My ex attempted to contact me after she turned my childhood best friend against me right before he died, so it's more of an underground bunker concrete slab pour. A door would be too easy to get through.
@@Joohee4 it's funny when an infj gets pushed too far at work, and everybody has only seen their normal reserved side, and then when Mount Saint Helens erupts with words that cut worse than a samurai they all stand there like😲😲😲😲😲😲 I shook an entire rack of milk cartons on my boss's head when I was younger in the cooler after he pissed me off and I could see the fear in his eyes lol.
I spent 20 years in rooms of recovery here where I live. I was a second class citizen. I was always told that I could never think for myself. The only way people paid attention to me, was when I was making coffee and setting chairs. I knew, long before, this was not going to be good. I KNEW. But I stayed because I wanted to get sober. So I ignored most folks. Douche Bags be Douche Bags. At my 20th anniversary, I stood up, took my chip, said a few choice words, then I slammed the church door behind me as I walked through it, and walked away. Going on 3 years now. They all said to me that it was my EGO and that I was a DRY DRUNK, and NOT thinking correctly, and that I needed to listen to them and not think for myself. God Forbid I think for myself !! I was like No, Nope, Not Gonna Do It.
Yep. I’ve been stone cold sober all my life and door slammed the last church I was at because of feeling like a second class citizen, my worth was what I did and essentially ignored beyond that. Reassessing fellowship requirements now as an old widower will still take a lot of time.
Ive become really good in door slamming 🤣... When you have healed yourself from narcisstic relationships, you can see through everyones bullshit... I see the toxic traits and I instantly move on... No more time wasted! Love yourself enough to know what you deserve! And thats love and calm friendship/relationship/connection!
I hated to slam doors on my ex because I deeply loved her but she pushed me to limits of sanity with her severe avoidant patterns, lack of empathy, refusal to talk despite being together for over 2 years, and attempted cheating. With my door slam I changed my address, country, phone numbers, emails, even removed myself from all social media and made it virtually impossible to contact me by her or anyone she knows. I took it this far because despite loving her I could not allow such selfish and cold energy back into my life. No more breadcrumbing, silent treatments, gaslighting, pleading. It was the only way to restore self esteem and peace. After 6 months it still hurts but less than staying in that toxic situation. Endless empathy can be toxic. I learned hard boundaries the hard way. Being an INFJ woman is not easy, but thanks to your channel I finally understand how my mind functions. You gave me the right words to express it. Thank you ❤
Every time I slammed the door was because I came to the realization that I am actually appreciating and respecting them more than they appreciate themselves. They didn't believe how valuable I saw them (this is how I see human beings in general), and mistakenly thought I wanted something in return. They ultimately saw me as a cunning, deceitful person, which in turn offended me immensely, resulting in the door slam.
Maybe the value you saw in people was the ability (or desire. Possibility..) to control and FIX situations in their life. And seeing the plan clear as day as to how they could do things better made you wish they would allow you to LOVE them and HELP them. But in reality we want control because we cannot easily control ourselves. And we want to HELP other people because we feel like failures inside and believe that unless we go WAY above and beyond for people. They will not tolerate us being in their life. And honestly this is sorta true! Any time I have decided to get lazy or burned myself up and became cold and complacent. People turned on my instantly. As soon as I stopped working like a mad man to make myself so useful for others, me being me was too much for them to put up with to keep !e around without them getting TONS out of it for the headache! Bottom line we are socially awkward and socially moronic! Way too intense, selfish in emotional ways, and antagonistic. Fix yourself and stop worrying about everyone else. If your whole life has sucked you have to come to reality and understand that what are the odds? Is it really that YOU are some saint super human and right and it is the rest who can't compete. Or is it the world is similar and we are outcasts because it is US who has the problem..!? 1 vs 7 billion... Hhhmmmm.
Infj's realize the value they bring to others life, and when respect is no longer served at the table there's no point in pouring in value. Infj's avoid conflict and the favorite option is doorslam. 😎👌
@suemaz9846 Well, just look at wenzes and her big giant heart standing here every week trying to educate us so we could have a better life. We all do that, not on the wenzes scale obviously 😅. That heart includes everything. Also the fact that you ask what value you bring speaks for itself.
So true, as we hear through the grapevine- probably through a flying monkey- how much we are missed and how important we were to the ‘whole’. Very strange actually as they never expressed it, but later-after all they took. Oh well, onward!
@@suemaz9846, I think it is we are like ‘the glue’ that keeps the proverbial balance in a group without controlling or setting rules…. They see us peripherally or across the room and know everything is okay. That’s just my two cents. It’s wierd.
THIS! THIS! THIS! When I tell you now that I understand my value I find that I can be very detached and respect myself by having the courage to walk away from relationships that no longer serve me. Wishing others the best and moving on. I think there's also power in infjs ability to self focus and having a bit of mystery around themselves. However, I know it can make others a bit stir crazy and people tend to want to know MORE the less you share. Hope that makes sense. But this comment is spot on.
Only thing I want to say is: the door slam feels SO GOOD when it’s a NARCISSIST! And I will tell those people OFF. We have to, for their own good! We are narcissist slayers, and they need us to slay their ego so they can be adjusted and centered in something greater than the traumas of their childhood. Paul was a narcissist when he was Saul, and Jesus (who is often seen as INFJ) spoke words that shook him right to the core and transformed his arrogance into abject humility. Go read Philippians 3. What a TESTIMONY to the power of Jesus Christ our Savior!
The last would be friend wouldnt even knock, Ive been finding myself door slamming people for just 1 red flag in thier personality. Sometimes even a yellow flag.
I love how you articulated all of this. Esp the door slam, there's a lot of bad information out there mis- describing it. I call it staying in my own lane. Not much hesitation anymore doing that, get it n my car "close the door" and drive in my own lane. I don't even care right now to interact, fix, adjust or otherwise, the "energy" around me, as soon as I feel that feel in my chest or stomach, my peace affected at all, I'm out. Bye to the stank whatever. And it's also etched in my mind. Hazard. Once I don't care, that's it. There's a song with a lyric " I don't gaf if you don't like me". The feeling is probably mutual anyway. Also, happy laughing people don't = good energy, evil people revel in all their evil. ❤ Thanks for the awesome breakdown.
I'm in the period after closing a door and reconnecting with myself exactly like you've talked about. I'd take a whole video on that period, and how to move through it and start to be interdependent again. For me it's been 1.5 years and even actively working on myself constantly I'm feeling pretty stuck in it and actually more isolated than ever.
We know when someone is misunderstanding us on purpose and infj, being purposely misunderstood is a game we don’t wish to play. They play their wildcards at first, but then they may eventually cheat. To explain the same thing 20 different ways is exhausting., if they repeat this pattern it becomes a problem. Maybe they don’t want to understand.
I had to door slam someone yesterday. I slammed the door on my whole family. I don’t feel bad about it. I’ve done everything I can do from a respectful position. But I don’t get the same understanding and benefit of the doubt so I’m done. I’d rather focus on people who care about me and my feelings.
Sooo much to process in this video. I need to condense it down to get the most from it. I've found the Interdependent Stage and learnt not to give away my Knowledge and skills from my three main interests of music, art, and electronics. If others ask for help, I can be there, and get them thru their hurdle, (limiting what I give) but after that it is up to them. The door is closed and if they want assistance, they have to knock again. Getting so much more out of life, and making significant progress in my three chosen areas of interest.
Sadly i have had to do this very recently. I tried every measure to reason with them in the area of communication. I became exhausted from trying son i gave up and sent a few final messages because i cannot get them on the phone. I am sad from this but i am no longer mentally exhausted from being the only one trying.
In a nutshell, INFJ's hear a different drum than everyone else. They(everyone else) can't hear it and they are envious! Live life to the fullest, let them envy 😎
As always Wenzes on point with her topics and solutions🙏🏽 I heard this phrase in passing a decade ago or so that always helps me choose myself in tough situations......."Somtimes you have to be vigilant about your happiness"😤
These videos are so good. I have never had anyone hit the nail on the head on who I am so well. I have been estranged for 3 years now and it’s hard. I am working on all the things said in this video. I am ready to have interdependent relationships and am searching for the right community for me.
I did 3 block out these past 2 weeks. I need to recover for a week. They seemed to be " fishing " for a time to bully. It seems based on some form of jealousy. One was too far off my course.
Thank you 🙏🏼 as usual, this resonated so much and was SO helpful ❤. I am literally starting a new job where I decided to try to be invisible, do avoid unwarranted bullying, and I have realized that it would be possible in this job because it’s a small snapper, a small group and I am the only full time massage therapist and I usually really do well a.k.a. Shine in this role, so I really needed this video to teach me the alternative which my intuition was telling me to do- set the energy myself.
I liked your statement "Close the door and let someone knock on it first." When I was younger and in college and then later beginning to work, I developed an effective version of it called, "Be pleasant, greet people, and then let them come to you." It was a good blend of my mother's insatiable need to be greeted by people, and my friendly introvert father who was all in favor of being cordial, but on a more reserved scale. I also hear what you are saying about going into FE - extroverted feeling - which is something I actually learned to do early on. Maybe it's because my mother's main function was extroverted feeling, so that gave me an idea of what it was like to reach out to others. Of course, those were my pre Myers Briggs days, so I had to do it my way which was not exactly like hers. I practiced it a bit differently than what she did, and sometimes it caused misunderstanding, but I did learn how to put it to use. As for SE - extroverted sensing - it was more of a challenge, but I learned the valuable lesson that sometimes taking action can help a lot when you fight depression!😊 I still work on them, but I'll tell you that it can be practiced, and learning as much as I did on this channel and the Boot Camp, I can truthfully say that this is helpful counsel and guidance. Good video!
Except a narcissist will knock, you’ll open saying “Hi, you must be a friend! I am so excited! Let me show you around my mind palace!” And then they proceed to compliment your home while defecating all over it and breaking everything you hold dear; leave without saying a word; and then knock all over again to start the process over again. Be careful about who you open your door to, and
May you give an example how it could look like, in a concrete situation: "walking out and meet people with closed doors, waiting for people to knock and then open it only for those who will protect your boundaries"? I think I got the essence of it, but have no idea how I could practice it in real life...
The biggest disappointment is that my best female friend betrayed me. I was always to nice to her, but she decided to ignore me after a year or so. I think I was too kind. The more I think about her actions in the past the more I realize that often she did not treat me with respect but also I feel that I know almost everything about her, she should have never done those things
I'm in the healing stage. I'm tired of emotionally crippled men with shattered childhoods. I see it clearly and now that I'm free I have to stop trying to fix people and focus on mature men.
Hi Wenzes! General comment about INFJs. I can pretty much identify an INFJ on sight. A recent trip to visit my family and their friends, I took my laid back attitude with me, and watched their behaviors. Conclusions: 1. INFJ can easily be identified by other INFJs. - Daughter-in-law, Father-in-law, and other INFJs associated with them, etc. INFJs are magnetic to each other. 2. When an INFJ is going out on the limb giving help to another person, they are extremely protective of the person and no one else can give better help than them. If another person tries to assist, the INFJ gets jealous, and thinks they are the only person able to assist. 3. Narcissists tend to be attracted to INFJs, particularly male narcissists to female INFJs. Usually ends in disaster and their relationships fall apart. So many of my female INFJ friends are in this category. Male narcissists still try to manipulate their expartner, often through their children if they have some. Just some thoughts. I could well be wrong, but I know I'm half left, half right, even when I'm told I'm not right but wrong. (LOL) Also known as Don McZealand - INFJ-T
"proactive in setting, creating, emotional atmosphere and energy exchanges", demanding it, in my life, I like that. Stick to your narrative whether other people like it or not. This is good.
Once you embrace your journey of self love and healing as an INFJ, you shut the door on those who are primarily closet and overt "takers" . Because you now validate yourself and respect your dignity you easily release those that are not for your greater good.... You are now living with a much higher bar because you are now aware and believe you deserve it...❤
I've been in the interdependent stage and i closed my doors for someone until they proved for me that they can enter it, but soon after they enter i was disappointed and i had to do the door slam again which was a complete heartbreak for me
I specifically kept this couple away because I sensed predatory toxic activity from them, especially the husband. 4 months keeping them at a distance. Smooth talk and flattery about two things incredibly close to me (my singing voice and speaking hard truths), so I let them in. Then boom! In a week they devalued and discarded me. I let them in again one more time to verify, and yep, they did it again within the span of a month. Door slammed and grey rocked!
This video made me realise what a huge change I’ve undergo in last two years. As you were speaking Wenzes there were flashback striking in my mind of my last romantic relationship that was a wonderful example of me being in the codependent state of mind, focusing on the other person, making her my ’project’, feeling like giving my all. She was an ENFP and when you mentioned the overexaturated version of their toxic trait (all needs to be accoriding to me or else I don’t have a control...) it was another piece of the puzzle for me. I was in my toxic trait she was in hers. Despite the fact it was extremely hard when we broke up. I do not regret coz that was actually the wakeup call I needed to start creating my epic life. In those times I found your channel and was step by step building my better self and I can’t thank you enough for that. I made huge progress thanks to this experience and I am very much happy I learned about this door slamming and how to become healthier version of myself.
Such renewed quality and improved perspective from your content in your 2024 videos, love it! Keep it going, I can relate in depth, it gives food for thought and it is very helpful!
This has been hard for me, because I can't always Articulate Why, in the moment, for Them. I felt guilty to cut them off, but with intuition in charge-- I Had to Slam the door shut, and figure it out later. I'm 65 now, and have observed... knowing what boundaries I Needed (know thyself), improved everyday interactions. Then, getting comfortable with stating it, when someone was near crossing the line... If someone close to me did so, anyway-- I was usually Done... Knowing I was truly misunderstood, an argument would Waste Me-- so, slam! In retrospect, I don't regret anytime this happened-- I had more energy to spare for worthwhile efforts, and learned so much about My Own triggers, that I could either heal, or dissipate them. I'm kinda isolated now-- but it's OK. If I am to catch more human sparkles in what's left of my life-- they'll have Quality. Saying No to things and people who don't have respect for themselves or others (especially when they're unaware) is the Best thing we can do for ourselves, and even them-- no enabling! So, I'm still a 'work in progress'-- but have the benefits of Energy to pursue future dreams, and Love the life I have, now... My Way.
I recently had to door slam two "friends" (I realize now they were always narcissists whose "positivity" was just the afterglow from me hyping them up, though they never returned that glow like my other long-term friends from the same shared community). Couldn't deal with their insecurity, jealousy, lashing out, etc. It feels so good to keep that light for myself and for those that do deserve it. The same week I decided to close those doors, I began new relationships with some really lovely people. The universe was waiting on me to take out the old so it could bring in the new
Good for you prioritizing relationships that boost you up mutually! I am struggling with how best to interpret a complicated situation with an old friend. One interpretation sounds a lot like yours. It is good to hear how you are using the energy they were sucking up to form more positive relationships.
I think that I am in the independent state right now after going through a whole year of the dependent state, sadly I tried to fix the dynamics but things didn’t work out, mutual respect isn’t enough because moving into the second stage can really make you seem like a whole new person. To be honest I noticed that after going through the dependent stage I was more tuned to friendships in which I am in control of the atmosphere and not being the center of the attention but it is like when I am around things have to go the way that I want. And I was really feeling bad about it and it is interesting to describe that Fe activity as Narcissistic because that is what it felt to me. But I guess this video here gave me the enough reassurance to give it a shot, I will try as much as I can to not hurt people while setting this is a priority. Would really appreciate if you had videos describing the emotional state setting thing ❤
Nowdays after years of dealing with narcissist I very quickly recognize red flags and I dont even open the door and it saves so much time also if Im forced to spend time with someone who crossed my boundaries I deel coldly because they are as dead to me
I'm a INFJ 4w5 and, in theory, I'm supposed to become more like a healthy enneagram type 1 for growth. I interpret that as positively expressing extroverted judging Fe in balanced with introverted intuition (Ni). At the same time, I would need to remain flexible to new information outside my experience and/or awareness - i.e. stay humble with others and ask questions before judging. If you are an INFJ and have some wisdom to share w.r.t. MBTI-enneagram growth then please comment. B.T.W. this video is fantastic; thank-you Wenzes!
Is it possible that's the INFJ's own problem? They always think its others fault. I am an INFP, I am the only friend of this INFJ, I support him and help him, once my words may hurt him (his behaiviour hurt me many times),he door slams me . He is difficult to work with and to be a friend. He never like to communicate and like to hide things.
Sure, it could be Anyone's 'problem'-- you can't dismiss your own feelings (possibly intuition), or observations that cause mistrust... In your case, the Slam could be something they simply can't explain or accept about themselves... Either you 'outed' something uncomfortable, or there's an impassable Misunderstanding between you. I've tested J twice, and P once, depending on the era in my life. I can admit to flashes of potent bravado in working groups, that really put some people off, but I grew... To your point-- I have noted many infj's among professionals who are 'difficult to work with', and occasionally was so myself! When confronted, I worked on myself, until I understood. Your person sounds Full of Themselves, and doesn't respect Your efforts-- like a Narcissist-- empty without you? They may not Know what else they are, or how the disrespect taints their relationships... an Immature Infj Can be an Asshole, as can a few others. It doesn't matter why the Slam at this point-- in my humble, remote opinion, your person hiding things and not communicating has nothing to do with mbti-- unless to point out that an infp is just as Intuitive, so games won't work-- and you just detected them! Trust yourself-- It's a raw deal to get after so much caring, but to continue will literally drain the brilliance out of You. I hope you can get Free of this person, and flourish Yourself... now.
@@zibbielanham Thank you for your response. I think some of his behaviours are nothing to do with IMBT. He is a NPD for sure. He doesn't respect people very much but pretend. He doesn't have friends, he said I am his only fried and the best. When we were good he said I am an angle, but when I coudn't tolerant him and want to love myself more, he said I am evil. He is easily to put the evil cap to people's head. And, he is very religious, often use God's name, he is a hypocrite.
@@woodwater9882 I must agree with you-- we are all More than our 'type' and I think people taking 'the test' can distort results, based on a grandiose image of themselves. Some people Want to be categorized an infj or p, as if it's a Credential-- to Pretend they're more credible, not to understand. This does Not account for bullying, lying hypocrites. He's likely Faking everything, and knows you Know. You want the Truth, now-- I'm only guessing he's using an infj 'label' to 'justify' his crap, and the Slam is because he's got Nothing Real to answer with. I agree this has nothing to do with mbti. Hang in there-- your spidey senses are working just fine! I hope you find your Own slam, should he try to come back.💕
People with NPD WANT DESPERATELY to be INFJ. They are frauds, charlatans, and they envy the INFJ. Clearest example I have is Satan’s jealousy of God (Father being ENFJ and Son being INFJ). Ezekiel 28 the King of Tyre is described as Satan. Go read it some time. NPD’s are externally so full of themselves but inwardly they are husks of people who without God’s help can never grow into something healthy. INFJ’s have the inherent skills granted by God to slay narcissism if and only if they die to their own pride themselves and radically accept their responsibilities as spiritual healers (and that comes with speaking the truth to the point of the dreaded rejection we fear). God’s Word will not return to Him void. Be brave and say the Truth of the matter. God bless!
🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 00:59 *🚪 Closing the door sooner can prevent INFJs from reaching the painful door slamming stage by setting boundaries early.* 03:23 *🛡️ The independent stage, or hermit mode, is crucial for INFJs to heal and establish their personal boundaries.* 06:14 *💼 Moving towards the interdependent stage means setting boundaries like closed doors, allowing others to respect INFJs' emotional space.* 11:09 *🤝 Embracing interdependence helps INFJs avoid door slamming by maintaining healthy emotional environments with mutual respect.* 14:34 *🎯 INFJs can empower themselves by proactively setting boundaries, avoiding situations where they feel diminished or forced into door slamming.* 21:50 *🚪 Embrace your ability to create emotional atmospheres and set boundaries authentically.* 22:19 *🛡️ Challenge yourself to maintain inner peace and avoid seeking external harmony at the cost of your own well-being.* 23:19 *💼 Assert your boundaries to protect your inner peace and energy in social interactions.* 24:19 *🌟 Cultivate inner harmony to naturally influence others positively without forcing external changes.* 25:48 *🔑 Take control of your emotional atmosphere and refuse to let others dictate your narrative.*
Thank you very much. Do you think its a good idea to set boundaries early on about understanding and being on the same waves when it comes to understanding the truth about what has happened sociopolitically in the last 5 years?
Some of the ex family members I've doorslammed continue to force their way back in to my life using the excuse that they need to "save" my Mom from some imaginary scenario threat (me!) when I'm the only one in the family who is able to supervise and assist my Mom who is 80 yrs old and has terrible memory problems. The rest of them are too busy to bother helping her, but insist on persecuting me for no reason other than what their vain imaginations can invent. I ignore them as best I can until they decide to confront me with angry ridiculous false accusations, then I have to call the cops just to get rid of them. THAT's how bad it is. I can't even get any restraining orders because their is no overt assault happening. I guess I have to wait to get attacked. I am just a disabled elderly man who will use weapons to defend myself. I just hope nobody gets hurt, because these meddling relatives have continually pushed over the limits of my patience.
Consider getting a Nitecore EDC27 flashlight, emergency mode has either steady or strobe light at 3000 lumens. About $80.00. Four different light settings as well.
There's a bible verses for this... "if they don't welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don't make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way. You can be sure that on Judgement Day they'll be mighty sorry-- but it's no concern of yours now" Matthew 10:12-16
When did you last have to "door slam" someone as an INFJ?
Yesterday, and last week 😊
My ex attempted to contact me after she turned my childhood best friend against me right before he died, so it's more of an underground bunker concrete slab pour. A door would be too easy to get through.
At my last job, which was full of bullies and evil people (truly)- one week ago.
@@Joohee4 it's funny when an infj gets pushed too far at work, and everybody has only seen their normal reserved side, and then when Mount Saint Helens erupts with words that cut worse than a samurai they all stand there like😲😲😲😲😲😲
I shook an entire rack of milk cartons on my boss's head when I was younger in the cooler after he pissed me off and I could see the fear in his eyes lol.
Today
Door slamming is extremely painful, 95% of the time it's with someone you still loved.
Grieving all these people that are still alive is hard indeed
@@RumiRose12 Being haunted by ghosts of people who are still alive is way more painful than those who are no longer on this planet.
True but your worth more then that. You deserve beautiful happiness and love.
"Go out with a closed door...and then you let people knock"
Interdependance. Brilliant.
The more I learn about the INFJ personality type, I'm starting to understand myself more and why I do what I do ❤
I spent 20 years in rooms of recovery here where I live. I was a second class citizen. I was always told that I could never think for myself. The only way people paid attention to me, was when I was making coffee and setting chairs. I knew, long before, this was not going to be good. I KNEW. But I stayed because I wanted to get sober. So I ignored most folks. Douche Bags be Douche Bags. At my 20th anniversary, I stood up, took my chip, said a few choice words, then I slammed the church door behind me as I walked through it, and walked away. Going on 3 years now. They all said to me that it was my EGO and that I was a DRY DRUNK, and NOT thinking correctly, and that I needed to listen to them and not think for myself. God Forbid I think for myself !!
I was like No, Nope, Not Gonna Do It.
Yep. I’ve been stone cold sober all my life and door slammed the last church I was at because of feeling like a second class citizen, my worth was what I did and essentially ignored beyond that. Reassessing fellowship requirements now as an old widower will still take a lot of time.
WOW good for standing up for yourself!
Ive become really good in door slamming 🤣... When you have healed yourself from narcisstic relationships, you can see through everyones bullshit... I see the toxic traits and I instantly move on... No more time wasted! Love yourself enough to know what you deserve! And thats love and calm friendship/relationship/connection!
I hated to slam doors on my ex because I deeply loved her but she pushed me to limits of sanity with her severe avoidant patterns, lack of empathy, refusal to talk despite being together for over 2 years, and attempted cheating.
With my door slam I changed my address, country, phone numbers, emails, even removed myself from all social media and made it virtually impossible to contact me by her or anyone she knows. I took it this far because despite loving her I could not allow such selfish and cold energy back into my life. No more breadcrumbing, silent treatments, gaslighting, pleading. It was the only way to restore self esteem and peace.
After 6 months it still hurts but less than staying in that toxic situation. Endless empathy can be toxic. I learned hard boundaries the hard way.
Being an INFJ woman is not easy, but thanks to your channel I finally understand how my mind functions. You gave me the right words to express it. Thank you ❤
Every time I slammed the door was because I came to the realization that I am actually appreciating and respecting them more than they appreciate themselves. They didn't believe how valuable I saw them (this is how I see human beings in general), and mistakenly thought I wanted something in return. They ultimately saw me as a cunning, deceitful person, which in turn offended me immensely, resulting in the door slam.
Maybe the value you saw in people was the ability (or desire. Possibility..) to control and FIX situations in their life. And seeing the plan clear as day as to how they could do things better made you wish they would allow you to LOVE them and HELP them. But in reality we want control because we cannot easily control ourselves. And we want to HELP other people because we feel like failures inside and believe that unless we go WAY above and beyond for people. They will not tolerate us being in their life.
And honestly this is sorta true! Any time I have decided to get lazy or burned myself up and became cold and complacent. People turned on my instantly. As soon as I stopped working like a mad man to make myself so useful for others, me being me was too much for them to put up with to keep !e around without them getting TONS out of it for the headache!
Bottom line we are socially awkward and socially moronic! Way too intense, selfish in emotional ways, and antagonistic.
Fix yourself and stop worrying about everyone else. If your whole life has sucked you have to come to reality and understand that what are the odds? Is it really that YOU are some saint super human and right and it is the rest who can't compete. Or is it the world is similar and we are outcasts because it is US who has the problem..!? 1 vs 7 billion... Hhhmmmm.
In my hermit stage. I have a very small circle of friends, and just mainly spend time with myself, husband, or our son.
Infj's realize the value they bring to others life, and when respect is no longer served at the table there's no point in pouring in value. Infj's avoid conflict and the favorite option is doorslam. 😎👌
Can I ask what you see as the value we bring? Checking myself here. I see what value I bring, others do not and it gets tiring.
@suemaz9846 Well, just look at wenzes and her big giant heart standing here every week trying to educate us so we could have a better life. We all do that, not on the wenzes scale obviously 😅. That heart includes everything. Also the fact that you ask what value you bring speaks for itself.
So true, as we hear through the grapevine- probably through a flying monkey- how much we are missed and how important we were to the ‘whole’. Very strange actually as they never expressed it, but later-after all they took. Oh well, onward!
@@suemaz9846, I think it is we are like ‘the glue’ that keeps the proverbial balance in a group without controlling or setting rules…. They see us peripherally or across the room and know everything is okay. That’s just my two cents. It’s wierd.
THIS! THIS! THIS! When I tell you now that I understand my value I find that I can be very detached and respect myself by having the courage to walk away from relationships that no longer serve me. Wishing others the best and moving on. I think there's also power in infjs ability to self focus and having a bit of mystery around themselves. However, I know it can make others a bit stir crazy and people tend to want to know MORE the less you share. Hope that makes sense. But this comment is spot on.
The door 🚪 slam are very important for us to protect ourselves! I found this to be very very true.
Honestly guys to quote wizard Liz - if you want to talk to someone talk to a tree.
We don't like door slam but between being someone ur not and door slam the choice is clear
I’m in independent mode right now!! 🙋🏻♂️
Yes🎉💜
Only thing I want to say is: the door slam feels SO GOOD when it’s a NARCISSIST! And I will tell those people OFF. We have to, for their own good! We are narcissist slayers, and they need us to slay their ego so they can be adjusted and centered in something greater than the traumas of their childhood. Paul was a narcissist when he was Saul, and Jesus (who is often seen as INFJ) spoke words that shook him right to the core and transformed his arrogance into abject humility. Go read Philippians 3. What a TESTIMONY to the power of Jesus Christ our Savior!
The last would be friend wouldnt even knock, Ive been finding myself door slamming people for just 1 red flag in thier personality. Sometimes even a yellow flag.
If I see a yellow flag, I'm out.
I love how you articulated all of this. Esp the door slam, there's a lot of bad information out there mis- describing it. I call it staying in my own lane. Not much hesitation anymore doing that, get it n my car "close the door" and drive in my own lane. I don't even care right now to interact, fix, adjust or otherwise, the "energy" around me, as soon as I feel that feel in my chest or stomach, my peace affected at all, I'm out. Bye to the stank whatever. And it's also etched in my mind. Hazard. Once I don't care, that's it. There's a song with a lyric " I don't gaf if you don't like me".
The feeling is probably mutual anyway. Also, happy laughing people don't = good energy, evil people revel in all their evil.
❤ Thanks for the awesome breakdown.
I'm in the period after closing a door and reconnecting with myself exactly like you've talked about. I'd take a whole video on that period, and how to move through it and start to be interdependent again. For me it's been 1.5 years and even actively working on myself constantly I'm feeling pretty stuck in it and actually more isolated than ever.
same... 4 years in.
"how can I make myself less interesting"... lolol.. I have pondered this at times
We know when someone is misunderstanding us on purpose and infj, being purposely misunderstood is a game we don’t wish to play. They play their wildcards at first, but then they may eventually cheat. To explain the same thing 20 different ways is exhausting., if they repeat this pattern it becomes a problem. Maybe they don’t want to understand.
I don't play baby games.
AS AN INFJ & A PISCES? THANK YOU FOR THESE VIDEOS ❤
I'm definitely in the hermit phase.
"peaceful and excited at the same time"
😆 I’m dealing with this in a work situation and I made the choice to avoid someone instead of working to show/illustrate I’m no threat. It feels good.
Freakin genius you are… like so many of us ❤
I had to door slam someone yesterday. I slammed the door on my whole family. I don’t feel bad about it. I’ve done everything I can do from a respectful position. But I don’t get the same understanding and benefit of the doubt so I’m done. I’d rather focus on people who care about me and my feelings.
Im Proud of You.
@@bamgold4677 thank you 🙏🏽
November 1st will be mine
@sunshinesunflowerz1647 💜🙏
Sooo much to process in this video. I need to condense it down to get the most from it. I've found the Interdependent Stage and learnt not to give away my Knowledge and skills from my three main interests of music, art, and electronics. If others ask for help, I can be there, and get them thru their hurdle, (limiting what I give) but after that it is up to them. The door is closed and if they want assistance, they have to knock again. Getting so much more out of life, and making significant progress in my three chosen areas of interest.
Sadly i have had to do this very recently. I tried every measure to reason with them in the area of communication. I became exhausted from trying son i gave up and sent a few final messages because i cannot get them on the phone. I am sad from this but i am no longer mentally exhausted from being the only one trying.
In a nutshell, INFJ's hear a different drum than everyone else.
They(everyone else) can't hear it and they are envious!
Live life to the fullest, let them envy 😎
As always Wenzes on point with her topics and solutions🙏🏽 I heard this phrase in passing a decade ago or so that always helps me choose myself in tough situations......."Somtimes you have to be vigilant about your happiness"😤
“Going out into the world with closed doors”………. So big. Don’t go in with all doors open and then having to slam them shut out of hurt. 💡
I am really am bad about making myself small. I am so lonely, I cut out everyone in my life. Became a lone wolf
You have The Infjs :):):):):):):):)
These videos are so good. I have never had anyone hit the nail on the head on who I am so well. I have been estranged for 3 years now and it’s hard. I am working on all the things said in this video. I am ready to have interdependent relationships and am searching for the right community for me.
I did 3 block out these past 2 weeks. I need to recover for a week. They seemed to be " fishing " for a time to bully. It seems based on some form of jealousy. One was too far off my course.
Get them out Christine.
Thank you 🙏🏼 as usual, this resonated so much and was SO helpful ❤. I am literally starting a new job where I decided to try to be invisible, do avoid unwarranted bullying, and I have realized that it would be possible in this job because it’s a small snapper, a small group and I am the only full time massage therapist and I usually really do well a.k.a. Shine in this role, so I really needed this video to teach me the alternative which my intuition was telling me to do- set the energy myself.
I liked your statement "Close the door and let someone knock on it first." When I was younger and in college and then later beginning to work, I developed an effective version of it called, "Be pleasant, greet people, and then let them come to you." It was a good blend of my mother's insatiable need to be greeted by people, and my friendly introvert father who was all in favor of being cordial, but on a more reserved scale.
I also hear what you are saying about going into FE - extroverted feeling - which is something I actually learned to do early on. Maybe it's because my mother's main function was extroverted feeling, so that gave me an idea of what it was like to reach out to others. Of course, those were my pre Myers Briggs days, so I had to do it my way which was not exactly like hers. I practiced it a bit differently than what she did, and sometimes it caused misunderstanding, but I did learn how to put it to use. As for SE - extroverted sensing - it was more of a challenge, but I learned the valuable lesson that sometimes taking action can help a lot when you fight depression!😊
I still work on them, but I'll tell you that it can be practiced, and learning as much as I did on this channel and the Boot Camp, I can truthfully say that this is helpful counsel and guidance.
Good video!
Except a narcissist will knock, you’ll open saying “Hi, you must be a friend! I am so excited! Let me show you around my mind palace!” And then they proceed to compliment your home while defecating all over it and breaking everything you hold dear; leave without saying a word; and then knock all over again to start the process over again.
Be careful about who you open your door to, and
and slam that door fast the moment you hear double speak!
Has Anyone Here Have Any Spare Doors? Cause I've Run Out of Doors.
May you give an example how it could look like, in a concrete situation: "walking out and meet people with closed doors, waiting for people to knock and then open it only for those who will protect your boundaries"?
I think I got the essence of it, but have no idea how I could practice it in real life...
The biggest disappointment is that my best female friend betrayed me. I was always to nice to her, but she decided to ignore me after a year or so. I think I was too kind. The more I think about her actions in the past the more I realize that often she did not treat me with respect but also I feel that I know almost everything about her, she should have never done those things
She will fail bro. She sounds like a narcissist. Don't worry they go downhill.
I'm in the healing stage. I'm tired of emotionally crippled men with shattered childhoods. I see it clearly and now that I'm free I have to stop trying to fix people and focus on mature men.
Hi Wenzes! General comment about INFJs. I can pretty much identify an INFJ on sight. A recent trip to visit my family and their friends, I took my laid back attitude with me, and watched their behaviors. Conclusions: 1. INFJ can easily be identified by other INFJs. - Daughter-in-law, Father-in-law, and other INFJs associated with them, etc. INFJs are magnetic to each other. 2. When an INFJ is going out on the limb giving help to another person, they are extremely protective of the person and no one else can give better help than them. If another person tries to assist, the INFJ gets jealous, and thinks they are the only person able to assist. 3. Narcissists tend to be attracted to INFJs, particularly male narcissists to female INFJs. Usually ends in disaster and their relationships fall apart. So many of my female INFJ friends are in this category. Male narcissists still try to manipulate their expartner, often through their children if they have some. Just some thoughts. I could well be wrong, but I know I'm half left, half right, even when I'm told I'm not right but wrong. (LOL) Also known as Don McZealand - INFJ-T
"proactive in setting, creating, emotional atmosphere and energy exchanges", demanding it, in my life, I like that. Stick to your narrative whether other people like it or not. This is good.
Once you embrace your journey of self love and healing as an INFJ, you shut the door on those who are primarily closet and overt "takers" . Because you now validate yourself and respect your dignity you easily release those that are not for your greater good.... You are now living with a much higher bar because you are now aware and believe you deserve it...❤
I've been in the interdependent stage and i closed my doors for someone until they proved for me that they can enter it, but soon after they enter i was disappointed and i had to do the door slam again which was a complete heartbreak for me
I specifically kept this couple away because I sensed predatory toxic activity from them, especially the husband. 4 months keeping them at a distance. Smooth talk and flattery about two things incredibly close to me (my singing voice and speaking hard truths), so I let them in. Then boom! In a week they devalued and discarded me. I let them in again one more time to verify, and yep, they did it again within the span of a month. Door slammed and grey rocked!
This video made me realise what a huge change I’ve undergo in last two years. As you were speaking Wenzes there were flashback striking in my mind of my last romantic relationship that was a wonderful example of me being in the codependent state of mind, focusing on the other person, making her my ’project’, feeling like giving my all. She was an ENFP and when you mentioned the overexaturated version of their toxic trait (all needs to be accoriding to me or else I don’t have a control...) it was another piece of the puzzle for me. I was in my toxic trait she was in hers.
Despite the fact it was extremely hard when we broke up. I do not regret coz that was actually the wakeup call I needed to start creating my epic life. In those times I found your channel and was step by step building my better self and I can’t thank you enough for that.
I made huge progress thanks to this experience and I am very much happy I learned about this door slamming and how to become healthier version of myself.
Your a pretty girl that i could actually see myself getting along and be able to connect with
Such renewed quality and improved perspective from your content in your 2024 videos, love it! Keep it going, I can relate in depth, it gives food for thought and it is very helpful!
This has been hard for me, because I can't always Articulate Why, in the moment, for Them. I felt guilty to cut them off, but with intuition in charge-- I Had to Slam the door shut, and figure it out later. I'm 65 now, and have observed... knowing what boundaries I Needed (know thyself), improved everyday interactions. Then, getting comfortable with stating it, when someone was near crossing the line... If someone close to me did so, anyway-- I was usually Done... Knowing I was truly misunderstood, an argument would Waste Me-- so, slam! In retrospect, I don't regret anytime this happened-- I had more energy to spare for worthwhile efforts, and learned so much about My Own triggers, that I could either heal, or dissipate them. I'm kinda isolated now-- but it's OK. If I am to catch more human sparkles in what's left of my life-- they'll have Quality. Saying No to things and people who don't have respect for themselves or others (especially when they're unaware) is the Best thing we can do for ourselves, and even them-- no enabling! So, I'm still a 'work in progress'-- but have the benefits of Energy to pursue future dreams, and Love the life I have, now... My Way.
It's your time :):):) their loss your win. They can't suck energy anymore.
I recently had to door slam two "friends" (I realize now they were always narcissists whose "positivity" was just the afterglow from me hyping them up, though they never returned that glow like my other long-term friends from the same shared community). Couldn't deal with their insecurity, jealousy, lashing out, etc. It feels so good to keep that light for myself and for those that do deserve it. The same week I decided to close those doors, I began new relationships with some really lovely people. The universe was waiting on me to take out the old so it could bring in the new
Good for you prioritizing relationships that boost you up mutually! I am struggling with how best to interpret a complicated situation with an old friend. One interpretation sounds a lot like yours. It is good to hear how you are using the energy they were sucking up to form more positive relationships.
@@glittermytimbers Thank you! I hope you're able to resolve that tension in a way that brings you peace
Very recently, but because I evaluated (via your guiding content) my own behavior and then, I was able to gently shut the door, with no regret.
I door slammed recently and I feel good about it. I was giving 90% and he was not even giving me 10% so why do I need him?
He was a peice of trash if he only gave 10%.
Several times a year
Thanks!
Thanks Wenzes😊
I think that I am in the independent state right now after going through a whole year of the dependent state, sadly I tried to fix the dynamics but things didn’t work out, mutual respect isn’t enough because moving into the second stage can really make you seem like a whole new person.
To be honest I noticed that after going through the dependent stage I was more tuned to friendships in which I am in control of the atmosphere and not being the center of the attention but it is like when I am around things have to go the way that I want.
And I was really feeling bad about it and it is interesting to describe that Fe activity as Narcissistic because that is what it felt to me.
But I guess this video here gave me the enough reassurance to give it a shot, I will try as much as I can to not hurt people while setting this is a priority.
Would really appreciate if you had videos describing the emotional state setting thing ❤
Thanks for that. Quite helpful.
I love this and connect with this video 📹 ❤️ 😍 💕
Nowdays after years of dealing with narcissist I very quickly recognize red flags and I dont even open the door and it saves so much time also if Im forced to spend time with someone who crossed my boundaries I deel coldly because they are as dead to me
Great talk today. Thank you.
I loved this...its so helpful in the situation I'm in at the moment ! Much appreciated as always 👏👏😀❤️
Practicing 'invisibility' ... and the enormous amounts of energy (and lifetime) spent ... and the many utter failures at achieving incognito.
Awesome info as always.
Really good one! 👍👍❤
This year a lot like 3 best friends in February and a gf in December a looottttt
Your in your learning stage it feels better with time after the drop.
I'm a INFJ 4w5 and, in theory, I'm supposed to become more like a healthy enneagram type 1 for growth. I interpret that as positively expressing extroverted judging Fe in balanced with introverted intuition (Ni). At the same time, I would need to remain flexible to new information outside my experience and/or awareness - i.e. stay humble with others and ask questions before judging.
If you are an INFJ and have some wisdom to share w.r.t. MBTI-enneagram growth then please comment.
B.T.W. this video is fantastic; thank-you Wenzes!
Is it possible that's the INFJ's own problem? They always think its others fault. I am an INFP, I am the only friend of this INFJ, I support him and help him, once my words may hurt him (his behaiviour hurt me many times),he door slams me . He is difficult to work with and to be a friend. He never like to communicate and like to hide things.
Sure, it could be Anyone's 'problem'-- you can't dismiss your own feelings (possibly intuition), or observations that cause mistrust... In your case, the Slam could be something they simply can't explain or accept about themselves... Either you 'outed' something uncomfortable, or there's an impassable Misunderstanding between you. I've tested J twice, and P once, depending on the era in my life. I can admit to flashes of potent bravado in working groups, that really put some people off, but I grew... To your point-- I have noted many infj's among professionals who are 'difficult to work with', and occasionally was so myself! When confronted, I worked on myself, until I understood. Your person sounds Full of Themselves, and doesn't respect Your efforts-- like a Narcissist-- empty without you? They may not Know what else they are, or how the disrespect taints their relationships... an Immature Infj Can be an Asshole, as can a few others. It doesn't matter why the Slam at this point-- in my humble, remote opinion, your person hiding things and not communicating has nothing to do with mbti-- unless to point out that an infp is just as Intuitive, so games won't work-- and you just detected them! Trust yourself-- It's a raw deal to get after so much caring, but to continue will literally drain the brilliance out of You. I hope you can get Free of this person, and flourish Yourself... now.
@@zibbielanham Thank you for your response. I think some of his behaviours are nothing to do with IMBT. He is a NPD for sure. He doesn't respect people very much but pretend. He doesn't have friends, he said I am his only fried and the best. When we were good he said I am an angle, but when I coudn't tolerant him and want to love myself more, he said I am evil. He is easily to put the evil cap to people's head. And, he is very religious, often use God's name, he is a hypocrite.
@@woodwater9882 I must agree with you-- we are all More than our 'type' and I think people taking 'the test' can distort results, based on a grandiose image of themselves. Some people Want to be categorized an infj or p, as if it's a Credential-- to Pretend they're more credible, not to understand. This does Not account for bullying, lying hypocrites. He's likely Faking everything, and knows you Know. You want the Truth, now-- I'm only guessing he's using an infj 'label' to 'justify' his crap, and the Slam is because he's got Nothing Real to answer with. I agree this has nothing to do with mbti. Hang in there-- your spidey senses are working just fine! I hope you find your Own slam, should he try to come back.💕
People with NPD WANT DESPERATELY to be INFJ. They are frauds, charlatans, and they envy the INFJ. Clearest example I have is Satan’s jealousy of God (Father being ENFJ and Son being INFJ). Ezekiel 28 the King of Tyre is described as Satan. Go read it some time.
NPD’s are externally so full of themselves but inwardly they are husks of people who without God’s help can never grow into something healthy.
INFJ’s have the inherent skills granted by God to slay narcissism if and only if they die to their own pride themselves and radically accept their responsibilities as spiritual healers (and that comes with speaking the truth to the point of the dreaded rejection we fear). God’s Word will not return to Him void. Be brave and say the Truth of the matter.
God bless!
🎯 Key points for quick navigation:
00:59 *🚪 Closing the door sooner can prevent INFJs from reaching the painful door slamming stage by setting boundaries early.*
03:23 *🛡️ The independent stage, or hermit mode, is crucial for INFJs to heal and establish their personal boundaries.*
06:14 *💼 Moving towards the interdependent stage means setting boundaries like closed doors, allowing others to respect INFJs' emotional space.*
11:09 *🤝 Embracing interdependence helps INFJs avoid door slamming by maintaining healthy emotional environments with mutual respect.*
14:34 *🎯 INFJs can empower themselves by proactively setting boundaries, avoiding situations where they feel diminished or forced into door slamming.*
21:50 *🚪 Embrace your ability to create emotional atmospheres and set boundaries authentically.*
22:19 *🛡️ Challenge yourself to maintain inner peace and avoid seeking external harmony at the cost of your own well-being.*
23:19 *💼 Assert your boundaries to protect your inner peace and energy in social interactions.*
24:19 *🌟 Cultivate inner harmony to naturally influence others positively without forcing external changes.*
25:48 *🔑 Take control of your emotional atmosphere and refuse to let others dictate your narrative.*
Thank you🩷
💖💖🙏🙏🌟✨🌟✨✨
I did this to my fiance while watching lol
FAMILLE SAY WHAT ….🤩❤️‼️ 5:46
Thank you very much. Do you think its a good idea to set boundaries early on about understanding and being on the same waves when it comes to understanding the truth about what has happened sociopolitically in the last 5 years?
Some of the ex family members I've doorslammed continue to force their way back in to my life using the excuse that they need to "save" my Mom from some imaginary scenario threat (me!) when I'm the only one in the family who is able to supervise and assist my Mom who is 80 yrs old and has terrible memory problems. The rest of them are too busy to bother helping her, but insist on persecuting me for no reason other than what their vain imaginations can invent. I ignore them as best I can until they decide to confront me with angry ridiculous false accusations, then I have to call the cops just to get rid of them. THAT's how bad it is. I can't even get any restraining orders because their is no overt assault happening. I guess I have to wait to get attacked. I am just a disabled elderly man who will use weapons to defend myself. I just hope nobody gets hurt, because these meddling relatives have continually pushed over the limits of my patience.
Surely you can take a restraining order on anyone whom you feel emotionally threatened by, too?
Consider getting a Nitecore EDC27 flashlight, emergency mode has either steady or strobe light at 3000 lumens. About $80.00. Four different light settings as well.
A couple of questions:
First: If I'm an INTP, how do I identify an INFJ I should approach?
Second: What if I'm waiting for someone to knock in turn?
You cut your hair, but it’s growing on me.
THANK YOU!!
I like ur short haircut
I think shoulder length fits nice
🔥🔥🔥
#AddMyFlavor
There's a bible verses for this... "if they don't welcome you, quietly withdraw. Don't make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way. You can be sure that on Judgement Day they'll be mighty sorry-- but it's no concern of yours now" Matthew 10:12-16
💜
✊🏼
🤔 what is infj? 🤣😆😁😅