This is incredible reasoning. I´ve always tried the opposite (reduce my anxiety whenever it came). After watching your videos (especially this one), I started to embrace this anxiety and accept it. It's been very difficult now, but I know I'm in the right path
Hello Rob, I appreciate your work. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences. This was a brilliant video, like many others. Helps a lot. I have a very complicated situation, where I can't see clearly the way out. I currently can't afford one-to-one sessions. I have had a few therapists in my ocd journey. They didn't help at all. The thing that helped me the most was meditation. Some kind of zen meditation. I have/had quite severe contamination ocd. I isolated my self at one point in my life, and unintentionally started living a life like a zen monk. Slowly with a focus on basic activities and work. But after a few years of that, I realised that I was sad and deeply unhappy. I saw, that I needed a change. I realised that ocd is still impacting my life. I opened my self for people again. I had a therapist who suggested/forced me into facing my fears. We talked a lot about STDs, which was my biggest fear. I opened my self to relationship with women. I didn't search for a woman, but she found me. I was glad that I was experiencing emotions again. Although she was quite emotionally abusive, I was glad and happy that I FEEL again. I told her one day, that I have a fear of STDs. She told me that she HAS a few STDs. That was a huge shock for me. I was a few months into relationship. I couldn't leave her for that. So, I tried to grab an opportunity. I tried facing my fears. But she was vulnarable about her STDs. And experienced my ocd as an attack. I was ashamed of my self. And I was trying very hard to accept her stds. Tried touching her and not washing hands etc. Because she was quite old, she wanted to have a first child. Biological clock was almost at the end. I said that I am not ready. But with her abusive behaviour, she convinced me, that I did it. The child was born. I fell in love with the child in the instance. We were living together for one year. My fear of her stds was always in the background. In the years when i was alone, i was never ill. Now, I was getting ill every month. And I was ill for a week or so every time. With a symptoms of cold. I couldn't stand her abusive behaviour any more, and we separated. It is 6 years after that now. I am glad that we are apart. But it is very painful not to be with a child as much as we both want. They moved quite far from me. I can't change that. But the thing I see, I can change, is my OCD. Here is the complicated part which I can't overcome. I can say that it is getting better, but very slowly. And on the expense of me and a child not being together enough. When I am alone, I progress. Because I often see the wider picture. When I come back it is better. When we separated, a few years after that, my mind was really angry with me, for exposing it to so many stds for so many years. It was some sort of ptsd after the exposure. I saw, that she is used to live with illnesses. Her parents are ill a lot. She is ill almost all the time at least in one part of the body if not all. And of course, the child is ill every time I visit him. Usually colds. A fever, hard time breathing, and caughing. This is a huge challenge for my ocd. And i see that i need to be careful and not push my self over the limit. Because my mind can be angry with me again, and it creates so much stress that i am not ablo to function. I need to face the fears slowly. The problems appear, because each time when i am with my child, i get ill as well. If i stay as long as my mind can handle it, i don't get ill. It means 2 to 3 days. If i am longer, i will get ill. And that causes me to stay in bed for 10 to 14 days, which is way to much. I need to go to work, but I can't. I have suspicion, that my fear can cause symptoms of illness. But I never read something like that before. So, I am not sure. And the symptoms are very real. Fever, caughing... So, I am stuck between feelings of guilt for not being enough with my child, missing the child, and on the other hand, being with my child and then facing 2 weeks of illness, which is simply unacceptable. I cannot miss on work so much. Plus the illness always drains my body from energy and I need 2 weeks more to recover from that. My short term solution was to listen to my mind as well as live my life. That meant to stay with my child as much as my mind can handle. But this is not a long term solution, because I would like to spend more time withmy child. Knowing that the reality of illness of the child and ex partner isn't going to change. As well as abusive relationship. I tried that for too many years. What I am asking of you is, if you can give me (in a sentence or two - because I know you are busy, and this is a free advice, so I don't want to take advantage of that) a direction where I should move to? (please don't suggest therapists.) Maybe just an idea how to expose my self correctly and effectively. Or if you clearly see, what I am doing wrong here. Thank you
This is incredible reasoning. I´ve always tried the opposite (reduce my anxiety whenever it came). After watching your videos (especially this one), I started to embrace this anxiety and accept it. It's been very difficult now, but I know I'm in the right path
Hello Rob,
I appreciate your work. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences.
This was a brilliant video, like many others. Helps a lot.
I have a very complicated situation, where I can't see clearly the way out. I currently can't afford one-to-one sessions.
I have had a few therapists in my ocd journey. They didn't help at all. The thing that helped me the most was meditation. Some kind of zen meditation.
I have/had quite severe contamination ocd.
I isolated my self at one point in my life, and unintentionally started living a life like a zen monk.
Slowly with a focus on basic activities and work.
But after a few years of that, I realised that I was sad and deeply unhappy.
I saw, that I needed a change. I realised that ocd is still impacting my life.
I opened my self for people again. I had a therapist who suggested/forced me into facing my fears.
We talked a lot about STDs, which was my biggest fear.
I opened my self to relationship with women. I didn't search for a woman, but she found me.
I was glad that I was experiencing emotions again. Although she was quite emotionally abusive, I was glad and happy that I FEEL again.
I told her one day, that I have a fear of STDs. She told me that she HAS a few STDs.
That was a huge shock for me. I was a few months into relationship. I couldn't leave her for that.
So, I tried to grab an opportunity.
I tried facing my fears. But she was vulnarable about her STDs.
And experienced my ocd as an attack.
I was ashamed of my self.
And I was trying very hard to accept her stds.
Tried touching her and not washing hands etc.
Because she was quite old, she wanted to have a first child. Biological clock was almost at the end.
I said that I am not ready. But with her abusive behaviour, she convinced me, that I did it.
The child was born.
I fell in love with the child in the instance. We were living together for one year.
My fear of her stds was always in the background.
In the years when i was alone, i was never ill.
Now, I was getting ill every month. And I was ill for a week or so every time. With a symptoms of cold.
I couldn't stand her abusive behaviour any more, and we separated.
It is 6 years after that now.
I am glad that we are apart.
But it is very painful not to be with a child as much as we both want.
They moved quite far from me. I can't change that.
But the thing I see, I can change, is my OCD.
Here is the complicated part which I can't overcome. I can say that it is getting better, but very slowly.
And on the expense of me and a child not being together enough. When I am alone, I progress. Because I often see the wider picture. When I come back it is better.
When we separated, a few years after that, my mind was really angry with me, for exposing it to so many stds for so many years. It was some sort of ptsd after the exposure.
I saw, that she is used to live with illnesses. Her parents are ill a lot. She is ill almost all the time at least in one part of the body if not all.
And of course, the child is ill every time I visit him. Usually colds. A fever, hard time breathing, and caughing.
This is a huge challenge for my ocd.
And i see that i need to be careful and not push my self over the limit. Because my mind can be angry with me again, and it creates so much stress that i am not ablo to function. I need to face the fears slowly.
The problems appear, because each time when i am with my child, i get ill as well. If i stay as long as my mind can handle it, i don't get ill. It means 2 to 3 days. If i am longer, i will get ill. And that causes me to stay in bed for 10 to 14 days, which is way to much. I need to go to work, but I can't.
I have suspicion, that my fear can cause symptoms of illness. But I never read something like that before. So, I am not sure.
And the symptoms are very real. Fever, caughing...
So, I am stuck between feelings of guilt for not being enough with my child, missing the child, and on the other hand, being with my child and then facing 2 weeks of illness, which is simply unacceptable. I cannot miss on work so much. Plus the illness always drains my body from energy and I need 2 weeks more to recover from that.
My short term solution was to listen to my mind as well as live my life. That meant to stay with my child as much as my mind can handle. But this is not a long term solution, because I would like to spend more time withmy child.
Knowing that the reality of illness of the child and ex partner isn't going to change. As well as abusive relationship. I tried that for too many years.
What I am asking of you is, if you can give me (in a sentence or two - because I know you are busy, and this is a free advice, so I don't want to take advantage of that) a direction where I should move to? (please don't suggest therapists.)
Maybe just an idea how to expose my self correctly and effectively. Or if you clearly see, what I am doing wrong here.
Thank you