on isolation & intimacy
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- Опубліковано 19 вер 2024
- I'm still working out what to write here, but I think this reflection can be summed up with:
“I’m trying to be immersed in the world, while still being hidden. And I think it’s not working the way that I hoped.”
With sorrow/grief & a little curiosity, I'm realizing a core way I move about the world isn't useful anymore. I usually process through Photoboth videos (& journaling), yet I felt compelled to process here. A baby step in connection/embodiment, maybe.
Really enjoyed watching you. You have a beautiful view and sounds to retreat to.
Many blessings from Texas
Thank you. I'm glad you find it soothing, too.
Really feel this. Depressed, isolated,, conditioned to be hypervigilant in relationships, scared of people. Really angry about it. Angry that I still have such a deep desire for emotional intimacy, angry at the desire itself because it feel like a pathway to pain, angry that if safe, loving relationships do exist why didnt I get them as a child? Why am I this way? I know it is right to classify my lack of trust and self-isolation and avoidance as a problem, because it hurts me, and I constantly wish I had more loving people around me, but I realize I feel threatened and angry when it's pointed out because this fear and hypervigilance protected me as a kid so any criticism to it feels like threat to my safety. Feel angry that I feel that way too. Trying to hold space for the anger, the grief that is behind it, and the desire for growth past that, self-compassionately
Thank you so much for sharing! It is hard being vulnerable but I think it shows you moving in a direction you want to. Relationships(both platonic and romantic) are difficult because they require trust. However I can assure you that moving past your fears is worth it and the deep friendships you can develop by being genuine with people is well worth it. I hope this comment correctly expresses what I am feeling. I love your channel a lot and I hope it can grow because you deserve it!
I think I feel what you've expressed. What does trust look like for you? & if you feel safe to answer, what do your deepest relationships/friendships bring you find hard to sustain alone? (now I hope I said that well!)
& thank you for you ✨