Childhood PTSD and ANGER: Is It Ever a Good Thing?
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- Опубліковано 3 кві 2019
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Anger is natural when we visit past experiences of abuse and neglect during childhood! We are encouraged in some modes of healing to "feel our feelings" and vent the anger. And it's true, anger is a step up from self-hatred and depression. But when we amp up the anger, is it genuinely relieving our emotional wounds or is it making them worse?
In this video I talk about the role of anger in recovery -- when it's healthy, and when it can become traumatizing (and hurtful to others) in its own right.
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You have done a great thing for everyone that was traumatized during childhood. first you have given them validation. next you have given them a process to heal. therapist did not work for me. I went through healing before I found you... I healed through energy healing. That is why today I am a, youth speaker trying to find those kids that have fallen through the cracks, the forgotten ones, the lost ones, the ones that see no way out.
Blessings
Thank you for what you do with youth. I could have used that help many, many years ago.
Love what you do and as I’m 43 now and have only been to therapy some in my teens , so idk maybe I need a different approach!? I used to love chaos but now I love my peace. However I’ve never really dealt with my childhood trauma/PTSD. Great comment and I’m loving what you’re doing for those that are lost ,bc I was definitely one of those kids ❤❤❤
@@houndmother2398 I agree ☝️
I had an amazing revelation in therapy. Mentally balanced people don't try to control you with dirty looks and withering glances. Ever and certainly not on a regular basis. Not so obvious to someone with PTSD.
Amen.
Wow. No wonder I get PTSD just looking at my mother. That's all I ever saw was those stinking glances.
"I was afraid that if I lost my anger, I would have no defence against abuse and pressure from other people". This sentence is key for me. It explains much of my behaviour growing up. I get a lot from your videos, thanks so much Anna.
Thanks Michelle!
Same for me Anna. I've also maintaned that anger with me as it was the last, ultimate (sadly the only one) solution or a way to create so needed guards/boundaries so I don't end up being dead alive.
I knew this made me passive aggresive, I knew I was hitting the same glass ceiling over over... Now at age 38 I'm in pieces after finally starting to get to materials that "understands me", materials that tell my story, feel my story... there is so much anger, so much sadness and frustration...
This put a glasses on my blind eyes. I can't stop looking at the life back, and relive it. It's exhausting...the person I loved so much, protected so much did so much harm...
I've been cheated on before by people I loved...but nothing, nothing compares to realizing that you were cheated by your own mom... I wasn't crazy, it wasn't me... whose fault it always was... but that woman gave me life and took it away. I was born to be a tool to make her feel and look good in the eyes of others. That's the worst unbearable pain of betrayal. ..and she did such a great job that I don't even know what is true and what's not... So sad... so mad... so angry...
You’re describing my early childhood. There was a LOT of violence in the marriage and done to myself and my brother, not my little sister. I was born in 1952 and there were a LOT of us. Just getting a handle on things now CPTSD, and dismissive avoidant, just get up and leave we’re my pattern. Now I’m 71 yrs old and married 45 years thanks to God. He’s got issues too. Complimentary for a long productive relationship. Both working on improvement now because neither of us want to leave.
I'm slowly learning to identify and manage my own anger (which I didn't even knew I HAD until a few years ago, haha!). Certain situations trigger anger for me: feeling helpless, abandoned, judged, put under pressure to perform without adequate preparation or support, basic fear, feeling ignored or belittled, feeling betrayed, and often, unconscious emotional flashbacks to abusive/scary situations from my childhood. ...Your experiences with anger in yourself and others soooo resonate with me, and I'm slowly coming to understand that anger has its place, and it can be useful, but also easily overplayed. I'm learning to not fear expressions of anger in others around me, and working to uncouple my extreme fight-flight-freeze-fawn response to the anger of others. I have a right to feel angry like anyone else, but excessive anger can become a crutch, and it can undermine effective communication and create obstacles to healthy trust and intimacy in the relationships we hold most dear. ...Tricky stuff, but I'm right there with you learning how to live a healthier and happier life.
Nice message, Sara! Glad you are here.
That’s amazing you’ve gotten so far it really encouraged me and thank you so much for sharing it’s nice to know that I’m not the only person that has these problems
Awesome! I'm with you. Keep going forward!
Love your comment. It resonates with me. There is a place for anger. It does help move us out of depression, which has zero energy to it (or minus energy). It can be a useful place to visit, but only occasionally, and it's a crappy place to live. Kudos to you for learning to not fear expressions of anger from others. I'm working on that one too.
it was my acupuncturist who told me I was angry, and I was like, "whaaat??? no, not me." thank you for another spot on video Anna.
Totally agree. After 30 years I finally found a therapist who said 'who likes angry people' where all the other help I had been offered me were telling me to 'get in touch with my anger', Once I wanted it to be removed, it went. One of twelve steps is 'became entirely willing to have God remove all these defects of character'. While I thought it was useful and a defense I kept it as a weapon which mostly I used against myself.
I love your therapist. He or she should get a medal. Thank goodness for the 12 Steps for it's gentle template on how to live!
Anna Runkle, thank you for helping me understand me. You bring to light the little boy inside of me so deep I see his tears and feel why.
🙂😿🙂
It was after a job loss, in part caused by my anger, that I realized that I was consistently angry & had been for 25 years. A deep, raging anger. I thought to myself, "When did it start?", because I never viewed myself as an angry person.
That reframed all of those pinpoint moments of hurt as genuine violations & abuse. And then it made sense.
So glad you got this insight. I expect it will change the course of your life!
Im sorry you went through that shit Anna.
I understand you completely, My mom was violent and ABUSIVE.
I lived through constant Drama and gossip.
As i got older, i could see that my mom was nice to the rest of the world.
Once tou realize that it creats more Anger.
Now im trying to change 50 + year's of my life.
Thank you so much for your Advice. ❤
I felt being angry means your bad. If you are a bad person you are not perfect. If you are not perfect you don't deserve to be like other people or exist. Being angry does not have to be bad....what can you learn.
Just the other day i randomly started writing, and let it give way to a spewing of anger and hate regarding past, memories, upbringing etc.. I let it out completely on paper. The next day, I picked up the stack and casually fed the pages one by one into my paper shredder. Coming across this video now was a nice coincidence. Thanks for posting! 👍
You might like this: bit.ly/2pUeGYz
I am so glad I found your channel! I so relate to all that you share. I seem to be stuck at the moment in that overpowering anger, taking control in every confrontation...then come the regret, the guilt, the depression and the isolation. I work so hard at interrelationships and anger is the one thing that throws it all back to square one, it seems....you give good advice, I want to give it a try....Thank you for your help.
Hi Miri, you describe it so accurately. I'm glad you're here! Keep me posted around your experiments with the Daily Practice!
My personal appinion for me is that if your abused at 6 year's old and sexually abused by the time your 8 and seen violence for years ,your anger gets stronger and complex. It becomes part of you and because of the abuse for 48 years, for me I'm scared of losing it, it keeps me safe.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
it’s Christmas eve and i’m having such a dysfunctional night. This popped up at the top of my recommendation list at such a helpful time. I watch your videos regularly but this one was sent at the right time. I grew up around drunken abuse and have reacted violently to people who mistreated me and i felt a lot of guilt and shame for it for very long but your channel has helped me better understand and navigate my experience. It makes me incredibly grateful.
Gratitude is a very high state of being. Good job! I hope you got to rest there a while!
I loved Harriet Lerner's book on anger. Now I can look at it as helpful information. For me, it usually means I am fighting something, either emotions or circumstances I don't want to have to deal with, or things I am tolerating that really need to change. But I don't want to, so I convert it into anger. Then I can choose to turn it on others as blame, or on myself as shame. I usually choose shame. It's funny now that I've realized most of the distress comes, not from, say, disappointment, or hurt, but from trying so hard not to let it in! You're right about having to get reacquainted with the whole spectrum of feelings. They're actually not too bad at all.
Oooh, a nice structured way to frame things. I love that. I'll check out her book.
what a blessing u are. i am now able to identify feelings and know why i am depressed angry unhappy. thank u.
Great! Now onward to getting freedom from the burden of all those heavy emotions!
I can relate and anger is the emotion I'm most uncomfortable and hesitant to express. I hate violence and loudness so i still struggle to regulate. This channel has helped to educate myself. My relationships have been damaged and i feel ashamed about it. I want to get better
You are in the right place.
Nika@TeamFairy
BHAHAJAHAHA omg I connect with that gentle violence so much lol
Thank you so much for sharing this, I’ve been in therapy for years and this really helps me understand why I have depressive episodes
Anna you are fantastic ! I love the way you deliver what your tring to get across. Ypur own story of trama lets us know you know what your talking about. Im so glad i found you. Thank you so much.
No drinking in my family, but RAGE, RAGE, RAGE. Violence. Breaking things that you are trying to fix and making them worse. Throwing tools at people. Smashing the piece of machinery (or person) with whatever was at hand. Beating animals for no reason. I've seen it all - except for the drinking. Everything in my world was character driven.
@@loveoneanother8379 Whatever blows your skirt up.
@@Leftatalbuquerque how cruel of you to say that to Venusisdead4thgeneration. Shall we declare your attitude to be someone else's fault for giving you a crappy childhood or will you be kind and allow others to share what they believe to be helpful ?
@@PleaseNThankYou I don't abide superstition. I was a child praying for God to save me from being battered and it did not happen. You can support this thing called religion - go for it. I shall not.
your information is helpful. it is the truth and will set u free. thank u for sharing. God bless.
Now I know why I pushed away people and still do... I want to avoid conflict but sadly it never fails to happen....
Nope, we can't hide from conflict if we are going to interact in the world.
Carnt let go of anger you are 100% right.
Scared of letting it go for those reasons. Wow.
Well then you've come to the right place. You may want to check out my free course "The Daily Practice" at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com. It is very powerful for healing that surplus anger.
Oh Anna😥I’m just so grateful for these videos. I’ve taken your course. I’ve never understood myself or felt myself so understood before in 50 years. I’m so grateful for all your hard work and honesty. God is using you to help me heal my broken self 😘
Thank you!!!
Hi Anna! I’m still amazed at how articulate you are when talking about negative emotions - their genesis, manifestations and effect. Anger inhibits objective thoughts..
Im so happy for what you do. You're saving lives ❤
I am so grateful for you, your videos and what you do. You bring me relief, understanding, and wisdom. Thank you.
Thank you for saying so!
This made so much sense to me. Thank you!
I love this, so helpful! I love the daily practice, and have also found that giving healthier labels to my range of emotions is helpful too. Like if I am angry about something irritating, my first impulse is to blow it out of proportion, but I've started "re-labeling" those feelings to lessen the response, like "mildly infuriating" or "just a small issue" or "something that needs to get solved", instead of omg its the end of the world LOL. Thanks as always for your insight!! 💖💖
Goodness Anna , I struggle so much with this craziness that’s called life. I watch your videos daily.
But just can’t seem to commit to much more than that. You have explained so much. I understand more that ever.
But am stuck. Thank You ❤️
I understand the stuck feeling. If you can, get on over to the free course The Daily Practice - it's on my website. It''ll help dissolve the stuck places!
Hi Anna! Another great video! You are so right on. I didn't have alcoholism in my family but a covert narcissistic mother that always kept me and my dad constantly disregulated and trying to figure out what the heck was going on. There was always chaos that would pop up and you'd find yourself in a weird situation trying to figure out how you ended up in the middle of some big problem or scandal and you'd be the center of it all wondering what just happened. No contact for almost 7yrs and life has been so much better! No crazy situations, no finding myself in the middle of some crazy situation. Peace is priceless to me now and I won't deal with any drama of any kind now. I am healing and it's been very slow however since I found your channel I have grown in leaps and bounds! Your exercises work and you've taught me how to recognize when I am disregulated and how to re-regulate. I am so thankful for you! God bless and have a fantastic day! I love you so much!
Yay, Liza! Very glad we're connecting soon. Thanks so much for your positive presence here!
I'm not an angry person. But now the scales have dropped from my eyes and I can see how much my mother is gaslighting me and how long it's been going on for. I'm really angry about this and I think this is just part of the healing process just not quite sure to do with how angry I'm feeling right now
You can do the Daily Practice Anna talks about bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
You appeared in my feed at just the right time. Thanks.
Welcome!
Thank you.
You are a sweet lovely lady. Thank you . Peace
Everything Anna mentioned on this video is 100% accurate. I’m stunt how accurate and knowledgeable about my own CPTSD she is. I’m joining her class soon 😊👌🏼
“The Dance of Anger’ says it is a myth that it is healthy to express anger with rage. Never express rage.
That's a popular opinion
Thank you Anna
I have been keeping A LOT of anger inside for most of my childhood, but at times got to vent out in mostly very destructive ways. It all got even more triggered two years ago when something horrible happened to me & I started therapy. Which I found out pretty quickly like yourself, that talking about doesn't do a why lot. Luckily I was then given this therapist that I don't know what you'll call in English, that helpes me go into my body & noticing the sensations & were not nagged to explain them, but encouraged. That led to me having boxing sessions with her, that turned my whole anxiety into ease. Unfortunately I've moved & had to start all over again with questions & forms to fill out & this is taking a long time. I can't stand filling out this forms & I get so insecure about the answer. I wish I didn't have to, by it helps when I'm listening to Gojira while I do it 🙂. I will watch this video again, 'cause I forgot most of what you said. Though I remember I appreciated it 🙂. 🙏
..I'm trying to find something to help me with my anger, growing up and in lot of this in my adulthood as well, relationship, expressing simple boundaries to random people etc. like untill I lost my temper nobody listened and then I was overreacting or dramatic, as the youngest sibling got laughed at. I truly struggle to control my anger, it's probably part of flashbacks/stress, overwhelm and exhaustion. Recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and likely to have ADHD doesn't help.
I don't get big flashbacks from events, but if my brain chucks any of them at me I vividly and excessively "daydream" about future scenarios where I proper loose it and don't even tempt to hold back at people I've recognized to be part of my cptsd.. only good thing it does that reminds me why i dont need to feel quilty about distancing myself without explanations.. as for most of us my story is a long one..
Anyone any good search words to find out how to get out of the daydream loop or is that part of the healing?
I give me hope, that one day I could control the way I feel and act. Thank you
I have been angry all my life .
I get it. Time to soften?
My anger has subsided a great deal as we have all aged & a lot of people have died . My reasoning abilities have come into play & I can see the light so to speak .
In the kitchen trying to cook dinner, while dogs are barking. we'll see how tonight goes I suppose but glad to see a new video I'm a fan.
Ha ha! Glad you are here.
One of my earliest memories is when I was 6, my mom was screaming in the kitchen and she grabbed all of our plates out of the cupboards and smashed them onto the floor into a hundred pieces, one after the other. My dad just stared blankly in defeat. She grabbed my barney plate that I had made in kindergarten that year and I yelled "No! Not my barney plate!" and it was like I snapped her out of a spell, she calmly put the barney plate on the counter, and then went back to her rage and smashing everything she could find in the kitchen. She would go into these rages over very petty reasons.
Aw, the Barney plate. I know the feeling.
Thanks. That was very helpful
Glad to hear it!
This really is similar to what I'm going through right now, anger just keeps you stuck, you need to know why and address that.
I need help with my anger, I grew up in a very similar environment. I am a mess today as a adult. This was nice to listen to.
I'm glad the video was helpful! Struggling with anger is a common symptom of CPTSD and I know how hard managing it can be. Anna offers a course on learning to re-regulate that sounds like a great fit for you, here's a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF__DB -Calista@TeamFairy
I know this is a few years old, but I really related to what you’re saying. My stepdad was the alcoholic,abused my mom so I’d hear her yelling some ,but it was him throwing, calling names , and hurting her. After I moved my mom would snap back at him ,so I do get what you’re saying. Plus when I was younger and in my 20s I was an emotional reck and I looked for chaos and now that I’m 43 without a bunch of therapy dealing with my childhood trauma/ ptsd. Which I had different kinds of trauma bc I’m an SA survivor,but again I only went to counseling as a teen and to this day haven’t dealt with it. I must say I do enjoy a more peaceful life ,and don’t love the chaos like I once did. I get my feelings hurt really easily and take so much to the heart and I do still deal with all that trauma and it does effect my relationships sometimes. I’m always feeling like people are going to leave me as well or are mad at me when they’re not. I’m no professional but I know I need therapy so bad. Thanks for your video,I just related ❤
PS-new subscriber 😊
I can relate.... I have been stuffing feelings all of my life ...
Most of us have
I feel very deeply for you and the really crappy childhood that you had. I can personally relate to much of what you have said about your own childhood. And like you, I find being in therapy only moves me from depression into anger - out of control anger at what has been done to me as a child (and that was over half a century ago now). I'd rather feel numb and depressed than that out of control anger... I hate it as much as you do. I don't know if you have ever read The Thomas Covenant Chronicles but if you have you'll know what I mean by White Gold Anger... I'd really recommend reading them as they deal with this theme intimately. I haven't tried your writing out method. For some reason I feel internal resistance to that idea. Like it's more wallpapering over the corruption that made me who I am. It's as if I need a deeper answer than that. I'm an atheist btw. So no - I don't need to find God again. Been there and done that. Life is far too cruel for any God to exist.
I can relate to what you're writing here, the horrible childhood filled with violence, we were beaten up for no reason other than my narc dad needing to let out steam. About the writing exercise, perhaps you're afraid of what you might discover if you try it. It's not the final answer, but it's beginning a dialogue with yourself, or a dismissed, rejected, abandoned part of yourself. I want to say respectfully, kindly, don't dismiss it as too simplistic. I'm 60 and have been working on this all my life, and I guess it'll never RIP.
And yes, leave god out of it, he doesn't get it. A religion that advocates adultery, parents beating their kids, respect from children to their parents but no respect from parents to their children, keeping women submissive, is no religion to live by. Best.
@@borealiswan2363 thanks for your reply. It sounds like you are only a few years older than me. So you know what growing up in the 60s was like. It sounds like your father was as violent as mine. {Hugs} I know how hard that feels being kicked around the room. For me it was the emotional neglect by my mother though that did far more harm. Bruises heal but your heart doesn't.
I'll give the writing out thing a try... But no promises.
All the Best
Susie
~~~~
Something I told my own subscribers this week. As I see this daily as a healthcare provider. People who are destroyed adults because they couldn't outrun a terrible childhood. Too many times this becomes the excuse to give up. The reason someone won't try. "Because this (fill in the blank) happened to me." Now understand I am not discounting terrible childhoods. I had one as well. What I am saying is that the world doesn't care. It is totally indifferent. It may owe you but good luck trying to collect. The only way to collect your due is to go out and seek it, pursue it and take it back from the universe. The stories of great triumph are rarely without great adversity--ever notice that? Most will lie down to bad circumstances. But those who get up and fight back will insure that their story is a great one. Hope this helps someone out there---keep being great---Charles.
À Biiig 🙏 for sharing your experiences and solutions!
At 4:52 you said "there is another technique (than Journaling)..."
What is it about?
I will follow your advices.
Once again, really, thanks 🙏
There was tremendous rage and anger around me from babyhood up to age 19 - 20. None of the adults ever
struck each other or threw objects. There wasn't a drop of ALCOHOL around. My cousins and I would
experience very harsh painful corporal punishments in the midst of their frustrations. To this day,(I turned 68
early this year - 2021) I have utterly no feelings of affection or interest in this rotten tribe of creeps - a lot of
them are deceased from old age anyways. I simply hope that they are in a spirit rhealm where they can find
healing and understanding.
Glad you're here :)
Thanks Anna. Ive been watching a lot of your videos. I live in plumas county. I heard in one video you were living near susanville?
Funny you mention glass breaking. I used to break glass in a safe box to help me get to where i could finally cry. For some reason it would help to hear the glass break at the time. I feel awful when my temper comes out on others. I also dont like being around bars and loud places. Ive developed crps from built up traumas for years. I never had therapy till recently. Talk therapy hasnt helped just like you say.
I just wanted to say hi and thanks.
Hi Janay, I live in the Bay Area. Thanks for being in the conversation here.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy cool! I have a boat in Oakland. Thanks for helping us
0:47, when some one had an angry outburst, did you ever laugh like they said something hilarious to disarm?
I have just read, Complex ptsd , by pail walker and in it he talks a lot about angering against the critic / the internalised parent or abuser, and I don’t think it’s safe for me to do this as in my trauma my rage has previously exploded many times frightening and traumatising my self further as I lose control and brake my hands against a wall, I haven’t done this in 3 years now , had a episode of traumatic rage but rather working on catalysing the anger internally and using self acceptance and forgiveness this has been working well for me. After reading this book however it’s got me all turned around, I’m scared of my traumatic rage and hurting my self. Unfortunately I currently in flashback after doing so well for so long I messed up with a bad habit reoccurring, and I’m now in it. Does anyone have any safe advice for people experiencing the toxic shame rage response. I see the rage as the manifestation of toxic shame. With the grief and fear behind it, I guess I am just looking for a safe way through.
I wish my children would calm down and slow down long enough to hear your thoughts on this new thing, CPTSD. They are the way they are because I didn't know any better. I was young and unmanaged except by the men in my life and most likely banging off the walls so hard that I would not have been able to hear good advice if it were shouted in my ear. Oh, how I would give all my remaining years to know that my 3 children and their own children ( experiencing "trickle down CPTSD") were going to be healed. If they would hear you out on one of these short videos then maybe they would consider one of your healing series videos. Then be on their way to accepting, forgiving, and being able to totally be there for their own kids. My middle child is a wonderful mother and has a great husband who is devoted to his wife and kids. They have their problems but are sane, sober people who can get through difficulties. The other two... The first borne was made to be a care giver for his baby sisters and you know how that story goes. Now, because of his "lost youth" anger and "Shook- up-coke-can- of- emotions", he can not even see his own kids. Then there is the baby of the troup, lacking many life skills and too entitled and resentful towards me to see that she still has to be mature and give her own children what she did not have in a mother. I was a single mother who was a workaholic out of necessity, no support people to help us, no family, few friends, always making 10 dollars more than the "poverty level" requirement for gov't support that would have helped put food on the table and provide proper child care. Wow. I ruminate in long form, don't I ? It's why I can not journal. I wear myself out. I used to crack myself up! ( not the drug, I made my self laugh cuz every thing was always a joke, it hid the truth)... Now I wear myself out whining and getting no where with any one of them. It's like my youngest always says, " It was good enough for me so it's good enough for them ( her kids). I always tell her " NO!! It WASN'T good enough for you!! Please stop doing this to your kids, my grand kids!) . Oh well. What can a mother do?
I love your story Gigi. Forget journaling -- try my daily practice! You healing and getting free will be the best attraction possible for your troubled kids to find a better way. A lot of people would love a better way, they just don't see it around them. You can try it here: crappychildhoodfairy.com/2018/12/27/how-i-healed-from-childhood-ptsd-free-techniques-that-help-re-regulate-your-brain-and-emotions
If you try it, let me know how it goes!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I've just now seem your lovely message for me. Thank you very much and I WILL let you know. I guess hope and healing need to start somewhere and I feel like I'm the only one here that believes in either one of those.
I used to refer to the monster , my so called father a dry drunk which he did quit drinking when I was 3 or 4 but he was definitely a narcissist and my mother was a diagnosed borderline. What a freakin nightmare. I have been diagnosed with borderline and another time bipolar. I do believe I am one messed up human but I at least dont hurt other people, I stay away from people ! Isolation is my way of life!
Sad. Not judging, actually I relate.
I was always diagnosed with depression and drug and alcohol use(marijuana). You have basically saved my life because I knew there was more but couldn't pin point what it was!!!! I have been my mothers scapegoat and evidently taught to put up with emotional abuse... I do remember my parents arguing and leaving in the middle of the night... I also remembering thinking I was mentally broken early in life due to being sent to my room all the time!!! I remember always trying to earn my mothers love by trying to be good with no avail...
My only hope was knowing I'd be 18 one day and be able to leave... But I only opened a new door to my misery... Being physically abused by the men in my life and hating life all together. I am going to re-enter counseling with a better understanding because of you, Alan Robarge, Dr Todd Grande and the wonderful Sadhguru!!!!!!! All of you combined have helped me forever!!!! I know my limbic system did not develop correctly and I need shame based healing!!!!! You and the others above are beautiful amazing people and I humbly thank you all!!!! My love and emotional wellness are yours!!!!!! With ALL my Heart Maria
Thank you @Maria. I'm so glad you're here!!!
Anger is where I am stuck at the moment. My single parent was a tramatised, angry and violent person and I avoid people who display these traits outwardly, as an adult... or so I thought. Ironically I seem to attract partners who have suppressed rage. In therapy anger was suggested as something I might be feeling, but I cant identify with it at all. I feel sad, I feel shame, I feel fear... but if I feel myself getting angry it sends me into emotional flashback. I think I was punished severly as a child if I ever dared display outrage or anger myself.
Hi @Shannon, what you are describing sounds very much like symptoms that could be calmed by my Daily Practice. It's free -- you may want to try it: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
I can relate, it really helped me get started working on it when my best friend validated my anger and supported me even when I broke things .
Everything was always crazy. I think I was nine years old mom and dad packed all of us five kids up and we headed north, never to see our grandmothers, our grandfathers, our aunts or uncles, cousins, school friends again. The sin eater.
Oooh, I really relate to the sin eater. There was an Alfred Hitchcock episode by that title that helped clue me in on the fact that I was a scapegoat for my parents’ past
My father was a very violent drunkard, growing up I only see him 1-3 months per year due to his work. My earliest memory of him was of him teaching me how to read at maybe age 3, and him putting me on speakers and mike because he couldn't hear me. Now imagine somebody just suddenly living with you and pressuring a very scared to strangers 3 yr old to read, when you just learned to read the basic abc's. To top it up every time he goes home he'd be very spoiling for like 3 days after that he'd start drinking, and he would be a very unreasonable, and demanding of us, very condescending and he'd talk about his wife and children being a big disappointment in life. I've also experience him pointing a gun at my face and laughing about it. Also me being forced to point a gun to my mom and him pulling the trigger while I was freaking holding it. It progresses to him being drunk or not to be physically abusive and amping up his verbal abuse. I don't know if I am or not, but at age 10 is find myself just looking for places where it's quiet and run away from him. Id often contemplate at thr roof of our house wether I'm really what he said I was a useless idiot.i think I was depressed at that time and I always wonder if I'd finally be useful once I'm dead, since I'm one less mouth to feed. Every time he's home it's chaos. I had to condition my muscles so it won't hurt as much if he hit me in the stomach, cause he'd often do that. Now in my 20's, I'd get this very dreadful feeling when someone yells, I'd freeze up and I'd get this tight knot feeling in my throat like I couldn't breathe, and my stomach feels like it's burning or like I just drank a ton of vinegar. And then I'd remember everything demeaning thing he said, like I'm useless, nobody would like to be around me, and it just feels like everyone around me is disgusted to see me. And id panic, inside. Then there's wave of nothingness overcomes me, and I'd start breathing again , but it feels like I could still hear everything but I'm miles away I'm a safe place where I am alone , like I'm on auto pilot. I find it hard to connect to people, it feels like if I do the smallest mistake around people id be isolated again and criticize. So to not get hurt I often distance my self to almost every one. I learned to be always be there for myself. Im selfish. And I don't wanna be like this anymore, always skeptical of everything and everyone, selfish.
Thank you for this perfect articulation of what it was like -- and what it's like now. I'm so sorry to go through all this. the way this has affected you is NORMAL. Please just know that -- you are having a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances, a father who would do such terrible things to his child. It's a LOT to overcome, but please also know that healing is possible. I hope you stick around this channel. I have some free tools on my website, in particular a course with calming techniques that might benefit you as much as they have me. Also, I recommend you read Pete Walker's CPTSD book, and Bessel van Der Kolk's "The Body Keeps the Score." Many of us got a big healing boost understanding what this IS. It can get a lot better now!
I have learned to control my anger (mostly) I have red rage I black out and 1 more assault im off to JAIL...I have to control it.
Yes you do! I have a free course that might help, called The Daily Practice. You'll find it at courses-crappychildhoodfairy.com
Anger was the center of my family. The SWAT team would get called. One time my brother kicked the front door in my house and come rolling in, dressed in camouflage with a 30-06. He was going to kill his younger brother I grabbed the barrel, get the hell out. I have children here. He came to his senses and left borderline suicide I called the police told them the situation. They surrounded his house he started shooting holes through his floor then the 911 operator called me and told me I had to negotiate a peaceful surrender, minor incident in my family. So I know about anger to the point of homicidal.
It sounds like we grew up in the same house. The alcoholic was the only one allowed to get angry I spent my entire teenage years in resentment and a lot of my life since. I've been doing the daily practice for about 2 weeks and I think it's helping. also Al Anon.
Both great strategies for regulation and connection :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I remember being scared of my father hitting me so I messed up the living room by gently laying the chairs down lol
:)
I have used anger to get me by in life... anger is a great motivator.?. source for courage.?. a source for strength.?. etc. I wouldn't know what to do with out anger!!!... Sad to say... it feels like I would be paralyzed without it...What does a fix... look like... for that???
Bit how i can deal woth anger and impulsivity
👍👍👍👍
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I've been stuck in Anger for so long...it's not even funny. I'm sure I have many times where I'm angry and don't realize it until it's too late. Lately I'm trying to channel it better. By writing letters to a company that has wronged me, for example...it usually works. Also, being a woman I get a lot of misogyny, like when I'm trying to get services from a male-dominated resource, or just the usual comments and jokes meant to derail me as a female. It's quite triggering and I've managed to use my anger against those perpetrators even to the point that they realize too late they didn't prepare themselves that they may have just woken up a sleeping giant. While at times I feel great satisfaction at this...most times a really angry event leaves me feeling sick....and it lasts for several days. It's the excess adrenaline...I know. What's worse is when people try to use me as their personal Confrontation Shield because I'm so "good" at it. Excuse me? It took me a long time to realize people like that are not my friends. I've also got a reputation in my family of being the Great Negotiator...take me along to buy a car, for example. Car salesmen are usually some of the worst people on the planet...and when they prove that fact to me...it's easy to squish them to nothing and get the deal that's wanted. A fringe benefit there, I guess. But again...I feel sick afterward. My truth is I've got to find a happy medium here...use my "powers" to get my fair share, but not do it to the point that makes me feel crappy afterward.
Hmmm.. Usually when I have the urge to write letters to anyone I feel has wronged me, I know I've tipped over and I need to go deeper into my daily practice!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy What about when you are ripped off by some company...I mean big dollar ripped off? Don't you deserve to be treated fairly?
How can you diagnose if you have childhood ptsd ?
Well, it's not an official diagnosis so you can't. But here's a quiz I created where you can see what symptoms you may be having. crappychildhoodfairy.lpages.co/cptsd-quiz
This made me feel that without believing in God I have no way out. My father was abused by a priest and my family have suffered in so many ways because of the church. So I have to find a higher self before I can heal? How do I do that Anna?
I don’t have a higher self. Just an ordinary self. I didn’t believe in God at the beginning. But I asked, if there was a God, could I have a sign. And the sign was that my recovery swiftly began, so I never had to believe (which, like you, i could not have at the time). I was open to the idea, and then I had an experience. Consider being open and then see what your experience. Abusers are not God!
You keep referring to the description section but I can’t find it..
Google it for an image. It is below every video on UA-cam.
I wonder about the nails biting... Is it possible that (besides all the items you talk about) nailbiting could have its origin in something in childhood?
They were bit to the pain and blood. I'd tear them off and nothing would stop. I was told I'm too nervous and that's why. I was born biting them, 😅 Till I was 32 I've been hurting myself terribly ( and I still would bite them if the result didn't look so scary and disgusting. I was told that this makes me like a looser so I eventually trained myself to stop.
Till now, till the time I finally found answers in the these videos I never thought of the outside origin of nailbiting. I thought it was because I'm weak, or anxious...
I have a friend who bites her nails beyond the quick! She often says that she loved her parents, and never complains about anything amiss in her childhood. Why does someone bite their nails like that?
What’s on the entire emotional continuium?
My description is as good as yours!
Me too, please help
What's the question?
How do you stand up for yourself without like yelling and having your heart pound and feel like you’re a horrible person and not know what to say to try to express your your feelings about when you get triggered her when you’re mad especially if you’ve asked for some space and the person doesn’t respect you and they keep following you around until you explode
I always found it’s so strange because up until after I had a child in 2008 even a little bit after are used to never get angry and then it seemed like out of nowhere I was just irritated and angry all the time
I am in southern california. Can you refer me to a therapist.
I'm afraid I'm not associated with any therapists. However, I have a partnership agreement with BetterHelp, which connects you with licensed therapists online. You can explore that here: betterhelp.com/CCF
The two dislikes are from big pharma
Actually, there is a troll or two who dislike everything I ever do. I think it's because I deleted a yucky comment. Goes with the territory.