My partner’s mother passed suddenly and didn’t leave a will. It has been a nightmare. This is so helpful, you have no idea how helpful this is for those who have to deal with this!!!
I’m sorry for your loss. My Daddy didn’t leave a Will either. In fact, he cancelled his small life insurance policy 2 months before he died to save money (he was on a fixed income). He’s been gone 12 years and I still grieve him. You never really get over losing a parent. To add to the drama, my siblings did nothing to help pay for funeral and burial services. They assumed since I was the oldest it was my responsibility.
The channel Ask A Mortician has some older videos talking about what happens when a loved one dies, how to talk with your loved ones about planning for their deaths, legal stuff, the whole thing! She presents it in an open and friendly manner. It is very useful information!
I lost my boyfriend very suddenly almost 5.5yrs ago. He had a will but it was not notarized so it wasn’t legal in our state of NC. He wanted the cars, the house & everything left to me. Unfortunately, the family was allowed to have all of it & I only received my portion of the life insurance policy that he had. I lost my house, the car, basically everything. I had to move out in less than 2 weeks after his funeral so I wasn’t able to properly grieve for at least a month. It has been the hardest thing in my life to go through & I learned from that process to have my affairs in order just in case something happened to me. I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this. I never had to deal with the legal side of this but I can imagine how hard that must be.
I have been a proponent for normalizing "death talk" since I started watching Ask A Mortician years ago. Thank you for being so open and honest, Sarah ❤ This kind of discussion is so needed, everywhere. Sending love from Sweden.
I've had the same experience, her channel is really helpful! I wonder if people fear that talking more about death would lessen the seriousness that it has, but for me it has done the opposite. I feel like I'm more aware of all the things that happen to me and my loved ones eventually.
My mother died suddenly at age 55. She had reviewed her will a week before. I'm turning 39 next week. I have had a will since in my 20's becuase of this. You can die at any time. As soon as you have capital whatever that is, make a will. Its not hard. Don't leave your family with more stress.
Condolences to you and your family. I am literally in the same boat, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at 49. His girlfriend has refused to give me, his only child, any of his property, money, or documents. It's been hell ever since. I am unable to watch most of this video as it's a difficult topic for me still but I just wanted to say, you aren't alone. We aren't alone. It sucks how often this happens.
@@pamelaaranzazu Thank you. She has 0 legal rights but they were living together. I don't have enough money to legally fight her so we've been getting everything in place so she can't continue to deny us everything.
My father passed last September without a will. Thankfully my mother and siblings have a very good relationship and we were all able to negotiate the details amicably.
I work at a bank and it’s always so heartbreaking when family members don’t have a will or even beneficiaries on their accounts. It’s so much extra work for the surviving family during that time. The amount of people I have had to turn away while they’re borderline in tears and stressed out it’s so sad 😩 very important to set this stuff up no matter how much money or assets you have!
grief is a crazy thing. i still feel like i haven't fully grieved because he had alzheimer's and i already grieved so much and it felt like he was already gone. sending love to you and your family ❤️ and i hate getting sympathy too! i'm so glad someone else feels that way because i thought i was soulless 😭
Just wow. In my country, Poland, when somebody dies and there is just one kid, the kid gets everything and the whole process takes maybe a day - you collect the documents (just a few pieces of paper) and go to a lawyer, pay AT MOST $1000 and that’s it. When there are two kids, or three or whatever, and no will - everything is divided equally. When a spouse dies, the husband or wife gets everything. Unless there is someone unhappy who wants to go to court, it takes a few hours and not that much money. I’m sorry for your loss and also for all the issues you have to deal with.
The worst part of having this information published in the newspaper is the uptick in calls trying to prey on you by "assisting" with the property sale. As the estate administrator, your information is out there for anyone to see. Businesses try to scare you into working with them or try to go around the probate process or offer a shortcut. Just need to redirect them to your lawyer and they shut right up. Definitely affected how I viewed the people around me in such a dark time, though. My mother died before she could finish setting up her trust, but she had some other things secured and that was a life saver. Now the trouble is getting my dad to finalize his own will or trust. He saw the drama it caused the family to not have one and it still feels like herding cats with him. Best of luck to you on this. It's rough but you'll get through it.
I have lost both my parents they weren't old and it was a shock for both losses. I implore people to write wills, and keep them up to date. Both my parents had wills. My mum died in march 2021 and we are still waiting for probate, I'm in the UK and everything is taking much longer because of COVID, is HMRC (tax department) that is holding it up because they have such a huge back log, it will take 6 more months. Normally it would take a few months. Grief is the hardest and most bizarre thing, it does change you but you can get through it. Write wills people!
Amen to what you said about smoking. I was 8 when my mom got lung cancer and that was it for me. Watching some of siblings or my friends pick up the habit as we were growing up angered me so much and I’ll never understand why or how with all the information we have available to us, someone would decide to smoke nowadays. So frustrating. *internet hug* to you for going through all of this! It’s definitely inspired me to look into life insurance, wills etc and get my siblings and family members on board too.
I have two parents that are in poor health due to chain smoking for 50+ years and refuse to make a will. Seeing this video is very helpful for what I’m sure is waiting for me in the future. I’d definitely like to see more of this process and I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of this. You’ve had so much happen in such a short amount of time and I hope things settle down for you. 💕
My father was near penniless but he left me with inheritance legal troubles since he had tons of debt pretty much everywhere. I found out last minute since no one had told me. Some people just don't care enough about you to make your life a little easier before they're gone...
I’m a probate paralegal; every state has different laws regarding probate and trusts and estate taxes. Probate takes forever and is such a frustrating process. I wish this kind of stuff was more common knowledge because it’s so heartbreaking how much stress families have to deal with on top of grieving.
I also believed our society shy away from discussing death, dying, and plans. There's lack of educational resources and the laws are different in each state (USA). Honestly, I feel like there should be a required class/course in high school explaining the process of death, and the legal process afterwards. I'm very sorry for your loss
My mom died (unexpectedly) without a will and in a tremendous amount of debt. I was living in her house (I'm disabled and always lived with her) and the HOA began eviction proceedings against me because I was unable to pay the monthly HOA fee. I'm an only child and she was always single. I had no other family. I was able to secure low income housing for myself and moved across state with just a few belongings and our two cats. I just left the whole mess of her falling apart house and piles of debt behind me and I'm honestly really glad I did that. I definitely relate on the cigarette/smoking topic. My mom smoked 2 packs a day for over 50 years and died at 68 due to complications of COPD, congestive heart failure, and type 2 diabetes. An absolutely lethal combination.
My dad died suddenly in 2019 (car accident) and he did not have a will. I was the executor of his estate. It was really hard and took the better part of a year to deal with everything. He was my best friend so I was having a very hard time grieving. Thank goodness my husband was there to help me. He actually handled a lot of it for me, especially in the beginning.
My father in law passed in November, and we thought everything was prepared but it wasn’t. I definitely get what you mean about it taking away from grieving, I didn’t realize how much paperwork and bureaucracy is involved in someone’s passing. It made me realize I needed to talk to my own parents about preparations that should be made, but my dad refuses to talk about it. It’s difficult because same as you expressed, he’s very responsible, but he just can’t think/talk about the idea of his own death.
My best friends dad passed away suddenly with a will and it was still incredibly complicated to deal with his assets. He had just leased a car and they call the company to let them know and they basically said well we have a contract so we can’t break that. They were like “He’s dead!” And the company was like “ok and…?” My condolences for your dads passing, I lost my Father in law and my grandma within 8 months of each other this past year and grief is crazy and hard.
My condolences on your dad passing. I went through similar issues with my uncle who passed away last January. He wasn’t married and had no children and also no will, so my mom and I are still going threw probate a year later. This video was great
I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah. This is such an important topic and it's great that you are talking about it. In addition to a will, people should also have a letter of intent and POLST for healthcare decisions. I work in healthcare as well as have experienced several deaths of loved ones in a short pwruos of time. The most amazing and loving thing someone can do is to save their loved ones the stress of bureaucracy and allow them to grieve you. Death is scary, but it is inevitable. Avoiding creating these documents hurts everyone.
That’s bc it IS heartless to expect someone to shell out a bunch of money to some cooperation that doesn’t need it. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I lost my mom suddenly in 2018. She was my best friend. She had written a will, but it wasn't finalized, so I had to bring 2 people to the court who knew her handwriting, but weren't beneficiaries of the will to verify it was in fact, her will. I totally understand not being able to grieve because you have to do so much after their passing. My mom was also a smoker, and scrubbing the walls of her apartment twice over just sucked so badly. Sending you strength, Sarah. 💙
Grief is weird, and you will grieve the loss of different people in your life differently. The first loss I experienced I had a five minute cry, and that was it I was sad about it and I Still miss them but it didn't hit me the same way as when my grandmother died, I think that was the first time I cried in public and in front of my parents and siblings as an adult it was a very bizarre experience but time makes it easier and some days I'm like wow all this time has passed and she's missed out on so much and that makes me sad. I'm sorry your dad left you in a shit position, Sarah, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Both my parents have passed, most recently my mom. She didn't leave a will and it was such a stressful mess. It took me and my siblings nearly a year to figure everything out. I am thinking of you and I hope you are able to take really gentle care with yourself.
Lost my Dad when i was 15, we were not as close i would like. It took me a lot of time to work through it and learn how to keep going. I know mom went through a lot trying to get his afairs in order because it was a suicide. I am sorry you had to deal with all this
I work in the funeral/cemetery industry, and the best advice I can give people is to pre-plan it’s so so so so important to not leave the burden of planning and the burden of financial stress while trying to grieve.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My story is extremely similar to yours... California, I'm the only child, my dad was "single" and I was his primary support. He passed away after being in the hospital for about 2 months, and during that time, he refused to create a will. I believe that was because he wasn't ready to admit to himself even, that he was about to die. I admire how responsible you have been going about the process, in your own life. Way to go! However, I am sorry for your loss. It's coming up on 2 years now since I lost my dad... I still have boxes of his stuff in my space and I still cry because I miss him. Hopefully the grief will lessen one day!
My grandparents passed 6 months apart and they also didn't have a will. I think the part of this video that really got to me was when you talked about how this process muddies your grief. The amount of things my parents had to do afterwards was insane. It's a nightmare and it absolutely sucks you have to go through all of this.
We did everything to the books & it was still a 2 year process. We had a will, life insurance, everything. Grieving was so painful & drawn out, even with everything done.
This video is a good reminder. We brought our house 3 years ago and I've been meaning to make a will ever since. Now I've got a 7 month old and had been thinking about needing to get one done because she's going to be an only child, and accidents happen and I don't want her to go through this. My in-laws don't have wills as far as I'm aware and good go at any point, my husband is an only child and I'm not looking forward to that process. He's an only child too.
My dad also passed earlier this year without a will. A lot of bills you shouldn't have to pay because the estate wasn't outright left to you. You could technically argue some of them or if you give them a hard time they will give in sadly. But also yes I advocate for everyone having a simple will even if you're young, it just makes whoever is going to take care of what you leave behind have time to grieve and process. I hope you're healing and taking time for yourself in any way you can!
My condoleances. I lost my dad last May. He had only debt, so my brother and I had no other option than to reject the whole thing. It meant we had no rights to anything and lost anything personal like pictures and videotapes from our childhood too. It was a choice, but also there kind of was no other option for us, knowing we otherwise would get into huge debt, but not knowing how much exactly, because we couldn't access any bank accounts, email accounts, couldn't get into phone or computer. It is a nightmare. Now all of our pictures are ending up at a dump, and we can't do anything about it. It absolutely destroys the grieving process. The thing you have with (against) cigarettes, I have with alcohol. For kind of the same reasons...
im sorry for your loss and for everything you are having to go trough because of the will❤ My parents don't have anything to their name so i guess i don't have to worry about this. i just hope i don't have to pay the bills they leave behing after they pass
Hoping this ordeal will be over as soon as possible and you can grieve in peace ❤️💔❤️ “Anti-human” is the perfect term. This is such an obscene system we live inside. Peace and light. We’ll make it through ✨❤️
Grief is never something that’s easy to go through, let alone when there are these types of layers to the situation. The way you are able to keep your composure and even makes this video just shows that you are insanely strong. It’s been a bit since my last loss and this video brought out some emotions that I think I really needed to unbox, and for that I have to thank you for sharing your story. May your healing journey be as peaceful as you deserve it to be, we all are here and happy to support in any way possible❤
You are incredibly strong. As somebody who has been with you for the past 10 years, these past two have been pretty rough on you, and somehow, you are still standing. Much love, Sarah. X
I’m so sorry. My dad didn’t leave a will either. Thankfully my parents live in NYS so, I guess with the way the law works, it wasn’t too hard to switch everything over to my mom’s name and such. My dad never wanted to think about his death or confront that. So he never had a will! I’ve been trying to push my mom to make one. Losing a parent is so strange. It literally changed me as a person. I’m sending you all the love.❤
Sarah, I'm going through this exact thing right now, and the complicated feelings of parental loss alongside the stress of estate execution when there's no will or trust is the worst feeling I've ever experienced. I hope time has been kind and you've been able to work through the stress and grief.
My dad died on New Years Day and it made this year so challenging. We hired a fiduciary to help manage his estate, and last week we found out that there would be nothing left over for his children, even though we were named first in his will. I feel guilty that I’m disappointed, as if money would be some sort of consolation prize. All this to say that I understand your feelings of complicated grief. I hate feeling like I don’t get to experience “normal” grief like losing someone you had a healthy relationship with. Thank you for sharing. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this. People just don’t talk about these things and it’s so incredibly important for people to have these uncomfortable conversations. Your vulnerability is so appreciated, not just regarding the issue of the will, but sharing your overall journey with grief as well. I don’t know anyone else my age who has also lost a parent and it’s so helpful to feel like I’m not alone in these feelings.
Sorry for your loss ♥️ my dad died in April as well. He was homeless, so no assets to deal with, but having the entirety of planning/logistics (his homelessness has been making it especially complicated) put on me without knowing his wishes was so hard. And your complex feelings with grief are so relatable to me as well. It sucks!!! Grieving has been so difficult with all the logistics and capitalism on top of it!!!! Agghh
I just have to say, not that it matters, you can compose yourself however you choose on any video you upload but you were so well put together. So eager to explain and share and on something so vulnerable in such a helpful way. I sincerely appreciate you opening up on this topic and the way it affected your grief process too but you’re right it’s not something people want to think about. Anyway so grateful you shared about something so difficult I sincerely appreciate all your videos. ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience. My late husband died ten years ago and never left any will. I was lucky that he did have some kind of life insurance through his work that barely covered the costs of the funeral. It was not my first loss, but the first loss of someone I loved and who I was close with. It was hard to grieve his loss because he died from drinking too much. He was emotionally abusive and we went through a lot of ups and downs in our marriage. I did meet someone new a few years later. My boyfriend’s dad recently passed away over a year ago. He did write a will and signed it a few months before he passed. He just didn’t file it or do anything with it. Because of this, what he had intended to leave to his 2 sons (my BF and his brother) his estranged wife came and took it all. She even had the police come to his house and make my BF leave as he was sorting out his dad’s stuff because he was trespassing. This was my BF’s stepmom and she lived a few states away. They couldn’t afford to get divorced so they just stayed married and lived separately. (We are in CA). A lawyer to clear all of this mess up wanted like 5k upfront and neither one of his kids had that kind of money. So she sold the house, took all of his things and gave it to goodwill or what ever and maybe even dumped some. BF was able to grab a couple of photos of him and his dad and that was it. It took away from him being able to properly grieve his dad. It was awful. We don’t like to talk about it, but death is apart of life.
my mom has smoked cigarettes her entire life basically and still does, and it's just so frustrating as their child to watch them do something that will kill them. especially as a parent now myself, I just can't understand it
Man, this seems so bloody stressful. I don't talk to my dad and I often think about his passing as if I'm trying to prepare myself. I don't believe there is something to inherit from him. He has sold all his real estate and blew all the money due to his gambling addiction. He does have 2 other kids, from a previous marriage, so If he does own something, I don't even know, how we're going to go about it. such a mess
I don't know what it's like in your country, but at least where I'm from, you can inherit debt... which sounds like it could become a legit issue in your case 🥺
I feel a little relieved that I’m not the only one going through this experience. It’s been very difficult going through this process and grieving simultaneously. Thank you for making this video and sharing your experience.
My Dad was a smoker too. He has quit for MANY years. I have a resentment against cigarettes and vapes because of those memories of walking in as a kid to my parent's bedroom and smelling the foul smell of cigarette smoke from my Dad. Vapes are just as bad too and I hate that there's so much misinformation being spread around about vaping as well. Like, I can understand that people smoke or vape for anxiety reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that smoking and vaping too much can lead to so many terrible health issues when you get older. I try not to judge, but I cannot stand it when people smoke or vape. Even if they do it right in front of my face
@@spacebar9733 Exactly! And they don't realize how it can take a toll on not only your mental health, but the brain too. The hard part is that we can't push them to quit! They need to hit a bottom in order to take the steps of sobriety
@@rebeccassweetmusic4632 my dad had two heart attacks before he finally stopped smoking cigarettes, and he already had a heart transplant before that. I think he still smokes weed though, I'm not sure.
Thank you for making this video, I’m sure it will be helpful to many people, and definitely sparked some important thoughts. Sending love as you go through the journey of grief ❤
This is such an important topic to discuss. My divorced parents do both have a will and I think it is b/c they were in your shoes at one point. They have both also been decluttering for the same reason. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss.
So much love to you going through all of this❤ its HARD. I practically bullied my dad into signing his will when he was in the hospital suddenly for a second time in a month(" I'll get it signed when im discharged"). Lawyers came to the hospital, I was very thankful. And thank you for talking about this process!
I lost my dad in February and I'd also suggest to everyone to look into living wills as well. My dad had alzheimer's and so was unable to make his own decisions about his healthcare, which ultimately led to fallouts in the family. Even though he had voiced his wishes before, they weren't written down and were challenged. It is an incredibly hard, emotionally charged time and the less decisions you have to place on your loved ones, the better. He was incredibly thorough with his will and even aspects of his living will, but none of us expected something like dementia. We've all since written up our own wills and end of life wishes so that no one feels burdened or blamed for decisions made. Just some thoughts for those looking for advice. Sorry for your loss, Sarah, and thank you for sharing this!
As a long term care nurse, this sentiment is important. I've seen people fight their families against their loved ones wishes, make last minute decisions that went against what their loved one wanted, ect when they are sick or dying. It's so important to write your wishes down to ensure they are granted when you are unable to advocate for yourself.
My mom definitely felt that, "lesson learned the hard way" when my grandma died and we realized her will wasn't signed by her, so it didn't matter what was on it. It made things so complicated. Sorry you had to deal with that stress on top of your grief.
I'm sorry for your loss, Sarah. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 10, and while I was far too young to deal with any legalities of it, it's something that affects you for the rest of your life in expected, and unexpected ways.
My mom passed in December and left nothing. I'm adopted. When I tell you it has been a *nightmare*. Trying to find my own 29 year old adoption papers to prove I'm her next of kin. I'm with you. Grieving is impossible when you spend all of that energy angry at the fact that you can't even let them fully go. I say all of that to say I see you. I hear you. I appreciated this video so much.
My dad almost died in 2021. I completely understand that feeling of not knowing how to grieve when you have a complicated relationship with someone. My dad made a miraculous recovery, but my feelings were so complicated leading up to his sudden recovery. It’s also so difficult to put words to because if you don’t have that kind of relationship with a parent, it’s completely foreign and people can be so judgmental when they don’t understand. All of that to say: I hear you, I feel you! Thank you for this video, I doubt my dad will have a will when he does eventually pass.
So sorry for your loss. I just recently lost my Grandpa and luckily my dad made him create a will and got everything squared away before his passing (quite literally a few days before). I feel the same way about my Grandpa, I wasn't very close with him and have mixed feelings so I feel in the same boat of being numb. It kind of makes me feel guilty but I am not going to force feelings onto myself or expectations to feel a certain way when it's not the reality
This was fascinating! Please keep sharing about the process. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this on top of your dad’s passing. I was the same with the cigarettes with my parents. I actually got them to quit because I’d yell at them all the time and tell them they wouldn’t live to see their grandkids.
I lost my dad in February and he also didn't have a will. I'm also an only child and feel all of this so much. It's been such a wild ride. My heart goes out to you. The grief comes in waves for sure.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have to trudge through this legal and financial nightmare. I know you will help a lot of people with this video
My father had terminal cancer and did have a will but it was still a total nightmare (a business, and lots of properties, resided in two states, and three children to divide it all up with plus a separate estate) and my aunt found out after he died that she was the executrix and he hadn't discussed it with her at all. This was almost 10 years ago and I don't think she was ever able to grieve and is still probably angry about it. I told all my friends with children (especially young children) to make sure to make sure they have everything all sorted out even if it makes them uncomfortable to deal with.
I'm not from the US and i haven't lost anyone THAT close to me, but this video was still very informative and interesting. I LOVE when people talk about death and what follows someone's passing, because it's so important and the fact that our "culture" is so against openly talking about death just makes it all the more depressing. Ask a mortician was a big eye opener for me tbh. My mom is a hoarder and i am so not looking forward to having to deal with that. I'd never thought about it that way before seeing Ask a mortician's video about it🙃 So yeah, i thank you so much for talking about this and I hope your grieving process will get easier and the legal shit gets done asap😅❤ We love and appreciate you🥰 No h8 pls
I lost my dad in January of 2020. He had been battling stage 4 cancer for almost 4 years, and ultimately decided to quit chemo about a year before he passed. He knew that he was going to pass eventually but he also did not leave a will. Thankfully it wasn’t a process to go through and I was able to get everything sorted easily. But I do agree that it is so hard for people to face their own mortality. Knowing you’re going to die soon must be so painful to accept and I think it makes it hard to want to set things up for your family for after you’re gone. After watching your video I am making a mental note to make a quick little will so that my children will be able to grieve me properly without the legal aspects getting in the way when my time comes. So sorry you’re going through this
Reeeally appreciate you sharing this with us and would be interested in hearing more about your journey through the process down the line as well. My heart goes out to you 🖤
Girl, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a Personal Rep as well, no will and with me being Indigenous/Tribal Court law, it’s been a trip. Took three years just to get out of the ‘first’ probate session, next is state and federal. If you have any questions, or wanna vent, hit me up ❤ that feeling of wanting to grieve and having to choose your lost one’s hair style for the funeral is such a mind fuck. been through it all and more. I wish you the best of luck, but if you can’t find, it I’m here !
hey Sarah, I’m 23 and my grandfather whom I was close to passed away last year from hospital complications following a routine surgery. My grandmother has had to bear the brunt of the issues-I believe he left a will and definitely had insurance but because he passed from *alleged* (just in case bc it’s not confirmed but you know) hospital negligence it’s made getting a proper death certificate to figure out the things he left very hard for my grandmother. The whole system around death is so frustrating and a nightmare. My grandfather did everything right and ultimately died from eyebrow-raising circumstances out of his control, and because of that my grandma has to deal with the fallout. I hope you can get your chance to truly grieve, this isn’t the first close death in my life but it is the first where I’m cognizant of all the fallout. Whole thing sucks and really is anti-human
Between me and my significant other we’ve lost a great aunt, dad, grandfather and mother to smoking-three of them died because of lung cancer and my dad to copd. Sending hugs up for you. We are going through a similar experience with his moms passing and estate. Thanks for sharing.
My daddy passed away last month and didn’t leave a will either. It has been a complete mess for my mum, my brother and I. My parents used to argue about my dad creating a will all the time but he didn’t want to do it. Now my childhood home that my brother and I grew up in will be divided 8 ways because of all of my half siblings in the US even though they’ve never even seen the house in person. My half siblings also couldn’t be bothered flying over to attend my dad’s funeral. They were going to try and arrange a funeral for him in the states because of the possibility that VA will pay for it because of my dad being a veteran, but VA won’t pay for it because he wasn’t in the service for long enough so now none of my half siblings are going to arrange a funeral because they’re not willing to pay for it. I am so angry and sad about the loss of my dad because so many of these things could’ve been prevented. I don’t think I will truly get over this experience.
It's about the same here in Kentucky, my mother in law passed in April as well and my husband and his sisters are dealing with all of this too. I'm so sorry for your loss and it may take a little while but you being proactive helps a lot. I lost my dad 19 years ago and he didn't own or have his name on any bills, because he was ill, so it made it much easier on my mom.
I am going through exactly the same thing as you. My dad suddenly passed away, 2 years ago and did not leave a will or anything to me and my brother. Our life has been very hard and difficult, especially financially. But the family division and greediness is surreal. I've never experienced my own family to turn back on me so quickly and take everything, not caring who's whats. I didn't finish the vid yet, but I hope everything goes well and prayers for both you and your family. Everything will be sort out and just know support is there for you
Bless you and your Aunty. I’m so glad she is helping you as much as she is able. Thinking of you and wishing you a quick settlement and I hope you find wonderful memories that you can keep ❤️
My father was just hospitalized for two weeks, on a ventilator, and my siblings and I thought this was it, and he hadn’t made a will, no advanced directive or anything. Just vague things he’s said about who would get what. We were scrambling trying to figure out how to keep his bills paid while he was incapacitated. Thankfully he’s recovered and gaining strength to go home. A huge hurdle is getting him to take better care of his health, he’s also a smoker and that and alcohol has been the cause behind his ailing health. This is definitely something we need to work on as well. I’m sorry for you loss and thank you for sharing ❤makes me feel less alone.
I'm sorry for your loss. I went through something extremely similar with my own father, who had been terminally ill for many years (though not with a "traditional" terminal illness, rather a wide list of rarer conditions so it wasn't such a cut-and-paste life expectancy). When he passed away, he left no will or funeral arrangements. I was next of kin and executor of the estate at 19 and truly having to organise these factors has such a big influence on the ability to grieve and process loss. All of your feelings are so valid in regards to feeling irritated by the lack of organisation. I think, for those that perhaps know their time on this earth is more limited than the rest of us, they turn more into living in the "now" and trying not to think about their mortality. I felt so frustrated with my own dad for not getting his estate and will organised, especially since he would've known I would have to deal with it, but ultimately knowing you're going to die young isn't something I can relate to so it's difficult to know how I would react or behave if I were in his position. Take care ❤
My condolences for your loss. I have had "make a trust" on my to-do list for several years and somehow just keep putting it off. I'm only 59 and in good health but I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, you don't always know when the end is coming. I've had the discussion with my niece (who will be my executor/trustee/heir) but I just don't have the legal papers drawn up and this video is a good motivator to me to stop procrastinating that. When my mom died she did have all the things: trust, will, durable POA, how she wanted her body handled, etc. And even WITH all of that it still took me so much time and so many phone calls and notarized copies of this or that before I was completely done settling her estate. Both my parents smoked for most of their lives too and both lived to their 80's but both eventually died from COPD and related pneumonia, etc. People might think "well 88 is a long life so why bother quitting?" but it wasn't great quality of life. The last 20 years especially was not good. Just living a long time is not the only goal.
Watched and helped a family member deal with having to go through a very similar situation with their parent and I felt so bad for them. It really is important even if someone thinks it’s obvious who anything they leave would go to - everyone should make a will if they can even if they are young.
"I want her to be able to grieve in a normal, healthy way."
You're already a great mom ❤
My partner’s mother passed suddenly and didn’t leave a will. It has been a nightmare. This is so helpful, you have no idea how helpful this is for those who have to deal with this!!!
I’m sorry for your loss. My Daddy didn’t leave a Will either. In fact, he cancelled his small life insurance policy 2 months before he died to save money (he was on a fixed income). He’s been gone 12 years and I still grieve him. You never really get over losing a parent. To add to the drama, my siblings did nothing to help pay for funeral and burial services. They assumed since I was the oldest it was my responsibility.
I am so sorry this was your reality. Sending you a lot of love and compassion ❤️
The channel Ask A Mortician has some older videos talking about what happens when a loved one dies, how to talk with your loved ones about planning for their deaths, legal stuff, the whole thing! She presents it in an open and friendly manner. It is very useful information!
I lost my boyfriend very suddenly almost 5.5yrs ago. He had a will but it was not notarized so it wasn’t legal in our state of NC. He wanted the cars, the house & everything left to me. Unfortunately, the family was allowed to have all of it & I only received my portion of the life insurance policy that he had. I lost my house, the car, basically everything. I had to move out in less than 2 weeks after his funeral so I wasn’t able to properly grieve for at least a month. It has been the hardest thing in my life to go through & I learned from that process to have my affairs in order just in case something happened to me. I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this. I never had to deal with the legal side of this but I can imagine how hard that must be.
😢 his family sounds so heartless. to not care about what your child actually wanted is so cold
I'm so sorry for all you had to go through but I'm glad you are here today and got through it!
I'm so sorry, no one should have to go through that! *Hugs* to you ❤️
That is such a horrendous thing to go through! ❤
that is incredibly unfair and I'm so sorry that happened to you. Just reading your comment made me so angry on your behalf.
I have been a proponent for normalizing "death talk" since I started watching Ask A Mortician years ago. Thank you for being so open and honest, Sarah ❤ This kind of discussion is so needed, everywhere. Sending love from Sweden.
I've had the same experience, her channel is really helpful! I wonder if people fear that talking more about death would lessen the seriousness that it has, but for me it has done the opposite. I feel like I'm more aware of all the things that happen to me and my loved ones eventually.
Her channel is a gift to us all, I swear. Those older videos are so helpful!
You had no obligation to pay those overdue bills if you weren't married to him, also you weren't the executor either.
My mother died suddenly at age 55. She had reviewed her will a week before. I'm turning 39 next week. I have had a will since in my 20's becuase of this. You can die at any time. As soon as you have capital whatever that is, make a will. Its not hard. Don't leave your family with more stress.
Condolences to you and your family. I am literally in the same boat, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at 49. His girlfriend has refused to give me, his only child, any of his property, money, or documents. It's been hell ever since.
I am unable to watch most of this video as it's a difficult topic for me still but I just wanted to say, you aren't alone. We aren't alone. It sucks how often this happens.
im so sorry to hear this and sorry for your loss... how is this possible if she was only a girlfriend? the whole process is inhumane...
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry the gf is making you go thru hurdles legally she shouldn’t have rights smh
@@pamelaaranzazu Thank you. She has 0 legal rights but they were living together. I don't have enough money to legally fight her so we've been getting everything in place so she can't continue to deny us everything.
@@msmuniz23 Thank you friend ❤️
A similar thing happened to me. My dad got married 3 months before he died and so his previous will become null and void and she inherited everything.
My father passed last September without a will. Thankfully my mother and siblings have a very good relationship and we were all able to negotiate the details amicably.
feel ya
wake me up when september ends 🙏
I work at a bank and it’s always so heartbreaking when family members don’t have a will or even beneficiaries on their accounts. It’s so much extra work for the surviving family during that time. The amount of people I have had to turn away while they’re borderline in tears and stressed out it’s so sad 😩 very important to set this stuff up no matter how much money or assets you have!
grief is a crazy thing. i still feel like i haven't fully grieved because he had alzheimer's and i already grieved so much and it felt like he was already gone. sending love to you and your family ❤️
and i hate getting sympathy too! i'm so glad someone else feels that way because i thought i was soulless 😭
Just wow. In my country, Poland, when somebody dies and there is just one kid, the kid gets everything and the whole process takes maybe a day - you collect the documents (just a few pieces of paper) and go to a lawyer, pay AT MOST $1000 and that’s it. When there are two kids, or three or whatever, and no will - everything is divided equally. When a spouse dies, the husband or wife gets everything. Unless there is someone unhappy who wants to go to court, it takes a few hours and not that much money.
I’m sorry for your loss and also for all the issues you have to deal with.
The worst part of having this information published in the newspaper is the uptick in calls trying to prey on you by "assisting" with the property sale. As the estate administrator, your information is out there for anyone to see. Businesses try to scare you into working with them or try to go around the probate process or offer a shortcut. Just need to redirect them to your lawyer and they shut right up. Definitely affected how I viewed the people around me in such a dark time, though. My mother died before she could finish setting up her trust, but she had some other things secured and that was a life saver. Now the trouble is getting my dad to finalize his own will or trust. He saw the drama it caused the family to not have one and it still feels like herding cats with him. Best of luck to you on this. It's rough but you'll get through it.
I have lost both my parents they weren't old and it was a shock for both losses. I implore people to write wills, and keep them up to date. Both my parents had wills. My mum died in march 2021 and we are still waiting for probate, I'm in the UK and everything is taking much longer because of COVID, is HMRC (tax department) that is holding it up because they have such a huge back log, it will take 6 more months. Normally it would take a few months. Grief is the hardest and most bizarre thing, it does change you but you can get through it. Write wills people!
Amen to what you said about smoking. I was 8 when my mom got lung cancer and that was it for me. Watching some of siblings or my friends pick up the habit as we were growing up angered me so much and I’ll never understand why or how with all the information we have available to us, someone would decide to smoke nowadays. So frustrating.
*internet hug* to you for going through all of this! It’s definitely inspired me to look into life insurance, wills etc and get my siblings and family members on board too.
I have two parents that are in poor health due to chain smoking for 50+ years and refuse to make a will. Seeing this video is very helpful for what I’m sure is waiting for me in the future. I’d definitely like to see more of this process and I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of this. You’ve had so much happen in such a short amount of time and I hope things settle down for you. 💕
My father was near penniless but he left me with inheritance legal troubles since he had tons of debt pretty much everywhere. I found out last minute since no one had told me. Some people just don't care enough about you to make your life a little easier before they're gone...
I am so sorry for your loss. I really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty 🩷
I’m a probate paralegal; every state has different laws regarding probate and trusts and estate taxes. Probate takes forever and is such a frustrating process. I wish this kind of stuff was more common knowledge because it’s so heartbreaking how much stress families have to deal with on top of grieving.
I also believed our society shy away from discussing death, dying, and plans. There's lack of educational resources and the laws are different in each state (USA). Honestly, I feel like there should be a required class/course in high school explaining the process of death, and the legal process afterwards. I'm very sorry for your loss
My mom died (unexpectedly) without a will and in a tremendous amount of debt. I was living in her house (I'm disabled and always lived with her) and the HOA began eviction proceedings against me because I was unable to pay the monthly HOA fee.
I'm an only child and she was always single. I had no other family. I was able to secure low income housing for myself and moved across state with just a few belongings and our two cats. I just left the whole mess of her falling apart house and piles of debt behind me and I'm honestly really glad I did that.
I definitely relate on the cigarette/smoking topic. My mom smoked 2 packs a day for over 50 years and died at 68 due to complications of COPD, congestive heart failure, and type 2 diabetes. An absolutely lethal combination.
My dad died suddenly in 2019 (car accident) and he did not have a will. I was the executor of his estate. It was really hard and took the better part of a year to deal with everything. He was my best friend so I was having a very hard time grieving. Thank goodness my husband was there to help me. He actually handled a lot of it for me, especially in the beginning.
My father in law passed in November, and we thought everything was prepared but it wasn’t. I definitely get what you mean about it taking away from grieving, I didn’t realize how much paperwork and bureaucracy is involved in someone’s passing. It made me realize I needed to talk to my own parents about preparations that should be made, but my dad refuses to talk about it. It’s difficult because same as you expressed, he’s very responsible, but he just can’t think/talk about the idea of his own death.
My best friends dad passed away suddenly with a will and it was still incredibly complicated to deal with his assets. He had just leased a car and they call the company to let them know and they basically said well we have a contract so we can’t break that. They were like “He’s dead!” And the company was like “ok and…?”
My condolences for your dads passing, I lost my Father in law and my grandma within 8 months of each other this past year and grief is crazy and hard.
My condolences on your dad passing. I went through similar issues with my uncle who passed away last January. He wasn’t married and had no children and also no will, so my mom and I are still going threw probate a year later. This video was great
I'm so sorry for your loss, Sarah. This is such an important topic and it's great that you are talking about it.
In addition to a will, people should also have a letter of intent and POLST for healthcare decisions. I work in healthcare as well as have experienced several deaths of loved ones in a short pwruos of time.
The most amazing and loving thing someone can do is to save their loved ones the stress of bureaucracy and allow them to grieve you. Death is scary, but it is inevitable. Avoiding creating these documents hurts everyone.
Period of time*
Thank you. I can't express how important this video is. Grief is already so messy on it's own
That’s bc it IS heartless to expect someone to shell out a bunch of money to some cooperation that doesn’t need it. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I lost my mom suddenly in 2018. She was my best friend. She had written a will, but it wasn't finalized, so I had to bring 2 people to the court who knew her handwriting, but weren't beneficiaries of the will to verify it was in fact, her will. I totally understand not being able to grieve because you have to do so much after their passing. My mom was also a smoker, and scrubbing the walls of her apartment twice over just sucked so badly. Sending you strength, Sarah. 💙
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability ❤💕
Grief is weird, and you will grieve the loss of different people in your life differently. The first loss I experienced I had a five minute cry, and that was it
I was sad about it and I Still miss them but it didn't hit me the same way as when my grandmother died, I think that was the first time I cried in public and in front of my parents and siblings as an adult it was a very bizarre experience but time makes it easier and some days I'm like wow all this time has passed and she's missed out on so much and that makes me sad. I'm sorry your dad left you in a shit position, Sarah, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Most parents don’t have much to leave. I can’t leave my much . They know it!
Both my parents have passed, most recently my mom. She didn't leave a will and it was such a stressful mess. It took me and my siblings nearly a year to figure everything out. I am thinking of you and I hope you are able to take really gentle care with yourself.
Lost my Dad when i was 15, we were not as close i would like. It took me a lot of time to work through it and learn how to keep going.
I know mom went through a lot trying to get his afairs in order because it was a suicide. I am sorry you had to deal with all this
I work in the funeral/cemetery industry, and the best advice I can give people is to pre-plan it’s so so so so important to not leave the burden of planning and the burden of financial stress while trying to grieve.
I’m sorry this process is so difficult. It’s not fair
Thank you for sharing your experience. My story is extremely similar to yours... California, I'm the only child, my dad was "single" and I was his primary support. He passed away after being in the hospital for about 2 months, and during that time, he refused to create a will. I believe that was because he wasn't ready to admit to himself even, that he was about to die. I admire how responsible you have been going about the process, in your own life. Way to go! However, I am sorry for your loss. It's coming up on 2 years now since I lost my dad... I still have boxes of his stuff in my space and I still cry because I miss him. Hopefully the grief will lessen one day!
I'm sorry for your loss. My mom never left a will. She was extremely stubborn and I loved her very much. It was definitely added stress.
My grandparents passed 6 months apart and they also didn't have a will. I think the part of this video that really got to me was when you talked about how this process muddies your grief. The amount of things my parents had to do afterwards was insane. It's a nightmare and it absolutely sucks you have to go through all of this.
My condolences..and I’m
So sorry that you have to go through all the headache of no will.
We did everything to the books & it was still a 2 year process. We had a will, life insurance, everything. Grieving was so painful & drawn out, even with everything done.
This video is a good reminder. We brought our house 3 years ago and I've been meaning to make a will ever since. Now I've got a 7 month old and had been thinking about needing to get one done because she's going to be an only child, and accidents happen and I don't want her to go through this. My in-laws don't have wills as far as I'm aware and good go at any point, my husband is an only child and I'm not looking forward to that process. He's an only child too.
My dad also passed earlier this year without a will. A lot of bills you shouldn't have to pay because the estate wasn't outright left to you. You could technically argue some of them or if you give them a hard time they will give in sadly. But also yes I advocate for everyone having a simple will even if you're young, it just makes whoever is going to take care of what you leave behind have time to grieve and process. I hope you're healing and taking time for yourself in any way you can!
You can't take the assets without paying the debt, typically
My condoleances. I lost my dad last May. He had only debt, so my brother and I had no other option than to reject the whole thing. It meant we had no rights to anything and lost anything personal like pictures and videotapes from our childhood too. It was a choice, but also there kind of was no other option for us, knowing we otherwise would get into huge debt, but not knowing how much exactly, because we couldn't access any bank accounts, email accounts, couldn't get into phone or computer. It is a nightmare. Now all of our pictures are ending up at a dump, and we can't do anything about it. It absolutely destroys the grieving process.
The thing you have with (against) cigarettes, I have with alcohol. For kind of the same reasons...
im sorry for your loss and for everything you are having to go trough because of the will❤
My parents don't have anything to their name so i guess i don't have to worry about this. i just hope i don't have to pay the bills they leave behing after they pass
Hoping this ordeal will be over as soon as possible and you can grieve in peace ❤️💔❤️
“Anti-human” is the perfect term. This is such an obscene system we live inside. Peace and light. We’ll make it through ✨❤️
Grief is never something that’s easy to go through, let alone when there are these types of layers to the situation. The way you are able to keep your composure and even makes this video just shows that you are insanely strong. It’s been a bit since my last loss and this video brought out some emotions that I think I really needed to unbox, and for that I have to thank you for sharing your story. May your healing journey be as peaceful as you deserve it to be, we all are here and happy to support in any way possible❤
You are incredibly strong. As somebody who has been with you for the past 10 years, these past two have been pretty rough on you, and somehow, you are still standing. Much love, Sarah. X
I’m so sorry. My dad didn’t leave a will either. Thankfully my parents live in NYS so, I guess with the way the law works, it wasn’t too hard to switch everything over to my mom’s name and such. My dad never wanted to think about his death or confront that. So he never had a will! I’ve been trying to push my mom to make one. Losing a parent is so strange. It literally changed me as a person. I’m sending you all the love.❤
Sarah, I'm going through this exact thing right now, and the complicated feelings of parental loss alongside the stress of estate execution when there's no will or trust is the worst feeling I've ever experienced. I hope time has been kind and you've been able to work through the stress and grief.
My dad died on New Years Day and it made this year so challenging. We hired a fiduciary to help manage his estate, and last week we found out that there would be nothing left over for his children, even though we were named first in his will. I feel guilty that I’m disappointed, as if money would be some sort of consolation prize. All this to say that I understand your feelings of complicated grief. I hate feeling like I don’t get to experience “normal” grief like losing someone you had a healthy relationship with. Thank you for sharing. ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this. People just don’t talk about these things and it’s so incredibly important for people to have these uncomfortable conversations. Your vulnerability is so appreciated, not just regarding the issue of the will, but sharing your overall journey with grief as well. I don’t know anyone else my age who has also lost a parent and it’s so helpful to feel like I’m not alone in these feelings.
Sorry for your loss ♥️ my dad died in April as well. He was homeless, so no assets to deal with, but having the entirety of planning/logistics (his homelessness has been making it especially complicated) put on me without knowing his wishes was so hard.
And your complex feelings with grief are so relatable to me as well.
It sucks!!! Grieving has been so difficult with all the logistics and capitalism on top of it!!!! Agghh
I just have to say, not that it matters, you can compose yourself however you choose on any video you upload but you were so well put together. So eager to explain and share and on something so vulnerable in such a helpful way. I sincerely appreciate you opening up on this topic and the way it affected your grief process too but you’re right it’s not something people want to think about. Anyway so grateful you shared about something so difficult I sincerely appreciate all your videos. ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience. My late husband died ten years ago and never left any will. I was lucky that he did have some kind of life insurance through his work that barely covered the costs of the funeral. It was not my first loss, but the first loss of someone I loved and who I was close with. It was hard to grieve his loss because he died from drinking too much. He was emotionally abusive and we went through a lot of ups and downs in our marriage. I did meet someone new a few years later. My boyfriend’s dad recently passed away over a year ago. He did write a will and signed it a few months before he passed. He just didn’t file it or do anything with it. Because of this, what he had intended to leave to his 2 sons (my BF and his brother) his estranged wife came and took it all. She even had the police come to his house and make my BF leave as he was sorting out his dad’s stuff because he was trespassing. This was my BF’s stepmom and she lived a few states away. They couldn’t afford to get divorced so they just stayed married and lived separately. (We are in CA). A lawyer to clear all of this mess up wanted like 5k upfront and neither one of his kids had that kind of money. So she sold the house, took all of his things and gave it to goodwill or what ever and maybe even dumped some. BF was able to grab a couple of photos of him and his dad and that was it. It took away from him being able to properly grieve his dad. It was awful. We don’t like to talk about it, but death is apart of life.
my mom has smoked cigarettes her entire life basically and still does, and it's just so frustrating as their child to watch them do something that will kill them. especially as a parent now myself, I just can't understand it
Man, this seems so bloody stressful. I don't talk to my dad and I often think about his passing as if I'm trying to prepare myself. I don't believe there is something to inherit from him. He has sold all his real estate and blew all the money due to his gambling addiction. He does have 2 other kids, from a previous marriage, so If he does own something, I don't even know, how we're going to go about it. such a mess
I don't know what it's like in your country, but at least where I'm from, you can inherit debt... which sounds like it could become a legit issue in your case 🥺
I feel a little relieved that I’m not the only one going through this experience. It’s been very difficult going through this process and grieving simultaneously. Thank you for making this video and sharing your experience.
Thank you for articulating this. It’s so important
Sending you love and healing.
sorry for your loss
My Dad was a smoker too. He has quit for MANY years. I have a resentment against cigarettes and vapes because of those memories of walking in as a kid to my parent's bedroom and smelling the foul smell of cigarette smoke from my Dad. Vapes are just as bad too and I hate that there's so much misinformation being spread around about vaping as well. Like, I can understand that people smoke or vape for anxiety reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that smoking and vaping too much can lead to so many terrible health issues when you get older. I try not to judge, but I cannot stand it when people smoke or vape. Even if they do it right in front of my face
the irony is that it makes your mental health worse.
@@spacebar9733 Exactly! And they don't realize how it can take a toll on not only your mental health, but the brain too. The hard part is that we can't push them to quit! They need to hit a bottom in order to take the steps of sobriety
@@rebeccassweetmusic4632 my dad had two heart attacks before he finally stopped smoking cigarettes, and he already had a heart transplant before that. I think he still smokes weed though, I'm not sure.
@@spacebar9733 My dad smokes weed too
@@rebeccassweetmusic4632 we gotta try moving them to edibles...
Sending you so much sympathy and compassion in this time.
My condolences 😢. I want all the best for you and your family.
My mom/best friend died March 14th this year from brain cancer. I totally understand what you're going through. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for making this video, I’m sure it will be helpful to many people, and definitely sparked some important thoughts. Sending love as you go through the journey of grief ❤
This is such an important topic to discuss. My divorced parents do both have a will and I think it is b/c they were in your shoes at one point. They have both also been decluttering for the same reason. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss.
So much love to you going through all of this❤ its HARD. I practically bullied my dad into signing his will when he was in the hospital suddenly for a second time in a month(" I'll get it signed when im discharged"). Lawyers came to the hospital, I was very thankful. And thank you for talking about this process!
I lost my dad in February and I'd also suggest to everyone to look into living wills as well. My dad had alzheimer's and so was unable to make his own decisions about his healthcare, which ultimately led to fallouts in the family. Even though he had voiced his wishes before, they weren't written down and were challenged. It is an incredibly hard, emotionally charged time and the less decisions you have to place on your loved ones, the better. He was incredibly thorough with his will and even aspects of his living will, but none of us expected something like dementia. We've all since written up our own wills and end of life wishes so that no one feels burdened or blamed for decisions made. Just some thoughts for those looking for advice. Sorry for your loss, Sarah, and thank you for sharing this!
As a long term care nurse, this sentiment is important. I've seen people fight their families against their loved ones wishes, make last minute decisions that went against what their loved one wanted, ect when they are sick or dying. It's so important to write your wishes down to ensure they are granted when you are unable to advocate for yourself.
My mom definitely felt that, "lesson learned the hard way" when my grandma died and we realized her will wasn't signed by her, so it didn't matter what was on it. It made things so complicated. Sorry you had to deal with that stress on top of your grief.
i’m sorry you have to go through all this stress sadness and hardship 😢 i really hope your mom and step dad can follow through
I'm sorry for your loss, Sarah. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 10, and while I was far too young to deal with any legalities of it, it's something that affects you for the rest of your life in expected, and unexpected ways.
I’m so sorry about your dad Sarah. I’m sending you hugs❤
My mom passed in December and left nothing. I'm adopted. When I tell you it has been a *nightmare*. Trying to find my own 29 year old adoption papers to prove I'm her next of kin. I'm with you. Grieving is impossible when you spend all of that energy angry at the fact that you can't even let them fully go.
I say all of that to say I see you. I hear you. I appreciated this video so much.
My dad died a little over a month ago in a freak accident. I found him. I'm sorry for your loss. One of the hardest things I've ever been through.
My dad almost died in 2021. I completely understand that feeling of not knowing how to grieve when you have a complicated relationship with someone. My dad made a miraculous recovery, but my feelings were so complicated leading up to his sudden recovery. It’s also so difficult to put words to because if you don’t have that kind of relationship with a parent, it’s completely foreign and people can be so judgmental when they don’t understand. All of that to say: I hear you, I feel you! Thank you for this video, I doubt my dad will have a will when he does eventually pass.
So sorry for your loss. I just recently lost my Grandpa and luckily my dad made him create a will and got everything squared away before his passing (quite literally a few days before). I feel the same way about my Grandpa, I wasn't very close with him and have mixed feelings so I feel in the same boat of being numb. It kind of makes me feel guilty but I am not going to force feelings onto myself or expectations to feel a certain way when it's not the reality
This was fascinating! Please keep sharing about the process. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this on top of your dad’s passing.
I was the same with the cigarettes with my parents. I actually got them to quit because I’d yell at them all the time and tell them they wouldn’t live to see their grandkids.
From what I've heard a lot of bills are not your responsibility esp. if your name wasn't on it.
I lost my dad in February and he also didn't have a will. I'm also an only child and feel all of this so much. It's been such a wild ride. My heart goes out to you. The grief comes in waves for sure.
I’m so sorry for your loss and that you have to trudge through this legal and financial nightmare. I know you will help a lot of people with this video
My father had terminal cancer and did have a will but it was still a total nightmare (a business, and lots of properties, resided in two states, and three children to divide it all up with plus a separate estate) and my aunt found out after he died that she was the executrix and he hadn't discussed it with her at all. This was almost 10 years ago and I don't think she was ever able to grieve and is still probably angry about it. I told all my friends with children (especially young children) to make sure to make sure they have everything all sorted out even if it makes them uncomfortable to deal with.
My condolences 💐 🖤
This video is so helpful. Thanks for sharing with us.
I'm not from the US and i haven't lost anyone THAT close to me, but this video was still very informative and interesting. I LOVE when people talk about death and what follows someone's passing, because it's so important and the fact that our "culture" is so against openly talking about death just makes it all the more depressing. Ask a mortician was a big eye opener for me tbh. My mom is a hoarder and i am so not looking forward to having to deal with that. I'd never thought about it that way before seeing Ask a mortician's video about it🙃 So yeah, i thank you so much for talking about this and I hope your grieving process will get easier and the legal shit gets done asap😅❤ We love and appreciate you🥰 No h8 pls
I lost my dad in January of 2020. He had been battling stage 4 cancer for almost 4 years, and ultimately decided to quit chemo about a year before he passed. He knew that he was going to pass eventually but he also did not leave a will. Thankfully it wasn’t a process to go through and I was able to get everything sorted easily. But I do agree that it is so hard for people to face their own mortality. Knowing you’re going to die soon must be so painful to accept and I think it makes it hard to want to set things up for your family for after you’re gone. After watching your video I am making a mental note to make a quick little will so that my children will be able to grieve me properly without the legal aspects getting in the way when my time comes. So sorry you’re going through this
Reeeally appreciate you sharing this with us and would be interested in hearing more about your journey through the process down the line as well. My heart goes out to you 🖤
Girl, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m a Personal Rep as well, no will and with me being Indigenous/Tribal Court law, it’s been a trip. Took three years just to get out of the ‘first’ probate session, next is state and federal. If you have any questions, or wanna vent, hit me up ❤ that feeling of wanting to grieve and having to choose your lost one’s hair style for the funeral is such a mind fuck. been through it all and more. I wish you the best of luck, but if you can’t find, it I’m here !
hey Sarah, I’m 23 and my grandfather whom I was close to passed away last year from hospital complications following a routine surgery. My grandmother has had to bear the brunt of the issues-I believe he left a will and definitely had insurance but because he passed from *alleged* (just in case bc it’s not confirmed but you know) hospital negligence it’s made getting a proper death certificate to figure out the things he left very hard for my grandmother.
The whole system around death is so frustrating and a nightmare. My grandfather did everything right and ultimately died from eyebrow-raising circumstances out of his control, and because of that my grandma has to deal with the fallout. I hope you can get your chance to truly grieve, this isn’t the first close death in my life but it is the first where I’m cognizant of all the fallout. Whole thing sucks and really is anti-human
Between me and my significant other we’ve lost a great aunt, dad, grandfather and mother to smoking-three of them died because of lung cancer and my dad to copd. Sending hugs up for you. We are going through a similar experience with his moms passing and estate. Thanks for sharing.
My daddy passed away last month and didn’t leave a will either. It has been a complete mess for my mum, my brother and I. My parents used to argue about my dad creating a will all the time but he didn’t want to do it. Now my childhood home that my brother and I grew up in will be divided 8 ways because of all of my half siblings in the US even though they’ve never even seen the house in person. My half siblings also couldn’t be bothered flying over to attend my dad’s funeral. They were going to try and arrange a funeral for him in the states because of the possibility that VA will pay for it because of my dad being a veteran, but VA won’t pay for it because he wasn’t in the service for long enough so now none of my half siblings are going to arrange a funeral because they’re not willing to pay for it. I am so angry and sad about the loss of my dad because so many of these things could’ve been prevented. I don’t think I will truly get over this experience.
It's about the same here in Kentucky, my mother in law passed in April as well and my husband and his sisters are dealing with all of this too. I'm so sorry for your loss and it may take a little while but you being proactive helps a lot. I lost my dad 19 years ago and he didn't own or have his name on any bills, because he was ill, so it made it much easier on my mom.
I am going through exactly the same thing as you. My dad suddenly passed away, 2 years ago and did not leave a will or anything to me and my brother. Our life has been very hard and difficult, especially financially. But the family division and greediness is surreal. I've never experienced my own family to turn back on me so quickly and take everything, not caring who's whats. I didn't finish the vid yet, but I hope everything goes well and prayers for both you and your family. Everything will be sort out and just know support is there for you
Bless you and your Aunty. I’m so glad she is helping you as much as she is able. Thinking of you and wishing you a quick settlement and I hope you find wonderful memories that you can keep ❤️
My father was just hospitalized for two weeks, on a ventilator, and my siblings and I thought this was it, and he hadn’t made a will, no advanced directive or anything. Just vague things he’s said about who would get what. We were scrambling trying to figure out how to keep his bills paid while he was incapacitated. Thankfully he’s recovered and gaining strength to go home. A huge hurdle is getting him to take better care of his health, he’s also a smoker and that and alcohol has been the cause behind his ailing health. This is definitely something we need to work on as well. I’m sorry for you loss and thank you for sharing ❤makes me feel less alone.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I went through something extremely similar with my own father, who had been terminally ill for many years (though not with a "traditional" terminal illness, rather a wide list of rarer conditions so it wasn't such a cut-and-paste life expectancy). When he passed away, he left no will or funeral arrangements. I was next of kin and executor of the estate at 19 and truly having to organise these factors has such a big influence on the ability to grieve and process loss.
All of your feelings are so valid in regards to feeling irritated by the lack of organisation. I think, for those that perhaps know their time on this earth is more limited than the rest of us, they turn more into living in the "now" and trying not to think about their mortality. I felt so frustrated with my own dad for not getting his estate and will organised, especially since he would've known I would have to deal with it, but ultimately knowing you're going to die young isn't something I can relate to so it's difficult to know how I would react or behave if I were in his position.
Take care ❤
Thank you for being so open, it was beautiful and well done
Thank you for sharing the real details of this process.
My condolences for your loss. I have had "make a trust" on my to-do list for several years and somehow just keep putting it off. I'm only 59 and in good health but I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, you don't always know when the end is coming. I've had the discussion with my niece (who will be my executor/trustee/heir) but I just don't have the legal papers drawn up and this video is a good motivator to me to stop procrastinating that. When my mom died she did have all the things: trust, will, durable POA, how she wanted her body handled, etc. And even WITH all of that it still took me so much time and so many phone calls and notarized copies of this or that before I was completely done settling her estate. Both my parents smoked for most of their lives too and both lived to their 80's but both eventually died from COPD and related pneumonia, etc. People might think "well 88 is a long life so why bother quitting?" but it wasn't great quality of life. The last 20 years especially was not good. Just living a long time is not the only goal.
Watched and helped a family member deal with having to go through a very similar situation with their parent and I felt so bad for them. It really is important even if someone thinks it’s obvious who anything they leave would go to - everyone should make a will if they can even if they are young.