Today, I took a shower with the dimmed lights, talked to someone new, listened to a band that gives me anxiety, sat alone with my thoughts, and ate a food I was afraif of :) I'm super proud. I'm so determined to feel free again.
Well done honey. Try small like ten min self compassion meditation when you wake up. Self compassion regulates the vagus nerve. Test yourself you won't die, if you do, youd never know🤔😂
I'm a person that "freezes", also, I have what I call a "delayed reaction" to anything that happens that creates stress or anxiety. In other words, I don't have any reaction right away, I "numb out" and I will usually feel it when I'm finally alone and it feel "safe to feel".
I understand this so much! thank you for putting it into words. often i just feel incredibly stupid once i can finally react to what happened. but like emma said, these are survival reaponses so thank our mindbodies for keeping us alive.
Emma, your channel is saving my life one day at a time. Everyday I feel stronger and more hopeful that I can have a happy life free from the prison of panic, anxiety and ptsd and it’s thanks to you and your channel.
Yes! I agree! I have been searching for information around my issues for years. None of it has been broken down like Emma’s material. I am so happy to find information that I can relate to, understand and apply. Thank you, Emma! You really have a gift.
thank you, thank you, thank you! i spent 33 years in a very abusive cult..........and you are helping me more that any therapist i have ever been to i love your calm and caring voice, and that you come right to the point, and you are so easy to understand.....you are a great teacher
It is likely that you were not ready for the therapy state you were taken to at the time... you were taken to in therapy. It happens a lot, the therapist just takes the client to face the fear while the person is not cleared enough to enter that stage of treatment; then client significantly gets worse and thinks therapy is useless; which in fact the method was not right and was not meeting client's state at the moment.
Religious deception is probably the worst form of mental anguish and confusion. That is....from extra-Biblical sources like cults, etc...not true Faith in God. God is not the author of confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33.
I don't mean to preach....I speak from experience...even my own self deception type thinking. I don't believe in the health, wealth, prosperity gospel....but a part of me has my own health and prosperity gospel....causing me distress and anxiety...magical thinking etc....
I was neglected and abused as a child. Now, I feel everyone and everything is a threat. I don’t trust anyone and it affects my relationships. I’ve tried forgiving and thought I did. I Was doing really good until recently. I had a baby and then the pandemic hit. Your videos reassure me that I’m not crazy. Thank you💜
I avoid by dissociating, shopping, eating, scrolling, sleeping. Complex PTSD is so tough to rewire. I keep exposing myself to triggers though and breathing deeply as I do. It’s a challenge but it’s possible with awareness, courage and perseverance.
My triggers are constantly being emotionally hurt by people. So I keep everybody I meet at a distance to avoid the possibility of going through certain things again
That’s not healthy at all because you need human interaction without that you will slowly start to recluse into yourself and that’s not good at all and I don’t want that for you so if you need a friend I’m always here and you can always come talk to me OK.
Me too.. Shit even like i tried different ways it would only end the same. So right now i fee like helpless and maybe the best way is not to get involved too much ever again. Still sometimes is lonely... But it's better than getting hurt of things that i knew better i can prevent it from the start if I am not engaging too much on it.
The anxieties that I avoid are: almost all social situations (especially being in groups), public places with a lot of people, and arguing with my daughter. I have been working on trying to “uncouple” these pairings for a while now. It is so difficult but I know possible. I just have to work at placing myself in these situations and telling myself I am safe. I love how you hit on this subject so well. I liked being reminded that my brain can be rewired, of its neuroplacisity. Change is possible. I feel so hopeful again, as my struggle has been so difficult in my efforts. I have to accept progress over perfection. I need to remind myself I didn’t get this way overnight and for no reason; my brain is just doing its God given job, and reprogramming it is not a straight line or method, it’s going to take a lot of hard work, patience and time.
Hi Amy Kling ...Good luck on your journey...was wondering if you have someone with whom you can feel a sense of safety and trust around...for me. it’s my wife...and also telling myself, and acknowledging that what I’m feeling is fear...and ptsd...and that , even though, it feels really scary...so scary in fact, that maybe I’ll even become crazy... however, if I can ... allow myself to breathe slowly and deeply... it allows my nervous system to calm down...that the fear won’t kill me, and I won’t go crazy, either.
Aaron Farkas thanks. I have my boyfriend. We don’t live together so it’s difficult for me at the moment when most of my days are spent alone, unless my daughter is home, but she is only 16. I do feel safe most the time at my house, however isolating. I try and get out as much as I can with these diseases. Life ain’t easy...but with growth and healing it will get better...best of luck to you too.
Emma McAdam, you're like my imaginary best friend who gives the best advice and instruction ever! You are clearly walking out your purpose in life and changing the quality of life for countless others. Seriously, society is going to be a better place as more people watch and learn from your videos. Even children, dogs, cats, birds, etc are benefitting from parents/owners who are now emotionally healthier because of you. Emma McAdam, you're a true blessing to this world. Thank you for answering the "Call". God bless you.
I was literally helpless today and as feeling that no matter how har I try my situation can never improve as I have grown in an abusive environment. I just prayed god just show me the way to improve this situation and Here I am seeing your video Committing to face all my fears and triggers from now onwards thanks a lot I am glad people like you are there for people who can afford going to therapy ❤️❤️❤️💖
I struggle with triggers from my PTSD, and this is the only time I've heard an approach to recovery that offers a step by step plan that has perked me up and given me hope. I'm in 12-step recovery, so it makes sense to me. Thank you.
It's so nice when someone's finally explaining how these things work. "Be positive" etc. doesn't help much, it's actually rather discouraging, because you don't know the mechanism and logic behind your depression/anxiety/whatever, that it's a learned behavior accompanied by some ancient instincts. It only leads to another downwards spiral with self accusation of not being able to just snap out of it and think positively like everyone else. But once you learn it's not because you suck, your thinking patterns only are skewed and can be replaced with better ones, the feeling is so liberating and gives you motivation to go on. Thank you so much for these videos!
I just want to put this out for the viewers: she is not referring to ALL avoidance. It will be very important to build discernment and boundary skills in order for this behavior modification to be effective. If you avoid something because it triggers you make sure you understand why that triggers you and work through that. If you avoid it because it causes you stress, like social media, understand that social media while technically 'safe' can be toxic so avoidance can actually be healthy. This is how discernment and boundary skills can be helpful. Make sure you have a professional that supports your therapy needs and can guide you through these resources and help tailor it to your specific needs.
I would like to thank you for offering so much help through social media. You helped me a lot with my mental condition in general. I could see myself in all videos that I've watched so far and it is still helping me. I have some goals towards my life, my health and well being and I know I will achieve it with your help. I learnt how to apply most of techniques of CBT among other to my day by day life and I'm improving and getting better each day. My sincere gratitude for being such a great professional and human being. You are doing a great job. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your help!. I had a traumatic event 3 weeks ago, lost 9 lbs in one week. Took nausea medicines and decided that I could not let a trauma define my life. The day I found you, I took your videos very serious. You taught me that facing my fears is the only way to overcome anxiety. First week wouldn't get out of my house I was afraid of everything even people. However, everyday I would push myself to do something that it was part of my daily activities and tell my brain with love that it can turn off the FF alarm. I had no reason to be anxious. Since then I made so much improvement. Im getting my life back, and every time I feel anxious I feel my symptoms (which now are mild) and tell my brain that I dont need to escape from any danger, that I am safe. Forever grateful!. You are being my angel!
Thank you for addressing triggers that might be dangerous. Mine is men who yell terribly, and in my neighborhood it seems people who need to get angry on the phone do it outside, where I can hear them.
After a couple of anxiety videos I started feeling better fast... then after felt down.. watching some more. The more positive and action driven info is helping. Thank you
My avoidance techniques are talking to people about the cause of my anxiety (which can be genuinely helpful sometimes, but it often devolves into me just fishing for reassurance that everything is ok and I'm not a bad person), talking to my mom, watching UA-cam, or going and joining some social event. Showering, writing in my journal, or drinking tea are also all very soothing, but to me those aren't distractions so much as a way to soothe my agitated nervous system. I'm pretty good about not avoiding triggers, but I do try to avoid feeling the anxiety.
My go to ways to avoid feeling anxious are drinking, smoking, and avoiding social situations as much as possible. I’m loving your advice. I’m going to work on this. This is stuff I inherently know but needed the nudge to get started putting it into practice.
Ok, just psused the vid. My go avoidant behaviours are reading, social media, sleeping, & buying stuff for some imaginal future life. They are things with a good side but have become bad automatic habits.
Emma, your vids are so enlightening and give me courage. I’ve read many books on anxiety, panic attacks, self-help and mindfulness. I take 2 steps forward and 4 steps backwards - so frustrating! I had a bad experience driving over a double bridge (I was driving on the top level) when the wind shifted my car almost to the other lane. After that experience I began avoiding driving over bridges…that was around 15 years ago. The fear manifested into avoiding driving on highways, then avoiding driving to places I’m not familiar with. In summary, the feelings I experience are my legs and hands shake uncontrollably, my hands become sweaty, my mouth completely dry, I get a headache, my heart begins to palpitate and I can feel it in my throat, I lose focus as to where I’m suppose to be going losing any sense of direction and I feel I’m going to crash into another vehicle and freak out in public. It literally drains my body. I now avoid driving on highways because not sure if I have to cross a bridge. This has caused me to become angry, sad, frustrated and has kept me from being the free-spirited person I was when the only thing I thought about was driving to where I needed to go without hesitation.
Thank you YOU wonderful Being for sharing / GIVING.. . I am 53. For YEARS Joyce Meyer had "mentored" me in my walk with our God. I have never met her Never spoken to her Never had any communication with her, however She has been the ONE consistent Life Giving/nurturing, I can even say Loving voice presence in my life next to God himself. I " stumbled " across You a little less than 12 months ago and I can with confidence say that the level of impact your teaching videos has had on my life is equivalent to Joyce Meyers teachings. The love and deep peace, wisdom and ability that you both have to teach is astounding. A God giving ability. Jesus did say that we will do so much more than what he did..and I believe you both are. You both are reaching 100's of thousands and thousands souls more than what Jesus ever could. I thank God for you both. I pray Holy Spirit bless you abundantly. Thank you.
But what if most of my triggers are involve other person, that one cannot control how other person will act? And moreover my subconscios brings the trigerring reactions of other? Like: rejection, neglect, disrespect, abandonment, cold shoulder, break up, etc. These thins that trigger me into danger responses.
This is what i'm trying to figure out too. people are unlredictable, and when you have a fear of people, it's hard to uncouple your anxiety with something that is unpredictable
Yes. My fears revolve around PEOPLE I can't tell if a person is dangerous or not until it is too late. I cannot control what others do I can only control me, and get the hell out of there.
@@kimmmerkim5811 what are u concerned these people will do to you? What have they done to u in past that causes you fear, anxiety, etc.? How are the people u r currently anxious at being around similar to those that have caused u real harm in the past? I had similar issues in the past. Then I began to think “is this person I am near today, anything like the other person in the past who caused me harm?” If so how are they similar? And lastly, are any of those similarities likely to cause them to harm me? In most cases the person I am encounting today is similar in some ways, however those similarities are not connected to the reasons the person in the past harmed me . For example: I was harmed by a man, with a trucker cap, who hard missing teeth, and was a drunk and pedophile. The persons teeth and hat are not the characteristics that let him to harm me. The fact he was a pedo was the primary cause with his drinking being a likely contributing factor in that he almost certainly would not have harmed me in my past if he was NOT a pedo. If the past man had not been drunk he may have still harmed me but it is unclear. However, this new person is not going to harm me just because he has bad teeth or is wearing a hat. Nor is he a pedo just because he has bad teeth or because he wears a hat. It is helpful to me to identify specifically WHY the harm in the past occurred and then focus on how to accurately identify the true reason and ignore those characteristics of the harmful person which have nothing to do with why they harmed me as well as those which cannot universally be connected with harmful people as the are also characteristics of “safe” people; there are both safe and unsafe people who wear caps, whom have bad teeth,etc.
Thank you Emma. I'm currently battling trauma responses from an event that happened a year ago. Several months ago I decided that I wanted to dissociate certain places, a music album and some other small things from the trauma. Especially because many of the items on this list used to give me joy before the event. So I visited those places several times, I listened to that album while doing some diy or coloring pages etc. now I still associate these things with the traumatic event sometimes but it doesn't happen every single time, and it doesn't trigger the bad emotions that are linked with the traumatic event. After watching this video today, I realized there's still a few things that I do immediately associate with the traumatic event and that I keep avoiding. I'm gonna make a list today and address those as well. Thank you so much, your videos have helped me tremendously in the past year. Part of this is due to the fact that I'm not feeling validated by the only person that knows about the trauma, they just think I should shake it off. But thanks to your videos I'm learning that X is caused by Y and that Z is a natural response et cetera. This allows me to validate my own feelings and not need external validation or aknowledgement of the pain I suffered. Nobody will ever know what I endured, what I felt, the scars I bear. Nobody will ever understand me better than myself. Knowing how my brain works is like a cheat code to do what's necessary to bring it back to a healthy state. I'm the only one that knows exactly *what* I'm working with and you are teaching me *how* to do it. I'll never thank you enough.
I certainly avoid anxiety by watching youtube videos or texting people. I also focus on my breathing during moments of growing anxiety/discomfort, but I'm not sure if that counts as avoidance. Thanks for the helpful video!
I also feel like I have the emotional IQ of a toddler. Can't self soothe anymore before. I had a great life before this. I was a RN for 14 years. I felt quite self actualized. I'm nothing like I was.
Thank you so much for your work. Unhelpful ways I avoid my emotions etc -switching the topic, leaving, switching jobs, smoking weed, eating, endless television
Thank you for adding the "what if a trigger IS dangerous" at the end. I was wondering about that. I get really panicked in cars ever since I almost wrecked really badly. You have great advice in your videos! Thanks so much!
Growing up , I would always get triggered by the word Mexican, but why its my heritage. I had to relearn that its’ pronounced in spanish its so beautufl mexicano. Well, today working in shepherdsville kentucky , my co workers use this word to trigger me, but it doesnt effect me.. Today, I know how to relearn. I Majored in Psychology 1998, but today I am in tech industry.. Downey California
But NOT LatinX. That woke term triggers me a bit. I'm half Mexican-American on my Mom's side. That ole Pancho Villa drove my maternal great & grandparents over the border fleeing for their lives leaving everything behind in Mexico. Thankfully no border control rules back in 1913! :-) Millions came into the US from south during that time. Some relatives went back later when safer, but my grandparents stayed & started over.
I'm a psychiatric patient with Bipolar 1 and PTSD (disabled veteran). I have been locked in a cycle of avoidance coping for years. Your video was extremely helpful and highly informative! Thank you! (I took notes and will watch it again).
When faced with a situation, I tend to physically and mentally leave as quickly as possible. I jitter or play with my hands, or I twirl a strand of my hair. But, if that doesn't calm me down, looking at the floor, plugging my ears and shutting my eyes sometimes gets me back in the moment. I am learning how to actually register that I am not in danger, and it is going well so far. I've been able to re-wire myself to register driving as what is going on moment-for-moment, not "oh no, what if I-" And it's thanks to the Lord and your videos! I am so thankful you've come into my life. Thank you so much for talking about Neuroplasticity- me being a science nerd, that is such a phenomenon that gives me hope.
I needed this im trying to push negatives thoughs out my mind that make me very anxious, tight chest, churning stomach and being very scared. Just lost my job had a awful boss who has ground me down then sacked me, i know im better off in long run but im grabbling with anxiety.
I try to push it on my thoughts too but sometimes it there peeping through I always get a weird funny feeling in the tummy talking to some people don't know why...sorry about your situation not nice
Emma, this video is the best one I ever saw on UA-cam over few years occasionally watching videos. I have never heard this well explained. I have Anxiety and PTSD from 10 years of school bullying. For me people are triggers, but when I don't avoid them I see and I say- they are ok, they won't harm me. An when I use AVOIDANCE, anxiety grows. But now I heard this helped me better understand the cycle. I will continue to work on gradual exposure and flex my emotional muscle. Love you
LOVED THIS!!! Sooo very helpful. I just shared today with my holistic health group about how I learned from you about how avoidance of a trigger only makes it worse the next time. You helped me in this video to learn even so much more. Help me to figure out that since I have triggers being in a public space with loud bounding music that triggers me, I will actually start listening to music like that in my home and titrate it until my nervous system begins to feel safer. So excited to realize this after hearing you just now. So thankful for you sweet lady. ❤
Before you even got to it I was wondering about situations where there is potentially a little danger, but it's a thing you normally do. I love reframing it as the ultimate objective being more important than the temporary discomfort of anxiety.
It's hard once we've had a danger in our life. In the case of the backpack... It would up end my world. As I use backpacks for everything. Unfortunately I tend to not realize the real hazard and everyone says omg how did you not realize the danger... it can be a snowball effect and I have my own as well. Because I haven't felt safe or coped with the danger being gone from my life.
Thank you for placing possibilities out into the world that can help, though they might feel dangerous. Perception n experience of safety n capability has helped me. Your calm tone n simple explanations have helped me to increase my own work that i am doing for myself. Thank you for your compassion n patience to explain n care. hugs.
Emma, I am always so encouraged by your videos - as a clinical trainee, they have given me better insight. Your delivery is so practical and helpful. Thank you for all you do!
I grew up in a verbal abusive sarcastic home! And I’m still living in it Today! I was also verbally abused by my third grade teacher and special ed. Teacher in seventh grade! And it’s really affected me so much I don’t want to leave home and on top of that I have seizures caused by stress and anxiety! Valerie
What you call anxiety about anxiety, is called 'second fear' by Dr. Claire Weekes, whose book from the 1960s is still in print! It's a really fun take on this same phenomenon, with practical advice in a unique and interesting voice.
Stop looking for hope in the comment section! Those who’ve actually gotten through it wont waste there time and come back here! Just be hopeful! And keep believing! You’ll be in a much better place ;)
My biggest subconscious avoidance to my current knowledge is humor. To try to publicly ignore or laugh off my trauma or pain and make others feel more comfortable with the topic. Lately, as of being 21, I drink a lot. I have been using substances that are in my current environment to try to forget or 'avoid' my pain and discomfort temporarily. I recently found this channel and have been near 'obsessed' with these videos because I have always been highly intrigued with psychology and mental health and how the brain works overall.. I have been trying to learn more to help others, but also trying to help myself.... I looked this video up today specifically because I was having PTSD flashbacks from when I was in a semi-abusive (gaslighting and sometimes escalated to physical) relationship, in which I became pregnant with their kid.. I was 21 weeks pregnant at 20 years old in an unhealthy relationship and my family just moved across country not knowing I was pregnant, I lost my 3 year stable place of living, I lost my best friend, and my partner was emotionally and physically unavailable as their mom was passing away in another state... I was not in a good position mentally or physically and decided I could not have this child.. it was one of the hardest decisions of my life and I miss her so often and the life I could be living right now.. the reason I looked this video up in particular due to my past trauma.. was because I am currently in a relationship that reminds me of that past relationship and I have in the last week's been worried about pregnancy, I have had terrible dreams about being pregnant and flashbacks of the times throughout the relationship.. I now have a negative trigger to pregnancy in general because I still subconsciously blame myself and feel selfish for ending the pregnancy and miss my baby girl that I have only met in dreams... Thank you So Much for this video and I hope I can continue to use this to help me advance positively. Much Love Ya'll.
this is so helpful. signed, thought it was plain old insomnia but now seeing that i couldn't identify the anxiety/fear in my body that occurs when i can't sleep. "fear response to something safe" i am hopeful i can learn to feel better. thank you!
It's awesome that you mentioned "coping skills" as a way to actually practice avoidance. As soon as you said that I realized that's something I've been doing for a while. At one point I really, really needed to just put the world down and grab a coloring book, journal, be alone, etc- but there are times where I know I'm really just scared and avoiding the responsibilities of life. And I know it's not even something to be scared of- which is the most frustrating thing- it's just that the avoidance has been practiced for so long that my brain doesn't believe it. The limbic system is stuck, much to the dismay of my cortex (and sense of self-esteem). It's also really great, to me, that you mentioned "trying not to care". I've been going through a divorce with my husband and it's been the most challenging time in my life so far (which is saying a lot). He's always been a super-avoider (which is a big reason why I left him, but now some of that has rubbed off on me!) and immediately got a new partner and bounced state. He kept saying "I'm over it", but I knew that wasn't the case. Now I see he was just practicing another kind of avoidance. Thank you for your help!!!
Brilliant thank you. I'll dealing with the trauma part of a traumatic brain injury 8 years later. I get lost between anxiety reaction and brain injury effects like my reactions to loud sounds. City living being so unpredictable has inched the anxiety up over the years. Small steps. I'll start in parks and build up the toolbox. Small steps! Thanks loads
Trigger avoidance strategies: Eat/Binge/incapacitate body, throw self into new self-help scheme, add more stress to cause brain overload, waste time, over share with friends, over deliver at work, and try to control people's perception of me (don't let them feel upset or angry at me, cheer them up).
This is very informative, I always experience my heart beating fast, sweating, nausea and sometimes I won't realize what goes on around me when I remember my workplace hostility and stigma or words thrown to me. I now know how to better face my triggers. Thank you.
Thank you so much for these videos...even just the sound of your voice helps! I've been having terrible anxiety & PTSD after a bad accident last year which I've felt stuck in for months now....I'm working through each of your videos & already I'm seeing a difference in my calmness....please keep them coming... thank you 🥰
Love your videos! You’re an excellent teacher. 🤓 There’s something I’d like to add. I think it’s okay for people to avoid situations that will traumatize or re-traumatize them, such as violent and/or gruesome movies about sexual assault, war, the Holocaust/holocausts, murder, etc. Could you elaborate on that?
Hello Emma! Thank you SO MUCH!! With all my heart for everything that you do for everyone!!! Oh my gosh this means everything to me!! Your knowledge this video has HELPED ME SO MUCH!!!! I can NOT thank you enough, you have helped me extremely beyond words!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
My triggers are based on repetitive lies by my partner. Now whenever he talks about certain subjects I can feel my heart drop to my feet because I can't tell if it's the truth or another lie; even if it's a passing comment. My therapist said I've suffered PTSD from the worst parts of the relationship. I find it extremely hard to reframe my thoughts 😔
He may have a Personality Disorder. Some of them are pathalogical liars, I have PTSD from Narcissist abuse. Just dropping this in here because it may be a bread crumb trail.Dr Ramani is great on identifying these kinds of people.
My son's fussiness/crying is a huge trigger for me, I have postpartum anxiety/depression and PMDD. I have developed pretty severe panic attacks and anger issues. Obviously I can't avoid my child, but avoidance for me is an anxiety/panic attack. I feel like the hulk honestly, I get have so many triggers and emotions and hormones happening all at once that a switch in my brain is switched and I completely explode with anger. I am hitting rock bottom as of lately and I am honestly scared. My husband and I are going to do some MDMA together very soon and I am praying that that will give my brain a reset to make new connections and hopefully get rid of my panic attacks. I am very thankful for this youtube channel, I have been watching since 2020 and it has helped me tremendously.
I always used to avoid being in front of peoples and their questions. It really makes me anxious when I think to be in such a place where i surrounded by the group of people and all eyes on me..like family gatherings etc
I love your videos and avoiding triggers is something I have been doing and you are correct about the subject I am avoiding has gotten bigger not going away. I will check your playlist.
Thanks. Yep, avoidance is me. Basically, all the things you listed. I don't know what to do. Exposure is scary. But thanks, I got the info I needed, very informative.
Thanks for these videos. Weirdly, after years of progressively worsening ptsd and other issues, I am beginning to be able to feel that there is hope. As a musically prone and intellectually captive person, the cadence of speech patterns along with engaging language (aka smart words soft tones) is especially helpful. I hope that we all can develop the belief in hearing and disregard the fear of failure and loss.
But maybe many of theese triggers arent triggers but re-victimization. Havent people heard of the situation of people having complex PTSD and keep on attracting the same people and situations over and over again.
That's a tough one. The idea of self fulfilling prophesy. I think if we are working to overcome the trigger and expose ourselves to those situations of being triggered differently, using techniques she recommends... Well, thats the opposite of vicitimhood. Good luck 💗🍀
If I catch a whiff of Marlboro 27s, I’m immediately on edge because of a past abusive partner. And that’s just one of many triggers I have. I’m so glad to have seen this video.
I stay home & avoid......I really struggle with attending my sons’ sporting events bc my husband unexpectedly passed away & I am very triggered by some of the parents.....thank you Emma, this video inspires me to GO to the games🏐🏐🏀🏀
I watched a lady today talking about losing her husband unexpectedly. She said how much it helped her to have a few therapy sessions focused on the bereavement & attending a group for widows, even though she was the youngest there. I felt called to share this with you, forgive me if it is not relevant. Much love to you
I avoided through porn addiction, fast food, worrying about others problems, smoking weed, sleeping all day, over studying and over working out. A lot of sexual appetite and pefectionism stopped me from facing my mind. It's crazy though because I'm not new to self help and every time I learn something new my brain lies to me and tells me I'm finished, I'm fixed, I'm better.
You know... I've always been told by past therapists and other survivors alike that PTSD is something you never recover from but that you just learn to cope with it the best and healthiest you can, and internalizing that idea has kept me from feeling like the avoidance aspect of post-traumatic symptomology was even problematic at all, because I just saw it as the most healthy way that I knew how to cope with known triggers. (Or at least healthier than many of the alternatives; but to say the least, by comparison to those unhealthy and sometimes even lethal ways of coping I was content with avoidance and didn't even see it as an issue to address but rather just my new way of life that kind of sucked, lol.) What you said in this video is the first thing to give me hope for real recovery in the ten years since my diagnosis with PTSD, and what I would've given to be told so much sooner... And I've always heard that experiment discussed for a variety of reasons, but I've somehow NEVER heard the part with the end results of the dogs no longer pairing the salivation behavior to the bell. (I only would hear the initial part to describe the way we associate behavior to a trigger, and then it would end there no matter what the context.) So this just absolutely blew my mind... I'm definitely sharing this with a few other survivors I know. Thank you so much for the work you put into creating this content for survivors. I've come a looooong way in recovering, but for so long now I've felt stuck in the same pattern of just hopeless avoidance. Now I have a sense of direction and purpose again for the first time in years, and it's absolutely invigorating. And I'm brand new to this channel, but I can only imagine all the other thousands who have seen this and felt at least some benefit, too, and I sincerely hope karma has rewarded you in kind. Again, thank you!
Hi! I love your videos, they have helped me a ton. I was wondering if you could do a video (or give a link to useful information) about handling academic stress/anxiety, like why does it get to some of us much more than others, even good students, or maybe how avoidance may be related to procastination, or that kind of things. I believe it could benefit a lot of people. Thank you for your videos anyway.
I'm curious how to apply this technique with developmental trauma. I freeze a lot. Many times I don't even know why until I'm able to step back analyze it. I may stay in the frozen state with severe anxiety for a week or more. One wrong interaction can cost me hugely! I'm completely avoidant at all cost. Ive had several years of therapy. The last year or so was trauma based, yet I still have these symptoms. You're videos are very helpful! Thank you for putting this information out there.
I have ptsd and anxiety where I’m from people I known have passed away to gun crime and I get ptsd from any car or bikes I see when I go out. This makes me not want to go out at all and I find myself staying inside like all the time. Sometimes I’m even scared at the Comfort of my own home when I think about it and I just stay inside my room. I find it hard to overcome as I’ve been suffering from this for years. Speaking for a friend
I am so gentle with her and I focus on taking care of my home and everything is fine. The minute I try and do more, she becomes angry. Her extreme anxiety over my working brings me down because I have a great love of design. I am not overly focused on housework like she was and I have no children (or husband) so I understand her anxiety. I feel there must be a middle ground and I would like to experiment with those boundaries a little to see what happens but she wants no part of it. I feel that I am capable of both - house and home care as well as professional discipline without becoming a freak. I understand her fears because the work ethic in my mom's house was incredibly high and my chosen partners in the past have been pretty useless as far as contributing to overall responsibilities goes. But I cannot seem to change anything without fully commiting to creating this change and my mom wants no part of it. As soon as I try and push my own boundaries, she becomes determined to extricate me out of her life. I would never hurt my mom and I have proven that in the past but still she is totally resistant. It's a tough situation. I know that one person is not capable of being all things to all people at once, but surely there must be a solution.
Hello! Your series has been incredibly helpful with coping and learning how to better address certain symptoms and certain feelings or anxiety can unfortunately bring on. However I would love it if you could maybe make a series on PTSD from listening to crime stories online and maybe seeing certain graphic videos in the past. I am struggling with excepting that certain things do happen and I don’t know how to how to apply some of the advice that you give on your videos and I would love it if you maybe could make a series on rewiring the brain to not be afraid of these things. I’m just having a tough time accepting that certain things happen and I wanna know how to overcome that fear that I feel.
I probably have a few things. For instance when you mentioned car I started to well up because it reminded me of the many times my parents nagged me to drive and that I need a car - in fact I remember being barely 5 years old and being at my grandparents and my granny always saying it was a pity I wasn't older that I could drive her into town. I just had this incessant hatred because it would be drummed up again and again even in work as well especially as they brought in the family trope. I remember getting behind the wheel of a forklift and feeling so disorientated that I threw up - we were shown this German safety video which made matters worse for me beforehand - I was nervous beforehand. But the movement of the vehicle plus the perceived notion of being in control of it was too much for me. I tried again on another day but I was extremely dizzy and couldn't co-ordinate to save my life. It was only when I mentioned this to my dad he just looked downward and said "well you'll never drive again" and eventually they stopped pestering me to start driving and all I felt was relief. It was always something enforced upon me. I get the same anxiety by being on a boat - hearing the engine just makes me feel unbearably tense and moving on sea level is just horrible. For a while, I couldn't face my phone as if it went off it would generally be my boss who would be so angry with me over mistakes and they would be so bad that my health deteriorated to the point where it is now. We're talking being painfully micromanaged over the phone. I still occasionally get vivid nightmares over it. Even now, I'd rather I didn't have a phone to some extent because the noise just makes me jump. Noise is a big factor I guess. I wish for some form of silence or I can be selective in how I listen to noise.
Emma I really loved this one... it really resonated with me. My 1st therapist I actually did go see her thinking I was ready for meds because my anxiety was getting really debilitating. She got it in her head I was against meds and she was very harsh and I remember her saying well basically it's either meds or behavior therapy which pretty much means doing what you're afraid of! It just came across so harsh and I have no idea why she thought she had to pressure me to take meds because like I said I was already ready for this step. Anyways the way you just described gently dipping your toe into doing things you're afraid of came across so differently than the way she aggressively just said you're gonna have to do what you're terrified of if you won't take meds! And I was going home thinking if I could do that I wouldn't have come to see you! I've tried a couple more therapists over the years and all they wanted to do was diagnose and medicate me not help me get better by therapy. I'm still on meds for decades and I'm fine with that but gave up on therapists long ago. Still plenty of anxiety and you give me hope that there really are therapists that can help me. I have gotten more out of your videos by far than any in person therapy so thank you for the help and the hope. I watch you on the treadmill. 😊
You can actually cure it, I micro dose on psychedelic mushroom after a long time of treatment that didn’t work, it helped me over it after my service , it’s a permanent treatment
We use content or trigger warnings in our community and we've found that they're helpful for three reasons, none of which have to do with fully avoiding triggers: 1) avoid content that may be inappropriate for a setting (work, around children, etc.) 2) giving people a heads up so they can remind themselves that they are safe before engaging with the possibly triggering content, and 3) avoiding content at a time when having an anxiety/panic attack or flashback would be very inconvenient (work, around certain friends/family, when caring for young children, etc.) or detrimental to their wellbeing (like when they're already severely depressed or anxious). We had to survey the community to figure out how to best manage trigger/content warnings and we got a lot of detailed information. We had content warnings for our book club and more people were able to participate because they had more information, and thus felt better about when they were going to expose themselves to certain content and could use it WITH a plan to desensitize themselves instead of just avoidance. The community is particularly focused on improving mental health, so that might be the reason but everyone I know uses trigger or content warnings like this, not to fully avoid. Because no one wants to be in this perpetual state of avoidance.
I have an avoidance of doing what it's good for me or just trying at new things the excitement and hopefulness seems to "trigger" a deep sense of "what's the point? It's gonna be taken from me anyway" It's been this way for me for half my life and I worry about how I can get over the thoughts in my head as triggers. It's crazy to feel that I want to stay in my anxiety and depression because it feels like home. But with my main trigger it feels almost impossible to fight for joy because it's my thoughts that are limiting me. Your videos have been helpful in helping me realize that im not doomed but I have work to do it's just feels difficult.
Hi Redd, Although it's not necessary to get rid of tbe anxiety, I find very helpful to try to remember where this first came from. It might be a point where something you really liked or love was taken of you, sometimes this might have ahppened more than once. This can help you to realize this fellings are from the past, from your hurt child, and you don't need to keep them anymore because you are an adult and know more and controls more what happens with you. With that specific idea of "things will be gone" it might also be good to learn some Mindfulness techniques that helps to notice the changes in every moment. That's what helps me, I hope it makes sense to you too.
i hate when people say just think positive to overcome ptsd that is not how ptsd works in the slightest and anyone who truly suffers from ptsd knows that
I developed a serious social anxiety due to trauma and i avoid people for almost 4 years now. I dont leave my house anymore, i cant work, i dont have friends or familiy. People are dangerous to me. I dont trust anyone. I am lonely everyday. But i cant change that. Iam living a really sad live right now. 😕 Its so hard to find a therapist. I have to wait for month or years.
Hi I’m 45 female (tomorrow!) been driving since I was 20 something that I used to love and proud to call a good driver in another country. 5years ago I moved to North America , tried to convert my local license to here. I got racially discriminated and failed giving a very silly excuse . I was disgusted, demotivated and refused to take the test due to fear of being failed again . I never doubted I couldn’t drive , but this incident had drained my confidence in driving and in my personality . I’ve developed a slight stutter to my disbelief as well . It has been five years . Meanwhile , I’ve seen a lot of racial discrimination from many people at malls , supermarkets added fuel to my disgust and fear for the test . I avoided social contacts , stayed home most times ,Sounds lame , I know .. I can’t help it . Now it’s time to take the test after 5 years , I booked a day in November . I’m anxious and worried . And I feel sleepy when I get behind the wheel . I’m a person who never fell asleep in vehicles even as a passenger . Last time at the drive test , I was just nervous. But this time I’ve no confidence and anxious . I’ve been avoiding way too long , I know . What can I do now ? Thanks .
I’ve got the same problem your daughter had. Made some progress with it by regularly using them; slowly habituating. Sometimes the threat can be to our self esteem, like fear of embarrassment for instance. With problems like that you have to practice self acceptance before exposing yourself to the stimulus otherwise exposure can be very stressful! I find it difficult to talk in front of a group of people because of social anxiety issues. Made some progress with that as well by reading out my work to my local creative writing group.
I have ptsd after traumatic experiences at the doctor and dentist. I always fainted and vomited. A few years ago I started to faint uncontrolled in safe situations. Now I have severe cfs and anxiety. I have little hope left, have been working on exposure but I get to sick.
Maybe TRE (trauma release exercises) could help you with that situation. There are some videos here on UA-cam if you are interested. Also, Somatic Experience therapy is very gentle and effective in my experience with trauma healing. "Somatic Experiencing sessions involve the introduction of small amounts of traumatic material and the observation of a client’s physical responses to that material, such as shallow breathing or a shift in posture. The therapist will frequently check in with the client to assess and record somatic sensations that may be imperceptible to the practitioner, such as feelings of heaviness, tightness, or dizziness. Practitioners proceed carefully and cautiously to avoid retraumatizing or triggering the client, and they help people to develop and employ self-regulating strategies. A key component to enhancing one’s ability to self-regulate is the practice of alternating, or “pendulating,” between the sensations associated with trauma and those that are a source of strength and comfort. The SE practitioner will help the client find places of safety, whether that be a place in the body that is not activated by the trauma, or a physical place to retreat to in one’s mind. Experiencing the sensations related to the traumatic event in a safe way allows a person to fully process the trauma. "
Just don’t bother re-traumatising yourself. Soon they’ll have mdma and mushroom pills from drs for ptsd to help. It’s not easy for any of us and we shouldn’t have to suffer Re exposure won’t help at all
Today, I took a shower with the dimmed lights, talked to someone new, listened to a band that gives me anxiety, sat alone with my thoughts, and ate a food I was afraif of :) I'm super proud. I'm so determined to feel free again.
Well done honey. Try small like ten min self compassion meditation when you wake up. Self compassion regulates the vagus nerve. Test yourself you won't die, if you do, youd never know🤔😂
@@tracynewton3083 ppoollpip08pip
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How are you doing
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I'm a person that "freezes", also, I have what I call a "delayed reaction" to anything that happens that creates stress or anxiety. In other words, I don't have any reaction right away, I "numb out" and I will usually feel it when I'm finally alone and it feel "safe to feel".
Omg me too
Thought I was the only one
DISASSOCATION ?
I understand this so much! thank you for putting it into words. often i just feel incredibly stupid once i can finally react to what happened. but like emma said, these are survival reaponses so thank our mindbodies for keeping us alive.
Wow...I have that too
Emma, your channel is saving my life one day at a time. Everyday I feel stronger and more hopeful that I can have a happy life free from the prison of panic, anxiety and ptsd and it’s thanks to you and your channel.
Yes! I agree! I have been searching for information around my issues for years. None of it has been broken down like Emma’s material. I am so happy to find information that I can relate to, understand and apply. Thank you, Emma! You really have a gift.
thank you, thank you, thank you! i spent 33 years in a very abusive cult..........and you are helping me more that any therapist i have ever been to i love your calm and caring voice, and that you come right to the point, and you are so easy to understand.....you are a great teacher
wow, your a survivor, you can do anything.. keep pushing and doing whatever makes YOU happy!
It is likely that you were not ready for the therapy state you were taken to at the time... you were taken to in therapy. It happens a lot, the therapist just takes the client to face the fear while the person is not cleared enough to enter that stage of treatment; then client significantly gets worse and thinks therapy is useless; which in fact the method was not right and was not meeting client's state at the moment.
I agree, she is awesome. Her voice has a calming caring effect that makes you feel everything is going to be alright. 🤗
Religious deception is probably the worst form of mental anguish and confusion. That is....from extra-Biblical sources like cults, etc...not true Faith in God. God is not the author of confusion 1 Corinthians 14:33.
I don't mean to preach....I speak from experience...even my own self deception type thinking. I don't believe in the health, wealth, prosperity gospel....but a part of me has my own health and prosperity gospel....causing me distress and anxiety...magical thinking etc....
Creating anxiety about anxiety about sums things up for me. I worry about worrying! It's the fear and consequence of the fears.
I can understand
I was neglected and abused as a child. Now, I feel everyone and everything is a threat. I don’t trust anyone and it affects my relationships. I’ve tried forgiving and thought I did. I Was doing really good until recently. I had a baby and then the pandemic hit. Your videos reassure me that I’m not crazy. Thank you💜
Me to you not alone
Me too, I understand
Praying for you hope things are better❤️🔥🙏🏼❤️🔥
Ya. Usually trust problem after trauma and bad experiences.
You are not alone 🙏🏽 💜
I avoid by dissociating, shopping, eating, scrolling, sleeping. Complex PTSD is so tough to rewire. I keep exposing myself to triggers though and breathing deeply as I do. It’s a challenge but it’s possible with awareness, courage and perseverance.
Strength to you Georgina! Life is tough, but so are you….a little message my son put on my phone for me.
Also, have you read “The Happiness Trap”?
Me too but we are aware, thats an improvement ❤
Emma, what?!?? “Anxiety is uncomfortable but is actually safe” you blow my mind!! BIG THANK YOU! Sousan
My triggers are constantly being emotionally hurt by people. So I keep everybody I meet at a distance to avoid the possibility of going through certain things again
That’s not healthy at all because you need human interaction without that you will slowly start to recluse into yourself and that’s not good at all and I don’t want that for you so if you need a friend I’m always here and you can always come talk to me OK.
Just know that you are loved
Same. I feel you. We can overcome this. ♥️🙏😖
Me too.. Shit even like i tried different ways it would only end the same. So right now i fee like helpless and maybe the best way is not to get involved too much ever again. Still sometimes is lonely... But it's better than getting hurt of things that i knew better i can prevent it from the start if I am not engaging too much on it.
The anxieties that I avoid are: almost all social situations (especially being in groups), public places with a lot of people, and arguing with my daughter. I have been working on trying to “uncouple” these pairings for a while now. It is so difficult but I know possible. I just have to work at placing myself in these situations and telling myself I am safe. I love how you hit on this subject so well. I liked being reminded that my brain can be rewired, of its neuroplacisity. Change is possible. I feel so hopeful again, as my struggle has been so difficult in my efforts. I have to accept progress over perfection. I need to remind myself I didn’t get this way overnight and for no reason; my brain is just doing its God given job, and reprogramming it is not a straight line or method, it’s going to take a lot of hard work, patience and time.
Hi Amy Kling ...Good luck on your journey...was wondering if you have someone with whom you can feel a sense of safety and trust around...for me. it’s my wife...and also telling myself, and acknowledging that what I’m feeling is fear...and ptsd...and that , even though, it feels really scary...so scary in fact, that maybe I’ll even become crazy... however, if I can ... allow myself to breathe slowly and deeply... it allows my nervous system to calm down...that the fear won’t kill me, and I won’t go crazy, either.
Aaron Farkas thanks. I have my boyfriend. We don’t live together so it’s difficult for me at the moment when most of my days are spent alone, unless my daughter is home, but she is only 16. I do feel safe most the time at my house, however isolating. I try and get out as much as I can with these diseases. Life ain’t easy...but with growth and healing it will get better...best of luck to you too.
Emma McAdam, you're like my imaginary best friend who gives the best advice and instruction ever! You are clearly walking out your purpose in life and changing the quality of life for countless others. Seriously, society is going to be a better place as more people watch and learn from your videos. Even children, dogs, cats, birds, etc are benefitting from parents/owners who are now emotionally healthier because of you. Emma McAdam, you're a true blessing to this world. Thank you for answering the "Call". God bless you.
I was literally helpless today and as feeling that no matter how har I try my situation can never improve as I have grown in an abusive environment. I just prayed god just show me the way to improve this situation and Here I am seeing your video Committing to face all my fears and triggers from now onwards thanks a lot I am glad people like you are there for people who can afford going to therapy ❤️❤️❤️💖
Here's a reminder to watch something again 💛 Her videos really help me too!
I can't afford therapy either and I'm desperate! You're not alone. ☹️
I struggle with triggers from my PTSD, and this is the only time I've heard an approach to recovery that offers a step by step plan that has perked me up and given me hope. I'm in 12-step recovery, so it makes sense to me. Thank you.
It's so nice when someone's finally explaining how these things work. "Be positive" etc. doesn't help much, it's actually rather discouraging, because you don't know the mechanism and logic behind your depression/anxiety/whatever, that it's a learned behavior accompanied by some ancient instincts. It only leads to another downwards spiral with self accusation of not being able to just snap out of it and think positively like everyone else. But once you learn it's not because you suck, your thinking patterns only are skewed and can be replaced with better ones, the feeling is so liberating and gives you motivation to go on. Thank you so much for these videos!
I just want to put this out for the viewers: she is not referring to ALL avoidance. It will be very important to build discernment and boundary skills in order for this behavior modification to be effective.
If you avoid something because it triggers you make sure you understand why that triggers you and work through that. If you avoid it because it causes you stress, like social media, understand that social media while technically 'safe' can be toxic so avoidance can actually be healthy. This is how discernment and boundary skills can be helpful. Make sure you have a professional that supports your therapy needs and can guide you through these resources and help tailor it to your specific needs.
I would like to thank you for offering so much help through social media. You helped me a lot with my mental condition in general. I could see myself in all videos that I've watched so far and it is still helping me. I have some goals towards my life, my health and well being and I know I will achieve it with your help. I learnt how to apply most of techniques of CBT among other to my day by day life and I'm improving and getting better each day. My sincere gratitude for being such a great professional and human being. You are doing a great job. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your help!. I had a traumatic event 3 weeks ago, lost 9 lbs in one week. Took nausea medicines and decided that I could not let a trauma define my life. The day I found you, I took your videos very serious. You taught me that facing my fears is the only way to overcome anxiety. First week wouldn't get out of my house I was afraid of everything even people. However, everyday I would push myself to do something that it was part of my daily activities and tell my brain with love that it can turn off the FF alarm. I had no reason to be anxious. Since then I made so much improvement. Im getting my life back, and every time I feel anxious I feel my symptoms (which now are mild) and tell my brain that I dont need to escape from any danger, that I am safe. Forever grateful!. You are being my angel!
Thank you for addressing triggers that might be dangerous. Mine is men who yell terribly, and in my neighborhood it seems people who need to get angry on the phone do it outside, where I can hear them.
You've helped me understand more about neroplasticity than the 2 day workshops I've attended.
@@sunset33533 I only understood mindfulness recently but knew about it since 'The peaceful warrior'. It's so simple and tru.
"if you can't explain it simply - you don't know it well enough."
True. I discovered I have to learn it several times until my brain finally fully absorbs this information
i mean i agree with you 🙂
After a couple of anxiety videos I started feeling better fast... then after felt down.. watching some more. The more positive and action driven info is helping. Thank you
@15:20 you telling me I “can do it!” really made me believe I *can* do it. ❤️
My avoidance techniques are talking to people about the cause of my anxiety (which can be genuinely helpful sometimes, but it often devolves into me just fishing for reassurance that everything is ok and I'm not a bad person), talking to my mom, watching UA-cam, or going and joining some social event. Showering, writing in my journal, or drinking tea are also all very soothing, but to me those aren't distractions so much as a way to soothe my agitated nervous system.
I'm pretty good about not avoiding triggers, but I do try to avoid feeling the anxiety.
My go to ways to avoid feeling anxious are drinking, smoking, and avoiding social situations as much as possible. I’m loving your advice. I’m going to work on this. This is stuff I inherently know but needed the nudge to get started putting it into practice.
Appreciate your generous work so much Emma. You are so easy to understand, and your demeanour is so calming. Thank you.
Ok, just psused the vid. My go avoidant behaviours are reading, social media, sleeping, & buying stuff for some imaginal future life. They are things with a good side but have become bad automatic habits.
Emma, your vids are so enlightening and give me courage. I’ve read many books on anxiety, panic attacks, self-help and mindfulness. I take 2 steps forward and 4 steps backwards - so frustrating! I had a bad experience driving over a double bridge (I was driving on the top level) when the wind shifted my car almost to the other lane. After that experience I began avoiding driving over bridges…that was around 15 years ago. The fear manifested into avoiding driving on highways, then avoiding driving to places I’m not familiar with. In summary, the feelings I experience are my legs and hands shake uncontrollably, my hands become sweaty, my mouth completely dry, I get a headache, my heart begins to palpitate and I can feel it in my throat, I lose focus as to where I’m suppose to be going losing any sense of direction and I feel I’m going to crash into another vehicle and freak out in public. It literally drains my body. I now avoid driving on highways because not sure if I have to cross a bridge. This has caused me to become angry, sad, frustrated and has kept me from being the free-spirited person I was when the only thing I thought about was driving to where I needed to go without hesitation.
Thank you YOU wonderful Being for sharing / GIVING.. .
I am 53. For YEARS
Joyce Meyer had "mentored" me in my walk with our God.
I have never met her
Never spoken to her
Never had any communication with her, however She has been the ONE consistent Life Giving/nurturing, I can even say Loving voice presence in my life next to God himself.
I " stumbled " across You a little less than 12 months ago and I can with confidence say that the level of impact your teaching videos has had on my life is equivalent to Joyce Meyers teachings.
The love and deep peace, wisdom and ability that you both have to teach is astounding.
A God giving ability.
Jesus did say that we will do so much more than what he did..and I believe you both are. You both are reaching 100's of thousands and thousands souls more than what Jesus ever could.
I thank God for you both.
I pray Holy Spirit bless you abundantly.
Thank you.
But what if most of my triggers are involve other person, that one cannot control how other person will act? And moreover my subconscios brings the trigerring reactions of other? Like: rejection, neglect, disrespect, abandonment, cold shoulder, break up, etc. These thins that trigger me into danger responses.
Yes I understand you. Same situation here.
This is what i'm trying to figure out too. people are unlredictable, and when you have a fear of people, it's hard to uncouple your anxiety with something that is unpredictable
Yes. My fears revolve around PEOPLE I can't tell if a person is dangerous or not until it is too late. I cannot control what others do I can only control me, and get the hell out of there.
@@kimmmerkim5811 what are u concerned these people will do to you? What have they done to u in past that causes you fear, anxiety, etc.? How are the people u r currently anxious at being around similar to those that have caused u real harm in the past?
I had similar issues in the past. Then I began to think “is this person I am near today, anything like the other person in the past who caused me harm?” If so how are they similar? And lastly, are any of those similarities likely to cause them to harm me?
In most cases the person I am encounting today is similar in some ways, however those similarities are not connected to the reasons the person in the past harmed me .
For example: I was harmed by a man, with a trucker cap, who hard missing teeth, and was a drunk and pedophile. The persons teeth and hat are not the characteristics that let him to harm me. The fact he was a pedo was the primary cause with his drinking being a likely contributing factor in that he almost certainly would not have harmed me in my past if he was NOT a pedo. If the past man had not been drunk he may have still harmed me but it is unclear. However, this new person is not going to harm me just because he has bad teeth or is wearing a hat. Nor is he a pedo just because he has bad teeth or because he wears a hat.
It is helpful to me to identify specifically WHY the harm in the past occurred and then focus on how to accurately identify the true reason and ignore those characteristics of the harmful person which have nothing to do with why they harmed me as well as those which cannot universally be connected with harmful people as the are also characteristics of “safe” people; there are both safe and unsafe people who wear caps, whom have bad teeth,etc.
Thank you Emma. I'm currently battling trauma responses from an event that happened a year ago. Several months ago I decided that I wanted to dissociate certain places, a music album and some other small things from the trauma. Especially because many of the items on this list used to give me joy before the event. So I visited those places several times, I listened to that album while doing some diy or coloring pages etc. now I still associate these things with the traumatic event sometimes but it doesn't happen every single time, and it doesn't trigger the bad emotions that are linked with the traumatic event.
After watching this video today, I realized there's still a few things that I do immediately associate with the traumatic event and that I keep avoiding. I'm gonna make a list today and address those as well.
Thank you so much, your videos have helped me tremendously in the past year. Part of this is due to the fact that I'm not feeling validated by the only person that knows about the trauma, they just think I should shake it off. But thanks to your videos I'm learning that X is caused by Y and that Z is a natural response et cetera. This allows me to validate my own feelings and not need external validation or aknowledgement of the pain I suffered. Nobody will ever know what I endured, what I felt, the scars I bear. Nobody will ever understand me better than myself. Knowing how my brain works is like a cheat code to do what's necessary to bring it back to a healthy state. I'm the only one that knows exactly *what* I'm working with and you are teaching me *how* to do it.
I'll never thank you enough.
I certainly avoid anxiety by watching youtube videos or texting people. I also focus on my breathing during moments of growing anxiety/discomfort, but I'm not sure if that counts as avoidance. Thanks for the helpful video!
I also feel like I have the emotional IQ of a toddler. Can't self soothe anymore before. I had a great life before this. I was a RN for 14 years. I felt quite self actualized. I'm nothing like I was.
Thank you so much for your work.
Unhelpful ways I avoid my emotions etc
-switching the topic, leaving, switching jobs, smoking weed, eating, endless television
Thank you for adding the "what if a trigger IS dangerous" at the end. I was wondering about that. I get really panicked in cars ever since I almost wrecked really badly. You have great advice in your videos! Thanks so much!
Growing up , I would always get triggered by the word Mexican, but why its my heritage. I had to relearn that its’ pronounced in spanish its so beautufl mexicano. Well, today working in shepherdsville kentucky , my co workers use this word to trigger me, but it doesnt effect me.. Today, I know how to relearn. I Majored in Psychology 1998, but today I am in tech industry.. Downey California
As a Kentuckian, let me apologize for my state's lingering discrimination. Bunch of old timey folks here.
But NOT LatinX. That woke term triggers me a bit. I'm half Mexican-American on my Mom's side. That ole Pancho Villa drove my maternal great & grandparents over the border fleeing for their lives leaving everything behind in Mexico. Thankfully no border control rules back in 1913! :-) Millions came into the US from south during that time. Some relatives went back later when safer, but my grandparents stayed & started over.
I'm a psychiatric patient with Bipolar 1 and PTSD (disabled veteran). I have been locked in a cycle of avoidance coping for years. Your video was extremely helpful and highly informative! Thank you! (I took notes and will watch it again).
You can actually cure it, I micro dose on psychedelic mushroom after a long time of treatment that didn’t work, it helped me over it after my service
*Formulah11*
When faced with a situation, I tend to physically and mentally leave as quickly as possible. I jitter or play with my hands, or I twirl a strand of my hair. But, if that doesn't calm me down, looking at the floor, plugging my ears and shutting my eyes sometimes gets me back in the moment. I am learning how to actually register that I am not in danger, and it is going well so far. I've been able to re-wire myself to register driving as what is going on moment-for-moment, not "oh no, what if I-" And it's thanks to the Lord and your videos! I am so thankful you've come into my life. Thank you so much for talking about Neuroplasticity- me being a science nerd, that is such a phenomenon that gives me hope.
I needed this im trying to push negatives thoughs out my mind that make me very anxious, tight chest, churning stomach and being very scared. Just lost my job had a awful boss who has ground me down then sacked me, i know im better off in long run but im grabbling with anxiety.
I try to push it on my thoughts too but sometimes it there peeping through I always get a weird funny feeling in the tummy talking to some people don't know why...sorry about your situation not nice
Emma, this video is the best one I ever saw on UA-cam over few years occasionally watching videos. I have never heard this well explained. I have Anxiety and PTSD from 10 years of school bullying. For me people are triggers, but when I don't avoid them I see and I say- they are ok, they won't harm me. An when I use AVOIDANCE, anxiety grows. But now I heard this helped me better understand the cycle. I will continue to work on gradual exposure and flex my emotional muscle. Love you
LOVED THIS!!! Sooo very helpful. I just shared today with my holistic health group about how I learned from you about how avoidance of a trigger only makes it worse the next time. You helped me in this video to learn even so much more. Help me to figure out that since I have triggers being in a public space with loud bounding music that triggers me, I will actually start listening to music like that in my home and titrate it until my nervous system begins to feel safer. So excited to realize this after hearing you just now. So thankful for you sweet lady. ❤
Thank you for throwing light on causes and ways of rewiring the brain.
Before you even got to it I was wondering about situations where there is potentially a little danger, but it's a thing you normally do. I love reframing it as the ultimate objective being more important than the temporary discomfort of anxiety.
It's hard once we've had a danger in our life. In the case of the backpack... It would up end my world. As I use backpacks for everything. Unfortunately I tend to not realize the real hazard and everyone says omg how did you not realize the danger... it can be a snowball effect and I have my own as well. Because I haven't felt safe or coped with the danger being gone from my life.
Thank you for placing possibilities out into the world that can help, though they might feel dangerous. Perception n experience of safety n capability has helped me. Your calm tone n simple explanations have helped me to increase my own work that i am doing for myself. Thank you for your compassion n patience to explain n care. hugs.
Emma, I am always so encouraged by your videos - as a clinical trainee, they have given me better insight. Your delivery is so practical and helpful. Thank you for all you do!
I grew up in a verbal abusive sarcastic home! And I’m still living in it Today! I was also verbally abused by my third grade teacher and special ed. Teacher in seventh grade! And it’s really affected me so much I don’t want to leave home and on top of that I have seizures caused by stress and anxiety! Valerie
What you call anxiety about anxiety, is called 'second fear' by Dr. Claire Weekes, whose book from the 1960s is still in print! It's a really fun take on this same phenomenon, with practical advice in a unique and interesting voice.
Stop looking for hope in the comment section! Those who’ve actually gotten through it wont waste there time and come back here!
Just be hopeful! And keep believing! You’ll be in a much better place ;)
Not hope just opinions
Facts
My biggest subconscious avoidance to my current knowledge is humor. To try to publicly ignore or laugh off my trauma or pain and make others feel more comfortable with the topic. Lately, as of being 21, I drink a lot. I have been using substances that are in my current environment to try to forget or 'avoid' my pain and discomfort temporarily. I recently found this channel and have been near 'obsessed' with these videos because I have always been highly intrigued with psychology and mental health and how the brain works overall.. I have been trying to learn more to help others, but also trying to help myself.... I looked this video up today specifically because I was having PTSD flashbacks from when I was in a semi-abusive (gaslighting and sometimes escalated to physical) relationship, in which I became pregnant with their kid.. I was 21 weeks pregnant at 20 years old in an unhealthy relationship and my family just moved across country not knowing I was pregnant, I lost my 3 year stable place of living, I lost my best friend, and my partner was emotionally and physically unavailable as their mom was passing away in another state... I was not in a good position mentally or physically and decided I could not have this child.. it was one of the hardest decisions of my life and I miss her so often and the life I could be living right now.. the reason I looked this video up in particular due to my past trauma.. was because I am currently in a relationship that reminds me of that past relationship and I have in the last week's been worried about pregnancy, I have had terrible dreams about being pregnant and flashbacks of the times throughout the relationship.. I now have a negative trigger to pregnancy in general because I still subconsciously blame myself and feel selfish for ending the pregnancy and miss my baby girl that I have only met in dreams... Thank you So Much for this video and I hope I can continue to use this to help me advance positively. Much Love Ya'll.
this is so helpful.
signed, thought it was plain old insomnia but now seeing that i couldn't identify the anxiety/fear in my body that occurs when i can't sleep. "fear response to something safe"
i am hopeful i can learn to feel better. thank you!
It's awesome that you mentioned "coping skills" as a way to actually practice avoidance. As soon as you said that I realized that's something I've been doing for a while. At one point I really, really needed to just put the world down and grab a coloring book, journal, be alone, etc- but there are times where I know I'm really just scared and avoiding the responsibilities of life. And I know it's not even something to be scared of- which is the most frustrating thing- it's just that the avoidance has been practiced for so long that my brain doesn't believe it. The limbic system is stuck, much to the dismay of my cortex (and sense of self-esteem). It's also really great, to me, that you mentioned "trying not to care". I've been going through a divorce with my husband and it's been the most challenging time in my life so far (which is saying a lot). He's always been a super-avoider (which is a big reason why I left him, but now some of that has rubbed off on me!) and immediately got a new partner and bounced state. He kept saying "I'm over it", but I knew that wasn't the case. Now I see he was just practicing another kind of avoidance. Thank you for your help!!!
Brilliant thank you. I'll dealing with the trauma part of a traumatic brain injury 8 years later. I get lost between anxiety reaction and brain injury effects like my reactions to loud sounds. City living being so unpredictable has inched the anxiety up over the years. Small steps. I'll start in parks and build up the toolbox. Small steps! Thanks loads
Trigger avoidance strategies: Eat/Binge/incapacitate body, throw self into new self-help scheme, add more stress to cause brain overload, waste time, over share with friends, over deliver at work, and try to control people's perception of me (don't let them feel upset or angry at me, cheer them up).
This is very informative, I always experience my heart beating fast, sweating, nausea and sometimes I won't realize what goes on around me when I remember my workplace hostility and stigma or words thrown to me. I now know how to better face my triggers. Thank you.
Thank you so much for these videos...even just the sound of your voice helps! I've been having terrible anxiety & PTSD after a bad accident last year which I've felt stuck in for months now....I'm working through each of your videos & already I'm seeing a difference in my calmness....please keep them coming... thank you 🥰
Love your videos! You’re an excellent teacher. 🤓 There’s something I’d like to add. I think it’s okay for people to avoid situations that will traumatize or re-traumatize them, such as violent and/or gruesome movies about sexual assault, war, the Holocaust/holocausts, murder, etc. Could you elaborate on that?
I am glad someone asked about this.
@sunsunslatky: great point
did she ever make a video about this? i would love to hear her perspective
Hello Emma! Thank you SO MUCH!! With all my heart for everything that you do for everyone!!! Oh my gosh this means everything to me!! Your knowledge this video has HELPED ME SO MUCH!!!! I can NOT thank you enough, you have helped me extremely beyond words!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
My triggers are based on repetitive lies by my partner. Now whenever he talks about certain subjects I can feel my heart drop to my feet because I can't tell if it's the truth or another lie; even if it's a passing comment. My therapist said I've suffered PTSD from the worst parts of the relationship. I find it extremely hard to reframe my thoughts 😔
He may have a Personality Disorder. Some of them are pathalogical liars, I have PTSD from Narcissist abuse. Just dropping this in here because it may be a bread crumb trail.Dr Ramani is great on identifying these kinds of people.
Praying for you hope you are in a better place now❤️🔥🙏🏼❤️🔥
My son's fussiness/crying is a huge trigger for me, I have postpartum anxiety/depression and PMDD. I have developed pretty severe panic attacks and anger issues. Obviously I can't avoid my child, but avoidance for me is an anxiety/panic attack. I feel like the hulk honestly, I get have so many triggers and emotions and hormones happening all at once that a switch in my brain is switched and I completely explode with anger. I am hitting rock bottom as of lately and I am honestly scared. My husband and I are going to do some MDMA together very soon and I am praying that that will give my brain a reset to make new connections and hopefully get rid of my panic attacks. I am very thankful for this youtube channel, I have been watching since 2020 and it has helped me tremendously.
Ah ha moment! One of some similar triggers for me: Phrase from boss: "We'll talk about..." is not equal to a "you've screwed up" threat. Thank you
I always used to avoid being in front of peoples and their questions. It really makes me anxious when I think to be in such a place where i surrounded by the group of people and all eyes on me..like family gatherings etc
I love you so much Emma McAdams you are my angel fully recovered from anxiety
Thank you from deep in my heart. Your videos are helping me so much during these difficult times. Thank you ❤️
support, spiriutality, prayer, medation
I love your videos and avoiding triggers is something I have been doing and you are correct about the subject I am avoiding has gotten bigger not going away. I will check your playlist.
Thanks for explaining the science behind meditation and yoga proud to be from a culture that intuitively understood this centuries ago 🕉️
What about things that evoke memories of a tragedy; it puts you in the memory of reliving the tragedy and loss?
Please do a video on health anxiety too
Thanks. Yep, avoidance is me. Basically, all the things you listed. I don't know what to do. Exposure is scary. But thanks, I got the info I needed, very informative.
You're beyond wonderful. Thank you 1000 times over for what you've doing ♥️
Thanks for these videos. Weirdly, after years of progressively worsening ptsd and other issues, I am beginning to be able to feel that there is hope. As a musically prone and intellectually captive person, the cadence of speech patterns along with engaging language (aka smart words soft tones) is especially helpful.
I hope that we all can develop the belief in hearing and disregard the fear of failure and loss.
You can actually cure it, I micro dose on psychedelic mushroom after a long time of treatment that didn’t work, it helped me over it after my service
This video had perfect timing because this is what I'm learning about in my psychology class this week, even Pavlov's dog experiment!
You are an incredible person
Thank you so much, I love the way you explain anxiety triggers and how to deal with them.
But maybe many of theese triggers arent triggers but re-victimization. Havent people heard of the situation of people having complex PTSD and keep on attracting the same people and situations over and over again.
Thats exactly what happens to me there's no escape from it
Wha how does that happen?
That's a tough one. The idea of self fulfilling prophesy. I think if we are working to overcome the trigger and expose ourselves to those situations of being triggered differently, using techniques she recommends... Well, thats the opposite of vicitimhood.
Good luck 💗🍀
Maybe we get so comfortable in that pattern we seek it out
If I catch a whiff of Marlboro 27s, I’m immediately on edge because of a past abusive partner. And that’s just one of many triggers I have. I’m so glad to have seen this video.
I can attest to this having gone through it! Thank you so much for putting it into such an understandable video. It all clicks and makes sense 💜
I stay home & avoid......I really struggle with attending my sons’ sporting events bc my husband unexpectedly passed away & I am very triggered by some of the parents.....thank you Emma, this video inspires me to GO to the games🏐🏐🏀🏀
I watched a lady today talking about losing her husband unexpectedly. She said how much it helped her to have a few therapy sessions focused on the bereavement & attending a group for widows, even though she was the youngest there. I felt called to share this with you, forgive me if it is not relevant. Much love to you
I avoided through porn addiction, fast food, worrying about others problems, smoking weed, sleeping all day, over studying and over working out. A lot of sexual appetite and pefectionism stopped me from facing my mind. It's crazy though because I'm not new to self help and every time I learn something new my brain lies to me and tells me I'm finished, I'm fixed, I'm better.
You know... I've always been told by past therapists and other survivors alike that PTSD is something you never recover from but that you just learn to cope with it the best and healthiest you can, and internalizing that idea has kept me from feeling like the avoidance aspect of post-traumatic symptomology was even problematic at all, because I just saw it as the most healthy way that I knew how to cope with known triggers. (Or at least healthier than many of the alternatives; but to say the least, by comparison to those unhealthy and sometimes even lethal ways of coping I was content with avoidance and didn't even see it as an issue to address but rather just my new way of life that kind of sucked, lol.) What you said in this video is the first thing to give me hope for real recovery in the ten years since my diagnosis with PTSD, and what I would've given to be told so much sooner... And I've always heard that experiment discussed for a variety of reasons, but I've somehow NEVER heard the part with the end results of the dogs no longer pairing the salivation behavior to the bell. (I only would hear the initial part to describe the way we associate behavior to a trigger, and then it would end there no matter what the context.) So this just absolutely blew my mind... I'm definitely sharing this with a few other survivors I know. Thank you so much for the work you put into creating this content for survivors. I've come a looooong way in recovering, but for so long now I've felt stuck in the same pattern of just hopeless avoidance. Now I have a sense of direction and purpose again for the first time in years, and it's absolutely invigorating. And I'm brand new to this channel, but I can only imagine all the other thousands who have seen this and felt at least some benefit, too, and I sincerely hope karma has rewarded you in kind. Again, thank you!
You're very well versed on psychology and the human condition. Thank you for sharing your expertise, you helped me at just the right moment 🦋
Hi! I love your videos, they have helped me a ton. I was wondering if you could do a video (or give a link to useful information) about handling academic stress/anxiety, like why does it get to some of us much more than others, even good students, or maybe how avoidance may be related to procastination, or that kind of things. I believe it could benefit a lot of people. Thank you for your videos anyway.
I'm curious how to apply this technique with developmental trauma. I freeze a lot. Many times I don't even know why until I'm able to step back analyze it. I may stay in the frozen state with severe anxiety for a week or more. One wrong interaction can cost me hugely! I'm completely avoidant at all cost. Ive had several years of therapy. The last year or so was trauma based, yet I still have these symptoms. You're videos are very helpful! Thank you for putting this information out there.
I have ptsd and anxiety where I’m from people I known have passed away to gun crime and I get ptsd from any car or bikes I see when I go out. This makes me not want to go out at all and I find myself staying inside like all the time. Sometimes I’m even scared at the Comfort of my own home when I think about it and I just stay inside my room. I find it hard to overcome as I’ve been suffering from this for years.
Speaking for a friend
Pavlov was probably conditioned to feed his dog every time he heard a bell ring.
Lol
ROFL. But please fix the typo. It's Pavlov. Cheers.
this cheered me up thank you mate
That sneaky little dog!
😆 🤣 😂 😹
I am so gentle with her and I focus on taking care of my home and everything is fine. The minute I try and do more, she becomes angry. Her extreme anxiety over my working brings me down because I have a great love of design. I am not overly focused on housework like she was and I have no children (or husband) so I understand her anxiety. I feel there must be a middle ground and I would like to experiment with those boundaries a little to see what happens but she wants no part of it. I feel that I am capable of both - house and home care as well as professional discipline without becoming a freak. I understand her fears because the work ethic in my mom's house was incredibly high and my chosen partners in the past have been pretty useless as far as contributing to overall responsibilities goes. But I cannot seem to change anything without fully commiting to creating this change and my mom wants no part of it. As soon as I try and push my own boundaries, she becomes determined to extricate me out of her life. I would never hurt my mom and I have proven that in the past but still she is totally resistant. It's a tough situation. I know that one person is not capable of being all things to all people at once, but surely there must be a solution.
I avoid a sibling, who whenever I communicate with her, I get high anxiety. :(
Vintagebeliever I have the exact issue of avoiding a sister that creates anxiety every time we talk, I have grown to be ok not connecting with her.
SO do I and some other people hwo live nearby too
Good 😌
SAME
Same. But she's a narc and I'm not sorry.
I love how u said it smoothly 11:07
Hello! Your series has been incredibly helpful with coping and learning how to better address certain symptoms and certain feelings or anxiety can unfortunately bring on. However I would love it if you could maybe make a series on PTSD from listening to crime stories online and maybe seeing certain graphic videos in the past. I am struggling with excepting that certain things do happen and I don’t know how to how to apply some of the advice that you give on your videos and I would love it if you maybe could make a series on rewiring the brain to not be afraid of these things. I’m just having a tough time accepting that certain things happen and I wanna know how to overcome that fear that I feel.
I probably have a few things. For instance when you mentioned car I started to well up because it reminded me of the many times my parents nagged me to drive and that I need a car - in fact I remember being barely 5 years old and being at my grandparents and my granny always saying it was a pity I wasn't older that I could drive her into town. I just had this incessant hatred because it would be drummed up again and again even in work as well especially as they brought in the family trope. I remember getting behind the wheel of a forklift and feeling so disorientated that I threw up - we were shown this German safety video which made matters worse for me beforehand - I was nervous beforehand. But the movement of the vehicle plus the perceived notion of being in control of it was too much for me. I tried again on another day but I was extremely dizzy and couldn't co-ordinate to save my life. It was only when I mentioned this to my dad he just looked downward and said "well you'll never drive again" and eventually they stopped pestering me to start driving and all I felt was relief. It was always something enforced upon me. I get the same anxiety by being on a boat - hearing the engine just makes me feel unbearably tense and moving on sea level is just horrible.
For a while, I couldn't face my phone as if it went off it would generally be my boss who would be so angry with me over mistakes and they would be so bad that my health deteriorated to the point where it is now. We're talking being painfully micromanaged over the phone. I still occasionally get vivid nightmares over it. Even now, I'd rather I didn't have a phone to some extent because the noise just makes me jump. Noise is a big factor I guess. I wish for some form of silence or I can be selective in how I listen to noise.
I have major problems with triggers. I look forward to hearing this and possibly helping my brain overcome this.
Emma I really loved this one... it really resonated with me. My 1st therapist I actually did go see her thinking I was ready for meds because my anxiety was getting really debilitating. She got it in her head I was against meds and she was very harsh and I remember her saying well basically it's either meds or behavior therapy which pretty much means doing what you're afraid of! It just came across so harsh and I have no idea why she thought she had to pressure me to take meds because like I said I was already ready for this step. Anyways the way you just described gently dipping your toe into doing things you're afraid of came across so differently than the way she aggressively just said you're gonna have to do what you're terrified of if you won't take meds! And I was going home thinking if I could do that I wouldn't have come to see you! I've tried a couple more therapists over the years and all they wanted to do was diagnose and medicate me not help me get better by therapy. I'm still on meds for decades and I'm fine with that but gave up on therapists long ago. Still plenty of anxiety and you give me hope that there really are therapists that can help me. I have gotten more out of your videos by far than any in person therapy so thank you for the help and the hope. I watch you on the treadmill. 😊
You can actually cure it, I micro dose on psychedelic mushroom after a long time of treatment that didn’t work, it helped me over it after my service , it’s a permanent treatment
*Formulah11*
We use content or trigger warnings in our community and we've found that they're helpful for three reasons, none of which have to do with fully avoiding triggers: 1) avoid content that may be inappropriate for a setting (work, around children, etc.) 2) giving people a heads up so they can remind themselves that they are safe before engaging with the possibly triggering content, and 3) avoiding content at a time when having an anxiety/panic attack or flashback would be very inconvenient (work, around certain friends/family, when caring for young children, etc.) or detrimental to their wellbeing (like when they're already severely depressed or anxious). We had to survey the community to figure out how to best manage trigger/content warnings and we got a lot of detailed information. We had content warnings for our book club and more people were able to participate because they had more information, and thus felt better about when they were going to expose themselves to certain content and could use it WITH a plan to desensitize themselves instead of just avoidance. The community is particularly focused on improving mental health, so that might be the reason but everyone I know uses trigger or content warnings like this, not to fully avoid. Because no one wants to be in this perpetual state of avoidance.
I have an avoidance of doing what it's good for me or just trying at new things the excitement and hopefulness seems to "trigger" a deep sense of "what's the point? It's gonna be taken from me anyway" It's been this way for me for half my life and I worry about how I can get over the thoughts in my head as triggers. It's crazy to feel that I want to stay in my anxiety and depression because it feels like home. But with my main trigger it feels almost impossible to fight for joy because it's my thoughts that are limiting me. Your videos have been helpful in helping me realize that im not doomed but I have work to do it's just feels difficult.
Hi Redd,
Although it's not necessary to get rid of tbe anxiety, I find very helpful to try to remember where this first came from. It might be a point where something you really liked or love was taken of you, sometimes this might have ahppened more than once. This can help you to realize this fellings are from the past, from your hurt child, and you don't need to keep them anymore because you are an adult and know more and controls more what happens with you.
With that specific idea of "things will be gone" it might also be good to learn some Mindfulness techniques that helps to notice the changes in every moment.
That's what helps me, I hope it makes sense to you too.
i hate when people say just think positive to overcome ptsd that is not how ptsd works in the slightest and anyone who truly suffers from ptsd knows that
I developed a serious social anxiety due to trauma and i avoid people for almost 4 years now. I dont leave my house anymore, i cant work, i dont have friends or familiy. People are dangerous to me. I dont trust anyone. I am lonely everyday. But i cant change that. Iam living a really sad live right now. 😕 Its so hard to find a therapist. I have to wait for month or years.
Wonderful, helpful, succinct and understandable explanation and examples on this topic! Thank you!
Thank you - I am working though my anxiety .You are a guiding light - much appreciated
Hi I’m 45 female (tomorrow!) been driving since I was 20 something that I used to love and proud to call a good driver in another country. 5years ago I moved to North America , tried to convert my local license to here. I got racially discriminated and failed giving a very silly excuse . I was disgusted, demotivated and refused to take the test due to fear of being failed again . I never doubted I couldn’t drive , but this incident had drained my confidence in driving and in my personality . I’ve developed a slight stutter to my disbelief as well . It has been five years . Meanwhile , I’ve seen a lot of racial discrimination from many people at malls , supermarkets added fuel to my disgust and fear for the test . I avoided social contacts , stayed home most times ,Sounds lame , I know .. I can’t help it .
Now it’s time to take the test after 5 years , I booked a day in November . I’m anxious and worried . And I feel sleepy when I get behind the wheel . I’m a person who never fell asleep in vehicles even as a passenger .
Last time at the drive test , I was just nervous. But this time I’ve no confidence and anxious .
I’ve been avoiding way too long , I know .
What can I do now ?
Thanks .
Confronting my avoidance brings on the nightmares that mess up my sleep which brings on the fatigue and depression.
I’ve got the same problem your daughter had. Made some progress with it by regularly using them; slowly habituating. Sometimes the threat can be to our self esteem, like fear of embarrassment for instance. With problems like that you have to practice self acceptance before exposing yourself to the stimulus otherwise exposure can be very stressful! I find it difficult to talk in front of a group of people because of social anxiety issues. Made some progress with that as well by reading out my work to my local creative writing group.
I have ptsd after traumatic experiences at the doctor and dentist.
I always fainted and vomited.
A few years ago I started to faint uncontrolled in safe situations.
Now I have severe cfs and anxiety.
I have little hope left, have been working on exposure but I get to sick.
Maybe TRE (trauma release exercises) could help you with that situation. There are some videos here on UA-cam if you are interested. Also, Somatic Experience therapy is very gentle and effective in my experience with trauma healing.
"Somatic Experiencing sessions involve the introduction of small amounts of traumatic material and the observation of a client’s physical responses to that material, such as shallow breathing or a shift in posture. The therapist will frequently check in with the client to assess and record somatic sensations that may be imperceptible to the practitioner, such as feelings of heaviness, tightness, or dizziness. Practitioners proceed carefully and cautiously to avoid retraumatizing or triggering the client, and they help people to develop and employ self-regulating strategies. A key component to enhancing one’s ability to self-regulate is the practice of alternating, or “pendulating,” between the sensations associated with trauma and those that are a source of strength and comfort.
The SE practitioner will help the client find places of safety, whether that be a place in the body that is not activated by the trauma, or a physical place to retreat to in one’s mind. Experiencing the sensations related to the traumatic event in a safe way allows a person to fully process the trauma. "
Just don’t bother re-traumatising yourself. Soon they’ll have mdma and mushroom pills from drs for ptsd to help. It’s not easy for any of us and we shouldn’t have to suffer
Re exposure won’t help at all