It’s not just that they didn’t get the chance to learn to make their own decisions, it’s that they were actively told that they’re not permitted to make decisions, and that women who make their own decisions are evil and going to hell. They’re told that if they don’t surrender completely to their husbands them and their children will suffer the worst ways possible. It’s horrible.
Wow! I can now understand why the women don't leave. They've been brainwashed from birth. It is so sad that they are stripped of self worth. Thanks for introducing us to that book. It all makes sense now.
Yes! People are incredibly quick to judge and look down on people who were raised in a certain way and never knew any better. My mother is mentally ill and violent. I had an abusive childhood. I didn't know that's what it was until I was an adult. My siblings and I were up in our 30's and 40's before we were able to get some distance from her. People were always baffled by us staying close to her, but we honestly had no other frame of reference. Well, why don't you do THIS when she does that to you? Why don't you say THIS when she starts screaming at you? People have no clue what it's like to have that kind of stuff built into you and reinforced from the very earliest part of your life. If you haven't walked in that person's shoes, you have no business questioning and trying to advise them.
The people who raise you as a tool to abuse are not going to equip you psychologically to escape that abuse. The structures we are raised in literally build our brains neural pathways. People really don't see how deeply ingrained the abuse and the mentality that it's normal and even worse deserved or righteous are.
@@kristalcampbell3650 Totally. I'm a middle aged adult and I still get that uncontrollable panic response whenever my mom flies into one of her screaming rages. I really can't be around her anymore.
I am so sorry you had to live that way. My father was emotionally abusive. Took me years to do it, but I limit my contact with him now. I see/talk to him maybe once or twice a year. It takes me days to recover afterwards. I am sorry you are still having to deal with your mother.
Would definitely like to hear more about this. I read an FLDS document that basically said that if there were problems with the children or within the family, it was because of something the woman did or did not do. Even though she was expected to follow her husband without question, she was to blame if things went wrong. What an incredibly heavy burden to carry.
Super cute backdrop! And I am so sad for the FLDS women. So much more is at stake for their salvation in this faith. 💔 I hope and pray all the people that are still in can be set free 🙏
You two are lovely people. I’m impressed with your kindness and consideration for folks currently in fundamentalist Mormonism, even while you share information and perspectives.
Keep Sweet = Unnaturally suppress your anger. Not healthy. :-( Anger is normal. How can we learn to manage natural emotions responsibly if we deny they exist?
The fact that Sam, an average, well-mannered, hard-working, and ultimately loving man didn’t know that these existed is scary. Sam, you seem like a very kind, empathic, and caring husband and partner to Melissa! I just kinda feel like you would have felt highly uncomfortable basically being treated like a god by your spouse had you been married out there. It seems like you and Melissa have a very equal partnership, which is a much more healthy and attainable dynamic 💖
So much pressure on the women, it must of been nearly impossible. I would imagine there were many many good husbands in polygamy just trying for salvation for themselves and their families. As always you two put together a very interesting video. Merry Christmas♥️
Love your videos soooo much. I find the stories fascinating. I love hearing Sam talk about his past and Melissa helps bring out more information from the perspective of an "outsider" as she is asking questions and adding details all the time!
Makes sense (from an FLDS perspective) about the men trying to "steal" women by approaching them for relationships. Those men are "stealing" the women away from the men they are "supposed" to marry, by circumventing the Prophet's relevations.
I really love your hair style! I would love to hear more about the women’s handbook for marriage. It’s really interesting that the boys don’t have a handbook as well. Sam, how hard was it to have healthy social interaction? It must be so much harder for the girls, because they had to unlearn everything. It seems like the women have it rough coming and going. They have to realize they are not going to be damned for every desire or goal they have for themselves. They must (test the water), and if you don’t get struck down, then you might be ok. Malissa, you’re so right, we must approach every situation with a heart of compassion and mercy. You guys are the best😘
(Melissa) Aww thank you so much! Sam always says that once he was out it was easy to see how healthy relationships should be and he was able to adapt with great examples in his life. He is definitely one of the lucky ones to not have his upbringing cause problems for his social interaction as much as others. Him being a man in a male dominated culture also made it sooo much easier for him to "test the waters".
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤It's so important that materials like that booklet get documented and discussed online... we can't allow this awful stuff to fade into obscurity and forget about how harmful it was to people.
I was wondering if you would consider turning longer the videos into a podcast. I'm sure it's not easy, it's just your videos are perfect to listen to while multitasking.
It is very interesting! I never thought about this.. it is simliar LDS.. My mother kept telling me "Be worthy priesthood" It is NOT easy... My father controlled my mom when I grew up..she obeyed him alot.. it was very frustrated for me..thank you for your sharing.. Keep Up :)
1:45 Melissa: I wanted to kinda talk about some of the things, not all of them cause it will take a while" DUDE I LITERALLY CRAVE YOUR VIDEOS PLEASE TAKE A WHILE PLEASE
HAHA I LOVE THIS COMMENT! You are sooo sweet! We are thinking of doing a podcast where we can just go on forever and go over all the nitty gritty details....maybe this next year!
So interesting! Thanks for sharing. I can't wait to hear more. Empathy is so lacking in our world today. Thank you for sharing your message about understanding.
I am thankful to be able to get to know Sam, as my preconceived notions of FLDS people is very negative. I know Sam is not FLDS anymore, but he seems to be a good and moral man.
Sam and Melissa, I have been watching you're videos for a little bit and I love watching and learning and hear of Sam's experiences. I love both of your approach to how you share these experiences as more of an educational video as to what people in that community believe and how they live. Thanks for all your hard work!
Wow! Very detailed instructions for women, eh? A lot of pressure for women indeed. Thank you for another great and interesting video! Y'all never disappoint. Hope you and your family have a great weekend. Love and blessings from Virginia 😘
Other than polygamy it is pretty much like most places were. Certainly here in the UK the original marriage vows for women were love, honour and obey and you were expected to be a virgin when marrying ( as were the men).
I understand the women’s fears; my father would teach us that when he died we wouldn’t know what to do! It took four years to realize wait I’m still here!
Watched a few of your videos and you both are doing an amazing job, seriously. It must have taken an enormous amount of growth to look back on values that were taught to you as a kid as being normal and years later say “yikes”.
I love everything you said about getting to understand where these people are coming from and why they don't leave. Not only are they brainwashed to think that what they are going through is ok, and that they will go to hell if they go against it... But if they leave, they are uneducated and don't have any trade experience in order to get a job. At least the boys/men are allowed to work in there, so it can kind of give them a leg up in the work force when they leave. I don't know if you were thinking of Anna Duggar when you were ending your video, but I think she is in a very similar situation. She is brainwashed to stand by her man, no matter what. She has a ton of kids and no way to get a job. I don't even know if she has a car in her own name. From the outside, it looks like a no brainer. But really unless you've been there, you just don't know what it's like. I was raised in the cult that the Duggars are a part of, and while my experience wasn't nearly that extreme, I do get it.
As always a very thoughtful and loving educational video. I think for people who have not either come from situation like this or have learned a lot about it it’s hard to understand the indoctrination. And as MELISA said once a woman has children it’s almost like a way of keeping her there that’s why part of the problem is women having children so very young.
Please do more videos on that guidebook for girls. I find it really interesting that people in our country are being formally taught these things. It seems abusive and my compassion goes out to those girls and women.
I live near the area of the compound. I think it's interesting that no one thought it was weird that Prophets followed a lineage, similar to N. Korea passing the dictatorship from father to son (how is that different than the royalty model, I don't know). But then again, they were taught from birth not to question anything. It's amazing how people are able to manipulate others so effectively. I hope everyone that has endured this life has found healing and understanding.
I'm not poking fun of those that grew up in this, but one...anyone excusing polygamy and saying God told them to do it ...is simply finding a way to cheat and get away with it lol. Look up the history of Mr Smith , he was an absolute nutcase and sex addict and to not get in trouble with his wife just thought if he made a new religion he could get away with this, and he did(this should be obvious to those that weren't brainwashed from an early age). That being said, there are a lot of GREAT Mormons out there.
@@lucianaromulus1408 not only to cheat, but be a pedophile in this instance. And this isn't the only religion that preaches/practices this in the world. Many other countries still believe this is acceptable, but sorta hard not to when there's examples in the bible that our "heroes" have multiple wives and it is even believed that Mary herself was young.
@@katm5903 I'm all for religion but I personally reject the Abrahamic faiths, as they aren't the original beliefs of my ancestors. There's a reason the most advanced and moral societies preferred monogamy, they also happened to be the most advanced.
I don't judge anyone for any reason. I LOVE everyone for who they are not for what they do, because my right might be their wrong or vice versa. We each believe differently on things. I have the belief that everyone starts out pure, but that they develop bad or good behavior as they grow up. It is the behavior that is bad not the person.
Melissa, I have a question! When you first married Sam, (or first had children) was there anything you needed to kinda reteach him about marriage or gender roles? I could imagine there would sometimes be a situation where the FLDS teachings would be his auto pilot without even realizing it, and you needing to go, "I see where this is coming from, but that's not how it's going to work." Or has Sam been adaptable and fantastic right out the gate? ☺️
So without saying they do, they put men on equal footing to God. Why are there so many religions based on men having an almost God like status and women and children having so little or none. So women or girls that are born into it, getting out, OMG SO, MUCH RESPECT.
Males are favored in old time religions because they had the physical strength to overpower the women, in general, and men also sometimes chose to use the children as leverage over the women. When laws were enacted that equalized people, whether old or young, strong or weak, male or female, the power of common law shored up the rights of the weaker. It used to be: Might Makes Right.
Hello… Happened upon THIS particular video today (can’t imagine why says the Suster Wives watcher).. anyway I want to send my thanks for the knowledge. I studied anthropology at university and one of my professors studied the LDS and to a lesser extent, the FLDS and I’ve learned so much from following those who have lived and left polygamy. I’m from California but live in Scotland so a bit odd but my dad moved to Nevada after he and my stepmother retired and he had Parkinson’s so I’d fly to see him in Nevada 2-3 times a year… he lived in a beautiful house up near a golf course which was his dream but the house is between Las Vegas and St George. Before his Parkinson’s became very bad he and I would take day trips to various areas and we accidentally found ourselves being pulled over after stopping at a little shop that sold Mexican and Native American pottery and other items. The man who stopped us as him how old his “wife” was meaning me. He said she’s my daughter please don’t assume. Anyway it was an odd thing and since that day I’ve learned a lot as did my dad, and my stepmother, about the area they chose to live in. It’s a bit of a pathway forgoes who leave. My dad is gone now but that trip always remains in my mind as well as trips to the Costco in St George where I always saw large groups of women dressed in “FLDS style” and saw a girl who’d I’m certain was on a “escape “ show but went back though I forget why… she was repeatedly told not to do anything but push a shopping cart and at a point we locked eyes… there I was buying a birthday cake for my dad and myself as our birthdays were two days apart and I adored my dad and I felt sadness that the idea that many women don’t even get to know their fathers… I’m typing a lot but watching you talk about how to be a good FLDS wife got all the memories of how sad I have felt and yet so grateful for my dad and the very close bond we shared …he was my best friend and only ever wanted his kids to happy. Thank you so much for your informative channel ❤
Absolutely! Thank you so much for asking! We are currently running a fundraiser for Holding Out HELP. Click on this video and you will see a "Donate Button" ua-cam.com/video/hdTlbv0LULQ/v-deo.html. They help supply resources for those that have left polygamous communities. =)
In your past interviews with Amanda Rae she always refers to her upbringing as being in a cult . Sam, do you feel the FLDS and the LDS are both cults also ? I think a lot of us on the “outside” see them both that way .
Unrelated, but this video has me understanding Sister Wives -Kody Brown. He expected his wives to “keep sweet”, stay silent and pray. and when they didn’t…he doubled down on that expectation. Interesting that he clings to THAT part of the belief system, but openly questions the rest of it.
I watched more or less all Videos in about a Day and you guys do awesome content. And you just seem to be so happy and in love. I with you the Best in life 🙂
The problems I have heard about polygamous marriage is when the men violate the laws themselves; but can't be criticized -- because they are men. A girl with Down Syndrome was married because she could bear children. Obviously she was not being treated in a way that was good for her. She died in childbirth. Women obey their husbands, welcome new wives; but object when they learn their daughters (and sons) are being molested -- by their Father. Others object to harmful physical discipline, or men finding fault with growing boys and kicking them out of the group because boys are a threat to the older men (girls fall in love with them), not providing shelter or even food for some of the wives, favoring one wife above the others with trips, money, a house of her own, not intervening in the jealous wife's abuse of another's children, mistreating handicapped children...
Ive always wondered what more of Sams family looks like! I hope this does not come across as me hitting on your husband in any way, but I feel like Sam is a very conventionally attractive man. Hes got lovely bone structure and the light eyes and darker hair, do his siblings or father look similarly to him? Its completely irrelevant so I hope no one thinks its weird lol Im just so curious
I certainly understand where you are coming from. First of all, in addition to being very good looking, Sam is also a very smart man. He married one of the classicly beautiful women left on the planet. By that I mean it is rare to find someone unadulterated by layers of makeup, hair extensions, obvious surgical intervention, the trashy revealing clothes that are often popular, etc. that remind us what natural beauty looks like. He would never see flattering compliments regarding himself as reason to even have straying ideas. He definitely has a very good mix of genetics (as I imagine Melissa must also) and wondering if he has brothers who are equally attractive is a logical conclusion. Especially since he seems to be such a good man in so many other ways, it is not unlike other species to look for those kinds of traits in a partner. His unattached siblings might be as good a catch 😁 I get the feeling this wouldn't be the first time Melissa would be aware that others think her hubby is a cutie patootie! I'm also sure he is equally aware that he is a lucky man to have snagged her 😉 They are both very attractive and smart. They are going to have their hands full with their kids!! All those good genes? Those kids are bound to be gorgeous and charming! We love them both soooo much!
(Melissa Responding) @brittany You are so sweet, and I think it is a huge compliment when people talk about how handsome Sam is! I think he is too! =) He looks a lot like his Father and his brothers all share similar traits. I think they are a pretty good looking family. =) We can't share pictures (it is a lot of people to get permission from haha), but I think you would be shocked at how similar the men look.
@Kymberli You are too sweet! Your whole comment made us smile from ear to ear and blush a bit. haha Thank you so much for all of your love and support!
I have to agree with you on that. Another good book about Polygamy is by Elissa Wall. It's called Stolen Innocence. She was also in the group. Part of her story is told in the Lifetime movie Outlaw Prophet. Both books and the movie are amazing,in my humble opinion. Finally,there's a book by Flora Jessop called Church of Lies that's about this group and is wonderful,too.
Really enjoying all the videos you guys put out. Some questions I have are 1) When did you start going by Sam instead of Samuel? Is that something that happened when you left the FLDS? 2) How come in polygamous groups, children refer to the other wives as "mother" or "aunt" instead of "stepmom"? Technically, wouldn't a non-biological mother be considered a stepmother? Looking forward to your future videos!
I worked some of the time too. I should have gone to college part time, worked part time. He was kind of controlling. He didn't believe I cleaned the house unless he was watching me clean.
It would be interesting to interview a wife that has escaped ( if you know of someone) even if she were to be off camera and name change to protect her. This is so interesting but so sad for all that are brainwashed to that life.
Agree with the comments that there is a lot of pressure on the women. Question when honouring all you Mothers, what happens when there is a personality clash?
Whenever there were clashes that I saw they were just told to "keep sweet" and push those feelings aside. We were taught contention was of the devil, so they were told to avoid contention at all costs, even at the cost of your own feelings.
They’re fundamentalist Mormons, but they aren’t FLDS because FLDS refers to the one specific group, and the FLDS and the Kingston clan are actually closer to rivals than allies. They HATE eachother, and some members will leave one group to join another so they’re an active danger to each other’s membership numbers
I personally believe that relationships are all built differently...bottom line is each person and responsible for their relationship with God...as couples they work together to strengthen each other in all ways and each parent works to strengthen the morality of their children...❤
I will write more on this later but your religion part.. is not the only one that believes similar for the girls/ woman living it may not necessarily living the polygamy side but look at the IBLP religion on the woman. Most of the woman side is similar. (duggar and bates girls) many many more it’s very sad for all woman....it’s how a lot of religions in societies believe and how they interpret the Bible. Talk to Jill Duggar growing up as a woman in the IBLP just cause they didn’t adopt the polygamy side very similar girl beliefs the dads chose the husbands but I just feel a big connection. It’s not the 1950’s. I think you just need to chat on some of the similar beliefs.
Dear Sam and Melissa, love your channel! Thank you for your heart to advocate for what women in abusive situations go through. Hopefully this video will help some women to muster the courage to leave, and it will help the rest of us to be understanding and supportive and to look out for abuse all around us. Merry Christmas!
One of the reasons they don't want the women to talk about the men's "weaknesses" is bc they want the men to be able to commit abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, financial, etc.) with no accountability.
Are you guys celebrating Christmas with your kids? My family celebrates even though they don't practice any Christian religion. For us Christmas is about being together, and good food. I got my mom a necklace, she loves jewelry. Do you want a Christmas card from me?
I feel for this women so much, to have so little power and control over their lives. As a mother, I 100% understand that it would be unbearable for them to leave their kids behind, so they stay.
God didn’t want people to have polygamy. He allowed it, but he didn’t intend it. He even showed the sorrow it brings by showing the stories of Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon.
The FLDS believe that God is a polygamist. The doctrine was taught by Brigham Young, the head of the Mormon church. He said that Adam, the first man on earth, was God. And that to be like God, you must live polygamy. You can find his sermons in the journals of discourses. The Mormon church never accepted that doctrine tho, and they gathered thousands of the journals of discourse books and burned them back in the 1920s. The FLDS later got the copyright and reprinted them.
Where was the sorrow in Abraham, Jacob, Moses or Josiah? All are described as good, holy men, and all had multiple wives and died peacefully as wealthy and powerful men
Ive watched ALL available videos and documentaries which spotlight polygamy and each of its participants. Ive only watched ONE where it wasnt a complete jealous and chaotic mess! The ONE that seemed to work and run smooth is Tom Green. Thats the only one. Polygamists preach this way of living to be ordained of God.....BUT the Bible states that "God is not the author confusion".....and these marriages portray negative consequences and CONFUSION to their children.
I would hate to live that way. I would not like to live such a restricted life. I cannot imagine deifying men. Some very conservative Christians believe this as well.
Another way to control women is to tell them " they" are responsible 🙄for the family's salvation. Guilt is not limited to any one religion or societal group.
I grew up in a Christian home and not once was I told salvation is dependent upon my behavior, or anyone in my family's behavior. Salvation is through Jesus Christ alone. There is a difference between a cult and a religion. Cults have extra handbooks. They had to add the handbook because they are putting their own manmade, most of the time sick and twisted ideas out. It has nothing to do with religion. It is easy to see that the FLDS is a cult. I think the sad thing is the reach that the LDS church has had. Maybe the world's biggest cult.
I’m curious if Sam had stayed with the FLDS, given Warren Jeff being the prophet, would he have been assigned a wife or are the rumors that wives were given given to more established husbands true? I understand that Warren Jeffs in more recent years had prohibited marriages? Men weren’t allowed to seek a wife, but were men punished for seeking?
All that in the name of a God who, they have been taught, will destroy them if they do not keep sweet and obey? Criminal spiritual abuse. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What if the man and woman that are arranged to marry hate each other and don’t find one another attractive or anything like that can they not marry each other?!
I don't understand, as to a man's celestial kingdom, the daughters go with their husbands, and sons will get their own kingdoms, so who will populate a man's kingdom? Just he and his handful of wives?
Polygamy works better when all the men are de ad, such as in war or other catastrophe. When the men are gone, the women have a heck of a time making life happen. This is why LDS became so large, right after the US Civil War.
It is very rare to see polygamy and the only women who would go for polygamy have been brainwashed. Try looking for a sane women and tell her you want her to be your dutiful wife but you can marry more women if you want yet she must stay faithful to you she will literally think you’re ridiculous
But you are right the only time polygamy benefited us women is when we weren’t allowed to work and needed men but many men were off to war now there is no benefit
@@sparklingflames9268 There are a whole lot of different personalities in women. Some women would actually like sharing a man with other women. There are also men that like to share their women with other men. It is not a true statement that the women who are OK with polygamy are brainwashed. Some women actually want that. The laws are changing...and another American Civil War seems to be looming in the near future. We may find another round of wide-spread polygamy happening again.
@@crazy8sdrums some women may want polyamory which is fine but not polygamy there is no benefit for a woman in polygamy in modern society. I think you can count the amount of women who actually want polygamy cause it’s very very rare
These are all crimes of the men running that church, I don't blame any of the victims for a second. I pray for every one of those women and children who were victimized even if they don't know they were used and abused.
Much of what that book is teaching is "somewhat" the same as a fundamental Baptist church does in more southern states. Ive been a Baptist most of my life and some of this is what is preached from our pulpits as well, except there is no prophet or man on Earth that is our leader per say. We simply serve GOD and everything that is preached is followed up by Scripture......period. Though we believe the man is the head of the house.....the woman plays an equal role in the marriage but when the final decision on something has to be made then the husband ultimately decides. It is a partnership. We are taught not to run our husbands down to others, our children and to not squash our husband's spirit with alot of negativity. I think your handbook does use harsh language but so does the Bible......you have to understand what is meant by some of that language. For example the term "destruction"......it simply means that if wander off from Scripture then it can lead you or your children down a road without God. Its language that sounds harsh, but if you know the Bible then you kinda understand the undertone of what that booklet is saying. I was married at 18 and we raised our 2 children in a Baptist church in Cincinnati/Kentucky line. I was married for 17 years and its quite easy to fall into sin (which i did) and have that to affect your children. Im 52 and will say to the day i die that i wish so bad i had stuck to following the Bible and its teachings on family life.
Decision making is like a muscle. You need to exercise it or you ‘lose it’. These women never had the chance to develop the ability to make decisions.
Great way to put it!
It’s not just that they didn’t get the chance to learn to make their own decisions, it’s that they were actively told that they’re not permitted to make decisions, and that women who make their own decisions are evil and going to hell. They’re told that if they don’t surrender completely to their husbands them and their children will suffer the worst ways possible. It’s horrible.
Wow! I can now understand why the women don't leave. They've been brainwashed from birth. It is so sad that they are stripped of self worth. Thanks for introducing us to that book. It all makes sense now.
I would love to have you read that entire book for us, substituting "She" for "He" and "Husband for wife". How would that sound?
Great idea! Maybe on a podcast or a longer extensive video!
Yes !!!!
Like secular blasphemy.
That would be hilarious!
Yes! People are incredibly quick to judge and look down on people who were raised in a certain way and never knew any better. My mother is mentally ill and violent. I had an abusive childhood. I didn't know that's what it was until I was an adult. My siblings and I were up in our 30's and 40's before we were able to get some distance from her. People were always baffled by us staying close to her, but we honestly had no other frame of reference. Well, why don't you do THIS when she does that to you? Why don't you say THIS when she starts screaming at you? People have no clue what it's like to have that kind of stuff built into you and reinforced from the very earliest part of your life. If you haven't walked in that person's shoes, you have no business questioning and trying to advise them.
The people who raise you as a tool to abuse are not going to equip you psychologically to escape that abuse. The structures we are raised in literally build our brains neural pathways. People really don't see how deeply ingrained the abuse and the mentality that it's normal and even worse deserved or righteous are.
@@kristalcampbell3650 Totally. I'm a middle aged adult and I still get that uncontrollable panic response whenever my mom flies into one of her screaming rages. I really can't be around her anymore.
@@erinrobinson6436 im sorry you had to deal with that but it's great you were able to draw that boundary
That is excellent advice!
I am so sorry you had to live that way. My father was emotionally abusive. Took me years to do it, but I limit my contact with him now. I see/talk to him maybe once or twice a year. It takes me days to recover afterwards. I am sorry you are still having to deal with your mother.
Would definitely like to hear more about this. I read an FLDS document that basically said that if there were problems with the children or within the family, it was because of something the woman did or did not do. Even though she was expected to follow her husband without question, she was to blame if things went wrong. What an incredibly heavy burden to carry.
This is SO true! We are going to be doing a video on the expectations they put on the mothers in a few weeks!
@@GrowingUpinPolygamy love this channel. You guys are amazing.
Slightly off topic, but your makeup and hair look amazing today Melissa! Thanks so much for sharing your story. I enjoy watching you guys so much.
Yes! 🌻I noticed too!
Aww thank you all so much! You are all so sweet!
Super cute backdrop! And I am so sad for the FLDS women. So much more is at stake for their salvation in this faith. 💔 I hope and pray all the people that are still in can be set free 🙏
Love the Christmassy backdrop! ☃️🎄🎅🏻
Thank you all!
I couldn’t imagine being handed that book. So sad. Thanks so much for sharing. Hope y’all have a great weekend.
You two are lovely people. I’m impressed with your kindness and consideration for folks currently in fundamentalist Mormonism, even while you share information and perspectives.
Keep Sweet = Unnaturally suppress your anger. Not healthy. :-( Anger is normal. How can we learn to manage natural emotions responsibly if we deny they exist?
My friend is Independent Fundamentalist Baptist and this sounds a lot like what she was taught. Just minus the polygamy.
The fact that Sam, an average, well-mannered, hard-working, and ultimately loving man didn’t know that these existed is scary. Sam, you seem like a very kind, empathic, and caring husband and partner to Melissa! I just kinda feel like you would have felt highly uncomfortable basically being treated like a god by your spouse had you been married out there. It seems like you and Melissa have a very equal partnership, which is a much more healthy and attainable dynamic 💖
So much pressure on the women, it must of been nearly impossible. I would imagine there were many many good husbands in polygamy just trying for salvation for themselves and their families. As always you two put together a very interesting video.
Merry Christmas♥️
Absolutely. There are so many good people trying to just do their best and what they believe God wants from them. Thank you so much! Merry Christmas!
Love your videos soooo much. I find the stories fascinating. I love hearing Sam talk about his past and Melissa helps bring out more information from the perspective of an "outsider" as she is asking questions and adding details all the time!
Thank you so much!
Makes sense (from an FLDS perspective) about the men trying to "steal" women by approaching them for relationships. Those men are "stealing" the women away from the men they are "supposed" to marry, by circumventing the Prophet's relevations.
And I'm sure the Prophet pairs people up based on how it benefits him/supports the power structure in the church.
Y'all are adorable
So glad he found his way out
He seems so nice
I really love your hair style! I would love to hear more about the women’s handbook for marriage. It’s really interesting that the boys don’t have a handbook as well. Sam, how hard was it to have healthy social interaction? It must be so much harder for the girls, because they had to unlearn everything. It seems like the women have it rough coming and going. They have to realize they are not going to be damned for every desire or goal they have for themselves. They must (test the water), and if you don’t get struck down, then you might be ok. Malissa, you’re so right, we must approach every situation with a heart of compassion and mercy. You guys are the best😘
(Melissa) Aww thank you so much! Sam always says that once he was out it was easy to see how healthy relationships should be and he was able to adapt with great examples in his life. He is definitely one of the lucky ones to not have his upbringing cause problems for his social interaction as much as others. Him being a man in a male dominated culture also made it sooo much easier for him to "test the waters".
Thank you so much for sharing this ❤It's so important that materials like that booklet get documented and discussed online... we can't allow this awful stuff to fade into obscurity and forget about how harmful it was to people.
I was wondering if you would consider turning longer the videos into a podcast. I'm sure it's not easy, it's just your videos are perfect to listen to while multitasking.
Ohhh! Great idea!!!
Yes that’d be fantastic!!
We are actually working on that right now! Hopefully here soon in 2022!
It is very interesting! I never thought about this.. it is simliar LDS.. My mother kept telling me "Be worthy priesthood" It is NOT easy... My father controlled my mom when I grew up..she obeyed him alot.. it was very frustrated for me..thank you for your sharing.. Keep Up :)
1:45 Melissa: I wanted to kinda talk about some of the things, not all of them cause it will take a while" DUDE I LITERALLY CRAVE YOUR VIDEOS PLEASE TAKE A WHILE PLEASE
HAHA I LOVE THIS COMMENT! You are sooo sweet! We are thinking of doing a podcast where we can just go on forever and go over all the nitty gritty details....maybe this next year!
This is why we don’t separate men and women and teach them different things!!!
So interesting! Thanks for sharing. I can't wait to hear more. Empathy is so lacking in our world today. Thank you for sharing your message about understanding.
I saw Amanda Rae's video on being a good order wife so it's very interesting to compare them!
Y'all are definitely presenting some great information...Any and All Information about People Controlling Other People is Worthy of being Shared...❤
I am thankful to be able to get to know Sam, as my preconceived notions of FLDS people is very negative. I know Sam is not FLDS anymore, but he seems to be a good and moral man.
Sam and Melissa, I have been watching you're videos for a little bit and I love watching and learning and hear of Sam's experiences. I love both of your approach to how you share these experiences as more of an educational video as to what people in that community believe and how they live. Thanks for all your hard work!
Thank you so much for your love and support!
Thank you again for this video. Merry Christmas to you and your sweet family
Merry Christmas!
Wow! Very detailed instructions for women, eh? A lot of pressure for women indeed. Thank you for another great and interesting video! Y'all never disappoint. Hope you and your family have a great weekend. Love and blessings from Virginia 😘
Thank you! Hope you have a great weekend as well! =)
Other than polygamy it is pretty much like most places were. Certainly here in the UK the original marriage vows for women were love, honour and obey and you were expected to be a virgin when marrying ( as were the men).
YES PLEASE 🙏 more of the handbook 👏
love love love you guys and your entire channel so much. your happiness together just radiates. ❤️ much love from Kentucky!
Thank you so much!!
I understand the women’s fears; my father would teach us that when he died we wouldn’t know what to do! It took four years to realize wait I’m still here!
You guys should totally have a podcast 💜💜🤩
Aww thanks! We are thinking of starting it at the beginning of the year!
So excited to watch I’m obsessed with watching y’all’s videos!
The wording and rules are so similar to other groups, like the IBLP, scientology with prophet leaders.
Absolutely fascinating. Thanks for sharing this.
Our pleasure!
Watched a few of your videos and you both are doing an amazing job, seriously. It must have taken an enormous amount of growth to look back on values that were taught to you as a kid as being normal and years later say “yikes”.
I love everything you said about getting to understand where these people are coming from and why they don't leave. Not only are they brainwashed to think that what they are going through is ok, and that they will go to hell if they go against it... But if they leave, they are uneducated and don't have any trade experience in order to get a job. At least the boys/men are allowed to work in there, so it can kind of give them a leg up in the work force when they leave.
I don't know if you were thinking of Anna Duggar when you were ending your video, but I think she is in a very similar situation. She is brainwashed to stand by her man, no matter what. She has a ton of kids and no way to get a job. I don't even know if she has a car in her own name. From the outside, it looks like a no brainer. But really unless you've been there, you just don't know what it's like. I was raised in the cult that the Duggars are a part of, and while my experience wasn't nearly that extreme, I do get it.
As always a very thoughtful and loving educational video. I think for people who have not either come from situation like this or have learned a lot about it it’s hard to understand the indoctrination. And as MELISA said once a woman has children it’s almost like a way of keeping her there that’s why part of the problem is women having children so very young.
Please do more videos on that guidebook for girls. I find it really interesting that people in our country are being formally taught these things. It seems abusive and my compassion goes out to those girls and women.
We absolutely will! One on the expectations for the mothers will be coming soon!
I live near the area of the compound. I think it's interesting that no one thought it was weird that Prophets followed a lineage, similar to N. Korea passing the dictatorship from father to son (how is that different than the royalty model, I don't know). But then again, they were taught from birth not to question anything. It's amazing how people are able to manipulate others so effectively. I hope everyone that has endured this life has found healing and understanding.
I'm not poking fun of those that grew up in this, but one...anyone excusing polygamy and saying God told them to do it ...is simply finding a way to cheat and get away with it lol. Look up the history of Mr Smith , he was an absolute nutcase and sex addict and to not get in trouble with his wife just thought if he made a new religion he could get away with this, and he did(this should be obvious to those that weren't brainwashed from an early age). That being said, there are a lot of GREAT Mormons out there.
@@lucianaromulus1408 not only to cheat, but be a pedophile in this instance. And this isn't the only religion that preaches/practices this in the world. Many other countries still believe this is acceptable, but sorta hard not to when there's examples in the bible that our "heroes" have multiple wives and it is even believed that Mary herself was young.
@@katm5903 I'm all for religion but I personally reject the Abrahamic faiths, as they aren't the original beliefs of my ancestors. There's a reason the most advanced and moral societies preferred monogamy, they also happened to be the most advanced.
I don't judge anyone for any reason. I LOVE everyone for who they are not for what they do, because my right might be their wrong or vice versa. We each believe differently on things. I have the belief that everyone starts out pure, but that they develop bad or good behavior as they grow up. It is the behavior that is bad not the person.
"Butter coat" is my new favorite phrase!! 😂
Haha ours too! It has been used multiple times over the weekend! haha
Melissa, I have a question! When you first married Sam, (or first had children) was there anything you needed to kinda reteach him about marriage or gender roles? I could imagine there would sometimes be a situation where the FLDS teachings would be his auto pilot without even realizing it, and you needing to go, "I see where this is coming from, but that's not how it's going to work."
Or has Sam been adaptable and fantastic right out the gate? ☺️
Lol
I absolutely love these guys haha! Full of laughter & happiness. Keep on with the keeping on guys 🙂💜
So without saying they do, they put men on equal footing to God. Why are there so many religions based on men having an almost God like status and women and children having so little or none. So women or girls that are born into it, getting out, OMG SO, MUCH RESPECT.
Males are favored in old time religions because they had the physical strength to overpower the women, in general, and men also sometimes chose to use the children as leverage over the women. When laws were enacted that equalized people, whether old or young, strong or weak, male or female, the power of common law shored up the rights of the weaker. It used to be: Might Makes Right.
Hello…
Happened upon THIS particular video today (can’t imagine why says the Suster Wives watcher).. anyway I want to send my thanks for the knowledge. I studied anthropology at university and one of my professors studied the LDS and to a lesser extent, the FLDS and I’ve learned so much from following those who have lived and left polygamy. I’m from California but live in Scotland so a bit odd but my dad moved to Nevada after he and my stepmother retired and he had Parkinson’s so I’d fly to see him in Nevada 2-3 times a year… he lived in a beautiful house up near a golf course which was his dream but the house is between Las Vegas and St George. Before his Parkinson’s became very bad he and I would take day trips to various areas and we accidentally found ourselves being pulled over after stopping at a little shop that sold Mexican and Native American pottery and other items. The man who stopped us as him how old his “wife” was meaning me. He said she’s my daughter please don’t assume. Anyway it was an odd thing and since that day I’ve learned a lot as did my dad, and my stepmother, about the area they chose to live in. It’s a bit of a pathway forgoes who leave.
My dad is gone now but that trip always remains in my mind as well as trips to the Costco in St George where I always saw large groups of women dressed in “FLDS style” and saw a girl who’d I’m certain was on a “escape “ show but went back though I forget why… she was repeatedly told not to do anything but push a shopping cart and at a point we locked eyes… there I was buying a birthday cake for my dad and myself as our birthdays were two days apart and I adored my dad and I felt sadness that the idea that many women don’t even get to know their fathers…
I’m typing a lot but watching you talk about how to be a good FLDS wife got all the memories of how sad I have felt and yet so grateful for my dad and the very close bond we shared …he was my best friend and only ever wanted his kids to happy. Thank you so much for your informative channel ❤
We live in an area with a large FLDs population. Are there any reputable charities we can donate to that help the women, children. That need it?
Absolutely! Thank you so much for asking! We are currently running a fundraiser for Holding Out HELP. Click on this video and you will see a "Donate Button" ua-cam.com/video/hdTlbv0LULQ/v-deo.html. They help supply resources for those that have left polygamous communities. =)
Whereabouts is this? Which city?
In your past interviews with Amanda Rae she always refers to her upbringing as being in a cult . Sam, do you feel the FLDS and the LDS are both cults also ? I think a lot of us on the “outside” see them both that way .
@@xolovealex1278 I know that as well .. and my question was directed to Sam and Melissa not anyone else ..
Sounds like so many of the rules that I’ve been hearing about in the Duggar cult
I really like your new hair cut 😍
Aww thank you!
Unrelated, but this video has me understanding Sister Wives -Kody Brown. He expected his wives to “keep sweet”, stay silent and pray. and when they didn’t…he doubled down on that expectation. Interesting that he clings to THAT part of the belief system, but openly questions the rest of it.
Is this published somewhere? I'd love to read the whole thing.
I watched more or less all Videos in about a Day and you guys do awesome content. And you just seem to be so happy and in love. I with you the Best in life 🙂
Aww thank you so much!
The problems I have heard about polygamous marriage is when the men violate the laws themselves; but can't be criticized -- because they are men. A girl with Down Syndrome was married because she could bear children. Obviously she was not being treated in a way that was good for her. She died in childbirth. Women obey their husbands, welcome new wives; but object when they learn their daughters (and sons) are being molested -- by their Father. Others object to harmful physical discipline, or men finding fault with growing boys and kicking them out of the group because boys are a threat to the older men (girls fall in love with them), not providing shelter or even food for some of the wives, favoring one wife above the others with trips, money, a house of her own, not intervening in the jealous wife's abuse of another's children, mistreating handicapped children...
Ive always wondered what more of Sams family looks like! I hope this does not come across as me hitting on your husband in any way, but I feel like Sam is a very conventionally attractive man. Hes got lovely bone structure and the light eyes and darker hair, do his siblings or father look similarly to him? Its completely irrelevant so I hope no one thinks its weird lol Im just so curious
I certainly understand where you are coming from. First of all, in addition to being very good looking, Sam is also a very smart man. He married one of the classicly beautiful women left on the planet. By that I mean it is rare to find someone unadulterated by layers of makeup, hair extensions, obvious surgical intervention, the trashy revealing clothes that are often popular, etc. that remind us what natural beauty looks like. He would never see flattering compliments regarding himself as reason to even have straying ideas. He definitely has a very good mix of genetics (as I imagine Melissa must also) and wondering if he has brothers who are equally attractive is a logical conclusion. Especially since he seems to be such a good man in so many other ways, it is not unlike other species to look for those kinds of traits in a partner. His unattached siblings might be as good a catch 😁 I get the feeling this wouldn't be the first time Melissa would be aware that others think her hubby is a cutie patootie! I'm also sure he is equally aware that he is a lucky man to have snagged her 😉 They are both very attractive and smart. They are going to have their hands full with their kids!! All those good genes? Those kids are bound to be gorgeous and charming! We love them both soooo much!
(Melissa Responding) @brittany You are so sweet, and I think it is a huge compliment when people talk about how handsome Sam is! I think he is too! =) He looks a lot like his Father and his brothers all share similar traits. I think they are a pretty good looking family. =) We can't share pictures (it is a lot of people to get permission from haha), but I think you would be shocked at how similar the men look.
@Kymberli You are too sweet! Your whole comment made us smile from ear to ear and blush a bit. haha Thank you so much for all of your love and support!
Great insights! I've been reading Escape by Carolyn Jessop and it's very interesting and a great read.
I have to agree with you on that. Another good book about Polygamy is by Elissa Wall. It's called Stolen Innocence. She was also in the group. Part of her story is told in the Lifetime movie Outlaw Prophet. Both books and the movie are amazing,in my humble opinion. Finally,there's a book by Flora Jessop called Church of Lies that's about this group and is wonderful,too.
@@shenamason5822 Thanks for the recommendations! I'm going to look into these, thanks again!
Where can I get a PDF Copy of the FLDS Handbook?
Do as you're told...says it all 😣😣
Really enjoying all the videos you guys put out. Some questions I have are 1) When did you start going by Sam instead of Samuel? Is that something that happened when you left the FLDS? 2) How come in polygamous groups, children refer to the other wives as "mother" or "aunt" instead of "stepmom"? Technically, wouldn't a non-biological mother be considered a stepmother? Looking forward to your future videos!
when I hear this I would think that there is no love between man and woman you live more like brother and sister
I always heard a lot that they would "learn to love each other"
Oh, the old men definitely wanted this guy out ASAP.
😆
True!
What does this pressure do to the women? Are there many women in this community who are unhappy or depressiv?
I worked some of the time too. I should have gone to college part time, worked part time. He was kind of controlling. He didn't believe I cleaned the house unless he was watching me clean.
It would be interesting to interview a wife that has escaped ( if you know of someone) even if she were to be off camera and name change to protect her. This is so interesting but so sad for all that are brainwashed to that life.
Agree with the comments that there is a lot of pressure on the women. Question when honouring all you Mothers, what happens when there is a personality clash?
Whenever there were clashes that I saw they were just told to "keep sweet" and push those feelings aside. We were taught contention was of the devil, so they were told to avoid contention at all costs, even at the cost of your own feelings.
Off topic but I’m not sure how I haven’t noticed before now that Sam has the same talking voice as Mike Brady???
Aren't the Kingston's also FLDS, just a different clan?
They’re fundamentalist Mormons, but they aren’t FLDS because FLDS refers to the one specific group, and the FLDS and the Kingston clan are actually closer to rivals than allies. They HATE eachother, and some members will leave one group to join another so they’re an active danger to each other’s membership numbers
I love to watch your videos! It’s nothing like my life, so it takes me away ( like Calgon)
I personally believe that relationships are all built differently...bottom line is each person and responsible for their relationship with God...as couples they work together to strengthen each other in all ways and each parent works to strengthen the morality of their children...❤
I will write more on this later but your religion part.. is not the only one that believes similar for the girls/ woman living it may not necessarily living the polygamy side but look at the IBLP religion on the woman. Most of the woman side is similar. (duggar and bates girls) many many more it’s very sad for all woman....it’s how a lot of religions in societies believe and how they interpret the Bible. Talk to Jill Duggar growing up as a woman in the IBLP just cause they didn’t adopt the polygamy side very similar girl beliefs the dads chose the husbands but I just feel a big connection. It’s not the 1950’s. I think you just need to chat on some of the similar beliefs.
We have heard from a lot of people that the Duggars are very similar. We really should look more into them and do some comparison!
Dear Sam and Melissa, love your channel! Thank you for your heart to advocate for what women in abusive situations go through. Hopefully this video will help some women to muster the courage to leave, and it will help the rest of us to be understanding and supportive and to look out for abuse all around us. Merry Christmas!
Thank you so much! Merry Christmas!
I always cringe when I hear the "keep sweet " command.
This is so fucked up.. treating women like slaves
One of the reasons they don't want the women to talk about the men's "weaknesses" is bc they want the men to be able to commit abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, financial, etc.) with no accountability.
Are you guys celebrating Christmas with your kids? My family celebrates even though they don't practice any Christian religion. For us Christmas is about being together, and good food. I got my mom a necklace, she loves jewelry. Do you want a Christmas card from me?
Butter coat it! 🧈 😂😂 very interesting
Hahaha right?!
I feel for this women so much, to have so little power and control over their lives. As a mother, I 100% understand that it would be unbearable for them to leave their kids behind, so they stay.
Can you please explain why your father was separated from the family, and whether or not he has been reunited with his wives? Really like to know
Please explain how you and Sam met
I hope you guys are aware that no matter what brand of Mormonism it's ungodly
"Keep Sweet" means to submit to any man, even if it is a sadistic psychopath or sexual predator🥵
God didn’t want people to have polygamy. He allowed it, but he didn’t intend it. He even showed the sorrow it brings by showing the stories of Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon.
The FLDS believe that God is a polygamist. The doctrine was taught by Brigham Young, the head of the Mormon church. He said that Adam, the first man on earth, was God. And that to be like God, you must live polygamy. You can find his sermons in the journals of discourses. The Mormon church never accepted that doctrine tho, and they gathered thousands of the journals of discourse books and burned them back in the 1920s. The FLDS later got the copyright and reprinted them.
Where was the sorrow in Abraham, Jacob, Moses or Josiah? All are described as good, holy men, and all had multiple wives and died peacefully as wealthy and powerful men
I’m just starting but tell me that backdrop is there because your kids have trashed the living room with toys and you just didn’t want to tidy up?
Hahahaha our kids definitely have messes in just about every room in our house!
It’s always nice to hear that there are other homes like ours!
18:45 this helps a lot
Wow they literally have a book full of rules and lessons for the ladies. Ugh 😑
But none for the men
Ive watched ALL available videos and documentaries which spotlight polygamy and each of its participants. Ive only watched ONE where it wasnt a complete jealous and chaotic mess! The ONE that seemed to work and run smooth is Tom Green. Thats the only one. Polygamists preach this way of living to be ordained of God.....BUT the Bible states that "God is not the author confusion".....and these marriages portray negative consequences and CONFUSION to their children.
I would hate to live that way. I would not like to live such a restricted life. I cannot imagine deifying men. Some very conservative Christians believe this as well.
Another way to control women is to tell them " they" are responsible 🙄for the family's salvation. Guilt is not limited to any one religion or societal group.
I grew up in a Christian home and not once was I told salvation is dependent upon my behavior, or anyone in my family's behavior. Salvation is through Jesus Christ alone. There is a difference between a cult and a religion. Cults have extra handbooks. They had to add the handbook because they are putting their own manmade, most of the time sick and twisted ideas out. It has nothing to do with religion. It is easy to see that the FLDS is a cult. I think the sad thing is the reach that the LDS church has had. Maybe the world's biggest cult.
I’m curious if Sam had stayed with the FLDS, given Warren Jeff being the prophet, would he have been assigned a wife or are the rumors that wives were given given to more established husbands true? I understand that Warren Jeffs in more recent years had prohibited marriages? Men weren’t allowed to seek a wife, but were men punished for seeking?
Aren't all LDS groups taught about Celestial Laws...asking respectfully ❤
All that in the name of a God who, they have been taught, will destroy them if they do not keep sweet and obey?
Criminal spiritual abuse. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What if the man and woman that are arranged to marry hate each other and don’t find one another attractive or anything like that can they not marry each other?!
Why would that matter? You think the leaders of this cult who rape children actually care what their victims think?
I don't understand, as to a man's celestial kingdom, the daughters go with their husbands, and sons will get their own kingdoms, so who will populate a man's kingdom? Just he and his handful of wives?
They’ll have more ‘spiritual children’ in heaven
Polygamy works better when all the men are de ad, such as in war or other catastrophe. When the men are gone, the women have a heck of a time making life happen. This is why LDS became so large, right after the US Civil War.
It is very rare to see polygamy and the only women who would go for polygamy have been brainwashed. Try looking for a sane women and tell her you want her to be your dutiful wife but you can marry more women if you want yet she must stay faithful to you she will literally think you’re ridiculous
But you are right the only time polygamy benefited us women is when we weren’t allowed to work and needed men but many men were off to war now there is no benefit
@@sparklingflames9268 There are a whole lot of different personalities in women. Some women would actually like sharing a man with other women. There are also men that like to share their women with other men.
It is not a true statement that the women who are OK with polygamy are brainwashed. Some women actually want that.
The laws are changing...and another American Civil War seems to be looming in the near future. We may find another round of wide-spread polygamy happening again.
@@crazy8sdrums some women may want polyamory which is fine but not polygamy there is no benefit for a woman in polygamy in modern society. I think you can count the amount of women who actually want polygamy cause it’s very very rare
@@crazy8sdrumswomen no longer need men to survive so I doubt there will be any need for polygamy even if a bunch of men die
These are all crimes of the men running that church, I don't blame any of the victims for a second. I pray for every one of those women and children who were victimized even if they don't know they were used and abused.
Wow! That was something 😏!
Pretty lipstick! 💋
Aww thanks!
Much of what that book is teaching is "somewhat" the same as a fundamental Baptist church does in more southern states. Ive been a Baptist most of my life and some of this is what is preached from our pulpits as well, except there is no prophet or man on Earth that is our leader per say. We simply serve GOD and everything that is preached is followed up by Scripture......period. Though we believe the man is the head of the house.....the woman plays an equal role in the marriage but when the final decision on something has to be made then the husband ultimately decides. It is a partnership. We are taught not to run our husbands down to others, our children and to not squash our husband's spirit with alot of negativity. I think your handbook does use harsh language but so does the Bible......you have to understand what is meant by some of that language. For example the term "destruction"......it simply means that if wander off from Scripture then it can lead you or your children down a road without God. Its language that sounds harsh, but if you know the Bible then you kinda understand the undertone of what that booklet is saying. I was married at 18 and we raised our 2 children in a Baptist church in Cincinnati/Kentucky line. I was married for 17 years and its quite easy to fall into sin (which i did) and have that to affect your children. Im 52 and will say to the day i die that i wish so bad i had stuck to following the Bible and its teachings on family life.