Nah, my expectations are reasonable and still haven't found anyone. If a woman isn't serious about her faith I won't pursue a relationship. I live in an area (SW Washington) that is mostly atheistic so it is very difficult to even find women around my age that are Christian at all.
@jarrettchristensen_music Yeah, it's tough to find people. I've some good strategies for meeting young adults around our age, but volunteering at a Bible camp or at church to meet someone isn't the right mindset to start something like that with
thank you for speaking out on this! never settle what God is calling you to, cal yourself up and prepare yourself for Gods ultimate plans for your life which exceed anything we can ask or imagine, he has been showing me that in the waiting and already prove he has better plans than I ever could, God is so so so Good! :)
this is so real. been learning recently that maybe I shouldn’t lower my standards, but learn to give grace as the Lord has done to me. not expecting perfection, just submission to the Lord. 🙏
I am happy to say I did not have to "settle" the Lord blessed me with a wonderful woman who is my best friend and biggest supporter. Let me just encourage the men here that the Lord might have someone for you so always be ready.
I think this is missing the mark on settling. You’ve covered not being unequally yolked dozens of times. How about the real hard conversation of the only people you can seem to find dates with you aren’t attracted to? How about no potential mates complementing your personality AFTER we’ve covered the spiritual stuff?
I think the issue of not being attracted is certainly real. I know a very godly girl and I couldn’t name any sort of “red flag” about her. Super kind and displays the fruit of the spirit. Issue is, I am truthfully just not physically attracted to her. Worse still is that I have been in broken relationships in the past where despite their brokenness, I was very attracted physically. I could stare at them or a picture of them and be absolutely captivated by their outward appearance. So having experienced that it’s harder still to come to terms with potentially not being attracted to a partner.
@breesty4229 Yeah, there is a sense that you should be attracted to your wife. I guess the only way to make that easier is to ensure that super models aren't the standard for attractiveness. I'm sorta in a bind where I know a girl who's pursuing God, and she's attractive, and our personalities are both very quiet and soft-spoken, so it's just impossible to communicate. Sometimes, it feels like such a simple fix, but it's just too much to bridge the gap at the moment.
@@basedfishoil4912 That’s because you are focusing on appearances and comparing her to those you are physically attracted to. Just admit you’re shallow and work on it.
@@breesty4229 as far as complementing personality….who cares if your spouse complements your personality? Throw that thought out completely. You could have a wonderful relationship with someone who has a polar opposite personality or a mirror personality to yours. Ive seen both work, your expectations are too high. As far as attractiveness, people typically match up with someone close in objective attractiveness so if you’re only finding dates with people you don’t think are attractive you are most likely overestimating your own physical attractiveness and believe you “deserve” better…..again throw that out. Marriage isn’t about finding someone nice to look at, it’s about procreation (not just sex but raising Godly children) and glorifying God (which isn’t based on appearance).
Thanks for giving me more confidence that it's worth not settling for the wrong man. My circle of young christians is scarce, so finding options is hard. I've been a virgin all my life and haven't even been on a date yet, but I'll stay a virgin until death or married to godly christian man; otherwise, there is no one else worth sharing sex with. It's really about having respect for what God indents to do with you in this life.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I had never been on a date until my senior year in college. And now it seems like there are no women at my church or anywhere that would be a good fit. Just gotta remind yourself to trust God every day.
@ModelJames13 no, if anything, I'd prefer to be around the same age or he be a bit younger than me, that way I shorten the lifespan gap. Women usually outlive their husband's 5 to 10 years. I don't want to be a widow for long. I'd terribly miss him.
Wow, this kind of spoke directly to my current situation. I console myself with the hope that we're still young and there's still a lot of time for her to change and match up with me. I pray for her everyday too but sometimes I don't know if I'm asking for too much with that
Same (though I'm feeling less and less young every day when I look at my younger friends and siblings who have been married for years haha--comparison is the thief of joy, though, so gotta be careful to not dwell on it). But, Jesus plust nothing is still everything. God is very, very good to us beyond anything we could ever deserve even *if* marriage isn't part of His plans for us. Life is good because He is the giver of each breath. Still praying a lot to find the one, though haha
@joshuadunham3018 That's a concise quote 👏 "Jesus plus nothing is still everything." Paul, who was single all his life, said in whatever state he was in, he could be content because he had Christ.
Well I’m not even having the situation to meet people never mind settling and it’s actually getting to my mental state… but your video on dating felt very timely and I still appreciate it.
The foundation of "settling" is unbelief and distrust of God. The proper motivation for marriage is to be with someone you serve to the honor and glory of God. For men, you love your wife like jesus loves the church. For women, you respect your husband as the church ought to respect Jesus.
From where I see it, it seems that christian settling is understanding that your future spouse is human and will not be perfect. So we should have expectations, but we're not looking for literal angels. We're looking for children of God.
Why does it have to be someone instead of “the one?” I personally want to be with the person God choosed for me instead somebody else and I believe everybody should consider that too
@@drakemelee4135 I don't see a problem with it, as long as we're well aware of our spouses' flawedness. We're not perfect, and we should expect the one to be perfect either.
@ALTheFreeMan I think that's too little, personally. And it's not your fault that it's hard to find good options even with that list. I really think the difference in what problems women and men face in trying to find a partner, is that many women have too many particular things as their standard that don't matter, while many men have too vague an idea that leaves out some very important things they should care about to demand from a partner. I have four brothers I love very much, but they haven't always been the best at picking women of maturity OR looks. I don't care about who they find pretty, but if these women don't have good character, I am challenging my brothers' standards. In my opinion, my brothers are all better looking than me, very handsome, have great fashion sense, are sweet, kind, godly, hardworking, smart, funny, and manly. They totally can find women of their caliber to serve God together. I don't refer to myself as fit since I'm not muscular or toned, but I'm not anywhere close to overweight, and I personally do want to improve in my fitness journey. I dress modestly, elegant, and feminine, but I'm not the prettiest girl on the block. I'm very caring, loving, and gentle, but I do have a temper. And yet, I still think I'm not ready to be with someone right now. I'm going to therapy to help me mature in my laziness and improve my communication skills. Why? Because I think my future partner should have more than a healthy, well-dressed, cute enough, and sweet partner, but also a godly, hardworking, and emotionally mature woman. I don't think that's asking too much from me or unachievable. I'm going through the wringer right now, but I'll be a better option as a partner myself.
@@candellina6 I agree that the lists that many women have are much more extensive than men’s. And like you said, even with my little list, I’m gonna to struggle finding a match, but I keep looking around just in case I find her. It sounds like you’re on the right track tho! Fit doesn’t necessarily mean “Simone Biles”, lol, and I’m sure you’re much prettier than you give yourself credit for. Keep working and getting better, and you’ll be just fine!!
@@candellina6 OP. As if it’s simple in this food nightmare we live in too stay fit, dress “modestly” whatever that means, and just have a f’ing pleasant attitude all the time. Mean while look at the f’n cesspool of men in the dating pool ? 🤣🤣🤣 Try contacting one man who’s idea of a date isn’t to just to come over ti your house or have you come to his?????? For a first date? ???
@@ALTheFreeManexactly. I mean i see passably cute 22 year olds who have gained 10-20 pounds already. At that rate they'll be 100 lbs overweight in their 30s. I would be more keen on a 28 year old of the same fitness as a 20 year old because of the proven consistency, the problem is they all seem to become broken dolls after 22 and irreparably prideful and contemptuous.
I respect a person who’s standards are high verses people who settled. In my personal opinion, I have seen more people settle out of desperation, pain, insecurity, convenience, or had no standards. I been there too. 😂 I can only think of like two couples that I’ve seen make great choices. (I’ve watched them court, date, and eventually marry and then have kids).
Just like he gives you the desires for jobs and friends and as relationships as well.. he gives things in our hearts so we can tell us to do it and he can be the one to give it to us. As why everything goes to the thanks to God
I am 25 and personally the most important things I search on a woman are: Faith Intelligence Humilty Femininity Sense of humor Than she can have every kind of hair color, eyes, any career, hobbies… I would’t care
The reality is that most men, because they are the ones tasked with asking a girl if she will marry him, don’t wind up with who they truly desire, they wind up with the girl that will not reject them. I don’t think you have any clue how true this is.
They say men control who gets married. Even though there ARE women who propose to men, the chances are even slimmer for the men to say yes, since a lot of men say they lose attraction to the women who make the move to propose. A lot of men WANT to be the one to propose; otherwise, they think they are not regarded as the man in the relationship or he's not financially ready. Mainly, women can only marry those who propose to them. There are many women who marry the one who proposed, but wished some other man proposed to them instead. So, I'd say it's still a two-way street. It's the unfortunate reality in a broken world. That's what sin has done. That is why I put my everything in God and not in mankind. God is the best one to offer a relationship, and He will never leave me or deem others His preferred option. ❤️ God so loved the world - John 3:16
Just a thought. When he was talking about compromising and showing compassion to a person who’s were you used to be in the past who was not entirely working on themselves. (Two drowning people can not hold one and the other up.)
@johnsonjj117 that's a good point to keep in mind, but spiritual maturity differences are an important factor to consider, also. It does say in the Bible that bad company corrupts good manners. So, there does need to be a balance of grace AND discernment.
For me on dating I still wanna strive for “the one” rather than somebody instead, so I want God to choose this time however for now I’m focusing on Gods will for me and waiting long term until I cross that bridge
That’s too passive, God isn’t going to drop something into your lap and he doesn’t have a “perfect” match waiting on you. Get out there and find someone who loves God first and you second. Friendship and shared values/goals are the two most important things in a marital relationship. Looks fade and emotions change.
@@johnsonjj117 my relationship with God is too broken right now I can’t just go against him just like that, I chased girls for too long and am focusing on lost time I had with him, again it’s Gods plan. So even if there isn’t the one I want him to choose this time or lead me to the right direction to a better person so I’m not arguing your point at all I just don’t want to be deeply hurt by someone else in a marriage
@@johnsonjj117 hey thank you for sharing at least it also made me think a little differently, I’ll definitely consider that and the story of David and the viewpoint you had
@@drakemelee4135 I’m not trying to railroad you with anything, this come from a lot of self reflection I’ve done in my own life. I’ve been with the same woman for 17 years, since I was 16 years old And now I’m in the middle of an unwanted divorce, following revelation of years of infidelity. For years, I had the opinion that she was the person that God had chosen for me and have had to personally come off of that opinion. I might also be completely wrong in everything that I say. 😂
What about settling in physical terms, like obviously you have to better yourself before going and putting yourself out there, but should we ever think of settling with someone who we aren’t attracted to emotionally, sexually, ect…
@keeganlowe5683 I have been told countless times from Christians that since I'm a woman, I should be okay with marrying someone even if I'm not physically attracted to him. 🤢 I strongly disagree with that idea. I want to genuinely say to my future boyfriend to then husband, "You're handsome, I see the beauty God made you with." I know that beauty will fade, but does that mean I have to marry someone I don't find physically attractive from the start? I don't think that's wise or what God intended.
That’s kind of the question I am asking, I think we are settling in a relationship if we aren’t attracted to the person and God created that attraction between people so I believe you need to be attracted to boyfriend or girlfriend or else it will cause major problems
@@candellina6 I believe the reason you are told this is because women in general have an easier time falling for a guy over time. Men generally put women in a static category within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, and it is VERY hard to move up. But to your point, no man would want to hear his wife say, "I've never found you physically attractive". So your desire is valid as well.
@KevvoLightswift yes, and I have nothing against other women who can genuinely eventually become attracted to good men, but I know for myself, I am more like men in the fact that I'm either attracted to a man or I am not. Dating a man I'm not attracted to from the start will only be wasting his time. And I refuse to play with people's feelings.
I struggle with my feelings on wether or not I should marry a Christian woman someday or remain alone because that’s what I associate with normal for me
If you can find a good Christian woman that you desire you should try and marry her if you get the chance. Unless you have no interest in women or marriage, that would mean you have the blessed gift of singleness. Forced singleness is a miserable experience so take your chance........ if you get it and desire it. 😎
If you are perfectly content with singleness then rejoice that you have that gift and serve God with the freedom that not being in a romantic relationship provides you with! But if you do actually want to get married, then don't let your fear or discomfort with the challenge of finding + maintaining a relationship keep you from seeking it out. It's hard (very hard) often times to have a healthy relationship---and very worth it if both people seek God and put in the work and choose to be humble.
Just cuz you see other ppl in real doesn't mean those relationships are healthy... And yah settling is what I've done. But it's definitely better off single than dealing with an unhappy relationship that is stressful!!?
If you are having thoughts about how there could be someone better and you're afraid you are settling for this person, I think you are probably experiencing one of two things: 1. You aren't actually all that interested in/attracted to this person. Maybe you like the *idea* of them, or you recognize from a logical perspective that they are theoretically a good match, but you just aren't actually that into them if you get really honest with yourself. Or, 2. Your standards are unrealistic. This can be really obvious, such as guys who have bought too much into the idea that women in porn or instagram are what their future wife should look like (despite both those examples not being real women's bodies after all the filters and whatnot put over them), but it can be in more subtle ways, too, such as with their interests and personality not being *quite* a matchup with your ideal woman. That last one is tricky, though, because I think there is definitely a large degree to which we should rule out someone based on their personality/mannerisms not being compatible with us, but there's some nuance where we have to seek God to show us where it's an incompatibility and where it's a warped expectation/area we need to learn to be humble and accept them in.
Take a hard look at yourself, sister. Are you actually as good as you think you are? What about your own flaws? I don't know you from Adam, but this comment reads like a self-entitled person. Watch that mentality. It will destroy you.
I don't mean to be harsh, but if your view is that you are so much better than every guy you meet, you need to ask God for humility to help you see yourself rightly. There's a lot of women I know who I'm not into, but I'd be delusional if I said it was because they "weren't as good as me". I'm just not attracted to them, and that's fine.
Easy test for the op to see if she's high quality. A few riddles. Don't use a search engine! What is TULIP? What is the chief end of man? Is a wife excused from submitting to her husband if he's sinning against her?
wow, someone has a high opinion of themselves 😂. I can guarantee that you aren’t all that, I mean you’re obviously lacking self awareness which is a major red flag
If God gives you rhose expectations then im assuming God knows that person is out there that fits that. Why would he give you such desire if they dont exist? It may take a while but he is out there. Thats why he wants you to find that person as why he gives you those standards.
@BridgetteStadler-gg2bo a lot of people's problems is that they got part of that standard from super models and porn stars. It's not fair to most women to match that, and unsurprisingly, most pornstars won't be pursuing Christ anytime soon.
There's a difference between the desire for a spouse, and having specific standards/expectations. Most of those standards/expectations are "artificial" in the sense that the same person will have different attractions depending on what they are exposed to. Sexual attraction can change to a very significant degree based on exposure to media (films and television and whatnot), social media, and even what people around you say is attractive. I don't mean that all attraction is this way, but it isn't as though it is God who wants you to be attracted to men over 6' (which only applies to 15% of men, so unless God wants a bunch of women to be married to the same man -- which we know isn't true -- that is not a desire from Him for most women who want it) or women with a certain breast size, or whatever else. I'm not saying He never does guide someone with certain preferences to get them to be with the "right one," but those values are largely due to societal influence, and we can tell this because we can see different values in different cultures, and people who spend time with a different culture's beauty standards will often have their tastes change to match that of what everything around them is saying is attractive. tl;dr: we have to be careful about saying "My expectations of what I want in a partner must be what God has for me because I wouldn't have them unless He gave them to me" because that's simply not true. It leads to a lot of harm becuase many men and women can never find someone who they are very attracted to who is attracted back, so they settle for someone else they aren't that into since they figure that's all they can get.
I heard this a few times Men don't have unrealistic standards But most western women do, and Men have to work three times harder to get women. That is nowhere near as Let's just say good wife and mother Material Is compared to their grandfathers That found a lot more honorable brides in their time ( Yet another reason why I tell God he was wrong or That I don't wish to be here in this generation )
I dont think that’s necessarily true some people, man or women eastern or western, have specific standards and some dont but the ones that dont also aren’t looking because they dont feel the pressure find them and find now exactly how they’re expecting. Even then it varies alot because some men or women can start out without standards then it changes. Besides Every generation has issues it may have looked easy before but it wasn’t
Nah bro its still good to consider the whole history.. God does redeem but that doesnt mean everythibg is fixed automatically. Not great advice, go in EYES WIDE OPEN ya’ll, please!! I know you tend to get in the flow and are just talking but use real discernmemt dude. Im not quite sure you are old/experienced enough to be givng some of this advice
You know, honestly, I give up on waiting for marriage because I wasted years of my life It tormented my life I wasted so much time and time I can never get back, and it makes things worse for me So i'm done waiting for marriage and being a virgin. Honestly, if I did this earlier, I could have been married now or have a few kids So i am glad i am done waiting, but i wish i did it earlier
Are you saying you will sleep with people now, or are you done looking and wanting to be married? Because I'm staying a virgin until I die or I get married to the right godly man who would be the only person worth having sex with, in my humble opinion.
Are you saying you want to sleep with people now, or you're done looking and wanting to be married? Because I've been a virgin my whole life and have never even been on a date, yet I will stay a virgin until I die or get married to a godly man who should and will be the only person worth sharing sex with, in my humble opinion; otherwise, there's no self respect to let others use your body, much less respecting their body.
Please remember God's advice. You should've heard my friend Tina's testimony she told last night. She was 19 and nieve. Decided to hook up with a 22 y/o and felt guilty so she married him. Met him two months before they were married. Turns out a week after they were married was the first time he abused and beat her. He violated her without her consent later on. She had a son by him, and the man later kidnapped her son for 10 years. She didn't see her son until he was 12. That man later turned out to be a murderer. There is serious suffering on the other side of that door, my friend. I'm telling you that GOD CARES FOR YOU. Please stay strong. Do not do what is right in your own eyes, but trust in the Lord. He has a good path laid ahead of you. I PROMISE YOU.
I know that expecting an angel is unrealistic, but not expecting anything is also unrealistic.
@@quagsiremcgee1647 facts
Nah, my expectations are reasonable and still haven't found anyone. If a woman isn't serious about her faith I won't pursue a relationship. I live in an area (SW Washington) that is mostly atheistic so it is very difficult to even find women around my age that are Christian at all.
@@jarrettchristensen_music They don't have to be around your age..............
@@ModelJames13 I'm 22
@jarrettchristensen_music Yeah, it's tough to find people. I've some good strategies for meeting young adults around our age, but volunteering at a Bible camp or at church to meet someone isn't the right mindset to start something like that with
This is timely honestly
Thank you brother, I needed to hear this❤
thank you for speaking out on this! never settle what God is calling you to, cal yourself up and prepare yourself for Gods ultimate plans for your life which exceed anything we can ask or imagine, he has been showing me that in the waiting and already prove he has better plans than I ever could, God is so so so Good! :)
this is so real. been learning recently that maybe I shouldn’t lower my standards, but learn to give grace as the Lord has done to me. not expecting perfection, just submission to the Lord. 🙏
I am happy to say I did not have to "settle" the Lord blessed me with a wonderful woman who is my best friend and biggest supporter. Let me just encourage the men here that the Lord might have someone for you so always be ready.
You're very fortunate. The woman God tried to bless me with screwed me over horribly. 😎
Unfortunately, the word "might" means it's still not certain for a lot of us that we'll find anyone. 😅
I hope you’re right. Im almost 27 and want to find the right girl already. I have yet to receive that blessing.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese Isaac (from the Bible) had to wait until he was 40 to get his wife. 😎
@@ModelJames13 I don’t want to wait that long. It’s killing me
I think this is missing the mark on settling. You’ve covered not being unequally yolked dozens of times. How about the real hard conversation of the only people you can seem to find dates with you aren’t attracted to? How about no potential mates complementing your personality AFTER we’ve covered the spiritual stuff?
I think the issue of not being attracted is certainly real. I know a very godly girl and I couldn’t name any sort of “red flag” about her. Super kind and displays the fruit of the spirit. Issue is, I am truthfully just not physically attracted to her. Worse still is that I have been in broken relationships in the past where despite their brokenness, I was very attracted physically. I could stare at them or a picture of them and be absolutely captivated by their outward appearance. So having experienced that it’s harder still to come to terms with potentially not being attracted to a partner.
@breesty4229 Yeah, there is a sense that you should be attracted to your wife. I guess the only way to make that easier is to ensure that super models aren't the standard for attractiveness. I'm sorta in a bind where I know a girl who's pursuing God, and she's attractive, and our personalities are both very quiet and soft-spoken, so it's just impossible to communicate. Sometimes, it feels like such a simple fix, but it's just too much to bridge the gap at the moment.
@quagsiremcgee1647 Yay, I'm not the only soft-spoken Christian out here! 😆 Welcome to the club.
@@basedfishoil4912 That’s because you are focusing on appearances and comparing her to those you are physically attracted to. Just admit you’re shallow and work on it.
@@breesty4229 as far as complementing personality….who cares if your spouse complements your personality? Throw that thought out completely. You could have a wonderful relationship with someone who has a polar opposite personality or a mirror personality to yours. Ive seen both work, your expectations are too high.
As far as attractiveness, people typically match up with someone close in objective attractiveness so if you’re only finding dates with people you don’t think are attractive you are most likely overestimating your own physical attractiveness and believe you “deserve” better…..again throw that out. Marriage isn’t about finding someone nice to look at, it’s about procreation (not just sex but raising Godly children) and glorifying God (which isn’t based on appearance).
Thanks for giving me more confidence that it's worth not settling for the wrong man.
My circle of young christians is scarce, so finding options is hard.
I've been a virgin all my life and haven't even been on a date yet, but I'll stay a virgin until death or married to godly christian man; otherwise, there is no one else worth sharing sex with.
It's really about having respect for what God indents to do with you in this life.
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I had never been on a date until my senior year in college. And now it seems like there are no women at my church or anywhere that would be a good fit. Just gotta remind yourself to trust God every day.
@Labrador_Productions1 Yeah, I'm 25, and there's no men at my church either.
Just gotta trust God on this one.
You should look for an older man like the examples of Isaac and Rebekah or Abraham and Sarah.
@ModelJames13 no, if anything, I'd prefer to be around the same age or he be a bit younger than me, that way I shorten the lifespan gap. Women usually outlive their husband's 5 to 10 years. I don't want to be a widow for long. I'd terribly miss him.
@@candellina6 You may feel that way, but is that really the Biblical example we're given?
Wow, this kind of spoke directly to my current situation. I console myself with the hope that we're still young and there's still a lot of time for her to change and match up with me. I pray for her everyday too but sometimes I don't know if I'm asking for too much with that
Same (though I'm feeling less and less young every day when I look at my younger friends and siblings who have been married for years haha--comparison is the thief of joy, though, so gotta be careful to not dwell on it).
But, Jesus plust nothing is still everything. God is very, very good to us beyond anything we could ever deserve even *if* marriage isn't part of His plans for us. Life is good because He is the giver of each breath.
Still praying a lot to find the one, though haha
@@joshuadunham3018 Right there with you my brother🙏🏽
@joshuadunham3018 That's a concise quote 👏 "Jesus plus nothing is still everything."
Paul, who was single all his life, said in whatever state he was in, he could be content because he had Christ.
Well I’m not even having the situation to meet people never mind settling and it’s actually getting to my mental state… but your video on dating felt very timely and I still appreciate it.
The foundation of "settling" is unbelief and distrust of God.
The proper motivation for marriage is to be with someone you serve to the honor and glory of God. For men, you love your wife like jesus loves the church. For women, you respect your husband as the church ought to respect Jesus.
Facts 🗿
From where I see it, it seems that christian settling is understanding that your future spouse is human and will not be perfect. So we should have expectations, but we're not looking for literal angels. We're looking for children of God.
Why does it have to be someone instead of “the one?” I personally want to be with the person God choosed for me instead somebody else and I believe everybody should consider that too
@@drakemelee4135 where do you see the idea of "the one" in scripture?
@@drakemelee4135 I don't see a problem with it, as long as we're well aware of our spouses' flawedness. We're not perfect, and we should expect the one to be perfect either.
Most guys just want a modest Christian woman who’s fit and has a pleasant attitude. I don’t think that’s asking for much.
@ALTheFreeMan I think that's too little, personally.
And it's not your fault that it's hard to find good options even with that list.
I really think the difference in what problems women and men face in trying to find a partner, is that many women have too many particular things as their standard that don't matter, while many men have too vague an idea that leaves out some very important things they should care about to demand from a partner.
I have four brothers I love very much, but they haven't always been the best at picking women of maturity OR looks. I don't care about who they find pretty, but if these women don't have good character, I am challenging my brothers' standards.
In my opinion, my brothers are all better looking than me, very handsome, have great fashion sense, are sweet, kind, godly, hardworking, smart, funny, and manly. They totally can find women of their caliber to serve God together.
I don't refer to myself as fit since I'm not muscular or toned, but I'm not anywhere close to overweight, and I personally do want to improve in my fitness journey.
I dress modestly, elegant, and feminine, but I'm not the prettiest girl on the block.
I'm very caring, loving, and gentle, but I do have a temper.
And yet, I still think I'm not ready to be with someone right now.
I'm going to therapy to help me mature in my laziness and improve my communication skills. Why? Because I think my future partner should have more than a healthy, well-dressed, cute enough, and sweet partner, but also a godly, hardworking, and emotionally mature woman. I don't think that's asking too much from me or unachievable. I'm going through the wringer right now, but I'll be a better option as a partner myself.
@@candellina6 I agree that the lists that many women have are much more extensive than men’s. And like you said, even with my little list, I’m gonna to struggle finding a match, but I keep looking around just in case I find her. It sounds like you’re on the right track tho! Fit doesn’t necessarily mean “Simone Biles”, lol, and I’m sure you’re much prettier than you give yourself credit for. Keep working and getting better, and you’ll be just fine!!
@@youtubeKathy I'm sure I understand what you're saying exactly or if you're talking to me or the OP
@@candellina6 OP. As if it’s simple in this food nightmare we live in too stay fit, dress “modestly” whatever that means, and just have a f’ing pleasant attitude all the time. Mean while look at the f’n cesspool of men in the dating pool ? 🤣🤣🤣
Try contacting one man who’s idea of a date isn’t to just to come over ti your house or have you come to his?????? For a first date? ???
@@ALTheFreeManexactly. I mean i see passably cute 22 year olds who have gained 10-20 pounds already. At that rate they'll be 100 lbs overweight in their 30s. I would be more keen on a 28 year old of the same fitness as a 20 year old because of the proven consistency, the problem is they all seem to become broken dolls after 22 and irreparably prideful and contemptuous.
I respect a person who’s standards are high verses people who settled. In my personal opinion, I have seen more people settle out of desperation, pain, insecurity, convenience, or had no standards. I been there too. 😂 I can only think of like two couples that I’ve seen make great choices. (I’ve watched them court, date, and eventually marry and then have kids).
Just like he gives you the desires for jobs and friends and as relationships as well.. he gives things in our hearts so we can tell us to do it and he can be the one to give it to us. As why everything goes to the thanks to God
I am 25 and personally the most important things I search on a woman are:
Faith
Intelligence
Humilty
Femininity
Sense of humor
Than she can have every kind of hair color, eyes, any career, hobbies… I would’t care
That's facts. He should make a video on the first question.
The reality is that most men, because they are the ones tasked with asking a girl if she will marry him, don’t wind up with who they truly desire, they wind up with the girl that will not reject them. I don’t think you have any clue how true this is.
They say men control who gets married.
Even though there ARE women who propose to men, the chances are even slimmer for the men to say yes, since a lot of men say they lose attraction to the women who make the move to propose. A lot of men WANT to be the one to propose; otherwise, they think they are not regarded as the man in the relationship or he's not financially ready.
Mainly, women can only marry those who propose to them. There are many women who marry the one who proposed, but wished some other man proposed to them instead. So, I'd say it's still a two-way street.
It's the unfortunate reality in a broken world. That's what sin has done.
That is why I put my everything in God and not in mankind. God is the best one to offer a relationship, and He will never leave me or deem others His preferred option. ❤️
God so loved the world - John 3:16
Just a thought.
When he was talking about compromising and showing compassion to a person who’s were you used to be in the past who was not entirely working on themselves.
(Two drowning people can not hold one and the other up.)
who isn’t drowning? and who is capable of even holding themselves above water without the grace of God?
@johnsonjj117 that's a good point to keep in mind, but spiritual maturity differences are an important factor to consider, also. It does say in the Bible that bad company corrupts good manners. So, there does need to be a balance of grace AND discernment.
For me on dating I still wanna strive for “the one” rather than somebody instead, so I want God to choose this time however for now I’m focusing on Gods will for me and waiting long term until I cross that bridge
That’s too passive, God isn’t going to drop something into your lap and he doesn’t have a “perfect” match waiting on you. Get out there and find someone who loves God first and you second. Friendship and shared values/goals are the two most important things in a marital relationship. Looks fade and emotions change.
@@johnsonjj117 my relationship with God is too broken right now I can’t just go against him just like that, I chased girls for too long and am focusing on lost time I had with him, again it’s Gods plan. So even if there isn’t the one I want him to choose this time or lead me to the right direction to a better person so I’m not arguing your point at all I just don’t want to be deeply hurt by someone else in a marriage
@@drakemelee4135 that makes sense man. I hope it works out for you
@@johnsonjj117 hey thank you for sharing at least it also made me think a little differently, I’ll definitely consider that and the story of David and the viewpoint you had
@@drakemelee4135 I’m not trying to railroad you with anything, this come from a lot of self reflection I’ve done in my own life. I’ve been with the same woman for 17 years, since I was 16 years old And now I’m in the middle of an unwanted divorce, following revelation of years of infidelity. For years, I had the opinion that she was the person that God had chosen for me and have had to personally come off of that opinion. I might also be completely wrong in everything that I say. 😂
If my expectations were any lower, I might as well just get another dog.
The dog will love you more. 😎
What about settling in physical terms, like obviously you have to better yourself before going and putting yourself out there, but should we ever think of settling with someone who we aren’t attracted to emotionally, sexually, ect…
@keeganlowe5683 I have been told countless times from Christians that since I'm a woman, I should be okay with marrying someone even if I'm not physically attracted to him. 🤢 I strongly disagree with that idea. I want to genuinely say to my future boyfriend to then husband, "You're handsome, I see the beauty God made you with." I know that beauty will fade, but does that mean I have to marry someone I don't find physically attractive from the start? I don't think that's wise or what God intended.
That’s kind of the question I am asking, I think we are settling in a relationship if we aren’t attracted to the person and God created that attraction between people so I believe you need to be attracted to boyfriend or girlfriend or else it will cause major problems
@@candellina6 I believe the reason you are told this is because women in general have an easier time falling for a guy over time. Men generally put women in a static category within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, and it is VERY hard to move up.
But to your point, no man would want to hear his wife say, "I've never found you physically attractive". So your desire is valid as well.
@KevvoLightswift yes, and I have nothing against other women who can genuinely eventually become attracted to good men, but I know for myself, I am more like men in the fact that I'm either attracted to a man or I am not. Dating a man I'm not attracted to from the start will only be wasting his time. And I refuse to play with people's feelings.
@KevvoLightswift As a young man, I'm not certain about this static tier business.
I suppose a good topic to cover in this area is how to see someone elses direction in life
Truth, thank you
I struggle with my feelings on wether or not I should marry a Christian woman someday or remain alone because that’s what I associate with normal for me
If you can find a good Christian woman that you desire you should try and marry her if you get the chance. Unless you have no interest in women or marriage, that would mean you have the blessed gift of singleness. Forced singleness is a miserable experience so take your chance........ if you get it and desire it. 😎
Honestly, same. I want marriage and motherhood but at the same time all I know is being alone.
If you are perfectly content with singleness then rejoice that you have that gift and serve God with the freedom that not being in a romantic relationship provides you with!
But if you do actually want to get married, then don't let your fear or discomfort with the challenge of finding + maintaining a relationship keep you from seeking it out. It's hard (very hard) often times to have a healthy relationship---and very worth it if both people seek God and put in the work and choose to be humble.
Just cuz you see other ppl in real doesn't mean those relationships are healthy... And yah settling is what I've done. But it's definitely better off single than dealing with an unhappy relationship that is stressful!!?
Hey Isaac how can I contact you?
What if they are Christian and great but have the thought that there could be better even past that, that I wouldn’t want to settle for?
If you are having thoughts about how there could be someone better and you're afraid you are settling for this person, I think you are probably experiencing one of two things:
1. You aren't actually all that interested in/attracted to this person. Maybe you like the *idea* of them, or you recognize from a logical perspective that they are theoretically a good match, but you just aren't actually that into them if you get really honest with yourself. Or,
2. Your standards are unrealistic. This can be really obvious, such as guys who have bought too much into the idea that women in porn or instagram are what their future wife should look like (despite both those examples not being real women's bodies after all the filters and whatnot put over them), but it can be in more subtle ways, too, such as with their interests and personality not being *quite* a matchup with your ideal woman.
That last one is tricky, though, because I think there is definitely a large degree to which we should rule out someone based on their personality/mannerisms not being compatible with us, but there's some nuance where we have to seek God to show us where it's an incompatibility and where it's a warped expectation/area we need to learn to be humble and accept them in.
@@joshuadunham3018 thanks brother I appreciate the thoughtful and God centered answer!
Can you be atleast half as good as me? A quarter? A tenth??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
It's like that for me.
Take a hard look at yourself, sister. Are you actually as good as you think you are? What about your own flaws? I don't know you from Adam, but this comment reads like a self-entitled person. Watch that mentality. It will destroy you.
I don't mean to be harsh, but if your view is that you are so much better than every guy you meet, you need to ask God for humility to help you see yourself rightly. There's a lot of women I know who I'm not into, but I'd be delusional if I said it was because they "weren't as good as me". I'm just not attracted to them, and that's fine.
Easy test for the op to see if she's high quality. A few riddles. Don't use a search engine!
What is TULIP?
What is the chief end of man?
Is a wife excused from submitting to her husband if he's sinning against her?
wow, someone has a high opinion of themselves 😂. I can guarantee that you aren’t all that, I mean you’re obviously lacking self awareness which is a major red flag
If God gives you rhose expectations then im assuming God knows that person is out there that fits that. Why would he give you such desire if they dont exist? It may take a while but he is out there. Thats why he wants you to find that person as why he gives you those standards.
I wish I could believe that............... 😎
@BridgetteStadler-gg2bo a lot of people's problems is that they got part of that standard from super models and porn stars. It's not fair to most women to match that, and unsurprisingly, most pornstars won't be pursuing Christ anytime soon.
Are you open to the possibility that maybe just because you have a desire doesn't mean that it comes from God ? Our human hearts can be deceiving...
There's a difference between the desire for a spouse, and having specific standards/expectations. Most of those standards/expectations are "artificial" in the sense that the same person will have different attractions depending on what they are exposed to. Sexual attraction can change to a very significant degree based on exposure to media (films and television and whatnot), social media, and even what people around you say is attractive.
I don't mean that all attraction is this way, but it isn't as though it is God who wants you to be attracted to men over 6' (which only applies to 15% of men, so unless God wants a bunch of women to be married to the same man -- which we know isn't true -- that is not a desire from Him for most women who want it) or women with a certain breast size, or whatever else.
I'm not saying He never does guide someone with certain preferences to get them to be with the "right one," but those values are largely due to societal influence, and we can tell this because we can see different values in different cultures, and people who spend time with a different culture's beauty standards will often have their tastes change to match that of what everything around them is saying is attractive.
tl;dr: we have to be careful about saying "My expectations of what I want in a partner must be what God has for me because I wouldn't have them unless He gave them to me" because that's simply not true. It leads to a lot of harm becuase many men and women can never find someone who they are very attracted to who is attracted back, so they settle for someone else they aren't that into since they figure that's all they can get.
@joshuadunham3018 very well worded.
I heard this a few times
Men don't have unrealistic standards But most western women do,
and Men have to work three times harder to get women. That is nowhere near as Let's just say good wife and mother Material Is compared to their grandfathers That found a lot more honorable brides in their time
( Yet another reason why I tell God he was wrong or That I don't wish to be here in this generation )
Unfortunately you're correct. But I still wouldn't give up all hope.
I dont think that’s necessarily true some people, man or women eastern or western, have specific standards and some dont but the ones that dont also aren’t looking because they dont feel the pressure find them and find now exactly how they’re expecting.
Even then it varies alot because some men or women can start out without standards then it changes. Besides Every generation has issues it may have looked easy before but it wasn’t
@djashovel don't lose hope, my brother in christ, by God's grace, we will find godly brides someday.
Only Biblical grounds for “settling” would be marrying a nonbeliever….
Nah bro its still good to consider the whole history.. God does redeem but that doesnt mean everythibg is fixed automatically. Not great advice, go in EYES WIDE OPEN ya’ll, please!!
I know you tend to get in the flow and are just talking but use real discernmemt dude. Im not quite sure you are old/experienced enough to be givng some of this advice
He is a married man so that’s why he believes he might have some comment on this topic, I don’t agree with all he said but I understand what he meant
i love you but this you blew offfff so much its not men with unrealisric expectations 🤣🤣
You know, honestly, I give up on waiting for marriage because I wasted years of my life
It tormented my life I wasted so much time and time I can never get back, and it makes things worse for me
So i'm done waiting for marriage and being a virgin. Honestly, if I did this earlier, I could have been married now or have a few kids
So i am glad i am done waiting, but i wish i did it earlier
Are you saying you will sleep with people now, or are you done looking and wanting to be married?
Because I'm staying a virgin until I die or I get married to the right godly man who would be the only person worth having sex with, in my humble opinion.
Are you saying you want to sleep with people now, or you're done looking and wanting to be married?
Because I've been a virgin my whole life and have never even been on a date, yet I will stay a virgin until I die or get married to a godly man who should and will be the only person worth sharing sex with, in my humble opinion; otherwise, there's no self respect to let others use your body, much less respecting their body.
Why would you go against God’s will
@@LiamClark-g4e Exactly. Amen.
Please remember God's advice. You should've heard my friend Tina's testimony she told last night. She was 19 and nieve. Decided to hook up with a 22 y/o and felt guilty so she married him. Met him two months before they were married. Turns out a week after they were married was the first time he abused and beat her. He violated her without her consent later on. She had a son by him, and the man later kidnapped her son for 10 years. She didn't see her son until he was 12. That man later turned out to be a murderer. There is serious suffering on the other side of that door, my friend. I'm telling you that GOD CARES FOR YOU. Please stay strong. Do not do what is right in your own eyes, but trust in the Lord. He has a good path laid ahead of you. I PROMISE YOU.