Too many people have seen me being ace as a "challenge". Led to a lot of traumatic situations. I wish everyone who's interested in an asexual person watched a video like this.
It's one of the biggest reasons I wanted to make this video. So many people don't know what to do when they're interested in or with an ace person and it can lead to things like what's happened to you. I'm so sorry you've gone through that
Not ace myself, and also engaged/in a happy long term relationship - but as a queer person myself, as well as a staunch ally, I *LOVE* resources like these to better understand & support people whom I care about/might meet someday. :)
This makes me feel so validated. I'm demisexual, which is on the ace spectrum, and I've had people I'm interested in get offended when I don't want to do anything intimate. Honestly most of the time I'd rather lay under the stars and talk about the truth of the universe.
May I ask what demisexuality means, to you? Genuine inquiry, no trolling! I feel like I’ve a decent grasp of asexuality overall, but still learning. Demisexual, however, is a term I’ve heard several times, and Googled lightly, but lack a solid understanding of. _(If you feel like sharing, of course! No pressure at all!)_ 😊
I’m very lucky that I have a boyfriend who understands my limits. We’ve been togther for almost 10 years. He was first person I told when I was questioning if I was ace or not. He was perfectly fine of who I was.
hello , i am demi and my partner is asexual. i have (little) sexual attraction only towards my partner and she has no sexual attraction towards me , we've been together for over three months now and we love each other right. we haven't properly sat now and had the talk but we are aware of the basics of what each other want. so she has told me that she is willing to do it if i want to and for my sake but she personally wouldn't want to do it which i think is a really sweet and a selfless gesture for her to do. but i have made it clear to her that we won't have to do anything unless it's mutual. what i want to know is how has your relationship evolved over the years and since your partner isn't ace , do you both have sexual intimacy or have you both come to terms with it , i don't mean to be disrespectful and im deeply sorry if i may have said something wrong or off but i genuinely want to know more about it.
I met my girlfriend 3 and a half years ago, and we started dating a month after we met. About two months into our relationship, she told me that didn't like sex and thought it was gross. At first, I thought that she was joking and that it was just a phase. She has never mentioned to me anything about her being asexual, but the signs have always been there, and I started learning about asexual during our first year together. I've never really bought it up, because I didn't want her to get upset thinking that things might change between us. I came to terms with it during our second year and our love grew stronger. Once in a while, my girlfriend feels like she's a been disappointment to me over the past 3 years, but always reassure her that she isn't. We always enjoy spending time together, going out to eat, cooking at home, going to the movies, and buying each other gifts once in a while. Not every couple needs sex to make their love work, and there is nothing wrong with that. Communication is the number ONE very important thing in any relationship for every couple. Great video, keep up the good work.
I'm so happy for you!! I'm ace and my girlfriend and I are going on 3 years. we work very similar, communicate A LOT, buy gifts, spend time together, travel work walks anything and everything. thanks for sharing :)
I dated asexual person, 8 years ago, took me a year or two until I realized she is asexual in some ways, so I adjusted a lot. It was just last year that I realized I am genderfluid, made me realzied of why we just kinda fit together really well even though I never understand the gender terms, we were always seen as that "weird couple". lol For me,sexual activities are just to feel good together, if she isn't in the mood, I'll just say alright, no problem, because I understand that when I am not in the mood (turned toward asexual side), I know how it feels exactly, sometime I turned her down too and she isn't mad, it's mutual respect, very simple concept. I just don't get it when she said she afraid I might reject her for turning the act down, I was like "wtf" .lol I later learned that most people aren't like me. We're now living together, loving the same and more everyday.
You are lucky. My husband figured out he's on the ACE spectrum well past 10 years married. He does feel sexual attraction towards me, not others but his libido is really low. Mine isn't. And we married in part with the understanding of a decent amount of sex. Sex and romance are one in the same for me. They go together. I'm extremely demi/sapiosexual and very monogamous. Which is a bit ironic bc me being demi sexual put me on the ACE spectrum too.. I understand why yet having my large libido, it seems inaccurate but I understand why demi is on the spectrum. So us figuring out how to move forward happily is tough. Again, we've been together 20 years and married 17. I had ZERO opportunity prior to our vows to realize what I was signing up for. We're going to counseling soon and we may need to explore open relationship options as I'm 45 and very randy, all the time. Especially with no way to become pregnant anymore, sex is 100% more freeing. I want to make love often. So does he it's just much less about the physical for him. I'm only truly interested in penetration, by a male penis. I've always had a large appetite and lots of energy. How I'm going to convince myself to be with another, physically, I don't know. He doesn't like the idea (neither do I honestly) yet we both know my needs aren't being met yet his absolutely are bc if he's not there, mentally... well, he's my bff, I can't sleep with him under duress.. that's 💩. I'm doing everything possible to allow him space and to feel accepted. But my needs matter too. And our entire marriage has been strained by his lack of libido. So I've always had to tough it out and be content with lots of self love. Now we know why.. which is great bc it is not me. I realize now he's not unattracted to me nor is he cheating. Those are HUGE reliefs. As a wife, ya know, societally, there's a lot of pressure on us about physicality/sex. I really took it personally. However, I'm still hungry often and it feels very lonely and isolating, abandonment in fact that I have to take care of 80% of my needs alone especially being married when the agreed upon expectation was regular love making. So.. how I'm going to resolve that, I'm not sure. I'm doing my best to move and act with care so he doesn't feel too annihilated by my choices.. but for me to say that me not having sex, other than myself bc either he can't or he can't handle me being with another, is too much. Again, being monogamous and demi sexual, I only want him. But if that hunger can't be met, while I respect it (him) and support/honor his ways, I need my needs met as well some how. Marriage is a long road. Hopefully we'll find middle ground. None of this is ideal. Had I known in the beginning, we'd of either figured out the non-monogamy straight away or realized we were better as great friends and not married. Which is a painfully harsh realization..bc I adore him and he, I..but I would never knowingly agree to marriage without consistent, regular sex. He knows that. Obviously medical crisis happen(exp. becoming paralyzed) and couples figure it out.. but I don't want to compare Ace to that bc it's not that. It's simply who he is. Not something that happened to him. Our middle kid identifies as ACE and thru their journey, hubby realized it fit him as well. Makes sense, too. I encourage my kid to really know themselves before being in a relationship bc waiting to find out after twenty years together is difficult for the non-ace other person more than it's not. I'm happy so many young ones are able to figure this stuff out openly and safely (well at least under our roof) so they can know their truths early on. Truly a blessing.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m ace for a while. After watching several of your vids tho, I’ve determined that I’m probably demiromantic and asexual or graysexual
And there is also a tendency to confuse asexuality with sex repulsion, which is also different, since none ace people can be sex repulsed due to trauma too and not all ace people are sex repulsed.
My mother once confused being agender with being asexual. I've seen a meme going around about someone on the internet who did that too. Newsflash people: being a specific gender does not mandate you to perform certain sexual activities. You can be whatever gender you are without conforming to sexualized stereotypes. Being asexual does not make you less of a man or a woman or whatever you are.
It's difficult to discern if you're someone who doesn't feel the line of separation for those things.. romantic behavior absolutely tells my sexual self that it's time to get ready. Sex and romance are one in the same for me. Hubby is very romantic just not needing of actual sex. It's literally painful how often he'll be affectionate and yet I must explain to my body to stand down bc he doesn't mean "that"... And he's equally bummed when I must say no more, too much or I can't right now bc I know sex is not going to happen. He'd prefer to cuddle. Figuring out the where that line exists for each of us is difficult.. Pls keep in mind, we're married 17 & together 20. He's only realized his ace the last two years.. our libidos were always different but now we know why. It's all still very confusing. I'm watching vids trying to learn and understand to be a better spouse but it's difficult..
I only discovered I am asexual, specifically aegosexual, last year. I am not aromantic even though I haven't been on a date in over 30 years. And I've never really dated "as an adult" since my last date was high school senior prom. I spent many, many years pining for a romantic relationship but never thought it was possible for me. I am now mostly ok with living an aro life but I sometimes wonder if I would have dated if I knew about asexuality before.
The part of don't put blame on someone who is ace for not feel sexual attraction made me feel so " in a safe place". Thank u for always mention this Lynn 🥺 . I tried to be more close with a friend and they were really respectful of my boundaries, yet I was all the time thinking that they probably want to do more and kinda putting blame on me by myself , so being also blamed by your partner would push you even more . This also can come with being aro for not feeling romantically attracted to the person you are wanting to be more close with . We have feelings and aren't heartless at all so please everyone dating ace/aro people don't forget that, we already have enough weight in ourselves from all the things we know people expect from us when wanting to be in a relationship. Being aro-ace and be able to see someone remind me that I don't have the fault for not feel sexual nor romantic attraction makes me feel seen and accept me more .
My journey to realizing I'm ace was to figure out that I can be physically intimate with people without leading to or having sex, and that I also really value physical touch as my primary love language. As long as I can cuddle with someone and have a very trustworthy relationship, I've found that I'm completely indifferent to sex; like I've already got everything I want out of a relationship before getting there. So I guess what I'm saying is that there may be others out there that don't care about sex but actually really value all of the loving physicality that would normally lead up to that point.
I’m not ace and my gf of 1 year is. Sometimes I’m sad that she doesn’t feel the same way about me, and I wish I could understand how she experiences the world. I also really struggle with other people judging us or asking me invasive questions. Our personalities go well together, we’re in love, and we’re happy with our relationship so that should be all that matters
Thanks for the video. I’m myself as a heteroromantic asexual. It’s really hard for me to find a bf. Since most guys are allosexual or heterosexual. They demand a lot of sex in a relationship. I just want a pure, romantic, platonic love with hugs and cuddles. But I haven’t found any so far…
thank you for this video, i'm dating an ace person, a lot of my friends are ace and videos like these really help me better understand their experience :))
One of my friends are asexual and I'm here to support them as best I can. I'm the exact opposite to them and I know I couldn't date an asexual person because of my personal needs, but I do support asexual people and want my friend to be happy in their relationship
This was very help, thank you! I used to “date” this boy who I was friends with first then in the talking stage. So nothing sexual. But I always got the feeling that he just wasn’t attenuated to me as I was to him. That wasn’t the main reason we stop hanging out, taking, and grow our relationship but it was definitely a playing factor for me. It’s been bugging me for over a year and one of our Mutual friends suggested that he was asexual. Some of what you said in this video reminds me of him and the relationship we once had.
@@Josephine_0 It is I, lady umra of kingdom zubeir, slayer of kraken and bearer of the the fabled sword of non-eucledian, who has come to challenge you. tbh maybe slayer of kraken is inaccurate, I rolled a nat 20 and the kraken's my pet now. She is adorable and squishy.
My partner recently came out to me as Asexual. We’ve been having a lot of issues with intimacy lately and this was a real eye opener for me to navigate through things and maybe understand him more. We’re on a break right now through the holidays. I’m just thankful there are resources out here like you to help me understand people under the asexual spectrum. I personally think I’m very demisexual myself because I have problems being turned on without that deep emotional connection. I’m trying to be mature and understanding I love this man so much I really hope we can have a life together
Not ace myself, and also engaged/in a happy long term relationship - but as a queer person myself, as well as a staunch ally, I *LOVE* resources like these to better understand & support people whom I care about/might meet someday. :) Really great stuff - cool opportunity to step completely outside of what I’m familiar with & learn/grow. Thanks so much for this, subbed so fast!
Great video! Being quite into sexual things, I struggle to understand asexuality, but this video was very informative! The more I look at resources about it the more I think I get it (in general, I understand that everyone is different). Thank you for speaking so openly!
*Ah, thank you!* I just recently started growing closer to someone who was revealed to be ace, and though I knew some things about what it meant, I wasn't sure about what it actually is. Honestly, thinking about it that might be why they were so attentive when having a conversation. They're a very kind person, and maybe I'm just not used to being treated like a real respectable human being by straight men... 💀 I haven't dates an asexual person before, but this person is lovely, so I'm open to the idea if they are 🥰 I think taking a chance and seeing how things work out with an open mind is better than not trying at all. Even if nothing happens, I'm sure we could still be good friends!
When I started dating at 25 I knew that my ace identity would probably be the biggest hurdle. I understood that not being able to provide certain things in a relationship would definitely be a deal breaker for most. When I set up my first date I was so sure that I would be rejected and I was mortified. I had never dated so it was extra nerve racking for me. I wanted to be completely upfront with my date so I let them know I was ace right off the bat. His reaction honestly surprised me. He was so nonchalant about the reveal and he didn’t actually care if I was ace. He had seen it on my dating profile and still went on the date knowing that. He did want to clarify exactly what being ace meant for the relationship, i.e. if we could hold hands, hug, kiss, etc. I made it clear what I was comfortable with and what I wasn’t. Turns out it is possible to date when you’re ace after all . We’re officially a couple after about 2 months of dating.
My whole life has been one trauma after another. No respect for my wishes even though I didn't know I was asexual. So trauma on top of trauma. My heart breaks 💔 and needs to process all of this and be in an environment or groups that accept me for who I am. Thank you for your content. I just found you today.
I want to ask a question. Most of the comments here refer only to the needs and wants of the Asexual person in the relationship, and if you love and respect them you will do this or that, but what about the other person in the relationship with a healthy sexual appitite? What is the Asexual person doing to accomodate them? An adult relationship cannot be one sided, it is no longer about ME, it is now US. Also, there are some people with a low sex drive which does not give them the right to hate on others with a healthy sex drive. Sex is one of the ways that humans communicate, show affection and also procreate@@lynnsaga1397
a young friend of mine recently told me his partner broke up with him because my friend is ACE. I'd never heard this term before and decided I needed to learn more about it to understand him better. He's such a sweet guy. Well in the process I learned more about myself. I realized I'm likely demisexual myself. I've had romantic relationships but they all failed due to my partner's frustration with my lack of interest in sex. I'm in my 60s and this millennial led me to discover more about myself.
I really like this video and I appreciate all the information.I do have a question I have had an encounter with an asexual person whom I've grown to like,but when she came out to me I didn't understand it and I behaved every other misunderstanding human being,I decided to learn more about Asexuality and I have understood so much My question is it possible for to be able date this person even though I misunderstood?
Waisted a year on a asexual person because they never were upfront and gave up someone else up for them too for nothing. I am very bitter about it because now I have invested feelings but am filled with sexual frustration with no outlet. Stone walling seems like the only option now.
Can I get some advice? I started dating a non binary, ace, she/they. We have been dating for 7months now. They’re are older then me, I’m 25 he/him and they’re 30. We connect very well and we have talked about a lot of deep and meaningful things, and usually when I approach the subject of physical intimacy, it goes something like this. “I’m sorry if this subject makes you uncomfortable, I’m asking these questions because I want to understand your boundaries and what is and isn’t acceptable in our relationship” then I would ask about their boundaries. They are very open to having the hard conversations, which I very much appreciate. But I feel guilty for asking if there is a way where I can have my needs be met without making them uncomfortable. I deeply respect them and their identity and sexual orientation. But idk how to approach the subject in a respectful manner that won’t come off as an attack or criticism. That’s my biggest fear is trying to have the conversation about my needs and coming off as an insensitive partner. But I can’t help these feelings of attraction and the want to do more. Again I truly believe they are someone I can see myself dating for a very long time. But I just don’t know if my Lobito will harm our relationship. How would I start a conversation or what would be a respectful way to approach the situation without crossing my partner’s boundaries?
I know that there are asexual women and men out there, but could anyone tell me how I can find asexual men to date. It's just seems like mose people out there are into sex, and I feel kinda lost when it comes to dating because of the whole sex thing.
What I've learn in my short life of 24 y/o is that the most true you are to yourself and keep being just you, regardless what people expect from you, you will attract what is meant for you (and that includes a partner that matches with your energy) just keep being true to yourself (your likes and dislikes, your boundories, your expectations, your goals, passion's and you'll attract them to you) I hope this helps ❤💫
Bi or lesbian..u mean its a coin toss, whatever way the wind blows. I'm kidding! I dated a bi lady that could be in a relationship with either sex, though wasn't Asexual. I don't know many bi or gay ladies, unless Asexual, that could survive in a sexless relationship.
I am asexual and have no interest in sex or anything too intimate. Just the thought is disgusting to me, and honestly makes me physically sick. But I am interested in cuddles and minimal kisses, but mostly just cuddles. This is something that is highly misunderstood because most people believe that asexual means zero relationships, even romantically. So it is difficult, because asexuality is different than being aromantic. I wish people would understand that. This video helps people understand that too. My partner isn't ace and has tried to get me to take part in sexual acts and other things, which is why I wish that he watches this 😅
Yeah you can! Aromantic is one of those terms that’s so broad it’s means a lot of different things to different people, there are aro people who want to be in a relationship (either a romantic or queer platonic one) while not being romantically attracted to anyone. As long as you’re upfront about it and everyone’s on the same page that kind of relationship can work. Plus some aro people like romance from a distance but don’t really want a relationship themselves, can be hard to tell those two things apart sometimes
Aromantic is like asexual: both are spectrums. There are different kinds of aromantic. So yeah, it's just like it is for aces and possibly-sexual relationships.
I dont know if you read your comments, but if you do pls reply! My partner who I love very much came out to me as asexual today. I’m looking for guidance on how I can support them as an allosexual and partner. I would really appreciate a reply if possible!
So, I'm not Lyn Saga but I don't think she could give you any other advice than this: Honest, clear communication with your partner. You can be a ally in a verry outward visible way. If your partner desn't feel conent with beeing ace in public that might push things on your partner they don't want. So just talk it out.
Also Asexual, or just stumbled upon this video by accident like myself? Its an interesting topic, but there are so many ways around it that allows a woman an actual relationship. I mean, who wants a long life alone with just fluffy the cat!
@@iterativegrowth it's been 3 years since I cut the creature loose xD Still stalks me on youtube and has been blocked from every other avenue though :O Kinda wild to think that the only one who watches your channel with dedication is your abuser 😅😅😅
If you are asexual why do you feel like you connect with the LGBTQ community? To me these things seem entirely separate. It may be my experience of the LGBT community being very sexually oriented and sexualised by themselves and others
In my experience, this relates to the idea of different types of attraction. I wouldn't take being called hot as a compliment like most people, but I really deeply appreciate compliments about how I look or what I'm wearing, because those compliments are about the aesthetic I'm displaying. I experience aesthetic attraction to different people, and I feel happy to recieve attention for my personal aesthetic, but cat calls just basically have no weight by comparison because I'm completely indifferent to sexual attraction. Hope this helps give some sort of context.
I dated someone for 2 1/2 years before she came out as asexual. I thought she was just a nice girl waiting for marriage. I've never been so furious in my whole life.
This is a very shallow way of viewing things. Dating means different things to different people. If you can’t imagine being in a relationship without a sexual partner, then it isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a relationship.
Weird for you to define what “actually dating” is for anyone but yourself. I understand why you might feel this way, but, this sort of binary thinking can really inhibit your personal growth/valuable life experiences. IMO, at least.
I dated someone who was ace and it ended poorly mainly due to lack of communication on her part but some on mine This person came out as ace specifically sex replied and already was a tell don't show sorta lover with both are valid but for me it was already sorta difficult as I'm a affectionate person and more of a show don't tell as I find it hard to put some feelings into words or text she said I don't know where my boundaries are and I essentially said I'd give her space to figure them out still texted and hung out but after roughly six months I was constantly reminding myself hey she doesn't like this or that witch again valid We went to the movies and at the theater she put her hand on my lap I held it for the rest of the movie and she then broke up with me because I didn't understand her boundaries If your partner comes out as ace be supportive and be there for them but if it is dragging on you and you don't feel it's working out don't put yourself through it just to try and help someone else you'll often do more harm than good (Fyi) this was the first date we been on and no I don't remember much between those texts
Seems confusing - probably for her, too. The spectrum of human sexuality + the nuances of human psychology are legit fascinating to me. Sounds like y’all weren’t a fit for each other, yet I really admire your empathetic/understanding (as much as one can) approach to this situation! :)
I hope you all enjoyed this video! Be sure to leave a comment of anything you wish allosexual people knew about dating asexuals.
Too many people have seen me being ace as a "challenge". Led to a lot of traumatic situations. I wish everyone who's interested in an asexual person watched a video like this.
It's one of the biggest reasons I wanted to make this video. So many people don't know what to do when they're interested in or with an ace person and it can lead to things like what's happened to you. I'm so sorry you've gone through that
Agreed.
being ace made me feel like dating is completely out of the question for me tbh
Honestly same here @Gali ,
Not ace myself, and also engaged/in a happy long term relationship - but as a queer person myself, as well as a staunch ally, I *LOVE* resources like these to better understand & support people whom I care about/might meet someday. :)
This makes me feel so validated. I'm demisexual, which is on the ace spectrum, and I've had people I'm interested in get offended when I don't want to do anything intimate. Honestly most of the time I'd rather lay under the stars and talk about the truth of the universe.
I’ve never related more to a comment! I honestly feel the same way
@@lynnsaga1397 Yes! When I watch your videos, I get the sense we’re the same. That’s so cool.
May I ask what demisexuality means, to you? Genuine inquiry, no trolling! I feel like I’ve a decent grasp of asexuality overall, but still learning. Demisexual, however, is a term I’ve heard several times, and Googled lightly, but lack a solid understanding of.
_(If you feel like sharing, of course! No pressure at all!)_
😊
I’m very lucky that I have a boyfriend who understands my limits. We’ve been togther for almost 10 years. He was first person I told when I was questioning if I was ace or not. He was perfectly fine of who I was.
I'm so happy you're with someone who's so accepting! I love hearing stories like yours cause it reminds me there's good people out there
hello , i am demi and my partner is asexual. i have (little) sexual attraction only towards my partner and she has no sexual attraction towards me , we've been together for over three months now and we love each other right. we haven't properly sat now and had the talk but we are aware of the basics of what each other want. so she has told me that she is willing to do it if i want to and for my sake but she personally wouldn't want to do it which i think is a really sweet and a selfless gesture for her to do. but i have made it clear to her that we won't have to do anything unless it's mutual. what i want to know is how has your relationship evolved over the years and since your partner isn't ace , do you both have sexual intimacy or have you both come to terms with it , i don't mean to be disrespectful and im deeply sorry if i may have said something wrong or off but i genuinely want to know more about it.
I met my girlfriend 3 and a half years ago, and we started dating a month after we met. About two months into our relationship, she told me that didn't like sex and thought it was gross. At first, I thought that she was joking and that it was just a phase. She has never mentioned to me anything about her being asexual, but the signs have always been there, and I started learning about asexual during our first year together. I've never really bought it up, because I didn't want her to get upset thinking that things might change between us. I came to terms with it during our second year and our love grew stronger. Once in a while, my girlfriend feels like she's a been disappointment to me over the past 3 years, but always reassure her that she isn't. We always enjoy spending time together, going out to eat, cooking at home, going to the movies, and buying each other gifts once in a while. Not every couple needs sex to make their love work, and there is nothing wrong with that. Communication is the number ONE very important thing in any relationship for every couple. Great video, keep up the good work.
I'm so happy for you!! I'm ace and my girlfriend and I are going on 3 years. we work very similar, communicate A LOT, buy gifts, spend time together, travel work walks anything and everything. thanks for sharing :)
I dated asexual person, 8 years ago, took me a year or two until I realized she is asexual in some ways, so I adjusted a lot. It was just last year that I realized I am genderfluid, made me realzied of why we just kinda fit together really well even though I never understand the gender terms, we were always seen as that "weird couple". lol
For me,sexual activities are just to feel good together, if she isn't in the mood, I'll just say alright, no problem, because I understand that when I am not in the mood (turned toward asexual side), I know how it feels exactly, sometime I turned her down too and she isn't mad, it's mutual respect, very simple concept. I just don't get it when she said she afraid I might reject her for turning the act down, I was like "wtf" .lol I later learned that most people aren't like me. We're now living together, loving the same and more everyday.
You are lucky. My husband figured out he's on the ACE spectrum well past 10 years married. He does feel sexual attraction towards me, not others but his libido is really low. Mine isn't. And we married in part with the understanding of a decent amount of sex. Sex and romance are one in the same for me. They go together.
I'm extremely demi/sapiosexual and very monogamous. Which is a bit ironic bc me being demi sexual put me on the ACE spectrum too.. I understand why yet having my large libido, it seems inaccurate but I understand why demi is on the spectrum. So us figuring out how to move forward happily is tough. Again, we've been together 20 years and married 17. I had ZERO opportunity prior to our vows to realize what I was signing up for. We're going to counseling soon and we may need to explore open relationship options as I'm 45 and very randy, all the time. Especially with no way to become pregnant anymore, sex is 100% more freeing. I want to make love often. So does he it's just much less about the physical for him. I'm only truly interested in penetration, by a male penis. I've always had a large appetite and lots of energy.
How I'm going to convince myself to be with another, physically, I don't know. He doesn't like the idea (neither do I honestly) yet we both know my needs aren't being met yet his absolutely are bc if he's not there, mentally... well, he's my bff, I can't sleep with him under duress.. that's 💩. I'm doing everything possible to allow him space and to feel accepted. But my needs matter too. And our entire marriage has been strained by his lack of libido. So I've always had to tough it out and be content with lots of self love. Now we know why.. which is great bc it is not me. I realize now he's not unattracted to me nor is he cheating. Those are HUGE reliefs. As a wife, ya know, societally, there's a lot of pressure on us about physicality/sex. I really took it personally. However, I'm still hungry often and it feels very lonely and isolating, abandonment in fact that I have to take care of 80% of my needs alone especially being married when the agreed upon expectation was regular love making. So.. how I'm going to resolve that, I'm not sure. I'm doing my best to move and act with care so he doesn't feel too annihilated by my choices.. but for me to say that me not having sex, other than myself bc either he can't or he can't handle me being with another, is too much. Again, being monogamous and demi sexual, I only want him. But if that hunger can't be met, while I respect it (him) and support/honor his ways, I need my needs met as well some how. Marriage is a long road. Hopefully we'll find middle ground. None of this is ideal. Had I known in the beginning, we'd of either figured out the non-monogamy straight away or realized we were better as great friends and not married. Which is a painfully harsh realization..bc I adore him and he, I..but I would never knowingly agree to marriage without consistent, regular sex. He knows that. Obviously medical crisis happen(exp. becoming paralyzed) and couples figure it out.. but I don't want to compare Ace to that bc it's not that. It's simply who he is. Not something that happened to him. Our middle kid identifies as ACE and thru their journey, hubby realized it fit him as well. Makes sense, too. I encourage my kid to really know themselves before being in a relationship bc waiting to find out after twenty years together is difficult for the non-ace other person more than it's not. I'm happy so many young ones are able to figure this stuff out openly and safely (well at least under our roof) so they can know their truths early on. Truly a blessing.
My gf and I are both Apothisexual. We cuddle, go on dates, and all the other stuff couples do. We just don't have sex.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m ace for a while. After watching several of your vids tho, I’ve determined that I’m probably demiromantic and asexual or graysexual
I'm really annoyed when people mix up asexuality and aromantic
And there is also a tendency to confuse asexuality with sex repulsion, which is also different, since none ace people can be sex repulsed due to trauma too and not all ace people are sex repulsed.
My mother once confused being agender with being asexual. I've seen a meme going around about someone on the internet who did that too. Newsflash people: being a specific gender does not mandate you to perform certain sexual activities. You can be whatever gender you are without conforming to sexualized stereotypes. Being asexual does not make you less of a man or a woman or whatever you are.
It's difficult to discern if you're someone who doesn't feel the line of separation for those things.. romantic behavior absolutely tells my sexual self that it's time to get ready. Sex and romance are one in the same for me. Hubby is very romantic just not needing of actual sex. It's literally painful how often he'll be affectionate and yet I must explain to my body to stand down bc he doesn't mean "that"... And he's equally bummed when I must say no more, too much or I can't right now bc I know sex is not going to happen. He'd prefer to cuddle. Figuring out the where that line exists for each of us is difficult..
Pls keep in mind, we're married 17 & together 20. He's only realized his ace the last two years.. our libidos were always different but now we know why. It's all still very confusing. I'm watching vids trying to learn and understand to be a better spouse but it's difficult..
I'm asexual and aromantic.
However, i don't find people attractive in general.
To me, i find people both ugly on the outside and on the inside.
I only discovered I am asexual, specifically aegosexual, last year. I am not aromantic even though I haven't been on a date in over 30 years. And I've never really dated "as an adult" since my last date was high school senior prom. I spent many, many years pining for a romantic relationship but never thought it was possible for me. I am now mostly ok with living an aro life but I sometimes wonder if I would have dated if I knew about asexuality before.
The part of don't put blame on someone who is ace for not feel sexual attraction made me feel so " in a safe place". Thank u for always mention this Lynn 🥺 . I tried to be more close with a friend and they were really respectful of my boundaries, yet I was all the time thinking that they probably want to do more and kinda putting blame on me by myself , so being also blamed by your partner would push you even more . This also can come with being aro for not feeling romantically attracted to the person you are wanting to be more close with . We have feelings and aren't heartless at all so please everyone dating ace/aro people don't forget that, we already have enough weight in ourselves from all the things we know people expect from us when wanting to be in a relationship. Being aro-ace and be able to see someone remind me that I don't have the fault for not feel sexual nor romantic attraction makes me feel seen and accept me more .
My journey to realizing I'm ace was to figure out that I can be physically intimate with people without leading to or having sex, and that I also really value physical touch as my primary love language. As long as I can cuddle with someone and have a very trustworthy relationship, I've found that I'm completely indifferent to sex; like I've already got everything I want out of a relationship before getting there. So I guess what I'm saying is that there may be others out there that don't care about sex but actually really value all of the loving physicality that would normally lead up to that point.
I’m not ace and my gf of 1 year is. Sometimes I’m sad that she doesn’t feel the same way about me, and I wish I could understand how she experiences the world. I also really struggle with other people judging us or asking me invasive questions.
Our personalities go well together, we’re in love, and we’re happy with our relationship so that should be all that matters
Thanks for the video. I’m myself as a heteroromantic asexual. It’s really hard for me to find a bf. Since most guys are allosexual or heterosexual. They demand a lot of sex in a relationship. I just want a pure, romantic, platonic love with hugs and cuddles. But I haven’t found any so far…
thank you for this video, i'm dating an ace person, a lot of my friends are ace and videos like these really help me better understand their experience :))
Ditch her
One of my friends are asexual and I'm here to support them as best I can. I'm the exact opposite to them and I know I couldn't date an asexual person because of my personal needs, but I do support asexual people and want my friend to be happy in their relationship
Ok, fans..we have a wilder one that's oddly watching an Asexual video lol!
This was very help, thank you! I used to “date” this boy who I was friends with first then in the talking stage. So nothing sexual. But I always got the feeling that he just wasn’t attenuated to me as I was to him. That wasn’t the main reason we stop hanging out, taking, and grow our relationship but it was definitely a playing factor for me. It’s been bugging me for over a year and one of our Mutual friends suggested that he was asexual. Some of what you said in this video reminds me of him and the relationship we once had.
I want a rival to have epic sword fights with
Reveal thine self new rival
@@Josephine_0 It is I, lady umra of kingdom zubeir, slayer of kraken and bearer of the the fabled sword of non-eucledian, who has come to challenge you.
tbh maybe slayer of kraken is inaccurate, I rolled a nat 20 and the kraken's my pet now. She is adorable and squishy.
@@umrazubeir3839 can i pet er
@@Josephine_0 ofc, she's very friendly and accepts the souls of a damned as treats. Have been really stocking up on them since i adopted her.
@@umrazubeir3839 I came looking for a rival found a friend
My partner recently came out to me as Asexual. We’ve been having a lot of issues with intimacy lately and this was a real eye opener for me to navigate through things and maybe understand him more. We’re on a break right now through the holidays. I’m just thankful there are resources out here like you to help me understand people under the asexual spectrum. I personally think I’m very demisexual myself because I have problems being turned on without that deep emotional connection. I’m trying to be mature and understanding I love this man so much I really hope we can have a life together
Not ace myself, and also engaged/in a happy long term relationship - but as a queer person myself, as well as a staunch ally, I *LOVE* resources like these to better understand & support people whom I care about/might meet someday. :)
Really great stuff - cool opportunity to step completely outside of what I’m familiar with & learn/grow. Thanks so much for this, subbed so fast!
Love the iconic ace dragon on your monitor! 💜
Great video! Being quite into sexual things, I struggle to understand asexuality, but this video was very informative! The more I look at resources about it the more I think I get it (in general, I understand that everyone is different). Thank you for speaking so openly!
love these videos as always,
THANK YOU✨️
Awww thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy them.
Thank you. That was extremely helpful 💜😁
thank you for this vid, you make me feel less ashamed:)
*Ah, thank you!*
I just recently started growing closer to someone who was revealed to be ace, and though I knew some things about what it meant, I wasn't sure about what it actually is.
Honestly, thinking about it that might be why they were so attentive when having a conversation. They're a very kind person, and maybe I'm just not used to being treated like a real respectable human being by straight men... 💀
I haven't dates an asexual person before, but this person is lovely, so I'm open to the idea if they are 🥰
I think taking a chance and seeing how things work out with an open mind is better than not trying at all.
Even if nothing happens, I'm sure we could still be good friends!
When I started dating at 25 I knew that my ace identity would probably be the biggest hurdle. I understood that not being able to provide certain things in a relationship would definitely be a deal breaker for most. When I set up my first date I was so sure that I would be rejected and I was mortified. I had never dated so it was extra nerve racking for me. I wanted to be completely upfront with my date so I let them know I was ace right off the bat. His reaction honestly surprised me. He was so nonchalant about the reveal and he didn’t actually care if I was ace. He had seen it on my dating profile and still went on the date knowing that. He did want to clarify exactly what being ace meant for the relationship, i.e. if we could hold hands, hug, kiss, etc. I made it clear what I was comfortable with and what I wasn’t. Turns out it is possible to date when you’re ace after all . We’re officially a couple after about 2 months of dating.
My whole life has been one trauma after another. No respect for my wishes even though I didn't know I was asexual. So trauma on top of trauma. My heart breaks 💔 and needs to process all of this and be in an environment or groups that accept me for who I am. Thank you for your content. I just found you today.
Thank you so much for this video.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Cool video Lynn! I’ve been curious about these questions!
I'm happy to help!
I want to ask a question. Most of the comments here refer only to the needs and wants of the Asexual person in the relationship, and if you love and respect them you will do this or that, but what about the other person in the relationship with a healthy sexual appitite? What is the Asexual person doing to accomodate them? An adult relationship cannot be one sided, it is no longer about ME, it is now US. Also, there are some people with a low sex drive which does not give them the right to hate on others with a healthy sex drive. Sex is one of the ways that humans communicate, show affection and also procreate@@lynnsaga1397
Im scared of dating because i fear that most people would not want to date me when the sex discussion happens.
a young friend of mine recently told me his partner broke up with him because my friend is ACE. I'd never heard this term before and decided I needed to learn more about it to understand him better. He's such a sweet guy. Well in the process I learned more about myself. I realized I'm likely demisexual myself. I've had romantic relationships but they all failed due to my partner's frustration with my lack of interest in sex. I'm in my 60s and this millennial led me to discover more about myself.
DRAGONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I second this motion. DRAGONS!!
I'm happy you liked it!
@@sundaemorningblues I third this motion. DRAGONS!!
I fourth this motion- MORE DRAGONS!!! but also tiny, cuddly dragons that will snuggle into my palm
@@umrazubeir3839 omg yes
I really like this video and I appreciate all the information.I do have a question I have had an encounter with an asexual person whom I've grown to like,but when she came out to me I didn't understand it and I behaved every other misunderstanding human being,I decided to learn more about Asexuality and I have understood so much
My question is it possible for to be able date this person even though I misunderstood?
Waisted a year on a asexual person because they never were upfront and gave up someone else up for them too for nothing. I am very bitter about it because now I have invested feelings but am filled with sexual frustration with no outlet. Stone walling seems like the only option now.
Can I get some advice? I started dating a non binary, ace, she/they. We have been dating for 7months now. They’re are older then me, I’m 25 he/him and they’re 30. We connect very well and we have talked about a lot of deep and meaningful things, and usually when I approach the subject of physical intimacy, it goes something like this. “I’m sorry if this subject makes you uncomfortable, I’m asking these questions because I want to understand your boundaries and what is and isn’t acceptable in our relationship” then I would ask about their boundaries. They are very open to having the hard conversations, which I very much appreciate. But I feel guilty for asking if there is a way where I can have my needs be met without making them uncomfortable. I deeply respect them and their identity and sexual orientation. But idk how to approach the subject in a respectful manner that won’t come off as an attack or criticism. That’s my biggest fear is trying to have the conversation about my needs and coming off as an insensitive partner. But I can’t help these feelings of attraction and the want to do more. Again I truly believe they are someone I can see myself dating for a very long time. But I just don’t know if my Lobito will harm our relationship. How would I start a conversation or what would be a respectful way to approach the situation without crossing my partner’s boundaries?
I know that there are asexual women and men out there, but could anyone tell me how I can find asexual men to date. It's just seems like mose people out there are into sex, and I feel kinda lost when it comes to dating because of the whole sex thing.
What I've learn in my short life of 24 y/o is that the most true you are to yourself and keep being just you, regardless what people expect from you, you will attract what is meant for you (and that includes a partner that matches with your energy) just keep being true to yourself (your likes and dislikes, your boundories, your expectations, your goals, passion's and you'll attract them to you) I hope this helps ❤💫
I'm ace and also bi (lor lesbian, haven't figured that out yet lmao) and this video is awesome!! thank you :)
Bi or lesbian..u mean its a coin toss, whatever way the wind blows. I'm kidding! I dated a bi lady that could be in a relationship with either sex, though wasn't Asexual. I don't know many bi or gay ladies, unless Asexual, that could survive in a sexless relationship.
I am asexual and have no interest in sex or anything too intimate. Just the thought is disgusting to me, and honestly makes me physically sick. But I am interested in cuddles and minimal kisses, but mostly just cuddles. This is something that is highly misunderstood because most people believe that asexual means zero relationships, even romantically. So it is difficult, because asexuality is different than being aromantic. I wish people would understand that. This video helps people understand that too. My partner isn't ace and has tried to get me to take part in sexual acts and other things, which is why I wish that he watches this 😅
So
Aromantic means that you dont feel romantic attraction, right? But, can i be aro, and still want a romantic relationship?
Yeah you can! Aromantic is one of those terms that’s so broad it’s means a lot of different things to different people,
there are aro people who want to be in a relationship (either a romantic or queer platonic one) while not being romantically attracted to anyone. As long as you’re upfront about it and everyone’s on the same page that kind of relationship can work.
Plus some aro people like romance from a distance but don’t really want a relationship themselves, can be hard to tell those two things apart sometimes
Aromantic is like asexual: both are spectrums. There are different kinds of aromantic. So yeah, it's just like it is for aces and possibly-sexual relationships.
Thank you both
As an ace person, reading these comments gives me hope that I won't perish alone someday 😊
Hello my girlfriend of 7 months is asexual. I am pansexual. Though our views are different, we currently have a strong relationship of mutual respect.
My favorite response is, "oh, so you're Christian" (which you can see by my username, I clearly am not).
I dont know if you read your comments, but if you do pls reply!
My partner who I love very much came out to me as asexual today.
I’m looking for guidance on how I can support them as an allosexual and partner.
I would really appreciate a reply if possible!
So, I'm not Lyn Saga but I don't think she could give you any other advice than this: Honest, clear communication with your partner. You can be a ally in a verry outward visible way. If your partner desn't feel conent with beeing ace in public that might push things on your partner they don't want. So just talk it out.
❤
Also Asexual, or just stumbled upon this video by accident like myself? Its an interesting topic, but there are so many ways around it that allows a woman an actual relationship. I mean, who wants a long life alone with just fluffy the cat!
I am asexual
Heterosexual male that just began a relationship with a nonbinary asexual. This helped.
Wtf, there are people that assume asexuals are _heartless???_
That’s awful… :|
I was coerced by my abuser as well
I’m so sorry that happened to you😞
@@lynnsaga1397 3 and a half year trauma bond was doomed to fail from the beginning and basically died a slow death
@@OtakuGunsoNYhow are you holding up now? Wishing you the absolute best - you deserve it!
@@iterativegrowth it's been 3 years since I cut the creature loose xD Still stalks me on youtube and has been blocked from every other avenue though :O Kinda wild to think that the only one who watches your channel with dedication is your abuser 😅😅😅
*extremely long prescription ad voice*
Talk to your asexual to find out what level of sexual involvment is right for them!
If you are asexual why do you feel like you connect with the LGBTQ community? To me these things seem entirely separate. It may be my experience of the LGBT community being very sexually oriented and sexualised by themselves and others
I want only spiritual partner n travel partner physical relationship is not my love language
Do aromatic and asexual like to be called hot?
It really depends on the person.
In my experience, this relates to the idea of different types of attraction. I wouldn't take being called hot as a compliment like most people, but I really deeply appreciate compliments about how I look or what I'm wearing, because those compliments are about the aesthetic I'm displaying. I experience aesthetic attraction to different people, and I feel happy to recieve attention for my personal aesthetic, but cat calls just basically have no weight by comparison because I'm completely indifferent to sexual attraction. Hope this helps give some sort of context.
I found this cute girl out but she turned out to be asexual, I legit searched this video up and now I feel like a desperate creep 😅🤦♂️
I dated someone for 2 1/2 years before she came out as asexual. I thought she was just a nice girl waiting for marriage. I've never been so furious in my whole life.
Asexual usually means next!
Main thing you learn: you aren’t actually dating so run.
This is a very shallow way of viewing things. Dating means different things to different people. If you can’t imagine being in a relationship without a sexual partner, then it isn’t for you, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a relationship.
Weird for you to define what “actually dating” is for anyone but yourself. I understand why you might feel this way, but, this sort of binary thinking can really inhibit your personal growth/valuable life experiences. IMO, at least.
I dated someone who was ace and it ended poorly mainly due to lack of communication on her part but some on mine
This person came out as ace specifically sex replied and already was a tell don't show sorta lover with both are valid but for me it was already sorta difficult as I'm a affectionate person and more of a show don't tell as I find it hard to put some feelings into words or text she said I don't know where my boundaries are and I essentially said I'd give her space to figure them out still texted and hung out but after roughly six months I was constantly reminding myself hey she doesn't like this or that witch again valid
We went to the movies and at the theater she put her hand on my lap I held it for the rest of the movie and she then broke up with me because I didn't understand her boundaries
If your partner comes out as ace be supportive and be there for them but if it is dragging on you and you don't feel it's working out don't put yourself through it just to try and help someone else you'll often do more harm than good
(Fyi) this was the first date we been on and no I don't remember much between those texts
Seems confusing - probably for her, too. The spectrum of human sexuality + the nuances of human psychology are legit fascinating to me. Sounds like y’all weren’t a fit for each other, yet I really admire your empathetic/understanding (as much as one can) approach to this situation! :)
❤