Ep. 118 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
Вставка
- Опубліковано 7 жов 2024
- SPONSORS:
Go to Saatva.com/The... to get $200 off ANY mattress of your choice.
Go to LIQUIDIV.COM and use code CAVE at checkout to get 25% off ANYTHING you order!
Go to MeUndies.com/B... to get 25% off Matching Pairs, 15% off your first order, free shipping, and a 100% satisfaction guarantee.
It's another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer and Bert thinks he's finally going to move to Austin! Will Enny and Nadav move in with him? Then, the bears decide to completely change and rebuild Nadav. Is he up for the challenge? Tom shares how he got into doing standup comedy and Bert reveals he doesn't listen when people answer his questions.
tomsegura.com/...
christinaponli...
store.ymhstudi...
/ yourmomshousepodcast
The fact that a warning is now provided when Bert gives health advice is an amazing development. Can we also get a timer/warning for when Bert rants uninterrupted for more than 5 minutes?
There should absolutely be a “time of possession” stat like the NFL has. I’d put the o/u of Tom talking at 12.5 minutes
Ok, I will give you one...the entire episode
Berts weight loss advice is like Rogans vaccine advice
Thank Rogan for that
Have his portion of add revenue go to the guys if he cant inturrupt people for 3 mins
I could picture it, Nadav shredded at 200 while Bart is 300+lbs rolling around on a motor scooter at the compound 🤣🤣🤣
I just wanna replace Bart with the orangutan on the golf cart…
Lmmfao!!
For $1M Nadav should get lap-band and have both his legs amputated. Voila, 70lbs down in a weekend and $1M up.
fkn loser way of thinking
I like how bert backed out of paying a large sum of money, and now he's chipping in only $10 and off-loading it on us
Right🤦♂️🙄👎
Yeah if I’m spending 10 bucks I’m getting merch
When his good plan involves his effort he starts to think its not so good an idea
Yeah I want nothing too do with this challenge.
Are you new to this? I love both of these guys but they will only do this if they MAKE MONEY especially Tom.
I love when Bruce Crispler, after aggressively throwing out a weight loss contest for someone else, leans back in his chair at 29:24 in complete satisfaction with himself and his gut just rolls out of his shirt. It's perfect
"Bert is not a medical professional" The man went to FSU for 7 years... I'm pretty sure he knows what he's talking about
Spent seven years trying to get an associate's degree. Admirable
ua-cam.com/video/UOsQ2epsI2M/v-deo.html 😂 😂
I don’t listen to people who graduated from Florida State in general.
Morons defend one another.
"How are you not doing this? Just smoke meth!" Better medical advice than Dr. Drew after Dark
And would definately be effective lol. Wouldnt even have to smoke it everyday & it'd still work. Nadav would proably enjoy the roller coaster on it while smoking weed too
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
A million dollars says Blurt forgets about the whole thing by tomorrow.
This episode was banked from back in December it looks like so he probably already has
One Hunnnndred Percent forgotten.
"Who? ME?? I didnt say that. Nope, dont remember that." - Bart's unintentional gaslighting due to his alcoholic brain and undiagnosed ADHD
Common side effect of alcoholism.
Haha ,Blurt . That’s hilarious mate .
I love how 80% of 2B1C is just Bert spitballing long-term multi-million dollar ideas on the spot.
The amazing thing is how fucking crazy they sound and how often they work out.
Been loving the podcast ever since he started
@@guywithalltheanswers6942 wait, what!?!?!
@@noonerelevant2583 I'm just surprised that anything Bart has done has worked! 😕
“We love the same types of beers. We love hotdogs.”
The basis of every male friendship.
I love that this was his logic for why he should buy a second house
Nadav gonna be slangin that freckled schmeckle at that wedding
Native should start his own UA-cam channel documenting the progress and showing some behind the scenes with Bart and Tim. That way he can build his own audience and promote the live show at the same time.
He would also gain funds through views
Not happening gang it’s been 2 months and he has 0 progress
Who is native im confused
@@MAKER-o6f Native is Nadav. Bert called him that on accident recently lmao
@@sourdonkeyjuice oh haahhaa
Imagine bert challenging someone to a weight loss and not including himself.
Nah. He’s come out as fat. It’s okay.
Brett at 28 looked at himself and said I’m really fat and look at him now what an inspiration.
LMAO. This is some of the funniest shit I've seen today. Nice observation.
"Go to the darkness, and you will succeed."
Bert has lost his mind 🤣
Whoever was adding the warnings throughout this episode deserves a raise and needs to do this shit more often!
Podcast starts with Bert saying how out of touch financially they are.. then asks for $10 from the people who have car payments 😂😂😂😂
I loved how Bart said, "Everyone can afford $10." Meanwhile, I'm at work calculating how to make $50 feed me all week and fill up my gas tank 🤣
Everyone should be able to afford $10, why are Americans so poor?
@@Doofythewise Just speaking facts bro... 3rd world country wrapped in a fake gucci belt 😂
@@frecklefart909 Because the American people have been robbed by our own government periodically in boom-and-bust cycles for the last 30 years, and we're never getting that money back. Plus, almost every aspect of society is monetized so our corporate overlords can take every last penny from every last pocket. Every price is carefully calculated to be just barely affordable to the most amount of people. The goal is that one day, we Americans will own nothing, and rent everything. The common people will simply be a method of generating economic activity for our oligarchs.
@@frecklefart909 they are lazy unmotivated and also greedy and jealous so yeah plenty of them don’t have shit and just whine like these fellows
This episode is just pure chaos from Bert trying to project the life he wanted to have onto Vadov!
Native has a pageantry dad 😔
@@captainvimes6079 😂😂😂
The transition of water on Tom's side to beer on Bert's side is classic 2 Bears.
Very typical of the water champ he just can't seem to put the water down
Tom likes to appear to be the hard ass of YMH more so on “Your Mom’s House” but he truly does care about his staff and us fat poors. Man definitely inherited Top Dogs heart of Gold!
Nadav's face when the woman on the phone is explaining how hard he'll have to workout tells the whole story
I've done 40lbs in 2months starting right around his same weight. When you're fat the weight falls off a lot easier. I just worked out 2x a day only lifting didn't even incorporate cardio. Hardest part is the cravings but if I was being offered that kind of cash at the time I probably would have lost 60.
I was only 19 at the time though, not sure how old Nadav is. I'm guessing mid 30s so that would be a factor.
Sounds like a good plan Bart, nothing bad has ever happened to a compound in Texas
WhAt COmpound
@@frloopr look up "Waco, TX cult compound" its actually an insane story. Look it up but it goes like this, a guy accumulates a cult and they all get together and buy a compound. They armed the fuck out of themselves and they told the government to fuck off. It's gets super murky after that. The government gets pissed and send literally tanks into the compound. They really fucked up part is everyone got killed. The cult leaders, their wife's, and even children were all got.
@@frloopr there isn't a compound and the federal government has nothing to do with it.
😂🤣
Waco was 25 years ago, under a democrat governor. All you need to do today is put up a "We vote republican!" sign outside and they will let you do whatever the fuck you want:. shoot machineguns, smoke DMT, run donkey shows, livestream yourself eating your own feces... the sky's the limit! But you HAVE TO BE WHITE. So Enny is sadly out :(
Bert: *dramatically looks into the void*
“I live in dreams”
At the end of filming every episode Burp takes off his headphones and says "I won again. You barely said anything."
😂
Burp. I like this one more than burnt
When Bert started to talk about getting a compound, I started to think about the Waco incident. 🤣
E: Enny, Nadev on meth, one horse and tons of guns.
Starting a meth addiction would be worth a couple hundred thousand dollars😂😂
*Tom having legitimate health concerns for Nadav’s weight loss challege*
Bert: Stop with negativity, negativity, negativity!
😂
I want to see Nadav get absolutely shredded lmao
I’ll throw down on that
You'll see a cold day in hell before that happens
Who's gonna win? Nadav or Tom & Burt
Bert always wins lol
Nadav. #motivationmonday
yall just need to make nadav do power lifting like action bronson for a year and he'll actually keep it off
Native
Show me how them kettle bells fart
Bert: "It's about a lifestyle change!" [Puts bottle of beer to mouth]
How many did they stock pile in a row? I feel like this podcast is a recurring dream at this point.
This is the only time I've been pumped to realize that they've stacked episodes. We're going to see progress soon when we timewarp to the next stack.
Bert is a real yardstick for my mood. When I’m happy I like him, when I’m not he’s intolerable.
I thought it was only me lmao. I'm that way with Tom and Christina too. If Tom gets too psycho or if Christina gets too shrill, I gotta walk away and come back after I've had lunch.
Same, except when he does the squeel laugh where he insists on still screeching his words, then I fluctuate between "this is annoying" and "I want to hold something over your face until no sound comes out".
@@LimorG but sometimes that screech laugh does it for me
Hahahahahahah
@@captainvimes6079 Man I’m not trying to just be a hater but for some reason, I just can’t stand Christina Lol She’s just cringey to me . Almost like she tries too hard to be funny or entertaining
Bert: "Let's do nude pictures where we're docking"
Well that was unexpected
Nadav's reaction to that should be a meme.
knowing Bert that wasn't unexpected at all
Looking forward to this episode of Bert Talks
comedy gold
@@Posixtive so many finger sniffs !
Who the hell is Bert?
@J Radke Oh Brent? He's a cool dude, Bart is just a real laid back dude
Burger has diarrhea of the mouth 💩
Enny's "I WILL NOT" 💀 😂 what a prince
Toms patience with bert is godlike, it takes a special person to be best friends or friends in general with bert
Boys: " guys want anything ?"
Tom: "yeah get me three fijis thanks"
Bert: "hmm...suprise me with a variety of beer"
When Lacey says "There is nothing you can do if someone is eating a bunch of junk or drinking too much" while Bert is chugging his beer is perfect Bert irony!
Perfect comment
And after last week's respite, we're back to Bert leading an aimless discussion in 8 different directions at once
I feel like this entire show is Tom watching a full grown adult go from crazy idea to crazy idea and just Loki egg him on to see how far he can get. Love it!
Bert is like every crazy uncle fused into one human.
I did the math and for nedav to lose 75 pounds in 15 weeks he would need to be in a deficit of 2500 calories a day but according to his tdee his maintenance calories would be 3700 if he worked out heavily every day. So that means he would only be able to eat 1200 calories a day while constantly exercising. Not only is that dangerous, but it would take the iron will and determination of a navy seal to not cheat or just straight up give up.
They should probably add a caveat that amputation is against the rules. One leg probably weighs a lot🤣
Not to mention the kidney and liver damage.
Hm I highly doubt his maintenance is is 3700 calories, more likely 3100 if he has a little activity throughout the day. Now 75 pounds in 15 weeks may seem like alot but he's likely holding 10 pounds alone in water and food wieght in his stomach combed. So that makes it more like 65 pounds to lose. He could probably stick to a 2000 calorie diet with a hour of cardio a day for 14 weeks, then the last week do keto or a wrestling cut diet to lose the last 10 pounds if all that mattered was hitting the number
A million dollars would make any man do anything.
Paddy can do that shit dude.
Being friends with Bert is like being friends with the personification of cocaine.
This one deserves a award, spot on
100%
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂dude I agree. I have adult ADHD and bipolar. I remind myself like Bert.
Not wrong
I love how Tom is essentially damage control for whatever crazy shit bert says
@ 26:46 is a PERFECT example lol. Toms face in that moment captures his vibe of "shut the fuck up Bert you are saying some really fucking stupid shit again!"
Came down to write a comment about this but it fits better as a response to your comment I think lol 😆
You can hear the relief in Tom’s voice when he says “I love you too” at the end 😂
The look of concern on Tom's face as the gravity of the situation settles in his mind is priceless 🤣
Loved Bert giving advice while his belly peeked out the bottom of his shirt. Never change big boy
A house flip project with Leann and Bert would be great. I'd love watching it! Sell it to HGTV.
Bert would just demo by walking through the sheetrock. Give him a case of beer, a burke bar, and 2 hrs, lol
WARNING: Bert is not a medical professional. LOL
I dont believe that, Jaimie pull that up
Bert is modern day Robert Baratheon
“I wish I was fatter and Nadav” needs to be a shirt
I'd pay $10 to watch Tom speak most or all of a podcast while Bert has to listen.
THIS IS GOLD
Lol 😂
Bart trying to stay quiet for an hour would result in an aneurysm. 🙂🙂😐😐😐😕😕🙁☹️😠😡😥😬😬😵💫😳😳🤭🤯💀
I tried to imagine this, but even in my imagination bert interrupts tom
It would be like paying for torturing Bert
Bert will buy a compound with you, start a weight-loss fundraiser for you, make you the main event of a live show, and never once ask for your opinion on the situation.
Why does he need anyone's opinion? Man's on a roll!
@@popedizzled_mywizzle He actually has several rolls!
That's exactly what I was thinking. Like is Nadav actually cool with all this? He was pretty much put on the spot lol.
@@cellblocknine5385 he's dealing with comics. The kind of folks that put everyone on blast. Also is the J the type of person that needs to be forced by others to accomplish something?
@@cellblocknine5385 "Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter - he's doing it. I got $10 in already"
- Bark
It’s amazing how Bort thinks every idea he has is the best one he’s ever had. Really living in the moment.
hes a goldfish
I saw Tommy buns live in Grand Prairie this last week. I was shocked by how big his head is. Not like metaphorically, but like physically. It’s just so girthy. Dude has a monster gourd
Man I feel like Tom is getting exhausted doing these episodes with Bert.. I really hope it doesn't lose the magic, cause I've loved their chemistry ever since the first weight loss challenge before the first sober-Octobert.
Love the warnings letting us know Bert isn't a medical professional, 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Very nice touch
im sure its fall out from Rogan speaking his opinion
44:04 - 44:06 the look of defeated exhaustion on Tom's face is all of us.
I'm Starting to think I just watch this podcast to check in and see if Berts.... OK 🤣😎🤘
The advisory warning before Bart gives Nadav weight loss advice is perfect and hilarious 😂
If Nadav doesn't hit 200lbs, they should donate the money to the Cancer Research Foundation in honor of Top Dog
Or just do this instead. Fuckkkkk crowd sourcing a weight loss
No charity is corrupt
Underrated comment
@@bjppage1186 let's just add a comma and an article to this, because you are literally saying the opposite of what you mean here.
Surely, *some* charities are corrupt (troll face)
@@firstnamelastname9955 no every charity is corrupt
I’ve never understood the sentiment behind the phrase: “cockamamie idea” until listening to Bert when he’s in Dream Mode.
Bart is the DEFINITION of peer pressure. Imagine being in his frat back in the day
There is a reason they made a movie about this guy.
Back in the day? He's still in a frat. And his hazing is to himself by killing his liver
DUDE right?! If he has this kind of party energy at his age.... he must have been absolutely insane in college.
When Bert's voice gets low you know he really enjoys whatever it is
the face that tom had during that 70 pound weight loss fiasco just makes it so much better, his tone of seriousness haha
Bert is good at motivational speaking because his brain is screaming the advice at HIM, but he's just channeling it into Patty.
“Do you wanna see where my brain goes?”
-Barf Krysler who has been talking near uninterrupted for 10 minutes about a weight loss journey that won’t happen for the 20th time in this shows history
Did it end up falling through?
How is Tom not calling Christina when the idea of Nadav loosing 70 pounds in 5 months starts
The best part of my day is bert laughing so hard without any air left in his body, that i just imagine a bunch of seagulls laughing. And it makes it even better.
Waiting for Bert to put just ONE idea in place lol. They’re all so good but never seem to leave this podcast.
Bert, you’ve got 2 kids, you need 2 horses. That way they’re not lonely too
Ya was gonna comment on that - horses are social/herd animals, having just one makes for a sad/grumpy horse.
Came here to say that...hope Bert gets the message!
When Bert said "everything is a negotiation with him" when he was talking about Nadav's height is probably the most underrated joke on this entire podcast.
I’ll counter that with his “I’ll quit white women” to Enny 😩
I thought the same thing 💀💀💀💀
Branst telling anyone that nutrition is the most important thing, is hilarious.
BURT....you may or may not read this but I just started being watching the CABIN...ONE WORD! GENIUS!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!
Bert turned down Joe’s $1 million offer cuz he didn’t want Joe in his head. Then Bert proceeds to force himself into Nadav’s head.
Bert is that friend from college that you had a ton of fun with, but you grow apart from him over the years as you have a family and a career and you mature, and he doesn't change *ANY*
But he has...all those things...while staying himself...
@@hijklemop exactly id like to see some of these whiny bitches earn what he has.
I love that he hasn't lost that whimsical childish sense of wonder
Bert saying he doesn't listen and then having to ask twice about Tom's birth order with sisters is a lot. Tom you're a saint.
God bless Bert for making Tom smile while he's down. Great friend.
What’s going on with Tom?
@@datube5913 his father passed away
@@datube5913 Top Dawg is unfortunately no longer with us
This was filmed at the start of December (They're talking about April being "in 5 months")
This was before Top Dog.
@@VideoNozoki He’s had cancer for two years. Tom talked about how sad his decline was.
I just want to hug Nadav now 🥺
“It’s about a life style change.” *sips beer at 2pm*
Nadav has 4 months to lose 75 pounds and Enny can’t take a shit for 4 months. Make that the challenge
If someone's not hospitalized by thr end of it, I want my money back!
"The Question is, can you get bigger and remain healthy?" Brent- "I think I could." Is the most delusional thing this dude has ever said.
Please continue to insert the warnings into the episodes. It's amazing.
Bert leaning back in his chair with his gut hanging out of the bottom of his shirt, while trying to convince Nadav to loose 75 pounds, is a whole new level of irony.
I like how Bert's advice comes with warnings now. lol.
Has anyone else noticed when Bert gets into his squealing laughing fits, Tom will pretend to sigh like he's been laughing with him the whole time just to get Bert to calm down?
That squealing pisses me off
@@TheSeanpatrickobrien me too I hate it so much
@@LimorG same i always skip it
@@emclovin6962 wait. Why do u guys watch bert? It seems like you guys don't like him
@@hijklemop i enjoy him i just get annoyed with that bit
Burt’s bad ideas stem from being continuously drunk, never coming to fruition when realizing they are bad ideas after waking up and being sober for 5 minutes before he starts drinking again.
I’m 5’-11”, roughly 300 lbs. I’d gladly have a weight loss battle with Nadav. 🤘🏼🤘🏼
Ouch
Same I’m 6’2 275 I’ll do it for a 1/4 of what they want to give him lol and can guarantee I’d hit that goal lol
I'll donate $10 to both of you if you do (I don't use Spotify 😂)
You need to lose weight go see your dr he will help you
Bert asking people to pitch in for something he wants to do😂U PITCH IN
Im a day one fan and me and bert are so similar. We people please differently but just as toxic, and his ideas come from wanting the best of his favorites. He is a big heart with big dreams and goes big to keep the happiness going. This podcast is bert being open and im paying regardless.
Instead of nadav having a chair, he gets a treadmill and has to walk while on the computer
Solid idea. I usually watch this on my stationary bike ;)
This is honestly the best idea. Make him walk on Dr Drew too, to spread the game
If they are doing significant weight loss, that requires diet, nutrition, and huge amount of activity, to ramp the caloric deficit…so walking treadmill while working would accomplish that
There needs to be more shots of Nadav looking expressively into the camera.
Bert giving weight loss advice is like Nikki Glaser giving marriage advice.
Or comedy advice
@@pj1995____ ouch LOL. She's got some great roast jokes.
The way Bert keeps drinking Enny's Beer, you need a Enny beer crowd sourced fund
I love how Brantley keeps adding on new terms and conditions for the arrangement.
Lmao the warning pop ups are absolutely killing me. You need this with everything and anything related to hert Chrysler
I really hope Nadav actually makes it. If it starts to look like hes making progress I will guaranteed pay for that live show.
Aswell
I’m starting to see the booth boys as hostages forced to watch a train wreck
Bert was drunk as hell by the end of this.
Brent blissfully unaware of the financial situation of the average person post Covid is hilarious
Man, Brent is getting harder and harder on the eyes as time passes. Kudos to Tom for being able to be that close to him for extended periods of time.
@@MrSpeedyAce right! Could you imagine his breath blowing in your face for hours on end? Tom is a warrior.
And on the ears with that squealing! I used to really like him to.. I dunno what happened, maybe I just got old and bitter after I turned 30