The importance of self-curiosity (and why it’s not self-absorption) | Michael McRay | TEDxNashville
Вставка
- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
- NOTE FROM TED: This talk contains a discussion of suicidal ideation, which may be upsetting to some viewers. TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com...
Michael McRay never fully understood why he hated himself as a kid. Why did he want to die? This talk tells the story of how three simple yet powerful practices led to a transformative realization-and how you could experience the same. Learn more about Michael McRay and his work at www.becomingrestoried.com. Michael McRay is an accomplished writer and seasoned facilitator. He’s the author of multiple books, including his 2020 award-winning publication I Am Not Your Enemy: Stories to Transform a Divided World. He works with organizations around the world as a storytelling and conflict resolution consultant. Michael holds a Master’s in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation from Trinity College Dublin’s Belfast campus and executive certification in Public Narrative from Harvard’s Kennedy School. He lives in Nashville, TN with his family. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Bro, this talk is real talk. Coming from a culture where mental health isn't talked about enough, it's refreshing to hear someone break the stigma. Self-curiosity ain't selfish-it's self-care.
Damn right. Self-care and self-transformation.
As a survivor of trauma, this talk hit close to home. For years, I buried my pain, afraid to confront it. But I have found a lifeline in what I can now see is self-curiosity. It's like reclaiming my power and rewriting my narrative. Thank you for sharing your journey-it gives me hope.
Yes! I run a coaching program called Becoming Restoried. It’s just what you’ve named: rewrite your story.
The part where he discusses the importance of respecting ourselves by continuously revisiting our internal 'dig sites' really resonated with me. It's a reminder that self-understanding requires persistent effort.
Indeed it does!
Relentless self-curiosity - definitely a concept I want to incorporate into my life after this talk.
The courage it takes to share such a raw, personal story on such a public stage is truly commendable.
Thank you!
"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom"
His personal story is incredibly moving. It’s amazing how he turned his pain into his profession.
Thank you!
The honesty in this talk is refreshing, it's not easy discussing such personal issues publicly.
For sure. It was daunting. I'm grateful you found it refreshing.
Where I'm from, therapy was seen as taboo. But hearing someone talk about the importance of self-discovery? That's a game-changer. It's like digging into our roots to find strength in our struggles. Much love to the speaker for sharing their truth!
Love reading this, Gary!
The part about the mirror being covered in muck really hit home. It's a powerful metaphor for the journey we all go through in rediscovering ourselves.
Absolutely. We use that metaphor all the time in Becoming Restoried.
His journey highlights the importance of mental health awareness. It's a reminder that we all have battles beneath the surface.
Indeed we do.
I never thought about self-curiosity as a practice of healing. It reframes the whole idea for me. Thanks for this perspective.
You’re welcome!
Your granddad sounds like a legend! I love the analogy of being the archaeologists of our own lives. Such a unique perspective.
He was indeed!
thanks for replying!@@michaelmcray24
Your journey is a testament to the power of relentless self-curiosity. Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom
Thank you for watching!
I'm a firm believer in the power of self-curiosity, but your journey adds a whole new depth to the concept. Thank you for sharing.
So glad to hear it!
The way you connected the etymology of 'curiosity' to healing is mind-blowing. Language is powerful, and you've shown that beautifully.
Glad to hear it. I love tracing the origins of words.
Raw, open and honest, and!!!! very funny talk. This is worth sharing.
Glad you enjoyed the funny bits!
Your story touched me. It's a testament to the strength that comes from confronting our past and embracing self-curiosity.
Glad to hear that!
"Give yourself the respect you deserve". Take home message for me.
That's a good message to take with you.
Relentless self-curiosity is definitely something we should all practice in our lives. Thanks for sharing your story!
I agree!
The part about our mirrors becoming covered in muck really got to me. I do believe we all have beauty within ourselves and watching this really helped me to understand how to uncover it.
I love that! This is the work I do with people in Becoming Restoried.
Being a perfectionist, I've always struggled with admitting my flaws. Thank YOU for the reminder to come at myself without judgement, hoping for some growth to take place!
Curiosity and compassion are the postures we need to heal our relationships to ourselves.
I grew up in a culture where it was very much about the group and family, not so much of an emphasis on individuals or any of this stuff really so it's nice to find something that encourages us to look inwards and validates why it's important
Glad to hear that, Miriam.
I appreciate the emphasis on the importance of self-respect. We should all treat ourselves with kindness and respect.
I can relate to the struggle of feeling different and the impact it has on self-worth. Your honesty is refreshing. We need more real talk like this.
Thanks very much, Henry.
This definitely resonates. I've struggled with similar feelings, and your perspective on transforming trauma gives me hope.
There’s hope Caitlin.
I admire him emphasizing self-curiosity as something to incorporate into your lifestyle, rather than a quick fix.
I appreciate the call to action at the end. It's a reminder that we all need to continually work on ourselves for the greater good. Even if you think oh I'm a good enough person or whatever, you stay with the same mentality and ideas for long enough and you become stagnant. I think something happens when you don't allow yourself to grow, especially when those around you are.
The work is always ongoing. And at the same time, we can make progress.
Needed this today.... great talk
The three pillars of curiosity that he mentions seem like a solid foundation for anyone looking to better understand themselves and improve their mental health.
Glad you agree!
I've never thought about self-curiosity as a tool for transforming the world! It's a really powerful perspective though and really challenges the idea of individualistic narratives.
Yes, well said!
I appreciated him shining a light on self respect. I have a vocal and very mean inner buIIy who likes to throw their weight around.
Oof, yeah, I hear you. Confronting and then befriending my inner bully has been transformative.
His journey from self-loathing to self-curiosity can teach us all something about the healing power of understanding our own stories.
This popped up today, and again TED blows me away because of the hidden gems. Michael's talk reminds me of my life and the terrible way I talk to myself. Bless you, thank you, needed this today.
Bless you too! I’m so glad my talk could uplift you.
It's like saying, 'I refuse to apologize for who I am.'
There ya go!
There are a lot of things we aren't taught at school and healthy self curiosity is one.
Absolutely it's so important to know and understand not just _who_ you are but _why_ you are the person you've become. Anyone trying to tell you that spending time on yourself is selfish needs to go
I've not spent much time practising relentless self-curiosity but after listening to this I'm planning an expedition with myself.
Do it! So worth it.
I think it's so instinctive for us to want to know everything about a person we're in a relationship with or just anything we're interested in so to hear him talk about how self-curiosity can lead to healing and improved relationships... kind of took me back a bit but it does make sense. You would hope the other person knew enough about themselves to be able to share with you so if you aren't doing that work too it's setting things up for failure isn't it
Exactly.
There are loads of things we aren't taught at school and I think self curiosity would be a valuable tool in our self development journey.
I would say digging in to your inner world is far more valuable than digging anywhere else ❤
Agreed :)
This talk definitely struck a few chords with me, found myself nodding along to so much of it, thank you.
Great talk! Three things you shared resonated deeply with me - "Allow the possibility you might not know everything about yourself", "Give yourself the respect you deserve", and "Make deliberate space for asking questions". Thank you for sharing your vulnerability and the importance of opening up to self-curiosity.
It was my joy to share this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for sharing your grandfather with us. What an inspiring role model for you. I'm going to borrow him as my guide for my self discovery adventure.
Do it! He’d be honored.
I think he makes some really interesting points, particularly about what we think it means for our ego's if we spend too much time focusing on ourselves. Personally if I talk about myself for more than 3 minutes straight I immediately feel uncomfortable and need to move on.
Such a normal experience. Glad I could offer a reframe.
Your therapist's secret about the covered mirror is profound. It's a powerful reminder that self-love is an innate part of who we are
Absolutely. I’ll never forget that she said
This talk was truly inspiring, and it has encouraged me to reflect on my own journey of self-discovery. Thank you for sharing your insights.
I grew up in a religious household and always felt pressured to fit a certain ideal and so I don't think I ever tried to explore my own sense of self until recently and it's nice to see some encouragement about why it's worth exploring, even the messy parts
Yeah religion can have a way of discouraging looking at self. Glad to hear you’re feeling drawn to look inward. There’s beauty to be found there.
@@michaelmcray24 I'm starting to learn that and it's been wonderful.
Relentless self-curiosity sounds daunting as my inner critic is vicious and one sided.
Happy to work with you on how to change that.
I was struck by how he linked his personal trauma to his professional life in storytelling and conflict resolution. It's a profound reminder that our past pains can lead to meaningful contributions if transformed properly.
Wow, what a powerful journey you've shared. Your story of self-curiosity is inspiring. Thanks for encouraging us to dig deeper into our own stories.
Thank you, Hailey.
Michael thank you for your courage in sharing your story. This action alone, I believe, will have a rippling effect as you mentioned that when we share our stories it gives others permission to share theirs. I am grateful to be learning from you and part of your circle where you have created a safe place for us to be curious about our stories. Thank you for the work and healing you bring to the world. Thank you for the call to curiosity.
🙏🏼
My ego wasn't happy when I started praising myself. My mother's voice quickly reminded me I was nothing special.
Ah yes. The lies some of our parents told us are hard to get rid of. The good news is - it's possible.
this was very cool, am sharing it for sure
Thanks for that. Glad you appreciated it.
I think we all need to practice more self-curiosity. It can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships with others.
The idea of being curios about myself made me a little uncomfortable. I was brought up to just get on with life, introspection or questioning things wasn't really a quality I got to explore but I'm willing to give self-curiosity a go because it makes sense that learning about yourself is important
So many of us grew up with that messaging. That’s why I wanted to do this talk - to share that there’s a different way.
Well shiiii.... Talk about a breath of fresh air. Gotta take ownership to make it count!
Absolutely!
Inspiring talk. You made me see self-curiosity in a different way. Thank you for sharing.
Happy to hear that.
man, avoiding the locker room like that, my heart breaks for him
Fair play to you Micheal wonderful talk.
Cheers!
Nice video ❤❤❤❤
Would digging around in my inner world be interesting? Honestly, I don't know but I'm willing to have a go.
Loved his sense of humour comparing his grandfather with Indiana Jones - only holier.
I mean, where's the lie? :)
Nice video
Wow your journals from the past sound like mine :(
I am sorry to hear that :(
So, you're saying I should become my own Indiana Jones of introspection? I'll make sure to wear a fedora while I excavate my inner self!
Do it!
I can't believe you shared such a personal story. I think it's brave, but I wonder if it's really necessary to air all of this.
The antidote to shame is to bring it into the light.
Oh yes, I'm so guilty of talking to myself in an unsympathetic tone.
If you want to know how to begin changing that, let me know :)
Do we assume we know everything about ourselves? [2:12] Not sure I agree with this statement.
Say more. You feel you don't know everything about yourself? If so, good!
Whoa, this self-curiosity stuff sounds like an extreme sport. Should I be wearing a helmet while digging into my own psyche?
Couldn't hurt!
Honestly, I find the concept of self-curiosity a bit self-indulgent. Aren't there more important things to focus on in the world? Just my two cents.
Thankfully, it's not a zero-sum game :) You don't have to choose between caring about the problems of the world and caring about yourself. It's all interconnected.
Why does TED put disclaimers on important talks like this?
I'm glad you found it important. Thank you.
The idea of trauma being a tool for making the world a better place is intriguing but the processes required for it to actually work.... I don't know. Call me cynical but I don't think people are capable of it
Thankfully, in the work I do, I know for a fact that people are. :)
I'm not convinced. Self-curiosity feels like a trendy buzzword and there are definitely more practical ways of improving ourselves and the world.
I disagree. Self-curiosity isn't always empowering. It can lead to overthinking and self-doubt. Sometimes, it's better to focus on the present than dwell on the past.
Thankfully it’s not a choice that has to be made most of the time. We are always in the present, and yet the past is also always with us. We never truly leave it. Its imprint remains. So best we reconcile to it.
😂 they are paying me to watch this😂😂
Top athlete? Come on Michael.
I agree healing our own BS helps put more good into the world. That in itself makes it worth doing let alone all the stuff about how the trauma that we don't deal with can lead us to accidentally hurting others.