Thanks for your work doing these videos. As I experience the world with more depth than many neurotypicals, it's not easy to answer the question of "How am I doing?". I can't say, "Fine, thank you. ". It would likely be a lie. They want a superficial, short answer. I don't have one. My idea of an emotion can't be summed up in a couple of words.
I definitely relate to the feeling of 'there's something bothering me. ' It's frustrating. It could be days or weeks later until I realise what was bothering me.
It helps me to have a focal point. It could be music, a textured item in hand, and many times it could be a task. A task or mission can be used as a focal point. Such as focusing on the grocery list and trying to get in and out of the store with the most items in the shortest amount of time.
This is definitely something I’ve been wondering about 🤔 I’m not sure I ever process/take in emotions until after the fact, anger tends to come more easily than sadness/joy/excitement. I have to feel things are building up in my body and sort of express it later. With sadness I have to be listening to music/watching something emotional and mirroring to the lyrics/feelings of the singer etc and suddenly I’ll be bawling if I need to. But 5 minutes before I could kind of not even know it was there at all. 🤷
Im autistic and ADHD. I experienced mostly existential depression most of my life and I experienced child like autistic joy on and off in high school but less and less as I grew older. But recently since being unofficially diagnosed as autistic by my VA (veterans affairs) psychiatrist (because American VA can't officially diagnose) I've learned that all my depression stemed from not having a REASON for anything and all my autistic joy was during times when I felt like I was connecting the dots and finding REASONS for why things work the way they do. Now my depression has almost fully evaporated since getting this green light to self identify as autistic at the age of 48. I am so happy and grateful that I finally know what has been going on with me all my life. I don't feel sad that I didn't know all this time because I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through all the suffering I went through to get here. I genuinely feel that autistic happy hand flappy joy now, that joy that is so common in autistic children and adults, I feel it pretty much all the time now. Because things finally make sense. There's a lot more that I want to say but I feel like you might think that I'm overstepping and over info-dumping. Ihave deep empathy for anyone who is hurting and I feel like maybe what I have to say could help but maybe you might take offense to it and find it preachy but I just want to help. If you want to keep this conversation going I would be happy to. Or not I'm fine either way. It just seems like you are searching for reasons so maybe all us neurodivergents could put our heads together and find the reasons together.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad you’ve been able to tap into autistic joy. Please feel free to include you further thoughts as others in the community may find them useful 🧡
@CreativeAutistic I'm sorry. I think in saying everything that I said in my comment I ended up actually saying the complete opposite from what I was trying to say. It sounded like I was saying that what you're feeling is wrong and that you should feel like me instead - and that's not what I was trying to say. I'm sorry for that. There is no cure for who we are. Nor should there be. In that there is a REASON. It might not look like it in the moment but I think that is what we neurodivergents excell at - thinking out side the box and discovering reasons for things most of the world misses or isn't even looking for answers for.
@@jayallanbennett8483 Aww, don't worry - I hadn't interpreted what you said in any negative way at all. It's difficult to convey nuance in written text, but I'm always interested in what people have to say regarding their own autistic experience 🧡
Maybe i have found the "source" of alexithymia. Autism can be described as disorder of brain prediction. Worse or no prediction makes it difficult to integrate sensory input (including interoception which is needed for emotional regulation) into cohesive whole. That makes learning concepts of emotions harder(like what feeling inside means what emotion). When you combine having struggles with emotional concepts + brain not getting body signals from interoception it can as a result make impossible to make a pair of emotion + word for it. And without words for emotions you have alexithymia...Just my theory based on books i have read and autism knowledge... hope it is making sense 🤷♂
@@tomasvoldrich do you have a reading list for me? in particular about the "prediction malfunction" part? it makes sense to me, I can relate, but I've never heard it phrased that way before.
@@bryanjurish5433 I found this description in book How emotions are made by Lisa Feldman Barrett on page 215-216 + 3 lines of page 217 . It is in general about how neurotypical brain works and where emotions are coming from. You can after reading it compare it to your autistic brain to see the difference. I also have pinned comment in "How DO You Unmask Autism in Middle Age..?! " video on this channel with autistic books i have read. PS: I added 3 recent books so the comment unpinned itself , so look at 5 month ago comments to find it :(
@@bryanjurish5433 for easier find here is my "autism" book list: Uniquely Human - Barry M.Prizant - one of the best in my opinion The autistic survival guide to therapy - Steph Jones The autistic experience - Joe James and Marie-Laure Del Vecchio Girl Unmasked - Emily Katy PDA by PDAers compiled by Sally Cat - only book about PDA autism i know and a great one Explaining Humans - Dr.Camilla Pang - how neurotypicals work described using science and comparison to it But everyone feels this way - Paige Layle How to ADHD - Jessica McCabe Workplace Neurodiversity Rising - Lyric Rivera How to be autistic - Charlotte Amelia Poe But you dont look autistic at all - bianca toeps Autism feels - Orion Kelly Autism in Heels - Jennifer Cook O´Toole - a woman side of view about autism Unmasked - Ellie Middleton I overcame my autism - Sarah Kurchak Pretending to be Normal - Liane Holliday Willey Navigating Autism - Temple Grandin Unmasking Autism - Dr Devon Price Different not Less - Chloe Hayden Neurotribes - Steve Silberman The reason I jump - Naoki Higashida Asperger´s Children - Edith Sheffer The Autistic Brain - Temple Grandin How Emotions are Made - Lisa Feldman Barrett - how brain and emotion work in neurotypicals, so you can easily see the difference Fall down 7 times Get up 8 - Naoki Higashida In a different key - John Donvan+Caren Zucker Loud Hands - ASAN Emergence Labeled autistic - Temple Grandin Send in the idiots - Kamran Nazeer Far from the tree - Andrew Solomon has its Autism chapter Power of Neurodiversity - Thomas Armstrong Thinking in Pictures - Temple Grandin Nobody´s normal - Roy Richard Grinker Aspergers syndrome - Tony Attwood Divergent Mind - Jenara Nerenberg The way I see it - Temple Grandin Untypical - Pete Wharmby Strong female character - Fern Brady Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum, Second Edition - Sarah Hendrickx
I struggle a lot with this. I have CPTSD going on in my alphabet soup of diagnoses and really, looking back, the biggest piece of this is the constant vague unease in the back of my head at all times, like background noise. Also, there has always been such a rarity of being able to tap in to feeling truly happy. The things that make me laugh with abandon or, really, at all are a very short list. Even if I am enjoying something, it simply does not come. Oddly enough, though, when I taught I was told I couldn't quit smiling at my preschool students, even when correcting them. Go figure .Perhaps it is the double empathy inside. It is always there but goes into high gear around the young.
I often notice my emotions from the outside in - am I singing a silly song? I must be happy. Am I clenching my fists and holding my breath involuntarily? Watch out, a panic attack is brewing. But I also very much relate to the first experience you described in the video. I'll often have a vague idea of what the emotion is (good vs. bad), but not be able to pin it down or identify the cause for weeks. Of course, by then, everyone else thinks I should be "over it" already. When something happens, and people want my feelings on it right away, I get extremely frustrated. It's like someone giving me soup and expecting me to identify every ingredient from the first bite. I just don't work that way.
In relation to this video, I can understand the way you felt with being bullied, as it was the same with me. I would and still will give in to others wishes ordemands as I still have no control to say no to someone. I also have depression which is quick to emerge. Thank you again, Suzanne
Thanks for sharing, Suzanne. It's just so difficult to say no, isn't it? I have learned how to over the years, really through being able to tap into anger, but I totally understand how you and many other autistic people really struggle in terms of saying no. 🧡
So much recognizing. At some level I am aware of something is going on. But it is elusive, I can’t find the words. As if something needs to be understood first, before I really can experience it. Emotions often express themselves as physical feelings, especially negative emotions. Tightness of the breast, unable to breath freely, only later to be recognized as fear. My brain seems to recognize these bodily sensations but is not able to recognize emotions. Also going from 0 to 100. In fractions of seconds something can change, and I am all anger. Joy and happiness are always on a delayed track. Only some time after the experience a kind of awareness pops up, that it was actually a pleasant thing. I am wired towards the negative. I also have these huge shots of adrenaline or cortisol that only fades away after a long time. And yes, alcohol can get me in touch with feelings so much easier. As if some sort of censor has been deleted by alcohol and I feel a direct access to my emotions. I still struggle with the fact that on one hand I seem to have way too many emotions and on the other hand I have seem to have none of them.
very clear, insightful, and relatable: thanks! "itchy brain", finding the "ugly" emotions easier to recognize (in my case, to a fault), live concerts as the only readily identifiable instances of joy-in-the-moment ... yup.
Thank you for sharing - it's good to know others can relate to the live music thing. I forgot to mention in this video that I really enjoy feeling the physical vibrations of loud music too (or certainly used to) as it really helped to make it a fully-formed 'feeling' experience.
I may have missed it because I have an auditory processing delay but have you ever felt or read that Alexithymia is also related to physical symptoms? I find that all I can usually describe to doctors is discomfort and it doesn't mean anything to most of them I am just a hypochondriac. Turns out my discomfort has turned out to be Athsma, partially collapsed lungs, high blood pressure, fatty liver, silent migraines. Likely POTS. MECFS. So I think I am good at listening to my body since at least two of these are considered silent killers but I can never describe what it is that I feel...
Thank you for sharing and yes, there is some evidence suggesting that alexithymia can also be related to physical symptoms. I think it's certainly a topic for another video at some point 👍
You describe the experience of alexitymia well; I can relate to needing to turn down the volume of certain emotions to turn up the volume on others - It's fascinating how similar our experiences can be and I am definitely still learning what it means for me. it affects my processing of events for sure
I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but I’ve always struggled to explain how I’m feeling. And often when I try to, people get the completely wrong impression of what I’m trying to say. It’s frustrating 😵💫
Autism is associated with intensity. Easier for me to read others emotions because they aren't mine. On the other hand, my emotions are too intense to process in the normal automatic way. Instead I have to process some or all of them consciously. That can take a lot of mental processing power and more time to do so. The original event is then far removed from the event that caused the emotion. Then I'm not sure exactly what the emotion is because I have no context for reference.
You are so insightful! This was so useful as a mirror to understand the bewildering neutrality that enters my life from time to time. I appreciate you and your channel very much. Thank you ❤
I am self-dignosed at 58. All my relationships have failed. "Someone could die next to you" was a phrase I often heard. I always thought that I had shown love and affection. I also took the alexithymia test and was shocked at the high result. Of course, I am also shocked that I never noticed it myself!
As far as im aware, i dont get this much unless I am over stressed/ in shock. Then I cant work out what i should be feeling. I do think my partner suffers from this though but did not know there is a name for it. She often tells me that her body feels stressed for days without her knowing why because she feels okay. Then she will realise she was feeling really sad for those days. Another great video. I can probably count on my hand every time ive got angry in my life. Its probably like 4 times. 😂 Thats not cos life is easy, its just because i try and resolve things because i know anger will stress myself out. If i ever raise my own voice ill need a rest for a day lol
Though I definitely struggle with in the moment mindfulness like you mentioned. I almost never in the moment but I try my best. Such as enjoying my children's company and a nice nature walk
Thanks for sharing, and yes, it can be really difficult to appreciate stuff in the moment. I try to take on board all of the 'visual stuff' I can, and hope my brain catches up with the 'feeling stuff' later on.
I'm self identified autistic for about a year and a half and I'm still learning a lot, and i love that. I don't think i experience alexixythemia, but i can definitely relate with a more often perception of bad feelings than good, i struggle to not internalize them and to being able to validate and focus on the good ones. Maybe because of my past traumas...
Hi Lizzie! I totally relate, recognizing the feelings of others easier than my own, early loss and bullying priming me to recognizing certain feelings, maybe due to their intensity. I appreciate your explication of a nebulous knowing I am feeling something but not knowing what. Yes, this makes perfect sense. I find that art journaling helps me identify and feel my feelings. And I find that they are so complex, like holographic if that makes sense. So many levels of intensity. My masked self was/is like that too, accommodating if not fawning. I feel absolutely done with fawning and have to be careful not to impulsively respond to situations. I feel a lot of joy, it is like a fountain flowing through me. It is a giddy and childlike experience. However, I think social anxieties impact this default mode of childlike joy. I relate to everything you shared as usual Lizzie!🧡🧡🧡
I can absolutely relate to this, especially knowing in a way there is something there in the back of my mind, but I don't understand or can describe what it is. All I know it sometimes almost feels like a volcano about to explode and then it just fades away.
Finger tip stimulation calms the somatosensory cortex and amygdala emotional signalling. That helps to manage or avoid over stimulation. Textured fidget toys help.
I definitely resonate with this. I feel emotions so strongly with every thought or action but cannot seperate and decipher them the majority of the time. It mostly feels like anxious overwhelm. I have often mistaken excitement for anxiety until I stop and assess my feelings and then realise they are because I am about to do something nice so it's excitement. They both feel similar. I do feel negative emotions alot more in the form of judgement of myself and also situations I am in. I struggle to tell my partner what these emotions are and why they are there, it is a whole lot of frustration. Thanks for sharing as always.😊
Totally relate. Haven't been diagnosed yet but I'm in that stage where I'm starting to accept my experiences through an autistic lens, if that make sense. I often have a lag time - almost like my mind is buffering or something - before I can process what I'm experiencing. 42 yr old female, so I've lived my entire life as a withdrawn, sensitive, weirdo - tried my best to fit it but I'm thinking that's not worth it anymore.
Yes. This. I've seen tons of comments on autims videos like "huh, guess I'm this", but I guess this is my one 😅I've often wondered if I just fail at having the right emotions but I feel I have them with alcohol, which is why it's so important for me to avoid it. Turns out I have the emotions, but I don't realise it, and I do basically realise it later, but it's hard to separate that realisation from a merely theoretical understanding of what I "should" have been feeling, if that makes sense. And yes, sadly, the negative ones are a lot easier. I used to think, "of course I have emotions, I feel sad/lonely/angry so frequently!" ugh.
There is a difference between actual alexithymia and how the word has come to be used. Lacking words for feelings is not the same as being unable to identify (recognize and know the difference between) feelings. You can have actual alexithymia, not having words for feelings, while having no issues recognizing feelings and emotions you're having as distinct feelings or mixed ones. And vice versa. The former is very much like being able to recognize a species of flower you've seen before, without knowing its name. The problem is that nobody can know your experience, and so only guess what you might be feeling from what they observe of you and your descriptions and giving you _their_ label for it, which you can accept or reject. As a result, a label, a name for a feeling, for one person will almost certainly never mean the same for two people, we all have our own subjective experiences that we can never truly share with another person.
Alexithymia seems to be the autistic theme of the week, considering how frequently I've encountered it on UA-cam (perhaps an aftershock of the US election?) That said, it's all led me to question whether autistic emotion ought to be considered wholly separate/different from neurotypical concepts of emotion, because our experiences of it are so distinctive, e.g. autistic joy seems (to me) somehow synaesthetic; it's like an altered state or an imagined magical place (Narnia immediately comes to mind; in which case I strongly identify with that old wardrobe most of the time), perhaps a pure/total state of emotionality, which is otherwise a dull background murmur. In the context of depression I imagine emotion as a somewhat arbitrary weather pattern/system that is just passing through, not objectively "mine" at all but rather something that just happens, like rain falling or a sigh of wind, of which I am aware and subject to but not directly connected. I've found that my emotional awareness is most attuned in natural environments (hiking is practically a religious experience), where I notice myself seeming to stumble upon or journey through a feeling, as though a place without a name. Anyway that's what feels like feelings to me and it just never sounds like the neurotypical description.
I love hiking and country walks too, and we're often out and about in nature. For me it's about trying to take in all of the visual stuff, which I really appreciate, while hoping to find an emotional response to it later on.
@CreativeAutistic That's what I mean about emotion as a place i.e. feelings are limited to real-time experience in the specific moment; maybe it's just me but I don't feel that I usually *retain* emotion beyond the instant in which it occurs, because one is only ever immersed in the present moment Now, even as (and perhaps because) Now is perpetually changing. I can later recognize and reflect upon the *significance* of a moment's feeling but I often don't retain the feeling itself (for which I'm grateful, as the effort to recall a past emotion disrupts one's engagement in the present moment.) There are exceptions when recalling a particular experience persistently retains an emotional charge like I'm still "there", but it seems to be reserved for only very rare, singular experiences. (It also seems to me that that may be connected to pattern recognition but I'm still working out the how and why.)
@@Hermitthecog Ah, this is interesting, though weirdly I can't figure out if I can relate to it or not? A conundrum for sure. So much figuring out still to be done!
Yes, it's impossible to know which condition causes which pain, but I think it's all mainly MCAS for me. I don't have hEDS though I'm slowly coming to think that I may have some type of underlying connective tissue disorder.
Do you experience Alexithymia? 🧡
Thanks for your work doing these videos. As I experience the world with more depth than many neurotypicals, it's not easy to answer the question of "How am I doing?". I can't say, "Fine, thank you. ". It would likely be a lie. They want a superficial, short answer. I don't have one. My idea of an emotion can't be summed up in a couple of words.
I definitely relate to the feeling of 'there's something bothering me. ' It's frustrating. It could be days or weeks later until I realise what was bothering me.
I wasn't sure if I was able to explain this 'feeling' properly so I'm glad you can relate 👍
I recently made a note in my phone that says: Try to remember the things that make you happy, light, joyful, and curious
This is such a great tip! 🧡
Yea sounds like a great idea
It helps me to have a focal point. It could be music, a textured item in hand, and many times it could be a task. A task or mission can be used as a focal point. Such as focusing on the grocery list and trying to get in and out of the store with the most items in the shortest amount of time.
Yes, this is a good tip.
This is definitely something I’ve been wondering about 🤔 I’m not sure I ever process/take in emotions until after the fact, anger tends to come more easily than sadness/joy/excitement. I have to feel things are building up in my body and sort of express it later. With sadness I have to be listening to music/watching something emotional and mirroring to the lyrics/feelings of the singer etc and suddenly I’ll be bawling if I need to. But 5 minutes before I could kind of not even know it was there at all. 🤷
Thank you for sharing and yes, sad movies or music can really help in trying to access emotions. 🧡
Im autistic and ADHD. I experienced mostly existential depression most of my life and I experienced child like autistic joy on and off in high school but less and less as I grew older. But recently since being unofficially diagnosed as autistic by my VA (veterans affairs) psychiatrist (because American VA can't officially diagnose) I've learned that all my depression stemed from not having a REASON for anything and all my autistic joy was during times when I felt like I was connecting the dots and finding REASONS for why things work the way they do. Now my depression has almost fully evaporated since getting this green light to self identify as autistic at the age of 48. I am so happy and grateful that I finally know what has been going on with me all my life. I don't feel sad that I didn't know all this time because I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through all the suffering I went through to get here. I genuinely feel that autistic happy hand flappy joy now, that joy that is so common in autistic children and adults, I feel it pretty much all the time now. Because things finally make sense.
There's a lot more that I want to say but I feel like you might think that I'm overstepping and over info-dumping. Ihave deep empathy for anyone who is hurting and I feel like maybe what I have to say could help but maybe you might take offense to it and find it preachy but I just want to help. If you want to keep this conversation going I would be happy to. Or not I'm fine either way. It just seems like you are searching for reasons so maybe all us neurodivergents could put our heads together and find the reasons together.
Thank you for sharing and I’m so glad you’ve been able to tap into autistic joy. Please feel free to include you further thoughts as others in the community may find them useful 🧡
@CreativeAutistic
I'm sorry. I think in saying everything that I said in my comment I ended up actually saying the complete opposite from what I was trying to say.
It sounded like I was saying that what you're feeling is wrong and that you should feel like me instead - and that's not what I was trying to say. I'm sorry for that. There is no cure for who we are. Nor should there be. In that there is a REASON. It might not look like it in the moment but I think that is what we neurodivergents excell at - thinking out side the box and discovering reasons for things most of the world misses or isn't even looking for answers for.
@@jayallanbennett8483 Aww, don't worry - I hadn't interpreted what you said in any negative way at all. It's difficult to convey nuance in written text, but I'm always interested in what people have to say regarding their own autistic experience 🧡
Great suggestion to savor the emotions we want to notice and anchor.😊
I've found it really useful. I can really appreciate visual stuff in the moment, but it can take some time to notice/understand how it made me feel. 🧡
Maybe i have found the "source" of alexithymia. Autism can be described as disorder of brain prediction. Worse or no prediction makes it difficult to integrate sensory input (including interoception which is needed for emotional regulation) into cohesive whole. That makes learning concepts of emotions harder(like what feeling inside means what emotion). When you combine having struggles with emotional concepts + brain not getting body signals from interoception it can as a result make impossible to make a pair of emotion + word for it. And without words for emotions you have alexithymia...Just my theory based on books i have read and autism knowledge... hope it is making sense 🤷♂
Ah, this is so interesting. Thank you for sharing - both Alexithymia and interoception are certainly areas I need to research in far more depth 👍
@@tomasvoldrich do you have a reading list for me? in particular about the "prediction malfunction" part? it makes sense to me, I can relate, but I've never heard it phrased that way before.
@@bryanjurish5433 I found this description in book How emotions are made by Lisa Feldman Barrett on page 215-216 + 3 lines of page 217 . It is in general about how neurotypical brain works and where emotions are coming from. You can after reading it compare it to your autistic brain to see the difference. I also have pinned comment in "How DO You Unmask Autism in Middle Age..?! " video on this channel with autistic books i have read. PS: I added 3 recent books so the comment unpinned itself , so look at 5 month ago comments to find it :(
@@bryanjurish5433 for easier find here is my "autism" book list:
Uniquely Human - Barry M.Prizant - one of the best in my opinion
The autistic survival guide to therapy - Steph Jones
The autistic experience - Joe James and Marie-Laure Del Vecchio
Girl Unmasked - Emily Katy
PDA by PDAers compiled by Sally Cat - only book about PDA autism i know and a great one
Explaining Humans - Dr.Camilla Pang - how neurotypicals work described using science and comparison to it
But everyone feels this way - Paige Layle
How to ADHD - Jessica McCabe
Workplace Neurodiversity Rising - Lyric Rivera
How to be autistic - Charlotte Amelia Poe
But you dont look autistic at all - bianca toeps
Autism feels - Orion Kelly
Autism in Heels - Jennifer Cook O´Toole - a woman side of view about autism
Unmasked - Ellie Middleton
I overcame my autism - Sarah Kurchak
Pretending to be Normal - Liane Holliday Willey
Navigating Autism - Temple Grandin
Unmasking Autism - Dr Devon Price
Different not Less - Chloe Hayden
Neurotribes - Steve Silberman
The reason I jump - Naoki Higashida
Asperger´s Children - Edith Sheffer
The Autistic Brain - Temple Grandin
How Emotions are Made - Lisa Feldman Barrett - how brain and emotion work in neurotypicals, so you can easily see the difference
Fall down 7 times Get up 8 - Naoki Higashida
In a different key - John Donvan+Caren Zucker
Loud Hands - ASAN
Emergence Labeled autistic - Temple Grandin
Send in the idiots - Kamran Nazeer
Far from the tree - Andrew Solomon has its Autism chapter
Power of Neurodiversity - Thomas Armstrong
Thinking in Pictures - Temple Grandin
Nobody´s normal - Roy Richard Grinker
Aspergers syndrome - Tony Attwood
Divergent Mind - Jenara Nerenberg
The way I see it - Temple Grandin
Untypical - Pete Wharmby
Strong female character - Fern Brady
Women and Girls on the Autism Spectrum, Second Edition - Sarah Hendrickx
I struggle a lot with this. I have CPTSD going on in my alphabet soup of diagnoses and really, looking back, the biggest piece of this is the constant vague unease in the back of my head at all times, like background noise. Also, there has always been such a rarity of being able to tap in to feeling truly happy. The things that make me laugh with abandon or, really, at all are a very short list. Even if I am enjoying something, it simply does not come. Oddly enough, though, when I taught I was told I couldn't quit smiling at my preschool students, even when correcting them. Go figure .Perhaps it is the double empathy inside. It is always there but goes into high gear around the young.
Thank you for sharing Marisa, and there's certainly a lot I can relate to here 🧡
I often notice my emotions from the outside in - am I singing a silly song? I must be happy. Am I clenching my fists and holding my breath involuntarily? Watch out, a panic attack is brewing.
But I also very much relate to the first experience you described in the video. I'll often have a vague idea of what the emotion is (good vs. bad), but not be able to pin it down or identify the cause for weeks. Of course, by then, everyone else thinks I should be "over it" already.
When something happens, and people want my feelings on it right away, I get extremely frustrated. It's like someone giving me soup and expecting me to identify every ingredient from the first bite. I just don't work that way.
In relation to this video, I can understand the way you felt with being bullied, as it was the same with me. I would and still will give in to others wishes ordemands as I still have no control to say no to someone. I also have depression which is quick to emerge. Thank you again, Suzanne
Thanks for sharing, Suzanne. It's just so difficult to say no, isn't it? I have learned how to over the years, really through being able to tap into anger, but I totally understand how you and many other autistic people really struggle in terms of saying no. 🧡
So much recognizing. At some level I am aware of something is going on. But it is elusive, I can’t find the words. As if something needs to be understood first, before I really can experience it. Emotions often express themselves as physical feelings, especially negative emotions. Tightness of the breast, unable to breath freely, only later to be recognized as fear. My brain seems to recognize these bodily sensations but is not able to recognize emotions. Also going from 0 to 100. In fractions of seconds something can change, and I am all anger. Joy and happiness are always on a delayed track. Only some time after the experience a kind of awareness pops up, that it was actually a pleasant thing. I am wired towards the negative. I also have these huge shots of adrenaline or cortisol that only fades away after a long time. And yes, alcohol can get me in touch with feelings so much easier. As if some sort of censor has been deleted by alcohol and I feel a direct access to my emotions. I still struggle with the fact that on one hand I seem to have way too many emotions and on the other hand I have seem to have none of them.
Thank you for sharing and there's a lot I can relate to - particularly having way too many emotions while simultaneously having too few 🧡
❤❤❤❤❤
🧡 🧡 🧡
very clear, insightful, and relatable: thanks! "itchy brain", finding the "ugly" emotions easier to recognize (in my case, to a fault), live concerts as the only readily identifiable instances of joy-in-the-moment ... yup.
Thank you for sharing - it's good to know others can relate to the live music thing. I forgot to mention in this video that I really enjoy feeling the physical vibrations of loud music too (or certainly used to) as it really helped to make it a fully-formed 'feeling' experience.
+1 for full-body bass thumps. also chagrined that I didn't recognize the REM lyric until I googled it. good tune :-)
I dont know to be honest!. I'm aware of my own despair i know that much🙋♂️
Aww, I'm sorry to hear this James 🧡
I may have missed it because I have an auditory processing delay but have you ever felt or read that Alexithymia is also related to physical symptoms? I find that all I can usually describe to doctors is discomfort and it doesn't mean anything to most of them I am just a hypochondriac. Turns out my discomfort has turned out to be Athsma, partially collapsed lungs, high blood pressure, fatty liver, silent migraines. Likely POTS. MECFS.
So I think I am good at listening to my body since at least two of these are considered silent killers but I can never describe what it is that I feel...
Thank you for sharing and yes, there is some evidence suggesting that alexithymia can also be related to physical symptoms. I think it's certainly a topic for another video at some point 👍
You describe the experience of alexitymia well; I can relate to needing to turn down the volume of certain emotions to turn up the volume on others - It's fascinating how similar our experiences can be and I am definitely still learning what it means for me. it affects my processing of events for sure
Thank you for sharing and I really like your 'volume' analogy 🧡
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I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but I’ve always struggled to explain how I’m feeling. And often when I try to, people get the completely wrong impression of what I’m trying to say. It’s frustrating 😵💫
Yes, this sounds like it could be related to alexithymia. 🧡
Another interesting video lizzie, thank you for sharing your experiences.
Aww, thank you! 🧡
Autism is associated with intensity. Easier for me to read others emotions because they aren't mine. On the other hand, my emotions are too intense to process in the normal automatic way. Instead I have to process some or all of them consciously. That can take a lot of mental processing power and more time to do so. The original event is then far removed from the event that caused the emotion. Then I'm not sure exactly what the emotion is because I have no context for reference.
Thanks for sharing and there's a lot I can relate to here 👍
You are so insightful! This was so useful as a mirror to understand the bewildering neutrality that enters my life from time to time. I appreciate you and your channel very much. Thank you ❤
This is lovely feedback, thank you - and I'm glad it made some kind of sense to you 🧡
I am self-dignosed at 58. All my relationships have failed. "Someone could die next to you" was a phrase I often heard. I always thought that I had shown love and affection. I also took the alexithymia test and was shocked at the high result. Of course, I am also shocked that I never noticed it myself!
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry to hear of your relationship struggles 🧡
As far as im aware, i dont get this much unless I am over stressed/ in shock. Then I cant work out what i should be feeling. I do think my partner suffers from this though but did not know there is a name for it. She often tells me that her body feels stressed for days without her knowing why because she feels okay. Then she will realise she was feeling really sad for those days. Another great video. I can probably count on my hand every time ive got angry in my life. Its probably like 4 times. 😂 Thats not cos life is easy, its just because i try and resolve things because i know anger will stress myself out. If i ever raise my own voice ill need a rest for a day lol
Though I definitely struggle with in the moment mindfulness like you mentioned. I almost never in the moment but I try my best. Such as enjoying my children's company and a nice nature walk
Thanks for sharing, and yes, it can be really difficult to appreciate stuff in the moment. I try to take on board all of the 'visual stuff' I can, and hope my brain catches up with the 'feeling stuff' later on.
This was a lightbulb moment for me. I couldn’t relate to Alexithymia in explanations I’d heard elsewhere. Thank you.
I’m so glad it was helpful to you.
I'm self identified autistic for about a year and a half and I'm still learning a lot, and i love that. I don't think i experience alexixythemia, but i can definitely relate with a more often perception of bad feelings than good, i struggle to not internalize them and to being able to validate and focus on the good ones. Maybe because of my past traumas...
Hi Lizzie!
I totally relate, recognizing the feelings of others easier than my own, early loss and bullying priming me to recognizing certain feelings, maybe due to their intensity.
I appreciate your explication of a nebulous knowing I am feeling something but not knowing what. Yes, this makes perfect sense.
I find that art journaling helps me identify and feel my feelings. And I find that they are so complex, like holographic if that makes sense. So many levels of intensity.
My masked self was/is like that too, accommodating if not fawning. I feel absolutely done with fawning and have to be careful not to impulsively respond to situations.
I feel a lot of joy, it is like a fountain flowing through me. It is a giddy and childlike experience. However, I think social anxieties impact this default mode of childlike joy.
I relate to everything you shared as usual Lizzie!🧡🧡🧡
Aww, I’m so glad to hear you and others can relate, Lisle. I need to learn how to tap into that autistic joy, it sounds wonderful! 🥰🧡
I can absolutely relate to this, especially knowing in a way there is something there in the back of my mind, but I don't understand or can describe what it is. All I know it sometimes almost feels like a volcano about to explode and then it just fades away.
I'm so glad you and others are able to relate to this as I wasn't sure if I could explain it fully 🧡
Thank you Lizzie. Great video and great explanation of Alexithymia.
Glad it was helpful!
Finger tip stimulation calms the somatosensory cortex and amygdala emotional signalling. That helps to manage or avoid over stimulation. Textured fidget toys help.
I definitely resonate with this. I feel emotions so strongly with every thought or action but cannot seperate and decipher them the majority of the time. It mostly feels like anxious overwhelm. I have often mistaken excitement for anxiety until I stop and assess my feelings and then realise they are because I am about to do something nice so it's excitement. They both feel similar. I do feel negative emotions alot more in the form of judgement of myself and also situations I am in. I struggle to tell my partner what these emotions are and why they are there, it is a whole lot of frustration. Thanks for sharing as always.😊
Thanks for sharing Sarah, and yes, I think many of us confuse excitement for anxiety. I certainly do (probs because I experience anxiety so much) 🧡
@CreativeAutistic Yes definitely. 🧡
Totally relate. Haven't been diagnosed yet but I'm in that stage where I'm starting to accept my experiences through an autistic lens, if that make sense. I often have a lag time - almost like my mind is buffering or something - before I can process what I'm experiencing. 42 yr old female, so I've lived my entire life as a withdrawn, sensitive, weirdo - tried my best to fit it but I'm thinking that's not worth it anymore.
Thank you for sharing and I totally get the buffering thing 🧡
Yes. This. I've seen tons of comments on autims videos like "huh, guess I'm this", but I guess this is my one 😅I've often wondered if I just fail at having the right emotions but I feel I have them with alcohol, which is why it's so important for me to avoid it. Turns out I have the emotions, but I don't realise it, and I do basically realise it later, but it's hard to separate that realisation from a merely theoretical understanding of what I "should" have been feeling, if that makes sense. And yes, sadly, the negative ones are a lot easier. I used to think, "of course I have emotions, I feel sad/lonely/angry so frequently!" ugh.
Thank you for sharing and yep, this absolutely makes sense to me 🧡
There is a difference between actual alexithymia and how the word has come to be used. Lacking words for feelings is not the same as being unable to identify (recognize and know the difference between) feelings. You can have actual alexithymia, not having words for feelings, while having no issues recognizing feelings and emotions you're having as distinct feelings or mixed ones. And vice versa. The former is very much like being able to recognize a species of flower you've seen before, without knowing its name. The problem is that nobody can know your experience, and so only guess what you might be feeling from what they observe of you and your descriptions and giving you _their_ label for it, which you can accept or reject. As a result, a label, a name for a feeling, for one person will almost certainly never mean the same for two people, we all have our own subjective experiences that we can never truly share with another person.
Cannibinoids help the brain to moderate intensity. Less intense emotional signalling is easier to process. Therefore easier to identify.
Alexithymia seems to be the autistic theme of the week, considering how frequently I've encountered it on UA-cam (perhaps an aftershock of the US election?)
That said, it's all led me to question whether autistic emotion ought to be considered wholly separate/different from neurotypical concepts of emotion, because our experiences of it are so distinctive, e.g. autistic joy seems (to me) somehow synaesthetic; it's like an altered state or an imagined magical place (Narnia immediately comes to mind; in which case I strongly identify with that old wardrobe most of the time), perhaps a pure/total state of emotionality, which is otherwise a dull background murmur.
In the context of depression I imagine emotion as a somewhat arbitrary weather pattern/system that is just passing through, not objectively "mine" at all but rather something that just happens, like rain falling or a sigh of wind, of which I am aware and subject to but not directly connected.
I've found that my emotional awareness is most attuned in natural environments (hiking is practically a religious experience), where I notice myself seeming to stumble upon or journey through a feeling, as though a place without a name.
Anyway that's what feels like feelings to me and it just never sounds like the neurotypical description.
I love hiking and country walks too, and we're often out and about in nature. For me it's about trying to take in all of the visual stuff, which I really appreciate, while hoping to find an emotional response to it later on.
@CreativeAutistic That's what I mean about emotion as a place i.e. feelings are limited to real-time experience in the specific moment; maybe it's just me but I don't feel that I usually *retain* emotion beyond the instant in which it occurs, because one is only ever immersed in the present moment Now, even as (and perhaps because) Now is perpetually changing.
I can later recognize and reflect upon the *significance* of a moment's feeling but I often don't retain the feeling itself (for which I'm grateful, as the effort to recall a past emotion disrupts one's engagement in the present moment.) There are exceptions when recalling a particular experience persistently retains an emotional charge like I'm still "there", but it seems to be reserved for only very rare, singular experiences. (It also seems to me that that may be connected to pattern recognition but I'm still working out the how and why.)
@@Hermitthecog Ah, this is interesting, though weirdly I can't figure out if I can relate to it or not? A conundrum for sure. So much figuring out still to be done!
Akexethimia causes pain in the body in us to
Yes, there is evidence in support of this and I plan to do another video on this at some point 🧡
@CreativeAutistic we don't no how much is mcas etc or the anxiety do you have heds to
Yes, it's impossible to know which condition causes which pain, but I think it's all mainly MCAS for me. I don't have hEDS though I'm slowly coming to think that I may have some type of underlying connective tissue disorder.