Aperture Investment Opportunity #1: "Panels"
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
- Don't miss this investment opportunity from up-and-coming applied sciences company Aperture Laboratories. Find out more about them April 19th, when they go public with their documentary video game Portal 2. This is the first of four videos showcasing the many lucrative products currently in development.
0:33 Notice how the crusher doesn't crush until the portal device has rolled away far enough.
It's expensive as hell XD
Nice detail!
It's worth more than all the vital organs of everyone in (insert subject hometown here)
@@ansuz5903 and their salaries, all combined
@@glacialblast2588 and their all life savings combined
Cave Johnson watching robot trying to broke a portal gun:IMMA KILL YA
"Four walls, a ceiling and a floor..."
Aperture Science is too cool for doors.
Who needs doors when you can use a panel
True that!
@@veemogamer2476 lmao
What goes in aperture labs
*Stays in aperture labs*
10 Years ago? Yo dawg Valve's portal 2 old Video is a History. Permanently writen and harden
"That is not a panel, that's a crusher, we sell them too." This game is gonna be AWESOME! I'm picking it up day of release.
You did?? 😂😂
@@mauritiusboy7952 Nice reply ten years later
Did it live up to expectations?
Wow, a genuine 10y old comment about the release of Portal 2.. I love it!
time to preserve this piece of history
"Safe"
...Well, I guess it's the safest as Aperture can get.
"Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired."
- Cave Johnson
"Not you test subject, you did well. Yes, you! Box your stuff, through the parking lot and out of here!"
We pride our selves on following the bare minimum when it comes to safety.
way safer than black mesa
*WHAT IS THAT MELODY?*
valve could easily put together a dream works film
Easily, I don't know
i wonder if you will reply to my comment op
its only been 7 years
@@Ryanisthere very, very, unlikely
@raffle baffle yeah i knew he wouldn't reply i said it as a joke
Fall out we need you to buy them for "tests"
Pretty sure it's a "Mashy Spike Plate", not a "Crusher".
Nope it's a crusher
Thank you, jesus finally someone gets it.
That's not a panel, that's a crusher. We sell them too.
Robert Jindra are you Wheatley only Wheatley has mashy spike plates
yes mashy spike plates-
Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's a crusher
We sell them too
Lol
Derek Leung
P-body is red.
Atlas is blue.
That's a crusher.
I fucking hate you!
***** No he is not, my retinas say otherwise.
Bootiful.
Roses are red
That part is true
Violets are purple
Not fucking blue
Portal 2
The game where the walls have more character and memorability than most game protagonists.
There's even some with depression.
that ironically includes Valve very own game protagonists.
My favorite part of portal 2 is developer dialogue telling the player that the intro would take 72 hours to load if it wasn't preloaded
0:27 this panel has been in depression since the beginning. Even when Chell passed by it in Portal 2 it's still mashing the wall.
It is
It's just malfunctioning.
@@theironycomedy6 shut
@@loopyslayer63 no
Wait P-body Is Stuck On The Panel
"That's not a panel, that's a crusher."
"We sell them too"
I thought he said " That's pressure we sell that too"
Wow, 1.4k likes and there are only 2 comments lol
@@notknown3245 same thought
Oh wow, it's like we watched the same video. Crazy.
Crusher aka. defective panels
Valve needs to make an official Aperture Investment Oppertunity for combustible lemons.
it'd be funny, but I don't think it would make sense canonically, because the combustible lemons thing was just one of Cave's illogical ramblings from the end of his life, not a product
That doesn't mean he didn't make them
@@Java_Protogen ...nick's got a point there.
I dunno if he had time to officially have them commissioned. If memory serves, his rambling implied such a product had not been designed yet, and it was also in the final recording he ever made.
cave johnson here, this is a lemon. looks normal, but it's boring. gentlemen, i introduce to you, combustible lemons. they're flammable, good for tearing down forests the cheap way. it will help you get rid of whatever bad things your company may have.
that's not a combustible lemon, that's a general purpose bomb, which is larger than any other general purpose bomb. we sell them too.
Looks safe to me:D
Yes*
Yes, crusher looks so safely!
Yeah
Relly i don't
@@TJirm you didn't get the joke
Wheatley: MASHY SPIKE PLATES!
That's not a Mashy Spike Plate, That's a Crusher, We sell them too
Space Core & Wheatley XD
Cave Johnson: Ahh WE GOT YOU!
Dark Cave: [laughs]
Wheatley:"...vs Mashy Spike Plates!
Cave Johnson:" SIKE! THAT'S A CRUSHER
Space Core & Wheatley Space, I’ve been through time and space... When can I find you and bring you BACK TO EARTH!?
Did you weld spiky bits onto the flat bits?
"That's not a panel, that's a crusher. We sell them too!" I LOVE that line!
How are you 12 years later?
This might be a good game.
Sir it is a great game
*might be*, no no no, is.
Wdym? All Valve games are good games, or not, masterpieces.
@@ooft8098*cough* half life source *cough*
@@XtraSamurai
*Cough cough* Artifact *cough cough*
I love how the "new and improved" panels look far more rickety and dangerous than the ones from Portal 1.
Did you like the game
@@cattn yes
Safe.
**P-Body getting smashed against wall**
Thats not a panel
MrChowder90 I always he said "Say," as in transition to the next line. :|
@@28Sora that's def a broken panel
**atlas being crushed by crusher**
That is not a wall. That’s a crusher, we sell them too :D
"That's not a panel. That's a crusher. We sell them too."
THAT IS MY FAVORITE PART
Do you take vital organs as payment?
Cave Johnson here! No, we do not, but the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls would gladly take one, or all, of them as a donation.
I love you
Yeah, I'm probably going to lose my vital organs when using these panels anyway, so why not just skip that step and save money as well?
@@CubicApocalypse128 Hey, Cave. Do the Long Fall Boots come in pink? I want a pair to match my pink turret.
@@bigdonutsandpinkcupcakes3721 Cave Johnson here, we do not, but you can buy some of our Aperture brand Gel Paint! It comes in over 600 colors! It has the texture of gel, but the color of paint! Just don't get covered in it. Cave Johnson, we're done here.
54 black Mesa employees disliked.
112 now which is very close to the amount of likes your comment has which is 113 as of 6/29/2020
Now 114
@@toymagmadon07 now 115 :(
143 sad black mesa employees
Now 163
this was a triumph, i'm making a note here: portal 2 is going to be a huge success!
You were correct
you were far too correct
Portal 3: And tore me to pieces and threw them into a fire
And it was!
I love the crusher waited for the portal gun to be out of the way of the trajectory so then it could only crush ATLAS. Which kind of relates to the long-fall boots video where Cave cares more about the condition of the portal device than the life of a human.
Portal had a mad sense of humour, bring it back!
Mr Johnson:
I'll take
x1 GLaDOS Operating System
x1 Atlas Co-op Robot
x1 P-Body Co-op Robot
x2 Long Fall Boots
x1 Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
x1 Sentry Turret
x1 Personality Sphere (Wheatley/Intelligence Dampening Sphere Model)
x1 Personality Sphere (Space Core Model)
x1 Personality Sphere (Rick/ Adventure Sphere Model)
x1 Personality Sphere (Fact Sphere Model)
x1 Weighted Testing Cube
x1 Companion Cube (New, Not Burnt)
x3 Gel Barrels (Repulsion, Conversion, Propulsion)
oh and throw in a Aperture t shirt in there while you're at it
What'll be the damge?
that'll be 500 billion dollars
+crazyboypabk17 Ok, how bout just the T-shirt?
That now costs more than the combined wages and organ prices of all the citizens in :subject home town here:.
Thre-thre damm it i cant even count to thre-threeeeeee billion
*****
youre fired
I LOVE HOW JUST BEAUTIFUL THE PANELS MOVE ALL TOGETHER SO GRACEFULLY AND THEN THEY JUST BANG ROBOTS INTO WALLS AND BOOOOMMM. CRUSHER.
you are me.
We sell them too.
I just love how Valve is all "Screw you Chell! We have robots now!"
That is exactly what I would say!
0:11
"Four HUNDRED walls,
sixty ceilings
and a floor."
And yeah, the original quote was from AlpacaHawk.
0:28 "Safe" As P-body is getting slammed against a wall XD
To Cave:
Can I buy:
>5 crushers
>10 panels
>2 boots
>1 portal device
>a lot of materials for test chambers?
It's how to test if people are.. worthy
Yes, and can I have exactly what they bought?
yes, that'll be... lets see... about 64000 million dollars please
per panel
BulletToTheKnee You forgot to add in the configuration programming. That'll cost extra.
Turrets too.
Oh, and a tad bit of neurotoxin.
A portal Device won't give you much as you can only use it on moon dust.
A portal device itself costs somewhere like 100 Million dollar +.
Guy: **dies**
Cave Johnson: "oops, another sacrifice for science."
"That's not a panel. That's a crusher, we sell them too!". One of Mr. Johnson's BEST lines!
SAFE.
***** IKR THATS SOOO SAFE :D
***** YES, AS LONG AS YOU USE OUR APERTURE BRAND CHEST STRAPS... ITS SAFE!
***** YES, IT WILL NOT BREAK YOUR BONES BY A BUTTON ACTIVATED BY GLADOS
+The Diamond Cupcake THIS IS A CHAMBER.
***** IKR
if you pause at 0:31 you see that the exit is actually the one from the campaign, making me believe that the coop exit had not yet been created at this stage.
Underrated comment.
i think they just didn't design the "elevators" yet
"That is not a panel, that is a crusher, we sell them too."-Cave Johnson
wow you literally copy and pasted a line from the video, so original
@@ziglind 8 years ago
portals are red
Wheatleys eye is blue
that's a crusher
we sell those to
It's orange but ill let that slide.
ender friloux GLaDoS was evil
Wheatley is to
That's crusher, not a spike plate
We sell them both to
Some portals are red,
Wheatley's eye is blue, that's a crusher, We sell those too.
Tell me im not the only one who wants to see a commercial on crushers :D
Panel? We sell them.
Crushers? We sell them too.
Hote-
Aperture? Science.
"That's a crusher. We sell them too"😭
This probably the most unique thing to Portal, I fucking love Panels, Fully Configurable, Infinitely Variable and Cool af
“That’s not a panel. That’s a crusher.”
*”..We sell them too.”*
I wanna make one of these myself, but i don't bloody know how they did that beginning bit.
0:36 I love how they say that so casually. It's like: robot: just got murdered in front of them. Cave:We sell them too
aperture science: all of our test rooms are made out of easily movable panels that can be rearranged into different rooms!
black mesa: our only test chamber is made out of easily destructible iron, and people need to wear a specialized suit to even go in them
I recognize you...
I mean.... for all of Aperture's faults at least they did science and did not cause the end of the world...... cant say that about Black Mesa
I can’t get over the fact that JJ from Spider-Man is also Cave “Combustible Lemons” Johnson
I cracked up on the "Safe" part. Ha ha!
These are really well made. Like it's scary how good they are
0:36 NOOOO why does Atlas have to die he's my favorite character
P-Body was the one who went through the door, atlas got crushed
He didn't die, the lights still on
"I'm with you every step of the way!"
"That is not a panel, that's a crusher...We sell them too."
10 лет прошло. Решил снова пройти все любимые игры от Valve. Это видео в рекомендациях. За мной следят?!
So who else is investing in Aperture?
didn't they go bankrupt?
@@Ryanisthere that's why we invest
@@Ryanisthere They also survived 50,000 years
"That's a crusher, we make them too."
Sell*
"Safe"
"That is not a panel... that's a crusher. We sell them, too."
“Gentlemen, i give you panels” is probably the closest phrase in this entire series that resembles an actual investing pitch
Atlas just gets all the bad luck does he. On the other video p body pushed him into an incinerator. On this video he looks back bump into a wall falls down and gets crushed by a crusher and the worst of it he didn't complete the test poor atlas :(
Roses are Red.
Violets are Blue.
That is a Crusher.
We sell them too.
That is not a panel. That's a crusher.
We sell them too.
*Cave Johnson trollface*
zolika1351 haha
Big smoke what you doing in here fool?
Aperture Science: We always go above and beyond
Who else came here just for the nostalgia? :D Hard to believe it's been 11 years already. @__@
"That's a crusher, we sell them too."
Mr Johnson what is the price for a one of your torture champers
@Z1PLOKK awww I cant afford one
I'm in desperate need of explanation. I know panels make up the testing chambers and there are different types, but what are they attached to? In various points in the game you see panels making up tests, but the panels seem to not be attached to anything. Are they on railings? Are they floating? Please tell me I need to know, like legitimately
Large steal beams, painted yellow.
+Xi Jinping thank you soon much! I've been stuck on this dilemma for as long as portal 2 existed.
They are attached to more panels
YES!!!!thanks for buying our product!(thanks valve! For the reproduction help!)
***** how's that? We worked hard on this to finally release this!!!!
Black Mesa TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
But does it blend?
Black Mesa funny, we JUST made it blend!
That wasn't a crusher, that was a MASHY SPIKE PLATE!
See, Wheatley's ideas ARE awesome!
I Find P-Body cute in this, and at the end, Atlas says "D'OH!".
"Infinitely variable"
Wait, can you modify them into a crusher? O_O
BIG CRUSHER, bc panels are bigger than the spikes
ALSO hi from the future alot has changed in the last 9 years
No... Crushers are Crushers... We sell them too
-Cave Johnson
The bot was squished by Wheatley spike
I go by the belief that every machine made by Aperture is sentient.
They make sentient machines that exist for the sole purpose of crushing other sentient machines.
Ok, real talk here, Aperture science is a horrible, horrible company to have connections or do business with, but, am I the only one who'd actually look into buying some of these panels if they were ever made? Of course, portal-less panels so I don't get moon rock poisoning.
Only powder and gel is toxic.
Oh no....
It has already been 11 years...
Too bad its all the other robots that have the fame, these guys are left to gather dust
Can’t wait to spend millions on this amazing product to make my house fully configurable.
I like that the robot kept blinking after it's run-in with the crusher.
Sold I'll take 90
better throw in some crushers while your at it
Aperture Labs sells crushers too
He forgot to say "Cave Johnson! We're done here..."
Documentary video game.
That is now my answer to anything and everything.
I forgot to close this tab last night, and I wasn't expecting the AS intro music. This is the same prank I've been pulling on my friends for years. Scared the hell outta me.
I demand a feature-length Portal movie
JK Simmons as Cave Johnson might be the greatest voice acting choice to ever exist
Honestly, I didn't realize it was Simmons until I checked IMDB. I was under the impression that it was the same guy who did the voice for Soldier in TF2.
"thats not a panel thats a presser we sell them too" LOL
I find it slightly ironic that Cave describes the a test chamber as having 4 walls, a ceiling, and a floor while in the actual image we see a floor and two walls... or maybe two walls and a floor, it's hard to tell.
0:28 That looked very safe.
This is some top-notch content. I read a book with a similar topic, and it was absolutely incredible. "Game Theory and the Pursuit of Algorithmic Fairness" by Jack Frostwell
I read a really funny story a while back that was a crossover between Portal 2 and Apollo 18. A crappy movie by all accounts, but getting Richard Nixon and Cave Johnson together in a room does yield amusing results.
I really appreciate that whenever I go watch some other video with JK Simmons in it (this time around it was a video from Whiplash), UA-cam decides to start hurling Cave Johnson at me.
@TetrimStudios Nope, Cave Johnson is voiced by actor J.K. Simmons (the father in Juno, J. Jonah Jameson in the spiderman movies, and many others). The Soldier is voiced by Rick May (according to the TF2 wiki).
0:35 "that's not a panel. thats a crusher. we sell them too"
It's funny how the portal gun didn't get harmed by the crusher at the end.
0:35 that is not a panel. That is Aristotle's archenemy, the Mashy Spike Plate
Achievement unlocked: The part where he crushes you
This is that part
These visuals are amazing, and this was 11 years ago!
I love how the name is literally just 'the Panel'. Like it's not 'the Aperture Standard Test Chamber Panel'. It's just 'Panel'.
i love the '...that is not a panel. that's a crusher- we sell them to'
one day valve will finally count to 3 and make a third portal.
Good thing for Aperture that the Portal Gun didn't get crushed by the crusher at 0:35
Cave, I'm pretty sure that's a mashy spike plate. Not a crusher.
0:27 "Safe" **clearly shows P-Body being abused by a panel**
Every OSHA Fan loves this...