I like how half of these are "This precious baby is a functional member of society who likes to get drunk on the weekends" and the other half are "This man is an absolute psychopath with no redeemable qualities and ate 6 astronauts in 1978"
Okay, but for real, spending a paragraph describing how stupid and vain Pidgeotto are and then ending with "They're also US congressmen" is unironically hilarious satire.
I'm American and some of these had me legitimately crying from laughing Fitting time stamp - 9:11 "Blastoise are often used to disperse protesters" - if America had Pokemon, politicians would 100% have a Blastoise.
@@Kyle49840 To be fair, it's not far off from the truth. Most of them are like startled birds that have no idea what they're doing, they squawk at each other and fight constantly. God this is hilarious
Headcanon: Sylion is a Eevee who's adicted to Sailor Moon. The male ones are the type of weeb who is on 4 Chan 24-7 and making MLP Rule 34, while the females are happy go lucky to hide their crippling depression.
This feels like a real Pokemon book from the Pokemon universe, written by someone who is not an actual Pokemon professor so he just bases himself on told tales and word of mouth. I love it
@@alexreid7386if you think about it, beating a Yamask to an inch of his life and then standing under a super specific rock formation in England. It doesn't sound too incomparable then.
@@alexreid7386 And other batshit insane entries. Skeledirge's bio in Violet goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
@@xavierwalko4175 Lol yeah, the Pokédex is weird about temperatures sometimes. Magcargo is literally hotter than the sun, so everything around it should be absolute toast.
I feel what makes this so unique is how it portrays Pokémon as the fair folk, sometimes friendly, others hostile. From this point of view, it's pretty interesting
i love how this guy is so concerned with the education and employment of pokemon. He doesnt even seem to think of them as animals, saying things like "they don't know multiplication" and "they work at supermarkets" but then also saying they will attack you unprovoked and eat snails
to be fair that's not far from normal pokemon. mr mime, chancy in pokemon centers. those monkey ones that work as a moving company as the start of one of the games.
@@iponce2 I just want to point out that in the 1990s and 2000s, journalism in Russia was really quite questionable. Usually journalists were bought by some oligarch, and those who were honest and had principles were killed rather quickly.
I love how the Poliwag line starts out like an actual Pokedex entry, living in rivers and being fished for by trainers. Then it just immediately turns to wielding sub-machine guns, overthrowing Haiti, hoarding missiles, and driving pleasure from torpedo fire.
I like the acknowledgement of progression between evolution forms. A lot of pokedex entries treat the different stages of evolution almost like they are separate creatures from the other stages, but here, the author explains how their personalities change as they evolve or treat it like actual progression through their lives. Even if it is very goofy...
I think one became president. I'm no democrat, but I miss Obama 😢 Been too long since we had a decent one without, well.. Guy could speak. He looked and sounded like a prez, and actually had a great sense of humor.
The dichotomy of a dad wanting to entertain his kid, and a dad writing a Caterpie having an existential crisis or Butterfree beating animals to death, is something.
I love how all these get one specific Hobby like "With its sharp claws it rips off its enemies throats and feasts on their blood. Also it likes to make pie on the weekends"
@@hisaceinthehole3426I imagine he was working with a Pokedex handbook and a rudimentary knowledge of English. He just decided to make something funny instead of translating it into Russian
@@AbsolXGuardian I guess that makes sense, but I have to imagine that a lot of the lifestyle and political jokes and racial politics were going to go over the kid's heads.
his daughter was a fan of the show, so i assumed he caught a few episodes (explaining how he'd bring up things that seem related to specific moments in the show, or team rocket)
I like how half of the entries will start off pretty normal like "this pokemon loves almonds and plays board games with its tail" and then devolve into complete insanity like "its also the cause of the kashmir conflict and spews hate speech at construction workers"
I was thinking about it on a walk today and I think that it's decently reasonable that whoever was writing this was writing them less as the elemental animals that they are and more as something like the anthropomorphized animals that exist in fairy tales and parables and stuff like that. Like less animals and more standins for aspects of human nature. Some are unambiguous political / social commentary, obviously, but
it's oddly charming to hear that a father did this for their daughter and just the glimpse into their thoughts about the pokemon and how they would tie to society, thank you for the effort of making this video and all your efforts to translate and such
I get the impression that anyone who knows this author really well can identify actual people some of these descriptions are based on. It feels like a lot of these are local town gossip, unresearched hearsay and stereotypes, and responses to his daughter’s random questions about Pokemon. “Daddy, do you think Ponyta loves Pikachu?”
I became so desensitised to how ridiculous some of these were that by the time Vaporeon's entry came up saying they were Eevees with alcohol addictions I was just went "sure, why not?" and treated it like a normal thing. Also I am shocked that the Hypno entry was more tame than the actually entry.
I can actually explain why Vapoereon is an alchoholic, in Russia if we wanna say that person is drank we say he is blue, and Vaporeon is blue, so its a clever joke
Elon Musk, a vessle for Arceus itself, hires them on mass so they kill each other instead. Also has female Nidorans running Twitter giving him the worst advice.
I love the idea of Nidoking being this big scary monster that peole run and hide from, slaughtering livestock by the dozens and smashing 2 story buildings with its tail, then here comes Ash with a little wooden brush, scratches the right spot and all the sudden it's docile as a Pikachu.
It's especially funny because in later games, the term "Indian Elephant" is replaced with Copperajah in dex entries, which makes Gastly's entry make no sense as Copperajah is immune to poison.
Oh, Primate dies of it being pissed and then is too angry to die, Cofugrieus Mmummifies it's trainers, and the dex entry of Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit." So these aren't that far off when you think of it that way.
It was a HUGE honor and a great pleasure to work on this project together with you, and I want to once again thank the whole team for a fantastic job! 🙌 Researching all this was so interesting and I'm happy that we were able to bring this obscure Pokémon lore to fans! Everyone, I hope you enjoy the video! Trust me, strength was required not to die of laughter while translating all this haha!
Хей, у тебя получилось очень круто передать оригинальный юмор! Это огромная работа, ты молодец с: Я тоже всегда считал, что весь остальной мир обязан увидеть наш безумный вариант Покедекса, и благодаря тебе теперь так и случилось :)
These are hilarious and amazing, but also, these have really convinced me that the idea of pokémon all having full human-like lives instead of being closer to animals is an idea with tons of merit that's super compelling.
There are some legit great worldbuilding ideas mixed in here (in between this well meaning dad's hot takes) like Bellsprout being used for anasthesia, Alakazam working on space stations, & Kingler recycling shipwrecks are just a few standouts
“Most Sandshrew can’t even count the claws on their own paws, even though they only have 2” Sandshrew have 3 claws on their front paws. Is the author secretly a Sandshrew?
Dmitrii Gorchev is actually a well-known writer who became famous because of his Livejournal. His style is postmodern with a lot of absurd humor. So there is a chance that this Pokedex was a joke from the beginning. At least he knew what he’s doing with his illustrations.
Saying there's "a chance" that this was intentional isn't giving the author and illustrator enough credit. This isn't a "so bad it's funny" kind of bootleg - it's superbly written. This isn't the kind of humor someone can make by accident.
Hearing a middle aged Russian father's passive aggressive anger, and serious love for this series al the way back from the 90's: is not something I expected. But I'm so glad this found me. This is heartwarming, puzzling, and hilarious at the same time. "Charmander drinks gasoline every day, and if not, alcohol. They get very drunk and fall down" "EVERY SIINGLE Wartortle is registered with the police, and are skilled with a wide variety of fire-arms" "Blastoise is used to deter protesters" Oh my god. Someone needs to remake the anime into this man's vision.
As goofy as these descriptions are, this is one of the most charming and sweet things I've ever seen someone do for their kid. And some of these are really fun and creative, too. Can't believe I didn't know about this sooner
What I love about this Pokedex: 1: How every Pokemon has trivial hobbies and ways of life. 2: Others are used in society by their own choice without any reason. 3: They have specific religious and beliefs.
It’s very easy for me to imagine how this was pitched to Alpharad “Hey wanna read a full Pokedex out loud?” “Probably not, why” “Blastoise are used to quell protests in Southeast Asia” *brain misfires “Waitwha-“ “Rhyhorn watch Mexican soap operas and when they’re done they set out to kill” “But-“ “Dratini run the Italian mafia” At this point Alpha’s bit-seeking nature just, probably took over and before he knew it he was halfway through reading about Mankey pretending to kill Terrorists in Nepal
I actually love the idea that Fearow don't really age, or extremely slowly. And a geodude chiseled into the shape of a roman statue, still just being a geodude Also love that Psyducks are just the average historical writer whose works shook the world... after their death
I love how it has the same energy as one of those medieval texts about exotic animals the author once heard about, I could also see some of the personalities working in a Mystery Dungeon type scenario, like Venonat picking up radio waves on its antennae and therefore becoming conspiracy theorists lol Edit: Russian Grimer is my spirit animal
I love how Alpharad acts horrified and incredulous when reading about Haunter and Gengar eating souls like that would never happen in the real Pokédex entries. The Litwick line, anyone?
Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit." Cofiguegus mummifies it's trainers Mimikyu kills you with it's looks and Bewear with it's hugs. Pokemon is fucking insane.
@@SlimeBlueMSit's a big metallic object that can shoot metal spheres Canon is a term that means that the fact is unobjectionable and true to the fictional world of a book/movie/game
This is some of the most insane stuff. Two hours of listening to Pokédex entries that talk about Pokémon taking jobs, doing drugs, extorting crab sticks... and knowing that it's all the work of one man who just wanted his little girl to be able to enjoy Pokémon, it's honestly kinda wholesome, even considering the nature of the dex entries. This was quite the laugh and I love knowing this is a thing. :)
I don't know why, but his style of writing and his humor really reminded me of how Douglas Adams, author of The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, used to write. Specially the existentialist Caterpie
8 months later and I came here to say the EXACT same thing - the randomly specific references about public figures/philosophies/countries and the sense of comedic timing feel very much in line with the vibe of H2G2 entries
If you've played any if the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games, that's actually not far from the truth. It's just that they don't talk to people, just other Pokémon.
@@howlrichard1028 I did, but... in mystery dungeon it's a bit more grounded, I suppose? one Kangaskhan chose to open a storage, and other kangaskhan just live their lives elsewhere... Kecleon is the only example where an entire species is dedicated to a job, which appears to be more so the direction this pokedex often takes.
He turned them into Digimon so much that he turned the Pokédex into the Digimon Visual Encyclopedia. Only it’s weirder because Pokémon are chattel while (most) Digimon are people and treated as such unless they arbitrarily aren’t. It’s weird how one of the Digimon that is supposedly one of the mindless ones was the evil genius villain for an entire strategy rpg series.
I want to see the gang ran by a Dratini, a Charmeleon, and a guy name Gosepe >.> I love that this pokemon gang, run by a pokemon, just has an italian guy involved. he probably makes them all spaghetti for dinner, and has a gun
A lot of these could be actually used for Pokedex entries, especially on gen 1. Heck I wish some where, many of them have very cool concepts, like Ninetales using their tails to fly and being mistaked for shooting stars. It's also so sweet how a father did all as a gift for her daughter :)
I love this so much i want to find one. This is COMPLETELY UNHINGED. I learned so much about the author. He clearly loved his daughter and watched episodes with her and listened to her talk about the games. It just feels like he's a traditional, conservative boomer type with specific opinions about journalists, protesters, and the Chinese. But this is so outrageous. I was NOT ready for jynx just being a gypsy or dratini. Multiple times i almost choked on my drink. What a magnificent ride. Also his humor is glorious.
It's impressive how well all the footage matches what's being talked about. That's way harder to do than it looks. I can't imagine having to scour the show for all of these incredibly specific shots.
If you started reading some of these Pokedex entries to someone, without explaining who wrote them, I'm certain they'd be able to tell that this was written by someone who grew up in the Cold War-era Soviet Union. So much commentary on espionage, drinking, gambling, foreign militaries, rich exploiters, grumpy old people, gold-diggers, and SO much mockery and hate for journalists and philosophers. I laughed so much at all of this. To each and every person who helped this amazing Pokedex get to me today, thank you. May all of your life's ailments be healed by benevolent Dragonites and Chanseys. Or by the touch of an Articuno's tail, if that's more convenient.
@@zacharyyoungblood7013 That could even be a reference to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Or... something. (When I'm not feeling so sick and feverish, I may watch this video again and check what it says there.)
You can tell he was pissed off by certain other people and ethnic groups like Americans and Gypsies and local animals and stuff. Then he just simply anthropomorphized them.
Gotta love how for the one Pokemon that's specifically designated as female, this Russian dude was like "they're toxic liars who sit around eating cake and lipstick and reading fashion magazines all day" In a book he wrote for his daughter
As a Russian, I had absolutely no clue this was a thing.. I dunno if that thing is a joke or not, but I’m actually kinda proud of it😅 Edit: I hope somebody makes a romhack based on these entries
Best buy recruiter: sorry mewtwo but we cannot hire you. cause of your.... Mewtwo: deletes recruiter replacement recruiter: you'll make a FINE computer salesman, when can you start?
How can it turn so horrific yet still be so cute? They'll tear apart anyone, but also enjoy eating branded gum and spend time helping at kindergartens.
То чувство, когда даже у нас нет обзоров или каких-либо видео по поводу русского покедекса. Офигенное видео :D Вообще, даже жаль,что Фэндом покемонов не популярен в России... Не было ни игр толком про покемонов, а геймбой был редкостью в нашей стране в 1990-х и 2000-х. Спасибо автору за классное видео!
I love how much the author shines through in the descriptions. I know so far that he hates millionaires, political corruption, weak men, and loud car alarms 😅
Also against gambling, but likes drinking, and reads the newspaper. Possibly a smoker or around smokers a lot as well - cigarettes come up quite a few times.
To me, he sounds like a pissed-off communist a mere 10 years removed from the collapse of the Soviet Union. Like he had a life, and it was taken away. So he blames people, broadly.
@@Kellan__they-them Don't forget that this was intended to be published. Smoking and reading the newspaper may be peculiar traits in 2023, but these were everyman traits in 90's russia.
Even though a lot of this is cursed, most of it is very creative. Fair play to a Russian guy who just wanted to give his daughter some info on their favourite critters
It’s funny how it starts out with Bulbasaur, and it’s like “yeah… this isn’t quite Bulbasaur, but it sounds kinda like a pokemon” and then it becomes progressively clearer that the author has no idea what Pokémon are. It’s like if someone wrote pokedex entries for the pokemon Julia from Drawfee draws
my favourite part of the stories is just the fact he constantly said pokemon lived in different places of the world. it gave this book a sense that yes, pokemon do live around the entire world. and not in this 1 part of japan.
On the one hand, this is very sweet and wholesome that a father would put so much effort to make something based on his daughter's love for Pokemon. On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL!?
Holy moly, this is literally only the SECOND time I've heard of anyone confusing Electrode's eyebrows as antenna!! The first time was all the way back in 1997 when some kid tried to tell me they knew everything about pokemon. LOL It legitimately sounds like someone in their family had to have had one of these books! XD
Not gonna lie the mix of human and animal attributes along with how some of the Pokémon evolve in this book could make for great story potential for fanfiction in the Mystery Dungeon World. Some highlights: *Sandslash ate Tide Pods before it was cool. *The Nido family bizarrely reflect internet subcultures like Twitter users, incels, etc. *Zhitinsky somehow mistook the Vulpix line for horses, which makes the Ponyta line even wierder. *Wigglytuff acts like Incineroar. *Golbats are depressed war veterans. *Glooms are reverse otakus. *Parasect killed and ate an entire Miami insurance company that was trying to sell it life insurance in order to evolve. *Diglett and Dugtrio are root vegetable land mines and not moles. *Meowth manipulates governments to the point of being the targets of assassination while Persians are the 1% who like most millionaires spend most of their money to cover their mistakes. *Psyduck killed terrorists in Nepal. *Satoshi's favorite Pokémon loves Stimorol sugar-free chewing gum and sound like car horns to scare herring into fishing nets, before evolving into a Pokémon trained to shoot submachine guns in order to take over small governments. *Alakazam thinks it is superior to everyone else and that everyone who disagrees with it should be shot. *Machops can live simple lives watching cartoons and milking cattle, and are well versed in the arts and STEM fields. *Zhitinsky took "Weepinbell" a bit too literally. *Tentacool is a tadpole and Muk is a jellyfish. *Geodude has Wartortle's wisdom and can be carved, is melted down to make Graveller, and Golem is hollow both figuratively and literally. *Ponyta and Rapidash cause problems but no one seems to care. The former notably pops the corks off champhange bottles while the latter is a male-only evolution. *Slowpoke is surprisingly accurate but spun to make fun of the military. Slowbro being a spy is also actually what happened in the Adventures manga and it is true:, "...speed doesn't matter, only results." *Why aren't Magneton used as satellites in canon? *Doduo are a family of two heads, a torso, and two legs, and Dodrio adds a baby head. Ponyta is the reason they're Flying-types. *Some Seel drive silver Mercedes, and Dewgong eats nothing but ice cream. *Grimer finds happiness in the little things, while Muk can predict the future. *Shellder loves music but disses the Rolling Stones, while Cloyster struggle with heroin addictions. *Haunter is anti-social and eats the souls from those in crowded places. Gengar can be used as hot-air balloons but will kill any young woman they see. *Zhitinsky definitely did not look at Onix's speed stat, but them eating raw cement and having rock cogs for brains is funny. *Drowzee basically runs an MLM, but Hypno is somehow less creepy than in the official lore. *Krabby is literally a crab that become a Pokémon through sheer will and knowledge, while Kingler uses its money to support ballet after it realizes it wasted its opportunities. *You can bribe a Voltorb to be the perfect bowling ball, as long as you have the right voltage. *Zhitinsky somehow thought Electrode's eyebrows were coils, which is actually kind of a cool idea. *There are zombie Exeggcute and they literally smother their victims with numbers, and also attach to a bush to become Exeggutor, which are themselves mindless and repeat anything they've been told. *Cubone wears the bones of its victims here (not its mother's) and displays them around its home. Also anyone find it odd how the bit about kangaroo friends lines up a bit too well with their assumed connection to Kangaskhan? Marowak themselves are grave robbers that make fake skeletons from real bones. Such a disrespect to the mother who died to protect her children. *Hitmonlee needs oiling but is an increidble dancer, while Zhitinsky seems to have made Hitmonchan weak for some borderline racist and misogynistic reasons.. *Lickitung have their own tongue language but are often killed by car tires. *Koffing are somehow both used by domestic terrorists and kindergartens, and are even capable of working in the education system themselves. Weezing are also always willing to get high off car exhaust, to the point there are literal public services dedicated to removing them. They can also be surprisingly successful. *Rhyhorns are gang members that can just as easily shoot up an airport as they can become emotional wrecks after watching their favorite Mexican soap operas. Rhydons on the other hand, while smart, happily draw straws for the chance to be shot with nukes. *Tangela style their vines but are constantly under threat by elephants and African tribes (slight racism?) *Zhitinsky made this for his daughter yet somehow focused too much on the "Hor" part of Horsea. Also how does Seadra iron clothes? *Seakings are literal sexual assaulters (yet Zhitinsky somehow tries to suggest that's a good thing?! What?!) *Staryu and Starmie are living awards that use suction cups, and the latter is much smaller than it actually is. *There's probably some fans out there happy that Mr. Mime is constantly beat up by other Pokémon. *Scythers are popular hairdressers despite the risk of losing noses, ears, or complete decapitation. Zhitinsky also thinks Norwegians are boring. *Lot of casual racism in the Jynx section, makes Game Freak look like angels in comparison. *Electabuzz act as paratrooper generators and Magmar have to be stored in water and then given alcohol to be transported long distances. *Pinsir is not a bug but sentient wire cutters. *Tauros were bulls lucky to not be regular bulls and killed in bullfighting. The bit about pulling kids rollerskating is pretty wholesome though. *Forget the salesman, Magikarp is a literal extortionist. Gyarados can also kill people by them simply looking at it and will pop like a balloon on death. *Lapras act as judges for legal disputes and issue impartial judgements, and then drown the offending partner by giving them "Geodude shoes." *Ditto are masochist and have managed to monetize that. *Eevee are squirrels with a love for the night life and incredible luck at slots. Vaporeon evolved by drinking too many cocktails and bribes Black Sea naval officers at night to control battleships, needing extra money to fire torpedos. Jolteon evolved by playing too much roulette and have such terrible luck with money they'll often lead very poor lives, sometimes even offing themselves as a result. Flareon evolved by overcoming its gambling addictions and are romantics, but often kill their potential lovers with their flames and with their tears putting out their flames. A fire extinguisher is needed to date a Flareon. *Porygon are not computer models, but wooden kits that help you to get tasks done. *Zhitinsky obviously had no idea what an ammonite was. Omastar is also just Jesse Ventura. *Kabutops are patient socialites who give lectures. *Aerodactyl are literally racial profiled. *Snorlax have potential but are just lazy. *The legendary birds are slandered: Articuno is a good-for-nothing cheating parent who scams people, Zapdos are stuck in booths charging phones in Holland or executing prisoners, and Moltres is literally useless to the point of not being able to reproduce without human intervention. *Dratini are Italians and small mafia bosses at that, consisting of other Dratini, Charmeleon, and a Sicilian guy named Guiseppe, to rob trains and buses. Dragonair have given up the robbery for politics and are diplomatic shmoozers that can speak French. Dragonair only evolves into Dragonite once it realizes its life has been meaningless, and change their lives to support the disabled. *Mewtwo's fingers are literally just the Enter, Delete, and Backspace buttons from a computer, using them to revive or destroy things. They also work in computer sales. *Mew is literally how it was originally written in the original Pokémon movie: a troll-y annoying brat. *The Chikorita line is involved with intelligence work in South America: Chikorita seduces information out of people with sambas regarding Argentina and Uruguay, some Bayleef become trans men, and Meganium become Amazonian tribe leaders (again slight racism) while doing missions for Columbian drug cartels and are often put on trials by US intelligence agencies, spending their last days imprisoned. *Cyndaquil will try to charge you for a weak performance, Quilava will act as soliders willing to fight for any cause as living napalm, and Typhlosion are so spoiled they will literally explode over the smallest things.
@@CoralReaper707 The machop line makes most fighting types, let alone the hitmons and mankey line look weak by contrast lol. Machop can lift 100 adult humans and heft gravelers like barbels (the 100 adult human part first appeared in Stadium's pokedex BTW). Machoke can hold up a sumo _with a single finger_ (all the Gen 1 entries were about how they have to wear a power save belt because of how powerful they supposedly are). Lastly, Machamp can punch victims over the horizon and move mountains (the first part was from Red and Blue Versions and the later part from Yellow Version).
This is clearly the work of a dad having fun with his son/daughter. Just making puns and having a laugh. Probably lots of inside jokes between them too. Love it ❤
I like these pokedex entries, it makes me feel like pokemon are assimilated into human society on a deeper level which in-turn feels more realistic and relatable.
This is now my canon pokedex. Thank you, dad in Russia. You did not write this only for your girls, you wrote this for me and countless others as well.
Although Cubone's entry makes no mention of the whole dead mom fiasco, the weird bit about being friends with kangaroos does remind one of the Baby Kangaskhan theory.
Gopnik Rattata, Sandshrew the idiot, Alakazam the ultimate jerk, gangster Dratini with a potential redemption arc, Mewtwo and his revive / nuke buttons, and many, many, MANY more... It was bizarre and funny - hell, you can notice Alpha holding his laugh sometimes, but also interesting, and the story behind it is even wholesome. Thanks for translating this!
I like how half of these are "This precious baby is a functional member of society who likes to get drunk on the weekends" and the other half are "This man is an absolute psychopath with no redeemable qualities and ate 6 astronauts in 1978"
"They are wanted in 78 countries for their crimes against humanity. They often works at journalists"
Cloyster is on heroin
It's so much more than that. The social commentary is insane! What an intelligent and creative man.
And Russian Machamp is an absolute Chad
@@poweredman I feel l already know all about Russia!
Okay, but for real, spending a paragraph describing how stupid and vain Pidgeotto are and then ending with "They're also US congressmen" is unironically hilarious satire.
The notoriously stupid Pidgey who all become journalists and businessmen is even better.
I died laughing and had to rewind just to make sure I heard that lol.
Those kids must be so confused when they realize all our congressmen are pidgettos, just in human form.
I'm American and some of these had me legitimately crying from laughing
Fitting time stamp - 9:11 "Blastoise are often used to disperse protesters" - if America had Pokemon, politicians would 100% have a Blastoise.
@@Kyle49840 To be fair, it's not far off from the truth. Most of them are like startled birds that have no idea what they're doing, they squawk at each other and fight constantly.
God this is hilarious
Outside Russia:
"Eevee's a fox!"
"NO! Eevee has to be a dog!"
"I'm pretty sure Eevee is a cat, guys!"
Russia:
"Eevee is squirrel."
And vulpix and ninetails are horses
And Vulpix and Ninetales are horses, apparently XD
My dad used to call pikachu a squirrel.
Headcanon: Sylion is a Eevee who's adicted to Sailor Moon. The male ones are the type of weeb who is on 4 Chan 24-7 and making MLP Rule 34, while the females are happy go lucky to hide their crippling depression.
Eevee’s a hybrid of most, actually.
"Alakazam are absolute bastards" should be in the official Pokedex. I am so happy this exists.
@joechristman6019 - it totally does seem like it would exist. Alakazam are like evil wizards who can shut their conscience off at will
This feels like a real Pokemon book from the Pokemon universe, written by someone who is not an actual Pokemon professor so he just bases himself on told tales and word of mouth. I love it
its russian propaganda. their government probably bought rights to the game.
This is the pokemon equivalent of the golden plates.
It's better lets be real
a book written by the town drunk
I like to think this was written by Jessie and James after they retired, and they called it the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Pokemon.
"It turns out there's no need for philosophy if you've got huge pincers" is a godlike fucking quote holy shit
Spoken like a dummy
LMFAO i almost died xD
Paras needing to kill an entire Miami life insurance company to evolve is maybe the most niche evolution trigger yet.
I think it's second only to Galarian Yamask lol
@@alexreid7386if you think about it, beating a Yamask to an inch of his life and then standing under a super specific rock formation in England. It doesn't sound too incomparable then.
@@Nitosa Lol ikr, wacky Russian dude accidentally kinda predicted the weirdness of Galarian Yamask's evolution
@@alexreid7386 And other batshit insane entries. Skeledirge's bio in Violet goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
@@xavierwalko4175 Lol yeah, the Pokédex is weird about temperatures sometimes. Magcargo is literally hotter than the sun, so everything around it should be absolute toast.
To be honest, as crazy as all this stuff is, it's pretty impressive that this guy made fairly extensive backstories for ALL Pokémon.
Imagine someday he or his daughter is gonna make these backstories for all the 1000+ Pokemon. This would be so cool imo
Ones that reference each other, even
What wouldnt a father do? 😊
A really nice thing to do for your daughter too. What a good dad
Considering the directions it goes: some make sense and others are actually accurate
Looking at the Russian Pokedex is the equivalent of reading animal descriptions from medieval times.
true lmao
I feel what makes this so unique is how it portrays Pokémon as the fair folk, sometimes friendly, others hostile. From this point of view, it's pretty interesting
It's also interesting how this chooses to focus almost exclusively on the Pokémons interactions with humans.
All I know is I would have a charmander be lighting my tokes and cigs save so much money on lighters
i love how this guy is so concerned with the education and employment of pokemon. He doesnt even seem to think of them as animals, saying things like "they don't know multiplication" and "they work at supermarkets" but then also saying they will attack you unprovoked and eat snails
I mean, that's Russia for you.
to be fair that's not far from normal pokemon. mr mime, chancy in pokemon centers. those monkey ones that work as a moving company as the start of one of the games.
In some parts of Asia, people do eat snails
@@obiwancannoli1920 more like the rest of the world namely French cuisine.
@@obiwancannoli1920 those "people" are called fr*nch
That bit about charmeleon being substitutes for light posts in rural towns actually sounds like a real dex entry
Same with Butterfree being mailmen. That sounds adorable
The dad energy is real. Weird polítical takes, questionable moral lessons and nonsense humour. That russian dad hated journalists
felt more like he hated tabloid journalism, but maybe the distinction doesnt exist in other languages? "Journalism" felt vague, nahmeen?
@@iponce2 it's russia, journalism is either tabloids or propaganda
@@iponce2 I just want to point out that in the 1990s and 2000s, journalism in Russia was really quite questionable.
Usually journalists were bought by some oligarch, and those who were honest and had principles were killed rather quickly.
@@Николай-ш9ю1н ...what's changed..
@@BoblopZmuda Now they are either put in jail or forced out of the country.
And sometimes killed.
I love how the Poliwag line starts out like an actual Pokedex entry, living in rivers and being fished for by trainers. Then it just immediately turns to wielding sub-machine guns, overthrowing Haiti, hoarding missiles, and driving pleasure from torpedo fire.
you love russian propaganda then
@@electricearth1101grow up
^ dude above me is odd but I am NOT gonna reply to that
the first reply is the most low quality bait I've ever seen. 144p bait
@@kellymountain lower quality bait than a bare fishook
I like the acknowledgement of progression between evolution forms. A lot of pokedex entries treat the different stages of evolution almost like they are separate creatures from the other stages, but here, the author explains how their personalities change as they evolve or treat it like actual progression through their lives. Even if it is very goofy...
15:06 The abrupt leap from Pidgeotto dying in agony to "Several Pidgeotto are United States congressmen" was too much for me to handle...
I'm surprised that bit didn't also include "this is where the term 'bird-brain' comes from."
@@Barracius There is no saying like that in Russian so that makes sense.
I absolutely lost it at this.
I think one became president. I'm no democrat, but I miss Obama 😢 Been too long since we had a decent one without, well..
Guy could speak. He looked and sounded like a prez, and actually had a great sense of humor.
@@LegendStormcrowno one asked
The dichotomy of a dad wanting to entertain his kid, and a dad writing a Caterpie having an existential crisis or Butterfree beating animals to death, is something.
Quite a bit of it is thinly veiled social commentary that would fly over most kids heads. This guy really hated journalists.
Man, that string of letters is wild, fao
@@codycrawford7842 I know it's hilarious
@@codycrawford7842 I don't think it would fly over anyone's head. This is the least subtle social commentary that has ever existed.
@@uberculex It would be the first time a 8-12 year old might be introduced to some of these concepts but that actually makes it effective propaganda.
I love how all these get one specific Hobby like "With its sharp claws it rips off its enemies throats and feasts on their blood. Also it likes to make pie on the weekends"
The crazy thing is the author managed to sprinkle actual consistent Pokémon factoids in with the great satire. Like Rattata being prey for Fearow.
Or mewtwo's entries. Like, did he actually do research or just got lucky on some of the entries?
@@hisaceinthehole3426I imagine he was working with a Pokedex handbook and a rudimentary knowledge of English. He just decided to make something funny instead of translating it into Russian
@@AbsolXGuardian I guess that makes sense, but I have to imagine that a lot of the lifestyle and political jokes and racial politics were going to go over the kid's heads.
his daughter was a fan of the show, so i assumed he caught a few episodes (explaining how he'd bring up things that seem related to specific moments in the show, or team rocket)
I like how half of the entries will start off pretty normal like "this pokemon loves almonds and plays board games with its tail" and then devolve into complete insanity like "its also the cause of the kashmir conflict and spews hate speech at construction workers"
i love the authors idea of pokemon just doing both regular animal things and human things like "they eat bugs and drink booze"
"Several Pigeotto are United States Congressmen" XD
I was thinking about it on a walk today and I think that it's decently reasonable that whoever was writing this was writing them less as the elemental animals that they are and more as something like the anthropomorphized animals that exist in fairy tales and parables and stuff like that. Like less animals and more standins for aspects of human nature.
Some are unambiguous political / social commentary, obviously, but
@@LuminousLead I don't know what they stand for but I will vote for them
@@markb5249 pokemon in general are anthropromorphic, and have acted more human over time
@Internet Guy yeah but being Businessman???
Parasect taking out an entire insurance company, specifically in Miami, has to be one of the most convoluted and confusing things I’ve ever heard. Lol
"You finish your pokedex yet?"
"Almost, just need to feed my Paras seventeen more insurance agents."
@@ShamanJeeves These dang special evolutions are just getting harder and harder...
I burst out laughing when I heard that one!
Knowing how homicidal Paras is in Legends Arceus, I would not be surprised if they massacred an call center or two.
@@ShamanJeeves I was drinking tea when I read this and started choking because it made me laugh
Zapdos in Japan: LEGENDARY BIRD OF THUNDER WHO RAINS LIGHTNING DOWN ON THEIR ENEMIES!
Zapdos in Russia: eh, charges people's cell phones in Holland.
Followed by participation in executions by electrocution.
One of the biggest whiplash moments in the video.
@@Nitosa the thing went from 1 to 100 really danm fast! XD
lmfao
This must be what the Hisuian Pokedex looked like to future generations lmao
it's oddly charming to hear that a father did this for their daughter and just the glimpse into their thoughts about the pokemon and how they would tie to society, thank you for the effort of making this video and all your efforts to translate and such
I get the impression that anyone who knows this author really well can identify actual people some of these descriptions are based on.
It feels like a lot of these are local town gossip, unresearched hearsay and stereotypes, and responses to his daughter’s random questions about Pokemon. “Daddy, do you think Ponyta loves Pikachu?”
I became so desensitised to how ridiculous some of these were that by the time Vaporeon's entry came up saying they were Eevees with alcohol addictions I was just went "sure, why not?" and treated it like a normal thing.
Also I am shocked that the Hypno entry was more tame than the actually entry.
Same here.
Lol nah I never got desensitized to the entries. Everytime I was like how are they gonna top this one!? And then they do
Same thing for Gengar, being lazy and only maybe eating a soul, as opposed to canon pokedex where they're just evil incarnate.
I can actually explain why Vapoereon is an alchoholic, in Russia if we wanna say that person is drank we say he is blue, and Vaporeon is blue, so its a clever joke
I'd honestly prefer Vaporeons being shitfaced Eevees a lot more than... _you know..._
I love the idea of NASA employing it's 25th Alakazam being like "Ok THIS time things won't go south"
Sounds pretty on brand for NASA lmao
Elon Musk, a vessle for Arceus itself, hires them on mass so they kill each other instead. Also has female Nidorans running Twitter giving him the worst advice.
@@xavierwalko4175 Comparing the intelligence of Twitter employees to Nidorans is an absolute slight to Nidorans :(
@@xavierwalko4175if anything he’s a Ditto barely keeping its human disguise
A wise Psyduck once said: "To Be A Persian is to Never Know Happiness"
Truly words to live by
I love the idea of Nidoking being this big scary monster that peole run and hide from, slaughtering livestock by the dozens and smashing 2 story buildings with its tail, then here comes Ash with a little wooden brush, scratches the right spot and all the sudden it's docile as a Pikachu.
This feels like the "Gastly can posion an Indian elephant" Pokedex entry expanded into an entire universe.
It's especially funny because in later games, the term "Indian Elephant" is replaced with Copperajah in dex entries, which makes Gastly's entry make no sense as Copperajah is immune to poison.
@@asierx7047 Regional Form Copperajah?
@@asierx7047That is Raichu's Pokedex entry. Gastly's doesn't mention Copperajah.
@@aananthbalachandran Gastly's does simply no longer mention any elephants iirc, so we can only assume
Oh, Primate dies of it being pissed and then is too angry to die, Cofugrieus Mmummifies it's trainers, and the dex entry of Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
So these aren't that far off when you think of it that way.
It was a HUGE honor and a great pleasure to work on this project together with you, and I want to once again thank the whole team for a fantastic job! 🙌
Researching all this was so interesting and I'm happy that we were able to bring this obscure Pokémon lore to fans!
Everyone, I hope you enjoy the video! Trust me, strength was required not to die of laughter while translating all this haha!
Thanks for this!!
Хей, у тебя получилось очень круто передать оригинальный юмор! Это огромная работа, ты молодец с:
Я тоже всегда считал, что весь остальной мир обязан увидеть наш безумный вариант Покедекса, и благодаря тебе теперь так и случилось :)
@@prxtxtype3930 а где он был вообще? Я в двух городах жил бывал и не видел.
@@PAINNN666 лично я видел только в интернете. Сомневаюсь, что эти книги действительно печатались) Но было бы круто.
Thank you
Now I want a romhack based in Russia and the Russian pokedex lol
I’m not a rom hacker but I feel like the Clefairy line would be fairy/ground
I'd totally play the shit out of that
@@tikalthewhimsicott2736 yeah
Pokemon CommieRed
@@thegrassguy2871 Pokémon Federation Blue
These are hilarious and amazing, but also, these have really convinced me that the idea of pokémon all having full human-like lives instead of being closer to animals is an idea with tons of merit that's super compelling.
Furries when having pokemon fursonas be like:
I mean at that point just make a new series.
Maybe make it similar to Pokemon on the surface but have all this going underneath.
That's... That's just Digimon. And I'm not one of those "Digimon is a Pokémon ripoff" guys, but that is literally what Digimon are like.
@@ashketchum732Also Pokémon Mystery Dungeon.
There are some legit great worldbuilding ideas mixed in here (in between this well meaning dad's hot takes)
like Bellsprout being used for anasthesia,
Alakazam working on space stations,
& Kingler recycling shipwrecks are just a few standouts
“Most Sandshrew can’t even count the claws on their own paws, even though they only have 2”
Sandshrew have 3 claws on their front paws. Is the author secretly a Sandshrew?
We got em boyz
I think the translation had the idea of two front paws, not two claws on each paw.
@@CosmykTheDolfyn Or the guy just wasn't paying attention after having to write 20+ insane entries
Honestly looking at the gen 1 sprite and early artwork I can see why he said it only has 2
Or a Valve employee.
Dmitrii Gorchev is actually a well-known writer who became famous because of his Livejournal. His style is postmodern with a lot of absurd humor. So there is a chance that this Pokedex was a joke from the beginning. At least he knew what he’s doing with his illustrations.
pretty much
the writing style, especially in the preface, is supposed to clue you in that this isn't a serious book
I would be very concerned if it wasn't obvious this is all EXTREMELY tongue-in-cheek
It definitely seems like one of those things that parents/grandparents would buy for kids and not know that though. Like any good bootleg stuff.
Saying there's "a chance" that this was intentional isn't giving the author and illustrator enough credit. This isn't a "so bad it's funny" kind of bootleg - it's superbly written. This isn't the kind of humor someone can make by accident.
Just a chance, huh?
Hearing a middle aged Russian father's passive aggressive anger, and serious love for this series al the way back from the 90's: is not something I expected. But I'm so glad this found me.
This is heartwarming, puzzling, and hilarious at the same time.
"Charmander drinks gasoline every day, and if not, alcohol. They get very drunk and fall down"
"EVERY SIINGLE Wartortle is registered with the police, and are skilled with a wide variety of fire-arms"
"Blastoise is used to deter protesters"
Oh my god. Someone needs to remake the anime into this man's vision.
As goofy as these descriptions are, this is one of the most charming and sweet things I've ever seen someone do for their kid. And some of these are really fun and creative, too. Can't believe I didn't know about this sooner
What I love about this Pokedex:
1: How every Pokemon has trivial hobbies and ways of life.
2: Others are used in society by their own choice without any reason.
3: They have specific religious and beliefs.
It’s very easy for me to imagine how this was pitched to Alpharad
“Hey wanna read a full Pokedex out loud?”
“Probably not, why”
“Blastoise are used to quell protests in Southeast Asia”
*brain misfires “Waitwha-“
“Rhyhorn watch Mexican soap operas and when they’re done they set out to kill”
“But-“
“Dratini run the Italian mafia”
At this point Alpha’s bit-seeking nature just, probably took over and before he knew it he was halfway through reading about Mankey pretending to kill Terrorists in Nepal
I absolutely love that dratini’s mafia consists of Dratini, Charmeleon, and… “a Sicilian guy named Giuseppe”
Amazing
Giuseppe is the unofficial honorary Pokemon in the dex and needs his own entry someday XD
Best part is that it says there are multiple mafias like that, and so that means there are multiple of him.
@@genyakozlov1316Team Giuseppe.
Does each Dratini mafia have their own Sicilian guy named Giuseppe or is there one Giuseppe who is extremely busy?
@@MarquisdeL3 It sounded like the former to me
The insertion of that random Sicillian guy named Giuseppe, in Dratini's entry, was hilarious.
I actually love the idea that Fearow don't really age, or extremely slowly. And a geodude chiseled into the shape of a roman statue, still just being a geodude
Also love that Psyducks are just the average historical writer whose works shook the world... after their death
I love how it has the same energy as one of those medieval texts about exotic animals the author once heard about, I could also see some of the personalities working in a Mystery Dungeon type scenario, like Venonat picking up radio waves on its antennae and therefore becoming conspiracy theorists lol
Edit: Russian Grimer is my spirit animal
I love how Alpharad acts horrified and incredulous when reading about Haunter and Gengar eating souls like that would never happen in the real Pokédex entries. The Litwick line, anyone?
Skeledirge goes: "Skeledirge’s gentle singing soothes the souls of all that hear it. It burns its enemies to a crisp with flames of over 5,400 degrees Fahrenheit."
Cofiguegus mummifies it's trainers
Mimikyu kills you with it's looks and Bewear with it's hugs.
Pokemon is fucking insane.
Pretty sure there are multiple entries of gengar killing people
Gengar line kills Ash in one of the early episodes
NOT THE LITWIC LINE!
It's not that out of place, yeah
The fact this all stems from a father seeing his daughter interested in pokemon and then...doing his best is what makes all of this cannon for me
What does cannon mean?
@@SlimeBlueMSit's a big metallic object that can shoot metal spheres
Canon is a term that means that the fact is unobjectionable and true to the fictional world of a book/movie/game
Well congratulations for having a fun head canon for pokemon.
canon*
If "doing his best" is traumatizing your kid with horrible descriptions of all the ways people die at the hands of Pokemon, then sure.
This is some of the most insane stuff. Two hours of listening to Pokédex entries that talk about Pokémon taking jobs, doing drugs, extorting crab sticks... and knowing that it's all the work of one man who just wanted his little girl to be able to enjoy Pokémon, it's honestly kinda wholesome, even considering the nature of the dex entries. This was quite the laugh and I love knowing this is a thing. :)
I don't know why, but his style of writing and his humor really reminded me of how Douglas Adams, author of The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, used to write. Specially the existentialist Caterpie
8 months later and I came here to say the EXACT same thing - the randomly specific references about public figures/philosophies/countries and the sense of comedic timing feel very much in line with the vibe of H2G2 entries
“Hey what’s that big turtle doing”
“War crimes”
I love Pokemon being just... differently-shaped humans. They just live with us, do same jobs as us, talk with us, etc.
If you've played any if the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games, that's actually not far from the truth. It's just that they don't talk to people, just other Pokémon.
@@howlrichard1028 I did, but... in mystery dungeon it's a bit more grounded, I suppose? one Kangaskhan chose to open a storage, and other kangaskhan just live their lives elsewhere... Kecleon is the only example where an entire species is dedicated to a job, which appears to be more so the direction this pokedex often takes.
He turned them into Digimon so much that he turned the Pokédex into the Digimon Visual Encyclopedia. Only it’s weirder because Pokémon are chattel while (most) Digimon are people and treated as such unless they arbitrarily aren’t. It’s weird how one of the Digimon that is supposedly one of the mindless ones was the evil genius villain for an entire strategy rpg series.
Minus the human rights since you can catch and force them to fight to the death
While actual lore leans into humankind being species kind of similar to pokemon, writer of that Russian pokedex just did the opposite.
I need a Russian gangster movie starring Russian Blastoise, Charizard, and Beedrill.
Charizard are the getaway driver
The Beedrill from Pokemon Rusty would be PERFECT in that role!
Don't forget Giuseppe
Detective Pikachu 2: Electric boogaloo
I want to see the gang ran by a Dratini, a Charmeleon, and a guy name Gosepe >.>
I love that this pokemon gang, run by a pokemon, just has an italian guy involved.
he probably makes them all spaghetti for dinner, and has a gun
It's a crime this goldmine has been hidden from us until now
"pure gold" is the first thing that came to mind when I saw this
Not just hidden from us, but hidden from mx, ca, uk, fr, it, all countries really
It is the warturtle fault, they love crime
Tell me you're making a video about this
Yes the old Pokémon books are weird but amazing
A lot of these could be actually used for Pokedex entries, especially on gen 1. Heck I wish some where, many of them have very cool concepts, like Ninetales using their tails to fly and being mistaked for shooting stars. It's also so sweet how a father did all as a gift for her daughter :)
I love this so much i want to find one. This is COMPLETELY UNHINGED. I learned so much about the author. He clearly loved his daughter and watched episodes with her and listened to her talk about the games. It just feels like he's a traditional, conservative boomer type with specific opinions about journalists, protesters, and the Chinese. But this is so outrageous. I was NOT ready for jynx just being a gypsy or dratini. Multiple times i almost choked on my drink. What a magnificent ride. Also his humor is glorious.
It's impressive how well all the footage matches what's being talked about. That's way harder to do than it looks. I can't imagine having to scour the show for all of these incredibly specific shots.
Glad to know my 2 months of work paid off in that regard. And my extensive knowledge of the anime.
Thank god it was just gen 1
I was thinking exactly the same thing!
it shows how he watched pokemon in a language he didn't understand and made all this up based on what he saw and his own political opinions.
@@SpydrXIII he must have been drunk as shit when watching then.
I'm legitimately sad those two passed away. The amount of creativity in that book is immeasurable
Wait the father and child passed away?
@@BuryTheLight-tdsI think this commenter meant the artist and writer died
If you started reading some of these Pokedex entries to someone, without explaining who wrote them, I'm certain they'd be able to tell that this was written by someone who grew up in the Cold War-era Soviet Union. So much commentary on espionage, drinking, gambling, foreign militaries, rich exploiters, grumpy old people, gold-diggers, and SO much mockery and hate for journalists and philosophers.
I laughed so much at all of this. To each and every person who helped this amazing Pokedex get to me today, thank you. May all of your life's ailments be healed by benevolent Dragonites and Chanseys. Or by the touch of an Articuno's tail, if that's more convenient.
The magneton one about how American and Russian magnetons wouldn't fight, just buzz at each other absolutely felt like cold war commentary
@@zacharyyoungblood7013 That could even be a reference to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Or... something. (When I'm not feeling so sick and feverish, I may watch this video again and check what it says there.)
You can tell he was pissed off by certain other people and ethnic groups like Americans and Gypsies and local animals and stuff. Then he just simply anthropomorphized them.
@@nickirmen6671dude, you can’t say that
The Jigglypuff opera house sounds amazing, what a concept, this dad was creative as frick
"you might see it one day, walking around, looking like Apollo" that one killed me omg
“I made this for my daughter and her friends!” *writes about how evil the Pokémon are*
it’s still pretty adorable though
And has some extremely sexist takes on women in there too.
@@janer1024 thats just russia in general, moreso than this dude personally
@@janer1024 but it had same sexist takes on men in the same vein, it's just a different type of humor
@clownery It isn't really the same though when men are the ones with all the power.
Russian pokemon explains alot about current events
"Pidgey are so stupid it's become an expression."
"Most Pidgey are journalists and businessmen."
Checks out.
It’s interesting that even in this Pokédex, Clefairy are still aliens. Clefable being a circus performer and tour guide is quite wholesome.
meanwhile wigglytuff possible insanity
Kind of seems like he knew more than he had let on.
@@reddawn1873 lines up with mystery dungeon
@Harloichii Is speaking of which in their own little short story It's pretty much implied that wigglytuff has perfect IVs
@@reddawn1873 terrifying combo.. strong and insane
Gotta love how for the one Pokemon that's specifically designated as female, this Russian dude was like "they're toxic liars who sit around eating cake and lipstick and reading fashion magazines all day"
In a book he wrote for his daughter
Yes he is teaching her about what most women do.
All nidoqueen know is charge they phone, eat hot chip, be charmeleonsexual, and lie
@@mikecsernyik7360 Low effort trolling I see
@@janer1024 no it's mostly true. He was a good father.
dont forget they evolve into pokemon which are "evil and grumpy", "always mad about something" yet also "quite useful around the house"
As a Russian, I had absolutely no clue this was a thing..
I dunno if that thing is a joke or not, but I’m actually kinda proud of it😅
Edit: I hope somebody makes a romhack based on these entries
As someone who lives in Moscow and has been to the Ostankino tower, I can confirm, it is guarded by a Zubat and Golbat.
Have you seen some Crobat there as well? Although I've heard Golbat need to drink 5 liters of water in one go to evolve
This fully explains why Oak trusted 10 year olds to fill the pokedex instead
I like how throughout this Jacob is just trying to narrate normally and not lose it at how insane these entries are
You can hear how hard it is for him for some of the crazy entries
Best buy recruiter: sorry mewtwo but we cannot hire you. cause of your....
Mewtwo: deletes recruiter
replacement recruiter: you'll make a FINE computer salesman, when can you start?
This really does feel like a dad that just watched pokemon with his daughter, stewed on these thoughts, and then served them up to the Russian World.
This Pokédex is the epitome of “my source is that I made it the fuck up”
“Irritable and always criticizing the governments of the countries they live in, as well as all other governments”
Nidorina would love social media
Imagine the amount of outakes they have of Alpharad laughing as he reads lol.
Oh I've got 'em.
@@TheCartoonGamer8000 I think everyone would love an out takes compilation
You can hear him start to laugh in a couple of them.
There's a couple where you can hear a hard cut because he probably was laughing.
Alpha is the narrator??
How can it turn so horrific yet still be so cute? They'll tear apart anyone, but also enjoy eating branded gum and spend time helping at kindergartens.
То чувство, когда даже у нас нет обзоров или каких-либо видео по поводу русского покедекса. Офигенное видео :D
Вообще, даже жаль,что Фэндом покемонов не популярен в России... Не было ни игр толком про покемонов, а геймбой был редкостью в нашей стране в 1990-х и 2000-х.
Спасибо автору за классное видео!
I love how much the author shines through in the descriptions. I know so far that he hates millionaires, political corruption, weak men, and loud car alarms 😅
Also against gambling, but likes drinking, and reads the newspaper. Possibly a smoker or around smokers a lot as well - cigarettes come up quite a few times.
To me, he sounds like a pissed-off communist a mere 10 years removed from the collapse of the Soviet Union. Like he had a life, and it was taken away. So he blames people, broadly.
He also hates journalists, judging by entries like Farfetch'd and Muk.
@@Kellan__they-them Don't forget that this was intended to be published. Smoking and reading the newspaper may be peculiar traits in 2023, but these were everyman traits in 90's russia.
@@DABrancheit's a pretty common depiction of fathers.
Even though a lot of this is cursed, most of it is very creative. Fair play to a Russian guy who just wanted to give his daughter some info on their favourite critters
"Most pidgey are journalists and businessmen" I was not expecting that to hit so hard lmao
It’s funny how it starts out with Bulbasaur, and it’s like “yeah… this isn’t quite Bulbasaur, but it sounds kinda like a pokemon” and then it becomes progressively clearer that the author has no idea what Pokémon are. It’s like if someone wrote pokedex entries for the pokemon Julia from Drawfee draws
I think this is my favorite video ever. I’ll watch this over and over forever, it’s already been like 3 times
my favourite part of the stories is just the fact he constantly said pokemon lived in different places of the world. it gave this book a sense that yes, pokemon do live around the entire world. and not in this 1 part of japan.
Yeah he mentioned every continent multiple times.
Remember, if Nintendo tries to take down the video it's all canon
On the one hand, this is very sweet and wholesome that a father would put so much effort to make something based on his daughter's love for Pokemon. On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL!?
I wonder if his daughter used to observe the cubone kangaskhan similarities, hence russian cubone hanging around with kangaroos.
i love that the jigglypuff entry is almost entirely canon
This is great. Wholesome fan canon to fill a hole that kids needed filled.
Edit: wholesome may not be the right word
I think the sentiment and intent of it all is incredibly wholesome. The content maybe not as much 😂
I find it funny you can tell which designs the dad liked because they all have something like "handsome" in their description
"Shellder who can't break their drug addictions turn into Cloyster" I can't believe I enabled my Shellder's water stone habit :(
Drawfee needs to do an episode where they draw pokemon based on these entries
I’ve never wanted anything more :(
YES! drawfee fan!
and, agreed.
Omg you're so right, Julia would have a field day with these
Holy moly, this is literally only the SECOND time I've heard of anyone confusing Electrode's eyebrows as antenna!!
The first time was all the way back in 1997 when some kid tried to tell me they knew everything about pokemon. LOL
It legitimately sounds like someone in their family had to have had one of these books! XD
I thought this was going to be really crappy- I didn't expect it to be so creative and funny. Thank you for reading all these lol
I love how they say Pidgy are very stupid but also are businessmen and journalists, REALLY makes you question what the authors opinions are on them-
And Pidgeottos are USA Congressmen...
@@Kriegschwein This Russian dad is based af. Japan needs to convert this pokedex into a rated M pokemon game.
Well, he was a Russian.
It doesn’t make you question, it lets you know…
Not gonna lie the mix of human and animal attributes along with how some of the Pokémon evolve in this book could make for great story potential for fanfiction in the Mystery Dungeon World.
Some highlights:
*Sandslash ate Tide Pods before it was cool.
*The Nido family bizarrely reflect internet subcultures like Twitter users, incels, etc.
*Zhitinsky somehow mistook the Vulpix line for horses, which makes the Ponyta line even wierder.
*Wigglytuff acts like Incineroar.
*Golbats are depressed war veterans.
*Glooms are reverse otakus.
*Parasect killed and ate an entire Miami insurance company that was trying to sell it life insurance in order to evolve.
*Diglett and Dugtrio are root vegetable land mines and not moles.
*Meowth manipulates governments to the point of being the targets of assassination while Persians are the 1% who like most millionaires spend most of their money to cover their mistakes.
*Psyduck killed terrorists in Nepal.
*Satoshi's favorite Pokémon loves Stimorol sugar-free chewing gum and sound like car horns to scare herring into fishing nets, before evolving into a Pokémon trained to shoot submachine guns in order to take over small governments.
*Alakazam thinks it is superior to everyone else and that everyone who disagrees with it should be shot.
*Machops can live simple lives watching cartoons and milking cattle, and are well versed in the arts and STEM fields.
*Zhitinsky took "Weepinbell" a bit too literally.
*Tentacool is a tadpole and Muk is a jellyfish.
*Geodude has Wartortle's wisdom and can be carved, is melted down to make Graveller, and Golem is hollow both figuratively and literally.
*Ponyta and Rapidash cause problems but no one seems to care. The former notably pops the corks off champhange bottles while the latter is a male-only evolution.
*Slowpoke is surprisingly accurate but spun to make fun of the military. Slowbro being a spy is also actually what happened in the Adventures manga and it is true:, "...speed doesn't matter, only results."
*Why aren't Magneton used as satellites in canon?
*Doduo are a family of two heads, a torso, and two legs, and Dodrio adds a baby head. Ponyta is the reason they're Flying-types.
*Some Seel drive silver Mercedes, and Dewgong eats nothing but ice cream.
*Grimer finds happiness in the little things, while Muk can predict the future.
*Shellder loves music but disses the Rolling Stones, while Cloyster struggle with heroin addictions.
*Haunter is anti-social and eats the souls from those in crowded places. Gengar can be used as hot-air balloons but will kill any young woman they see.
*Zhitinsky definitely did not look at Onix's speed stat, but them eating raw cement and having rock cogs for brains is funny.
*Drowzee basically runs an MLM, but Hypno is somehow less creepy than in the official lore.
*Krabby is literally a crab that become a Pokémon through sheer will and knowledge, while Kingler uses its money to support ballet after it realizes it wasted its opportunities.
*You can bribe a Voltorb to be the perfect bowling ball, as long as you have the right voltage.
*Zhitinsky somehow thought Electrode's eyebrows were coils, which is actually kind of a cool idea.
*There are zombie Exeggcute and they literally smother their victims with numbers, and also attach to a bush to become Exeggutor, which are themselves mindless and repeat anything they've been told.
*Cubone wears the bones of its victims here (not its mother's) and displays them around its home. Also anyone find it odd how the bit about kangaroo friends lines up a bit too well with their assumed connection to Kangaskhan?
Marowak themselves are grave robbers that make fake skeletons from real bones. Such a disrespect to the mother who died to protect her children.
*Hitmonlee needs oiling but is an increidble dancer, while Zhitinsky seems to have made Hitmonchan weak for some borderline racist and misogynistic reasons..
*Lickitung have their own tongue language but are often killed by car tires.
*Koffing are somehow both used by domestic terrorists and kindergartens, and are even capable of working in the education system themselves. Weezing are also always willing to get high off car exhaust, to the point there are literal public services dedicated to removing them. They can also be surprisingly successful.
*Rhyhorns are gang members that can just as easily shoot up an airport as they can become emotional wrecks after watching their favorite Mexican soap operas. Rhydons on the other hand, while smart, happily draw straws for the chance to be shot with nukes.
*Tangela style their vines but are constantly under threat by elephants and African tribes (slight racism?)
*Zhitinsky made this for his daughter yet somehow focused too much on the "Hor" part of Horsea. Also how does Seadra iron clothes?
*Seakings are literal sexual assaulters (yet Zhitinsky somehow tries to suggest that's a good thing?! What?!)
*Staryu and Starmie are living awards that use suction cups, and the latter is much smaller than it actually is.
*There's probably some fans out there happy that Mr. Mime is constantly beat up by other Pokémon.
*Scythers are popular hairdressers despite the risk of losing noses, ears, or complete decapitation. Zhitinsky also thinks Norwegians are boring.
*Lot of casual racism in the Jynx section, makes Game Freak look like angels in comparison.
*Electabuzz act as paratrooper generators and Magmar have to be stored in water and then given alcohol to be transported long distances.
*Pinsir is not a bug but sentient wire cutters.
*Tauros were bulls lucky to not be regular bulls and killed in bullfighting. The bit about pulling kids rollerskating is pretty wholesome though.
*Forget the salesman, Magikarp is a literal extortionist. Gyarados can also kill people by them simply looking at it and will pop like a balloon on death.
*Lapras act as judges for legal disputes and issue impartial judgements, and then drown the offending partner by giving them "Geodude shoes."
*Ditto are masochist and have managed to monetize that.
*Eevee are squirrels with a love for the night life and incredible luck at slots.
Vaporeon evolved by drinking too many cocktails and bribes Black Sea naval officers at night to control battleships, needing extra money to fire torpedos.
Jolteon evolved by playing too much roulette and have such terrible luck with money they'll often lead very poor lives, sometimes even offing themselves as a result.
Flareon evolved by overcoming its gambling addictions and are romantics, but often kill their potential lovers with their flames and with their tears putting out their flames. A fire extinguisher is needed to date a Flareon.
*Porygon are not computer models, but wooden kits that help you to get tasks done.
*Zhitinsky obviously had no idea what an ammonite was. Omastar is also just Jesse Ventura.
*Kabutops are patient socialites who give lectures.
*Aerodactyl are literally racial profiled.
*Snorlax have potential but are just lazy.
*The legendary birds are slandered: Articuno is a good-for-nothing cheating parent who scams people, Zapdos are stuck in booths charging phones in Holland or executing prisoners, and Moltres is literally useless to the point of not being able to reproduce without human intervention.
*Dratini are Italians and small mafia bosses at that, consisting of other Dratini, Charmeleon, and a Sicilian guy named Guiseppe, to rob trains and buses.
Dragonair have given up the robbery for politics and are diplomatic shmoozers that can speak French.
Dragonair only evolves into Dragonite once it realizes its life has been meaningless, and change their lives to support the disabled.
*Mewtwo's fingers are literally just the Enter, Delete, and Backspace buttons from a computer, using them to revive or destroy things. They also work in computer sales.
*Mew is literally how it was originally written in the original Pokémon movie: a troll-y annoying brat.
*The Chikorita line is involved with intelligence work in South America: Chikorita seduces information out of people with sambas regarding Argentina and Uruguay, some Bayleef become trans men, and Meganium become Amazonian tribe leaders (again slight racism) while doing missions for Columbian drug cartels and are often put on trials by US intelligence agencies, spending their last days imprisoned.
*Cyndaquil will try to charge you for a weak performance, Quilava will act as soliders willing to fight for any cause as living napalm, and Typhlosion are so spoiled they will literally explode over the smallest things.
Hitmonchan being incredibly weak is somewhat accurate if you've played Generation one. Fighting types had it rough there.
@@CoralReaper707 The machop line makes most fighting types, let alone the hitmons and mankey line look weak by contrast lol. Machop can lift 100 adult humans and heft gravelers like barbels (the 100 adult human part first appeared in Stadium's pokedex BTW). Machoke can hold up a sumo _with a single finger_ (all the Gen 1 entries were about how they have to wear a power save belt because of how powerful they supposedly are). Lastly, Machamp can punch victims over the horizon and move mountains (the first part was from Red and Blue Versions and the later part from Yellow Version).
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the mind fuck!
I think you just listed the whole Pokedex lol.
Aint no way those are eyebrows on electabuzz, they're horns like an oni that double as conductors
This is clearly the work of a dad having fun with his son/daughter. Just making puns and having a laugh. Probably lots of inside jokes between them too. Love it ❤
I like these pokedex entries, it makes me feel like pokemon are assimilated into human society on a deeper level which in-turn feels more realistic and relatable.
The way you said: „they like milking cows, and riding dogs“ is just hilarious XD
This is now my canon pokedex. Thank you, dad in Russia. You did not write this only for your girls, you wrote this for me and countless others as well.
Although Cubone's entry makes no mention of the whole dead mom fiasco, the weird bit about being friends with kangaroos does remind one of the Baby Kangaskhan theory.
Gopnik Rattata, Sandshrew the idiot, Alakazam the ultimate jerk, gangster Dratini with a potential redemption arc, Mewtwo and his revive / nuke buttons, and many, many, MANY more...
It was bizarre and funny - hell, you can notice Alpha holding his laugh sometimes, but also interesting, and the story behind it is even wholesome. Thanks for translating this!
Krabby - Kingler's russian lore is absolutely amazing
Honestly, that Machamp boiling oil story looks like real medieval folklore
And the inspiration for the plot of Dark Knight Rises 😂