Enneagram: Am I Type 3?
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- Опубліковано 8 жов 2024
- Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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Honestly, this just described every core of my breakdowns and issues. When I realized I was nothing except an image of what others projected unto me, I turned to the internet and "normal" teenager things. So now i lost my drive, my patience, my determination. What's left is an envious shell who's too undisciplined to do the work she signed up for. My friends, which are mainly 1's, keep achieving things one after the other and this threatens me. I try to stop it, knowing they're not doing anything wrong, but it's just frustrating to know I've been left out of the playing field.
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I can relate.. Rise, what made you realize your mirroring of others? When did you say "I don't like how this makes me feel and I will stop chasing it?"
As a three, when I heard you advice the concept of "I don't have to win the race" ... My reaction was "no no no, that is horrible advice" I know I'm wrong but I can't be convinced to stop hahaha
I happen to agree with you! I don't "have" to win the race, but I sure as hell ain't losing it.
I've never thought of myself as a chameleon but thinking about the different groups of people at my funeral having different things to say about me drove it home. I am a different animal with my in-laws, immediate family, church, school, and work. I will have to think about this.
This describes so well an ENFP on an Ne Te loop, I’m ENFP 3w4 so/sp ... genuinely my whole life was being a 3 in order to survive my environment. Slowly growing over past 5 years or so still in the same fancy job but can’t seem to let go and follow my feelings completely yet ... want to switch from corporate to social work but feel even then I’ll be setting goals and trying to be the best. Interesting!
A 3 ENFP? Nice!
the funeral scenario is so accurate lol
G B i swear this described me so accurately
It's scary yet true.....
I work with a type 7 who was willing to laugh at himself when he wore 2 different shoes to work one day. As a 4w5, even when surrounded by the nicest of 3s, I do find them exhausting after a while.
My internal motto in getting through high school was literally "fast and efficient". Ya got me.
I just can't express how eye opening this video is. Thanks a lot!!!!
I’m a 6 who has spent a lot of time in the unhealthy aspects of 3. This is really helpful in recognizing and understanding what I do in order to create the illusion of safety in new settings or in settings where I feel stressed and unsafe.
Glad you are moving back to 6. Life is better there for you.
I’m a 4 and my boyfriend is a 3. Him & I appreciate this video, thank you!
This confirms I’m a 3 when I thought I was a 7 thanks !
Cool, 3's are great!
Thank you so much for this video. I always tested as a 3, but then I would read the description and think it had a couple of things right but was way to strong on other things. Now I really see myself in that "healthy 3" that you were talking about. Thank you very much, very insightful
Loved you tapping your pen all the time like a true 7 Tom.
Hearing the suggestion of not using information to improve oneself and to just take a deep breathe brought so much sensation to my body! I felt deep intense pressure and wind move through my body and pressure in my ears resembling wind ... Dr. LaHue, apparently that is a huge request for us 3s. LoL sheeze even brought tears to my eyes. haha! Ah goodness.
3s are caméléons!!! I know. I am one them.
Can see myself in everyone, observing others energy and the absorbing energy in the room, saying that a bit of behaviour in all types from types one to nine. Confusions but self-control and self love will save us. 3w4 when I was single and working, took test again 2o years later, married and 3 daughters, and scored 1w9. All I want now is happiness inside. Doesn’t everyone?! I am striving for Healthy Level 1: Type 3 : Authenticity with self love first, then, help others and inspire others. How?
Let me get through my ugly divorce case.
It’s an experience with my heart and feelings.
Bible: Some people are called, but only few are Chosen (to do what others don’t want to do). Dr. You are good with your explanation. Type 3s are complex human beings and Human doing. Emotions do slow me down and I am the first one to admit it. Time is precious. I agree with you, I do resemble Healthy 1, 7, 8. And when stressed: 9s, 4s, and 2s. ID own behaviour is important for you and everyone else who cares knows and loves you unconditionally. Thank you 😊
I’m a 3 and that being in competition with everyone else has been the one thing I didn’t relate to much but when you said competing with my previous self I literally slammed the desk with excitement. Nailed it.
12:42 -ish
I am so glad I discovered I was a three after graduating college, I was incredibly depressed and have a pretty severe identity crisis because once my community was gone I had no idea what I should be doing. I had to take a year to figure out what I cared about outside of the people I was around. This is a great video for me as I'm still working on growing (as everyone is always right ?) So thank you !!!
Quick question, I feel as though I have alot of things in common with 8s. Even thought they arent attached to the 3 directly, and have somethings that directly conflict, and I wonder why ?
Heather McIntire I wonder if it’s because 3s and 8s are both in the aggressive stance?
Thanks for sharing Dr. Tom. I’m glad I came across your channel!
Blessings.
If you’re curious about if you’re a 3, listen to this song.
I’m a 3w2. This song is seemingly made for us.
Kai Straw - Freedom
Best description I've heard for type three.
This is so insightful! Thank you. I’m definitely a 3 😖 I can’t stand failure 🙅🏽♀️
This was the most insightful video i can remember ! Im stunned.. I try to get in touch with what i feel and it is like a whole new unexplored world
As a 3w4, I think that 3's come to not even know themselves, after a while because they also deceive themselves on who on earth they are. I think that 3's can learn from 7's. I've also learned from Ian Morgan Cron to keep pulling back and checking as to how I feel when in the midst of a project or job. When I notice that I'm not comfortable is when I have noticed that I'm losing "me." This realization helps in pivoting and leading from a more genuine place-the heart of the onion. Thank you for this informative video :)
I needed to hear this, thanks man- I’ll do it for myself and not others. ❤️
Extremely helpful advice. Thank you
I'm so glad you found my channel.
I believe this adds to the foundation of Cluster B personality disorders, narcissism and histrionic.
7:26 oh, that sounds so accurate😮 But I thought that's because my MBTI type is INFJ and INFJs are often described as social chameleons.
14:57 I came here just the right time. I didn't know about enneagram before. But once I started asking myself what is my true identity, is there something that comes from deep inside, this magically popped up.
I am a type 4 but rely heavily on my 3 wing... mostly I appreciate this part of me.
My husband is a 3. This is him. But like some 3s might do, he tuned out once it got deeper and more about emotions lol. He’s definitely out of touch with his deeper emotions and subconscious drives
What you’re driven to do vs what you’re called to do 🤯
I was struggling between 3 and 7 and now I'm sure I'm 7 after watching this and 3 is secondary.
I'm confused. I was typed as a 5w4 and then after a while I thought I was a 1 because of my critical moralistic demand from myself and people and then after this endless jobhunt from unemployment due to COVID now i think I'm becoming a 3.
Haha oooh boy yeah I’m 3w4 and love not being stereotyped. I love being very successful in corporate then forcefully wedging my difference in (short female professional negotiator and deal maker) in a likeable way. First boss called me a nice bulldog. Want you to know I’m a success but never by telling you directly ... someone else tells you or you read my resume and are like ohhhhh I underestimate you
I am pretty certain my brother is a 3. He's often concerned with what others think or tries to make himself valuable to others. He's also had issues with our family being poor or not well of compared to others to a point of shame and anger towards the rest of us in the family particularly me, a 9. He also tends to pat himself on the back or be critical of others in comparison. Often he says things like to congratulate himself on his perceived successes and asks me why i cant be more like him.
I just cant settle yet, Im still so lacking.
What do you mean?
I loved the video and I think those are good suggestions, but still I can’t help but think about coming first and being on top of things. Knowing my family and myself I’d say all of us would be pretty disappointed if I simply start losing it all
Thanks for the comment.
This hits hard
1:13 I was like that in my childhood🥲 I always tried to convince my mom that I'm not like other kids and I do things differently. But it felt like I was more appreciated and praised for my accomplishments at school. If I didn't get the highest grade, my parents would demand explanations from me.
And now I am a 3. Or maybe still just a little bit of a 4?😢 I don't like being a 3.
So what are some examples of “finding worth with things outside of accomplishments?” I’m at the extreme unhealthy stage of 3 and I need desperate help to get back on track. I first self diagnosed myself as having narcissistic personality disorder, but after learning about the enneagram and listening to videos, this is much more fitting. Do you have an Instagram I can follow you? Can you recommend me books or more videos to help get me out of this unhealthy-3-funk. Thank you.
Feelings? What is that!! 😂
Most of the self-help, leadership and "How to be Successful" books are very 3 oriented. I don't have any specific recommendations, except to read books about the Enneagram. Such as "The Road Back To You" and "The Path Between Us." But, maybe look at the self help stuff and find titles that seem out of place to you.
Dr. Tom LaHue Thank you!
@@billgreen7519 Relationships: His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley, The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley
Bill Green It has been a long time since I have seen that movie.
I hate how accurately this is describing me now 😣😣😣
Worth, shame
Prove right to exist
Efficient tasks, laser goals,
ideal person for recognition
Admiration as love
Fast, productive
Driven to success
Bend the rules
Believes own press
Resume as identity
Reads audience, wins approval
Attractive version to audience,
How they appear to others
Prove worth by accomplishment
Believes you are what you do
You matter bc you exist
Core
Beyond social role
Pressure is off
In touch with own values
Not just for applause
Working to gain worth
Worried as not enough
I’m a 3 that competes with myself.
Now I’m having an identity crisis. Lol. I thought I was a 1 but now I think I’m a 3...can I be trans enneagram? I’m a 3 who identifies as a 1
There are 3 subtypes for each type. The self-preservation 3 "The Pragmatist" aka "The Company Man" can look like a 1. More coming on that in the next series on the Instincts of each type.
Dr. Tom LaHue is love to know more about that. I’ve been told by people who know me they think I’m a 3. When I hear about the 1 I’m like “yep that’s me” then I hear about the 3 and say “yep that me”. Lol. So now I’m just confused
This saves lives.
Are there 3s who are not good at being chameleons? I'm great a reading a crowd, but not the best at morphing to what crowds want. I think I'm a 3w4
Zoom, resume becomes identity. Definitely a risk
So how do you tell if you are a 3 wing 4 or a 4 wing 3? I feel like I'm an even split... I am also in a weird place mentally/professionally at the moment, after having to leave a job I absolutely loved and felt brought out the very best of me in every way. I had to relocated out of state and then had a series of what I called professional failures in trying to find another job and am currently jobless. I'm very unaccustomed to feeling like a failure professionally and I often find my identity in my job. So does a 3w4 that feels like they are failing at life act more like a 4w3? How do I know which one I am?
Thanks for your comment. Not sure how to answer you. It may take some time and reflection, and without talking to you personally, it is hard to know if you are a 3 or a 4.
I like to think that 3s are actually 2s/4s that learned that being too feeling wasn’t the right way to go, so they started to turn it off.
I had a few professional failures too, and I felt like I was a failure myself. I found my way back to healthy 3 by looking more at 4 and learning more about what’s at the core of my identity, to find more of my own value. I did this, but still felt isolated. I looked to 2 to get better at connecting with people, which pulled me out of my isolation and build stronger relationships. 3s really need to turn the feeling back on, it’s hard but it’s worth it. Connect to your heart.
I would highly recommend checking out Loch Kelly and his work on open hearted awareness. LIFE CHANGING.
Most ideal form of a person
Big goals from shame
Hidden millionaire
Most direct way to goals
My worth does not come from my success.
What do you want, and I'll become that.
Aww, I'm a 3w4 not a 4w3, I think
I took a test and got 98% in both 3&7. After looking through these videos I feel like they’re about 90-99% accurate for me in both enneagram types. How do I know which type am I then?
Thank you for replying in advance!
That is a good question. If you have watched the videos and still don't know, you probably need to talk through it with someone. www.tomlahue.com I am really not trying to sell a coaching appointment to you, but, that may be what it takes to figure it out.
Please please please tell me someone made a shrek onion reference in here somewhere
The opposite of a 3 could it be a 4?
I am a 4.
When I listen to these things I think 4 is "the opposite" of all the types!
I guess that's why they call us "Individualists"
For me 3 and 4 equally relatable. So not the opposites. And I am myself a walking contradiction 😅