my dad told his girls: "men lose their jobs, they quit their jobs, they get hurt, they get sick, they die, they become cruel, they leave. you have to have the skills to pay your bills."
I was married by 24, had a Baby at 26 and was divorced and a single mum by 28. My ex never paid child support. I was getting on o.k., not rich, but we had everything we needed. Shortly before my dad died he told me, he could go in peace, if only I was taken care of and married. I’m still pissed!
@daebak_hana I'm pushing 40 and have been miserable for a long time now. And I only got to be stay at home mom for 3 years lol. (My kids are 9 and 6) Back at work now bc gotta pay the bills and start saving up so me and my girls can leave. I was pretty much a trad wife rven with a full time job. I'm TIRED.
My father had an affair and got his girlfriend pregnant when I was 12. He divorced my mom ( who had been a homemaker and helped him on the farm) and married his girlfriend (she also had to divorce her husband to marry my father). My mom then had to support us 4 kids with no income. My father complained (to me, then 14 years old) that he had to pay $400 a month for child support. This experience made me determined to never be dependent on a man for me and my children's well being.
@TanyaBoser my parents were divorced prior to my birth. My mom would make me ask for the child support check every month. And basically tell me on a daily basis how poor we were and couldn’t afford anything since about age 5. I have a horrible relationship with money as an adult, I obsess over it. I’m in my mid 30s now and for the first time ever since birth I’m not in the paycheck to paycheck cycle. My mom has only one time casually mentioned that she was sorry for any “anxiety” I had over money. I work full time and my husband works full time and we have our own bank accounts. Like you said I will never be dependent on a man to take care of me.
My father (back in the 50s), left his first wife with two young sons. He changed his SS number and left the state. He never paid a penny in child support to her. My mother met him after her father died. She became wife #4. Had two kids. He cheated. He finally left her for his side piece when I was 9. He was generous-he paid $800 a month. He came back when I was 14 because the side piece got fed up waiting for him to get a divorce. My mother actually took him back. She became a hospice wife. He had a stroke when I was 20. I walked away from that dumpster fire. Now 30 years later, I am married with kids. I met my husband when he was doing his PhD at MIT (I had just graduated top of my class in college, but decided to work for 1-2 years before going back to school). He convinced to wait to go back to school. So I worked and provided a good life for us. We moved for his post doc. There weren’t any good schools in my field, so I gave up on that. Had kids. Moved to Europe back to his country-he said he’d do everything to help me adjust. He did NOTHING. I learned the language. Stayed home with the kids. When he started talking about me “spending his money”, I said I’m going back for my masters degree. I went back to work-a 4 hour a day commute. He even lost his job and wouldn’t even look at a job more with more than a 30 minute commute. I eventually had to go on disability due to burn out and osteoarthritis in my back. I earn a good amount of money in disability, most of which I’m expected to turn over to him. I am not allowed to touch the “joint” bank account. My kids think that I’m useless and are angry that they even have to clean up after themselves. I’ve started seeing a therapist. Even she agrees that I’m trapped in a terrible situation. Even if you worked, you can end up screwed. Yah, I’d choose the bear.
I know several... 😢 All I ever wanted was to take a kid on a picnic at the lake. Make them (and there mom) happy, doing and learning things that might be useful later on. If you know what I mean...
After my husband's infidelity, he left to live with his mistress, who was also married. I have a college degree. He stopped paying the mortgage on our home. I got a full-time job with my county, took him to court, and had his check garnished for child support. It's important to educate your girls so they have something to fall back on. Love doesn't equal security.
I agree. Marriage is a contract that both parties should understand. Many women seem to think marriage is lifetime support. Can be lifetime alimony but dividing households doesn't double income. If ya all were just getting by in one household you can both expect much more struggle and a much lower standard of living when divorced. When my wife divorced me she fully expected me to pay alimony. She actually thought men always pay. I explained to her she was working as a teacher and I hadn't worked in 15 years so she would have to pay me alimony. I had retired 3 years into our marriage and hadn't told her. I was a software engineer, had a lot of assets pre-marriage which I used to live on. She was so disinterested in my life she didn't seem to notice I wasn't earning. When she checked she got so pissed of having to pay me alimony she dropped all claims on my assets in exchange for no alimony. The primary reason for me "retiring" was I could see the marriage wasn't good so all I would have been doing was working to increase her future alimony check. So I dropped out and wrote software I liked in exchange for equity which she wasn't interested enough to know about. She was happy enough to live in my house free, have free new cars, free trips and entertainment and spending all of "her" money from being a teacher on crap.
Organizations should be ashamed of this. I encountered shame from my church that I failed as a woman because my husband wanted rid of me. They shunned me because my abusive husband didn't want me. I had no place to go my parents didn't want me. He took my kids from me as well. And told me he has money to fight me so I may as well give up. My kids use to eat on the deck cause they where not allowed to take meat nto the house. They had no sheets on their beds and the baby sitters son abused my daughter. They are grown now but are still harmed by their father who is still playing sick games with them... this was 100% my falt for not valuing myself enough to take care of my future. Beliving in the church . And staying with a man that didn't value me to help me become strong . If they undermine your efforts for self improvements they will destroy you eventually. All the relationships that I have seen that work are the ones where both partners support and plan for the strongest future . Taking into account the what if situations that almost always occur.
If the church mandates that wives should stay at home and not be in the workplace, they should then step up and financially support and house those women when the marriage fails. They should also excommunicate the husbands. I am assuming here that the husband is initiating the divorce or forcing the wife to do so because of abuse.
A teacher told us that if we wanted to be stay at home spouses to first still have A finished education to fall back on and B get employed by our spouse as a homemaker or assistent or whatever, but officially with a contract, so we pay into our retirement fund and social security as well as not having a hole in the cv
My Mormon friends dad was a pastor and cheated on her mom with women in the congregation... The wife was an absolute goddess in managing children and running a house. Very forgiving, loving, attentive to her husband. Scarred me for life.
Religion is the worse indoctrination for women. It’s so harmful the deeper it is. She was probably super faithful and it got her no where and instead of blaming the teachings of her religion she will probably blame the devil and bad actors.
My Dad pulled me aside as a teen girl and told me to always make sure I made enough money to live on my own so no man could ever make me vulnerable. Glad I listened as it came in handy when zi had yo leave a domestic abuse situation.
@@jsnegirevayou missed the point here. Her father told her to make enough to live on her own. That means be able to pay for food rent transportation and health care. If you cannot afford the house you were paying with your partner but make enough money you can go rent a smaller house or little apartment or even a basement and still be able to pay your bills, the point is, you can still keep afloat even if you don't have a partner. If you have enough you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship, you don't have to accept infidelity. You have a choice. If you don't make enough you basically have to choose between staying in the relationship or going live in the streets. That's what her father meant by saying she should have enough. Not enough to keep the sane lifestyle but enough to live.
To the women who say "my husband would never" "you should have picked better" "my children's care matters more to me than climbing the career ladder" People change. People change.
Yeah, I picked the nice Christian guy... until after I had our baby I found out everything was a lie. 🤷♀️ when I was searching for a husband I had a whole small booklet that I made up to ask questions about values and beliefs.... I was so young, I never thought that someone could just lie. :(
@@silverkitty2503 Men are not perfect, but it is evil to lure a woman into bringing a child into the world just so you can abandon them both. Said what I said. Don't get married if you aren't ready to be an adult.
@@silverkitty2503 Men “lose interest”? Does it sound like her husband “lost interest”? Did he quit his job because he “lost interest” in her? Does he pay his child support sporadically and late because he “lost interest” in her? Has he conducted a campaign of financial abuse because he “lost interest” in her? You are delusional. You are making excuses for men so you don’t have to acknowledge that this can happen to you.
And made to work in prison while every penny goes to the children plus more payed by the government he has to pay back and if he doesn't within a certain amount of time straight back to jail for stealing from the government.
@@ElmachitoSilbateador Because conscription is wrong for both sexes - that's why most democratic countries don't use it anymore. My country dropped it by referendum and women also voted for it to go.
And women didn't fight for rights or careers only some did. A majority of women didn't want the right to vote. But contrary to what you retarded braindead women think women did work and always have
In my family, my father is the one who always always raised us in such a way that one day we would be financially independent and have a support system. One time, I asked him why he where his standards high when it came to education. He told me almost crying that he'd never want us to be mistreated or lacking in any way, even when he's gone. I'm grateful for that
Your father is a billion times better than most. My Christian patriarch father told me I would be wife & mother. Not have a job or education. I wish I never knew him. He is more of a pimp then father.
@@steffy23456 and HE (your dad) is an example of a man of character and integrity. Your dad is truly an example of what Christ meant when he said to men, “love your wives (family) as I love my Church (followers).” I’ve been blessed to have met a few men who exemplify this, thank you for sharing another.
I'm almost 40 and I would promote it... but a realistic person knows no lifestyle is without pros and cons. So they don't promote any of them as the "perfect" lifestyle because none of them are
@@Naturefan354was gonna say. I’m 45 and would promote it. I have had a successful business I was able to start and sell, but other than that, I’ve mostly been at home. I do part time work from time to time…for stimulation and extra money. Even tho our net worth and income is very high. Would recommend.
So relatable! I am 61 and did the trad wife role for 20 years from age 23 to 43. Then my husband had 2 long affairs and left me and our 3 kids. This was after I had spent two decades with his constant travel schedule for work and we relocated for his job every two years all over the country. He then decided that he was going to start his own business and said he had no income for child support. The following years were a nightmare in legal expenses and now I’m 61 and still struggling with miserable part-time low income jobs even though I had a college degree before I got married there is so much age discrimination, I continue to pay literally every day for sacrificing those years for him when I stayed out of the job market. I made sure that all of my kids including my 2 daughters had a college education and a solid work history before they got married and had kids, I told them don’t end up like I did.
My mum was almost in the same problem... Although my father's office took care of her after he died (and cheated before he went bye bye), a lot of women who didn't know our family's situation laughed at my mum behind her back. She was a medical doctor who failed to get a license due to having me and my father's sh*t...
I am so sorry!!! that is truly heart breaking!! Will you ever trust a man again? I feel like two incomes is so much better than one. and you're getting older and have to think about retirement. that's coming up quick! not unless your kids can help you during retirement?
This is the exact reason I’d never be a SAHW/M. I did it early in my marriage and saw how men can be financially abusive early on. When I said I was leaving he took everything he’d paid for even my toothbrush. Thank God, I was only 25, with an education to fall back on. I couldn’t imagine doing this at 45 or even 55.
Your man isn’t all men. You chose someone who choose to financially abuse you. That’s a matter of poor character, not gender. I’m not trying to be mean but it’s frustrating seeing women blame all men for their man they chose. In any event, women should get some type of education or skillet they can fallback on just in case. That’s just what every adults needs to do.
@@AliciatheChoHer exman isn't all men but admit that there are too many men like her ex all over the world. Too many scarred children and wives. Also, admit that many men are great in convincing a woman to choose and love them by being kind at first, only to turn out cruel. Women should be VERY careful when they love and leave when they show their true colors, but blame evil men for being deceitful or irresponsible and exploiting one's love. It is sad that this problem is too common.
Don’t waste your life over a man. They are not worth it. Life is not to just have a husband or a man in life. There is more to life than just being a wife.
By choosing pleasure and so-called "happiness" for the sake of abandoning marriage and the sacrifice that comes with it, you will only be left feeling hollow and sad in the end. The pursuit of self-serving desires might seem fulfilling in the moment, but ultimately, it cannot replace the deeper joy and purpose that God designed for marriage. Marriage, in its true form, is a beautiful gift from God. It was established by Him from the beginning as a union that reflects His love for us. Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Marriage isn't just about companionship; it's about two people becoming one in the eyes of God, sharing their lives, joys, and burdens together in a sacrificial and holy relationship. The early Church Fathers had great respect for the sacredness of marriage. St. John Chrysostom said, “Marriage is the sacrament of love, it is the mystery of the presence of Christ.” He emphasized that marriage, when lived out according to God's plan, is not just a legal or physical union, but a spiritual one that mirrors Christ’s love for the Church. It’s through the sacrifice, commitment, and devotion to one another that marriage becomes a reflection of God’s love. St. Augustine also spoke on the beauty of marriage, explaining that it is a means of bringing forth new life and nurturing that life in godliness. He said, “The union of man and wife is from God: the purity of marriage, and the bringing up of children, is the work of God.” It’s through these godly relationships that families are strengthened, children are raised in faith, and the love of God is passed down through generations. Marriage is not about avoiding hardship or seeking personal pleasure but about embracing the sacrifice, love, and selflessness that mirror God's love for us. When we abandon that for temporary pleasure or "happiness," we miss out on the fullness of what God intended. Marriage is beautiful because it teaches us how to love as God loves-sacrificially and faithfully-and through that, we experience a deeper and more meaningful joy that goes far beyond fleeting happiness.
Why isn’t that outrageously wealthy mormon church supporting these broken families? No mormon should be tithing their church until that situation gets fixed. Start a movement. Stop the tithe.
My mother had a college degree, was a successful teacher for 15yrs before she decided to give it all up to raise us kids at home. My dad left the family after 22yrs of marriage. We lived this life. While my father did pay child support and alimony on time, it total it was half of what he was providing before. So we went from a home with 100% dad's money to 50% of that income and my mother hadn't had a job in 15yrs. She got an overnight job as a baker at a local grocery store, but it was minim wage. So yeah lots of ramen noodles, lots of being dropped off at random friends, family, and neighbors' houses while my mom did odd jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes she slept in her car because she was too exhausted to drive. I had to raise my sister by myself at age 12. Man is not a plan ladies. I love my father, but he was not the best husband. He doesn't have to be abusive, or a dead beat, or even a bad dad, he can just be going through a mid life crisis and there you are, having a crisis of your own.
Don't know if I agree that he's a good dad if he isn't making sure that his kids have their material needs met. The kids shouldn't just be the mother's problem.
I'm sorry to hear that Zora. You didn't deserve to go through that pain. A man that doesn't provide for his household is no man at all. These are not my words, but what the Bible says: "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). The Bible says a man that does not provide for his household is not even a Christian and even worse, he's worse than those who reject Christ. This is a very serious claim. It was not your mother's responsibility to provide for the household and because she was forced to, as a result she became miserable, and could not invest in you guys because of all the work and responsibilities. A man and woman both have different responsibilities, nature tells us this as well. Men have to provide for their households. They were given testosterone and more energy, to do outside work. Whereas women, though, many work would much rather prefer to stay at home, and take care of the children because they are a nurturer by nature, and work creates more burden and stress on women as it does on men. This does not mean, the man, does not help with taking care of the child, as women, because of their periods, and hormones, also feel tired and men need to lead the family and take care of the kids when mom is not feeling well or stressed out. It is because you had a father, that acted like a child, rather than stepping up to be the man of the household, that you have the wrong perception, that men 'are not the plan.' Just as I talk to my male friend, and he says, 'women are all the same' because his mother left him after he was born, and he along with his sister was raised by their father. I explained to him. that his perception is wrong, and that him not having a mother clouded his judgement in thinking all women, are like that. A mother that stays home and takes care of the children raise both men and women that are productive members of society. It's the hardest but most rewarding job ever. Mothers (and especially stay at home) mothers may not recieve enough recognition for it, but you guys are appreciated and the reason why good hearted adults exist. But, I can assure, you that there are quality men out there who are not like, your dad. I know many men, who had their wife stay at home, but are real devout men of Christ, who never complain like children for working 50+ hours, 6 days a week for their households, and help raise the kids at home when their wife is tired.
@@radiantblue8001it’s not true that ‘women would rather stay at home’. I’m a woman and I wouldn’t. You literally couldn’t pay me to do that. Each to their own but please don’t make statements about what you think other people want.
I was a trad wife with four kids and then I fell ill. He was not happy at all. A trad wife is supposed to be pretty, not sick. So he became very verbally and psichologically abusive and stopped supporting me economically. One other thing that the tradwife must face is the fact that your support circle usually leaves you too. When your firends are from church and you are now a divorcee, they stop being your friends. So you lose basically everything. Sometimes even family, because they don't agree with "women getting a divorce". I'm so sorry so many women are going through this
While I am not Mormon, I gave up my career when my husband and I had our daughter. 19 years later I'm starting over too! My heart goes out to you and the women in our country who find themselves in your situation. ❤ Thank you for sharing your experience. You are a blessing.
@@blacksuite1 My husband demanded the divorce but refused to pay for it because he paid for his last one. I was over the moon excited and proud to pay for my freedom.
@@brooklin_bernek Of course I was grieving the loss of the life I dreamed of having. The truth is I was living a nightmare. Once I accepted my marriage was never what I wanted it was easy to move forward with my life. After my experience, I don't recommend marriage to anyone.
They could open up child care centers, they are skilled in taking care of children and child care is needed to lower supply and demand for child care making it less expensive for everyone.
@@i_brought_a_flower Yes, There actually are many ways to earn at least some type of income as a stay at home mom! I did it! even what she did as far as furniture flipping, you can do while you are married I always tried to find a way to have some kind of personal income.
@@i_brought_a_flower with what money though? also that's not a job you can just do. you need the proper education to prove you're good with kids. it's a nice idea but impossible in practice. being a cheap babysitter for friends and family is more realistic.
They may remain still responsible but they would prefer to sleep on the streets rather than put anything towards supporting their much HATED children. And if they think they’re getting even with the spouse, not hurting the kids, but they are SHOWING that they hate their children.
If quitting your job is more attractive than paying child support, it sounds like there are other issues. How high are these child support payments in north america? Or is it being conflated with spousal support? I would expect child support to be half of the cost of raising a child. While expensive, it seems like a wild over reaction to quit your job. I am honestly surprised at how crappy the US system seems to be when it comes to this stuff.
All of his Social Security should go to the kids. Start pulling it early, send it to the kids for support, and let him figure out his situation when he's too old to work under the table anymore and wants to start collecting his SS checks.
Great analogy.. A Trad wife is like taking a car ride without putting on your seat belt! Yet the likelihood of you getting a divorce is higher than being in a car accident!
Maybe the best solution would be for all these Western women to have their careers and all the western men to marry traditional ladies who value family above their career from eastern Europe and Southeast Asia. That way it seems everyone will get what they want: the western ladies will prioritise their careers, the western men will have a traditional family, and the overseas wives will have a relatively wealthy provider for the children and family that they prioritise. I win win strategy.
@@andrewmurray3139 it’s wishful thinking to think the men who does this to the women they have the same culture, religion and a bazillion things in common and still leave them like dirt, would treat mail brides with respect. The problem is not all western men or women, it’s these kinds of coercive environments in these cults that make it so easy for sociopaths to act like that. I’m a homemaker, been married for 12 years, my husband trusts me with the administration of our money because between us I’m the most capable of managing it, I’ve got a degree, I have my own life, he has his own life, we decide everything together and he trusts me enough to know how to honor and respect him, as he does me. The problem is men don’t trust their women and women don’t trust their men when there’s teaching about one being inferior than the other. Secure men and women doesn’t have to import spouses to make it work.
What I've seen a lot is that the provider ends up growing resentful of the stay at home parent, feeling like they are useless, not contributing, not grateful, don't have their own personalities or hobbies, etc., and they also seem very willing to dump the children along with the partner when they decide to move on. I'm not really sure why people like that are out here having multiple children with women they hate, but here we are I guess.
It's because they don't realize that they're making their wives miserable and stressed which in turn affects them in ways that shows up negatively in the relationship. I can imagine, even though I've never been married, from being in a relationship where I chased the guy and poured all my love/ soul into but ended up losing myself due to burning out of empathy. Still recovering. I sent from being considered as the trophy gf to an ugly/ overweight and more depressed than when I went into it. He also decided to slander me b/c he's bitter from me moving on quick & turning my S/a from my ex as cheating to hurt me. The ultimate betrayal from someone i thought would give me the world since he promised, but I should've listened to my gut. Major regret. Don't listen to charmers and a DO NOT GIVE THE "NICE GUY" A CHANCE.
100%. I bet you they're going to work everyday interacting with young women who appear on the outside to have fulfilling lives and have the audacity to compare their wives to these women. Especially if wife married young she had very little time to explore her interests. I see this so often in the corporate world. Less common now due to wfh so not as many targets for them.
men complain about women and not enough women being traditional or "loyal" (we are way more loyal than them),while not being traditional or loyal men smh,where do they afford the audacity
Lots of western men see asian men mistreat the women so they pick up on it & get traditional asian women (servants) while bitching about demanding western women who talk back 😂 what evolution strategy. So women develop their own strategy of marrying rich old men while hooking up with tall young guys during ovulation 😂 a woman’s body is designed to bear children so it’s the men’s fault for not being trustworthy enough
I’m a 22 year old Orthodox Christian man. I want a wife that is biblical. And I do agree that the man has to be loyal and traditional if he wants a wife like that. I know men that are loyal (virgin) that are dating women that aren’t virgins because they believe in the redemptive nature of Christ in people’s lives. The reason why men are not as loyal as women, is because we have much higher sex drives than women. (If it was the other way around it would be men being more faithful) I’m not saying this is an excuse, as any man (or woman) as Christianity was the first and only religion that puts a man cheating on the same pedestal as a woman cheating even going as far as to say a man that lusts with his eyes is a an adulterer (cheater) and that cheaters won’t enter the kingdom of heaven. It’s a despicable sin. Most Christians today though aren’t really Christian because they are influenced by this secular culture that sees cheating as normal. In the early Church, a person that masturbated could not take communion for a year and was forced to eat only a small amount of bread and water for two years. It’s only after this they could take communion if they followed this. This was for masturbation by the way, not even cheating. It was because the early Church was so strict that people like St. Mary of Egypt who had sex for fun with pilgrims from when she was a child, was able to repent (actual repentance through severe fasting and living in the desert, for over 20 years, barely any clothes, and finally achieved forgiveness and died a saint.
Isn’t that what they’ve been doing for thousands of years already? Blame the women. Complain about the women. Get all petty and resentful and say it’s women’s fault. Assault the women when they themselves feel angry and frustrated. They just can’t seem to take responsibility for their own lust, lack of self control and failures in life.
Probably because the creator’s experience won’t be the experience of every woman. Perhaps not even most women in a trad relationship idk. We shouldn’t base our lives on the worst experiences of others because we are not them and have no idea what really goes on in a broken marriage. Nor should we pretend the best things in life come without risk. We think people can surprise us, but when we honestly replay what happened, the red flags were always there. Often we overlooked or dismissed them. I take these confessionals with a grain of salt. I say before becoming a trad wife, get a degree or a viable skillet, have a few years of job experience, save least 6 months of living expenses, and be sure the husband contributes to an IRA Roth retirement fund. It’s all a mess. If mom works FT, kids are basically raised by strangers (daycare workers and teachers) who don’t love them for 35 - 40 hours a week. It’s a lie to say that this arrangement does not have any adverse impact on kids.
A lot of young women here saying people are bitter and that they don’t experience this - being in their early 20’s. They react like this person telling her story is bashing their own personal lives. I’m a homemaker, I’ve been happily married for 12 years, I manage my family’s money and have a loving husband. I know she’s not talking bad about the life I chose but sharing her perspective on abuse. People who can not recognize that can kick rocks! 😂
They won’t listen because they simply aren’t good students and are too lazy for work. The plan is to be housewives because they know from minute one that they will fail when stepping into the real world. This shows us that trad wives are more realistic than we think, at least they self-reflect and prefer not to make a fool of themselves.
I had an ex husband who quit his lucrative job on an oil rig to avoid child support commitments. I had been married 12 years and had a 2 year old when he suddenly abandoned is. I had worked prior to my daughter's birth, but had no formal qualifications. I saw a woman who literally walked through Africa and got herself a college degree...i packed up my daughter, moved cities and enrolled in university. We somehow got by, but i ended up with a degree and I was able to provide for my daughter without her deadbeat dad's input... we were lucky and I had some great friends/ family thankfully. Over 20 years later, my daughter has a degree of her own and is successful. She contacted her dad and he pretended to be interested for a little while, but he's disappeared on her again... but she's happy and in a loving relationship with a baby of her own and doing amazing things in the world. I'm sorry you have gone through this with your children. You are strong. I've subscribed to your channel as I want you to succeed. You got this
Can't go wrong with learning homemaking skills (young men as well as young women should learn those). But dropping out of college if you don't have a trade is a big "NO" from me. College isn't for everyone, but marriage as a replacement for college is not a plan.
For those who still want to be a trad wife, listen to why she has been left poor. Nothing was jointly in their names. Nothing was contributed to her retirement accounts. Make sure you are financially protected throughout your marriage. There will be ups and downs in all marriages, be sure you are in the cheaper to keep her category instead of the easy to get rid of category. Requiring you be financially secure, protected and cared for is part of loving you not just sex, homemaking and children.
Agreed. If a couple feel strongly that one being a homemaker is how they want to roll, then the financial security of the homemaker needs to be a part of that discussion.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez being able to stay home with children, to love and care for them is a beautiful blessing. It is an incredible benefits and value to the children and family overall. I feel sadness for a large generation of people who did not get to experience this. I was part of the transition generation, my mom was home for the first 12 years of my life, I barely saw her from age 12-18 and then I was gone. I was sad, angry and confused plus I was a teenager and all that entails. Though my mother worked, very little changed for me financially, I just didn’t have either parent.
@@kenyonbissett3512 There are some really strong reasons why one parent might stay home, as you say, so long as the couple as a unit considers the long term financial security. I’m envious here - I had to work two jobs as a single parent, though thankfully I had flexible hours in academia.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez to give my mom credit and understanding (I can now as an adult), she worked full time from the home. She did full time day care in addition to the 4 of us. She sold Avon and on weekends she worked as a waitress at the equivalent of a Bob Evans/Denny’s. My dad worked heavy construction. Both went to night school to complete their HS education and were Valedictorian of their class. No GED at that time. Mom went to college on several scholarships and grants and earned a degree in education. She started teaching. Our state requires a Master’s, so 2-3 nights a week at College, weekend classes and all summer. She got 3 masters and her doctorate. She proved to herself she could do it. She stayed married for 52 yrs til she died. It was not a good marriage by any measure.
I was raised with my grandmother who was single. She’d run off her abusive husband years before. And my mother went to medical school after divorcing my abusive father. I don’t think I ever wanted a man to be financially dependent on, although I was in that position at times while I got my career going. I’m so glad I focused on that and stayed CF. I hope your furniture flipping takes off and you can get your own house.
@@mayamartin7359lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousins whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
It’s not even about bad partners. What happens if your wonderful “he would never do that” husband has an accident and he can no longer work? This people doesn’t seem to understand how vital (in today’s economy) is to have 2 independent income streams.
it was probably your grandmother who was abusive and taught your mother to be abusive, that is usually the way it works. and what the pattern here looks like, FireSilver. women are SUPER selfish and usually file for divorce
A coworker of mine was a trad wife for over 30 years. One day, her husband came home and wanted a divorce. He had been cheating on her with a much younger woman, whom he married once the divorce papers were signed. She had to move out and start over. Her kids were adults, so it made it a little easier to move on. She decided to go back to school and get a degree, and not let her situation get her down. She currently makes good money and has a really positive attitude. She thanked her ex for what he did because she discovered how strong willed she was and her capabilities. The funny part is that his current wife and her are good friends. His current wife repeatedly states how much she admires my coworker, which pisses off her ex. He wanted her to be nothing without him, but she proved she never needed him.
Interesting! I’m glad she had the resources to move on. I’ve had 7 surgeries in the 6 years since my divorce and had 4 kids that were still very young. My ex is abusive and I have no family. It’s taken me a little while. Most women who have been trad wives are plunged into poverty upon divorce. It’s a sad situation.
I wouldn't of recommended you giving him any credit but I'm glad you are friends with his ex I emagin she probably wishes she hadn't got untangled with him a time's.
You are such a beautiful woman. It goes to show that even the most beautiful, home focused woman can still be cheated on and left as soon as she gets older...even when not looking her age. Dont be completely dependent on a man, ladies.
Except when you realize that it helps promote women at the expense of men, even those men that have to support a family. What whatever, I just enjoy the decline
There's a reason women fought for that. It's scary to me to think that it wasn't until really a decade or so before I was born (80's baby here) women couldn't get credit cards, own a house or get a car loan! My grandma worked at a bank and her brother or brother in law had to help her get a car loan even though she made more money.
I think it's also important to know that Trad Wife influencers have an untraditional job. They are earning money by advertising a fabricated lifestyle that only the very wealthy can indulge in. They make commercials styled to resemble vlogs and have hired help to do the more labor-intensive chores. If you want to vlog a pretend life, you may very well make some money, but it's a very risky move to make if you aren’t already financially secure. If you want to be a stay-at-home wife/mother, that’s fantastic. But make sure you’re also employable and financially independent so that _if_ anything happens, you (and your kids) will be okay. Being a Trad Wife influencer is unlikely to make you a living salary (and if it eventually does, that won't be for a while), and being a Trad Wife alone will not guarantee you (or your family) the security you need or the affluent lifestyle you desire. And let's be clear, it *is* an _affluent_ lifestyle.
Thank you for sharing. I'm black but grew up in a predominantly South East Asian community where a majority of women were trad wives. Some were brought over as child brides (16 years old and up), some got married right out of high school, and some were allowed to go to university but got married right after graduation and became a home maker whether the couple had kids or not. The divorce rates are so high so many of these trad wives end up in shelters, on the street, on government assistance, etc. I've also met some who were in their 50s and 60s and they don't have a pension plan etc because they've never worked and so they are either on the streets, or couch surfing. My's best friend's mom was a homemaker her entire marriage until she discovered that her husband was having numerous affairs. She got a job immediately at a local box store as a cashier and saves all the money from that job. She said that if he ever divorces her, she has rainy day funds. Even before that she would funnel away a bit of her money from her weekly budget. All of their kids are grown, and out of the house so she is prepared for anything.
This I think is important: having your own account and savings. Even from a shared budget you should definitely build up savings. Husbands get run over sometimes. Have heart attacks etc. Even if he was stellar the unforeseen happens. Having your own savings is a starting point and having your own bank account, savings and small even tiny but long term movements on credit cards (tiny amounts that you consistently pay back) gives you a credit rating even if small. Having your own financial identity is critical. If you work as an assistant at the shop then have it done properly: the money he puts in the house mske him do so through proper payment for services with social security etc. That way you have "jobs", curriculum, financial identity etc. With the same effort you did before. Stay at home mom is "free". But "helping with the family business" is work. Make sure it registers as such. You aren't free labour.
I’m so sorry that happened to you but also so thankful that someone’s speaking out about this. My high school is in a VERY Mormon area and it’s so engrained in the culture to just find a man, have babies straight out of high school/dropout of college, and have no career whatsoever. So many of my friends are setting themselves up for abusive situations and there’s nothing we can do except try to make them aware so they can stay safe.
I've heard that the Mormon church does not do premarital counseling, and that they actually have the highest divorce rate, in the U.S. of any mainstream religion.
It's not just the Mormons that believe this. A lot of people in the deep south believe this. My neice got married and dropped out of college. Got pregnant right away after getting married at 19. Did not work. No one could tell her anything different. Would not listen to her Aunt. Guess what 7 yrs later she's divorced with 2 kids. They both have ADHD and LD. She is now also too old to receive GA's hope scholarship. She really messed up. My father is also dead so Grandpa can not enable her financially. He was doing that before. That was the problem. She messed up big time. Her mother and father have both been married multiple times. Great role models. My parents were married for 53 yrs. She looked at them as being old fashioned. I am afraid she going to get married more times and live off of multiple partners like her mother. My ex sister in law. Not good examples for her children.
My mom became a SAHM when I was 9 or 10 due to some health reasons (she’s fine now), but my dad is a man of integrity. Honestly he probably sets the bar too high, but he LOVES my mom. They have been married for 37 years. I am just so jarred by all of this.
My daughter just turned 4 yesterday. I remember my husband wanting me to be a SAHM when i had her. I said absolutely no! I'm a Realtor & wanted to continue to work but my main reason was to never be in a position where I'm stuck. Kudos for your perseverance! ❤
You are very strong. My mother preached our entire lives that everyone should be able to support themselves and have their own health insurance and retirement. My sisters and I all did that. When I decided I wanted to divorce as terrible as it was I knew I would be ok financially. Sadly I know so many women that left their husbands only to return because they couldn’t support themselves.
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
I feel you hun I was 19 when I was married to a 27 year old man 😢it was not worth my sanity and my health.When I failed my medications and was bed ridden he turned his back on me.I’m 22 divorced and have nothing in my name.All I can hope is that if your a young women that came from a toxic family and didn’t know what compassion looks like please don’t be desperate and have a high self worth ❤
I hope your health is improving now. Just wanted to say at 22 you are still young enough to train up and make a career for yourself doing something that interests you. I went to University at 23 myself, and I have worked with students much older (I teach and support students with research in the UK). With more flexible / remote training and working in some professions now you might find it is workable even with health conditions.
@@sonderexpeditions 10000% agree! I started my current career at the age of 32, and even that I consider young! 22 is just starting out! Work work work, and save save save! I love working and earning my own money! I don't even think I'll ever want to retire, even!
@@timelessbeautyfashion I live on the East Coast, born in the 60s. My mother was born in the 1920s…honestly I can’t think of a single person who thought a man was a plan in my generation. Everyone went to college and earned a degree. Sure some became stay at home moms. But they all could return to teaching, nursing, pharmacology if they had to. It baffles me that some still don’t believe in education for all still. I can’t think of a single woman in my class who thought they could just rely on a man. I’m 55.
Same here. I'm 60 and I was raised to be independent, though for a short while I thought a man could be a plan (ironically, that plan would take me to France 😂) but that didn't work out after a few short months and then I noped out. I have been working ever since and never found a man to be my plan. Am a happy single childless catlady now.
Thanks the internet that open up people’s minds. Churches are particularly tribal & demand questioned loyalty so it’s thanks to the internet for counter argument
I grew up in poverty. My mom divorced my no-good alcoholic dad when I was not yet 2 and my brother was 6. He never paid a dime of child support. She had to start from scratch with credit, bank accounts, a job, etc. If you think being a #tradwife is good for children, think again.
💔😞 Thank you for sharing your story. I'm South African and the "trad wife" trend is thriving even in this part of the world - largely due to social media. And because of the unemployment rate, some young women are genuinely hoping to "strike it rich" by way of men (the pipeline usually involves being club "hosts" & Instagram "baddies" who will either catch themselves a man thst way, or leverage their "baddie" status doing unspeakable things in places like Dubai). I genuinely hope that one day you'll have the kind of financial stability that brings peace and restoration. ❤
It is sad that as a society we don’t value the work that so many women do for free to keep life running. I think homemakers should get social security, a salary (childcare workers outside the home do, why not inside the home?), etc. to protect them from financial abuse.
And they should get unemployment insurance for a year when they have a baby. Just like somebody else does when they are laid off from their job. That way the new mother is not totally dependent on her husband.
I’m confused. Who would be paying them? Also nothing is stopping a stay at home wife from working. All of my college friends, 10 sets of couples, all have multiple kids and both parents work. I can’t believe that in 2024 people are still comfortable having to life skills out side of home making?!
@@gmfan09having skills is not the same as having a good resume. A general point of living in a community, society and having a government is that your well being isn't completely dependent on who and what your family is.
@@mordecaiissad8529 yeah I’m saying get a good resume. I have two kids and both my wife and I work. Their is absolutely not enough to do around the house all day for either one of us to be a stay at home parent
You are the biggest inspiration for me when I was given the option to be a housewife to a poor man versus being completely on my own. I chose the second choice and everyday your videos inspire me to work harder and be independent. ❤ You are an inspiration to this 30 something woman who didn't want to be controlled by men despite all the efforts my narcissistic family put in to brainwash me into a house slave for life. Thank you so much for your wisdom and humility and being an example for me.❤
@@jessicatsao92 Jessica, wow! We need to show up for other women and help where we can. Hey could u talk? I’m doing a huge article and would love to include u. I can share details
@lifetaketwo7662 I might have to retire for the day. I currently am in college as a physics major, which means I have no social life. 😅 Our homework can take up to 12 hours total per homework to finish. One of my classmates even griped that he isn't doing enough despite using over 70 hours a week for physics homework alone (he is a multiple major like me, though a lot younger at 22). I could talk on Sunday, maybe in the afternoon, though. But, yeah, my schedule and work is quite stacked up. 😮💨
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
My father always instilled the fear of “never fully rely on anyone to survive, including your spouse.” At the time, it seemed so cynical. Now in my 30s seeing friends going through this woman’s situation, it motivated to always have a healthy chunk of “secret savings” for just in case…😉‼️
If it has to be a secret, then the man is trash to begin with. A man should want you to have your own savings in case something happens. And there's nothing wrong with bringing it up to your husband either
And why do the weaklings need so much support anyway? When a man has a job and a family, he needs an employee to take care of his kids and home. But when a woman has a job and kids, she just does it all alone! If a man collapses without my help, let him. What an absolute waste of a life for someone who can do it all, to use their life feeding some loser who can only work when supported by a full staff.
I'm thankful I had 2 grandmother's who drilled it into my head to never leave my financial future to the whim of a man. I'm 44 now and look around and see so many poor snd broken SAHM who are controlled by men and I'm thankful for the wise women i had in my life.
I remember in my 20’s all the advice I got from those twice my age. At the time it was annoying and I remember just wishing people would stop trying to give me advice. Now that I’m 42 I think back on it and had I listened to that advice my life would be so so much better. If only there was a way to show younger people the future so that they listen to the advice. If you’re in your 20’s reading this….listen, I get how frustrating it is and how you think you can handle yourself, and you probably can, but remember the advice you’re getting is from someone who was once in your place. Experienced advice is so valuable so think twice before you ignore it ❤
This is such valuable advice. I remember in my 20s also disregarding the advice that was given to me by older women. Boy did I regret that when my relationship broke down at 30. I’m in a good position now but will NEVER make that mistake again .. and wish younger women would listen to those with experience.
@sonderexpeditions I threatened my husband of almost 15 yrs with divorce cause he s been psychologically habusive for years. He said I can leave the house but I will have like 300 dollars of child support, as a stay at home mom so how about that. I told him I would gladly leave the house but I will find a job and be paying him 300 bucks and he ll be a single dad, so how about that. Crickets...
Being a dependent partner places you in a risky position. During my years as a SAHM, my husband had multiple serious health issues and came extremely close to dying. Thankfully, my husband got better and we're still married and I've been back in the workforce for years. But I look back on those years and only now realize how risky my life was in those years.
@@sarahg2653 investments, appreciating assets in both of our names individually, savings, disability, life insurance, etc. Just because you’re terrible at managing money doesn’t mean the rest of us are. Maybe your husband just doesn’t trust you with money. Im basically my husband’s accountant. I make our budget and manage our finances as a homemaker. I have full access to everything and if I wanted to blow it all and buy a yacht one day I easily could. It’s called trust. What’s mine is his and what is his is mine. That’s marriage. Seems like the majority of women in these comments either just had a failed marriage or watch too much true crime or both.
I appreciate your honesty, perseverance and intellect. You've transmuted your suffering into sage wisdom, and built a better life for you, and your children. Incredible. Thank you for attempting to prevent suffering for future generations of girls and women. What you and other women with your mindset are doing is truly "god's work" (not that organized religious bullshit) 🙏🏿
I’m 27. I found you awhile ago on TikTok. I knew this from a diff perspective, my mom died when I was 10 and my dad had to start over and continue our family life in Arizona. Since then I vowed I would never have myself in this position. Love to you ❤️
I’m so glad OG ex trad wives are speaking on this and I am so grateful that I get to listen and learn from you. Looking at my family, I am highly motivated to be and remain 4B and CF. My peace of mind is worth more than being married and having kids, just modern normalised slavery for women since the beginning of time while men do nothing in the house.
Extreme overreaction. You can have a healthy marriage without going overboard one way or the other. There are also countless older woman who stayed single and regret it.
You know what I really f*cking appreciate about you? That you have persevered through an absolute sh*t hand dealt and you still acknowledge the boons and privileges that you had, even at your lowest. You acknowledge that for as low as you can go, there is someone who will be knocked lower, and it's not their fault. It's not anything special you did, and it's not anything less special another woman will do, it's circumstance. I respect you for that. And I respect you for the hard work and strife and ingenuity you have had to grind out to climb back up. Just because you had a mercy or two does not mean you never suffered, and it does not mean you didn't have to be strong, and having compassion for other people is part of strength. Your honesty and your lack of arrogance really resonates with me. I cry every time I listen to these stories. This is why there is a feminist movement, this is why generations of women pushed back against conserving patriarchal values. You can be a traditional wife, if you want. Do Not Be Property.
Your comment made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. Yes, as horrid as my life was, I still had enough privilege within reach to have a home to live. I hear from women who suffer so much, and they have no resources for recovery.
I don't understand how men can be so evil to the mother of their children! Why are the families of these men and the community not shame these men? Hold them accountable!
People don't really change (they do but...). People LIE and it amazes me how humans forget that. Dudes be out here living two lives & feel 0 guilt about it 🙄
And men are encouraged to disrespect and hate women, so the abuse is just the obvious next step. They feel entitled to be abusive - and totally justified.
My half-sister's stepfather had a whole second family for 20 years and it took his wife that long to figure it out. He blamed her for taking so long to notice. That was more than a decade ago and I'm still not sure how he thought that was the correct response.
I’m so glad that I found your channel. You’re a breath of fresh air. We used to talk about this back in the 70s, when some of us believed in the Equal Rights Amendment that was passed but missed ratification by enough states to become law.
I’m a young boomer (born 1963). I heard the horror stories from women of the previous generations (born before WW2) who were dependent on husbands. The imbalance of power resulting in abuse, neglect and financial hardships. It’s the reason we had a women’s liberation movement in the 1970s. Young women today have not heard these stories and will now be the generation that will, unfortunately, learn these lessons the hard way.
Born in 1964 here. I taught, retired, and then subbed. I have a pension and healthcare for life. My husband was a teacher also now with a pension and healthcare. Yep, I heard and saw the horror stories of the trad. Wife growing up.
There are still women stuck in those kind of situations today! They don't call it being a trad wife, they call it abuse. That's why I find it so baffling why a woman would want to disempower herself on purpose... ESPECIALLY with children involved... I've seen what happens with my own two eyes. Honestly these people parents failed them by not teaching them common sense and indoctrination, that sounds harsh but it's genuinely true.
I will never understand the thought process of being 100% dependent on a man for the necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter) while having 0% control over his future wants, feelings or actions.
It may sound harsh but I know couple of women who are lazy and they tolerate mistreatment from their husbands just because they don't want to go to work
The power of religious, cultural, societal, and family pressures to fit in and be accepted. The majority of the world is dominated by patriarchy, where men are given the preeminence over women.
Thank you for your transparency. You should be really proud of yourself! I hope things continue to improve for you and your children. ❤️ I became a "trad wife" at age 21, and when I was 40, my husband died. I had to go back to college and completely start my life over. Thankfully, I did get remarried, but if I find myself alone again, I have an education and work experience to rely on. Thank you for stressing that a man is not a plan!
As a current trad wife of 21 years, who is also became a young trad wife as a Christian; I just turned 40 years old. Please listen to this lady. You will never win being a trad wife who is not educated of have money for yourself.
@@adrianaloborec2205women are still suffering and they all ways will. look at the rates of mental illness. that is the nature of life and especially women.
The main reason I follow you is because you have the courage to show how incredibly hard it was for you. I think a lot of women feel shame this happened to them ( because Halas your story is not unique). But you have the courage to tell about your own trad wife life and the hardships of both that life and what happened when you lost everything. And you are unapologetic about it. Your story is out there as a cautionary tale. And it is necessary! Please remain unapologetic! Love from EU
@@andreavantzet1962 thanks for this sweet comment. I spent a long time trying to warn other women, realized my own story was where the power was. I had to give up privacy to make a difference in the world.
My mom wasn't a "trad wife" but was a stay-at-home mom for a very long time and the one thing she drilled into my sister and me was to be completely independent before getting married and never HAVE to depend on a man. I feel that is very telling.
My ex husband had an affair with a 19 year old. We had been married for 10 years and suddenly he decided he wanted a younger woman. All that work, love and care I gave him was for nothing. So NO I will never get married again. Things may be hard, but at least no one will break my heart. I wish younger women could see this and know never to trust a man with your future.
One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was the knowledge that either by death or divorce all relationships end, and that you need to be able to stand on your own and be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you have to. A lot of these trad wives have a hard lesson coming their way.
I feel you. I got married at 18 years old to a 26 years old man from another country. I left full-time studying at a University and married him and moved to his country. After one year he throw me away and cheated on me. Now I am 21 years old and already divorced. I feel as I lost my golden years on a man who doesn’t worth it. I started my life from zero at age of 20 and I study part-time at a university and looking for a job to be independent from my parents (I am from Russia so I may write with mistakes, sorry for that)
You have plenty of golden years ahead of you. As awful as it is, at least you got out before you wasted too many years on a pathetic cretin who doesn't deserve to call himself a man.
you didnt lose your golden years! you just started them!! you can be happy you didnt lose more years with that man like many other women who spend 10 or 20'years with the wrong person. you have so much youth still left :)
Your life just started! Be glad you only lost 1 year to learn this lesson. Most people in the comments invested 20+ years. You got this. So much potential. Wish you the best.
I was just newly turned 30 when my ex husband left me and our 4 kids 6 mo up to 7 yo and his two older children and left the country. I had no job, no education, no money and no home. It was heartbreaking. Everything I was taught to do growing up just backfired in my face. It has been 10 years now and I have struggled to go to college and get a job I like. Having 4 kids on one income in this economy is like trying to stay afloat in the middle of the ocean. I have my kids 100% and have no social or family network to help me and it is stressful and daunting but I have the love of my children. ❤ you younger ladies, get an education and job before having children. You never know when price charming decides to put their charm some other place…
Men don’t appreciate women who stay home to “homemake” all day when they have to go out and hustle in this cruel world. Instead they eye the too cute, young ,hair and nails did , well dressed, high heels wearing , hard working co-worker who brings him coffee and “understands” the struggle. Don’t be fooled ladies.
That's not true. Do you think a man, is justified by saying all women are cheaters because the specific woman he is with cheated on him? As a man, a woman's faith in God, is much more beautiful than her physical features which will fade with time. Many biblical men think like this. I f you are talking about men, without values then yes you are right. It's the same with women (without values) who will be with an old man just because he has a lot of wealth.
I have a coworker who just had a kid with his wife, and he comes into work and tries to hit on me while looking me over. I wish I could tell him how disgusting I think he is.
@Ella-g2m tell him. I had a colleague do something similiar to me. When he suggested we go out somewhere, I said shouldn't you be doing that with your wife and kids?? He didn't bother me again after that
A friend used to volunteer for an organization that gave access to free showers, clothes, food, and other immediate needs for solo homeless women. The numbers of older and elderly women coming in for services have skyrocketed.
I am so proud of you and what a great example you are for your children and other young girls and woman❤ Thank you for such an uplifting video full of great knowledge.
Even when your husband is a prince among men and would never do anything like that , as my own father was, he still got pancreatic cancer relatively young and had huge medical expenses and if my mother had a well paid job we would not been able to withstand to horrendous medical expenses and became homeless. And there are car accidents, and the end result is about the same.
Yep. My father died when I was young. I cannot ever imagine having kids and just assuming the father will live forever. It would be in the back of my mind constantly.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve never considered being a trad wife (I’m a millennial) and I am SO thankful to have a career. It’s hard work (esp with young kids) but my husband’s business went under as a result of GFC and it was my income that got us through. I know that as long as I can work, our family will be ok. Plus I genuinely love work! Not everyday but a lot of the time. I also love my kids but I found maternity leave really isolating and difficult. I feel incredibly grateful to the women who fought for my rights and freedom.
My mom is a trad wife who quit her job because my dad’s job was moving him abroad and she was promised she could find a job there too (but she couldn’t due to visa issues). Because of this experience, she always told me since I was a kid never to quit my job and never to depend on anyone financially. When I see trad wives promoting that dependency, I’m reminded of my mom and it makes me sad. High risk might come with high returns, but high risk means the majority of investors don’t get that high return. I think this is applicable to the trad wife lifestyle
I’m in school for my bsn and afterwards I’ll be getting my doctorate. I’ll be 41 at a minimum when I graduate with my doctorate and anticipate a very healthy income. I will never EVER be dependent on a man again. And once my kids are grown I’ll be single for life. I’ve had enough of men to last the rest of my life. Ready to save for retirement and take care of myself without some “man” nagging me to death.
Not all heroes wear capes. Thanks for sharing your story. I pray that this is a video that women especially Morman women see your video. Thanks for warning us women to take care of our financial stability.
Thank you for sharing this. So much of your story reflects my own experiences. I was a trad wife but under the Pentecostal/Apostolic branch of Christianity. I’m afraid to speak up because when I do, I’m verbally “flogged” and it drags me down mentally for days. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey. My family and friends completely turned their backs on me when I went through my divorce. They knew he was abusive but sided with him anyway so I had to do everything completely alone. They tried to help him completely take custody of the kids. He was successful with my oldest and he did a number on her mentally 😢 she didn’t talk to me for years but we’re talking now and working towards mending our relationship. Now I can’t financially help her get in her feet. She’s 18. Im barely making it financially and we split in 2014.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is helpful for someone like Me who’s always been a working single mom to have this perspective. I am an attorney and I would love some day to work with divorced wives. I have done some pro bono for survivors of domestic violence, and it is incredibly rewarding.
my dad told his girls: "men lose their jobs, they quit their jobs, they get hurt, they get sick, they die, they become cruel, they leave. you have to have the skills to pay your bills."
@@mariannefridberg4087 thats a good dad!!! ♥️
Good dad.
I was married by 24, had a Baby at 26 and was divorced and a single mum by 28. My ex never paid child support.
I was getting on o.k., not rich, but we had everything we needed.
Shortly before my dad died he told me, he could go in peace, if only I was taken care of and married.
I’m still pissed!
Fun! My dad trained me to look after him (in all the wifely ways) and every other person in my life - before myself.
Yeah, smart guy.
The kind of guy who is looking for a trad wife is exactly the kind of guy you DON'T want
💯
^^THIS.
SO much this!
💯💯💯
Soo true
There's a reason women in their 40s and 50s aren't singing the praises of the trad wife life.
They are usually miserable. My own mother included
@@daebak_hana wishing your mom a future of happiness. Give her a hug for me ♥️
@@Tormekia yup. It’s a nightmare for too many women.
It’s called wisdom
@daebak_hana I'm pushing 40 and have been miserable for a long time now. And I only got to be stay at home mom for 3 years lol. (My kids are 9 and 6) Back at work now bc gotta pay the bills and start saving up so me and my girls can leave. I was pretty much a trad wife rven with a full time job. I'm TIRED.
My father had an affair and got his girlfriend pregnant when I was 12. He divorced my mom ( who had been a homemaker and helped him on the farm) and married his girlfriend (she also had to divorce her husband to marry my father). My mom then had to support us 4 kids with no income. My father complained (to me, then 14 years old) that he had to pay $400 a month for child support.
This experience made me determined to never be dependent on a man for me and my children's well being.
@TanyaBoser my parents were divorced prior to my birth. My mom would make me ask for the child support check every month. And basically tell me on a daily basis how poor we were and couldn’t afford anything since about age 5. I have a horrible relationship with money as an adult, I obsess over it. I’m in my mid 30s now and for the first time ever since birth I’m not in the paycheck to paycheck cycle. My mom has only one time casually mentioned that she was sorry for any “anxiety” I had over money. I work full time and my husband works full time and we have our own bank accounts. Like you said I will never be dependent on a man to take care of me.
You can thank feminism for that
@@ElmachitoSilbateadorIf you believe that, you need to read more history
@@TanyaBoser oh my gosh I’m so sorry. I get $400 a month in 2024. After 24 years of marriage. Never depend on a man.
@@ElmachitoSilbateador
What does feminism have to do with her father’s adultery?
These "men" that quit their jobs so they dont have to help take care of their kids, should be charged with abandonment.
And if in a church - be shamed for not being a good provider.
Yeah wonder if their parents raised them right? Their kids will abandon them later
B-but then, that means... Men will need to be held a-a-a-accountable!??! 😢😢🥺🥺😰😰😨😨😱😱
My father (back in the 50s), left his first wife with two young sons. He changed his SS number and left the state. He never paid a penny in child support to her.
My mother met him after her father died. She became wife #4. Had two kids. He cheated. He finally left her for his side piece when I was 9. He was generous-he paid $800 a month. He came back when I was 14 because the side piece got fed up waiting for him to get a divorce. My mother actually took him back. She became a hospice wife. He had a stroke when I was 20. I walked away from that dumpster fire.
Now 30 years later, I am married with kids. I met my husband when he was doing his PhD at MIT (I had just graduated top of my class in college, but decided to work for 1-2 years before going back to school). He convinced to wait to go back to school. So I worked and provided a good life for us. We moved for his post doc. There weren’t any good schools in my field, so I gave up on that. Had kids. Moved to Europe back to his country-he said he’d do everything to help me adjust. He did NOTHING. I learned the language. Stayed home with the kids. When he started talking about me “spending his money”, I said I’m going back for my masters degree. I went back to work-a 4 hour a day commute. He even lost his job and wouldn’t even look at a job more with more than a 30 minute commute.
I eventually had to go on disability due to burn out and osteoarthritis in my back. I earn a good amount of money in disability, most of which I’m expected to turn over to him. I am not allowed to touch the “joint” bank account. My kids think that I’m useless and are angry that they even have to clean up after themselves.
I’ve started seeing a therapist. Even she agrees that I’m trapped in a terrible situation. Even if you worked, you can end up screwed.
Yah, I’d choose the bear.
I know several... 😢 All I ever wanted was to take a kid on a picnic at the lake. Make them (and there mom) happy, doing and learning things that might be useful later on. If you know what I mean...
After my husband's infidelity, he left to live with his mistress, who was also married. I have a college degree. He stopped paying the mortgage on our home. I got a full-time job with my county, took him to court, and had his check garnished for child support. It's important to educate your girls so they have something to fall back on. Love doesn't equal security.
I agree. Marriage is a contract that both parties should understand. Many women seem to think marriage is lifetime support. Can be lifetime alimony but dividing households doesn't double income. If ya all were just getting by in one household you can both expect much more struggle and a much lower standard of living when divorced.
When my wife divorced me she fully expected me to pay alimony. She actually thought men always pay. I explained to her she was working as a teacher and I hadn't worked in 15 years so she would have to pay me alimony. I had retired 3 years into our marriage and hadn't told her. I was a software engineer, had a lot of assets pre-marriage which I used to live on. She was so disinterested in my life she didn't seem to notice I wasn't earning. When she checked she got so pissed of having to pay me alimony she dropped all claims on my assets in exchange for no alimony. The primary reason for me "retiring" was I could see the marriage wasn't good so all I would have been doing was working to increase her future alimony check. So I dropped out and wrote software I liked in exchange for equity which she wasn't interested enough to know about. She was happy enough to live in my house free, have free new cars, free trips and entertainment and spending all of "her" money from being a teacher on crap.
In the 80s and 90s in California the lds church was telling us that even wanting our names on accounts was a lack of faith in God. Truly sick stuff.
This is why I ran from organized religion. They told me I was SINNING (breaking my covenant) BY divorcing my husband for HAVING AN AFFAIR
@@weekendnomad5038we have no covenant with The Abrahamic 🍆 Lord. We are livestock in those books.
Organizations should be ashamed of this. I encountered shame from my church that I failed as a woman because my husband wanted rid of me. They shunned me because my abusive husband didn't want me. I had no place to go my parents didn't want me. He took my kids from me as well. And told me he has money to fight me so I may as well give up. My kids use to eat on the deck cause they where not allowed to take meat nto the house. They had no sheets on their beds and the baby sitters son abused my daughter.
They are grown now but are still harmed by their father who is still playing sick games with them... this was 100% my falt for not valuing myself enough to take care of my future. Beliving in the church . And staying with a man that didn't value me to help me become strong .
If they undermine your efforts for self improvements they will destroy you eventually. All the relationships that I have seen that work are the ones where both partners support and plan for the strongest future . Taking into account the what if situations that almost always occur.
If the church mandates that wives should stay at home and not be in the workplace, they should then step up and financially support and house those women when the marriage fails. They should also excommunicate the husbands. I am assuming here that the husband is initiating the divorce or forcing the wife to do so because of abuse.
Looks like someone didn't read the Bible. When it comes to trusting men, it say: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man..." (Jeremiah Ch.17).
A man is not a plan.
Her man
Then don't expect such males to contribute to society and go to wars.
Hope you remember your words when WW3 breaks out
Perhaps she’s just extremely unpleasant to be married to.
💯
100%! A house cat is a plan!
A teacher told us that if we wanted to be stay at home spouses to first still have A finished education to fall back on and B get employed by our spouse as a homemaker or assistent or whatever, but officially with a contract, so we pay into our retirement fund and social security as well as not having a hole in the cv
@@imelimadame9244 that’s a good teacher! That’s exactly what I teach in my manproof your life programs. Spousal trust is huge
Excellent idea!!!!!!!
@@lifetaketwo7662exactly. Tokenistic pieces of paper matters….if a man is trust worthy he is not afraid of showing commitment through paperwork!
@@imelimadame9244 very smart approach
@@imelimadame9244 and an income that contributes to the mortgage and all assets.
My Mormon friends dad was a pastor and cheated on her mom with women in the congregation...
The wife was an absolute goddess in managing children and running a house. Very forgiving, loving, attentive to her husband. Scarred me for life.
My grandfather & grandmother 😂 my family’s unhealthy dynamics scarred me for life I will never have kids
Religion is the worse indoctrination for women. It’s so harmful the deeper it is. She was probably super faithful and it got her no where and instead of blaming the teachings of her religion she will probably blame the devil and bad actors.
Mormons don’t have pastors.
One has to wonder what those women were thinking, assuming it was consensual! Nobody is that popular.
@sarah2.017 theyre brainwashed not to think
My Dad pulled me aside as a teen girl and told me to always make sure I made enough money to live on my own so no man could ever make me vulnerable. Glad I listened as it came in handy when zi had yo leave a domestic abuse situation.
That is a good father. We all need someone in our lives to care about our wellbeing like that.
But in fact it is not always possible. You may pay for you house together and can't quit because of it.
@@jsnegirevayou missed the point here. Her father told her to make enough to live on her own. That means be able to pay for food rent transportation and health care. If you cannot afford the house you were paying with your partner but make enough money you can go rent a smaller house or little apartment or even a basement and still be able to pay your bills, the point is, you can still keep afloat even if you don't have a partner. If you have enough you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship, you don't have to accept infidelity. You have a choice. If you don't make enough you basically have to choose between staying in the relationship or going live in the streets. That's what her father meant by saying she should have enough. Not enough to keep the sane lifestyle but enough to live.
My father kicked me out with nothing and for no reason when I was 21. I ended up in a domestic abuse situation.
Good for you but no one should live their life for plan B.
To the women who say "my husband would never" "you should have picked better" "my children's care matters more to me than climbing the career ladder"
People change. People change.
Yeah, I picked the nice Christian guy... until after I had our baby I found out everything was a lie. 🤷♀️ when I was searching for a husband I had a whole small booklet that I made up to ask questions about values and beliefs.... I was so young, I never thought that someone could just lie. :(
Men are not perfect .. they lose interest because women are not perfect ... we are all human...
@@anneshirley9560 girl often they are lying to themselves
@@silverkitty2503 Men are not perfect, but it is evil to lure a woman into bringing a child into the world just so you can abandon them both. Said what I said. Don't get married if you aren't ready to be an adult.
@@silverkitty2503 Men “lose interest”? Does it sound like her husband “lost interest”? Did he quit his job because he “lost interest” in her? Does he pay his child support sporadically and late because he “lost interest” in her? Has he conducted a campaign of financial abuse because he “lost interest” in her? You are delusional. You are making excuses for men so you don’t have to acknowledge that this can happen to you.
Ex-husbands who suddenly quit their jobs right after divorce to avoid paying child support should be sent to jail. 3 year minimum prison sentence.
And made to work in prison while every penny goes to the children plus more payed by the government he has to pay back and if he doesn't within a certain amount of time straight back to jail for stealing from the government.
@@imelimadame9244 yes!
Agreed. Mine had warrants out for his arrest and the court never jailed him.
Yep! That is another form of neglect and abandonment.
Women who suddenly divorce their husbands should be sent to jail. 3 year minimum prison sentence.
There is a reason women fought to have rights and careers.... and why the wife role changed...
Why women not fight for the right to be forcibly conscripted just like men?
@@ElmachitoSilbateador Because conscription is wrong for both sexes - that's why most democratic countries don't use it anymore. My country dropped it by referendum and women also voted for it to go.
@@AndreiPopesculol and you think that will stop any government from doing it? Lol you are hilarious
And women didn't fight for rights or careers only some did. A majority of women didn't want the right to vote. But contrary to what you retarded braindead women think women did work and always have
@@ElmachitoSilbateador because why would they? as it is, they get all the benefits and none of the responsibility.
In my family, my father is the one who always always raised us in such a way that one day we would be financially independent and have a support system. One time, I asked him why he where his standards high when it came to education. He told me almost crying that he'd never want us to be mistreated or lacking in any way, even when he's gone. I'm grateful for that
You have such a great dad!
@@steffy23456 that’s a good dad🥰
Your father is a billion times better than most. My Christian patriarch father told me I would be wife & mother. Not have a job or education. I wish I never knew him. He is more of a pimp then father.
@@kaylandry3142That's religious men for ya. I will never be with one.
@@steffy23456 and HE (your dad) is an example of a man of character and integrity. Your dad is truly an example of what Christ meant when he said to men, “love your wives (family) as I love my Church (followers).” I’ve been blessed to have met a few men who exemplify this, thank you for sharing another.
Why are there no 50 year old trad wife’s promoting the lifestyle? Because it’s SUCKS….
Maybe you’re the problem, Susanne
I'm almost 40 and I would promote it... but a realistic person knows no lifestyle is without pros and cons. So they don't promote any of them as the "perfect" lifestyle because none of them are
Prob. Because the trad 50yr olds already got traded in for younger models
Amen!
@@Naturefan354was gonna say. I’m 45 and would promote it. I have had a successful business I was able to start and sell, but other than that, I’ve mostly been at home. I do part time work from time to time…for stimulation and extra money. Even tho our net worth and income is very high. Would recommend.
So relatable! I am 61 and did the trad wife role for 20 years from age 23 to 43. Then my husband had 2 long affairs and left me and our 3 kids. This was after I had spent two decades with his constant travel schedule for work and we relocated for his job every two years all over the country. He then decided that he was going to start his own business and said he had no income for child support.
The following years were a nightmare in legal expenses and now I’m 61 and still struggling with miserable part-time low income jobs even though I had a college degree before I got married there is so much age discrimination, I continue to pay literally every day for sacrificing those years for him when I stayed out of the job market. I made sure that all of my kids including my 2 daughters had a college education and a solid work history before they got married and had kids, I told them don’t end up like I did.
My mum was almost in the same problem... Although my father's office took care of her after he died (and cheated before he went bye bye), a lot of women who didn't know our family's situation laughed at my mum behind her back. She was a medical doctor who failed to get a license due to having me and my father's sh*t...
You're an awesome mom ❤
I am so sorry!!! that is truly heart breaking!! Will you ever trust a man again? I feel like two incomes is so much better than one. and you're getting older and have to think about retirement. that's coming up quick! not unless your kids can help you during retirement?
Did the affair happen because he wanted a younger woman?
@@panidaj641that's a good question. I wonder how many affairs are with women of similar ages to the couple
This is the exact reason I’d never be a SAHW/M. I did it early in my marriage and saw how men can be financially abusive early on. When I said I was leaving he took everything he’d paid for even my toothbrush. Thank God, I was only 25, with an education to fall back on. I couldn’t imagine doing this at 45 or even 55.
He took the toothbrush? What a petty prick!
Your man isn’t all men. You chose someone who choose to financially abuse you. That’s a matter of poor character, not gender. I’m not trying to be mean but it’s frustrating seeing women blame all men for their man they chose.
In any event, women should get some type of education or skillet they can fallback on just in case. That’s just what every adults needs to do.
@@AliciatheChoHer exman isn't all men but admit that there are too many men like her ex all over the world. Too many scarred children and wives. Also, admit that many men are great in convincing a woman to choose and love them by being kind at first, only to turn out cruel. Women should be VERY careful when they love and leave when they show their true colors, but blame evil men for being deceitful or irresponsible and exploiting one's love. It is sad that this problem is too common.
@@AliciatheChohow can you tell when people change on a dime? Sometimes it’s all sweetness until marriage then the true colours come out
@@AliciatheCho please stop blaming women for men being shitty. He also had a choice and chose to be financially abusive when he could have just not.
Don’t waste your life over a man. They are not worth it. Life is not to just have a husband or a man in life. There is more to life than just being a wife.
😂😂😂😂😂 very true
that’s so true! It’s just not worth it! We get I stuck in the illusion of love and all the pretty things they say at the beginning. It’s a trap.
By choosing pleasure and so-called "happiness" for the sake of abandoning marriage and the sacrifice that comes with it, you will only be left feeling hollow and sad in the end. The pursuit of self-serving desires might seem fulfilling in the moment, but ultimately, it cannot replace the deeper joy and purpose that God designed for marriage.
Marriage, in its true form, is a beautiful gift from God. It was established by Him from the beginning as a union that reflects His love for us. Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Marriage isn't just about companionship; it's about two people becoming one in the eyes of God, sharing their lives, joys, and burdens together in a sacrificial and holy relationship.
The early Church Fathers had great respect for the sacredness of marriage. St. John Chrysostom said, “Marriage is the sacrament of love, it is the mystery of the presence of Christ.” He emphasized that marriage, when lived out according to God's plan, is not just a legal or physical union, but a spiritual one that mirrors Christ’s love for the Church. It’s through the sacrifice, commitment, and devotion to one another that marriage becomes a reflection of God’s love.
St. Augustine also spoke on the beauty of marriage, explaining that it is a means of bringing forth new life and nurturing that life in godliness. He said, “The union of man and wife is from God: the purity of marriage, and the bringing up of children, is the work of God.” It’s through these godly relationships that families are strengthened, children are raised in faith, and the love of God is passed down through generations.
Marriage is not about avoiding hardship or seeking personal pleasure but about embracing the sacrifice, love, and selflessness that mirror God's love for us. When we abandon that for temporary pleasure or "happiness," we miss out on the fullness of what God intended. Marriage is beautiful because it teaches us how to love as God loves-sacrificially and faithfully-and through that, we experience a deeper and more meaningful joy that goes far beyond fleeting happiness.
So so true. Tried marriage. It was a horror show. Now I live life on my own terms and I’m so grateful for my second chapter.
💯💯💯💯
Why isn’t that outrageously wealthy mormon church supporting these broken families? No mormon should be tithing their church until that situation gets fixed. Start a movement.
Stop the tithe.
Totally agree. Morally bankrupt organization.
In that case, if you believe the mormon church is participating or enabling this behavior - why not just leave the church?
You know why
Or leave the stupid cult.
Because it’s a patriarchy
My mother had a college degree, was a successful teacher for 15yrs before she decided to give it all up to raise us kids at home. My dad left the family after 22yrs of marriage. We lived this life. While my father did pay child support and alimony on time, it total it was half of what he was providing before. So we went from a home with 100% dad's money to 50% of that income and my mother hadn't had a job in 15yrs. She got an overnight job as a baker at a local grocery store, but it was minim wage. So yeah lots of ramen noodles, lots of being dropped off at random friends, family, and neighbors' houses while my mom did odd jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes she slept in her car because she was too exhausted to drive. I had to raise my sister by myself at age 12. Man is not a plan ladies. I love my father, but he was not the best husband. He doesn't have to be abusive, or a dead beat, or even a bad dad, he can just be going through a mid life crisis and there you are, having a crisis of your own.
Yeah even the most ideal Dad/ex-husband is still one income split between two households. Even the most amazing man isn't a plan.
Don't know if I agree that he's a good dad if he isn't making sure that his kids have their material needs met. The kids shouldn't just be the mother's problem.
He is a bad dad.
I'm sorry to hear that Zora. You didn't deserve to go through that pain.
A man that doesn't provide for his household is no man at all. These are not my words, but what the Bible says:
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8).
The Bible says a man that does not provide for his household is not even a Christian and even worse, he's worse than those who reject Christ. This is a very serious claim. It was not your mother's responsibility to provide for the household and because she was forced to, as a result she became miserable, and could not invest in you guys because of all the work and responsibilities.
A man and woman both have different responsibilities, nature tells us this as well. Men have to provide for their households. They were given testosterone and more energy, to do outside work.
Whereas women, though, many work would much rather prefer to stay at home, and take care of the children because they are a nurturer by nature, and work creates more burden and stress on women as it does on men.
This does not mean, the man, does not help with taking care of the child, as women, because of their periods, and hormones, also feel tired and men need to lead the family and take care of the kids when mom is not feeling well or stressed out.
It is because you had a father, that acted like a child, rather than stepping up to be the man of the household, that you have the wrong perception, that men 'are not the plan.' Just as I talk to my male friend, and he says, 'women are all the same' because his mother left him after he was born, and he along with his sister was raised by their father. I explained to him. that his perception is wrong, and that him not having a mother clouded his judgement in thinking all women, are like that.
A mother that stays home and takes care of the children raise both men and women that are productive members of society. It's the hardest but most rewarding job ever. Mothers (and especially stay at home) mothers may not recieve enough recognition for it, but you guys are appreciated and the reason why good hearted adults exist.
But, I can assure, you that there are quality men out there who are not like, your dad. I know many men, who had their wife stay at home, but are real devout men of Christ, who never complain like children for working 50+ hours, 6 days a week for their households, and help raise the kids at home when their wife is tired.
@@radiantblue8001it’s not true that ‘women would rather stay at home’. I’m a woman and I wouldn’t. You literally couldn’t pay me to do that. Each to their own but please don’t make statements about what you think other people want.
I was a trad wife with four kids and then I fell ill. He was not happy at all. A trad wife is supposed to be pretty, not sick.
So he became very verbally and psichologically abusive and stopped supporting me economically. One other thing that the tradwife must face is the fact that your support circle usually leaves you too. When your firends are from church and you are now a divorcee, they stop being your friends. So you lose basically everything. Sometimes even family, because they don't agree with "women getting a divorce". I'm so sorry so many women are going through this
While I am not Mormon, I gave up my career when my husband and I had our daughter. 19 years later I'm starting over too! My heart goes out to you and the women in our country who find themselves in your situation. ❤ Thank you for sharing your experience. You are a blessing.
@@danettelamonicaDFSP thank you 🥰
Who filled for divorce?
@@blacksuite1 My husband demanded the divorce but refused to pay for it because he paid for his last one. I was over the moon excited and proud to pay for my freedom.
This will be 😢😢😢😢
@@brooklin_bernek Of course I was grieving the loss of the life I dreamed of having. The truth is I was living a nightmare. Once I accepted my marriage was never what I wanted it was easy to move forward with my life. After my experience, I don't recommend marriage to anyone.
There should be a documentary about different women who are displaced homemakers
They could open up child care centers, they are skilled in taking care of children and child care is needed to lower supply and demand for child care making it less expensive for everyone.
@@i_brought_a_flowerlike the movie daddy day care. Great idea, actually.
@@i_brought_a_flower Yes, There actually are many ways to earn at least some type of income as a stay at home mom! I did it! even what she did as far as furniture flipping, you can do while you are married I always tried to find a way to have some kind of personal income.
@@i_brought_a_flower with what money though? also that's not a job you can just do. you need the proper education to prove you're good with kids. it's a nice idea but impossible in practice. being a cheap babysitter for friends and family is more realistic.
Too many people pull the quit their job to avoid child support, should not be allowed. You quit your job, your still responsible for that amount.
They may remain still responsible but they would prefer to sleep on the streets rather than put anything towards supporting their much HATED children. And if they think they’re getting even with the spouse, not hurting the kids, but they are SHOWING that they hate their children.
Make them pick up trash on the side of the highway for minimum wage. Community service.
If quitting your job is more attractive than paying child support, it sounds like there are other issues. How high are these child support payments in north america? Or is it being conflated with spousal support?
I would expect child support to be half of the cost of raising a child. While expensive, it seems like a wild over reaction to quit your job.
I am honestly surprised at how crappy the US system seems to be when it comes to this stuff.
@@vejlinit's just to hurt the ex partner, it's not a big amount of money
All of his Social Security should go to the kids. Start pulling it early, send it to the kids for support, and let him figure out his situation when he's too old to work under the table anymore and wants to start collecting his SS checks.
Great analogy.. A Trad wife is like taking a car ride without putting on your seat belt! Yet the likelihood of you getting a divorce is higher than being in a car accident!
The person who makes the GOLD makes the RULES.
Ladies, if you want to RULE over your own life then you better make sure that you make your own GOLD!
@@ragingrn8342 amen!
Get an education and a well paying job with good benefits
@@wyleecoyotee4252 this! And be on the lookout for sabotaging behavior from your husband.
Maybe the best solution would be for all these Western women to have their careers and all the western men to marry traditional ladies who value family above their career from eastern Europe and Southeast Asia. That way it seems everyone will get what they want: the western ladies will prioritise their careers, the western men will have a traditional family, and the overseas wives will have a relatively wealthy provider for the children and family that they prioritise. I win win strategy.
@@andrewmurray3139 it’s wishful thinking to think the men who does this to the women they have the same culture, religion and a bazillion things in common and still leave them like dirt, would treat mail brides with respect. The problem is not all western men or women, it’s these kinds of coercive environments in these cults that make it so easy for sociopaths to act like that. I’m a homemaker, been married for 12 years, my husband trusts me with the administration of our money because between us I’m the most capable of managing it, I’ve got a degree, I have my own life, he has his own life, we decide everything together and he trusts me enough to know how to honor and respect him, as he does me. The problem is men don’t trust their women and women don’t trust their men when there’s teaching about one being inferior than the other. Secure men and women doesn’t have to import spouses to make it work.
What I've seen a lot is that the provider ends up growing resentful of the stay at home parent, feeling like they are useless, not contributing, not grateful, don't have their own personalities or hobbies, etc., and they also seem very willing to dump the children along with the partner when they decide to move on. I'm not really sure why people like that are out here having multiple children with women they hate, but here we are I guess.
Yes!! They grow resentful and distant according to Dr Psych Mom!!
Thanks for this information
So true
It's because they don't realize that they're making their wives miserable and stressed which in turn affects them in ways that shows up negatively in the relationship. I can imagine, even though I've never been married, from being in a relationship where I chased the guy and poured all my love/ soul into but ended up losing myself due to burning out of empathy. Still recovering. I sent from being considered as the trophy gf to an ugly/ overweight and more depressed than when I went into it. He also decided to slander me b/c he's bitter from me moving on quick & turning my S/a from my ex as cheating to hurt me. The ultimate betrayal from someone i thought would give me the world since he promised, but I should've listened to my gut. Major regret. Don't listen to charmers and a DO NOT GIVE THE "NICE GUY" A CHANCE.
100%. I bet you they're going to work everyday interacting with young women who appear on the outside to have fulfilling lives and have the audacity to compare their wives to these women. Especially if wife married young she had very little time to explore her interests. I see this so often in the corporate world. Less common now due to wfh so not as many targets for them.
men complain about women and not enough women being traditional or "loyal" (we are way more loyal than them),while not being traditional or loyal men smh,where do they afford the audacity
A lot of traditional men in the past have done this stuff too, knowing full well they have the advantage. Marriage has always been a trial of trust.
Lots of western men see asian men mistreat the women so they pick up on it & get traditional asian women (servants) while bitching about demanding western women who talk back 😂 what evolution strategy. So women develop their own strategy of marrying rich old men while hooking up with tall young guys during ovulation 😂 a woman’s body is designed to bear children so it’s the men’s fault for not being trustworthy enough
I’m a 22 year old Orthodox Christian man.
I want a wife that is biblical. And I do agree that the man has to be loyal and traditional if he wants a wife like that.
I know men that are loyal (virgin) that are dating women that aren’t virgins because they believe in the redemptive nature of Christ in people’s lives.
The reason why men are not as loyal as women, is because we have much higher sex drives than women. (If it was the other way around it would be men being more faithful) I’m not saying this is an excuse, as any man (or woman) as Christianity was the first and only religion that puts a man cheating on the same pedestal as a woman cheating even going as far as to say a man that lusts with his eyes is a an adulterer (cheater) and that cheaters won’t enter the kingdom of heaven. It’s a despicable sin. Most Christians today though aren’t really Christian because they are influenced by this secular culture that sees cheating as normal.
In the early Church, a person that masturbated could not take communion for a year and was forced to eat only a small amount of bread and water for two years. It’s only after this they could take communion if they followed this.
This was for masturbation by the way, not even cheating. It was because the early Church was so strict that people like St. Mary of Egypt who had sex for fun with pilgrims from when she was a child, was able to repent (actual repentance through severe fasting and living in the desert, for over 20 years, barely any clothes, and finally achieved forgiveness and died a saint.
Isn’t that what they’ve been doing for thousands of years already? Blame the women. Complain about the women. Get all petty and resentful and say it’s women’s fault. Assault the women when they themselves feel angry and frustrated. They just can’t seem to take responsibility for their own lust, lack of self control and failures in life.
@@radiantblue8001 Everything you just said is so messed up that I don't know where to start. Re-think your life and touch grass, dude.
The saddest part of this is that many women will watch this video and STILL won’t listen.
Probably because the creator’s experience won’t be the experience of every woman. Perhaps not even most women in a trad relationship idk. We shouldn’t base our lives on the worst experiences of others because we are not them and have no idea what really goes on in a broken marriage. Nor should we pretend the best things in life come without risk.
We think people can surprise us, but when we honestly replay what happened, the red flags were always there. Often we overlooked or dismissed them. I take these confessionals with a grain of salt.
I say before becoming a trad wife, get a degree or a viable skillet, have a few years of job experience, save least 6 months of living expenses, and be sure the husband contributes to an IRA Roth retirement fund.
It’s all a mess. If mom works FT, kids are basically raised by strangers (daycare workers and teachers) who don’t love them for 35 - 40 hours a week. It’s a lie to say that this arrangement does not have any adverse impact on kids.
A lot of young women here saying people are bitter and that they don’t experience this - being in their early 20’s. They react like this person telling her story is bashing their own personal lives. I’m a homemaker, I’ve been happily married for 12 years, I manage my family’s money and have a loving husband. I know she’s not talking bad about the life I chose but sharing her perspective on abuse. People who can not recognize that can kick rocks! 😂
@@healthycathy9782those young women will face the reality ten to fifteen years from now
They won’t listen because they simply aren’t good students and are too lazy for work. The plan is to be housewives because they know from minute one that they will fail when stepping into the real world. This shows us that trad wives are more realistic than we think, at least they self-reflect and prefer not to make a fool of themselves.
❤
I had an ex husband who quit his lucrative job on an oil rig to avoid child support commitments. I had been married 12 years and had a 2 year old when he suddenly abandoned is. I had worked prior to my daughter's birth, but had no formal qualifications. I saw a woman who literally walked through Africa and got herself a college degree...i packed up my daughter, moved cities and enrolled in university. We somehow got by, but i ended up with a degree and I was able to provide for my daughter without her deadbeat dad's input... we were lucky and I had some great friends/ family thankfully. Over 20 years later, my daughter has a degree of her own and is successful. She contacted her dad and he pretended to be interested for a little while, but he's disappeared on her again... but she's happy and in a loving relationship with a baby of her own and doing amazing things in the world.
I'm sorry you have gone through this with your children. You are strong.
I've subscribed to your channel as I want you to succeed. You got this
Can't go wrong with learning homemaking skills (young men as well as young women should learn those). But dropping out of college if you don't have a trade is a big "NO" from me. College isn't for everyone, but marriage as a replacement for college is not a plan.
@@lblack1961 my Mormon church right me to get married instead of college
You mean basic life skills
Trade school is also a good option. Cheaper than college and still a viable option.
For those who still want to be a trad wife, listen to why she has been left poor. Nothing was jointly in their names. Nothing was contributed to her retirement accounts. Make sure you are financially protected throughout your marriage. There will be ups and downs in all marriages, be sure you are in the cheaper to keep her category instead of the easy to get rid of category. Requiring you be financially secure, protected and cared for is part of loving you not just sex, homemaking and children.
Agreed. If a couple feel strongly that one being a homemaker is how they want to roll, then the financial security of the homemaker needs to be a part of that discussion.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez being able to stay home with children, to love and care for them is a beautiful blessing. It is an incredible benefits and value to the children and family overall. I feel sadness for a large generation of people who did not get to experience this. I was part of the transition generation, my mom was home for the first 12 years of my life, I barely saw her from age 12-18 and then I was gone. I was sad, angry and confused plus I was a teenager and all that entails. Though my mother worked, very little changed for me financially, I just didn’t have either parent.
@@kenyonbissett3512 There are some really strong reasons why one parent might stay home, as you say, so long as the couple as a unit considers the long term financial security. I’m envious here - I had to work two jobs as a single parent, though thankfully I had flexible hours in academia.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez to give my mom credit and understanding (I can now as an adult), she worked full time from the home. She did full time day care in addition to the 4 of us. She sold Avon and on weekends she worked as a waitress at the equivalent of a Bob Evans/Denny’s. My dad worked heavy construction. Both went to night school to complete their HS education and were Valedictorian of their class. No GED at that time. Mom went to college on several scholarships and grants and earned a degree in education. She started teaching. Our state requires a Master’s, so 2-3 nights a week at College, weekend classes and all summer. She got 3 masters and her doctorate. She proved to herself she could do it. She stayed married for 52 yrs til she died. It was not a good marriage by any measure.
Exactly. Also if possible maintain your skills. Like of you are a nurse continue to work per diem even if 1 day a month. You just ever know.
I was raised with my grandmother who was single. She’d run off her abusive husband years before. And my mother went to medical school after divorcing my abusive father. I don’t think I ever wanted a man to be financially dependent on, although I was in that position at times while I got my career going. I’m so glad I focused on that and stayed CF. I hope your furniture flipping takes off and you can get your own house.
@@FireSilver25 thank you, let’s make a better future for our daughters🥰
Can I just say I LOVE how you worded that, she “ran him off.” Like a raccoon in your dustbin. Yes girl!! 💃🏻
@@mayamartin7359lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousins whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director.
They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
It’s not even about bad partners. What happens if your wonderful “he would never do that” husband has an accident and he can no longer work? This people doesn’t seem to understand how vital (in today’s economy) is to have 2 independent income streams.
it was probably your grandmother who was abusive and taught your mother to be abusive, that is usually the way it works. and what the pattern here looks like, FireSilver. women are SUPER selfish and usually file for divorce
A coworker of mine was a trad wife for over 30 years. One day, her husband came home and wanted a divorce. He had been cheating on her with a much younger woman, whom he married once the divorce papers were signed.
She had to move out and start over. Her kids were adults, so it made it a little easier to move on. She decided to go back to school and get a degree, and not let her situation get her down.
She currently makes good money and has a really positive attitude. She thanked her ex for what he did because she discovered how strong willed she was and her capabilities.
The funny part is that his current wife and her are good friends. His current wife repeatedly states how much she admires my coworker, which pisses off her ex. He wanted her to be nothing without him, but she proved she never needed him.
Interesting! I’m glad she had the resources to move on. I’ve had 7 surgeries in the 6 years since my divorce and had 4 kids that were still very young. My ex is abusive and I have no family. It’s taken me a little while. Most women who have been trad wives are plunged into poverty upon divorce. It’s a sad situation.
Nothing to that her ex for. He is a pig, you don't thank pigs for being pigs.
I wouldn't of recommended you giving him any credit but I'm glad you are friends with his ex I emagin she probably wishes she hadn't got untangled with him a time's.
@@lifetaketwo7662I hear you illnesses and young children are tough situations.
Hopefully, things will get easier for you soon.
@@tiffanygrever8092 I thought the same when she told me.
You are such a beautiful woman. It goes to show that even the most beautiful, home focused woman can still be cheated on and left as soon as she gets older...even when not looking her age. Dont be completely dependent on a man, ladies.
Suddenly that feminism doesn't seem so bad huh.
Except when you realize that it helps promote women at the expense of men, even those men that have to support a family.
What whatever, I just enjoy the decline
It was never a bad thing. Feminism has the worst P.R.
Feminists are evil women with weak minds and values 😂
There's a reason women fought for that. It's scary to me to think that it wasn't until really a decade or so before I was born (80's baby here) women couldn't get credit cards, own a house or get a car loan! My grandma worked at a bank and her brother or brother in law had to help her get a car loan even though she made more money.
I think it's also important to know that Trad Wife influencers have an untraditional job. They are earning money by advertising a fabricated lifestyle that only the very wealthy can indulge in. They make commercials styled to resemble vlogs and have hired help to do the more labor-intensive chores.
If you want to vlog a pretend life, you may very well make some money, but it's a very risky move to make if you aren’t already financially secure.
If you want to be a stay-at-home wife/mother, that’s fantastic. But make sure you’re also employable and financially independent so that _if_ anything happens, you (and your kids) will be okay.
Being a Trad Wife influencer is unlikely to make you a living salary (and if it eventually does, that won't be for a while), and being a Trad Wife alone will not guarantee you (or your family) the security you need or the affluent lifestyle you desire. And let's be clear, it *is* an _affluent_ lifestyle.
Thank you for sharing. I'm black but grew up in a predominantly South East Asian community where a majority of women were trad wives. Some were brought over as child brides (16 years old and up), some got married right out of high school, and some were allowed to go to university but got married right after graduation and became a home maker whether the couple had kids or not. The divorce rates are so high so many of these trad wives end up in shelters, on the street, on government assistance, etc. I've also met some who were in their 50s and 60s and they don't have a pension plan etc because they've never worked and so they are either on the streets, or couch surfing. My's best friend's mom was a homemaker her entire marriage until she discovered that her husband was having numerous affairs. She got a job immediately at a local box store as a cashier and saves all the money from that job. She said that if he ever divorces her, she has rainy day funds. Even before that she would funnel away a bit of her money from her weekly budget. All of their kids are grown, and out of the house so she is prepared for anything.
😮
Sad she has to stay to be fed. At least she has a plan if he leaves her. She could die from the disease he could bring smh. 😢
@@favouro6344they probably aren't having sex
This I think is important: having your own account and savings. Even from a shared budget you should definitely build up savings. Husbands get run over sometimes. Have heart attacks etc. Even if he was stellar the unforeseen happens. Having your own savings is a starting point and having your own bank account, savings and small even tiny but long term movements on credit cards (tiny amounts that you consistently pay back) gives you a credit rating even if small. Having your own financial identity is critical. If you work as an assistant at the shop then have it done properly: the money he puts in the house mske him do so through proper payment for services with social security etc. That way you have "jobs", curriculum, financial identity etc. With the same effort you did before. Stay at home mom is "free". But "helping with the family business" is work. Make sure it registers as such. You aren't free labour.
I’m so sorry that happened to you but also so thankful that someone’s speaking out about this. My high school is in a VERY Mormon area and it’s so engrained in the culture to just find a man, have babies straight out of high school/dropout of college, and have no career whatsoever. So many of my friends are setting themselves up for abusive situations and there’s nothing we can do except try to make them aware so they can stay safe.
I've heard that the Mormon church does not do premarital counseling, and that they actually have the highest divorce rate, in the U.S. of any mainstream religion.
It's not just the Mormons that believe this. A lot of people in the deep south believe this. My neice got married and dropped out of college. Got pregnant right away after getting married at 19. Did not work. No one could tell her anything different. Would not listen to her Aunt. Guess what 7 yrs later she's divorced with 2 kids. They both have ADHD and LD. She is now also too old to receive GA's hope scholarship. She really messed up. My father is also dead so Grandpa can not enable her financially. He was doing that before. That was the problem. She messed up big time. Her mother and father have both been married multiple times. Great role models. My parents were married for 53 yrs. She looked at them as being old fashioned. I am afraid she going to get married more times and live off of multiple partners like her mother. My ex sister in law. Not good examples for her children.
I suppose the career opportunities for non-Mormon women is pretty good.
In Utah at least
@@Deborah-so8mv Just like any other community, it depends on what kind of family, town, etc. you came from.
My mom became a SAHM when I was 9 or 10 due to some health reasons (she’s fine now), but my dad is a man of integrity. Honestly he probably sets the bar too high, but he LOVES my mom. They have been married for 37 years. I am just so jarred by all of this.
My daughter just turned 4 yesterday. I remember my husband wanting me to be a SAHM when i had her. I said absolutely no! I'm a Realtor & wanted to continue to work but my main reason was to never be in a position where I'm stuck.
Kudos for your perseverance! ❤
Thanks for sharing!!😊
You are very strong. My mother preached our entire lives that everyone should be able to support themselves and have their own health insurance and retirement. My sisters and I all did that. When I decided I wanted to divorce as terrible as it was I knew I would be ok financially. Sadly I know so many women that left their husbands only to return because they couldn’t support themselves.
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it.
For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director.
They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
"but MY husband would never do that!" is the crux of the problem.
I feel you hun I was 19 when I was married to a 27 year old man 😢it was not worth my sanity and my health.When I failed my medications and was bed ridden he turned his back on me.I’m 22 divorced and have nothing in my name.All I can hope is that if your a young women that came from a toxic family and didn’t know what compassion looks like please don’t be desperate and have a high self worth ❤
I'm so sorry that you went through that . Are you back with your family?
I hope your health is improving now. Just wanted to say at 22 you are still young enough to train up and make a career for yourself doing something that interests you. I went to University at 23 myself, and I have worked with students much older (I teach and support students with research in the UK). With more flexible / remote training and working in some professions now you might find it is workable even with health conditions.
22 is so young. You have no idea what a blessing it is to learn this lesson at your age already 🙌🏾
@@sonderexpeditions 10000% agree! I started my current career at the age of 32, and even that I consider young! 22 is just starting out! Work work work, and save save save! I love working and earning my own money! I don't even think I'll ever want to retire, even!
That’s terrible to have gone through that. I’m hoping you are regaining your health. You have so much to gain in your early years.❤❤❤
You speak so eloquently and overall you're a life saver!!! Thank you
@@suzannaflores1164 ah thank you!!!🥰
My mother raised me to take be able to take care of myself. I am doing the same with my daughter.
That’s a good mom!
You mom is great and you are a great mom too for teaching your daughter that!
@@timelessbeautyfashion I live on the East Coast, born in the 60s. My mother was born in the 1920s…honestly I can’t think of a single person who thought a man was a plan in my generation. Everyone went to college and earned a degree. Sure some became stay at home moms. But they all could return to teaching, nursing, pharmacology if they had to. It baffles me that some still don’t believe in education for all still. I can’t think of a single woman in my class who thought they could just rely on a man. I’m 55.
Same here. I'm 60 and I was raised to be independent, though for a short while I thought a man could be a plan (ironically, that plan would take me to France 😂) but that didn't work out after a few short months and then I noped out. I have been working ever since and never found a man to be my plan. Am a happy single childless catlady now.
@@CarolynandherClothesexactly
💯 well said. Thank you for sharing your story. Young girls- especially from churches need to hear this.
@@RebrandedMaria I’m trying to get the word out!
Thanks the internet that open up people’s minds. Churches are particularly tribal & demand questioned loyalty so it’s thanks to the internet for counter argument
I grew up in poverty. My mom divorced my no-good alcoholic dad when I was not yet 2 and my brother was 6. He never paid a dime of child support. She had to start from scratch with credit, bank accounts, a job, etc. If you think being a #tradwife is good for children, think again.
💔😞 Thank you for sharing your story. I'm South African and the "trad wife" trend is thriving even in this part of the world - largely due to social media. And because of the unemployment rate, some young women are genuinely hoping to "strike it rich" by way of men (the pipeline usually involves being club "hosts" & Instagram "baddies" who will either catch themselves a man thst way, or leverage their "baddie" status doing unspeakable things in places like Dubai).
I genuinely hope that one day you'll have the kind of financial stability that brings peace and restoration. ❤
This and the new "stay at home girlfriends"
@@oliviajoans They think we're all jealous and bitter when we tell them that it opens them up to all kinds of abuse & mostly ends in tears 💔🤷🏽♀️
chommiie, le wena o hierso¿ i love seeing my fellow SAens here ❤❤.
It is sad that as a society we don’t value the work that so many women do for free to keep life running. I think homemakers should get social security, a salary (childcare workers outside the home do, why not inside the home?), etc. to protect them from financial abuse.
And they should get unemployment insurance for a year when they have a baby. Just like somebody else does when they are laid off from their job. That way the new mother is not totally dependent on her husband.
Right! ❤
I’m confused. Who would be paying them?
Also nothing is stopping a stay at home wife from working. All of my college friends, 10 sets of couples, all have multiple kids and both parents work.
I can’t believe that in 2024 people are still comfortable having to life skills out side of home making?!
@@gmfan09having skills is not the same as having a good resume.
A general point of living in a community, society and having a government is that your well being isn't completely dependent on who and what your family is.
@@mordecaiissad8529 yeah I’m saying get a good resume. I have two kids and both my wife and I work. Their is absolutely not enough to do around the house all day for either one of us to be a stay at home parent
I get the feeling that this dependency is exactly the reason why some men want to enforce this kind of situation
You are the biggest inspiration for me when I was given the option to be a housewife to a poor man versus being completely on my own. I chose the second choice and everyday your videos inspire me to work harder and be independent. ❤ You are an inspiration to this 30 something woman who didn't want to be controlled by men despite all the efforts my narcissistic family put in to brainwash me into a house slave for life. Thank you so much for your wisdom and humility and being an example for me.❤
@@jessicatsao92 Jessica, wow! We need to show up for other women and help where we can. Hey could u talk? I’m doing a huge article and would love to include u. I can share details
@lifetaketwo7662 I might have to retire for the day. I currently am in college as a physics major, which means I have no social life. 😅 Our homework can take up to 12 hours total per homework to finish. One of my classmates even griped that he isn't doing enough despite using over 70 hours a week for physics homework alone (he is a multiple major like me, though a lot younger at 22).
I could talk on Sunday, maybe in the afternoon, though. But, yeah, my schedule and work is quite stacked up. 😮💨
A housewife to a poor man? You're better off by yourself. :)
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it.
For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director.
They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
Even POOR men want housewives. I'm CACKLING.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
My father always instilled the fear of “never fully rely on anyone to survive, including your spouse.” At the time, it seemed so cynical. Now in my 30s seeing friends going through this woman’s situation, it motivated to always have a healthy chunk of “secret savings” for just in case…😉‼️
If it has to be a secret, then the man is trash to begin with. A man should want you to have your own savings in case something happens. And there's nothing wrong with bringing it up to your husband either
I'm so tired of hearing men ask why women aren't willing to be good partners and support their men. This is why.
And why do the weaklings need so much support anyway? When a man has a job and a family, he needs an employee to take care of his kids and home. But when a woman has a job and kids, she just does it all alone!
If a man collapses without my help, let him. What an absolute waste of a life for someone who can do it all, to use their life feeding some loser who can only work when supported by a full staff.
I'm thankful I had 2 grandmother's who drilled it into my head to never leave my financial future to the whim of a man. I'm 44 now and look around and see so many poor snd broken SAHM who are controlled by men and I'm thankful for the wise women i had in my life.
I remember in my 20’s all the advice I got from those twice my age. At the time it was annoying and I remember just wishing people would stop trying to give me advice. Now that I’m 42 I think back on it and had I listened to that advice my life would be so so much better. If only there was a way to show younger people the future so that they listen to the advice.
If you’re in your 20’s reading this….listen, I get how frustrating it is and how you think you can handle yourself, and you probably can, but remember the advice you’re getting is from someone who was once in your place. Experienced advice is so valuable so think twice before you ignore it ❤
This is such valuable advice. I remember in my 20s also disregarding the advice that was given to me by older women. Boy did I regret that when my relationship broke down at 30. I’m in a good position now but will NEVER make that mistake again .. and wish younger women would listen to those with experience.
If a man divorces me with kids, he’s definitely getting custody 😂
Told my husband the same🎉
More women need to do this or 50/50 custody. Child support is literally 1/10th of true child costs.
@sonderexpeditions I threatened my husband of almost 15 yrs with divorce cause he s been psychologically habusive for years. He said I can leave the house but I will have like 300 dollars of child support, as a stay at home mom so how about that. I told him I would gladly leave the house but I will find a job and be paying him 300 bucks and he ll be a single dad, so how about that. Crickets...
@@user-u7u8b love this 😌 they need to also be accountable.
You say that but if you love and care for your kids you won’t feel that way.
I’m from Tik Tok here watching your video and supporting you Jennie. You can do this. You overcame everything. Nothing can stop you.
Being a dependent partner places you in a risky position. During my years as a SAHM, my husband had multiple serious health issues and came extremely close to dying. Thankfully, my husband got better and we're still married and I've been back in the workforce for years. But I look back on those years and only now realize how risky my life was in those years.
This is the thing, you can do everything right, marry a great guy, and something could still happen
@@rosesweetcharlotte Yeah I think this is the most important point. We may not be able to rely on a spouse's income if health/other issues arise.
It’s called life insurance, Tess. Stop fear mongering.
@@sarahg2653 investments, appreciating assets in both of our names individually, savings, disability, life insurance, etc. Just because you’re terrible at managing money doesn’t mean the rest of us are. Maybe your husband just doesn’t trust you with money. Im basically my husband’s accountant. I make our budget and manage our finances as a homemaker. I have full access to everything and if I wanted to blow it all and buy a yacht one day I easily could. It’s called trust. What’s mine is his and what is his is mine. That’s marriage. Seems like the majority of women in these comments either just had a failed marriage or watch too much true crime or both.
@@abbieliz396 A lot of these people don't have life insurance
I appreciate your honesty, perseverance and intellect. You've transmuted your suffering into sage wisdom, and built a better life for you, and your children. Incredible.
Thank you for attempting to prevent suffering for future generations of girls and women. What you and other women with your mindset are doing is truly "god's work" (not that organized religious bullshit) 🙏🏿
@@judithpriestess7781 thanks for taking the time to write this. We have to build a better world for our daughters♥️
I’m 27. I found you awhile ago on TikTok. I knew this from a diff perspective, my mom died when I was 10 and my dad had to start over and continue our family life in Arizona. Since then I vowed I would never have myself in this position. Love to you ❤️
All I saw in this video was strength. I am wishing you and your family all the best. Thank you for spreading the word
You pulled it together and got your family back. Your strength knows no bounds🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I’m so glad OG ex trad wives are speaking on this and I am so grateful that I get to listen and learn from you. Looking at my family, I am highly motivated to be and remain 4B and CF. My peace of mind is worth more than being married and having kids, just modern normalised slavery for women since the beginning of time while men do nothing in the house.
Extreme overreaction. You can have a healthy marriage without going overboard one way or the other. There are also countless older woman who stayed single and regret it.
Me and my friends r 17 and we have decided the same, basically all the girls in our class dont want to get married or have kids
You are so brainwashed it’s actually astounding. Good luck in life!
You know what I really f*cking appreciate about you? That you have persevered through an absolute sh*t hand dealt and you still acknowledge the boons and privileges that you had, even at your lowest. You acknowledge that for as low as you can go, there is someone who will be knocked lower, and it's not their fault. It's not anything special you did, and it's not anything less special another woman will do, it's circumstance. I respect you for that. And I respect you for the hard work and strife and ingenuity you have had to grind out to climb back up. Just because you had a mercy or two does not mean you never suffered, and it does not mean you didn't have to be strong, and having compassion for other people is part of strength. Your honesty and your lack of arrogance really resonates with me. I cry every time I listen to these stories. This is why there is a feminist movement, this is why generations of women pushed back against conserving patriarchal values. You can be a traditional wife, if you want. Do Not Be Property.
Your comment made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. Yes, as horrid as my life was, I still had enough privilege within reach to have a home to live. I hear from women who suffer so much, and they have no resources for recovery.
I don't understand how men can be so evil to the mother of their children! Why are the families of these men and the community not shame these men? Hold them accountable!
Because these 'churches' are sexist. Then the people are.
People don't really change (they do but...). People LIE and it amazes me how humans forget that. Dudes be out here living two lives & feel 0 guilt about it 🙄
And men are encouraged to disrespect and hate women, so the abuse is just the obvious next step. They feel entitled to be abusive - and totally justified.
So true!! People LIE in order to get into relationships, and when they do "change" they change for the WORSE!!
The thing I never understood is that men will pretend to love you just for sex. It is so hurtful.
My half-sister's stepfather had a whole second family for 20 years and it took his wife that long to figure it out. He blamed her for taking so long to notice. That was more than a decade ago and I'm still not sure how he thought that was the correct response.
@@lepapercastle That’s not a guy who thinks long term. 😂
I’m so glad that I found your channel. You’re a breath of fresh air. We used to talk about this back in the 70s, when some of us believed in the Equal Rights Amendment that was passed but missed ratification by enough states to become law.
I have nothing but respect to you for sharing this story.
I’m a young boomer (born 1963). I heard the horror stories from women of the previous generations (born before WW2) who were dependent on husbands. The imbalance of power resulting in abuse, neglect and financial hardships. It’s the reason we had a women’s liberation movement in the 1970s. Young women today have not heard these stories and will now be the generation that will, unfortunately, learn these lessons the hard way.
Power imbalances don’t create abusers. They reveal abusers
Born in 1964 here. I taught, retired, and then subbed. I have a pension and healthcare for life. My husband was a teacher also now with a pension and healthcare. Yep, I heard and saw the horror stories of the trad. Wife growing up.
There are still women stuck in those kind of situations today! They don't call it being a trad wife, they call it abuse. That's why I find it so baffling why a woman would want to disempower herself on purpose... ESPECIALLY with children involved... I've seen what happens with my own two eyes. Honestly these people parents failed them by not teaching them common sense and indoctrination, that sounds harsh but it's genuinely true.
I will never understand the thought process of being 100% dependent on a man for the necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter) while having 0% control over his future wants, feelings or actions.
It may sound harsh but I know couple of women who are lazy and they tolerate mistreatment from their husbands just because they don't want to go to work
The power of religious, cultural, societal, and family pressures to fit in and be accepted.
The majority of the world is dominated by patriarchy, where men are given the preeminence over women.
Thank you for your transparency. You should be really proud of yourself! I hope things continue to improve for you and your children. ❤️ I became a "trad wife" at age 21, and when I was 40, my husband died. I had to go back to college and completely start my life over. Thankfully, I did get remarried, but if I find myself alone again, I have an education and work experience to rely on. Thank you for stressing that a man is not a plan!
As a current trad wife of 21 years, who is also became a young trad wife as a Christian; I just turned 40 years old. Please listen to this lady. You will never win being a trad wife who is not educated of have money for yourself.
Wow so crazy then how women managed to be okay for thousands of years before the 21st century 🤯🤯🤯
Thank you for sharing your perspective. 😊
@abbieliz396 They weren't ok. They were mostly suffering, even if not always outright abused.
SAHW are only a recent thing. Working class women have always worked for all of human history. It’s just propaganda.
@@adrianaloborec2205women are still suffering and they all ways will. look at the rates of mental illness. that is the nature of life and especially women.
The main reason I follow you is because you have the courage to show how incredibly hard it was for you. I think a lot of women feel shame this happened to them ( because Halas your story is not unique). But you have the courage to tell about your own trad wife life and the hardships of both that life and what happened when you lost everything. And you are unapologetic about it. Your story is out there as a cautionary tale. And it is necessary! Please remain unapologetic! Love from EU
@@andreavantzet1962 thanks for this sweet comment. I spent a long time trying to warn other women, realized my own story was where the power was. I had to give up privacy to make a difference in the world.
My mom wasn't a "trad wife" but was a stay-at-home mom for a very long time and the one thing she drilled into my sister and me was to be completely independent before getting married and never HAVE to depend on a man. I feel that is very telling.
@@maereth your mom is right, and very smart. A man is not a plan. 😊
My ex husband had an affair with a 19 year old. We had been married for 10 years and suddenly he decided he wanted a younger woman. All that work, love and care I gave him was for nothing. So NO I will never get married again. Things may be hard, but at least no one will break my heart. I wish younger women could see this and know never to trust a man with your future.
did you get phat? sure seems like you developed an attitude problem too. LAZY is the word, you got lazy,
Hugs
Thanks for sharing! You should consider writing a book about this experience. Your ex is TRASH! 🤬
That is a great idea! Part cautionary tale and part this is how you survive......
New sub! Thank you for spreading the word and saving people from bad situations.
One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was the knowledge that either by death or divorce all relationships end, and that you need to be able to stand on your own and be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you have to. A lot of these trad wives have a hard lesson coming their way.
Exactly. This is why so many women of my mother and grand mother's generation fought for us ladies to be able to get jobs, car loans, education, etc.
I feel you. I got married at 18 years old to a 26 years old man from another country. I left full-time studying at a University and married him and moved to his country. After one year he throw me away and cheated on me. Now I am 21 years old and already divorced. I feel as I lost my golden years on a man who doesn’t worth it. I started my life from zero at age of 20 and I study part-time at a university and looking for a job to be independent from my parents (I am from Russia so I may write with mistakes, sorry for that)
You have plenty of golden years ahead of you. As awful as it is, at least you got out before you wasted too many years on a pathetic cretin who doesn't deserve to call himself a man.
you didnt lose your golden years! you just started them!! you can be happy you didnt lose more years with that man like
many other women who spend 10 or 20'years with the wrong person. you have so much youth still left :)
@@anissa5176 thank you
дома и стены помогают. всё хорошее впереди. Neville Goddard
Your life just started! Be glad you only lost 1 year to learn this lesson. Most people in the comments invested 20+ years. You got this. So much potential. Wish you the best.
I was just newly turned 30 when my ex husband left me and our 4 kids 6 mo up to 7 yo and his two older children and left the country. I had no job, no education, no money and no home. It was heartbreaking. Everything I was taught to do growing up just backfired in my face. It has been 10 years now and I have struggled to go to college and get a job I like. Having 4 kids on one income in this economy is like trying to stay afloat in the middle of the ocean. I have my kids 100% and have no social or family network to help me and it is stressful and daunting but I have the love of my children. ❤ you younger ladies, get an education and job before having children. You never know when price charming decides to put their charm some other place…
We've done this before! It's called the 1970s. the ERA, The Second Shift, Roe v Wade... Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.
Men don’t appreciate women who stay home to “homemake” all day when they have to go out and hustle in this cruel world. Instead they eye the too cute, young ,hair and nails did , well dressed, high heels wearing , hard working co-worker who brings him coffee and “understands” the struggle. Don’t be fooled ladies.
That's not true. Do you think a man, is justified by saying all women are cheaters because the specific woman he is with cheated on him?
As a man, a woman's faith in God, is much more beautiful than her physical features which will fade with time.
Many biblical men think like this. I
f you are talking about men, without values then yes you are right. It's the same with women (without values) who will be with an old man just because he has a lot of wealth.
I have a coworker who just had a kid with his wife, and he comes into work and tries to hit on me while looking me over. I wish I could tell him how disgusting I think he is.
@Ella-g2m tell him. I had a colleague do something similiar to me. When he suggested we go out somewhere, I said shouldn't you be doing that with your wife and kids?? He didn't bother me again after that
That same man would have cheated regardless of whether his wife was working or not, let's be really honest here.
A friend used to volunteer for an organization that gave access to free showers, clothes, food, and other immediate needs for solo homeless women. The numbers of older and elderly women coming in for services have skyrocketed.
What about shelter for men?
@@ElmachitoSilbateador you can start one if you want. No one can stop you.
@damianperez7736 this one was for women.
@@ElmachitoSilbateadorsince there's a shelter for women, maybe men like you can organize a shelter for men. Very good idea. I support you.
@@yneqe-hv6vi so there's no shelter for men, I guess feminism doesn't really care about equality
I am so proud of you and what a great example you are for your children and other young girls and woman❤
Thank you for such an uplifting video full of great knowledge.
Even when your husband is a prince among men and would never do anything like that , as my own father was, he still got pancreatic cancer relatively young and had huge medical expenses and if my mother had a well paid job we would not been able to withstand to horrendous medical expenses and became homeless. And there are car accidents, and the end result is about the same.
Yep. My father died when I was young. I cannot ever imagine having kids and just assuming the father will live forever. It would be in the back of my mind constantly.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve never considered being a trad wife (I’m a millennial) and I am SO thankful to have a career. It’s hard work (esp with young kids) but my husband’s business went under as a result of GFC and it was my income that got us through. I know that as long as I can work, our family will be ok. Plus I genuinely love work! Not everyday but a lot of the time. I also love my kids but I found maternity leave really isolating and difficult. I feel incredibly grateful to the women who fought for my rights and freedom.
Thank you so much for sharing your story along with this important message. I hope it will reach many people who need to hear it!
@@JuneoderJulia ah thanks June🥰
i'm terribly sorry it happened to you. thank you so much for sharing your journey. i wish you all the best.
My mom is a trad wife who quit her job because my dad’s job was moving him abroad and she was promised she could find a job there too (but she couldn’t due to visa issues). Because of this experience, she always told me since I was a kid never to quit my job and never to depend on anyone financially. When I see trad wives promoting that dependency, I’m reminded of my mom and it makes me sad. High risk might come with high returns, but high risk means the majority of investors don’t get that high return. I think this is applicable to the trad wife lifestyle
I’m in school for my bsn and afterwards I’ll be getting my doctorate. I’ll be 41 at a minimum when I graduate with my doctorate and anticipate a very healthy income. I will never EVER be dependent on a man again. And once my kids are grown I’ll be single for life. I’ve had enough of men to last the rest of my life. Ready to save for retirement and take care of myself without some “man” nagging me to death.
What I have done for the last 20 years. Good luck 😊
What a sad existence. To each their own😁
@@abbieliz396 sad for you she will be ok. Go ahead and keep being male focused and see where it gets you
You can have a man and be happy. Just gotta find the good ones
Not all heroes wear capes. Thanks for sharing your story. I pray that this is a video that women especially Morman women see your video. Thanks for warning us women to take care of our financial stability.
Telling your story is so important. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽
You taking us to that home js super meaningful. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this. So much of your story reflects my own experiences. I was a trad wife but under the Pentecostal/Apostolic branch of Christianity. I’m afraid to speak up because when I do, I’m verbally “flogged” and it drags me down mentally for days. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey. My family and friends completely turned their backs on me when I went through my divorce. They knew he was abusive but sided with him anyway so I had to do everything completely alone. They tried to help him completely take custody of the kids. He was successful with my oldest and he did a number on her mentally 😢 she didn’t talk to me for years but we’re talking now and working towards mending our relationship. Now I can’t financially help her get in her feet. She’s 18. Im barely making it financially and we split in 2014.
Thanks for being here ❤❤
you are SO strong and brave 💖 thank you for sharing your story
Critically important message! Commenting for reach. Thank you for sharing your story ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your story. It is helpful for someone like Me who’s always been a working single mom to have this perspective. I am an attorney and I would love some day to work with divorced wives. I have done some pro bono for survivors of domestic violence, and it is incredibly rewarding.
Powerful & Important Message! Shocking statistics!
@@louiseweekley4932 every newly married couple needs to hear these stats. They’d make different decisions.