I HATE MY DREAM JOB...real adhder struggles
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- Опубліковано 20 тра 2024
- I love working. I'm a workaholic. I started working in a bar when I was 15. I always thought that work is the only thing won't betray me. With my ADHD, I can't even count on myself to function when I want myself to be. But I always thought the lessons I learned from a job will always be mine.
Now I'm 23, turning 24 soon. It's not just about rent, or passion and dreams. I'm in the process of immigrating to Canada. I'm required to work a full-time job in certain industry. I love my job, and I hate it at the same time.
I hate the feeling of stuck in a position in life that I have no control over with. I hate how it makes me feel weak and incapable. I hate how it makes me cry. I hate how boring and repetitive it is sometimes. But, I hate the fact that everyone else seems to have a fine time with it, and I'm the only one that has a problem with it.
I hate the fact that this job is everything I ever wanted, supportive environment, learning opportunities, even traveling opportunity. Yet, I still experience the same problems. Consistency, lost of motivation, zoning out, unable to perform well in certain situation. I can't help but thinking if I am the problem of my struggles. And the moment when I believe that I am the problem, I felt something left my body, yet my body feels heavier.
"HOPE", an simple four letters word, yet it weights so much. When ADHDer start to believe that we are the problem, that's where the real problem come in: We disarmed the only person that can actually solve the problem.
I hope you can find this video relatable, and I hope at the end of it you will feel less lonely. And I sincerely hope you stay hopeful in those hard night.
🧡
Yup.
Wow. Thank you for sharing! I agree with you on the medication part. It really changed my life.
@@adhd_alex23
Also, one of those jobs was medical research in ADHD/ASD. I worked signal processing and computing with DCAN Lab on the ABCD study. It attracted a lot of brilliant people with generalized autism spectrum disorders like ADHD. Working with people that have ADHD can really help a lot in gathering scope on difficulties, especially since people are less likely to mask when with other neuro divergent folk.
Resonate with so much here. Sometimes thinking about all the things that cost more effort because of this diagnosis makes me so angry.
Companies value things like consistency and task completion because these things are easy to see and measure. But ive decided to stop spending so much effort in those things just to be average or fail.
My current strategy is to show what I can do - I may not be consistent all the time, but I can contribute and be involved in 5 projects at a time. I might not complete all my tasks, but I am good at identifying new opportunities and starting new initiatives. These things are valuable too, and they feel more intuitive than forcing myself to be a perfect, cookie-cutter worker. A company needs people like us too!
We are important!!
25 and going through almost the exact same thing. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching!
Oof I relate to this so much, literally HAVE an amazing job, but I just want to create and sometimes I consider it boring. I realize I’m trying too hard and moving too fast. Thanks for sharing your perspective. ❤
Im so sorry I feel you. I used to be very similar (no adhd but other stuff, I had repetitive thoughts, was inconsistent and chaotic, panic attacks, social anxiety...). Keep rationalizing and validating yourself. My advice might sound really stupid but its not. Daily cold showers and cold exposure helped me so so much with dealing with stress, mood regulation and reducing the anxiety levels. Also I don't know if you are into art and stuff but acting could help you a lot with your emotions and become comfortable in who you are and in various situations. I am proud of you too ❤
1. Accept your limitations and stop stressing over things you cannot control. It's important to stop the internal melodrama and self pity: it's a feelgood coping mechanism that keeps you perpetually miserable (one example of melodrama is in your description "I hate.. I hate.. I hate.."). It's harder for us girls as we are naturally more emotional. But getting it out of the way is important so you can focus on what you can control. For example using various tricks to help you focus. Rhythmic music / pomodoro timers / gamification / focusing strictly on one thing at a time. If you lapse, whatever, try again. But stop stressing because it's not the end of the world :)
Accepting and being conscious of your limitations might also stop you from projecting your bullshit onto your relationships.
2. Expectations does not equal duty. You don't need to fulfil anyone's expectations. Your only objective duty as a girl is probably to have kids and take care of your family/parents
You might want to check out:
- 'The subtle art of not giving a fck" by Mark Manson
- 'Deep Work' by Cal Newport.
Ive experienced very similar issues my entire life. I was diagnosed with adhd at 15. It's a daily fight and it's exhausting. Especially being unmedicated.
Unmedicated is hard…e-hug to you!
@@adhd_alex23 and to you! 🫂
It is very tough, especially since so many people don't have access and even even when you do, people just don't understand the undesirable effects of the medications available until they have been on and off them for long periods of time.
I just lost a 12-year battle of avoiding ADHD medication to needing to fit into boxes that i have not been. I'm giving myself a year to reassess whether medication needs to be a critical part of my life.
Jingwen, this was such a beautiful diary entry. I feel like as I was watching you I could feel the sadness, disappointment, blame that you've been feeling for a long time. But the best part of that delievery is that you really spoke to me. I got laid off 3 times and I only realized on the 3rd time it was a me problem for sure. I could no longer blame anyone else but myself for the difficulties I was having at work. I am not diagnosed but I'm 90% sure I have ADHD. You articulated ME perfectly. What I feel, what I go through and more. Thank you for this video. I'm excited for your journey! (I did not expect to get so emotional at 4:40AM haha.)
I hope everything goes well for you❤️
And I hope you don’t blame yourself! You are not the problem. You are the person who solve the problems ❤
I’m exactly like this… I can’t work a regular job. It’s mentally, emotionally and physically painful for me.
I got diagnosed with ADHD last year.
I always try to confirm or council with my therapist (psychologist) what is happening inside with my emotions and is it related to ADHD. I really recommend that you do the same. Some of the issues you bring up in your videos might not related to ADHD but some other issue. In some ways everything in our heads is related to ADHD but I have found greater success in understanding nuances. Keep making awesome videos! We are not alone (just very few).
That’s true. There are a lot of things are correlated to ADHD, and some of them are trauma cause by ADHD
Happy early birthday ✨ keep doing your best for you to fulfill your dreams and expectations. One thing that helps me at work is to write everything down. If I don’t write it down, it can get lost in the currents of my mind. Flagging emails also helps and just going over my deadlines toward the end of the day to see what I’m finishing and what I might have missed.
Thank you very much for the kind words 🧡
What’s worse is I live in a country where there’s no professional to diagnose me
I tried going to another country they brushed me off and told me I have potential made me believe in myself again only to come back to my real life realizing again there’s something wrong
I’m afraid that I might just be spoiled & lazy seeking to group myself with neurodivergent ppl as an excuse for myself…my family tells me that & idk what if it’s true…I always had bad self esteem but I hit rock bottom whenever the thought of being a complete loser not being able to achieve my dream life , I just wanna quit uni & just rot at home for the rest of my life only to realize that parents are getting old they’re not gonna last me a lifetime & if I don’t graduate I’m not gonn be able to make money & get out of the depressing sh*those I live in
What’s rlly f*ckin me up is that everyone around me like my classmate would complain about the same things I do but when I interact with them they far better they’re organized & productive in ways I can’t keep up with
I want confirmation if I’m neurodivergent so I can face myself at least
But it’s too expensive trying different professionals let alone fly to another country
I just regret dreaming about my future & trichpking myself at this point I wish I was more realistic as a child
Nearly 23. I wonder what could have been if I'd been diagnosed and medicated properly earlier in my life. Or even just born without this genetic disorder in the first place. There is depressingly little to aspire towards
Thank you for uploading your video. This came at a time when I am really struggling. I've also been self regulating more but I haven't really thought of celebrating this. I thinks it is a good idea taking small steps.
Small steps are wins as well!
Don't allow your diagnosis define WHO and WHAT you are. Labeling yourself as an "ADHDer" just makes it sound like you are unhappy with yourself. Just live life :)
I’m going through this too. I am glad I found this at the right time.
So proud and relatable
Love your content ❤
Thank you🧡
I've felt this way for the last 2 years! Literally was looking up jobs across the country last night 😂
For the lack of consistency in finishing a task, how about you create a standard procedure (SOP) based your typical good work, and follow the SOP to finish similar tasks? That I hope may help.
Big hug to us all🎉
9:41 Confirmation inside of me allow me to focus a little bit more on solving the current problem. If that problem is just unsolvable at this current moment, I have the courage to start from scratch again🥰
Ofc😮😮😮
real shit
Pronto un mundo mejor, lea en la Biblia Salmo 72:12 al 14, 16 , me emociona mcho su recogido de pelo la favorece mucho
What's ADHD?
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder if you think you have it will take awhile to get checked but its well worth it
@@SmackDabCola Certainly. Most people have it including myself.
@@kamertonaudiophileplayer847 Yay, I'm having difficulty getting a diagnosis. I heard some adhd also have autism, which probably explains why I hide it well.
The problem with new youtubers now a days is that they make a video about their mental health. There are thousands of video like this in youtube. we dont need that. Instead be creative. Make great art
lol you sound like my dad. “Don’t talk about your problems to strangers. Or to me. But you should write a novel. Just don’t write about your problems. Or about me”😂
@@adhd_alex23 "or about me" sounds suspect. I hope he understands your issue and is providing accommodations you when he can.
Art is supposed to make you feel something. This video made me feel less alone, it made me motivated to keep trying to find a solution that works for me. I also enjoyed how well she spoke about her feelings which is similar to mine ... i just can't sit down and focus long enough to do that. Now i have this video i can replay over and over.
You don’t even post so who are you to dictate anything?
This is creative and it’s a great video. Judging by the comments she’s helping so many people positively, INCLUDING ME!!
Maybe stop being negative and fix whatever’s going on in your life. ❤