My Mom Is My Biggest Challenge
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- Опубліковано 6 гру 2022
- Kim counsels a questioner grappling with toxic family dynamics.
If you struggle with a very difficult relationship, how might you begin to bring more awareness and unconditional love into the situation?
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Kim Eng is the creator of Presence through Movement (PTM), a unique, powerful, and practical approach to accessing the present moment through the body and through movement. This meditative movement practice was inspired by and draws from the ancient mystical teachings of qigong, t’ai chi, yoga, as well as the spiritual insights of Eckhart Tolle-yet it is not affiliated with any particular religion, culture, or form of yoga.
As a facilitator of Presence through Movement, Kim travels and works extensively with her teaching partner Eckhart Tolle, the author of the best selling books The Power of Now and A New Earth. Kim has developed a teaching approach that incorporates and complements Eckhart’s teachings. Her work translates these teachings into a structured, embodied practice to support the arising of presence and the awakening of consciousness.
Kim has offered retreats and workshops in North America, Europe, and Australia. She is the author of two instructional DVDs on Presence through Movement-Qi Flow Yoga and Yin Yoga-and of two audio-learning programs, Meditations for A New Earth and Resist Nothing, featuring practical ways to overcome our inner obstacles to presence.
Kim was born in Vancouver, Canada. Her spiritual search began in the early 1980s. She met Eckhart in 1998, and soon after underwent a transformational spiritual experience while attending one of his retreats. This was followed by seven years of intense spiritual training, after which she began counseling and teaching.
Kim sees our true nature-our essence-as living in and through our human bodies. Through movement and through our bodies, we can return to and awaken to pure presence and oneness-to who we are beyond the thinking mind and egoic sense of self-accessing infinite power and creativity.
“When we are connected to Source, and body-mind-spirit are aligned-when we realize who we are at the core of our being-we blossom into our life purpose,” she says. “We cannot help but do so. And that is how we create what Eckhart Tolle calls ‘a new earth."
The love that you wanted from a parent has to be directed to the self, which then breaks that trap of desire. It cuts the cord.
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Yes🙏💚
yes!!!
That’s it.
true... but it's easier said than done.
Profound "We are having a relationship with an idea in our head, not the person"....wow so deep and so easy to fall into...wow!
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Well actually that isn't totally accurate just because the dynamic is between a son and mother .. a child has needs that must be met from a caregiver... Do the mother is actually living with unreal expectations but the son has valid unlet needs and yes he must realize he will never get this and get it elsewhere.. the problem is to live life unburdened by arsehole caregivers who won't take responsibility for themselves
“ you can love everyone but it doesn’t mean you have to have lunch with a cobra.” Byron Katie
He is so incredibly brave. . I have a narcissistic mother and I can't imagine his trauma. I hope this man finds peace, clarity and comfort because he deserves happiness . Stay blessed
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Yes, you are so right, such a strong being. I was doing my meditation about stillness... and i thought maybe it is like this. We study stillness before we come here with this body and then we said... ok, I want to test what I learnt and oh boy, he talks about beatings by gangs of 10 or more probably men beating him and then his physically and emotionally abusive parents. We all have our tests... yet it may be that we stand up to our narcissistic immature parent and say the words they hate... No. this is our gift to them so they can mature. For us, their teacher gift is loving oneself and finding the stillness. They are chaos, so now I find the stillness in the external chaos coming from the persons we love. We learn at a different level then our parents or bosses or whomever and it is hard because it, until we find each other here in this forums, we feel alone but our spirit is strong because, look, we are still here. That image of the mum i wanted and letting go of that image is immensely freeing. And knowing our parents were or are unconscious... i really see that with a parent who has Alzheimer's where one can see it in their eyes where this isn't so apparent with a raging narcissistic parent. Almanama12, you are courageous in your spirit too, as a narcissistic parent can be a brutal teacher, don't you think? Bravo to you, as well. ❤🩹❤💕🕊☮
@@A1Happy777 thank you 🙏 the part where you mentioned that you let go of the image you had about your mom, makes sense, attachment is the root of all evil. I will definitely try that because I have a lot of resentment towards her. Need to make a conscious effort to stop expecting and start accepting people for who they are. my narcissist parent was a brutal teacher. I'm still healing from the damage and I have a long way to go but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone.
@@Almanama12 Yes, in these forums we find out we are not alone and that is comforting. We must be very strong inside to deal with a narcissistic parent, as they are like a 2 year old tantruming child in an adult body and that for us growing up, was quite frightening at times. I often wonder, why did I choose those parents? What am I trying to learn here? Can I let this go and move on? I don't want to be stuck anymore.
How did the youtube algorithm know that my mom is my biggest challenge is what came through my mind multiple times today
You were meant to watch this video, it's a divine orchestration, the universe does not make mistakes, you attracted it 😎😅
It seems this applies to most of us. Possibly if our family of origin was so unconscious to be abusive and or violent, may be part of the reason for our awakening. I know that when I finally realized I didn't have to identity with that story it changed everything for me. 🙂💞
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Thank you.
Your words helped me more than you can think. I appreciate your help!
@@dr.christopherjohnson5396😊pp😊
I think this man is amazing. He still engages with his family and was there for his father & helped his father transition. Damn. Mad respect to you. You're more powerful than you know. 🙏 🕉🌟 🌟 🌠 🌠
Relationship with a mother is the most complex one in everyone's life.
I also have a lot of anger towards my mom. I'm working on integrating those feelings.
What I found very useful is the Bowen Family Theory. This is such a great thing. Learn about it and it will assist you in liberation immensely.
That’s for sharing this!
the answer has been stated before: “if you think you’re enlightened, go stay with your parents.” there’s a reason that’s a common quip.
everything is a story. consciousness as defined by this movement is a story. how adult children should support parents is a story. how mothers should love is a story.
we experience life as stories. to be completely removed from them is to become an isolated ascetic.
there’s no ultimate transcendence. that’s buddha/jesus. it’s an archetype we strive for. our parents are often a challenge we never overcome, and it’s good to accept that.
In addition to not having expectations, it's also helpful to understand that loving someone does not mean you must obey or take care of or "give in" to the other person. This is actually the opposite of love. It is acting out of guilt ("If I don't do this or that for them, it will hurt them, it will not be loving, it will [fill-in-the-blank]"). You can love a relative just like any other person in the world, without giving up your power of self-will and choice. You can still have love and compassion for another and be apart. They are not helpless, nor are you responsible for their well-being. No matter how it appears on the surface, there are no victims as consciousness creates reality. Reality does not create consciousness. This is where guilt creates the wrong idea of what loving another means.
The instructions "do not judge" means accept your parents as they are because they are playing a role in your life for your own growth as well as theirs. It isn't that they are being that way because of ignorance from a higher perspective, even if they do not consciously understand just as you do not understand. It is because that was the life you chose to be born into and experience and grow through by your own choices and self-reflection.
Thank you. This speaks to me, even though my mother has passed some time ago I still want and expect that love I never got from her from another person in my family who is just as messed up as my mother was. I know it's insanity but presence and letting go is the answer. The love is in me, I don't need to seek it from others.
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
♥️🙏🏼
This is so true, that our own expectations hurt us the most sometimes.
MY GOODNESS !!! Kim IS SOOOO CLEAR, DIRECT TO THE POINT , AMAZING😃👌 I LOVE KIM!!!!! PERFECT
It's amazing how all of the sociopaths, psychopaths and borderline cases are parents. Must be something about becoming a parent that induces the dark triad. Like there are no horrifically morally deranged children and youngsters. It happens to people after the onset of parenthood.
Thank you for this. My mother did something awful which left awful consequences in my life, I ended up with mental health problems. Other things happened over a 10 year period, which also affected my mental health. I ended up in a bad state. I turned to drink for several years, but eventually got help and have turned things around and managed to improve my health somewhat. However have never forgiven my mother. This has helped me, - seeing her as an unconscious person.
As Eckhart Tolle himself pointed it out: it was a big relieve for him to finally realize that they could not have acted differently otherwise it would be beyond their level of consciousness at that particular time. True forgiveness is actually there is nothing to forgive. Understand, release, let go. Liberate yourself and liberate the world.
@@Downtoearth3738 so is being conscious only when you decide to not hurt people ??
@@jennykelter9518
The higher the consciousness the less fear , Shame , anger and guilt humans carry and hence decisions and the way the treat others whether humans or otherwise will be out of compassion and inclusion.
I respect Kim and Eckhart’s teachings of transcending the pain body, however, it doesn’t make sense to be a toxic enabler. Allowing people to abuse us is not a acceptable spiritual practice.
Every time Kim opens her mouth, I have an 'Aha' moment! She quite possibly saved my life with one sentence in another upload but related to this... "We can only love at the level of consciousness that we are at." At that moment, I could face my relationship with my Mother for the first time in 50yr and she's been dead for 20yr! Thank you Kim!
She is also your best teacher 💛
I think this was really important but also I think one has to accept people as they are - and then decide whether they want that person in their life (f they have a choice) yes you can accept people for where they are at, and by doing so this does lessen your suffering but also you must set boundaries with people and in some cases, cut ties. you don't deserve to be abused
Well said, and totally agree. It's crucial to acknowledge how we get emotionally dystegulated and triggered by toxic ppl (regardless of whether they are behaving consciously or not) esp when dealing with abusers. This has helped me discern with whom I can trust and be open, and who to be more cautious and self protective around. This form of self preservation allows for inner liberation, peace and ultimately able to be of better service to society.
Wow, I just recently discovered Echart's sidekick. Very powerful. I understand the questioneer and resonated with his grievances big time. A teaching I need to learn right now. Acceptance of others and my personal situation and let go expectations and image of what I believe love should be. Thank you, Kim! 💚💚💚 Spirituality is deep work. Does it ever end?! lol I hope it stabilizes at some point. 😁
@5:35 Kim's response ❤
Than you for That explanation.Just have similar experience with my mom.I know she is affected by my father alcoholism and many other thinks as I am but suffering is there because I experienced her to have compassion as I have but she is not allowed to give that.I am willing to forgive and move on.All best for you too.
Some families speak with bullets not words.
When will you do enough to consider yourself having Self Value and not take responsibility for everything. You can delegate, and give respect to your own life. Many People work with Betrayal Trauma and it is a by product of other entanglements. Love yourself so fully that there is no space for confusion. Peace to the World.
Wow most powerful video of hers. I love getting glimpse of their marriage and how they navigate that. Its one thing hear Eckhart talk from an enlightened state and seeing the reality of a modern-day mystical couple. Would love to see vlogs or date night coffee shop or meditative trip to ocean or cooking/eating their favorite dinner or playing with the dogs, celebrating Xmas or New Years or sharing a dance or singing a song together, etc. Eckhart and Kim Spirit in Motion Vlogs
Thankyou thankyou thankyou, you Two are brilliant many blessings ☮️😛🌊💸💰💰
How do we know that’s really her mother’s level of conscience ? Sometimes people do really horrible things totally being aware they shouldn’t. That’s then are mean purposely.
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
The person level of consciousness can only support that level of unconsciousness, that should mean that person consciousness is not yet involve to dissolve huge amount of unconsciousness, everyone have their own ways to grow and at their own time, some people might take them several lifetimes to reach a higher level of consciousness, yes I totally agree with Mrs Kim when she's says "no one could have acted beyond their level of consciousness " and we need to understand that, humanity is going a gradual awakening of consciousness,
12:44 Kim is so beautiful thank you for sharing this wisdom
Thank you both for this ❤️
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
yes she is correct about the mothers level of awareness some people just dont have it and refuse to attain or be aware of it no matter what. It is sad to see someone be so resistant to change but its just reality in DBT they also ask you to radically accept that some people are just who they are and not even god can change them.
How do we let go of our very deepest instinct, to love and be loved by caregivers, just like that? "Let it go" seems like it isn't strong enough to remove the codes written in our bodies. I want my mom to love me, I have accepted that it isn't going to happen the way I want it to happen, and I realize she isn't capable. I certainly do not expect it. I'm not disappointed anymore when she behaves as if I don't exist. But I still want it and it still hurts, and I don't think I'll ever stop wanting her to love me for who I am. It seems like it makes sense; they carried us and gave birth to us, who else would love us, if not our own mothers? I didn't realize how warped my relationship with my mom was until I had my son.
I can relate as a survivor of abuse by a narc mother. I agree that letting go or acceptance of a challenging toxic relationship is key, but so is grieving the loss of not having had a loving, emotionally available parent. I struggled with the traumas of being emotionally abused, manipulated, spiritually torn apart by my narc mom for decades.... Until I decided I had enough and couldn't take it any more. The best gift I gave myself was permission to take a break, distance and go no contact with family so I can allow myself the time to process and recover from the cumulative effects from being isolated, degraded, betrayed and abandoned. The mental, physical and spiritual toll is real. I still am in that grief phase, letting all the years of suppressed emotions out- the sadness, the anger, the despair that I wasn't allowed to express... It has helped free my body and soul. I actually feel like I'm able to just be myself - without the baggage of anxiety, fear and self consciousness that had plagued me for so long stemming directly from the family abuse I had endured.
You are right. Love is critical for survival, just like food. I think the point might be, if a parent is not feeding/nurturing their child (so the parent is failing at the most basic function of being a parent), what choice does the child have but to let go of the expectation of a fair parental relationship? To hold on would lead to starvation. But the child should not let go of the hope for love/food. There is no way to live without it. But they can discover their own power to nurture themself, through self care, spirituality, and through forming a family-of-choice. This is what I understood anyway.
you are so right... it's not that easy.
I truly felt this teaching. Thank you for sharing 🙏🙏🙏🥰😊🙏🙏🙏
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Wow. This is so powerful. Thank you. ❤
This is such a gold! Thank you
I admire this man! To deal with all of this! So open and calm and strong! 👏👍
Dad's and mother's really challenging .....space to grow.i hate where iamimaloneallday
Wishing I could give him a big hug!
Brilliantly and very clearly explained - Most helpful !
Thanks ever so much Kim.
Thank you. I have dealt with the same issues with my father.
Receive, allowing, no judging,
Before I speak I ask the question, what can they hear?
My mom was still abusing me verbally into her fourth stage of dementia. Now she is in the last stage and we have peace, before she wouldn’t allow me any space to love her. I was always hurt, angry, or a rebellious teenager. Space is good. Boundaries are for you. To keep you safe. That’s not her job anymore, you are grown up. So hard, but you can do it sweetly but don’t back down. Truth is, they need us more than we need them. You love your mom, and with presence and some space you’ll be able to be with her without taking on all her stuff. Detach with love, codependent no more💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you for this ❤
i needed this
Thank you 💕
Beautiful ❤
Grateful for this video.. I can relate.. having expectations of others; or of my own self to be or do in a certain way.. we are not meant to control others, but instead, to accept them {and exercise self-control; and speak the truth when needed}.. what helps me, I cry out to God, "Please help me!" over and over, when I fall into this trap.. GOD reminds me that HE Loves each one of us with a DIVINE and EVERLASTING LOVE, and HE says that HE IS ENOUGH.. we simply need to Take a Moment and Connect with this Truth, and Accept it.. then, we are at Peace... Just OPEN and RECEIVE this DIVINE LOVE from GOD, it is ALWAYS here for the taking... 💖Then, it flows through us... Just like Kim says, this DIVINE LOVE is within each one of us {it comes in IF we OPEN to it}.. What we receive from people, is the icing on the cake... it was never meant to sustain, fulfill or define us... GOD loves ME, Trully and Fully, and IT IS Enough ~~ Receive this Truth {daily}... In Scripture, GOD Warns us {multiple times}, against Associating with those who have Not Opened, to HIM {they are [still] in darkness, they do not have His Love.. it is challenging to be at Peace, in their presence, esp. if one is seeking to heal... so, it may be wise to limit the time spent with them... - Proverbs 4:23 and Matthew 12:46-50. Thank you to the young man for Sharing and Asking the question; and to Kim, for her True and Beautiful answer... ✝
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
I have never been in a relationship so far... but I have this fantasy that one day, I will manifest a loving and nurturing partner. One that can give me what I never got. Maybe that is an illusion, but it's a vision that motivates me. Maybe if I complete myself, I will attract that kind of person. Since inner consciousness is correlated with the outer world. Fulfilling and healing myself feels challenging but is probably the smarter route in the long run. Eckhart also said that once you don't need something, that's often when you get it. That shouldn't be the expectation yes... but I can't help it haha 🙏🌿 Spontaneus thoughts.
Yes I used to really want a partner who was good to me, then I realized that what was important was that I learned to be good to myself.
Beautiful
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Well that was helpful. Thank you.
I have this story in my life aswell
Pseudo family... what an insult to all people who have worked hard to build a family of choice. It's not our job to build up screwed up family members. Sometimes it's just better to leave broken structures than to dedicate our whole life to transcendence. We are not monks, god or enlightened - just normal people, who wants to enjoy our life.
@Sylvia S- well said!
so true... if the only person you can save is yourself, that's okay!!
Sí, así es, mi madre es mi gran maestra del despertar, con la que tuve que aprender a que no soy víctima, sino una gran afortunada, por "el contrato" que ella acordó antes de caer el velo, ya que eso me ayudó a liberarme y a admirarla como nunca lo había hecho antes... Gracias 🙏🏼 💜 🙇🏼♀️ 🌈
Being human is complicated, as a mom I had to laugh a little when he said “when I was young, friends and strangers were always so good to me, why can’t my mom be that way”. I of course do not agree with a culture that believes in corporal punishment/beating their child and feel bad he had that experience but relationships with friends and neighbors is different from your parents. It’s the parent that has to discipline when you do something wrong, not your friends. Wether it’s parents or siblings, the feelings are more intense both love and sometimes negative emotions.
I want to see more of him
Wow!! That was so beautifully put into a way of understanding for so many who struggle with this. 🌟💛🙏
The abuse is wrong though and it is okay for him to have space.
When you are aware they are as they are , How do you know when to leave a relationship
I guess when you feel it no longer serves you. Or worse, when it takes away your happiness and drags you down.
Your situation will improve by itself or automatically, the higher consciousness or what people call "God" will take over your situation, without any effort on your side
❤
💜
🙏🏻❤️🌸
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
8:44
“However you arrived with your family… this is it.
This is what you have to work with.
This is what you have to transcend.”
Amen to that.
🙏🙏🙏✨✨✨🤗🤗🤗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Tired of videos making moms look bad!!! I don’t deny there are bad moms but way to many videos making children hate their mothers/parents! There’s a narrative here!!!!
Bullshit
Hello, I hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness, prosperity, and love 💛all over the world, I would love us to be good friends in honesty and in trust if you don't mind. I'm Doctor Christopher Johnson from San Francisco, California, where are you from if I may ask?♥
Some moms are…
The videos don’t make children hate their parents
@Love the outdoors - I have a wonderful mother. But some mothers are just horrible. The videos just show what happens in some homes. The moms make themselves look bad
My mother betrayed me and participated in abusing me , lying to me , baiting me and locked me up in a mental institution and forced me on medication , drove me into deep depression and destroyed my life , now by doing this to me it has affected my family business due to this behaviour and destruction of my life , that was inflicted purposely , I have come to the conclusion that we are not the same , we live as strangers and we will die as strangers simple as that , I have been true and genuine yet she has not , never mind it is what it is , my mother has been brain washed into a cult I get it , I had good intentions for her and wanted to help in life , yet she destroyed even that they may have created a happier life for her , it's a strange ordeal and situation and how life has panned out . These western gurus are full of shit , that have read a book and think they understand the human condition and mind , is a joke to the true masters that have actually done inner work on them selves .
I don't think you've worked enough on shame
❤