Why we hold hands: Dr. James Coan at TEDxCharlottesville 2013

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 7 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 124

  • @lioong3433
    @lioong3433 5 років тому +820

    Ok but the way he talks is so cute and entertaining I don't get why there aren't more people laughing? :( you rock dude

    • @leonorteixeira8039
      @leonorteixeira8039 5 років тому +31

      I think they were laughing but the sound we hear was only captured by the microphone he was using, so it wasnt really capturing the sounds of the audience (we can only listen to them when they are very loud)

  • @superdkls
    @superdkls 7 років тому +473

    I love how he's the main one laughing at the spectacle of shocking his test subjects hahaha ... Super interesting talk, quite beautiful.

  • @jauxro
    @jauxro 5 років тому +450

    "It's not funny... It's a little funny."

  • @salomeyul
    @salomeyul 5 років тому +197

    This talk gives a whole new meaning to the time when my dad was dying at the hospital. He had a terminal cancer, I've been told that he would not make it to the night. To make it worse, none of my siblings or my mom were picking up the phone or reading my texts, so I could not ask anyone for support of any kind.
    I was devastated and didn't know what to do, so I just seated close to my dad, who was not able to talk anymore due to his disease. I held his hand between mine, telling him with my eyes how much Ioved him and that it was okay to let go. That I was there for him, to make sure he would not be alone. He lasted less than 2 minutes like that, and passed away in front of me. I know that he found the courage to leave this world only after he felt our hands joined.
    That's how I know what this guy found out is absolutely true.
    Love you dad, you'll always live in my heart

    • @ppegah
      @ppegah 4 роки тому +11

      Mariana you did so well.

    • @salomeyul
      @salomeyul 4 роки тому

      @@ppegah thank you

    • @karlahall25
      @karlahall25 4 роки тому +5

      I am so glad that you had that special moment with your Father. You blessed him

    • @flowerofash4439
      @flowerofash4439 3 роки тому +1

      Be grateful, because not everyone had a chance to do something like that

  • @donboehner6005
    @donboehner6005 5 років тому +428

    Yes.. I knew this but never have heard it spoken. After my wife passed I felt that half of me was missing. We touched and held hands all the time. Being a widower is most difficult because our loving touch is gone. The process of mutual touching growing into "I am you and you are me" is an awesome observation. Thank you for this.

    • @bonnieshaw7324
      @bonnieshaw7324 5 років тому +23

      Your comment was very well expressed. It is interesting that being widdowed causes a pain more severe than many physcial conditions (the feeling of losing 1/2 of yourself) but there is no anesthetic, rehabilitation or follow up care. I feel as though I was left in the dark to figure out if healing is even possible. Yet when I come across a comment from someone who has experienced the same thing it gives me hope. Wishing you all the best.

    • @rubyrootless7324
      @rubyrootless7324 5 років тому +7

      I hope you are at least somewhat okay, under these circumstances.
      I'm so sorry for your loss.

    • @donboehner6005
      @donboehner6005 5 років тому +6

      @@rubyrootless7324 who are you Ruby? I viewed your channel and enjoyed it. Are you an artist? And... yes, I'm okay and have moved on with my life and am holding my new partners hand with new understanding. She too lost half of her life and now we are nearly whole again.

    • @stewartritchey7602
      @stewartritchey7602 5 років тому +2

      I'm with you, brother. Cancer took my wife years ago. Talk to your local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints missionaries. Marriage does not have to be "till death do you part" - you can be united for all eternity. Ask - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    • @ChillstoneBlakeBlast
      @ChillstoneBlakeBlast 5 років тому +2

      Tbh I have never had a proper held hand. I feel sorry for your lost but it must have been a very strong feeling.

  • @Oshin_Life
    @Oshin_Life 5 років тому +181

    My mum says touching people you love soothes them and it is important to touch the hands of your children or hug them each day at least once.

  • @im19ice3
    @im19ice3 5 років тому +320

    the love that married couple have is only comparable to the love this dude clearly has for science XD

  • @nhilinhnguyen4191
    @nhilinhnguyen4191 5 років тому +246

    He missed the opportunity to say ‘She lent him a hand, literally and figuratively.’

  • @Jeca299
    @Jeca299 5 років тому +126

    Because love is stronger than fear.

    • @chroni3659
      @chroni3659 5 років тому +1

      But love isn’t the one that’ll save you from danger, despite what pop culture would have you believe

  • @publicserviceannouncement4777
    @publicserviceannouncement4777 5 років тому +111

    A woman named Mary prayed with me and my mom at a food giveaway at a church we'd just started attending. She started to speak the prayer and then she reached her hand out for us to all join hands. When our hands connected I felt a peace beyond my own understanding. I can still feel that overwhelming feeling like everything is okay and is going to be okay when I recall the memory. I'll never forget that experience!

  • @aellalee4767
    @aellalee4767 5 років тому +68

    That explains why I almost cried when a coworker I felt close to held my hand. I am in a city where I haven't made close friends and this has been the case for many years. So for that moment I felt connected for the first time in a long time.

    • @Oscar-----
      @Oscar----- 5 років тому +7

      That's tough. I'm a very physical person (the whole love language thing is p accurate for me) and I can't imagine how much it would hurt me to be in a situation where I couldn't just reach out to a friend or family member.
      I hope you get through this ok.

    • @aellalee4767
      @aellalee4767 5 років тому +5

      Camila , it's really hard, but I'm closer to being done my degree in this city so hopefully I can manage or find another solution.
      Very much appreciate the kind thoughts.

    • @InverseDream
      @InverseDream 5 років тому +3

      I lived alone for a long time, I know how hard that is. Praying for you.

    • @mord-durch-snper1152
      @mord-durch-snper1152 10 днів тому +1

      how are you doing now? a long period of time passed

    • @aellalee4767
      @aellalee4767 10 днів тому

      @@mord-durch-snper1152 well...when I saw my original response I thought I wrote it recently 🤣
      I got a bunch of friends and just moved again. I've been isolated for an entire year today, only seeing other humans in person that I talk to once a month or so. 🫤
      But seeing what I said 5 years ago, and knowing that I made a bunch of friends after gives me some hope.
      I hope you are not also lonely like this.

  • @reneesegal
    @reneesegal 10 років тому +143

    This is very interesting and shows how we are wired for connection.

  • @arselamallick3248
    @arselamallick3248 5 років тому +16

    love this...when you really start to think about the depth of a small act of holding someone's hand you see how complex yet simple life is

  • @ErikBoesen
    @ErikBoesen 4 роки тому +5

    We discussed one of this guy's studies in my high school psychology class. Most wholesome research of the year.

  • @aberling
    @aberling 5 років тому +41

    This makes me curious about the psychological/neurological impact of shaking hands.

  • @judithkellner8009
    @judithkellner8009 10 років тому +64

    So glad for the world to hear you validating, through your scientific research, what we all human being need. We need to feel connected to a safe partner to confront and endure our pain.
    wonderful talk!

  • @lanaroberts9929
    @lanaroberts9929 5 років тому +23

    How amazing..actually made me tear up a little!

  • @karenKristal
    @karenKristal 5 років тому +13

    there are three kinds of handholding 1, we are here together 2, you are my possession 3, you have to look after me

  • @zoecarter3646
    @zoecarter3646 Рік тому

    Now I know why I'm obsessed with seeing pple hold hands. My heart lights up bc I have no one's hand to hold 😢

  • @angelcakeart
    @angelcakeart 5 років тому +3

    This video made me so happy. I don't hold hands often because of anxiety and boundary issues but man do I wish I did it more. So so wholesome, I needed this :)

  • @tccllc1
    @tccllc1 10 років тому +19

    Brilliant and important. I will recommend this to all of my clients

  • @breaht9321
    @breaht9321 5 років тому +85

    someone come hold my hand

  • @buenahschoir
    @buenahschoir 5 років тому +39

    This is interesting in the context of strangers feeling awkward about holding hands when asked to do so. Maybe if we had more physical contact with people who are different than us, we might see each other as connected and the same, instead of separated and different.

  • @publicserviceannouncement4777
    @publicserviceannouncement4777 5 років тому +14

    My mom told me that holding hands shows that you love a person.

  • @hihihihi5411
    @hihihihi5411 5 років тому +2

    I’ve always been fascinated by what humans can do. Thank youu for this! 💓

  • @grapeypear4558
    @grapeypear4558 5 років тому +30

    I love this very much. Maybe that’s why it’s said that older folks who’ve been married for decades look similar.... Also I have a little crush on this doc 😆

    • @ArtInProgressWithCitlali
      @ArtInProgressWithCitlali 5 років тому +2

      I have a teacher that looks like him but older. He looks good.

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 років тому

      @@ArtInProgressWithCitlali well it's a pretty old talk. So it might be.

  • @Vanditha-th8oc
    @Vanditha-th8oc 5 років тому +22

    I feel better when I hold my best friend's hand.

  • @lesliee.4886
    @lesliee.4886 5 років тому +15

    This is so interesting. I always hold someone's hand if I'm on a roller coaster that I think is scary. One time my friend refused to hold my hand on a ride (she was too scared to let go of the over-the-shoulder restraint). My experience on that ride was so traumatizing that to this day (6 years later) I refuse to go on that one ride at Knott's (Xcelerator). And holding on to the ride's restraint isn't enough, I always instinctively reach for whoever is sitting next to me, even if I don't know them, which can be awkward 😅

  • @lateonaname
    @lateonaname 5 років тому +5

    Not even through this video and it so relates to why couples that work together to achieve success in life do better than couples who don’t

    • @lateonaname
      @lateonaname 5 років тому

      Btw, I only really see either elderly couples or moms and little children holding hands in public ☺️

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 років тому

      Then you are blind.

  • @Starry_Night_Sky7455
    @Starry_Night_Sky7455 5 років тому +52

    Note how excited this guy seems when shocking people enters the picture here, lol.

  • @josemamani1246
    @josemamani1246 5 років тому +4

    Thank you!

  • @greengurltravels6867
    @greengurltravels6867 3 роки тому

    This is so powerful

  • @sarahlee8022
    @sarahlee8022 5 років тому +12

    Wow! "I am you, you are me ..we..."

  • @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock
    @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock 5 років тому +45

    The Bible says of marriage that the "two become one flesh." It's funny that a brain scan can show the effects of that ❤️

    • @jauxro
      @jauxro 5 років тому +4

      I'm not even religious but that's a really neat way of looking at it..!

    • @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock
      @Mrs_Guac_and_Glock 5 років тому +5

      @@jauxro Yeah, definitely! It's actually referenced three times. Book of Genesis chapter 2, Matthew chapter 19, and Mark chapter 10 if you want to check it out :)

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 років тому

      Also said that when the friend is under threat.

    • @algriffin7630
      @algriffin7630 5 років тому +1

      That's interesting..I don't believe I'm god but I find this cool.

  • @heffthehecked
    @heffthehecked 5 років тому +5

    i talked about this just recently and this was recommended 😳😕😕🙃

  • @amandaleahspears
    @amandaleahspears 4 роки тому

    Beautiful

  • @Mikadiaries
    @Mikadiaries 6 років тому +3

    This is amazing :)

  • @CorDeGeleia
    @CorDeGeleia 10 років тому +3

    Just.... amazing :)

  • @beanbean4563
    @beanbean4563 5 років тому +15

    we are groot

  • @amylomas7484
    @amylomas7484 5 років тому +28

    7:57 .. RIP us single people 😢😂

  • @thebookworm5048
    @thebookworm5048 5 років тому +14

    "I am you, you are me, and we are here" makes me think of Steven Universe

  • @hopehepperlin2519
    @hopehepperlin2519 5 років тому +15

    This guy seems sweet

  • @sherwetmhd39
    @sherwetmhd39 4 роки тому

    This was really interesting

  • @darlingcat
    @darlingcat 5 років тому

    Amazing

  • @Cortanasboyfriend
    @Cortanasboyfriend 6 років тому +210

    You hold hands to symbolically slap the single people in the face

    • @dutchik5107
      @dutchik5107 5 років тому +7

      I think friends have a somewhat similar effect

    • @nickhays2183
      @nickhays2183 4 роки тому +2

      and to block high school hallways

  • @allisabaggins
    @allisabaggins 5 років тому +6

    The Bible states in Mark 10:8 "and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." Very cool seeing new scientific studies affirming things written way before the technology was there to prove it.

  • @joaodecarvalho7012
    @joaodecarvalho7012 7 років тому +25

    Is it possible to measure muscular tension? Is someone researching whole body muscular tension patterns and correlate them to emotional states?

    • @gabriellegonzales8356
      @gabriellegonzales8356 5 років тому +2

      João de Carvalho you could locally measure muscular tension, quite possibly by electrical outputs across certain muscle groups. May also be able to measure secondary signals of muscular tension (stress) over short periods of time, released into the blood stream or extracellular matrix

    • @LaNoireDetruit
      @LaNoireDetruit 5 років тому

      There definitely is information out there about typical zones that are tense when a person has anxiety or depression etc. I don't know whether they measured muscle tone for this or just observed but there seem to be patterns, yes.

  • @destinynicole8830
    @destinynicole8830 5 років тому +11

    I wish I had someone to hold hands with 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

    • @cordat2767
      @cordat2767 5 років тому +2

      Me too 😭😭😭

    • @ppegah
      @ppegah 4 роки тому +3

      i’d hold your hand, and i can’t be the only one.

    • @lilac624
      @lilac624 Рік тому

      me too

  • @skyxcx9781
    @skyxcx9781 7 років тому +16

    Oh my god why is he shocking these people

  • @nplatt91
    @nplatt91 Рік тому

  • @samiko6091
    @samiko6091 2 роки тому

    Fascinating topic. Intrigued on if this is a positive or negative thing to become reliant on another/external source or have an external action effect your brain so much... and what happens when holding hands in this case is impossible

  • @Jane_eme
    @Jane_eme 3 місяці тому

    Who's here after reading The attachment effect by Peter Lovenheim?

  • @laurenzojo6298
    @laurenzojo6298 5 років тому +12

    I’m sorry very fascinating his excitement with shocking was hilarious but my man needs a tailor for his pants!

  • @eaakerman8829
    @eaakerman8829 5 років тому +5

    Hold hands no thank you , hold arms yes .

  • @nepholight2465
    @nepholight2465 2 роки тому

    I wonder who those couple were, true love, gosh

  • @kaseymajestic9254
    @kaseymajestic9254 4 роки тому +1

    So hands become a giant synapse :D

  • @eas8409
    @eas8409 5 років тому +5

    I'm not crying... you're crying lol

  • @begimaitemiralieva8597
    @begimaitemiralieva8597 5 років тому +1

    5:15 .....oh..

  • @lilac624
    @lilac624 Рік тому

    interesting

  • @theronduhwrants7522
    @theronduhwrants7522 5 років тому +2

    5:00

  • @Be1smaht
    @Be1smaht 4 роки тому

    I think i broke up my relationship because i didnt physically touch him much and it felt weird.
    Women. Men NEED to be touched, kissed or whatever. It changes everything. You want a good relationship do it and force yourself to do it.

  • @asean769
    @asean769 5 років тому

    We?

  • @mitalpandya8798
    @mitalpandya8798 2 роки тому

    Good information but speak has room to improve communication style, it was funny to laugh on some of the things

  • @lanes58
    @lanes58 6 років тому +10

    There is definitely a time and a place for hand holding. In a relationship, it is wonderful to hold hands because of the sensuality and the closeness you feel towards that person. I don't think it's a good idea to hold hands with a stranger at a church or a table grace. I think it is OK for a close family to hold hands during Grace if they so choose, but it should not be a requirement and a person should not be made to feel bad if they decline. It's also a good way to pass around germs. Personally I think handholding should be reserved for your significant other and that's it.

    • @TeganGordon
      @TeganGordon 5 років тому +2

      In Saudi Arabia it is common for business associates to hold hands. I have held probably over a thousand people's hands. It is beyond good for everyone

    • @5GcE
      @5GcE 4 роки тому

      Well do what you think is best:) no one should make you hold hands. I’m a physical person myself, but also respectful of people’s boundaries.

  • @perceivingacting
    @perceivingacting 6 років тому +3

    Another Cohen.

  • @lowenherz9718
    @lowenherz9718 5 років тому

    Try to relax dude. No need to tell the entire story. You're stuttering so much

    • @Bunnybuns138
      @Bunnybuns138 4 роки тому +1

      Eh, pretty sure he needs to speak for a certain amount of time dude.

  • @MsGenXodus
    @MsGenXodus 3 роки тому

    I've worked in sales for quite some time, and even a light touch on a person's forearm or a gentle grasp of someone's elbow to direct their attention toward something is enough to build instant rapport. The trick is to make the touch so natural as to be nearly imperceptible. I suspect that on a subconscious level, the stress of making a big purchase becomes more bearable when you can get into rapport with your sales person. Real Estate Agents are some of the most touchy-feely people around. Ditto with politicians. Both of those professions need deep trust from their customers/voters. A simple, momentary, gentle touch is very helpful in getting people to that more relaxed state.