Do Narcissists Deliberately Make Romantic Partners Jealous? | Narcissistic Jealousy-Induction
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- Опубліковано 3 чер 2024
- This video answers the question: Do narcissists deliberately cause romantic partners to be jealous?
Narcissistic personality disorder has a number of characteristics and it's an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). It's different than grandiose and vulnerable narcissism, which are constructs that are studied. NPD has symptoms like a sense of entitlement, having fantasies of success, manipulating other people, being arrogant, and lacking empathy. Grandiose narcissism a lot of the same characteristics as NPD. With grandiose narcissism, we would also see social dominance and assertiveness. One way we could think about it is when we look at the term narcissism, somebody who has grandiose narcissism would probably appear narcissistic to most people right away because of that arrogant behavior and being condescending. Vulnerable narcissism isn't really captured well at all by the mental disorder NPD. We see characteristics with vulnerable narcissism like insecurity, having shame-proneness, being hypersensitive, sad, and shy.
Tortoriello, G. K., Hart, W., Richardson, K., & Tullett, A. M. (2017). Do narcissists try to make romantic partners jealous on purpose? An examination of motives for deliberate jealousy-induction among subtypes of narcissism. Personality and Individual Differences, 114, 10-15
Such a shame. They miss out on decent people and a happy life.
They don't know what decent is or means also what a happy life is.
If they see decent Happy people they are compeled to wreck it- i have seen that.
I have npd and yea 💔
@@nickaiser5231 they love drama and pain in others...love it. My daughter was married to one for 8 years.(we did warn her)..he nearly destroyed her, our family (as he pitted her against her own family, of course) . He contantly uses his own family, his kids and others...he has ZERO concern for anybody...except his evil self. She divorced him and he marrried his affair woman. He now treats her exactly the same...no change in behaviour at all. He is cruel to animals(has killed several in the last 6 years...these were his "pets" and well,,,you know the drill...truly frightening that such a coward, abuser and user runs around with a fake smile on his face and fake "personality" seeing who he can use today
I used to get jealous when my narcissist would do these behaviors. Then one day it occurred to me that he probably won’t leave because he would have to go through the whole deception/love bombing phase, which I think is the most exhausting part of a narcissists routine; he is only doing these behaviors to get a reaction from me; and lastly, if he did leave, he would become someone else’s problem. So I quit reacting and let him be stupid all by himself.
Thank you for posting this comment. Mine flirts online where he knows I can see and asks the women if he can private message them, I have told him over and over how this hurts me but his answer is it's just fun fun fun. However if I do it back to him he doesn't like it so it's one rule for him and another for me. These women don't see the dark side of him so like you say just let these narcs make a fool of themselves and become someone else's problem
June Ingram bingo! And he probably got a thrill and got energized every time you told him it hurt you.
June Ingram true, as long as they aren’t sending money. Mine thought he was going to buy a 28 yr old Russian bride and keep her somewhere (??). Sent “her” $1000! I later found out. Then he went to great lengths to try to prove he had never sent it.. truly delusional.
"let him be stupid all by himself" brilliant! i love it!
“The lights went out in Georgia”
Mines flirted with my friends in front of me, stared and drooled at other women when we were out on dates and even used his kids to try to get a reaction out of me
The only reaction he hit was he came home from work and all my things were gone!
“Intuition - once you have had a narcissist in your life, you must develop your intuition and learn to listen to it and act accordingly.” - Tracy Malone
Seriously. I didn't know what it was and kept dating them. Now I'm celibate 😂
I have experienced all of this from males and two females ! They are very insecure and try to tear you down with all these abusive tactics because they do feel inferior to you and are jealous of you because they can never be the compassionate, loving, secure person that you are !
Yes, they do... they make you jealous, so that in the end when they cheat on you, they can blame it on you, "I cheated on you, because you were jealous and thinking I was cheating anyways." It's ridiculous!
Yes!
Omg this was actually what he did.
He always brought up ex topics even I told him I don’t care. Naive me thought he was worrying about I would cheat...
Later on I found out he cheated with his ex. He told me ”I told you shouldn’t bother so much with the exs, there was nothing between me and her. The less you know is better because you just think too much.”
They don’t deserve love and trust cause they have none...
yep. truth!
It's so sick 😷
Bizarre!
It's all true. They do it also to hide their own jealousy. It's so painful for them to feel jealousy that it makes a lot of sense for them to make the other person "the jealous one".
The more I have experienced this jealously-inducing behavior from narcissists, the more I just feel that they can do what they want and I can do what I want and I don't take them or the relationship too seriously. It makes it so much easier when I meet someone who has a healthier personality to just move forward with them and leave the narcissist to their own devices. Even being alone is better than someone attempting to ruin my self-esteem by telling me how these other people are interested in the narcissist or how the narcissist finds them fascinating. There is only so much a person can take before they check-out emotionally.
My experience, yes. He literally did it to watch my reaction. It was ego driven, arrogance, attention seeking. Example, I'd be walking behind him, a woman/girl walks past, he'd turn around to look at me with a stupid grin on his face and I'd be thinking, idiot.
What I have learned about narcissist is that it may appear that narcissist are trying to make their mates jealous, however in my opinion the narcissist is so disrespectful and egotistical that they will present another partner to you just because the narcissist has no real morals or empathy, plus they are the worse cheaters that don't have a real plan when they cheat on their partners since the narcissist is impulsive... Every narcissist I have ever been with thinks they are Gods gift to ladies when the narcissist is just a living hell for their partners... Excellent Video Dr. Grande..
This is so true god bless you I feel the same way about my husband and I suffer all the time .Does it mean that he is a narcissist?
They do. Rather you’re in a romantic relationship or not. It’s intentional.
luvnnitraII that depends.
I tell him i.love him, and he says "others do too". It is such pain if you dont know they have phychological illness
I’ve never understood this. If you try to make me regularly jealous, I’d be likely to just lose interest. I don’t want to date someone that acts as though they’d rather date someone else. Lol how does this work for anybody? Like, does this actually make people beg to be allowed to stick around? Why??
they are very good at entrapping you financially, emotionally etc before they start the abuse
He always acted to everyone else like our relationship didn't exist or was no big deal. While living with me and promising marriage, future, et. claiming i was his soulmate! what was I thinking SMH
Same with my ex he would always talk about having a baby with me but would post memes on social media about being happy he has no kids. I just didn’t understand. He was also living with me while having a single relationship status on Facebook I was so stupid!
Omfg me tooo
My ex, too. Basically what you said.
That’s happened to me with a girl she said she loved me and all this shit and she would want me back when I met someone new and I gave in once because I really did love her or idk what it was and then she broke up with me and just eventually ignored me and told people when never even did anything which was bullshit lmao
When a narc tried to do this to me, I looked at him like I was trying not to laugh, then I described what he was doing and how it wasn't going to work. It embarrassed him. It made him feel completely stupid. This is how I handle these people... I make them feel stupid for even trying me. They'll either punish you, be more subtle with their tactics, or they'll move onto someone who will be easier to manipulate and control.
Honestly you just can't entertain anything these people do. Everything is a game to them where you're set up to lose 100% of the time. Its best to leave these people totally alone, maintain steel trap boundaries with the narcs you're forced to interact with, and just focus on improving yourself and your life. The best response is to be totally unbothered and unaffected by everything they say, are, and do. Nothing hurts them more than you not reacting to them. Treat them like ghosts or some stranger you'd pass on the street. Love yourself!
The Covert Narcissist I was with was clearly trying to make me jealous. It was so obvious to me. I believe she did it both for power/control and for revenge.
I just gave them the same shit they gave me. bitch said she was"going to her mom's". well her mom's was a 20 minute walk so I walked by and her car wasn't there. even took a picture of the empty drive way. I texted her asking what she was doing and she said she was doing laundry for her mom😂😂😂 so I called up an old fuck buddy and we started banging and I let the bitch catch me. of course she played the victim and started the water works. even when I showed her the picture of her mom's empty drive way the night she said she was doing laundry there she still swore she was there. I dont get cucked I get even. fuck'em.
@JD Jones I did that awhile ago actually. I'm actually a different person now. Different than I was. Even a different name and everything.
@@mikemann8795 I wish I had your ballseyness.
yep
Can't it be a sadistic act to be hitting on someone else in front of the partner just see the distress in the partner?
It is controlling , dominating and sadistic all 3 of it
I have experienced this he use to send me some random bikini girls photos to make me jealous
And one day i also send him hot guys pic damn he got so angry and rageful
He believed that only he can send those hot girls pic and wanted me to stay loyal despite all this
How can you ask that? Isn’t that rhetorical ?
It seems to me that people who act out spontaneously have a low threshold for a mundane lifestyle. They are addicted to the most and cheapest form of thrills. Cheating doesn’t have to cost a lot of money if they manipulate it enough. I have seen people who seem regulated but lie to each other’s wives really often. So they appear to be honest family men but triangulating extremely harmful behavior. Also churches/ synagogues and other gatherings can be just full of this crap. My church dissolved because we did NOT do it. Hard to explain.
@@qiuwbr091 "people who act out spontaneously have a low threshold for a mundane lifestyle" - Marriage takes work, responsibility and self-denial whereas cheating is fun and games. These people never grow up and are incapable of real love. They evaluate worth by outward appearances (youth, beauty, charm, etc) instead of true values: the mental and moral qualities of good character. I wish Dr. Grande would make a video on this topic.
Yep
Who can KNOW what another’s truest thoughts are, but..
I’ve sure witnessed enough to confidently say they do it intentionally, habitually, frequently, blatantly, and accidentally. Whatever the motivation, the result is still relationally toxic, dangerously inappropriate, and unkind at best.
This is a “narcissist’s” world unfortunately. Hate it.
@Leg over Lass i think it's just because we're more aware of them now
not for long!
They definitely do. Mine would take off, once on a cruise for a week without a word (“going to the post office”), ran off and married an online total stranger (only to be served annulment papers upon his return in two weeks), and his reason was to teach me “appreciation” for what I would be missing! Ummm, No! That’s not how it works. It just strengthen my resolve to make a plan.
That made me laugh going to the post office. They are so full of themselves. What did he think you would do when he returned. They live in a fantasy
🙄unbelievable!!
Wow
I hope you left 🙏🏾
This is one of their most cunning and dangerous tactics to destroy their victim, destroy self-esteem, shake moral values. This is again another door to their manipulative dark games to convince victim they are attractive and it is not their fault if other women want to flirt with them. In sum, once this behavior shows up, it is safer to repel the narcissist and withdraw from this relationship without looking back.
From personal experience , I can certainly say Jealousy induction isn't unconscious, it's definitely strategic and they are very aware of what they are doing. Sometimes Narcissists gain Narcissistic supply through inflicting pain on others, I inflict pain therefore I am. Sometimes they want to gain power to push for the desired outcome and the total submission and destruction of the person they are involved with. The Narcissists that I know hate their mothers and hurting the woman they are involved with satisfies their insatiable need to get revenge on the mother.
Agreed. I know this from being with 2 broken men who hate their moms. Jealousy induction was/is constant.
@Leg over Lass That's so sad when a mother hates her own child.
@Dido Dado sounds like my ex. he definitely had a narcissist mother that bitch was crazy asf! He hated her guts too. He never stayed in a relationship longer than a year and all of his exes ( there were many) left him. Including me!
I was involved with a female, who did EXACTLY that! Absolutely, true! Well said. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, they absolutely do try to. And, when you don't fall for it, they get really pissed off.
Revenge is their call when they get tired of trying to get reactions and get nothing in return. Then they go to vindictive behaviors and attack what you love or care about just to get a reaction (is sickening and cookoo to be honest)
I totally feel something is off with the narcissistic boy that roped in my daughter - he scares the bejesus out of me
My wife deleberaley caused me jealous. She had affair and let me know
My partner, diagnosed with NPD/ASPD, deliberately and strategically uses jealousy induction on me as a measure of devaluating and sometimes punishing me. It took me very long to find out he would never leave me just like this. I changed my behavior after finding this out and do no longer react to it. This has lead to him changing his approach and telling me no one could equal me as his romantic partner. He still tries the jealousy thing from time to time, but the more I detach, the more I stimulate his hunting instinct towards me. In summary, this is a tiring combat and I hope to be able to struggle free from this relationship in the end. Thanks to your videos and explanations I gain more and more ground. Thank you for this.
pure love I think I am not the best person to teach anyone, as I don’t think I am doing a great job in detaching, even though I managed to muster up all my strength to leave the relationship 5 months ago. I had very good support from my therapist. What I can say helped me detach was my writing down each and every single thing he did to me and comparing it to things that I experienced outside the relationship. This helped me see myself and my life also with positive aspects and I started to give up hope that anything would ever change. This helped me set up boundaries, which was not easy at all and finally make an exit plan. Finding out about an affair he had going on under my nose in this time at the same time devastated me and gave me the final push to end it all. And I am proud that I told him why I left (afterwards). Detaching from the Narcissist unfortunately means you have to close your heart, and that is to everyone, which makes you feel extremely lonely. And now, after the relationship the suffering goes on, as you feel so lonely and empty and dead and there are few people who understand. And of course he does not really stop contacting, spreading rumors and “punishing” me. This I totally underestimated. I am glad though that people like Dr Grande produce videos that help us navigate through this jungle of emotions and confusion.
I wish you strength and please know you deserve better. Perhaps my little tip helps you take another little step to freedom. Keep going
@@yehhshhs try that "grey rock" thing when he says anything. You go silent and dull and blank like a rock. He will think you are weird and say you're mentally ill. If you can't deal with him at all pretend you need to poop every single time and go sit in the bathroom and breath deeeeeeep. You can do it girl. Get your stuff together and try to leave one day. At least take a road trip, if you can. I literally felt his icky words melting away as I drove away. I cried tears of joy. I had to go back because of my dogs and my child. The little camping break was wonderful.
@@yehhshhs I can resonate with this behaviour.....he is not real...there is good love out there.....find it and leave that anomaly behind !
pure love ❤️Love yourself first and foremost.
"telling me no one could equal me as his romantic partner". My n-ex told every partner except his 1st partner the same thing, that: "only you are my equal". Don't buy a thing they say.
thank you
it is definitely calculated and planned, mine would come home from work and tell me that a patient of his took her clothes off in clinic for him, another one offered to marry him, and he would show me pictures of nurses in their underwear that hey sent to him. he would let his friend ask me How would you feel if he got married.We would be sitting in a restaurant and he would tell me that the women behind me was flirting with him.
any normal human being in a normal situation first would not allow for these things to happen or would not mention them if they did. I would not come home and tell him someone made a pass at me today for example
if this is not strategic what is?
Wow...you are on the ball girl....kick this carbage the curb!
Wawwww!!! Very same here - when I’d constantly declare that I am not jealous. As a matter of fact I don’t even believe in jealousy. Jealousy and true love can not cohabit! Mine is far gone, thank God! I hope yours too if that’d make you a happier person! 🙏❤️✨
That's horrible
Are narcissists emotionally stunted at an early age? Sounds like an obvious question but you mentioned inducing jealousy in order to gain more attention from their partner, which is a childish behavior. Mature adults discuss what’s bothering them and tell their partner their needs.
Stunted, yes.
Thats. Right. On....discuss. what. Is. Bothering. You... ...is. the only. Way. To. Find out. What. Is. Really. Wrong...so. problems. Can. Be. Fixed. ... so. Its. Not. A. Problem. Anymore....its. difficult. To. Discuss. Anything. With. A narcissist. Because. They. Dont. Wanna. Talk. About. The. Problem...so. how. Can. You. Even. Begin. To. Fix. It....it. starts. With. You. Trying...and. ends. Up. With. You. Being. The. Only. One. That. Is. Doing. The. Trying....both. parties. Have. To. Try. And. See. Each. Others. Point. Of. View. And. Feelings. On. All. Issues......understanding. how. The. Other. Person. Feels. About. Something. Will. Bring. The. True. Self. Out.....it. feels. So. Good. To. Be. Understood. By. The. Other. Person. ...
Arrested psychological development .
They are often "stunted" to the age of their initial abuse in childhood.
Definitely NOT ,… because at ALL times they have discernment! Don’t buy into that excuse .
I had an ex who would point to other women and say “why don’t you look like that?”. I finally caught on and responded with, “be glad I don’t, because you would be single right now”. Take that!
My narcissistic ex of 5 year relationship absolutely induced jealousy on purpose. He would actually smile and say to me...”you’re jealous” and say at times he thought it was cute, I believe to get me to repeat the behavior. When I finally told him I was not jealous so to speak, but very hurt and embarrassed that he had such a lack of respect for me in front of others...and would continue to repeat the tactics. After me telling him this, he continued to insist I was jealous and would ask me to say the actual words to him. He would say, “ it’s okay, just say it. Say I feel jealous and I can’t stand for you to talk to other women...say it”. I insisted not true that I didn’t like being made to look like a fool and this would make him mad.
My narc ex did this too. She'd tell me "Yeah I'm at my birthday party...With me ex!" I'd grey rock "Oh, is that true?" She'd go "No..." She hated that I didn't emotionally respond to her baiting. When she broke up with me she said I had "no backbone" on the contrary, I simply refused to play her stupid games when it came to jealousy.
Do you think they actually leave their phone lying around knowing theres messages on it because you will check. Then behave in a jealous way ?? Thats just blew my mind. I thought he was sly and shady but now i think he wanted me to find everything. He deliberately sabotaged our relationship only to discard me and replace me so quickly.
Then you were already devalued and on the way out. Let's have a little bit of fun with her before she's kicked to the curb. Other women want me, think I'm a god, treat me better. Let her know what she lost.
Same
Same here.. she did the same
My 12 y/o daughter just dealt with this with a boy in her class. She rejected his bid for a friendship for >6 months. He patiently waited and watched her bidding his time. Then gradually built up her trust and a friendship with her. Then started texting her; told her he’d like liked her all year. Asked to be more than friends. Then applied a lot of pressure on her. Openly Courted her. Would try to get her alone after school for hugs and kissing. Acted very jealous and angry towards other boys he thought wanted her. Threw temper tantrums when she wouldn’t spend time on FT with him after school. At some point she got upset with him and they started having fights. He would then go on and on about how beautiful her best friend was or openly flirt with another girl in class or openly pursue other girls in front of my daughter. She kept saying this boy was trying to make her jealous - this whole situation is making so much sense.
Wow.... he did use to go overboard when an attractive actress came on the screen... too much. He was definitely trying to make me jealous and induce insecurity in me... he even said it. Partly to get revenge because he felt I was not interested in him enough and going Gaga over him - lack of unconditional admiration, especially when he criticized me constantly.
On the first date he said a young girl fancied him.On the second date I told him to be with her not me because she was probably more on his maturity level.He through a tantrum and left.
Hahaha! Good one!
Doged a bullet
Thank You Dr. Todd . I realize I was living with a grandiose narc ..He was always inducing jealousy by ignoring me in public for inter actions with other women and if he did introduce me it was only "oh This is Ginger " and on the few occasions I did speak and state the truth that we were living together in a serious relationship . He would Hit roof and gave me hell for it..saying I was out of line and insanely jealous ..I'll never look back to be with him....unacceptable ..if you can't be with me and be honest especially to other females.. This is broken messed up male who doesn't deserve a high value woman
Dear Dr Grande, Having lived amongst Narcissists my whole life. Parents and relationships with several narcasists in the past, I could of saved you the bother of doing your study (and no, I'm not a Narcissist) but of course the jealousy is tactical. It wouldn't even be 'a thing' if it wasn't.
With my first Grandiose narcasists he would literally hang his head out of the car window to watch every skirt that passed by and then make comments like, " you could be as pretty as her if your legs were longer". Comparisons were always made about things that I could not do much about. This is how they bash down your self esteem.
With the last 2 vunerable narcasists they would drop more subtle hints that they had seen or spent time with a beautiful woman but they were only telling me so that I wouldn't get jealous if I heard about it second hand. The intention was for me to get jealous of course. Oh and she kissed me but I didn't want her to. They 100% want you to be jealous and think that each time they walk out the door they could accidently fall onto the lips of someone and they would never be seen again.
Why do you think they triangulate? My last Narc used to ask me questions to try to find out what kind of things made me jealous????
Even if you insist that you're not jealous they will insist that you are. It's a massive boost to their ego.
Needless to say I don't play those 'games' anymore.
"think that each time they walk out the door they could accidently fall onto the lips of someone" Touche that was pretty funny! Well if it didn't hurt so bad that is..
I knew a grandiose narcissist girl well at one stage and even dated her a couple of times before I realised and ran (or grey rocked first then ran). She told me she loved to make her best friend's girlfriend jealous. She did it purposely and got a kick out of it. She tried to make everyone jealous of each other. She was running numerous triangles. Her best friend was a girl by the way and gay and the narcissist wasn't and the gay girl's gf ended up breaking up with her over it. The narcissistic girl just loved the power of it all. She even told me beforehand how much of a thrill she got out of it. It was most definitely not unconscious behaviour on her part to induce jealousy in others. She lived for it.
She is truly wicked...ugh.
Wtf
First he told my 10 year daughter about a dream he had, that he felt in love with some other woman but it was not his fault as he was only dreaming. Than he repeated that story in front if both of us and waiting for my respond with angelic smile. When I was trying not to respond in emotional way and simply asked him why would he think this dream was something he needed to share with me or my daughter, he acused me of being ridiculous and jealous.
Emilia Paczkowska what an absolute arsewipe. But aren't they all?!
That’s super weird! Like what the hell?!
he wasn't even answering your question
@Javier Donut I didn't think of that 🤔 all I know, me and my daughter, we both felt uncomfortable with his sharings...
@@junkoyaki5486 yes, indeed, not answering but using my question as a way to blame me for something
I dated one and she tried to make me jealous about a much older man. It didnt work but it was disgusting and offensive.
Yep Dr Grande this man still does this to me because I was not insecure and I was not upset about breaking up ten years ago...He told me he has a new girlfriend and then called the police on me because we had an argument the night before....I was arrested for punching him. I don't understand why I got back with him and continued being ghosted and told when he would drop by occasionally to "see our daughter" and give me twenty dollars....then he would leave. Ohhh I'm understanding this messed up game and I'm so ready to get out!!! I just have an incisional umbilical hernia from his uncaring BS after I gave birth to our daughter then had my tubes tied and he went to work instead of helping me recover.. Thank you again Dr Grande for opening my eyes to this ungrateful creep!!!!! This guy still blames me for everything. Of course being raised a scapegoat by my mother did not help at all!!!! I am in therapy and ready to burn rubber to get the F out!!!!!!!
I think it is both, depending on the individuals personality and where it is in the relationship as to how far in and if it is intentional what he is trying to accomplish. The unintentional is due to the fact it is their personality traits to garner as much attention as they can from any source that is willing to give them that attention. Especially if they are handsome or beautiful. They never have enough accolades or compliments, their tank is never full. As for intentional: First, they are trying to subliminally train you to accept that there will always be part of them going to another source of comfort and "love" and to accept that as part of their relationship. This type will always say I am going home with you aren't I? next: It is to validate their superiority in the relationship that they have the upper hand and have cart blanch to do anything that they want..the free rein school of thought. Also, they want the partner to work harder in the relationship to garner the attention back to them. As well as do anything the narc wants to do even if it violates the partners boundaries. I can think of more but I think this is enough for you to read. Thank you for hearing me.
Yes, exactly!!
This is one of the best explanations I’ve ever heard. Thank you for sharing.
I recently had a baby for a narcissist and trust and believe I am emotionally drained! Depressed and not myself. I’ve now learned that he has the disorder and it’s all making sense now. I’m making my peace and moving the hell on with my child! Totally will not change he has zero empathy for me. Never supportive and emotionally starves me. And let’s not forget the lack of affection. 🤦🏽♀️ I
Yes.. wanted me to get rid of the baby .. he was back with his ex and love bombing her while I was giving birth .. sick people!
it's in their etc toolbox of anything to get a rise out their victim which helps whittle down their self image and worth.
Yep, they use it in game playing and also know this behavior hurts others deeply. It also destroys their romantic relationships. All we need is love...I do pray they can all be healed. Happy Valentine's Day!!
Yes they do when triangulating but if you are aware looking for a reaction do not react but respond!
Put on those walkin shoes😊
My ex was very deliberate. She used to set jealousy traps for me. Traps that required a lot of forward thinking and planning.
did she set up places, so you can see who she might be seeing like another man she would flirt with in front of you.
It is a deliberate act. X would look back at another woman's butt whenever one would walk by us, too many times. Wth! Way too many red flags occurring in the so-called relationship before I ended it.
Christine Haigh exactly what mine did all the time, staring at barmaids when we put, embarrassing me in front of my friends. I was initially jealous for a few weeks then became disgusted with his lack of respect for both me and himself. I walked a month ago and am staying gone xx
I would catch my neighbor looking at my butt in front of his live in girlfriend and my husband! Needless to say we are no longer friends anymore, he has a new live in girlfriend now I dont even bother meeting. I know how he is.
If it’s done repeatedly that’s a pattern/problem but if it’s just once or twice it’s probably just natural 🤣sometimes men can’t help that
Yes, they do induce jealousy onto their partners.
Exactly, my ex used to constantly meet new friends not mentioning she is in relationship because they wouldnt ask, blaming me for my jealousy and making me look like an idiot
Likewise. My ex was meeting new men throughout our 5 year on-and-off relationship. I found out last November about a man she had been seeing for the past 2 years behind my back, I confronted her about it, and she discarded me. She isn't sexual with this man and never will be, even though he really wants her. He takes her to dinners, concerts, buys her gifts etc. She just uses him for these residual benefits. She never told him about me, and never told me about him. And she has several other male "friends" that she uses in this way. 5 months NO CONTACT, and looking to heal!
Yes. I used to tell a guy what I was upset about and he would take it up a notch.
Once they know what bothers you it gets more intense.
I was recently dating a woman in her 50s who, in my opinion, was a vulnerable narcissist with machiavelian tendencies, and something of an expert in jealousy induction. She constantly flirted with other men in front of me -and would proceed to gaslight me when I brought up her pattern of behaviour. My advice is to walk away from scenarios like this as you will never win the argument with such a personality. I've eventually walked away despite having a connection to this woman. The best thing I did. The narcissist with gaslighting competencies is a toxic combination of trait and ability that can cause mental discomfort in a romantic partner.
The covert narc that I know keeps trying to make me jealous even when we were not a romantic couple. We were friends. I guess in his universe, we were together. And when his phone rang, he didn't answer when I was there. He kept staring at the ladies up and down in a very obvious manner when we were outside and then looked at me to see if I got pissed for his disrespect. I know that game very well, so I refuse to react; I just ignore it. He continually tried to get me upset with backhanded compliments or racist comments and criticised me physically and emotionally, but I never fell for it. Now, one thing I'm completely sure is that he put something on my food twice. The first time I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but the 2nd, I knew. When he invited me to eat at his place again, I refused with an excuse, and then he looked at me as he understood that I knew what he did, and I was avoiding his food. He never invited me to eat at his place again. But for more than a year, I tolerate a whole bunch of crap that I realized later on. He is still waiting for my reactions, and he keeps trying when he hooks up with a friend of mine. I feel for her. He is seriously cookoo. He sabotage our friendship for months before I cut him off and I realized what happened afterward.
friendship, your saying you were not lovers. I met this woman at the library who I was attracted to. big mistake I did not know much about narcissists at that time but after 5 years of knowing this person we hung out a few times and I noticed after we met at a restaurant one time she was talking on the phone with somebody, I never said anything about that , I'm a man that believes in not having a women as a friend only. i don't believe in that. after that it was just seeing each other at the library, that's all it's ever been, to cut the story short one time I asked if she had a boyfriend, she cut my head off just for asking that and told she didn'twant see me anymore. I'm just a one women guy I told her I don't like going any place with someone else is girlfriend. I didn't tell you all about her anger and the put downs. so glad it's over , I don't want to see her face ever again but she live 5 blocks away.
Hi Dr Grande, I believe the behaviour of these individuals is deliberate for the following reasons: a recent relationship that I had and that I observed closely, someone with very strong narcissistic traits who worked for me, tended to engage in very seductive physical and verbal activities with other colleagues in front of me, while repeatedly glancing over me and even sitting right next to me to watch my reaction after such activities. This was very clear and blatant from her part with no interest in her hiding it either. For this reason I believe they plan and are aware of this behaviour, which is aimed at gaining control when other tactics don't work. Thanks
I know a Vulnerable Narc who is constantly attracted to other "sources of supply", doesn't act on them often (is too insecure/fearful of rejection), but likes to keep lot of potential "Supply" women around as "just friends" but keeps bombarding them with "BFF goals" conversation. There were lot of subtle suggestions he made to these women, bragging about his previous sexual encounters, sexual jokes etc., a healthy sexual banter, which he never indulges his wife in, ironically. He hides /downplays these connection in front of his primary relationship (wife).
But early on, he threw lot of indirect (Testing waters, guaging opinion) conversations about open relationships in his current relationship, which were declined (indirectly, of course)
Also, women in movies, TV, insta are adored as real people. He is a covert narc , so TV and internet are like his alternate reality of some sort. Most of his sexual energy is spent on these fictional women, whereas no interest is shown in his wife. The neglect and withdrawal almost feels like revenge of a kind.
So, my observation is opposite of what the video suggests.
But there is lot of dismissiveness, neglect towards his current partner, which seems to turn into interest and pride, when he sees other people/men talking nicely to his wife and pay attention to her, praise her looks or nature or social standing.
I remember Dr Grande's bear in the picture theory when I try to understand this. There is no depth, just superficial interest in all women.
When his current partner threatened to leave, just breadcrumbs are thrown. But moods are that of self-pity, shame, self-harm, rage etc.
It is a very strange dynamic to observe and be in.
The narc I thought I knew keep staring at other women in front of me cause in his mind we were a couple. The reality is that I didn't feel anything even close to romantic love.
I didn't react to it and he try few other things and never get the supply : )
Having had more personal experience on this than I would care to admit, I can tell you that it was no coincidence.
My ex was going to an elite university when I met him and has a brilliant mind. He later went on to get his Juris Dr degree from a small but well known private university where he was Salutatorian. He also clerked for a federal justice, and the first prominent law firm in the state where he was promoted after passing CA bar his first attempt.
We met when he was a Freshman at the university. I am three years younger. His family and mine were acquainted. He was my first love.
I believe, speaking from personal experience, that these sexual power plays are learned behaviors, likely passed generationally, and also through other sources like society and media. I believe that not only is grandiosity and narcissism a factor, but even moreso intelligence, along with a certain degree of psychopathy and Machiavelli personality are required. Sadism for sure. HE ENJOYED IT! Immensely. No doubt, he had practiced his art on others to become so effective.
Vulnerable ego. Yes, underneath was a severely damaged and abused child with severe trauma and stunted true self. However, superior intelligence and ability compensate, and along with a calm demeanor, gives legitimacy to an inflated ego. A successful psychopath in a suit.
You are being groomed and primed for infidelity and various types of abuse.
Very good advice. I've also noticed recently the fast growing industry of narcissism coaches w/o psychological training taking advantage of ppl exposed to narcissists who often attempt to substitute a profesional clinician couseling & treatment.
Eventhought its important to hear what others with similar circumstances have to say about the subject, the public need to be aware that it doesnt substitutes a well trained clinician's advice.
Good video!!! Flirting in front of me is painful. I'm going to act unbother from now on to see what happens. No crying no reaction!
So sorry
Its disrespectful mean sprited manipulation stay with someone who makes you feel bad you deserve better
Wow. Vulnerable narcissism! This video was an eye-opener for me.
It describes my narcissistic-borderline ex-GF to a T. Never before I could get such a clear description of vulnerable narcissism, most of what I can read on is about overt and covert narcs and that doesn't really fit the bill.
Luckily for me I got out of the relationship before I could register attempts to induce jealousy. I do recall at the very start when she was asking a million personal questions she did mention a couple of times that she could get any man she wanted in less than a minute. That puzzled me because she was happily married and with kids, she didn't have to work and lived in a beautiful house by the ocean, why would she be thinking about "getting any man". That seemed really odd. Maybe it was her way to make me take action.
Does stating that she was absolutely fine just by herself equal demonstrating to me that I was unimportant? "Me, myself and I", like she said a number of times. She had told me that she sometimes would lock herself in her bedroom and not get out for a day and not talk to anybody. And sometimes she would cry for hours without a reason.
What I couldn't decide was whether her behavior was deliberate or unconscious. I was under the assumption that her narcissistic behavior was at least in part a routine she used most of the time, therefore it most probably was strategic. However, she had borderline traits and those were always impulsive.
Other than that:
- Constant need of validation
- Need of full control
- Extreme insecurity
- Extreme anxiety
- Impulsivity
- Over-sensitivity
- Self-proclaimed shyness, always talking about a brown paper bag to hide in when meeting with new people or at social events (but I had not observed anything like that)
- Low self-esteem
- Total lack of responsibility
But the "power control, revenge, testing relationship, looking for security and compensating for low self
esteem" routine was absolutely draining. Total chaos, drama and disaster non-stop.
jcrnda . Did we date the same person?. Cos you just described my Ex word for word!🤓
I didn't realize he was triangulating me from the very beginning with his ex. Whom I caught him sneaking back into my apartment from going and seeing. He continued to triangulate me with her afterwards, including his family in it. (His sister and niece were hanging out with the ex)
Also with co workers, ex coworkers....
Everything is so one sided too. I definitely think he got off on it. There was even a smirk on his face when I found out about his ex.
In my opinion they think everything is like a tv show that needs drama or a gameplay so they do what it takes to create it. I've seen one and called them out on it then blocked them. Hard to be in school or work with these people,very toxic environment.
I know a vulnerable covert narc who seems very strategic in the way she induces jealousy in her partner. For example, If a man flirts with her she pretends not to notice that the man is flirting and she very subtly flirts back and then she denies that the man was flirting with her at all when her husband calls her attention to the incident. The husband is so busy focusing on the flirtations of the other man that he totally misses the fact that his darling machiavellian wife is getting away with her planned act of jealousy-induction. She does it for all the purposes on the list you mentioned. It's a really sick game she likes to play and her partner gets upset and she just loves the pain that she inflicts.
This was extremely interesting. My narcissist romantic partner was more grandiose than vulnerable but occasionally revealed what appeared to me to be a childish, vulnerable side. He is a successful person which I believe reinforces his grandiosity. Basically, he is an important person, knows it, and his grandiosity conforms to that status to a degree. After a pleasant 5-day visit with me in February, he shut down, slowly at first, but now he rarely engages with me. Maybe the occasional text or e-mail. I was interested that this behavior might be construed as jealousy inducing. I did not think of that. However, his behavior appears well thought out to me. I do not see it as impulsive. I myself do not feel jealous, just perplexed. I also have a difficult time understanding the fragile ego theory when he is basically a successful individual whose behavior is arrogant and entitled due possibly to immense success. In fact, had there not been the most aggressive phase of love-bombing imaginable followed by a sudden, unexpected devaluation phase, I would not have recognized his narcissism at all. I would have thought that he was simply full of himself. His behavior overall is confusing though: seeming intense love followed by, well, no emotion or feeling whatsoever settling in rather suddenly.
As I try to learn more about Vulnerable Narcissism or Covert Narcissism, what I read or listen to eventually seems to describe every shy, withdrawn, introverted person. I would like to see a video that contrasts shyness and introversion against Vulnerable Narcissism.
IMO the key conceptualization for sub-clinical narcissistic personality or NPD is a compensatory aggrandizing-self as a defensive measure to protect the self from painful feelings of low self-esteem or inferiority. A vulnerable narcissist is different from shyness and introversion as you can have traits of introversion or shyness but may not be using compensatory defenses to protect the self. Opposed to a grandiose narcissistic, a vulnerable narcissist may devalue people and views in their head, rather than explicitly or overtly making it clear to everybody around them. They are still aggrandizing but they just have more covert ways of doing so... opposed to a shy introvert that may be quiet and shy but not internally aggrandizing in order to regulate self-esteem.
I have no formal training so just my opinion btw ^
Sam C
Thank you, Sam, very good explanation. One goes not need to be formally trained in order to have a thorough understanding of a subject and speak eloquently on it.
@ Megan Langreck - there are loads on UA-cam but they tend to call vulnerable narcasists covert narcasists because they usually try to hide their grandiosity. Thrive and survive is a good site or check HG Tudour and Merideth Miller. Good luck with your research.
JD Jones it might present as aggressive, the underlying function of the aggression is still to defend the self
I saw so much of this with young couples in the 90's. My own romantic relationships seem to fizzle into a narcissists just trying to play head games. I was lucky that their weird games would turn me off very quickly. It's just sad that I discovered one of my long term boyfriend was a cheater after we broke up. I had no clue. That's what he liked, that I was too busy to suspect. I don't understand messing with someone's mind.
Thanks Dr TG for sharing this findings . It is very helpful
According to my expedience with a vulnerable narcissist, jealousy induction is compulsive and out of control , and it is when the mask slips , but it is immediately denied, after being confronted. Crazy making
Maybe is is different for primary sources and secondary ones
Do you mean, they are addicted to making their partner jealous, or the actual flirting and cheating is compulsive?
They definitely do it on purpose with full knowledge of what they're doing. They only care about themselves. Without this way of life they have to face reality, and that reality is too painful to bear. Or maybe they just think it's funny or fun to be the source of constant drama? To see how far they can push people? I've heard admissions of it all before.
The problem with anything in psychology like this is it's reliant on the participants first hand account... Narcissists lie. Let's face it they could say anything they wanted, deny things, twist things. Can we really say studies in psychology are always accurate?
When you mentioned the narcissist discussing being attracted to someone else, I thought of a case that I was just recently watching... Dr. Grande, I am a subscriber to your channel, I would love for you to analyze the BETTY BRODERICK SNAPPED CASE... In the video Betty's former husband Dan Broderick says that Linda is beautiful right in front of Betty at an event... My opinion is that Betty was the victim of narcissist abuse due to the discard that her attorney husband Dan took her through... If you get a chance please analyze BETTY BRODERICK murder case.... I feel bad that Linda and Dan were murdered, however I can see all the red flags of why the mentally sick lady Betty snapped... This was an excellent video Dr. Grande... Thank you so much... Smiles...
From my experience my narc fed off jealousy. The idea of another woman being jealous of me and me not returning that negativity towards the other woman was a nuclear bomb to their ego. I realized not caring how other people felt about me made him feel less than. I am very secure in myself. The harder he pushed for me to change the harder I pushed back. I snapped when I was told that I was selfish and unable to look past myself. I told him to stop projecting his bs onto me. I said he needed to take a long hard look in the mirror and face the loser staring back at him. That was the day that I realized that I was the only person in this world capable of truly putting him in his place. I understand that we are toxic for one another. He has the ability to make me second guess myself and I have the ability to push his buttons. Knowing that I can make him uncomfortable with himself felt good. I also know that continuing to make him uncomfortable with himself just to be vindictive I could put myself in danger. For me to continue to be mentally healthy I have to walk away and stay away but in my opinion that is the hardest slap in the face I can give him...and he will never know what happened.
Nasty X uses cruel tactics to gaslight me at every turn. He is no good to me nor good for me. There were too many red flags blowing in my direction. I no longer wanted to do anything for him. I am well rid of him..
This is such a good peice on narcissistic behavior and if it is impulsive or calculated.
I think of the times when I have demonstrated narcissism and it definitely was because of my feelings at the time and allowing the emotion of the situation to consume me. I lose my objectivity and I make mistakes, sometimes hurting someone's feelings. This may not occur to me until later, or if confronted about it, I do apologise when I have done wrong and I try make the situation better. Looking back on it, I know when I have been selfish and can try improve.
My previous long term partner would also demonstrate narcissistic behaviour, however the main difference was that it was so difficult for her to own up to the mistake, acknowledge or accept how I feel.
I attempted many times to get to the bottom of problems, but the further I went the more it seemed as if she was delusional. I mean it genuinely seemed as if she lives in a different reality to me. The feelings never matched the actions.
I don't think it was calculated, but a lot of things that happened left me hurting emotionally. I believe the lack of insight goes hand in hand with impulsivity. What I observed in the relationship felt more like the nature of the person, not so much a calculating entity out to hurt me as all of the narcissistic behaviors were reactive to circumstances, not proactively seeking an objective.
Very, very wise insight. I do believe (know) that it's our astrological birth charts that provide these tendency templates. Its up to us to garner the FREE WILL to upgrade ourselves through conscious choices! Amen!
Someone in the comments section mentioned the belief that “narcissists attract mentally ill people”.
I think, rather, there are very trusting human beings who wind up being deceived and used by the narcissist.
And the narcissist, a predator of such human beings, spots them immediately and wastes no time in tapping them for every resource.
My ex narc girlfriend did this all the time. Whether it was her recent ex, or men that just asked her out recently, she kept bringing these men up over and over looking for an emotional reaction.
Thank you for another great video Dr. Grande! I feel my narc boyfriend does this to feel out my feelings toward him and to increase his sense of security in our relationship... I don't see him as controlling his behavior or even being aware that he is acting out of a deliberate motive but rather a need to shore up his feelings and test mine. Mine are getting tired of the games although I love him I doubt I will be able to cope with all of this and pray that I can find the where-with-all to leave him as I think I deserve better.
“Tactically planned” socializing is a very interesting subject and answers why people get upset when I won’t sponsor parties at my house. I know they are trying to create more neighborhood jealousy for their unauthorized and underground business. Non taxables get sold through jealousy too. I’m always aware that type of business includes danger. Their anger is their responsibility to store or live with. Thank you Dr. Grande- staying out of other people’s hazards is very helpful.
In my experience it's been a continuous feature over 5 years.I've had my wife out of life now for over a year after confronting her & insisting that she leave.She was & still is covert/vulnerable type in my opinion & I spent the last 3 years asking her to get therapy & a diagnosis.I've been through the smear campaigns more than once after falling for the hoovering & i've learned a hell of a lot.I had no idea at all about narcissm until I reached out to a woman in church who told me to find out about narcissm & My God, everything I'd been experiencing was there on every level,tactic, behaviour.It was like being given manna from an angel.Yes Dr Grande, all five variant underlying reasons absolutely but all 5 funnelling back in my view to continupus chronic shame based insecurity. She's just afer over a year of text devaluations n game play agrred to get therapy but boundary setting & emotional distance are essential to even get to this point if you know that behaviour & their personal distress has a tendency to get so extreme that 1 day they may even attempt suicide as a way of winning.That, despite all the games, emotional n psychological torture & off the scale projections is one good reason irrespective of any relationship is one positive reason to get them into therapy or at least provide an opportunity for them to engage.You're saving a lot of people a lot of unnecessary pain if you manage to achieve that.If not, expect a long drawn out attack on your reputation & the positive relationship you have with friends & family who have absolutely no idea as most of us who knew nothing about this disorder eventually discovered because I think we can all probably agree, we dived into this from a place where we were unaware and needed to try to make sense of something pretty alien to us all.
In my experience the Somatic Overt (HPD) ones do it on purpose without a doubt - it is their MO and in your face from the word go. To counter exploit you have to make fun laugh loud and ridicule who ever it was they are playing you against to the narc not the poor chap being triangulated and/or show a genuine attitude of indifference (like you didnt even notice or care one bit as your too busy talking to others and having fun) otherwise your going to be in a world of hurt as if it is identified as a weakness it will be exploited even further and it is game over ie you will be devalued further and seen as weak and pathetic and into the discard phase you go.
I sense that the tactical nature of jealousy induction may make sense if seen as a test of the significant other's codependence rather than a function of the "illusion" they uphold. If there are co-morbid borderline symptoms, perhaps it could also be a test of the partner's likelihood to follow through with abandonment.
This could also align with the mention of "strengthening the relationship." Though it is imo a twisted way to grow more comfortable with a partner/relationship, perhaps it makes sense from another person's perspective.
Sean Ryan Baran my ex told me he is borderline, though I guarantee he left out his comorbid covert narcissism for a reason. He continuously would rehash his rationale that it wasn’t going to work between us when I couldn’t see anything wrong with where we were.. I called it a self fulfilling prophecy, tried to dissuade him from going that route.
He’d sabotage anything meaningful to me, & I mean he’d do some serious harm to my psyche so I could snap while he was with my friends without me. I attributed it to his depression about losing his job & his feelings of emptiness. He kept pushing me to break up with him & kick him out of my house yet it never happened.
He was always free to leave but he has two cats & the thought of forcing him to be homeless or living in his car trapped me with morality (I offered for him to move into my house when he got fired.. the dilemma for me is why offer if I’d kick him out, my OCPD rationale). The cats were really more of my concern, but I bet in hindsight he would see it as codependency. I could see what he was trying bc my sister has bpd so I know the playbook. He’d then get upset that I’m ‘always’ trying to control the narrative. I wasn’t going to fall into a trap door I could see.
He offered valuable insight, which has helped me & I appreciated that for its face value. He ended up blocking me from his life & moved back to Oklahoma bc he couldn’t handle being receptive of my feelings of outright disregard of how his actions affect my daily life. He would make me jealous by hanging out with people & cuddling up with them literally in front of me. He flat out denied it to my face & thus made my desire for intimacy into an argument. It’s all my fault though.
There were aspects of the abandonment tests but he knew that it was my weakness more than it was his, as my dad neglected me, ignored me & deserted me on many occasions as a kid & I grew up alone in the woods. There was no one to play with so I was a loner & never liked it. He ended up abandoning me over the holidays last year which he knows is the one thing I would break to. I’m a viola that got played like a fiddle.
It could as well indicate, that you are secondary, tertiary, or further down the "interest/supply" order and the "testing" is instrumental to their decision to discard you completely, or keep you on a far "backburner" or "bench." For Emergency EGO REPAIR 😡 Supply Resources! PAY MIND TO THAT POSSIBILITY.
The jealousy provking of the overts (especially the more Histrionic flavoured) is most definate conscious behaviour at most any and every oppurtunity both impulsive (out in public heavy flirting with strangers in your face) and strategic (letting you wonder about certain communications and ghosting eg text messaging at strange times sometimes not even hiding it from fan club orbiters to out right comparrisons with ex's and talk of 'my type' etc.
Totally agree.
Exactly.. 😢
the way I shut down a narcissist is to do the same shit they do to you. it drives them nuts. I know it may not be the best course of action but I'm a very vengeful person and won't tolerate a narcissists' behavior.
I did that too not to inflict pain but to take the power of jealousy inducing away from her. I told her I was going on a date and she had to do better - before I knew it she was dating extremely handsome doctors and CEO's. When I told her I was not jealous she flew into a rage - they need you to be jealous and heartbroken because it is a boost to their "ego" and to let current supply to up their game because they have competition...
about inducing jealosy tactically, maybe the motives are emotional, but the narcissist uses tactics in benifit of his emotions. so the tactics are more of a tool than the main driver of the infidelity. he cheats to gain control and accomodate his sense of superiority
To me, most aware part seemed the smearing campaign. Even now after i know what it was, seems so emotionless and for such a long period of time, that it would be very hard for me to believe its happening without any awareness. Great video thank you!
I love this!! Great explanation! 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
They absolutely do. It’s because they are always lining up supply. They will tell you that you’re “imagining things “ or “trying to control them “ when you call them out. They absolutely are doing it on purpose
Jealousy induction definitely happens. It’s insidious and unrelenting.
It is so mean, and at first you think it’s a lack of consideration but not: it’s really calculated and machiavelic !
I loved this analysis so ON POINT! 👏🏼👍🏼🙂
Thank you for this very informative video, very well done!
You have a lot of knowledge. Thank you for sharing with us
I had a lot of proof of what he was doing. I do believe he was testing me, even after we had been together for x number of years. I find his behaviours disrespectful and vile.
In my case he would go out during the evenings and tell me in great detail afterwards how many girls were interested and flirty with him. I know he probably was the one approaching them and giving them the impression he wasn’t in a relationship (as he also did it right in front of me). When I told him that I don’t need to know about these things as long as nothing happened, he didn’t stop, he really wanted/needed me to know how many others would be interested in him. About the actors in movies: he would describe exactly what he would find attractive in them and how I didn’t really have those features. He also told me that if he would meet some of them in the street and they would be interested, he wouldn’t hesitate to go with them to have an extra “romantic” time. Lol, good luck with that! 🤷♀️ It is funny how videos like these bring up all these memories so vividly (I do this on purpose, as I still need to process them) 8 years after they happened.
I greatly appreciate your videos. I like fact based information. I agree with what you say and find the study intriguing. Do you have any studies relating c-ptsd and NPD? My ex claimed to have c-PTSD, I found that he would use that as a crutch and excuse for his fits of rage, abuse, and drug addiction. However, many times I found his actions pre meditated.
Jealousy induction by Narcissist:
Feels entitled to have multiple partners.
Having a secondary partner, is insurance policy if primary partner leaves.
Creates competition between multiple partners to boost self esteem by being wanted.
Causing jealousy in primary partner to engender possessiveness thus feels more secure because “wanted”
Infidelity causes insecurity in primary partner, thus narcissist can feel superior.
Thank you dr. for making this video, You answers so many questions that I have For years I was married to a covert narcissist 32 years he had multiple affairs , When I would find out about it he never Apologize Instead he tell me all about it he would get into intimate details , But it was this one particular woman That he had an affair white she pretends to be my best friend ..He would tell me everything Without me asking what where when and how . This is very hard for me to say He would have fantasies about her and tell me about it ,I could not understand why would he do this to me now I know why ..... he was probably very aware of what he was doing . thank you Dr. for making this video it answered so many unanswered questions that I had
Thank you for this video , very informative.
Definitely strategic, based upon my personal experience dating narcissist in the past. Latest one (definitely the last :) being in a long distance relationship with my ex, he would call me with these elaborated detailed oriented stories about how other women flirt on him, amongst many other things when we were together. As a highly intuitive person, I’d see clearly that the stories were fabricated. Then he would end the stories by saying “I want you to trust me and not be jealous of me” - and I am not a jealous person. I don’t believe in jealousy. The insistence on this “game playing” with no “fuel supply” for continuations looked COMPULSIVE to me. The act was STRATEGIC and the repetition, COMPULSIVE. That’s how it appeared to me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on that, Dr. Todd.
Thank you so much for your work!!!!!!!!!!
Hurt people hurt people... ignore them!
Hey can you do a video on substance use disorders?
I think they need a supply ...whrn they can not receive it completely from that particular partner, they can try to attract other ones
My narc wanted revenge because I found out he cheated. So when he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar and I find out because he is not good at hiding it or he tells on his self and I bring it up in a conversation then of course I become the " A-----e" because he handle that on the spot confrontation
Most definitely yes! One of their favorite things.
I am now the narcissists previous supply. Now he's moved on to my sister who I introduced him to before we knew what he was.....he tries to instigate jealousy between us by his showering of kindness he now gives her, that he used to give me.
We're not jealous of each other. Her and I know what he is and don't fall for his bullshit.
He also makes incessantly disrespectful remarks about my boyfriend both to his face and behind his back. She is my sister through dating her brother. She's not related to me. The narc has tried to encourage gossip between him and her about her brother that she doesn't feed into. He seriously hopes I'll leave my boyfriend for him because he views himself as so much better than him. Even though our narc is 71 years old and acts like he's 5.
It's ridiculous how much harder he makes, not just our lives; but his own.