. I grew up with parents who don't like to waste food, so I learned to just throw out/ cut out the bad parts. But that's usually a bad idea.
I do NOT feel comfortable with any partner that says stuff like "you've got a lot of making up to do" especially if it's something fairly innocuous.
OP then shouldn’t let the gf use the phone anymore tbh
And maybe they should break up
Unless - and hear me out - it's actual make-up.
Oh wow, I am so furious with Bethany. She had her Sweet Sixteen moment, but Maria doesn't get her own moment?!? OP is 100% right- Bethany needs to get a job and work off her debt. That's exactly what my parents would have made me do if I had ever done anything like that. If OP doesn't go through with it, Bethany will end up like that one person we all know who never experienced consequences as a child and is now entitled and useless.
i mean she's literally 16; she is way too old to take out her anger this way, and certainly old enough to have to make up for that kind of damage. Honestly I can't imagine my 11 year old doing this, and if he did something like this at 16? Yes... he would be working that money off
And (I can only speak for if they live in the US) it should only take two months to work it off ($15 per hour, x 40, x8, which would actually be extra). She could do the job over the summer and not have to miss any school.
@@a_dry_antnot as a 16 yo… that’s not how it works
I was fuming when reading this and I do think she needs to pay it off, but this whole situation raises the question, is OP telling the whole story, if this is the only thing she has done like this what lead up to it? It definitely wasn’t a disagreement about the Tv or whatever it was. Im sure she felt like her sibling was getting more attention and more time used on her(15) moment than her(16) own. I don’t think any kid would do something like this if it was just over a simple disagreement… I think OP is lying…
On the last one: time for family counseling. Destroying some else’s property is never acceptable behavior. A 16-YO knows this and matters need to be resolved.
Yeah, I’m by no means any kind of professional on the matter, but Bethany definitely seems to be struggling with feelings of neglect, and that’s absolutely worth looking into. It’s easy to brush off destructive behavior as something a 16yo should know better about, and accept the consequences of. But behavior like that is usually a sign of deeper issues, this doesn’t sound like a well-adjusted teen, it sounds more like someone who isn’t being properly cared or provided for. I don’t think giving Bethany consequences is going to work out very well, and may even backfire into further destructive behavior, unless OP addresses what’s actually causing Bethany emotional distress.
@@UntitledWorkInProgressI don’t think the neglect is coming from OPs end. However we don’t know anything about the other parent or the sibling relationship. It possible that the 15 year old gets more gifts etc from the other side of the family?
It’s *
@@madisongriffin3478 I agree, it’s definitely both parents responsibility to find out what’s bothering their kid and address it properly. However, OP’s focus on consequences rather than addressing Bethany’s turmoil, makes me feel like OP is just as much a part of the problem as the other parent.
I am missing so many informations. Is this a one time thing or were there arguments before when things got broken. What does3000 mean for this family. Was the daughter able to realise the amount of money and the personal value? I would surely consider some kind of counseling, or maybe there is already counseling and we don't know. Maybe I d still let her try to pay it back,but as Shaaba said depending on how much is possible. But more important for me would be to make sure, that she understand what was wrong and can control her actions in the future.
Bethany is 100% old enough that she should be able to manage her emotions and actions, and know that what she was doing was inappropriate. Having to pay back the cost of the dress she ruined seems perfectly reasonable to me. Yes it's harsh, but it sounds like she's in need of a wake up call about the consequences of her actions
1000% agree
As a Mexican my heart broke for Maria cause the quinciañera dress is something you choose like a year on advance. The dresses are expensive cause they're basically gowns with crystals and lace and expensive fabric. The budget for that kinda party could basically buy you a house (at least on Mexico). Bethany was definitely being the jerk in the situation. She most certainly needs to pay the dress back and also apologize to Maria.
Growing up in a town of many different latin american cultures I did not realize just how much planning and detail goes into a quincianera until I was invited to one for my best friends sister (mexican-american). Absolutely beautiful gown, stunning accesories and preperations started like 8 months before the party cost like 15k-18k for the whole thing i think they got the dress and stuff for like 3k or 4k roughly before alterations but cant remember if they had brought it over from Mexico or not. There was also my godfathers (puerto rican) daughter's quince which was held at a fancy venue and had expensive catering on top of the dress being like 6k so it really isn't so far off for 3k at least in my mind knowing that other people I grew up with had parents that still spent a comparable amount in Mexico.
@@Rhaeine yes, it's really a lot of years planning, my family started saving for mine when I was born (literally the same day) and the whole family was involved in the planing. From food to music to souvenirs to anything else, I didn't even want the party.
Grandpa from New Mexico here. You are right. It's breathtaking financially, and it's one of the highlights of many women's lives. The only party I've ever seen that was bigger and more elaborate than a quinceanera, the 8-year-old had beaten cancer. The dad reserved a city park and served hot dogs to anyone who came to the park (I still cry). We know what our daughters are worth. Bethany needs to pay for that and regain her family's trust or she will be an outsider all her life.
I know two people who have expiry date issues: one just keeps a lot on hand and always checks the expiry dates before actually using things, and the other likes to let their stepchildrens' favourite foods expire and then maliciously tries to feed the expired food to them. I've helped the first one clean out her fridges before and she was so chill about it that it was a fun day; I've also been involved in an involuntary intervention on the second one, and that person screamed in my face for throwing out sandwich spread that was TWELVE YEARS past its use-by date.
12 years🤢🤢🤢
... If you have proof please call CPS or your countries equivalent. That's horrific and abusive.
I’m sorry, they do what, they serve what to their step-kids
Interesting and creepy post. A view into a world that nobody I love has ever lived in.
On the other side of this, I know someone who is really obsessive about throwing things out the very day they reach their expiration date, even stuff that you usually don't consider ever expiring like spices
With the first one, I'm personally of the opinion that every Tesla owner should be perpetually embarrassed about their car on principle, bc it means they're the type of person to fall for Elon Musk's BS and give him a bunch of money for a car that's definitely not value for the cost. I do think OP was a bit of an arse but I think the sister's BF should be humbled bc he's also an arse
@@Lucifersfursonadefinitely, you make a great point
i mean i feel that OP wasnt tryna brag, but he was just tryna give us the backstory. @@Lucifersfursona
I think OP mentioned his own wealth because otherwise the comments would have been "you are just jealous you can't afford a Tesla".
On the last one, yes she needs to pay back the full amount. At 16 she is old enough to know better!! That was the reaction of a petulant 5 year old. How much the dress cost is irrelevant she shouldn't have ruined it being childish and petty.
Also I think some therapy is in order.
Well the cost itself is important, but you also need to realize here that maybe Bethany doesn’t understand the importance of an event like that… it also depends on where someone lives whether or not she can work at her age. Does she have a disability? That could also make it harder for her to pay back what she damaged. Yes, she should face some punishment, but making a child work to pay off a dress they might not have intentionally ripped is strange to me… maybe setting up the event, some chores and some other stuff would be better. Idk this is coming from the standpoint of someone who’s messed up a lot, as I have a disability that makes things harder to understand and do, so obviously don’t take this negatively. ❤️
@@VeryUpsetSpaghettiOP put the relevant information. If the kid had a disability it would’ve been stated.The child in question can work in most US states. They’ve also lived with each other for about a decade. i’m sure she knows the significance of the celebration. i understand you have a disability, i do as well, but please don’t make excuses for someone who deliberately makes bad choices. she got permanent marker PLUS cutting it up with the scissors, that’s very intentional
@@thisisavivistanaccount7866 oh I see. I must’ve spaced out when Shaaba was reading the story, I skipped that part… oops
@@VeryUpsetSpaghetti she wrote on it with a Sharpie and then tore the back. I'm also sure, if her daughter was special needs with mental issues, OP would have mentioned it. It sounds like a 16 year old, jealous of her 15 year old step-sister, getting more attention than she is. There's no excuse for such petty behavior.
As someone who does a lot of sewing and dressmaking as a hobby, the fourth story ripped the soul from my body 😱 definitely valid to make the daughter pay for it and understand the tangible value of what her actions are, since clearly she didn’t understand it from the perspective of how important it was from a cultural standpoint.
As for $1500 for alterations, I think it all depends on the circumstance. Most alterations I’ve heard of for formal gowns would be upwards of $400 at the max, but it’s possible that it’s a higher end shop where the tailor earns a larger amount, or that it’s a custom dress for that cost, or that a lot more had to be done to alter it which would impact the pricing. Definitely steep though.
I’m getting married and intentionally chose a simpler dress after looking at the price of alterations. Beading and lace can get pricey because the details need to be removed before the seams/hem can be altered, then have to be hand sewn back on. $1500 is up there but not an insane price
Well, the dresses (most of them) have lace and crystals. Also some can be alterarted to be shorter or less voluptuous to perform the dances.
Long ramble:
The last story made me so pissed, I'm Mexican American, but due to my family non being very connected to our culture, so I didn't get a quinceanera but my cousin who's a similar age to me did + a sweet 16 (I got neither) and it did hurt a lot, but , if I decided to destroy her dress 2 weeks before her day (which is extremely fucked up) and my parents told me to get a job to pay back the dress price, that'd be completely fair!! Even if the dress was before alterations I assume it would be 150+ dollars, that's a lot of money, not just that but it also had a emotional attachment. I think the parent wasn't in the wrong for that as a punishment. Also it's not strict, it's life, if I went to a wedding dress shop and just decided to scribe over a dress, I'd be forced to pay for it.
Hey, love this perspective but you mention that it was probably $150 or more before alterations but in the video OP says it was $3000 total and before altercations it was $1500, which is a lot more than you mention and makes the destroying even more fucked up.
@@jessthecat9399 oh absolutely!! I wrote that before I got there, especially since that's around the range my cousin got her dress! But that because I come from a low income family, but yeah that makes it much Much worse, that about as much as my families rent! Still, the mom isn't in the wrong, it just makes the daughters actions worse.
yo, just wanna say that I'm sorry you didn't get a quinceañera or sweet 16 party. it must have been really hard to put on a smile and celebrate these events with your cousin while not having your own family do the same. idk you but as is the case for all people, I can confidently say that you are a special, wonderful person deserving of a party full of pomp, circumstance, and celebration. reaching those milestones in your life was an incredible feat that you should still be proud of, so don't feel as though you don't matter because you didn't have these parties - you absolutely do matter and I hope your loved ones communicated this to you in other ways and continue to do so.
ps: I do not come from a culture that holds quinceañeras or that really does sweet 16s so I apologise profusely if this is insensitive or impractical but - if you still want to, perhaps you could hold a special party for yourself to celebrate your life and milestones? people often pin all their hopes on their weddings and other big events because it feels like the one day that you get to celebrate yourself or a particular part of your life, however, there are many, many times you can do this, such as milestone birthdays, graduations, making it through a tough patch in life, celebrating a milestone or achievement that you didn't commemorate at the time (for you, this could be turning 15 or 16 or more broadly becoming an adult?), getting a new or dream job, moving to a new area, moving away from an area where family and friends live. as an adult, you can always ask friends and family to plan it but a fun part is that, unlike when you're a kid, you can have more control over your event - make it as big or small as you want (it could be a big, fancy ballroom dance or a movie night and sleepover in your bedroom with your closest friends), invite whoever you like, devise your own theme and dress code and have fun picking the best food and desserts, make decorations, even sit down with an event planner or friends and family to brainstorm how you want the event to look. you are unique, there is no-one on this Earth like you. so many factors aligned perfectly to make you the person you are and to get you so far - that in itself is a major string of lucky events which have lead to such a wonderful outcome (you being you), as have all of your well thought out choices and hard work, and that is something worth celebrating!!!
I think an amount over $500 in the US would go to small claims court so even though Bethany is a minor, she needs to learn she can't get away with stuff like that in the real world.
I could not imagine being someone who got a sweet 16 first and foremost, but I could not *IMAGINE* being a teenager and destroying a 3000 dollar dress like a child out of jealousy and then pretending to be surprised when I'm told to pay for it
Thank you, thank you, **THANK YOU** for explaining how electrical cars are NOT the completely innocent, environment proof "car of the future"-thing the industry is selling them to be! I've been trying to spread awareness about this for YEARS now, but people just don't seem to get it. It is actually so much better to drive the living daylights out of your old gas car than to get a new shiny electrical one every 5 years!
Particularly not Teslas. They're poorly built and engineered. There are better manufacturers out there building better cars. Teslas just have a rep for being among the first in getting EVs on the market.
Everyone knows that Musk is an awful person, and it kind of echoes down in his companies. The German factory has had pretty much *DAILY* injuries. German and Swedish unions are currently striking because of Tesla not upholding European worker standards, and here in Sweden that strike has spread to the point where dock workers are refusing to unload Tesla vehicles from cargo.
That's just here in Europe too. The Tesla factories are well known for having issues with racism and misogyny. Really hostile work environments.
With all that in mind, buying a Tesla, choosing to support such a company, is kind of gross, don't you think?
I live in Argentina, "the capital of lithium" and the place where the biggest mining spot is a lake, the only water sourse of that part of the country. It's also the region where native people live (people who, like native american people, has been victim of racism and genocide), so their lose their home.
And because the country is in a constant economic crisis and we "have to pay" to the FMI they plan to explote it to he max
I mean, if you need to get a new car anyway you might as well get an electric car, but yeah, if your car still works, make it work until it dies. I know that's how it's worked for my family.
he caveat is the 5-year thing, If you use it more than that then it is in fact far more environmentally friendly, The only issue is that it's not an electrical train really, L cars.
The companies selling gas cars also want to sell you a new one every year So they're no better based on that logic. Again L Cars.
Also there's something to be said about the air and sound quality improvements.
The fumes from cars get into your heart valves,
lithium mining is not as bad as it's made out to be,
If you don't know the common photo you see of a big pit in electric car memes is actually a copper mine.
Their tires probably do more damage
Basically All the issues with electric cars is them being cars Not them being electric But gas companies, the richest people in the world spend billions try to pass it off like there's some nuance, "It's different" That's all they can get.
@@charoraimondogarciaAmerica also diverts gas pipelines through native land that they don't even own shit is fucked up
For the one with Bethany I feel like her being told she needs to get a job to pay back the cost of the dress is a mild consequence for potentially causing a permanent rift with Maria.
(for the 3rd one)
i hate when people get mad that you didn't read their hints. i have adhd and have trouble picking up on things like that. nobody's a mind reader, it's always the best to discuss things like that with your partner instead of getting angry over them not reading your mind, like what??
Right. Direct a comunication and boundary stating would make this problem easier to solve. Not having to guess everything makes it easier
HUGE esh on the first one. Continuing to live with your parents isn't an inherently bad thing, I'm not ever planning on living away from my parents because of my disabilities making it nearly impossible for me to remember to take care of myself without other people in the house, so I see that as a very ablist and closed minded insult to throw. At the same time, it sounds like the guy did need to stfu about his tesla
It’s a only a bad thing to brag about your expensive toys when you have someone paying your rent/mortgage.
ESH is definitely the right call because the boyfriend insulted OP’s stuff in addition to being insufferable, but OP brought money into it. He could’ve easily said “Teslas aren’t viable enough now, Elon Musk is an asshole, current infrastructure is not set up well enough to handle electric cars so my 2023 Honda Civic is a wonderful choice. You’re making something terrible your whole personality and putting me down for not following suit? No thank you, we shouldn’t trust your opinion because it’s biased.” And would’ve been fine, but like. Attacking where OP was financially Vs the boyfriend was not the way to handle it and made OP an asshole too.
I think OP is the AH because he is dressing the story to make himself look more sympathetic. Priming, if you will. If OP just said bf talked shit about the car he drove, but OP didnt get mad about the insult of his car, he got upset that someone he percieves as beneath him insulted him in an unimpressive way. He was insulted bc he thinks hes better than bf. If the tesla is the one thing bf is proud of, maybe its a special interest, who knows, but it doesnt really matter that the bf is obsessed with it. OP let ego win in that moment, he coulda exained it was a poor choice to his brother without making it a contest.
@@cexilady3333 Eh, I don’t necessarily think that’d be the best response either. The real issue is the bf bragging and putting OP down for not owning a Tesla, so it wouldn’t really make OP better to do the exact same to him (“You think Honda civics are trash? Well I think Teslas are trash!” isn’t really productive and would still be ESH in my eyes, even though it’s better than punching down about money.) If all OP said was “I like my car, and I’m sick of you insulting my lifestyle choices” or even “No one cares about your stupid Tesla!”, he’d be more justified in my eyes cause it feels less about insulting his lifestyle and more being upset about him shoving it in everyone else’s face and insulting other people’s lifestyle. I guess the second phrase would still kinda be rude, but it feels more justifiable to me I think because it reads more clearly to me as “Stop shoving your car in our face” as opposed to “Your car sucks and you’re dumb for liking or being proud of it”. I’m not super sure about it though tbf; it just feels better to me and that’s my best guess as to why ig 😅
@@justtired2050 I hear you, but the reason why I said what I said was bc the guy was offering car advice so my response was based off the fact that 1. The advice is biased bc Tesla fanboy and 2. He insulted OP.
What I suggested was both putting the guy in his place for the insult and saying “don’t trust this guy’s opinion.”
I respect what you said, I hope you can also see my POV!
for that last one about the dress, the OP is definitely not the as*hole and Bethany should have to get a job to pay back the $3000, that is a lot of money and can't just be done away with extra chores. keep the second dress away from bethany! Also I wouldn't allow Bethany at the party unless Maria of her own volition comes to parents and asks for her to be allowed to come
Shaba, don't eat any part of food that you can see mold on. The part of the mold that you can see may be the flowering body, and the mold may have invisible parts throughout the food that us too small for you to see yet. The "mold" in blue cheese is a mold that is safe for human consumption, most molds are not. They are completely different species and even genera of mold.
Yes this so much this!!! Mold is like mushrooms there’s so many different kinds and types and some are completely safe and good to eat and some are very toxic for humans. Be safe out there ppl ❤
I doubt a pound of cheddar with some mold on the end is full of “invisible parts.” But I’ll defer to any reputable scientific studies.
@@glitterspray It really depends on the amount of visible mold. But generally, hard cheeses like Cheddar should be okay after cutting out all mold with 1 inch margins. Though most experts still recommend tossing it to be safe.
if we're talking a cream cheese or soft cheese or shredded or powdered then yes absolutely. however cheeses like cheddar are too dense for mold roots to grow inside
@@gingermaniac5484 Do you have any info from food scientists or some such research where I can read more about this with the hard cheeses? Also, I was including breads and other foods as well. I just don't think we as consumers can know for sure how much of a product needs to be cut off for it to be safe to eat.
With the mouldy food one, yes the MIL had a stroke, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have dementia. Strokes can be linked to Vascular dementia, so this could be a sign. If I was OP, I would look into it. Also, I would do what one of the commenters on the post said and clean the kitchen out when she's sleeping, then accept being the bad guy for a while.
Also, sometimes older people just lose their sense of smell even outside of brain injuries, and it probably gets worse with a stroke. I’d definitely be concerned that even if MIL has the mental wherewithal to decide if something is safe to eat, she doesn’t necessarily have the ability to detect if it isn’t.
(My grandmother has no cognitive issues but is nearly 90 and had a fridge that was stinking up her entire apartment due to some several months expired beef stew, and she couldn’t tell.)
I wonder if the MIL would even notice if OP started cleaning the kitchen a little by little. Like throwing out one thing from the fridge and a couple of the worst items from the pantry at a time, while the MIL was sleeping or away. Reorganise things a little to not leave obvious gaps, maybe wipe some shelves etc. After all it should be expected that some things get used, and she already said that MIL is expecting her to use them too.
Both of your points are kind and thoughtful. I have done interventions for people living on the edge of civilization inside their own houses ( it was my nonprofit drive for a while). Do as much as they will let you - they know they are in danger. It's not a stupidity/ignorance thing. Nice, nice post.
Bethany definitely should pay back. She is not a child, she should act like adult. Bethany must know that actions have consequences. She can end up in a jail if she decides to ruin someone's property because she thinks her family can just pay instead of her.
this type of behavior is the behavior of a 4 year old child, not a 16 year old
I locked my husband out of my phone because I was in contact with domestic violence services. Of course I was accused of acting suspicious when he figured it out. For that reason I hate that everyone says it means a person is cheating.
Yep. I had to open a new bank account because my then-spouse was emptying the joint one my paychecks were going into. I kept my job and got the kids. Sometimes we do stuff we never learned from Walt Disney movies about love and marriage. Best wishes.
Feels like she's got trust issues. She's come up with a way to check his phone every other night. I think her mind instantly assumed he planned to do the same. I think that's why she said he had a lot of apologising to do. Best scenario is she had a controlling abusive unfaithful X. Worst would be she has a guilty conscience and is hiding stuff. Neither are great though.
@@brackalack1 I agree that it sounds like it in their case! I just don't like it as a blanket statement or as advice for anyone whose situation you don't know.
@@wheelofhands totally agree!
Not to brag but I travel in a chauffer driven Daimler!
I love my bus pass!
This comment is underrated!
For the last one, I can’t help but wonder if by just making her earn back the money, it purposely avoids getting to the roots of the behavior. It doesn’t help her learn how to deal with the negative emotions that might influenced her. Knowing why she did it won’t excuse the action, but it would likely be a good starting point to make sure it doesn’t happen again. In turn it could also help build trust and communication in the relationship if they heard her out. I don’t know the context so I can’t say for certain, but there was a real lack of the teens perspective that made it feel off.
I thought about this too, but I kind of assumed that those things would also be addressed. In other words, there will be a parental talk, and a family talk, and a therapist for Bethany as well as family therapy... all of these things and more are probably planned. I think the AITA question was regarding whether, in addition to the appropriate parental interventions, would making her work to reimburse the dress be going too far?
Honestly I think "pay back the exact dollar amount" punishments may intially seem fair but don't address the root issue of why the property was damaged in the first place.
For the elderly parent who eats expired foods, I 100% believe it is more about losing independence than trying not to waste food. My grandad's house has become very messy and dirty and the food is all 5 years old, aka when my nana passed away. He is still quite functional, but is starting to go mentally and is trying his best to hide it. It's a pride thing that older people go through. They don't want to admit that they might need help :/
Ex juvenile probation officer here: At 16 she could have been charged and be on juvenile probation which would include restitution ie repayment of the damages.
As a parent I would hold her 100% responsible for those damages at that age and given the malicious intent. I would probably require summer job repayments in addition to doing household things/chores to equal out to the amount she caused in damage.
Woah, I hope so intensely that my kids don't act out in that way. I could never afford a dress anywhere near that much but if it was a car or something....whew. My mom brain and heart hurt on that last one in all kinds of ways!
I think only paying back 3000 for what was a very selfish and scary behaviour is far too lenient. What Bethany did is disgusting and for a 16 year old she should know better. I think at a minimum she should be made to pay it all back and also be made to go to some sort of long term therapy before this behaviour escalates. Also some sort of education of what is acceptable behaviour for someone her age and a human being.
Big agree on the point of therapy also being needed here. At 16 this sort of behavior should not be expected, it's beyond petty and childish to be that destructive over someone else getting some spotlight. I understand feeling ignored and being upset with that, I've been there, but she crossed a line that she should have the awareness to not cross, which makes me wonder if there's some underlying issue that should be talked about and handled. Though I'm not a professional and I can't exactly diagnose someone over the internet
To be fair, there could be grounds for wondering why she does not, in fact, seem to have learnt those things. I mean, there's always a lot of context that isn't given in these letters. Therapy seems strongly indicated, but perhaps not solely as punishment.
I'm not Hispanic, but to put it in a comparable context, that last one would be like a jealous sister destroying a bride-to-be's wedding sari. These dresses can be incredibly expensive.
“Two rights don’t make a wrong”
-Shaaba, 2023
Hahaha I noticed that too 😂😂😂
3:28 I think op knows what reddit is like and he knows the comment section would be full of "YTA, you're just jealous he has a tesla and you don't". So he was just getting that out of the way. But yeah, he could be annoyed, the sister's bf was being rude and flashy, but he could deal with this much differently.
On the last one, I think she does need to pay it back. It will take a few months, but it's completely doable. She has no expenses. But it's not even just the dress. Maria will never forget this even if she got a new dress after, her step sister stained all of the experience of buying her dress. The party starts much earlier than the night itself. Honestly this girl needs therapy.
For that last story, Bethany should be getting a job to pay back the dress replacement. But on top of that, there needs to be therapy for both Bethany and the family as a whole. That sort of behaviour is indicative that something much deeper is going on.
As a lawyer, currently a family violence prosecutor but previously a juvenile delinquency prosecutor - I have seen *too many* cases like Bethany's. Mom is absolutely starting off right with making her get a job and pay her back for the dress - and I would say the full $3000 would be appropriate. The reason I say that - getting a new dress 2 weeks out from the party? They're going to get charged for rush on the dress and any alterations, if they even have time to get one altered. It's going to take at least that 3k to replace that dress. I think mom, Bethany's other parent, stepdad and stepmom should maybe talk about family counseling. The girls at least are going to need some help rebuilding that relationship and Bethany clearly is having some kind of issues. Also - damage of property is never ok and she needs help before potentially other acts of family or domestic abuse occur. Also, frankly, if this was in the US, given the amount that dress cost? Destroying it might have been criminal mischief or other similar statute- and prossibky a felonious one given the amount the dress cost, depending on local law. Bethany's lucky her mom or Maria's dad didn't call the cops and get the juvenile justice system involved!
I stopped going to a family member's house because of how truly horrifying her kitchen (and whole apartment really) was. When a mouse jumped out of the sink when i tried to figure out what the fuck was going on, i gave up. The situation never improved, and has caused some major issues for the family
FYI on the food waste, yes there are things that you can cut mold off like hard cheese but just as a PSA, anything baked should not be consumed if you see ANY mold, because of the air in the product it can spread much easier without you knowing.
exactly - with sliced bread especially: one blue dot in one slice means the entire bag is spoilt.
I think OP in the first story wasn't try to brag, but give context about his situation for the story. I think his point was "I have all these things, and I'm not an ass about it, but this dude won't shut up about his freaking tesla"
Same.
Yeah, I got the same vibe.
That's what I got from it. I noticed that (according to OP) it seemed to be annoying everyone else too. He did go a little far in his response calling the boyfriend out, but I can understand that.
I might have taken a slightly different tactic, based on objective questions:
“At this point is there anyone in your circle who hasn’t been reminded of your Tesla multiple times? Does it automatically make them approve of you?
How much is your mortgage/rent? It can have a real impact on people’s discretionary spending.”
“Are people who buy cars they can afford somehow inferior?”
“Do you base your friendships on how expensive someone’s car is?”
Do you think I’m inferior because I’ve never been able to afford a new car?”
I could go on and on; maybe while taking notes 😁
Hi! As always a great and entraining video! To the quinceañera: dresses are sooo expensive! There are a lot of stones, shinny pieces, hand embroidered, and so on… YI heard the story somewhere else and there there were comments that her sweet sixteen was about 10.000 $…
I don't like sharing my laptop/phone with people because I am unreasonably self-conscious about people judging my interests. My interests aren't even anything scandalous, they're like... fish tanks, crocheting, and makeup. I'm just worried that someone is going to see it and think it's stupid, so I would rather keep it to myself until I feel 'safe' sharing.
I also just think other people's things that they have their faces and hands on all the time 'feel' dirty and don't want to swap/share them around. That's more beside the point, though, because that clearly wasn't the girlfriend's problem, if she's willing to use his phone in the first place.
Last one OP is definitely NTA. Bethany needs to understand consequences.
As a Chef I recomment everyone to smell their food or be able to see that things are to far gone to be consumed safely (Exeptions are fresh egg products, Fish, Mined Meat and Chicken) but Mold builds a mycelium, a root like system that burrows deep into food and rots it without you seeing it (thats why, IF you cut off parts, cut a bit further than the spread appeared). In case of Bread, if it's moldy, chances are it's to far gone anyway
Maybe it's because I grew up poor in the states, but asking a 16 year old to get a old is in NO WAY unusual or harsh. And because of her her family is going to be paying to replace the dress. If the parents weren't forcing her to pay it back I would think they were terrible parents.
On the dress thing: Without actually making a judgement on whether that is the correct way to parent I would have gone about it another way.
1. I would have not made the daughter repay the amount the ruined dress cost but the amount the replacement dress will cost (including any alterations needed) I would have done it this way because I think this will teach the daugter who destroyed the dress more directly that had she not acted the way she has there would have been no need for another dress and thus no reason for her to pay (though I also understand the approach of replacing the actual damage. Sidenote: It does sound to me like the math is off there. If accessoires etc that weren't damaged are factored into the 3200 I don't think that's right. It should definitely at most be the damage caused)
2. I think there is an underlying thing going on there that needs adressing. I think it would be good to see some professional family counceling (sth done by an actual qualified therapist not some religious bullshit or whatever) 16 year olds don't tend to freak out like that and I don't think just making her repay the value of the dress will solve the issue. It might alleviate the financial consequences for you but it absolutely will not mend the sibling relationship, the family dinamics or adress any underlying issues.
If their finances allowed it which it sounds like they probably did I think the daughter seeing a therapist/family councellor could be concidered "time served" if she cooperates (obviously this should not be advertised in advance since that would be coercive but like after everything in the family is settled I think it would make sense to cut the remaining amount to be paid back in half or sth along those lines to show appreciation for willingness to work on the actual problem)
I tend to agree, that this seems to be more than just jealousy over the dress, but rather the dress was the focus/object she could take it out on. OP mentioned that Bethany got her sweet 16, but does Bethany consider it equivalent? Does she think Maria will also get a Sweet 16 too and thinks that is unfair? Is it about more than the birthdays...like is her other parent not involved in her life and so she sees her step sister getting attention from both her parents and she didn't get that? Does she feel like step dad favours his bio daughter over her because he is being so involved with this?
Idk, could be any number of things, I just feel like either Bethany is used to being spoiled (that isn't the vibe I get immediately though) or there is something much deeper behind the jealousy/anger.
It's great OP spent more time with her to make her feel better, but perhaps it isn't OP's attention she is jealous over, and she feels left out by her step dad because they don't share this cultural connection? Or, she could even be neurodivergent in some way and not understand the complexities of cultural differences like that, especially if up until that point they have been raised the same; she may not have been able to express her feelings and this was how it bubbled out...not excusing it the behaviour, just I have a friend who's daughter gets this way when overwhelmed (though she is 10 not 16). Hell, it is even possible that Maria isn't so innocent and has been boasting/shoving it in her face when no one else is in earshot. 🤷
Either way, I would say that the punishment is valid, but y itself will just create more resentment. OP needs to get to the bottom of why it happened. So yeah, at the very least Bethany needs to speak to a therapist, because lashing out like that and destroying a sibling's dress isn't normal at that age.
I definitely agree, it seems to me that Bethany's action is about more than the dress or the event. If I were OP, I would reconsider that statement that B and Maria have had a good relationship up til now. It sounds like there has been more going on than Mom was aware of.
None of this is to say that I think anything Bethany did was acceptable-- no way. Just that if the hope is to restore positive family relationships all around, then step 1 is asking what's really going on with those relationships.
i think it's pretty reasonable to make the daughter pay back the money for the dress. like... it's a lot for a 16 year old to do, but also.... if you're gonna ruin a $3000 dress then i think the most reasonable course of action is to then.... pay back the money for it---you'll really learn not to do anything like that again that way. definitely more than you'd learn if you were just grounded for a few months or something. it's a pretty valuable life lesson and it's not as though there's a time limit being imposed on her that she can't meet or like she's being charged interest. or as if she has to pay for anything else as well as pay back the money because she is sixteen and her parents are covering all other expenses.
i feel like any other punishment wouldn't stick and would, in comparison to $3000, be insufficient. plus, this isn't really a punishment, per se.... it's just... what any reasonable person does when they ruin something of someone else's--pay them back. like logically it makes sense to me.
i also feel like, depending on the financial situation the family is in--are they rich/poor etc--that's a lot of money for them to lose out on. they're now going to have to spend quite a lot (if not the same amount) on another dress. so they're just out $3000, in which case it's even more reasonable to make her get a job to get that money back.
In the US its not unusual to get a job at 16, and to pay back that amount, they would have to. It would take them months to do so, but I think its probably a symptom of a larger problem of not only respect but lack of understanding of WHAT $3000 means.
They should pay it back 100%
So jealous 16-year-old ruins something worth 3000 Dollars in a spiteful, petty toddler-esque temper tantrum and is now pissed her mother says she has to pay for it. How does that make the mother even remotely TA? Bethany clearly needs a reality check. She is all things horrible, entitled, tocix AF, obviously there need to consequences or she will turn out even worse. Although this level of pettiness people should grow out of by the age of 6! You do not destroy someone else's property! Certainly not out of spite. That is something you learn way before 16, usually!
That last one is definitely NTA. She is 16 and old enough to get a job and pay it back. Mom fronted the money (which is the right thing to do) but Bethany needs work to understand the financial cost as well as the emotional one. Agree with other commenters that therapy is also needed. Impulse control ia still difficult at that age, but she is old enough to knoe that what she did is wrong, and that the dress was expensive. It sounds like she was looking for attention and got it...plus a lot less free time.
I feel the need to make it clear that $3,000 for a quinceniera dress including fitting sounds pretty standard from my experience. just to put in into perspective, my cousin spent her portion of what our family got in inheritance from our grandfather on her daughter's quince dress. all of it. these parties are planned for months and are incredibly meaningful to the family. not to mention Bethany had her own sweet sixteen which, while less culturally significant, is still a big expensive coming of age party. there shouldn't be jealousy there, Bethany would probably benefit from counseling because there could be some deeper issues there.
I really love the idea of a girl getting such a huge party that is just all for her, to celebrate that she is becoming a woman. Explicitly just her. That she is the actual star for one day. I know the concept has infinite potential for drama and disaster, but the idea is wonderful.
While the phone story seems obvious, I can't help but thinking there might be additional clues. Obviously within this context - sure, red flag. But considering they're waiting for a dinner and he needs to check the news so desperately he asks to use her phone, after already saying he stays on top of new info, my brain just went "maybe she just wants to eat one meal without the news" XD Maybe she was trying to change the subject for the last two hours XD Probably not and I hate her saying he has a lot of making up to do. That was the worst red flag in the whole story XD
At that moment they were waiting for a table - along with a bunch of other people. In that situation, you can't really carry on much a conversation. So checking the news and letting your partner know what is happening is one relatively safe way to pass the time.
And, yes, the "lot of making up to do" sounds like a huge red flag.
If she didn't want to pay back 3,000 bucks, then she shouldn't have ruined a $3,000 dress. She made that choice.
03:30 - I get the feeling OP was making a specific point about having lots of money to head off any comments like 'oh you're just jealous he owns an expensive car' or things to that effect. I think OP is saying 'I am wealthier than him, this isn't a money thing, he just won't stop talking about his freaking car'. I didn't understand it as bragging, I understood it as scene-setting.
That's how I read it too, especially since "you're just jealous" would be such a classic Reddit response. He lost me a little at the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Teslas, but I agree about the initial statement.
No, that last one is a sixteen-year old. She should be old enough to know better. Her brain has a way to go before it’s fully formed, but she’ll be a legal adult in two years. She needs to understand her consequences have actions and how to manage her anger.
The fact it's a large amount of money is WHY she needs to pay it back. She destroyed a THREE THOUSAND DOLLAR dress. Making her repay it ALL shows the consequences of her actions.
Um, afaik in general when you see mold on food the thing you see is only the reproductive part of the mold which produces the spores. That means that already the entire piece of food can contain fungus that is just invisible since you only see the moldy part so cutting out moldy bits of food isn't safe
Instead of throwing everything out, I would replace things one or two at a time. Just be like, oh, we used the last of it if asked, if not, don't bring it up. Sometimes you need to choose your battles.
The last story was so sad, like that could really ruin the sisterhood. 15-16 yo are really emotional and your sister intentionally ruining your birthday dress hurts a thousand times more at that age. I would have had a lot of trouble forgiving my siblings, bc my quinceañera dress was like the most important part of my party...
Me and my partner are very open with our phones to each other the only time that we ever had an issue about saying no to going on each other phone was right before my partner proposed as he was messaging his friend about if when he was going to pop the question 🥰 sometimes it can be really beautiful special surprises that stop people from wanting to share their phone.
Good point: I wouldn't let hubby on my amazon or email atm coz of Xmas orders
Phone thing: could be something like therapy or appointments for something medical she doesn't feel able to discuss after 3 months... I'd be suspicious too but that could be something she wouldn't want to talk about and wants to avoid being seen. Not sure how you'd explain that either since it IS something you're hiding. It could also be shopping for presents or something too, but the reaction seems wrong for that.
For the egg thing. You will smell when the egg is bad. A rotten egg is possibly one of the worst smells ever. So yeah, you can't really "accidentally" eat a bad egg. (I'm not saying that you are wrong about being careful about these kinda things, I just thought this might be a nice fact to share and maybe ease your mind when it comes to eggs :D)
If it floats, it goes. I don’t bother to crack it open to smell the sulfur.
If it sinks, even after official expiration, I’m not worried.
@@glitterspray I use this trick, too! Nobody wants their house to smell like rotten eggs.
Not all floating eggs are bad, some of them can just dry out enough to start floating. As a precaution I never boil old eggs, and I break them into a mug one at a time by our garden door. If it smells fine, it goes into the bowl, and if it's rotten, it's outside in seconds and not ruining the whole kitchen 😆 It's not common for eggs to go bad, I've seen maybe five rotten eggs in my 40 years, although often have eggs 1-3 months out of date. (This in Europe where eggs get to keep their natural protective layer and are stored on the counter by the way, might be a different situation in the USA where eggs are washed and stored in the fridge.)
Entirely unrelated, but I love your lipstick. That's such a pretty colour
How quickly the daughter can pay back the cost of the dress, at least here in the US (which seems to be the case), will depend heavily on where she lives, as different states and jurisdictions within states have wildly different minimum wage levels. For example, the minimum hourly wage where I live is about $15-16, while in other places it may only be the federally mandated wage, which is, unfortunately, $7.25/hour 😿
7.25 an hr for 4hrs a day for 4 days a week is still 6k a year so that’s still double the dress
That's a good thing to be aware of and you are not wrong. As it applies to Bethany, my grandpa response is, "Tough". She needs to learn to take out her next nastiness on something less expensive.
Lithium mining isn't just terrible for the environment, the workers in lithium mines are all horribly overworked and mistreated. But on the other hand so are most of the workers who get other raw materials that make their way into all cars. Gas or electric ones.
There's no truly ethical way to produce something as large and complex as a car affordably (in the current capitalist market), without tons of exploitation and human rights issues all along the way to keep costs down.
24:43 about the quinceañeras! here in brazil we have too, but we call just “festa de quinze” (party of fifteen, basically hahah, but it makes sense in portuguese)
and yeah, this types of parties were about introducing the “debutante” (the girl who’s turning 15) to society (important men to marry, mostly) but now these parties are just to have fun and serve like an excuse for throwing a big party with a lot of guests, food, drinks, fancy gifts and dresses. they’re cool!
Regarding the last one- I went to four of my friend’s quinceañeras and the dresses are INCREDIBLE. They’re extremely detailed and elaborate and you can tell they’re expensive. Often times I’d be helping my friends navigate by holding up their dress, etc. It’s such an important event and even if somehow Bethany didn’t think she did much damage- there’s consequences for her behavior. You break it, you buy it and you don’t mess with other people’s things.
First aita was basically saying: I am not poor, it's not because I am jealous, I am well off myself, but I cannot stand someone being flashy about having money. That's why he was mentioning his money, cos it could be jealousy if he had a second-hand car and live paycheque to paycheque. At least I think that's why he was "flexing" his wealth.
I think for the last one having Bethany get an actual job to pay off the dress is better than her doing chores of some sort. If she has a job, she can see how much she gets each week for the work that she does, which will help her to understand how much $3000 actually is. That much money is just a number until you become more financially independent and understand what goes into getting it.
Um… yeah, that last story: OP was totally in the right. Daughter destroyed property; this is a big example of an important teaching moment. At 16 years old, she went and made a very childish, very hurtful, and VERY expensive mistake. She is 100 percent old enough to be made to understand the hard way that negative actions have negative consequences, that what she did was unacceptable, and that it was now her responsibility to repay the cost of what she destroyed. She wasn’t a toddler with Crayola markers, whose brain literally couldn’t grasp monetary or emotional value. She’s nearly legally an adult, and there’s plenty of high schoolers that get part time jobs to save up money they need for something. If that were my kid, I would ABSOLUTELY do the same. And if kid refused to do it, then financially-driven privileges, trips, and luxuries would be systematically docked until the equivalent amount of money had been reached. Like, if she had destroyed an equally valuable dress in a store, or that belonged to someone not related to her who felt obliged to go easier on her, she could’ve had the cops called on her and charges pressed. No brainer.
I don't think the first guy was bragging about the money when he said how much money he has. How I took it was that he was just explaining his financial status for reference. And it would appear he doesn't boast about it openly in social situations, because boyfriend was unaware of his financial state. So I don't like the assumption that he's a hypocrite just because he mentioned his financial status in the AITA question. We all have internalized classism, so I can see how a lot of people would probably read any mention of having a crap ton of money to mean someone was boasting about it. But in context and without actually knowing how he carries himself day to day, I don't think that's a fair assumption to jump too.
That was my thought as well, that he mentioned his financials for context, not to brag
I generally agree regarding the context part - though he could have just said "over 6 figures" and still gotten enough of the point across. However, I'm iffy on the part where he told the bf that he could buy 10 Tesla's with cash. The main point should have that he could have bought a Tesla - with cash - but chose the Civic instead.
@@SharylLacroix I mean I don't think he should have blown up at the boyfriend the way he did and said such bad things about him. Like Shaaba said, two wrongs don't make a right. But my point is we can't call him a bragging, boasting, hypocrite, just from a mention of his wealth in a AITA question and one outburst at an annoying boyfriend. That's not logical or fair (imo). That's all I mean.
I agree. In my opinion, there is difference on telling something anonymously online and saying the same thing repeatedly to the people you know. Why does it even matter what people tell about themselves on the internet. I could say that I have a billion dollars and my own spaceship, but it wouldn't make any difference, since no-one knows who I am and I'm not spamming the whole comment section with it.
I don't agree with the "you can get over the dress itself" sentiment. Some people are less sentimental with objects, but something like that, especially at 15, you get REALLY attached to. The loss and disappointment would leave a big emotional mark for years!
SIXTEEN is way too old to get away with grabbing a sharpie and scribbling on clothes. This is a step beyond teenage impulsiveness - she is old enough to have known what she was doing. The time it took for her to go find that sharpie is enough time for her to have realized the impact of her actions. That being said, unless OP was leaving out some key details, this seems like a massive reaction from the 16 year old, and she could probably also benefit from some therapy. Something else is going on here!
Something to watch during a depressive episode yay
YEP! Distraction can be very beneficial 🙂
19:20 "get my hints so i don't have to say NO"?????? sweetie, "No" is literally the word we use for that. "No" is hard to say buh it's important. You can't blame people for not reading implicit hints.
Maybe everyone should go to bicycles, better for the environment and everyone gets their daily exercise 😁
I agree! Although obviously not everyone is able to for various reasons and that's fine, but it would be perfect if cities were planned for cycling and public transport too, not just cars. It does a huge difference on how much people actually use the other means of transportation. I have a driver's licence but haven't driven a car for over four years, and my partner doesn't even have a licence. Our city (in the UK) could be much better (just look at the Netherlands!), but at least it's possible to manage without a car here.
I admit I'm quite confused about the moldy/expired food situation. I understand how some people tend to care less about epiration dates, etc. I totally understand forgetting about something and it gets mouldy. I totally even get trying to save things that seem to start going bad - especially if you have a tight financial situation or lived without much money long enough to make you feel guilty about tossing out things, even when they're not ok. That I get how can happen, but if MIL is using this food (as is implied considering she asks the OP to use it in cooking as well, etc.) how on earth she has food that expired years ago? (Ten year old cheese?!) I mean, at this point it's an issue of it just being there forever and never being used. (And sure, making the fridge/pantry less sanitary, etc.) But if she hadn't eaten it for 10 years, why would she insist on eating it now? I feel like it's more of a MIL feeling like she's losing control and trying to fight over it even in protecting the old forgotten food items thats been around so long she forgot about it... Or perhaps the OP is also exagerating the situation due to her own issues. (Ie. There was some mouldy cheese, because it laid forgotten in the back of the fridge but no one actually ate it?) Regardless, I think it requires a good talk with the husband or FIL if he is in the picture. And if MIL is not actually in danger nor putting anyone in danger (as many suggested due to her illness) perhaps it is not worth the battle if they won't live together permanently.
When helping my husband's grandma pack up her house in 2014, we found homemade canned food from the 70's in her pantry. She wasn't eating it, and didn't know it was way back there, but my goodness, it was older than me!
Moldy cheese that isn't meant to be moldy is not safe, even if you cut the mold off. This is for 2 reasons... 1, the mold is not the same kind of mold that is specifically cultivated to be eaten, it can possibly be a dangerous type of mold. 2, mold spores go deeper than you can visually see, meaning once you can actually see the mold forming, the whole block likely has mold spores deep within it, which again, could possibly be dangerous due to not being the edible kind.
shaaba you look especially radiant today! your lipstick and hair are an awesome combo
this is such amazing timing!! I just watched the whole AITA playlist and desperately needed more ✨
The preview of your song already sounds amazing!!! Your singer voice is absolutely enchanting!!!
Bethany is not a toddler, she's 16 - that's more than old enough to know you cannot just go and destroy someone's (very expensive!!) property at the flimsiest excuse because you're jealous. From what OP said, it seems like she doesn't even recognize her mistake and thinks this punishment is her parent "taking Maria's side". Bethany comes off very entitled and while I think the punishment is fitting to make her realize the value (in labor) of the money she _wasted_ out of petty jealousy, there are more underlying issues to be addressed there that I'm not sure this will help. I can understand her feeling neglected if her sweet sixteen wasn't on the same scale as Maria's quinceanera, but something _this_ extreme is alarming. It would be better if OP (or a therapist) could talk to her about it and get to the root of the problem.
I absolutely loved your sound effects for the egg!
When I heard what she did to the dress my mind immediately went to my little sister, when she found the dress she ended up wearing she cried when she saw herself with it on. I cannot imagine how crushed she would've been if someone ruined it on purpose and she'd have to find something else to wear and not being able to use the dress that she loved, Bethany paying for the material damage she caused is the least she can do to make up for the hurt that losing the dress most definitely caused
That first one just can't be real. It reads like rage bait to me. Just too many points in it guaranteed to bring in opinionated redditors and points that read as fake.
1st: LOVE that lipstick color on you. It is very bubbly and really compliments you! ❤
Second: here is a little ramble share
22:09 my spouse and I hide things from each other all the time because our shared love language is surprises. Some times our comfort levels with phone sharing changes because "oh I forgot to close out of this link that if you saw would totally ruin the surprise!" Let me tell you it really does ruin the surprise when he says no to me cause we both know what "no, you can't look at my phone right now" means. But in the summer away from bdays and holidays we don't care what the other uses our phones for. I forgot my point of this comment, so I guess here is a little boost and thank you for reading my little humble brag of my slice of happiness.
I survived a marriage where the surprises were always really bad news. 30 years later, therapy is helping. Your post made me happy; you're what I thought it could be. Thanks.
Story 1: NTA, the bf insulted OP and he clapped back. Agree that it's not a big deal though.
"Two wrongs don't make a right".
Actions have consequences. Step sister should pay back the dress…and have NO social life until it’s paid…
That phone thing was ridiculous. If I were OP, I would definitely express my confusion to my gf and also let her know that I will be refusing to let her use mine at all (unless it's an emergency) after this.
Also, that dress thing is ridiculous. I would *also* probably make my child somehow repair or replace the dress, because she *does* need to experience the consequences of her actions.
In the dress story, I think that yes, OP daughter should work and pay back as much as possible. However, if the end goal is to have a happy extended family, that is not enough. I would consider talking to OP's ex to figure out what's happening between the step siblings. I'm worried that just making her daughter work won't fix future issues and may escalate.
As someone whose sibling had a habit of deliberately destroying my most beloved possessions (and never got punished for it)...I say Bethany should not just have to pay back the entire amount in time, but should also have to give up something _she_ loves and has wanted for a long time. She should have to pay the emotional penalty equal to the emotional damage she inflicted. She deliberately hurt her sister in the deepest way she could manage. That takes real malice and intention. Her sister will always have the memory of her quinciañera stained by this incident...something like that is a lasting pain. What Bethany did is almost unforgivable. The fact that she's complaining about the "unfairness" of having _only_ to pay back the money proves that she is unwilling to admit doing wrong, and is still only focused on herself. What a petty, vicious act of cruelty that was.
Congrats on the single!!
I also agree with most things you said! I absolutely did not see the first guy bragging (maybe seeing the best in people here), I just thought they were setting the scene to explain what they said later? Felt like a neutral discription of circumstance to me!
Also, the last one def. NTA. I feel like it might be too much to let her pay for the whole dress, but it could maybe be split up in having to pay some of it back and having to do some chores or whatever, bc 3000 dollars are a LOT. Especially for a 16-year-old.
My mom has Great Depression Era rules about "nonperishable" food and products... When I was helping her clean recently, I found a jar of Vicks vapor rub from the early 90s in the garage. She was furious when she found out that I threw it out.
Even she keeps her fridge and pantry biohazard-free. Anything expired or moldy is instantly gone.
People are super weird. I get it, but there are limits.
As for the last story, NTA and I think that bethany has something going on where she is upset that she isn't the center of attention and feels the need to lash out in a very dramatic way. I would also recommend to OP and Maria's dad that they keep an eye on Bethany up until the party because I have a feeling she might try to mess up the new dress or do something to sabotage the party or make a scene to take the spotlight off of Maria.
* gabs fishing pole *
Shaaba drinking out of a measuring cup really resonates with me on a spiritual level
One thing that people seem to always forget when it comes to environmentally friendly/sustainable products, is it the most sustainable and environmentally friendly way to start is by using up and finishing your unsustainable products you've already purchased in the past
I keep hearing people say that milk is fine past the expiration date, but i almost invariably find my milk starts smelling off BEFORE the printed expiration date.
for the last one: I think it's fair to have Bethany pay back the $3000 for the dress, but you can be flexible in how she does. Maybe give her the option to a) work jobs around the house and define a fair wage for each task or time spent or b) let her get a job and garnish a % of her wage. Getting an outside job is a big deal, and I wouldn't want to take ALL of her money if she does this, especially since taxes already take a big cut. She should have the joy of having spending money or money to save if she puts in the work of an outside job, but taking a % cut to pay back the dress would be fair. For both of these, as long as she is making a good attempt to pay back the dress (and apologize of course too), it shouldn't matter how long she takes, bc $3000 is a lot for a teen. And potentially you could waive whatever she has left to pay a few months down the line if you think the consequences have sunken in for her. Also, consider putting the $3000 in savings for the daughters to share half of when they turn 18
Unless the family needs the money I don't know if it's really the right move to force a teenager to work a minimum wage job for what could potentially be years of her life. I understand that paying back the money she wasted instinctively feels fair, but there are a lot of problems that could crop up. What if she hasn't paid it by the time she gets into college? What if she can't even get into college because work interferes with her studies? What if she can't find a job or gets fired on purpose? I think OP should find another way to punish her.
As a person who has daughters that age their social life is absolutely something they would be sacrificing regardless of any thought to repayment because they would be so very grounded for a very long time and I'm not in any way a strict parent. It's not even about them earning the money, although that is unquestionably important, it's about them becoming an adult who is a decent human being. That girl is old enough to be trusted to drive a car already for fucks sake not a small child who can be reasonably expected to throw tantrums and the fact that it's a family member that is the victim shouldn't make it a lesser crime (where I live, if she was charged criminally for this, which she could be, the family relationship would be a penalty enhancer).
Ooooo that song actually sounds pretty darn good!!!! Yes... it would be terrifying. But good luck Shaaba!!! Hope it becomes all you dreamed it would be 💜💙💚💛🧡❤
A 25YO selling a business for "low 8 figures" and owning a "small" 3 bedroom house? Surely a completely self sufficient...trust fund baby.