The evil 8....... 1. Arrogant entitlement! 2. A complete lack of empathy! 3. No remorse or guilt! 4. Irresponsible and self destructive! 5. They thrive on drama! 6. They brag about out smarting people! 7. A lot of short term relationships.....the are always the victim! 8. They live in a fantasy world.....delusional.... A house of cards!
I don’t have to remember the evil 8 because every dog I’ve ever had has always let me know who to avoid. If my dog doesn’t like you, you got no place in my life.
I can agree with the dog theory . My rottweiler did not like the pastor but loved the police chief...he would jump up n down for the police chief but never left my sight when the pastor came to visit . Dogs are great company.
Another thing they will say if asked where they got something it will be answered as , oh ...it was "inherited" meaning he kept stuff or vehicles he refused too return too the ex girlfriends . manipulates the women into putting things into his name ...ect..plain n simple con artist ! Sickening.
So true!!!! An ex malignant covert gf’s CATS told me they didn’t like her and they were HER cats .. one of them NEVER went near her or let her pet the cat .. the other bit and scratched her frequently yet neither had any problem with me and they were very nice .. would fight each other to be on my lap and petted ..
They feed off of manipulation and causing pain like some kind of succubus. Hurting others gives them strength. Frankly they are really f*cked up people.
Lying is a key part in all of this dysfunction. Since childhood, I have made a point to avoid liars, cheats, and thieves. Its a practice that serves me well.
It is catastrophic. When you are raised by one, their behavior becomes normalized. It sets you up to overlook the nastiness of people you are closest with. It is crazy-making and mind blowing when you wake up to it. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is a constant in your life. The whole time you are being told you are the problem, or you misunderstood, or you are too sensitive. When it’s parents, siblings, spouses, they will do things you never thought they possibly could or would. When you wake up to who they really are, and realize and what they have done to you, it’s devastating - they will do horrendous damage. When you wake up and say, “no more” - they tell you to just move on, that you just want to play the victim while they have zero accountability. And - this is all done covertly while they show the outside world how wonderful they are and tell others made up stories about you. All the damage- it is done by the very people you loved and cared for and thought loved and cared back, No one with even a minuscule sense of decency could do this level of treachery to anyone much less to family. No conscience, no accountability, no remorse, and all done while pretending to love and care for you, and then put all blame on you.
I agree My dad is very dangerous so was my grandma who ran pubs in London my dad's family are all dangerous with there thinking and tongue. Very damaging
@Betsy you flawlessly described my life. My entire family is exactly how you say. I am now alone for six years. I am trying to create a new life. I am very cautious & trust NO ONE. My pets are my comfort. Dr. Phil is describing my family.They CREATE DRAMA WITH COMPLETE LIES. I ended up getting Complex PTSD. I am almost well now. Betsy, I hope you are strong & never get taken advantage of.
so very true. yet, there is power in it. let me explain a little: Ezekiel 18. the whole chapter sums its all up. but particularly for me @ vs 14, He says, "...a son Who sees all the sins which his father has done, And considers but does not do likewise; ... He shall not die for the iniquity of his father; He shall surely live!" the point, the ahah for me: I am not that person. I dont want that life. I can choose to do otherwise.
@@mslisakayedwards I too have CPTSD and am trying to recover and move on. I am exactly where you are. I know my reputation has been smeared, and all this COVID makes starting new very difficult and easier to just stay home. My family tells me I have to just get over it and that I hold grudges too long, while never acknowledging their wrongdoing. They think because I don’t want them in my life that I just want to play the victim. . I am so hyper reactive to being wronged, that I just don’t want to be around anyone. Though lonely there is so much peace in solitude. It has truly been a nightmare.
@@williampillor2208 I totally agree, and take the high road. In my most unhappy moments I would never want to hurt others. They must be so miserable to do these things. But still it hurts when they accuse you of playing the victim. My ex said I had abandonment issues, yet he was lying, cheating and hiding money for years. No I was being abandoned. With my siblings, I am not playing the victim, I was victimized. I am trying to move on without them in my life and am being told I have faulty thinking, that I just want to play victim. I gave exact examples of what they did, they come back saying I am implying they are evil and how wrong of me. I never once used the word evil, just told them what they did. Still no real acknowledgement or remorse.
No guilt or remose - a child protection worker said something that helped me understand and made me not hold anger - the worker said - A shark just does what a shark does.
Once you realize your involved with a psychopath, or nariscist you have one job and one job only and that is to get away - the farther the better. There is no fixing them ever.
No truer words ever spoken!! Precisely what I did….. found out after 36 years of hell and then I ended it and never spoke to him again! I think that takes a lot of courage.
Am I a bad person because I don't want my ex to get therapy? I just would fear he would go into therapy to just get more tips to be able to skate with more victims. He is so adamant that he is an honorable good guy and that all his relationships have failed because well it's everyone else...I do feel sorry when he goes into meltdown mode of when he's upset that life isn't turning out for him - though I don't dare ever really engage because then I get so much hate and I fear he's trying to set me up.
@@H37P5kY57 because your gut is right! He is definitly setting you up. Unfortunately, You'll always pay a price for his avoidant, gaslighting behavior . Been there, experienced that over and over. Then, enough is enough and our divorce will be complete in 2022. Trust is #1 for an authentic loving relationship to thrive. Wishing you love and life ~♡~
METHOD ACTORS - well said. They take on AN ENTIRE ROLE. And they are SO CHARMING - such a nice "guy" that most of us buy into it. And then, their games begin...
I did have a gut instinct but went against it when I should have known better. What is interesting is she was the worse malignant that from all my jobs of promotion I could not get a promotion because she bad-mouths me and I wished I had left that job but I believe she was a friend - I was so dumb and didn't know who she was and tried to ruin my wedding and hurt me when I was always there for her. Until I got tired of her and told her to "grow up" which she never did because by that time she was in her 60s. I knew her since she was in her early 20s. Totally wreck my life but I was the fool that allowed it. The problem was I knew people like this because I grew up with narcissistic parents and con-artist people and close friends that seem to be "users" which is what I called narcissistic at the time when I was young. I learned about them much later in my life for what they were.
@@angelacarleton9575 Somehow, we tend to ignore that gut feeling, which is usually correct, because when I didn't it got me in trouble. And went more with my feelings, but was wrong. Because they are pathological liars, we don't believe there are these kind of people out there; especially because they can be very charming and manipulative. Unfortunately, there are more people now with NPD than we care to believe.
This totally hits home! I wish I knew about these type of people many many years ago but now I’m definitely in Data mode! I believe nothing by anyone till I see proof! Wen proof is found everything Dr. Phil said is sooo True! I’d rather be alone then ever put my Guard down again especially including family!
My ex narc was a covert narcissist. I lived with him for four years. I had no choice. I had no where to go so I had to make the best out of a horrible situation. I’m now living with my brother. I left the narcissist in 2017.
I was also raised to 'give people the benefit of the doubt'. It left me wide open to abuse. Even though I've had many awful experiences at the hands of unscrupulous people I still didn't jettison this belief of always thinking the best of people until recently (I'm over 60 now). Damn right that was insanity. I prefer Maya Angelou's phrase now: 'When people show you who they are, believe them the first time'.
Don't be hard on yourself. We were raised in a different time. More naivety, more sexist conditioning, & far, far less information we could turn to. Imagine if we even had UA-cam growing up, or any kind of basic education about what to watch out for with people besides not taking candy from a stranger.
I think women are trained to be people pleasers who fawn to keep from being criticized in any way. We are perfect Good Little Girls until we figure this out. Then we start setting boundaries that give us back our power.
@@phoenixrisin2269 I agree with you! It's so sad, and so true. We must be on our toes every second of every day for our own self-preservation and self-respect.
My husband manipulated me 10 years ago to provide a place for him to live, food on the table. I helped him fix his credit, buy a house & get a great job. Previously he had nothing but wreckage in his life. Recently he went about bragging how "he bought his house & empowered himself." He took the credit. He is a BAITER. He is delusional. He is taking the credit for all the hard work I have toiled over to help his life get better. I have nothing to show in return. He has not made my life better but worse. Looking back, I can see the only way to handle this narc is to keep my integrity & self respect & leave.
Sweet friend credit is very easy to lose. And long time to build. Since your gone he has to do all work... don't worry move on w your life. I kno men like him. It never ends well
Yes, the habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt because you assume everyone is a good person, it is indeed, insanity. Not everyone deserves it, because they will continue to so what they always do. Bad things. Big lesson to learn
One gets dragged into their delusion because theyre so sure of themsdelves. A normal person cant imagine someone actually lying while not even flinching. Its REALLY hard to understand.
It's really hard to understand and I'm trying to learn to accept what it is... but I have stopped with trying to help them understand that if you lie, cheat and manipulate others that is not an honorable person. But being attacked all the time that I'm the most evil woman alive and nothing I've ever done has been kind. I played his mommy with the taking care of domestic things ontop of footing his bills because he said he was broke.
@@H37P5kY57 Sounds like a classic case of empath meets narcissist. You can explain yourself blue in the face. They dont care about hurting others, they actually like it, theyre sadistic. Theres no hope for them. Place your energy in yourself and to those who actually deserves it, honey. I know it hurts, Im here if you feel like talking.
Very true. I wasted many years of my life on someone who’s either narcissistic or partial, doesn’t have every trait but I know there’s something wrong with him. And now looking back I understand our dynamics better. UA-cam was launched after my divorce and it hadn’t occurred to me to use psychology books to figure out the insanity.
@@angelwings7930 Nothing is wasted if you learn from the experience...but it still doesn't erase the pain, suffering, torment and what if's from the experience!
They are proud of the harm they do to others. They think it proves their superiority when they con other people. They regard others with contempt and are driven by deep hatred at their core.
When you deal with these people remember the story of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion bites the frog after the frog gives him a ride across the pond. When the frog asks, "why did you bite me, you promised you wouldn't." The scorpion replies, "You knew I was a scorpion when you gave me a ride."
1. Arrogant entitlement- entitlement to what they do and think- entitled to what you have- money, job, etc. 2. Lack of empathy 3. No guilt or remorse for putting you in a position they don’t understand 4. They are irresponsible and self destructive 5. Thrive on drama- upheaval and fights- makes them feel important - they like to be the center of attention 6. Brag about out smarting people 7. If you look at their history, you will see a lot of short term relationships 8. They live in a fantasy world- they are a house of cards- smoke and mirrors
Superficial charm, treating you badly and apologising only to repeat the bad behaviour, stealing from you, going through your belongings when you aren't around, stalking. I've experienced this many times in my life until I learned to keep my distance from people.
I feel the need to listen to this every week for one year, to get it all memorized. This is some weird stuff and yet, everywhere present. Thank you Dr Phil.
One of my favorite, Dr. Phil-ism’s is to NEVER GIVE PEOPLE, THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!! It’s so hard though, if we were RAISED to ALWAYS, give EVERYONE, the benefit of the doubt! 🙃 But, times are different now…
My family always laughed at me for being gullible, for having no ‘common sense’. I guess that’s what happens when you’re gaslit and lied to by everyone around you your whole life. Finally free, but nearly ended up in jail for believing their lies. They still say it’s my fault. Insane.
Crazy How Evil Family Can Be ....First Parent Don't Give The SELF Assurance You Need To Survive. Then Gaslight/ Lie To You Hoping You Fail. Scapegoat Role Is Over Since They Can't n Won't Change It's A WRAP!!!!
EVIL incarnate, and our legal system at its lower levels does not get it! Makes those of us dealing with them even more at danger! I often wonder what a study would show of intimate partner violence and personality disorders! I always amicably separated from relationships until…. I came across Major NPD/psychopaths! There are monsters out there and they look and act like us! Grown up nightmares.
I didnt figure out my husband was a narcissist for 13yrs. Then the whole relationship crumbled into nothing - like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Nothing had bn real. He'd lied abt absolutely everythg. I found out one affair had lasted 9 of our 13yrs! Blew my mind completely... an A-grade actor! Very accomplished, strict patterns of speech & behaviour, practised in mirror!
Gosh I’m sure that must have been devastating to discover and deal with. Some people have absolutely no shame or guilt. At least you are rid of that vile person now, and I hope you’re moving on to a a better life 😊🇬🇧
They are demonized people who opened them up for demons. Im been dealing with one who dragged me to court and twisting, lying, manipulate, gaslighting, it's shocking beyond shocking.
Not necessarily. Some high functioning narcissist’s facade is so well structured they can sustain a business (usually their own) and/or a marriage for many years. Look at Bernie Madoff as the most obvious example.
@@dlm2133 my dad, a covert, re-married an overt, who has a clear agenda to drive wedges between my dad and his grown kids. My dad can't/won't confront her, or protect his own kids from it, and so is guilty in her attacks against himself and his own. It's so damaging. I'm wondering how to get out of it safely with my young child, and avoid the likely scenario of my supportive siblings becoming flying monkeys, if I confront, or go no contact.
Dr. Phil, the last 3 relationships that I went through were all terrible narcs. All 3 drug me down mentally and financially, all 3 eventually physically abused me, tried to trap me by getting me to move from my own safe spot and then immediately turning on me when they thought I was trapped. They gaslighted me. I lost every thing I had built up by myself when I packed only what I could get in my car and fled. They thought if they could get me away from my safe spot that I would just be trapped. But I left each time knowing I’d have to live in my car until I worked myself back into my own place. Each one of those relationships lasted only about 2 years. It has now been almost 3 years since my last relationship and I’ve decided that I just do better on my own, I have big red target on my forehead and I’ve just given up on ever finding happiness with a man and I don’t think I’d ever trust one again. Listening to the podcasts about narcs brought back a lot of ugly memories and validated my feelings. They fit so well . Thank you for helping me validate that it was THEM and I wasn’t crazy. I knew that by the time I left the situation but it still helps to be validated. Today is July 18th 2023
Jesus says to judge righteously. So we can make a judgment.If we couldn’t judge, then how could we put away murderers, rapists, thieves, scammers, pedophiles, etc.. We are not to judge hypocritically. Which means, do not judge someone for their sin if we are committing the very same sin they are and judging them for that sin.
Yes, this dude came to stay with me cause he had nowhere else to live and stole ALL MY MONEY! knowing that was the money I had to eat and pay my rent, and therefore, left me HOMELESS! Just wow!
I spent 5.5 years with a man whose life I saved, so he could receive a new liver due to a hereditary disease. The entire time, I endured infidelity, abandonment, shaming, chastising, guilting, manipulation, gaslighting, and every form of abuse imaginable, physical, emotional, mental, and verbal. Nothing was real. Nothing was followed through. Nothing. Ever. Now, I struggle to live financially after being spent down while he lives with in his beautiful, paid off home on the river. I tell everyone, he got a new liver and second chance at life. I got the boot. But to be quite honest, I left because I was dying inside and out. My health on all levels was compromised, which is hard to face because I was healthy, strong, and independent. My entire life changed. Nothing feels the same. I’m working hard to get back to the woman I was, but it is a daily and very real struggle.
That is what happened a person felt she should have my job because she lives close by to the job. By that time I was clever enough to ignore her questions about where my good job was. She didn't want me to have a good job. After knowing this person for 3 years and helping her with learning how to learn how to answer internet job opportunities and she tried to screw with me? I said, "no more!" Plus she felt I knew Spanish and be bilingual and hated that I had that skill. I couldn't believe she disliked me so much.
Well said that taking people at face value is dangerous. Normal people expect other people to act like they are normal and they wouldn't fathom that someone would have ulterior motives because they themselves wouldn't. But with narcissists, we need to always wonder how a person could exploit a certain situation because those people are out there and they are malignant narcissist; not to be trusted.
I think I’m just coming to the realization that my father is actually a narcissist and not just an awful jerk. Perhaps I should’ve known when I got a restraining order….
@@robyndismon394 yes I am, thank you so much for the concern! We left him a few years ago now and things have been getting better every day. Peace and quiet has never been so lovely ☺️
I live in a condo. It's a narc paradise. A test of epic proportion. For example, I get written up for feeding the wild turkeys, but the people next door are (alledged) drug dealers and I'm told the association can't do anything about it. Wth.
@@JustCallMeLiberty Do it. A small plot of land is affordable in many places. I’m doing it. I’m going to buy a tiny house in Arkansas. I’m from Long Island. I ended my lease this month to move to the Ozarks. My spidey-senses have been going off lately that all is not well in the NYC area, ever since I moved back last summer. My cat seemed to sense it, too. Good luck. 😉
They took my babies away from me with no shame, no guilt, no remorse, or empathy.. I even opened up my own home, gave up my room & fed them & they abused me under my own roof!!! My only rule was to clean up after themselves & get a job & the girl didn't work anywhere for longer than 4mths! I know cuz I did her resume & I had to stretch that! She refused to get a license or do anything for herself & I had to kick them out! 🥺
I fit number #7 I have gone from one job to another- some want to over work you, Obama care- they wanted you to overwork the patients (oh who cares if you are breathing or not we just want our 75 min) , the managers ask you to do things you are not comfortable with- you leave the job and you go to the next place only to find the same mess- it was our system! But they try their best to make you feel inadequate - and the sad thing is you believe them - thank God for letting me see
There's a way to avoid these people get a dog because you know that they are honest and true and if your dog growls when these people approach don't engage with them. Dogs can sense things that we can't.
And what's So interesting is that when you're trying to rebuild your life most people don't care and some will side with the narc cause they good pretenders
1) Arrogant entitlement 2) Complete lack of empathy 3) No remorse or guilt 4) Irresponsible and self destructive 5) Thrive on drama 6) They brag about outsmarting people 7) A lot of short term relationships 8) They live in a fantasy world
And i was naive to still look at him with love even when he was telling me about his last victim but in business,,i thought love matters are unique😂😂😂..
Father GOD warns us to, Be Quick to listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger. Not only do I pray for discernment but I LISTEN to people now. Narcissist tell on themselves.
I've had your book for years now and it really helped me identify the female narcissists in my life. However, I didn't recognize the most dangerous one, the man I loved. The book helped point out things he was doing, but he was such a big con artist with giant crocodile tears with amazing acting skills and gaslighting abilities. No guilt or remorse, no change in behavior, extremely childish behavior and the inability to self reflect or talk about our relationship lovingly like two kind adults would. He would turn into a raging bull and being violently raging at the turn of a dime. The constant bragging of doing evil, vengeful things to multiple others who wanted to leave relationships with him, as well as multiple exwives who ran from him and left all their belongings. He said all of the hundreds of women were at fault for the relationships not working while not seeming to realize he was the common denominator. He told me he was God and was angry when I assured him he was not. He bragged nonstop in a grandiose manner like nothing I'd EVER seen before. I finally told him bragging to his extent is very unnatural and distasteful and it makes him look very insecure and unbelievable. He'd constantly tell everyone he met his pretend life story about being a Navy Seal. He'd NEVER been a Navy Seal as I discovered later, and found out he'd told many lies of his acts of heroism where he rescued his fellow team members. Of course, no medals.. Said he lied about his age and got into the Navy and he was a Navy Seal at 17, a team leader who lead his team into the jungles of Vietnam where the killed Vietcong. Escaped terrible scenes where they were surrounded by Vietcong, and a Navy Seal died in his arms while they were in the jungle. He claimed he went to chef's school and became a chef for the officers on his ship. I learned he never went to chef's school but to the Navy's regular cooking school for how to cook on a ship. I have always known chef's school is an entirely different entity so after we got married and his cooking was extremely limited and rather awful, I began searching through his papers for any kind of graduation or attendance at a chef's school and there was nothing to be found. He claimed to be a private investigator but later admitted it was just a website that handed out PI certificates and PI Shields and ID'S for a hefty fee so you could pretend to be legit, and he loved to flash his badge all over the place. He claimed to be 6'1" but was only 5'7-1/2. In a family picture with other relatives he's the shortest and slightest male in the picture when he was young. After we got married he began to let his hair down and started to threaten me. He constantly told me he'd killed many people in the past and had buried bodies where they'd never been found. He did that when I said I was going to leave him, after he became violent and I found out he was cheating on me - again - with another overweight, mannish looking woman. After we got married he immediately quit touching me and went for this weird type of woman, including women with large noses, warts on their noses, overweight. I did everything I could to look good for him every day to no avail. Then I started seeing a therapist who checked off a list and told me he fit all the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. He constantly used triangulation to hurt me, gaslighting, reflected his behavior onto me or others, incessant bragging, acted as if he was the only one who mattered, very controlling. Made me say sentences exactly the way he said they needed to be said or the sentence wasn't good enough for him. Very childish, snap anger at a moment's notice no matter where you were with inability to control it, said he craved the attention from all women and couldn't control that either. Addicted to multiple substances despite having a heart attack and doctors orders to not use, he started using more. Couldn't control any addictions, whereas I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs and have no need for more than my husband because it's my desire to be faithful to my vows before God. I take vows and promises VERY seriously, but he told me he took those vows and promises with me so that I would be committed to him, and so he could do whatever he wanted to do in secret behind my back. I had no idea this kind of evil existed. No idea people set out to deliberately fool people in such a manner! Now that I know I'm never looking at the world the same way again and I'm listening to your book, Dr. Phil, over and over again until it's so deeply ingrained it will as natural to me as it is to you, Dr. Phil. Thank you for all the wisdom you've shared all these years. I've been listening and paying attention and give you great credit for helping me out of my marriage when my husband threatened me with his gun a week ago. Because you taught me to believe the threats. I had already been to Domestic Violence too, thanks to you and your wife. The police surrounded my house the night he threatened me with a gun. There's now an order of protection against him, but he hid the majority of his guns at his son's house, only 2 blocks away where he's staying. Assault rifles with scopes and laser sites and an automatic shotgun. He did give up his pistol and a rifle as well as his license to conceal and carry a gun, but had already hidden the other guns. I have a picture of one of the very scary military looking assault rifles that the police need to see. I need to know what to do about the other weapons. People are slowly driving past my house where I'm packing and I'm afraid. So I'm packing my things, leaving him most of my furniture and getting as far away as I can to a hidden and protected location. I don't ever want to see his face or hear his lying words again. Everything he said, "I love you" was a huge lie. People in this type of relationship need to realize the person they fell in love with never existed and the real person is a big liar and fake. Once we can wrap our minds around that we can quit loving the fake since the person we thought we loved never existed.
Crocodile tears. I never understood that phrase until fairly recently. One of my romantic relationships - a narcissistic sociopath, or possibly even a psychopath....displayed the best crocodile tears. I knew what they were and they cracked me up (I could only die laughing when he wasn't present). Went no contact with him in 2018. I've had thoughts of contacting him, but recently I've realized from some other information I discovered I must not ever go back thinking we can have a "friendship". Today, I wouldn't do that for millions of dollars. The price of my peace and serenity can't be bought. It is priceless. It has boundaries, and must be lived authentically.
A narcissist sounds like a nice word it needs to be changed because what I've told a few of my friends about a narcissist in my life they didn't get the grasp of how deep this word those they don't understand the depths of this word. They don't know about the manipulation the arrogance the control and everything that comes with this word. This word needs to sound harsher than it does.
Approaching life where you give people the benefit of the doubt is a higher form of insanity. Why would you do that? You shouldn’t decide they’re evil until they prove they aren’t nor should you decide they’re good people until they prove they aren’t. What you should do is go in with an open mind in data collection mode and just start gathering information until you reach critical mass and you have enough information to make an informed decision.
Taking people at face value when it comes to professionals does not fall on people or clients it falls on institutions and governments to validate their credentials. Consumers assume that professionals are truthful in practice and do the right thing in situations.
Oh boy, Dr. Phil - You get it. I wish you and Robbin were my parents.... I wish I had learned all this stuff instead having to endure a pychopathic family member and several high end overt and covert narcissistic family!!! I just dont know how one pulls it together after all this!
Great advice Dr Phil! I was also raised to give people the benefit of the doubt. My biggest mistake in life was assuming that others were just like me or at least similar. What I found out is that this is the furthest thing from the truth ever. Always trying to fit in, to be accepted! What a fruitless task that has been. My conclusion is that I am me! I don't need to be accepted except for excepting myself. I do not care one ioda about being like anyone else or fitting in. I am tired of being scapegoated into being the villian in the narcississic scenero. Bottom line is, I know my truth. I do not need to convince anyone of my knowledge. I can sit back and watch the cards fall where they may. This has been a lifetime journey...since the day I was born and I have been in battle mode since that very first day. As of today my widsom has taught me when enough is enough and that I have everything I need right here inside myself to thrive in spite of anything or anyone that comes at me. I get it! I really get it. Much appreciation!😇
Thank you for doing these videos Dr. Phil. There are many of us out here suffering through narc abuse and whatnot and this is so helpful and supportive. I like how your videos are right to the point and easy to understand.
Great description of these characters ! One senses that Dr. Phil has real world experience. He seems to have detractors from among psychiatrists and psychologists, but it strikes me that, sorry to say it, it's something like sour grapes on their part! He is very successful because of his ability to clarify and also entertain. People have told him, "must be nice,". , etc., but he has built his success on his work and talent, not some lucky break. Would he have stayed on TV if he just happened to know someone years ago? No. He does have loony people on, but that's TV, and he also tries to open their eyes to the truth of their self induced problems, and he tries to help them. It's entertainment, but he's also trying to do good. I'd say a pretty good combination.
Funny, Doc...yes, I too was raised to give the benefit of the doubt. Sucks now...14 years of my life wasted on a narcissistic/ psychopathic jerk who completed annihilated my life. Yes, my bad for not running away but by the time I understood it wasn't me who wasn't the bad guy I was completely trapped. I still can't understand how a person can do the horrible things he did and still want to bully and treat me badly and expect me to go back. I'm blamed for everything and have lost everything. Yes, he feels entitled. Now he's sick and needs to be cared for and is all alone. I fled for my life. Yet I'm still in his eyes the one who abandoned him and he will not even allow me my personal items. He threatens me physically and financially to hurt me and all he says is if you don't like that wait till you see what do next and he does. Why are there no laws to protect or assist someone in these situations. My home is destroyed, I've lost job after job and he's trying to get me kicked out of my apartment so I have to return. This is not your average Joe's breakup. It is a fight that I'm afraid will end in disaster. I'm tired of living in fear and no one can or will help. Not the law the doctors or any agency. I'm still on my own and alone. I'm worried for my mental state along with my physical safety. Any suggestions?
Becca - don't feel bad I spent helping my deadbeat parents the two-week paycheck half of my earnings plus paid their taxes. They just didn't want to work is what I figured out. As long as they had daughters to pay the mortgage and do whatever they wish with the rest of the money we gave them. However, they kept trying to screw with us until I was getting depressed living in a closet space room of a house. I just wished I had left a long time ago instead of being generous.
Becca, Learn to pray in tongues. The Holy Spirit prayer works wonders. I pray for protection, wisdom, and knowledge on how to handle my situation. I have a Narcissistic sister in law that is demonically influenced. She is mentally ill. She is emotional unstable. She cannot control her emotions at all. Everyone who knows her says the same thing. Jesus can provide protection. He teaches us that our fight is not against the flesh and blood person, but the struggle is against the evil that has taken them over. Learn to cast out the unclean spirit in them. Send it into the arid places of the abyss, to be chained up, never to return to Earth to bother you or the possessed person again. Pray for the possessed persons deliverance. Many times after a Tongues prayer the person is suddenly nicer. If they act up again later it is because they want the demons in them, Like Dr Phil mentioned. They thrive and feed off the drama. When this happens they are 7 times worse than they were before. 7 more demons will enter them. See Matthew 12:43-46. They become insane. It is very hard to help someone who doesn’t really want help. Just keep praying for Jesus’ help thru the Holy Spirit Tongues Prayer. Which may sound like gibberish to you, but is really a Heavenly language prayer, sent straight up to God. Keep casting out the unclean spirits of the enemies bothering you and eventually these demons will stay away from you so the they won’t be cast into the abyss. The demons hate going there, just as the Bible story says. Luke 8:31.
You have to come up with a plan to get out- tell yourself you will do this no matter WHAT- stick to your plan-PRAY and ask God (Jesus)for guidance and protection. Then, once you have rid yourself of this person, never set yourself up to be a target again. Do not be needy, dependent or feel sorry for yourself. You must steel your spine, be extremely strong, but not bitter- and when you come out on the other side you will believe in yourself and have grown immensely. But it all starts with your decision to change and taking action. And most of all a relationship with Jesus. There is true power there.
@@SBecktacular Hey! No worries on the needy end with me. I have a good job and a nice place. A few great people to stand with me, and a decent vehicle. For me it is sorting out the difference...is it the vascular disease that has caused occlusions to the arteries in his brain or malignant narc. Probably a combination. Accepting I can't help or change it and having no choice but to let him go along with everything, the horrible guilt and all the rest. Then again no ody asked me what I wanted in the first place. I'm not going back. I can't. I haven't found the forgiveness switch yet. I haven't found the one to stop caring either.
The Evil 8 of Dr Phil. I love Dr Phil and I am so happy to have discovered the youtube channel. I have no TV so this is so great. 1./ ARROGANT ENTITLEMENT!! OMG!! I love this!! The words are so correct. My very favorite is number one as I never was able to state this!! 2./ Complete lack of empathy. ( I knew that). But I love the explanation of it. 3./ No guilt or remorse to place you in a difficult position that causes pain...4./ Irresponsible and self destructive. This makes them most dangerous to others. 5./ thrive on drama. happy to create scenes in families. makes them feel important. they love drama. 6./ they brag about outsmarting people. since they have no empathy, they actually brag about how they used the previous people... they think it's a quality. They are stupid. 7./ in their history there are lots of short term RL. personal and work. 8./ they are delusional and say stories that are not true. 9./ my own addition: they make sure the people in their different stories don't know each other, so that the stories can go on. Have separate lives, several families etc etc. We need to: Have a "Mind of data collection mode", then, reach critical mass, and finally make informed decision. Why do I always give the benefit of the doubt? I don't know. Thank you!!
The more I listen to this, the more I believe I’m dealing with a narcissist/sociopath than a borderline pd. This completely describes the person I’m currently dealing with.
The biggest problem with the type of person the Dr. is describing is the time, effort and energy required to see who these people truly are. They are very, very good at trying to make you think they are somone they are not. Here are some red flags for the two types you can’t really see coming, the grandiose narcissist is easy to spot, these are not: 1. The over doers and love bombers: Some one you first meet is so helpful, so friendly and so into your life and is seemingly an angel of mercy. Watch that person. Nobody normal is that person, they want something from you, be it attention or validation. And it generally turns out to be phony because if you really ever do need someone THAT person is so busy trying to impress everyone that they don’t have time to genuinely help you. 2 The victims These are the ones who are constantly saying they can’t. They may be charming, fun and intelligent but there’s always an excuse why the don’t have money, why they can’t get their lives together and these types play off your sympathy and compassion. You have the same issues as they do but for some reason they can’t get themselves out of their situations like the grown up that you are. Eventually these people will end up asking for you time or your money. I used to feel so sorry for these stuck wounded people, because these behaviors come from a huge lack of self worth and although you can feel sorry for them you should not let them be a leech and steal your time, friendship and money.
Why does my mother do this to me? Why does my father and sisters go along with this and treat me subhuman. What happened to my mother to make her hate me to the point of trying to smother me to death?? Why does she want to subject my kids to abusing me in front of them. Why did she see me as vulnerable and instead of helping me get stronger after my divorce...she has chosen to completely humiliate and dehumanize me to the point of trying to smother me to death. She tricked me into signing legal custody documents. If I wanted to see my children I would have to do exactly what she said. Sleep in her closet, bathroom floor , in garage, finally outside. I do not understand why.. Why does she whisper weir sh** in my ear when no one is looking but when someone walks in she smiles and acts like nothing happened. She hits screams calls me trash in front of my babies. They have to watch me being humiliated.. my father has a case number in him for beating me in his car..peoe in another vehicle driving by called 911 ..why..why did they feed me through the bathroom window and not let me inside to use bathroom...why Why Why too much..to many more examples..too much pain NO MORE TEARS
Wow they the narcissist usually choose the truth teller, the rebellious child, the smartest child etc to be the scapegoat...sounds like you were it. None of what they did is your fault they're messed up in the head for whatever reason. Get away from them and stay away! Don't let them near your kids!!! That's my advice I doubt Dr. Phil would disagree!
God Bless you Dr. Phil. Thank you. It is Dec. 30 2021 today and I am taking this advice for the New Year! I am a survivor of stage IV ovarian. While I was going through my journey my family did this exact thing to me. I was told "stop acting like a victim". When I texted that I was lonely and in bed, the response was "don't start this again". I couldn't walk because of the neuropathy from the chemo.I felt like it was me. I felt like I was such a terrible person. I took one entire year to work through this situation. I was raised that you help your family. Especially when someone is sick. This video is a blessing to me. Thank you! I wish you and your family the best of everything good for 2022!!!
Thank you Thank you!!! I had someone recently chastise me for not "thinking the best" when I had questions about what this person was doing. People pleasers are usually the ones who just want to see the best, truth is not very important to them, only feeling good.
I've known five people like this in my life. I'd like to know what there is about me that attracts these types and I really think I'm far too trusting and nice with people. You don't really realize just how dangerous they are until you're in quicksand with them or six months or a year out. Luckily, three of them have passed and relatively young. I laid boundaries out but eventually she violated them and she'd get argumentative when I'd mention it. I just cut one about five months ago after she was out of my life for a good twenty years ago and called me out of the blue. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone and immediately suspected an ulterior motive and she got needier and more irritating and rude interruptions and Dr. Phil is right. I think the man she's been with for years is about to throw her out and she was putting her toe in the pool but I was always on to her there but was waiting for her to ask but it thankfully never arose. Drama and total BS. She'd be on the phone with me and I'd hear her talking to her neighbors or get into it with her man on the phone or she'd constantly tell me to wait a minute. NO. I don't need the exasperation and I don't need or want to hear her snapping with her bf. Why do some people call you and you hear them doing ten different things in the background which is magnified in sound on the listening party's end? If you can't have a quick, distraction free conversation then why call someone at all? It's rude. She told me I should tolerate these things and life is messy. I'm somewhat on in years. Don't tell me what I should have to put up with because she does it with everyone else. I don't have to put up with anything I don't want to especially when 99% of the time it irritates me! It's rude and don't bring me into it by trying to get me to side with you and it's not my business to do so and these types can NEVER deal with an honest answer from you and they'll get angry with you. She moves from one man to another for support. These people are vampires. As Dr.Phil said, don't give people the benefit of the doubt because so often we get victimized and hit out of nowhere because we weren't raised to operate this way by treating people as toys and playing with them. I feel being victimized by people in this manner has clearly eroded my trust in everybody I encounter and find I'm at times being superficial and "uh-huh", oh?, like I care about others now when I myself start parroting like I care. The rub is I've done nothing wrong to these people and when you try to get money back they want to set the terms or act as if they're the aggrieved party. Dr. Phil is right. They act as though they're entitled to your home and money.
They become angered... why aren't they put away from society? I fear for my neighbors safety, they know too much now; they are at his disposal. He has more than enough monetary clout...to cover his misdeeds. Various vacations during a quarantined pandemic, proved to me he cared not for my neighbors health & well being. He boasts of his "Narcissistic Disorder" on social media...gives him license to conduct misdeeds and evil behavior? I cannot, will not be bought nor sold, I became a challenge, and an open target. When others offer a gift, I have to know the giver is genuine, therefore it won't blow up in my face, yet again. I had to change myself... Infiltration in these social media networks; ownership of stocks? Idk, I fear for anyone connected to him... prayers for a wonderful New Year, let truth have a home please. God Bless All!
Open mind in data collection mode is spot on. I have a father I believe to be in the dark triad a mother believe to be histrionic and I have the scapegoat+lost child+invisible child role and many flying monkeys one of which I believe is a vicious borderline. I've been to the wringer or ''To Hell and back''. There is a narcissist in my church and there have been times I felt very suicidal when I would spend time with him. In 2012 I went through suicidal Ideation because of the effects from my parents. I would say I have spent 47 years in suicidal depression
My ex-wife's story unraveled because she claimed to be a veteran, she had health issues, and I pursued her dd-214 to obtain her military medical benefits.
I have a question. My sister has all the qualities of a narcissist to a very high degree except for one. She has been married to the same man for about 30 years. I think there might be cheating going on in the relationship but I am not sure. Her husband is also very narcissistic. Have you ever heard of anything like this? They are both high functioning but evil. My sister would steal candy from a baby and then turn around and blame the baby. One of my theories is that they want to look good to the outside world, nice house, married, lost of money, etc. and their marriage fits into this fantasy of the perfect life. Also, he is very religious and I think that he feels very strongly about not divorcing for that reason. But I really don't know. I just think it's weird so I'm wondering if you are anyone can shed some light. Thanks!
Oh, absolutely. My brother is a full-blown malignant narc and he's been married for nearly 35 years (wife with some narcissistic characteristics, but primarily his enabling supply). I only found out last year that he cheats on his wife - she and the rest of the family think he just has lots of meetings. His thing is being seen as the hero and he thus needs a family for this. It's all about the facade. Many narcs have long marriages. I've seen an overt narc and a covert narc have a long marriage. I doubt that your sister's husband - if he is truly a narc - is sincerely spiritual, and he probably doesn't divorce her because it's easier and because he gets the narcissistic supply he needs from her. OR he's not a full-blown narc but just has some characteristics, and thus stays because he truly is religious and is merely manipulated and trapped by your sister. Dr. Phil is talking about the low-functioning narcs when he says they can't have a sustained relationship. The higher functioning ones can and do.
Yes , I knew 2 narcs married to each other for a long time .. Sam Vaknin has vid about the “inverted” narcissist who will be extremely narcissistic to non narc but likes to be narcissistic supply to a greater narcissist. I think she was an inverted covert malignant while her husband is a psychopath .. they divorced after their daughter OD’d on heroin at age 17 and he tried to get his wife to commit suicide by blaming her for the death .. and acted all forlorn and what not. Strangest thing was I never saw her cry about her daughters death
Sounds like they're covert narcissists. Internally they have the same motives as psychopaths but very little of their confidence. They need their mask to remain intact and fear exposure. They're just as dangerous in intent as the psychopath, but their plots often fall through because they have to be subtle to avoid detection. I've narrowly avoided being molested, raped, and murdered. It took me a lifetime and my mother's death to realise that my mother had attempted to set me up for this many times, but due to her being a cowardly covert, she failed. They are ALL extremely dangerous, no matter how quiet, humble, or pathetic they appear to be. NEVER feel sorry for them, you'll pay dearly for your humanity.
No remorse or guilt. My ex stood over me and yelled the entire time I had pneumonia. She put bright flashlights in my eyes at 3 a.m. she hurled herself on the floor and kicked and screamed. She sliced screens, she broke windows, doors and drywall. There was no end to her self-sabotage. At the time her eviction was complete, covid trapped me with her in my house legally. My condition is; Devastated, depressed, and isolated. Dr. Phil I really need to borrow your motorcycle!!!😁
Nope, they never ask a question. Awesome Phil! Approaching life giving people the benefit of the doubt puts others first. Deletes your instinctive awareness.
Thank you for sharing this information Dr. Phil. You are helping so many of us process the trauma and see these people for the dysfunction people they are.
The evil 8....... 1. Arrogant entitlement! 2. A complete lack of empathy! 3. No remorse or guilt! 4. Irresponsible and self destructive! 5. They thrive on drama! 6. They brag about out smarting people! 7. A lot of short term relationships.....the are always the victim! 8. They live in a fantasy world.....delusional.... A house of cards!
wow I know some people that have almost every trait
And they will tell you *you are the one who thrives on drama! 🙄
@@loriallen9237 that is my husband's favorite line
@@JustCallMeLiberty my husband has every single trait.
This is my ex husband that is a narcissist!
I don’t have to remember the evil 8 because every dog I’ve ever had has always let me know who to avoid. If my dog doesn’t like you, you got no place in my life.
I can agree with the dog theory . My rottweiler did not like the pastor but loved the police chief...he would jump up n down for the police chief but never left my sight when the pastor came to visit . Dogs are great company.
Another thing they will say if asked where they got something it will be answered as , oh ...it was "inherited" meaning he kept stuff or vehicles he refused too return too the ex girlfriends . manipulates the women into putting things into his name ...ect..plain n simple con artist ! Sickening.
Absolutely true.
So true!!!! An ex malignant covert gf’s CATS told me they didn’t like her and they were HER cats .. one of them NEVER went near her or let her pet the cat .. the other bit and scratched her frequently yet neither had any problem with me and they were very nice .. would fight each other to be on my lap and petted ..
@@leoniea138 I certainly hope you showed the pastor the DOOR!
They enjoy hurting people, it’s their form of fun .👿
Actually it fills their psychological needs up rather than fun. More pleasure.
I agree
It’s true, and it’s very sad.
We are the ones who need to watch our backs. They won't go anywhere.
They feed off of manipulation and causing pain like some kind of succubus. Hurting others gives them strength. Frankly they are really f*cked up people.
Lying is a key part in all of this dysfunction.
Since childhood, I have made a point to avoid liars, cheats, and thieves. Its a practice that serves me well.
It is catastrophic. When you are raised by one, their behavior becomes normalized. It sets you up to overlook the nastiness of people you are closest with. It is crazy-making and mind blowing when you wake up to it. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is a constant in your life. The whole time you are being told you are the problem, or you misunderstood, or you are too sensitive. When it’s parents, siblings, spouses, they will do things you never thought they possibly could or would. When you wake up to who they really are, and realize and what they have done to you, it’s devastating - they will do horrendous damage. When you wake up and say, “no more” - they tell you to just move on, that you just want to play the victim while they have zero accountability. And - this is all done covertly while they show the outside world how wonderful they are and tell others made up stories about you. All the damage- it is done by the very people you loved and cared for and thought loved and cared back, No one with even a minuscule sense of decency could do this level of treachery to anyone much less to family. No conscience, no accountability, no remorse, and all done while pretending to love and care for you, and then put all blame on you.
I agree My dad is very dangerous so was my grandma who ran pubs in London my dad's family are all dangerous with there thinking and tongue. Very damaging
@Betsy you flawlessly described my life. My entire family is exactly how you say. I am now alone for six years. I am trying to create a new life. I am very cautious & trust NO ONE. My pets are my comfort.
Dr. Phil is describing my family.They CREATE DRAMA WITH COMPLETE LIES. I ended up getting Complex PTSD. I am almost well now. Betsy, I hope you are strong & never get taken advantage of.
so very true. yet, there is power in it. let me explain a little: Ezekiel 18. the whole chapter sums its all up. but particularly for me @ vs 14, He says, "...a son
Who sees all the sins which his father has done,
And considers but does not do likewise;
... He shall not die for the iniquity of his father;
He shall surely live!"
the point, the ahah for me:
I am not that person.
I dont want that life.
I can choose to do otherwise.
@@mslisakayedwards I too have CPTSD and am trying to recover and move on. I am exactly where you are. I know my reputation has been smeared, and all this COVID makes starting new very difficult and easier to just stay home. My family tells me I have to just get over it and that I hold grudges too long, while never acknowledging their wrongdoing. They think because I don’t want them in my life that I just want to play the victim. . I am so hyper reactive to being wronged, that I just don’t want to be around anyone. Though lonely there is so much peace in solitude. It has truly been a nightmare.
@@williampillor2208 I totally agree, and take the high road. In my most unhappy moments I would never want to hurt others. They must be so miserable to do these things. But still it hurts when they accuse you of playing the victim. My ex said I had abandonment issues, yet he was lying, cheating and hiding money for years. No I was being abandoned. With my siblings, I am not playing the victim, I was victimized. I am trying to move on without them in my life and am being told I have faulty thinking, that I just want to play victim. I gave exact examples of what they did, they come back saying I am implying they are evil and how wrong of me. I never once used the word evil, just told them what they did. Still no real acknowledgement or remorse.
No guilt or remose - a child protection worker said something that helped me understand and made me not hold anger - the worker said - A shark just does what a shark does.
Yep
True, But when we see sharks we know to stay out of the water.
@@scarlettclark1939 yessir
The story of the scorpion and the frog ..... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scorpion_and_the_Frog
I think they forfeited their primitive Shark progression , Definitely Not of Nature 💟
Once you realize your involved with a psychopath, or nariscist you have one job and one job only and that is to get away - the farther the better. There is no fixing them ever.
No truer words ever spoken!! Precisely what I did….. found out after 36 years of hell and then I ended it and never spoke to him again! I think that takes a lot of courage.
Exactly
Am I a bad person because I don't want my ex to get therapy? I just would fear he would go into therapy to just get more tips to be able to skate with more victims. He is so adamant that he is an honorable good guy and that all his relationships have failed because well it's everyone else...I do feel sorry when he goes into meltdown mode of when he's upset that life isn't turning out for him - though I don't dare ever really engage because then I get so much hate and I fear he's trying to set me up.
@@H37P5kY57 because your gut is right! He is definitly setting you up.
Unfortunately, You'll always pay a price for his avoidant, gaslighting behavior .
Been there, experienced that over and over.
Then, enough is enough and our divorce will be complete in 2022.
Trust is #1 for an authentic loving relationship to thrive.
Wishing you love and life ~♡~
Thank u :) I saved it in my quotes...😁 need to remember 🌸thnx🌸
METHOD ACTORS - well said. They take on AN ENTIRE ROLE. And they are SO CHARMING - such a nice "guy" that most of us buy into it. And then, their games begin...
I did have a gut instinct but went against it when I should have known better. What is interesting is she was the worse malignant that from all my jobs of promotion I could not get a promotion because she bad-mouths me and I wished I had left that job but I believe she was a friend - I was so dumb and didn't know who she was and tried to ruin my wedding and hurt me when I was always there for her. Until I got tired of her and told her to "grow up" which she never did because by that time she was in her 60s. I knew her since she was in her early 20s. Totally wreck my life but I was the fool that allowed it. The problem was I knew people like this because I grew up with narcissistic parents and con-artist people and close friends that seem to be "users" which is what I called narcissistic at the time when I was young. I learned about them much later in my life for what they were.
TRUTH...I have PTSD. with flashbacks.
@@angelacarleton9575 Somehow, we tend to ignore that gut feeling, which is usually correct, because when I didn't it got me in trouble. And went more with my feelings, but was wrong. Because they are pathological liars, we don't believe there are these kind of people out there; especially because they can be very charming and manipulative. Unfortunately, there are more people now with NPD than we care to believe.
This totally hits home! I wish I knew about these type of people many many years ago but now I’m definitely in Data mode! I believe nothing by anyone till I see proof! Wen proof is found everything Dr. Phil said is sooo True! I’d rather be alone then ever put my Guard down again especially including family!
Not always the nice guy act, I've known a few that bang their chests and swing their weight but inside they're terrified little boys.
They have enablers who support their delusions. Alot of the enablers are also narcissistic.
These dark souls are extremely draining to deal with. Go NO CONTACT AND NO RESPONSE to their pathetic behaviour! Great video Dr.Phil as usual 👍♥️🇨🇦
Being uncertain of yourself IS how they get you.
Know always that you are going to be ok and you always have something to offer the world.
❤
My ex narc was a covert narcissist.
I lived with him for four years.
I had no choice. I had no where to go so I had to make the best out of a horrible situation.
I’m now living with my brother.
I left the narcissist in 2017.
Moving into your own place will truly set you free. Congrats for getting away from Master Baiter, tho!
They generally make sure that you have no where else to go, then they realy turn up the volume.
It's the person that everyone loves.....😒😔😩
I was also raised to 'give people the benefit of the doubt'. It left me wide open to abuse. Even though I've had many awful experiences at the hands of unscrupulous people I still didn't jettison this belief of always thinking the best of people until recently (I'm over 60 now). Damn right that was insanity. I prefer Maya Angelou's phrase now: 'When people show you who they are, believe them the first time'.
Now you have to look at everyone as predators and hope for the best😉
Don't be hard on yourself. We were raised in a different time. More naivety, more sexist conditioning, & far, far less information we could turn to. Imagine if we even had UA-cam growing up, or any kind of basic education about what to watch out for with people besides not taking candy from a stranger.
@@dubaiedge So true!
I think women are trained to be people pleasers who fawn to keep from being criticized in any way. We are perfect Good Little Girls until we figure this out. Then we start setting boundaries that give us back our power.
@@phoenixrisin2269 I agree with you! It's so sad, and so true. We must be on our toes every second of every day for our own self-preservation and self-respect.
My husband manipulated me 10 years ago to provide a place for him to live, food on the table. I helped him fix his credit, buy a house & get a great job. Previously he had nothing but wreckage in his life. Recently he went about bragging how "he bought his house & empowered himself." He took the credit. He is a BAITER. He is delusional. He is taking the credit for all the hard work I have toiled over to help his life get better. I have nothing to show in return. He has not made my life better but worse. Looking back, I can see the only way to handle this narc is to keep my integrity & self respect & leave.
Sweet friend credit is very easy to lose. And long time to build. Since your gone he has to do all work... don't worry move on w your life. I kno men like him. It never ends well
They blame you and take credit for good stuff you did! My ex opened a biz in my name to scam taxes... ugh!
Dont look back. Walk forward, he'll remember you one day.
Please start making steps in that direction NOW. Baby steps. Don't wait. Get out!
Leave stealthily with clear plan.
Yes, the habit of giving people the benefit of the doubt because you assume everyone is a good person, it is indeed, insanity. Not everyone deserves it, because they will continue to so what they always do. Bad things. Big lesson to learn
This was my biggest downfall 👍🏼
thank you
@@carolv2161 Yup, me too. I look at the world much differently now.
One gets dragged into their delusion because theyre so sure of themsdelves. A normal person cant imagine someone actually lying while not even flinching. Its REALLY hard to understand.
It's really hard to understand and I'm trying to learn to accept what it is... but I have stopped with trying to help them understand that if you lie, cheat and manipulate others that is not an honorable person. But being attacked all the time that I'm the most evil woman alive and nothing I've ever done has been kind. I played his mommy with the taking care of domestic things ontop of footing his bills because he said he was broke.
@@H37P5kY57 Sounds like a classic case of empath meets narcissist. You can explain yourself blue in the face. They dont care about hurting others, they actually like it, theyre sadistic. Theres no hope for them. Place your energy in yourself and to those who actually deserves it, honey. I know it hurts, Im here if you feel like talking.
Absolutely
"Approaching life in a way that gives people the benefit of the doubt is a higher form of insanity." So well said!
Also known as the "Pollyanna Complex"
Those people are a complete danger to society!
Very true. I wasted many years of my life on someone who’s either narcissistic or partial, doesn’t have every trait but I know there’s something wrong with him. And now looking back I understand our dynamics better. UA-cam was launched after my divorce and it hadn’t occurred to me to use psychology books to figure out the insanity.
@@angelwings7930 Nothing is wasted if you learn from the experience...but it still doesn't erase the pain, suffering, torment and what if's from the experience!
This should be taught in high school ................ nobody should have to be victimized by these people, terrible experience. Hell..........
They are proud of the harm they do to others. They think it proves their superiority when they con other people. They regard others with contempt and are driven by deep hatred at their core.
When you deal with these people remember the story of the scorpion and the frog. The scorpion bites the frog after the frog gives him a ride across the pond. When the frog asks, "why did you bite me, you promised you wouldn't." The scorpion replies, "You knew I was a scorpion when you gave me a ride."
1. Arrogant entitlement- entitlement to what they do and think- entitled to what you have- money, job, etc.
2. Lack of empathy
3. No guilt or remorse for putting you in a position they don’t understand
4. They are irresponsible and self destructive
5. Thrive on drama- upheaval and fights- makes them feel important - they like to be the center of attention
6. Brag about out smarting people
7. If you look at their history, you will see a lot of short term relationships
8. They live in a fantasy world- they are a house of cards- smoke and mirrors
Due to childhood problems, needing to please to survive, i was a target for narcissists. Climbing out of it one day at a time. Im 57. Thanks Dr Phil 🤗
I couldn't imagine not having any empathy or sympathy or remorse or guilt etc. 🤔😒🙄🤦🏻♀️
They are slaves to the devil. They lost their conscience the minute they caved into sin.
They definitely thrive on drama
I knew malignant narcissists and I won't deal with them anymore like them.
Thank you Dr. PHIL. I am now more empowered. Stronger. More brave. Happier.
Superficial charm, treating you badly and apologising only to repeat the bad behaviour, stealing from you, going through your belongings when you aren't around, stalking. I've experienced this many times in my life until I learned to keep my distance from people.
I feel the need to listen to this every week for one year, to get it all memorized. This is some weird stuff and yet, everywhere present. Thank you Dr Phil.
One of my favorite, Dr. Phil-ism’s is to NEVER GIVE PEOPLE, THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!
It’s so hard though, if we were RAISED to ALWAYS, give EVERYONE, the benefit of the doubt! 🙃
But, times are different now…
Critical thinking: open mind, data collection mode, and make an informed decision. Very wise indeed.
My family always laughed at me for being gullible, for having no ‘common sense’. I guess that’s what happens when you’re gaslit and lied to by everyone around you your whole life. Finally free, but nearly ended up in jail for believing their lies. They still say it’s my fault. Insane.
Crazy How Evil Family Can Be ....First Parent Don't Give The SELF Assurance You Need To Survive. Then Gaslight/ Lie To You Hoping You Fail. Scapegoat Role Is Over Since They Can't n Won't Change It's A WRAP!!!!
You really made a great detailed study about these evil people
EVIL incarnate, and our legal system at its lower levels does not get it! Makes those of us dealing with them even more at danger! I often wonder what a study would show of intimate partner violence and personality disorders! I always amicably separated from relationships until…. I came across Major NPD/psychopaths! There are monsters out there and they look and act like us! Grown up nightmares.
I didnt figure out my husband was a narcissist for 13yrs. Then the whole relationship crumbled into nothing - like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Nothing had bn real. He'd lied abt absolutely everythg. I found out one affair had lasted 9 of our 13yrs! Blew my mind completely... an A-grade actor! Very accomplished, strict patterns of speech & behaviour, practised in mirror!
Gosh I’m sure that must have been devastating to discover and deal with.
Some people have absolutely no shame or guilt.
At least you are rid of that vile person now, and I hope you’re moving on to a a better life 😊🇬🇧
With so many people, awaiting the Second Coming of Christ. His Krispy Krunchy Eternal Retirement Plan, is about to start 🔥
Creepy
That’s classic entitlement. He is entitled to have an affair, you’re not. Sending you love ❤️
They are demonized people who opened them up for demons. Im been dealing with one who dragged me to court and twisting, lying, manipulate, gaslighting, it's shocking beyond shocking.
Not necessarily. Some high functioning narcissist’s facade is so well structured they can sustain a business (usually their own) and/or a marriage for many years. Look at Bernie Madoff as the most obvious example.
Facts
I agree, for example if they have an audience that they need to maintain a good facade for like a pastor.
I was thinking the same thing as I was listening.
There's different kinds of narcissism. My dad..malignant narcissist, my sister a covert narcissist. My ex husband, a psychopath.
@@dlm2133 my dad, a covert, re-married an overt, who has a clear agenda to drive wedges between my dad and his grown kids. My dad can't/won't confront her, or protect his own kids from it, and so is guilty in her attacks against himself and his own. It's so damaging. I'm wondering how to get out of it safely with my young child, and avoid the likely scenario of my supportive siblings becoming flying monkeys, if I confront, or go no contact.
Crazy my husbands says i live in a fantasy world and its him that lives in it.
Dr. Phil, the last 3 relationships that I went through were all terrible narcs. All 3 drug me down mentally and financially, all 3 eventually physically abused me, tried to trap me by getting me to move from my own safe spot and then immediately turning on me when they thought I was trapped. They gaslighted me. I lost every thing I had built up by myself when I packed only what I could get in my car and fled. They thought if they could get me away from my safe spot that I would just be trapped. But I left each time knowing I’d have to live in my car until I worked myself back into my own place. Each one of those relationships lasted only about 2 years. It has now been almost 3 years since my last relationship and I’ve decided that I just do better on my own, I have big red target on my forehead and I’ve just given up on ever finding happiness with a man and I don’t think I’d ever trust one again. Listening to the podcasts about narcs brought back a lot of ugly memories and validated my feelings. They fit so well . Thank you for helping me validate that it was THEM and I wasn’t crazy. I knew that by the time I left the situation but it still helps to be validated. Today is July 18th 2023
My lovely elderly neighbour said to me not so long ago "you mustn't judge people". Ughh! some people must be judged in order to be avoided.
Jesus says to judge righteously.
So we can make a judgment.If we couldn’t judge, then how could we put away murderers, rapists, thieves, scammers, pedophiles, etc..
We are not to judge hypocritically.
Which means, do not judge someone for their sin if we are committing the very same sin they are and judging them for that sin.
Even informed decisions can be tough when all the world is a stage! Have to watch it like a hawk.
Dr Phil be feeling all the emotions of the targets while talking about it! 😄🙏
Yes, this dude came to stay with me cause he had nowhere else to live and stole ALL MY MONEY! knowing that was the money I had to eat and pay my rent, and therefore, left me HOMELESS! Just wow!
One Thing They Good For Teaching NEVER To Put SELF In Gullible Situation. And Be Nice To Self!
@@valerieriggins3184 you’re very right. Absolutely! Guess what? Never again! Now I don’t take bs of any kind
I spent 5.5 years with a man whose life I saved, so he could receive a new liver due to a hereditary disease. The entire time, I endured infidelity, abandonment, shaming, chastising, guilting, manipulation, gaslighting, and every form of abuse imaginable, physical, emotional, mental, and verbal. Nothing was real. Nothing was followed through. Nothing. Ever.
Now, I struggle to live financially after being spent down while he lives with in his beautiful, paid off home on the river.
I tell everyone, he got a new liver and second chance at life. I got the boot. But to be quite honest, I left because I was dying inside and out. My health on all levels was compromised, which is hard to face because I was healthy, strong, and independent. My entire life changed. Nothing feels the same. I’m working hard to get back to the woman I was, but it is a daily and very real struggle.
Yes I always gave people places to stay and rides I never knew what was taking place tho
That is what happened a person felt she should have my job because she lives close by to the job. By that time I was clever enough to ignore her questions about where my good job was. She didn't want me to have a good job. After knowing this person for 3 years and helping her with learning how to learn how to answer internet job opportunities and she tried to screw with me? I said, "no more!" Plus she felt I knew Spanish and be bilingual and hated that I had that skill. I couldn't believe she disliked me so much.
Dr Phil just described the narcissist in my life. Literally. Point by point.
Try coming from a family of them. No contact for two years now
Well said that taking people at face value is dangerous. Normal people expect other people to act like they are normal and they wouldn't fathom that someone would have ulterior motives because they themselves wouldn't. But with narcissists, we need to always wonder how a person could exploit a certain situation because those people are out there and they are malignant narcissist; not to be trusted.
I think I’m just coming to the realization that my father is actually a narcissist and not just an awful jerk. Perhaps I should’ve known when I got a restraining order….
Oh my word. Do u feel safe now? I certainly hope so!
@@robyndismon394 yes I am, thank you so much for the concern! We left him a few years ago now and things have been getting better every day. Peace and quiet has never been so lovely ☺️
@@Theprincessinyellow So very happy to hear that Amber. There is nothing like peace of mind for your sanity And well being! Keep your angels close!
I live in a condo. It's a narc paradise. A test of epic proportion. For example, I get written up for feeding the wild turkeys, but the people next door are (alledged) drug dealers and I'm told the association can't do anything about it. Wth.
Wow that's why I want to live way way out there somewhere by myself lol
@@JustCallMeLiberty Do it. A small plot of land is affordable in many places. I’m doing it. I’m going to buy a tiny house in Arkansas. I’m from Long Island. I ended my lease this month to move to the Ozarks. My spidey-senses have been going off lately that all is not well in the NYC area, ever since I moved back last summer. My cat seemed to sense it, too. Good luck. 😉
I guess it's bad to take care of animals, the world is so selfish, hence the situation we're in now with all these wild viruses running loose.
They took my babies away from me with no shame, no guilt, no remorse, or empathy.. I even opened up my own home, gave up my room & fed them & they abused me under my own roof!!! My only rule was to clean up after themselves & get a job & the girl didn't work anywhere for longer than 4mths! I know cuz I did her resume & I had to stretch that! She refused to get a license or do anything for herself & I had to kick them out! 🥺
And this is why organized stalking exist and why surveillance programs are running the show and why the media stories happen the way it's happened
I fit number #7 I have gone from one job to another- some want to over work you, Obama care- they wanted you to overwork the patients (oh who cares if you are breathing or not we just want our 75 min) , the managers ask you to do things you are not comfortable with- you leave the job and you go to the next place only to find the same mess- it was our system! But they try their best to make you feel inadequate - and the sad thing is you believe them - thank God for letting me see
morale, on the job is not common.
There's a way to avoid these people get a dog because you know that they are honest and true and if your dog growls when these people approach don't engage with them. Dogs can sense things that we can't.
And what's So interesting is that when you're trying to rebuild your life most people don't care and some will side with the narc cause they good pretenders
I was raised to give people benefit of the doubt. But no more!!!
1) Arrogant entitlement
2) Complete lack of empathy
3) No remorse or guilt
4) Irresponsible and self destructive
5) Thrive on drama
6) They brag about outsmarting people
7) A lot of short term relationships
8) They live in a fantasy world
And i was naive to still look at him with love even when he was telling me about his last victim but in business,,i thought love matters are unique😂😂😂..
Father GOD warns us to, Be Quick to listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger. Not only do I pray for discernment but I LISTEN to people now. Narcissist tell on themselves.
Baiters sound like the cousin to Narrccissits, all of those souless devils are just EVIL..
I've had your book for years now and it really helped me identify the female narcissists in my life. However, I didn't recognize the most dangerous one, the man I loved. The book helped point out things he was doing, but he was such a big con artist with giant crocodile tears with amazing acting skills and gaslighting abilities. No guilt or remorse, no change in behavior, extremely childish behavior and the inability to self reflect or talk about our relationship lovingly like two kind adults would. He would turn into a raging bull and being violently raging at the turn of a dime. The constant bragging of doing evil, vengeful things to multiple others who wanted to leave relationships with him, as well as multiple exwives who ran from him and left all their belongings.
He said all of the hundreds of women were at fault for the relationships not working while not seeming to realize he was the common denominator. He told me he was God and was angry when I assured him he was not. He bragged nonstop in a grandiose manner like nothing I'd EVER seen before. I finally told him bragging to his extent is very unnatural and distasteful and it makes him look very insecure and unbelievable. He'd constantly tell everyone he met his pretend life story about being a Navy Seal. He'd NEVER been a Navy Seal as I discovered later, and found out he'd told many lies of his acts of heroism where he rescued his fellow team members. Of course, no medals.. Said he lied about his age and got into the Navy and he was a Navy Seal at 17, a team leader who lead his team into the jungles of Vietnam where the killed Vietcong. Escaped terrible scenes where they were surrounded by Vietcong, and a Navy Seal died in his arms while they were in the jungle. He claimed he went to chef's school and became a chef for the officers on his ship. I learned he never went to chef's school but to the Navy's regular cooking school for how to cook on a ship. I have always known chef's school is an entirely different entity so after we got married and his cooking was extremely limited and rather awful, I began searching through his papers for any kind of graduation or attendance at a chef's school and there was nothing to be found.
He claimed to be a private investigator but later admitted it was just a website that handed out PI certificates and PI Shields and ID'S for a hefty fee so you could pretend to be legit, and he loved to flash his badge all over the place.
He claimed to be 6'1" but was only 5'7-1/2. In a family picture with other relatives he's the shortest and slightest male in the picture when he was young.
After we got married he began to let his hair down and started to threaten me. He constantly told me he'd killed many people in the past and had buried bodies where they'd never been found. He did that when I said I was going to leave him, after he became violent and I found out he was cheating on me - again - with another overweight, mannish looking woman. After we got married he immediately quit touching me and went for this weird type of woman, including women with large noses, warts on their noses, overweight. I did everything I could to look good for him every day to no avail. Then I started seeing a therapist who checked off a list and told me he fit all the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. He constantly used triangulation to hurt me, gaslighting, reflected his behavior onto me or others, incessant bragging, acted as if he was the only one who mattered, very controlling. Made me say sentences exactly the way he said they needed to be said or the sentence wasn't good enough for him. Very childish, snap anger at a moment's notice no matter where you were with inability to control it, said he craved the attention from all women and couldn't control that either. Addicted to multiple substances despite having a heart attack and doctors orders to not use, he started using more. Couldn't control any addictions, whereas I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs and have no need for more than my husband because it's my desire to be faithful to my vows before God. I take vows and promises VERY seriously, but he told me he took those vows and promises with me so that I would be committed to him, and so he could do whatever he wanted to do in secret behind my back.
I had no idea this kind of evil existed. No idea people set out to deliberately fool people in such a manner! Now that I know I'm never looking at the world the same way again and I'm listening to your book, Dr. Phil, over and over again until it's so deeply ingrained it will as natural to me as it is to you, Dr. Phil.
Thank you for all the wisdom you've shared all these years. I've been listening and paying attention and give you great credit for helping me out of my marriage when my husband threatened me with his gun a week ago. Because you taught me to believe the threats. I had already been to Domestic Violence too, thanks to you and your wife.
The police surrounded my house the night he threatened me with a gun. There's now an order of protection against him, but he hid the majority of his guns at his son's house, only 2 blocks away where he's staying. Assault rifles with scopes and laser sites and an automatic shotgun. He did give up his pistol and a rifle as well as his license to conceal and carry a gun, but had already hidden the other guns. I have a picture of one of the very scary military looking assault rifles that the police need to see. I need to know what to do about the other weapons. People are slowly driving past my house where I'm packing and I'm afraid.
So I'm packing my things, leaving him most of my furniture and getting as far away as I can to a hidden and protected location. I don't ever want to see his face or hear his lying words again. Everything he said, "I love you" was a huge lie. People in this type of relationship need to realize the person they fell in love with never existed and the real person is a big liar and fake. Once we can wrap our minds around that we can quit loving the fake since the person we thought we loved never existed.
Crocodile tears. I never understood that phrase until fairly recently. One of my romantic relationships - a narcissistic sociopath, or possibly even a psychopath....displayed the best crocodile tears. I knew what they were and they cracked me up (I could only die laughing when he wasn't present). Went no contact with him in 2018. I've had thoughts of contacting him, but recently I've realized from some other information I discovered I must not ever go back thinking we can have a "friendship". Today, I wouldn't do that for millions of dollars. The price of my peace and serenity can't be bought. It is priceless. It has boundaries, and must be lived authentically.
A narcissist sounds like a nice word it needs to be changed because what I've told a few of my friends about a narcissist in my life they didn't get the grasp of how deep this word those they don't understand the depths of this word. They don't know about the manipulation the arrogance the control and everything that comes with this word. This word needs to sound harsher than it does.
Thank you dr Phil, I agree with everything you said in this extremely important message. Thank you for calling insanity out.
Thank you Dr Phil, they think they are intelligent because they out smarted someone with an evil outcome.
They really do think they are intelligent ,, but one can read them calmly without saying anything . They are serious manipulators
Approaching life where you give people the benefit of the doubt is a higher form of insanity. Why would you do that? You shouldn’t decide they’re evil until they prove they aren’t nor should you decide they’re good people until they prove they aren’t. What you should do is go in with an open mind in data collection mode and just start gathering information until you reach critical mass and you have enough information to make an informed decision.
Thank you Dr. Phil! I was kind of awakening to this but still confused. You set me straight. The data collecting is what I needed to hear. 🙏
Taking people at face value when it comes to professionals does not fall on people or clients it falls on institutions and governments to validate their credentials. Consumers assume that professionals are truthful in practice and do the right thing in situations.
Yap, we are conned by such people. We lost our 20 years of hard work. We are left with nothing. Will I ever see them in jail and laugh at their face?
Oh boy, Dr. Phil - You get it. I wish you and Robbin were my parents.... I wish I had learned all this stuff instead having to endure a pychopathic family member and several high end overt and covert narcissistic family!!! I just dont know how one pulls it together after all this!
yes if we were taught this early on life would have been better. we are taught be nice, give others a benefit of the doubt
Coweta learn the signs of narcissism...famous people aren't exempt
Great advice Dr Phil!
I was also raised to give people the benefit of the doubt. My biggest mistake in life was assuming that others were just like me or at least similar. What I found out is that this is the furthest thing from the truth ever.
Always trying to fit in, to be accepted! What a fruitless task that has been.
My conclusion is that I am me! I don't need to be accepted except for excepting myself. I do not care one ioda about being like anyone else or fitting in.
I am tired of being scapegoated into being the villian in the narcississic scenero.
Bottom line is, I know my truth. I do not need to convince anyone of my knowledge. I can sit back and watch the cards fall where they may. This has been a lifetime journey...since the day I was born and I have been in battle mode since that very first day.
As of today my widsom has taught me when enough is enough and that I have everything I need right here inside myself to thrive in spite of anything or anyone that comes at me. I get it! I really get it. Much appreciation!😇
Thank you for doing these videos Dr. Phil. There are many of us out here suffering through narc abuse and whatnot and this is so helpful and supportive. I like how your videos are right to the point and easy to understand.
Narcissists congratulate themselves on their Evil Doings !!!!
Great description of these characters ! One senses that Dr. Phil has real world
experience. He seems to have detractors from among psychiatrists and psychologists,
but it strikes me that, sorry to say it, it's something like sour grapes on their part!
He is very successful because of his ability to clarify and also entertain. People have told him, "must be nice,". ,
etc., but he has built his success on his work and talent, not some lucky break. Would he have stayed
on TV if he just happened to know someone years ago? No. He does have loony people on,
but that's TV, and he also tries to open their eyes to the truth of their self induced problems, and he tries
to help them. It's entertainment, but he's also trying to do good. I'd say a pretty good combination.
Funny, Doc...yes, I too was raised to give the benefit of the doubt. Sucks now...14 years of my life wasted on a narcissistic/ psychopathic jerk who completed annihilated my life. Yes, my bad for not running away but by the time I understood it wasn't me who wasn't the bad guy I was completely trapped. I still can't understand how a person can do the horrible things he did and still want to bully and treat me badly and expect me to go back. I'm blamed for everything and have lost everything. Yes, he feels entitled. Now he's sick and needs to be cared for and is all alone. I fled for my life. Yet I'm still in his eyes the one who abandoned him and he will not even allow me my personal items. He threatens me physically and financially to hurt me and all he says is if you don't like that wait till you see what do next and he does. Why are there no laws to protect or assist someone in these situations. My home is destroyed, I've lost job after job and he's trying to get me kicked out of my apartment so I have to return. This is not your average Joe's breakup. It is a fight that I'm afraid will end in disaster. I'm tired of living in fear and no one can or will help. Not the law the doctors or any agency. I'm still on my own and alone. I'm worried for my mental state along with my physical safety. Any suggestions?
Becca - don't feel bad I spent helping my deadbeat parents the two-week paycheck half of my earnings plus paid their taxes. They just didn't want to work is what I figured out. As long as they had daughters to pay the mortgage and do whatever they wish with the rest of the money we gave them. However, they kept trying to screw with us until I was getting depressed living in a closet space room of a house. I just wished I had left a long time ago instead of being generous.
Becca, Learn to pray in tongues. The Holy Spirit prayer works wonders. I pray for protection, wisdom, and knowledge on how to handle my situation. I have a Narcissistic sister in law that is demonically influenced. She is mentally ill. She is emotional unstable. She cannot control her emotions at all. Everyone who knows her says the same thing.
Jesus can provide protection. He teaches us that our fight is not against the flesh and blood person, but the struggle is against the evil that has taken them over.
Learn to cast out the unclean spirit in them. Send it into the arid places of the abyss, to be chained up, never to return to Earth to bother you or the possessed person again.
Pray for the possessed persons deliverance.
Many times after a Tongues prayer the person is suddenly nicer.
If they act up again later it is because they want the demons in them, Like Dr Phil mentioned. They thrive and feed off the drama.
When this happens they are 7 times worse than they were before. 7 more demons will enter them. See Matthew 12:43-46. They become insane.
It is very hard to help someone who doesn’t really want help.
Just keep praying for Jesus’ help thru the Holy Spirit Tongues Prayer. Which may sound like gibberish to you, but is really a Heavenly language prayer, sent straight up to God. Keep casting out the unclean spirits of the enemies bothering you and eventually these demons will stay away from you so the they won’t be cast into the abyss. The demons hate going there, just as the Bible story says. Luke 8:31.
You have to come up with a plan to get out- tell yourself you will do this no matter WHAT- stick to your plan-PRAY and ask God (Jesus)for guidance and protection.
Then, once you have rid yourself of this person, never set yourself up to be a target again.
Do not be needy, dependent or feel sorry for yourself. You must steel your spine, be extremely strong, but not bitter- and when you come out on the other side you will believe in yourself and have grown immensely.
But it all starts with your decision to change and taking action.
And most of all a relationship with Jesus.
There is true power there.
@@SBecktacular Hey! No worries on the needy end with me. I have a good job and a nice place. A few great people to stand with me, and a decent vehicle. For me it is sorting out the difference...is it the vascular disease that has caused occlusions to the arteries in his brain or malignant narc. Probably a combination. Accepting I can't help or change it and having no choice but to let him go along with everything, the horrible guilt and all the rest. Then again no ody asked me what I wanted in the first place. I'm not going back. I can't. I haven't found the forgiveness switch yet. I haven't found the one to stop caring either.
To Know Someone Want To Do Harm To You....You Need To Care About Yourself. THAT Was The Whole Problem Thinking About Others Feelings Over Yours.
The Evil 8 of Dr Phil. I love Dr Phil and I am so happy to have discovered the youtube channel. I have no TV so this is so great. 1./ ARROGANT ENTITLEMENT!! OMG!! I love this!! The words are so correct. My very favorite is number one as I never was able to state this!! 2./ Complete lack of empathy. ( I knew that). But I love the explanation of it. 3./ No guilt or remorse to place you in a difficult position that causes pain...4./ Irresponsible and self destructive. This makes them most dangerous to others. 5./ thrive on drama. happy to create scenes in families. makes them feel important. they love drama. 6./ they brag about outsmarting people. since they have no empathy, they actually brag about how they used the previous people... they think it's a quality. They are stupid. 7./ in their history there are lots of short term RL. personal and work. 8./ they are delusional and say stories that are not true. 9./ my own addition: they make sure the people in their different stories don't know each other, so that the stories can go on. Have separate lives, several families etc etc. We need to: Have a "Mind of data collection mode", then, reach critical mass, and finally make informed decision. Why do I always give the benefit of the doubt? I don't know. Thank you!!
The more I listen to this, the more I believe I’m dealing with a narcissist/sociopath than a borderline pd. This completely describes the person I’m currently dealing with.
How can you not watch this. Love the motorcycle behind him.
The biggest problem with the type of person the Dr. is describing is the time, effort and energy required to see who these people truly are. They are very, very good at trying to make you think they are somone they are not.
Here are some red flags for the two types you can’t really see coming, the grandiose narcissist is easy to spot, these are not:
1. The over doers and love bombers:
Some one you first meet is so helpful, so friendly and so into your life and is seemingly an angel of mercy. Watch that person. Nobody normal is that person, they want something from you, be it attention or validation. And it generally turns out to be phony because if you really ever do need someone THAT person is so busy trying to impress everyone that they don’t have time to genuinely help you.
2 The victims
These are the ones who are constantly saying they can’t. They may be charming, fun and intelligent but there’s always an excuse why the don’t have money, why they can’t get their lives together and these types play off your sympathy and compassion. You have the same issues as they do but for some reason they can’t get themselves out of their situations like the grown up that you are. Eventually these people will end up asking for you time or your money.
I used to feel so sorry for these stuck wounded people, because these behaviors come from a huge lack of self worth and although you can feel sorry for them you should not let them be a leech and steal your time, friendship and money.
Why does my mother do this to me? Why does my father and sisters go along with this and treat me subhuman. What happened to my mother to make her hate me to the point of trying to smother me to death?? Why does she want to subject my kids to abusing me in front of them. Why did she see me as vulnerable and instead of helping me get stronger after my divorce...she has chosen to completely humiliate and dehumanize me to the point of trying to smother me to death. She tricked me into signing legal custody documents. If I wanted to see my children I would have to do exactly what she said. Sleep in her closet, bathroom floor , in garage, finally outside. I do not understand why.. Why does she whisper weir sh** in my ear when no one is looking but when someone walks in she smiles and acts like nothing happened. She hits screams calls me trash in front of my babies. They have to watch me being humiliated.. my father has a case number in him for beating me in his car..peoe in another vehicle driving by called 911 ..why..why did they feed me through the bathroom window and not let me inside to use bathroom...why Why Why too much..to many more examples..too much pain
NO MORE TEARS
Wow they the narcissist usually choose the truth teller, the rebellious child, the smartest child etc to be the scapegoat...sounds like you were it. None of what they did is your fault they're messed up in the head for whatever reason. Get away from them and stay away! Don't let them near your kids!!! That's my advice I doubt Dr. Phil would disagree!
@@JustCallMeLiberty you're right
God Bless you Dr. Phil. Thank you. It is Dec. 30 2021 today and I am taking this advice for the New Year! I am a survivor of stage IV ovarian. While I was going through my journey my family did this exact thing to me. I was told "stop acting like a victim". When I texted that I was lonely and in bed, the response was "don't start this again". I couldn't walk because of the neuropathy from the chemo.I felt like it was me. I felt like I was such a terrible person. I took one entire year to work through this situation. I was raised that you help your family. Especially when someone is sick. This video is a blessing to me. Thank you! I wish you and your family the best of everything good for 2022!!!
I am sorry to hear that family treated you like this but mine has too. thanks for sharing
@@norma1979 big hugs norma xoxo
When you experienced evil baiters , you can’t undo it.
Thank you Thank you!!! I had someone recently chastise me for not "thinking the best" when I had questions about what this person was doing. People pleasers are usually the ones who just want to see the best, truth is not very important to them, only feeling good.
I've known five people like this in my life. I'd like to know what there is about me that attracts these types and I really think I'm far too trusting and nice with people. You don't really realize just how dangerous they are until you're in quicksand with them or six months or a year out. Luckily, three of them have passed and relatively young. I laid boundaries out but eventually she violated them and she'd get argumentative when I'd mention it. I just cut one about five months ago after she was out of my life for a good twenty years ago and called me out of the blue. I knew I shouldn't have picked up the phone and immediately suspected an ulterior motive and she got needier and more irritating and rude interruptions and Dr. Phil is right. I think the man she's been with for years is about to throw her out and she was putting her toe in the pool but I was always on to her there but was waiting for her to ask but it thankfully never arose. Drama and total BS. She'd be on the phone with me and I'd hear her talking to her neighbors or get into it with her man on the phone or she'd constantly tell me to wait a minute. NO. I don't need the exasperation and I don't need or want to hear her snapping with her bf. Why do some people call you and you hear them doing ten different things in the background which is magnified in sound on the listening party's end? If you can't have a quick, distraction free conversation then why call someone at all? It's rude. She told me I should tolerate these things and life is messy. I'm somewhat on in years. Don't tell me what I should have to put up with because she does it with everyone else. I don't have to put up with anything I don't want to especially when 99% of the time it irritates me! It's rude and don't bring me into it by trying to get me to side with you and it's not my business to do so and these types can NEVER deal with an honest answer from you and they'll get angry with you. She moves from one man to another for support. These people are vampires. As Dr.Phil said, don't give people the benefit of the doubt because so often we get victimized and hit out of nowhere because we weren't raised to operate this way by treating people as toys and playing with them. I feel being victimized by people in this manner has clearly eroded my trust in everybody I encounter and find I'm at times being superficial and "uh-huh", oh?, like I care about others now when I myself start parroting like I care. The rub is I've done nothing wrong to these people and when you try to get money back they want to set the terms or act as if they're the aggrieved party. Dr. Phil is right. They act as though they're entitled to your home and money.
They become angered... why aren't they put away from society? I fear for my neighbors safety, they know too much now; they are at his disposal. He has more than enough monetary clout...to cover his misdeeds. Various vacations during a quarantined pandemic, proved to me he cared not for my neighbors health & well being. He boasts of his "Narcissistic Disorder" on social media...gives him license to conduct misdeeds and evil behavior? I cannot, will not be bought nor sold, I became a challenge, and an open target. When others offer a gift, I have to know the giver is genuine, therefore it won't blow up in my face, yet again. I had to change myself... Infiltration in these social media networks; ownership of stocks? Idk, I fear for anyone connected to him... prayers for a wonderful New Year, let truth have a home please. God Bless All!
This helps me: blue painter’s tape to hang up papers to keep from removing wall paint. 🙂
Open mind in data collection mode is spot on. I have a father I believe to be in the dark triad a mother believe to be histrionic and I have the scapegoat+lost child+invisible child role and many flying monkeys one of which I believe is a vicious borderline. I've been to the wringer or ''To Hell and back''. There is a narcissist in my church and there have been times I felt very suicidal when I would spend time with him. In 2012 I went through suicidal Ideation because of the effects from my parents. I would say I have spent 47 years in suicidal depression
Brad u made it this far and long! You are stronger than you think! Keep push n on my friend!
Your Not Alone....Many Have Suicide Thoughts And NEVER Realize It Comes from Being Around Negative People.
My ex-wife's story unraveled because she claimed to be a veteran, she had health issues, and I pursued her dd-214 to obtain her military medical benefits.
"You keep allowing it, so it's on you"
....got me there.
I have a question. My sister has all the qualities of a narcissist to a very high degree except for one. She has been married to the same man for about 30 years. I think there might be cheating going on in the relationship but I am not sure. Her husband is also very narcissistic. Have you ever heard of anything like this? They are both high functioning but evil. My sister would steal candy from a baby and then turn around and blame the baby. One of my theories is that they want to look good to the outside world, nice house, married, lost of money, etc. and their marriage fits into this fantasy of the perfect life. Also, he is very religious and I think that he feels very strongly about not divorcing for that reason. But I really don't know. I just think it's weird so I'm wondering if you are anyone can shed some light. Thanks!
Oh, absolutely. My brother is a full-blown malignant narc and he's been married for nearly 35 years (wife with some narcissistic characteristics, but primarily his enabling supply). I only found out last year that he cheats on his wife - she and the rest of the family think he just has lots of meetings. His thing is being seen as the hero and he thus needs a family for this. It's all about the facade. Many narcs have long marriages. I've seen an overt narc and a covert narc have a long marriage. I doubt that your sister's husband - if he is truly a narc - is sincerely spiritual, and he probably doesn't divorce her because it's easier and because he gets the narcissistic supply he needs from her. OR he's not a full-blown narc but just has some characteristics, and thus stays because he truly is religious and is merely manipulated and trapped by your sister. Dr. Phil is talking about the low-functioning narcs when he says they can't have a sustained relationship. The higher functioning ones can and do.
Yes , I knew 2 narcs married to each other for a long time .. Sam Vaknin has vid about the “inverted” narcissist who will be extremely narcissistic to non narc but likes to be narcissistic supply to a greater narcissist. I think she was an inverted covert malignant while her husband is a psychopath .. they divorced after their daughter OD’d on heroin at age 17 and he tried to get his wife to commit suicide by blaming her for the death .. and acted all forlorn and what not. Strangest thing was I never saw her cry about her daughters death
They won’t cheat if they’re getting what they need where they are i.e the situation is upholding their desired image & supporting their ego
If however he does end up leaving…believe the smear campaign will begin because it will be a massive narcissistic injury
Sounds like they're covert narcissists. Internally they have the same motives as psychopaths but very little of their confidence. They need their mask to remain intact and fear exposure. They're just as dangerous in intent as the psychopath, but their plots often fall through because they have to be subtle to avoid detection.
I've narrowly avoided being molested, raped, and murdered. It took me a lifetime and my mother's death to realise that my mother had attempted to set me up for this many times, but due to her being a cowardly covert, she failed.
They are ALL extremely dangerous, no matter how quiet, humble, or pathetic they appear to be. NEVER feel sorry for them, you'll pay dearly for your humanity.
Dr phil knows his stuff he's not just a TV star he's very intelligent
Wow now you are helping me, I give people an A until they prove to be a Zero, but I love what you’re teaching me, thank you
No remorse or guilt. My ex stood over me and yelled the entire time I had pneumonia. She put bright flashlights in my eyes at 3 a.m. she hurled herself on the floor and kicked and screamed. She sliced screens, she broke windows, doors and drywall. There was no end to her self-sabotage. At the time her eviction was complete, covid trapped me with her in my house legally. My condition is; Devastated, depressed, and isolated. Dr. Phil I really need to borrow your motorcycle!!!😁
I used to wonder why some people don't have friends. Not anymore.
Information is the key of dealing with difficulties in life. It takes a while to figure out how but it's worth the effort. Thx dr Phil!
Nope, they never ask a question. Awesome Phil! Approaching life giving people the benefit of the doubt puts others first. Deletes your instinctive awareness.
I think I was married to one for 18 years...now I have my son who is like the father...I will never be free.
Wondering if the woman who created planned parenthood witnessed the literal ills of humanity?
Thank you Dr. Phil. Such a wise man who gives great, sound knowledge. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS. And please keep doing what you're doing.
I have two at my job.
Thank you for sharing this information Dr. Phil. You are helping so many of us process the trauma and see these people for the dysfunction people they are.
Thank you for the awareness. This is pretty much my narcissistic ex husband who finally left me. I wish I knew this years ago.
The problem gets even more drastic when you have a narcissistic partner and you have children with her/him- well then goooooodddd luck! :))