I think the worst things we do is gas light ourselves and looking back in the rear view mirror,we must look forward and start having confidence in ourselves, observe not absorb, this is where we have to reprogram ourselves or should I say reboot ourselves,👍 up Michelle and survivors and thrivers 🙏
OH oh oh my mother did this until I was 54 years old!! No contact since March 2013. Happy joyous and free - I now work hard on recovering from talking to myself really badly!
My mother manipulates me with guilt, so we do the housework. All this humiliation also affects our professional life and aims that we diminish or shorten our expectations. I have the whole 14 and it was so good to understand that!
I just had this happen when hubby asked me 8 months ago! I knew nothing good about my self not one thing I’m now no contact with my parents ! ALTERED MY REALITY AS A LITTLE CHILD UNTIL NOW NOWW !!! It must stop. Especially when it started happening to my children. No way. I got a will in place just to make sure they will never go with them honestly I feel so bad because I thought go no contact and now it’s a whirlwind still! Def need help and dot know where to start! Nervous system is insane! Cant handle anything ! Chest will start hurting just from seeing them ! Or thinking bout them ! Just praying and studying God shows me the way thank you for this I’m stuck in fight n flight extreme
We can also become a magnet for yet more narrsasistic people . It's quite possible to show up in relationships giving ammunition to a potential abuser in an attempt to heal the original experience's I've done this. The inner critic it seems has a stradedy that over share"s vulnerability with and/or the wrong people. Victim's of abuse normally have a need for reassurance. The critic can blast us for this need or drive us to those ,like our original abuser's will mock and exploit us in our vulnerable and broken state. Recovery cannot take place in a vaccum or bubble, although time alone is important. Naturally and understandably we hide and isolate. We need good people in our lives to lean into and who see us as we are. We all need emotional mirroring. Just choose your mirror wisely. The goal is to get out of a reflection/projection that a damaged person locked us into. Now we need safe mirror's and support to get out of it. What's left behind is the narrsasist staring into a broken mirror whilst we begin the process of building and living our best life
@@lbeschrich 5 months for me after 25 yrs. And the feelings and panic attacks and wondering if I can make it. The walking on eggshells at times was horrible, and the red rages intolerable along with verbal abuse.... but my mind and thoughts only see the 'good times',. Others tell me that I've done the right thing but my head and heart wont match up! Trauma bonding and co dependency and people pleasing are a nightmare. Xxxxx
I’m 19 and got out of a 2 year toxic relationship in august. The person I was with made my life and how I thought about myself totally crumble down. I was so depressed and am still struggling with social anxiety. When we were together I remember telling him after months of ruminating that I think he’s the reason why I feel this way. He told me that wasn’t it and that I had issues I needed to solve. And now that I’m out of this relationship and making new friends I self sabotage. When I’m around a new friend, on bad days I’ll almost try to make them feel badly when they’re around me indirectly. It’s like I almost try to give off a bad energy because I think I might be trying to do to them what was done to me so that I can make sense of what happened to me. I’ll sometimes go with the intention to make them think I don’t like her but I don’t know why. I never used to do this until I started dating that guy. I think it’s also because I’m scared of making mew friends because idk how to be myself.
I've been dealing with this horribly since my mom died 5 months ago. Anything I don't do the way she said (over and over) should be done plays as a recording in my head over and over of all the negative things she would say. Whether she said it to me, about me, or about another. She had no filter. All the toxic and negative thoughts constantly plague me now. Whereas before she died, when I remembered what she would say I would reject it due to realizing how toxic she was. Now, since she's passed, there is a big part of me that misses the good things about her so much it hurts too much to reject her opinions. It's wierd. Her worst was the words out of her mouth. Her best was the actions she took to help me others. I believe she had a good heart, but grew up in such a terrible way it infected her words. She chose to help people as her response opposite from the horrible way her parents were to her. I want to break this behavior, but worry what I may do or say to my kids that could be hurting them.
Sounds like you are in a tug of war with yourself. And the feeling of guilt seems to be a barrier that isn't letting you decide... despite the fact ur mother also had a terrible childhood. Even so, none of what she did/said to you.. Was Deserved to be dumped on you! Absolutely Not Your Fault she had a bad childhood! But definitely all these mixed emotions can be incredibly overwhelming... We need to work on forgiving and letting go of resentment knowing they just didn't know what they were doing and so did the best they knew... Yet Nothing said or done to you was deserved, nor your fault!
After a big mental breakdown I got that voice. And it is always points that I am stupid. Wile I am a quite successful programmer. Feels like I can't be myself, can't do any mistakes (technically every action could lead to a mistake) so it is all the time telling me that I am stupid. It is something that always catching me with my guilt.
The computer scientist in me really resonated with your multiple programs analogy. It made sense and I just figured you were a techie like me. Good job. Also, thanks for leaving in the hilarious random interruption and comments, like “I’m in witness protection.” Real life.
Great information and well communicated. Familial narcissism is a very complex and confusing form of psychological abuse, conscious or malicious narcissistic abuse or unconscious projection abuse, apparently there are these two distinctions in the pathology of narcissistic personality disorders.
With the correct approach CPTSD on the bright side is an access point to gain better function and control over the less logical control of our thoughts, feelings and functions we daily experience, interact and enact upon. Seems like a great opportunity of investment to enable empowerment and restore balance to the mind. Perhaps even the greatest depending on how it can be utilized to make the finest of personal developments quite able and feely. It's really the individuals vital tap, not to think you have a problem that is if you have will to believe most of the solutions to your lives problems and distractions can quite easily be found within you.
Not As Much Or As Severely As I Used To. Thank Something. I Remember I Used To Savage Myself Over And Over And Over Again About My Perceived Shortcomings Till I'm Drained. For Most Of My Life Till Recently. Recently In Recovery For An Addiction (Surprise?) I Just Couldn't Stop My Addiction Till I Started Looking Inside my Mind. It Was SOO Obvious I Don't Know How I Missed It. Just Awareness Stopped It My Addiction Stopped At The Same Time (Surprise?) Actually It Was Eckhart Tolles The "Power Of Now" That Started It. I Was Down And Out But That Book Fascinated Me I Couldn't Put It Down. Spirituality 101. Now I'm Studying Narcissism Full Time. It's Great To Have This Topic On You Tube. But Humbling I Cant Get My Head Around It As Yet. The Gross/Obvious Inner Critic Is Gone But I Still Have A Subtle Hard To Detect One. What We Do Against Ourselves The Narc Encourages/Utilizes. Great Topic.
good call-out on attack #2 -black and white thinking. I was aware of the other 13 but hadn't noticed that one before. I'm a total failure at everything because I only got 13 of the 14 right... 🙄
What they say you are and doing is the exact thing they are doing🤔. There might be young people listening to you who might take what your explaining the wrong way. For instance; mom says: will you please clean your bathroom today? Young person responds yes, then at the end of the day the bathroom is not cleaned, then mom says clean the bathroom before you do anything else or before you go to bed. That young person does not understand the difference between completing that responsibility and the adult telling them what to do. They think that is narcissistic because they feel bad that they did not complete their responsibilities. This young generation think because they feel bad about not getting something done that was their responsibility, then the parent is narcissist. This is what my daughter explained to me. 🤔 could you explain what your not talking about in your explanations in the future. Thanks
no - I wouldn't exactly put it that way that - you become the narcissist more like the narcissists dialogue and criticisms become the internalized voice that can still cause you suffering and hold you back from being your best self. It's like the narcissist is still in your head.
I think the worst things we do is gas light ourselves and looking back in the rear view mirror,we must look forward and start having confidence in ourselves, observe not absorb, this is where we have to reprogram ourselves or should I say reboot ourselves,👍 up Michelle and survivors and thrivers 🙏
This feels impossible to me, maybe because I won't let go of the love I have for my family, idealized or not.
OH oh oh my mother did this until I was 54 years old!! No contact since March 2013. Happy joyous and free - I now work hard on recovering from talking to myself really badly!
Yes, absolutley. And I'm not quite sure how to stop.
Same here. I hate it 😔
Should-ing is invalidating, depreciating and devaluing
My mother manipulates me with guilt, so we do the housework. All this humiliation also affects our professional life and aims that we diminish or shorten our expectations. I have the whole 14 and it was so good to understand that!
I just had this happen when hubby asked me 8 months ago! I knew nothing good about my self not one thing I’m now no contact with my parents ! ALTERED MY REALITY AS A LITTLE CHILD UNTIL NOW NOWW !!! It must stop. Especially when it started happening to my children. No way. I got a will in place just to make sure they will never go with them honestly I feel so bad because I thought go no contact and now it’s a whirlwind still! Def need help and dot know where to start! Nervous system is insane! Cant handle anything ! Chest will start hurting just from seeing them ! Or thinking bout them
! Just praying and studying God shows me the way thank you for this I’m stuck in fight n flight extreme
I wish someone could just go in and rewrite my own subconscious mind 😔🥺
YOU can =D
P.s.i liked your cheerleader in the backroom. Lol
lol - I cut out the 15 minute cheerleader routine lol - but had to leave something there!! =D
I so identify - do do do do do - busy busy busy - taught that good people work hard - better people work harder!!!!!!! Damn
💥 perfectionism
Walking on eggshells 🎯
Fear of harsh criticism, blame/shame, judgement
So right! The inner work is necessary.
We can also become a magnet for yet more narrsasistic people . It's quite possible to show up in relationships giving ammunition to a potential abuser in an attempt to heal the original experience's
I've done this. The inner critic it seems has a stradedy that over share"s vulnerability with and/or the wrong people. Victim's of abuse normally have a need for reassurance.
The critic can blast us for this need or drive us to those ,like our original abuser's will mock and exploit us in our vulnerable and broken state.
Recovery cannot take place in a vaccum or bubble, although time alone is important. Naturally and understandably we hide and isolate.
We need good people in our lives to lean into and who see us as we are. We all need emotional mirroring.
Just choose your mirror wisely. The goal is to get out of a reflection/projection that a damaged person locked us into.
Now we need safe mirror's and support to get out of it. What's left behind is the narrsasist staring into a broken mirror whilst we begin the process of building and living our best life
👍💯❤️
It’s been almost 4 months and when I’m alone bad things happen. I was married to a narcissist for 16 years.
What do you mean, "bad things happen"?
Leah, I'm almost 3 years out. My thoughts are with you!!♥️
@@Chris-0113 like I start feeling like shit and almost have panic attacks
@@starlingswallow thank you!!
I know it’ll get better and better ❤️
@@lbeschrich 5 months for me after 25 yrs. And the feelings and panic attacks and wondering if I can make it. The walking on eggshells at times was horrible, and the red rages intolerable along with verbal abuse.... but my mind and thoughts only see the 'good times',. Others tell me that I've done the right thing but my head and heart wont match up! Trauma bonding and co dependency and people pleasing are a nightmare. Xxxxx
I’m 19 and got out of a 2 year toxic relationship in august. The person I was with made my life and how I thought about myself totally crumble down. I was so depressed and am still struggling with social anxiety. When we were together I remember telling him after months of ruminating that I think he’s the reason why I feel this way. He told me that wasn’t it and that I had issues I needed to solve. And now that I’m out of this relationship and making new friends I self sabotage. When I’m around a new friend, on bad days I’ll almost try to make them feel badly when they’re around me indirectly. It’s like I almost try to give off a bad energy because I think I might be trying to do to them what was done to me so that I can make sense of what happened to me. I’ll sometimes go with the intention to make them think I don’t like her but I don’t know why. I never used to do this until I started dating that guy. I think it’s also because I’m scared of making mew friends because idk how to be myself.
Everything you said resonates with me. I am so grateful for what you do to help us! Thank you so much Michele!
I see a whole universe in her eyes. She is so beautiful. Thanks for acknowledging a hidden whole new world of narcissistic abuse. Thanks
I've been dealing with this horribly since my mom died 5 months ago. Anything I don't do the way she said (over and over) should be done plays as a recording in my head over and over of all the negative things she would say. Whether she said it to me, about me, or about another. She had no filter. All the toxic and negative thoughts constantly plague me now. Whereas before she died, when I remembered what she would say I would reject it due to realizing how toxic she was. Now, since she's passed, there is a big part of me that misses the good things about her so much it hurts too much to reject her opinions. It's wierd. Her worst was the words out of her mouth. Her best was the actions she took to help me others. I believe she had a good heart, but grew up in such a terrible way it infected her words. She chose to help people as her response opposite from the horrible way her parents were to her. I want to break this behavior, but worry what I may do or say to my kids that could be hurting them.
Sounds like you are in a tug of war with yourself. And the feeling of guilt seems to be a barrier that isn't letting you decide... despite the fact ur mother also had a terrible childhood. Even so, none of what she did/said to you.. Was Deserved to be dumped on you! Absolutely Not Your Fault she had a bad childhood! But definitely all these mixed emotions can be incredibly overwhelming... We need to work on forgiving and letting go of resentment knowing they just didn't know what they were doing and so did the best they knew... Yet Nothing said or done to you was deserved, nor your fault!
After a big mental breakdown I got that voice. And it is always points that I am stupid. Wile I am a quite successful programmer. Feels like I can't be myself, can't do any mistakes (technically every action could lead to a mistake) so it is all the time telling me that I am stupid. It is something that always catching me with my guilt.
Michelle, this content is pure gold for us
I’ve had to let it all go and focus on self. A therapist helps. Forgive yourself and be internally compassionate, it wasn’t your fault.
The computer scientist in me really resonated with your multiple programs analogy. It made sense and I just figured you were a techie like me. Good job.
Also, thanks for leaving in the hilarious random interruption and comments, like “I’m in witness protection.” Real life.
“Uh I’m recording!” ❤❤❤
Great information and well communicated. Familial narcissism is a very complex and confusing form of psychological abuse, conscious or malicious narcissistic abuse or unconscious projection abuse, apparently there are these two distinctions in the pathology of narcissistic personality disorders.
Thanks for the video great topic.
With the correct approach CPTSD on the bright side is an access point to gain better function and control over the less logical control of our thoughts, feelings and functions we daily experience, interact and enact upon.
Seems like a great opportunity of investment to enable empowerment and restore balance to the mind. Perhaps even the greatest depending on how it can be utilized to make the finest of personal developments quite able and feely.
It's really the individuals vital tap, not to think you have a problem that is if you have will to believe most of the solutions to your lives problems and distractions can quite easily be found within you.
Not As Much Or As Severely As I Used To. Thank Something. I Remember I Used To Savage Myself Over And Over And Over Again About My Perceived Shortcomings Till I'm Drained. For Most Of My Life Till Recently. Recently In Recovery For An Addiction (Surprise?) I Just Couldn't Stop My Addiction Till I Started Looking Inside my Mind. It Was SOO Obvious I Don't Know How I Missed It. Just Awareness Stopped It My Addiction Stopped At The Same Time (Surprise?) Actually It Was Eckhart Tolles The "Power Of Now" That Started It. I Was Down And Out But That Book Fascinated Me I Couldn't Put It Down. Spirituality 101. Now I'm Studying Narcissism Full Time. It's Great To Have This Topic On You Tube. But Humbling I Cant Get My Head Around It As Yet. The Gross/Obvious Inner Critic Is Gone But I Still Have A Subtle Hard To Detect One. What We Do Against Ourselves The Narc Encourages/Utilizes. Great Topic.
good call-out on attack #2 -black and white thinking. I was aware of the other 13 but hadn't noticed that one before.
I'm a total failure at everything because I only got 13 of the 14 right... 🙄
omg i needed this, i have been struggling real bad 😭
Hi Michele what have you found the best way to teach the body that it's safe now in the moment and not in its dangerous past?
Thank you, Michele! This video was so so so good to listen to today....soooo helpful! Bless you! 💞
Is it possible to experience these as a result of being married to someone diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Yes - bpd and npd have a lot of overlap!
Excellent video, thank you Michele!
Nicely decorated home
Damn girl!
That thumbnail!
I thought you’d gone and got yourself tattooed all over.
What they say you are and doing is the exact thing they are doing🤔. There might be young people listening to you who might take what your explaining the wrong way. For instance; mom says: will you please clean your bathroom today? Young person responds yes, then at the end of the day the bathroom is not cleaned, then mom says clean the bathroom before you do anything else or before you go to bed. That young person does not understand the difference between completing that responsibility and the adult telling them what to do. They think that is narcissistic because they feel bad that they did not complete their responsibilities. This young generation think because they feel bad about not getting something done that was their responsibility, then the parent is narcissist. This is what my daughter explained to me. 🤔 could you explain what your not talking about in your explanations in the future. Thanks
Yes
Love you 😍
Are you basically saying victims of narcissistic abuse become somehow own inner narcissists?
no - I wouldn't exactly put it that way that - you become the narcissist more like the narcissists dialogue and criticisms become the internalized voice that can still cause you suffering and hold you back from being your best self. It's like the narcissist is still in your head.
👍
💖
💝💝💝💝