Why Child Stars Have Chronic Illness and Mental Health Issues | Dear Hollywood Episode 7
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
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TW: Child Abuse. Many child stars have come forward about having entire periods of their lives missing from memory due to dissociation and PTSD. So, let’s go all the way to the core. How does the industry affect a child’s nervous system? Alyson discusses common ruptures in secure attachment, the long-term effects of chronic stress on a developing body, and the harmful pattern of rapidly cycling between high highs and low lows. For child stars enduring particular abuse and trauma, Alyson provides a salient description of the consequences on their health, relationships and future.
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About Alyson Stoner:
Alyson Stoner is a multi-hyphenate known for their on-screen acting work in franchises such as Step Up and Camp Rock to dancing with the likes of Missy Elliot and Eminem and now their original digital content across all her platforms. Alyson is also the founder of Movement Genius, a digital wellness platform that provides live and on-demand classes to help you improve your mental, emotional and physical well-being. - Розваги
Hi, everyone. Many comments have brought important information to my awareness about the sponsorship. I will speak further to this at the front of next episode, but I want to share a few things right away:
First, I instantly looked into it, and appreciate you bringing up the concerns.
Second, given this podcast is my life’s work and the material has been vetted by therapists/experts for over a year prior to release, it is stressful to consider that anything might undermine the credibility and I’m committed to resolving this.
I deeply value the conversations this is opening. And I’m eager to share more soon. In the meantime, please let me know your thoughts on the full episode. See you next week for more!
Thank you, Aly. This is very appreciated. Take care and rest :)
Thank you for the care and thoughtfulness you take in every aspect of this series. It is so deeply appreciated and I have so much respect for what you are creating here.
Thank you aly
I appreciate this comment so much and you taking it seriously. I want to note that the sponsorship, for me at least, did not take away or discredit anything else you said in your videos. Betterhelp has managed to get a LOT of people involved with them, many podcasts that I otherwise love and trust and consider well-meaning have sponsorships from Betterhelp. It's slowly becoming more and more known that they are a harmful organization. Thank you for listening and addressing this.
Now back to listening to your work
Just wanted to let you know that the therapist in Cinema Therapy did investigate and didn't find anything alarming. Maybe it was long before more data came up about Better Help but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone if you thought they were once good.
Alyson, I know your heart is in the right place, but you should be weary of accepting BetterHelp as a sponsor. A lot of unethical and scammy activity has been associated with that brand.
They sell client's data. They do not pay therapist living wages. All around horrible!!
Yes including that if it is a therapy channel speaking out against BetterHelp then they have gotten cease and desist notices. Mickey Atkins took down her most in depth video about them but still has a couple of good ones up. I know that other people have spoken out too.
They have sold data & partly denied it. But our society is designed that way now. If people need help, they should use it, not die on a data hill.
Any suggestions on good ways to find a therapist? I know to start looking on Psychology Today. How do you know if a therapist is a good fit for you?
@@audacitytosurvivemy opinion is just simply to try them out. theres no real way of knowing if a therapist is good for you until you try them. learn your own red flags eventually and be able to tell when this one just isnt your one. it takes time and you will find one❤️
“Who are you if you’re average?” hits SO hard.
As a kid, I adored Aly. Now as an adult, who has a passion for psychology, I appreciate Aly.
Same here!! 🖤
Both for me tbh
Who cares anyway. But I made a video about a girl dylng and she was crying in pain(try not to Laugh video). ❤❤
🤭
And she’s a Leo like me! Love her even more. She’s so beautiful, empathetic, versatile, and intelligent ❤
Hi Alyson, I'm so grateful that you had a positive experience with Better Help, but I'm disappointed to hear you supporting them today after lawsuits, privacy issues, and multiple allegations of unethical and incompetent therapy on their platform. It seems like Better Help's inconsistent at best, harmful at worst approach to therapy would be incongruent with the messages of Dear Hollywood.
Alyson mentioned they are looking more into things currently
1) I'm crying because I'm 40, have been in burnout for 5 years now, have no money for therapy and just completely identified with the child star lifestyle without being a child star. I was expected to excel and succeed, period. There are huge chunks of my childhood I don't remember. This helps so much because I'm still so arrested and I couldn't figure out why. It's like getting lost pieces of the puzzle finally. 2) I haven't liked child entertainment ever. I was 20 when you all were Disney sweethearts and I knew it was weird. When Stranger Things came out and those kids skyrocketed, all I could think was "I hope someone is keeping them safe. I hope someone is keeping them safe." 3) After hearing all this, all I can think of is Britney Spears and her IG posts right now. Her development is so arrested because of her monster reps and father, that all I can do is watch her IG videos and think that I'm glad she has this freedom but it's all evidence of a lot of complicated psychological trauma.
Hi! There is a non profitable org called Rise above the disorder that helps you find therapy, the best part is that if you cant cover the costs they do that for you! I hope you can heal ❤
I can relate to you so much, I also had a high pressure “every day” childhood, with pressure to do well in school and be “good” aka not draw attention to myself at home and in life in general. I hardly remember any of my childhood. What I do remember are mostly negative or traumatic memories. It absolutely sucks. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to be in therapy for 8 years and it’s so hard to even work through things because of how little I remember.
Hey! I don't know you but I also related to this sooo much! I'm a late diagnosed autistic and this pretty much details what neurotypical society is like for autistic people. It might be something worth looking into for you as well although I don't know you and it's possible you related to it for different reasons.
There's a lot of prejudice and misinformation about autism especially in women. Doctors didn't properly realise we exist until 2010 and ever since society is playing catch up. So look out for prejudice and your own preconceived notions.
@@sofieturesson Honestly, I don't remember much of my childhood either. I remember some things here and there. The main thing I remember when I was a child is when I was 4 yrs. old, I threw my then-cat at the time in a "baby pool," prob. not knowing nor understanding that cats didn't like water. I think I just wanted to see what he'd do. We had like a "baby pool," attached to our big pool if that makes sense. But if you ask me what I remembered from being between the ages of 5-10, I couldn't tell you which is highly weird since I don't remember having any form or sort of trauma being that young. I remember middle school more than elementary school, but I do oddly remember some of my elementary school teacher's names.
What's weird is I can remember more abt. my childhood socially in/throughout middle school, but I cannot seem to remember 1 middle school teacher's name for the life of me. I just remember the cool guy (kind of like a "teacher",)-but not really a teacher in our cafeteria during lunch time. I've blanked out my middle school teachers for some reason, but that cud be due to high school-I'm a klutz where I fell 3x and 2/3x I blacked out. And after that, I've been in 2 T-bone car accidents. But I can still remember some of my high school teacher's names somehow. The social childhood part was b/c I had an amazing best friend at the time, but then again, there was a lot going on when I was in 6th grade (my parents got divorced)-and I began puberty shortly after that. And due to my parents' divorce and my best friend's best friend moving away; she wanted to hangout w/me more often and we had done that for quite a while up until abt. jr. year in high school.
Alyson..please do more research on Better Help. It's not as great as you think and they've had a huge issue with selling information among other sketchy things.
Update: I just saw you responded to someone else and that you are looking into it. Thanks.
ooh gurl not better help
Yes it’s a horrible platform
Why do I have to keep telling people this. I know the money is good but how is it worth it?! They are a horrendous company.
We’re currently looking further into all of this, based on these comments. Thank you!
😬😬😬
Capitalism and therapy don’t mix
As I get older I've progressively gotten more uncomfortable watching child actors, noticing certain situations even scripted into the show/film/situation to be inappropriate but after starting this I really avoid things with child acting, it feels wrong to support and my mind goes to what they could be experiencing. I find it especially hard watching some classic films and seeing actors we now know have experienced dreadful things probably whilst filming that, such as with Corey Feldman.
P.s. I find Alysons words to be so therapeutic whilst I am going through my own journey with trauma and I cant thank her enough ❤
I would love to see a podcast between Jeanette McCurdy and yourself.
Oh my gosh PLEASE
PLEASE!! omg
Also Alexa Nikolas
I'm a late diagnosed autistic and this pretty much details what neurotypical society is like for autistic people. I had to pause because 8/10 points exactly described my life just in a different setting.
Constantly changing jobs leading to constant change in social hierarchy etc leading to lack of safety and cennection = autistic persons experience with how every social situation is different with different rules and norms and opinions where we dont know whats happening.
High performer who is praised for how special they are from a young age and doesn't know who they are if they do something ordinary like get a bad grade? Yup!
Being told repeatedly that our discomfort doesnt matter and to just push it down? Yup!
"If you cant hug youll never be able to be in a relationship", "its not that loud stop exaggerating", etc etc etc etc etc! The ableism is neverending.
And so on and so forth...
Having it put in a different context relly helped break through the denial of how bad it was. Being able to hear these scenarios and think "of course that would be harmful" as im realising thats what regular society did to me as an autistic person was a really healing way to affirm myself.
I had to pause and just breath through all the unprocessed emotions that surfaced several times.
There's a lot of prejudice and misinformation about autism especially in women. Doctors didn't properly realise we exist until 2010 and ever since society is playing catch up. So look out for prejudice and your own preconceived notions.
I’m not a former child actor, but I’m an adult who was a “high performing child” in school growing up in a very chaotic household and woooof… this all resonates with me so much. I always joke that I can’t remember high school AT ALL, which I’m realizing isn’t funny. Also- diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year after YEARS of pain without answers. And there’s still no treatment plan
I was not a child actor but I was a high performing kid in a small town. I didn’t know how healing this series would be 🙏🏾
Also I have had the ick about watching entertainment w kids in it for a long time.
I hear you…. The series also resonated for me. I had a performing mother, who brought me into her performing milieu, kind of showing me off as her musically gifted child…..
it was only MUCH later that I recognise how it affected me…. Always seeking love in the wrong places, feeling I had to perform to be loved….
It’s lifetime work 😏
Ever since I started watching your docu-series on UA-cam, I noticed in the last movie/TV show I watched, when the child actor came on screen I instantly paused and asked myself:
Do they have a supportive family?
How often are they working?
Are they able to still go to school?
What is in their contract?
Do they have access to their funds when they turn 18?
Are they alone with casting directors or are their parents around?
All because of YOU, Allison!!!
I’ve been able to put these thoughts into perspective. I really appreciate how vulnerable you are telling your story. I think this will help us become advocates of the future children have in Hollywood. But this makes me wonder, is this more Indication for Hollywood to start using AI instead of actual actors?
Great video!!
I am so glad you finished with that question! Because yes, watching ANYTHING with a child in it now I have all of these concerns. Before watching your series, I was curious about some of these things. Like does a young child really understand that it is all pretend? But watching your series has shed so much light onto all of this and more. The traumatic stories of child stars growing up make so much more sense now. As you talk, particular famous people pop into my head. I believe I am and have been an empathetic person, but I am gaining such a deeper understanding of them and myself. This is truly a powerful series you have created and I am here for the whole thing.
I love this podcast, and i have so much respect for you Alyson, but please research betterhelp before taking another sponsorship from them 🤞
THIS
I relate to the constant moves. I moved so often that for 9 of my 14 years in school (counting pre k), I didn't know anyone in my class on the first day of school, or I recognized one person. I'm very adaptable now. I can talk to anyone. But, I have a VERY hard time building and maintaining lasting relationships and knowing what boundaries to have with people at different levels of friendship. I'm just now figuring this out at 27.
From my own experience; To anyone who's ever been a victim of bullying / hate / violence because of their appearance, gender, orientation, race : DO NOT ever let a hateful notion 'there's something wrong with me' sink in. Trust me, it's a recipe for self hatred, I've wasted half my life feeling it. When we suffer and we need a break, it's only natural to think: 'maybe if I wasn't 'different', if I was 'normal' I would be accepted. No, haters will always find something else to pray upon. I've always had kinda androgynous look, which was a fuel for bullies when I was growing up. I embraced it, used it to my advantage in my acting / modeling career, I was almost the face of Leon in these new Resident Evil games :) Remember; There's never anything wrong with you.
Beware of extremely toxic people around you who can see your potential and value but will keep and drag you down with intent and hideus determination, when they notice a slightest sign of insecurity.
I can tell how kind-hearted you are based on how positively uplifting your comment is. It’s courageous and vulnerable of you to share your experience and how something that was once used against you was sublimated into something that immortalized you into an iconic brand. A conversation we don’t have enough too, which I think Alyson is sort of speaking on in this series, is that a trauma informed approach to bullying is that we simply can’t help how things make us feel. Thinking ‘I’m not going to let this affect me’ can also be a form of denial. The reality is, we cannot control how we other peoples behavior makes us feel, emotions flow through us involuntarily, but we can control our nervous system and what we allow ourselves to be exposed to as adults. If a person is mistreating us, trauma can cause us to stay in toxic and abusive relationships, even when we logically know it’s 'wrong', trauma will keep us comfortably uncomfortable in unhealthy patterns. Instead of being hyper-vigilant of ‘toxic’ people, a trauma-informed approach is about getting in tune with our bodies so we can understand our boundaries, accept that what happens to us has happened, and create safe spaces where we know we won’t be harmed. Hurt people hurt people, and it’s my belief there’s no such thing as a toxic ‘person’, no one is fundamentally evil, there are toxic behaviors that people become accustomed to when they learn it’s the only way to survive. I hope through Alyson's series more people become aware of the nuance and there's more people who share the belief that 'heroes' and 'villains' is a tired narrative that no longer serves us a species.
@@Clawdeena9 Thank you so much for this feedback and insight. The part about trauma keeping us in unhealthy frame of repetitions and compulsive rituals is so relatable. It's a such a healthy and refreshing approach to differentiate toxic behaviour from a person who may not be 'the villain', however it's so hard to do.
@@Clawdeena9
Very true and insightful!
Wow. Crazy. You’re gorgeous
I appreciate you specifying "high functioning children" because some of the points resonate with me. I'm by no means a celebrity in ANY capacity, but my family held me to certain standards that I picked up and tried to meet them to the best of my ability. I think it stunted my independence, my self-esteem, and maybe more. I appreciate you making this whole series because I love this deep-dive into an industry where I'm an AVID consumer. So thank you for telling your story, giving your analysis, and telling the stories of others who may not be at liberty to do so.
not betterhelp!! Please look into the company before taking another sponsorship.
We’re currently looking further into all of this, based on these comments. Thank you!
@@TheRealAlysonStoner ua-cam.com/video/2ajzaGtilII/v-deo.html
Wow this is hitting HARD as an academic high performer. Years of college prep school has seriously messed with my health.
Better help has a history of data mining with meta and other big name corporations! Even though theyll tell you point blank that they dont, theres a few settlements you can find online proving they have and do.
We’re currently looking further into all of this, based on these comments. Thank you!
"THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST 👀👀" Caught that. Haha
Mean Girls reference. Such an amazing, eloquent and informative series. Thankful for people like Alyson to bring all the aspects of Hollywood and childhood stardom into light for us.
“Yes this white pasty kid at the NAACP awards.” Lmao Alyson the black community will always hold you near and dear to our hearts bc of that Missy video. Especially black millennials, like myself, who saw you in all of your Disney projects growing up. Thank you for this podcast.
No pressure, but I think the world would benefit from a full meditate with Alyson series. I’ve been skeptical about meditation or other such mindfulness activities, but doing that (healthy) body check-in at the beginning felt so liberating. I’m saving and downloading this video so I can rewatch the beginning as often as possible.
Also, as always, so well thought-out and articulated. You’re a treasure, Alyson, and I’m learning more and more with each episode. Thank you for this series.
I meditate regularly and I was just thinking she should make guided meditations! She is great at it!
this whole series feels so much like a place of healing. it's really beautiful.
I recently watched Bird Box and I couldn’t help but think of how intense that had to be for those kids. Of course, there are other movies and shows dealing with content that is just as intense or more so, but I think it’s the first thing I’ve watched with kids in it since watching Dear Hollywood.
Thanks for making us think Alyson!
I grew up around the same time as you in the "soccer mom" generation. You described my childhood. There were days when we had 3 extracurricular activities after school before the age of 10. When you put it the way you did the mental health issues of our generation are not too shocking.
I work in the mental health field and have had a lot of (really useful, genuinely lifechanging) therapy in my life, but this video actually made a connection for me that I never realized: your breakdown of your attachment style being not just connected to your specific caregiver relations, but to the unspoken dynamics of "nothing is permanent" in all of your work as a youth, made me realize that even though my home and homelife was technically on paper stable and consistent, my mom through processing her own trauma had the mindset of "always searching for something better" to give me better than what she had- which meant she often favored connecting with new parents and introducing me to new kids over sustaining connections with parents/my friends that I'd made, she moved me between dance studios/piano teachers meaning I never had consistency in the extra curriculars because I was always unlearning what I had previously learned turning what should be enjoyable hobby into a deeply stressful routine, and she moved me between schools a few times as well. I knew these frequent movements had always bothered me, but I really never connected until right now that my relationship with these aspects of my life (not people, but routines) ultimately might have influenced my deeper struggles with not having consistency, relationships ending, and change.
the whole casting couch thing is so terrifying i literally cant imagine the things some ppl have to do or be subjected to "chase/reach their dreams"
i hate that predators are supported and allowed to thrive in this world.
tysm for your work and dedication Alyson
I wish more celebrities were open and honest, but I also understand that some are bound by contracts are are too afraid, and maybe even justify all the stuff that happened to them as "just the price of it".
When I see child actors I can only help but wonder: are they safe? Is anyone looking out for them? Are they having fun? Are they getting abused? Do they feel tired/overworked? When was the last time they spent time just being a kid? Are the parents aware of anything that might going on behind the scenes that’s not safe for their child? Do they have loving caretakers present?
I have a million and one questions now besides: “wow they must be living the life.” 😢
I think the part that hit home most for me was when you talked about attachment wounds and how kid actors can't form bonds with people or places because it's constantly changing. I'm in the military so I definitely know how difficult it is to get used to a location or a group of people only to have to leave them or have them leave you behind. If it's difficult for me as an adult, I can't imagine how that must feel for a child.
I've been absolutely loving this series so far, Alyson. Thank you for what you do 💙
As a kid who grew up in a military family, I will let you in on a secret... it takes a toll on you. Even as an adult who has now lived in one city for almost 10 years, I can't stay at a job longer than 3 years bevause my body needs the change. My friendships tend to fade around the 2 yr point because of this. The friendships that have somehow lasted longer I hold very close to me. Loved the experience of seeing the world but it gives me joy giving my child stability. The stability I didn't have
Ive never been ok with watching kids and babies be in media. Everytime i see a baby it makes me so sick because of exactly what youve been talking about. This is a small helpless being that is being passed around in the arms of adults that may not have the best intentions. Thank you Alyson for shedding light on this i truly hope you can change things for others.
I used to do this kind of body scan daily along with my yoga practice, and now I understand why I've stopped and been avoidant with both after trying it again. Pain. Intense pain. I have been dissociating and avoiding and eating foods that are unknowingly making me ill for the last several months, and I literally did not realize how ill I was until "we" did that. I was dissociating through the pain and wondering why I was so tired. So, thank you.
This goes out to all the girlies who have struggled with ED: Please also check for any other type of digestive issue. My parents thought I had an eating disorder, my therapist thought I had an eating disorder, I was getting eating disorder treatment - I had hundreds of tiny ulcers in my stomach, esophagus, and small intestine, and possibly gastric paralysis. As soon as those get treated, I gain 10 pounds. When they get worse or I eat something that makes me ill, I drop like a stone.
Editing to say also that EDs can cause these types of issues - not just the other way around. But anecdotally, most of the people I know with EDs originally struggled with undiagnosed digestive issues or other difficulties around food that created the anxiety. So it needs to be a holistic check, not just a therapy referral.
I think this confirms what the industry refuses to center in these strikes, the casting couch and child abuse culture that is deeply entrenched in even getting jobs in Hollywood. It is super-gross and long-standing. Thank you for speaking truth to power.
When growing up, my parents rarely let my siblings and I watch TV, and when we did it was usually PBS kids or cartoons on tape, neither of which really let us become too attached to characters or idolize those who could be peers in different circumstances. And, even when we did watch live-action shows or movies, my parents would talk to us about reality vs. fiction so we could understand the difference between a character and the person acting. I am so thankful for that fact after watching your videos.
This makes me think about the kpop industry. Early teens being made to practice until dawn to be perfect, extreme diets put on them by adults not for health but for the perfect beauty standard. Millions of people critising their every action and body imagine? The recent stray kids lyrics "gave up my youth for my future". It sounds inspiring. And I guess it pays off for those who become rich and successful. But what about those who don't? Or who can't cope and leave us too early?
Fame sounds tough on adults. I can't imagine what it's like for young people.
it’s crazy to me how these problems really aren’t a secret and are extremely prevalent. like we know working in entertainment can be super damaging to kids, yet we care more about a good movie with a kid in it, than the livelihood of that kid. it’s just sad how common this experience is, yet we let it slide because it’s the norm.
I really appreciate the concise articulation of how your career effected your growth. Anyone who works in casting or kids entertainment needs to see this before they alter a child’s life permanently for a damn tv show
The pace, the writing, the ability to articulate such a complex topic.
This is such an amazing podcast. Thank you for bringing us into the conversation. ❤️
Thanks so much for this video, Alyson. It just goes to show that Hollywood is not all glitz and glamour. It makes me even more determined to steer any future children of mine clear from the seedy industry.
Alyson, It’s a long shot for you to see this comment, but you were a very very influential and important person I looked up to when I was growing up. I’m 25 now and non binary, but AFAB. Growing up in the 2000’s, was terribly hard for me as gender norms in our society were thrown on me since before I was even born. I grew up as more of a Tom boy, and am working through healing a lot of the shame I carried through my life for that growing up. Between bullying/harassment, feeling “different” and constantly trying to be changed it was a brutal time. there wasn’t any representation at all that I saw at that age so I felt like I was just wrong. So as silly as it seems, your roles in suite life and cheaper by the dozen, playing a more “tomboy” ish character, that was just so confident impacted my little self in ways that I didn’t even realize at the time. It was the first time I really saw someone I related to and that meant the world to me. I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way, and you may have never even thought about that. But I just wanted a chance to possibly share how impactful that was to me!
Thank you for caring about others and being such an incredible human!
Fame seems like a nightmare. Thank you for breaking it all down Alyson.
These video series has been therapeutic for me, realizing how much human everyone is and how important it is to recognize and take care of yourself even if you were never taught to
There’s a huge parallel I feel as a military brat and now processing my trauma from that upbringing. Moving, knowing places and people are temporary, etc.
I relate to the experience of never fully settling somewhere and being afraid to open up to new people, because I moved around a lot as a kid, and even as someone in my twenties, I haven’t moved, but I’ve watched other people move in and out of my life and it had pushed me to see everything as temporary.
I feel you. I've lived in the same town for 8 years and have only made one sort of friend. We hang out once every 6 or 8 months.
I just continue to be so impressed by the thoughtfulness and research given to this series. Honestly, any content with kids and teens in it has started to give me the ICK! Maybe we should only allow kid performers to work a certain amount of hours per month/year? Ugh, idk what the solution is, but I’m glad we’re bringing these issues to light. So important.
ugh…I didn’t expect to discover issues I lived my whole life with while being completely unaware to it, and it’s because of this video. Im so mad now and angry how the adults in my life treated my disassociation as me having a lack of maturity, my parents and teachers both told me that. I don’t blame the teachers or my mom because they couldn’t have known, but when you realize the reality you lived in wasn’t true, and there was something dominating and programming you in your existence, that’s really debilitating to learn.
I got in trouble for not being able to show up academically, socially, and mentally as I wasn’t able to focus and I would disassociate constantly. I was told I was “being irresponsible” and that “I needed to get it together.” A memory I forgot came up because my body is only now getting medical attention for the issues I had, and it’s of a school nurse lashing out at me and telling me I was lying about my physical problems and that I was crying wolf, that no one would believe me. She did this for a whole year, then made fun of me to another student while I was in the room and they both laughed at me. This went on when I was 13.
Forward to now in my early twenties, and I pushed through high school and higher education, completed what I was told to do, only now I had to stop working and doing anything altogether because my body was screaming out for help and i couldn’t ignore it any longer. I’ve now been diagnosed with so many medical conditions and I’ve had to get new meds, multiple surgeries and medical treatments, and I’m seeing now 10 different medical specialists. Trauma really affects you physically too, and it’s so weird to think about how much this translates. I’m also so mad that the authorities in my life pinned all this on me and I was told I needed to keep performing. Now so many memories are coming up I didn’t realize affected me or I had forgotten about it, and fortunately I’m going to get help from a new therapist who is certified in EMDR, and fortunately my doctors are really helping me and are recommending I seek trauma therapy too. My therapist just had me fill a form out so she can tell how severe my disassociation is. You can go your whole life not knowing what made up your reality, and how it programmed you to exist, and that is devastating. I am grateful Alyson is talking about this, and she is shedding light on topics that are so prevalent, necessary, and important to discuss. Finally these things are being talked about.
This is literally what I am going through as well I hope you are able to heal 🙏🏼
I did the first part of this, the therapy (feeling kind of dumb to try it) and afterwards started crying uncontrollably out of nowhere. That’s crazy! No idea where that came from, but my body clearly needed it. Thank you Alyson.
When in high school, I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, and one of the things that often came to mind was to be a therapist for actors because it seemed to be something so important.
I just want to say, I have general anxiety disorder among other mental health diagnoses, and my stress and anxiety often physically manifests itself all over my body. Thank you for starting the podcast the way you did, I find that is one of the most important tools for me to help ground myself, especially when I'm feeling anxious.
The idea of watching entertainment with children in it now makes me uncomfortable, I don't think I can ever forget the backdrop it is set against anymore.. I respect you so much for shedding light on this and am so happy you are recovering and doing very valuable work now to change things. I wish you well and hope your life is filled with light and guidance!
Ive always felt weird about watching horror movies with kids in them.When i see them it just makes me wonder how recording these scenes affects the child's mind.I wasnt aware that all kids face a certain level of difficulty because of the industry
I’m definitely looking at child actors differently now. Before I thought “well, it’s necessary for entertainment to include kids, otherwise TV would be so bland” but now I’m realizing how selfish that statement is. That there are other ways to seek entertainment that isn’t putting kids in harms way. I feel terrible for thinking that it’s a dream come true to be young & famous & be able to buy whatever you want to make yourself happy. You guys have gone thru so much more & fame comes at a price. I’m sorry & thank you for opening my eyes. I’ve really been thinking deeply about everything you’ve said.
i've only ever heard bad bad thing from Better help :(
I was a (much smaller scale) performer in the slam poetry scene as a teenager, and abused before and throughout that. i also have dissociative identity. disorder(and thank you for mentioning that as beautifull as you did), and i just, relate to so so much of the internal experience you've shared within your story
I’m really starting to grasp your point of thinking about the industry as a real job and everything that’s associated with the jobs I’ve had and applying those experiences to kids. That’s brought me to they shouldn’t even be doing this and I know that’s an unreasonable thought. I think it’s because I’ve never thought of tv like that when it comes to kids. In my head I assumed that there was like a special set of rules when it comes to child actors and to know they aren’t exempt from so much has me doing a hard 180 in the other direction.
As a child actor myself back in the day with mild success and brushing shoulders with big stars, I've often felt wary and sad for child actors and the pipeline, while also bring envious of them if they got further than me. I feel its a bit better now than when we were growing up, but I can also tell a lot of the same power structures are in place as well. I always still feel horribly behind, and feel envy when people are further ahead of processing their trauma than me. Thats how pervasive an obsession with competition is in me. I began disassociation at 13, my head taking over. It seemed like a demon ruining my life that I had willingly accepted. I consciously recall moments of 'Ive experienced enough life, can't I just die for a while? But if I stop Ill die for good. But I already feel dead. 'I felt like a fraud, like it was my fault, and became my own main abuser. Ive never really look at it in terms of body sensation very much until the last week. Listening I could feel my body being very tense. I carry a weight Im so accustomed to yet its insane I do, its so heavy. I so seldom got the experience of true unconditional love and understanding, and Im starving for it. Im always starving for it. Im used to feeling like a beautiful desert with a few amazing flowers in it, made more beautiful by the contrast. But why can't I ever feel a meadow inside? Numb is a feeling I need to feel. That has been very helpful. As for feeling my whole body sensation, not just my stomach as I reflect and deconstruct things, thats a whole new concept for me.
I've been refreshing like no other for this episode today.
Mental health AND we start out with Ridin' dirty? I'm here 💀💀
Love and support as always girlie!!! 🖤
Just finished the episode,
YOU. ARE. A. MASSIVE. ROLE. MODEL.
The way you've taken your experiences and articulate them seamlessly.. THAT shows how much things have changed. You've overcome and adapted..
As you mentioned you had alexithymia, and the way you have morphed things so beautifully and logically to where you can help others overcome experiences on polar opposite sections of society? BEAUTIFUL.
Psychology is my favorite thing in the world, I have 2 different degrees surrounding it, I work in the field, yet I am STILL learning day by day. Your videos are no exception to that. You are educating people on the cognitive need/desire to care for themselves, and for that, we all thank you. You are a godsend, keep rockin'. 🖤
I think children and adults outside the entertainment industry assume that acting as a child is a form of playing - an extension of pretend play that "must be so fun" etc. Play is so important for children and young people's healthy development, and how you describe working as a child actor is nothing like play is meant to be.
Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences so honestly in these videos Alyson. I'm having really negative feelings about the entertainment industry and how it exploits children/teens (and everyone else) but I'm not quite sure what to do about it. How can we support children and other people being exploited within the industry? Should we be watching shows or is boycotting helpful?
I relate to this episode soooo much. I grew up with my parents constantly bragging about my accomplishments, never wanting to he a burden or the problem child. I always kept a constant highly productive schedule. My parents claimed it kept me out of trouble. Yes, i am grateful in some aspects but it definitely also left me unable to create proper boundaries, regulate myself and value self care. I work without end driving myself to sickness or burnout, have a meltdown or depressive episode and then restart. I judge my self worth based on my productive output and achievements.
I think it starts to become destructive for children when not providing the proper tools and wisdom to learn how to create balance and how to optimize self care whether thats therapy or just regulating their lifestyle as the parent and leading by example.
I was honestly brought to tears when you were talking about the pressure put on people to succeed
As a pregnant mama, who is also a survivor of CA and just holds a lot of tension in her body, the meditation at the beginning was the gift I didn’t know I’d need or be getting today. Thank you. 🩷 Loving this series.
I was not a child star or anything close to it, but I was very dedicated to local theatre acting from the ages of 8-19. I relate to so much of what you shared here-the cyclical stimuli of being a part of productions leading to mood cycling, the constant building and breaking of social bonds and intimacy leading to insecure attachment, the self-imposed and societally-imposed pressure causing the mind and body to shut down. I now struggle with a very long laundry list of physical and mental health conditions, which are constantly in flux. I appreciate you so much for raising awareness around this issue.
I’ve never heard anyone articulate denial as a trauma response and it resonated SO hard. I still struggle with widening the story of my life, and not just creating slightly different skewed slivers. Thanks for naming this.
Please research better help. They are very unethical and there are many more accessible options than better help.
We’re currently looking further into all of this, based on these comments. Thank you!
thanks a lot, for taking this seriously🌻
@@TheRealAlysonStoner hi❤🥰💘💝💖💗😍💓💞💗💖❤
i worked as a stage manager for only a few years. After every show I would get sick, and I ended up getting anxious before shows and rehearsals, PLUS needing to keep emailed companies to tell them i exist wasn't great for me, and by that time my partner and i bought a house, so i needed a more stable job. then Covid started and the entertainment industry stalled and i felt i dodged a bullet because i had "gotten out". i do find that sometimes i miss it, but mostly, I'm glad it's behind me
I'm late to this but this episode hit hard. Having a partner of 5 years recently tell me "I feel like I still dont know you. It's been this long and you still havent let the wall down" and "it amazes me how little you need to be happy" both were very sweet and from a good place. Which makes this all the more poignant. When you dont feel attached to the world, when you dissociate and rely on yourself for so long, letting others in, or asking for more, doesnt even appear in your mind as an option.
Seriously, love this series. An incredible dialouge for those in and out of the industry. Incredible work.
To answer your question, I feel terrified that there are kids in the entertainment industry. Especially now we’re there’s access to technology to toddlers to teens. There’s sadly increases of cyber bullying, abuse, and bullying to these young kids. Lack of growth for toddlers who are gluing their eyes to screens.
I would LOVE if Alyson could share the best books she read in the last 5 years. Maybe a top 10 or 5 list, no theme, just books that she loved ♥
THIS
Me too! And their pronouns are they/them
Absolutely would love that too!
When a show or movie had a child actor, the less I see of them the better. I was watching "My Name is Earl" and was so glad that Joy's kids were only ever in short scenes, and rarely had a line. Hardly ever the focus. (Didn't finish so that may have changed). Roles like that show they're putting less pressure on the kids to remember lines and do a bunch of retakes.
I think the cartoon Bluey does child actors the best out of anything I've seen. The kids are voiced by real kids, and they do amazing work! However, they're not credited, their names are left out to save their anonymity and let them have normal lives outside of their work. With how huge the show became, I think they made the right call!
Hollywood and children is the perfect example of how a child can get DID; not all but some which unfortunately is more than what we think about.
To answer the question asked at the end, I don’t think I will ever watch anything with a child actor the same again knowing what Alyson has enlightened us with. As an adult I have terrible anxiety stemming from experiences that to a child star would feel mundane. For those children to go through so much and yet have to maintain an absurd level of perfection requires resilience that is well beyond my comprehension. So they all now have my admiration for being put through so much.
As soon as I started down the rabbit hole of listening to child actors speak of their experiences with growing up in hollywood, it's opened my eyes to just how detrimental this experience is for the development of the self. It seems as though there is about 1-5% of child actors who had the support and care necessary to accomplish this job in a healthy and safe way. As such, that is not acceptable and I honestly don't feel comfortable watching movies with babies or children anymore. It's hard to look at a child actor and think to myself "they are such a good actor" when I'm opening my eyes to the reality of it all. And it's just one of those things where I wonder if it can be ethical at all. I ponder how we are to go from here, how do we really know that a set is providing the necessary aspects in order for the filming and overall set experience to be healthy and nurturing experience instead of a negative one where trauma informed care is completely overlooked. Do we boycott films with children now? It does feel as though that is the ethically correct position to take.
Thank you so much Alyson for being vulnerable, I can't imagine there is a lot of support from the industry. But we support you. We appreciate you taking the time and energy to divulge into topics that are rarely in the public discourse. And to share your story with the world's audience is a brave stance to take.
to answer the question: i dont watch tv but oh do i watch youtube & were gunna have a whole generation of people who basically grew up as the actor in their own home. its insane.
Up until a few years ago I had no issue with watching media with kids in it, my senior year of high school (about 5 years ago) I started looking into some of my favorite child stars, the ones I grew up idolizing. Seeing them and the ones that came before them all following a similar path I realized something wasn't right and cut back on my media involving kids, but since watching this I don't even know if it can ethically be done anymore.
This episode was excellent. I was weary coming into it because a lot of medicine brands patients as hysterical for illnesses that it doesn't have the answers for, as it has done since the beginning of medicine, but you never once went down that road. Excellent job!
Thank you so much for your commitment to this series and your compassion as you deliver each episode. Your reminders to check in with how we are feeling are (I believe) part of the reason that the comment section is so much more respectful than I was expecting from youtube. It is a wonderful moment to acknowledge and set aside the personal baggage we're bringing in.
And as a person who feels like a pinball in the machine of the mental health industry, I appreciate both this series and your commitment to truth and transparency so much. Keep being awesome, the world needs more people like you
Thank you for sharing all of this with us , I have so much MORE respect for you!
Thanks for sharing all this Alyson. ❤
When I was a kid my dream was to be a child actress, singer, dancer and performer. Now I’m glad I never was. Thanks from the info you give us and the info I’ve studied myself through a process of learning about psychology I would never want to be a child actor now and I would never let my kids act or do any job as children. It’s not their role. I also noticed you called Raven “they” and again the gender dissociation has to have something to do with childhood trauma. Inside and outside the showbizz. I really hope there will be studies and investigations about this. I’m gonna do some research but it has to be connected.
I’m really enjoying this series- I appreciate Alyssons honesty and willingness to open up. It can’t be easy.
i'm so glad i found this podcast
Thank you for sharing this. My nervous system has also been impacted by childhood trauma and I unfortunately completely understand and experience the same emotions and feelings.
Just a thank you for doing this series. I started training as an actor/performer at 13 & kept spinning my wheels, going nowhere with my "career" until I was in my early 30s. There is so much of your story that I can relate to. I don't think that people realize that for every child star whose name you know, there are countless others who are fed through this extremely toxic system that you never see. But you've been clear on that point since the beginning & I'm grateful to you for making someone like me feel included in your analysis.
I absolutely loveeeee this series! It’s so informational. I’ve always wanted to work in the entertainment business, and even though I’m nowhere close to your success, this, give me an insight or and really helps me understand what the business is like behind closed doors! Thank you for this!!!
Hi alyson another great episode you doing a great job with this series you are my role model for so many years and I just want to thank you for all the years you have help me my first memory of you was in camp rock and cheaper by the dozen you and phineas and ferb your role in those tv shows and movies were amazing and what you are saying in this video is really changed me as a person thank you alyson. And keep up the good work:-D
This is such important work you’re doing Alyson. Not just for yourself but for everyone you’re sharing it with. Thank you for taking the time to do this. I’m really enjoying this series, you are so well spoken and I can tell you worked so hard putting this together. So many people have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes and are so quick to judge out of jealousy of the fame & (supposed) money. But I wouldn’t wish child stardom on my worst enemy.
I appreciate this series so much ❤
Goodness gracious this is SO well thought out and SO well spoken. You touch on ALL of the big points in healing your inner child. Just magnificent.
I’ve been watching these videos with my mom. They’ve been teaching us a lot and I’m grateful for all of this. Thank you for putting yourself out there in order to help others.
I really respect you for being vulnerable and making this series. Im proud of you for standing up for yourself, living in your truth and being a voice and advocate for child actors. I can identify with a lot of the things youve shared in this series ❤
ASMR with Alyson...that guided self awareness part....lovely.
I’ve never commented on a video before but I’m commenting now to thank you for the chance at reflection you have offered me! I’ve sat with the first ten mins of this video for the past few days and am returning to finish it now. Thank you Alyson!
Thank you for making this series, Alyson. I grew up with you as we are the same age, thank you for everything!
I have no words for this episode. I'm still processing. Thank you Alyson ❤️
Hi, I watch every video. I love the message you're spreading, but I'd like to ask that you please reconsider allowing BetterHelp to sponsor your channel. It has many controversies, including allegedly sharing incredibly sensitive user data to online buyers like Facebook and settling with the FTC over it.
I SO appreciate the humble perspective of those in Hollywood, but even on a whole other level the focus on people in general even in the workplace.
The acknowledgement, even though it isn’t the full focus of this podcast, that there is trauma happening beyond the industry and for you connecting the dots between the two and how to resolve those issues is incredibly fascinating!
You're definitely not alone! The world needs more people who speak out like you do.
Alyson, i really admire your intelligence and your commitment to bringing awareness to all that you and many other child actors have been through.
Alyson, the part about denial really spoke to me. I needed to hear that. It’s time I stop denying the SA I experienced as a child and dive in to process it… I’ve already been working with a therapist. I am also getting cranial sacral therapy to reconnect with my body. It’s been so helpful