people saying "teens don't know anything about how teens should be treated, they aren't parents" is the same as saying "workers don't know anything about how workers should be treated, they aren't employers"
this is the point that I make present when I have families that are having so called " issues " with their child or teenager, because they don't want to go out with friends, or their being withdrawn from people, or cant handle social interactions to well. Always ask your children how they feel before you drag them up into one of my therapy sessions, and force them to talk about stuff they may not feel like sharing, especially in front of the parent because they think that they are exaggerating how they feel, when the child actually may feel that way.
So every teen turns out exactly the same ? I love how you cherry pick one type of parents and assume eveyone the same . kids could have it all and parenting could be great by your logic and still have issues . Makes no sense. If you feel that this is the only answer on how to handle a teen then your wrong. You don't speak for the millions of people because all kids are unique and have different personalities and traits as well with every parent.
the other day I saw a person on pinterest that was "giving away"(as a joke) the drawing of the the cat of your profile picture wtf😂. Btw: I love your bi cat, is so cute 💖💜💙
She’s my age and I can’t even talk to my parents about something important without crying and them yelling at me. They also constantly look through my phone so I was never here.
also adults should see this as not every child/teen is a prodigy or a "potential" they can "train", they can exploit. Honestly, let us be teens without judgment or contempt. ps I'm a tired 17 yo.
Teens aren't a different species 😂they are going through big physical and mental changes due to puberty. Also they are not children anymore so people expect them to act like adults, but they are not yet adults, so teens are often misunderstood
@Genifer Romero children cant stop acting like children that's their age but respect and mutual agreements and not being condescending or coming across as better or a higher power fairness and respect on both sides
As a teen with depression, not everything is mood swings. Teens like me are especially sensitive, so please don't say anything that could potentially hurt them. If you suspect that your teen has more than mood swings, ask them about it, it's important to know how to handle them differently than mood swings. Sympathize with them and help them along the way.
I was looking for this comment. I liked everything she said except for the part about her own emotions being "silly". It wasn't silly that she was upset, and those feelings shouldn't be invalidated as "just mood swings".
Thanks for sharing this with us. My dad hit me as a "cure"!😭😡💥🤛🏿😲😅 He told me later, that it was the way HIS dad raised HIM. I've tried to raise MY kids diffently; talking and listening. Parenting is tough work. Many of us are trying our best. We mess up alot. But also, do alot of good. I'm fortunate to have a dad who also listened alot.
ohoho my mom will never figure out it's more than moodswings for me because jokes on her I get therapy from my bestie and I've been hiding pain for 2 years, lets hope I last til my 20s
@@woobeewooo you’re right, I give my Son all the screen time he wants. After gaming and watching videos I asked what he did all evening and his response was “nothing that mattered or productive”. He views screen-time as a waste of time. He enjoys going outside more.
There are a couple things parents should keep in mind. 1- Fear isn’t an answer. If your kid is afraid of letting you down, that isn’t control. It’s making your kid scared and afraid. That’s not okay. 2- Every little toxic thing you say and do, even if you don’t remember it, a kid remembers. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal…. It is. 3- Be patient and let them make mistakes. If a kid messes something up, be patient. Don’t yell. Don’t use violence. It’ll teach a kid that the littlest things deem them a failure. 4- Be accepting. Love your child no matter what, always. 5- Don’t take stuff out on your kids. If you had a bad day at work, don’t yell at your kids for stuff that they couldn’t control. Take a little time to calm down, or wait until you can find a time to release that stress. Don’t make your kids feel like they did something wrong. If you have any more tips, I’d love to hear them!
One thing you should never do is take your frustration out on teens. I'll take personal experience as an example. Just a few nights ago, I was doing chemistry homework. I was relaxed and focused thanks to a playlist of stimulating songs I created to block out intrusive and unnecessary thoughts. Mother comes in and the minute she sees my headphones, starts shouting that I would never learn anything with music blasting. So I take it off and spend the next two hours spacing out. I was only able to finish 6 questions. It was late so I went to bed with unfinished homework. Next night, same scenario, mother says she'll be speaking to dad to tell him not to get me electronics because it was getting in the way of my studies. What she's forgetting is that I saved up my own allowance to buy it. Whenever she's stressed, she finds the smallest of reasons to get angry and takes out her frustrations on my siblings and I. It isn't healthy nor is it fair to us. So if you have kids, please don't take your worries out on them. Quoting my kid sister, "So not fair. It's like she's deliberately doing this to spite us." I know when she's calmed down, her common sense will try to prove her otherwise. But whenever she gets angry, these thoughts will come flying back.
I’m 27, and know what you mean. I worry every day that I’ll make the same mistakes as my mom with my own future kids. It’s been difficult to “launch into adulthood”, I hope things turn out better for all of you. My advice, keep her out of your life as much as possible. It’s not fair, but you need to succeed; and when others say “that’s your mom, you only get one”, be grateful that they don’t understand the pain of having their only mom treat them terribly.
@@dokusei7722 I also want to add on... PLEASE try to record your mom hitting your brother (try not to let anyone see you recording your mom, so do it secretly). Try YOUR BEST to record EVERYDAY, since you say she hits him everyday. IF your mom ever catches you recording her, just lie and say something like "I'm recording him crying" or anything at all, to not let your mom know that you were recording her. And then, if you said something like that, when you and your brother is alone, apologize to him and say that you were lying, and you only said that to cover up the fact that you were recording your mom (try to whisper so you mom doesn't hear).
@@dokusei7722 First of all, does your dad know that your mom hits your brother everyday? Because if he doesn't, you need to let him know, because that is really abusive. Hold old are you... or at least what grade are you in? Because if you're really young, you'll know when you get older.
One thing: If you make a rule, explain it. Don’t get annoyed if your kid questions it or disagrees- that’s teaching them to blindly trust authority. Have a conversation about the rule and discuss alternatives if your kid thinks that the rule is unfair. This will teach your kid to stand up for themselves and deliver their points well, which will help them in the future. Also DANG she’s amazing!!!
I know right??!! I absolutely hate it when my mom asks me to do something and I say “why?” out of curiosity and she says to stop giving her sas and an attitude then precedes to say “because I told you so”
My parents don't want me to whatch these because i then use them in arguments and they think its B.S only because it appeals to my opinion and against theirs
How my mom always says: children are the mirrors of the parents. The children look up to parents to understand how they need to act in this world, the way you want your children to act, first of you as a parent need to act that way. -Sincerely, a teen.
Yessss There’s a sign at a place I go sometimes that says something along the lines of “Once you’re finished with your kids, the rest of the world has to deal with them. Teach them respect.” And I love that it’s there lol
Some other lessons I learned from how NOT to be a parent: 1. Do NOT threaten to take anything away from your child. This doesn't teach them any lesson other than fear and that they should obey you otherwise you'll take away the things they enjoy. 2. Hurting your kids / Slapping them is also not a way to make your kids "obey". You might be the parent but you need to listen to your children's feelings and give them a choice in the matter 3. Children will remember all the negative things you said to them or did to them because they hurt so much from a person who is supposed to be your comfort. Don't ever insult your child on the way they look, they think, they act, etc. This can cause a child to internalize those emotions and can lead to things such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders and more. 4. Allow your child to make mistakes. We will learn from mistakes when you give us the place to learn. 5. If your child is afraid of you, that doesn't mean they obey you. They are scared of you and what you will do to them if they don't listen. You as a parent are supposed to be there for your child. Not make them afraid of you
This! Number 3 is too true lmao. When I was 2 to 4(can't remember exact age) I was crying and I wouldn't stop, I don't exactly remember why I was crying but I knew I couldn't express why I was upset (I was a damn child) and my mom locked me in the room beside their bedroom, the lights were off and it was nighttime so it was very dark. There was one window and I genuinely contemplated jumping out, however the windows had bars and the window was beyond my reach. My mom for some reason expected me to stop crying?? But I was stubborn and kept crying until I literally had no tears left to cry. My auntie was begging my mom to let me out. Even now I still remember that night. When I was in grade 4, on the way home I was talking to a classmate and he expressed how whenever his mom did something to discipline him he gets suicidal thoughts and it's sad that I related and also had thoughts like that. To clarify my parents aren't bad people and they didn't abuse me but it's just one of those things where it isn't technically abuse but it also didn't really help.
This all the way, I can say that this would be so much better since my mom does not do any of these and I constantly breakdown about it and I’m scared of her
Child wants to work at McDonalds 1. Do they need money and are their grades okay? 2. Have they seen all the other options. 3. Why do they choose this? 4. Okay than.
@@L.a.77 I have three sons ages 17, 15, and 13 but their dad took them far away from me and would not let me see them when they were ages 7, 5, and 3. I spent the last ten years thinking about how they were feeling, how they were affected, picturing every scenario. It is a tough world.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 omg I feel so sorry for are you ok and just a question do you have contact with? I'm just curious please don't feel pressured into answering Have a wonderful day😁
@@L.a.77 It is better because soon they will be adults and have the freedom to go anywhere. I am grateful as well because my sons step-mom made sure I got chances to talk to them on the phone.
Honestly I hate it when my parents say “kids these days…” because they just dont know how it is to be like to be a teen. My mother almost never supports me emotionally. no matter 50 years ago, 10 years ago, whatever, I think there’s just one type of kids. Kids. They still need the support and care from their parents. Parents should not be tyrants just because “they’re parents”.
Trust me you don’t know how to be a parent nowadays until you are a parent and will be saying the same things to your kids your parents are saying to you
@Ajay-Naz Just because you're a parent, doesn't mean you get to control everything your child(ren) do in their life(lives.) They need your support and care. If you are yelling and hitting your children just for being themselves, or for asking you for support, you are a horrible person and your children need assistance to get away from you. Just because you're a parent doesn't give you an excuse to control your children or act cruel. Get over yourself.
And every generation seems to have a “kids these days” kind of thing. Like “kids these days, watching the tv all day”. New technology means change. Deal with it.
I dont even know how my parents would react if i tell them about my mood swings I always cried in my room alone maybe its just my fault. But whenever i tried to open up a little they turned it into a lecture so maybe they won’t understand
omg I experience this as well !! Its always a lecture on how to "remove" the mood swings and not actually dealing with them or understanding how to approach it. It invalidates our feelings whereas we should be acknowledging them instead of just suppressing it which might harm us in the long term
@@midnightflower-rk8ec really i thought i was alone like this. But at least you can talk to them about this stuff my parents will be like “its nothing like that you are just being rude and rude day by day” or they will think that my reasons are not valid enough to cry so i should just stop thinking about it, like what nonsense how could we do that.
@@alexis-ku3iw exactly its just the same here they blame my friends or the screen for everything I do If my grades go down it their fault if I feel itd their fault if I'm angry it their fault
My parents: talk to us but, if you say something I disagree with there are going to be problems. Me: guess I won’t talk. Parents: why don’t you ever talk to us?!
This is so important. I never thought to watch children talk about parenting. I’m grateful that I saw this video. I am going to ask my son what he thinks about my parenting 🤞
My son is 21 years old now (I’m a single mom) but when he was a teenager and would have intense emotional waves and deep worries about everything, sadness, etc. I always told him that teenagers are far more emotional than most adults and that it is a normal phase of life. We all go through this phase. The older he got the less intense these emotional outbreaks, sadness, or worries, etc would become. Everything is far more intense as a teenager because the hormones are out of balance especially if a young lady is having her period. Always told my son as he got older he would naturally learn to control these emotions and that there’s nothing wrong with him. Take a deep breath stop and think. Tell yourself it will pass it’s just a phase everyone goes through. Once he understood he wasn’t abnormal (which he thought he was) and began realizing that it would pass, he became more confident and he understood it’s only his body going through changes and growing up. He began telling himself, and me, I know I know it will pass, it will pass. I always encouraged him whenever he became emotionally intense, sad or worried. Today? He smiles whenever he looks back at those intense years. My son is now a carefree, well adjusted young man, and calm with a beautiful sense of humour 👵🏻❤️.
i just want to let you know that you're an amazing mother, thank you for being there for your son when he needed you instead of blaming him, lots of love
This was a good video. I think it is important for parents and teachers to understand the development of the brain. Sometimes we as parents forget how it was when we were young. And how we might have acted if we had the technology that kids have today.
This advice in the video gave some really valid points. That probably would have avoided escalations in arguments. But I also think that this could have gone deeper. I'm not being too harsh because the speaker is an early teen. Kudos to her for having the courage to do that! Many teenagers (like me) are anxious to even bring this stuff up.
Kids are so freaking smart. Parents need to get ahold of themselves before trying to control their kids. Calmly and lovingly connect and partner with your kid. Why did you have kids? To control and abuse little people?
@@j._.18 depends on the kid youre talking to, bc I could say "adults arent smart, they could be smart in their work, but not in the real world" bc there are some adults who arent that great in the real world, same with teens, kids, toddlers, etc. but some could also be great in the real world. context also plays a key part.
the thing is that some parents thin that becouse theyre the oldest they know better every time take my dad i was trying to tell him sbout something and he stoped me mid sentence to try and LECTURE me on how youtube works but he cant find his serch history on the site
This is so true! I am tired of parents thinking that they are right ALL THE TIME, just because they are older. And when they realize they are actually wrong, they just yell or threaten to ground you.
omg this is so frustrating. one time i was trying to talk to my mom about one of my favorite gymnasts and she was saying that my favorite gymnast's parents must be publicists if she's famous but i knew for a FACT that they weren't and she legit got mad at me because i didn't "know how the world works"
I learned never hit (spank) your kid. I never learned anything when I was spanked. It only made me angry and want to get back at my parents. A few times I did get back at them including hitting back. That teaches your kid that when someone does something wrong it’s okay to hurt them. That’s not okay!
I once got in trouble with my parents for something I did at school and they hit (spank) me for it. I ended up getting mad enough to hit my parents and broke my dads nose. Thing is, I don't remember doing it, I had blacked out during it
dude i have such bad anxiety whenever i'm talking/presenting something for school like i could just imagine me showing my mom and dad this and like i'm usually never the one to be confident while talking in front of big crowds- like my mom and dad would just say, "You should talk like her whenever you're at social events" LIKE SIR IT ISN'T MY FAULT U GAVE ME THE ANXIETY-
If it's any consolation, she was super nervous up there. You can tell by her mannerisms (hand movements) and the tempo of her speech. She really powered through her fear though. Anxiety is tough though, so I completely understand that it's not as easy as "just do it." I hope in time you'll be able to overcome them though.
whats hilarious is that my parents tell me they have to punish me or else ill never learn... but whenever they punish me i just want to get back at them by doing something like: Staying up, staying on my phone, etc. It just makes me angry
If I show this to my parents they’re going to accuse me of calling them a bad parent and they’ll tell me to follow this girl’s advice in the future when I’M a parent 😭🤙🏼
Im 15 and honestly I don't think i have ever changed but I know my parents didn't know how to raise me my mom always thought i would change bc im tom boy but even now im exactly the same and how my dad doesn't know how to raise me is bc he doesn't want me to play football and i hate it bc my brother can so i can't play bc im a girl and i am secretive bc i can't talk to them about anything especially about my feeling they always ask why are you so moody and just don't answer bc they won't ever understand
I’m sorry you feel like you can’t talk to your parents. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do. My daughter played fb when she was little. We don’t let her play now bc she is small, and I don’t want her to get hurt. Plus, it is hard for everyone regarding locker rooms, weigh ins, etc. maybe your parents have good reasons why? Parents understand a lot more than you might think. Remember we were teens too. I know a lot has changed and kids today have a lot of pressure bc of technology, but most issues are similar. I’d say reach out and ask mom (or dad) to go to lunch. Try talking to her about how you feel, calmly. She may surprise you. Moms love and want to be close with their kids. And if it doesn’t work, try talking to a trusted teacher or counselor. Remember you are only home for a few more years, try to make the most of it. Good luck to you!!
I’m sorry you feel that way. I’d highly recommend trying to communicate with them, though. It doesn’t have to be a conversation; you can write a note and leave it for one of them to see. But I truly wish schools had more options for separated sports, like boys volleyball and girls football; it’s weird because those are really the only 2 where there’s not an option for both genders to participate.
I mean some kids would probably right stuff like "unlimited netflix and dropping out of school" so that's a bad idea XD but people who are like lucy? then yes
@@aaradhyaneti320 i think most of the children doing that would be below the age of 10? even if we dont take into account the childish desires, there's still some values we might get from learning about the world from, literally, a fresh perspective.
I'd love a whole TED series "TEDy" (y for *youth*) like this. Cuz this is brilliant. LOVE to see the future opening up and doing some great insights sharing with the world.
Thank you Lucy for sharing!! I'm a parent of a 13-year-old and it's a challenge trying to figure out what my daughter is thinking. I think you should write a book on Parenting from a teen perspective. Things around us are changing and things that I've done as a teen can be different to you all now.
I feel like such a horrible parent. My teenager and I used to be so close and we had so much fun when he was younger. But at my house it’s only me and him when he’s with me and I’m a single mom. And so often he acts like he hates me. It cuts through my heart so hard. I wish I knew what to do I’ve tried pretty much everything. He doesn’t want to talk about anything. He gets really angry if I ask him to do anything sometimes. Sometimes I feel broken. And I wish I could be a better parent
A lot of parents such at boundaries too. Like if you ask your teen "Do you want to talk about it?" And they respond with no "No." Don't force then to talk about it, just respect their boundaries and let them come to you. Same with things like hugs too, if your teen tells you that they don't want a hug, but you give them a hug anyway, you're completely disregarding their boundaries. It's not funny, it's just rude.
yeah, my parents hug me all the time, even when I don't want them to and I say "no". They say back to me "But I'm your mother!" "But I'm your dad!" "You like to hug your friends but not us?" "Why don't you like hugs? you liked them so much when you're younger". Just because I don't want to give you a hug sometimes doesn't mean I hate you. I just don't want to be hugged at that moment. Besides, I'm scared of my parents, so I don't really want to hug someone that makes me scared. As for my friends, they make me feel safe and I feel like I can trust them.
And then when I tell my parents that I don’t want to talk about something, usually they respond with “Why? Are you guilty?” like I don’t want to talk about it because it’s “ALWAYS a bad thing” in their minds
My mom will always tell me “I’m the parent not you!” It’s super frustrating to be constantly reminded that I don’t know anything 😭 I wish my mum was a listener
As a teen, I really appreciate this. Please parents never use fear or yelling to get your kid to obey you. There was an instance where my mom screamed at me for I don't even know how long and only stopped when I was bawling on the floor in my room. It didn't help me at all. Now I'm afraid to mess anything up and to avoid that I don't interact with my parents much. I'm crumble in fear every time my mom ever slightly raises her voice. Never screw up with your kid like that.
We should have more of this. Let's trust children and teens to be experts on their own experience. Just because "i was a teen once, too" does not mean i have an understanding about YOUR teen experiences.
Honostly, this seems really true. I'm a teen myself, and when my parents keep restrictions on things like social media, and don't listen to why I want it, or only listen to other parents perspectives, it makes me feel annoyed. I feel that they should listen more and give options instead of just shutting me down.
I dont like the point of "it's not you, it's their emotions" because that totally discredits their opinion. No teen gets mad for no reason, and blowing off their opinion like that only aggravates them more. I know my mom did this to me and said I was just being an emotional teen, and it ticked me off beyond belief that she would discredit my opinion like that, pretending as if I was a robot that was malfunctioning, when in fact I felt that I had very valid reasons to be upset. Anyway, never tell your teen they're being irrational. Just imagine someone saying that to you, and how big of a lid you'd flip 😂
I think you missed the point. "It's not you it's their emotions." Doesn't mean to call your teen emotional. It's saying that sometimes teens have mood swings (emotions) that make them angry or sad, and that it's not what the parent did or said that made the teen upset.
Something that needs to be added is the difference between fear and respect. My mom keeps on going on about how she never "spoke back" to her parents or argued over something or even gave her opinion because she "respected" them. That was not respect, that was fear. You feared your parents because of the environment you were brought up in, but I don't. I will respect you while talking, but that does not mean I fear you. Respect and fear are different. You and I are different. You feared your parents, while I respect mine.
@@ajay-naz6996 Reread the comment again a few times, maybe you'll understand the definition of "respect" versus actual respect, which is earned and mutual.
Too many adults don’t think they can learn anything from younger people. This girl is well spoken and this talk touches on so many important topics that we forget about.
I feel like you have to respect your teen and still have boundaries , for instincts when your child says they want to go out at night when you tell them no that's the boundary part but when you reason with them and tell them why then that's the respect .so I always say talk with your child and try to teach them something from the situation
i honestly think that if you have anger issues, or you can’t control your anger and you tend to take it out on people, don’t immediately react to what your child, may or may not have done wrong. this actually traumatizes some children, and they will grow into thinking that they are the reason for a lot of stuff they aren’t.
my mother refuses to admit the fact she does wrong at all. she believes that her way is the right way and thats the end of it. but she never listens and i feel really hurt by this. i wish she could see what she is like from my perspective T0T
I was having an awesome time with my friends and I was super excited to hang out because it was the last time I’d see them before summer. I lost track of time and my mom was getting on to me for being late from leaving, which was understandable because she left my sisters with her friend’s mom so she didn’t want to leave them there. But then she went in to get them from the mom and she was in there twice as long as I was with my friends. It just really got on my nerves when she couldn’t hold herself to the standard she holds me to.
I think she has one of the most important advices for teens. Many parents will ground them and be mad, trying to desperately correct *behaviors* when they should really be listening and asking questions, trying to understand where those behaviors are *coming from* (what feelings are causing this? How can we help him/her manage this better?). When you actually ask before punishing straight away, you show your kid you're actually interested in their well being, not in the amazing results they can get. The same with the "loose" parents, if they let anything pass, might cause the impression that they don't really care.
My biggest thing I've learned is that I tell my parents "it's not you, I'm just really ____ and I can't explain why" This lets them know I'm not doing this intentionally
@@thejackasaur1168 I'm sorry. I've just learned that communicating with my parents when it's my hormones/cycle and not me actually feeling something makes them a lot more sympathetic and less likely to get mad. It is important to say it in a calm voice though. They get that I can't control my menstrual cycle or the things it brings with it
Please remember to show grace to your parents, some have had some twisted upbringings and truly don't know the right way! I was one of those! But as soon as it was brought to my attention I HAD to change! I couldn't bare the thought of being like my mom. Just like how y'all need us to listen (I agree 💯) we need you guys to learn to communicate and use your words when you're feeling any certain way. My kids are 13, 12, 12, and 8 and the older ones do seem to think I can read their minds. I'm willing to listen but they gotta speak 💞☺️💯 Let's keep in mind as parents; it's our job to teach them to communicate. Don't assume your child will just naturally be great at explaining how they feel or what they need so this is where we, as parents, need to show grace and show them the way.
Amen on the mood swing thing. I started crying once because I “hated” my hair (it just Getty’s really oily really fast) it was raging hormones and mood swings. But when I cry it kind of scars my mom because she doesn’t see me cry. Parents please don’t start to cry and ask what’s wrong over and over (once it beautiful) I hate that I’m crying as much as you do. Remember your kid loves you and chances are you didn’t make them cry.
I'm shocked at how well this girl has done. As a young teen I really feel like she did a better job than alot of adults would. Def better than I would have done. Thank you darlin for the tip with my teens. I appreciate it and I'm sure they would say the same. You have a brilliant mind and can do anything you set your mind to and are willing to put in hard work and effort for. ❤️
Very well done, Lucy. You were confident and convincing. Perhaps consider slowing down a litle as sometimes your words joined together and it was hard to understand without rewinding. But on balance 10/10 for your presentation.
I highly recommend this video for immediate viewing!A teenager's opinion about raising children from stereotypes and experience is very unique. This report tells parents about technology,teenage emotions,types of parents,and the most interesting thing is that it's all from the point of view of a teenager. I want to appeal to all to parents who read this comment. Don't neglect your kids,don't let the Internet educate them,don't be strict(but follow the rules),don't turn them into spoiled kids socialize outside of school ,better yet homeschooled!Regular school is stressful,and not being able to really socialize can turn them into mentally unstable teenagers ,don't let your kids be like that, make sure they are healthy. What is the general rule for raising children ? This is Love. Even if your child is a difficult teenager, love for him he will never stop burning in your heart. Never hide from your child this holy feeling that you have for him. Use every opportunity to express your selfless,selfless love for your son or daughter. And the children will respond to you the same great feeling. And what do you think about this?🙃
My first thought to this was, "spoken like a teen." Not only has she not gone through all of her teenage years yet (in fact, shes just getting started!) but she also has not had kids of her own, let alone teens, in a future world far different from hers now. With that said, this is a good perspective from her as 13 year old in the moment of her life. Ahhh, youth.❤ If only it were all so simple.
the funny thing is although I scrolled down quite a lot, I didn't see a single parent in the comment section. they probably just skipped it thinking "oh just another teen saying useless things." but maybe you will see exactly those parents lecturing their kids about how other people of their age is going on talk shows and speaking confidently in front of so many while they can't even speak to 1 stranger without getting nervous or stuttering.
Another thing I want to say to parents, please don't use the line "It's just a phase". Even if it is actually just a phase, to the child, in that moment, it is a very real thing. Please don't invalidate them.
I'm 31, a sahm, homeschooler, wife and homemaker. I strive every day to be productive in my life and better myself for my family; for my legacy. I listen to things that help me grow, bc I realized you simply don't know what you don't know. I'm filling the gaps and that is giving me a whole new understanding. I was taught everything not to do as a parent when I was little, I thought that prepared me for being a parent... Way wrong lol I even UNKNOWINGLY picked up some of those toxic traits, none of the classes or videos got me ready... The only thing that actually taught me how to be a parent, was the bible! It blew my mind and changed my relationship completely with everyone. Including, and most importantly with my children 💞 Turns out a lot of us our lacking in showing our children the characteristics of God; Grace, compassion, mercy, etc. And yes he will teach you to LISTEN. Want more love and want to see HEALING in y'alls homes? Invite God into them 🥰
things my parents do/did to me as a child that I will always appreciate is they gave me the options of what punishments (removal,slap, talking to, grounded, etc) this I feel had a huge impact, because while punishments these days are minimal, it gave me a perspective of "the listener"
I do also feel it’s important it add that just because a teen if feeling a strong emotion doesn’t automatically make it a mood swing. It can be very important to acknowledge a teens emotions when it’s something they truly do feel strongly about, and it can be hurtful when their thoughts and feelings aren’t acknowledged, especially passionate ones. Just because a teen is feeling strongly doesn’t mean it can always be dismissed as a mood swing.
@@ajay-naz6996 Most of our parents are abusive and deserve no gratitude from us. Guessing you're one of those parents who just pushes kids around and expects them to grovel.
I've always said that teens need "trust fall" parenting. To me, that means: "trust that when your teen falls, they'll be able to pick themselves back up." Parents tend to stress over teens because they're like more dangerous versions of the terrible 2's. They're running around getting their hands into everything and doing whatever they feel impulsive enough to do, and it's overwhelming to stop all of it, or even prevent it from happening. That's why you need the trust fall approach. You as a parent need to sit down with yourself and further your boundaries. Teach yourself to allow more freedom for your teen to live and learn from their mistakes. Let's be real: they're GOING to smoke pot. They're GOING to sleep around. They're GOING to sneak out to go to parties in weird warehouses. They're GOING to have bad friends, heartbreak and struggles identifying themselves. Stop worrying so much and allow them to have these experiences. This is why..... Self-blame is the most important lesson a teen can learn. If you sit down with them about drugs and explain why they shouldn't do drugs, the little voice in their head is going to tell them to try some drugs, in all reality. They're probably going to chill at a friend's house and smoke a little, they're going to have an amazing time, and then they'll enemize you in their heads as overbearing, strict and a party pooper. Someone who takes their fun away. They'll stop coming to you and telling you the truth about what they've done because they'll realize they can get away with the fun stuff if you don't know at all. They only learn when they make their own decisions and get burned by them. Maybe one day your teen has no money to do anything fun or buy any clothes, even though they just got paid. They'll ask you for money and you'll ask them why they need it. You'll ask where all of their paycheck went and they'll say they spent it on their drugs. You'll say, welp...that's too bad. Maybe next time you'll save the money for what you want to buy. That places you as the lesson initiator instead of the fun sucker. They'll start thinking to themselves, gee...maybe I should have saved my money. That was a bad decision. But they need to have these experiences first before they learn anything, so just back off and let them acquaint themselves with the grown up world.
This is great but out of all things, drugs is definitely something parents and kids need to have an open, ongoing conversation about, since they are often addictive and "I should save my money next time" probably wouldn't cut it. Parents shouldn't just instinctively reject the idea of drugs altogether, but do some research and teach their kids about the very real dangers of drugs, which ones are safe to try and which aren't, not lecturing or trying to scare them away, but actually educating them. A similar discussion can be had for alcohol. For things like wasting too much money on games or things they don't need, or not organizing their time properly so they can't do something they wanted to do, kids usually learn from those experiences on their own
@@ardenwinchester3433 I can agree with this. Kids will ultimately try whatever they're pressured into, regardless of its dangers, but it would be a good idea to at least make a safe space to talk about drugs in an unbiased way.
people saying "teens don't know anything about how teens should be treated, they aren't parents" is the same as saying "workers don't know anything about how workers should be treated, they aren't employers"
Underrated
Exactly that's a really good comparision
Aye, what's that? A crown? Dynntari, here you dropped this👑
What??
you dropped this ☭
when you complain about "kids today" remember that you are the one who raised them.
this is the point that I make present when I have families that are having so called " issues " with their child or teenager, because they don't want to go out with friends, or their being withdrawn from people, or cant handle social interactions to well. Always ask your children how they feel before you drag them up into one of my therapy sessions, and force them to talk about stuff they may not feel like sharing, especially in front of the parent because they think that they are exaggerating how they feel, when the child actually may feel that way.
So every teen turns out exactly the same ? I love how you cherry pick one type of parents and assume eveyone the same . kids could have it all and parenting could be great by your logic and still have issues . Makes no sense. If you feel that this is the only answer on how to handle a teen then your wrong. You don't speak for the millions of people because all kids are unique and have different personalities and traits as well with every parent.
And the ones we were around
Fr fr
@@yourwitchbesti Teens have stronger and harder to manage emotions
I think a thread of teen talk shows would be interesting to other teens.
15 years old here.
its not just interesting but allso ultra interesting
@Horacio Schlicker I find it funny that both of you joined a month ago this me coming to the conclusion that it’s a scam
they're.
@@Muna-nh6qs ?
@@hex7833 I meant to say They are....as in they are interesting.
why i'm I a teen seeing this and not my parent.
ikr
Yah same
@파티마! that hit hard
the other day I saw a person on pinterest that was "giving away"(as a joke) the drawing of the the cat of your profile picture wtf😂. Btw: I love your bi cat, is so cute 💖💜💙
I'm a young parent watching for my child, hope is on the horizon.
She’s my age and I can’t even talk to my parents about something important without crying and them yelling at me. They also constantly look through my phone so I was never here.
aw that sucks mate
Is this happening to everyone now? They also went through mine. *and all of my phone*
Got you👌
SAME
@@funkuro same I was full of anxiety eventhough I didn't do anything wrong with my phone😂
She’s 4 years younger than me yet she’s very well spoken. Such a smart girl! Keep growing.
same! even I'm 17, and I'm blown by this 13yo's fluent genius. Really knowledgable and well-spoken girl.
(nowhere near where I was at 13😂)
17 gang!!!
17 here too lmao
also adults should see this as not every child/teen is a prodigy or a "potential" they can "train", they can exploit.
Honestly, let us be teens without judgment or contempt.
ps I'm a tired 17 yo.
Clearly she has "good" parents
I don't understand why people act like teens are a whole different species or something
@Razan Al Barwani yea I agree with you😔
Teens aren't a different species 😂they are going through big physical and mental changes due to puberty. Also they are not children anymore so people expect them to act like adults, but they are not yet adults, so teens are often misunderstood
@Genifer Romero children cant stop acting like children that's their age but respect and mutual agreements and not being condescending or coming across as better or a higher power fairness and respect on both sides
but like arent u a disease? XD
exactly . i saw my mom reading a book called “Mutants: how to understand your teen” like wtf ?!
As a teen with depression, not everything is mood swings. Teens like me are especially sensitive, so please don't say anything that could potentially hurt them. If you suspect that your teen has more than mood swings, ask them about it, it's important to know how to handle them differently than mood swings. Sympathize with them and help them along the way.
I was looking for this comment. I liked everything she said except for the part about her own emotions being "silly". It wasn't silly that she was upset, and those feelings shouldn't be invalidated as "just mood swings".
Thanks for sharing this with us. My dad hit me as a "cure"!😭😡💥🤛🏿😲😅 He told me later, that it was the way HIS dad raised HIM. I've tried to raise MY kids diffently; talking and listening. Parenting is tough work. Many of us are trying our best. We mess up alot. But also, do alot of good. I'm fortunate to have a dad who also listened alot.
ohoho my mom will never figure out it's more than moodswings for me because jokes on her I get therapy from my bestie and I've been hiding pain for 2 years, lets hope I last til my 20s
@@Abcdefghijklmao9 aww, that sounds terrible to have to deal with! have you at least Tried to talk to your parents about it?
@@christianam8938 tell my parents? What’s that? They’re a part of the reason anyway. Not a big part, but eh…
Thanks though!
Me who gets an hour of screen time a week and I see my mom saying that she spent 13 hours on only Facebook. Ugghh
Yeah, my mom does stuff like this. She won't let me have friends online, but she has internet friends and it's perfectly fine. :/
How do u have so less screen time 😭 I deleted my socials ( except yt ) but I still end up opening my gallery or calculator
only one hour??? 😭😭 i’m so sorry
Oof I have a limited amount but not an hour! Sheesh I feel bad for you
@@woobeewooo you’re right, I give my Son all the screen time he wants. After gaming and watching videos I asked what he did all evening and his response was “nothing that mattered or productive”. He views screen-time as a waste of time. He enjoys going outside more.
i love how she states BOTH parenting styles are bad! negligency is just as bad as overprotection, and im glad more people are realizing that :D
When you have divorced parents and one is each stereotype to the letter:
@@vid_save just out of curiosity, is the dad the loosey goosey?👀
There are a couple things parents should keep in mind.
1- Fear isn’t an answer. If your kid is afraid of letting you down, that isn’t control. It’s making your kid scared and afraid. That’s not okay.
2- Every little toxic thing you say and do, even if you don’t remember it, a kid remembers. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal…. It is.
3- Be patient and let them make mistakes. If a kid messes something up, be patient. Don’t yell. Don’t use violence. It’ll teach a kid that the littlest things deem them a failure.
4- Be accepting. Love your child no matter what, always.
5- Don’t take stuff out on your kids. If you had a bad day at work, don’t yell at your kids for stuff that they couldn’t control. Take a little time to calm down, or wait until you can find a time to release that stress. Don’t make your kids feel like they did something wrong.
If you have any more tips, I’d love to hear them!
#2 hits hard
2 is just :'(
#2 what do you mean by little toxic things? Like criticizing their appearance or taste in music?
That is true because i remember every little toxic thing they have done to me or said
about #5, what should we do then? instead of taking away stuff from kids?
One thing you should never do is take your frustration out on teens. I'll take personal experience as an example. Just a few nights ago, I was doing chemistry homework. I was relaxed and focused thanks to a playlist of stimulating songs I created to block out intrusive and unnecessary thoughts. Mother comes in and the minute she sees my headphones, starts shouting that I would never learn anything with music blasting. So I take it off and spend the next two hours spacing out. I was only able to finish 6 questions. It was late so I went to bed with unfinished homework. Next night, same scenario, mother says she'll be speaking to dad to tell him not to get me electronics because it was getting in the way of my studies. What she's forgetting is that I saved up my own allowance to buy it. Whenever she's stressed, she finds the smallest of reasons to get angry and takes out her frustrations on my siblings and I. It isn't healthy nor is it fair to us. So if you have kids, please don't take your worries out on them.
Quoting my kid sister, "So not fair. It's like she's deliberately doing this to spite us." I know when she's calmed down, her common sense will try to prove her otherwise. But whenever she gets angry, these thoughts will come flying back.
oh God same
My mom has done this so many times to me I never keep my bedroom door open anymore unless I’m not home or rare times.
I’m 27, and know what you mean. I worry every day that I’ll make the same mistakes as my mom with my own future kids. It’s been difficult to “launch into adulthood”, I hope things turn out better for all of you. My advice, keep her out of your life as much as possible. It’s not fair, but you need to succeed; and when others say “that’s your mom, you only get one”, be grateful that they don’t understand the pain of having their only mom treat them terribly.
@@dokusei7722 I also want to add on... PLEASE try to record your mom hitting your brother (try not to let anyone see you recording your mom, so do it secretly). Try YOUR BEST to record EVERYDAY, since you say she hits him everyday. IF your mom ever catches you recording her, just lie and say something like "I'm recording him crying" or anything at all, to not let your mom know that you were recording her. And then, if you said something like that, when you and your brother is alone, apologize to him and say that you were lying, and you only said that to cover up the fact that you were recording your mom (try to whisper so you mom doesn't hear).
@@dokusei7722 First of all, does your dad know that your mom hits your brother everyday? Because if he doesn't, you need to let him know, because that is really abusive. Hold old are you... or at least what grade are you in? Because if you're really young, you'll know when you get older.
One thing:
If you make a rule, explain it. Don’t get annoyed if your kid questions it or disagrees- that’s teaching them to blindly trust authority. Have a conversation about the rule and discuss alternatives if your kid thinks that the rule is unfair. This will teach your kid to stand up for themselves and deliver their points well, which will help them in the future. Also DANG she’s amazing!!!
I know right??!! I absolutely hate it when my mom asks me to do something and I say “why?” out of curiosity and she says to stop giving her sas and an attitude then precedes to say “because I told you so”
This right here
PLEAASSSSEEEEEEEE
@@shellierayner1671 THE RELATABILITYYYYY
What if the teenager is the one acting like that and doesn’t show that she’s mad until she’s really mad and then asks like it’s your fault
My parents don't want me to whatch these because i then use them in arguments and they think its B.S only because it appeals to my opinion and against theirs
Ikr same
same
sameeeee
Don't forget the argument UA-cam has fake knowledge.
@@lutziputzi yep
How my mom always says: children are the mirrors of the parents.
The children look up to parents to understand how they need to act in this world, the way you want your children to act, first of you as a parent need to act that way.
-Sincerely, a teen.
Yessss
There’s a sign at a place I go sometimes that says something along the lines of
“Once you’re finished with your kids, the rest of the world has to deal with them. Teach them respect.” And I love that it’s there lol
Some other lessons I learned from how NOT to be a parent:
1. Do NOT threaten to take anything away from your child. This doesn't teach them any lesson other than fear and that they should obey you otherwise you'll take away the things they enjoy.
2. Hurting your kids / Slapping them is also not a way to make your kids "obey". You might be the parent but you need to listen to your children's feelings and give them a choice in the matter
3. Children will remember all the negative things you said to them or did to them because they hurt so much from a person who is supposed to be your comfort. Don't ever insult your child on the way they look, they think, they act, etc. This can cause a child to internalize those emotions and can lead to things such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders and more.
4. Allow your child to make mistakes. We will learn from mistakes when you give us the place to learn.
5. If your child is afraid of you, that doesn't mean they obey you. They are scared of you and what you will do to them if they don't listen. You as a parent are supposed to be there for your child. Not make them afraid of you
This! Number 3 is too true lmao. When I was 2 to 4(can't remember exact age) I was crying and I wouldn't stop, I don't exactly remember why I was crying but I knew I couldn't express why I was upset (I was a damn child) and my mom locked me in the room beside their bedroom, the lights were off and it was nighttime so it was very dark. There was one window and I genuinely contemplated jumping out, however the windows had bars and the window was beyond my reach. My mom for some reason expected me to stop crying?? But I was stubborn and kept crying until I literally had no tears left to cry. My auntie was begging my mom to let me out. Even now I still remember that night. When I was in grade 4, on the way home I was talking to a classmate and he expressed how whenever his mom did something to discipline him he gets suicidal thoughts and it's sad that I related and also had thoughts like that.
To clarify my parents aren't bad people and they didn't abuse me but it's just one of those things where it isn't technically abuse but it also didn't really help.
If you want kids to share feelings you have to too, that’s how they’ll learn to do it is by hearing us!
how to show this to my dad and mom without showing this to my dad and mom....
This all the way, I can say that this would be so much better since my mom does not do any of these and I constantly breakdown about it and I’m scared of her
OMG the 3,4,5 are the things my father do thanks to my father I'm suffering from anxiety and depression
Child wants to work at McDonalds
1. Do they need money and are their grades okay?
2. Have they seen all the other options.
3. Why do they choose this?
4. Okay than.
Are you a mother becuase if not you would be a wonderful one and if you don't want kids I respect that
@@L.a.77 I have three sons ages 17, 15, and 13 but their dad took them far away from me and would not let me see them when they were ages 7, 5, and 3.
I spent the last ten years thinking about how they were feeling, how they were affected, picturing every scenario. It is a tough world.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 omg I feel so sorry for are you ok and just a question do you have contact with? I'm just curious please don't feel pressured into answering
Have a wonderful day😁
@@L.a.77 It is better because soon they will be adults and have the freedom to go anywhere. I am grateful as well because my sons step-mom made sure I got chances to talk to them on the phone.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 you're such an amazing mother amanda
Honestly I hate it when my parents say “kids these days…” because they just dont know how it is to be like to be a teen. My mother almost never supports me emotionally. no matter 50 years ago, 10 years ago, whatever, I think there’s just one type of kids. Kids. They still need the support and care from their parents. Parents should not be tyrants just because “they’re parents”.
exactly and growing up around the internet and devices obviously would have an impact.
Trust me you don’t know how to be a parent nowadays until you are a parent and will be saying the same things to your kids your parents are saying to you
@Ajay-Naz
Just because you're a parent, doesn't mean you get to control everything your child(ren) do in their life(lives.) They need your support and care. If you are yelling and hitting your children just for being themselves, or for asking you for support, you are a horrible person and your children need assistance to get away from you. Just because you're a parent doesn't give you an excuse to control your children or act cruel. Get over yourself.
And every generation seems to have a “kids these days” kind of thing. Like “kids these days, watching the tv all day”. New technology means change. Deal with it.
Bruh. Just look at TikTok and even you will utter "Kids these days" honestly, our generation disappoints me more and more
I dont even know how my parents would react if i tell them about my mood swings
I always cried in my room alone maybe its just my fault. But whenever i tried to open up a little they turned it into a lecture so maybe they won’t understand
omg I experience this as well !! Its always a lecture on how to "remove" the mood swings and not actually dealing with them or understanding how to approach it. It invalidates our feelings whereas we should be acknowledging them instead of just suppressing it which might harm us in the long term
@@midnightflower-rk8ec really i thought i was alone like this. But at least you can talk to them about this stuff my parents will be like “its nothing like that you are just being rude and rude day by day” or they will think that my reasons are not valid enough to cry so i should just stop thinking about it, like what nonsense how could we do that.
@@nandinijadhav9783 I can NOT RELATE more girl. They think we control the mood swings and are being rude intentionally. 🙂
or they say I'm being dramatic and completely invalidate my feelings
@@alexis-ku3iw exactly its just the same here they blame my friends or the screen for everything I do If my grades go down it their fault if I feel itd their fault if I'm angry it their fault
0:45, no, parents DONT want to hear how good/bad their parenting is because it effects their ego and makes them feel like they have less power
Bingo
Facts
PREACH THY LORD
AMEN
My parents: talk to us but, if you say something I disagree with there are going to be problems.
Me: guess I won’t talk.
Parents: why don’t you ever talk to us?!
This is so important. I never thought to watch children talk about parenting. I’m grateful that I saw this video. I am going to ask my son what he thinks about my parenting 🤞
Wish my parents were willing to watch this video like you
My mother did a similar thing. I thought it was suspicious then she sent a link this video. I am glad she cares.
Awwwie I'm jealous of you guys
please be patient with them because it can be hard, scary and vulnerable so express feelings sometimes :)
Just listen and always understand him. Never judge him. Always ask hows his day and if he's okay.
My son is 21 years old now (I’m a single mom) but when he was a teenager and would have intense emotional waves and deep worries about everything, sadness, etc. I always told him that teenagers are far more emotional than most adults and that it is a normal phase of life. We all go through this phase. The older he got the less intense these emotional outbreaks, sadness, or worries, etc would become. Everything is far more intense as a teenager because the hormones are out of balance especially if a young lady is having her period. Always told my son as he got older he would naturally learn to control these emotions and that there’s nothing wrong with him. Take a deep breath stop and think. Tell yourself it will pass it’s just a phase everyone goes through. Once he understood he wasn’t abnormal (which he thought he was) and began realizing that it would pass, he became more confident and he understood it’s only his body going through changes and growing up. He began telling himself, and me, I know I know it will pass, it will pass. I always encouraged him whenever he became emotionally intense, sad or worried. Today? He smiles whenever he looks back at those intense years. My son is now a carefree, well adjusted young man, and calm with a beautiful sense of humour 👵🏻❤️.
i just want to let you know that you're an amazing mother, thank you for being there for your son when he needed you instead of blaming him, lots of love
I wish my parents were this understanding, you're an amazing mom
Mm
Great job! Thanks for sharing this story! I've had a similar experience with my father, so this is very beautiful to see as well!
Beautiful, thank you for your example and encouragement. Brilliant, you did this as a single parent.
This was a good video. I think it is important for parents and teachers to understand the development of the brain. Sometimes we as parents forget how it was when we were young. And how we might have acted if we had the technology that kids have today.
This advice in the video gave some really valid points. That probably would have avoided escalations in arguments.
But I also think that this could have gone deeper. I'm not being too harsh because the speaker is an early teen. Kudos to her for having the courage to do that! Many teenagers (like me) are anxious to even bring this stuff up.
Why was a recommended this and not my parents
Kids are so freaking smart. Parents need to get ahold of themselves before trying to control their kids. Calmly and lovingly connect and partner with your kid. Why did you have kids? To control and abuse little people?
kids aren't smart like fr kids aren't smart they might be smart in school but not smart in the real world
@@j._.18 you haven’t met a child then
@@isaiahsalinas3776 smart how though, he probably means it in a diff way
Most children don't have enough life experience to be considered "smart"
@@j._.18 depends on the kid youre talking to, bc I could say "adults arent smart, they could be smart in their work, but not in the real world" bc there are some adults who arent that great in the real world, same with teens, kids, toddlers, etc. but some could also be great in the real world. context also plays a key part.
the thing is that some parents thin that becouse theyre the oldest they know better every time
take my dad i was trying to tell him sbout something and he stoped me mid sentence to try and LECTURE me on how youtube works but he cant find his serch history on the site
This is so true! I am tired of parents thinking that they are right ALL THE TIME, just because they are older. And when they realize they are actually wrong, they just yell or threaten to ground you.
This is so true. Ageism is rampant...
When mom wants an answer nothing suffices.
When I want an answer, all I get it “BECAUSE!”
@Always Unlucky Caren alert. Also sounds like something my father would do.
omg this is so frustrating. one time i was trying to talk to my mom about one of my favorite gymnasts and she was saying that my favorite gymnast's parents must be publicists if she's famous but i knew for a FACT that they weren't and she legit got mad at me because i didn't "know how the world works"
I learned never hit (spank) your kid. I never learned anything when I was spanked. It only made me angry and want to get back at my parents. A few times I did get back at them including hitting back. That teaches your kid that when someone does something wrong it’s okay to hurt them. That’s not okay!
I Understand you . same thing happens to me 😞
So true!
I once got in trouble with my parents for something I did at school and they hit (spank) me for it. I ended up getting mad enough to hit my parents and broke my dads nose. Thing is, I don't remember doing it, I had blacked out during it
@@icecream_sandwich483 how are you still alive...
@@LilXancheX literally if i did that I would be disowned LMAO
dude i have such bad anxiety whenever i'm talking/presenting something for school like i could just imagine me showing my mom and dad this and like i'm usually never the one to be confident while talking in front of big crowds- like my mom and dad would just say, "You should talk like her whenever you're at social events" LIKE SIR IT ISN'T MY FAULT U GAVE ME THE ANXIETY-
If it's any consolation, she was super nervous up there. You can tell by her mannerisms (hand movements) and the tempo of her speech. She really powered through her fear though. Anxiety is tough though, so I completely understand that it's not as easy as "just do it." I hope in time you'll be able to overcome them though.
Great advice from a wise teenager.
What a wise young lady. She will be such a good mother
@@PeregrinusHumilus ? Do you mind elaborating. No hate btw. I'm genuinely curious.
@@PeregrinusHumilus 😂. It's okay, sometimes we can *all* be too quick to react.
@@PeregrinusHumilus yeah lol because she was giving mother advice I was saying she would be a good mom if she had kids...
I love the way this misunderstanding was handled. It proves there's reasonable people out there keep it up guys.
@@nathanielfleku3416 thats sweet lol
whats hilarious is that my parents tell me they have to punish me or else ill never learn... but whenever they punish me i just want to get back at them by doing something like: Staying up, staying on my phone, etc. It just makes me angry
Same. It also makes me more sneaky
Same :p
awwwe someone cants take punishment
@@j._.18 can't**
So you know you are doing things you shouldn't and you still do it... why? How do you think they should discipline you so you actually learn, then?
One take away: Be a listener.
.
.
.
It takes the whole family to be a happy family, including your children. So, include them.
I love this
I am watching this as a mother of a 15 yr old teen boy. Trying to see what I can do better. Thank you for this sweetheart,
we appreciate your understanding!!!!!!!
You're already doing so so much better by wanting to improve! Thanks, we need more parents like you
The only parent...respect 2 u
I truly appreciate that you are trying get better.
thank you! (im a teen)
If I show this to my parents they’re going to accuse me of calling them a bad parent and they’ll tell me to follow this girl’s advice in the future when I’M a parent 😭🤙🏼
same
Legit but tbh when I’m a teenager il probably just rememeber how I felt or watch some videos like this cus damn they don’t understand
Thank you, young lady. I will keep all of this in mind with my 12 year old.
As a clinically depressed 13 year old. Watch out for your kids mental health ❤️
@@waterlily637 thank you.
Thank you
@@AshleyFromBrooklyn plz watch out for ur teen as a depressed 12 yr old
I'm convinced you're the only parent actually watching this video lol
Im 15 and honestly I don't think i have ever changed but I know my parents didn't know how to raise me my mom always thought i would change bc im tom boy but even now im exactly the same and how my dad doesn't know how to raise me is bc he doesn't want me to play football and i hate it bc my brother can so i can't play bc im a girl and i am secretive bc i can't talk to them about anything especially about my feeling they always ask why are you so moody and just don't answer bc they won't ever understand
I’m sorry you feel like you can’t talk to your parents. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do. My daughter played fb when she was little. We don’t let her play now bc she is small, and I don’t want her to get hurt. Plus, it is hard for everyone regarding locker rooms, weigh ins, etc. maybe your parents have good reasons why? Parents understand a lot more than you might think. Remember we were teens too. I know a lot has changed and kids today have a lot of pressure bc of technology, but most issues are similar. I’d say reach out and ask mom (or dad) to go to lunch. Try talking to her about how you feel, calmly. She may surprise you. Moms love and want to be close with their kids. And if it doesn’t work, try talking to a trusted teacher or counselor. Remember you are only home for a few more years, try to make the most of it. Good luck to you!!
I feel u in my city gender unequality has become a major problem.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I’d highly recommend trying to communicate with them, though. It doesn’t have to be a conversation; you can write a note and leave it for one of them to see. But I truly wish schools had more options for separated sports, like boys volleyball and girls football; it’s weird because those are really the only 2 where there’s not an option for both genders to participate.
Just be who you are, and don't let anyone stop you from doing that
I bet more teens and children are watching this than parents are. I’m too scared of showing this to my parents so hey children of Boss Parents
HAHA FACTS
PREACH
PERIODT IKR
Honestly our generation's kids gonna be lucky af-
@@butterflywings8019 yes but some emotionally wrecked people may become the type of parent they don't want to be because of the many trauma they had
Children should write "how to raise children" books.
And destroy the world?
@@fatemasuba814 It seems to me adults are the ones destroying it
I mean some kids would probably right stuff like "unlimited netflix and dropping out of school" so that's a bad idea XD but people who are like lucy? then yes
@@aaradhyaneti320 i think most of the children doing that would be below the age of 10? even if we dont take into account the childish desires, there's still some values we might get from learning about the world from, literally, a fresh perspective.
@@angel-dh3yv yesssss I agreee
I'd love a whole TED series "TEDy" (y for *youth*) like this. Cuz this is brilliant. LOVE to see the future opening up and doing some great insights sharing with the world.
Thank you Lucy for sharing!! I'm a parent of a 13-year-old and it's a challenge trying to figure out what my daughter is thinking. I think you should write a book on Parenting from a teen perspective. Things around us are changing and things that I've done as a teen can be different to you all now.
she did write a book !
I'd just like to take a moment to appreciate how articulate she is
The fact that my mom is the listener without ever having to read any book or something amazes me. She has 3 teen kids but handles everything so well.
I feel like such a horrible parent. My teenager and I used to be so close and we had so much fun when he was younger. But at my house it’s only me and him when he’s with me and I’m a single mom. And so often he acts like he hates me. It cuts through my heart so hard. I wish I knew what to do I’ve tried pretty much everything. He doesn’t want to talk about anything. He gets really angry if I ask him to do anything sometimes. Sometimes I feel broken. And I wish I could be a better parent
A lot of parents such at boundaries too. Like if you ask your teen "Do you want to talk about it?" And they respond with no "No." Don't force then to talk about it, just respect their boundaries and let them come to you. Same with things like hugs too, if your teen tells you that they don't want a hug, but you give them a hug anyway, you're completely disregarding their boundaries. It's not funny, it's just rude.
yeah, my parents hug me all the time, even when I don't want them to and I say "no". They say back to me "But I'm your mother!" "But I'm your dad!" "You like to hug your friends but not us?" "Why don't you like hugs? you liked them so much when you're younger". Just because I don't want to give you a hug sometimes doesn't mean I hate you. I just don't want to be hugged at that moment. Besides, I'm scared of my parents, so I don't really want to hug someone that makes me scared. As for my friends, they make me feel safe and I feel like I can trust them.
And then when I tell my parents that I don’t want to talk about something, usually they respond with “Why? Are you guilty?” like I don’t want to talk about it because it’s “ALWAYS a bad thing” in their minds
My mom will always tell me “I’m the parent not you!”
It’s super frustrating to be constantly reminded that I don’t know anything 😭
I wish my mum was a listener
she's isn't lying
@@j._.18 yes but that teaches the child that their opinion doesn't matter, setting them up for abusive relationships
@@j._.18 got anything to say to that?
She’s smart and logical ! I believe her !
As a teen, I really appreciate this. Please parents never use fear or yelling to get your kid to obey you.
There was an instance where my mom screamed at me for I don't even know how long and only stopped when I was bawling on the floor in my room. It didn't help me at all. Now I'm afraid to mess anything up and to avoid that I don't interact with my parents much. I'm crumble in fear every time my mom ever slightly raises her voice. Never screw up with your kid like that.
A lot of sense there Kiddo, keep growing.
We should have more of this.
Let's trust children and teens to be experts on their own experience.
Just because "i was a teen once, too" does not mean i have an understanding about YOUR teen experiences.
True
Honostly, this seems really true. I'm a teen myself, and when my parents keep restrictions on things like social media, and don't listen to why I want it, or only listen to other parents perspectives, it makes me feel annoyed. I feel that they should listen more and give options instead of just shutting me down.
I dont like the point of "it's not you, it's their emotions" because that totally discredits their opinion. No teen gets mad for no reason, and blowing off their opinion like that only aggravates them more. I know my mom did this to me and said I was just being an emotional teen, and it ticked me off beyond belief that she would discredit my opinion like that, pretending as if I was a robot that was malfunctioning, when in fact I felt that I had very valid reasons to be upset. Anyway, never tell your teen they're being irrational. Just imagine someone saying that to you, and how big of a lid you'd flip 😂
I think you missed the point. "It's not you it's their emotions." Doesn't mean to call your teen emotional. It's saying that sometimes teens have mood swings (emotions) that make them angry or sad, and that it's not what the parent did or said that made the teen upset.
@@bluebird1914true you cannot be more right
Something that needs to be added is the difference between fear and respect. My mom keeps on going on about how she never "spoke back" to her parents or argued over something or even gave her opinion because she "respected" them. That was not respect, that was fear. You feared your parents because of the environment you were brought up in, but I don't. I will respect you while talking, but that does not mean I fear you. Respect and fear are different. You and I are different. You feared your parents, while I respect mine.
True just today she said the same god damn thing again, I am tired of it.
And you call that respect right?
@@ajay-naz6996 Reread the comment again a few times, maybe you'll understand the definition of "respect" versus actual respect, which is earned and mutual.
ikr! respect is always one way with those Gen X's
Yeah, she’s actually right. I think every parent needs to watch this
Too many adults don’t think they can learn anything from younger people. This girl is well spoken and this talk touches on so many important topics that we forget about.
I feel like you have to respect your teen and still have boundaries , for instincts when your child says they want to go out at night when you tell them no that's the boundary part but when you reason with them and tell them why then that's the respect .so I always say talk with your child and try to teach them something from the situation
I'm 45 years old, and highly appreciate this. What a great communicator!
How do I send this to my parents without sending it to *them*
that's what i'm trying to figure out
If anyone got ideas share plz.
sneak it into their watch later
@@lightswitch3150 you smart
@@lightswitch3150 what if they don't watch youtube at all. I am out of options... sh*t.
i honestly think that if you have anger issues, or you can’t control your anger and you tend to take it out on people, don’t immediately react to what your child, may or may not have done wrong. this actually traumatizes some children, and they will grow into thinking that they are the reason for a lot of stuff they aren’t.
I tried these steps and in less than a day I already see progress. Thank you Lucy and God bless you continously.
my mother refuses to admit the fact she does wrong at all. she believes that her way is the right way and thats the end of it. but she never listens and i feel really hurt by this. i wish she could see what she is like from my perspective T0T
This little girl, making an impact on the world by just speaking honestly. Something we can all do. What an inspiration!
Great advice and such a confident delivery! Kudos!
I was having an awesome time with my friends and I was super excited to hang out because it was the last time I’d see them before summer. I lost track of time and my mom was getting on to me for being late from leaving, which was understandable because she left my sisters with her friend’s mom so she didn’t want to leave them there.
But then she went in to get them from the mom and she was in there twice as long as I was with my friends. It just really got on my nerves when she couldn’t hold herself to the standard she holds me to.
Amazing tips. The thought of Parenting a teen sometimes makes parenting scary. Thanks for the tips
Ok I gotta admit this girl is super smart and she said everything that I wanna say to my parents 🙄
As the parent of a teen and a tween, I appreciate this video. Kudos to you, Lucy, on a job well done! =)
That was awesome. As a father of a 14 year old I'm going through my understanding alot. This helped.
I'm almost 17 and I'm watching this. I love her honesty and intelligence!
17? You are almost about to be a parent yourself, plz think deeper
I envy her skills in talking, such a smart kid
I think she has one of the most important advices for teens. Many parents will ground them and be mad, trying to desperately correct *behaviors* when they should really be listening and asking questions, trying to understand where those behaviors are *coming from* (what feelings are causing this? How can we help him/her manage this better?). When you actually ask before punishing straight away, you show your kid you're actually interested in their well being, not in the amazing results they can get. The same with the "loose" parents, if they let anything pass, might cause the impression that they don't really care.
My biggest thing I've learned is that I tell my parents "it's not you, I'm just really ____ and I can't explain why" This lets them know I'm not doing this intentionally
If I said that to my mom, she would yell back, “‘well I don’t know why’ isn’t an acceptable answer, I know you have a reason for doing ___.”
@@thejackasaur1168 I'm sorry. I've just learned that communicating with my parents when it's my hormones/cycle and not me actually feeling something makes them a lot more sympathetic and less likely to get mad. It is important to say it in a calm voice though. They get that I can't control my menstrual cycle or the things it brings with it
Please remember to show grace to your parents, some have had some twisted upbringings and truly don't know the right way! I was one of those! But as soon as it was brought to my attention I HAD to change! I couldn't bare the thought of being like my mom.
Just like how y'all need us to listen (I agree 💯) we need you guys to learn to communicate and use your words when you're feeling any certain way.
My kids are 13, 12, 12, and 8 and the older ones do seem to think I can read their minds. I'm willing to listen but they gotta speak 💞☺️💯
Let's keep in mind as parents; it's our job to teach them to communicate. Don't assume your child will just naturally be great at explaining how they feel or what they need so this is where we, as parents, need to show grace and show them the way.
So if you're a parent and don't know how to communicate, you better get on it and start learning how ASAP. Bc communication is KEY in a household.
Wow so we'll spoken, memorized, valid points, and taking her time to really try to make her words clear. Great job
Amen on the mood swing thing. I started crying once because I “hated” my hair (it just Getty’s really oily really fast) it was raging hormones and mood swings. But when I cry it kind of scars my mom because she doesn’t see me cry. Parents please don’t start to cry and ask what’s wrong over and over (once it beautiful) I hate that I’m crying as much as you do. Remember your kid loves you and chances are you didn’t make them cry.
I'm shocked at how well this girl has done. As a young teen I really feel like she did a better job than alot of adults would. Def better than I would have done. Thank you darlin for the tip with my teens. I appreciate it and I'm sure they would say the same. You have a brilliant mind and can do anything you set your mind to and are willing to put in hard work and effort for. ❤️
Very well done, Lucy. You were confident and convincing. Perhaps consider slowing down a litle as sometimes your words joined together and it was hard to understand without rewinding. But on balance 10/10 for your presentation.
exactly
I am 45 and wish I could present half as well as she did. I agree 10/10.
I highly recommend this video for immediate viewing!A teenager's opinion about raising children from stereotypes and experience is very unique. This report tells parents about technology,teenage emotions,types of parents,and the most interesting thing is that it's all from the point of view of a teenager. I want to appeal to all to parents who read this comment. Don't neglect your kids,don't let the Internet educate them,don't be strict(but follow the rules),don't turn them into spoiled kids socialize outside of school ,better yet homeschooled!Regular school is stressful,and not being able to really socialize can turn them into mentally unstable teenagers ,don't let your kids be like that, make sure they are healthy. What is the general rule for raising children ? This is Love. Even if your child is a difficult teenager, love for him he will never stop burning in your heart. Never hide from your child this holy feeling that you have for him. Use every opportunity to express your selfless,selfless love for your son or daughter. And the children will respond to you the same great feeling. And what do you think about this?🙃
She did such a great job!!!!
My first thought to this was, "spoken like a teen."
Not only has she not gone through all of her teenage years yet (in fact, shes just getting started!) but she also has not had kids of her own, let alone teens, in a future world far different from hers now.
With that said, this is a good perspective from her as 13 year old in the moment of her life.
Ahhh, youth.❤ If only it were all so simple.
We need more people like her.
This is my favorite ted talk. Nothing too difficult to understand, nor too long
the funny thing is although I scrolled down quite a lot, I didn't see a single parent in the comment section. they probably just skipped it thinking "oh just another teen saying useless things." but maybe you will see exactly those parents lecturing their kids about how other people of their age is going on talk shows and speaking confidently in front of so many while they can't even speak to 1 stranger without getting nervous or stuttering.
So much confidence
Another thing I want to say to parents, please don't use the line "It's just a phase". Even if it is actually just a phase, to the child, in that moment, it is a very real thing. Please don't invalidate them.
So well spoken!! I want to see where this girl is today!
I'm 31, a sahm, homeschooler, wife and homemaker. I strive every day to be productive in my life and better myself for my family; for my legacy. I listen to things that help me grow, bc I realized you simply don't know what you don't know. I'm filling the gaps and that is giving me a whole new understanding.
I was taught everything not to do as a parent when I was little, I thought that prepared me for being a parent... Way wrong lol I even UNKNOWINGLY picked up some of those toxic traits, none of the classes or videos got me ready... The only thing that actually taught me how to be a parent, was the bible! It blew my mind and changed my relationship completely with everyone. Including, and most importantly with my children 💞
Turns out a lot of us our lacking in showing our children the characteristics of God; Grace, compassion, mercy, etc. And yes he will teach you to LISTEN. Want more love and want to see HEALING in y'alls homes? Invite God into them 🥰
It’s so relaxing to listen to this girl
this girl is talented-
no cap
things my parents do/did to me as a child that I will always appreciate is they gave me the options of what punishments (removal,slap, talking to, grounded, etc) this I feel had a huge impact, because while punishments these days are minimal, it gave me a perspective of "the listener"
I do also feel it’s important it add that just because a teen if feeling a strong emotion doesn’t automatically make it a mood swing. It can be very important to acknowledge a teens emotions when it’s something they truly do feel strongly about, and it can be hurtful when their thoughts and feelings aren’t acknowledged, especially passionate ones. Just because a teen is feeling strongly doesn’t mean it can always be dismissed as a mood swing.
I love that she just described gentle parenting!
It's kids like her that make me so proud of today's youth.
Ask her parents as to how proud are they from their daughter
Today’s youth are so unthankful
@@ajay-naz6996 Most of our parents are abusive and deserve no gratitude from us. Guessing you're one of those parents who just pushes kids around and expects them to grovel.
@@ajay-naz6996 She's 15 years old, she couldn't be presenting here if her parents weren't proud and approving, genius.
@@ajay-naz6996 got anything to say to that? 🤣
What a great talk, the world needs more. Understanding is key.
My 13th bday is in 2 months, and this really needs to get more views (specifically from parents)
I’m a parent of a new teen, thank you for sharing your experience! ❤ I will definitely do this.
Very nice! I love hearing what teens think and would really enjoy more talks like this. Way to go 👍
Bless her heart.
I've always said that teens need "trust fall" parenting. To me, that means: "trust that when your teen falls, they'll be able to pick themselves back up." Parents tend to stress over teens because they're like more dangerous versions of the terrible 2's. They're running around getting their hands into everything and doing whatever they feel impulsive enough to do, and it's overwhelming to stop all of it, or even prevent it from happening.
That's why you need the trust fall approach. You as a parent need to sit down with yourself and further your boundaries. Teach yourself to allow more freedom for your teen to live and learn from their mistakes. Let's be real: they're GOING to smoke pot. They're GOING to sleep around. They're GOING to sneak out to go to parties in weird warehouses. They're GOING to have bad friends, heartbreak and struggles identifying themselves. Stop worrying so much and allow them to have these experiences. This is why.....
Self-blame is the most important lesson a teen can learn. If you sit down with them about drugs and explain why they shouldn't do drugs, the little voice in their head is going to tell them to try some drugs, in all reality. They're probably going to chill at a friend's house and smoke a little, they're going to have an amazing time, and then they'll enemize you in their heads as overbearing, strict and a party pooper. Someone who takes their fun away. They'll stop coming to you and telling you the truth about what they've done because they'll realize they can get away with the fun stuff if you don't know at all.
They only learn when they make their own decisions and get burned by them. Maybe one day your teen has no money to do anything fun or buy any clothes, even though they just got paid. They'll ask you for money and you'll ask them why they need it. You'll ask where all of their paycheck went and they'll say they spent it on their drugs. You'll say, welp...that's too bad. Maybe next time you'll save the money for what you want to buy. That places you as the lesson initiator instead of the fun sucker. They'll start thinking to themselves, gee...maybe I should have saved my money. That was a bad decision. But they need to have these experiences first before they learn anything, so just back off and let them acquaint themselves with the grown up world.
This was an excellent explanation
This is great but out of all things, drugs is definitely something parents and kids need to have an open, ongoing conversation about, since they are often addictive and "I should save my money next time" probably wouldn't cut it. Parents shouldn't just instinctively reject the idea of drugs altogether, but do some research and teach their kids about the very real dangers of drugs, which ones are safe to try and which aren't, not lecturing or trying to scare them away, but actually educating them.
A similar discussion can be had for alcohol. For things like wasting too much money on games or things they don't need, or not organizing their time properly so they can't do something they wanted to do, kids usually learn from those experiences on their own
This is death talking 😂
The free range parenting/ Lucy Gussi parenting seems to be your choice then? So easy.
@@ardenwinchester3433 I can agree with this. Kids will ultimately try whatever they're pressured into, regardless of its dangers, but it would be a good idea to at least make a safe space to talk about drugs in an unbiased way.
this girl is very sophisticated and well-spoken for her age, everything i ever wanted to say to MY parents but in a business-like setting.
This is so insightful. Well done!
I appreciate your point of view. I have a teen and I need a refresher every once in a while
You just nailed it ❤ as a mom of a teenager I thank you 🤗