How *Emotional Invalidation* Makes You Feel INVISIBLE (Ask A Shrink)
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- Опубліковано 11 жов 2024
- Emotional Invalidation is a form of emotional abuse....this happens when you're consistently made to feel as though your feelings are mistaken, unimportant, not real, rejected and therefore one begins to feel INVISIBLE. Let's take a look at what it's like to be emotionally invalidated in today's video. I'm a Licensed Therapist and answer your questions on 'Ask A Shrink'.
Last night I was watching the Dolly Parton Christmas special and my dad arrived home, changed the channel and sat down in his chair not even realizing I was sitting right there on the couch. It is amazing how triggering that feeling of invisibility can be, and perhaps no belief has had more of an impact on my life than the belief that I am not worthy of being seen.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. It's so damaging. My father always did the same to me. He'd say thing like "My house. My TV. Don't like it, get your own house and your own TV" Then when I was old enough to move out he'd scare me about how tough it would be and say I couldn't hack it on my own. Then he'd say if I moved out and couldn't hack it there would be no coming back. It really f'ed with my head, but I eventually got out. I hope you are able to get out of your situation. You are worthy of existing and being seen.
Excellent (but sad) example of what Emotional Invalidation involves…thanks much for sharing.
I have stopped communicating with a sister for exactly this reason. I am still not at peace with this decision but the thought of endeavouring to repair a relationship with a person who defaults to fight mode and who must be right at all costs, is too painful and too exhausting. Swam un these waters as a child and have reached my absolute limit.
We must have the same sister. And funny enough, I just did the same with her not too long ago.
"Maybe something wrong with me. Nobody seems to really care. Maybe it's not that important." Oooffff
Ah so the person invalidates bc they can't deal with emotions. This needs to be promoted more in our society vs. capitalized on. Im definitely working on this still in both directions:)
Yes, it's amazing how it circles around isn't it....
Sounds JUST like my family.
Me too it's really tough having a family that's like this. They just really don't care what we go through.
Thank you, Brad! Your videos are SO insightful and helpful!!! I believed I wasn't being abused for years. I never thought my mom was abusive because I've had friends whose parents have done things to them I thought were horrific and because my mom never did those things, I thought I was very fortunate. I never realized how abusive emotional invalidation is!
Yes that happens quite a bit when we try to "compare" forms of abuse......glad you're realizing that the more subtle, 'hidden' forms of abuse are deadly as well...
This is exactly how I feel in my relationship. I'm told that I'm immature and need to grow up, and that my feelings are wrong and that I need to change them. It's exhausting. I no longer trust myself and I feel like I'm going crazy.
Get out now. I stayed to long in a relationship like that, and I literally had a breakdown.
@@krystalgardiner5591 I left a week ago. We still live together now, for the time being.
I just ended a relationship with a narcissist. So often I would listen to him talk which seemed like forever and validate his experience. Then I would share my feelings and he would blank out and say I have to go. So hard to be invalidated, not seen or heard.
😢
If I tell my husband anything like if something upset me or what happened about someone etc, it gets so frustrating. He'll tell me to not let others control me, compare what I'm talking about to someone else's situation or turn it around some other way. I can't really get things off my mind to him and show him how it feels to me. So I just give up because I receive no compassion or understanding. I wish so bad that we could have a heart to heart talk about things without him getting annoyed and me drained.
I can relate. I have to exert a lot of self control with my wife. If I talk about how I feel or felt that'll just lead to her dismissing it or at worst getting annoyed by me for "only talking about the negatives". It's really draining.
My mother is just like this , I have distanced myself a lot in the last few years but recently went to visit and it was so unbelievably stressful, literally every story or memories were either wrong or ignored the gaslighting was overwhelming, their was lots of sighing in the brief few moments I actually decided to talk in between her hypocritical rants and HER talking , lots of eye rolling from her .I made the decision then to absolutely just walk away and deal with the ‘hangover’ it was horrible and stayed with me for weeks but I made a promise to myself that I will NEVER accept this from anyone ever again no matter what , I trust myself that I will let the light in when it feels right and listen to my gut if I sniff out a problem
This. Parents definitely love twisting up YOUR memories for their benefit
@@Therealissa98 exactly, it’s such a strong force to me I mean it’s overwhelming to the point I leave thinking that everything i thought I knew was ripped away , it’s so hard , like feelings and emotions, opinions and memories just feel gone and lost , I felt empty inside like my whole existence was a pointless lie ! Which is exactly why I walked away and phoned my therapist 😆 ! It was the final nail in the coffin for me , I can’t say anything to her because she would just flare her nostrils and huff and throw something back at me that I did when I was like 14 and just being a normal kid and her all defensive and angry , not worth it so I am just ghosting her right now , she has this way of playing the innocent victim and everyone else has the problem ! I do not want to be like her or be around her and all her flying monkeys 🤮 no thanks lol , I feel for anyone going through the same thing! It’s such a confusing thing to have to go through leaves you so head f***ed .
Much love from Germany...
A very very few really care..chose wisely
Yes it is indeed a choice...
I'm trying so hard to break our generational curse. I've felt invisible my whole life.
I was told i wasnt allowed to cry at school when I was only 9-10 since i was one to be more emotional. I still cried. I was still fucking emotional. that never changed. what changed was the fact I’d just go into the bathroom and do it. and then right after I’d be so scared that my parents would find out that I’d cry at recess or in the middle of class. I took it out on other kids by being a total jerk. my parents told me that “it was for my own good” and that they “dont want me to get bullied” well fuck that. I was being bullied by my own head 24/7 screaming at me not to cry over and over, being told i was the problem and that my emotions were to blame and that i needed to fix myself. I remember i was so stressed that I was in an unescapable cycle of crying, freaking out about it, crying again because of the anxiety, and then getting yelled at. i know none of that was intentional but I still have these extremely mixed feelings. theres more stuff like how I cant tell my mom anything without her telling me ways i could have easily resolved it etc. but i wont get into that rn. I know by tomorrow I’ll be partially over it but I’ll end up coming back to this random feeling of needing to complain eventually.
Man you finally have a better mic I would be at the gym and couldn’t really here you talk even at high volume 😂
Yes FINALLY got one!! :)
I was gaslit and left to deal with my own emotions as a child. My mother said it was bc when she was a child it was that they never talked about bad things that happened. I learned to deal with my own emotions alone and my first instinct is to leave... ive lost everything ive ever loved bc i have no communication skills when it comes to emotions or problem solving. When bad things happen you sweep them away.. but as a 32 yr old man now my kids are all i have i cant let generational curses define me. Even though i love people in my life i cant be there for them on a personal level bc i was never taught to do so. But id give anything for the people i love to know id die for them and id do anything to see them smile..
Thank you for this insight. I am insecure/fearful from trauma. "It seems like you'll need a lot of reassurance and that could be draining." I haven't asked you for anything bro, and now I don't believe I can communicate with you at all. When I open up and you use the info to invalidate me, I guess it's time to break camp. At the same time, it causes me to wonder if anyone will ever be able to tolerate me. Thanks.
You are never too much, using words like “tolerate you” is not kind to yourself. Get you a bestie who you vibe with and who you can be you with, you’ll see how NOT too much you are!
If anyone can save one person from becoming involved with another person that will do nothing but invalidate them always, then the savior has accomplished a worthy meaningful life. Literally saving a life. An empathetic person gets so trapped in this kind of damaging relationship and ends up completely destroyed and losing out on the best years of life.
Thanks Brad, you've helped me to understand a lot about my childhood that I wasn't previously aware of, I am now doing the work to heal my trauma. Keep up the great work
What a great channel. Thanks for sharing 👍🏼
Thank you, Brad. Really helpful and supportive. Just what I've needed. All best wishes to everyone here who's experienced invalidation.
My "friends" treat me like that, they don't give me the time of the day, they didn't even stay in touch during lockdown
❤ I understand ❤
They're not your friends,or weren't your friends if you already cut them off. Real friends care!
@@saturntoodivine111 Ironically, they were the ones that ended up cutting me off. I'm completely friendless now.
I watched your video about narcissist mothers and how they ruin lives and it completely describes how my girlfriend is and her mom shows literally every box to tick off for npd but I desperately want her to be able to love herself and a lot is happening and I'm honestly overwhelmed ik this isn't how to go about it but I need every bit of advice I can get she's 16 and I'm 17 so not exactly much we can do but anything helps in terms of advice/guidance
You definitely described my childhood, my romantic relationships and my landlord. Weeeeeee
Thanks for bringing a smile, take care 🕊
Yeah, it makes you feel small. Like a "shrink". if you know what I mean. Should we call shrinks therapists or counselors so we don't invalidate them?
I like your content! 🤗
Or being corrected and mocked so you go through life feeling like a POS 🎉
My stepdad is like this
Excellent.
I think the world is so fast moving. Nobody has time to really listen.