@@hernandariobernalparra7772 They don't even know what attachment issues are. They call them "trust issues"... Which is similar but just scratches the surface.
Hope you are doing well man. My avoidant did something similar, it was only 5 months but it was so strong. I am almost healed up, but the what if still pops up.
It’s not something that you can realise before you got into relationship. I cant imagine my life without my girlfriend I am not even looking at others I want the best for her but I can’t emotionally connect even more. You know it’s not easy to be this way when you have empathy… but some things you can’t choose. This is my last relationship and I dont want to hurt people any more I feel unworthy of love. But life goes on
My ex and I broke up a few months and he said I was not the one he was meant to be with in the long term. We got in touch a month later and started seeing each other again without any strings attached on the simple agreement that we would communicate with each other and be honest if someone else came in to the picture. On our last meeting, he apologised for blocking me off in the last and admitted he cared for me and wanted to continue seeing me. After that, he stopped responding to me. I confronted him over text yesterday after 3 weeks of the silent treatment and he said he was talking to someone else and wanted to move on. I said that was fine and asked why he didn't tell me earlier because I would have understood and there's not been any response. It's so disheartening being with an avoidant in any capacity because everytime it feels like I'm gaining some control and feeling like an equal, they take that control and equality away by shutting me out.
I believe that’s the danger of still seeing each other during gaps, that someone will eventually meet someone. Unfortunately they’re unlikely to let you know until they know the new relationship is good, as they’ll lose the luxury of having you on tap.
💯 I’m not Catholic but I love the quote by one of their saints Thomas Acquinas “Love is willing the good of the other person” even if they want to break up with someone, if they actually were to love them they would tell them cause that would be good for the other person.
You're describing what I've been through just after our Valentine's day weekend. We were also celebrating 6 months of a beautiful relationship... and this happened. I've felt very confused. It's been 6, almost 7 weeks, since she left me. I remember her asking me to give her news about my new position at my workplace. And asking me to keep in touch so we can still go on hikes as friends. But I've kept silent ever since she left me. I prefer no contact because if I contact her, it's going to hurt me all over again. Now I'm starting to feel good. And if she realizes that she misses me, she knows how to contact me. Else, over is over, and life goes on. I won't settle for being treated as an option when I made her my priority.
yes they truly are broken people.... not up to others to try to fix them. Because of course, that's impossible, and why throw your life away trying, or even giving a damn, which is exactly what you'd be doing. Heal yourself and move on to healthy choices which have a least a fighting chance of being in relationship and connection. Buying a shiny car with a broken engine and wondering why it won't drive is a complete waste
This one hit home. I had just returned from a week long trip with my partner, they had sent me a link to the engagement ring they wanted, then discarded me. I’m here just trying to make sense of it all and put the pieces back together.
I understand that we are all the way we are because of the things we’ve been through in life, but it’s just best to stay away from these kind of people.
Ooof, this one really hit me hard. I'm almost two years ago from an engagement with an EXTREME avoidant. It was awful and I'm still messed up about it.
They are so afraid of heartbreak and pain that they can’t imagine you might also be afraid of heartbreak and pain, so they will inflict actual heartbreak and pain to you to soothe their fear of heartbreak and pain that wasn’t even based.
I'm there right now, everything was perfectly fine and there were very obvious demonstrations of affection from both sides and everything was as loving as always, until 1 week later all of a sudden they no longer love me and break up. This was so out of nowhere that I don't even know what to think it just raises a million questions in my head
True 100%. He kept saying about future. He had fear of rejection. He kept saying what if you get married to someone else. HE put the brick wall and kept saying he dont have feelings but i felt it was not true. I tried a lot before giving up. I tried getting closure and didnt get any.
I began a very passionate relationship with a person I suspect is avoidant, he was so charming and understanding that when he told me he had lost the spark only 2 weeks later I couldn't believe it. After 3 weeks without contact we decided to try again but he was decreasing kisses and intimacy until we were just friends for a month. When I asked him he told me that he didn't feel that way about me so I decided to go no contact again and I'm trying to move on after 4 months. I'm devastated because we had a wonderful time "as friends" but, of course, something was lacking, for me at least. Thank you for your videos, they really help me understand, my self esteem is quite deteriorated right now but I hope I can move on soon.
Only one reason someone leaves or breaks up with you. Thats they are seeing or thinking of someone else. If someone don't want ya they don't want ya. If you love them let them go.
Never felt so loved in a healthy way- comparing to my narcex, and all of a sudden a withdrawl- however he seemed confused himself and actually described it as a wall within him, kept asking if it ment something was wrong in the relationship.
Feel so hopeless. Can’t sleep I’m in pain. She broke up with me last week and said I wasn’t nurturing enough that I wasn’t there for her yet two weeks ago she talked about getting married and having a baby. I’m so lost and confused.
The reason the avoidant gives isn't the real reason. The real reason is what Ryan says. Trying to rationalise based on their verbal words will lead you to madness
My narcex did exactly what you said...after a vacation she said that she lost her emotions and etc....I cried and cried but I cut the contact with her and never want to experience this kind of stuff again...
You have said not to accept being friend-zoned, but how do I break the cycle of rejection-no contact-reconciliation-rejection-no contact-reconciliation? On and on … seems like if we’re friends I can set boundaries and break the cycle easier than letting it go on and on
Once you realize your partner is avoidant, it's crucial to distance yourself. When they shut off emotionally, communication becomes nearly impossible, therapy may not help, and finding compromises becomes difficult. They may become stubborn and unwilling to work on the relationship. Don’t sacrifice your self-worth just to win them back. If you've done everything you can and they're still confused about their feelings, let go. It's better to find a partner who is open and easy to communicate with, or risk having your marriage undermined.
tq coach ryan .💯this is wut iam going thru..shes asking divorce all of sudden.we have 3 kids togetther..its sad 8 years of marriage has to end..now it all make sense..how can someone just throw everything out like we didnt have a history togetther..there were goodtimes but they just paint all black n white.i know i lost her😭
Would this also include denying ever developing any feelings, after dating for 2 months? It was a very intense connection and he played it down saying he ‘enjoyed my company’ which felt so dismissive and like a denial of relaity
Wow mate! Exactly what happened to me! One week me and my DA had the best date ever! She said we are so lucky to have found each other.....We even said we loved each other. The following week her close friend passed away and the week after that, she said she'd lost feelings for me. This was February. I started no contact at the end of March and havent heard anything since. I hope she finds those feelings for me again. 🙏🏻 Even if its as a friend which i think is possible as we were only dating for 3 months.
So my ex told me, 6 weeks post partum, that he was no longer ‘in love’ with me. He still loved me, but wasn’t ’in love’ with me. I told him our relationship would not be continuing and he backtracked super fast and somehow we hung on for another 4.5 years 🙄
This just happened to me 4 weeks ago. Its still hurts.. she was so sweet… I had never felt love like that ever again. And one day she said she lost feelings… I was so angry that I shouted at her for the first time… I dont want her to go. though I made up for it some days later I wished her to be safe and healthy and promised to never contact her again. I hope in another life in another universe me and her are happily ever after… but in this one.. I just want her to be safe.
This happened to me almost 4 month's ago, She said she lost feeling for me But we are still in contact, I don't know why , i want her so i try to start conversation we talk, we also meet each other at cafe,, but she is still unsure about me, she talks to me like it was everything normal,but i want that person back who's with me 4 month back
Is it also avoidancy when you lose feelings for someone because they repeatedly hurt you over and over, and they want another chance and you wish you could give them one but you feel closed off and push them away because you dont trust them even though they've been to therapy and seem different on the surface?
They lost feelings for me - or rather they never loved me at all and discarded me. Then remerged a few weeks later to ask if I was contacting them with a fake profile. I just replied “no” (because it’s true) and left it and somehow they managed to reply with “weird” almost within an hour of me replying. Where once we used to message everyday he couldn’t be bothered (was ldr) all of a sudden. He became “too busy” to respond. Come to realise it’s because he went off to find other women on dating apps. I can’t be bothered to respond. I’m not taking any crumbs anymore. 😂
what about when that is the case? My feelings for the person turn to nothingness/emptiness and I feel like I’m going through the motions and the most feelings I can feel are adoration and attraction toward the person. How do you fix this when you want to feel so deeply and so much for them and it all disappears? Is this related to avoidant attachment? anyone else relate at all?
What to do exactly in this situation? Should i send her this video and communicate with her? Or just follow no contact rule and don't send video? Pls someone do reply
I don't think they have feelings for someone else. They are seeking validation. And when they lovebomb someone else, and this person believes them (because they don't know them yet), then this new person shows interest, which activates & raises the dopamine levels in the Avoidant's brain. So they start feeling good about themselves again. And they misstake this for "feelings" or interest in another. In fact, they are just chasing what makes them feel good. But they tell themselves they like/love this New person to justify it @ll. And then after 6/7 months (depending on how much they distracted themselves & have kept themselves busy. The emptiness and same feelings of unworthiness come back, because the rush of dopamine has worked off. And they start realising the Truth. So they start reaching out to you, because before this new person, you were the last person that made them feel good. Ór, second option: they do it all again with another new person. And so they keep going rond in circles. 🤷♀️
One possible idea is they both have no clue about being securely attached; however, narcissists are consciously intent on causing their partners pain, whereas avoidants don't. Hope this helps.
Sometimes those feelings are destroyed by actions that have occurred in the relationship. And “abandonment” in a relationship doesn’t exist. Someone walking away from a relationship is a choice. They have no marital obligation to their partner. This video is far too vague and assuming. Stereotyping every situation and taking the uniqueness of each individual and conforming them to a single box marked avoidant.
That's an interesting comment. I'm interested in how influencers can define their delivery to drill down into nuances to define these types of relationship dynamics. What do you think could be focused on to help define this video topic? I know this question might take up some of your time if you choose to answer it, but your response be valued and appreciated.
I agree. My situation at surface level would be seen as avoidant. But when my recent ex had to suddenly move 6000 miles away from me, had her best friend die, feel the crushing weight of reality and what to do with her life back home, finally at the most difficult point of her therapy, and feel completely lost and unable to even have good feelings for herself…it makes sense. Still hurts, but they only have energy to fight for themselves right now. I’m in incredible pain but I hope with my determination to move forward for my betterment, and hers for her self as well, our paths will inevitably cross like they did again.
I was dismissive avoidant growing up. And I remember a year or 2 later my feelings for this one girl blew up inside of me and I had to confront my decisions and self
Avoidant people who do this should stop dating and seek therapy- stop emotionally abusing people because you can’t resolve your past trauma
Many of them are so unaware of their attachment issues...
@@hernandariobernalparra7772 They don't even know what attachment issues are. They call them "trust issues"... Which is similar but just scratches the surface.
Hope you are doing well man. My avoidant did something similar, it was only 5 months but it was so strong. I am almost healed up, but the what if still pops up.
It’s not something that you can realise before you got into relationship. I cant imagine my life without my girlfriend I am not even looking at others I want the best for her but I can’t emotionally connect even more. You know it’s not easy to be this way when you have empathy… but some things you can’t choose. This is my last relationship and I dont want to hurt people any more I feel unworthy of love. But life goes on
Good grief! Is there a bottom to that rabbit hole? Such pathetic people.
Lol at your comment. Not sure why I laugh as I am involved with a person like this and I need my head read.
My ex and I broke up a few months and he said I was not the one he was meant to be with in the long term. We got in touch a month later and started seeing each other again without any strings attached on the simple agreement that we would communicate with each other and be honest if someone else came in to the picture. On our last meeting, he apologised for blocking me off in the last and admitted he cared for me and wanted to continue seeing me. After that, he stopped responding to me. I confronted him over text yesterday after 3 weeks of the silent treatment and he said he was talking to someone else and wanted to move on. I said that was fine and asked why he didn't tell me earlier because I would have understood and there's not been any response. It's so disheartening being with an avoidant in any capacity because everytime it feels like I'm gaining some control and feeling like an equal, they take that control and equality away by shutting me out.
Simple, don't engage in their games once you know their truth..
I would call that guy an idiot not an avoidant! Choose wiser. Move on!
This other someone he is seeing is probably going to have the same treatment you had!
I believe that’s the danger of still seeing each other during gaps, that someone will eventually meet someone. Unfortunately they’re unlikely to let you know until they know the new relationship is good, as they’ll lose the luxury of having you on tap.
@@tabarnakopoulos they are which is sad. avoidants are hurt people going around hurting everyone else with them.
Who cares what they feel or dont feel. Love is a decision, not an emotion.
💯 I’m not Catholic but I love the quote by one of their saints Thomas Acquinas “Love is willing the good of the other person” even if they want to break up with someone, if they actually were to love them they would tell them cause that would be good for the other person.
Thank you for this 🥰
You're describing what I've been through just after our Valentine's day weekend. We were also celebrating 6 months of a beautiful relationship... and this happened. I've felt very confused.
It's been 6, almost 7 weeks, since she left me. I remember her asking me to give her news about my new position at my workplace. And asking me to keep in touch so we can still go on hikes as friends.
But I've kept silent ever since she left me. I prefer no contact because if I contact her, it's going to hurt me all over again.
Now I'm starting to feel good. And if she realizes that she misses me, she knows how to contact me. Else, over is over, and life goes on.
I won't settle for being treated as an option when I made her my priority.
yes they truly are broken people.... not up to others to try to fix them. Because of course, that's impossible, and why throw your life away trying, or even giving a damn, which is exactly what you'd be doing. Heal yourself and move on to healthy choices which have a least a fighting chance of being in relationship and connection. Buying a shiny car with a broken engine and wondering why it won't drive is a complete waste
This one hit home. I had just returned from a week long trip with my partner, they had sent me a link to the engagement ring they wanted, then discarded me. I’m here just trying to make sense of it all and put the pieces back together.
How are you?
I hope your doing better now
I wish they came with a stamp on their forehead. We would know who to avoid. Hope you are doing well.
Just insane!!!
I understand that we are all the way we are because of the things we’ve been through in life, but it’s just best to stay away from these kind of people.
Do you isolate people with physical handpicaps? Why do that to people with emotional handicaps?
Ooof, this one really hit me hard. I'm almost two years ago from an engagement with an EXTREME avoidant. It was awful and I'm still messed up about it.
How this guy can figure out the nuts and bolts of avoidant personalities is remarkable. This has become one of my top 5 UA-cam channels.
Avoidants are an absolute scourge
brother its an attachment style not a plague
@ChiefTJBallout it's still a scourge
They are so afraid of heartbreak and pain that they can’t imagine you might also be afraid of heartbreak and pain, so they will inflict actual heartbreak and pain to you to soothe their fear of heartbreak and pain that wasn’t even based.
I'm there right now, everything was perfectly fine and there were very obvious demonstrations of affection from both sides and everything was as loving as always, until 1 week later all of a sudden they no longer love me and break up. This was so out of nowhere that I don't even know what to think it just raises a million questions in my head
All I can say is thank you Sir.
True 100%. He kept saying about future. He had fear of rejection. He kept saying what if you get married to someone else. HE put the brick wall and kept saying he dont have feelings but i felt it was not true. I tried a lot before giving up. I tried getting closure and didnt get any.
I began a very passionate relationship with a person I suspect is avoidant, he was so charming and understanding that when he told me he had lost the spark only 2 weeks later I couldn't believe it.
After 3 weeks without contact we decided to try again but he was decreasing kisses and intimacy until we were just friends for a month. When I asked him he told me that he didn't feel that way about me so I decided to go no contact again and I'm trying to move on after 4 months.
I'm devastated because we had a wonderful time "as friends" but, of course, something was lacking, for me at least.
Thank you for your videos, they really help me understand, my self esteem is quite deteriorated right now but I hope I can move on soon.
Only one reason someone leaves or breaks up with you. Thats they are seeing or thinking of someone else. If someone don't want ya they don't want ya. If you love them let them go.
Their feelings are like Putin’s red buttons 😂
😅
Never felt so loved in a healthy way- comparing to my narcex, and all of a sudden a withdrawl- however he seemed confused himself and actually described it as a wall within him, kept asking if it ment something was wrong in the relationship.
Thank you very much for what you do. Not only you explain the things very clearly, but also give much comfort. Thank you 💜
Feel so hopeless. Can’t sleep I’m in pain. She broke up with me last week and said I wasn’t nurturing enough that I wasn’t there for her yet two weeks ago she talked about getting married and having a baby. I’m so lost and confused.
The reason the avoidant gives isn't the real reason. The real reason is what Ryan says. Trying to rationalise based on their verbal words will lead you to madness
Bro she found someone else it’s the reality
@@Tow131 idk been talking to her for the past month basically. But yeah I have to keep that open for sure
You deserve better king. Don’t settle for a woman that isn’t wifey material
Keep her out of your life. Your kids will thank you because they don’t have a mom that emotionally hurts their dad
Thank you for the video Ryan, you explain everything so clearly and have such a calming voice😀
My narcex did exactly what you said...after a vacation she said that she lost her emotions and etc....I cried and cried but I cut the contact with her and never want to experience this kind of stuff again...
You did the right thing! 👏🏽
Because if they did it once, they will do it again!
My husband did same to me. Beside we have a 4 months old baby girl.
Im so sorry
Terrible. Avoidants should be banned from relationships
i am sorry. i hope you are healing 🤍
Wow this explains it all.
You have said not to accept being friend-zoned, but how do I break the cycle of rejection-no contact-reconciliation-rejection-no contact-reconciliation?
On and on … seems like if we’re friends I can set boundaries and break the cycle easier than letting it go on and on
This happened to me 3 months ago. She said she only loved me as a friend but nothing more.
Your voice is so calming 🌻
Pregnant by an avoidance was the worst thing that could've happened to me 😢
Trying to raise a child with them, well that kid will get the same treatment. They don’t act any different just because it’s their own kid.
Wow that makes so much sense
Once you realize your partner is avoidant, it's crucial to distance yourself. When they shut off emotionally, communication becomes nearly impossible, therapy may not help, and finding compromises becomes difficult. They may become stubborn and unwilling to work on the relationship. Don’t sacrifice your self-worth just to win them back. If you've done everything you can and they're still confused about their feelings, let go. It's better to find a partner who is open and easy to communicate with, or risk having your marriage undermined.
You have to lose the young & restless music lol. Great content
Thanks.
tq coach ryan .💯this is wut iam going thru..shes asking divorce all of sudden.we have 3 kids togetther..its sad 8 years of marriage has to end..now it all make sense..how can someone just throw everything out like we didnt have a history togetther..there were goodtimes but they just paint all black n white.i know i lost her😭
Would this also include denying ever developing any feelings, after dating for 2 months? It was a very intense connection and he played it down saying he ‘enjoyed my company’ which felt so dismissive and like a denial of relaity
Thank you for this message , you have given me hope that it might not be the end of us .
Mine said that has lost sexual desire :/
Wow mate! Exactly what happened to me!
One week me and my DA had the best date ever! She said we are so lucky to have found each other.....We even said we loved each other.
The following week her close friend passed away and the week after that, she said she'd lost feelings for me. This was February. I started no contact at the end of March and havent heard anything since.
I hope she finds those feelings for me again. 🙏🏻 Even if its as a friend which i think is possible as we were only dating for 3 months.
Well I learnt to become one because of how shit I felt , but after a certain point the regrets went away.
So my ex told me, 6 weeks post partum, that he was no longer ‘in love’ with me. He still loved me, but wasn’t ’in love’ with me. I told him our relationship would not be continuing and he backtracked super fast and somehow we hung on for another 4.5 years 🙄
This is what happens with me whenever I am in relationship 😢
This just happened to me 4 weeks ago. Its still hurts.. she was so sweet… I had never felt love like that ever again. And one day she said she lost feelings… I was so angry that I shouted at her for the first time… I dont want her to go. though I made up for it some days later I wished her to be safe and healthy and promised to never contact her again. I hope in another life in another universe me and her are happily ever after… but in this one.. I just want her to be safe.
Putting me to sleep my guy
This happened to me almost 4 month's ago,
She said she lost feeling for me
But we are still in contact, I don't know why , i want her so i try to start conversation we talk, we also meet each other at cafe,, but she is still unsure about me, she talks to me like it was everything normal,but i want that person back who's with me 4 month back
Are you guys back together? If not, it's time to move on bro. Same thing happened to me 4 months ago.
Is it also avoidancy when you lose feelings for someone because they repeatedly hurt you over and over, and they want another chance and you wish you could give them one but you feel closed off and push them away because you dont trust them even though they've been to therapy and seem different on the surface?
They lost feelings for me - or rather they never loved me at all and discarded me. Then remerged a few weeks later to ask if I was contacting them with a fake profile. I just replied “no” (because it’s true) and left it and somehow they managed to reply with “weird” almost within an hour of me replying. Where once we used to message everyday he couldn’t be bothered (was ldr) all of a sudden. He became “too busy” to respond.
Come to realise it’s because he went off to find other women on dating apps.
I can’t be bothered to respond. I’m not taking any crumbs anymore. 😂
you remind me of a less lethal version of Chuck Norris !
❤ New subscriber. Thank you 😢
This might be out of topic but what brand of shirt you’re wearing? What type of fabric? I’d like to buy a similar one. It looks nice.
Very good video Ryan, greetings from Germany , I subcribed
Ooooof , all facts
During our vacation he aboided me after two days!!!! After the break up he did not go to non contact period! Everyday he txt with vague conversation
what about when that is the case? My feelings for the person turn to nothingness/emptiness and I feel like I’m going through the motions and the most feelings I can feel are adoration and attraction toward the person. How do you fix this when you want to feel so deeply and so much for them and it all disappears? Is this related to avoidant attachment? anyone else relate at all?
My ex felt this way and I never understood it. Did u just stop liking them overnight and weren’t able to figure out the cause?
After that they leave with other person then what to do? No contact no contact for what, do we improve to just get on the same route again
I definitely getting my 5th account blocked
Just a bunch of games
Only likes when im in no contact
been 6 months, she hasnt contacted me yet
I am avoidant ,what to do ??
What happens when they've been cheating? Are the feelings still there for the FA?
Sometimes. Oftentimes people don't know why they cheated and they just need to blame someone else
But also some people are just dicks
Explain a little more pls@@annnee6818
What to do exactly in this situation? Should i send her this video and communicate with her? Or just follow no contact rule and don't send video? Pls someone do reply
Let her come to you
Ok. So why do they monkey branch then? They have to have feelings for somebody else to do that, right?
I don't think they have feelings for someone else. They are seeking validation. And when they lovebomb someone else, and this person believes them (because they don't know them yet), then this new person shows interest, which activates & raises the dopamine levels in the Avoidant's brain. So they start feeling good about themselves again. And they misstake this for "feelings" or interest in another. In fact, they are just chasing what makes them feel good. But they tell themselves they like/love this New person to justify it @ll. And then after 6/7 months (depending on how much they distracted themselves & have kept themselves busy. The emptiness and same feelings of unworthiness come back, because the rush of dopamine has worked off. And they start realising the Truth. So they start reaching out to you, because before this new person, you were the last person that made them feel good. Ór, second option: they do it all again with another new person. And so they keep going rond in circles. 🤷♀️
What's the difference between an avoidant and a narcissist?
One possible idea is they both have no clue about being securely attached; however, narcissists are consciously intent on causing their partners pain, whereas avoidants don't. Hope this helps.
Narcissist are mostly avoidants, but avoidants are mostly just avoidants. They can be good people, just not capable of being in a relationship.
That background music is not helping lol 😢
The amount of speculation here makes it akin to a horoscope.
I cant hear the video
Sometimes those feelings are destroyed by actions that have occurred in the relationship. And “abandonment” in a relationship doesn’t exist. Someone walking away from a relationship is a choice. They have no marital obligation to their partner. This video is far too vague and assuming. Stereotyping every situation and taking the uniqueness of each individual and conforming them to a single box marked avoidant.
That's an interesting comment. I'm interested in how influencers can define their delivery to drill down into nuances to define these types of relationship dynamics. What do you think could be focused on to help define this video topic? I know this question might take up some of your time if you choose to answer it, but your response be valued and appreciated.
I agree. My situation at surface level would be seen as avoidant. But when my recent ex had to suddenly move 6000 miles away from me, had her best friend die, feel the crushing weight of reality and what to do with her life back home, finally at the most difficult point of her therapy, and feel completely lost and unable to even have good feelings for herself…it makes sense. Still hurts, but they only have energy to fight for themselves right now.
I’m in incredible pain but I hope with my determination to move forward for my betterment, and hers for her self as well, our paths will inevitably cross like they did again.
This sounds familiar. It almost sounds like every female I’ve ever met.
I was dismissive avoidant growing up. And I remember a year or 2 later my feelings for this one girl blew up inside of me and I had to confront my decisions and self